June 16, 2024 • 30 mins
In this episode, Tarisha speaks with Sureya Leonara, a holistic sex and relationship coach, about multi-orgasmic men and how women can expand their sexual experiences. Sureya shares her personal journey of overcoming chronic illness and rediscovering her libido and zest for life through Tantra and Taoism. The discussion delves into the importance of staying connected to one's sensual and sexual energy, balancing emotions, and the benefits of non-ejaculatory orgasms for men.
The episode includes a guided breathwork practice designed to connect listeners to their vitality and sensuality. Sureya also emphasizes the need for women to reclaim their sexual empowerment by being centred, receiving fully, and embracing their emotional depths.
00:00 Introduction to Multi-Orgasmic Men
00:18 Meet Sureya Leonara
01:34 Sureya's Personal Journey
05:08 Defining Sexual Empowerment
07:17 Micro Practice: Making Love with Life
13:45 Embracing Emotions in Sexuality
19:15 Understanding the Body's Messages
23:14 Supporting Male Partners in Sexuality
27:56 Final Thoughts and Farewell
About Sureya Leonara:
Sureya is a holistic sex and relationship coach, writer, and a pioneer in healing and liberating sexuality. She is on a mission to change the world through healing and liberating sexuality, bringing more love and beauty into our intimate lives. Her work is transformative for both men and women, helping them connect more deeply with their bodies, desires, and each other.
Click here for Making Love With Life Practice
Click here for Multiorgasmic Vitality for Men
Join the Conversation:
If you're curious about multi-orgasmic experiences, how to expand your sexual life, or how to make love to every part of yourself and your life, this episode is for you.
Stay Connected:
Subscribe to our channel for more insightful episodes on sexual empowerment and intimate relationships. Leave your comments below and let us know what resonated with you the most.
👉 https://radiantwoman.xperiencify.io/tarishatourokbody/order/
✨Women 40++ Reclaim Your Sexual Confidence: Learn 5 Practices to Heal Your Relationship with Your Body & Your Sexuality mini-course✨
📝 In this 5-day mini-course (available immediately, only 15 minut
Your host:
Tarisha Tourok is the founder of the Sexually Empowered Radiant Woman movement where women learn how to become radiant, confident and own the power and beauty of their sexuality no matter their size, shape, age or race.
FREE MINI COURSE: Unlock Your Sexual Confidence - Learn 5 Practices to Heal Your Relationship with Your Body & Your Sexuality
https://radiantwoman.xperiencify.io/tarishatourokbody/mini-course/
FREE WEBINAR: Women Over 40: Discover 5 Keys to Unlock Your Desire So You Enjoy Heart-Melting Intimacy
This is perfect for women who are in a relationship and feel frustrated with their love life, are single and don't want to repeat past hurtful patterns where they lose themselves and their voice, and women who want to feel confident expressing their longings and desires
Join Free Online where you'll learn 5 obstacles to your desire and 5 actionable strategies to activate your desire so you stop feeling frustrated with your love life www.shedesires.live
Visit our website at https://www.sexualempowermentforwomen.com to join the Sexually Empowered Radiant Woman movement.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
They can basically last as long as they want.
They could just keep going andhave these multiple rolling
full-body orgasms without losingtheir erection or having that
refractory period, and withoutthe ejaculatory hangover.
I find that they're able to tapinto an orgasmic experience
that's more similar to what awoman can tap into.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Welcome to this episode.
Today I'm really happy to betalking to Soraya Leonara.
We talked about themulti-orgasmic men, how women
can have more expandedexperience of their sexuality,
how we can make love to life andhow to make love with all of
our feelings, how we don't needto be in a happy place for
(00:42):
lovemaking.
How beautiful it is to makelove to sadness, to anger, to
the depth in us.
It's a beautiful place thatcouples can create with each
other where we can welcome allof our feelings.
Soraya talked about itbeautifully.
She's a holistic sex andrelationship coach, a writer.
She's on a mission to changethe world through healing and
(01:03):
liberating sexuality, bringingmore love, bringing more beauty
into our sexuality.
If you're a man, you can listento that as well, because we
talked about how men can becomeultra-orgasmic and she's got
very good programs that help menwith that.
Welcome.
I'm so happy to have you here,soraya.
I really love reading about youand that you're doing kind of
(01:25):
very similar work to me sexuallyempowering women.
Maybe if you can tell a coupleof words how you got to do this
work?
What's your personal journey?
Speaker 1 (01:33):
with that Sure.
Thank you so much for having mehere, Tanisha.
I came into this work through abit of a dark night of the soul
.
I ended up getting Lyme'sdisease and kind of a whole mess
of chronic illness in my early20s, and so with that I lost my
libido and I was experiencingpain during sex.
And I noticed that with losingmy libido I also lost my zest
(01:56):
for life.
And so it was this clue intohow connected our sexual
vitality is to our overallvitality and inspiration and
aliveness, and so I started.
This is so beautiful becausethat's what I tell women.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Vitality is to our overall vitality and inspiration
and aliveness, and so I.
It's not like it's right, thisis so beautiful, because that's
what I tell women.
It's not just because they sayI don't want sex, but it's not
just about sex.
It's the desire, that passionfor life, which is also for and
you noticed it, huh yeahabsolutely.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
it's our sexual energy, is the creative life
force that we are made out of,it's how we got here in these
bodies and it is our vitality.
So I really got to see that andthen started journeying down
the pathways of Tantra andTaoism and opening up new access
points to my sexuality and howthat wove into every other area
of my life, and so that was howI came into this work.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Yeah, beautiful.
And so, through the work, wasit a gradual change?
Was it something that reallygot you there?
Oh, you found back the desire,the best for life.
How was it for you?
Speaker 1 (02:51):
It's a really good question.
I would say it's been a verynon-linear journey and I think
that's an important thing forpeople to understand, because
sometimes we think, oh, I'mthere, I've arrived, and then
some other life challenge comesthrough and it's important to
not get hard on ourselves if weslip again or we find ourselves
back in a hole, thinking whathappened?
I thought I had healed, and sofor me it was a long journey of
(03:14):
healing sexual trauma, healingmy body, connecting more deeply
with my spirituality, healingthings within my relationship.
But there were other chaptersin my life where, for example, I
got really burned out buildingmy business and then started to
notice my libido tank again.
So that was another kind ofdeepening of the lesson and how
important it is to stay inbalance and not be in this
(03:36):
overdrive of yang energy, doing,going and really being able to
listen to the body in that way.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
I love that it's so nonlinear, because sometimes I
feel like I got it all togetherand then something happens.
Right, I'm like, oh, here we goagain.
But I feel like it's the spiralright and I can see more and I
it's easier to get back into thebalance.
I don't know if you noticedthat.
Yes, but like back then in mytwenties it was so like when the
(04:02):
dark comes it.
Like back then in my 20s, itwas so like when the dark comes,
it's just.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Oh, there's nothing there.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
But now it's like, yeah, I know this place, I can
get out quicker, find my balance.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Once you've shown yourself you can overcome that
and come into balance, you havethe breadcrumbs home to that,
yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
And have you healed the Lyme disease?
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Have you healed your body physically?
You know it's an interestingquestion.
I still have a lot of lingeringchronic health stuff, but I
don't really I don't reallyapproach it so much through the
perspective of Lyme anymore.
