Finding Freedom: A Daughter's Final Conversation

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Keith Liberty (00:01):
The streak continues.
We are joined yet again by mybeautiful bride, Allie Liberty.
This week, the healingcontinues with yet another
shamanic Reiki session recapfocused on closure.
Let me tell you somethingEverybody struggles.
The difference is some peoplechoose to go through it and some

(00:22):
choose to grow through it.
The choice is completely yours.
Which one you choose will havea very profound effect on the
way you live your life.
If you find strength in thestruggle, then this podcast is
for you.
Do you have a relationship thatis comfortable with

(00:45):
uncomfortable conversations?
Uncomfortable conversationschallenge you, humble you and
they build you.
When you sprinkle a little timeand distance on it, it all
makes sense.
Most disagreements, they stemfrom our own insecurities.
You are right where you need tobe.

(01:07):
Hey y'all, happy Cinco de Mayo,and I am so excited to be
joined by you.
Hey y'all Happy.
Cinco de Mayo.
Happy Cinco de Mayo.

Alli Liberty (01:51):
Well, I mean happy , belated Cinco de Mayo to you,
but to us it's Cinco de Mayo.
Cheers to the margarita.

I got a little margigo in here.
If I don't spill it on thecouch, listen not for nothing,
but these.

What is it?
Cayman Jack in a can.
I'm not mad about it.
I've had worse margaritas atdive bars.

We received some negative reviews, but maybe it's
been a while since I had amargarita, but it seems to be
all right.

I'm drinking the mango one.
It's actually rather dapper.
Walked my tacos down reallynicely, ooh Actually rather
dapper, walked my tacos downreally nicely.
Ooh yeah, you did get after themayo day, yeah, absolutely, I
had tostadas for lunch, tacosfor dinner.
Not any type of taco.
I took hard shell tacos andwrapped them in soft tacos for

(02:40):
you, so they didn't fall apart.

Yeah, wow, and I even made cilantro lime rice.
We went, went for it.
I'll tell you right now I gotone lazy eye on the couch and I
got a leg up.
And there's a funny thing aboutmargaritas they taste
refreshing but I feel like theydry you out.

I feel like having a tough time over here great,
so the people are gonna listento you with your cotton mouth
over there well, thankfully Idon't have to do most of the
talking this time around.
Yeah, this is my episode, isn'tit?

That's right, the streak continues, my dear.

Yeah, and then I think I'm taking a hiatus.

I don't know if you should do that.

The people don't want to hear me.

You watch your mouth.
We left the people on acliffhanger last week.

The people, people on a cliffhanger last week.
The people wanted to know.
People have asked.
They reached out again.
Thank y'all so much for takingthe time out of your day to
reach out to me and see how I'mdoing, and, uh, I appreciate
that and I also appreciate youcontinuing on this streak of
reaching out to me with your um,wonderful comments.
I've had a bunch of people.

Yeah, questions support comments the whole nine
right.

Yep, I've gotten a couple of people just asking me
are you going to record again?
Who knows where this will takeus?
But we've had a few peoplereach out that I've touched,
like we talked about in the lastepisode, and I'm just super
grateful for that.
Like that alone is just why Idid.
What I did was that I hopedthat I could reach out to some
people and um touch some livesand that's all that.

It matters, um, because this is my healing
process and I'm and I'm doing it, picking up, uh, support and
fans, yeah, all different angles, like we go live on tiktok and
we got big g out in connecticutrepresenting and giving you the
solid good words.
Thank you so much.

Um, yeah, I think that it's, it's special, I think
it's powerful, which whichyou've been doing and that's why
I'm eager to take a back seatand continue to listen to your
story, and we've also had theopportunity to learn that a few
of our very close friends umhave been um have had to deal
with the same situation and wehad no idea no clue um, we knew

(04:51):
that this person's um parent hadpassed away, but didn't know
that that was the situation.
Um, they did not feel it to be asafe zone to express that, and
so, um, her and I had some greatconversations and, um, you know
, she's going on, uh, a numberof years, um, but the
anniversary is coming up, so shebasically wanted to share with

(05:14):
me that, um, some really goodadvice that you know, it never
becomes easy, it just becomestolerable.
Right, and that's valid, that'svalid, and that's with anybody
that has, you know, gone on tothe upstairs world.
We just learn to adapt.

There's also different, like we've all I'm
assuming at this point mostpeople listening have in life
had to deal with loss and Ithink that they're all different
and we all handle themdifferent.
And I think that they're alldifferent and we all handle them
different and, like.
I can certainly relate to youwhen it comes to loss of a
parent, but not in this way.
And then it's also verydifferent for you because of

(05:55):
like the relationship you had,like as far as the parental loss
, like feeling like you've lostyour mother.
You went through that when youwere 17, when you lost your
grandmother, because she did thebulk of the nurturing and the
raising but this was still your,your birth mother, right so
there's yep, my biological mom,there's still a whole different
um, feel and process to itabsolutely.

yeah, it's definitely a different um feel
than when I was 17, um, becausewe did share a different
relationship.
But then there's also thosemoments where I'm like you know,
you start to think about thewhole picture and you're like
that was my mom and no, wedidn't have a mother-daughter

(06:37):
relationship and 90% of the timedidn't consider her a mother,
and that's okay, because that'snot the relationship that her
and I shared and she was awareof that.
It's not like you know, I Iheld that from her um and she
knows she very much knows that.
That's um how, how we ended,yeah, um ended Um, so yeah, it's

(07:03):
, uh, it's different.

For sure I think, um, you know, one of the
underlying themes of this thatwe hope gets out there to people
and can can, um, invoke somechange is addiction, and
addiction takes many things andthere's a trickle-down effect to
addiction that people don'trealize you know, and addiction

(07:32):
unfortunately took yourbiological mom from you
emotionally a long time agophysically now, but emotionally
a long time ago yeah, exactlyand we hope that a lot of these
messages is a wake-up call topeople that are struggling with

(07:52):
addiction or struggling withrelationships with people that
are addicted.

You know, yeah, I always um want to just advocate
that it's very important to havea support system for yourself
if you are in that situation,for either whether you're the
addict or whether you are afamily member loving an addict,

(08:18):
make sure that you're taken careof before you try to help
anybody else, and for the addictit's okay to not be okay, but
you need to accept and ask forhelp.
That's important, and I knowthat sometimes addicts don't
realize that they need the help.

(08:38):
But I just hope that maybe,just maybe, someone out there
might be addicted and might belistening, that maybe there's a
glimpse of hope, correct, maybethey have like a thought process
that maybe life could be betterif I got some help.
Starting with you know, onestep.

