April 13, 2023 • 58 mins
This week’s conversation is with Steve Simms, a Brooklyn born brother of color who is leveraging his own journey from anger and hitting rock bottom to help other men, like himself, to a greater level of self-awareness, personal growth, and the achievement of their personal goals.
He brings personal insights and his own self-improvement approaches through self-awareness, meditation, dedication to achieving personal goals, and all with an upbeat Brooklyn, New York, approach to what life may bring.
Steve and I discuss the best way to shift energy, priorities, and guidance on personal and family relationships, difficulties, and how to overcome these struggles through making these more emotionally manageable while maintaining personal, inspirational growth.
He currently hosts two online groups, “The League” and “The Breakfast Club” on Telegram, and can be booked for one-on-one life coaching sessions in the link below:
https://stvsmms.com
He brings personal insights and his own self-improvement approaches through self-awareness, meditation, dedication to achieving personal goals, and all with an upbeat Brooklyn, New York, approach to what life may bring.
Steve and I discuss the best way to shift energy, priorities, and guidance on personal and family relationships, difficulties, and how to overcome these struggles through making these more emotionally manageable while maintaining personal, inspirational growth.
He currently hosts two online groups, “The League” and “The Breakfast Club” on Telegram, and can be booked for one-on-one life coaching sessions in the link below:
https://stvsmms.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
In our fast paced world, it'seasy to get swept up in the currents
that surround us. But we arethe authors of our own life story,
and we are infinitely capable of creatingthe change we want to see within us
and beyond. Welcome to Shaping Freedom, a show where we explore and share
practical ways to cultivate extraordinary life experiences. I'm your host, Lisan Bascia.
(00:29):
I'm a teacher, entrepreneur, andlife strategist. After a career as a
corporate executive, I embarked on myown path of entrepreneurship and focused on the
human and spirit connection. I comefrom generations of trailblazing entrepreneurs, artists,
healers, and champions of human dignity. This week's conversation is with Steve Simms.
(00:51):
Steve is a Brooklyn born brother ofcolor who is leveraging his own journey
from anger and hitting rock bottom tohelping other men like him self achieve a
greater level of self awareness, personalgrowth, and the ability to reach their
personal goals. Steve and I discussedhow important and powerful his role is as
(01:12):
that of a father to a teenagedaughter, and how seriously he takes his
own emotional, mental, and physicalself care as a way of pouring in
to his daughter's ability to assess andcreate her own healthy identity. For Steve,
meditation was an integral first step onhis own journey, and his clients
(01:33):
and followers know that his first questionis going to be did you meditate today?
My g I can't say it theway he does, but you know
this is a step one advice forbringing oneself to a place of centeredness when
things are out of whack. Hisapproach is to teach men how to tap
into and channel their negative emotions sothat they're better positioned to experience healthier and
(01:57):
more powerful relationships. Steve currently hoststwo online groups, The League and the
Breakfast Club on Telegram, both dedicatedto maintaining growth through healthy daily routines and
habits anytime or anywhere. I reallyenjoyed this conversation and friends. Here is
my interview with Steve Simms. Steve, thank you so much for joining me
(02:30):
on the Shaping Freedom with lisanbas Gappodcast. I've been wanting to have a
conversation with you for quite a while, quite some time, you know,
and we have common friends, andI've been wanting to talk to you about
(02:51):
a few things. First of all, I find it to be an incredibly
interesting character in the world and areally we thoughtful human being. And so
I toward the end of last year, I've started I started to recognize how
many, how often I was havingconversations with people who were just like zipping
(03:15):
a zooming all over the place andfeeling overwhelmed and kind of burnt out.
And stepping into this year, itseems that where a lot of folks thought
that that would slow down, itseems to have like we've drifted into a
new year and we've just gotten intoanother lane of movement that's just as fast,
(03:38):
just as quick, which is allgood, right, And there needs
to be some self care in themiddle of all that. Right. So
one of the reasons that I reallywanted to talk to you is because while
I know that you have the youknow, this kind of other side of
(04:00):
you, you know that is morekind of fun and laughing and all of
that, I know that you alsohave a very centered and deep part of
yourself that that really exudes the importanceof connecting inward. And so that's really
what I want to open this conversationto talk about and to share. But
(04:27):
first I want to hear a littlebit about your about you. Who who's
Steve Sims? This is always likethe weird question for me to answer because
none of us are just solely onething or one person or one idea.
But I guess the way to simplifyjust someone who is always on the path
(04:49):
of learning, like, like,for instance, any any of our life
experiences, Oh, there's always ananswer or a lesson in it that's going
to take to the next level.And I'm just somebody's always trying to learn,
learn and relearn myself as I gothrough life. And what else.
(05:12):
I'm also a father, so Iguess that's probably like the greatest thing I've
done. So if I can plugmyself on that one, is that the
greatest thing you've done? Yeah?In my opinion, Yeah, I don't
think there's anything else I can dothat put top that I'm helping to develop
this young human that always ceases toamaze me. I'm a step of the
way, and I don't think Ican do anything more groundbreaking than that,
(05:35):
Right, that's true? And whatmakes you a great father? Steve?
Because she told me, Okay,well that helps your performance review was a
positive one at all. I thinkit is because I didn't go the conventional
right of route of following the stepsthat like my parents did. I just
(05:58):
was learning on the fly and realizedthrough my process that they didn't know they
know as much as I date aboutbeing a parent. Right, you learn
everything as it happens. You justhave to put on the face like you
know everything and take a step rightthere. But it's more so helping her
develop her own identity, her ownideals, our own view of the world.
(06:19):
And there's being more of a guidethan dictator. Wow, you know,
it's really a lot of folks gointo a lot of parents go into
the role thinking or believing that theirrole is and I'll use your words,
(06:40):
their role is to dictate. Youknow, you have this human being and
for the next eighteen twenty one yearsor as long as this person is going
to hear you, you know,it's your job to a lot of people
believe it to be their job todictate to this human being how they're supposed
to live, of how they shouldthink, what their values are and all
(07:01):
of that. And it's interesting,I didn't know this about you, but
I share your approach to parenting,and that I think that parenting is really
about setting yourself on this journey oflearning, learning who you are, learning
who this other human being is,and then learning what kind of space you
(07:25):
can create between you to help thatperson to evolve into who they really are
meant to be exactly? What else? What else? Oh, I spent
some time in the military and thencurrently a embarking into the coaching space a
(07:48):
little bit. So I think you'reembarking pretty powerfully into the space, Steve.
And I think that I've been forsome time, and I absolutely see
you online all the time every day, and I know I see that you're
coaching, and that you're a leader, and that you have an incredibly thoughtful
(08:13):
voice, and that you express andexude confidence and centeredness and groundedness. So
when you come online and you saythings like but did you meditate today?
G and that kind of thing,who are you talking to? First?
I started off as a reminder tomyself because I didn't know too many people
(08:37):
that were interested in meditation, especiallymost people that look like me, right,
or men in general. It justseemed that something that you were learn
in yoga spaces or you know,places most most bipoct men or people in
general don't necessarily frequent. So likehow I started with meditation shin I believe
(09:01):
it was back in around two thousandand seven. I had like this bad
experience and I've had insomnia, andI was up for about six or seven
days straight, and then somebody suggested, like, have you tried meditation or
just kind of sitting down, Andthen that sparked this long journey of you
(09:22):
know, evolution, and no oneever tells Everyone always tells you you know,
oh, you just do this andyou'll be okay. No one ever
let you know that once you startthis process, it's like for the rest
of your life. You can't unseesomething when you see it for the first
time. So it just became thatand then I would do it at work.
(09:43):
I would teach my mom, teachmy sisters, anyone that listen,
I'd be, hey, you shouldtry meditation, try meditation, And then
after a while it just that's whoI became known as the guy who does
meditation, always try to convince peopleto get into meditation, and then that
became my slogan. So anytime somebody'slike stressed out or um, when people
(10:05):
would come in and they just wantto Oh, I need somebody to talk.
All right, cool, I'll sitdown, I'll listen. As soon
as as soon as they were done, i'd be like did you men say
to the mug and then it's likehuh right. Or they'd come in my
office and we do some guided sessionshere and there. So after a while,
like the lunch lunch hour, peoplewould come in from office because I
(10:26):
had discount and they'd sit there andyou know, just come sit and because
i'd have i'd have like the aromatherapy, i'd have like common music,
and you know, it's already hecticas it is, so they take that
time out of their day and theylunch out of me doing meditation sessions.
So they're gonna go back refreshed tothe day. Wow. So what did
(10:50):
meditation do for you? Oh?I used to have a really horrible attitude
and temperate, really short tempered bya yeah, just a little bit,
just at it's the Brooklyn n Amyright, So wow, I love the
before and after. I love theafter story. But then hearing you before
(11:13):
amplifies the after. So yeah,and it taught one thing I know is
it isn't until you hit rock bottomthat you start searching for a solution.
So that's kind of you know,going through divorce, separation, everything that
was could go wrong went wrong andyou know, health issues, so it
(11:35):
just kind of landed in my lapand you know it took me along the
way. So what has meditation donefor you? And I know that's a
big question because it's like, I'msure that when you look back. I
know, I look back at differenttimes in my life where I actually being
from Brooklyn. Also, you knowyou kind of like you drink the water
(11:56):
and there's anger in that water.I don't know, it's something about that,
right, There's a lot of angerin the water and in the air
and on the earth and all thatgood stuff. And when I look back
sometimes at those times in my life, I'm like, wow, I was
pissed off about a lot of stuff. And I think though it's helpful sometimes
(12:18):
because people see you as a personwho's very centered, who's very conscious of
the way that you're walking this planet, and also as a person who really
is working and practicing to bring mind, body, you know, emotions,
(12:39):
and spirit all kind of into thisharmony. But you've been on a journey,
right and like you said, it'snot just like meditate for twenty minutes
and like it's all good. Youknow, people around you change and your
life changes. That's not really howit works. I think that the big
question that a lot of folks haveis how you know, what did it
(13:03):
do for you? Like, howdid you go from being you know,
this angry person in Brooklyn or whateveryour attitude is about. I want to
hear more about that. But whateverthe attitude was, how did you go
from that Steve to this Steve one? I'll say it took time, right,
you know, it's never overnight butshort tempered, right, bad attitude,
(13:26):
And then over time I would beable to hold that mirror in front
of myself and then realize, oh, like I'm off the handle, Like
I don't even have control of myself. Right. It taught me how to
be more resilient, taught me tostay centered more than anything else. More
so, like I'd come into situationswhere play someone in heated argument. A
(13:52):
lot of the times it would beoh, I'm going to give you what
to give me, but then itturned into more like, oh I can
listen, and I would see partsof myself and people when they're losing it.
