April 30, 2025 • 76 mins
Alli returns to share her healing journey after opening up about her mother's tragic loss to addiction and suicide last week.
• Sharing raw, vulnerable stories in real-time speeds up healing and can help others find their own path forward
• Multiple listeners reached out after last week's episode to share their own struggles and some even requested to share their stories on the podcast
• Alli explains she's "good" because the hard part - the constant worry about her mother - is over, allowing her to finally heal and grow
• Shamanic Reiki healing combines traditional Reiki energy healing with shamanic practices to restore balance and replace negative energies
• During her healing session, Alli worked through blocked chakras, particularly the throat chakra where she carried unexpressed feelings
• The session revealed surprising symbols including an anteater as her spirit animal, connecting to real-life events like an ant infestation appearing in their home the day of her mother's passing
• Alli's mother's spirit appeared during the session angry that Alli was healing, but the practitioner protected the healing space
• The freedom Alli feels after her healing sessions comes from releasing the weight of anger, hurt, and disappointment she carried
If you're struggling with loss or trauma, consider exploring alternative healing modalities alongside traditional therapy - they may provide powerful breakthroughs on your journey toward healing and freedom.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Last week my wife shared a sensitive and emotional
story, a transparent tale fromchildhood to adulthood,
outlining abuse and addiction,the effects on oneself and
family, with an all-too-familiarending.
Allie shared her heartbreakingstory in hopes to make a
difference.
This week she's back to pick upthe pieces and share a powerful
(00:27):
alternative way to heal andbuild strength and peace.
Let me tell you somethingEverybody struggles.
The difference is some peoplechoose to go through it and some
choose to grow through it.
The choice is completely yours.
Which one you choose will havea very profound effect on the
(00:48):
way you live your life.
If you find strength in thestruggle, then this podcast is
for you.
Do you have a relationship thatis comfortable with
uncomfortable conversations?
Uncomfortable conversationschallenge you, humble you and
(01:08):
they build you.
When you sprinkle a little timeand distance on it, it all
makes sense.
Most disagreements, they stemfrom our own insecurities.
You are right where you need tobe.
What it do, what it hot,diddy-dee-doo.
(01:45):
Good lo, almighty.
Am I so excited to be back withyou?
Oh, it's true, it is damn true.
I'm excited to be back thisweek because, as you heard in
the opener, I am not alone thisweek.
I am yet again joined by mybeautiful bride, but I'm also
(02:06):
accompanied by my beautifullittle daughter over there.
Look at her going strong.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
She wanted to party.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Babe, we thought it was bedtime for the little
beautiful one, but she hadanother idea, didn't she?
Dia?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
I think you had another idea.
What are you talking about?
She heard you.
You had your headphones on andyou were checking your mic and
she heard you.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Yeah, now she's ready to look.
She's over there staring at medown now.
It's okay, dia.
Does Daddy look funny with aheadset on, talking into a
Mickey food?
She has to be a part ofeverything.
Our little girl has thegreatest case of FOMO that
(02:52):
there's ever been identified onrecord.
Am I right?
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Oh yeah, For sure.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Well, I want to say a couple of things before we get
rocking and rolling today.
Number one welcome back.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
I feel like we're setting a streak here.
We've been going for a fewweeks now and it makes my job a
lot easier.
Other than talking to myself,this is quite a bit more
enjoyable.
Number two I want to say thankyou for being bold enough to
share stories that you mightfind embarrassing, difficult,
(03:30):
heart-wrenching.
To be so completely transparentand share everything that was
happening to you raw and in realtime, took an incredible amount
of courage and strength.
An incredible amount of courageand strength, and I'm so proud
(03:50):
of you.
I think that for anybodylistening, it should be heard as
encouragement that if you arebold enough to share the stuff
that you're going through rawand as it happens, as opposed to
bottling it up, suppressingyour story and your emotions,
it's going to speed up yourability to heal.
It's also going to give you theability to maybe help somebody
(04:11):
else heal, and I know, after all, that we heard last week you
absolutely helped other peopleheal.
So I want to say thank you forbeing the courageous woman that
you are and you were able tocome on here and bare your soul,
and it was a all gloves off,just story session that turned
(04:32):
into two hours of a heartfeltemotion that I know made a
difference, so great job thankyou.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
It definitely wasn't, uh, easy turning on the
microphone, um and just spillingmy heart out, but it was time
to just grip it and rip it andtake the band-aid right off and
share with the people the story,my story, and I think it's
important for me to share that.
(05:00):
That way I can hopefully oneday help somebody else.
And I want to start the podcastoff by thanking everyone who
took the time to reach out to meand share their condolences,
but also open their hearts upand share with me some of their
(05:23):
stories.
I had a few people reach outsaying you know, I listened to
your podcast, never knew any ofthe things that you had gone
through, because I, too, mask it.
I don't want my past history towrite the story for the rest of
my life.
I want to use it as a steppingstone and I want to move forward
(05:48):
and grow bigger.
But I also want it to be astepping stone for other people
as well, and it was rather braveof these people to reach out to
me and share their story aswell, and I'm forever grateful
that they found comfort in me toreach out, because that's what
(06:08):
this whole podcast is about is,hopefully, that we can touch the
lives of someone, and I don'tcare if it's one person or 100
people.
That one person is enough forme and it has definitely touched
some people and I'm supergrateful for that.
Um.
So that's where I wanted tostart this podcast, um, and I
(06:33):
know you mentioned that we weregoing to dig in a little bit
deeper on, um, how I've startedmy healing journey.
Yeah, I think it's.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yeah a few things need to be outlined.
Number one, going over the factthat you were bold enough to
come on here and and share yourstory.
As we've said many times before, we can repeat it every single
week.
The name of this podcast isshare the struggle.
We would be hypocritical to notcome on here and share the
greatest struggle in oureveryday lives and I, just like
(07:05):
you, turned on record for a verydifferent situation when my dad
passed.
But we did everything raw andin real time, because I feel
like that is when the emotion isthe most impactful.
You don't have time to reframeit in your mind, you don't have
time to rephrase it and somesugar-coated, filter-fueled just
(07:26):
response it is absolutely howyour heart feels.
It's the combination of whatyour mind is thinking and what
your heart is breaking, and youjust put it out there, you speak
it into existence.
That, to me, is the first stepin healing.
It allows you to get your storytold, to get things off your
chest and it'll live on foreverfor you to always go back to.
(07:47):
I think it's tremendous foranybody that's going through
things, growing through things.
I highly recommend you savethem and get them off your chest
immediately, otherwise wesuppress our emotions and that's
when people end up depressed.
That's when people end up, youknow, battling these things for
years, because they didn't justspeak it into existence, they
(08:08):
didn't just get it out there.
You know what I mean.
People hide these emotions andit holds them back, and that's
not what we want.
So I encourage everybody andanybody to speak it as they feel
it.
Number two, to back up what youwere just saying, you heard
from a great deal of people andI did as well and it revealed
stories of people and theirbackground that we never knew,
(08:33):
because your journey, yourstruggle, just as you said, you
don't want that to define you,so you haven't shared that with
everybody which there's many,many, many more layers to your
story and the stuff that youwent through.
We didn't come on here and justpour out every chapter in the
book of all the nonsense thatyou had to deal with in life.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
And that wasn't what the podcast episode was about.
It was about me getting mystory out there to share with
you the loss of my mother.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
It was the way, the necessary way to paint the
picture, to hopefully draw theemotion from the listener to
understand the impact thataddiction has.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yeah, and I also wanted to shed light on my story
, because for me to come on hereand just say to you real, raw
and honest, my mom committedsuicide due to addiction.
Automatically, that's going tofor me, if I was a listener,
(09:41):
draw so many red flags and belike, well, why weren't you
there for her, why didn't yousupport her?
Why didn't you take her torehab so for me to paint my
picture and all that I attemptedto do for her?
You understand that I was therefor her in ways that I offered
help and support.
So that was the main reason forme hopping on this podcast and
(10:06):
sharing my story, because that'swhat we've done Anytime we've
lost someone very close to us,because this is our way of
healing, this is our therapy ishopping on the microphone and
explaining to everybody in hopesthat we can.
We have a track record of doingthis right in hopes that we can
.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
We have a track record of doing this right,
we're not singling outsomebody's story.
We have a track record ofhealing and hoping that people
can learn from loss.
As you were saying, we sharedMeme's story on here.
We shared your uncle's funeralthat we went to right.
I think that was your uncleright.
Megan's father, so your cousinor I'm not sure how that family
(10:45):
scenario breaks down, but weshared that story.
My brother, Dennis, my father,we talked the entire time
through that whole struggle andthat journey.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
We talked about Nana.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Exactly.
We've talked about Nana, yourNana Peg.
I shared stories of mygrandmother my grandfather, one
of my best friends and mybrother dealing all those losses
two of my brothers.
We've talked about suicide onhere before.
I've had an episode where thelocal athletic director took his
life.
We've had conversations about amutual friend of ours
committing suicide.
(11:17):
We've had multipleconversations, because these are
things that we are goingthrough, that we are growing
through and that if we share ourstory through them, people
shall find strength.
If anybody has a problem withthat, turn off the podcast, put
on your big girl panties, bigboy pants, and move the fuck on
Like I don't have the patiencefor it, because this is your
(11:37):
story, your struggle, ourjourney.
These are the things we'vealways said and those are the
things we will continue to say,even my little daughter's
chiming in our little girl isputting her two cents in right
now you
Speaker 3 (11:53):
tell us your story.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
But to get back on track here, we've heard from
people that shared some of theirstruggles that we didn't even
know they struggled with.
But to make another layer ofamazement on this, we've had
people come to you and say, okay, I think I'm ready to share my
story.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Yeah, we've had a bunch of people actually reach
out and say they want to be onthe podcast.
That's unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Just because of this one, episode, just because of
this one episode.
Yeah, we have so many peoplethat are reaching out saying I
think I need to share my storyyeah, that's what this is about
absolutely for any backlash dog,shit, bullshit.
You know back riff you ever getfrom this.
Please understand, there'speople out there that were moved
(12:38):
by your story so much so thatthey are willing to be
transparent and share theirstories, some people we've never
even met before.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I was just going to say one of these people we don't
even know.
She listened to the storybecause a friend of ours, who we
only met through you sellingmerch, reached out to me A
little layer of Loud Pod Americaand she wants to do something
on the side as well as being onour podcast and explaining her
her story.
(13:06):
And then she went and shared itwith a friend who lost, um,
someone very close to her toaddiction and it is truly
amazing and heartfelt to me tohear these stories that they
trust me to share them with meand that they want to share them
with, with the listeners andhopes that they can.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
It's it's incredible, absolutely.
This is all we've ever couldhave hoped for.
We are only one week in as ofthe time that this episode drops
.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
One week has passed and we've already heard from so
many people.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
That is what happens when you throw that positive
pebble into the ocean, when youstart getting that positive
ripple, that positive effectthat is all you ever hoped for.
If sharing that story can causethat ripple effect of more
people wanting to share theirstory and we can build some
positive momentum more peoplewanted to share their story and
(14:06):
we can build some positivemomentum maybe somehow, some way
it makes a difference and itchanges the direction for
someone, for somebody tounderstand the impact their
addiction has, the trickle downeffect it has on others and the
the unfortunate ending that ithas for so many.
Maybe sharing these stories isa way to curb what's been
happening in this country.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
I actually heard from someone who I call Grammy Gale
out in Georgia and she's not myreal grandma, as you guys know,
but she was actually my mom'sbest friend's mom while we were
down in Georgia, okay, and shehad seen my post on Instagram
(14:51):
and reached out, and she had ahard time reaching out because
of reading my post on how Iexplained everything.
She was very moved by it in herwords and it took her a long
time to find the words to writeback to me.
And she is now dealing with herdaughter, who was my mom's best
(15:16):
friend with addiction Bad inaddiction and I asked her to uh
please share uh with with her umthe the story Um, and I shared
with her, uh, my episode and Iasked her to please share it, um
(15:37):
, and she was going to do justthat.
I haven't heard back, um, butfor her to have somebody so
close to her her best friend, umcommitting suicide, dealing
with only pray, that that'sright.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Maybe something is that's a, that's such a direct,
close layer for somebody to hearthat and say, hey, this is my
fate, unless I exactly.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
And I can only hope you're right.
Um, my, my prayers go out toher family, because I know what
she's dealing with.
I know that Grammy Gale issitting around waiting for that
exact same phone call that I got, just like you were, exactly,
and I know the pain that she'sgoing through.
Um, and I know that Grammy Galehas grandchildren, same as my
(16:23):
brother.
Uh, my brother and I, who haveour mom, is addicted, uh, was
addicted, so, um, I it's veryclose, like very close, uh,
similarities yeah, they grew uptogether, so correct.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
I'm sure there's a lot of parallels there
absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
So.
I can only hope that grammygail will share um the story.
She said she was um, you know,and uh, she explained to me that
she is doing the same thing,that I am a very tough love um
at a distance but um, you know,cares deeply um and wants to see
nothing but the best.
Um in the end result, uh, notbeing the same as ours Um, and
(17:05):
you know her and I had thatconversation where she asked me
how I was doing Um, and it'salways that question like how
are you doing that?
That comes up after after theloss.
Um, it's always hard.
How do you answer it?
You know, how do you?
(17:25):
How do you answer it withoutbeing disrespectful?