(09:00):
If that means that maybe youdon't get high this this hour,
or maybe you don't go meet upwith that friend, that you know
that you're going to get highwith, like, maybe taking a walk
instead, just one step in theright direction.
Um, I hope that you can bestrong enough to to do that,
because there is light at theend of the tunnel.

This is a hard road and you just have to put
one foot in front of the otheryou would hope that by sharing
your story, if there's somebodyout there that has that glimmer
of hope and light that theirfuture could be changed, could
hear that addiction took yourmother and your relationship and

(09:40):
destroyed it, and then took herlife and destroyed it, and hope
that they hear this story.
You shared your pain and yourjourney and hopes that somebody
would hear it.
And then took her life anddestroyed it and hope that they
hear this story.
You shared your pain and yourjourney and hopes that somebody
would hear it and say you knowwhat?
I don't want my kids to feelthat way.
I don't want my parents to feelthat way.
Let me take a chance now.
I don't want to push Maybe it'sa scenario where they're like

(10:00):
you know what.
I don't want to push my familyto the point where they have to
distance themselves from me.
I don't want to push all myfamily away to the point where
they can't be around me.
Or I don't want to continue topunish the family that is with
me because I refuse to change orrefuse to get help.
Hopefully there's people outthere listening.
That can be impact and we can,you know, help them make a pivot

(10:21):
before the point of no return.

Yeah, the only way for me to explain.
If you've never been in asituation, like I am, where
you're loving an addict, theonly way for me to explain it to
you would be going on a rollercoaster.
That's the only way for me tobreak it down for you.
So you're, you know, climbingthe top, climbing the top and
you know it could be good, itcould be bad On the other side,

(10:48):
you don't know.
But then you're going up andyou're going down.
You're going up and you'regoing down the entire time Good
with the bad, bad with the ugly.
And then the ride is over andyou have the option to get off
and save yourself, distanceyourself, or you have the option

(11:09):
to stay on this roller coasterand continue this up and down
cycle.
At some point you have to bestrong enough to stand for both
you and the addict, and that'sreally the only way that I can
explain it is that I had to takea stance and be the strong one

(11:30):
in a situation, and loving anaddict is an empty feeling.
It always felt like a one-sidedrelationship to me.
It always felt like when Iwould go to try and help, it was
like well, what did?
What do I get in return.
That's how that would be.

(11:50):
Her mental um, her mindset likehow do I?

yeah, there's always what's the benefit in it,
for me that's how an addictfunctions and operates.
It's always very self-centriclike looking for what's the
benefit for me, um and theirwhole support system and the
people that generally stick withthem, I feel like keep the same
motto they just kind ofgravitate towards each other if
you were making the decision.

(12:17):
Whatever your decision is andhow you're trying to handle, you
know, loving an addict, whetherit's from a distance or what
you're trying to do, don't letanybody else's opinion or um
just emotions negative orpositive, impact what you know
is right for you and your heartto do yeah because I think
that's one of the big things.
A lot of times, like I know foryou, you had made the decision

(12:39):
to distance yourself, like earlyin our relationship, and you
would get criticized for it.

Every time.

Even to this day, you'd have random family
members that you know you don'ttalk to very often, that you've
made it clear to them hey, youknow we're I'm taking, I'm
taking my space.
They would still reach out whenthey saw something or heard
something and then try to pushyou or pull you back into it.
You got to be strong, orwhatever your beliefs are and
your convictions are and whatyou decided to do, but don't let

(13:07):
anybody else's input swayed you.

You know what I?

mean when you make a decision.
You make the decision and yougo with it, because it's what
you need to do.

One thing that I heard nonstop my entire life
when trying to distance myselfwas well, that's your mom.
Well, that's your dad.
Well, what about me?
I'm the child in this situationand it doesn't have to be that
situation, but that is what hasalways stuck in my brain.

Of course.

Well, that's your mom, well, that's your dad,
you're correct.
But am I ever treated that way?

(14:09):
Of course in, but that's what Ialways heard.
So you know to your point.
I just hope that, if yoursituation is like mine and it is
apparent.
it's very possible that you'regoing to hear just that, and I
ask you to not hold that astightly as I did, because that
is what would always draw meback.
You're right.
What else can I offer?
What else can I do?

(14:29):
How do I fix it?
Because that's my mom or that'smy dad.

It was very early in our relationship when I had
to tell you because you hadthese things, sometimes you
would defend it like well,that's my, that's my mom, that's
my dad.
It is what it is.
And I would tell you like, fromthe day that I've met you, yeah
, you've been the adult in thesituation.
Yeah, legitimately, since theday we met, you have been the

(14:58):
parent you have been the adult,you have been the mature run in
this relationship.
When it comes to your familyrelationship, they haven't been
parental to you since I've knownyou correct so you're the one
that's trying to um forceaccountability, responsibility.

(15:19):
You know what I mean.
Like it's, I don't know it's.
It's hard to say yeah, it'ssomething that I've seen from
the beginning, but, like yousaid, people will always tell
you oh, this is your mother.

You, you know you can't turn your back on her
right, exactly well, she turnedmy her back on me you know, many
times so that's, that's a toughthing and people are going to
get guilted into it.

I've dealt with it with my family not my parents
, but siblings, you.
So I know and it's like well, Imean, that's your brother.
Well, I got news for you.
I have, unfortunately, severalbrothers and sisters that I
don't talk to, some of them bymy choice, some not, but when
you're talking about loving anaddict, there's going to be
moments of clarity and momentsof hope where you truly feel

(16:03):
like they're on the road tonormal, that they're.
On that you see the glimmer ofwho you want them to be, or who
you know they can be, but it'salways going to be taken and
you're going to be the one leftto suffer.

Yeah, I mean, I had a valid glimpse of hope in
January.
Actually, just before January,she made a new Facebook, reached
out to me and for like a coupleof weeks, like we and I think
we've touched on it like she wastalking to me like you know,
checking in seeing how thingswere, I was answering her, but

(16:37):
from a distance, you know notcautiously optimistic?
yes, yes, I would say hello.
She would you know if she wouldreach out to me and I would.
She would ask me how I wasdoing.
I never.
I was very, very cautious aboutresponding and how I would
respond, knowing the type ofperson that she is, and we had

(16:58):
gone months without talking, andso she would always ask me like
, how are you?
But I would never ask how youare, because I know that
question alone is going to openup a floodgate, to be like, well
, I don't have this and I don'thave that, and da da, da, da da,

(17:20):
this, that and the third.
I know that's going to open it.
So she would always ask me howare you?
And I would tell her I'm, I'mdoing okay, I'm doing okay.
I never wanted to be like, oh,you know, I'm doing this and
doing that and like you're notgonna rub somebody's face and
success basically nope it wasalways I'm doing good.
Okay, thanks for asking.