I work primarily with Chinesemedicine and just working to
find where the Qi is blocked andsupporting the overall vitality
and balance of the body, ratherthan chasing down the pathogen,
which I did for a long time,and the current approach feels a
(04:42):
lot better.
So I do still have some issuesissues with my health but the
way that I navigate them thesedays is so different than it
used to be and I'm a lot morepatient with the process.
I'm a lot more in tune with mybody and a lot more humble in
terms of when I need rest andjust really prioritizing
self-care yeah, and I feel yourenergy is so beautiful, like
there's this energy there andthe lightness in you, thank you
(05:07):
so much, yeah, so I wonder if wecan define sexual empowerment,
because we're going to talkabout how women can empower
themselves.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
What does it actually mean, like for you and I know
like I've done research on that,I've done some different
definitions, but what is it foryou?
Speaker 1 (05:21):
it's a really good question because it's a word
that's thrown around a lot.
To me, it's about being verycentered in self and connected
to that divine, creative sexuallife force that permeates all
beings that we are made of, as Iwas speaking to, and feeling
very sovereign within that,having a connection to our
(05:43):
sexuality that is uniquely ours,where it's not dependent upon
or in reference to anotherperson, but being seated in that
sense of self and feeling aliveand inspired and turned on by
life.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
I love that, huh yeah , turned on by life, because
I've done research, that I'vedone my master sexual
empowerment and sexual desireand what I?
There's this piece that theysay that women's desire is a
responsive rather thanspontaneous, and quite that.
They say that women's desire isresponsive rather than
spontaneous and quite often theyexpect that it's responsive to
the male partner or like to thepartner right To the loving
(06:16):
partner, to my partner and in myhow I feel it is more my
response to the world, myresponse to nature rather than
to particular stimulus.
So I love it, right, it's likedesire for life and it brings
that sexual energy.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Yeah, I love that so much, yeah, and I think it's
very connected to how fullywe're able to receive and
knowing what we want and feelingempowered to ask for that, and
like claiming time and space forourselves, both solo and with a
partner, in terms of ourpleasure and what our body needs
(06:52):
, and being able to draw healthyboundaries make clear requests,
all of these kinds of thingsthat really honor what the truth
of that essence is for us.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Yeah.
So I wonder, what do you feellike are most important aspects?
Are the keys to sexualempowerment and how, and also
how women can actually, if wetalk about right, the woman is
listening.
How can she bring it into herlife?
What would be the steps?
Speaker 1 (07:15):
the first steps, yeah , so I think, coming back to
that concept of being reallyturned on by life and being
available to receive what lifehas to offer, like what you were
speaking to, of having thatrelationship with life, not just
with a partner and actuallythere's a little practice I
could take us through a littlemicro practice that I love
connected to this this conceptof how fully are we drinking in
(07:39):
life, in each moment?
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Because I think a lot of, a lot of people can expect.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Some lover is supposed to just come along and
turn us on, and, from the Taoistperspective, female sexuality
is like water, so they say ittakes a long time to boil, but
once it stays hot, or once it'sboiling, it stays hot for a long
time.
So if we are walking aroundwith cold water all the time and
we're bringing our lover coldwater, think about how long it
(08:10):
takes to heat up cold water,whereas if we are keeping that
water warm throughout the day bythe ways that we tend to that
energy and not even just inexplicitly sexual ways, but
sensual ways, things that helpus feel alive, really sinking
into our five senses, enjoyingour food, touching our bodies,
(08:30):
feeling the sun and the wind onour skin and our hair, taking in
the smells around us, all ofthese things can really nourish
us if we're paying attention.
But if we're on autopilot, ifwe're multitasking, if we feel
shut down and disconnected,we're going to miss all these
things that are available tonourish us if we're actually
opening to receive them.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
For me, the more I do the work and the more we just
even talk about it, I feel theenergy is right there.
And I noticed my beloved here.
Oh, you've been talking aboutsex today.
I was like that's my job,that's what I do.
I come with it already almostat the boil point.
We can do that with ourselvespaying attention.
Oh, it's right, there doesn'thave a chance to cool down if we
(09:13):
pay attention to that lifeforce.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
right where attention goes, energy flows.
Energy, it's that shakti, it'sthat feminine life force, and so
if our attention is scattered,we're going to be leaking our
energy.
When we're focused and whenwe're really rooted in the body,
practicing, practicing, stayingembodied we get to play with
that energy, we get to let itlight us up.
And so one of my favoritepractices for this, I call it
(09:37):
making love with life.
It's a practice that you can doin a more extended period over
15 minutes or longer but you canalso do it as a little micro
practice throughout your daywhere you can do it just for a
couple of seconds.
Yes, so yeah, let's drop inwith a little micro practice
throughout your day where youcan do it just for a couple of
seconds.
Yes, so yeah, let's drop inwith a little short version of
it together.
Yeah, I'm going to practicelike call it down making love to
the universe.
(09:58):
That's beautiful, I want to see.
Oh, I love that.
I love that.
I wonder if they're similar.
Let's see.
So if it feels good, justclosing your eyes and everyone
can do this along with us so,just taking a moment to close
your eyes and placing your handssomewhere on your body, that
would really appreciatereceiving your nourishing touch
(10:18):
and just noticing where yourbreath is right now, noticing
its pace, its rhythm, its depth,and noticing where it is seated
in your body.
A lot of times, our breathingcan be shallow or constricted or
not making it all the way downto the deepest parts of us.
So we're going to inhale.
(10:39):
This can be through the nose orthe mouth and we want to bring
it all the way down into thepelvic bowl, allowing the belly
to be soft and to expand like abig Buddha belly with our inhale
and allowing that breath tostretch 360 into kidneys,
(11:00):
working its way up through thediaphragm, through the front
sides, the backs of the lungsand, once it's filled you from
roots, all the way up throughyour heart.
Just slowly exhaling, emptying,softening, ideally with an
audible sigh, exhaling throughthe mouth and letting this
(11:22):
breath be slow, rhythmic andcontinuous as you inhale.
I want you to imagine that youare drinking in the sweetest
nectar, the kiss of the divine,and drinking this breath down
like warm golden honey that'scoating your insides and
(11:42):
penetrating every cell of yourbody with a warm golden light as
you exhale of your body, with awarm golden light.
As you exhale, you're clearingany stagnant energy and just
offering yourself fully, in fullpresence and devotion upon the
altar of life.
So letting this breath bereally sensual, luscious and
(12:05):
full-bodied.
You can really let yourself bemoved by this breath.
Perhaps your spine isundulating and really engaging
the breath, as if you are makinglove with life itself.
In connection with all that isAllowing yourself to receive the
nourishment and the vitality ofthe breath fully, all the way
(12:29):
down in the pelvic bowl and intoevery little nook and cranny of
your being that perhaps hasbeen cut off from the breath,
and just giving yourself fullyto this moment with each and
every breath, letting yourselfcome fully alive, feeling this
energy stir in the cauldron thatis your pelvic bowl, activating
(12:51):
your yoni, your womb swirlingall the way up into your heart
and feeling this dance betweenheart and yoni, masculine and
feminine, pull, the dance of yinand yang that is always
pulsating through you the lovemaking of shiva and shakti,
giving these last few breathseverything you've got, really
(13:14):
allowing yourself to come fullyalive here, to drink in this
moment with your senses, seeinghow fully you can drink of this
moment, how deeply you can allowyourself to be nourished and
turned on by life, noticing whathas shifted in your body and as
you take your time to make yourway back into this space, just
(13:37):
staying connected to your body,connected to your breath and
expanded in this aliveness thatyou allowed yourself to open to.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Now I feel I want to connect.
