May 19, 2025 • 41 mins
In this inspiring episode of Shaping Freedom taped at the Baltimore Story Fest, Lisane sits down with Youth Pastor/ leader and youth advocate Antoine Garrett. With a foundation built on faith, grace, and a commitment to uplifting the next generation and teaching of having patience with the youth. Antoine shares his journey of personal growth, spiritual awakening, and transformative leadership. From navigating adversity to mentoring youth, Antoine opens up about the power of showing up authentically—and the deep responsibility that comes with leading by example.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
The thing that you keep in is the thing that
can make a difference in somebody's life rights. And the
thing that you don't share is the thing someone needs
who may be in the midst of that situation, because
you're on the other side of what somebody may be
currently in. And so we hold on to those teachings
and people struggle around us when we may have been
(00:29):
given the unique opportunity to share the thing that could
make a difference in their life.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Welcome to the Shaping Freedom podcast, where we dive into
conversations that inspire personal growth, transformation and clarity and challenging times.
I'm your host, Lsan Bosquia.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Welcome to Shaping Freedom with Lisan Bosca podcast. We are
broadcasting from the Baltimore Story Fests in Baltimore and Maryland.
We're at the Baltimore Theater Project and very honored to
be one of this year's presenting sponsors for the story Fest.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Coming up next.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Please enjoy my interview with one of the festival's dynamics storytellers.
This is an episode you're not going to want to miss.
There are people who don't just lead, they lift. Today's guest,
Antoine Garrett, is one of those people. He's a youth pastor,
a life coach, a best selling author, and the host
(01:28):
of an inspiring radio show. Antoine is spent over sixteen
years empowering others to overcome limiting beliefs, reconnect with purpose,
and lead lives rooted in faith, integrity, and self worth.
And tonight he'll be stepping into a new space, the
stage of the Baltimore story Fest, where he'll share a
(01:50):
personal story publicly for the first time. It's a moment
of expansion, vulnerability, and courage. Whether from the pulpit or
through the pen, Antoine has always inspired others to grow,
and now he invites us to witness a different kind
of rising, one where his own voice takes center stage
(02:10):
in a new way. Hi, as one, I want to
share personally that I was very surprised to see your name.
I was going on Facebook to share about this Baltimore
(02:32):
Storyfest and I saw your name, and I saw that
you had shared it as well, and learned that you
were going to be participating in tonight's lineup. I used
to belong to a church in Newark Metropolitan Baptist Church
that you were the assistant youth pastor at and I
was sharing with billions some other and Phil that there
(02:55):
are sermons that you told that I still remember to
this day. So it's interesting how life brings us full circle.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Right.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
So, anyway, I wanted to welcome you to the Shaping
Freedom podcast and chowin and I'm looking forward to to
what we create.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Thank you, Thank you for having me. I'm looking forward
to the experience and our conversation.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
Yeah, so tonight you'll be sharing your story for the
first time. What does this feel like and how are
you preparing for it?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
You know, it's an interesting question because people see you
at certain places in your journey. They don't always know
how the journey began, and they don't understand and sometimes
even for myself reflecting on this particular story, the moments
that open doors that in the moment when it happened,
(03:56):
I didn't understand the gravity of what was being open
to me. A whole new world was being shown to
me that I couldn't appreciate in the moment, But it
literally changed your trajectory of my life.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Wow. I, as I mentioned before, I knew of you.
We don't know each other closely, but I've said, certainly
felt and heard your words. I remember you told a
sermon about watching the signs, and I think, if I
remember correctly, it was something about you driving down the
(04:34):
Garden State Parkway or somewhere, and it's something about the
signs that you were watching. And I remembered that, And
still do. I know that your journey has taken you
from I don't know where you were before New Jersey,
but it has brought you here.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Ya right.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
What are some of the signs that have been defining
moments for you that have led you to be in
a place where you're getting ready to tell some of
your story today.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
That's a good question, because the signs were people. The
signs were people who were speaking into my life at
critical junctures, helping to redirect, helping to reinforce that there
was value, that there was something in me that at
(05:27):
points in time, especially the story i'll share, where I
didn't see the value in myself. I didn't understand that
I had something to offer anybody. My history, my life story,
my dad's absence shaped me in such a way that
(05:49):
I didn't think I was valuable or wanted. And so
the people that I would encounter, mostly black men, were
people who were signs that there was more to me
than I gave myself credit for.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Yeah yeah, or.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
That you knew yeah absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
It's so interesting that you've been a youth pastor for
a long time and I know that a lot of
your work is around helping youth and providing that spiritual guidance.
How has your experience as a young person shaped your
career as a pastor?
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Sure? What I learned was that most young people look
for one caring adult, right they hope to have at
least one caring adult in your journey, and I when
I came out of college, I went to work in
foster care, and I started to encounter young people who
(06:51):
had not just that they were missing a dad, they
were missing family period. And it began to open my
eyes about the importance of adult caregivers and adults who
cared in the lives of young people and the difference
it can make. And so throughout my journey, that's what
I've sought to do, to be that guiding force, that ground,
(07:15):
that safe space for young people to help show them
what I didn't see, that there is more to them
than their circumstances might allow, and that they can do
great things. If they just have the courage, but that
I'll be there to support and cheer them on and
push them, and even when things don't go so well,
I'll be there for them to lean on and bounce
(07:37):
back with. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
You know, a lot of the work that I do
through Shaping Freedom is talking to parents. I think very
often we go straight for the children and they're carrying
the burden of their whole family, and we're just seeing
what's being reflected from that experience. What would you say,
based on these experience that you've had over you know,
(08:02):
well over a decade working with young people, what are
some things that parents really need to know and hear.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
I think the thing is that when I listened to
our young people, and when I've listened over my almost
twenty years of working with young people, one is that
your child wants to be heard. We came from a
generation where you were seen and not heard. You did
because I said to do, and oftentimes we forgot that
(08:35):
they were little humans who had real feelings, real thoughts,
real emotions, And so I would encourage parents to listen
to their children and not just tell their children right.
The Bible does tell us that, you know, we should
train children, and you know in the way that they
should go so when they get older that they would
not depart from it. But part of that training is
(08:56):
teaching them how to be good listeners, teaching them how
to be good humans, teaching them how to respect other
people's opinions. And there's no better way for that to
start than at home, for their words to be heard,
for their thoughts and feelings to matter. I would tell
parents to listen, but I would also tell parents to
pay attention, because there's so much that goes unset that
(09:18):
we overlook, that adults overlook in young people. They're with
them every day, and they say, I know my child,
but you're missing the signs. You're missing the signs that
your child is trying to tell you. I need help,
I need a hug, I need somebody to listen to me.
