December 3, 2025 • 43 mins
A snow globe of a day turns into a reunion years in the making as we welcome my brother home and share our first Thanksgiving together in decades. We open about addiction, boundaries, small business stress, and the hope that comes from second chances.
• early holiday stress, small business sales push, and marketing noise
• seeing Christmas through our daughter’s eyes and finding perspective
• family history, addiction, prison time, and grief across years
• reunion timeline from halfway house to Thanksgiving Eve pickup
• first Thanksgiving together in twenty years and what it meant
• balancing hope with accountability and clear boundaries
• messages to people battling addiction and to their families
• gratitude for listeners and new cities joining the community
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Last week at our Liberty Thanksgiving table, I
did something that I haven'tdone in at least 20 years.
And my wife did something forthe very first time in her life
as well.
A special moment for theLiberties, that and more on this
(00:20):
week's episode of Share theStruggle Podcast.
Let me tell you something.
Everybody struggles.
The difference is some peoplechoose to go through it and some
choose to grow through it.
The choice is completely yours.
Which one you choose will have avery profound effect on the way
you live your life.
(00:54):
Uncomfortable conversations.
Uncomfortable conversationschallenge you, humble you, and
they build you.
It all makes sense.
Most disagreements, they stemfrom our own insecurities.
You are right where you need tobe.
(01:31):
What it do?
What it hot did it do?
Good Lord Almighty, episode 282.
And hot diggity damn is yourboy.
Excited to be back with you.
Oh, it's true.
It is damn true.
Okay.
Episode 282.
Y'all already know what thatmeans.
(01:52):
That means for 282 consecutiveweeks.
It's been me and you.
That's right, Boo.
You know it to be true.
Girl, you know it's true.
Girl, you know it's true.
Get into my boy band mode.
I don't know why I'd be in myboy band mode era right now.
My boy beep baby boo boy mid.
(02:14):
Man, that was a tough word forme to get out.
Did y'all catch that?
If you didn't, I pointed it outfor you like a big idiot.
I'm apparently right there inthe moment, I was living in my
boy band era right there.
When I should be embracing theChristmas season, okay, because
it is upon us.
And I'll tell you right now,folks, I am recording in the
(02:38):
Loud Proud American studio,which today happens to be the
kitchen.
Okay.
Nothing fancy over here.
But while I'm recording, rightacross from me in the living
room, I can see the Loud ProudAmerican Liberty Family rotating
Christmas tree.
That's right.
One of the biggest claims tofame that I have over here.
(02:59):
And I guess it's that one secretspecial touch that each family
has.
Like, hey, what's special aboutyou and your family's Christmas
decorations?
Someday they're gonna ask LittlePaisley that.
What do you what does yourfamily do that's special that
not every other family does?
What do they do for decorating?
Well, my daddy, he uh he puts aChristmas tree in a spinner
(03:20):
rooney.
Yeah, the tree spins around in acircle, like you're at Macy's or
something.
Mike, first off, my littlegirl's not gonna sound like um a
redneck in the bayou.
I don't know.
I don't know where that camefrom.
Lord, I apologize.
And the words of my wife, shewould have said, Lord, I
apologize to do with the pygmygoats down in Tennessee.
(03:41):
I don't know why she says that,but uh, here we are, folks.
My house is beginning to besurrounded by Christmas.
We have the rotating Christmastree.
It only has two ornaments on itcurrently.
One of them is Santa Claus and acowboy hat, and the other one
says Merry Christmas, y'all.
But that's rather fitting.
We have stacks upon stacks ofboxes and and uh totes just
(04:04):
waiting to be put away.
Christmas decorations as far asthe eye can see.
I'm standing in the corner of akitchen just trying to make
magic happen.
To my right, I see the rotatingmagical Christmas tree.
And to my left, I look out theuh double pane door there and I
see the falling snow.
That's right.
I, folks, am coming to you froman absolute snow globe today.
(04:28):
The Loud Proud American SnowGlobe Studios is where I'm
coming to you from today.
I'm gonna tell you right now,typically, when these two things
happen at the same time, shall Isay three, when I'm recording
for you and me, and theChristmas tree is rolling and
blinking and twinkling, and thesnow is falling, I get about as
festive as a fat guy can be.
(04:50):
The only more festivous, fatimusguy out there is old Snake Nick
himself, okay?
I usually get all geared up, alljacked up, all jollyed up.
Ho, ho, ho.
You believe me?
But I'm not feeling quite asfestive this year, and um, I
guess I'll peel back some ofthat onion with y'all real
quick.
But um, first reason why I'm notfeeling all so festive is I
(05:12):
didn't take these snow threatsseriously, and I'm not ready for
it.
We had way too many projectsgoing on, too many things going
on.
The plow is not on the plowtruck, the new plow tires are
not on the plow truck.
Shit, I ain't even bought themtires yet, but the ones that are
on the truck, they ain't gonnaget me too far.
I didn't even buy diesel for thetractor, okay?
I didn't take none of thisserious.
(05:33):
I said, shoot, we'll just driveover it for a little bit, okay?
I live on a dirt road driveway.
That baby is too soft.
I'm not looking to be out theremaking little Debbie Swiss
rolls, learning how to plow thedriveway, okay?
I don't need to be doing that.
I'm not up for ruining that.
But I realized while walking tothe mailbox today, taking the
new employee out for a littlewalk, a little whaling, which I
(05:58):
mentioned that chaos to y'alllast week.
While taking Whalen to the uhmailbox, I realized, shoot, you
just got a dumpster, you're nowon a dumpster rotation.
They're gonna be rolling in hereon Thursday, and you have a
couple people that aresupposedly coming off the old
marketplace Facebook salessituation, which I've had about
80 people stand me up in a week,so I'm not gonna put too much
(06:20):
faith into that.
But if I get pounded with snow,I'm gonna be out there figuring
it out.
So that's in the back of mymind.
I didn't stake the driveway, Ididn't mark the lanes, I didn't
do nothing yet, so I'm not quiteready for that.
I didn't even close everythingoff that should be closed.
During the snowstorm, I'mpushing lawnmowers and covering
tractors.
That's how unprepared andunserious your boy was.
(06:42):
I said, you know what?
I got more stuff than that totake care of.
Old Joe Cupo can put a frickin'cork in it.
I had to breathe.
Because I got off on a littlerant there.
So, number one, I guess that'sone reason why I'm not feeling
as festivous.
Number two, I am uh steadfast,focused, bound, and determined
(07:06):
to um create as much Christmassales activity for Loud Proud
American for the website, uh,trying to get things going.
As you know from listening overthe past few weeks, we're not on
the road right now uh due tosome vehicle situations and um
just a lack of events that wecould actually get into.
So I'm trying to be as creativeas I can from home.
(07:30):
A lot of you might have tuned inand seen our Black Friday lives,
our small business Saturdaylive, our Cyber Monday live.
We're doing everything we can todrum up some business the best
that we possibly can.
I'm gonna just right now, I'mgonna put a plea out there to
the people.
Can we break up those things?
Like, Black Friday is BlackFriday.
(07:52):
I always thought Small BusinessSaturday was a week after Black
Friday.
Doesn't make sense to me to dothem together.
All right.
The next thing is Cyber Monday,they all shouldn't be in a row.
It should be something likeBlack Friday, weekend off.
Everybody's gonna be doing thatthing, anyways.
Maybe Cyber Monday on that firstMonday after Black Friday, but I
(08:18):
digress.
