June 18, 2025 • 55 mins
Have you ever felt that pit in your stomach when you realize a relationship you once cherished has evolved into something that drains rather than sustains you? That moment when it dawns on you that your time, energy, and goodwill are being taken for granted? This raw, vulnerable episode dives deep into the murky waters of exploitation in relationships – whether business partnerships, friendships, or professional connections.
We begin by examining the subtle evolution from mutual benefit to one-sided advantage. The most insidious relationships aren't those that start negatively, but those that gradually shift until you find yourself constantly giving with little in return. Through personal stories and hard-won insights, we unpack the telltale signs: feeling undervalued, experiencing one-sided exchanges, confronting emotional manipulation, and noticing the erosion of your self-confidence.
The heart of this episode offers actionable strategies for those caught in these challenging dynamics. Learn the power of "I statements" when setting boundaries, the critical importance of learning to say no (even when financial considerations make it difficult), and how to communicate your needs assertively without burning bridges unnecessarily. We also explore the consequences of remaining in these situations too long – from mental health challenges to reduced job satisfaction and the spillover effect on other relationships.
What makes this conversation particularly powerful is its honesty about the fear that comes with making changes. When relationships have history, when finances are intertwined, or when you've built a reputation around always saying yes, reclaiming your worth requires tremendous courage. But as we discover, the alternative – continuing to be taken advantage of – extracts a far greater cost in the long run.
Ready to reclaim your worth and transform relationships that no longer serve you? This episode provides the roadmap to recognize exploitation, communicate boundaries effectively, and make empowered decisions about which relationships deserve your continued investment.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Over the past few months, we have talked about
removing negativity in allshapes and forms, from people to
situations, to even careers.
Recent experiences have mequestioning long-term
relationships and criticalbusiness partnerships.
All of this leads me toquestioning if I'm being taken
advantage of.
(00:20):
So today, on Share the Strugglepodcast, we discuss actionable
steps to answer the question areyou being taken advantage of?
And we outline ways to movepast it.
Let me tell you somethingEverybody struggles.
The difference is some peoplechoose to go through it and some
choose to grow through it.
(00:40):
The choice is completely yours.
Which one you choose will havea very profound effect on the
way you live your life.
If you find strength in thestruggle, then this podcast is
for you.
Do you have a relationship thatis comfortable with
(01:02):
uncomfortable conversations?
Relationship that iscomfortable with uncomfortable
conversations?
Uncomfortable conversationschallenge you, humble you and
they build you.
When you sprinkle a little timeand distance on it, it all
makes sense.
Most disagreements, they stemfrom our own insecurities.
You are right where you need tobe Back on time, reading your
(01:28):
back lines the whole day gone,pulling behind Back to the way
it used to be, pulling face andputting on Get low, almighty.
Am I so excited to be back withyou.
(01:49):
Oh, it feels so good, girl.
You know, it's true.
I don't know.
I was singing romantic nothingsto my wife in the next room
trying to put Paisley to sleepand it just felt like so natural
, it just felt so it needed tohappen.
You know what I mean.
I apologize for that littlemusical intro, but the truth is,
(02:12):
folks, I'm excited to be backwith you.
Episode, I don't know 257, 258,I do n't, I don't even know
right now, but it's aconsecutive streak that we love
to brag about.
Props to all my day ones outthere, the loyal ones that have
been listening since day one.
I appreciate you, I acknowledgeyou.
(02:33):
I hope you got your ones up Toall the new ones, the soon-to-be
loyal listeners.
I appreciate you.
Over the past month or so wehave seen a nice boost in new
listeners and I want to saythank you, thank you, thank you
to each and every one of you.
And before we get rocking androlling too deep into this
week's discussion, I want tostart the week off with a little
(02:53):
winning wednesday weekly shoutout to my man, doug doug, my
brother, I gotta you.
You have inspired me to bringtonight's energy to the podcast.
Doug stopped into the tenttoday at Bentley Saloon.
(03:13):
He actually grew up with mywife, allie, and he's been a
loyal supporter of the businessand the brand and recently he's
gotten onto the podcast.
He's been digging deep into theold catalog of Share the
Struggle podcast and he actuallyloves the podcast so much he
committed to going back to dayone and getting himself caught
(03:37):
up.
He spends a lot of time on thetractor at work and he's just
been jamming S-T-S Share theStruggle podcast.
I was talking to him tonightand last week he logged y'all
ready for this 58 hours of Sharethe Struggle.
Oh, it's true, it's damn true.
That sounds glorious.
(03:58):
Right there, I'm telling you, Igot the old goose pimples, the
old goose bums right now.
I'm so excited about that, doug.
Thank you so much, man.
Thanks for pimples the oldgoose bums right now.
I'm so excited about that, doug.
Thank you so much, man.
Thanks for the support, thededication, thanks for coming
into the tent, stopping by andsharing the good gospel and
letting me know that you havepounded 58 hours of STS last
week.
I appreciate you.
(04:18):
That earns you a freaking meritbadge right there.
You know what I mean Appreciateyou.
We've had some pretty coolmoments this week.
I'm gonna touch on a couple ofthose, but I wanted to start off
with doug.
Before we get off track hereand, uh, get rocking and rolling
and rambling on things, I wantto give a little recap to what
(04:39):
I've been up to, what's beengoing on.
Last week when we recorded thepodcast, we were getting ready
to hit up Bike Week, laconiaBike Week at Bentley Saloon.
This little mad rush of eventshas taken off and I wanted to
kind of give you guys a littleinsight to how things are going.
So it's been a different yearfor us when it comes to Laconia
(05:00):
Bike Week, because the dateshave shifted and it's actually
played a major effect in thesuccess of our event so far and
not in a good way, to be honest.
So typically, laconia Bike Weekends Father's Day weekend.
This year it started Father'sDay weekend and yeah, that's
(05:21):
really kind of throwing thingsfor a loop, so it's been lightly
attended, to say the least.
So far we really haven't beenblessed with great weather
either.
I was listening to some statsthat for 12 consecutive weekends
in a row, maine has experiencedrain on the weekend.
So pretty ridiculous.
But another wrench in the plansfor us this week was that they
(05:44):
were trying something new andthey have this stunt show coming
in and because of the locationof the stunt show we needed to
move our location, move ourtents over.
So we are in a whole new spotin the saloon.
We started the weekend off thatway and a full frontal
confessional right out of thegate.
(06:05):
Why wait?
Put it all on the table and lety'all know.
I had the worst first two daysof bike week in the history of
Loud Proud American.
The Friday and Saturday to openbike week was the worst sales
that we have ever experiencedfor bike week and we knew a lot
(06:26):
of things went into that factor.
You know, like we said, theweather, the change in dates
obviously played a big impact inthat.
But unfortunately ourflip-flopping location really
hurt us and I was trying to beoptimistic about the change.
But I really felt that thiscould be the outcome from us
moving over there and it was.
(06:47):
There really was no reason foranybody to come to the side of
the lot that we are on and I'mgoing to be honest here folks,
people are lazy.
That's the truth.
People are lazy.
I'm sorry, it is what it is.
You're not going to go out ofyour comfort zone.
You're not going to go into acertain area if you don't feel
like you have to.
And the appearance of thelocation that I had was that of
(07:09):
like service providers peoplethat are over there installing
radios and windshields andaftermarket lighting and all
these things.
So if you're looking from thenormal vendor section and you
look over, you say, oh, thoseguys are doing installs on
motorcycles, I don't need to getan install, I'm not going over
there to look.
So I'm cutting down the casuallookers almost in half and I
(07:31):
really felt it On Sunday.
We had great weather, there wasa bike show and it turned out
to be a major difference.
So our Sunday was significantlybetter and that made a nice
positive impact.
But on Monday morning I'm sohell bent for success and
committed to the cause that atfive in the morning me and my
(07:51):
mother drove back to the saloonand packed up our display and
moved it across the parking lotback to our old location, the
entire thing.
I took all the clothes down thenight before, put them on
rolling racks.
In the morning me and my momwent there, cut all the grid
wall down, put it on the back ofthe truck.
We rigged up some wheels andput our tents on wheels and
(08:13):
rolled them across the lot,replaced them and just put
everything back in place justthe way it was, but basically in
our familiar location wherewe're going to get more activity
.
That Monday we were actually up, we had a better Monday than we
had last year and ironically,our Monday was even stronger
(08:35):
than the Friday that we had.
So you can't tell me that thechange in location didn't make a
difference.
At the time I'm recording thisit's Tuesday evening and Tuesday
we had a pretty decent day.
But they normally have a ridethat leaves from Laconia that
ends up at the saloon andtypically it has about 200
(08:56):
motorcycles on that ride andunfortunately today's ride only
had about 30 because it wasraining pretty hard in Laconia.
So we had two days that weredown, two days that were up.
Today's, another day that'sdown, and tomorrow we're going
to do our best at making it allup.
But there's one thing I'velearned about Laconia week is at
the tail end, the second half,the end of bike week, is always
(09:18):
your busiest, always your best,and that's going to lead into
the events that I have to hostthis week, which makes it a bit
of a challenge because you'retrying to run your booth, you
have to ask for help, you haveto recruit some volunteers that
are looking to come over andsupport and make things happen.
So there's only a few trustedadvisors and family members that
(09:40):
we have asked to do thosethings in the past.
Hopefully they're willing to dothat again and we can kind of
maximize on things and makethings happen, because I really
don't want to be closed becausethat's going to have a real
major impact on things.
But because of the downtimethat we've had this week, it's
really left me analyzing ourschedule, looking over our
(10:03):
calendar and really asking awhole series of questions about
current schedule, currentdecisions, relationships,
whether they're servicing meanymore or if I am merely
servicing somebody else andtheir own specific interests.
And that's really where we'regoing to be headed today.
It's a difficult andunfortunate conversation, but
(10:25):
we're going to go down that roadtoday about whether we feel
like we are being used, whetheryou feel like you have a
relationship where you werebeing used or you were being
taken advantage of.
How do we identify some ofthose things and how do we move
past them.
That's really the bulk, theheavy lifting that we want to
accomplish today.
But before we get into some ofthe depressing stuff, the
(10:46):
difficult stuff and as we endour conversation of this week's
Laconia Bike Week and how thingsreally aren't stacking up, I
want to share some highlights.
I want to share a fewhighlights and a couple of
awesome things happened to methis week.
One of those things is a youngman named Owen who actually
(11:07):
works at Bentley Saloon.
He came in all happy andexcited and proud, as a peacock
to tour the display and buysomething new.
He always buys something fromus when he sees us at the saloon
and he said to me oh, I wantedto show you something.
And he pulls up his shirt andright there across his whole
forearm is one of our designs.
(11:29):
He tattooed our faith, family,freedom design that we've put on
our long sleeve t-shirts that Idesigned by myself.
I designed, learned the ropesand went through and made things
happen One of my very furthestdesigns, actually using railroad
ties to kind of spell out theFs, to kind of mimic a cross, so
(11:51):
to speak.
So the Faith, family, freedomdesign he literally has tattooed
on his forearm.
And he said my next tattoo overthe winter is going to be the
back of that shirt and with thewhole cross and the whole
mission, which is incredible tome.
I mean, that tattoo literallysays Loud, proud, american in it
.
You know you're going to tattooour brand, our mission and our
(12:15):
reason right on you.
To me, unbelievable.
In five years, this is thethird person to have one of our
designs either inspire or be theactual tattoo on their body.