So I would tell them definitely to listen. I would
tell them to be more attentive and not miss any
(09:39):
signs as we talked about a little bit ago. But
I would also encourage parents to give themselves space and grace.
None of us have an instruction manual when we become parents.
We're gonna make mistakes. We're not gonna do everything correctly.
(10:00):
Give yourself the space and grace to recognize that, yes,
you may have made a mistake, maybe you raised your
voice or said something you shouldn't have. Go back and apologize,
make it right, Allow yourself room to grow, and be
open with that with your children, because that teaches them
that it's okay to make mistakes. It's okay if you
do something that isn't received so well. But there's a
(10:23):
way back from it. There's a path that you can
heal and move forward. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Yeah, you know. One of the things that I've observed
is that a lot of times I hear adult people
talking about their childhood trauma or things that happened, or
the negative ways that they experienced their caretakers and parents.
And what I believe is that a lot of times
(10:51):
those are not people who were intentionally seeking to hurt,
but those are people who were themselves burnt out or ruggling,
or who were attempting to live by this idea that
a parent is supposed to be completely apart and separate
from the child, because their work is to show up
(11:14):
in a way that allows them to exude that discipline
or that authority over their children. And I get it.
I understand it, and I think there are aspects of
that approach to parenting that works on some level. But
(11:34):
if we were to look at how children are coming
out of those households, you know, there's plenty of room
for growth and change and shifting, you know, because our
children a lot of times don't feel safe at home. Absolutely,
you know, part of being seen and heard is feeling
(11:56):
safe and feeling like who you are matters and that
you'll be accepted no matter what.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Yeah, for sure. I mean, if, for one, our children
are not us, They're not our grandparents, and today's experience
for a child is different than that of generations ago,
and so to expect us to operate the same way
(12:21):
our parents did or our grandparents did is I mean ludicrous,
to be honest. But parents, I know they're doing the
best they can. But to the point that you said
about living out past traumas and hurts and difficulties, that's
where the parent has to do the work, though exactly right,
like that work is for us as the adult to
(12:43):
do the self work to realize, hey, this isn't working
for me, you know, I man, I'm spending all this
time and all I do is yell at my child.
That doesn't make me feel good. It doesn't yield a
positive result because they don't do what you want them
to do all the times. It pushes them further away, right,
and so there's an opportunity for the adult to do
(13:03):
some introspection, to examine how they became the way that
they did right, and that sometimes is eye opening for them.
Sometimes it's hard, though, because there's work that they've not
done in twenty thirty, forty fifty years. But all it
takes is a step. Yes, you know, the first step
(13:25):
is saying, you know what, this isn't working. I need
help that can be a life changer for them and
change the trajectory of their entire family.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Absolutely, and I'm a testament to that. You know, there
comes a point where we as parents are presented with
an opportunity to do and I'm just going to say
it the lazy thing, which is, well, this is.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
The way I was raising. I'm okay, I'm living.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
I made out all right, right, you know, So that's
what I'm going to pour in. I think that it's lazy.
I think that this child is God's creation and that
we are gifted with the opportunity to raise up our
brother or sister in God. And there's creation that has
(14:18):
gone into that from the Creator. And I think that
it is a job that we can apply some creativity to,
meaning what is it like taking them for each individual
to have the gift of someone who stops for a
moment to say, Okay, I'm going to put myself on
the back burner for a second. Who is this person?
(14:41):
What do they need? What does this individual person need?
And while I'm doing that work, who am I? And
what do I need? So a lot of parents are
in this position of parenting themselves while also showing up
as parents for the children. The older they get, the
older the child gets, the more the sense of urgency
(15:05):
for us to do our work.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
As you pointed out, the parents doing the work is important.
Sometimes what happens is the parent they don't emotionally grow
past a certain point and they are trying the best
they can with limited resources. And so the idea of
(15:44):
seeking help, the idea of giving yourself space and grace
is a foreign concept to a lot of folks because
they've adopted and lived by and defended. It worked for
me and I turned out all right, well, did you
really turn out all right?
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Exactly?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
I think if you looked in the mirror and did
the hard work to your point about being the lazy
part right, that this is what works for me. So
I'm just going to keep doing it. But it's not
really And if we're honest with ourselves, and if we're
in community and we can be honest with each other, please,
then it might be a little bit easier to receive
(16:24):
because I might lie to myself, but I trust you,
you're my friend. You're gonna say to me, hey, this
really isn't working. You know that's not the best way
to go about it. Have you considered this. The challenge
is not only our parents struggling to do what to
make ends meet, but trying to figure out how to
(16:45):
be the best they can. We live in a society
where very few people want to cross that line that's right,
and they're not willing to say to the other person
that's not really working. You're you're hurting yourself more than
you realize. You're pushing your child further away than you realize.
(17:06):
So it's been my goal, my task, my privilege, to
work with young people, but then to take that message
back to parents and say to offer them some strategies
to help improve the relationship, to open the doors for
communication and strengthen the bonds they have with their children.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Absolutely, and I think it is a something that could
and should be pushed into society. We need to become
more comfortable speaking to each other. We need to become
more comfortable truth telling and being willing to receive it
as a reflection without defense. You know, the world has
(17:51):
constantly giving us feedback. And this isn't to beat up parents,
because parents, I'm a parent. It is a very challenging
job and there really is no playbook for it. And
that's why so many people just go back to the
way they were raised, for sure, right, Like that's the playbook,
Like what do they do for me? That's what I'm
going to do for them, for sure. But I think
(18:12):
that if we were to just as a society, start
becoming more comfortable telling each other the truth, being willing
to hear the truth even when it's uncomfortable, and being
willing to look in that mirror at what's happening and
at the feedback that our world is giving us. Right,
(18:36):
We're not in great relationship with our children. We're not
having great relationships with other people. You know, we're not
speaking to fifty people, twenty five people aren't speaking to us.
That's feedback, you know, that is big information that we
can use to really course correct and take a look
at what's going on inside.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
I think part of it is normalizing and because I've
gotten to this place, I'm comfortable where i am. It's
working for me. That suggests you're not willing you have
an You're opposed to growing because this works for you, right,
(19:19):
So you don't even want to investigate what might help
you become better, what might help you shift things in
your relationship, because this works for you. And so as
a culture, we talk about growth, we talk about self care,
we talk about all of these things, but putting it
into practice is a different thing, right, And we're being
(19:39):
willing to do the hard work as you mentioned, for
that self evaluation, but also as we do in coaching,
right the three sixty feedback. Being able to hear from
people around you that means something to you. Whose input
you can hear, receive and act on is a different thing,
and not everyone is ready to do that though. So
(20:00):
I believe that type of relationship and shift would be
monumental for parents, for adult relationships, for community period.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
Absolutely, And it really comes down to the relationship that
you're in with yourself. Absolutely, because what we're doing, however
we're showing up oftentimes is exactly how we're treating ourselves.