I think we should go BlackFriday.
Everybody's hitting the old bigbox store scenario.
They're gonna do craft fairs andsuch too.
Following week should be SmallBusiness Saturday, and then that
Monday after should be CyberMonday.
That's gonna do a few things.
It's gonna help all of us spreadout our marketing, first and
foremost.
And y'all ain't gonna be gettingpounded by all the same stuff,
(08:39):
and we're gonna spread deals outall the way through the holiday
season.
I don't know why this isn'thappening.
I need to talk to some peopleand straighten this out, and I
decided to talk to you peoplefirst because I feel like
between all of us, we should beable to figure something out.
So there's that.
Been dealing with that, and it'sweird.
(09:00):
I think I'm getting older andI'm feeling more and more like
my old man.
My dad used to complain aboutthe holidays um leading up to
the holidays with all of thestress that he put on himself
about like, well, I'm just gonnafigure out how I'm gonna afford
it.
How am I gonna afford, you know,Christmas for the kids and and
the wife and paying the mortgageand running the business and all
(09:21):
these things?
I've heard all that from my dadforever.
I've always seen the stress onhis face, and I always tried my
own little way to help him out.
My dad always felt guilty if hecouldn't do enough.
And now that I'm a dad, I'll bedamn it.
I tell you what, I'm feeling theexact same way.
It gets me feeling a littleguilty, and uh it hurts me a
little bit that that's um theway I'm feeling.
(09:44):
But there's so much uncertaintyright now um in the world when
it comes to business.
I feel like we're on the cusp ofa tremendous year.
As y'all already know, if you'vebeen listening to the show, Loud
Proud American has already hadthe greatest, the largest, the
biggest uh net sale year in ourhistory.
(10:06):
I'm extremely proud by our umour success this year.
But I've never been broker, I'venever been more paralyzed by the
business and the debt because ofeverything else that's going on
around us, right?
Cost of living, all thosethings, um, big chances, big
risks, all those things comingto fruition and stacking up.
And uh I would be out theretrying to overcome a bunch of
(10:28):
these things if I didn't destroya friggin' the Low Proud
American Express.
All these things weigh on you,and then you're like, okay, what
do I do?
How do I how do I change this?
How do I get in front of this?
How do we fix this?
With those things happening,with all those things swirling
inside the snow globe, I'm alittle less um festivous this
year.
(10:48):
So I'm hoping that will clear.
Um shortly after recording this,I got a feeling the wife's gonna
put the heat on me to get intothe Christmas decorating to take
care of the scenario in thekitchen or living room here and
get ourselves looking festive.
My mom's house is already uh theNorth Pole, and Paisley loves
it.
And seeing my daughter look atthe Christmas tree for the first
(11:12):
time, the joy and wonder in hereyes, I truly know the meaning
of the season.
Like when you see that, you knowthe meaning of the season.
It's right there, it's rightthere in front of you.
Paisley was here last year forChristmas, but she was a
newborn, it wasn't the same.
She loves staring at the tree,but it was different.
This year, to see her run up tothe tree and to stand there and
(11:32):
to stare at it and try to stealsomething off of it, it's um
it's amazing.
I made this uh fence for ourChristmas tree a few years ago
to keep the puppy off of it atthe time, and I gave it to my
mom, and it just looks rusticand authentic, and it just
covers up the Christmas tree.
So Paisley will run to that treeand stand at the fence and hold
the fence and just gaze at thattree and just shore awe.
(11:58):
And I don't think there's abetter feeling than that.
Like I'm I've always heardpeople say, Oh, you know,
Christmas is for the kids andthis and that, and well, until
you have one, you don't reallyknow that.
I always thought, well,Christmas can be for everyone,
pal.
I mean, come on now, and it uhit can and always will be, but
just seeing the excitement inher eyes with everything is
(12:20):
amazing.
And I I think many peopleprobably do the same thing, but
I find myself now often lookingat her and seeing how she sees
the world and be envious of it.
Like just being envious of mychild, seeing the world and
knowing no harm, knowing noevil, seeing only pure good is
(12:45):
amazing.
And you just think and pray andwonder if somehow, someday, some
way, can we get back to that?
Will we ever be back to that?
Will we ever be as eager to seethe world as we once were as
children?
And as I think about that, Ioften sit there and think of how
(13:06):
disappointing it's gonna be forher to learn the truth about
this world when she begins tolearn how much evil and so much
hate is out there.
That's the sad thing.
That's the sad thing when yousit there and you go, someday
she's gonna figure out that thisworld isn't as great as she
feels it is right now.
So it's my job as a parent tokeep her feeling the way she is
(13:29):
for as long as I possibly can,and to show her as much good as
I possibly can.
And I guess that's probablywhere some of the Christmas
pressure comes from in the firstplace.
But all those things considered,I'm so tremendously excited to
do so many things with my littlegirl for the first time this
year.
And speaking of first time,we're gonna get into something
(13:52):
that we did for the first timeas a family, and something that
I did for the first time inshoot, at least 20 years, man.
And that is this year at theThanksgiving table, I sat down
and had Thanksgiving dinner sideby side with my brother.
(14:15):
My wife across from the table,my little baby girl staring at
her uncle.
If you guys are listeningtoday's show for the very first
time, if this is the first show,then you don't know.
If you've been here for a dayone, get your ones up.
(14:36):
I acknowledge you, I appreciateyou, and I thank you for being
on this 282 consecutive weekride that we are on.
And if you've been on this ride,then you know this.
And if you're just arrivinghere, then I'm gonna share a
little bit of this.
I'm just gonna kind of paint thepicture and pave the road for
the story to be told.
(14:56):
I came from a big family, butoftentimes I felt like an only
child.
My father had five kids in aprevious marriage, my mother had
one child in a previousmarriage, then they got together
and had me.
The bulk of the kids from mydad's marriage never really
accepted me, and uh most of themresented me.
(15:22):
Two years ago, I lost my father.
Leading up to that, we learnedthe true colors about that side
of the family and how theyreally felt about me and all my
assumptions that I grew up with,those hunches and notions and
feelings that I thought might betrue, that I was always told,
no, sir, those aren't true.
Those people love you, those areyour brothers and sisters.
Well, they didn't.
(15:42):
And uh the ones that did loveand care about me, they've
already passed on.
I lost two brothers, one of themwho I was really close to.
And the rest of them havedisowned us, and um one of them,
I've literally he lives acrossthe road from me uh in a tar
paper shack camper out in thewoods behind my cousin's house,
(16:06):
who let's just say they're noteven blood related, and the fact
that he's disowned me and myfamily means that technically
y'all aren't related at all, butthat is what it is.
I see that deadbeat piece ofgarbage all the time, and uh we
don't wave, we don'tacknowledge, we don't recognize,
(16:26):
we just move on like two shiftsin the night.
That part of my family is goneand over with.
My mother's only child withoutmy father.
So my mom's child before gettingwith my dad is my brother
Charlie, who is 10 years olderthan me.
(16:48):
And um, we were two peas in apod, uh, and grew up with him as
a role model and as an idol.
And as he entered high school,he started smoking weed, and it
kind of took him down some umbad paths and directions, and it
started as a gateway to himmaking a lifetime of poor
(17:09):
decisions.
Some things his fault, not allthings his fault, right?
But you don't get through lifewith everybody else making poor
decisions and you paying forthem.
Some of those decisions are1,000% your doing, and he made a
lot of those choices.