And this loss is a little bitdifferent for me and and I want
to kind of dig into that alittle bit I've had a ton of
people reach out to me and askme how I'm doing.
(17:47):
It's really strange for me toexplain this to you and to the
listeners, but I'm good, I'mokay and, as hard as that may
(18:12):
sound for a lot of peoplebecause I'm sure it is the hard
part is over.
The hard part of wondering ifshe's okay, the hard part of
where she is the hard part ofthat gut-wrenching feeling when
an unknown number comes up onyour phone and you don't know if
that's somebody asking you tocome and identify the body.
So, with those all behind me, Ihave the ability to heal.
(18:36):
I have the ability to be freeand grow and grow from here.
I took the opportunity to takean appointment for Reiki
shamanic healing on Wednesday,just a couple of days after my
(18:58):
mom had taken her own life.
I've trusted Missy, my Reikiinstructor, for many different
topics, and this appointment wasmore important to me.
It was actually your suggestion.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
I've seen firsthand the power like the effect that
it has on you, the ability thatit has to help you heal.
I had no clue what shamanicReiki was.
I actually had to Google it soif you're listening.
Out there the desk Google, ifyou're listening and you're much
like me and you have no cluewhat my wife's talking about.
(19:35):
Shamanic Reiki combines theprinciples of Reiki and
shamanism To enhance healing andwell-being.
It focuses on restoring balance, replacing negative energies
with love and light andfostering connections with the
self, others and the universe.
Shamanic Reiki incorporatesshamanic methods, including
(19:58):
herbal remedies, extractions andsoul retrievals, alongside
Reiki life force energy healing.
I guess Reiki is a Japanesehealing technique that focuses
on directing universal lifeforce energy to promote healing
and balance, and shamanism is aspiritual practice that taps
(20:19):
into the power and wisdom ofnature and expanded spiritual
realities to support harmony andhealing.
It actually has a thing thatbreaks down the combination.
Shamanic Reiki blends these twotraditions, drawing upon the
strengths of both to create aholistic healing approach.
I've seen this work wonders foryou and I've seen how much you
(20:44):
believe in it.
By the way, you share it withothers or encourage people that
are dealing with similar thingsto take advantage of Reiki.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
I have our cards in my car.
I share with anybody andeveryone.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
We've been at the saloon having drinks and I've
heard you go on a tangenttelling people about it.
It always becomes an emotionalconversation, but I knew that
when you came home from work onthat Monday, like the amount of
hurt and pain that you had, yeah, that you needed to release
that and just like you weresaying, like the hard part is
over, but it brought up thatchildhood, it brought up your
(21:22):
adolescence, it brought up youknow the abuse brought up your
adolescence.
It brought up the abuse andneglect.
All those things came up andthen you needed to release that.
You can't just be walkingaround with all that.
So that's why I suggested it,and I was excited that you were
basically just all about goingto do it.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
For sure, for sure.
Yeah, no, I definitely am supergrateful.
It was definitely somethingthat I was going to do at some
point I didn't know how soon,but it just goes to show that
our partnership is very in tune.
For you to pick up on the factthat I needed that, I shared
(22:00):
that with Missy and she was overthe moon.
She made you a whole loaf ofsourdough bread homemade,
delicious sourdough bread.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
That was a bonus.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
As her gratitude.
Missy is phenomenal at what shedoes.
She has helped me heal tons,tons.
(22:29):
I can't even begin to explainto you how much healing she's
done for me in the last fouryears that I've been working
with her, the amount of work.
I've explained it a little bitbefore that you know, going to
one Reiki session can be theequivalent of a year or so of be
the equivalent of a year or soof standard therapy.
Um, because, as you wereexplaining um, shamanic Reiki
(22:51):
focuses on uh energy and spirits.
Um calls on uh animal spiritguides.
Um also will call on, like yourancestors, uh anyone who can,
really who's in the upper world.
Uh, they can come down and helpyou and guide you through what
(23:13):
you're going through.
Um, and you have been, uh,you've listened to my sessions.
I've come home and told youabout them and had some some of
the things that you brought homeand we've talked about them on
previous episodes.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
But you would bring up like um, something random and
I'd be like, oh my god, that'syour grandma's best friend, my
grandma's best friend, that's myaunt terry yeah you just talked
about, or these little randomthings and you're.
We're gonna identify a few ofthem as you get going here but,
there's always something that,like you might pick up on one
part of it and then I'll hearsomething else in it, or you'll
(23:47):
come home and be like who's thisperson?
Like my mother will know, orlike you do some research, and
then you're like it's anotherfamily member that after some
digging you figure out who sheis, like what big nana or
whatever it was.
Yeah, people right so um, it'scrazy.
This stuff's definitely not umnot made up.
It's impossible.
Yeah, there, stuff's definitelynot made up.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
It's impossible.
Yeah, there's definitely beensome validations on a ton of
opportunities that I've sharedwith Missy during my healing
journey, and that's how I lookat this.
No matter whether it is thedeath of my mom, my meme, just
going through some trauma of myown, mma, just going through
some trauma of my own, missy hasbeen there for me, in my corner
(24:27):
, always there to guide me inthe right direction.
We go in and we, you know, workon.
I go in there and I set someintentions and that's what we
work on and that's exactly whathappened when I reached out to
her on Tuesday I think it wastuesday, it was either monday or
(24:47):
tuesday, I think tuesday.
You said it to me and I reachedout to her because I went yes,
because I went to work I see,yeah, yeah, right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
You went to work the next day and then you, then you
came home, yeah and you've hadtwo appointments correct.
But to let this breathe foreverybody to understand, I think
tonight we just focus onappointment one.
Yeah, that's fine, and letpeople think about that and we
can kind of set the expectationfor appointment number two, so
people can kind of digest all ofit so that you know we don't.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Word vomit on you.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Yeah well, we could talk, for I don't want us to do
another two hours, no, so wecould talk for a long time on
you.
Yeah Well, we could talk, for Idon't want us to do another two
hours, so we could talk for along time, but I think it's
super powerful.
Let's just focus on your firstappointment and like your
objectives going into thatappointment.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Yeah, absolutely so.
Going in, I reached out toMissy and I just said listen, I
need you more now than ever.
This is what happened.
My husband suggested that Imake an appointment and I am
110% on board.
I think now I need you.
The amount of anger, hurt,disappointment that stemmed from
(25:58):
finding out the news of hertaking her own life brought back
a lot of trauma from mychildhood, but I also realized
that it brought up trauma fromwhen I lost my grandma who
raised me.
That brought up a lot.
So I went into my appointmentand explained to Missy this is
(26:22):
what I'm dealing with.
I'm dealing with a lot of hurt,I'm dealing with a lot of anger
and I want to release this.
Therefore, I can start thehealing process and I can move
forward.
I need to be the best mom thatI can be and I can't do that by
holding on to this hurt.
(26:44):
And when you walk into yourappointment, that is the
stepping stone.
So you walk in there and you'relike, all right, I word vomit
on Missy and tell her this iswhat I'm dealing with, this is
what I need to work on.
These are the harsh words thatwe need to put on the plate and
(27:05):
then at the end we need to comeup with new words to rewrite the
story, and that's the way thatwe look at it.
So anger, hurt anddisappointment were the three
words, and then you find astatement or a reasoning why
(27:27):
those are coming up and thereason for all three of those
was I was never good enough andthat hurts, that brings up
trauma.
Missy knows my story and sheexplains to me.
(27:54):
I think this is going to be usgoing back to one of your first
sessions and we're going tobring up the same topic, and
this happens in Reiki a lot.
You'll see those categoriescome up in different avenues
(28:15):
because you're healing over thetime, and so that was the
intention was to remove that,remove that story of anger, hurt
(28:39):
and that you are not goodenough.
So after we set those, we will.
She'll lay out some stones and Ipick a stone and you just
gravitate at least I do to onespecific stone and it's that
stone that you just look at andit means something to you, like
it, doesn't?
You look at it and you're likethat one catches my eye.
(28:59):
There's a reason for it, reasonfor it.
So you just point that out, youhand it to Missy, and then you
hold onto the rock and you blowinto the rock those hurtful
words and that intention, andthen what she'll do is you'll
(29:25):
lay on the table and she'llstart to basically just cleanse
the room.
She asks for the spirits andguides to come in and join us,
she opens up the space and thenshe'll explain what the rock is.
They don't have labels, theydon't mean anything to anyone
(29:46):
except for her.
It's rather interesting becauseevery time I pick a different
one, she knows what that rockmeans and what it's for.
So the rock that I had chosenwas actually for my root chakra,
which is located in yourstomach area.
And it's funny because when Ichose that rock for this reason
(30:10):
and she explains that to me Istart to think back.
All right, this makes sense,because anytime something would
come up pertaining to angel, thewonder, the worry, anything
like that, I would get an upsetstomach, I would get sick, I
would get nauseous, that sort ofthing.
That's where you carry it,that's where I'm carrying it.
(30:34):
So rather interesting that thatis how this happens.
So she goes through and we juststart, uh, meditating.
I start meditating, um, tryingto get into that safe space
where I can ask uh, I'm notworried about anything, she
(30:55):
knows my intention and I am justthinking into that intention,
uh, thinking into the reason whyI'm there, um, the anger, the
hurt, the disappointment.
And while I'm doing that she is.
I'm laying on a bed and she isstanding above me.
I'm on a massage table, if thatmakes sense to anybody, and she
(31:18):
will walk along me and try andfigure out where my voids are.
With this intention, it ends upbeing in my throat, which is
very clear to me, because Icould never get out what I
needed to get out to tell Angel,because she would shut me off,
(31:40):
she would turn me away.
So anything that I had to saywith her, say to her, would stop
right here.
The moment that Missy findsthat, I immediately get this
feeling as if something is stuckin my throat.
(32:01):
Wow, because that's what it is.
I'm stuck, I can't get out whatI have to tell her.
So it's stuck here.
It's stuck.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
But what I?
Oh yes, see, it's stuck.
Here it's stuck.
But what I?
Oh yes, see, it's stuck.
So we apologize for the we donot have daycare this evening
and we need to get this episodeout to you folks.
So yes we're making the best ofit and basically has to be the
center of attention, always,always.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
So before we got to the throat I completely forgot
we had cleared the root chakra.
That was the first one.
Missy was drawn to my throatchakra based on my intentions
and what I was feeling into, butshe knew this one was a little
bit deeper than what we neededto work on with my root chakra.
(33:05):
So she goes through and shedoes a cleansing of the chakras.
I'm meditating the entire time.
My eyes are closed.
I don't know exactly what thislooks like.
I know it involves what looksto be a rattle and so she has a
crystal and a maraca-lookingrattle thing and she does a
(33:33):
little like shaking of themaracas and she just does this
spiritual dance I guess youcould say.
I've never actually kept myeyes open to watch.
I feel like it's probably rude.
So after she clears my rootchakra she will actually take a
(33:54):
crystal and she dangles it overthe area and if it starts to
move, that means my shock in acircle.
That means my chakra iscompletely cleared.
When she started it didn't moveat all and that's how she knew
that it was blocked.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
While she's going through trying to clear, clear
my chakras.
So then that's when she got tomy throat and, like I said to
you before, I felt likesomething was stuck in my throat
.
And when she started to clearand do this spiritual dance, as
(34:34):
she's drawing out what's stuck,I couldn't help but just cry,
and it was deep.
I wasn't thinking aboutanything at that moment except
for well, I mean, I was thinkingabout the hurt and the pain and
(34:56):
all that I have been through.
And here we are.
This is the end result.
I just had to release it andMissy saw the tears running down
my eyes, down the side of myface, and she said let it out,
don't hold it in.
She could see that I washolding it in and that's why my
(35:16):
chakra, my throat chakra, wasalready blocked, because I had
held this in for so long that itwas just an uncontrollable deep
, ugly cry that came out ofnowhere, because Missy is there
drawing all of this negativityout of my throat, just drawing
(35:41):
so much, and it took her like alittle bit of time to draw out
everything that had been sittingright there.
And, if you think about it, soit's your throat, but it's also
your chest.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Yeah, and if you think, about it.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
So it's your throat, but it's also your chest, yeah,
and I always feel as though I amcarrying a huge weight on my
shoulders.
When it comes to the topic ofAngel, again, we go back to
wondering where she is.
Is she fed, is she okay, is shebeing abused?
So it's one of those thingsthat not only do I have my
(36:20):
throat chakra blocked becauseshe would never hear me out or
want to hear my story or what Ihave to say, it's also that
weight.
It's all in the same vicinity.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
It all makes sense even for as long as I've known
you and known your relationship,because anytime you've ever
tried to tell her reality, shewould get to a point of like
I've heard enough here dismissme correct.
You know, like I'm notlistening to you, allison, you
know, and that was yep, there's,unfortunately there's people in
(36:57):
your life that I know you carrythat weight for.
Or you just don't leteverything out.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
You know, and it makes so much sense that,
because you didn't tell me thispart of this until now, yeah,
you know what I mean, but justhearing it as an outsider, like
I can see it because I know how-many times you've just kind of
swallowed your feelings forcertain people, because you just
or you try to say what you wantto say and you just get shut
(37:25):
off.