So if we were to get better about understanding where
we could use some improvement in our relationship with ourselves,
it would translate into better relationships at home, better relationships
(20:35):
in the neighborhood, in communities, and then we have a
chance to really change things within culture and within society.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Well, I think the part about that is I was
reading I think it was Joyce Meyer at one point
in time Battlefield is Mind, and there was a statement
that stuck with me after I read it, and she said,
it's not the way you are, it's the way you've become.
Because far too many of us will say that's just
the way I am. Well, no, you weren't born that way.
(21:06):
Something happened along the line, or something didn't happen along
the line that has helped shape who you show up
as we by default accept this place and space and
say that's how I am. I'm just bitter, I'm just cold,
I'm just distant, Well, what happened? What were the circumstances
that contributed to that? That's the part that folks, you know,
(21:28):
that that we struggle to do the work with because
it's hard work to look at that question to answer
absolutely absolutely. And that's the thing though, right, your relationship
with yourself, you're not being honest with yourself saying that's
just the way I am, because because it's also not
just the way you have to stay. That may be
(21:50):
how you've been for this period of time, but it
doesn't mean you have to stay there.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
You can make a decision to move differently, to live differently,
to think differently. It's going to take some work, but
it starts with a decision. Yeah, and that's the part
that we have to help more and more people see
embrace and begin to live out.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
Yeah. Wow, completely different direction than I was expected. I
love this though. This is amazing. In your book Prepare
for Takeoff, you talk about overcoming beliefs and behaviors that
block us. I think this is a great segue into
this question. Right, what belief for behavior did you have
to confront in order to step into the storyteller that
(22:36):
you're becoming as want.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
That I had a voice worth hearing. The funny thing
about prepare for take off. It is a true story.
It was a story that took me nine years to publish.
I wrote the story in two thousand and eight.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
Oh wow.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
I published it in twenty seventeen. Okay, because even though
I was writing that, I had to myself believe that
I had a voice worth hearing. So I had to
get over it's not perfect. Well, I need to go
back and edit. I need to do this, let me
reread it again, let me do all of these things.
(23:23):
Fun fact. I gave this presentation in Los Angeles two
thousand and eight. At the end of the presentation, young
lady came over and said, is that anywhere where I
can buy it? At that time? It's DVDs or CDs
or whatever, And I said, no, it's not. Actually I
only wrote it for the presentation. And she said, oh,
(23:44):
you should consider doing something with that.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Oh wow.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
It was literally my presentation for a women's conference in
Los Angeles that I wrote on a plane. After I
went through all of those things, wrote it all down,
delivered the presentation, wrote it, and said, man, she was right,
this could be a good thing. And for nine years
I sat on it because I questioned, was it good enough?
(24:12):
Would people take me as a credible author, would they
believe this? Would they want to hear my voice through
my words? So the thing I had to overcome was
that I had a voice worth hearing?
Speaker 3 (24:29):
What is that? I? You know, it's so interesting because
I have had the privilege and honor of watching you
on stage at church at the pulpit, and I have
watched you also over the years, and you are a
magnificent speaker, Like when you're speaking, it is clear that
(24:55):
this is what you were put on this planet for.
And yet whether people would want to hear your voice,
I have had some of those same struggles. I'm working
through some of them right now. I cannot tell you
how challenging it has been for me to really believe it. Right.
(25:16):
I was chatting with Phil earlier before we spoke, and
he was talking about something with his book and and
kind of a similar, you know, wanting it to be
perfect kind of thing. It's a rhetorical question, but it's like,
what is that?
Speaker 1 (25:33):
For me? It was self promotion. I struggled with, Oh,
I totally struggled with struggle getting at it like standing
in a pullpit in that moment, it's not about me. Yeah,
Promoting a book, telling a story is about me. Now
you're looking at me. Yes. And so in that regard
(25:55):
I had to learn. I'm learning to separate it, and
not just separated, but to keep the same mindset, right,
like why are you doing it? At the end of
the day, it's why are you doing it? It's not
about you. It's about helping someone else. It's about sharing
a piece of yourself that ultimately you want to be
able to have someone resonate with that will shift their thinking,
(26:17):
shift their perspective, shift their life.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
And so that's what I'm learning in this process, right,
like sharing these things about myself, whether it's storytelling or
through written word, is that it's not about you. It's
given to you to share with somebody else. Promotion has
to happen because somebody has to hear it, right, something
(26:41):
you do it, You don't do it to put it
on a shelf. But it's designed to be a blessing
to somebody else. And so that's what I'm learning about
the journey. No different than and if I stand in
the pullpit or if I lead a youth session. It's
designed to help someone else.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
Yeah, because that came to me in prayer and you're
repeating it and I was like, I don't know. It's like, well,
it's not about you, it's about why you're here and
what you have to share, and that all of this
is to help someone else, to help other people, And
(27:20):
that has helped me, and it's still been challenging because
I was raised I'm first generation Haitian and my mother
was Puerto Rican and I was really raised with almost
an insane amount of humility, right, And so I saw
and I remember when I first stepped into entrepreneurship back
in two thousand and eight, and it was so hard
(27:44):
for me even to write the copy for my website
because I was I didn't want to self promote.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
I was like, how do I?
Speaker 3 (27:51):
And I was also raised to be incredibly private. So
the fact that I'm able to actually sit here and
host the podcast or do the work that I'm doing
is it has taken so much work to get to
this place, you know, and and to hear you share
that that was one of your challenges that you're working
(28:14):
through as well. I'm not happy at your challenge and I'm.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Glad a lot of us that that struggle with that, right,
because we're socialized also to be private in these ways. Right.
Don't boast, Yeah, you don't boast, you don't, you know,
especially now you're talking about telling stories. What happens in
(28:42):
our house stays in our house is times I can
remember that saying, you know, so you you begin that's ingrained.
We don't share our business, you know. And so part
of storytelling is is sharing things that grandmama might not
have approved of, a mom and dad might not have
approved of. But it doesn't mean it's not your story.