I watched my brother throw hislife away, and he spent and has
(17:34):
spent more of his life behindbars than outside of bars.
And I had a love-haterelationship because I poured
everything into him every timehe would go to jail, and I would
write to him just about everyday, and I would go see him
every weekend, and I would talkto him as much as I could, and
every time he would come home,he would choose his friends or
(17:56):
family over me.
And that got to a point ofresentment, and oftentimes we
would, you know, overcome thosethings, and then um it would
rear its ugly head again, right?
We'd come, he'd come out andwe'd start having a relationship
again, and before you know it,he's going back for something
else again.
So I dealt with that uh for mywhole life, and um my role
(18:23):
model, I felt lost his way andbegan to choose drugs over
family and over himself.
And here's a little remarkablefun fact for you.
I always blamed weed as thegateway to this.
I always blamed it as the firsttipping point, the first
(18:45):
decision that my brother madethat took him from me, that took
his life away from him.
I know that's not the onlyblame, but that's the way I
looked at it, and that's how Ijustify it as a small child.
Now, at age 42, I have neversmoked weed in my life because I
(19:05):
blame it for contributing to mybrother's downfall.
With all that said,unfortunately, my brother didn't
really get to see his kids growup.
He wasn't around for a lot ofthose things.
I think that I've seen or been apart of a lot more of his kids'
lives, unfortunately, than hehas throughout the years.
(19:28):
And I'm saying all these thingsthat just to put out there that
he's made bad choices and poordecisions.
But I love my brother.
I love him with all my heart.
We don't always get along, wedon't always see eye to eye.
But I spent a great portion ofmy life looking up to him and
wanting to be like him.
(19:48):
Like every little boy with a bigbrother, he was 10 years older
than me.
He was the star in football, inwrestling, he was charismatic,
he was just had a greatpersonality.
He he was a heck of an athlete.
Everything about him you justwanted to be.
And it was heartbreaking all thetimes that he went away to jail.
(20:13):
And as I got older, we grew alittle further apart, and you
know, I resented him for some ofhis decision making, but I would
always forgive and give thebenefit of opportunity because I
love my brother, and I've alwayswanted him to live the life that
(20:35):
I know he deserves, and to havethe life that he so certainly
deserves.
And it's not gonna be easy forhim to repair and replace and
remend and rebuild bridges andrelationships, and I'm not gonna
speak for him and his, you know,his relationships and and those
(20:56):
things that he has to do.
I'm not gonna get into any ofthat, I'm not gonna weigh
opinions on um familyrelationships, whatever they
are, whether it's between himand my mother or um his kids or
his friends or or otherrelatives.
I'm not here for any of that.
I'm just here to say that I hopeand pray he has found his way.
(21:18):
And there's been a couple ofthings that have um given me
glimmers of hope.
And one of those is him askingto go to church with me and
Allie.
And um, I'm looking forward tothat.
And for that to have come fromhim, not from us, I think is
tremendous.
(21:40):
But that's just me kind ofsetting the scene a little bit
here for you guys.
There's episodes on this in thepodcast that you can go back to.
I've had difficulty with mybrother during his times in jail
where I felt he was selfish, Ifelt that he was taking
advantage of my mother, I felthe was taking advantage of
(22:01):
situations, he wasn't acceptingresponsibility, he was pushing
blame on others, and because ofthat, I really wasn't ready to
forgive.
And he still has a lot of workto do for all of us to be um
accepting and understanding, butthat's part of the process.
I'm saying all of this to tellall of you that a few months ago
(22:28):
my brother was sent home fromprison.
Not to us, but to a halfwayhouse.
And I guess maybe I've jumpedahead here a little bit because
my brother was sentenced tofederal prison for a 15-year
prison charge.
He was charged as a lifelongcriminal and a felon in
(22:48):
possession of a gun who firedthat weapon.
Those were part of his charges.
He was sentenced to 15 years.
He spent a lot of uh that timein Indiana, in Florida, and
during that time, during thatsentence, and imagine you being
away from your family, yourchildren, your mother for 15
(23:12):
years while he was gone.
Our grandmother passed, ourgrandfather passed, two of our
brothers passed, and my fatherpassed.
All in the time he was gone.
Countless friends of his havepassed, and also during that
time, his children got older,they graduated high school, they
(23:37):
started their lives.
Also, during that time, I met mywife, and we had our first
child.
Allie and I have been marriedfor nearly 10 years.
This coming year in 2026 will beour 10-year anniversary.
We've been together for umalmost 13 years, I want to say.
(23:57):
With all of that, that meansthat my wife had never met my
brother, just talked over thephone.
So a few months ago, he wasreleased from prison.
He was put on a plane, and heflew from uh Washington, D.C.
to to Portland, Maine.
(24:18):
And um, his daughter and mymother went to pick him up, and
me and Allie and Paisley ranthere to greet him as well as he
got off the flight.
And we were able to see him, andthey were able to meet for the
first time.
And my little girl has anamazing relationship with my
brother via the phone.
Every time they would talk, likeon the phone, every time he
(24:40):
would call, he would talk toher.
He calls her peanut butter, hegrowls at her.
And to this day, if you say,Paisley, what does Uncle Charlie
say?
She will say, and she growls athim.
So my brother was um sent to ahalfway house.
He's been there uh doing hisbest for the past few months.
(25:00):
He uh was working, doing allthese things, and um, the day
before Thanksgiving, so onThanksgiving Eve, he was
released to us.
Thanksgiving Eve at six in themorning.
My mother and I are outside thedoor at the halfway house
picking him up, and he came hometo us.
(25:21):
He's staying with my mom whilehe gets on his feet, and that
was the first time we had allbeen together in such a long
time, and the first time everfor my wife.
On the way home, he wanted tostop at Walmart and and buy
something for Paisley.
He got her a lion because he'salways roaring and growling at
(25:42):
her.
He bought her a little lion anda blanket, and um, we spent a
lot of time together onThanksgiving Eve, and at night
we all hung out and listened tomusic and told stories and
learned about some of the thingshe had to go through, and uh we
shared we shared laughs andmemories and and uh yeah it was
(26:07):
it was crazy, absolutely crazyto sit back and say this is
happening, this is this is realand then Thursday.
Thanksgiving day It's been crazybecause for the longest time,
holidays for me, Thanksgivingmeals for me was my mother, my
(26:32):
father, my brother David, andmyself.
My brother David died of cancer.
I want to say eleven or twelveyears ago now, two years ago my
father died, cancer being a bigportion of that reason.
And over the years the dinnertable have has evolved from my
(26:55):
brother David and my father andmy mother and me to my father
and my mother and my wife Allie.
And now, over the past twoyears, after my father leaving
us, it's been my mother, mywife, and my baby.
On Thursday, I sat next to mybrother.
(27:18):
I'm telling you, I don't recallhaving a Thanksgiving meal with
him in probably 20 years.
Allie never having one.
The baby sat in her high chairat the head of the table, just
staring at my brother the entiretime.
I never thought this wouldhappen.
For so many levels and so manylayers, I never thought this
(27:41):
would happen.
For the longest time, I neverthought that I would be a
father.
It was hard to imagine and hardto envision.
I'm still not over the fact thatmy father's not here for dinner,
and I'm sure I'll never be overthat.
(28:04):
As sad as this might sound Ibegan to condition myself to the
feeling I would never haveanother holiday wee meal with my
brother again.
Because I had my doubts whetherhe would ever make it back out
of prison.