(17:41):
Um, I'm I at work, hope youhave a good day.
Talk to you later.
Very short and sweet, and everynow and again she would ask how
Paisley was and I would justtell her she's doing good.
Thanks for asking, and that wasit.
Very short conversations, butas those short conversations

(18:03):
grew longer, they became more,more hopeful.
You know she would tell me that.
You know she was off to getgroceries or you know her and
her boyfriend were going to ahotel they were staying in.
They got some help from, likegeneral assistance and stuff,

(18:26):
and I was like, oh, that's great, like congratulations, like
that's awesome, that's a step inthe right direction.
So those conversations kind ofled into a little bit deeper and
I felt that maybe, maybethere's a turned leaf, but still
at a distance like a fardistance, like a couple mile

(18:50):
distance, like protecting myheart but being there as support
um, I want to throw caution outthere to people that are trying
to separate themselves.

This is a tricky thing to do and I don't really
recommend it very tricky likethat's very this is you were
walking on the cycle of herderailing any good thing that
you had built at this moment butyou were cautiously optimistic.
You were keeping it at an arm'slength yeah and and going slow.
The truth is, unless someone'sgetting help, even going slow,

(19:23):
yeah, results in the same result.
Yeah, that it's always been.
Yeah, I know that sucks, it's ashitty thing to say, but it's
the absolute truth unlesssomebody is legitimately getting
help like they're checking inhey, how's it going?
Great, how are you doing?
Okay, have you gotten help?
If they're not getting help,yeah, then you.
There's really there.

There's no need to proceed and during this
conversation I offered to gether help.
You know I she had let me knowwhat she was up to and you know
I had.
I was very honest with her andI said you know, a few people
have told me that they've,they've run into you and you've
been very much under theinfluence of something.

(20:02):
I don't want to know what, it'snone of my business, and I know
that your boyfriend is in andout of the hospital due to his
drug of choice.
You know, I offered help, toldher that there was a few sober
livings in the area, but thesame result came I'm not an

(20:25):
addict, I'm not an addict.
And so you know again, I juststarted distancing myself.
There was little to noconversation for a little while.
Very short, sweet hi, how areyou?
I'm okay, I'm working.
So it started to kind ofbackpedal a little bit and then,

(20:45):
as we talked about before, sheum sent me messages about
wanting to um off.
Herself is basically um.
So this is this right.
Here was I could see that thenarcissism was starting to ramp
back up based on theconversations that were
happening.
Um, so I started to kind ofbackpedal a little bit and pure

(21:08):
narcissistic behavior.
She went from what we call zeroto psycho and she made comments
.
So then we went and got her.
I tried to offer her some helpagain.
So again to your point, I don'trecommend it either.
But it was based on thebeginning conversations that
were like, okay, maybe she didget help.
Ms Thang has something to say.

Well, hello.
The queen of the Libertyresidence has decided the
recording shall not continue.
What shall you say, dear oh?

dear.

Nothing.
I'm surprised you had so muchto say a minute ago.
Hi, exactly that's what Ithought.
Hello, we are being joined hereby our live studio audience.
Yeah, clapping.
Miss Paisley Rain has joined usAgain.
This is a nighttime couchsession recording session here

(22:11):
this evening, and part of thatis because, yeah, we're
recording on a Monday, as youmentioned.
We're celebrating Cinco de Mayo, but it's a belated Cinco for
all of our listeners.

Yes.

And there was a few reasons why you said I'll
join the podcast this week but Iam recording on Monday.

Yes, last session with Missy, my last final wrap
up with my healing with her.
But I also wanted to recordtoday, because it is the day of
555 portal, which 555 is a angelnumber, and I recommend looking

(23:07):
up angel numbers.
If you continuously seeconsecutive numbers, there's a
reason for it.
Your angels, your spirits, aretrying to tell you something at
that moment in time, and so Iencourage you to please just go
ahead and look up.
When you see that numbercontinuously, just look it up on

(23:28):
Google and all you have to dois just type in like 555, angel
number, and you will get theentire breakdown.
And it's rather impressive, tobe honest, because if you think
about that moment in time, likewhen you're seeing it and what's
going on, you'll see that itwill connect with you, your

(23:48):
spirit guides.
They are phenomenal.
So during this process of mehealing and getting the news of
my mother's passing, I have seena lot of 555.
And we generally will reach outto one another about 444.

(24:10):
We have a family connectionwith 444, but it also means
protection protection from yourspirit guides and so that's
really important to us.
We have a family group chatthat you know.
If any of us catch the 444, wesend it out in the group chat
and it just gives you that likeboost of positivity.
You're like you know what,thank you, like I really needed

(24:32):
that at that moment, like Imight have missed it, but to go
back and see it on my message, Ilove that.
So I have the angel number 555popping up quite a bit during
this last couple of processjourney, I should say.
And so the 555 representsfreedom and independence,

(24:55):
suggesting that you are ready towelcome new and exciting
adventures, follow yourintuition and let go of the past
to make a transition assmoothly as possible.
I don't know about you, butthat makes the back of my neck
hairs stand up.
Know about you, but that makesthe back of my neck hairs stand

(25:16):
up.
Because, if you remember myfirst session that we just
talked about in the last episode, that is exactly what Missy was
talking about Independence,freedom and new beginnings
coming.
And during this process ofhealing and going through the
motions of grieving, I have feltfree and I'm ready to continue

(25:40):
to move forward in this journeyand be a better human, a better
mom, a better wife, because Ihave the ability to heal during
this process of grief.
So just a phenomenalopportunity for me to kind of
see that consecutive number andsee it line up with Missy's

(26:02):
guidance.

I didn't really know much about angel numbers
until the past few years.
You and my mom had brought thatup.
I know it's something that youguys have been big on and you
know since, like losing myfather and going through those
things, I really opened my eyesto them, looking into those
signs, leaning into it for forguidance, for hope, you know,

(26:23):
and, like you said, having thegroup family chat.
Every time the phone goes offand it's a 444, you just get a
little feeling of safety and andthat you know, even if we're
not all here together at thesame time, like we're all seeing
the same thing, we're allfeeling the same thing and we're
connected to each other.
So leaning into those things Ithink is extremely powerful.

(26:45):
But hearing what Missy's likeguidance and message has been
for you and then seeing that 555directly correlates with
everything that she's beensaying made it just make so much
more sense for you with thisscenario, in my opinion.