(29:06):
That's right, you know. And again, the thing that you
keep in is the thing that can make a difference
in somebody's life, right, And the thing that you don't
share is the thing someone needs who may be in
the midst of that situation, because you're on the other
side of what somebody may be currently in. And so
we hold on to those teachings and people struggle around
(29:31):
us when we may have been given the unique opportunity
to share the thing that could make a difference in
their life.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
Absolutely, and also what stays in the house and doesn't
get shared means that it doesn't change. Sure, you don't
evolve the family culture when everything is kept insulated in
that house, within those limiting beliefs. Yep, you know, those
ways of being, those behaviors that are really not productive
(29:59):
or conducive for the family's legacy itself.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Yeah, and so.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
There has to be we have to transform our approach
to family legacy. We have to see that it is. Yes,
generational wealth is incredibly important. It is, and without mental
and emotional wellbeing, the ability to actually generate wealth to
(30:28):
pass along is so significantly inhibited.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
Oh god, Yeah, interesting that you said that, because as
you were talking, I thought about the things that we
don't talk about. They don't change, and we don't have
(30:56):
an opportunity to heal exactly because there's so much that
went and just my own journey, so much went unspoken
that we didn't know about as we got older as kids,
and I talked to my siblings and it was like, so, wait,
what happened? Wow, no one ever talked about that. And
(31:17):
now you begin to understand some of the nuances and
the things that you see and even bits and pieces
about yourself. Absolutely right, And so that mindset that we
keep everything inside, oftentimes it hurts us more than it
helps us.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Absolutely, yes, absolutely it does. And we have to find
the balance. We have to find the harmony between respecting
your home and respecting your family members and also being
open to asking for help, to reaching outside to ask
for help and support. And I think that that what
(31:55):
will put us on the road to less depression, less anxiety,
less of a lot of the challenges that our society
is facing today in terms of our cultural interaction.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
Yeah, so when twenty one that keep it inside and
not talk about it, what happens in the house, stay
in the house led me to a moderately depressed diagnosis
because I was carrying the weight of my dad passing
(32:32):
and coming through COVID and losing so many family members
and friends and all of those things, and carrying that
weight and not wanting to let anybody in until finally
I was like, okay, wait a minute, something has to change.
And so I did just that. I reached out, I
made an appointment, took the little assessment, and then she
(32:55):
was like, yeah, yeah, there's something here. This is just
you know, you're in a funk because like there is
something here. And so I did therapy continually, you know,
as I need to but I also did something different,
wanting to be part of the solution and not just
(33:15):
keep it inside. I ended up going back to school
to get a master's degree of mental health and wellness
because I wanted to help others, especially now young people
right bringing it back to them. I wanted to help
them understand some of the signs, some of the risk
factors that contribute to what they may be experiencing, but
(33:39):
also help them get some strategies on how to fight it,
how to deal with it, how to manage it, and
not be afraid to reach out for help to break
the stigma.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Yeah, yeah, thank you for sharing that. I think it's
a lot of times you talked before about you know,
children being seen and not heard. I think it's children
learn through the way we model for them, and what
we do is so much more important and impactful than
(34:09):
what the direct instruction, right. And I think that knowing
that we're not in a place that we need to
be and being willing to go and ask for help
is like you said, it's the first step. I was
raised to not ask anyone for help. I was raised
(34:30):
to be incredibly self sufficient and to have really strong
work ethic and some of that is amazing, but it
has also kept me in solitude and in a silos
of struggle during the times in my life where I
did not feel comfortable asking for help or even telling
(34:53):
people who are closest to me that, you know, I'm
not okay, you know. And it took a series of
events to happen. It was actually my father passing away
in twenty thirteen, and it was with the passing of
my father that I processed the passing of my brother,
the passing of my mother in two thousand and eight,
(35:14):
and it was like all of the loss came up
and presented itself at the same time for me, and
it was so hard. It was so hard. But I
also knew that if it had presented itself, that somewhere
in me I was ready to really look at that
(35:36):
and unpack it. And I'm so glad that I did,
you know, because it was that crosshold that we talked
about before, where I could have been like, you know what, girl,
you're just gonna get it together, Oh yeah, buck up
and don't worry about it, or to sink into that
very vulnerable, emotionally painful space. But it's the best thing
(35:58):
I ever could have done for myself, for my family,
for myself as a mother, as a leader in everything
that I do.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
It really helped absolutely.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
It also helped me to have a greater sense of
awareness that it's not just a cliche that everybody you
meet is dealing with something, right, because the people who
encountered me before then or during that time wouldn't have
known it. Oh yeah, because I didn't show it right.
(36:32):
And so it's also helped me to think and to
pause and to have a bit of empathy for folks
I encounter because I don't know their journey. I don't
know what they're currently dealing with. I don't know what
happens when they leave the space we're in together. I
don't know the loneliness they feel when they sit in
the car and close the door and there by themselves
(36:54):
and they can actually exhale or cry or whatever they feel.
I don't know those things, and so I can't assume,
based on my limited experience or exposure, that I know
their journey. And I think that that helps me, whether
it's a young person or an adult, to encounter them
(37:15):
and engage them with a little bit more openness, more
willingness to hear and be considerate and to have compassion
and not be so closed minded. And that was something
I think I struggled with or I didn't know that
I needed to do coming up, But my own journey
has helped me recognize that and show up that way
(37:37):
for others.
Speaker 3 (37:39):
Thank you for sharing that. So this actually isn't your
first journey and storytelling, read the books and told the
story there. What do you hope to come of this
journey of storytelling that you're on.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
I've spent twenty five years in empowering others in this phase.
My hope is that what I empower someone else to
do is tell their story, to share that piece of
them that they have been sitting on, that they've been
(38:25):
kept up away, that could make a difference, in shine
a light in somebody's life. It might make them laugh,
it might make them cry. But my hope is that
just to encourage someone else that it's okay to speak up,
it's okay to share a part of yourself. I've spent
so many years keeping people at a distance. I'm now
(38:47):
in a place where I'm comfortable enough with myself that
storytelling allows people to see another piece of me. Wow.
Speaker 3 (38:57):
Well, I'm very that I'm going to have the opportunity
to watch you do that later on this evening. Before
we close, I want to ask, how can we support you?
Speaker 1 (39:13):
Well, I mean the various opportunities that I'm engaged in. Actually,
you know what, you would be supporting me by taking
time for a young person in your space, by making
space for them. I'm not going to promote a book
or a website or an Instagram, none of that. You
(39:34):
would be helping me by helping another young person in
your space. For anybody that would listen or watch, there's
somebody in your space that needs a carrying adult. That
may be a niece, a nephew, a neighbor. So to
help me, it would be to help them know that
adults care and to make a difference by just being
(39:56):
willing to lend a listening ear to them.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your generosity and
taking time right before you have to get into something
to chat with me and to chat with the Shaping
Freedom audience. I really, really genuinely appreciate it, and thank
you for sharing so openly. I know that there are
(40:24):
those who are listening who will take note of that.
I think and thank you also for your requests that
people help the young people that are within their world
and within their orbit. They're looking to us for guidance,
for help, for instruction, and I would just add that
(40:49):
to your work. If you're an adult person, do your work.