And if he did, if he would evermake it home, and if he ever got
(28:27):
home, if he would stay clean andstay straight and achieve and
live the life he deserves tolive.
Now there's a long, long roadahead for my brother.
This is just the beginning, andsurely we all have our doubts,
but I hope and pray that this isit for him.
(28:49):
I hope and pray he makes theright choices.
I hope and pray he learns tomake the right decisions, to
take accountability, to takeresponsibility.
I'm telling you.
I began to condition myself tothe fact I may never see my
(29:12):
brother again.
Fifteen years is a long time,but above and beyond those
fifteen years, it's all theother times, all the other years
he spent behind bars.
I can't physically tell you howmany years he has out of prison
versus how many he has inprison.
(29:37):
I wondered if my daughter wouldever meet her uncle.
I wondered if my wife would evermeet her brother-in-law.
The fact that it happened ishard to believe.
I still can't process it.
(30:02):
I don't know if I'm doing thebest job painting the picture to
help you guys understand, butit's been a long, long road to
get here.
And I have a lifetime of livingin fear, waiting for a call from
(30:23):
my brother about my brother.
For him to be home.
The happiness in my mother tohave her two sons at
Thanksgiving with hergranddaughter and her
daughter-in-law.
That's all I really cared about.
(30:45):
And I'm gonna say this.
We've had our love-hatesituation, me and my brother,
through the years.
We've had deep conversations andletters and phone calls.
But I'd never wanted ourhistory, my history, to affect
(31:07):
anybody else's.
I remember being that little boywatching his role model and idol
get locked up.
I remember being that little boywho on Saturday would drive to
the prison with his mother, beescorted in in a van, in a
(31:29):
tunnel with all the lights goingout, so you didn't know the way
in or out, behind the barbedwire, behind all the fences.
I remember being that littleboy.
Waiting in the lobby, surroundedby cement, going through metal
detectors, being frisked,sitting at a table with guards
watching over you, havingvisits.
I remember being that little boythat used to sit on one side of
(31:52):
the putsy glass, talking througha little dingy little drilled
hole in the wall, lookingthrough that grimy, scratched
up, grungy plastic.
Having conversation, my brother.
I remember having to hold thecorded payphone and to see him
on the other side in a jumpsuiton a metal stool with an arm
(32:17):
guard standing over him whenyou're having a conversation.
I remember those times as alittle boy.
I remember losing my role model.
I remember my watching my herobe let off in shackles and
cuffs.
That history for me.
(33:21):
What I want more than that isthree things.
I want my wife to have thebrother-in-law that she deserves
(33:44):
to have.
I want my brother to have asister that he deserves to have.
I want them to have thatrelationship, I want them to
have a connection, I want themto be there for each other.
They both deserve every ounce ofthat.
(34:06):
And I want my little girl tohave the hero uncle that I had
as a brother.
But only this time to not betaken from her.
I sat at that table onThanksgiving and I looked in my
(34:28):
little girl's eyes, just likeshe stares at the Christmas
tree.
She stared at her uncle.
With the same joy and the samewonder.
(34:49):
I want her to have that herouncle.
I want that for her.
And I want to be him to be thehero uncle for him.
He deserves that.
He deserves to have somebodylook up to him.
(35:12):
He deserves to have somebodylook at him and love him without
any prejudgment, without anyhistory.
The same way that my little girllooks at the world, like it can
do no wrong, like everything cando no harm.
She can look at my brother asher uncle that can do no wrong,
(35:36):
that can do no harm.
There is no past history, thereis no life lesson she needs to
learn that he's already lived.
I want him to be the hero unclefor her, for him.
He deserves to have somebody inthis family look at him with no
(35:56):
judgment.
To look at him and see onlyopportunity.
He deserves that and shedeserves that.
For all of them.
Me?
I can't even believe we're here.
(36:20):
I can't even believe it.
I truly don't know how toprocess it.
I truly don't know how to put inactual words as to how I feel.
I hope today's episode helps youunderstand how important doing
(36:43):
something for the first timereally was for this family.
And I always say that I hopethat our episodes that our shows
have a positive message thatechoes and grows.
I'm hopeful that today a fewthings came from this show.
(37:05):
Number one if you're the personout there struggling, if you're
addicted, if you're making baddecisions because you're more
concerned with feeding andfueling your addiction than you
are and living the life youdeserve, then let this be a
(37:28):
wake-up call.
Because if you're listening andyou're addicted, I want you to
start asking yourself, how wouldit feel to spend the majority of
your life behind bars?
How would it feel for you tomiss out on your life?
Your life went on without you.
Children grew, parents passed,people moved on.
(37:51):
How would you feel living on thesidelines of your own life?
Let this be the wake up for you.
To the families on the otherside of addiction, to the
families on the other side ofchaos.
I hope this is a glimmer of hopefor you.
(38:12):
That no matter how bleak theodds are, someday, some way, you
all could be together again andstronger together.
All of us, all of us in thisstory have lived our lives.
We've been hardened by fire,we've been tried by time.
(38:36):
We're all different people thanmy brother was 15 years ago.
We're all different people asourselves 15 years ago.
When I think about all that'schanged in my life, who I was
the day he left to the day hecame home, to who he was the day
he left, to how my mother wasthe day he left, to how my wife
(38:57):
was.
She hadn't even met us yet, tothink about all that has
happened and all that haschanged, and to think about the
struggle that we have all livedand the struggle that we all
continue to face.
Understanding we can do itbetter and easier together, that
(39:18):
creates hope.
To all of you listening who arebattling and living on the
outside of chaos just like wedid, I pray for you that someday
what happened to us onThanksgiving can happen to you,
that you too can be surprised byhaving one of your loved ones
back by your side.
(39:38):
And when you get together, sticktogether, stay together, be
stronger together.
I hope that for each and everyone of you.
And to my brother, who willprobably never listen to this,
but if he ever does, listen tothis.
(40:03):
I love you.
And I'm always gonna love you.
I want the best for you.
I want you to finally live thelife you deserve.
(40:24):
And if you have this up, I'mgonna kick your ass.
I swear that our lives should bea movie.
(40:45):
You know what?
After 282 consecutive episodes,at some point, somehow, someday,
some way, there might be enoughhere to put together, let
Hollywood sprinkle a little timeand distance on it and make
ourselves want a hell of alittle Christmas special, okay?
That's what I'm hoping for.
Thank you to each and every oneof you.
If this is episode one for you,then thank you, and I welcome
(41:06):
you.
If this is episode 282 for you,then you already know.
I love you.
We got a few new cities andstates listening to this week.
A couple of them popped up on mytimeline.
Methuen, Massachusetts.
Welcome.
Alpharetta, Georgia.
I don't know if I mentioned thatone before or not.
I don't think I have.
Alpharetta, Georgia, andBarberton, Ohio.
(41:26):
O H I O.
I appreciate all of y'all.
As you already know, please findall things podcast related at
WWShare the Struggle Podcast dotcom.
And you should know.
If you're gonna give a gift thisyear, make it a gift proudly
made in the USA.
Support your neighbors and yourfriends.
Shop small, buy local, buyAmerican give, the gift of Loud
(41:52):
Proud American.
WWW Loud Proud American dotshop.
Whew, I love y'all.
I appreciate you.
Thank you.
Supporting our American dream.
Now go wash fucking hands.
The filthy savage.
That's it, and that's all,Biggie Smalls.
(42:25):
If you're allowed proud Americanand you find yourself just
wanting more, find me on YouTubeand Facebook at Loud Proud
American on the Facebook, as mymama calls it.