Now I feel so much sadness.
It's like ah, ah, so thank youfor giving me this space.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Is something is shifting, moving inside, and I
just feel that the sadnessthat's yeah, it's amazing what
it can bring up and just revealto us what's here when we give
space to feel it.
Yeah, thank you for going therewith me yeah, and it's
interesting that I wasn't even.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
I was feeling something, but now I'm giving
space to that is, oh, this isthat sadness is so alive in me.
I love that you're.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
I was just gonna say I love that you're speaking to
sadness as aliveness, because Ithink a lot of people don't make
that connection sometimes.
But it's such a deep place ofour feeling and I love this
practice as a way to really sinkyour teeth into life,
regardless of what you'refeeling, to really open to
receive it whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Yeah, that it doesn't need to be all exciting and
joyful and pleasure.
It's like, oh, I just want tosit and cry.
Yeah, it feels quite alive andit's nice to give it space.
But I see it how women feel,like it's only if I'm joyful, if
I'm happy, then I can be sexual.
But I find it so much depthwhen we should be like making
(14:59):
love to sadness.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Absolutely much depth when we're actually like making
love to sadness absolutely, andI.
Our emotions are so connectedto the sacral chakra and our
sexual energy and if we limitourselves to only feel certain
emotions, that's going to limitour sexual pleasure and the
depth of our orgasm, as well asfeeling that sadness, grief,
anger all of these are soimportant for accessing the
fullness of our sensation yeah,and I wonder what you experience
(15:24):
, because women quite often feel, oh no, I can't.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Like my partner is not gonna be okay with that.
If I feel sadness or grief oranger, what's?
Speaker 1 (15:32):
your experience?
That's such a good question.
I cry a lot during orgasm.
Actually, I have certainorgasms that just bring me to
tears, and sometimes they areconnected to deep sadness.
Sometimes it's awesome,sometimes it's almost a grief
that's connected to love.
I find when you really lovesomeone, I grieve the people I
(15:54):
love, because I'm always justone day I won't have them and
there's something about thegrief and connection with that
love that brings me into deepergratitude and presence for them
that's so interesting becausethat's what my experience last
week was.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
I felt so much love for my beloved and I couldn't
stop crying.
I was just like I was sobbingso much, but it was.
It was from love, right, andhe's there, but I felt so deeply
.
Okay, it's a crying day for metoday, but I just felt so deeply
that love it's.
I love you so much and it'syeah, I was just sobbing and
sobbing.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
I so understand, teresa, I I so enter that space
what is not like.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
The person is there right, somehow something opens
up.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Yeah yeah, there's something just I.
I feel like it's connected toreverence, to just like this
feeling of awe, of gratitude, ofinterest, a part of the human
condition, of how blessed we areto get to experience this
moment, and yeah, and notwanting to hurt in any way, that
was my oh.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Like I know, in my human form I am gonna hurt,
right people I love.
Like I can't get away from it,I just, but I'm just so not
wanting it and knowing it andit's just oh, yes, totally, and
I I think bringing otheremotions into lovemaking can be
so gorgeous too.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Sometimes bringing anger, bringing sadness,
bringing there's so much of thebody can communicate somatically
, kinesthetically, thatsometimes words just can't touch
.
And I find for me and mypartner there are certain times
when it's like words havereached their limit and
processing something is justgoing to feel like picking at it
(17:39):
past, like it's not going to goany further, and when we can
really drop into the body andfollow the thread of how the
body is, want to move togetherand maybe that's more sexual and
maybe it's more sensual or goeson a whole journey.
But letting the bodies talk Ifind can be really healing and
how do you find?
Speaker 2 (17:58):
are they so beautiful ?
I like it when the words reachthis limit.
We need to go back to the bodyand feeling.
And how do you find?
Oh, that's so beautiful.
I like it when the wordsreached its limit.
We need to go back to the bodyand feeling.
And how do you find yourpartner?
Are they okay with it, with thetears, and do you have an
agreement around it?
How do you?
Because sometimes women, whenthey've never experienced it,
they feel no, I can't.
It feels like almost likebeyond what my partner can do
for me.
But I find they're actuallyvery responsive.
(18:19):
And if I think about myself, ifmy partner, but I find they're
actually very responsive, and ifI think about myself, if my
partner feels deeply and startscrying, I'd be really happy to
be there.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Yeah, I find my partner is really supportive of
that, and I think maybe somepartners don't understand why
the tears are there and it couldbe helpful for them to
understand we just want to beheld, or whatever it is that we
need, because we don't even needto explain why they're here.
I think some people areuncomfortable with tears or they
think, oh, this is out ofcontext and it's not.
Tears are one of the fluidsthat can move with our sexual
(18:49):
expression.
There's so many.
Sexual energy is very watery,and so I see the tears as just
part of that water element, ofwhat wants to flow sometimes,
and such a beautiful piece of it.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Yeah, I love it.
It's not explaining wherethey're coming from, because
quite often we don't even know,just the tears are there, but
it's more being able to say I'mokay and I just want you to hold
me, or I want you to do that.
Can you just be here with me?
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Yeah, I want to talk about women who feel like what
is against them?
Yeah, and I lost my desire or Ihave pain during sex.
Yeah, also, when women start togo through menopause, there are
a lot of things that happenright in the body or like the
skin is too sensitive, like whatcan you about that?
(19:35):
What can women do.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
It's a really great question.
I I think that's yeah, that'ssuch, that's been such.
A big piece of my journey iscoming to understand that my
body is not against me and mybody is always just
communicating with me in theways that she knows how.
And so I think, when we canrecognize, start to cultivate an
allyship with our bodies and tostay really curious and to
learn their languages and toalso let our bodies know we're
(19:59):
here and we're listening, sothat they don't feel like they
have to get louder because we'reoverriding them or we're not
trusting them.
Our body needs to trust us inthe way we need to trust it as
well, and so if there has beenwounding there of times that
we've overridden our body, weall have More times we didn't
trust our body.
I find cultivating arelationship and a repair
(20:20):
process around that of startingto learn the language of your
body, letting your body know I'mhere, I'm listening, I trust
you.
I think, anytime that we arehaving some sort of I don't even
like the term sexualdysfunction because it implies
that something is wrong, and Iwork extensively with sexual
dysfunctions, especially withmen, but also with women, and
(20:41):
almost always it is rootedsomewhere emotionally,
psychologically, even if thereis a physical health issue
involved.
I also think that those healthissues often start somewhere
emotionally and psychologicallyon some other layer first,
before they become physical, andas we heal the patterns that
caused our body to respond inthat way, I think that even the
(21:02):
physical problems can start toheal.
But I think sometimes, if we'rehaving low libido, it can be
something like we're in burnoutor just an overdrive.
We're demanding too much of ourbodies, we're disconnected from
our spirituality or a sense ofpurpose or passion.
It's often connected tosomething bigger could be a
(21:27):
block in the relationship.
Same with like pain during sex.
I think sometimes it can besomething going on in the
relationship.