Do your work so that you can show up more
powerfully for the people young people that are in your orbit. Absolutely,
because they want us help, the help, they need us healthy.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Absolutely, and it's one thank you so much, thank you am.
Yeah mm hmm, yeah h
Speaker 3 (41:17):
M hm
The thing that you keep in is the thing that
can make a difference in somebody's life rights. And the
thing that you don't share is the thing someone needs
who may be in the midst of that situation, because
you're on the other side of what somebody may be
currently in. And so we hold on to those teachings
and people struggle around us when we may have been
(00:29):
given the unique opportunity to share the thing that could
make a difference in their life.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Welcome to the Shaping Freedom podcast, where we dive into
conversations that inspire personal growth, transformation and clarity and challenging times.
I'm your host, Lsan Bosquia.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Welcome to Shaping Freedom with Lisan Bosca podcast. We are
broadcasting from the Baltimore Story Fests in Baltimore and Maryland.
We're at the Baltimore Theater Project and very honored to
be one of this year's presenting sponsors for the story Fest.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Coming up next.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Please enjoy my interview with one of the festival's dynamics storytellers.
This is an episode you're not going to want to miss.
There are people who don't just lead, they lift. Today's guest,
Antoine Garrett, is one of those people. He's a youth pastor,
a life coach, a best selling author, and the host
(01:28):
of an inspiring radio show. Antoine is spent over sixteen
years empowering others to overcome limiting beliefs, reconnect with purpose,
and lead lives rooted in faith, integrity, and self worth.
And tonight he'll be stepping into a new space, the
stage of the Baltimore story Fest, where he'll share a
(01:50):
personal story publicly for the first time. It's a moment
of expansion, vulnerability, and courage. Whether from the pulpit or
through the pen, Antoine has always inspired others to grow,
and now he invites us to witness a different kind
of rising, one where his own voice takes center stage
(02:10):
in a new way. Hi, as one, I want to
share personally that I was very surprised to see your name.
I was going on Facebook to share about this Baltimore
(02:32):
Storyfest and I saw your name, and I saw that
you had shared it as well, and learned that you
were going to be participating in tonight's lineup. I used
to belong to a church in Newark Metropolitan Baptist Church
that you were the assistant youth pastor at and I
was sharing with billions some other and Phil that there
(02:55):
are sermons that you told that I still remember to
this day. So it's interesting how life brings us full circle.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Right.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
So, anyway, I wanted to welcome you to the Shaping
Freedom podcast and chowin and I'm looking forward to to
what we create.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Thank you, Thank you for having me. I'm looking forward
to the experience and our conversation.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
Yeah, so tonight you'll be sharing your story for the
first time. What does this feel like and how are
you preparing for it?
Speaker 1 (03:32):
You know, it's an interesting question because people see you
at certain places in your journey. They don't always know
how the journey began, and they don't understand and sometimes
even for myself reflecting on this particular story, the moments
that open doors that in the moment when it happened,
(03:56):
I didn't understand the gravity of what was being open
to me. A whole new world was being shown to
me that I couldn't appreciate in the moment, But it
literally changed your trajectory of my life.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Wow. I, as I mentioned before, I knew of you.
We don't know each other closely, but I've said, certainly
felt and heard your words. I remember you told a
sermon about watching the signs, and I think, if I
remember correctly, it was something about you driving down the
(04:34):
Garden State Parkway or somewhere, and it's something about the
signs that you were watching. And I remembered that, And
still do. I know that your journey has taken you
from I don't know where you were before New Jersey,
but it has brought you here.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Ya right.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
What are some of the signs that have been defining
moments for you that have led you to be in
a place where you're getting ready to tell some of
your story today.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
That's a good question, because the signs were people. The
signs were people who were speaking into my life at
critical junctures, helping to redirect, helping to reinforce that there
was value, that there was something in me that at
(05:27):
points in time, especially the story i'll share, where I
didn't see the value in myself. I didn't understand that
I had something to offer anybody. My history, my life story,
my dad's absence shaped me in such a way that
(05:49):
I didn't think I was valuable or wanted. And so
the people that I would encounter, mostly black men, were
people who were signs that there was more to me
than I gave myself credit for.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Yeah yeah, or.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
That you knew yeah absolutely absolutely.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
It's so interesting that you've been a youth pastor for
a long time and I know that a lot of
your work is around helping youth and providing that spiritual guidance.
How has your experience as a young person shaped your
career as a pastor?
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Sure? What I learned was that most young people look
for one caring adult, right they hope to have at
least one caring adult in your journey, and I when
I came out of college, I went to work in
foster care, and I started to encounter young people who
(06:51):
had not just that they were missing a dad, they
were missing family period. And it began to open my
eyes about the importance of adult caregivers and adults who
cared in the lives of young people and the difference
it can make. And so throughout my journey, that's what
I've sought to do, to be that guiding force, that ground,
(07:15):
that safe space for young people to help show them
what I didn't see, that there is more to them
than their circumstances might allow, and that they can do
great things. If they just have the courage, but that
I'll be there to support and cheer them on and
push them, and even when things don't go so well,
I'll be there for them to lean on and bounce
(07:37):
back with. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
You know, a lot of the work that I do
through Shaping Freedom is talking to parents. I think very
often we go straight for the children and they're carrying
the burden of their whole family, and we're just seeing
what's being reflected from that experience. What would you say,
based on these experience that you've had over you know,
(08:02):
well over a decade working with young people, what are
some things that parents really need to know and hear.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
I think the thing is that when I listened to
our young people, and when I've listened over my almost
twenty years of working with young people, one is that
your child wants to be heard. We came from a
generation where you were seen and not heard. You did
because I said to do, and oftentimes we forgot that
(08:35):
they were little humans who had real feelings, real thoughts,
real emotions, And so I would encourage parents to listen
to their children and not just tell their children right.
The Bible does tell us that, you know, we should
train children, and you know in the way that they
should go so when they get older that they would
not depart from it. But part of that training is
(08:56):
teaching them how to be good listeners, teaching them how
to be good humans, teaching them how to respect other
people's opinions. And there's no better way for that to
start than at home, for their words to be heard,
for their thoughts and feelings to matter. I would tell
parents to listen, but I would also tell parents to
pay attention, because there's so much that goes unset that
(09:18):
we overlook, that adults overlook in young people. They're with
them every day, and they say, I know my child,
but you're missing the signs. You're missing the signs that
your child is trying to tell you. I need help,
I need a hug, I need somebody to listen to me.
So I would tell them definitely to listen. I would
tell them to be more attentive and not miss any
(09:39):
signs as we talked about a little bit ago. But
I would also encourage parents to give themselves space and grace.
None of us have an instruction manual when we become parents.
We're gonna make mistakes. We're not gonna do everything correctly.