If you're a fan of the GrahamCrackett, you want to find me on
Instagram for all the kids atTickety Talking on the TikTok,
(42:45):
you can find me on both of thoseat Loud underscore Proud
underscore America.
(43:40):
Never wash your fucking hands,you filthy savage.
Last week at our Liberty Thanksgiving table, I
did something that I haven'tdone in at least 20 years.
And my wife did something forthe very first time in her life
as well.
A special moment for theLiberties, that and more on this
(00:20):
week's episode of Share theStruggle Podcast.
Let me tell you something.
Everybody struggles.
The difference is some peoplechoose to go through it and some
choose to grow through it.
The choice is completely yours.
Which one you choose will have avery profound effect on the way
you live your life.
(00:54):
Uncomfortable conversations.
Uncomfortable conversationschallenge you, humble you, and
they build you.
It all makes sense.
Most disagreements, they stemfrom our own insecurities.
You are right where you need tobe.
(01:31):
What it do?
What it hot did it do?
Good Lord Almighty, episode 282.
And hot diggity damn is yourboy.
Excited to be back with you.
Oh, it's true.
It is damn true.
Okay.
Episode 282.
Y'all already know what thatmeans.
(01:52):
That means for 282 consecutiveweeks.
It's been me and you.
That's right, Boo.
You know it to be true.
Girl, you know it's true.
Girl, you know it's true.
Get into my boy band mode.
I don't know why I'd be in myboy band mode era right now.
My boy beep baby boo boy mid.
(02:14):
Man, that was a tough word forme to get out.
Did y'all catch that?
If you didn't, I pointed it outfor you like a big idiot.
I'm apparently right there inthe moment, I was living in my
boy band era right there.
When I should be embracing theChristmas season, okay, because
it is upon us.
And I'll tell you right now,folks, I am recording in the
(02:38):
Loud Proud American studio,which today happens to be the
kitchen.
Okay.
Nothing fancy over here.
But while I'm recording, rightacross from me in the living
room, I can see the Loud ProudAmerican Liberty Family rotating
Christmas tree.
That's right.
One of the biggest claims tofame that I have over here.
(02:59):
And I guess it's that one secretspecial touch that each family
has.
Like, hey, what's special aboutyou and your family's Christmas
decorations?
Someday they're gonna ask LittlePaisley that.
What do you what does yourfamily do that's special that
not every other family does?
What do they do for decorating?
Well, my daddy, he uh he puts aChristmas tree in a spinner
(03:20):
rooney.
Yeah, the tree spins around in acircle, like you're at Macy's or
something.
Mike, first off, my littlegirl's not gonna sound like um a
redneck in the bayou.
I don't know.
I don't know where that camefrom.
Lord, I apologize.
And the words of my wife, shewould have said, Lord, I
apologize to do with the pygmygoats down in Tennessee.
(03:41):
I don't know why she says that,but uh, here we are, folks.
My house is beginning to besurrounded by Christmas.
We have the rotating Christmastree.
It only has two ornaments on itcurrently.
One of them is Santa Claus and acowboy hat, and the other one
says Merry Christmas, y'all.
But that's rather fitting.
We have stacks upon stacks ofboxes and and uh totes just
(04:04):
waiting to be put away.
Christmas decorations as far asthe eye can see.
I'm standing in the corner of akitchen just trying to make
magic happen.
To my right, I see the rotatingmagical Christmas tree.
And to my left, I look out theuh double pane door there and I
see the falling snow.
That's right.
I, folks, am coming to you froman absolute snow globe today.
(04:28):
The Loud Proud American SnowGlobe Studios is where I'm
coming to you from today.
I'm gonna tell you right now,typically, when these two things
happen at the same time, shall Isay three, when I'm recording
for you and me, and theChristmas tree is rolling and
blinking and twinkling, and thesnow is falling, I get about as
festive as a fat guy can be.
(04:50):
The only more festivous, fatimusguy out there is old Snake Nick
himself, okay?
I usually get all geared up, alljacked up, all jollyed up.
Ho, ho, ho.
You believe me?
But I'm not feeling quite asfestive this year, and um, I
guess I'll peel back some ofthat onion with y'all real
quick.
But um, first reason why I'm notfeeling all so festive is I
(05:12):
didn't take these snow threatsseriously, and I'm not ready for
it.
We had way too many projectsgoing on, too many things going
on.
The plow is not on the plowtruck, the new plow tires are
not on the plow truck.
Shit, I ain't even bought themtires yet, but the ones that are
on the truck, they ain't gonnaget me too far.
I didn't even buy diesel for thetractor, okay?
I didn't take none of thisserious.
(05:33):
I said, shoot, we'll just driveover it for a little bit, okay?
I live on a dirt road driveway.
That baby is too soft.
I'm not looking to be out theremaking little Debbie Swiss
rolls, learning how to plow thedriveway, okay?
I don't need to be doing that.
I'm not up for ruining that.
But I realized while walking tothe mailbox today, taking the
new employee out for a littlewalk, a little whaling, which I
(05:58):
mentioned that chaos to y'alllast week.
While taking Whalen to the uhmailbox, I realized, shoot, you
just got a dumpster, you're nowon a dumpster rotation.
They're gonna be rolling in hereon Thursday, and you have a
couple people that aresupposedly coming off the old
marketplace Facebook salessituation, which I've had about
80 people stand me up in a week,so I'm not gonna put too much
(06:20):
faith into that.
But if I get pounded with snow,I'm gonna be out there figuring
it out.
So that's in the back of mymind.
I didn't stake the driveway, Ididn't mark the lanes, I didn't
do nothing yet, so I'm not quiteready for that.
I didn't even close everythingoff that should be closed.
During the snowstorm, I'mpushing lawnmowers and covering
tractors.
That's how unprepared andunserious your boy was.
(06:42):
I said, you know what?
I got more stuff than that totake care of.
Old Joe Cupo can put a frickin'cork in it.
I had to breathe.
Because I got off on a littlerant there.
So, number one, I guess that'sone reason why I'm not feeling
as festivous.
Number two, I am uh steadfast,focused, bound, and determined
(07:06):
to um create as much Christmassales activity for Loud Proud
American for the website, uh,trying to get things going.
As you know from listening overthe past few weeks, we're not on
the road right now uh due tosome vehicle situations and um
just a lack of events that wecould actually get into.
So I'm trying to be as creativeas I can from home.
(07:30):
A lot of you might have tuned inand seen our Black Friday lives,
our small business Saturdaylive, our Cyber Monday live.
We're doing everything we can todrum up some business the best
that we possibly can.
I'm gonna just right now, I'mgonna put a plea out there to
the people.
Can we break up those things?
Like, Black Friday is BlackFriday.
(07:52):
I always thought Small BusinessSaturday was a week after Black
Friday.
Doesn't make sense to me to dothem together.
All right.
The next thing is Cyber Monday,they all shouldn't be in a row.
It should be something likeBlack Friday, weekend off.
Everybody's gonna be doing thatthing, anyways.
Maybe Cyber Monday on that firstMonday after Black Friday, but I
(08:18):
digress.
I think we should go BlackFriday.
Everybody's hitting the old bigbox store scenario.
They're gonna do craft fairs andsuch too.
Following week should be SmallBusiness Saturday, and then that
Monday after should be CyberMonday.
That's gonna do a few things.
It's gonna help all of us spreadout our marketing, first and
foremost.