That's a lifetime commitmentbeing made because they love our
design, they love our artwork,they love our mission.
(12:35):
That right there, for a dudethat had no clue how to design a
stick figure five years ago, isabsolutely amazing to me.
I can't even believe it.
I, um, man, it's.
It's a wild feeling to see andand to think man, I, I'm not an
artist, I'm not a tattoo artist,I don't do this for a living.
(12:55):
So it's just crazy to see thatand to know that there's more
behind just the image.
It's the message, it's themeaning and that's what gets me.
So it just really proves to methat we're in this for the right
reason and, if we just continueto stay the course, that
everything's going to be okayand, as we've been saying over
the past few weeks, just put itin God's hands and let it happen
(13:17):
.
So that's what we're going todo.
The next thing that I want toshare with you happened to me
today.
Actually, I had a fella comeinto the tent today and he went
right to the back looking forsomething and ironically, it's a
Faith, family Freedom Design,not the one that I just
referenced, but one of the onesthat I've actually made for a
(13:37):
lady's shirt, and it's for alady's raglan sweatshirt.
And he man, I just saw one ofthese in the bar and I went up
to the lady and I said that is abadass shirt.
I love that shirt.
Where did you get it?
And she said you can get themright in the parking lot.
And he said I couldn't believeit.
I came out here, I ran intoyour tent to check things out
(13:58):
and like where did you get that?
Did you make that?
And I I said you know I did.
And he's like this is yourcompany.
And I told him and heimmediately came over and shook
my hand and said you know, myname is Mike.
I wanted to meet you like this,this is amazing.
And he asked me about ourmission, our story.
He wanted to know more aboutthe brand and he said I got to
support you.
And he grabbed the t-shirt offthe rack that he loved and he
(14:21):
was cashing out with it.
And then he grabbed a koozie.
So he grabbed the t-shirt andthe koozie and I was ringing him
up and I said to him, like youknow, $31 for tax.
And he stopped, picked his headup, he looked at me and he said
what did you say?
And I was like, oh man, I justgotta think I'm too expensive
(14:43):
here.
And he said what did you say tome?
And I said $31 and whatever taxMaine has tax.
He's like that's it, that's allit is.
And I said yeah, and he's like,oh my God, that's too cheap, I
got to get something else.
And he goes over and he grabs ahat off the rack and says I
want to support you.
I got to buy something else andthe stuff's American made.
(15:04):
I can't believe that.
I got a hat, a koozie and at-shirt for, you know, 60 bucks
or whatever it is now with tax.
You couldn't believe it.
And I said man, that's a,that's a tariff free price
guaranteed right there, wheneverybody's raising prices, I
mean we, we had our priceshigher before, but we don't pay
(15:24):
tariffs.
That's the beauty of buyingAmerican made and I wanted to
extend the savings to you.
You just couldn't believe itand we spent some time just kind
of swapping stories and then hewent on his merry way.
And it's those back to backexperiences, you know, when you
think about Owen getting atattoo, this customer Mike that
I never met before, coming inand supporting the mission and
(15:46):
being excited about the designsand blown away by the pricing to
Doug cramming 58 straight hoursof Shaila's Fargo podcast,
there is no negativity out therethat can tell me we're not
doing the right thing.
There's no negativity out therethat can derail me from the
road that we are on.
Yes, there are bumps, there arepeaks can derail me from the
road that we are on.
(16:06):
Yes, there are bumps, there arepeaks, there are valleys, but
the truth is there is beauty onthe other side of struggle and I
do know that we will have finetriumph and victory, and soon it
shall be.
I just know it to be true.
Gotcha Alright, alright,episode 258.
(16:50):
And y'all know I'm feelinggreat.
I have to be feeling greatafter the little positive
tidbits that I got to share withy'all and I'm thankful about
those little positive stories todrop on today's show because,
I'm going to be honest withy'all, I've been battling some
self-doubt, some indecision,I've been questioning certain
decisions, I've been thinkingabout relationships and all
(17:14):
these different things, and it'sbeen a tough week.
Y'all, it has been a tough weekand, as always, my wife has
been by my side, supporting meand asking poignant questions of
me to really get me to ponder,to get me to think, to get me to
question my true feelings andto make moves.
(17:36):
And I really think that's allyou can hope for in a partner is
someone that not only supportsyou but doesn't just yes you to
death.
They're going to offer theiropinion and they're going to
provoke you into some thoughtand also, based off of our
conversations and how we dothings around here, after nearly
five years of a podcast, shehas the ability to use some of
(17:57):
my own weapons against me andyou know saying to me that when
it comes a time when arelationship is no longer
servicing you, then maybe itshouldn't be there for you
anymore.
And over the past few weekswe've talked about cutting
negativity and all that it cando for you and the positive
(18:18):
impact that it has on you, butthe truth is.
There's things that we do,there's decisions that we make,
there's relationships that we'vemade that we don't always deem
as negative.
But there comes a time whencertain things happen and
certain things start to revealthemselves to you.
And then, all of a sudden, youstart to see a trend or you
start to identify a pattern.
And if you start to trace thatpattern backwards, you can start
(18:41):
to really find some historythere and realize, wow, this
person or this situation or thisrelationship or this decision
over the past few years hasreally changed and I'm no longer
being treated the way I oncewas.
I'm no longer, you know, beingappreciated the way that I once
was.
And then, as you start to tracethese little seeds of doubt and
(19:04):
you start to seek out the truth, you realize, man, this has
actually been causing me a greatdeal of stress and frustration.
And as you start to peel backthe onion a little bit more, you
start to ask yourself is thestress and frustration worth it
if what I'm getting in returnpairs in comparison to what the
(19:25):
significant other is getting,whether that's someone in your
relationship, if it's aco-worker, if it's a boss, if
it's a business relationship, afriendship, whatever it is?
When you start to think, man,what they're getting from this
versus what I'm getting for this?
And I'm not saying that we haveto enter all relationships and
(19:46):
all decisions based off oftrying to get something for
yourself, but when you start tohave a track record of
benefiting somebody else, yearafter year after year, to then
see the things that they oncedid for you be taken away from
you, to then see the things theyused to appreciate you for now
(20:06):
being things that they justreally expect of you.
And that's a tough thing, right.
So there's these relationships,there's these decisions,
there's these situations that wehave in our lives, that we
don't necessarily deem them asnegative, but there comes a time
when they show their face toyou and you say, wow, I didn't
(20:27):
realize how much stress this wasbringing on me.
I didn't realize how much thiswas weighing on me.
Over the past week, things havebeen slower than I wanted them
to be, but I've made commitmentsto being where I am.
I've made commitments to doingwhat I need to do.
I'm fulfilling my obligations.
And as I sit around and I justscour over numbers and I'm
(20:53):
looking at finances and I'mthinking about things, and then
you start to observe all thingsgoing on around you and you just
feel unappreciated and you justbegin to realize, wow, that was
taken for me, this was takenfor me.
This no longer exists for meand you start thinking I do this
(21:14):
for you.
I still do that for you.
It's a hard pill to swallow andwhen it comes down to somebody
in your life no longercommunicating directly with you
unless they need something fromyou, when it comes down to
somebody in your life who'salways been a phone call, a text
(21:38):
message, a handshake and a hugaway, now hides behind a chain
of emails and a chain of commandthat you have to follow.
It's not the same relationship,right?
And I've experienced that andit's been a hard thing for me to
accept, it's been a hard thingfor me to process, and I've
(22:00):
brought it to my wife and we'vegone over this and I've prayed
over this and I'm about to makesome decisions that I don't want
to do, but I have to, because arelationship that I once
entered into, that started as agreat friendship, that turned
(22:21):
into an amazing businessrelationship and partnership, no
longer is the same thing andthere was a time in my life when
I was able to provide a muchgreater benefit to this
relationship.
And I'm being vague over thesethings, people, because I'm not
trying to alienate anybody, I'mnot trying to single out a new
(22:42):
one, I'm not trying to stir thepot and cause a shit show or
fire up a gossip mill.
That's not what I'm here to do.
But I'm saying this because Iwant this to be a learning
lesson for all of us.
We are called Share theStruggle because we share our
struggles and we learn from them, we grow from them.
And my wife was just expressingto each and one of you guys the
(23:04):
benefit of cutting negativity,and we've gone over that and how
that, you know, allowed her toopen herself up to new, bigger,
beautiful things, like a newcareer opportunity and all these
great things that are happeningfor her.
And I'm here pushing andpreaching and pulling her along,
all by her side, andencouraging all those things,
(23:27):
when ultimately, there's a veryclose relationship to me that
has become negative, that hasbecome a source of anxiety, and
I was immune to it.
I didn't realize it, I didn'tacknowledge it and I've done my
best to distance myself fromsome of it, but I can't cut the
(23:47):
cord.
I just can't because I feelobligated, I feel that I'm
turning my back on a greatfriendship.
But is it a great friendshipwhen they show themselves to be
taking a great advantage of youand no longer appreciating you
because there now you don't havethe ability to do as much, so
(24:18):
they're not willing to do asmuch in return?
That doesn't sound to me like awholesome, healthy relationship
.
That sounds like a give-give,like I'm going to give this if
you give that.
That's a barter situation.
That's not a relationship.
And my business is in asituation or in a position where
(24:42):
there's certain things that Idepend on.
And this is a relationship thatI depend on because I've always
thought that it was a mutualrelationship where it's
beneficial for each other, likewe help each other and this
relationship helps keep me inbusiness and it has done
(25:05):
tremendous things for me.
But there comes a time when yourealize is that being held over
your head?
Is that being used to keep youon a line to do what somebody
needs you to do to benefit them?
I know I'm being vague here,but I think there's things for
everybody to relate to Whetherit's a business relationship
(25:28):
that no longer is benefitingsomebody as much as it once did,
so they're not willing to showyou the same benefits they once
did.
Whether it's a boss that youknow you used to do extra work
for that now they're gettingcredit for you know whether it's
a significant other that youknow you're doing all the things
(25:49):
around the house and you'redoing all these things and
they're not appreciating you,they're not helping you.
You know whether it's asituation where you house and
you're doing all these thingsand they're not appreciating you
, they're not helping you.
Whether it's a situation whereyou're providing all the
financial security to the familybut you're not getting X for it
.
You're not getting anythingelse right.
You're providing all thefinances and you're expected to
(26:10):
do all the cleaning andeverything else.
I don't know.
I'm trying to create differentthings here.
There's relationships in yourlife that maybe at one point
they weren't negative.
Maybe at one point they'reextremely beneficial for each
other, but over the course oftime, throughout the years, they
become negative.
They become a one-way street.
You need to take some of theserelationships in your life and
(26:30):
start to ask yourself a seriesof questions to determine
whether they are takingadvantage of you, because when
you begin to feel like you'rebeing taken advantage of, it's
important to acknowledge andaddress your feelings and this
week I've been acknowledging,I've been addressing and I've
been praying over my feelingsBecause it can lead to negative
consequences in various aspectsof your life.
(26:53):
Recognize the signs that you'rebeing used and begin to
communicate your boundaries.
Potentially, you can seeksupport from trusted individuals
and professionals.
I have confided in my wife andmy mother and had these
conversations and then recently,over the past couple of days,
I've had conversations withother close, trusted people that
(27:14):
are in the same circle, thatdeal with the same situations,
kind of bouncing things off as asounding board.