It can be that we're moving tooquickly, we're not allowing
ourselves to take up the timeand space we need.
I think, as women, all of ushave been penetrated prematurely
at some point in our lives,even if it was by a loving
partner who we were excited tohave sex with.
Sometimes we just don't giveour bodies enough time, for
whatever reason, and so our yonican speak up about hey, I need
(21:50):
a little more time, I need to betended to.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Well, that's, yeah, that's messages, right.
It's not there's somethingwrong.
My body is somehow against me,right.
But actually the body's sendingthe message and that's what I
find.
If we don't listen, then theystart to speak up loud and
louder.
But if we start listening andresponding and I love that,
right, because it's the trustthat our we need to listen to
the body and respond, becausethat's how the trust is going to
(22:14):
be built.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
It's not just I listen now and I'm not going to
even do that, because thathappens quite a lot, huh exactly
, and sometimes the bodycommunicates so subtly and
whispers.
And if we can get really goodat listening and, like you said,
responding to that, it doesn'tneed to get so loud.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
But we have to get good at hearing those subtle
cues and then having thediscipline to honor them
beautiful, yeah, and I justremember one of my clients, like
she's done my 10-week course,actually empowered, reading one
course and then she said and mycourse is like sexual
empowerment, not focused onweight loss whatsoever but she
said she lost like quite a bitof weight through doing the
course because she said when shewent shopping she felt like her
(22:53):
belly was pushing the trolleyand she could only pick up the
food that her body wanted.
But is that attunementdeveloping, that attunement to
what's good for me, and then wedon't think about what's good,
what's not, what the body knows?
Yes, listen, beautiful.
Yeah, yeah, beautiful.
I think I've got one lastquestion, if we can talk about
(23:16):
men, right for how women relate,and I'm quite like I work a lot
with heterosexual women and Ireally like that polarity and
that relational dynamics.
I'm a couple therapist as well,so what?
Do you say what women need toknow.
What wisdom can you impart onwomen?
What do they need to know abouttheir male partners?
As it relates to our sexuality?
Speaker 1 (23:37):
That's a good question.
I think one really importantthing to understand is that men
carry a lot of pressure in thebedroom to perform to last long
enough to maintain an erection.
They sometimes don't have thesame experience that we do of
getting to just relax andreceive, and it can be a lot for
(23:58):
them to navigate that space.
I specialized in working withmen for a long time, and so it
can become a negative feedbackloop where, once they have
anxiety about it, it can justget worse and worse, and so I
think something that's reallybeautiful is if we can work as a
team with our male partners oncreating the kind of sexual
experience we want, even when itcomes to things like stamina
(24:20):
that we often might think islike their responsibility or
their job.
But we can actually work thattogether If we're really attuned
, if we're in communication, ifwe're supporting them.
In that I do see it as a two-waystreet and really celebrating
their journey with it,celebrating their orgasm.
When we're in an orgasmic state, we are highly programmable,
and so if we are obviouslydisappointed, let's say if they
(24:43):
come too soon, they feel thatand they take that in on a very
deep level and it's going tofeed into future anxiety and
continue to perpetuate that sameresult.
And so I think, when we can bereally supportive in navigating
that journey with them and alsohave talks with them about how,
let's say, if they do come toosoon, how can we look at male
(25:05):
ejaculation as a dot instead ofan exclamation point that ends
everything, I think thatchoosing to not see the male
ejaculation as the grand finalethat ends the whole can be
really helpful to just openthings up in a new way and make
sure that both people arefeeling met.
So that's one piece, I wouldsay but what's your view on
non-ejaculatory sex?
(25:26):
so I am a huge fan ofnon-ejaculatory orgasms it's one
of the things I taught men fora long time.
So, yeah, when we get into thatterritory, it opens up like
entirely new horizons, andthat's helping a man venture
into that territory.
That's definitely a co-creativeprocess as well, and I think
it's a really beautiful thing tohelp men lean into that space
(25:47):
and help them understand thatthere is so much more available
to them through that.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Not just sexually.
So if you go into that space,what's actually?
What's your experience of that?
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Sorry, what was the question?
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Sex without ejaculation.
What's your experience?
Speaker 1 (26:05):
So we can think what's possible.
What's your experience of that?
They can basically last as longas they want.
They could just keep going andhave these multiple rolling full
body orgasms without losingtheir erection or having that
refractory period and withoutthe ejaculatory hangover.
I find that they're able to tapinto an orgasmic experience
that's more similar to what awoman can tap into where it is
these full body rolling orgasmsinstead of a sharp peak and drop
(26:27):
off on the other side, and thenthey are able to stay more
connected on the other side ofthat, instead of being tired and
getting that huge dump ofprolactin that just makes them
want to roll over and go tosleep and disconnect.
And so I find it makes for amuch more connective experience
as well as because the energy isnot shooting out of them
through their ejaculation andthey're circulating it and
(26:50):
reversing the flow.
It can enter, it can penetratetheir heart in a more powerful
way and all of their upperchakras, which can lead to more
spiritually activating,multidimensional experiences.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
What can you say about the blue?
Speaker 1 (27:03):
balls phenomenon.
It just needs to.
The energy just needs to becirculated and integrated, and
so if they're getting blue balls, the energy is getting stuck,
and so it's important that theywork with practices to circulate
the energy and make sure it'snot stagnating.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Maybe we can put something in show notes for the
male partners.
Is there anything you recommend, like how can they start
practicing that Sure?
Speaker 1 (27:25):
I do have a course called multi-orgasmic vitality
for men.
That gets into all the nuts andbolts of it, and that's yeah,
that's a really beautiful way tohave a step-by-step journey
that covers all the differentcomponents of it.
And then I also do work withpeople one-on-one, and so that's
another thing that I just love.
Teaching is the art ofnon-ejaculatory orgasm.
I think it's the mostincredible thing for a man to
(27:47):
tap into, and such rich benefitsfor the women as well.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Beautiful, rich benefits for the women as well.
Beautiful, okay, so I can putit in show notes so people can
see that course, and yeah, so Iwonder, so we can talk and talk.
I love how we talk the same way.
Yes, it's so beautiful.
If you connect to the women nowwho are listening, what would
be your last message for them?
Speaker 1 (28:08):
whatever, I would say yeah, I guess something that we
didn't touch on that I thinkwould be important to say is
that so much of our sexualempowerment is connected to our
capacity to be with highintensity sensation, whether
that is it's uncomfortable toask for what we want or to draw
(28:29):
a boundary, or to navigateconflict, or to just be with
large amounts of pleasure.
All of these things requirehuge capacity and being very
centered in self, and having ourseat of power be down in our
yoni, in our lower dantient thiswhole lower region, a lower
seat of power, is going to helpus stay grounded, empowered,
(28:53):
connected to our bodies and towhat we need.
It helps us to create the lifethat we want to create.
Rather than, I think, as women,we're so conditioned to be
polite and people pleasing andappeasing, a lot of that energy
is.
It's more up here in the head.
It's scattered, it's.
Our voices will often be higherand faster if we're in this
(29:14):
place of being disconnected fromself, and so it's really about
anchoring down into the body,slowing down, knowing that you
are worthy of taking up time andspace and energy that you're
worthy of receiving.
Just simply because you areworthy of receiving, you don't
need to like give back everytime you receive.