Yeah, some people just don'twant to hear, understand or
process reality, and Angel wasone of those people,
unfortunately reality and angelwas one of those people,
unfortunately.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
So, following this part, after I have ugly, cried
and bared my soul, um, she goesthrough this process, making
sure that all of my chakras arecompletely cleared, in case
there's anything else thatpossibly wasn't necessarily the
reason for me being there, butcould be holding me back a
(38:03):
little bit on my healing journey.
So she'll go through and kindof check everything and make
sure that all my checks andbalances are good and then she
goes through basically what theycall a soul retrieval.
So she will actually sit at thefoot of the bed and I continue
(38:24):
to lay down and continue tomeditate.
It's interesting to me becauseI don't have the ability to
meditate if I do it on my own,but when I'm there in her safe
space, I have the ability tomeditate and I've tried on
multiple occasions to try andmeditate and I just can't get my
(38:45):
brain to shut off.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
I was going to say I'm the same way, like I've
tried.
There was a phase where I'd tryto get up early, like 4 or 5 in
the morning and try to meditate.
And I don't know, I could neverreally pull it off.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
I can't do it, but I can do it when I'm there in her
safe space, for whatever reason,I melt into her bed and I am.
I'm just meditating and I amnot, uh, in tune enough with
what she calls as my gift.
And I have been told I havesome gift.
(39:21):
But I can tell you that whenI'm laying there on this bed and
she is doing her session, I canclose my eyes and I can almost
see pictures.
I don't know what they arecompletely, and so Missy always
(39:43):
tells me like you have to takemy class, you have a gift, you
have to do this, like you wouldbe really good at this.
I don't know what the messagesare, I don't know what they mean
, I don't know what the picturesare, but sometimes I can make
out a couple of differentpictures that are coming along
and they just look like.
The only way for me to explainthis to you is like when you,
(40:05):
when you stare at the sun.
You know when you stare at thesun and then you like come back
to and you can almost see like akaleidoscope.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Right Goodness.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
So that kaleidoscope is what I'm looking at during
this meditation process.
My eyes are completely closedand I can make out these tiny
little pictures.
In this in particular situation, I know that I saw a rose and I
know that I saw a tiger or likea lion of some sort, like I
could just see, like the shadowof it.
I know that the rose isdefinitely probably I don't want
(40:48):
to say definitely is probablyrepresenting Angel.
She has a rose tattoo on herchest.
She was very big about roses,loved roses, and so it's
interesting that I can see theseimages coming forward and then
I can only look at whether it bea tiger or a lion, that I too
(41:09):
will overcome this.
I will be the lion and overcomeall of this, and that's the way
that I am interpreting it.
Yeah, doesn't mean anything.
This, and that's the way that Iam uh, interpreting it yeah,
doesn't mean anything, butthat's the way that I'm looking
at it and interpreting it.
So after, uh, she finishes, um,doing her soul retrieval, she
always gives me the piece ofpaper and I have the piece of
(41:32):
paper and I'm like I always lookforward to it because I'm like
all right, what is my I'm goingto botch this word inanimate
object.
Okay, I think that's how yousay it, inanimate object yeah.
Okay, what is my medicine andwhat is my spirit animal Like?
There's always those sort ofthings during these retrievals,
(42:05):
sort of things during theseretrievals.
And so she goes to tell me thatmy, let me just get mine here.
So she goes through and sothere's a goal.
Sorry, I forgot about that one.
And then there's the otherthree.
So my sole goal is and this iscoming from the spirit guides,
it can be coming from myancestors, it can be coming from
(42:26):
anyone who's upstairs in thehigher good that is helping her
guide me during this session andhow to move forward from the
session.
This is how these answers comeforward she will know her power
to heal, she will hone thestrength to move forward without
(42:50):
the anger or disappointment.
So that is my goal.
Oh, and she will fly withfreedom.
So that was the end there.
So then we move on to the heartand the throat chakra.
(43:10):
So that is my inanimate object.
I hate that word, and it was aseesaw, which is rather
interesting.
Yeah, because I look at it asto what Missy says, but I also
look at it as, like the innerchild for me.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
Right.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
The inner child playing on a playground Like I.
That's me and that's what I'mtrying to retrieve.
Is that healing that littlegirl?
So for her to come forward andsay your inanimate object is a
seesaw was rather interesting tome.
It says it is time to keepbalance, accept and forgive, and
(44:04):
she will know her worth.
So with the childhood seesaw itsays my medicine is balance and
it makes complete sense.
I need to find my inner balanceand I need to move forward,
stay balanced and stay strong Ilike the part of like knowing
(44:28):
your worth to you know, like youhad mentioned um in there
without anger and disappointmentand you went in there with
those words of feeling like youweren't enough.
Speaker 3 (44:43):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
We have one more, and that is the root chakra.
So this is the spirit animalthat comes forward.
The spirit animal that comesforward, and it's always
something new and it surprisesme sometimes.
But this one really caught meoff guard.
(45:06):
This one was an anteater.
Never has she ever come forwardand said an anteater.
I've had a wolf, I've had agiraffe, I've had eagle, right
after your dad had passed.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
I've had those type of animals, but for this one to
come, forward as an anteater wasso surprising to us, so put a
little thought into it, yeah,yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:39):
So I'll read um, this one here.
Um, so this one is to to walksafely upon mother earth, feel
the healing energy of MotherEarth.
So that is what the anteater isfor.
(46:03):
So basically, she was asking meto find myself grounded, to
lean into nature, get out thereand be one with the outdoors
what makes this so eye-openingand sprinkles a layer of belief
(46:27):
on here for anybody listening isthere's two things.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
One of them would be on the day that we woke up the
morning.
We woke up when angel hadpassed, just a couple hours
before you were to get the phonecall with the news.
What did you stumble upon?
Speaker 2 (46:48):
an infestation of ants walking down the wall, and
the only reason why I noticed itwas because there was a fat,
thick line of them coming downthe wall there was a massive
infestation of ants coming outof our ceiling down the wall.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
We had never seen ants in our house, ever.
Um we our house isn't very old,we just had this built, what
maybe I don't know five, fiveyears, six.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
I don't know, it's not that old.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
But a massive infestation of ants coming down
the wall from the ceiling.
Speaker 2 (47:24):
Not even like from the back deck door or anything
like that.
Like it came from the ceiling.
Speaker 1 (47:29):
And to the point of like getting ant traps and
nuking things and going to get,you know, ant spray and all this
stuff and a couple hours lateryou would get the phone call.
So for first off, you're aspirit animal.
To be an ant eater when ourhouse was infested with ants
(47:51):
after Angel's death is beyondbizarre.
Speaker 2 (47:56):
There was also a couple of ants in her room when
she was doing this and she waslike I don't know where these
damn ants come from.
I don't have an ant infestation, and I didn't say anything
about our ant infestation.
They literally just came outand started walking around.
She's like my last client.
They came out for them too andthen they go away.
(48:17):
Like I literally have set traps, I can't find them, they
disappear.
And then all of a sudden, forcertain people they'll just show
back up and I was like for thatto happen and then for her to
tell me that I was an anteater.
I was just like I don't evenunderstand, like you can't tell
me this stuff isn't real.
Speaker 1 (48:33):
no, and another one is.
So you had told me that, and wewere all in shock and I said
there's one more thing that Idon't know if you're realizing,
and that is that, just like aday before, maybe two days
before we were at my mother'shouse and the lawn had.
I don't even know 50 birds onit.
(48:56):
Like the lawn was covered inthese birds and they were super
cool birds and I'm looking atthem and they had really long
beaks, almost like a woodpecker.
Speaker 2 (49:04):
Yeah, we thought they were woodpeckers because they
were pecking the ground.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
Yeah, but they were really interesting birds.
They were beautiful.
They had like I don't even knowhow to like try to describe the
overall look of them, but like,uh, like a brindle type wing
with a bright patch on the backof their head like a woodpecker
(49:27):
would have like a red or anorange, like bright patch, but
then when they would fly offsome of them, their under wings
were like fluorescent yellow.
Speaker 3 (49:37):
They were bright yellow, yeah, their wingspan.
Speaker 1 (49:39):
They were amazingly beautiful birds.
I had never seen them before.
There was like 50 of them onthe lawn and I was mesmerized by
them, so much so that me andPaisley were staring at them
through the window.
I brought her up to look atthem and I had to research to
figure out what they are.
And they're northern flickers.
And I had to research to figureout what they are.
And they're northern flickers,and they are a member of the
woodpecker family, but they areanteaters.
(50:02):
The northern flickers areanteaters.
They are pecking the ground toeat ants.
So you imagine, angel Passes,we pick up an ant infestation in
our house, then anteatersovertake our lawn in the form of
birds and then your spiritanimal is an ant eater yeah,
(50:23):
it's so bizarre, just so totallywild to me yeah
Speaker 2 (50:28):
so, following this um session, uh, normally that's
the end, normally that's theclosure she, she does, you know,
the soul retrieval and then wejust end the session.
Well, to my surprise, that'snot going to happen.
(50:50):
Mine and Missy's relationshipduring this journey has always
ended with a drum solo Everysingle time.
And I noticed when I walked inthat her drum was not under her
(51:12):
table as it always sat, and thatsat with me.
I was like, huh interesting, nodrum solo today.
The reason for the drum solo isbecause, during my healing
journey, missy has had theopportunity to do an even deeper
(51:34):
soul retrieval for me, to bringforward my ancestors, my
heritage, my ancestors.
And every single time they comeforward it's an Indian chief and
she's gone into great detailabout each one of them.
And my great grandfather wasIndian and we have talked to
(52:00):
Nana about what tribe he was apart of and I remember going to
their house and seeing thisbeautiful headdress and
everything and I just loved itso much.
I was always drawn to feathersand I was always drawn to the
Indian culture and Aztec andnever knew why until I, you know
(52:22):
, got a little bit older.
So it makes sense.
So Missy has always been drawnto do a drum solo and it is an
old-fashioned drum that youwould see the Indians around a
fire pit just pounding on Likethat's what it is.
The first time Missy did it.
(52:43):
She said to me like I havenever taken a drum lesson in my
life, I am not the one drumming,this is just your spirit guides
and whatever comes forward.
She says it's never the samefor anyone, just your spirit
guides and whatever comesforward.
Speaker 3 (52:59):
She says it's never the same for anyone.
Speaker 2 (53:01):
First time she ever did it it was that just standard
drum solo that you would heararound a campfire, at a powwow
of some sort, and then it justgoes into a different direction.
Well, to my surprise, missysaid well, I'm not allowed to
end this unless I go downstairsand get my drum.
(53:22):
Your spirit guides will not letme end this session on this
note.
She had to go downstairs, getthe drum and as I'm laying on
the bed meditating, I can hearher coming up the stairs.
Coming up the stairs, I canhear it and every single time I
(53:50):
can feel it in my chest, I canfeel just this tingling
sensation go throughout myentire body.
So she'll come in and she willtake that drum and she will go
from head to toe and she justdoes this synchronized drumming
(54:18):
solo over me and she does everysingle time.
And I had spotted that the drumwas missing and I had said that
to her afterwards and I saidthere is no way.
There is no way in heck thatshe's not going to do it.
She must have a new one,something.
But it was not where sheusually has it, under the table,
(54:42):
and they were like if you thinkyou're closing this session
without that drum solo, you'vegot another thing coming ma'am.
So after the session she doesher drum solo.
It's pretty amazing.
I can feel it throughout mywhole body the entire time as
she's going up and down, I canfeel almost like spirits just
(55:02):
leaving your body, just kind oflike releasing any last bit of
tension, any sort of anythingthat you're holding on to, like.
That drum solo, basically, isjust sealing the deal.
That's how she explains it tome.
So we finish and she willalways give me a glass of water
(55:24):
which allows you to wash awayand cleanse anything left.
And she explained to me thatduring this session me that
(55:44):
during this session, angel hadtaken the time to come forward.
And that was interesting to mebecause I didn't exactly know if
she would come forward in thisbecause, like, we've talked
about shamanic healing and Reikideals with the upper world, so
it's possible, like I've had myancestors come forward, you've
had people come forward, so it'sa possibility.
(56:06):
I didn't anticipate her coming,know her and what she explained
to me was that Angel had comeforward and she was angry.
(56:26):
She was very angry.
She was yelling at me, um, andin a very aggressive manner, and
she she said stop what you'redoing, stop what you're doing
immediately.
You're going to make her forgetme.
Missy dismissed it.
(56:49):
Missy put a stop to her comingforward during my session
because this was my session,this was my story, this was my
opportunity to heal and moveforward and deal with the trauma
and situation that I wasdealing with.
(57:09):
I'm forever grateful for Missyfor doing that, because there
could have been a time where shecould have invited her in and
said let's just do this all atonce, but she didn't and I'm
thankful for that, because I hadthe opportunity to leave that
session feeling free.
I felt the freedom as my soulretrieval the first part of my
(57:37):
soul retrieval says.
She will know her worth and herfreedom.
Speaker 3 (57:43):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (57:45):
So to me to leave there feeling like this weight
has just been lifted off of myshoulders.
I had a sense of feeling likethat after the anger had settled
, the day that it happened, whenI was sitting out in the door
yard and talking to people andexplaining to everything, um,
(58:07):
you know, I had gotten thestrength, um, by seeing the red
Cardinal, the blue Jay andMeme's bird, the little blue
bird, um all join me in the dooryard while I I'm talking to, to
family members and kind ofexplaining what's going on.