And y'all ain't gonna be gettingpounded by all the same stuff,
(08:39):
and we're gonna spread deals outall the way through the holiday
season.
I don't know why this isn'thappening.
I need to talk to some peopleand straighten this out, and I
decided to talk to you peoplefirst because I feel like
between all of us, we should beable to figure something out.
So there's that.
Been dealing with that, and it'sweird.
(09:00):
I think I'm getting older andI'm feeling more and more like
my old man.
My dad used to complain aboutthe holidays um leading up to
the holidays with all of thestress that he put on himself
about like, well, I'm just gonnafigure out how I'm gonna afford
it.
How am I gonna afford, you know,Christmas for the kids and and
the wife and paying the mortgageand running the business and all
(09:21):
these things?
I've heard all that from my dadforever.
I've always seen the stress onhis face, and I always tried my
own little way to help him out.
My dad always felt guilty if hecouldn't do enough.
And now that I'm a dad, I'll bedamn it.
I tell you what, I'm feeling theexact same way.
It gets me feeling a littleguilty, and uh it hurts me a
little bit that that's um theway I'm feeling.
(09:44):
But there's so much uncertaintyright now um in the world when
it comes to business.
I feel like we're on the cusp ofa tremendous year.
As y'all already know, if you'vebeen listening to the show, Loud
Proud American has already hadthe greatest, the largest, the
biggest uh net sale year in ourhistory.
(10:06):
I'm extremely proud by our umour success this year.
But I've never been broker, I'venever been more paralyzed by the
business and the debt because ofeverything else that's going on
around us, right?
Cost of living, all thosethings, um, big chances, big
risks, all those things comingto fruition and stacking up.
And uh I would be out theretrying to overcome a bunch of
(10:28):
these things if I didn't destroya friggin' the Low Proud
American Express.
All these things weigh on you,and then you're like, okay, what
do I do?
How do I how do I change this?
How do I get in front of this?
How do we fix this?
With those things happening,with all those things swirling
inside the snow globe, I'm alittle less um festivous this
year.
(10:48):
So I'm hoping that will clear.
Um shortly after recording this,I got a feeling the wife's gonna
put the heat on me to get intothe Christmas decorating to take
care of the scenario in thekitchen or living room here and
get ourselves looking festive.
My mom's house is already uh theNorth Pole, and Paisley loves
it.
And seeing my daughter look atthe Christmas tree for the first
(11:12):
time, the joy and wonder in hereyes, I truly know the meaning
of the season.
Like when you see that, you knowthe meaning of the season.
It's right there, it's rightthere in front of you.
Paisley was here last year forChristmas, but she was a
newborn, it wasn't the same.
She loves staring at the tree,but it was different.
This year, to see her run up tothe tree and to stand there and
(11:32):
to stare at it and try to stealsomething off of it, it's um
it's amazing.
I made this uh fence for ourChristmas tree a few years ago
to keep the puppy off of it atthe time, and I gave it to my
mom, and it just looks rusticand authentic, and it just
covers up the Christmas tree.
So Paisley will run to that treeand stand at the fence and hold
the fence and just gaze at thattree and just shore awe.
(11:58):
And I don't think there's abetter feeling than that.
Like I'm I've always heardpeople say, Oh, you know,
Christmas is for the kids andthis and that, and well, until
you have one, you don't reallyknow that.
I always thought, well,Christmas can be for everyone,
pal.
I mean, come on now, and it uhit can and always will be, but
just seeing the excitement inher eyes with everything is
(12:20):
amazing.
And I I think many peopleprobably do the same thing, but
I find myself now often lookingat her and seeing how she sees
the world and be envious of it.
Like just being envious of mychild, seeing the world and
knowing no harm, knowing noevil, seeing only pure good is
(12:45):
amazing.
And you just think and pray andwonder if somehow, someday, some
way, can we get back to that?
Will we ever be back to that?
Will we ever be as eager to seethe world as we once were as
children?
And as I think about that, Ioften sit there and think of how
(13:06):
disappointing it's gonna be forher to learn the truth about
this world when she begins tolearn how much evil and so much
hate is out there.
That's the sad thing.
That's the sad thing when yousit there and you go, someday
she's gonna figure out that thisworld isn't as great as she
feels it is right now.
So it's my job as a parent tokeep her feeling the way she is
(13:29):
for as long as I possibly can,and to show her as much good as
I possibly can.
And I guess that's probablywhere some of the Christmas
pressure comes from in the firstplace.
But all those things considered,I'm so tremendously excited to
do so many things with my littlegirl for the first time this
year.
And speaking of first time,we're gonna get into something
(13:52):
that we did for the first timeas a family, and something that
I did for the first time inshoot, at least 20 years, man.
And that is this year at theThanksgiving table, I sat down
and had Thanksgiving dinner sideby side with my brother.
(14:15):
My wife across from the table,my little baby girl staring at
her uncle.
If you guys are listeningtoday's show for the very first
time, if this is the first show,then you don't know.
If you've been here for a dayone, get your ones up.
(14:36):
I acknowledge you, I appreciateyou, and I thank you for being
on this 282 consecutive weekride that we are on.
And if you've been on this ride,then you know this.
And if you're just arrivinghere, then I'm gonna share a
little bit of this.
I'm just gonna kind of paint thepicture and pave the road for
the story to be told.
(14:56):
I came from a big family, butoftentimes I felt like an only
child.
My father had five kids in aprevious marriage, my mother had
one child in a previousmarriage, then they got together
and had me.
The bulk of the kids from mydad's marriage never really
accepted me, and uh most of themresented me.
(15:22):
Two years ago, I lost my father.
Leading up to that, we learnedthe true colors about that side
of the family and how theyreally felt about me and all my
assumptions that I grew up with,those hunches and notions and
feelings that I thought might betrue, that I was always told,
no, sir, those aren't true.
Those people love you, those areyour brothers and sisters.
Well, they didn't.
(15:42):
And uh the ones that did loveand care about me, they've
already passed on.
I lost two brothers, one of themwho I was really close to.
And the rest of them havedisowned us, and um one of them,
I've literally he lives acrossthe road from me uh in a tar
paper shack camper out in thewoods behind my cousin's house,
(16:06):
who let's just say they're noteven blood related, and the fact
that he's disowned me and myfamily means that technically
y'all aren't related at all, butthat is what it is.
I see that deadbeat piece ofgarbage all the time, and uh we
don't wave, we don'tacknowledge, we don't recognize,
(16:26):
we just move on like two shiftsin the night.
That part of my family is goneand over with.
My mother's only child withoutmy father.
So my mom's child before gettingwith my dad is my brother
Charlie, who is 10 years olderthan me.
(16:48):
And um, we were two peas in apod, uh, and grew up with him as
a role model and as an idol.
And as he entered high school,he started smoking weed, and it
kind of took him down some umbad paths and directions, and it
started as a gateway to himmaking a lifetime of poor
(17:09):
decisions.
Some things his fault, not allthings his fault, right?
But you don't get through lifewith everybody else making poor
decisions and you paying forthem.
Some of those decisions are1,000% your doing, and he made a
lot of those choices.
I watched my brother throw hislife away, and he spent and has
(17:34):
spent more of his life behindbars than outside of bars.
And I had a love-haterelationship because I poured
everything into him every timehe would go to jail, and I would
write to him just about everyday, and I would go see him
every weekend, and I would talkto him as much as I could, and
every time he would come home,he would choose his friends or
(17:56):
family over me.