So I'm going to outline someactionable items for any of you
that's beginning to feel likeyou're being taken advantage of,
and we're going to have somethings that we can ask ourselves
and some things we can do tohelp move ourselves from the
situation.
First off, from the situation.
(27:36):
First off, recognize the signs.
I know I was being vague here,but I was outlining some of the.
You know the symptoms, some ofthe quick signs here when you
are beginning to feelundervalued or underappreciated,
when you start to see a lack ofrespect or recognition or
gratitude for your efforts.
For me, I'm only appreciatedwhen I'm needed.
(27:58):
I'm a side cast, I'm an outcast, I'm put to the back of the
room.
Unless you need me to save theday, unless you need me to bring
a crowd, unless you need me tomake you money, then I'm
appreciated, then I'm thegreatest.
You understand what I'm sayingFeeling undervalued or
(28:20):
underappreciated.
When you're asking yourselfabout the relationships, the
moment you start to feel thatway, you need to ask yourself is
it a lack of respect,recognition or gratitude?
The next one, on one-sidedrelationships Like we're talking
about just now when thingsbegin to feel on one-sided
relationships like we're talkingabout just now, when things
begin to feel more one-sided,when you constantly give more
than you receive or someoneconstantly asks for your favor
(28:43):
without reciprocation, it can bea sign of being taken advantage
of.
For me, with businessrelationships, I find myself in
a situation sometimes where I'mthe type of business that we're
seasonal.
So in the summertime we're outthere, we're making money, we're
meeting people, we're puttingour product in the hands of new
(29:03):
people, we're connecting withvalued customers and friendships
and we're making money.
We're out there, we'reface-to-face relationship, sales
Over the run of time.
I don't have as much of that,so we rely on custom orders and
business products and for me.
I feel like there's somebusinesses that they know I rely
(29:26):
on that winter finance to stayin business and I'm realizing
that in certain ways I'm beingtaken advantage of because
people say to themselves if Igive him this amount of work in
the wintertime, I know I cancall on him for this, this and
this when I need him.
And that really shouldn't behow this works.
(29:48):
You should be doing businesswith me in the wintertime
because it fits my schedule,that's when I'm allowed to do it
and you value my product, mymission and me as a friend, not
because you know that you'regoing to ask me to do this, this
and this.
That's not how this should work.
Emotional manipulation this caninclude being guilt-tripped,
(30:09):
blamed or having your feelingsdisregarded.
For me, a lot of it is justbeing dismissed right, and this
one is massive for me when youtake the time to sit with me and
ask me what do you want?
What do you need?
What would you like to see fromme?
What could I do different?
(30:30):
All these different things.
And you wholeheartedly puteffort into this conversation
because you know it comes everyyear and you list out all the
things, all the concerns and allthe things and all the
recommendations and I knowyou're not going to take all of
them, but to take none of themto dismiss me completely, to
(30:51):
ignore my concerns, so much sothat you're unwilling to talk to
me about them, because you knowyou're going completely against
what I recommend.
That you have someone else tellme.
That to me is emotionalmanipulation.
All the kids these days callthat gaslighting.
When you show up and you justfill me full of bullshit,
(31:12):
basically, and you're going tolet me sound off and feel a
certain way and make me feelfantastic.
But in the end, you alreadyhave your decision made.
You already know what you'regoing to do.
It's completely opposite ofwhat you recommended, so I'm
going to have somebody elsedeliver that shit sandwich to
you.
Difficulty trusting others,being taken advantage of, can
(31:34):
lead to mistrust and difficultyforming healthy relationships.
This is true because, with thecurrent rut I've been in with
these things, you almost go intocertain situations with a guard
up right.
You go into them thinking whatis this person looking for?
Be able to whiff them?
What's in it for me?
(31:55):
Syndrome where this person'sgot to be wanting something out
of this, when, ultimately, maybethey're just being generous,
maybe they're just being genuine.
Maybe they're just coming inbecause they love your product
and they have this offer for you, not because they're trying to
manipulate you into you doingsomething for them.
But you become accustomed toother people doing that to you.
It's tough because that canchange your character, that can
(32:16):
rob who you are from you, thatcan steal your spirit, that can
dull your sprinkle, and youdon't want that to happen.
Another side effect of this islower your self-esteem.
Feeling used or manipulated canimpact your self-worth and
confidence.
I can tell you, if I grab thatCabela's catalog right now, I'm
(32:36):
going to drop this sucker on thetable.
You hear it?
Hang on, I don't know.
You probably didn't hear it.
What you did hear was myfat-ass bulldog dragging his
lazy toes across the floor,which is uncalled for.
I want to pretend that that wasme dragging a Cabela's catalog
across the floor here whichcounter?
Because I mean it'd be weird,how big would that catalog be if
(32:56):
I'm dragging it across thefloor?
So I'm dragging it across thecounter, okay, and I'm placing
it down and I'm putting my lefthand on the Cabela's catalog and
my beagle eyes are the sky andI'm going to give you a full
frontal confessional from thisguy.
I've been lackingself-confidence this week For
the way that I found myselftreated, understanding the
(33:17):
emotional manipulationrelationships that have become
one-sided, feeling undervaluedor underappreciated, a complete
lack of respect and recognitionthose things have left me
lacking self-confidence.
I haven't been as good atpresenting my product, I haven't
(33:38):
been as excited about myproduct because I'm going
through this funk where I'mfeeling underappreciated, where
I'm feeling undervalued, whereI'm feeling that I'm put in the
corner with a dunce cap on, whenI'm feeling that I'm not
celebrated.
I do know that my time iscoming, when I will be
celebrated because you need meand that's what's frustrating.
(34:02):
But the longer you avoid me,the worse it's going to be.
But because I have all thesethings going on or I have time
to stew on it, because, like Isaid, with the weather and the
change in schedule for bike weekand all these things, sales are
down I'm sitting around and I'mthinking about all things
around me, all things I've saidyes to throughout my calendar,
(34:26):
commitments I've made things Iwant to make for commitments,
all this stuff, and you start toanalyze different relationships
and situations as you startlooking over years of numbers
and deciding what you're goingto do to make your business
better, because I don't likesitting around idle and just
continuing to press, play andresume and repeat and to get the
same damn frozen dinner servedto you, because that's not going
(34:48):
to get you where you want to go.
So as I'm sitting aroundthinking about these things,
it's kind of worn me out alittle bit and it's been harder
for me to be up and upbeat andenthusiastic about my product
because everything else is kindof bringing me down.
When I have the stories that Imentioned to you today about you
know, owen, getting my imagerytattooed on his arm to someone
(35:11):
coming in, being blown away bythe cost of american products in
a positive way, to doug,listening to nearly 60 hours of
sts.
Um, that is that light ofpositivity that I needed to keep
on pulling through and pushingthrough, and I know that all
things are going to work out.
We've been talking about thisfor weeks now.
Put it in the hands of god andlet it happen.
Man, you're doing what you cando.
(35:32):
Just let it, it happen.
But there's moments of doubt,there's moments of um like that
just designer imposter, justself-sabotage, nonsense that
goes on in your brain and um Forme to sit back and do research
and take out a notebook andstart writing things down and
(35:53):
listing the way you're feelingundervalued, underappreciated.
You know to be feeling takenadvantage of, to have that
emotional manipulation.
You start to list those thingsout and you realize I'm not
struggling with self-confidence,I'm being taken advantage of.
(36:13):
I need to remove myself fromthe situation of being taken
advantage of and then I willremove myself from negativity.
I will rebuild self-confidence,I will regain self-esteem.
I need to rise above the hate.
I need to remove myself fromthe situation.
If you're listening right nowand you're finding yourself into
(36:39):
one of these scenarios andthese situations, then we have
some actionable steps for you totake.
First off, communication.
How many times do we have tosay that communication is key?
This is another confessionalfor me.
This is why I'm here tonightpushing record on the podcast,
because I'm communicating withyou.
I'm getting things off my chest, I'm putting my feelings out
(37:00):
into the universe.
I've been communicating with mywife, with my mother, with
other trusted advisors, tryingto figure things out.
When the time is right, I willaddress the situation with the
person that I need to.
But talking it out, working itout, assures me that I'm going
to do it in the best waypossible, and I'm going to get
all things possible put on thetable, because you need to
(37:21):
communicate and you need to setboundaries.
My wife was on here beforetalking about loving an addict
and the fact that you need toset boundaries.
And when you're trying toremove negativity, you need to
set boundaries.
And when you're trying toremove negativity, you need to
set boundaries.
When you're trying to getyourself out of a relationship
where you feel like you're beingtaken advantage of, you need to
communicate and set boundaries,clearly, express your needs.
(37:43):
I statements I statements canhelp you communicate your
feelings without blaming others.
We all have a tendency tosugarcoat scenarios.
We all have a tendency tosugarcoat scenarios.
We all have a tendency topowder puff our feelings by,
instead of saying I, we insertsomething else, right, we go
with so-and-so did this.
(38:04):
So-and-so says this have youseen Dick Bag Down the Street or
Donnie Bag of donuts over here?
And we start using somebodyelse as an example.
We start blaming somebody elsewithout even knowing it.
We're trying to lessen the blow, we're trying to lighten the
(38:24):
load, we're trying to powderpuff the truth when, ultimately,
if we just own up man up, womanup and say I, I feel this way,
I expect this, I believe this.
When you own it and you startwith I, then that is your truth
and nobody can argue your truth.
So establish healthy boundariesand act in I statements so they
(38:50):
know that it's coming from you.
It's not so-and-so down thestreet, because you can walk
yourself into a dark alley bytrying to make things smoother,
by saying, oh, I was talking toyou, know, tammy Two-Step over
here and she was saying thisabout what you said, and all
that's going to do is createcontroversy and nonsense and
(39:12):
it's going to make the personyou're trying to address and
Tammy Two-Step into an argumentwhen you're just trying to
sugarcoat things.
But ultimately you feel thatway, you lay it on the line.
It's up to you Determine whatyou are willing and not willing
to accept in terms of time,energy, resources and emotional
support.
You need to draw a hard line.
(39:34):
These are my boundaries andthen these are my expectations.
These are the things that Iwant.
Here's what I'm willing tocommit for time, this is my
level of energy, these are theresources I will dedicate to
this and this is my level ofemotional support.
When my wife was talking aboutloving an addict level of
emotional support and my wifewas talking about loving an
(39:55):
addict.
If you do not set boundariesand determine upfront what
you're willing to invest andcommit into that relationship,
then if you do not do that, youwill be sucked in, you will be
abused and you will be reused.
This one, right here, is one ofthe most difficult ones for me,
and I've said this on herebefore.
One of the most difficult onesfor me, and I've said this on
(40:16):
here before.
Learn to say no.
You need to say no.
I'm so bad at saying no.
I have customers come to me forthings that I really don't want
to do or that I shouldn't do,and I say yes because I want the
money.
I have those wintertimeconversations that say do you
want this gig, do you want thisopportunity, do you want this
special event?
And I say yes, yes, yes, yes,because I want that money, money
, money, money.
And when it comes down to timefor doing them, I feel like, oh
(40:38):
hell, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't want to be doing that.
And what the hell was Idrinking when I said yes to that
?
Well, the truth is you wasn'tdrinking, you was just thinking
that you said yes, I need to sayno, which ironically, I'm going
to toot my own horn here rightnow.
There's a customer, or apotential customer, at Bentley
(40:58):
Saloon that he approached melast year about doing a custom
order for him.