So I had that opportunity and Ifelt I don't want to say that I
(58:29):
felt free at that moment I feltrelieved, yeah, yeah, the anger
was gone, the hurt, um, at thatmoment had kind of released and
it was more of just being still, I guess you could say.
But it was a 360 degree turnfrom that moment, monday to
(58:59):
Wednesday, when I left.
Monday to Wednesday, when I left, I felt free.
I felt like I could take on theworld.
I felt so relieved, so free.
And it's so hard to explain topeople when they ask me, like we
(59:19):
talked about earlier, how areyou doing?
I don't want to tell them thatI'm doing great because I'm not,
I'm not doing great, but I'mdoing better than I expected
because I've had the opportunityto sit down with Missy Sitting
here today.
I've had the opportunity to sitdown with her twice now.
Speaker 1 (59:37):
Yeah, before you go any further, I have a few
questions I want to throw outthere.
Yeah, one of them would beyou're in the parking, you're in
the driveway here and you'rehaving these conversations and
you have that sense of like arelief almost.
And then you have that 180degree spin where you're like
(01:00:00):
kind of feeling a little morefreedom when you come out of
there.
When you're forced to deal withthings like you know calls from
the police department, familyinteractions, you know memories,
whatever when you're dealingwith those things, does that at
all bring you back?
Does it derail the sense offreedom and relief that you
(01:00:24):
experienced when you allow thosethings back into your world?
Speaker 2 (01:00:31):
At first, yeah, but dealing with it now, after my
last session, I don't think itis as much.
I think I can have thoseconversations and know that
that's it you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (01:00:50):
These are just conversations at this point um
it can't layers that we'll diveinto in future episodes of I
don't know how to put this, butevidence information.
Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:01:05):
Right, there's things that have come to fruition,
correct.
We know she committed suicide.
Speaker 3 (01:01:09):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:01:09):
We know she was researching suicide.
Yes, we know she was tellingeverybody around her that she
wanted to commit suicide.
Speaker 3 (01:01:17):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:01:18):
We have witnesses that are informative of this.
Speaker 3 (01:01:20):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (01:01:21):
Those things right, yeah.
And then you know, havingpeople come to you and be like
your mother didn't overdose,didn't commit suicide, she
overdosed, and we know the truth.
And having these things andbattling those things, dealing
with you know a sloppyinvestigation from the police
department, other things thatwill bring to the forefront in
(01:01:41):
future episodes, Dealing withthat frustration.
family's opinions of things,people's negative opinion of you
sharing your story, thosethings does that all rob you of
your freedom, Because I've beenworried for you that dealing
with other people's nonsense,dealing with factual information
versus false opinions, that itwould derail all the positives
(01:02:05):
that you've accomplished.
Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
You know what I mean.
Yeah, no, that's a validquestion and, to be honest with
you, no, no, it's not robbing meof anything.
Um, because at this point in myhealing journey I'm doing great
Um, and I refuse to let anybodytake me back in any way, shape
or form.
You can voice your opinion andtalk about your story how you
feel fit.
The evidence is the evidence.
(01:02:27):
If those people don't want tolook at the evidence where we
have it point blank in front ofus, that's on them.
This is my way of healing.
Speaker 1 (01:02:38):
Whenever somebody wants to do or determine to heal
, that's on them.
Speaker 3 (01:02:41):
Absolutely, I'm not going to bother that.
Speaker 1 (01:02:42):
Just don't force your opinion and philosophy on you
when you're taking the correctsteps and doing the right things
to heal and to share your story.
Absolutely, that justabsolutely sets me off.
So for my blood pressure to gothrough the roof.
I don't know how it doesn'tderail your healing.
Speaker 3 (01:03:00):
Sure Sure.
Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
For me processing, you know, death in my family if
someone came to me you know whatI'm saying Like I I would, I
wouldn't react as calmly as youhave.
Speaker 2 (01:03:11):
Yeah, I think it's just been a lot uh to process
and a lot to swallow.
I guess you can say Um, but Iknow that I'm on the right path
and I have the right informationand I'm healing the way that I
know how to heal.
And, like we've talked about,people heal differently and
that's fine.
But it's a valid question andthe answer is no, it's not
(01:03:35):
derailing me.
I don't feel any type of way.
I still feel free and I stillfeel that I have done anything
and everything that I can do tosupport her and I also feel that
I have done my part in sharingmine and her story, our story.
Speaker 1 (01:03:57):
There's no point in falsifying reality.
You're not going to nobody'sgoing to learn or change or gain
anything by making a falsenarrative about what happened.
Correct, you dealt with shit.
You had a very difficultupbringing.
It's made you who you are.
Embrace it and share itAbsolutely.
Don't sugarcoat it with shit now, because you're trying to
(01:04:18):
protect an image when they'vedone the damage on their own
Correct.
To protect an image whenthey've done the damage on their
own Correct.
The other thing for me, thatwas my instant reaction when you
were talking to me and you saidthat Angel came forward and she
was very angry.
My instant thought goes into myreligious beliefs and her
(01:04:38):
reaction and for me it was, aswe mentioned last week.
Her biggest goal has been to bewith her father ever since his
death.
And for me, and I don't knowenough about Jesus Christ and
the Bible to speak this intoexistence and the truth.
(01:04:59):
But my would be if you are adrug addict and you
intentionally take your life,you're not going to get granted
the gates of heaven, you're notgoing to be reunited with your
father.
When you are intentionallytaking your life, when you are
intentionally sinning, you arean addict and you have punished
(01:05:23):
your family and you've madethese choices and now you're
intentionally ending your life,hoping that I'm going to welcome
you home and I'm going toreunite you, and I'm not saying
and I don't know enough aboutthis, I'm not saying she's never
going to get there, but I'mjust saying, when she came
forward, get there.
(01:05:46):
But I'm just saying, when shecame forward in your session, my
thoughts and wholeheartedbelief was Angel has not
transitioned, she has not beenaccepted to heaven, she has not
been reunited with her fatherand she's beyond pissed.
That number one.
I did this and I didn't getwhat I was looking for.
And here you are, recovering,healing and moving on, when you
(01:06:06):
should be paralyzed and justlike the infestation of ants, I
feel like as an addict.
Her dying wish was to infestyour life and to derail the
beautiful house and life thatyou live and created, and I say
(01:06:27):
house, as in the metaphor ofthese ants taking over a house,
right?
So I just think about thosethings.
And my instant reaction wasshe's angry because she did not
get what she wanted.
Speaker 2 (01:06:41):
She didn't make it, and that's that's valid Um, so I
will express that I feel thesame way, Um.
I feel that she has a lot of,has a lot of work to do, um
(01:07:10):
pertaining to forgiveness, um,before she can transition.
There's a lot that she had towork on before you have the
opportunity to meet up with yourdad, your mom, your brothers,
Nana all of those.
You have some demons that youneed to fight, not only here on
earth, but in between.
You have some demons that youneed to fight not only here on
Earth, but in between, and whatI can tell you is that I've had
(01:07:35):
the opportunity, with theguidance of Missy, to discuss
some things with her and expresssome things with her.
Speaker 1 (01:07:46):
And we'll dig into that a little bit more on the
next episode, because it's aheartfelt one.
Yeah, I think every time youhave one of these Reiki sessions
, it, it is, uh, it's powerful.
It's heartfelt, it's emotionaland, um, it's incredible what
we've covered today on just yourfirst session and the symbolism
that's been there, and um, it'sjust, it's powerful and it just
makes me believe in thosethings and, um, this whole
(01:08:10):
journey that we've gone throughhas made us leading up to this,
and this particular story, too,has made both of us more, um,
inquisitive to our faith.
You know, leaning more intoboth of us, more inquisitive to
our faith.
You know, leaning more into,into our faith and wanting to
learn more about the Bible andall these different things and
(01:08:30):
just connecting these dots, itjust I don't know, we're here
for a reason and just, I don'teven know how to put it into
words, but all of this just mademe believe that much more you
know.
all of it just made me believeand I hope that sharing this
story and these things as wecontinue to dig into this for
(01:08:52):
you and your healing, that itallows other people to believe
and to lean into their faith aswell.
So I really hope that today'smessage empowers people to do
that.
And as much as you've spoken ofyou know, like this Reiki,
shamanic Reiki, stuff thatyou've been going through.
It makes me want to look intoit someday in my life because
(01:09:14):
it's just I can see the powerthat it has and like just how
important it is to you and theimpact it's had on you.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (01:09:22):
Yeah, no, it's definitely been super powerful.
And.
Speaker 2 (01:09:28):
I recommend anyone who's interested in healing in
any way, shape or form.
It doesn't have to be all death, it can be trauma, it can be
anything, this creates a wholenew opportunity, an alternative
to healing for people, that'snot a psychiatrist that you have
to countlessly relive yourstory with that, you know.
(01:09:51):
Reiki is very holistic, sothey're not going to throw
medicine down your throat.
Um, it's very powerful how muchyou can get out of one session.
I mean one session isn't goingto be enough.
I will hands down, hand on thecabela's catalog, eye to the sky
.
It's not going to be enough foranyone.
Just like one therapy sessionisn't going to be enough.
(01:10:13):
But you'd be surprised how muchyou can get out of one session.
Speaker 1 (01:10:16):
For me it's we're not writing an antidepressant
script, right?
We're not giving you acounselor that maybe in six
months or a year you're going tohave a new one and you're going
to start all over again.
And you're just going to go inand talk about things and hope
that you relive them and releasethem, but there's nothing there
to release.
You know what I mean?
Like it's you're not connectingwith certain things.
Speaker 2 (01:10:37):
The nice thing about Reiki is when you go into your
session, the point is, as wespoke about, to set an intention
and rewrite the story.
So my, with the words anger andhurt, I rewrote the story with
freedom to be free.
That's how I rewrote the storyand I left there feeling just
(01:11:00):
those things.
Speaker 1 (01:11:02):
You know for me one of the things that encouraged me
to say to you I think youshould book an appointment is.
You came home and you weredoing okay and you looked at our
little girl and you started tobreak down.
Yeah, and every time you wouldcome to her and look at her, you
(01:11:25):
would break down and say howcould somebody not love her, how
could somebody not give hereverything that she needs, how
could somebody not be there forher?
And you kept putting yourselfin her position.
Yeah her and you kept puttingyourself in her position, and it
(01:11:48):
was the first time that you'vereally have gone through these
things and you have your owndaughter to look at and question
all the anger, all the hurt,all the abuse, all the neglect
and say man, how could you dothat?
Speaker 3 (01:11:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:12:00):
Because now you have your own daughter and you were
questioning how can somebody dothis?
And seeing that pain in you.
That's when I suggested it,Because I always want her to be
a symbol of love and hope andopportunity and promise and not
trigger or remind you of thethings that weren't given to you
(01:12:24):
.
Right, you know, and I saw thepain that it caused and I never
want you to come to yourdaughter and feel pain.
And I understood it was nothingabout her, but it was a
symbolism of man, I couldn'timagine treating her the way I
was treated as a child, right,couldn't imagine treating her
(01:12:46):
the way I was treated as a child.
Speaker 3 (01:12:48):
So that could build up and bubble over as some real
serious inner anger.
Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:12:51):
That was my fear for you.
Speaker 1 (01:12:53):
Absolutely, and I can understand that, but that could
happen.
So for you to very quickly geton the horn and work out that
appointment and just the reliefyou came home with you know and
um, it's been incredible.
I look forward to you sharingpart two of this, your next
appointment.
I look forward to you, um,sharing that and I'm so excited
(01:13:14):
because I've heard you talk toother people about this.
Um, for whatever trauma they'retrying to get through loss
they're trying to get through,anything you would go to a
counselor for, or somebody wouldprescribe you a script for you
can look into, you can dig intoand you can try to rewrite that
story of you.
Speaker 3 (01:13:34):
Absolutely yeah.
No, you can definitely lean onReiki, shamanic healing.
Definitely look into it forsure.
Speaker 1 (01:13:44):
Well, the hits just keep on coming, keep coming on
here, sharing, sharing the goodgospel and I'm proud of you for
opening up yet again and sharingsome things.
And, just like last week,there's this is an episode that
can that can change thedirection for some people.
I am so confident there's goingto be some people listening
that are going to reach outeither to you or do their own
research in their local arealooking for the shamanic Reiki
(01:14:08):
instructor.
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (01:14:11):
If you're looking for one and you're in Maine?
Let me know.
Missy is right here in BedfordPool.
Speaker 1 (01:14:15):
This could be the catalyst for change in people,
to help them heal, to help themprocess, to help them move on
and recover.
So, again, we're just sharingmore things that we feel can
make a positive impact, and fordoing that I thank you, for
coming on here and continuing toeducate.
Speaker 3 (01:14:34):
I thank you for letting me come on here and I am
sorry for the people to have tolisten to me again.
Speaker 1 (01:14:41):
You know what you're going to get it Until the next
time, folks, Thank you forsupporting my American dream.
Speaker 3 (01:14:49):
You filthy savage.
Speaker 1 (01:14:54):
That's it and that's all Biggie Smalls.
If you're a Loud, proudAmerican and you find yourself
(01:15:15):
just wanting more, find me onYouTube and Facebook at Loud,
proud American, or the Face page, as my mama calls it.
If you're a fan of the GrahamCracker, you want to find me on
Instagram, or all the kids bytickety-talking on the TikTok.
You can find me on both ofthose at loud, underscore, proud
(01:15:36):
, underscore American.