It's like, oh, oh,that's what I look like. I
was like, I don't like thatone time in particular. So I've also
worked in the health field for thelast two decades, right, So working
(14:16):
in the er, you were,you know, as fast paced, as
fast paced, as fast paced peopleare coming in, you know, their
insides are on the outside sometimes andeveryone's just kind of boom boom boom,
boom boom. It gave me opportunitiesto really just be even in those fast
paced moments, see everything slowed down. So I'm not just going like robotically,
(14:39):
I'm conscious of wearying bat I'm makingthe right decisions. I'm you know,
being more alert and aware of whoI am, where I'm at in
my surroundings, and how to bea part of it and know when to
disconnect from it. I like that, how to be a part of it
and no when to disconnect from it. How do you know when let's say
(15:00):
a person is in the midst oflike they're in it right, They're in
the middle of the flame of thething that's going on. What suggestions or
recommendations do you have for a personwho's in the middle of that where they're
in that moment of choice, soI get that, Like the goal is
like understand what you're a part ofand how you can disconnect and how do
(15:22):
you do that. One trick Iused early on, until it became a
routine, was I'd always find somethingto go back to. So when I
was teaching myself how to meditate,I would always go back to my breath,
counting my breath. Right. Soone thing I'll show people now is,
(15:43):
oh, well, pretend there's adot between your eyes, right,
but only you can see it fromthe inside out. So when you're in
a moment and it just feels likeyou're losing control, think about that.
Now you're focus is shifted to somethingelse, you're still very much where you're
at. Now you can take astep back and kind of regain consciousness in
(16:04):
a sense, because you know,when we're on autopilot, you're just moving
and just moving, just moving.Sometimes that first hour to day can turn
into the eight hours that you werejust floating on through and don't remember anything.
So it's always coming creating and comingback to a center point to give
you control of where you're at.When you're there and you know you can
(16:26):
make that conscious decision of what youwant to do. Beyond that, what
does your practice look like on aday to day basis? So I developed
this thing called the Golden hour formyself. So do it twice a day.
Do it in the morning, andthen do it in the evening so
I start my day because you know, once your day started, it starts
around or thirty five o'clock. Getup and do visualization, meditation, journaling,
(16:57):
exercise and then like a moment ofjust nothing before you go into the
day because you grab your phone andthen everything's wanting to move after that.
And do that to start the day, to give myself me time, and
then I do it at the endof the day to kind of decompress visualization.
(17:19):
What does that look like I startedwith, So it's like visualization slash
self talk because one thing I learnedis we often go into the world and
meet the world where it's at,rather than showing the world where it should
meet us. So my visualization ismore of a how how I'm going to
(17:41):
conquer the day, how I'm goingto go through the day, And part
of it is also what did Inot do the day before that made me
come across as you know, noncongruent as not as myself and how I
should show up because like what misshues that I am and not so much
beating myself up, but asking,you know, where could I have done
(18:04):
something when I didn't and how didI react with people? Did I give
them the proper respect that you know, or I'll fly have to handle,
you know, moments like that thatI lose myself with it. I'm maintained
complisher. Yeah, you know whatI there. You know, there are
really three energies And I was talkingabout that's with a guest that I interviewed
(18:25):
yesterday, and we talked about thethree energies of creation, you know,
transformation, which is kind of thatin the middle space, and then completion,
And I think I agree with youand share a similar practice in that
each day is this gift, righteach day we have this opportunity, we
(18:47):
have these twenty four hours to dosomething with it, and if we're not
careful, we hop out of bedor drag out of bed and then go
rolling through the day in reaction towhat's happening around us. And then we
fall into bed at the end ofthe day and either we sleep or we
don't sleep based on you know,what happened, and for a lot of
(19:11):
folks, they can go through thiscycle of unconsciousness where you wake up and
it's like, wow, okay,it's ten years later, what happened.
I'm not in this place that Iyou know, I don't know where I
am. I don't know how Igot here. I know that I wanted
something, but I don't know howI got here. And so I think
that practices. I believe that practiceis like the one that you described,
(19:34):
and I do something very similar whereit's just like you're starting a day,
right, so it's your day,and so honor yourself and honor that gift
by spending those first few moments,whether it's an hour, an hour and
a half, ten minutes, fifteenlike whatever that is, spend that time
(19:56):
entering the world, entering the stageof the world, having taken care of
yourself, having taken care of yourself. And part of that for me,
I don't do the visualist day.I guess I do, but I do
it through journaling. So what Ido is I'll start the day, you
know, with prayer and drinking waterand you know, meditation, and then
I sit and I start journaling,and it's kind of like, okay,
(20:18):
and it's not about my schedule ormy calendar or any of that stuff,
because I know I can handle that, like, you know, with my
eyes closed. It's more about howI intend to be that day. What
do I want from myself that day? You know, I maybe it's like
a really heavy back to back day. So what I want is for it
(20:41):
to be smooth and easy, andI want to not put too much weight
on things that really don't like whateverthose things are. And that's kind of
my visualization. And then I goout throughout my day and then ending the
day with a way of closing itkind of like bringing that day to completion
is how you can really keep yourfinger on the pulse of this life that
(21:04):
you're living and how you're living it, right, because if not, then
yeah, like you're talking about howthat's you know, it's not about beating
yourself up. It's about looking atwhat you did and observing how you showed
up in your world and in thedifferent roles that you have, and and
(21:25):
then course correcting because otherwise it justaccumulates and your life becomes this big snowball
of things and stuff and you getthat you're in the middle of and you
can get lost it absolutely. Andanother thing that ties it all together.
It's like you say, you don'tactually dedicated to visualization, but you do
(21:48):
throughout the day. It's like evena daydreams kind of visualization. Right.
Some people when they write, theysee scenes when they're writing. So it's
the same thing. Yeah, Ido, But I like, I never
thought about it as Yeah, Inever thought about it as separate and apart,
you know, like visualization and journaling. But as I'm doing it,
it's like, oh, yeah,when I had this conversation, this is
(22:10):
how I want to show up,you know, in this conversation or you
know, whatever that thing is.So there is a visualization aspect to it
for sure. Is everything that connectsthe emotions. Because you know, when
you're writing you get excited, right, That shows up. It shows up
in your writing, it shows upin your attitude, in your mood.
But the biggest part of say,of that mindfulness slash meditation practice, I've
(22:33):
learned that it makes me realize morethere's nothing outside of me that can make
me more valuable than me. Right, Like you said, when we when
we get in that habit of justgoing on autopilot. We try to fill
our lives and ourselves with things tocompensate for whatever we think we lack,
when a lot of times it's reallyjust us giving us that. Like when
(22:56):
you give yourself those moments, youfeel it, it shows up in your
life quicker than you realize, Likeit shows up in your attitude, your
posture, your persona, how youshow the world who you truly are.
Those practices that help bring those out, especially for people that aren't as confident
in wanting to show that right rightand by things. I don't want to
(23:18):
break down this idea of the thingsthat we try to fill our lives with.
It's not just things like you know, purses and hats and you know
an iPhone. It's it's people,it's relationships. It's being in constant,
constant motion, you know, orbeing unwilling to spend a moment by yourself
(23:42):
so that you can really hear what'sgoing on up and here right. Yeah,
And most people are scared to saywith themselves, And I've just learned
this over these last few years,Like people are scared to have that alone
time with themselves and do that selfinventory. And it's not punishment. You
(24:06):
know, it's funny and I thinkthat going back to parenting for a quick
moment, you know, for thoseparents who sometimes get frustrated with their children
and you know that idea of likeyou get a time out, go sit
down somewhere, and doing it withthat energy of punishment, like that's not
a punishment. Don't teach your childrenthat that's not a punishment, because then
(24:29):
it translates into I'm by myself,I've done, you know, like they
take that programming children do and theyconvert that into practices that they're going to
follow throughout their lives. So thenin twenty or thirty years, when there
is a pandemic and we all haveto be alone, they see that I'm
(24:52):
being unpunished. I don't want tobe in this uncomfortable space. You know.
Being alone is you know, somehowor another, you know, a
an act of discipline versus an opportunity. You know. Oh yeah, I
mean for the parents, for theparents who listen, I just have to
drop that. You know, maybeit's the parents that need the time.
(25:14):
I was that I can appreciate thelone time and we're sure for sure absolutely
let's talk about um what else youwant to talk about? I have I
asked somebody that we both know aquestion about you. Do you want to
hear it? Okay, okay,let's see. Uh So I asked this
person Vietnam Um. I said,hey, I have a question for you.
(25:38):
What three words would you use todescribe Steve Obab? It's interesting?
Okay? And she she said centered, insightful, and goofy and effer.
Yeah that's And I was like,yeah, that's yeah, you got that,
(26:00):
that's that's yeah. I think that'sum. You got that right on
point. I agree. And shesaid you're incredibly um thoughtful, that you
give deep thought to things, andthat that's one of the things that she
appreciates about you. Put up Igotta get it some flowers? Yeah yeah,
(26:22):
what would you add to that ifyou had like a fourth or fifth
word, what would they be aloof? Because a lot of times I don't
I don't. I think I'm toocentered at times that I don't realize what
is around me, right, sooftentimes I won't understand the impact I can
(26:45):
help someone with it just kind oflike oh, you know, like like
if I helped someone, it isn'tbecause of anything other than I had the
opportunity to be there to help them, and then I keep it moving,
not realizing the impact something like thatand make or made for that person at
that time. Is that aloof wellI would be I guess I would be
(27:10):
aloof or unaware to that or thosemoments. I would describe it as I
can see the aloof thing, andI would describe that as humble, being
incredible, incredibly humble. I mean, you spoke about a time in your
life where you would during a person'slunch oer and I don't know if that
(27:33):
was yours also, but you wouldliterally have people come into your office and
you would create a space for themwhere they could have a moment to reconnect
with themselves, and that you wouldburn the candles and play the music and
teach them how to meditate. Ithink that is an incredibly generous act of
(28:00):
port and help for people around you. I just me being me, Yeah,
and I see that as incredibly generous. I hope you see that too.