(29:34):
You don't need to hurry up andhave that knee-jerk response of
pouring it back into somebodyelse's cup right away, but
really relaxing into receivingand creating space to just be
with that energy will changeyour life.
So that's what I would leave uswith.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
And I do expect your pleasure potential retreat, so
where we go for three days andwe're really like how can I take
more energy and really expandthat?
Yes, and how can people findmore?
Speaker 1 (30:03):
about you.
The practice that we did todayis called Making Love With Life,
and you can get the fullexpanded version of that for
free when you sign up for myemail list.
So I'm sure there'll be alittle link that we can put in
the show notes.
And, yeah, getting on my emaillist is a great way to stay in
touch.
You can follow me on Instagram.
I have online courses and Iwork with clients one-on-one,
(30:24):
and then I also have my ownpodcast called Nectar, sex and
Soul.
It's been on hiatus for a yearand a half, but I do plan on
getting back on it soon.
It's a really fun project forme, so just had a lot of big
life transitions recently and Ilook forward to getting back on
it.
But those are some good ways tostay in touch with me.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
Thank you so much.
Saray and listeners, thank youso much.
We'll see you again.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Thank you so much for having me, teresa.
It was such a pleasure toconnect with you, and thank you
everybody for joining us.
They can basically last as long as they want.
They could just keep going andhave these multiple rolling
full-body orgasms without losingtheir erection or having that
refractory period, and withoutthe ejaculatory hangover.
I find that they're able to tapinto an orgasmic experience
that's more similar to what awoman can tap into.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Welcome to this episode.
Today I'm really happy to betalking to Soraya Leonara.
We talked about themulti-orgasmic men, how women
can have more expandedexperience of their sexuality,
how we can make love to life andhow to make love with all of
our feelings, how we don't needto be in a happy place for
(00:42):
lovemaking.
How beautiful it is to makelove to sadness, to anger, to
the depth in us.
It's a beautiful place thatcouples can create with each
other where we can welcome allof our feelings.
Soraya talked about itbeautifully.
She's a holistic sex andrelationship coach, a writer.
She's on a mission to changethe world through healing and
(01:03):
liberating sexuality, bringingmore love, bringing more beauty
into our sexuality.
If you're a man, you can listento that as well, because we
talked about how men can becomeultra-orgasmic and she's got
very good programs that help menwith that.
Welcome.
I'm so happy to have you here,soraya.
I really love reading about youand that you're doing kind of
(01:25):
very similar work to me sexuallyempowering women.
Maybe if you can tell a coupleof words how you got to do this
work?
What's your personal journey?
Speaker 1 (01:33):
with that Sure.
Thank you so much for having mehere, Tanisha.
I came into this work through abit of a dark night of the soul
.
I ended up getting Lyme'sdisease and kind of a whole mess
of chronic illness in my early20s, and so with that I lost my
libido and I was experiencingpain during sex.
And I noticed that with losingmy libido I also lost my zest
(01:56):
for life.
And so it was this clue intohow connected our sexual
vitality is to our overallvitality and inspiration and
aliveness, and so I started.
This is so beautiful becausethat's what I tell women.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Vitality is to our overall vitality and inspiration
and aliveness, and so I.
It's not like it's right, thisis so beautiful, because that's
what I tell women.
It's not just because they sayI don't want sex, but it's not
just about sex.
It's the desire, that passionfor life, which is also for and
you noticed it, huh yeahabsolutely.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
it's our sexual energy, is the creative life
force that we are made out of,it's how we got here in these
bodies and it is our vitality.
So I really got to see that andthen started journeying down
the pathways of Tantra andTaoism and opening up new access
points to my sexuality and howthat wove into every other area
of my life, and so that was howI came into this work.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Yeah, beautiful.
And so, through the work, wasit a gradual change?
Was it something that reallygot you there?
Oh, you found back the desire,the best for life.
How was it for you?
Speaker 1 (02:51):
It's a really good question.
I would say it's been a verynon-linear journey and I think
that's an important thing forpeople to understand, because
sometimes we think, oh, I'mthere, I've arrived, and then
some other life challenge comesthrough and it's important to
not get hard on ourselves if weslip again or we find ourselves
back in a hole, thinking whathappened?
I thought I had healed, and sofor me it was a long journey of
(03:14):
healing sexual trauma, healingmy body, connecting more deeply
with my spirituality, healingthings within my relationship.
But there were other chaptersin my life where, for example, I
got really burned out buildingmy business and then started to
notice my libido tank again.
So that was another kind ofdeepening of the lesson and how
important it is to stay inbalance and not be in this
(03:36):
overdrive of yang energy, doing,going and really being able to
listen to the body in that way.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
I love that it's so nonlinear, because sometimes I
feel like I got it all togetherand then something happens.
Right, I'm like, oh, here we goagain.
But I feel like it's the spiralright and I can see more and I
it's easier to get back into thebalance.
I don't know if you noticedthat.
Yes, but like back then in mytwenties it was so like when the
(04:02):
dark comes it.
Like back then in my 20s, itwas so like when the dark comes,
it's just.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Oh, there's nothing there.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
But now it's like, yeah, I know this place, I can
get out quicker, find my balance.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Once you've shown yourself you can overcome that
and come into balance, you havethe breadcrumbs home to that,
yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
And have you healed the Lyme disease?
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Have you healed your body physically?
You know it's an interestingquestion.
I still have a lot of lingeringchronic health stuff, but I
don't really I don't reallyapproach it so much through the
perspective of Lyme anymore.
I work primarily with Chinesemedicine and just working to
find where the Qi is blocked andsupporting the overall vitality
and balance of the body, ratherthan chasing down the pathogen,
which I did for a long time,and the current approach feels a
(04:42):
lot better.
So I do still have some issuesissues with my health but the
way that I navigate them thesedays is so different than it
used to be and I'm a lot morepatient with the process.
I'm a lot more in tune with mybody and a lot more humble in
terms of when I need rest andjust really prioritizing
self-care yeah, and I feel yourenergy is so beautiful, like
there's this energy there andthe lightness in you, thank you
(05:07):
so much, yeah, so I wonder if wecan define sexual empowerment,
because we're going to talkabout how women can empower
themselves.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
What does it actually mean, like for you and I know
like I've done research on that,I've done some different
definitions, but what is it foryou?
Speaker 1 (05:21):
it's a really good question because it's a word
that's thrown around a lot.
To me, it's about being verycentered in self and connected
to that divine, creative sexuallife force that permeates all
beings that we are made of, as Iwas speaking to, and feeling
very sovereign within that,having a connection to our
(05:43):
sexuality that is uniquely ours,where it's not dependent upon
or in reference to anotherperson, but being seated in that
sense of self and feeling aliveand inspired and turned on by
life.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
I love that, huh yeah , turned on by life, because
I've done research, that I'vedone my master sexual
empowerment and sexual desireand what I?
There's this piece that theysay that women's desire is a
responsive rather thanspontaneous, and quite that.
They say that women's desire isresponsive rather than
spontaneous and quite often theyexpect that it's responsive to
the male partner or like to thepartner right To the loving
(06:16):
partner, to my partner and in myhow I feel it is more my
response to the world, myresponse to nature rather than
to particular stimulus.