(10:00):
Give yourself the space and grace to recognize that, yes,
you may have made a mistake, maybe you raised your
voice or said something you shouldn't have. Go back and apologize,
make it right, Allow yourself room to grow, and be
open with that with your children, because that teaches them
that it's okay to make mistakes. It's okay if you
do something that isn't received so well. But there's a
(10:23):
way back from it. There's a path that you can
heal and move forward. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Yeah, you know. One of the things that I've observed
is that a lot of times I hear adult people
talking about their childhood trauma or things that happened, or
the negative ways that they experienced their caretakers and parents.
And what I believe is that a lot of times
(10:51):
those are not people who were intentionally seeking to hurt,
but those are people who were themselves burnt out or ruggling,
or who were attempting to live by this idea that
a parent is supposed to be completely apart and separate
from the child, because their work is to show up
(11:14):
in a way that allows them to exude that discipline
or that authority over their children. And I get it.
I understand it, and I think there are aspects of
that approach to parenting that works on some level. But
(11:34):
if we were to look at how children are coming
out of those households, you know, there's plenty of room
for growth and change and shifting, you know, because our
children a lot of times don't feel safe at home. Absolutely,
you know, part of being seen and heard is feeling
(11:56):
safe and feeling like who you are matters and that
you'll be accepted no matter what.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Yeah, for sure. I mean, if, for one, our children
are not us, They're not our grandparents, and today's experience
for a child is different than that of generations ago,
and so to expect us to operate the same way
(12:21):
our parents did or our grandparents did is I mean ludicrous,
to be honest. But parents, I know they're doing the
best they can. But to the point that you said
about living out past traumas and hurts and difficulties, that's
where the parent has to do the work, though exactly right,
like that work is for us as the adult to
(12:43):
do the self work to realize, hey, this isn't working
for me, you know, I man, I'm spending all this
time and all I do is yell at my child.
That doesn't make me feel good. It doesn't yield a
positive result because they don't do what you want them
to do all the times. It pushes them further away, right,
and so there's an opportunity for the adult to do
(13:03):
some introspection, to examine how they became the way that
they did right, and that sometimes is eye opening for them.
Sometimes it's hard, though, because there's work that they've not
done in twenty thirty, forty fifty years. But all it
takes is a step. Yes, you know, the first step
(13:25):
is saying, you know what, this isn't working. I need
help that can be a life changer for them and
change the trajectory of their entire family.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Absolutely, and I'm a testament to that. You know, there
comes a point where we as parents are presented with
an opportunity to do and I'm just going to say
it the lazy thing, which is, well, this is.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
The way I was raising. I'm okay, I'm living.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
I made out all right, right, you know, So that's
what I'm going to pour in. I think that it's lazy.
I think that this child is God's creation and that
we are gifted with the opportunity to raise up our
brother or sister in God. And there's creation that has
(14:18):
gone into that from the Creator. And I think that
it is a job that we can apply some creativity to,
meaning what is it like taking them for each individual
to have the gift of someone who stops for a
moment to say, Okay, I'm going to put myself on
the back burner for a second. Who is this person?
(14:41):
What do they need? What does this individual person need?
And while I'm doing that work, who am I? And
what do I need? So a lot of parents are
in this position of parenting themselves while also showing up
as parents for the children. The older they get, the
older the child gets, the more the sense of urgency
(15:05):
for us to do our work.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
As you pointed out, the parents doing the work is important.
Sometimes what happens is the parent they don't emotionally grow
past a certain point and they are trying the best
they can with limited resources. And so the idea of
(15:44):
seeking help, the idea of giving yourself space and grace
is a foreign concept to a lot of folks because
they've adopted and lived by and defended. It worked for
me and I turned out all right, well, did you
really turn out all right?
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Exactly?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
I think if you looked in the mirror and did
the hard work to your point about being the lazy
part right, that this is what works for me. So
I'm just going to keep doing it. But it's not
really And if we're honest with ourselves, and if we're
in community and we can be honest with each other, please,
then it might be a little bit easier to receive
(16:24):
because I might lie to myself, but I trust you,
you're my friend. You're gonna say to me, hey, this
really isn't working. You know that's not the best way
to go about it. Have you considered this. The challenge
is not only our parents struggling to do what to
make ends meet, but trying to figure out how to
(16:45):
be the best they can. We live in a society
where very few people want to cross that line that's right,
and they're not willing to say to the other person
that's not really working. You're you're hurting yourself more than
you realize. You're pushing your child further away than you realize.
(17:06):
So it's been my goal, my task, my privilege, to
work with young people, but then to take that message
back to parents and say to offer them some strategies
to help improve the relationship, to open the doors for
communication and strengthen the bonds they have with their children.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Absolutely, and I think it is a something that could
and should be pushed into society. We need to become
more comfortable speaking to each other. We need to become
more comfortable truth telling and being willing to receive it
as a reflection without defense. You know, the world has
(17:51):
constantly giving us feedback. And this isn't to beat up parents,
because parents, I'm a parent. It is a very challenging
job and there really is no playbook for it. And
that's why so many people just go back to the
way they were raised, for sure, right, Like that's the playbook,
Like what do they do for me? That's what I'm
going to do for them, for sure. But I think
(18:12):
that if we were to just as a society, start
becoming more comfortable telling each other the truth, being willing
to hear the truth even when it's uncomfortable, and being
willing to look in that mirror at what's happening and
at the feedback that our world is giving us. Right,
(18:36):
We're not in great relationship with our children. We're not
having great relationships with other people. You know, we're not
speaking to fifty people, twenty five people aren't speaking to us.
That's feedback, you know, that is big information that we
can use to really course correct and take a look
at what's going on inside.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
I think part of it is normalizing and because I've
gotten to this place, I'm comfortable where i am. It's
working for me. That suggests you're not willing you have
an You're opposed to growing because this works for you, right,
(19:19):
So you don't even want to investigate what might help
you become better, what might help you shift things in
your relationship, because this works for you. And so as
a culture, we talk about growth, we talk about self care,
we talk about all of these things, but putting it
into practice is a different thing, right, And we're being
(19:39):
willing to do the hard work as you mentioned, for
that self evaluation, but also as we do in coaching,
right the three sixty feedback. Being able to hear from
people around you that means something to you. Whose input
you can hear, receive and act on is a different thing,
and not everyone is ready to do that though. So
(20:00):
I believe that type of relationship and shift would be
monumental for parents, for adult relationships, for community period.
Speaker 3 (20:11):
Absolutely, And it really comes down to the relationship that
you're in with yourself. Absolutely, because what we're doing, however
we're showing up oftentimes is exactly how we're treating ourselves.