Yeah, I think it's really important for you to
just find those, look into thosesigns and watch those guiding
numbers, because there is ameaning for it.
And in your point, like youdidn't really focus much on it

(27:29):
until it was brought to light,it's like you pass by it all the
time and maybe you see one, two, three, four all the time.
Or maybe you see um, 11, 11 anddon't think much of it.
You're like all right, it'sjust 11 o'clock, like no big
deal, um.
But if you really do somedigging and some soul searching,
you might find a little bitmore into it.
And uh, I'm gonna throw achallenge out there for you look

(27:55):
at you challenging the people,huh I am I am.

We're not talking about like hey, one time today
I saw 11, 11.
We're talking about like yourepeatedly see it, I see it in
the afternoon I see it at nightI wake up every night at 333
like Stuff, like that Randomthings that continue to repeat
themselves and to continue toinvade your space.

Correct and it doesn't have to just be the time
it can be a license plate.
It can be the time it could be.

The receipt you had today at Walmart.

Prime example.
So this morning it is the 555portal.
I'm driving to work, the truckin front of me was 555.
And I've been waking up at 555and looking at the clock at 555.
So after two times of seeing555, I'm like all right, you

(28:51):
know what I'm going to put thatin.
So my challenge to the peopleis over this week, if you see a
number and it can be 1, 2, 3, 4,it can be 5, 6, 7, 8, it can be
a synchrony of numbers.
I think that's what it's called, right, a synchrony of numbers.

(29:15):
I think that's what it's calledright.
I want you to take the time tothrow it into Google and just
put that sequence of numbersthat's the word into Google and
put angel number at the end andsee what it has to say.
Are you going to see somethingcome forward that sparks your

(29:36):
interest or is spot on?
Because you'd be rathersurprised at what you're going
to find.
I will say that myself.

Okay, so you're throwing down the challenge, and
the said challenge is when youstart repeatedly seeing
something, look into it, seewhat it is, figure out.
You know what the meaning isand then, if I know you, based
off of everything we've beenthrough with this, the next step
of that is to lean intowhatever it is you're seeing,

(30:13):
right?
So if there's a message,whatever, like you just said,
555, what was one of the thingsthat 555?

had meant Freedom and growth.

So if you're seeing this, message freedom and
growth, then lean into freedomand growth, then lean into
freedom and growth and then openyour eyes to everything else
around you that says freedom andgrowth.
Now, maybe you know you're atthe supermarket but you happen
to see like a poster with aneagle that says freedom on it.
You turn, you happen to be atWalmart, so you turn out of the

(30:49):
freaking grocery section andthen there's four t-shirts that
all say freedom.
So you start seeing these things.
You're driving to work andyou're listening to the radio
and there's a song free as thebird or it's a free bird right,
Something like that.
So you start leaning into it and, before you know it, you have
an inspiration that's coming toyou Like this these angel

(31:11):
numbers are coming to you andthey're piquing your interest
and they're fueling yourdirection as to where you should
be going.
Okay, freedom, I should bechasing this.
I should be leaning into this.
So now I'm starting to seefreedom everywhere.
What do I need to be free from?
Am I in a shitty relationshipthat I need to get myself out of
?
Am I in a shitty position at acompany that I don't want to be

(31:34):
there?
Do I need to free myself fromthat?
What is it?
Why am I being told freedom?
What is the reason for freedom?
And then lean into it and usethat to help make decisions and
to force yourself out of yourcomfort zone?
Because I don't think there'sany way that you're going to be
getting these signs unlessthey're trying to help you,
motivate you, change you, pushyou, pull you.

(31:55):

Yeah, the nice thing about when you type in
Google like 444 angel numbers,it will break it down for you in
a couple of differentcategories, so you'll have the
ability to kind of break downwhat part resonates with you.
So, is it trust, is it success,is it relationship, is it

(32:18):
guidance?
There's so many differentavenues that that spirit number
could mean to you and, like yousaid, once you look into it and
you start feeling into it, youcould see that guidance in
multiple different ways.
So what we'll do at this pointis kind of flip script a little

(32:39):
bit and we'll go into detailabout how these numbers have
shown up for me and pointed meto the direction, that I am
doing the right thing by sharingmy story, moving forward with
guidance with Missy and how thatprocess came about on my last

(33:03):
session with Missy.
That sound okay to you?

I'm in.
That sounds good to me.
If I sound like I'm runningdown a hallway or I'm in the
back room, it's because I'mturning my microphone off and
I'm trying to do my best.
Dad duty over here, and I don'tknow.
You're doing a great job I washoping you didn't laugh when you
looked over and she had herankles behind her head and a
ball in her hands Like I don'tknow.
Look at this little jungle gymthat we're raising.

(33:29):
Goodness, little jungle gym thatwe're raising Gymnast.
You're crazy.
You're crazy.
All right, so we are going tolean into the science that
you've been seeing.
Yeah, I'm ready for an example.
Give me an example.
Okay, exhibit A Well, thatwould be like Exhibit 7, because
you've already shared a bunch,so you know.

Well, exhibit, yeah, this one, yeah, but that's
okay.
Um, so I had my final uh reikiappointment, shamanic healing
with missy, and, all right, getinto my car, turn my car on.
Oh, by the way, let's back upfor a second.

(34:10):
This session that I went intowas not like any other healing
session that I had gone intowith Reiki for Missy.
Missy now offers this guidedreading spiritual journey for
people who have lost familymembers, friends, instantly, no

(34:36):
opportunity to say goodbye.
So basically, the way that shelooks at this is like suicide,
murder that happen.
So what I'm walking into is Iknow that Missy is going to talk

(35:01):
to my mother spiritually medium, more or less mediumship.
I know this is what I'm walkinginto and I'm prepared for it.
Since my last session, I havetaken the time to do a lot of
thinking, a lot of healing.

(35:22):
I prayed on it because I knewwhat I was walking into was
going to be pretty harsh.
So exhibit A, as you'rerequesting.
I had gone downstairs to getinto my car to go to my
appointment on Monday, and nosooner did I turn my ignition on

(35:46):
.
Does the song Go Rest High comeon my radio?
I'm sorry, I beg your finestpardon, go Rest High.
They don't put that on theradio, to my knowledge.

Let's just say Go Rest High is not on the top 40
for requested songs during theweek, because everybody has the
reminder of a funeral ofsomebody passing on.
It was the first song yourecommended for my dad's service
on the video portion of theslideshow that we made, so

(36:28):
that's a heavy song to throw onthe radio.
Let's just put that out thereLike.

I just want to remind you.