I hope so one day finally I'llsee it. Okay, Okay,
that's cool. So tell me aboutyou know, this work that you're doing,
(28:32):
and you mentioned specifically you know,for BIPOC men. I know that
a lot of men of color dofor my observation because obviously I'm not a
man of color. For my observationof I'm a woman of color. Uh,
you know the other side of thekingdom and I my observation is that
a lot of men equate self careor self nurturing with weakness and it really
(29:02):
bothers me. And one of thereasons why I really did want to talk
with you on a more serious noteis because you seem to be committed to
helping those men of color to understand, you know, how to take care
of themselves. You know, thatmay not be the right word for it,
(29:23):
but that's really what it comes downto. Can you talk a little
bit about that. Yeah, funnyenough, this was like last year I
told me then this like, it'sfrustrating. This is the most frustrating space
I've ever had to being part of. Right, I've been on deployments in
the military and that was more comfortingand doing this because it all starts from
(29:48):
something I wish I had when Iwas younger, Right, someone that could
introduce me into kind of honing myself, being in control of my emotions,
taking care of myself right beyond justthe idea of how we normally do it,
Like how am I mentally doing theseself checks mentally, spiritually, mostly
(30:10):
physically, and also looking out forthe people around me. I would do
it with my friends, not realizingmore than anything, like there's a lot
more men out here that need it, but still shy away from it because
of the stigmas of anything. LikeI was on Twitter the other day and
(30:33):
there's like there's a guy who hasa running list of things that black men
aren't allowed to do. One waslike smile, drink from a straw yo,
But like it was funny because itwas so ridiculous, But that's a
real thing. Like that's a realthing where there's things that makes a man
less of a man because of themwanting to be carefree, smile, laugh,
(30:59):
just part in natural human experiences andthat just seems to be what I'm
here to do help contribute to thatspace and that concept that you can and
you should actively be a part ofyour own health and wellness more importantly developing
(31:21):
your mindset and the other part ofnot to make it like the gender war
thing, but the other part thatreally brought me down, This lane is
there's this division between men and women, and my argument is meant should spend
less time focusing on what women aredoing and becoming the man that they should
become, so they don't have toget involved in these silly conversations, if
(31:47):
that makes sense. It's like,if you are who you say you are,
you wouldn't have to have a conversationabout telling someone or convincing them you
are who you're telling them to be. Right, So that's right, if
you are, I'll just say youdon't want to say, I'll just say
it, right, And I thinkit's true. I will say this,
(32:08):
right. I think it's true ofboth sides and both genders, quite frankly.
And I don't think there's a side. I think there's a perspective,
right. And I think if I'mwalking around saying I'm a woman, I'm
a black woman, I'm happy,I'm this, I'm that I'm worth a
lot, right, then you kindof don't believe it because if I have
(32:34):
to tell you, like, it'sall about action, right, Like I
don't need to tell you who Iam. I don't need to tell anyone
who I am. I am whoI am, You see who I am
and that's it. And I thinkthat there are a lot of there is
this dialogue going on about you knowwhat a you know, high value human
being is a high value man,a high value woman and all this and
(32:55):
alpha man and you know, andall of this kind of stuff. And
I'm so glad you brought that up, Steve, because the truth of the
matter is is that just be aman. Just be a man who is
congruent and who stands on who heis. Just do that, right.
(33:17):
And I do think on both side, on both perspective, from both perspectives,
there are women who are pointing tomen as you know, you're not
doing this and you're not doing that, and you're making me feel this way
or that way, right, andmen are doing the same thing. And
I really strongly believe in the workthat I do is with the intention of
(33:40):
helping people to get those like thosefingers like put those fingers down right,
and take responsibility and accountability for theway that you're showing up on this planet.
Be the person that you want tobe on this planet, and don't
worry so much about what other peopleare doing or understand the responsibility and accountability
(34:07):
that you have in those situations,in those circumstances. So if you're in
a relationship and you are constantly lookingat another person and pointing to all that
they're doing to piss you off andhow they're not doing whatever the five things
are that you want them to do, a more productive question could be why
(34:29):
are you looking for that person tofeel that for you? Or what is
it that you're not doing for yourselfthat needs to be done? Because people
who are happy and who feel full, who feel fulfilled, and who are
comfortable in their skin don't point atother people. They attract people who are
doing the same thing. They movein crowds of people that are doing the
(34:52):
same thing. So I think thatsome of this dialogue that's happening is unproductive.
I agree, it's something. It'ssomething, and we can have we
can spend five minutes on this topicbecause I think it's an important one.
I really do. No, itis, it's just you know, sometimes
(35:13):
it's just kind of like like youdon't get tired of talking about the same
things. Yeah, we can sithere and point it out, but what
are the solutions after the fact.Okay, cool, this person isn't doing
this or I'm not doing that,all right, what next? If we're
not going to talk about solutions,If we're not going to bring awareness but
then create solutions or speaking about creatingsolutions, then there's no point of having
(35:34):
the discussion. So so to preparemen to not even go into that,
it's like, hey, you haveto look at yourself before somebody else looks
at you. Are you the personthat you are predicting to the world.
If there's incongruencies, that's where theself talk, That's where the visualization and
all that stuff comes in, becauseoh where did I misrepresent myself? Where
(35:58):
did I not show up as myself? All right? And then make the
mental note and know that tomorrow isa new day and I have to show
up. It's like groundhouse that youwake up. There's things that are going
to be the same as you wakeup, right, creating the data you
want for yourself. You are theperson that you say you are and show
up as that and you developed thathowever works for you. Absolutely. You
(36:23):
talked about a time where you hitrock bottom bottom and you mentioned a few
different events. You know that alot of us, you know, divorce
things, job whatever, I don'tknow whatever those those things were and are
for people? What were your signs? Like, what were the signs to
you, Steve that had you knowthat you were in trouble and that it
(36:44):
was time for you to do somethingdifferent. It was funny enough, like
okay, the I was it wasduring the divorce process and we're you know,
we're going to separate everything. Andit was one morning I woke up
and I realized that these were thelast days that I would get to wake
up and my daughter would be rightthere right. And that's important to me
(37:09):
because I was twenty six, twentyseven at the time. And every morning
I wake up, she wakes upwith me, we have breakfast. You
know, I'm like the first I'mthe best part of her day because she
wakes up and then she's you know, no one's ever been excited to see
me, right, So she wakesup and she's just excited that I'm there.
I'm just like what. And thenI would come home from work and
(37:32):
she would just be happy as soonas like like, you know, just
more energy, we're playing all thisstuff. And I was not going to
have that again, and I didn'tknow if I would ever have it again.
And then I just had to likelook around in my life and I
remember I was like a parking lotof my car. It just broke down
(37:52):
crying because I was like, yo, what is becoming of my life and
winning I lose control of it?And you know that with the insomnbiam having
health issues, all of this ishappening at once, and I just felt
it was a punishment, you know, like what did I do or what
did I what did I not dothat I was supposed to that has my
(38:15):
life going in this direction? Andthen it was just like a slow climb
back up. Not slow, butthat's part of the process, right.
It takes time, you know,just mastering those little things that take you
one step away from what the bottomis. Because when you hit the bottom,
release you know you can't fall anyfurther. You're there. Yeah,
(38:36):
yeah, you know. It's like, oh so just climbing back up,
and you always feel like you're climbingback up from the last fault. Um,
And it isn't until you stop andreflect you realize how far you've gone.
Yeah. I love that you thatyou talked about. Um, it's
almost a reminder you know that it'ssmall steps. You know, when you
(38:57):
fall on your butt, you know, and there's nowhere else the fall that's
pretty you know, you're there rightyou're on your back or on the rope,
so wherever it is, and sometimesunderstanding that it's the small steps,
you know, taking that small stepthat takes you toward where it is that
you want to go is what youcan focus on, you know, when
(39:20):
you're feeling really overwhelmed. It's thosesmall little steps, just like one foot
in front of the other, youknow, to get to that place that
you want to be. It's allwe got. Yeah, absolutely, you
had yourself and your feet, thewalking of yourself. That's it. You
talked about fathers and daughters, andyou know, there is I think also
(39:43):
in a lot of families, andI can only speak for uh, you
know, families of color, there'sthis whole thing about you know, fathers
and daughters. And you know,I was raised primarily by my father.
I know that you have a veryclose relationship with your daughter, and I
(40:07):
think that it is one of themost important relationships that people parents of either
gender, you know, can reallyunderstand, is how important those relationships are.