So I love it, right, it's likedesire for life and it brings
that sexual energy.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Yeah, I love that so much, yeah, and I think it's
very connected to how fullywe're able to receive and
knowing what we want and feelingempowered to ask for that, and
like claiming time and space forourselves, both solo and with a
partner, in terms of ourpleasure and what our body needs
(06:52):
, and being able to draw healthyboundaries make clear requests,
all of these kinds of thingsthat really honor what the truth
of that essence is for us.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Yeah.
So I wonder, what do you feellike are most important aspects?
Are the keys to sexualempowerment and how, and also
how women can actually, if wetalk about right, the woman is
listening.
How can she bring it into herlife?
What would be the steps?
Speaker 1 (07:15):
the first steps, yeah , so I think, coming back to
that concept of being reallyturned on by life and being
available to receive what lifehas to offer, like what you were
speaking to, of having thatrelationship with life, not just
with a partner and actuallythere's a little practice I
could take us through a littlemicro practice that I love
connected to this this conceptof how fully are we drinking in
(07:39):
life, in each moment?
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Because I think a lot of, a lot of people can expect.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Some lover is supposed to just come along and
turn us on, and, from the Taoistperspective, female sexuality
is like water, so they say ittakes a long time to boil, but
once it stays hot, or once it'sboiling, it stays hot for a long
time.
So if we are walking aroundwith cold water all the time and
we're bringing our lover coldwater, think about how long it
(08:10):
takes to heat up cold water,whereas if we are keeping that
water warm throughout the day bythe ways that we tend to that
energy and not even just inexplicitly sexual ways, but
sensual ways, things that helpus feel alive, really sinking
into our five senses, enjoyingour food, touching our bodies,
(08:30):
feeling the sun and the wind onour skin and our hair, taking in
the smells around us, all ofthese things can really nourish
us if we're paying attention.
But if we're on autopilot, ifwe're multitasking, if we feel
shut down and disconnected,we're going to miss all these
things that are available tonourish us if we're actually
opening to receive them.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
For me, the more I do the work and the more we just
even talk about it, I feel theenergy is right there.
And I noticed my beloved here.
Oh, you've been talking aboutsex today.
I was like that's my job,that's what I do.
I come with it already almostat the boil point.
We can do that with ourselvespaying attention.
Oh, it's right, there doesn'thave a chance to cool down if we
(09:13):
pay attention to that lifeforce.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
right where attention goes, energy flows.
Energy, it's that shakti, it'sthat feminine life force, and so
if our attention is scattered,we're going to be leaking our
energy.
When we're focused and whenwe're really rooted in the body,
practicing, practicing, stayingembodied we get to play with
that energy, we get to let itlight us up.
And so one of my favoritepractices for this, I call it
(09:37):
making love with life.
It's a practice that you can doin a more extended period over
15 minutes or longer but you canalso do it as a little micro
practice throughout your daywhere you can do it just for a
couple of seconds.
Yes, so yeah, let's drop inwith a little micro practice
throughout your day where youcan do it just for a couple of
seconds.
Yes, so yeah, let's drop inwith a little short version of
it together.
Yeah, I'm going to practicelike call it down making love to
the universe.
(09:58):
That's beautiful, I want to see.
Oh, I love that.
I love that.
I wonder if they're similar.
Let's see.
So if it feels good, justclosing your eyes and everyone
can do this along with us so,just taking a moment to close
your eyes and placing your handssomewhere on your body, that
would really appreciatereceiving your nourishing touch
(10:18):
and just noticing where yourbreath is right now, noticing
its pace, its rhythm, its depth,and noticing where it is seated
in your body.
A lot of times, our breathingcan be shallow or constricted or
not making it all the way downto the deepest parts of us.
So we're going to inhale.
(10:39):
This can be through the nose orthe mouth and we want to bring
it all the way down into thepelvic bowl, allowing the belly
to be soft and to expand like abig Buddha belly with our inhale
and allowing that breath tostretch 360 into kidneys,
(11:00):
working its way up through thediaphragm, through the front
sides, the backs of the lungsand, once it's filled you from
roots, all the way up throughyour heart.
Just slowly exhaling, emptying,softening, ideally with an
audible sigh, exhaling throughthe mouth and letting this
(11:22):
breath be slow, rhythmic andcontinuous as you inhale.
I want you to imagine that youare drinking in the sweetest
nectar, the kiss of the divine,and drinking this breath down
like warm golden honey that'scoating your insides and
(11:42):
penetrating every cell of yourbody with a warm golden light as
you exhale of your body, with awarm golden light.
As you exhale, you're clearingany stagnant energy and just
offering yourself fully, in fullpresence and devotion upon the
altar of life.
So letting this breath bereally sensual, luscious and
(12:05):
full-bodied.
You can really let yourself bemoved by this breath.
Perhaps your spine isundulating and really engaging
the breath, as if you are makinglove with life itself.
In connection with all that isAllowing yourself to receive the
nourishment and the vitality ofthe breath fully, all the way
(12:29):
down in the pelvic bowl and intoevery little nook and cranny of
your being that perhaps hasbeen cut off from the breath,
and just giving yourself fullyto this moment with each and
every breath, letting yourselfcome fully alive, feeling this
energy stir in the cauldron thatis your pelvic bowl, activating
(12:51):
your yoni, your womb swirlingall the way up into your heart
and feeling this dance betweenheart and yoni, masculine and
feminine, pull, the dance of yinand yang that is always
pulsating through you the lovemaking of shiva and shakti,
giving these last few breathseverything you've got, really
(13:14):
allowing yourself to come fullyalive here, to drink in this
moment with your senses, seeinghow fully you can drink of this
moment, how deeply you can allowyourself to be nourished and
turned on by life, noticing whathas shifted in your body and as
you take your time to make yourway back into this space, just
(13:37):
staying connected to your body,connected to your breath and
expanded in this aliveness thatyou allowed yourself to open to.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Now I feel I want to connect.
Now I feel so much sadness.
It's like ah, ah, so thank youfor giving me this space.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Is something is shifting, moving inside, and I
just feel that the sadnessthat's yeah, it's amazing what
it can bring up and just revealto us what's here when we give
space to feel it.
Yeah, thank you for going therewith me yeah, and it's
interesting that I wasn't even.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
I was feeling something, but now I'm giving
space to that is, oh, this isthat sadness is so alive in me.
I love that you're.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
I was just gonna say I love that you're speaking to
sadness as aliveness, because Ithink a lot of people don't make
that connection sometimes.
But it's such a deep place ofour feeling and I love this
practice as a way to really sinkyour teeth into life,
regardless of what you'refeeling, to really open to
receive it whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Yeah, that it doesn't need to be all exciting and
joyful and pleasure.
It's like, oh, I just want tosit and cry.
Yeah, it feels quite alive andit's nice to give it space.
But I see it how women feel,like it's only if I'm joyful, if
I'm happy, then I can be sexual.
But I find it so much depthwhen we should be like making
(14:59):
love to sadness.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Absolutely much depth when we're actually like making
love to sadness absolutely, andI.
Our emotions are so connectedto the sacral chakra and our
sexual energy and if we limitourselves to only feel certain
emotions, that's going to limitour sexual pleasure and the
depth of our orgasm, as well asfeeling that sadness, grief,
anger all of these are soimportant for accessing the
fullness of our sensation yeah,and I wonder what you experience
(15:24):
, because women quite often feel, oh no, I can't.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Like my partner is not gonna be okay with that.