It's like watching the TV and Sarah
McLachlan comes on talking aboutdogs dying.

You know what I'm saying 110% and let's just paint
the scene for you it is about1115 in the morning.
Okay, like we've barely hadcoffee.
Okay, don't start the morningoff like that.

Maybe there was a lunchtime request, for you know
what I'm going to call on theradio station I want a lunchtime
cry.
That's what I need.
Some sick son of a bitch outthere said I need a lunchtime
cry session.
You know what I need?
To ruin my day before lunch.
That's what I need to do.
I need to be as depressed as Ican before I get back from lunch

(37:13):
.
I'm going to shed tears in asmall fry.
You know, big tears in a smallfry.
That's what I'm dialing up forlunch.

There you go.
Someone needed something.
Apparently, that someone was me, because as I'm driving to my
session, I'm listening to thissong and I've heard it 100 times
, just like everybody else.
But the thought to me was I'mabout to go and say my final

(37:45):
goodbyes and I am about to workwith Missy to release my mom
from any responsibility that shehas left here on earth.

(38:09):
My goal is to walk in and nothold anything back.
At this point, I know that Ineed this for myself and that's
what I was going to walk in on.
So no sooner did that song end?
Did the next song begin?

(38:33):
And again, just one of thosethings that, like I wouldn't
have put these songs back toback.
But hey, someone wanted a smallrye and a big rye.

Yeah, did you get your DJ off?
A wish.
What's going on here?

Yeah.
So the following song, samestation was Bye Bye by Jodie
Messina.

Okay, All right.
I mean traditionally you couldhear it as like a breakup song,
but I think there might be somemeaning in there.

Oh, there's some deep meaning, because I've heard
this song.
I'm a diehard country fan andgrew up on 90s country, so heard
this song, blared this song aton of times.
But what I didn't know is, as Iam singing this song word for
word, I begin to just cry,because the words in this song

(39:29):
mean so much when you're aboutto go and say goodbye to your
mom.

That makes sense.

So I'm not going to sing this to you.
Oh come on.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I only sing in the shower andin my car alone, that's it.
Or when I'm trying to make afool out of myself with my
daughter, that's it, no evidence, no evidence.
Car alone, that's it.
Or when I'm trying to make afool out of myself with my
daughter, that's it.
No evidence, no evidence.
So I just want to summarizethis song a little bit.
If you're interested, go findit on youtube, just read the

(40:01):
lyrics.
It's not, it's.
It's a lot more than just abreakup song.

I will say um, yeah, I think when, like you
said, when you're findingmeaning in places that you
didn't normally before, you knowwhat I mean.

Yeah.
So the beginning of the songobviously talks about like the
breakup and so I'm like, allright, you know passing by this,
but I know what's about to come, like the chorus.
So you get through the firstlyrics of you know I'll catch
you later.
So you get through the firstlyrics of you know I'll catch
you later.
You know you gotta go kind ofthing to.
I've got my lead foot down onthe accelerator and my rear view

(40:40):
mirror torn off okay I'mdriving to my reiki session and
the last thing that I'm doing islooking behind me.
That's the way that I'minterpreting this, because I'm
always taking one step forwardand six back by looking at the

(41:01):
rear view mirror, always.
So it goes into say I've put myheart and soul on the line,
said you needed some timebecause my mom would always lead
me in and push me away.
So the next line goes I'vetried all I can imagine.

(41:22):
I've begged and pleaded in truelover's fashion.
I've got pride and I'm takingit for a ride Like I have put
anything and everything on theline, offered help, offered
support, begged and pleaded forher to get the support and it
just never, never was enough.
It goes into, say the thechorus, but then it falls right

(41:45):
into don't think all those tearsare going to hold me here like
they've done before.

she used to do that, that's.
I think that's one of thebiggest ones in the entire song
right there, for sure, for sure.

Yeah, that hits, hits hard, because it was always
the woe.
Is me mentality.
Um, she would have me in thisgrasp.

I feel like the line was it not going to let
these tears say that to me again?

Don't think all those tears are going to hold me
here, like they've done before.

Just like you said all the tears, all the
history but, also, like you justsaid, you're crying on your way
to the appointment and tellingyourself these tears ain't going
to hold me here.
So, don't think that this isgoing to be, you know, the
winning recipe here.

Yeah.
And then the last line in thischorus says you'll find what's
left of us on the cloud of duston Highway 4.
I'm about to close this chapterand the last thing that I'm

(43:05):
doing is looking in my rearviewmirror because I know all I have
to do is move forward.
At this point, that hurt alittle bit, I'm sure.
The next line of the song iswhat did you expect me to do?

(43:28):
Sit around and wait on you?
And that's exactly what I did.

I think, connecting your story and
everything too.
It puts a whole differentperspective on the song and the
way we've always heard it.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, which I think that's the thing about
music.
You can hear a song a certainway every time, but when it
comes to you, when you need it,you know what I mean.
Like when you're open to amessage and sometimes music
finds you when you need to befound and you can hear something
a total different way.

Yeah, this part hit a little bit as well.
As you guys have listened, I'veput my heart on the line and
shared everything, um.
But this line, um, it says,well, I'm through watching you
skate around the truth because II know it sounds trite, but

(44:28):
I've seen the light.

Amen tripe but I've seen the light amen the
fact that it was always.

I'm not an addict.
I don't need help, when thetruth of the matter is that's
exactly what she needed.
It's exactly what she neededwas the help.

There was a foundation of lies your whole
life, you know.

Yeah, and this was just one more of them,
unfortunately.
So to close out the song, theyjust go into the chorus and it's
just Bye-bye, bye, love, I'llcatch you later Got my lead foot

(45:18):
down on the accelerator and myrear mirror torn off, because
I'm never looking back, andthat's a fact.
Because I'm never looking back,and that's a fact I've tried
all I can imagine and I'vebegged and pleaded in true
lover's fashion and I've gotpride and I'm taking it for a

(45:45):
ride.
And that's just what I did.
I blared that song, I sung myheart out and I left it all on
my way there.
I opened my heart.

(46:06):
I truly feel I opened my heartwhile singing this song,
preparing myself for what I wasabout to walk into.
I'm sure, because everything inthis song has literally just
summarized everything.
That's the power of music.

It truly is it absolutely is.
You never know when it's goingto hit you, you never know what
song it's going to hit you.
You never know.
You know what song it's goingto be.
But it's crazy that you couldjust be having a normal run of
the mill sunny day.

Yeah.

And that right song hits you and pops you right
between the blinkers.
You know so for that song tocome to you in that moment, like
the scene was set right, Go,rest high.
Let's start painting thepicture.
Let's tap into all the feels,all the emotions.