He has a muscle car, a race carscenario, and he sent me this
really cheesy, awful qualityphoto and said I want to turn
this into a shirt and he gave meall the ideas and things that
he wanted to go with it and hetold me what he wanted for
shirts and you know, and I saidyou need to do at least 25 and
(41:19):
he said I'll do that and we goover all the details and I said
as soon as I can, I'll work onit, but I'm on the road.
It didn't take very long forhim to start questioning me,
asking me when things are goingto be done, as I'm telling him
that I'm not going to be aroundfor it, and he begins to harp on
me about it and then, much liketoday's conversation, you sit
around and watch and I watchedfor over a week at an event how
(41:43):
he interacted with other people.
I watched how he approachedpeople.
He had this, this.
I guess he still has this.
You know, some would assumefancy, expensive motorcycle.
I've seen enough.
It's just another freakingdesigner, imposter chopper.
Like get over it.
You paid 50 grand for it, it'sworth five, it's okay.
(42:05):
And uh, people look at it andgo over and he would just shoo
people away and be rude and peelout and just kind of talk down
to waitresses.
And I just watched him be areal dirtbag and I was like I
don't really want to work withthis guy, I don't really want to
associate myself with him.
And I asked around about himand I got nothing but negative
(42:28):
opinions and reviews.
And I actually had one person Itrust say to me dude, you don't
want to do any work for thatguy, you're going to regret it.
Well, I stopped responding andthis year, just the other day,
he came up to me, approached meand he said you know who I am?
Do you remember me?
And I said, yeah, I do.
You want me to do these shirtsfor your muscle car?
(42:49):
And before he could even beginto blast me because he wanted to
, I said I got to go up frontand just apologize to your face.
He's like what?
And I was like I didn't get achance to do it and now I can't
do it.
What do you mean?
I said I'm sorry, I apologize,but at this point I'm just too
big and busy to do small customorders like that.
I can.
I'm only doing orders that aremajor bulk orders over 100
(43:14):
pieces, and even those I reallydon't have time to do them this
time of year.
So it just became too difficultfor me to do that job.
I should have told you sooner,but I apologize, I can't do it.
And he said well, I came out togive you shit, but it is what
it is.
And he turned around and walkedoff.
Do I like turning down money?
No, but was that going to makeme money or was it going to make
(43:36):
me a hassle?
Was it going to keep me frombeing productive?
Was it going to rob me ofself-esteem and self-confidence?
Was it going to distract mefrom taking care of my own
business products?
Absolutely, I needed to say noand I need to get better at
saying no.
It's okay to decline requeststhat are not in line with your
boundaries or that you don'tfeel comfortable fulfilling.
(43:59):
That goes for businessdecisions.
That goes for personalrelationships.
Communicate your needs andboundaries assertively.
Be clear and firm about yourexpectations.
I'm not clear enough about thisshit, man.
I'm too vague on certain thingsand I walk myself into a dark
dungeon by doing that, andthat's one more cause for
(44:20):
concern for me.
These are my own notes of me,highlighting things based off of
my research, that I need to getbetter at.
I got to say no and I have toput my boundaries out there and
I need to communicate them andbe assertive about it.
I'm too much of a peoplepleaser, nice guy, and I've got
to stop Seeking support andreevaluating.
(44:42):
Talk to trusted friends orfamily, sharing your feelings
and seeking advice can provideperspective and support.
I've done that this week and Iactually had to have a
conversation with Allie where Isaid, man, I feel like maybe
I've done that this week, and Iactually had to have a
conversation with Ali where Isaid, man, I feel like maybe
I've overstepped and I've saidtoo much to certain people, so
be careful of what you do withthat.
But it is a necessity to getsome of those things out in the
(45:03):
open, to see like you're almostpulling the audience and how
other people feel about thingsthat are going on around you
before you approach the personthat you need to talk, to
Consider professional guidancetherapists, counselors.
They can help to navigatecomplex emotions and
relationships.
You know for me I'm leaninginto people that I trust, but
(45:23):
you can seek professional helpon that.
Re-evaluate relationships Ifyou feel consistently taken
advantage of in a particularrelationship, it may be
necessary to re-evaluate thedynamics and consider whether it
is healthy to continue.
All the things that we'retalking about you can have
conversations.
It starts about you know thoseI statements.
(45:43):
It starts about acknowledgingthose things, setting
expectations, setting boundaries.
When you're doing those things,you're working on that
relationship, you'recommunicating.
I highly wholeheartedlyrecommend you do those things
first.
Give it that benefit of thedoubt.
If it doesn't work out, if theycontinue to show themselves to
you of being the person that youdon't want them or that you
(46:06):
can't afford them to be, if theyare a one-sided individual,
then reevaluate the relationship.
It may be necessary to justmove on, continue without them,
to cut it off.
Some of the consequences offeeling taken advantage of as we
said earlier mental healthchallenges.
Man, when you are being takenadvantage of, it can lead to
(46:28):
anxiety, it can lead todepression because we bottle
these things up, we don't talkabout these things and that can
eat us up, man.
It can rob you of your ownself-confidence.
It can build difficulty intrusting others.
Past experiences of being usedcan make it difficult to trust
in future relationships.
If we start thinking about,just like your personal
(46:49):
relationships with a significantother, if you have been misused
, taken advantage of, cheated onwhen you go into that new
relationship, if you bring thatbaggage with you, then you're
going to manifest and createthat baggage in your new
relationship.
You need to drop that shit offat the baggage claim before you
get into a new relationship.
The same thing goes in thesesituations, whether it's
(47:12):
business, whether it's business,whether it's personal, whether
it's work whatever.
If you're being taken advantageof, you could leave that
situation better yourself,remove the negativity but find
yourself in a new situation withnew opportunities, but taking
that past experience with youand that's gonna rob you of
(47:33):
future opportunities becauseyou're going into things acting
as if you already are beingtaken advantage of or you're
going and assuming somebody elseis preparing to take advantage
of you.
That robs you of your freedomand your opportunities.
It can result in reduced jobsatisfaction and productivity.
It can result in reduced jobsatisfaction and productivity.
Feeling undervalued at work cannegatively impact your job
(47:56):
satisfaction and overall workperformance.
Me right now, processing andgoing through what it is that
I'm going through, I got to apoint of realizing man, I don't
want to be here.
I don't want to do this.
I don't want to be involved inthis.
I'm no longer looking forwardto things that I used to cherish
.
There's things on my calendarthat were my favorite things of
(48:20):
the year to do.
There's things on my calendarthat I came up with, that I
designed, that I helped partnerwith to make great things of
right Things that I look forwardto, that I cherish, that I'm
excited about.
I'm looking at them now andsaying to myself I don't want
anything to do with that.
(48:41):
Literally, my excitement hasbeen robbed from me.
I no longer want to do some ofthe things that I used to look
forward to.
Based off the way I've beentreated as of late, I don't want
to participate in some of thethings that I used to look
forward to.
That's just way I've beentreated as of late.
I don't want to participate insome of the things that I used
to look forward to.
That's just one example for youguys If you're feeling
undervalued and you're at workand they're not appreciating you
(49:03):
.
You feel like they're takingadvantage of you.
It's going to negatively impactwhether you even want to be
there and it's certainly goingto hinder your performance.
Then comes the financial strainbeing exploited financially can
lead to increased debt andfinancial inability.
Right now, for me, I'mdiscussing with you business
relationships that I might needto remove myself from.
(49:26):
By doing that, it is going toplace a major negative hole in
the finances that my businessdepends on.
That's going to create someinstability.
But sometimes you have to makethose big, bold decisions to
create big, bold, beautifulopportunities.
By acknowledging your feelings,communicating your needs,
(49:48):
setting boundaries and seekingsupport when needed, you can
protect yourself from beingtaken advantage of and improve
your overall well-being.
For me, I've been analyzingthese things.
I've been feeling a certain way.
I begin to trace the steps totrack the history, to peel back
the onion, to dig beneath thelayers, write some of those
(50:11):
things out, think about some ofthose things.
Do my research, understandquestions, to ask myself, to
identify if I'm being takenadvantage of and then outline
actionable steps on how to moveforward, how to save a
relationship, how to communicatewhat to say those I statements,
to set boundaries.
To be clear, what to say thoseI statements.
To set boundaries, to be clearand assertive in doing those
(50:35):
things, to make no exception tothe limits that you placed on
your time, onto your emotionalsupport, to stand steadfast in
your beliefs.
Doing all those things.
I've done all of that and I'veoutlined all of that for you in
hopes and effort that if any ofyou are struggling or feeling a
(50:57):
little depressed or feeling alittle anxious and you start
tracing the steps and you startrealizing you're being taken
advantage of, then today weoutline questions for you to ask
yourself, to identify if it'strue, are you being taken
advantage of?
And, if it is, if it's true,are you being taken advantage of
?
And if it is, do you cut baitand move on or do you
communicate and set boundariesand make a difference, make the
(51:20):
opportunity, but don't go backon what you set for boundaries.
Be assertive, tote the line.
If they don't meet yourstandards, then leave them
behind.
That is what's on tap for me,man.
What a well-rounded episode.
Today we came into this suckerrecapping our event week.
We touched on some super highs,we discussed some lows and we
(51:45):
went every which way you couldgo discussing being taken
advantage of outlining how toidentify it and how to overcome
it.
I think, boys and girls, thisis a well-rounded episode.
If you enjoyed today's show,please share it with someone you
know and help it blossom andhelp it grow.
You can find all things podcastrelated at
(52:07):
wwwsharethestrugglepodcastcom.
We are on all major podcastingplatforms.
Thank you to all of our newlisteners over the past few
weeks.
Thank you to all my day ones,my loyal ones.
I appreciate you.
Please, please, please leave areview, share the show, please,
push, follow and help it grow.
(52:27):
I appreciate each and every oneof you.
If you're looking to have alittle fun, you can find me
Friday night at Bentley Saloondoing a tattoo contest with my
man, tommy Tattoo of Tommy'sTattoo Supplies.
Tommy just happens to host twoof the largest tattoo
conventions in all of NewEngland.
Actually, I think Tommy's Aprilconvention is the top five
(52:51):
largest conventions in the world.
I'm also going to be joined bysome super awesome guest judges.
Chad Chase, the man behindVenom Inc here in Sanford, is an
unbelievable artist, arguablyMaine's best tattoo artist.
He's incredibly talented.
And Jimmy Snaz, fresh off ofInk Master.
Jimmy Snaz has a tattoo shop inSalem, massachusetts, royal
(53:16):
Street Tattoo.
He was a contestant, a finaliston Ink Master.
I think it was season 13.
He actually goes down inhistory as a winner because the
show was closed due to COVID,but he would have won anyways.
That's our guest panel ofjudges Three great dudes.
I'm your host.
Come on over to Bentley Saloonon Friday.
I think that starts at threeo'clock.
We're going to have a great oldtime and then on Saturday, the
(53:40):
old, long awaited traditioncontinues.
I believe it's year 13 of mehosting the pinup contest for
Bentley Saloon.
That's when and where you canfind me, and next week you can
hear it all over again, with therecap and letting you know how
it all went, where did we finishand what did I do Until then.
(54:00):
I thank you for supporting myAmerican dream.
Now go wash your filthy hands,you filthy savage.
That's it and that's all.
Biggie Smalls, if you're a LoudProud American and you find
(54:30):
yourself just wanting more, findme on YouTube and Facebook at
Loud Proud American.