And that got to a point ofresentment, and oftentimes we
would, you know, overcome thosethings, and then um it would
rear its ugly head again, right?
We'd come, he'd come out andwe'd start having a relationship
again, and before you know it,he's going back for something
else again.
So I dealt with that uh for mywhole life, and um my role
(18:23):
model, I felt lost his way andbegan to choose drugs over
family and over himself.
And here's a little remarkablefun fact for you.
I always blamed weed as thegateway to this.
I always blamed it as the firsttipping point, the first
(18:45):
decision that my brother madethat took him from me, that took
his life away from him.
I know that's not the onlyblame, but that's the way I
looked at it, and that's how Ijustify it as a small child.
Now, at age 42, I have neversmoked weed in my life because I
(19:05):
blame it for contributing to mybrother's downfall.
With all that said,unfortunately, my brother didn't
really get to see his kids growup.
He wasn't around for a lot ofthose things.
I think that I've seen or been apart of a lot more of his kids'
lives, unfortunately, than hehas throughout the years.
(19:28):
And I'm saying all these thingsthat just to put out there that
he's made bad choices and poordecisions.
But I love my brother.
I love him with all my heart.
We don't always get along, wedon't always see eye to eye.
But I spent a great portion ofmy life looking up to him and
wanting to be like him.
(19:48):
Like every little boy with a bigbrother, he was 10 years older
than me.
He was the star in football, inwrestling, he was charismatic,
he was just had a greatpersonality.
He he was a heck of an athlete.
Everything about him you justwanted to be.
And it was heartbreaking all thetimes that he went away to jail.
(20:13):
And as I got older, we grew alittle further apart, and you
know, I resented him for some ofhis decision making, but I would
always forgive and give thebenefit of opportunity because I
love my brother, and I've alwayswanted him to live the life that
(20:35):
I know he deserves, and to havethe life that he so certainly
deserves.
And it's not gonna be easy forhim to repair and replace and
remend and rebuild bridges andrelationships, and I'm not gonna
speak for him and his, you know,his relationships and and those
(20:56):
things that he has to do.
I'm not gonna get into any ofthat, I'm not gonna weigh
opinions on um familyrelationships, whatever they
are, whether it's between himand my mother or um his kids or
his friends or or otherrelatives.
I'm not here for any of that.
I'm just here to say that I hopeand pray he has found his way.
(21:18):
And there's been a couple ofthings that have um given me
glimmers of hope.
And one of those is him askingto go to church with me and
Allie.
And um, I'm looking forward tothat.
And for that to have come fromhim, not from us, I think is
tremendous.
(21:40):
But that's just me kind ofsetting the scene a little bit
here for you guys.
There's episodes on this in thepodcast that you can go back to.
I've had difficulty with mybrother during his times in jail
where I felt he was selfish, Ifelt that he was taking
advantage of my mother, I felthe was taking advantage of
(22:01):
situations, he wasn't acceptingresponsibility, he was pushing
blame on others, and because ofthat, I really wasn't ready to
forgive.
And he still has a lot of workto do for all of us to be um
accepting and understanding, butthat's part of the process.
I'm saying all of this to tellall of you that a few months ago
(22:28):
my brother was sent home fromprison.
Not to us, but to a halfwayhouse.
And I guess maybe I've jumpedahead here a little bit because
my brother was sentenced tofederal prison for a 15-year
prison charge.
He was charged as a lifelongcriminal and a felon in
(22:48):
possession of a gun who firedthat weapon.
Those were part of his charges.
He was sentenced to 15 years.
He spent a lot of uh that timein Indiana, in Florida, and
during that time, during thatsentence, and imagine you being
away from your family, yourchildren, your mother for 15
(23:12):
years while he was gone.
Our grandmother passed, ourgrandfather passed, two of our
brothers passed, and my fatherpassed.
All in the time he was gone.
Countless friends of his havepassed, and also during that
time, his children got older,they graduated high school, they
(23:37):
started their lives.
Also, during that time, I met mywife, and we had our first
child.
Allie and I have been marriedfor nearly 10 years.
This coming year in 2026 will beour 10-year anniversary.
We've been together for umalmost 13 years, I want to say.
(23:57):
With all of that, that meansthat my wife had never met my
brother, just talked over thephone.
So a few months ago, he wasreleased from prison.
He was put on a plane, and heflew from uh Washington, D.C.
to to Portland, Maine.
(24:18):
And um, his daughter and mymother went to pick him up, and
me and Allie and Paisley ranthere to greet him as well as he
got off the flight.
And we were able to see him, andthey were able to meet for the
first time.
And my little girl has anamazing relationship with my
brother via the phone.
Every time they would talk, likeon the phone, every time he
(24:40):
would call, he would talk toher.
He calls her peanut butter, hegrowls at her.
And to this day, if you say,Paisley, what does Uncle Charlie
say?
She will say, and she growls athim.
So my brother was um sent to ahalfway house.
He's been there uh doing hisbest for the past few months.
(25:00):
He uh was working, doing allthese things, and um, the day
before Thanksgiving, so onThanksgiving Eve, he was
released to us.
Thanksgiving Eve at six in themorning.
My mother and I are outside thedoor at the halfway house
picking him up, and he came hometo us.
(25:21):
He's staying with my mom whilehe gets on his feet, and that
was the first time we had allbeen together in such a long
time, and the first time everfor my wife.
On the way home, he wanted tostop at Walmart and and buy
something for Paisley.
He got her a lion because he'salways roaring and growling at
(25:42):
her.
He bought her a little lion anda blanket, and um, we spent a
lot of time together onThanksgiving Eve, and at night
we all hung out and listened tomusic and told stories and
learned about some of the thingshe had to go through, and uh we
shared we shared laughs andmemories and and uh yeah it was
(26:07):
it was crazy, absolutely crazyto sit back and say this is
happening, this is this is realand then Thursday.
Thanksgiving day It's been crazybecause for the longest time,
holidays for me, Thanksgivingmeals for me was my mother, my
(26:32):
father, my brother David, andmyself.
My brother David died of cancer.
I want to say eleven or twelveyears ago now, two years ago my
father died, cancer being a bigportion of that reason.
And over the years the dinnertable have has evolved from my
(26:55):
brother David and my father andmy mother and me to my father
and my mother and my wife Allie.
And now, over the past twoyears, after my father leaving
us, it's been my mother, mywife, and my baby.
On Thursday, I sat next to mybrother.
(27:18):
I'm telling you, I don't recallhaving a Thanksgiving meal with
him in probably 20 years.
Allie never having one.
The baby sat in her high chairat the head of the table, just
staring at my brother the entiretime.
I never thought this wouldhappen.
For so many levels and so manylayers, I never thought this
(27:41):
would happen.
For the longest time, I neverthought that I would be a
father.
It was hard to imagine and hardto envision.
I'm still not over the fact thatmy father's not here for dinner,
and I'm sure I'll never be overthat.
(28:04):
As sad as this might sound Ibegan to condition myself to the
feeling I would never haveanother holiday wee meal with my
brother again.
Because I had my doubts whetherhe would ever make it back out
of prison.
And if he did, if he would evermake it home, and if he ever got
(28:27):
home, if he would stay clean andstay straight and achieve and
live the life he deserves tolive.
Now there's a long, long roadahead for my brother.
This is just the beginning, andsurely we all have our doubts,
but I hope and pray that this isit for him.
(28:49):
I hope and pray he makes theright choices.