And a lot of times, youknow, especially when there are situations
where there's a family that is youknow, shifting, you know, coming
(40:31):
apart, or people who are comingapart and who make different decisions about their
romantic life toward each other. There'sstill that person, that human being that
you both create, it that sitsthere waiting for guidance on how to move
forward, how to see that otherparent, how to see themselves, and
(40:53):
how to move forward. And soI'm not going to commend you for being
a great father to your daughter.You know what, That's what you're supposed
to do. My g I appreciateyou show it up and you know that's
what you're supposed to do. Umis love, you know, love your
children, love your daughter, right, And I guess I don't. I
(41:15):
don't know that I have a question. I guess it's more a conversation that
I want to invite around um thatbecause I think that is also an area
of a lot of where there's alot of confusion that goes on between people
who have raised children or who areraising their children. Anything as as a
(41:37):
man of color, is there anythingthat you can say speak Can you speak
on that a little bit? Um? Well? For me, I don't
know. Um. So, look, my dad and my mom separated when
I was twelve, so I stillhave two younger sisters, one was eight
(41:59):
and the other one where as Ibelieve for at the time, so it
was I guess I learned early howto step in, I guess, and
help around and help raise them.So I guess that's what helped me develop
what it would be for me tobe a parent, which is a weird
(42:19):
thing now that I think about it, like it's common or it was common
where I was growing up, whereyou become an adult before you can even
really truly be a kid. ButI'm grateful for those experiences because what it
helped me do it help lay theframework for me being a father. But
for the most part, I thinkmost men of color get a bad rap
(42:40):
when it comes to being parents becauseall we hear about are the consistent We
hear the consistent, same story overand over of you know, father's even
a home, single parent thing ornot being responsible and the statistics that cancel
(43:00):
that that myth. But I seea lot of men of color, such
as myself, absolutely very hands onparenting. Like sometimes it's almost as if
I had to ask if the mothersinvolved because that they're doing it all right,
(43:21):
because they just loved their families andloved their children that much that they're
heavily involved in every aspect of theirlife. Not controlling, but you know,
it's important because it's something we didn'thave when we were younger. And
I think that's how we show upas parents. We want to be of
our kids a better experience than whatwe had. So yes, but again
(43:44):
that's just me and my circumstance.I can't speak for all men, but
it shows up the same way.I guess what I want to add to
that is that I think there's thismisconception that a father isn't necessary. It's
(44:07):
inaccurate. Yeah, that's wrong becauseof the ability for women to bear and
birth children. And that is thereis nothing further than the truth, because
here's the thing, children learn whatthey need to learn. You can,
(44:30):
like you talked about people that youknow who are so involved that you don't
know if the mothers are involved.And the truth is is that if each
parent shows up one hundred percent togive that child everything that they can possibly
give them one hundred percent, thenthat human being gets to walk into this
(44:50):
world knowing that there was a fatherwho loved them and a mother who loved
them, and the community and therest of the family, you know,
exists on the periphery of that.When you have a child who discounts one
half of the people who are responsiblefor them, or who are the vessels
(45:15):
through which they got here, thatperson walks around with a hole in their
heart that they're not even aware of, and then they look to fill it,
yeah, by having if it's awoman, having external people fill them
up and tell them the things thata father will wind up saying to his
(45:39):
daughter, because that there's no joylike the joy of a father, you
know, that way that his daughter, you know, looks at him right,
and vice versa. You know,a boy who is walking around who
has not had the benefit of bothparents perfect, I mean, nobody's perfect,
right, but a boy who willA child who walks around without the
(46:01):
benefit of both parents is walking aroundwith half of who they really are.
They don't know who they really are. So if you want your children to
know who they are, take thejudgment around your romantic relationship out of the
equation. It does not matter.Deal with that separately, separate and apart
(46:23):
from that child. That human beingneeds both, and then y'all do get
out to do what every I don'tmean do get out physically. Please don't
do that. Please don't say Isaid that, because I do not say
that. But handle your thing withthat person romantically. You know, you
don't have to like that person.You don't. But that child deserves every
(46:45):
single thing that they have, andthat was given to them because this world
is not easy for anyone, foranyone, and that child needs all the
seeds, the water, everything thatthey can get. So that is my
little self box comment. Also Ihave to say about that, and that
(47:07):
is for people of color and peoplewho are not of color. But I'm
since we're talking about you know thatcommunity, you know our community right now?
M Yeah, all right, oh, well said. But yeah,
I think we need to stop beingindividuals and focus more on the community aspect.
(47:27):
It's nice that you can do itby yourself, but do you have
to do it by yourself exactly?M. Yeah, And I don't think
we always have to. I thinkthere are times when we do. There
are times of situations are really youknow, life for death or you know
other things. And I think thatis the exception, not the rule.
(47:50):
So tell me about your coaching practice. How can people find you who are
the people that you work with.Um, it's funny just started working with
everyone now. Before it was justsolely just men. I still have a
program specifically for men. I havea group called called the League where it's
(48:12):
monthly. It's about twice a week, but that one's on hold. We
just finished last coport. We're goingto start that later on this year.
But currently I have a Telegram groupcalled the Breakfast Club where I'm helping people
develop their own early morning practice whereyou know, you can do your own
you know, I'll give you theframework and you decide how you want to
(48:35):
set up your own visualization. It'slike a buffet. These are the things
that you're going to corporate. Seewhat works for you, develop your own
practice. Also give them inspiration motivationin there as well. You can find
that in my link. Try onInstagram at STVS MMS. And I am
(48:55):
moving so currently I put things onhold for now, but I'll make more
announcements on Instagram. Are you leavingthis area? Yeah? Okay, if
you're ever in Phoenix, hit meout. It's hot, it is okay,
good for you, that's nice,good for you. Are you excited?
(49:20):
Yeah, we'll see who's your ownnew city, knew everything, they
chapter the life We'll see um.Yeah, I'm turning forty three and like
the week after I've moved there,so it's all new. Okay. So
do you have like a word ofthe year. Do you identify a word
of your year? Last year wasvillain, right because I had this,
(49:43):
yeah, so because I was tryingto teach the guys in the group how
to tap into the rage and channelit somewhere else. So it was villain
that year. So this year isum, I wouldn't yes be seen?
Like put yourself. Yeah, putyourself out and be seen. Don't focus
(50:07):
on criticism, critique anything, showup as yourself. So just be seen.
I love that. Who's yours?My word is magenta? Magenta?
Why magenta? I don't know.So every year, right around the first
I'll tell you, I'll tell you. So I do my whole New Year's
thing. Actually right around my birthday, which is in September, and I
(50:32):
at the beginning of the year ofthe calendar year, I will sit in
meditation and wait for word to popup for me. And so usually it
is, you know, it's beenwords like Dan's. Last year it was
soul, you know whatever. Thisyear, I in meditation heard the word
(50:53):
magenta and I was like, oh, you mean majestick And it was like
no, no, no, no, magenta because I was like, majesta,
yeah, me. And it wasmagenta, which was a color.
And it's the first time that acolor has ever popped up as my word
of the year. And so Iwent and looked up magenta and what it
means. And it's really about um, the the fury, the fire and
(51:19):
red you know, passion, fire, action and all of that blended with
universal love and you know, spiritualityand all of that. And so that
is how magenta. That's what magentais. And so that is the word
that I am chilling with this year. Okay, thank you for asking me
(51:39):
that. Oh you're welcome name.If you didn't tell anyone, now we
all know right now. Yeah,I'm telling everyone because I'm so excited.
I'm so bragging about my color overthe year. I did. I did
want to. I've been meaning andtalk to you too, but I know
you've been zipping around to see aboutcollaborating about a wellness event. If you
(52:04):
would be open to that, wecould talk about another time though, But
I just want to cut that seed. Now, look at you planning the
seed while we're on in the middleof an interview. Steve, Now I
have to actually consider it. NowI'm joking. I would love to talk
about that. I would love tohave a conversation about that. I think
that we could help a lot ofpeople. I would love to do that.
(52:28):
I mean with all sincerity. Yeah, I have one more question for
you, because I really want toI really want people to leave this conversation
with some tools. So, Iknow you talked about like all the things
that were happening in your life,what were were there any signs that came
(52:53):
to you before you hit rock bottomthat were kind of, you know,
signals to let you know that therewas something that you needed to be doing
differently. You don't have to getinto the specifics of your personal life,
but just like, were there anythings that were happening that could have helped
(53:15):
Yeah, had you been listening,yes, And I, you know,
doing the self reflection, I realizedthere were always moments where it seemed like
life was intervening, trying to steerme in a different direction, like giving
me this opportunity to Okay, Isee it let me do better, let
me be better. And I didn'tlisten to any of them, right,
(53:39):
all the great leaders, all thegreat leaders have this moment. That's how
you know, not one like notabsolutely not one looking back and I laugh
because it was like I was givenevery opportunity to live life differently and I
chose not to. And that's whythe fall hurt the most. Right,
the one thing there I knew meantthe most to me at that moment was
(54:01):
going to be taken away from me. So I had to sit with myself.
And having sat with myself, andI think, oh, I absolutely
have to change my life, likeI'm not going to change it all tonight,
but have to change it step bySteffen. Yeah, I just started
from the habits to the behaviors,eventually having to look at myself like who
(54:23):
am I like? And you knowwhen you ask yourself who you are,
especially during meditation, and you don'thear an answer back, that's kind of
like the you're just like old,Like you feel so lost, but it
gives you the opportunity to go,yeah, who am I? Right?
Who am I for me? Whoam I for for my loved ones?
Who am I for my co workers, my associates like who am I?
(54:47):
At my core like I'm not,I'm not these things that were instilled to
me through someone else, like whoam I? And then you get to
decide who that is. Thank you. I do have a question now,
Okay, did you meditate? Isure did? All right, sure I
(55:08):
did. Because had I not meditatedthis morning, with some of the things
that happened today, I would haveturned a table over. But since I
meditated, I only got slight myfriends and uh, and I'm doing okay,
I'm doing her and I will bemeditating again tonight for sure. Yeah.
(55:30):
Thank you for asking that really important, important question of the people in
the community that follows you, becauseit is probably one of the most profound
and most loving questions that they'll beasked on any given day. So thank
you so much, and thank youfor coming by to chat with me,
Steve. I really appreciate it.This is a wonderful I could talk to
(55:51):
you for hours, four hours.Thank you. Yeah, for sure.
People can find you at tv S, MMS, yes, on Instagram boor
if you want to email me yeahhello at STVS MMS dot com. I'll
answer your question to leave. Youhave any or walk in the hot streets
(56:14):
of Phoenix, Arizona. I'll bedreed in all black. There you go,
there you go, attracting the heat. Attracting the heat. All right,
Steve, thank you so much forstopping by. Appreciate it. And
thank you all so much for listeningto the Shaping Freedom with Lee sanbask Yeah
podcast. I'd love to hear yourthoughts on this conversation. Please leave a
(56:39):
review and rate uh this podcast whereveryou listen to your podcasts. And I'd
love to really keep this conversation aboutfamily and parenting and taking care of yourself
going, so we'd love to hearyour comments. Thank you again for listening
to the podcast pop star rating,five star rating for sure. I hope
(57:09):
you enjoyed the conversation that I justhad with Steve Sims. Before we go,
I really want to emphasize the importanceof you understanding that you really are
never alone and that there's always away for you to appreciate what's happening both
within and outside of you. Ialso want to remind you that every one
(57:30):
of us missteps. You know,we make mistakes, we bring the wrong
sort of energy to a situation,but If you take those experiences and allow
them to be learning experiences for you, it'll really help you to see clearly
to how you can become in greateralignment with where and who you really want
(57:51):
to be. Every day is achance to make that first step toward looking
inside, helping yourself, and makingsure that you're helping the folks that are
in the world around you. Inshort, the next time that you feel
yourself kind of at of whack,remember Steve's question, did you meditate today?
