Grace, Gratitude, And Growing Through Grief

A missing laptop charger, a freezing parking lot, and a crowd of costumed kids shouldn’t add up to a breakthrough—but that’s exactly where the weekend took us. What started as a simple pair of charity DJ gigs turned into a lesson on composure, community, and the kind of closure you don’t plan for but desperately need.

We kick off with a trunk-or-treat at Arundel Ford a local Ford dealership, where a last-minute tech failure forced a full pivot: rapid setup, a sound check on a dying laptop, and the rest of the set run from a phone. Not ideal, but deeply human. That scramble revealed how staying calm under pressure can be learned, and how serving the moment matters more than a perfect playlist. Between spooky hooks and sticky fingers clutching candy buckets, we found the heart of why we do community work: show up, bring joy, be steady.

The tone shifted at the second event, a masquerade fundraiser for Seeds of Hope—a resource center that feeds, warms, clothes, and guides people facing homelessness and addiction. Only moments before unloading gear, we realized the connection: this was the place that cared for my wife’s mother during her hardest days. As the dance floor filled, a quiet nudge grew louder: say thank you. She found the director and shared what so few in that line of work ever hear from family—gratitude. It was a tender exchange, honest about the rough edges of addiction and unwavering about the dignity Seeds of Hope provided. That conversation, paired with a church message on forgiveness the next morning, felt like the final stitch in a long, uneven seam of healing.

If you’ve ever juggled grief, logistics, and the urge to do right by the people who helped when you couldn’t, this story will resonate. We talk about practical resilience, the grace in imperfect performances, and the sacred power of simple words spoken at the right time. Press play, then tell us: where are you being nudged to say thank you or let go? Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to help this message find more ears.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_02 (00:00):
A weekend with back-to-back DJ events proved to
be successful in two vastlydifferent ways.
While testing composure andcreating closure, stick around
for these surprising lessons.
Let me tell you something.
Everybody struggles.
The difference is some peoplechoose to go through it and some
choose to grow through it.

(00:22):
The choice is completely yours.
Which one you choose will have avery profound effect on the way
you live your life.
It's a struggle.

(00:43):
Uncomfortable conversation.
Uncomfortable conversation.

(01:03):
What do you mean?

(01:23):
What it do what it hot did do.
Almighty.
Am I so excited to be back withyou?
Oh it's true.
It is damn true.
I miss you, boo.
Welcome to this podcast.
Properly, precisely,beautifully, perfectly named

(01:44):
Share the Struggle becauseeverybody struggles, boys and
girls.
The truth is, chipmunks andsquirrels, if you are willing to
share your story and yourstruggle, whatever it is that
you are going through, that youare growing through, then you
will inspire others to go andgrow through it with you.
That's the point, that's theplan, that's the journey at

(02:06):
hand.
This podcast is properly broughtto you by the fine folks over to
Loud Proud American, aka myself,my wife, my baby, and my mama.
That's me, my mama, my babymama, my baby, and my mama.
You get all that?
Great.
It's a pretty big company.
Grassroots American dream overhere.

(02:26):
We do all American-made apparel.
Our main goal and focus isAmerican manufacturing, bringing
back American jobs.
So all along this journey tolaunch our brand, we decided to
start this podcast right here,share the struggle.
We've been rolling on this forfive years.
We have not missed a week in 278consecutive weeks, and we

(02:49):
continue to do that andcelebrate that because of each
and every one of you.
So, all of you out there, Iappreciate you and I acknowledge
you.
If you are a day one, get yourones up.
I recognize you, I acknowledgeyou, and I appreciate you.
And if this is day one for you,then welcome to this positive
vibe and this positive tribethat we are growing.