If I feel sadness or grief oranger, what's?
Speaker 1 (15:32):
your experience?
That's such a good question.
I cry a lot during orgasm.
Actually, I have certainorgasms that just bring me to
tears, and sometimes they areconnected to deep sadness.
Sometimes it's awesome,sometimes it's almost a grief
that's connected to love.
I find when you really lovesomeone, I grieve the people I
(15:54):
love, because I'm always justone day I won't have them and
there's something about thegrief and connection with that
love that brings me into deepergratitude and presence for them
that's so interesting becausethat's what my experience last
week was.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
I felt so much love for my beloved and I couldn't
stop crying.
I was just like I was sobbingso much, but it was.
It was from love, right, andhe's there, but I felt so deeply
.
Okay, it's a crying day for metoday, but I just felt so deeply
that love it's.
I love you so much and it'syeah, I was just sobbing and
sobbing.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
I so understand, teresa, I I so enter that space
what is not like.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
The person is there right, somehow something opens
up.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Yeah yeah, there's something just I.
I feel like it's connected toreverence, to just like this
feeling of awe, of gratitude, ofinterest, a part of the human
condition, of how blessed we areto get to experience this
moment, and yeah, and notwanting to hurt in any way, that
was my oh.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Like I know, in my human form I am gonna hurt,
right people I love.
Like I can't get away from it,I just, but I'm just so not
wanting it and knowing it andit's just oh, yes, totally, and
I I think bringing otheremotions into lovemaking can be
so gorgeous too.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Sometimes bringing anger, bringing sadness,
bringing there's so much of thebody can communicate somatically
, kinesthetically, thatsometimes words just can't touch
.
And I find for me and mypartner there are certain times
when it's like words havereached their limit and
processing something is justgoing to feel like picking at it
(17:39):
past, like it's not going to goany further, and when we can
really drop into the body andfollow the thread of how the
body is, want to move togetherand maybe that's more sexual and
maybe it's more sensual or goeson a whole journey.
But letting the bodies talk Ifind can be really healing and
how do you find?
Speaker 2 (17:58):
are they so beautiful ?
I like it when the words reachthis limit.
We need to go back to the bodyand feeling.
And how do you find?
Oh, that's so beautiful.
I like it when the wordsreached its limit.
We need to go back to the bodyand feeling.
And how do you find yourpartner?
Are they okay with it, with thetears, and do you have an
agreement around it?
How do you?
Because sometimes women, whenthey've never experienced it,
they feel no, I can't.
It feels like almost likebeyond what my partner can do
for me.
But I find they're actuallyvery responsive.
(18:19):
And if I think about myself, ifmy partner, but I find they're
actually very responsive, and ifI think about myself, if my
partner feels deeply and startscrying, I'd be really happy to
be there.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Yeah, I find my partner is really supportive of
that, and I think maybe somepartners don't understand why
the tears are there and it couldbe helpful for them to
understand we just want to beheld, or whatever it is that we
need, because we don't even needto explain why they're here.
I think some people areuncomfortable with tears or they
think, oh, this is out ofcontext and it's not.
Tears are one of the fluidsthat can move with our sexual
(18:49):
expression.
There's so many.
Sexual energy is very watery,and so I see the tears as just
part of that water element, ofwhat wants to flow sometimes,
and such a beautiful piece of it.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Yeah, I love it.
It's not explaining wherethey're coming from, because
quite often we don't even know,just the tears are there, but
it's more being able to say I'mokay and I just want you to hold
me, or I want you to do that.
Can you just be here with me?
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Yeah, I want to talk about women who feel like what
is against them?
Yeah, and I lost my desire or Ihave pain during sex.
Yeah, also, when women start togo through menopause, there are
a lot of things that happenright in the body or like the
skin is too sensitive, like whatcan you about that?
(19:35):
What can women do.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
It's a really great question.
I I think that's yeah, that'ssuch, that's been such.
A big piece of my journey iscoming to understand that my
body is not against me and mybody is always just
communicating with me in theways that she knows how.
And so I think, when we canrecognize, start to cultivate an
allyship with our bodies and tostay really curious and to
learn their languages and toalso let our bodies know we're
(19:59):
here and we're listening, sothat they don't feel like they
have to get louder because we'reoverriding them or we're not
trusting them.
Our body needs to trust us inthe way we need to trust it as
well, and so if there has beenwounding there of times that
we've overridden our body, weall have More times we didn't
trust our body.
I find cultivating arelationship and a repair
(20:20):
process around that of startingto learn the language of your
body, letting your body know I'mhere, I'm listening, I trust
you.
I think, anytime that we arehaving some sort of I don't even
like the term sexualdysfunction because it implies
that something is wrong, and Iwork extensively with sexual
dysfunctions, especially withmen, but also with women, and
(20:41):
almost always it is rootedsomewhere emotionally,
psychologically, even if thereis a physical health issue
involved.
I also think that those healthissues often start somewhere
emotionally and psychologicallyon some other layer first,
before they become physical, andas we heal the patterns that
caused our body to respond inthat way, I think that even the
(21:02):
physical problems can start toheal.
But I think sometimes, if we'rehaving low libido, it can be
something like we're in burnoutor just an overdrive.
We're demanding too much of ourbodies, we're disconnected from
our spirituality or a sense ofpurpose or passion.
It's often connected tosomething bigger could be a
(21:27):
block in the relationship.
Same with like pain during sex.
I think sometimes it can besomething going on in the
relationship.
It can be that we're moving tooquickly, we're not allowing
ourselves to take up the timeand space we need.
I think, as women, all of ushave been penetrated prematurely
at some point in our lives,even if it was by a loving
partner who we were excited tohave sex with.
Sometimes we just don't giveour bodies enough time, for
whatever reason, and so our yonican speak up about hey, I need
(21:50):
a little more time, I need to betended to.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Well, that's, yeah, that's messages, right.
It's not there's somethingwrong.
My body is somehow against me,right.
But actually the body's sendingthe message and that's what I
find.
If we don't listen, then theystart to speak up loud and
louder.
But if we start listening andresponding and I love that,
right, because it's the trustthat our we need to listen to
the body and respond, becausethat's how the trust is going to
(22:14):
be built.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
It's not just I listen now and I'm not going to
even do that, because thathappens quite a lot, huh exactly
, and sometimes the bodycommunicates so subtly and
whispers.
And if we can get really goodat listening and, like you said,
responding to that, it doesn'tneed to get so loud.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
But we have to get good at hearing those subtle
cues and then having thediscipline to honor them
beautiful, yeah, and I justremember one of my clients, like
she's done my 10-week course,actually empowered, reading one
course and then she said and mycourse is like sexual
empowerment, not focused onweight loss whatsoever but she
said she lost like quite a bitof weight through doing the
course because she said when shewent shopping she felt like her
(22:53):
belly was pushing the trolleyand she could only pick up the
food that her body wanted.
But is that attunementdeveloping, that attunement to
what's good for me, and then wedon't think about what's good,
what's not, what the body knows?
Yes, listen, beautiful.
Yeah, yeah, beautiful.
I think I've got one lastquestion, if we can talk about
(23:16):
men, right for how women relate,and I'm quite like I work a lot
with heterosexual women and Ireally like that polarity and
that relational dynamics.
I'm a couple therapist as well,so what?
Do you say what women need toknow.