My g Until next time, staysafe and thank you for spending some
(58:14):
of your day with me.
In our fast paced world, it'seasy to get swept up in the currents
that surround us. But we arethe authors of our own life story,
and we are infinitely capable of creatingthe change we want to see within us
and beyond. Welcome to Shaping Freedom, a show where we explore and share
practical ways to cultivate extraordinary life experiences. I'm your host, Lisan Bascia.
(00:29):
I'm a teacher, entrepreneur, andlife strategist. After a career as a
corporate executive, I embarked on myown path of entrepreneurship and focused on the
human and spirit connection. I comefrom generations of trailblazing entrepreneurs, artists,
healers, and champions of human dignity. This week's conversation is with Steve Simms.
(00:51):
Steve is a Brooklyn born brother ofcolor who is leveraging his own journey
from anger and hitting rock bottom tohelping other men like him self achieve a
greater level of self awareness, personalgrowth, and the ability to reach their
personal goals. Steve and I discussedhow important and powerful his role is as
(01:12):
that of a father to a teenagedaughter, and how seriously he takes his
own emotional, mental, and physicalself care as a way of pouring in
to his daughter's ability to assess andcreate her own healthy identity. For Steve,
meditation was an integral first step onhis own journey, and his clients
(01:33):
and followers know that his first questionis going to be did you meditate today?
My g I can't say it theway he does, but you know
this is a step one advice forbringing oneself to a place of centeredness when
things are out of whack. Hisapproach is to teach men how to tap
into and channel their negative emotions sothat they're better positioned to experience healthier and
(01:57):
more powerful relationships. Steve currently hoststwo online groups, The League and the
Breakfast Club on Telegram, both dedicatedto maintaining growth through healthy daily routines and
habits anytime or anywhere. I reallyenjoyed this conversation and friends. Here is
my interview with Steve Simms. Steve, thank you so much for joining me
(02:30):
on the Shaping Freedom with lisanbas Gappodcast. I've been wanting to have a
conversation with you for quite a while, quite some time, you know,
and we have common friends, andI've been wanting to talk to you about
(02:51):
a few things. First of all, I find it to be an incredibly
interesting character in the world and areally we thoughtful human being. And so
I toward the end of last year, I've started I started to recognize how
many, how often I was havingconversations with people who were just like zipping
(03:15):
a zooming all over the place andfeeling overwhelmed and kind of burnt out.
And stepping into this year, itseems that where a lot of folks thought
that that would slow down, itseems to have like we've drifted into a
new year and we've just gotten intoanother lane of movement that's just as fast,
(03:38):
just as quick, which is allgood, right, And there needs
to be some self care in themiddle of all that. Right. So
one of the reasons that I reallywanted to talk to you is because while
I know that you have the youknow, this kind of other side of
(04:00):
you, you know that is morekind of fun and laughing and all of
that, I know that you alsohave a very centered and deep part of
yourself that that really exudes the importanceof connecting inward. And so that's really
what I want to open this conversationto talk about and to share. But
(04:27):
first I want to hear a littlebit about your about you. Who who's
Steve Sims? This is always likethe weird question for me to answer because
none of us are just solely onething or one person or one idea.
But I guess the way to simplifyjust someone who is always on the path
(04:49):
of learning, like, like,for instance, any any of our life
experiences, Oh, there's always ananswer or a lesson in it that's going
to take to the next level.And I'm just somebody's always trying to learn,
learn and relearn myself as I gothrough life. And what else.
(05:12):
I'm also a father, so Iguess that's probably like the greatest thing I've
done. So if I can plugmyself on that one, is that the
greatest thing you've done? Yeah?In my opinion, Yeah, I don't
think there's anything else I can dothat put top that I'm helping to develop
this young human that always ceases toamaze me. I'm a step of the
way, and I don't think Ican do anything more groundbreaking than that,
(05:35):
Right, that's true? And whatmakes you a great father? Steve?
Because she told me, Okay,well that helps your performance review was a
positive one at all. I thinkit is because I didn't go the conventional
right of route of following the stepsthat like my parents did. I just
(05:58):
was learning on the fly and realizedthrough my process that they didn't know they
know as much as I date aboutbeing a parent. Right, you learn
everything as it happens. You justhave to put on the face like you
know everything and take a step rightthere. But it's more so helping her
develop her own identity, her ownideals, our own view of the world.
(06:19):
And there's being more of a guidethan dictator. Wow, you know,
it's really a lot of folks gointo a lot of parents go into
the role thinking or believing that theirrole is and I'll use your words,
(06:40):
their role is to dictate. Youknow, you have this human being and
for the next eighteen twenty one yearsor as long as this person is going
to hear you, you know,it's your job to a lot of people
believe it to be their job todictate to this human being how they're supposed
to live, of how they shouldthink, what their values are and all
(07:01):
of that. And it's interesting,I didn't know this about you, but
I share your approach to parenting,and that I think that parenting is really
about setting yourself on this journey oflearning, learning who you are, learning
who this other human being is,and then learning what kind of space you
(07:25):
can create between you to help thatperson to evolve into who they really are
meant to be exactly? What else? What else? Oh, I spent
some time in the military and thencurrently a embarking into the coaching space a
(07:48):
little bit. So I think you'reembarking pretty powerfully into the space, Steve.
And I think that I've been forsome time, and I absolutely see
you online all the time every day, and I know I see that you're
coaching, and that you're a leader, and that you have an incredibly thoughtful
(08:13):
voice, and that you express andexude confidence and centeredness and groundedness. So
when you come online and you saythings like but did you meditate today?
G and that kind of thing,who are you talking to? First?
I started off as a reminder tomyself because I didn't know too many people
(08:37):
that were interested in meditation, especiallymost people that look like me, right,
or men in general. It justseemed that something that you were learn
in yoga spaces or you know,places most most bipoct men or people in
general don't necessarily frequent. So likehow I started with meditation shin I believe
(09:01):
it was back in around two thousandand seven. I had like this bad
experience and I've had insomnia, andI was up for about six or seven
days straight, and then somebody suggested, like, have you tried meditation or
just kind of sitting down, Andthen that sparked this long journey of you
(09:22):
know, evolution, and no oneever tells Everyone always tells you you know,
oh, you just do this andyou'll be okay. No one ever
let you know that once you startthis process, it's like for the rest
of your life. You can't unseesomething when you see it for the first
time. So it just became thatand then I would do it at work.
(09:43):
I would teach my mom, teachmy sisters, anyone that listen,
I'd be, hey, you shouldtry meditation, try meditation, And then
after a while it just that's whoI became known as the guy who does
meditation, always try to convince peopleto get into meditation, and then that
became my slogan. So anytime somebody'slike stressed out or um, when people
(10:05):
would come in and they just wantto Oh, I need somebody to talk.
All right, cool, I'll sitdown, I'll listen. As soon
as as soon as they were done, i'd be like did you men say
to the mug and then it's likehuh right. Or they'd come in my
office and we do some guided sessionshere and there. So after a while,
like the lunch lunch hour, peoplewould come in from office because I
(10:26):
had discount and they'd sit there andyou know, just come sit and because
i'd have i'd have like the aromatherapy, i'd have like common music,
and you know, it's already hecticas it is, so they take that
time out of their day and theylunch out of me doing meditation sessions.
So they're gonna go back refreshed tothe day. Wow. So what did
(10:50):
meditation do for you? Oh?I used to have a really horrible attitude
and temperate, really short tempered bya yeah, just a little bit,
just at it's the Brooklyn n Amyright, So wow, I love the
before and after. I love theafter story. But then hearing you before
(11:13):
amplifies the after. So yeah,and it taught one thing I know is
it isn't until you hit rock bottomthat you start searching for a solution.
So that's kind of you know,going through divorce, separation, everything that
was could go wrong went wrong andyou know, health issues, so it
(11:35):
just kind of landed in my lapand you know it took me along the
way. So what has meditation donefor you? And I know that's a
big question because it's like, I'msure that when you look back. I
know, I look back at differenttimes in my life where I actually being
from Brooklyn. Also, you knowyou kind of like you drink the water
(11:56):
and there's anger in that water.I don't know, it's something about that,
right, There's a lot of angerin the water and in the air
and on the earth and all thatgood stuff. And when I look back
sometimes at those times in my life, I'm like, wow, I was
pissed off about a lot of stuff. And I think though it's helpful sometimes
(12:18):
because people see you as a personwho's very centered, who's very conscious of
the way that you're walking this planet, and also as a person who really
is working and practicing to bring mind, body, you know, emotions,
(12:39):
and spirit all kind of into thisharmony. But you've been on a journey,
right and like you said, it'snot just like meditate for twenty minutes
and like it's all good. Youknow, people around you change and your
life changes. That's not really howit works. I think that the big
question that a lot of folks haveis how you know, what did it
(13:03):
do for you? Like, howdid you go from being you know,
this angry person in Brooklyn or whateveryour attitude is about. I want to
hear more about that. But whateverthe attitude was, how did you go
from that Steve to this Steve one? I'll say it took time, right,
you know, it's never overnight butshort tempered, right, bad attitude,
(13:26):
And then over time I would beable to hold that mirror in front
of myself and then realize, oh, like I'm off the handle, Like
I don't even have control of myself. Right. It taught me how to
be more resilient, taught me tostay centered more than anything else. More
so, like I'd come into situationswhere play someone in heated argument. A
(13:52):
lot of the times it would beoh, I'm going to give you what
to give me, but then itturned into more like, oh I can
listen, and I would see partsof myself and people when they're losing it.