And the next thing .

You know we're going to rip off the rear view
mirror as you're headed to thissession, where your main
objective is to get everythingoff your chest and say what
needs to be said yeah, yeah,absolutely.

And say what needs to be said yeah, yeah,
absolutely.
And as soon as I pulled intoMissy's house I don't know I
felt heavy again because I knewwhat I was about to walk into

(47:31):
but I didn't know at what degree.
So when I walked in, missy didchecks and balances and you know
asking me how I'm doing, and Iexplained to her.
I'm really heavy right now.
I left here feeling free thefirst time around and I'm hoping
that that happens again freethe first time around and I'm

(47:56):
hoping that that happens again.
So, um, we went into the roomand she had me sit, um, in the
chair this time, which I wasn'tsure what I was walking in on.
Uh, normally she has me sit onthe massage bed, but she
actually had the table set outwith she was burning some sage.
She also had all of her stonespicked out in a perfect line

(48:19):
which was for all the chakras.
So she took the time to explainto me kind of what the process
was going to be and then, beforewe got started, she lit a white
candle and and left it there onthe table.
Um, so what we were looking at.
Um, she was very transparentwith me that, um, she was going

(48:43):
to journey uh, that's what theycall it um to the upper world
and see if, uh, my mom would bewilling to join us.
There's a true possibility thatshe was not going to be able to
join us because she wasn'tready or didn't want to be a
part of this healing.
I had my doubts, but I also hadthat last ounce of hope that I

(49:17):
couldn't help her in any of theway, but maybe she'd be willing
to help me.
I knew in my first session thatshe had joined us and she was
angry, so I hoped that maybe,just maybe, she would join us in
this session as well.
There was more doubt there thanthere was hope, to be honest.

(49:47):
So Missy explains to me thatshe'll go through.
If Angel decides to join us,she will go through each one of
her chakras and clear them out,clear any voids, and this
opportunity will help her and Iclose this chapter heal and it

(50:07):
will also give her theopportunity to transition over.
If she hasn't, if she's notcompletely free at this point In
my heart of hearts, I feel asif she had quite a bit of work
here to do before she had theability to join her dad, her mom

(50:29):
, her brothers upstairs.
That's the way that I look atit.
So I wasn't sure what thescenario was going to be.
So we get into it and I'msitting in the chair, crisscross
, and I feel on my shoulders asif someone has just put a

(50:50):
10-pound heavy-weighted blanketon my shoulders.
I knew moments after we startedto meditate that she was here.

That's going to be.
I don't even know how to.
I can just imagine howdifficult, how emotional, how
heavy, how just angry, all theemotions that's going to be so
difficult to go through.

Surprisingly, I didn't feel any sort of emotion,
except for acceptance.
Acceptance as I'm sitting thereand I'm meditating, I took this
weight on my shoulders with theintention that I was going to

(51:53):
leave this weight behind when Ileft this room.
Okay, I took the entire timefeeling into that intention of
freedom, growth being enough,the entire time that I was

(52:17):
meditating, waiting for Missy totell me that she had joined us.

And this goes back to last week's episode in
your first session where youwere saying that you never felt
like you were enough Correct.
So you're leaning into like Iam enough, yes, and you're
leaning into the freedom, likethe 555, all the inspirational
stuff that's coming to you, likeI'm going to free myself of
this.
I'm going to leave this behindme and I am enough.

(52:44):
So you're focusing on that.

I'm manifesting all of that good vibes, all of
those good energy, because Ideserve it.
So that's what I am leaninginto this as I'm waiting for my
turn, for my turn.

(53:10):
So as this weight starts tofeel heavier, I can tell that
she's now joined the room withMissy.
Missy has not said a word to meyet, she's still manifesting,
but she starts to move herrattle.
At that moment Missy hadstarted with her crown chakra,

(53:36):
so we're moving from the top,from the head, all the way down
to the foot, to the feet.
She had started at her crownchakra and I knew she was here.
Not only the weight, but, if youremember, in my last episode my
throat chakra was very wascleared.

(53:58):
I instantly felt like there wasa frog in my throat.
So not only do I have thisweight on my shoulders, but I
have this like almost, like youhave to like hard gulp, like
something is stuck in my throat.
So as soon as Missy started tomove down and got to her throat

(54:22):
chakra and her heart chakra,that became loose.
For me, weight is still there.
So that to me, as I'mmanifesting this good vibes and
I'm manifesting what I need tosay to her and I'm manifesting

(54:43):
what I need to say to her,because this is my last and
final opportunity for me toshare with her, in this secret,
safe space, how I feel and putall the words out that I have
never been able to say to her,or I have tried to say to her
and she's dismissed me.
So that's what I am thinkingabout this entire time.
As soon as Missy is completelycleared my mom's throat chakra,

(55:10):
I can breathe again.
I can feel that that has beenreleased.
So my only hope is that she iswilling to talk to me, as I'm
willing to talk to her in thismoment okay so she gets to the,
the root chakra, which isanother one of the ones that

(55:31):
she's actually cleared from me.
And that is when, uh, my momcomes forward and says to missy,
because I am talking, going tohave the ability to talk to my
mom through missy, so missy'sgone.

You physically speak or are you just thinking
these things?

nope, I physically speak them out loud and she
physically speaks back to meanything that my mom wants to
relay to me.
Very similar to having aconversation basically yes
through her.

Almost like you know, she's interpreting
everything back like aninterpreter or like a deaf
person.

Basically okay yeah, it's mediumship, just like
um kato the medium okay verysimilar.
So as soon as we get to thatpart, missy says she's joined us
, she's here.
What would you like to say?

That moment, just hearing that and knowing that,
I think I probably shit my pants.
That's got to be so just heavy.
I don't even know how to say it, you know.

Yeah, just heavy, I don't even know how to say it.
You know, yeah, it was.
I could feel her presence inthe room because of the weight
and the throat chakra, but tohave Missy come out and say it.

You might be faking it, but this is
confirmation.

She basically explained to me she's here,
she's here, she's in this roomwith us.
What do you have to say?

How do you start that?

I had so much in my head that I wanted to say at
that moment, and it was like uh.
I'm sure, and it was like.
I have so much to say to you,but I don't know how to start it
.
And I don't know where to start, so the first thing that came

(57:57):
to my mind is I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that this battle wonfor you.
I said I wish in my heart thatshe was strong enough to

(58:24):
overcome this, and from there Ifeel as though I was in such a
state of meditation and guidancefrom my spirits, from my loved

(58:54):
ones, who have passed on that,to be completely honest with you
, I don't remember it all.