I'm not talking about myself.
A big old thank you to the boysfrom the Gut Truckers for the
background beats and the themesong to this here podcast.
If you are enjoying what you'rehearing, you can track down the
(01:15:57):
Gut Truckers on Facebook.
Just search Gut Truckers.
Give them, motherfuckers, alike too.
I'm not talking about myself.
I'm not talking about myself onFacebook.
(01:16:18):
Just search Gut Trucker.
Give them motherfuckers a liketoo.
I truly thank you forsupporting my American dream.
Now go wash your fucking hands,you filthy savage.
Last week my wife shared a sensitive and emotional
story, a transparent tale fromchildhood to adulthood,
outlining abuse and addiction,the effects on oneself and
family, with an all-too-familiarending.
Allie shared her heartbreakingstory in hopes to make a
difference.
This week she's back to pick upthe pieces and share a powerful
(00:27):
alternative way to heal andbuild strength and peace.
Let me tell you somethingEverybody struggles.
The difference is some peoplechoose to go through it and some
choose to grow through it.
The choice is completely yours.
Which one you choose will havea very profound effect on the
(00:48):
way you live your life.
If you find strength in thestruggle, then this podcast is
for you.
Do you have a relationship thatis comfortable with
uncomfortable conversations?
Uncomfortable conversationschallenge you, humble you and
(01:08):
they build you.
When you sprinkle a little timeand distance on it, it all
makes sense.
Most disagreements, they stemfrom our own insecurities.
You are right where you need tobe.
What it do, what it hot,diddy-dee-doo.
(01:45):
Good lo, almighty.
Am I so excited to be back withyou?
Oh, it's true, it is damn true.
I'm excited to be back thisweek because, as you heard in
the opener, I am not alone thisweek.
I am yet again joined by mybeautiful bride, but I'm also
(02:06):
accompanied by my beautifullittle daughter over there.
Look at her going strong.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
She wanted to party.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Babe, we thought it was bedtime for the little
beautiful one, but she hadanother idea, didn't she?
Dia?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
I think you had another idea.
What are you talking about?
She heard you.
You had your headphones on andyou were checking your mic and
she heard you.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Yeah, now she's ready to look.
She's over there staring at medown now.
It's okay, dia.
Does Daddy look funny with aheadset on, talking into a
Mickey food?
She has to be a part ofeverything.
Our little girl has thegreatest case of FOMO that
(02:52):
there's ever been identified onrecord.
Am I right?
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Oh yeah, For sure.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Well, I want to say a couple of things before we get
rocking and rolling today.
Number one welcome back.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
I feel like we're setting a streak here.
We've been going for a fewweeks now and it makes my job a
lot easier.
Other than talking to myself,this is quite a bit more
enjoyable.
Number two I want to say thankyou for being bold enough to
share stories that you mightfind embarrassing, difficult,
(03:30):
heart-wrenching.
To be so completely transparentand share everything that was
happening to you raw and in realtime, took an incredible amount
of courage and strength.
An incredible amount of courageand strength, and I'm so proud
(03:50):
of you.
I think that for anybodylistening, it should be heard as
encouragement that if you arebold enough to share the stuff
that you're going through rawand as it happens, as opposed to
bottling it up, suppressingyour story and your emotions,
it's going to speed up yourability to heal.
It's also going to give you theability to maybe help somebody
(04:11):
else heal, and I know, after all, that we heard last week you
absolutely helped other peopleheal.
So I want to say thank you forbeing the courageous woman that
you are and you were able tocome on here and bare your soul,
and it was a all gloves off,just story session that turned
(04:32):
into two hours of a heartfeltemotion that I know made a
difference, so great job thankyou.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
It definitely wasn't, uh, easy turning on the
microphone, um and just spillingmy heart out, but it was time
to just grip it and rip it andtake the band-aid right off and
share with the people the story,my story, and I think it's
important for me to share that.
(05:00):
That way I can hopefully oneday help somebody else.
And I want to start the podcastoff by thanking everyone who
took the time to reach out to meand share their condolences,
but also open their hearts upand share with me some of their
(05:23):
stories.
I had a few people reach outsaying you know, I listened to
your podcast, never knew any ofthe things that you had gone
through, because I, too, mask it.
I don't want my past history towrite the story for the rest of
my life.
I want to use it as a steppingstone and I want to move forward
(05:48):
and grow bigger.
But I also want it to be astepping stone for other people
as well, and it was rather braveof these people to reach out to
me and share their story aswell, and I'm forever grateful
that they found comfort in me toreach out, because that's what
(06:08):
this whole podcast is about is,hopefully, that we can touch the
lives of someone, and I don'tcare if it's one person or 100
people.
That one person is enough forme and it has definitely touched
some people and I'm supergrateful for that.
Um.
So that's where I wanted tostart this podcast, um, and I
(06:33):
know you mentioned that we weregoing to dig in a little bit
deeper on, um, how I've startedmy healing journey.
Yeah, I think it's.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Yeah a few things need to be outlined.
Number one, going over the factthat you were bold enough to
come on here and and share yourstory.
As we've said many times before, we can repeat it every single
week.
The name of this podcast isshare the struggle.
We would be hypocritical to notcome on here and share the
greatest struggle in oureveryday lives and I, just like
(07:05):
you, turned on record for a verydifferent situation when my dad
passed.
But we did everything raw andin real time, because I feel
like that is when the emotion isthe most impactful.
You don't have time to reframeit in your mind, you don't have
time to rephrase it and somesugar-coated, filter-fueled just
(07:26):
response it is absolutely howyour heart feels.
It's the combination of whatyour mind is thinking and what
your heart is breaking, and youjust put it out there, you speak
it into existence.
That, to me, is the first stepin healing.
It allows you to get your storytold, to get things off your
chest and it'll live on foreverfor you to always go back to.
(07:47):
I think it's tremendous foranybody that's going through
things, growing through things.
I highly recommend you savethem and get them off your chest
immediately, otherwise wesuppress our emotions and that's
when people end up depressed.
That's when people end up, youknow, battling these things for
years, because they didn't justspeak it into existence, they
(08:08):
didn't just get it out there.
You know what I mean.
People hide these emotions andit holds them back, and that's
not what we want.
So I encourage everybody andanybody to speak it as they feel
it.
Number two, to back up what youwere just saying, you heard
from a great deal of people andI did as well and it revealed
stories of people and theirbackground that we never knew,
(08:33):
because your journey, yourstruggle, just as you said, you
don't want that to define you,so you haven't shared that with
everybody which there's many,many, many more layers to your
story and the stuff that youwent through.
We didn't come on here and justpour out every chapter in the
book of all the nonsense thatyou had to deal with in life.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
And that wasn't what the podcast episode was about.
It was about me getting mystory out there to share with
you the loss of my mother.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
It was the way, the necessary way to paint the
picture, to hopefully draw theemotion from the listener to
understand the impact thataddiction has.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yeah, and I also wanted to shed light on my story
, because for me to come on hereand just say to you real, raw
and honest, my mom committedsuicide due to addiction.
Automatically, that's going tofor me, if I was a listener,
(09:41):
draw so many red flags and belike, well, why weren't you
there for her, why didn't yousupport her?
Why didn't you take her torehab so for me to paint my
picture and all that I attemptedto do for her?
You understand that I was therefor her in ways that I offered
help and support.
So that was the main reason forme hopping on this podcast and
(10:06):
sharing my story, because that'swhat we've done Anytime we've
lost someone very close to us,because this is our way of
healing, this is our therapy ishopping on the microphone and
explaining to everybody in hopesthat we can.
We have a track record of doingthis right in hopes that we can
.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
We have a track record of doing this right,
we're not singling outsomebody's story.
We have a track record ofhealing and hoping that people
can learn from loss.
As you were saying, we sharedMeme's story on here.
We shared your uncle's funeralthat we went to right.
I think that was your uncleright.
Megan's father, so your cousinor I'm not sure how that family
(10:45):
scenario breaks down, but weshared that story.
My brother, Dennis, my father,we talked the entire time
through that whole struggle andthat journey.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
We talked about Nana.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Exactly.
We've talked about Nana, yourNana Peg.
I shared stories of mygrandmother my grandfather, one
of my best friends and mybrother dealing all those losses
two of my brothers.
We've talked about suicide onhere before.
I've had an episode where thelocal athletic director took his
life.
We've had conversations about amutual friend of ours
committing suicide.
(11:17):
We've had multipleconversations, because these are
things that we are goingthrough, that we are growing
through and that if we share ourstory through them, people
shall find strength.
If anybody has a problem withthat, turn off the podcast, put
on your big girl panties, bigboy pants, and move the fuck on
Like I don't have the patiencefor it, because this is your
(11:37):
story, your struggle, ourjourney.
These are the things we'vealways said and those are the
things we will continue to say,even my little daughter's
chiming in our little girl isputting her two cents in right
now you
Speaker 3 (11:53):
tell us your story.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
But to get back on track here, we've heard from
people that shared some of theirstruggles that we didn't even
know they struggled with.
But to make another layer ofamazement on this, we've had
people come to you and say, okay, I think I'm ready to share my
story.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Yeah, we've had a bunch of people actually reach
out and say they want to be onthe podcast.
That's unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
Just because of this one, episode, just because of
this one episode.
Yeah, we have so many peoplethat are reaching out saying I
think I need to share my storyyeah, that's what this is about
absolutely for any backlash dog,shit, bullshit.
You know back riff you ever getfrom this.
Please understand, there'speople out there that were moved
(12:38):
by your story so much so thatthey are willing to be
transparent and share theirstories, some people we've never
even met before.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I was just going to say one of these people we don't
even know.
She listened to the storybecause a friend of ours, who we
only met through you sellingmerch, reached out to me A
little layer of Loud Pod Americaand she wants to do something
on the side as well as being onour podcast and explaining her
her story.
(13:06):
And then she went and shared itwith a friend who lost, um,
someone very close to her toaddiction and it is truly
amazing and heartfelt to me tohear these stories that they
trust me to share them with meand that they want to share them
with, with the listeners andhopes that they can.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
It's it's incredible, absolutely.
This is all we've ever couldhave hoped for.
We are only one week in as ofthe time that this episode drops
.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
One week has passed and we've already heard from so
many people.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
That is what happens when you throw that positive
pebble into the ocean, when youstart getting that positive
ripple, that positive effectthat is all you ever hoped for.
If sharing that story can causethat ripple effect of more
people wanting to share theirstory and we can build some
positive momentum more peoplewanted to share their story and
(14:06):
we can build some positivemomentum maybe somehow, some way
it makes a difference and itchanges the direction for
someone, for somebody tounderstand the impact their
addiction has, the trickle downeffect it has on others and the
the unfortunate ending that ithas for so many.
Maybe sharing these stories isa way to curb what's been
happening in this country.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
I actually heard from someone who I call Grammy Gale
out in Georgia and she's not myreal grandma, as you guys know,
but she was actually my mom'sbest friend's mom while we were
down in Georgia, okay, and shehad seen my post on Instagram
(14:51):
and reached out, and she had ahard time reaching out because
of reading my post on how Iexplained everything.
She was very moved by it in herwords and it took her a long
time to find the words to writeback to me.
And she is now dealing with herdaughter, who was my mom's best
(15:16):
friend with addiction Bad inaddiction and I asked her to uh
please share uh with with her umthe the story Um, and I shared
with her, uh, my episode and Iasked her to please share it, um
(15:37):
, and she was going to do justthat.
I haven't heard back, um, butfor her to have somebody so
close to her her best friend, umcommitting suicide, dealing
with only pray, that that'sright.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Maybe something is that's a, that's such a direct,
close layer for somebody to hearthat and say, hey, this is my
fate, unless I exactly.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
And I can only hope you're right.
Um, my, my prayers go out toher family, because I know what
she's dealing with.
I know that Grammy Gale issitting around waiting for that
exact same phone call that I got, just like you were, exactly,
and I know the pain that she'sgoing through.
Um, and I know that Grammy Galehas grandchildren, same as my
(16:23):
brother.
Uh, my brother and I, who haveour mom, is addicted, uh, was
addicted, so, um, I it's veryclose, like very close, uh,
similarities yeah, they grew uptogether, so correct.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
I'm sure there's a lot of parallels there
absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
So.
I can only hope that grammygail will share um the story.
She said she was um, you know,and uh, she explained to me that
she is doing the same thing,that I am a very tough love um
at a distance but um, you know,cares deeply um and wants to see
nothing but the best.
Um in the end result, uh, notbeing the same as ours Um, and
(17:05):
you know her and I had thatconversation where she asked me
how I was doing Um, and it'salways that question like how
are you doing that?
That comes up after after theloss.
Um, it's always hard.
How do you answer it?
You know, how do you?
(17:25):
How do you answer it withoutbeing disrespectful?
And this loss is a little bitdifferent for me and and I want
to kind of dig into that alittle bit I've had a ton of
people reach out to me and askme how I'm doing.
(17:47):
It's really strange for me toexplain this to you and to the
listeners, but I'm good, I'mokay and, as hard as that may
(18:12):
sound for a lot of peoplebecause I'm sure it is the hard
part is over.
The hard part of wondering ifshe's okay, the hard part of
where she is the hard part ofthat gut-wrenching feeling when
an unknown number comes up onyour phone and you don't know if
that's somebody asking you tocome and identify the body.
So, with those all behind me, Ihave the ability to heal.