And you find yourself justwanting more, find me on YouTube
and Facebook at Loud ProudAmerican, or the Face page, as
my mama calls it.
If you're a fan of the GrahamCracker, you want to find me on
Instagram, or all the kids aretickety talking on the TikTok.
You can find me on both ofthose at Loud underscore, proud
(54:52):
underscore American.
A big old thank you to the boysfrom the Gut Truckers for the
background beats and the themesong to this year's podcast.
If you are enjoying what you'rehearing, you can track down the
(55:12):
Gut Truckers on Facebook.
Just search Gut Truckers.
Give them, motherfuckers.
(55:37):
A like too.
I truly thank you forsupporting my American dream.
Now go wash your fucking hands,you filthy savage.
Over the past few months, we have talked about
removing negativity in allshapes and forms, from people to
situations, to even careers.
Recent experiences have mequestioning long-term
relationships and criticalbusiness partnerships.
All of this leads me toquestioning if I'm being taken
advantage of.
(00:20):
So today, on Share the Strugglepodcast, we discuss actionable
steps to answer the question areyou being taken advantage of?
And we outline ways to movepast it.
Let me tell you somethingEverybody struggles.
The difference is some peoplechoose to go through it and some
choose to grow through it.
(00:40):
The choice is completely yours.
Which one you choose will havea very profound effect on the
way you live your life.
If you find strength in thestruggle, then this podcast is
for you.
Do you have a relationship thatis comfortable with
(01:02):
uncomfortable conversations?
Relationship that iscomfortable with uncomfortable
conversations?
Uncomfortable conversationschallenge you, humble you and
they build you.
When you sprinkle a little timeand distance on it, it all
makes sense.
Most disagreements, they stemfrom our own insecurities.
You are right where you need tobe Back on time, reading your
(01:28):
back lines the whole day gone,pulling behind Back to the way
it used to be, pulling face andputting on Get low, almighty.
Am I so excited to be back withyou.
(01:49):
Oh, it feels so good, girl.
You know, it's true.
I don't know.
I was singing romantic nothingsto my wife in the next room
trying to put Paisley to sleepand it just felt like so natural
, it just felt so it needed tohappen.
You know what I mean.
I apologize for that littlemusical intro, but the truth is,
(02:12):
folks, I'm excited to be backwith you.
Episode, I don't know 257, 258,I do n't, I don't even know
right now, but it's aconsecutive streak that we love
to brag about.
Props to all my day ones outthere, the loyal ones that have
been listening since day one.
I appreciate you, I acknowledgeyou.
(02:33):
I hope you got your ones up Toall the new ones, the soon-to-be
loyal listeners.
I appreciate you.
Over the past month or so wehave seen a nice boost in new
listeners and I want to saythank you, thank you, thank you
to each and every one of you.
And before we get rocking androlling too deep into this
week's discussion, I want tostart the week off with a little
(02:53):
winning wednesday weekly shoutout to my man, doug doug, my
brother, I gotta you.
You have inspired me to bringtonight's energy to the podcast.
Doug stopped into the tenttoday at Bentley Saloon.
(03:13):
He actually grew up with mywife, allie, and he's been a
loyal supporter of the businessand the brand and recently he's
gotten onto the podcast.
He's been digging deep into theold catalog of Share the
Struggle podcast and he actuallyloves the podcast so much he
committed to going back to dayone and getting himself caught
(03:37):
up.
He spends a lot of time on thetractor at work and he's just
been jamming S-T-S Share theStruggle podcast.
I was talking to him tonightand last week he logged y'all
ready for this 58 hours of Sharethe Struggle.
Oh, it's true, it's damn true.
That sounds glorious.
(03:58):
Right there, I'm telling you, Igot the old goose pimples, the
old goose bums right now.
I'm so excited about that, doug.
Thank you so much, man.
Thanks for pimples the oldgoose bums right now.
I'm so excited about that, doug.
Thank you so much, man.
Thanks for the support, thededication, thanks for coming
into the tent, stopping by andsharing the good gospel and
letting me know that you havepounded 58 hours of STS last
week.
I appreciate you.
(04:18):
That earns you a freaking meritbadge right there.
You know what I mean Appreciateyou.
We've had some pretty coolmoments this week.
I'm gonna touch on a couple ofthose, but I wanted to start off
with doug.
Before we get off track hereand, uh, get rocking and rolling
and rambling on things, I wantto give a little recap to what
(04:39):
I've been up to, what's beengoing on.
Last week when we recorded thepodcast, we were getting ready
to hit up Bike Week, laconiaBike Week at Bentley Saloon.
This little mad rush of eventshas taken off and I wanted to
kind of give you guys a littleinsight to how things are going.
So it's been a different yearfor us when it comes to Laconia
(05:00):
Bike Week, because the dateshave shifted and it's actually
played a major effect in thesuccess of our event so far and
not in a good way, to be honest.
So typically, laconia Bike Weekends Father's Day weekend.
This year it started Father'sDay weekend and yeah, that's
(05:21):
really kind of throwing thingsfor a loop, so it's been lightly
attended, to say the least.
So far we really haven't beenblessed with great weather
either.
I was listening to some statsthat for 12 consecutive weekends
in a row, maine has experiencedrain on the weekend.
So pretty ridiculous.
But another wrench in the plansfor us this week was that they
(05:44):
were trying something new andthey have this stunt show coming
in and because of the locationof the stunt show we needed to
move our location, move ourtents over.
So we are in a whole new spotin the saloon.
We started the weekend off thatway and a full frontal
confessional right out of thegate.
(06:05):
Why wait?
Put it all on the table and lety'all know.
I had the worst first two daysof bike week in the history of
Loud Proud American.
The Friday and Saturday to openbike week was the worst sales
that we have ever experiencedfor bike week and we knew a lot
(06:26):
of things went into that factor.
You know, like we said, theweather, the change in dates
obviously played a big impact inthat.
But unfortunately ourflip-flopping location really
hurt us and I was trying to beoptimistic about the change.
But I really felt that thiscould be the outcome from us
moving over there and it was.
(06:47):
There really was no reason foranybody to come to the side of
the lot that we are on and I'mgoing to be honest here folks,
people are lazy.
That's the truth.
People are lazy.
I'm sorry, it is what it is.
You're not going to go out ofyour comfort zone.
You're not going to go into acertain area if you don't feel
like you have to.
And the appearance of thelocation that I had was that of
(07:09):
like service providers peoplethat are over there installing
radios and windshields andaftermarket lighting and all
these things.
So if you're looking from thenormal vendor section and you
look over, you say, oh, thoseguys are doing installs on
motorcycles, I don't need to getan install, I'm not going over
there to look.
So I'm cutting down the casuallookers almost in half and I
(07:31):
really felt it On Sunday.
We had great weather, there wasa bike show and it turned out
to be a major difference.
So our Sunday was significantlybetter and that made a nice
positive impact.
But on Monday morning I'm sohell bent for success and
committed to the cause that atfive in the morning me and my
(07:51):
mother drove back to the saloonand packed up our display and
moved it across the parking lotback to our old location, the
entire thing.
I took all the clothes down thenight before, put them on
rolling racks.
In the morning me and my momwent there, cut all the grid
wall down, put it on the back ofthe truck.
We rigged up some wheels andput our tents on wheels and
(08:13):
rolled them across the lot,replaced them and just put
everything back in place justthe way it was, but basically in
our familiar location wherewe're going to get more activity
.
That Monday we were actually up, we had a better Monday than we
had last year and ironically,our Monday was even stronger
(08:35):
than the Friday that we had.
So you can't tell me that thechange in location didn't make a
difference.
At the time I'm recording thisit's Tuesday evening and Tuesday
we had a pretty decent day.
But they normally have a ridethat leaves from Laconia that
ends up at the saloon andtypically it has about 200
(08:56):
motorcycles on that ride andunfortunately today's ride only
had about 30 because it wasraining pretty hard in Laconia.
So we had two days that weredown, two days that were up.
Today's, another day that'sdown, and tomorrow we're going
to do our best at making it allup.
But there's one thing I'velearned about Laconia week is at
the tail end, the second half,the end of bike week, is always
(09:18):
your busiest, always your best,and that's going to lead into
the events that I have to hostthis week, which makes it a bit
of a challenge because you'retrying to run your booth, you
have to ask for help, you haveto recruit some volunteers that
are looking to come over andsupport and make things happen.
So there's only a few trustedadvisors and family members that
(09:40):
we have asked to do thosethings in the past.
Hopefully they're willing to dothat again and we can kind of
maximize on things and makethings happen, because I really
don't want to be closed becausethat's going to have a real
major impact on things.
But because of the downtimethat we've had this week, it's
really left me analyzing ourschedule, looking over our
(10:03):
calendar and really asking awhole series of questions about
current schedule, currentdecisions, relationships,
whether they're servicing meanymore or if I am merely
servicing somebody else andtheir own specific interests.
And that's really where we'regoing to be headed today.
It's a difficult andunfortunate conversation, but
(10:25):
we're going to go down that roadtoday about whether we feel
like we are being used, whetheryou feel like you have a
relationship where you werebeing used or you were being
taken advantage of.
How do we identify some ofthose things and how do we move
past them.
That's really the bulk, theheavy lifting that we want to
accomplish today.
But before we get into some ofthe depressing stuff, the
(10:46):
difficult stuff and as we endour conversation of this week's
Laconia Bike Week and how thingsreally aren't stacking up, I
want to share some highlights.
I want to share a fewhighlights and a couple of
awesome things happened to methis week.
One of those things is a youngman named Owen who actually
(11:07):
works at Bentley Saloon.
He came in all happy andexcited and proud, as a peacock
to tour the display and buysomething new.
He always buys something fromus when he sees us at the saloon
and he said to me oh, I wantedto show you something.
And he pulls up his shirt andright there across his whole
forearm is one of our designs.
(11:29):
He tattooed our faith, family,freedom design that we've put on
our long sleeve t-shirts that Idesigned by myself.
I designed, learned the ropesand went through and made things
happen One of my very furthestdesigns, actually using railroad
ties to kind of spell out theFs, to kind of mimic a cross, so
(11:51):
to speak.
So the Faith, family, freedomdesign he literally has tattooed
on his forearm.
And he said my next tattoo overthe winter is going to be the
back of that shirt and with thewhole cross and the whole
mission, which is incredible tome.
I mean, that tattoo literallysays Loud, proud, american in it
.
You know you're going to tattooour brand, our mission and our
(12:15):
reason right on you.
To me, unbelievable.
In five years, this is thethird person to have one of our
designs either inspire or be theactual tattoo on their body.
That's a lifetime commitmentbeing made because they love our
design, they love our artwork,they love our mission.
(12:35):
That right there, for a dudethat had no clue how to design a
stick figure five years ago, isabsolutely amazing to me.
I can't even believe it.
I, um, man, it's.
It's a wild feeling to see andand to think man, I, I'm not an
artist, I'm not a tattoo artist,I don't do this for a living.
(12:55):
So it's just crazy to see thatand to know that there's more
behind just the image.
It's the message, it's themeaning and that's what gets me.
So it just really proves to methat we're in this for the right
reason and, if we just continueto stay the course, that
everything's going to be okayand, as we've been saying over
the past few weeks, just put itin God's hands and let it happen
(13:17):
.
So that's what we're going todo.