Yeah.

I know for certain that I told her that I was
disappointed in her actions andthat I did tell her that she
hurt me a lot, and sheapologized.

(59:24):
She said to me that she wassorry.
Sorry that she wasn't strongenough.

She said she wasn't good enough she didn't
think that she was good enough.
It's um so ironic andheartbreaking at the same time
that her answer to things wasthat she didn't think she was
good enough, when the one thingthat you felt like you struggled

(01:00:11):
with your entire life was notfeeling like you were good
enough.
Yeah, so her feelings aboutherself.
She projected onto you yourentire childhood.

Alli Liberty (01:00:24):
Yep.

Keith Liberty (01:00:24):
But you were strong enough to remove yourself
and convince yourself that youare enough.
You know she wasn't strongenough to do that, but I didn't
even know that she had said this.
I'm hearing this for the firsttime, but the first thing I can
think about is that here you arelast week saying that you never
felt like you were enough, andhere she is saying that like she

(01:00:49):
never felt like she was goodenough.

Yeah.

That, if you take out of this whole scenario,
should be a lesson for people,whether it's addiction or not.
That says some of the things inlife that we struggle with, the
things that you know we fightwith.
Without knowing it, you'reprojecting it on your kids.
Without knowing it, you'reprojecting it on to loved ones,

(01:01:14):
and that in itself is acautionary tale right there, and
I think that it should serve askudos to you for being able to
break the cycle of that too.

Yeah, it's not easy.
So following that, she sharedwith me something that I found
rather interesting and I justwant to put out there that some

(01:01:48):
people may not believe inmediumships and some people may
not believe in the ability totalk to the times during this
that Missy validated that it wasmy mom in ways that Missy has

(01:02:10):
no idea that she validated itwas my mom.
So as we're in the thick of it,my mom comes forward and says
they're going to give me asecond chance.

She said you're going to give me.
Is that what you said?

No, they are going to give me a second chance.

Huh.

And I stopped and I thought about that for a
moment and without even a filter, because y'all know me by now I
said I hope you're right and Ihope this time you make better
choices hey, you gave a hundredchances, so you're not lying yep

(01:03:06):
.

Following that statement, she said to me I'm
with my dad I wonder if she'smaking the statement that they
are going to give me a secondchance, as in the family that
she's had severed ties with whenshe was here.

(01:03:31):
I wonder if her dad and her momNana Pegg stuff like that.
I wonder if that's, I can onlyhope Nana Peg stuff like that.
I wonder if that's.

I can only hope.

And you know.
Thankfully, at this point we'rehearing that she has
transitioned over, because weknow, and I guess it would
connect the dots right Becausethe week previous she hadn't.
And now she's saying they'regoing to give me a second chance
, so maybe that's part of theprocess of transitioning to
heaven and she's been grantedthis opportunity.

(01:04:04):
I guess, I don't know.
I mean, here we are just tryingto put it together, but yeah
there's multiple ways for us tokind of dissect this situation.

It's a possibility that you know they're going to
give her a second chance torejoin us in another maybe she's
she's reincarnated, Maybe sheyeah, or to your point, maybe
they're going to give her asecond chance and she's going to
be able to join with her dad.
I can only hope either way.

(01:04:31):
But my words to her were I hopeyou make better choices this
next time around, time around.

(01:05:04):
So there was so much said andso much left on the table from
my point.
Very, very limited informationwas given to me from Angel's
side.

And that's because that's how our
conversations were, so even now.

Nothing's changed, no, Except for the fact that I
finally had the opportunity toshed this heartache and shed all
that I've been holding on tofor so long, just bottled up
inside.
I had the opportunity to tellher anything and everything that

(01:05:40):
I wanted to say.
Not once was I interrupted, notonce was I interrupted, not
once was I told.
None of this is true.
Not once was I told.
You're lying, fuck you.
None of that.
It was me spilling my heart andshe was just there in the room,

(01:06:05):
present to hear what I have tosay, and I wish that I could
remember all that I said,because there was some healing
in that, because the entire timethat I am spilling my heart out
, I just have tears just rollingdown my face, the entire time,

(01:06:30):
because the little girl insideof me had so much to say.
I didn't prepare anything to, Ididn't write anything, I didn't
prepare anything.
I just ripped the band-aid offand just let it all out.

(01:06:51):
All of it Left nothing unsaid,good, bad or otherwise.
Whether she wanted to hear itor not, she heard it.
So to validate one last timeand again Missy doesn't know.

(01:07:14):
My mom, and this is veryimportant Missy said to me is
there anything else that you'dlike to tell her?
And I said, yeah, I want you totell her that I love her and I

(01:07:35):
just sat there and cried asMissy finished wrapping up
clearing her chakras.
So Missy ended the session.
And after she ended the sessionand sealed this healing with

(01:08:05):
love and light, as she alwayssays to me, she said I want to
share something with you.
I didn't want to say it duringthe session because I felt that
it was rude.
I laughed.

(01:08:28):
I said sounds about right if itcomes to my mom.
I remember how she was rude toyou at my last session.
She says oh yeah.
She said here too, some thingsjust never change yeah the way

(01:08:53):
my mom ended this session was.
She said all right, right,that's enough.
I've had enough.
I've heard what I need to hear.
I'm done here.

It's the way she would have ended every
conversation that wasn't goingher way.

Every conversation I had with her.

Clearly, nothing's changed Nothing and
the second chance that you'vebeen granted you are going to
piss away, unless whatever yousaid finally resonated.

I can only hope Missy said I will let you know
that when I asked you if therewas anything else that you'd
like to say and you said I loveyou and closed the healing.
So you'd like to say, and yousaid I love you and closed the
healing.
She was off in the distance butshe did yell.
Tell her I love her.

(01:09:53):
Wow.
Moments during this session werevalidated that it was my mom.

Without question.

And that final wrap up, I said to Missy you
don't know my mom, but that washer, yeah, and I thank you for
that.

It's almost as if she had shown up and just been
sweet, innocent, understandingand apologetic, you could have
said like, I don't think thatwas her.