It's like, oh, oh,that's what I look like. I
was like, I don't like thatone time in particular. So I've also
worked in the health field for thelast two decades, right, So working
(14:16):
in the er, you were,you know, as fast paced, as
fast paced, as fast paced peopleare coming in, you know, their
insides are on the outside sometimes andeveryone's just kind of boom boom boom,
boom boom. It gave me opportunitiesto really just be even in those fast
paced moments, see everything slowed down. So I'm not just going like robotically,
(14:39):
I'm conscious of wearying bat I'm makingthe right decisions. I'm you know,
being more alert and aware of whoI am, where I'm at in
my surroundings, and how to bea part of it and know when to
disconnect from it. I like that, how to be a part of it
and no when to disconnect from it. How do you know when let's say
(15:00):
a person is in the midst oflike they're in it right, They're in
the middle of the flame of thething that's going on. What suggestions or
recommendations do you have for a personwho's in the middle of that where they're
in that moment of choice, soI get that, Like the goal is
like understand what you're a part ofand how you can disconnect and how do
(15:22):
you do that. One trick Iused early on, until it became a
routine, was I'd always find somethingto go back to. So when I
was teaching myself how to meditate,I would always go back to my breath,
counting my breath. Right. Soone thing I'll show people now is,
(15:43):
oh, well, pretend there's adot between your eyes, right,
but only you can see it fromthe inside out. So when you're in
a moment and it just feels likeyou're losing control, think about that.
Now you're focus is shifted to somethingelse, you're still very much where you're
at. Now you can take astep back and kind of regain consciousness in
(16:04):
a sense, because you know,when we're on autopilot, you're just moving
and just moving, just moving.Sometimes that first hour to day can turn
into the eight hours that you werejust floating on through and don't remember anything.
So it's always coming creating and comingback to a center point to give
you control of where you're at.When you're there and you know you can
(16:26):
make that conscious decision of what youwant to do. Beyond that, what
does your practice look like on aday to day basis? So I developed
this thing called the Golden hour formyself. So do it twice a day.
Do it in the morning, andthen do it in the evening so
I start my day because you know, once your day started, it starts
around or thirty five o'clock. Getup and do visualization, meditation, journaling,
(16:57):
exercise and then like a moment ofjust nothing before you go into the
day because you grab your phone andthen everything's wanting to move after that.
And do that to start the day, to give myself me time, and
then I do it at the endof the day to kind of decompress visualization.
(17:19):
What does that look like I startedwith, So it's like visualization slash
self talk because one thing I learnedis we often go into the world and
meet the world where it's at,rather than showing the world where it should
meet us. So my visualization ismore of a how how I'm going to
(17:41):
conquer the day, how I'm goingto go through the day, And part
of it is also what did Inot do the day before that made me
come across as you know, noncongruent as not as myself and how I
should show up because like what misshues that I am and not so much
beating myself up, but asking,you know, where could I have done
(18:04):
something when I didn't and how didI react with people? Did I give
them the proper respect that you know, or I'll fly have to handle,
you know, moments like that thatI lose myself with it. I'm maintained
complisher. Yeah, you know whatI there. You know, there are
really three energies And I was talkingabout that's with a guest that I interviewed
(18:25):
yesterday, and we talked about thethree energies of creation, you know,
transformation, which is kind of thatin the middle space, and then completion,
And I think I agree with youand share a similar practice in that
each day is this gift, righteach day we have this opportunity, we
(18:47):
have these twenty four hours to dosomething with it, and if we're not
careful, we hop out of bedor drag out of bed and then go
rolling through the day in reaction towhat's happening around us. And then we
fall into bed at the end ofthe day and either we sleep or we
don't sleep based on you know,what happened, and for a lot of
(19:11):
folks, they can go through thiscycle of unconsciousness where you wake up and
it's like, wow, okay,it's ten years later, what happened.
I'm not in this place that Iyou know, I don't know where I
am. I don't know how Igot here. I know that I wanted
something, but I don't know howI got here. And so I think
that practices. I believe that practiceis like the one that you described,
(19:34):
and I do something very similar whereit's just like you're starting a day,
right, so it's your day,and so honor yourself and honor that gift
by spending those first few moments,whether it's an hour, an hour and
a half, ten minutes, fifteenlike whatever that is, spend that time
(19:56):
entering the world, entering the stageof the world, having taken care of
yourself, having taken care of yourself. And part of that for me,
I don't do the visualist day.I guess I do, but I do
it through journaling. So what Ido is I'll start the day, you
know, with prayer and drinking waterand you know, meditation, and then
I sit and I start journaling,and it's kind of like, okay,
(20:18):
and it's not about my schedule ormy calendar or any of that stuff,
because I know I can handle that, like, you know, with my
eyes closed. It's more about howI intend to be that day. What
do I want from myself that day? You know, I maybe it's like
a really heavy back to back day. So what I want is for it
(20:41):
to be smooth and easy, andI want to not put too much weight
on things that really don't like whateverthose things are. And that's kind of
my visualization. And then I goout throughout my day and then ending the
day with a way of closing itkind of like bringing that day to completion
is how you can really keep yourfinger on the pulse of this life that
(21:04):
you're living and how you're living it, right, because if not, then
yeah, like you're talking about howthat's you know, it's not about beating
yourself up. It's about looking atwhat you did and observing how you showed
up in your world and in thedifferent roles that you have, and and
(21:25):
then course correcting because otherwise it justaccumulates and your life becomes this big snowball
of things and stuff and you getthat you're in the middle of and you
can get lost it absolutely. Andanother thing that ties it all together.
It's like you say, you don'tactually dedicated to visualization, but you do
(21:48):
throughout the day. It's like evena daydreams kind of visualization. Right.
Some people when they write, theysee scenes when they're writing. So it's
the same thing. Yeah, Ido, But I like, I never
thought about it as Yeah, Inever thought about it as separate and apart,
you know, like visualization and journaling. But as I'm doing it,
it's like, oh, yeah,when I had this conversation, this is
(22:10):
how I want to show up,you know, in this conversation or you
know, whatever that thing is.So there is a visualization aspect to it
for sure. Is everything that connectsthe emotions. Because you know, when
you're writing you get excited, right, That shows up. It shows up
in your writing, it shows upin your attitude, in your mood.
But the biggest part of say,of that mindfulness slash meditation practice, I've
(22:33):
learned that it makes me realize morethere's nothing outside of me that can make
me more valuable than me. Right, Like you said, when we when
we get in that habit of justgoing on autopilot. We try to fill
our lives and ourselves with things tocompensate for whatever we think we lack,
when a lot of times it's reallyjust us giving us that. Like when
(22:56):
you give yourself those moments, youfeel it, it shows up in your
life quicker than you realize, Likeit shows up in your attitude, your
posture, your persona, how youshow the world who you truly are.
Those practices that help bring those out, especially for people that aren't as confident
in wanting to show that right rightand by things. I don't want to
(23:18):
break down this idea of the thingsthat we try to fill our lives with.
It's not just things like you know, purses and hats and you know
an iPhone. It's it's people,it's relationships. It's being in constant,
constant motion, you know, orbeing unwilling to spend a moment by yourself
(23:42):
so that you can really hear what'sgoing on up and here right. Yeah,
And most people are scared to saywith themselves, And I've just learned
this over these last few years,Like people are scared to have that alone
time with themselves and do that selfinventory. And it's not punishment. You
(24:06):
know, it's funny and I thinkthat going back to parenting for a quick
moment, you know, for thoseparents who sometimes get frustrated with their children
and you know that idea of likeyou get a time out, go sit
down somewhere, and doing it withthat energy of punishment, like that's not
a punishment. Don't teach your childrenthat that's not a punishment, because then
(24:29):
it translates into I'm by myself,I've done, you know, like they
take that programming children do and theyconvert that into practices that they're going to
follow throughout their lives. So thenin twenty or thirty years, when there
is a pandemic and we all haveto be alone, they see that I'm
(24:52):
being unpunished. I don't want tobe in this uncomfortable space. You know.
Being alone is you know, somehowor another, you know, a
an act of discipline versus an opportunity. You know. Oh yeah, I
mean for the parents, for theparents who listen, I just have to
drop that. You know, maybeit's the parents that need the time.
(25:14):
I was that I can appreciate thelone time and we're sure for sure absolutely
let's talk about um what else youwant to talk about? I have I
asked somebody that we both know aquestion about you. Do you want to
hear it? Okay, okay,let's see. Uh So I asked this
person Vietnam Um. I said,hey, I have a question for you.
(25:38):
What three words would you use todescribe Steve Obab? It's interesting?
Okay? And she she said centered, insightful, and goofy and effer.
Yeah that's And I was like,yeah, that's yeah, you got that,
(26:00):
that's that's yeah. I think that'sum. You got that right on
point. I agree. And shesaid you're incredibly um thoughtful, that you
give deep thought to things, andthat that's one of the things that she
appreciates about you. Put up Igotta get it some flowers? Yeah yeah,
(26:22):
what would you add to that ifyou had like a fourth or fifth
word, what would they be aloof? Because a lot of times I don't
I don't. I think I'm toocentered at times that I don't realize what
is around me, right, sooftentimes I won't understand the impact I can
(26:45):
help someone with it just kind oflike oh, you know, like like
if I helped someone, it isn'tbecause of anything other than I had the
opportunity to be there to help them, and then I keep it moving,
not realizing the impact something like thatand make or made for that person at
that time. Is that aloof wellI would be I guess I would be
(27:10):
aloof or unaware to that or thosemoments. I would describe it as I
can see the aloof thing, andI would describe that as humble, being
incredible, incredibly humble. I mean, you spoke about a time in your
life where you would during a person'slunch oer and I don't know if that
(27:33):
was yours also, but you wouldliterally have people come into your office and
you would create a space for themwhere they could have a moment to reconnect
with themselves, and that you wouldburn the candles and play the music and
teach them how to meditate. Ithink that is an incredibly generous act of
(28:00):
port and help for people around you. I just me being me, Yeah,
and I see that as incredibly generous. I hope you see that too.