The next thing that I want toshare with you happened to me
today.
Actually, I had a fella comeinto the tent today and he went
right to the back looking forsomething and ironically, it's a
Faith, family Freedom Design,not the one that I just
referenced, but one of the onesthat I've actually made for a
(13:37):
lady's shirt, and it's for alady's raglan sweatshirt.
And he man, I just saw one ofthese in the bar and I went up
to the lady and I said that is abadass shirt.
I love that shirt.
Where did you get it?
And she said you can get themright in the parking lot.
And he said I couldn't believeit.
I came out here, I ran intoyour tent to check things out
(13:58):
and like where did you get that?
Did you make that?
And I I said you know I did.
And he's like this is yourcompany.
And I told him and heimmediately came over and shook
my hand and said you know, myname is Mike.
I wanted to meet you like this,this is amazing.
And he asked me about ourmission, our story.
He wanted to know more aboutthe brand and he said I got to
support you.
And he grabbed the t-shirt offthe rack that he loved and he
(14:21):
was cashing out with it.
And then he grabbed a koozie.
So he grabbed the t-shirt andthe koozie and I was ringing him
up and I said to him, like youknow, $31 for tax.
And he stopped, picked his headup, he looked at me and he said
what did you say?
And I was like, oh man, I justgotta think I'm too expensive
(14:43):
here.
And he said what did you say tome?
And I said $31 and whatever taxMaine has tax.
He's like that's it, that's allit is.
And I said yeah, and he's like,oh my God, that's too cheap, I
got to get something else.
And he goes over and he grabs ahat off the rack and says I
want to support you.
I got to buy something else andthe stuff's American made.
(15:04):
I can't believe that.
I got a hat, a koozie and at-shirt for, you know, 60 bucks
or whatever it is now with tax.
You couldn't believe it.
And I said man, that's a,that's a tariff free price
guaranteed right there, wheneverybody's raising prices, I
mean we, we had our priceshigher before, but we don't pay
(15:24):
tariffs.
That's the beauty of buyingAmerican made and I wanted to
extend the savings to you.
You just couldn't believe itand we spent some time just kind
of swapping stories and then hewent on his merry way.
And it's those back to backexperiences, you know, when you
think about Owen getting atattoo, this customer Mike that
I never met before, coming inand supporting the mission and
(15:46):
being excited about the designsand blown away by the pricing to
Doug cramming 58 straight hoursof Shaila's Fargo podcast,
there is no negativity out therethat can tell me we're not
doing the right thing.
There's no negativity out therethat can derail me from the
road that we are on.
Yes, there are bumps, there arepeaks can derail me from the
road that we are on.
(16:06):
Yes, there are bumps, there arepeaks, there are valleys, but
the truth is there is beauty onthe other side of struggle and I
do know that we will have finetriumph and victory, and soon it
shall be.
I just know it to be true.
Gotcha Alright, alright,episode 258.
(16:50):
And y'all know I'm feelinggreat.
I have to be feeling greatafter the little positive
tidbits that I got to share withy'all and I'm thankful about
those little positive stories todrop on today's show because,
I'm going to be honest withy'all, I've been battling some
self-doubt, some indecision,I've been questioning certain
decisions, I've been thinkingabout relationships and all
(17:14):
these different things, and it'sbeen a tough week.
Y'all, it has been a tough weekand, as always, my wife has
been by my side, supporting meand asking poignant questions of
me to really get me to ponder,to get me to think, to get me to
question my true feelings andto make moves.
(17:36):
And I really think that's allyou can hope for in a partner is
someone that not only supportsyou but doesn't just yes you to
death.
They're going to offer theiropinion and they're going to
provoke you into some thoughtand also, based off of our
conversations and how we dothings around here, after nearly
five years of a podcast, shehas the ability to use some of
(17:57):
my own weapons against me andyou know saying to me that when
it comes a time when arelationship is no longer
servicing you, then maybe itshouldn't be there for you
anymore.
And over the past few weekswe've talked about cutting
negativity and all that it cando for you and the positive
(18:18):
impact that it has on you, butthe truth is.
There's things that we do,there's decisions that we make,
there's relationships that we'vemade that we don't always deem
as negative.
But there comes a time whencertain things happen and
certain things start to revealthemselves to you.
And then, all of a sudden, youstart to see a trend or you
start to identify a pattern.
And if you start to trace thatpattern backwards, you can start
(18:41):
to really find some historythere and realize, wow, this
person or this situation or thisrelationship or this decision
over the past few years hasreally changed and I'm no longer
being treated the way I oncewas.
I'm no longer, you know, beingappreciated the way that I once
was.
And then, as you start to tracethese little seeds of doubt and
(19:04):
you start to seek out the truth, you realize, man, this has
actually been causing me a greatdeal of stress and frustration.
And as you start to peel backthe onion a little bit more, you
start to ask yourself is thestress and frustration worth it
if what I'm getting in returnpairs in comparison to what the
(19:25):
significant other is getting,whether that's someone in your
relationship, if it's aco-worker, if it's a boss, if
it's a business relationship, afriendship, whatever it is?
When you start to think, man,what they're getting from this
versus what I'm getting for this?
And I'm not saying that we haveto enter all relationships and
(19:46):
all decisions based off oftrying to get something for
yourself, but when you start tohave a track record of
benefiting somebody else, yearafter year after year, to then
see the things that they oncedid for you be taken away from
you, to then see the things theyused to appreciate you for now
(20:06):
being things that they justreally expect of you.
And that's a tough thing, right.
So there's these relationships,there's these decisions,
there's these situations that wehave in our lives, that we
don't necessarily deem them asnegative, but there comes a time
when they show their face toyou and you say, wow, I didn't
(20:27):
realize how much stress this wasbringing on me.
I didn't realize how much thiswas weighing on me.
Over the past week, things havebeen slower than I wanted them
to be, but I've made commitmentsto being where I am.
I've made commitments to doingwhat I need to do.
I'm fulfilling my obligations.
And as I sit around and I justscour over numbers and I'm
(20:53):
looking at finances and I'mthinking about things, and then
you start to observe all thingsgoing on around you and you just
feel unappreciated and you justbegin to realize, wow, that was
taken for me, this was takenfor me.
This no longer exists for meand you start thinking I do this
(21:14):
for you.
I still do that for you.
It's a hard pill to swallow andwhen it comes down to somebody
in your life no longercommunicating directly with you
unless they need something fromyou, when it comes down to
somebody in your life who'salways been a phone call, a text
(21:38):
message, a handshake and a hugaway, now hides behind a chain
of emails and a chain of commandthat you have to follow.
It's not the same relationship,right?
And I've experienced that andit's been a hard thing for me to
accept, it's been a hard thingfor me to process, and I've
(22:00):
brought it to my wife and we'vegone over this and I've prayed
over this and I'm about to makesome decisions that I don't want
to do, but I have to, because arelationship that I once
entered into, that started as agreat friendship, that turned
(22:21):
into an amazing businessrelationship and partnership, no
longer is the same thing andthere was a time in my life when
I was able to provide a muchgreater benefit to this
relationship.
And I'm being vague over thesethings, people, because I'm not
trying to alienate anybody, I'mnot trying to single out a new
(22:42):
one, I'm not trying to stir thepot and cause a shit show or
fire up a gossip mill.
That's not what I'm here to do.
But I'm saying this because Iwant this to be a learning
lesson for all of us.
We are called Share theStruggle because we share our
struggles and we learn from them, we grow from them.
And my wife was just expressingto each and one of you guys the
(23:04):
benefit of cutting negativity,and we've gone over that and how
that, you know, allowed her toopen herself up to new, bigger,
beautiful things, like a newcareer opportunity and all these
great things that are happeningfor her.
And I'm here pushing andpreaching and pulling her along,
all by her side, andencouraging all those things,
(23:27):
when ultimately, there's a veryclose relationship to me that
has become negative, that hasbecome a source of anxiety, and
I was immune to it.
I didn't realize it, I didn'tacknowledge it and I've done my
best to distance myself fromsome of it, but I can't cut the
(23:47):
cord.
I just can't because I feelobligated, I feel that I'm
turning my back on a greatfriendship.
But is it a great friendshipwhen they show themselves to be
taking a great advantage of youand no longer appreciating you
because there now you don't havethe ability to do as much, so
(24:18):
they're not willing to do asmuch in return?
That doesn't sound to me like awholesome, healthy relationship
.
That sounds like a give-give,like I'm going to give this if
you give that.
That's a barter situation.
That's not a relationship.
And my business is in asituation or in a position where
(24:42):
there's certain things that Idepend on.
And this is a relationship thatI depend on because I've always
thought that it was a mutualrelationship where it's
beneficial for each other, likewe help each other and this
relationship helps keep me inbusiness and it has done
(25:05):
tremendous things for me.
But there comes a time when yourealize is that being held over
your head?
Is that being used to keep youon a line to do what somebody
needs you to do to benefit them?
I know I'm being vague here,but I think there's things for
everybody to relate to Whetherit's a business relationship
(25:28):
that no longer is benefitingsomebody as much as it once did,
so they're not willing to showyou the same benefits they once
did.
Whether it's a boss that youknow you used to do extra work
for that now they're gettingcredit for you know whether it's
a significant other that youknow you're doing all the things
(25:49):
around the house and you'redoing all these things and
they're not appreciating you,they're not helping you.
You know whether it's asituation where you house and
you're doing all these thingsand they're not appreciating you
, they're not helping you.
Whether it's a situation whereyou're providing all the
financial security to the familybut you're not getting X for it
.
You're not getting anythingelse right.
You're providing all thefinances and you're expected to
(26:10):
do all the cleaning andeverything else.
I don't know.
I'm trying to create differentthings here.
There's relationships in yourlife that maybe at one point
they weren't negative.
Maybe at one point they'reextremely beneficial for each
other, but over the course oftime, throughout the years, they
become negative.
They become a one-way street.
You need to take some of theserelationships in your life and
(26:30):
start to ask yourself a seriesof questions to determine
whether they are takingadvantage of you, because when
you begin to feel like you'rebeing taken advantage of, it's
important to acknowledge andaddress your feelings and this
week I've been acknowledging,I've been addressing and I've
been praying over my feelingsBecause it can lead to negative
consequences in various aspectsof your life.
(26:53):
Recognize the signs that you'rebeing used and begin to
communicate your boundaries.
Potentially, you can seeksupport from trusted individuals
and professionals.
I have confided in my wife andmy mother and had these
conversations and then recently,over the past couple of days,
I've had conversations withother close, trusted people that
(27:14):
are in the same circle, thatdeal with the same situations,
kind of bouncing things off as asounding board.
So I'm going to outline someactionable items for any of you
that's beginning to feel likeyou're being taken advantage of,
and we're going to have somethings that we can ask ourselves
and some things we can do tohelp move ourselves from the
situation.
First off, from the situation.
(27:36):
First off, recognize the signs.
I know I was being vague here,but I was outlining some of the.
You know the symptoms, some ofthe quick signs here when you
are beginning to feelundervalued or underappreciated,
when you start to see a lack ofrespect or recognition or
gratitude for your efforts.
For me, I'm only appreciatedwhen I'm needed.
(27:58):
I'm a side cast, I'm an outcast, I'm put to the back of the
room.
Unless you need me to save theday, unless you need me to bring
a crowd, unless you need me tomake you money, then I'm
appreciated, then I'm thegreatest.