I hope and pray he learns tomake the right decisions, to
take accountability, to takeresponsibility.
I'm telling you.
I began to condition myself tothe fact I may never see my
(29:12):
brother again.
Fifteen years is a long time,but above and beyond those
fifteen years, it's all theother times, all the other years
he spent behind bars.
I can't physically tell you howmany years he has out of prison
versus how many he has inprison.
(29:37):
I wondered if my daughter wouldever meet her uncle.
I wondered if my wife would evermeet her brother-in-law.
The fact that it happened ishard to believe.
I still can't process it.
(30:02):
I don't know if I'm doing thebest job painting the picture to
help you guys understand, butit's been a long, long road to
get here.
And I have a lifetime of livingin fear, waiting for a call from
(30:23):
my brother about my brother.
For him to be home.
The happiness in my mother tohave her two sons at
Thanksgiving with hergranddaughter and her
daughter-in-law.
That's all I really cared about.
(30:45):
And I'm gonna say this.
We've had our love-hatesituation, me and my brother,
through the years.
We've had deep conversations andletters and phone calls.
But I'd never wanted ourhistory, my history, to affect
(31:07):
anybody else's.
I remember being that little boywatching his role model and idol
get locked up.
I remember being that little boywho on Saturday would drive to
the prison with his mother, beescorted in in a van, in a
(31:29):
tunnel with all the lights goingout, so you didn't know the way
in or out, behind the barbedwire, behind all the fences.
I remember being that littleboy.
Waiting in the lobby, surroundedby cement, going through metal
detectors, being frisked,sitting at a table with guards
watching over you, havingvisits.
I remember being that little boythat used to sit on one side of
(31:52):
the putsy glass, talking througha little dingy little drilled
hole in the wall, lookingthrough that grimy, scratched
up, grungy plastic.
Having conversation, my brother.
I remember having to hold thecorded payphone and to see him
on the other side in a jumpsuiton a metal stool with an arm
(32:17):
guard standing over him whenyou're having a conversation.
I remember those times as alittle boy.
I remember losing my role model.
I remember my watching my herobe let off in shackles and
cuffs.
That history for me.
(33:21):
What I want more than that isthree things.
I want my wife to have thebrother-in-law that she deserves
(33:44):
to have.
I want my brother to have asister that he deserves to have.
I want them to have thatrelationship, I want them to
have a connection, I want themto be there for each other.
They both deserve every ounce ofthat.
(34:06):
And I want my little girl tohave the hero uncle that I had
as a brother.
But only this time to not betaken from her.
I sat at that table onThanksgiving and I looked in my
(34:28):
little girl's eyes, just likeshe stares at the Christmas
tree.
She stared at her uncle.
With the same joy and the samewonder.
(34:49):
I want her to have that herouncle.
I want that for her.
And I want to be him to be thehero uncle for him.
He deserves that.
He deserves to have somebodylook up to him.
(35:12):
He deserves to have somebodylook at him and love him without
any prejudgment, without anyhistory.
The same way that my little girllooks at the world, like it can
do no wrong, like everything cando no harm.
She can look at my brother asher uncle that can do no wrong,
(35:36):
that can do no harm.
There is no past history, thereis no life lesson she needs to
learn that he's already lived.
I want him to be the hero unclefor her, for him.
He deserves to have somebody inthis family look at him with no
(35:56):
judgment.
To look at him and see onlyopportunity.
He deserves that and shedeserves that.
For all of them.
Me?
I can't even believe we're here.
(36:20):
I can't even believe it.
I truly don't know how toprocess it.
I truly don't know how to put inactual words as to how I feel.
I hope today's episode helps youunderstand how important doing
(36:43):
something for the first timereally was for this family.
And I always say that I hopethat our episodes that our shows
have a positive message thatechoes and grows.
I'm hopeful that today a fewthings came from this show.
(37:05):
Number one if you're the personout there struggling, if you're
addicted, if you're making baddecisions because you're more
concerned with feeding andfueling your addiction than you
are and living the life youdeserve, then let this be a
(37:28):
wake-up call.
Because if you're listening andyou're addicted, I want you to
start asking yourself, how wouldit feel to spend the majority of
your life behind bars?
How would it feel for you tomiss out on your life?
Your life went on without you.
Children grew, parents passed,people moved on.
(37:51):
How would you feel living on thesidelines of your own life?
Let this be the wake up for you.
To the families on the otherside of addiction, to the
families on the other side ofchaos.
I hope this is a glimmer of hopefor you.
(38:12):
That no matter how bleak theodds are, someday, some way, you
all could be together again andstronger together.
All of us, all of us in thisstory have lived our lives.
We've been hardened by fire,we've been tried by time.
(38:36):
We're all different people thanmy brother was 15 years ago.
We're all different people asourselves 15 years ago.
When I think about all that'schanged in my life, who I was
the day he left to the day hecame home, to who he was the day
he left, to how my mother wasthe day he left, to how my wife
(38:57):
was.
She hadn't even met us yet, tothink about all that has
happened and all that haschanged, and to think about the
struggle that we have all livedand the struggle that we all
continue to face.
Understanding we can do itbetter and easier together, that
(39:18):
creates hope.
To all of you listening who arebattling and living on the
outside of chaos just like wedid, I pray for you that someday
what happened to us onThanksgiving can happen to you,
that you too can be surprised byhaving one of your loved ones
back by your side.
(39:38):
And when you get together, sticktogether, stay together, be
stronger together.
I hope that for each and everyone of you.
And to my brother, who willprobably never listen to this,
but if he ever does, listen tothis.
(40:03):
I love you.
And I'm always gonna love you.
I want the best for you.
I want you to finally live thelife you deserve.
(40:24):
And if you have this up, I'mgonna kick your ass.
I swear that our lives should bea movie.
(40:45):
You know what?
After 282 consecutive episodes,at some point, somehow, someday,
some way, there might be enoughhere to put together, let
Hollywood sprinkle a little timeand distance on it and make
ourselves want a hell of alittle Christmas special, okay?
That's what I'm hoping for.
Thank you to each and every oneof you.
If this is episode one for you,then thank you, and I welcome
(41:06):
you.
If this is episode 282 for you,then you already know.
I love you.
We got a few new cities andstates listening to this week.
A couple of them popped up on mytimeline.
Methuen, Massachusetts.
Welcome.
Alpharetta, Georgia.
I don't know if I mentioned thatone before or not.
I don't think I have.
Alpharetta, Georgia, andBarberton, Ohio.
(41:26):
O H I O.
I appreciate all of y'all.
As you already know, please findall things podcast related at
WWShare the Struggle Podcast dotcom.
And you should know.
If you're gonna give a gift thisyear, make it a gift proudly
made in the USA.
Support your neighbors and yourfriends.
Shop small, buy local, buyAmerican give, the gift of Loud
(41:52):
Proud American.
WWW Loud Proud American dotshop.
Whew, I love y'all.
I appreciate you.
Thank you.
Supporting our American dream.
Now go wash fucking hands.
The filthy savage.
That's it, and that's all,Biggie Smalls.
(42:25):
If you're allowed proud Americanand you find yourself just
wanting more, find me on YouTubeand Facebook at Loud Proud
American on the Facebook, as mymama calls it.
If you're a fan of the GrahamCrackett, you want to find me on
Instagram for all the kids atTickety Talking on the TikTok,
(42:45):
you can find me on both of thoseat Loud underscore Proud
underscore America.
(43:40):
Never wash your fucking hands,you filthy savage.
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