I hope so one day finally I'llsee it. Okay, Okay,
that's cool. So tell me aboutyou know, this work that you're doing,
(28:32):
and you mentioned specifically you know,for BIPOC men. I know that
a lot of men of color dofor my observation because obviously I'm not a
man of color. For my observationof I'm a woman of color. Uh,
you know the other side of thekingdom and I my observation is that
a lot of men equate self careor self nurturing with weakness and it really
(29:02):
bothers me. And one of thereasons why I really did want to talk
with you on a more serious noteis because you seem to be committed to
helping those men of color to understand, you know, how to take care
of themselves. You know, thatmay not be the right word for it,
(29:23):
but that's really what it comes downto. Can you talk a little
bit about that. Yeah, funnyenough, this was like last year I
told me then this like, it'sfrustrating. This is the most frustrating space
I've ever had to being part of. Right, I've been on deployments in
the military and that was more comfortingand doing this because it all starts from
(29:48):
something I wish I had when Iwas younger, Right, someone that could
introduce me into kind of honing myself, being in control of my emotions,
taking care of myself right beyond justthe idea of how we normally do it,
Like how am I mentally doing theseself checks mentally, spiritually, mostly
(30:10):
physically, and also looking out forthe people around me. I would do
it with my friends, not realizingmore than anything, like there's a lot
more men out here that need it, but still shy away from it because
of the stigmas of anything. LikeI was on Twitter the other day and
(30:33):
there's like there's a guy who hasa running list of things that black men
aren't allowed to do. One waslike smile, drink from a straw yo,
But like it was funny because itwas so ridiculous, But that's a
real thing. Like that's a realthing where there's things that makes a man
less of a man because of themwanting to be carefree, smile, laugh,
(30:59):
just part in natural human experiences andthat just seems to be what I'm
here to do help contribute to thatspace and that concept that you can and
you should actively be a part ofyour own health and wellness more importantly developing
(31:21):
your mindset and the other part ofnot to make it like the gender war
thing, but the other part thatreally brought me down, This lane is
there's this division between men and women, and my argument is meant should spend
less time focusing on what women aredoing and becoming the man that they should
become, so they don't have toget involved in these silly conversations, if
(31:47):
that makes sense. It's like,if you are who you say you are,
you wouldn't have to have a conversationabout telling someone or convincing them you
are who you're telling them to be. Right, So that's right, if
you are, I'll just say youdon't want to say, I'll just say
it, right, And I thinkit's true. I will say this,
(32:08):
right. I think it's true ofboth sides and both genders, quite frankly.
And I don't think there's a side. I think there's a perspective,
right. And I think if I'mwalking around saying I'm a woman, I'm
a black woman, I'm happy,I'm this, I'm that I'm worth a
lot, right, then you kindof don't believe it because if I have
(32:34):
to tell you, like, it'sall about action, right, Like I
don't need to tell you who Iam. I don't need to tell anyone
who I am. I am whoI am, You see who I am
and that's it. And I thinkthat there are a lot of there is
this dialogue going on about you knowwhat a you know, high value human
being is a high value man,a high value woman and all this and
(32:55):
alpha man and you know, andall of this kind of stuff. And
I'm so glad you brought that up, Steve, because the truth of the
matter is is that just be aman. Just be a man who is
congruent and who stands on who heis. Just do that, right.
(33:17):
And I do think on both side, on both perspective, from both perspectives,
there are women who are pointing tomen as you know, you're not
doing this and you're not doing that, and you're making me feel this way
or that way, right, andmen are doing the same thing. And
I really strongly believe in the workthat I do is with the intention of
(33:40):
helping people to get those like thosefingers like put those fingers down right,
and take responsibility and accountability for theway that you're showing up on this planet.
Be the person that you want tobe on this planet, and don't
worry so much about what other peopleare doing or understand the responsibility and accountability
(34:07):
that you have in those situations,in those circumstances. So if you're in
a relationship and you are constantly lookingat another person and pointing to all that
they're doing to piss you off andhow they're not doing whatever the five things
are that you want them to do, a more productive question could be why
(34:29):
are you looking for that person tofeel that for you? Or what is
it that you're not doing for yourselfthat needs to be done? Because people
who are happy and who feel full, who feel fulfilled, and who are
comfortable in their skin don't point atother people. They attract people who are
doing the same thing. They movein crowds of people that are doing the
(34:52):
same thing. So I think thatsome of this dialogue that's happening is unproductive.
I agree, it's something. It'ssomething, and we can have we
can spend five minutes on this topicbecause I think it's an important one.
I really do. No, itis, it's just you know, sometimes
(35:13):
it's just kind of like like youdon't get tired of talking about the same
things. Yeah, we can sithere and point it out, but what
are the solutions after the fact.Okay, cool, this person isn't doing
this or I'm not doing that,all right, what next? If we're
not going to talk about solutions,If we're not going to bring awareness but
then create solutions or speaking about creatingsolutions, then there's no point of having
(35:34):
the discussion. So so to preparemen to not even go into that,
it's like, hey, you haveto look at yourself before somebody else looks
at you. Are you the personthat you are predicting to the world.
If there's incongruencies, that's where theself talk, That's where the visualization and
all that stuff comes in, becauseoh where did I misrepresent myself? Where
(35:58):
did I not show up as myself? All right? And then make the
mental note and know that tomorrow isa new day and I have to show
up. It's like groundhouse that youwake up. There's things that are going
to be the same as you wakeup, right, creating the data you
want for yourself. You are theperson that you say you are and show
up as that and you developed thathowever works for you. Absolutely. You
(36:23):
talked about a time where you hitrock bottom bottom and you mentioned a few
different events. You know that alot of us, you know, divorce
things, job whatever, I don'tknow whatever those those things were and are
for people? What were your signs? Like, what were the signs to
you, Steve that had you knowthat you were in trouble and that it
(36:44):
was time for you to do somethingdifferent. It was funny enough, like
okay, the I was it wasduring the divorce process and we're you know,
we're going to separate everything. Andit was one morning I woke up
and I realized that these were thelast days that I would get to wake
up and my daughter would be rightthere right. And that's important to me
(37:09):
because I was twenty six, twentyseven at the time. And every morning
I wake up, she wakes upwith me, we have breakfast. You
know, I'm like the first I'mthe best part of her day because she
wakes up and then she's you know, no one's ever been excited to see
me, right, So she wakesup and she's just excited that I'm there.
I'm just like what. And thenI would come home from work and
(37:32):
she would just be happy as soonas like like, you know, just
more energy, we're playing all thisstuff. And I was not going to
have that again, and I didn'tknow if I would ever have it again.
And then I just had to likelook around in my life and I
remember I was like a parking lotof my car. It just broke down
(37:52):
crying because I was like, yo, what is becoming of my life and
winning I lose control of it?And you know that with the insomnbiam having
health issues, all of this ishappening at once, and I just felt
it was a punishment, you know, like what did I do or what
did I what did I not dothat I was supposed to that has my
(38:15):
life going in this direction? Andthen it was just like a slow climb
back up. Not slow, butthat's part of the process, right.
It takes time, you know,just mastering those little things that take you
one step away from what the bottomis. Because when you hit the bottom,
release you know you can't fall anyfurther. You're there. Yeah,
(38:36):
yeah, you know. It's like, oh so just climbing back up,
and you always feel like you're climbingback up from the last fault. Um,
And it isn't until you stop andreflect you realize how far you've gone.
Yeah. I love that you thatyou talked about. Um, it's
almost a reminder you know that it'ssmall steps. You know, when you
(38:57):
fall on your butt, you know, and there's nowhere else the fall that's
pretty you know, you're there rightyou're on your back or on the rope,
so wherever it is, and sometimesunderstanding that it's the small steps,
you know, taking that small stepthat takes you toward where it is that
you want to go is what youcan focus on, you know, when
(39:20):
you're feeling really overwhelmed. It's thosesmall little steps, just like one foot
in front of the other, youknow, to get to that place that
you want to be. It's allwe got. Yeah, absolutely, you
had yourself and your feet, thewalking of yourself. That's it. You
talked about fathers and daughters, andyou know, there is I think also
(39:43):
in a lot of families, andI can only speak for uh, you
know, families of color, there'sthis whole thing about you know, fathers
and daughters. And you know,I was raised primarily by my father.
I know that you have a veryclose relationship with your daughter, and I
(40:07):
think that it is one of themost important relationships that people parents of either
gender, you know, can reallyunderstand, is how important those relationships are.
And a lot of times, youknow, especially when there are situations
where there's a family that is youknow, shifting, you know, coming
(40:31):
apart, or people who are comingapart and who make different decisions about their
romantic life toward each other. There'sstill that person, that human being that
you both create, it that sitsthere waiting for guidance on how to move
forward, how to see that otherparent, how to see themselves, and
(40:53):
how to move forward. And soI'm not going to commend you for being
a great father to your daughter.You know what, That's what you're supposed
to do. My g I appreciateyou show it up and you know that's
what you're supposed to do. Umis love, you know, love your
children, love your daughter, right, And I guess I don't. I
(41:15):
don't know that I have a question. I guess it's more a conversation that
I want to invite around um thatbecause I think that is also an area
of a lot of where there's alot of confusion that goes on between people
who have raised children or who areraising their children. Anything as as a
(41:37):
man of color, is there anythingthat you can say speak Can you speak
on that a little bit? Um? Well? For me, I don't
know. Um. So, look, my dad and my mom separated when
I was twelve, so I stillhave two younger sisters, one was eight
(41:59):
and the other one where as Ibelieve for at the time, so it
was I guess I learned early howto step in, I guess, and
help around and help raise them.So I guess that's what helped me develop
what it would be for me tobe a parent, which is a weird
(42:19):
thing now that I think about it, like it's common or it was common
where I was growing up, whereyou become an adult before you can even
really truly be a kid. ButI'm grateful for those experiences because what it
helped me do it help lay theframework for me being a father. But
for the most part, I thinkmost men of color get a bad rap
(42:40):
when it comes to being parents becauseall we hear about are the consistent We
hear the consistent, same story overand over of you know, father's even
a home, single parent thing ornot being responsible and the statistics that cancel
(43:00):
that that myth. But I seea lot of men of color, such
as myself, absolutely very hands onparenting. Like sometimes it's almost as if
I had to ask if the mothersinvolved because that they're doing it all right,
(43:21):
because they just loved their families andloved their children that much that they're
heavily involved in every aspect of theirlife. Not controlling, but you know,
it's important because it's something we didn'thave when we were younger. And
I think that's how we show upas parents. We want to be of
our kids a better experience than whatwe had. So yes, but again
(43:44):
that's just me and my circumstance.I can't speak for all men, but
it shows up the same way.I guess what I want to add to
that is that I think there's thismisconception that a father isn't necessary. It's
(44:07):
inaccurate. Yeah, that's wrong becauseof the ability for women to bear and
birth children. And that is thereis nothing further than the truth, because
here's the thing, children learn whatthey need to learn. You can,
(44:30):
like you talked about people that youknow who are so involved that you don't
know if the mothers are involved.And the truth is is that if each
parent shows up one hundred percent togive that child everything that they can possibly
give them one hundred percent, thenthat human being gets to walk into this
(44:50):
world knowing that there was a fatherwho loved them and a mother who loved
them, and the community and therest of the family, you know,
exists on the periphery of that.When you have a child who discounts one
half of the people who are responsiblefor them, or who are the vessels
(45:15):
through which they got here, thatperson walks around with a hole in their
heart that they're not even aware of, and then they look to fill it,
yeah, by having if it's awoman, having external people fill them
up and tell them the things thata father will wind up saying to his
(45:39):
daughter, because that there's no joylike the joy of a father, you
know, that way that his daughter, you know, looks at him right,
and vice versa. You know,a boy who is walking around who
has not had the benefit of bothparents perfect, I mean, nobody's perfect,
right, but a boy who willA child who walks around without the
(46:01):
benefit of both parents is walking aroundwith half of who they really are.