(18:36):
I have the ability to be freeand grow and grow from here.
I took the opportunity to takean appointment for Reiki
shamanic healing on Wednesday,just a couple of days after my
(18:58):
mom had taken her own life.
I've trusted Missy, my Reikiinstructor, for many different
topics, and this appointment wasmore important to me.
It was actually your suggestion.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
I've seen firsthand the power like the effect that
it has on you, the ability thatit has to help you heal.
I had no clue what shamanicReiki was.
I actually had to Google it soif you're listening.
Out there the desk Google, ifyou're listening and you're much
like me and you have no cluewhat my wife's talking about.
(19:35):
Shamanic Reiki combines theprinciples of Reiki and
shamanism To enhance healing andwell-being.
It focuses on restoring balance, replacing negative energies
with love and light andfostering connections with the
self, others and the universe.
Shamanic Reiki incorporatesshamanic methods, including
(19:58):
herbal remedies, extractions andsoul retrievals, alongside
Reiki life force energy healing.
I guess Reiki is a Japanesehealing technique that focuses
on directing universal lifeforce energy to promote healing
and balance, and shamanism is aspiritual practice that taps
(20:19):
into the power and wisdom ofnature and expanded spiritual
realities to support harmony andhealing.
It actually has a thing thatbreaks down the combination.
Shamanic Reiki blends these twotraditions, drawing upon the
strengths of both to create aholistic healing approach.
I've seen this work wonders foryou and I've seen how much you
(20:44):
believe in it.
By the way, you share it withothers or encourage people that
are dealing with similar thingsto take advantage of Reiki.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
I have our cards in my car.
I share with anybody andeveryone.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
We've been at the saloon having drinks and I've
heard you go on a tangenttelling people about it.
It always becomes an emotionalconversation, but I knew that
when you came home from work onthat Monday, like the amount of
hurt and pain that you had, yeah, that you needed to release
that and just like you weresaying, like the hard part is
over, but it brought up thatchildhood, it brought up your
(21:22):
adolescence, it brought up youknow the abuse brought up your
adolescence.
It brought up the abuse andneglect.
All those things came up andthen you needed to release that.
You can't just be walkingaround with all that.
So that's why I suggested it,and I was excited that you were
basically just all about goingto do it.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
For sure, for sure.
Yeah, no, I definitely am supergrateful.
It was definitely somethingthat I was going to do at some
point I didn't know how soon,but it just goes to show that
our partnership is very in tune.
For you to pick up on the factthat I needed that, I shared
(22:00):
that with Missy and she was overthe moon.
She made you a whole loaf ofsourdough bread homemade,
delicious sourdough bread.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
That was a bonus.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
As her gratitude.
Missy is phenomenal at what shedoes.
She has helped me heal tons,tons.
(22:29):
I can't even begin to explainto you how much healing she's
done for me in the last fouryears that I've been working
with her, the amount of work.
I've explained it a little bitbefore that you know, going to
one Reiki session can be theequivalent of a year or so of be
the equivalent of a year or soof standard therapy.
Um, because, as you wereexplaining um, shamanic Reiki
(22:51):
focuses on uh energy and spirits.
Um calls on uh animal spiritguides.
Um also will call on, like yourancestors, uh anyone who can,
really who's in the upper world.
Uh, they can come down and helpyou and guide you through what
(23:13):
you're going through.
Um, and you have been, uh,you've listened to my sessions.
I've come home and told youabout them and had some some of
the things that you brought homeand we've talked about them on
previous episodes.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
But you would bring up like um, something random and
I'd be like, oh my god, that'syour grandma's best friend, my
grandma's best friend, that's myaunt terry yeah you just talked
about, or these little randomthings and you're.
We're gonna identify a few ofthem as you get going here but,
there's always something that,like you might pick up on one
part of it and then I'll hearsomething else in it, or you'll
(23:47):
come home and be like who's thisperson?
Like my mother will know, orlike you do some research, and
then you're like it's anotherfamily member that after some
digging you figure out who sheis, like what big nana or
whatever it was.
Yeah, people right so um, it'scrazy.
This stuff's definitely not umnot made up.
It's impossible.
Yeah, there, stuff's definitelynot made up.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
It's impossible.
Yeah, there's definitely beensome validations on a ton of
opportunities that I've sharedwith Missy during my healing
journey, and that's how I lookat this.
No matter whether it is thedeath of my mom, my meme, just
going through some trauma of myown, mma, just going through
some trauma of my own, missy hasbeen there for me, in my corner
(24:27):
, always there to guide me inthe right direction.
We go in and we, you know, workon.
I go in there and I set someintentions and that's what we
work on and that's exactly whathappened when I reached out to
her on Tuesday I think it wastuesday, it was either monday or
(24:47):
tuesday, I think tuesday.
You said it to me and I reachedout to her because I went yes,
because I went to work I see,yeah, yeah, right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
You went to work the next day and then you, then you
came home, yeah and you've hadtwo appointments correct.
But to let this breathe foreverybody to understand, I think
tonight we just focus onappointment one.
Yeah, that's fine, and letpeople think about that and we
can kind of set the expectationfor appointment number two, so
people can kind of digest all ofit so that you know we don't.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Word vomit on you.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Yeah well, we could talk, for I don't want us to do
another two hours, no, so wecould talk for a long time on
you.
Yeah Well, we could talk, for Idon't want us to do another two
hours, so we could talk for along time, but I think it's
super powerful.
Let's just focus on your firstappointment and like your
objectives going into thatappointment.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Yeah, absolutely so.
Going in, I reached out toMissy and I just said listen, I
need you more now than ever.
This is what happened.
My husband suggested that Imake an appointment and I am
110% on board.
I think now I need you.
The amount of anger, hurt,disappointment that stemmed from
(25:58):
finding out the news of hertaking her own life brought back
a lot of trauma from mychildhood, but I also realized
that it brought up trauma fromwhen I lost my grandma who
raised me.
That brought up a lot.
So I went into my appointmentand explained to Missy this is
(26:22):
what I'm dealing with.
I'm dealing with a lot of hurt,I'm dealing with a lot of anger
and I want to release this.
Therefore, I can start thehealing process and I can move
forward.
I need to be the best mom thatI can be and I can't do that by
holding on to this hurt.
(26:44):
And when you walk into yourappointment, that is the
stepping stone.
So you walk in there and you'relike, all right, I word vomit
on Missy and tell her this iswhat I'm dealing with, this is
what I need to work on.
These are the harsh words thatwe need to put on the plate and
(27:05):
then at the end we need to comeup with new words to rewrite the
story, and that's the way thatwe look at it.
So anger, hurt anddisappointment were the three
words, and then you find astatement or a reasoning why
(27:27):
those are coming up and thereason for all three of those
was I was never good enough andthat hurts, that brings up
trauma.
Missy knows my story and sheexplains to me.
(27:54):
I think this is going to be usgoing back to one of your first
sessions and we're going tobring up the same topic, and
this happens in Reiki a lot.
You'll see those categoriescome up in different avenues
(28:15):
because you're healing over thetime, and so that was the
intention was to remove that,remove that story of anger, hurt
(28:39):
and that you are not goodenough.
So after we set those, we will.
She'll lay out some stones and Ipick a stone and you just
gravitate at least I do to onespecific stone and it's that
stone that you just look at andit means something to you, like
it, doesn't?
You look at it and you're likethat one catches my eye.
(28:59):
There's a reason for it, reasonfor it.
So you just point that out, youhand it to Missy, and then you
hold onto the rock and you blowinto the rock those hurtful
words and that intention, andthen what she'll do is you'll
(29:25):
lay on the table and she'llstart to basically just cleanse
the room.
She asks for the spirits andguides to come in and join us,
she opens up the space and thenshe'll explain what the rock is.
They don't have labels, theydon't mean anything to anyone
(29:46):
except for her.
It's rather interesting becauseevery time I pick a different
one, she knows what that rockmeans and what it's for.
So the rock that I had chosenwas actually for my root chakra,
which is located in yourstomach area.
And it's funny because when Ichose that rock for this reason
(30:10):
and she explains that to me Istart to think back.
All right, this makes sense,because anytime something would
come up pertaining to angel, thewonder, the worry, anything
like that, I would get an upsetstomach, I would get sick, I
would get nauseous, that sort ofthing.
That's where you carry it,that's where I'm carrying it.
(30:34):
So rather interesting that thatis how this happens.
So she goes through and we juststart, uh, meditating.
I start meditating, um, tryingto get into that safe space
where I can ask uh, I'm notworried about anything, she
(30:55):
knows my intention and I am justthinking into that intention,
uh, thinking into the reason whyI'm there, um, the anger, the
hurt, the disappointment.
And while I'm doing that she is.
I'm laying on a bed and she isstanding above me.
I'm on a massage table, if thatmakes sense to anybody, and she
(31:18):
will walk along me and try andfigure out where my voids are.
With this intention, it ends upbeing in my throat, which is
very clear to me, because Icould never get out what I
needed to get out to tell Angel,because she would shut me off,
(31:40):
she would turn me away.
So anything that I had to saywith her, say to her, would stop
right here.
The moment that Missy findsthat, I immediately get this
feeling as if something is stuckin my throat.
(32:01):
Wow, because that's what it is.
I'm stuck, I can't get out whatI have to tell her.
So it's stuck here.
It's stuck.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
But what I?
Oh yes, see, it's stuck.
Here it's stuck.
But what I?
Oh yes, see, it's stuck.
So we apologize for the we donot have daycare this evening
and we need to get this episodeout to you folks.
So yes we're making the best ofit and basically has to be the
center of attention, always,always.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
So before we got to the throat I completely forgot
we had cleared the root chakra.
That was the first one.
Missy was drawn to my throatchakra based on my intentions
and what I was feeling into, butshe knew this one was a little
bit deeper than what we neededto work on with my root chakra.
(33:05):
So she goes through and shedoes a cleansing of the chakras.
I'm meditating the entire time.
My eyes are closed.
I don't know exactly what thislooks like.
I know it involves what looksto be a rattle and so she has a
crystal and a maraca-lookingrattle thing and she does a
(33:33):
little like shaking of themaracas and she just does this
spiritual dance I guess youcould say.
I've never actually kept myeyes open to watch.
I feel like it's probably rude.
So after she clears my rootchakra she will actually take a
(33:54):
crystal and she dangles it overthe area and if it starts to
move, that means my shock in acircle.
That means my chakra iscompletely cleared.
When she started it didn't moveat all and that's how she knew
that it was blocked.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
While she's going through trying to clear, clear
my chakras.
So then that's when she got tomy throat and, like I said to
you before, I felt likesomething was stuck in my throat
.
And when she started to clearand do this spiritual dance, as
(34:34):
she's drawing out what's stuck,I couldn't help but just cry,
and it was deep.
I wasn't thinking aboutanything at that moment except
for well, I mean, I was thinkingabout the hurt and the pain and
(34:56):
all that I have been through.
And here we are.
This is the end result.
I just had to release it andMissy saw the tears running down
my eyes, down the side of myface, and she said let it out,
don't hold it in.
She could see that I washolding it in and that's why my
(35:16):
chakra, my throat chakra, wasalready blocked, because I had
held this in for so long that itwas just an uncontrollable deep
, ugly cry that came out ofnowhere, because Missy is there
drawing all of this negativityout of my throat, just drawing
(35:41):
so much, and it took her like alittle bit of time to draw out
everything that had been sittingright there.
And, if you think about it, soit's your throat, but it's also
your chest.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Yeah, and if you think, about it.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
So it's your throat, but it's also your chest, yeah,
and I always feel as though I amcarrying a huge weight on my
shoulders.
When it comes to the topic ofAngel, again, we go back to
wondering where she is.
Is she fed, is she okay, is shebeing abused?
So it's one of those thingsthat not only do I have my
(36:20):
throat chakra blocked becauseshe would never hear me out or
want to hear my story or what Ihave to say, it's also that
weight.
It's all in the same vicinity.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
It all makes sense even for as long as I've known
you and known your relationship,because anytime you've ever
tried to tell her reality, shewould get to a point of like
I've heard enough here dismissme correct.
You know, like I'm notlistening to you, allison, you
know, and that was yep, there's,unfortunately there's people in
(36:57):
your life that I know you carrythat weight for.
Or you just don't leteverything out.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
You know, and it makes so much sense that,
because you didn't tell me thispart of this until now, yeah,
you know what I mean, but justhearing it as an outsider, like
I can see it because I know how-many times you've just kind of
swallowed your feelings forcertain people, because you just
or you try to say what you wantto say and you just get shut
(37:25):
off.
Yeah, some people just don'twant to hear, understand or
process reality, and Angel wasone of those people,
unfortunately reality and angelwas one of those people,
unfortunately.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
So, following this part, after I have ugly, cried
and bared my soul, um, she goesthrough this process, making
sure that all of my chakras arecompletely cleared, in case
there's anything else thatpossibly wasn't necessarily the
reason for me being there, butcould be holding me back a
(38:03):
little bit on my healing journey.
So she'll go through and kindof check everything and make
sure that all my checks andbalances are good and then she
goes through basically what theycall a soul retrieval.
So she will actually sit at thefoot of the bed and I continue
(38:24):
to lay down and continue tomeditate.