You understand what I'm sayingFeeling undervalued or
(28:20):
underappreciated.
When you're asking yourselfabout the relationships, the
moment you start to feel thatway, you need to ask yourself is
it a lack of respect,recognition or gratitude?
The next one, on one-sidedrelationships Like we're talking
about just now when thingsbegin to feel on one-sided
relationships like we're talkingabout just now, when things
begin to feel more one-sided,when you constantly give more
than you receive or someoneconstantly asks for your favor
(28:43):
without reciprocation, it can bea sign of being taken advantage
of.
For me, with businessrelationships, I find myself in
a situation sometimes where I'mthe type of business that we're
seasonal.
So in the summertime we're outthere, we're making money, we're
meeting people, we're puttingour product in the hands of new
(29:03):
people, we're connecting withvalued customers and friendships
and we're making money.
We're out there, we'reface-to-face relationship, sales
Over the run of time.
I don't have as much of that,so we rely on custom orders and
business products and for me.
I feel like there's somebusinesses that they know I rely
(29:26):
on that winter finance to stayin business and I'm realizing
that in certain ways I'm beingtaken advantage of because
people say to themselves if Igive him this amount of work in
the wintertime, I know I cancall on him for this, this and
this when I need him.
And that really shouldn't behow this works.
(29:48):
You should be doing businesswith me in the wintertime
because it fits my schedule,that's when I'm allowed to do it
and you value my product, mymission and me as a friend, not
because you know that you'regoing to ask me to do this, this
and this.
That's not how this should work.
Emotional manipulation this caninclude being guilt-tripped,
(30:09):
blamed or having your feelingsdisregarded.
For me, a lot of it is justbeing dismissed right, and this
one is massive for me when youtake the time to sit with me and
ask me what do you want?
What do you need?
What would you like to see fromme?
What could I do different?
(30:30):
All these different things.
And you wholeheartedly puteffort into this conversation
because you know it comes everyyear and you list out all the
things, all the concerns and allthe things and all the
recommendations and I knowyou're not going to take all of
them, but to take none of themto dismiss me completely, to
(30:51):
ignore my concerns, so much sothat you're unwilling to talk to
me about them, because you knowyou're going completely against
what I recommend.
That you have someone else tellme.
That to me is emotionalmanipulation.
All the kids these days callthat gaslighting.
When you show up and you justfill me full of bullshit,
(31:12):
basically, and you're going tolet me sound off and feel a
certain way and make me feelfantastic.
But in the end, you alreadyhave your decision made.
You already know what you'regoing to do.
It's completely opposite ofwhat you recommended, so I'm
going to have somebody elsedeliver that shit sandwich to
you.
Difficulty trusting others,being taken advantage of, can
(31:34):
lead to mistrust and difficultyforming healthy relationships.
This is true because, with thecurrent rut I've been in with
these things, you almost go intocertain situations with a guard
up right.
You go into them thinking whatis this person looking for?
Be able to whiff them?
What's in it for me?
(31:55):
Syndrome where this person'sgot to be wanting something out
of this, when, ultimately, maybethey're just being generous,
maybe they're just being genuine.
Maybe they're just coming inbecause they love your product
and they have this offer for you, not because they're trying to
manipulate you into you doingsomething for them.
But you become accustomed toother people doing that to you.
It's tough because that canchange your character, that can
(32:16):
rob who you are from you, thatcan steal your spirit, that can
dull your sprinkle, and youdon't want that to happen.
Another side effect of this islower your self-esteem.
Feeling used or manipulated canimpact your self-worth and
confidence.
I can tell you, if I grab thatCabela's catalog right now, I'm
(32:36):
going to drop this sucker on thetable.
You hear it?
Hang on, I don't know.
You probably didn't hear it.
What you did hear was myfat-ass bulldog dragging his
lazy toes across the floor,which is uncalled for.
I want to pretend that that wasme dragging a Cabela's catalog
across the floor here whichcounter?
Because I mean it'd be weird,how big would that catalog be if
(32:56):
I'm dragging it across thefloor?
So I'm dragging it across thecounter, okay, and I'm placing
it down and I'm putting my lefthand on the Cabela's catalog and
my beagle eyes are the sky andI'm going to give you a full
frontal confessional from thisguy.
I've been lackingself-confidence this week For
the way that I found myselftreated, understanding the
(33:17):
emotional manipulationrelationships that have become
one-sided, feeling undervaluedor underappreciated, a complete
lack of respect and recognitionthose things have left me
lacking self-confidence.
I haven't been as good atpresenting my product, I haven't
(33:38):
been as excited about myproduct because I'm going
through this funk where I'mfeeling underappreciated, where
I'm feeling undervalued, whereI'm feeling that I'm put in the
corner with a dunce cap on, whenI'm feeling that I'm not
celebrated.
I do know that my time iscoming, when I will be
celebrated because you need meand that's what's frustrating.
(34:02):
But the longer you avoid me,the worse it's going to be.
But because I have all thesethings going on or I have time
to stew on it, because, like Isaid, with the weather and the
change in schedule for bike weekand all these things, sales are
down I'm sitting around and I'mthinking about all things
around me, all things I've saidyes to throughout my calendar,
(34:26):
commitments I've made things Iwant to make for commitments,
all this stuff, and you start toanalyze different relationships
and situations as you startlooking over years of numbers
and deciding what you're goingto do to make your business
better, because I don't likesitting around idle and just
continuing to press, play andresume and repeat and to get the
same damn frozen dinner servedto you, because that's not going
(34:48):
to get you where you want to go.
So as I'm sitting aroundthinking about these things,
it's kind of worn me out alittle bit and it's been harder
for me to be up and upbeat andenthusiastic about my product
because everything else is kindof bringing me down.
When I have the stories that Imentioned to you today about you
know, owen, getting my imagerytattooed on his arm to someone
(35:11):
coming in, being blown away bythe cost of american products in
a positive way, to doug,listening to nearly 60 hours of
sts.
Um, that is that light ofpositivity that I needed to keep
on pulling through and pushingthrough, and I know that all
things are going to work out.
We've been talking about thisfor weeks now.
Put it in the hands of god andlet it happen.
Man, you're doing what you cando.
(35:32):
Just let it, it happen.
But there's moments of doubt,there's moments of um like that
just designer imposter, justself-sabotage, nonsense that
goes on in your brain and um Forme to sit back and do research
and take out a notebook andstart writing things down and
(35:53):
listing the way you're feelingundervalued, underappreciated.
You know to be feeling takenadvantage of, to have that
emotional manipulation.
You start to list those thingsout and you realize I'm not
struggling with self-confidence,I'm being taken advantage of.
(36:13):
I need to remove myself fromthe situation of being taken
advantage of and then I willremove myself from negativity.
I will rebuild self-confidence,I will regain self-esteem.
I need to rise above the hate.
I need to remove myself fromthe situation.
If you're listening right nowand you're finding yourself into
(36:39):
one of these scenarios andthese situations, then we have
some actionable steps for you totake.
First off, communication.
How many times do we have tosay that communication is key?
This is another confessionalfor me.
This is why I'm here tonightpushing record on the podcast,
because I'm communicating withyou.
I'm getting things off my chest, I'm putting my feelings out
(37:00):
into the universe.
I've been communicating with mywife, with my mother, with
other trusted advisors, tryingto figure things out.
When the time is right, I willaddress the situation with the
person that I need to.
But talking it out, working itout, assures me that I'm going
to do it in the best waypossible, and I'm going to get
all things possible put on thetable, because you need to
(37:21):
communicate and you need to setboundaries.
My wife was on here beforetalking about loving an addict
and the fact that you need toset boundaries.
And when you're trying toremove negativity, you need to
set boundaries.
And when you're trying toremove negativity, you need to
set boundaries.
When you're trying to getyourself out of a relationship
where you feel like you're beingtaken advantage of, you need to
communicate and set boundaries,clearly, express your needs.
(37:43):
I statements I statements canhelp you communicate your
feelings without blaming others.
We all have a tendency tosugarcoat scenarios.
We all have a tendency tosugarcoat scenarios.
We all have a tendency topowder puff our feelings by,
instead of saying I, we insertsomething else, right, we go
with so-and-so did this.
(38:04):
So-and-so says this have youseen Dick Bag Down the Street or
Donnie Bag of donuts over here?
And we start using somebodyelse as an example.
We start blaming somebody elsewithout even knowing it.
We're trying to lessen the blow, we're trying to lighten the
(38:24):
load, we're trying to powderpuff the truth when, ultimately,
if we just own up man up, womanup and say I, I feel this way,
I expect this, I believe this.
When you own it and you startwith I, then that is your truth
and nobody can argue your truth.
So establish healthy boundariesand act in I statements so they
(38:50):
know that it's coming from you.
It's not so-and-so down thestreet, because you can walk
yourself into a dark alley bytrying to make things smoother,
by saying, oh, I was talking toyou, know, tammy Two-Step over
here and she was saying thisabout what you said, and all
that's going to do is createcontroversy and nonsense and
(39:12):
it's going to make the personyou're trying to address and
Tammy Two-Step into an argumentwhen you're just trying to
sugarcoat things.
But ultimately you feel thatway, you lay it on the line.
It's up to you Determine whatyou are willing and not willing
to accept in terms of time,energy, resources and emotional
support.
You need to draw a hard line.
(39:34):
These are my boundaries andthen these are my expectations.
These are the things that Iwant.
Here's what I'm willing tocommit for time, this is my
level of energy, these are theresources I will dedicate to
this and this is my level ofemotional support.
When my wife was talking aboutloving an addict level of
emotional support and my wifewas talking about loving an
(39:55):
addict.
If you do not set boundariesand determine upfront what
you're willing to invest andcommit into that relationship,
then if you do not do that, youwill be sucked in, you will be
abused and you will be reused.
This one, right here, is one ofthe most difficult ones for me,
and I've said this on herebefore.
One of the most difficult onesfor me, and I've said this on
(40:16):
here before.
Learn to say no.
You need to say no.
I'm so bad at saying no.
I have customers come to me forthings that I really don't want
to do or that I shouldn't do,and I say yes because I want the
money.
I have those wintertimeconversations that say do you
want this gig, do you want thisopportunity, do you want this
special event?
And I say yes, yes, yes, yes,because I want that money, money
, money, money.
And when it comes down to timefor doing them, I feel like, oh
(40:38):
hell, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't want to be doing that.
And what the hell was Idrinking when I said yes to that
?
Well, the truth is you wasn'tdrinking, you was just thinking
that you said yes, I need to sayno, which ironically, I'm going
to toot my own horn here rightnow.
There's a customer, or apotential customer, at Bentley
(40:58):
Saloon that he approached melast year about doing a custom
order for him.
He has a muscle car, a race carscenario, and he sent me this
really cheesy, awful qualityphoto and said I want to turn
this into a shirt and he gave meall the ideas and things that
he wanted to go with it and hetold me what he wanted for
shirts and you know, and I saidyou need to do at least 25 and
(41:19):
he said I'll do that and we goover all the details and I said
as soon as I can, I'll work onit, but I'm on the road.
It didn't take very long forhim to start questioning me,
asking me when things are goingto be done, as I'm telling him
that I'm not going to be aroundfor it, and he begins to harp on
me about it and then, much liketoday's conversation, you sit
around and watch and I watchedfor over a week at an event how
(41:43):
he interacted with other people.
I watched how he approachedpeople.
He had this, this.
I guess he still has this.