They don't know who they really are. So if you want your children to
know who they are, take thejudgment around your romantic relationship out of the
equation. It does not matter.Deal with that separately, separate and apart
(46:23):
from that child. That human beingneeds both, and then y'all do get
out to do what every I don'tmean do get out physically. Please don't
do that. Please don't say Isaid that, because I do not say
that. But handle your thing withthat person romantically. You know, you
don't have to like that person.You don't. But that child deserves every
(46:45):
single thing that they have, andthat was given to them because this world
is not easy for anyone, foranyone, and that child needs all the
seeds, the water, everything thatthey can get. So that is my
little self box comment. Also Ihave to say about that, and that
(47:07):
is for people of color and peoplewho are not of color. But I'm
since we're talking about you know thatcommunity, you know our community right now?
M Yeah, all right, oh, well said. But yeah,
I think we need to stop beingindividuals and focus more on the community aspect.
(47:27):
It's nice that you can do itby yourself, but do you have
to do it by yourself exactly?M. Yeah, And I don't think
we always have to. I thinkthere are times when we do. There
are times of situations are really youknow, life for death or you know
other things. And I think thatis the exception, not the rule.
(47:50):
So tell me about your coaching practice. How can people find you who are
the people that you work with.Um, it's funny just started working with
everyone now. Before it was justsolely just men. I still have a
program specifically for men. I havea group called called the League where it's
(48:12):
monthly. It's about twice a week, but that one's on hold. We
just finished last coport. We're goingto start that later on this year.
But currently I have a Telegram groupcalled the Breakfast Club where I'm helping people
develop their own early morning practice whereyou know, you can do your own
you know, I'll give you theframework and you decide how you want to
(48:35):
set up your own visualization. It'slike a buffet. These are the things
that you're going to corporate. Seewhat works for you, develop your own
practice. Also give them inspiration motivationin there as well. You can find
that in my link. Try onInstagram at STVS MMS. And I am
(48:55):
moving so currently I put things onhold for now, but I'll make more
announcements on Instagram. Are you leavingthis area? Yeah? Okay, if
you're ever in Phoenix, hit meout. It's hot, it is okay,
good for you, that's nice,good for you. Are you excited?
(49:20):
Yeah, we'll see who's your ownnew city, knew everything, they
chapter the life We'll see um.Yeah, I'm turning forty three and like
the week after I've moved there,so it's all new. Okay. So
do you have like a word ofthe year. Do you identify a word
of your year? Last year wasvillain, right because I had this,
(49:43):
yeah, so because I was tryingto teach the guys in the group how
to tap into the rage and channelit somewhere else. So it was villain
that year. So this year isum, I wouldn't yes be seen?
Like put yourself. Yeah, putyourself out and be seen. Don't focus
(50:07):
on criticism, critique anything, showup as yourself. So just be seen.
I love that. Who's yours?My word is magenta? Magenta?
Why magenta? I don't know.So every year, right around the first
I'll tell you, I'll tell you. So I do my whole New Year's
thing. Actually right around my birthday, which is in September, and I
(50:32):
at the beginning of the year ofthe calendar year, I will sit in
meditation and wait for word to popup for me. And so usually it
is, you know, it's beenwords like Dan's. Last year it was
soul, you know whatever. Thisyear, I in meditation heard the word
(50:53):
magenta and I was like, oh, you mean majestick And it was like
no, no, no, no, magenta because I was like, majesta,
yeah, me. And it wasmagenta, which was a color.
And it's the first time that acolor has ever popped up as my word
of the year. And so Iwent and looked up magenta and what it
means. And it's really about um, the the fury, the fire and
(51:19):
red you know, passion, fire, action and all of that blended with
universal love and you know, spiritualityand all of that. And so that
is how magenta. That's what magentais. And so that is the word
that I am chilling with this year. Okay, thank you for asking me
(51:39):
that. Oh you're welcome name.If you didn't tell anyone, now we
all know right now. Yeah,I'm telling everyone because I'm so excited.
I'm so bragging about my color overthe year. I did. I did
want to. I've been meaning andtalk to you too, but I know
you've been zipping around to see aboutcollaborating about a wellness event. If you
(52:04):
would be open to that, wecould talk about another time though, But
I just want to cut that seed. Now, look at you planning the
seed while we're on in the middleof an interview. Steve, Now I
have to actually consider it. NowI'm joking. I would love to talk
about that. I would love tohave a conversation about that. I think
that we could help a lot ofpeople. I would love to do that.
(52:28):
I mean with all sincerity. Yeah, I have one more question for
you, because I really want toI really want people to leave this conversation
with some tools. So, Iknow you talked about like all the things
that were happening in your life,what were were there any signs that came
(52:53):
to you before you hit rock bottomthat were kind of, you know,
signals to let you know that therewas something that you needed to be doing
differently. You don't have to getinto the specifics of your personal life,
but just like, were there anythings that were happening that could have helped
(53:15):
Yeah, had you been listening,yes, And I, you know,
doing the self reflection, I realizedthere were always moments where it seemed like
life was intervening, trying to steerme in a different direction, like giving
me this opportunity to Okay, Isee it let me do better, let
me be better. And I didn'tlisten to any of them, right,
(53:39):
all the great leaders, all thegreat leaders have this moment. That's how
you know, not one like notabsolutely not one looking back and I laugh
because it was like I was givenevery opportunity to live life differently and I
chose not to. And that's whythe fall hurt the most. Right,
the one thing there I knew meantthe most to me at that moment was
(54:01):
going to be taken away from me. So I had to sit with myself.
And having sat with myself, andI think, oh, I absolutely
have to change my life, likeI'm not going to change it all tonight,
but have to change it step bySteffen. Yeah, I just started
from the habits to the behaviors,eventually having to look at myself like who
(54:23):
am I like? And you knowwhen you ask yourself who you are,
especially during meditation, and you don'thear an answer back, that's kind of
like the you're just like old,Like you feel so lost, but it
gives you the opportunity to go,yeah, who am I? Right?
Who am I for me? Whoam I for for my loved ones?
Who am I for my co workers, my associates like who am I?
(54:47):
At my core like I'm not,I'm not these things that were instilled to
me through someone else, like whoam I? And then you get to
decide who that is. Thank you. I do have a question now,
Okay, did you meditate? Isure did? All right, sure I
(55:08):
did. Because had I not meditatedthis morning, with some of the things
that happened today, I would haveturned a table over. But since I
meditated, I only got slight myfriends and uh, and I'm doing okay,
I'm doing her and I will bemeditating again tonight for sure. Yeah.
(55:30):
Thank you for asking that really important, important question of the people in
the community that follows you, becauseit is probably one of the most profound
and most loving questions that they'll beasked on any given day. So thank
you so much, and thank youfor coming by to chat with me,
Steve. I really appreciate it.This is a wonderful I could talk to
(55:51):
you for hours, four hours.Thank you. Yeah, for sure.
People can find you at tv S, MMS, yes, on Instagram boor
if you want to email me yeahhello at STVS MMS dot com. I'll
answer your question to leave. Youhave any or walk in the hot streets
(56:14):
of Phoenix, Arizona. I'll bedreed in all black. There you go,
there you go, attracting the heat. Attracting the heat. All right,
Steve, thank you so much forstopping by. Appreciate it. And
thank you all so much for listeningto the Shaping Freedom with Lee sanbask Yeah
podcast. I'd love to hear yourthoughts on this conversation. Please leave a
(56:39):
review and rate uh this podcast whereveryou listen to your podcasts. And I'd
love to really keep this conversation aboutfamily and parenting and taking care of yourself
going, so we'd love to hearyour comments. Thank you again for listening
to the podcast pop star rating,five star rating for sure. I hope
(57:09):
you enjoyed the conversation that I justhad with Steve Sims. Before we go,
I really want to emphasize the importanceof you understanding that you really are
never alone and that there's always away for you to appreciate what's happening both
within and outside of you. Ialso want to remind you that every one
(57:30):
of us missteps. You know,we make mistakes, we bring the wrong
sort of energy to a situation,but If you take those experiences and allow
them to be learning experiences for you, it'll really help you to see clearly
to how you can become in greateralignment with where and who you really want
(57:51):
to be. Every day is achance to make that first step toward looking
inside, helping yourself, and makingsure that you're helping the folks that are
in the world around you. Inshort, the next time that you feel
yourself kind of at of whack,remember Steve's question, did you meditate today?
My g Until next time, staysafe and thank you for spending some
(58:14):
of your day with me.
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