It's interesting to me becauseI don't have the ability to
meditate if I do it on my own,but when I'm there in her safe
space, I have the ability tomeditate and I've tried on
multiple occasions to try andmeditate and I just can't get my
(38:45):
brain to shut off.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
I was going to say I'm the same way, like I've
tried.
There was a phase where I'd tryto get up early, like 4 or 5 in
the morning and try to meditate.
And I don't know, I could neverreally pull it off.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
I can't do it, but I can do it when I'm there in her
safe space, for whatever reason,I melt into her bed and I am.
I'm just meditating and I amnot, uh, in tune enough with
what she calls as my gift.
And I have been told I havesome gift.
(39:21):
But I can tell you that whenI'm laying there on this bed and
she is doing her session, I canclose my eyes and I can almost
see pictures.
I don't know what they arecompletely, and so Missy always
(39:43):
tells me like you have to takemy class, you have a gift, you
have to do this, like you wouldbe really good at this.
I don't know what the messagesare, I don't know what they mean
, I don't know what the picturesare, but sometimes I can make
out a couple of differentpictures that are coming along
and they just look like.
The only way for me to explainthis to you is like when you,
(40:05):
when you stare at the sun.
You know when you stare at thesun and then you like come back
to and you can almost see like akaleidoscope.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
Right Goodness.
Speaker 2 (40:22):
So that kaleidoscope is what I'm looking at during
this meditation process.
My eyes are completely closedand I can make out these tiny
little pictures.
In this in particular situation, I know that I saw a rose and I
know that I saw a tiger or likea lion of some sort, like I
could just see, like the shadowof it.
I know that the rose isdefinitely probably I don't want
(40:48):
to say definitely is probablyrepresenting Angel.
She has a rose tattoo on herchest.
She was very big about roses,loved roses, and so it's
interesting that I can see theseimages coming forward and then
I can only look at whether it bea tiger or a lion, that I too
(41:09):
will overcome this.
I will be the lion and overcomeall of this, and that's the way
that I am interpreting it.
Yeah, doesn't mean anything.
This, and that's the way that Iam uh, interpreting it yeah,
doesn't mean anything, butthat's the way that I'm looking
at it and interpreting it.
So after, uh, she finishes, um,doing her soul retrieval, she
always gives me the piece ofpaper and I have the piece of
(41:32):
paper and I'm like I always lookforward to it because I'm like
all right, what is my I'm goingto botch this word inanimate
object.
Okay, I think that's how yousay it, inanimate object yeah.
Okay, what is my medicine andwhat is my spirit animal Like?
There's always those sort ofthings during these retrievals,
(42:05):
sort of things during theseretrievals.
And so she goes to tell me thatmy, let me just get mine here.
So she goes through and sothere's a goal.
Sorry, I forgot about that one.
And then there's the otherthree.
So my sole goal is and this iscoming from the spirit guides,
it can be coming from myancestors, it can be coming from
(42:26):
anyone who's upstairs in thehigher good that is helping her
guide me during this session andhow to move forward from the
session.
This is how these answers comeforward she will know her power
to heal, she will hone thestrength to move forward without
(42:50):
the anger or disappointment.
So that is my goal.
Oh, and she will fly withfreedom.
So that was the end there.
So then we move on to the heartand the throat chakra.
(43:10):
So that is my inanimate object.
I hate that word, and it was aseesaw, which is rather
interesting.
Yeah, because I look at it asto what Missy says, but I also
look at it as, like the innerchild for me.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
Right.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
The inner child playing on a playground Like I.
That's me and that's what I'mtrying to retrieve.
Is that healing that littlegirl?
So for her to come forward andsay your inanimate object is a
seesaw was rather interesting tome.
It says it is time to keepbalance, accept and forgive, and
(44:04):
she will know her worth.
So with the childhood seesaw itsays my medicine is balance and
it makes complete sense.
I need to find my inner balanceand I need to move forward,
stay balanced and stay strong Ilike the part of like knowing
(44:28):
your worth to you know, like youhad mentioned um in there
without anger and disappointmentand you went in there with
those words of feeling like youweren't enough.
Speaker 3 (44:43):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
We have one more, and that is the root chakra.
So this is the spirit animalthat comes forward.
The spirit animal that comesforward, and it's always
something new and it surprisesme sometimes.
But this one really caught meoff guard.
(45:06):
This one was an anteater.
Never has she ever come forwardand said an anteater.
I've had a wolf, I've had agiraffe, I've had eagle, right
after your dad had passed.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
I've had those type of animals, but for this one to
come, forward as an anteater wasso surprising to us, so put a
little thought into it, yeah,yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:39):
So I'll read um, this one here.
Um, so this one is to to walksafely upon mother earth, feel
the healing energy of MotherEarth.
So that is what the anteater isfor.
(46:03):
So basically, she was asking meto find myself grounded, to
lean into nature, get out thereand be one with the outdoors
what makes this so eye-openingand sprinkles a layer of belief
(46:27):
on here for anybody listening isthere's two things.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
One of them would be on the day that we woke up the
morning.
We woke up when angel hadpassed, just a couple hours
before you were to get the phonecall with the news.
What did you stumble upon?
Speaker 2 (46:48):
an infestation of ants walking down the wall, and
the only reason why I noticed itwas because there was a fat,
thick line of them coming downthe wall there was a massive
infestation of ants coming outof our ceiling down the wall.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
We had never seen ants in our house, ever.
Um we our house isn't very old,we just had this built, what
maybe I don't know five, fiveyears, six.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
I don't know, it's not that old.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
But a massive infestation of ants coming down
the wall from the ceiling.
Speaker 2 (47:24):
Not even like from the back deck door or anything
like that.
Like it came from the ceiling.
Speaker 1 (47:29):
And to the point of like getting ant traps and
nuking things and going to get,you know, ant spray and all this
stuff and a couple hours lateryou would get the phone call.
So for first off, you're aspirit animal.
To be an ant eater when ourhouse was infested with ants
(47:51):
after Angel's death is beyondbizarre.
Speaker 2 (47:56):
There was also a couple of ants in her room when
she was doing this and she waslike I don't know where these
damn ants come from.
I don't have an ant infestation, and I didn't say anything
about our ant infestation.
They literally just came outand started walking around.
She's like my last client.
They came out for them too andthen they go away.
(48:17):
Like I literally have set traps, I can't find them, they
disappear.
And then all of a sudden, forcertain people they'll just show
back up and I was like for thatto happen and then for her to
tell me that I was an anteater.
I was just like I don't evenunderstand, like you can't tell
me this stuff isn't real.
Speaker 1 (48:33):
no, and another one is.
So you had told me that, and wewere all in shock and I said
there's one more thing that Idon't know if you're realizing,
and that is that, just like aday before, maybe two days
before we were at my mother'shouse and the lawn had.
I don't even know 50 birds onit.
(48:56):
Like the lawn was covered inthese birds and they were super
cool birds and I'm looking atthem and they had really long
beaks, almost like a woodpecker.
Speaker 2 (49:04):
Yeah, we thought they were woodpeckers because they
were pecking the ground.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
Yeah, but they were really interesting birds.
They were beautiful.
They had like I don't even knowhow to like try to describe the
overall look of them, but like,uh, like a brindle type wing
with a bright patch on the backof their head like a woodpecker
(49:27):
would have like a red or anorange, like bright patch, but
then when they would fly offsome of them, their under wings
were like fluorescent yellow.
Speaker 3 (49:37):
They were bright yellow, yeah, their wingspan.
Speaker 1 (49:39):
They were amazingly beautiful birds.
I had never seen them before.
There was like 50 of them onthe lawn and I was mesmerized by
them, so much so that me andPaisley were staring at them
through the window.
I brought her up to look atthem and I had to research to
figure out what they are.
And they're northern flickers.
And I had to research to figureout what they are.
And they're northern flickers,and they are a member of the
woodpecker family, but they areanteaters.
(50:02):
The northern flickers areanteaters.
They are pecking the ground toeat ants.
So you imagine, angel Passes,we pick up an ant infestation in
our house, then anteatersovertake our lawn in the form of
birds and then your spiritanimal is an ant eater yeah,
(50:23):
it's so bizarre, just so totallywild to me yeah
Speaker 2 (50:28):
so, following this um session, uh, normally that's
the end, normally that's theclosure she, she does, you know,
the soul retrieval and then wejust end the session.
Well, to my surprise, that'snot going to happen.
(50:50):
Mine and Missy's relationshipduring this journey has always
ended with a drum solo Everysingle time.
And I noticed when I walked inthat her drum was not under her
(51:12):
table as it always sat, and thatsat with me.
I was like, huh interesting, nodrum solo today.
The reason for the drum solo isbecause, during my healing
journey, missy has had theopportunity to do an even deeper
(51:34):
soul retrieval for me, to bringforward my ancestors, my
heritage, my ancestors.
And every single time they comeforward it's an Indian chief and
she's gone into great detailabout each one of them.
And my great grandfather wasIndian and we have talked to
(52:00):
Nana about what tribe he was apart of and I remember going to
their house and seeing thisbeautiful headdress and
everything and I just loved itso much.
I was always drawn to feathersand I was always drawn to the
Indian culture and Aztec andnever knew why until I, you know
(52:22):
, got a little bit older.
So it makes sense.
So Missy has always been drawnto do a drum solo and it is an
old-fashioned drum that youwould see the Indians around a
fire pit just pounding on Likethat's what it is.
The first time Missy did it.
(52:43):
She said to me like I havenever taken a drum lesson in my
life, I am not the one drumming,this is just your spirit guides
and whatever comes forward.
She says it's never the samefor anyone, just your spirit
guides and whatever comesforward.
Speaker 3 (52:59):
She says it's never the same for anyone.
Speaker 2 (53:01):
First time she ever did it it was that just standard
drum solo that you would heararound a campfire, at a powwow
of some sort, and then it justgoes into a different direction.
Well, to my surprise, missysaid well, I'm not allowed to
end this unless I go downstairsand get my drum.
(53:22):
Your spirit guides will not letme end this session on this
note.
She had to go downstairs, getthe drum and as I'm laying on
the bed meditating, I can hearher coming up the stairs.
Coming up the stairs, I canhear it and every single time I
(53:50):
can feel it in my chest, I canfeel just this tingling
sensation go throughout myentire body.
So she'll come in and she willtake that drum and she will go
from head to toe and she justdoes this synchronized drumming
(54:18):
solo over me and she does everysingle time.
And I had spotted that the drumwas missing and I had said that
to her afterwards and I saidthere is no way.
There is no way in heck thatshe's not going to do it.
She must have a new one,something.
But it was not where sheusually has it, under the table,
(54:42):
and they were like if you thinkyou're closing this session
without that drum solo, you'vegot another thing coming ma'am.
So after the session she doesher drum solo.
It's pretty amazing.
I can feel it throughout mywhole body the entire time as
she's going up and down, I canfeel almost like spirits just
(55:02):
leaving your body, just kind oflike releasing any last bit of
tension, any sort of anythingthat you're holding on to, like.
That drum solo, basically, isjust sealing the deal.
That's how she explains it tome.
So we finish and she willalways give me a glass of water
(55:24):
which allows you to wash awayand cleanse anything left.
And she explained to me thatduring this session me that
(55:44):
during this session, angel hadtaken the time to come forward.
And that was interesting to mebecause I didn't exactly know if
she would come forward in thisbecause, like, we've talked
about shamanic healing and Reikideals with the upper world, so
it's possible, like I've had myancestors come forward, you've
had people come forward, so it'sa possibility.
(56:06):
I didn't anticipate her coming,know her and what she explained
to me was that Angel had comeforward and she was angry.
(56:26):
She was very angry.
She was yelling at me, um, andin a very aggressive manner, and
she she said stop what you'redoing, stop what you're doing
immediately.
You're going to make her forgetme.
Missy dismissed it.
(56:49):
Missy put a stop to her comingforward during my session
because this was my session,this was my story, this was my
opportunity to heal and moveforward and deal with the trauma
and situation that I wasdealing with.
(57:09):
I'm forever grateful for Missyfor doing that, because there
could have been a time where shecould have invited her in and
said let's just do this all atonce, but she didn't and I'm
thankful for that, because I hadthe opportunity to leave that
session feeling free.
I felt the freedom as my soulretrieval the first part of my
(57:37):
soul retrieval says.
She will know her worth and herfreedom.
Speaker 3 (57:43):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (57:45):
So to me to leave there feeling like this weight
has just been lifted off of myshoulders.
I had a sense of feeling likethat after the anger had settled
, the day that it happened, whenI was sitting out in the door
yard and talking to people andexplaining to everything, um,
(58:07):
you know, I had gotten thestrength, um, by seeing the red
Cardinal, the blue Jay andMeme's bird, the little blue
bird, um all join me in the dooryard while I I'm talking to, to
family members and kind ofexplaining what's going on.
So I had that opportunity and Ifelt I don't want to say that I
(58:29):
felt free at that moment I feltrelieved, yeah, yeah, the anger
was gone, the hurt, um, at thatmoment had kind of released and
it was more of just being still, I guess you could say.
But it was a 360 degree turnfrom that moment, monday to
(58:59):
Wednesday, when I left.
Monday to Wednesday, when I left, I felt free.
I felt like I could take on theworld.
I felt so relieved, so free.
And it's so hard to explain topeople when they ask me, like we
(59:19):
talked about earlier, how areyou doing?