What wisdom can you impart onwomen?
What do they need to know abouttheir male partners?
As it relates to our sexuality?
Speaker 1 (23:37):
That's a good question.
I think one really importantthing to understand is that men
carry a lot of pressure in thebedroom to perform to last long
enough to maintain an erection.
They sometimes don't have thesame experience that we do of
getting to just relax andreceive, and it can be a lot for
(23:58):
them to navigate that space.
I specialized in working withmen for a long time, and so it
can become a negative feedbackloop where, once they have
anxiety about it, it can justget worse and worse, and so I
think something that's reallybeautiful is if we can work as a
team with our male partners oncreating the kind of sexual
experience we want, even when itcomes to things like stamina
(24:20):
that we often might think islike their responsibility or
their job.
But we can actually work thattogether If we're really attuned
, if we're in communication, ifwe're supporting them.
In that I do see it as a two-waystreet and really celebrating
their journey with it,celebrating their orgasm.
When we're in an orgasmic state, we are highly programmable,
and so if we are obviouslydisappointed, let's say if they
(24:43):
come too soon, they feel thatand they take that in on a very
deep level and it's going tofeed into future anxiety and
continue to perpetuate that sameresult.
And so I think, when we can bereally supportive in navigating
that journey with them and alsohave talks with them about how,
let's say, if they do come toosoon, how can we look at male
(25:05):
ejaculation as a dot instead ofan exclamation point that ends
everything, I think thatchoosing to not see the male
ejaculation as the grand finalethat ends the whole can be
really helpful to just openthings up in a new way and make
sure that both people arefeeling met.
So that's one piece, I wouldsay but what's your view on
non-ejaculatory sex?
(25:26):
so I am a huge fan ofnon-ejaculatory orgasms it's one
of the things I taught men fora long time.
So, yeah, when we get into thatterritory, it opens up like
entirely new horizons, andthat's helping a man venture
into that territory.
That's definitely a co-creativeprocess as well, and I think
it's a really beautiful thing tohelp men lean into that space
(25:47):
and help them understand thatthere is so much more available
to them through that.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Not just sexually.
So if you go into that space,what's actually?
What's your experience of that?
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Sorry, what was the question?
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Sex without ejaculation.
What's your experience?
Speaker 1 (26:05):
So we can think what's possible.
What's your experience of that?
They can basically last as longas they want.
They could just keep going andhave these multiple rolling full
body orgasms without losingtheir erection or having that
refractory period and withoutthe ejaculatory hangover.
I find that they're able to tapinto an orgasmic experience
that's more similar to what awoman can tap into where it is
these full body rolling orgasmsinstead of a sharp peak and drop
(26:27):
off on the other side, and thenthey are able to stay more
connected on the other side ofthat, instead of being tired and
getting that huge dump ofprolactin that just makes them
want to roll over and go tosleep and disconnect.
And so I find it makes for amuch more connective experience
as well as because the energy isnot shooting out of them
through their ejaculation andthey're circulating it and
(26:50):
reversing the flow.
It can enter, it can penetratetheir heart in a more powerful
way and all of their upperchakras, which can lead to more
spiritually activating,multidimensional experiences.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
What can you say about the blue?
Speaker 1 (27:03):
balls phenomenon.
It just needs to.
The energy just needs to becirculated and integrated, and
so if they're getting blue balls, the energy is getting stuck,
and so it's important that theywork with practices to circulate
the energy and make sure it'snot stagnating.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Maybe we can put something in show notes for the
male partners.
Is there anything you recommend, like how can they start
practicing that Sure?
Speaker 1 (27:25):
I do have a course called multi-orgasmic vitality
for men.
That gets into all the nuts andbolts of it, and that's yeah,
that's a really beautiful way tohave a step-by-step journey
that covers all the differentcomponents of it.
And then I also do work withpeople one-on-one, and so that's
another thing that I just love.
Teaching is the art ofnon-ejaculatory orgasm.
I think it's the mostincredible thing for a man to
(27:47):
tap into, and such rich benefitsfor the women as well.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Beautiful, rich benefits for the women as well.
Beautiful, okay, so I can putit in show notes so people can
see that course, and yeah, so Iwonder, so we can talk and talk.
I love how we talk the same way.
Yes, it's so beautiful.
If you connect to the women nowwho are listening, what would
be your last message for them?
Speaker 1 (28:08):
whatever, I would say yeah, I guess something that we
didn't touch on that I thinkwould be important to say is
that so much of our sexualempowerment is connected to our
capacity to be with highintensity sensation, whether
that is it's uncomfortable toask for what we want or to draw
(28:29):
a boundary, or to navigateconflict, or to just be with
large amounts of pleasure.
All of these things requirehuge capacity and being very
centered in self, and having ourseat of power be down in our
yoni, in our lower dantient thiswhole lower region, a lower
seat of power, is going to helpus stay grounded, empowered,
(28:53):
connected to our bodies and towhat we need.
It helps us to create the lifethat we want to create.
Rather than, I think, as women,we're so conditioned to be
polite and people pleasing andappeasing, a lot of that energy
is.
It's more up here in the head.
It's scattered, it's.
Our voices will often be higherand faster if we're in this
(29:14):
place of being disconnected fromself, and so it's really about
anchoring down into the body,slowing down, knowing that you
are worthy of taking up time andspace and energy that you're
worthy of receiving.
Just simply because you areworthy of receiving, you don't
need to like give back everytime you receive.
(29:34):
You don't need to hurry up andhave that knee-jerk response of
pouring it back into somebodyelse's cup right away, but
really relaxing into receivingand creating space to just be
with that energy will changeyour life.
So that's what I would leave uswith.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
And I do expect your pleasure potential retreat, so
where we go for three days andwe're really like how can I take
more energy and really expandthat?
Yes, and how can people findmore?
Speaker 1 (30:03):
about you.
The practice that we did todayis called Making Love With Life,
and you can get the fullexpanded version of that for
free when you sign up for myemail list.
So I'm sure there'll be alittle link that we can put in
the show notes.
And, yeah, getting on my emaillist is a great way to stay in
touch.
You can follow me on Instagram.
I have online courses and Iwork with clients one-on-one,
(30:24):
and then I also have my ownpodcast called Nectar, sex and
Soul.
It's been on hiatus for a yearand a half, but I do plan on
getting back on it soon.
It's a really fun project forme, so just had a lot of big
life transitions recently and Ilook forward to getting back on
it.
But those are some good ways tostay in touch with me.
Speaker 2 (30:42):
Thank you so much.
Saray and listeners, thank youso much.
We'll see you again.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Thank you so much for having me, teresa.
It was such a pleasure toconnect with you, and thank you
everybody for joining us.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
New Heights with Jason & Travis Kelce
Football’s funniest family duo — Jason Kelce of the Philadelphia Eagles and Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs — team up to provide next-level access to life in the league as it unfolds. The two brothers and Super Bowl champions drop weekly insights about the weekly slate of games and share their INSIDE perspectives on trending NFL news and sports headlines. They also endlessly rag on each other as brothers do, chat the latest in pop culture and welcome some very popular and well-known friends to chat with them. Check out new episodes every Wednesday. Follow New Heights on the Wondery App, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free, and get exclusive content on Wondery+. Join Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And join our new membership for a unique fan experience by going to the New Heights YouTube channel now!