You know, some would assumefancy, expensive motorcycle.
I've seen enough.
It's just another freakingdesigner, imposter chopper.
Like get over it.
You paid 50 grand for it, it'sworth five, it's okay.
(42:05):
And uh, people look at it andgo over and he would just shoo
people away and be rude and peelout and just kind of talk down
to waitresses.
And I just watched him be areal dirtbag and I was like I
don't really want to work withthis guy, I don't really want to
associate myself with him.
And I asked around about himand I got nothing but negative
(42:28):
opinions and reviews.
And I actually had one person Itrust say to me dude, you don't
want to do any work for thatguy, you're going to regret it.
Well, I stopped responding andthis year, just the other day,
he came up to me, approached meand he said you know who I am?
Do you remember me?
And I said, yeah, I do.
You want me to do these shirtsfor your muscle car?
(42:49):
And before he could even beginto blast me because he wanted to
, I said I got to go up frontand just apologize to your face.
He's like what?
And I was like I didn't get achance to do it and now I can't
do it.
What do you mean?
I said I'm sorry, I apologize,but at this point I'm just too
big and busy to do small customorders like that.
I can.
I'm only doing orders that aremajor bulk orders over 100
(43:14):
pieces, and even those I reallydon't have time to do them this
time of year.
So it just became too difficultfor me to do that job.
I should have told you sooner,but I apologize, I can't do it.
And he said well, I came out togive you shit, but it is what
it is.
And he turned around and walkedoff.
Do I like turning down money?
No, but was that going to makeme money or was it going to make
(43:36):
me a hassle?
Was it going to keep me frombeing productive?
Was it going to rob me ofself-esteem and self-confidence?
Was it going to distract mefrom taking care of my own
business products?
Absolutely, I needed to say noand I need to get better at
saying no.
It's okay to decline requeststhat are not in line with your
boundaries or that you don'tfeel comfortable fulfilling.
(43:59):
That goes for businessdecisions.
That goes for personalrelationships.
Communicate your needs andboundaries assertively.
Be clear and firm about yourexpectations.
I'm not clear enough about thisshit, man.
I'm too vague on certain thingsand I walk myself into a dark
dungeon by doing that, andthat's one more cause for
(44:20):
concern for me.
These are my own notes of me,highlighting things based off of
my research, that I need to getbetter at.
I got to say no and I have toput my boundaries out there and
I need to communicate them andbe assertive about it.
I'm too much of a peoplepleaser, nice guy, and I've got
to stop Seeking support andreevaluating.
(44:42):
Talk to trusted friends orfamily, sharing your feelings
and seeking advice can provideperspective and support.
I've done that this week and Iactually had to have a
conversation with Allie where Isaid, man, I feel like maybe
I've done that this week, and Iactually had to have a
conversation with Ali where Isaid, man, I feel like maybe
I've overstepped and I've saidtoo much to certain people, so
be careful of what you do withthat.
But it is a necessity to getsome of those things out in the
(45:03):
open, to see like you're almostpulling the audience and how
other people feel about thingsthat are going on around you
before you approach the personthat you need to talk, to
Consider professional guidancetherapists, counselors.
They can help to navigatecomplex emotions and
relationships.
You know for me I'm leaninginto people that I trust, but
(45:23):
you can seek professional helpon that.
Re-evaluate relationships Ifyou feel consistently taken
advantage of in a particularrelationship, it may be
necessary to re-evaluate thedynamics and consider whether it
is healthy to continue.
All the things that we'retalking about you can have
conversations.
It starts about you know thoseI statements.
(45:43):
It starts about acknowledgingthose things, setting
expectations, setting boundaries.
When you're doing those things,you're working on that
relationship, you'recommunicating.
I highly wholeheartedlyrecommend you do those things
first.
Give it that benefit of thedoubt.
If it doesn't work out, if theycontinue to show themselves to
you of being the person that youdon't want them or that you
(46:06):
can't afford them to be, if theyare a one-sided individual,
then reevaluate the relationship.
It may be necessary to justmove on, continue without them,
to cut it off.
Some of the consequences offeeling taken advantage of as we
said earlier mental healthchallenges.
Man, when you are being takenadvantage of, it can lead to
(46:28):
anxiety, it can lead todepression because we bottle
these things up, we don't talkabout these things and that can
eat us up, man.
It can rob you of your ownself-confidence.
It can build difficulty intrusting others.
Past experiences of being usedcan make it difficult to trust
in future relationships.
If we start thinking about,just like your personal
(46:49):
relationships with a significantother, if you have been misused
, taken advantage of, cheated onwhen you go into that new
relationship, if you bring thatbaggage with you, then you're
going to manifest and createthat baggage in your new
relationship.
You need to drop that shit offat the baggage claim before you
get into a new relationship.
The same thing goes in thesesituations, whether it's
(47:12):
business, whether it's business,whether it's personal, whether
it's work whatever.
If you're being taken advantageof, you could leave that
situation better yourself,remove the negativity but find
yourself in a new situation withnew opportunities, but taking
that past experience with youand that's gonna rob you of
(47:33):
future opportunities becauseyou're going into things acting
as if you already are beingtaken advantage of or you're
going and assuming somebody elseis preparing to take advantage
of you.
That robs you of your freedomand your opportunities.
It can result in reduced jobsatisfaction and productivity.
It can result in reduced jobsatisfaction and productivity.
Feeling undervalued at work cannegatively impact your job
(47:56):
satisfaction and overall workperformance.
Me right now, processing andgoing through what it is that
I'm going through, I got to apoint of realizing man, I don't
want to be here.
I don't want to do this.
I don't want to be involved inthis.
I'm no longer looking forwardto things that I used to cherish
.
There's things on my calendarthat were my favorite things of
(48:20):
the year to do.
There's things on my calendarthat I came up with, that I
designed, that I helped partnerwith to make great things of
right Things that I look forwardto, that I cherish, that I'm
excited about.
I'm looking at them now andsaying to myself I don't want
anything to do with that.
(48:41):
Literally, my excitement hasbeen robbed from me.
I no longer want to do some ofthe things that I used to look
forward to.
Based off the way I've beentreated as of late, I don't want
to participate in some of thethings that I used to look
forward to.
That's just way I've beentreated as of late.
I don't want to participate insome of the things that I used
to look forward to.
That's just one example for youguys If you're feeling
undervalued and you're at workand they're not appreciating you
(49:03):
.
You feel like they're takingadvantage of you.
It's going to negatively impactwhether you even want to be
there and it's certainly goingto hinder your performance.
Then comes the financial strainbeing exploited financially can
lead to increased debt andfinancial inability.
Right now, for me, I'mdiscussing with you business
relationships that I might needto remove myself from.
(49:26):
By doing that, it is going toplace a major negative hole in
the finances that my businessdepends on.
That's going to create someinstability.
But sometimes you have to makethose big, bold decisions to
create big, bold, beautifulopportunities.
By acknowledging your feelings,communicating your needs,
(49:48):
setting boundaries and seekingsupport when needed, you can
protect yourself from beingtaken advantage of and improve
your overall well-being.
For me, I've been analyzingthese things.
I've been feeling a certain way.
I begin to trace the steps totrack the history, to peel back
the onion, to dig beneath thelayers, write some of those
(50:11):
things out, think about some ofthose things.
Do my research, understandquestions, to ask myself, to
identify if I'm being takenadvantage of and then outline
actionable steps on how to moveforward, how to save a
relationship, how to communicatewhat to say those I statements,
to set boundaries.
To be clear, what to say thoseI statements.
To set boundaries, to be clearand assertive in doing those
(50:35):
things, to make no exception tothe limits that you placed on
your time, onto your emotionalsupport, to stand steadfast in
your beliefs.
Doing all those things.
I've done all of that and I'veoutlined all of that for you in
hopes and effort that if any ofyou are struggling or feeling a
(50:57):
little depressed or feeling alittle anxious and you start
tracing the steps and you startrealizing you're being taken
advantage of, then today weoutline questions for you to ask
yourself, to identify if it'strue, are you being taken
advantage of?
And, if it is, if it's true,are you being taken advantage of
?
And if it is, do you cut baitand move on or do you
communicate and set boundariesand make a difference, make the
(51:20):
opportunity, but don't go backon what you set for boundaries.
Be assertive, tote the line.
If they don't meet yourstandards, then leave them
behind.
That is what's on tap for me,man.
What a well-rounded episode.
Today we came into this suckerrecapping our event week.
We touched on some super highs,we discussed some lows and we
(51:45):
went every which way you couldgo discussing being taken
advantage of outlining how toidentify it and how to overcome
it.
I think, boys and girls, thisis a well-rounded episode.
If you enjoyed today's show,please share it with someone you
know and help it blossom andhelp it grow.
You can find all things podcastrelated at
(52:07):
wwwsharethestrugglepodcastcom.
We are on all major podcastingplatforms.
Thank you to all of our newlisteners over the past few
weeks.
Thank you to all my day ones,my loyal ones.
I appreciate you.
Please, please, please leave areview, share the show, please,
push, follow and help it grow.
(52:27):
I appreciate each and every oneof you.
If you're looking to have alittle fun, you can find me
Friday night at Bentley Saloondoing a tattoo contest with my
man, tommy Tattoo of Tommy'sTattoo Supplies.
Tommy just happens to host twoof the largest tattoo
conventions in all of NewEngland.
Actually, I think Tommy's Aprilconvention is the top five
(52:51):
largest conventions in the world.
I'm also going to be joined bysome super awesome guest judges.
Chad Chase, the man behindVenom Inc here in Sanford, is an
unbelievable artist, arguablyMaine's best tattoo artist.
He's incredibly talented.
And Jimmy Snaz, fresh off ofInk Master.
Jimmy Snaz has a tattoo shop inSalem, massachusetts, royal
(53:16):
Street Tattoo.
He was a contestant, a finaliston Ink Master.
I think it was season 13.
He actually goes down inhistory as a winner because the
show was closed due to COVID,but he would have won anyways.
That's our guest panel ofjudges Three great dudes.
I'm your host.
Come on over to Bentley Saloonon Friday.
I think that starts at threeo'clock.
We're going to have a great oldtime and then on Saturday, the
(53:40):
old, long awaited traditioncontinues.
I believe it's year 13 of mehosting the pinup contest for
Bentley Saloon.
That's when and where you canfind me, and next week you can
hear it all over again, with therecap and letting you know how
it all went, where did we finishand what did I do Until then.
(54:00):
I thank you for supporting myAmerican dream.
Now go wash your filthy hands,you filthy savage.
That's it and that's all.
Biggie Smalls, if you're a LoudProud American and you find
(54:30):
yourself just wanting more, findme on YouTube and Facebook at
Loud Proud American.
And you find yourself justwanting more, find me on YouTube
and Facebook at Loud ProudAmerican, or the Face page, as
my mama calls it.
If you're a fan of the GrahamCracker, you want to find me on
Instagram, or all the kids aretickety talking on the TikTok.
You can find me on both ofthose at Loud underscore, proud
(54:52):
underscore American.
A big old thank you to the boysfrom the Gut Truckers for the
background beats and the themesong to this year's podcast.
If you are enjoying what you'rehearing, you can track down the
(55:12):
Gut Truckers on Facebook.
Just search Gut Truckers.
Give them, motherfuckers.
(55:37):
A like too.
I truly thank you forsupporting my American dream.
Now go wash your fucking hands,you filthy savage.
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