I don't want to tell them thatI'm doing great because I'm not,
I'm not doing great, but I'mdoing better than I expected
because I've had the opportunityto sit down with Missy Sitting
here today.
I've had the opportunity to sitdown with her twice now.
Speaker 1 (59:37):
Yeah, before you go any further, I have a few
questions I want to throw outthere.
Yeah, one of them would beyou're in the parking, you're in
the driveway here and you'rehaving these conversations and
you have that sense of like arelief almost.
And then you have that 180degree spin where you're like
(01:00:00):
kind of feeling a little morefreedom when you come out of
there.
When you're forced to deal withthings like you know calls from
the police department, familyinteractions, you know memories,
whatever when you're dealingwith those things, does that at
all bring you back?
Does it derail the sense offreedom and relief that you
(01:00:24):
experienced when you allow thosethings back into your world?
Speaker 2 (01:00:31):
At first, yeah, but dealing with it now, after my
last session, I don't think itis as much.
I think I can have thoseconversations and know that
that's it you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (01:00:50):
These are just conversations at this point um
it can't layers that we'll diveinto in future episodes of I
don't know how to put this, butevidence information.
Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:01:05):
Right, there's things that have come to fruition,
correct.
We know she committed suicide.
Speaker 3 (01:01:09):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:01:09):
We know she was researching suicide.
Yes, we know she was tellingeverybody around her that she
wanted to commit suicide.
Speaker 3 (01:01:17):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (01:01:18):
We have witnesses that are informative of this.
Speaker 3 (01:01:20):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (01:01:21):
Those things right, yeah.
And then you know, havingpeople come to you and be like
your mother didn't overdose,didn't commit suicide, she
overdosed, and we know the truth.
And having these things andbattling those things, dealing
with you know a sloppyinvestigation from the police
department, other things thatwill bring to the forefront in
(01:01:41):
future episodes, Dealing withthat frustration.
family's opinions of things,people's negative opinion of you
sharing your story, thosethings does that all rob you of
your freedom, Because I've beenworried for you that dealing
with other people's nonsense,dealing with factual information
versus false opinions, that itwould derail all the positives
(01:02:05):
that you've accomplished.
Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
You know what I mean.
Yeah, no, that's a validquestion and, to be honest with
you, no, no, it's not robbing meof anything.
Um, because at this point in myhealing journey I'm doing great
Um, and I refuse to let anybodytake me back in any way, shape
or form.
You can voice your opinion andtalk about your story how you
feel fit.
The evidence is the evidence.
(01:02:27):
If those people don't want tolook at the evidence where we
have it point blank in front ofus, that's on them.
This is my way of healing.
Speaker 1 (01:02:38):
Whenever somebody wants to do or determine to heal
, that's on them.
Speaker 3 (01:02:41):
Absolutely, I'm not going to bother that.
Speaker 1 (01:02:42):
Just don't force your opinion and philosophy on you
when you're taking the correctsteps and doing the right things
to heal and to share your story.
Absolutely, that justabsolutely sets me off.
So for my blood pressure to gothrough the roof.
I don't know how it doesn'tderail your healing.
Speaker 3 (01:03:00):
Sure Sure.
Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
For me processing, you know, death in my family if
someone came to me you know whatI'm saying Like I I would, I
wouldn't react as calmly as youhave.
Speaker 2 (01:03:11):
Yeah, I think it's just been a lot uh to process
and a lot to swallow.
I guess you can say Um, but Iknow that I'm on the right path
and I have the right informationand I'm healing the way that I
know how to heal.
And, like we've talked about,people heal differently and
that's fine.
But it's a valid question andthe answer is no, it's not
(01:03:35):
derailing me.
I don't feel any type of way.
I still feel free and I stillfeel that I have done anything
and everything that I can do tosupport her and I also feel that
I have done my part in sharingmine and her story, our story.
Speaker 1 (01:03:57):
There's no point in falsifying reality.
You're not going to nobody'sgoing to learn or change or gain
anything by making a falsenarrative about what happened.
Correct, you dealt with shit.
You had a very difficultupbringing.
It's made you who you are.
Embrace it and share itAbsolutely.
Don't sugarcoat it with shit now, because you're trying to
(01:04:18):
protect an image when they'vedone the damage on their own
Correct.
To protect an image whenthey've done the damage on their
own Correct.
The other thing for me, thatwas my instant reaction when you
were talking to me and you saidthat Angel came forward and she
was very angry.
My instant thought goes into myreligious beliefs and her
(01:04:38):
reaction and for me it was, aswe mentioned last week.
Her biggest goal has been to bewith her father ever since his
death.
And for me, and I don't knowenough about Jesus Christ and
the Bible to speak this intoexistence and the truth.
(01:04:59):
But my would be if you are adrug addict and you
intentionally take your life,you're not going to get granted
the gates of heaven, you're notgoing to be reunited with your
father.
When you are intentionallytaking your life, when you are
intentionally sinning, you arean addict and you have punished
(01:05:23):
your family and you've madethese choices and now you're
intentionally ending your life,hoping that I'm going to welcome
you home and I'm going toreunite you, and I'm not saying
and I don't know enough aboutthis, I'm not saying she's never
going to get there, but I'mjust saying, when she came
forward, get there.
(01:05:46):
But I'm just saying, when shecame forward in your session, my
thoughts and wholeheartedbelief was Angel has not
transitioned, she has not beenaccepted to heaven, she has not
been reunited with her fatherand she's beyond pissed.
That number one.
I did this and I didn't getwhat I was looking for.
And here you are, recovering,healing and moving on, when you
(01:06:06):
should be paralyzed and justlike the infestation of ants, I
feel like as an addict.
Her dying wish was to infestyour life and to derail the
beautiful house and life thatyou live and created, and I say
(01:06:27):
house, as in the metaphor ofthese ants taking over a house,
right?
So I just think about thosethings.
And my instant reaction wasshe's angry because she did not
get what she wanted.
Speaker 2 (01:06:41):
She didn't make it, and that's that's valid Um, so I
will express that I feel thesame way, Um.
I feel that she has a lot of,has a lot of work to do, um
(01:07:10):
pertaining to forgiveness, um,before she can transition.
There's a lot that she had towork on before you have the
opportunity to meet up with yourdad, your mom, your brothers,
Nana all of those.
You have some demons that youneed to fight, not only here on
earth, but in between.
You have some demons that youneed to fight not only here on
Earth, but in between, and whatI can tell you is that I've had
(01:07:35):
the opportunity, with theguidance of Missy, to discuss
some things with her and expresssome things with her.
Speaker 1 (01:07:46):
And we'll dig into that a little bit more on the
next episode, because it's aheartfelt one.
Yeah, I think every time youhave one of these Reiki sessions
, it, it is, uh, it's powerful.
It's heartfelt, it's emotionaland, um, it's incredible what
we've covered today on just yourfirst session and the symbolism
that's been there, and um, it'sjust, it's powerful and it just
makes me believe in thosethings and, um, this whole
(01:08:10):
journey that we've gone throughhas made us leading up to this,
and this particular story, too,has made both of us more, um,
inquisitive to our faith.
You know, leaning more intoboth of us, more inquisitive to
our faith.
You know, leaning more into,into our faith and wanting to
learn more about the Bible andall these different things and
(01:08:30):
just connecting these dots, itjust I don't know, we're here
for a reason and just, I don'teven know how to put it into
words, but all of this just mademe believe that much more you
know.
all of it just made me believeand I hope that sharing this
story and these things as wecontinue to dig into this for
(01:08:52):
you and your healing, that itallows other people to believe
and to lean into their faith aswell.
So I really hope that today'smessage empowers people to do
that.
And as much as you've spoken ofyou know, like this Reiki,
shamanic Reiki, stuff thatyou've been going through.
It makes me want to look intoit someday in my life because
(01:09:14):
it's just I can see the powerthat it has and like just how
important it is to you and theimpact it's had on you.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (01:09:22):
Yeah, no, it's definitely been super powerful.
And.
Speaker 2 (01:09:28):
I recommend anyone who's interested in healing in
any way, shape or form.
It doesn't have to be all death, it can be trauma, it can be
anything, this creates a wholenew opportunity, an alternative
to healing for people, that'snot a psychiatrist that you have
to countlessly relive yourstory with that, you know.
(01:09:51):
Reiki is very holistic, sothey're not going to throw
medicine down your throat.
Um, it's very powerful how muchyou can get out of one session.
I mean one session isn't goingto be enough.
I will hands down, hand on thecabela's catalog, eye to the sky
.
It's not going to be enough foranyone.
Just like one therapy sessionisn't going to be enough.
(01:10:13):
But you'd be surprised how muchyou can get out of one session.
Speaker 1 (01:10:16):
For me it's we're not writing an antidepressant
script, right?
We're not giving you acounselor that maybe in six
months or a year you're going tohave a new one and you're going
to start all over again.
And you're just going to go inand talk about things and hope
that you relive them and releasethem, but there's nothing there
to release.
You know what I mean?
Like it's you're not connectingwith certain things.
Speaker 2 (01:10:37):
The nice thing about Reiki is when you go into your
session, the point is, as wespoke about, to set an intention
and rewrite the story.
So my, with the words anger andhurt, I rewrote the story with
freedom to be free.
That's how I rewrote the storyand I left there feeling just
(01:11:00):
those things.
Speaker 1 (01:11:02):
You know for me one of the things that encouraged me
to say to you I think youshould book an appointment is.
You came home and you weredoing okay and you looked at our
little girl and you started tobreak down.
Yeah, and every time you wouldcome to her and look at her, you
(01:11:25):
would break down and say howcould somebody not love her, how
could somebody not give hereverything that she needs, how
could somebody not be there forher?
And you kept putting yourselfin her position.
Yeah her and you kept puttingyourself in her position, and it
(01:11:48):
was the first time that you'vereally have gone through these
things and you have your owndaughter to look at and question
all the anger, all the hurt,all the abuse, all the neglect
and say man, how could you dothat?
Speaker 3 (01:11:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:12:00):
Because now you have your own daughter and you were
questioning how can somebody dothis?
And seeing that pain in you.
That's when I suggested it,Because I always want her to be
a symbol of love and hope andopportunity and promise and not
trigger or remind you of thethings that weren't given to you
(01:12:24):
.
Right, you know, and I saw thepain that it caused and I never
want you to come to yourdaughter and feel pain.
And I understood it was nothingabout her, but it was a
symbolism of man, I couldn'timagine treating her the way I
was treated as a child, right,couldn't imagine treating her
(01:12:46):
the way I was treated as a child.
Speaker 3 (01:12:48):
So that could build up and bubble over as some real
serious inner anger.
Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:12:51):
That was my fear for you.
Speaker 1 (01:12:53):
Absolutely, and I can understand that, but that could
happen.
So for you to very quickly geton the horn and work out that
appointment and just the reliefyou came home with you know and
um, it's been incredible.
I look forward to you sharingpart two of this, your next
appointment.
I look forward to you, um,sharing that and I'm so excited
(01:13:14):
because I've heard you talk toother people about this.
Um, for whatever trauma they'retrying to get through loss
they're trying to get through,anything you would go to a
counselor for, or somebody wouldprescribe you a script for you
can look into, you can dig intoand you can try to rewrite that
story of you.
Speaker 3 (01:13:34):
Absolutely yeah.
No, you can definitely lean onReiki, shamanic healing.
Definitely look into it forsure.
Speaker 1 (01:13:44):
Well, the hits just keep on coming, keep coming on
here, sharing, sharing the goodgospel and I'm proud of you for
opening up yet again and sharingsome things.
And, just like last week,there's this is an episode that
can that can change thedirection for some people.
I am so confident there's goingto be some people listening
that are going to reach outeither to you or do their own
research in their local arealooking for the shamanic Reiki
(01:14:08):
instructor.
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (01:14:11):
If you're looking for one and you're in Maine?
Let me know.
Missy is right here in BedfordPool.
Speaker 1 (01:14:15):
This could be the catalyst for change in people,
to help them heal, to help themprocess, to help them move on
and recover.
So, again, we're just sharingmore things that we feel can
make a positive impact, and fordoing that I thank you, for
coming on here and continuing toeducate.
Speaker 3 (01:14:34):
I thank you for letting me come on here and I am
sorry for the people to have tolisten to me again.
Speaker 1 (01:14:41):
You know what you're going to get it Until the next
time, folks, Thank you forsupporting my American dream.
Speaker 3 (01:14:49):
You filthy savage.
Speaker 1 (01:14:54):
That's it and that's all Biggie Smalls.
If you're a Loud, proudAmerican and you find yourself
(01:15:15):
just wanting more, find me onYouTube and Facebook at Loud,
proud American, or the Face page, as my mama calls it.
If you're a fan of the GrahamCracker, you want to find me on
Instagram, or all the kids bytickety-talking on the TikTok.
You can find me on both ofthose at loud, underscore, proud
(01:15:36):
, underscore American.
I'm not talking about myself.
A big old thank you to the boysfrom the Gut Truckers for the
background beats and the themesong to this here podcast.
If you are enjoying what you'rehearing, you can track down the
(01:15:57):
Gut Truckers on Facebook.
Just search Gut Truckers.
Give them, motherfuckers, alike too.
I'm not talking about myself.
I'm not talking about myself onFacebook.
(01:16:18):
Just search Gut Trucker.
Give them motherfuckers a liketoo.
I truly thank you forsupporting my American dream.
Now go wash your fucking hands,you filthy savage.
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