Correct, correct I've learned so much during this
process, a lot about myself,during this journey.
What I've learned the most isthat it's time to put myself

(01:10:58):
first.
To put myself first.
It's time that I focus on myown mental health, my own
well-being, because you can'tfill anyone else's cup up if
yours is empty, and I got to thepoint where I was running on

(01:11:21):
fumes and I didn't have anythingto give, but I'd sure as hell
try, even if my cup was empty.
Mental health is so important inevery situation, from your job

(01:11:44):
To your home life, just being agood human, your mental health
is very, very important.
So, with that being said, I havedecided to put myself forward,
to focus on being a better humanall around, and I've decided

(01:12:07):
that it's time for me to leanmore towards my faith.
I feel I have a real goodconnection with the spiritual
side, my loved ones upstairs,and I pray to them constantly.
When I need help, when I needguidance, I look for those

(01:12:29):
numbers, those symbols, but Ithink there's something a little
bit deeper on that and I think,now more than ever, I'm going
to dig in a little bit deeper onmy faith and find God during
this journey.
I've purchased a Bible.

(01:12:50):
I've had one given to me andI'm going to see where this
journey takes me, because Ideserve this and I want to be
the best mom that that littlegirl can have and she deserves.
I think that's important.
If nothing else.

(01:13:10):
She deserves a strong-willedmom who can conquer all that
I've been through and still comeout on top.

I think that's incredibly inspiring.
I think that it's of the utmostimportance the perspective that
you've put on this, that you'regoing to do this first and
foremost for you and you'regoing to do it for your daughter
.
You're going to lean into yourfaith, you're going to

(01:13:53):
prioritize you, you're cuttingout the negativity in life and
the people and relationshipsthat don't serve you, that drain
you.
You've learned so much.
This stuff has all been put ina whole different perspective.

(01:14:17):
You've made multiple connectionssince sharing your story and
being bold enough and strongenough to come on here and say
that you're going to lean intoyour faith over this.
You didn't just purchase aBible.
You have a study Bible.
You're dedicated to figuringthings out and really

(01:14:38):
understanding God and all themeanings and all the wisdom, and
we're going to go on thisjourney together, because that's
what I feel like healthyrelationships do.
And I just want to thank youfor the past few weeks sharing

(01:14:58):
your story, being courageousenough to share things from the
heart, as they happened when youfound out whether it be the
news, the feeling and goingthrough that there's no going
back on that the power ofsharing your emotions raw, as
they happened.

(01:15:19):
It's so beneficial for anybodythat was listening and then
continuing to do so with theseReiki sessions that you've had.
I think there's a great deal ofpower and lesson and
inspiration for people that havelistened over the past few
weeks and I'm so thankful thatyou did it and I'm so incredibly

(01:15:39):
thankful that you're my wifeand best friend.

Thanks, Sonia.
Are you trying to make me cry?

You've already done that, but I'll throw this
baby's toy at you.
That's not very nice.
It's soft, though it won't hurtyou.
It'll just break yourconcentration.

Well, I appreciate you being here through it all,
from learning my story to beinga part of my story, to growing
with me in this story, becauseLord knows where I would be if
it wasn't for you.

I'm not going to take any credit for that.
You did all the hard work.
God put us in the right placeat the right time and it was up
to us to do the rest.
You know.

Yeah, I agree with you 110%, but I think that
there's a little more to thestory.
I think if it wasn't for you awhole long time ago, shedding
light on something as small asme smoking weed a whole long
time ago, shedding light onsomething as small as me smoking

(01:16:45):
weed a whole long time ago, Icould have just been another
statistic and we've talked aboutthat on other podcast episodes
and there was something aboutyou that meant more to me than
just some weed and therefore Iknew that you were the focus.

(01:17:10):
And if it wasn't for youstanding by my side and also
seeing the true potential thatwe had to grow, who knows where
I'd be at this point.
I could have just fallen in arabbit hole like most statistics

(01:17:34):
, and instead, here we are,growing, striving with our
beautiful little family, and forthat I'm super thankful
striving with our beautifullittle family and for that I'm
super thankful.

It's crazy to think how you know people's
paths cross at the right timefor the right reasons and how
much of a difference that itmakes.
You know I think about some ofthe roads I was going down on my
own as well, and who I could beand where I might be had I not
tried to change my direction atthe same time.
You know we were talking aboutthis with this story with Angel,

(01:18:10):
that you know it's.
We could get into it on another, another date.
But I mean you have her phoneand there's countless messages
that were coming across fromkids that you grew up with.

Yeah, kids, I graduated school with.

Not checking in on her.

No.

There is kids that you grew up with that were
buying drugs from her, lookingto get high with her, making
cash transactions with her.

There's contacts in her phone that say Allie's
friend from high school.
It doesn't say Allie.
Let me rephrase that Allison'sfriend from high school.
Yeah, Come on.
Allison's friend from highschool.

Yeah, come on.
When there's cash apptransactions and you know all
the names on there because yougrew up with them, it just goes
to show the life that you couldhave been living.

I have a hard time walking around town.

Yeah.

Because I'll tell you right now the thought of
coming across any of them inperson beforehand, before my
healing journey.
I would have blasted everysingle one of them, right?

in the teeth.

It still hurts.
I don't have, I don't want tosay I don't have the urge to
punch them, but I don't likewhat's it do it do nothing you
know what I mean nothing.

You know their direction, you know their life,
you know right, right what Ilove to smoke them oh, all day
all day dust the brakes off them.
You bet, you bet it's justcrazy how um life works.
And yeah, life works.

There's some interesting conversations that
I've seen on her phone and inher belongings that you're like,
wow, those people are only init for one reason and that's to
get high.

Another story for another day, unfortunately, but
until then, thank you foreverything, thank you for being
bold and brave and sharing allthis.
I know it's going to make adifference.
It's going to continue to makea difference because it already
has.
I'm proud of you.

Thanks, thank you to everybody who's reached out.
I appreciate that your kindwords are forever grateful.
This is not an easy time at all, but I'm taking it to the chin
one day at a time and stayingstrong, and I'm about to bust
open my Bible and figure outwhere God's going to take me

(01:20:59):
this is a bumpy road and abuttercup.
I'm buckled in.

All right, Until the next time.
Thank you for supporting ourAmerican dream.

Not going to wash you filthy savage.

That's it and that's all Biggie Smalls.
If you're a Loud, proudAmerican and you find yourself

(01:21:37):
just wanting more, find me onYouTube and Facebook.
At Loud, proud American, proudamerican.
Put the face page, as my mamacalls it.
If you're a fan of the grahamcracker, you want to find me on
instagram.
Or all the kids by ticketytalking on the tiktok you can
find me on both of those.
At loud, underscore, proud,underscore American.

(01:22:00):
A big old thank you to the boysfrom the Gut Truckers for the
background beats and the themesong for this year's podcast.
If you are enjoying what you'rehearing, you can track down the
Gut Truckers on Facebook.

Just search Gut Truckers, give them
motherfuckers a like too.

I truly thank you for supporting my American
dream.
Now go wash your fucking hands,you filthy savage.

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