So if we were to get better about understanding where
we could use some improvement in our relationship with ourselves,
it would translate into better relationships at home, better relationships
(20:35):
in the neighborhood, in communities, and then we have a
chance to really change things within culture and within society.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Well, I think the part about that is I was
reading I think it was Joyce Meyer at one point
in time Battlefield is Mind, and there was a statement
that stuck with me after I read it, and she said,
it's not the way you are, it's the way you've become.
Because far too many of us will say that's just
the way I am. Well, no, you weren't born that way.
(21:06):
Something happened along the line, or something didn't happen along
the line that has helped shape who you show up
as we by default accept this place and space and
say that's how I am. I'm just bitter, I'm just cold,
I'm just distant, Well, what happened? What were the circumstances
that contributed to that? That's the part that folks, you know,
(21:28):
that that we struggle to do the work with because
it's hard work to look at that question to answer
absolutely absolutely. And that's the thing though, right, your relationship
with yourself, you're not being honest with yourself saying that's
just the way I am, because because it's also not
just the way you have to stay. That may be
(21:50):
how you've been for this period of time, but it
doesn't mean you have to stay there.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
You can make a decision to move differently, to live differently,
to think differently. It's going to take some work, but
it starts with a decision. Yeah, and that's the part
that we have to help more and more people see
embrace and begin to live out.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
Yeah. Wow, completely different direction than I was expected. I
love this though. This is amazing. In your book Prepare
for Takeoff, you talk about overcoming beliefs and behaviors that
block us. I think this is a great segue into
this question. Right, what belief for behavior did you have
to confront in order to step into the storyteller that
(22:36):
you're becoming as want.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
That I had a voice worth hearing. The funny thing
about prepare for take off. It is a true story.
It was a story that took me nine years to publish.
I wrote the story in two thousand and eight.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
Oh wow.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
I published it in twenty seventeen. Okay, because even though
I was writing that, I had to myself believe that
I had a voice worth hearing. So I had to
get over it's not perfect. Well, I need to go
back and edit. I need to do this, let me
reread it again, let me do all of these things.
(23:23):
Fun fact. I gave this presentation in Los Angeles two
thousand and eight. At the end of the presentation, young
lady came over and said, is that anywhere where I
can buy it? At that time? It's DVDs or CDs
or whatever, And I said, no, it's not. Actually I
only wrote it for the presentation. And she said, oh,
(23:44):
you should consider doing something with that.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Oh wow.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
It was literally my presentation for a women's conference in
Los Angeles that I wrote on a plane. After I
went through all of those things, wrote it all down,
delivered the presentation, wrote it, and said, man, she was right,
this could be a good thing. And for nine years
I sat on it because I questioned, was it good enough?
(24:12):
Would people take me as a credible author, would they
believe this? Would they want to hear my voice through
my words? So the thing I had to overcome was
that I had a voice worth hearing?
Speaker 3 (24:29):
What is that? I? You know, it's so interesting because
I have had the privilege and honor of watching you
on stage at church at the pulpit, and I have
watched you also over the years, and you are a
magnificent speaker, Like when you're speaking, it is clear that
(24:55):
this is what you were put on this planet for.
And yet whether people would want to hear your voice,
I have had some of those same struggles. I'm working
through some of them right now. I cannot tell you
how challenging it has been for me to really believe it. Right.
(25:16):
I was chatting with Phil earlier before we spoke, and
he was talking about something with his book and and
kind of a similar, you know, wanting it to be
perfect kind of thing. It's a rhetorical question, but it's like,
what is that?
Speaker 1 (25:33):
For me? It was self promotion. I struggled with, Oh,
I totally struggled with struggle getting at it like standing
in a pullpit in that moment, it's not about me. Yeah,
Promoting a book, telling a story is about me. Now
you're looking at me. Yes. And so in that regard
(25:55):
I had to learn. I'm learning to separate it, and
not just separated, but to keep the same mindset, right,
like why are you doing it? At the end of
the day, it's why are you doing it? It's not
about you. It's about helping someone else. It's about sharing
a piece of yourself that ultimately you want to be
able to have someone resonate with that will shift their thinking,
(26:17):
shift their perspective, shift their life.
Speaker 3 (26:20):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
And so that's what I'm learning in this process, right,
like sharing these things about myself, whether it's storytelling or
through written word, is that it's not about you. It's
given to you to share with somebody else. Promotion has
to happen because somebody has to hear it, right, something
(26:41):
you do it, You don't do it to put it
on a shelf. But it's designed to be a blessing
to somebody else. And so that's what I'm learning about
the journey. No different than and if I stand in
the pullpit or if I lead a youth session. It's
designed to help someone else.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
Yeah, because that came to me in prayer and you're
repeating it and I was like, I don't know. It's like, well,
it's not about you, it's about why you're here and
what you have to share, and that all of this
is to help someone else, to help other people, And
(27:20):
that has helped me, and it's still been challenging because
I was raised I'm first generation Haitian and my mother
was Puerto Rican and I was really raised with almost
an insane amount of humility, right, And so I saw
and I remember when I first stepped into entrepreneurship back
in two thousand and eight, and it was so hard
(27:44):
for me even to write the copy for my website
because I was I didn't want to self promote.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
I was like, how do I?
Speaker 3 (27:51):
And I was also raised to be incredibly private. So
the fact that I'm able to actually sit here and
host the podcast or do the work that I'm doing
is it has taken so much work to get to
this place, you know, and and to hear you share
that that was one of your challenges that you're working
(28:14):
through as well. I'm not happy at your challenge and I'm.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Glad a lot of us that that struggle with that, right,
because we're socialized also to be private in these ways. Right.
Don't boast, Yeah, you don't boast, you don't, you know,
especially now you're talking about telling stories. What happens in
(28:42):
our house stays in our house is times I can
remember that saying, you know, so you you begin that's ingrained.
We don't share our business, you know. And so part
of storytelling is is sharing things that grandmama might not
have approved of, a mom and dad might not have
approved of. But it doesn't mean it's not your story.
(29:06):
That's right, you know. And again, the thing that you
keep in is the thing that can make a difference
in somebody's life, right, And the thing that you don't
share is the thing someone needs who may be in
the midst of that situation, because you're on the other
side of what somebody may be currently in. And so
we hold on to those teachings and people struggle around
(29:31):
us when we may have been given the unique opportunity
to share the thing that could make a difference in
their life.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
Absolutely, and also what stays in the house and doesn't
get shared means that it doesn't change. Sure, you don't
evolve the family culture when everything is kept insulated in
that house, within those limiting beliefs. Yep, you know, those
ways of being, those behaviors that are really not productive
(29:59):
or conducive for the family's legacy itself.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Yeah, and so.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
There has to be we have to transform our approach
to family legacy. We have to see that it is. Yes,
generational wealth is incredibly important. It is, and without mental
and emotional wellbeing, the ability to actually generate wealth to
(30:28):
pass along is so significantly inhibited.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
Oh god, Yeah, interesting that you said that, because as
you were talking, I thought about the things that we
don't talk about. They don't change, and we don't have
(30:56):
an opportunity to heal exactly because there's so much that
went and just my own journey, so much went unspoken
that we didn't know about as we got older as kids,
and I talked to my siblings and it was like, so, wait,
what happened? Wow, no one ever talked about that. And
(31:17):
now you begin to understand some of the nuances and
the things that you see and even bits and pieces
about yourself. Absolutely right, And so that mindset that we
keep everything inside, oftentimes it hurts us more than it
helps us.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Absolutely, yes, absolutely it does. And we have to find
the balance. We have to find the harmony between respecting
your home and respecting your family members and also being
open to asking for help, to reaching outside to ask
for help and support. And I think that that what
(31:55):
will put us on the road to less depression, less anxiety,
less of a lot of the challenges that our society
is facing today in terms of our cultural interaction.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
Yeah, so when twenty one that keep it inside and
not talk about it, what happens in the house, stay
in the house led me to a moderately depressed diagnosis
because I was carrying the weight of my dad passing
(32:32):
and coming through COVID and losing so many family members
and friends and all of those things, and carrying that
weight and not wanting to let anybody in until finally
I was like, okay, wait a minute, something has to change.
And so I did just that. I reached out, I
made an appointment, took the little assessment, and then she
(32:55):
was like, yeah, yeah, there's something here. This is just
you know, you're in a funk because like there is
something here. And so I did therapy continually, you know,
as I need to but I also did something different,
wanting to be part of the solution and not just
(33:15):
keep it inside. I ended up going back to school
to get a master's degree of mental health and wellness
because I wanted to help others, especially now young people
right bringing it back to them. I wanted to help
them understand some of the signs, some of the risk
factors that contribute to what they may be experiencing, but
(33:39):
also help them get some strategies on how to fight it,
how to deal with it, how to manage it, and
not be afraid to reach out for help to break
the stigma.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Yeah, yeah, thank you for sharing that. I think it's
a lot of times you talked before about you know,
children being seen and not heard. I think it's children
learn through the way we model for them, and what
we do is so much more important and impactful than
(34:09):
what the direct instruction, right. And I think that knowing
that we're not in a place that we need to
be and being willing to go and ask for help
is like you said, it's the first step. I was
raised to not ask anyone for help. I was raised
(34:30):
to be incredibly self sufficient and to have really strong
work ethic and some of that is amazing, but it
has also kept me in solitude and in a silos
of struggle during the times in my life where I
did not feel comfortable asking for help or even telling
(34:53):
people who are closest to me that, you know, I'm
not okay, you know. And it took a series of
events to happen. It was actually my father passing away
in twenty thirteen, and it was with the passing of
my father that I processed the passing of my brother,
the passing of my mother in two thousand and eight,
(35:14):
and it was like all of the loss came up
and presented itself at the same time for me, and
it was so hard. It was so hard. But I
also knew that if it had presented itself, that somewhere
in me I was ready to really look at that
(35:36):
and unpack it. And I'm so glad that I did,
you know, because it was that crosshold that we talked
about before, where I could have been like, you know what, girl,
you're just gonna get it together, Oh yeah, buck up
and don't worry about it, or to sink into that
very vulnerable, emotionally painful space. But it's the best thing
(35:58):
I ever could have done for myself, for my family,
for myself as a mother, as a leader in everything
that I do.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
It really helped absolutely.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
It also helped me to have a greater sense of
awareness that it's not just a cliche that everybody you
meet is dealing with something, right, because the people who
encountered me before then or during that time wouldn't have
known it. Oh yeah, because I didn't show it right.
(36:32):
And so it's also helped me to think and to
pause and to have a bit of empathy for folks
I encounter because I don't know their journey. I don't
know what they're currently dealing with. I don't know what
happens when they leave the space we're in together. I
don't know the loneliness they feel when they sit in
the car and close the door and there by themselves
(36:54):
and they can actually exhale or cry or whatever they feel.
I don't know those things, and so I can't assume,
based on my limited experience or exposure, that I know
their journey. And I think that that helps me, whether
it's a young person or an adult, to encounter them
(37:15):
and engage them with a little bit more openness, more
willingness to hear and be considerate and to have compassion
and not be so closed minded. And that was something
I think I struggled with or I didn't know that
I needed to do coming up, But my own journey
has helped me recognize that and show up that way
(37:37):
for others.
Speaker 3 (37:39):
Thank you for sharing that. So this actually isn't your
first journey and storytelling, read the books and told the
story there. What do you hope to come of this
journey of storytelling that you're on.
Speaker 1 (38:04):
I've spent twenty five years in empowering others in this phase.
My hope is that what I empower someone else to
do is tell their story, to share that piece of
them that they have been sitting on, that they've been
(38:25):
kept up away, that could make a difference, in shine
a light in somebody's life. It might make them laugh,
it might make them cry. But my hope is that
just to encourage someone else that it's okay to speak up,
it's okay to share a part of yourself. I've spent
so many years keeping people at a distance. I'm now
(38:47):
in a place where I'm comfortable enough with myself that
storytelling allows people to see another piece of me. Wow.
Speaker 3 (38:57):
Well, I'm very that I'm going to have the opportunity
to watch you do that later on this evening. Before
we close, I want to ask, how can we support you?
Speaker 1 (39:13):
Well, I mean the various opportunities that I'm engaged in. Actually,
you know what, you would be supporting me by taking
time for a young person in your space, by making
space for them. I'm not going to promote a book
or a website or an Instagram, none of that. You
(39:34):
would be helping me by helping another young person in
your space. For anybody that would listen or watch, there's
somebody in your space that needs a carrying adult. That
may be a niece, a nephew, a neighbor. So to
help me, it would be to help them know that
adults care and to make a difference by just being
(39:56):
willing to lend a listening ear to them.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your generosity and
taking time right before you have to get into something
to chat with me and to chat with the Shaping
Freedom audience. I really, really genuinely appreciate it, and thank
you for sharing so openly. I know that there are
(40:24):
those who are listening who will take note of that.
I think and thank you also for your requests that
people help the young people that are within their world
and within their orbit. They're looking to us for guidance,
for help, for instruction, and I would just add that
(40:49):
to your work. If you're an adult person, do your work.
Do your work so that you can show up more
powerfully for the people young people that are in your orbit. Absolutely,
because they want us help, the help, they need us healthy.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Absolutely, and it's one thank you so much, thank you am.
Yeah mm hmm, yeah h
Speaker 3 (41:17):
M hm
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