(03:10):
We embrace you and we thank you.
Woo! That was a hot little rantright out the gate.
Maybe I'm a little hot.
Well, a little hot to trotbecause my kids are yelling at
me from the living room.
And uh I'm I'm excited becauselater on on this show I'm gonna
be joined by the one and only,the lovely one, my beautiful

(03:32):
one, my lovely blessing bride.
Yeah, that's my wife.
She's gonna be joining me in alittle bit here because this
weekend was an impromptuback-to-back DJ gig throwdown uh
for me and the family here.
If you guys don't know me and mystory, we started a brand and we
travel around doing all types ofevents, and uh, I like to say

(03:54):
anything redneck related is kindof where we fit in, but we also
supplement things with umhosting events, mceing events,
and DJing events.
And over the weekend, I was ableto back-to-back a couple of
events.
It was nice to be able tosqueeze them into our schedule,
and um they they're differenttypes of events for us because

(04:16):
they were all for a good causewith a good reason, and um
that's just a nice way of doingthings, right?
It just kind of warms the heartto be a part of those things,
especially when we turn thecalendar into November.
When you end October, you getinto November, you get into the
holiday season, the holidayswing of things, things cool

(04:37):
down, things slow down, so it'stime to be thankful and to and
to reflect and count blessings.
And this weekend was one ofthose moments for us because we
took a couple of just feel-goodevents.
The first one was I was asked bya rundown Ford to DJ a uh trunk
or treat event, which I thoughtwas pretty cool.

(04:59):
You're um being a part ofsomething fun, it's with the
community, a lot of localbusinesses get together, take
over a local Ford dealership,and um just open up uh trunks
and do like the whole umtrick-or-treating in a real safe
manner, you know, and it givesit a real hometown feel.
And I thought it was very coolthat they wanted me to be able

(05:19):
to um like set it apart, make itdifferent, you know, add some uh
some spooky beats and hits tothe background.
So it was a challenge to findjust some kind of cool, spooky
type tunes, like your classicHalloween songs, but then rock
and roll songs and hip-hop andpop songs that just kind of have
like that uh spooky Halloweenundertone to them.

(05:40):
So that was that was cool.
It was a it was a fun challenge.
And um the Midors with uhArundel Ford, the Labbies, um
they're they're great to us,they're always hiring us for
great things.
Like we do their annualChristmas party and all these
different things and familyevents, and actually it's the
same family basically that I didthe um little girl's birthday
party this year.

(06:01):
So it's always great to workwith them.
So they asked us uh to do this,and part of the request was all
right, you can have this gig,but um Paisley has to put on a
costume and come, and Allie hasto has to bring her.
It has to be a family affair,and it was really cool because
it was her firsttrick-or-treating experience.
So her first experiencetrick-or-treating, uh, Mima and

(06:22):
and mom were walking her aroundand and dad's DJing, and it was
all um really great stuff, and Iwas excited that I was able to
do it.
It was on Friday night,Halloween, and uh it was really
cold out, actually, ratherwindy.
But I started this show offsaying that um I did
back-to-back DJ events, and theywere both a success.

(06:44):
So, spoiler, I'm gonna put thatout front, they were both a
success.
Um, but that I learned vastlydifferent lessons from the two.
And um I had also mentioned toyou guys that I tested composure
and created closure with thesetwo events, and and the reason
why my wife's gonna join me inthe second segment is um it's

(07:06):
really gonna hit home for her.
But in the first segment, thisreally tested my composure and
my patience and um my emotionsbecause I prepared, I thought I
was um on task for this.
I had everything loaded up inthe car, I think the night
before or the the morning of,like everything was was good to

(07:27):
go, loaded up, ready to go.
And the last thing was to throwmy book bag in with my laptop.
And I took a couple hours beforejust to build a musical like
Halloween list.
And so I'm sitting down at mymom's kitchen table and and um
I'm just kind of going throughall these things and figuring
out music.
And while I was doing that, Isaid, huh.

(07:48):
I don't have my charger for mylaptop.
And I worked and continued towork, and I said, Well, when I
was at Freiburg, I had it withme there.
I recorded the podcast from thecamper, maybe that's where the
stuff is, you know.
And then I started walking mysteps back on the last couple
places I recorded the podcast,but I remember I didn't need to
plug my computer in, so I'm likeretracing all these steps.

(08:11):
So while I'm working on thisHalloween list, in the back of
my mind, I'm like, you're gonnaneed, you know, 20 minutes at
least to find your uh charger.
Like, keep that in mind.
I've compiled a list of placesthat I'm gonna go look, but you
need to carve out some time forthat.
While going through Halloweensongs, it was a little more
challenging than I expected.

(08:32):
And I happen to look at theclock and say, whoa boy, um your
clock is ticking here.
The uh event starts at fouro'clock.
I need to be set up by fouro'clock.
I need to be playing by fouro'clock, set up before four
o'clock.
And uh I realize that you knowthe clock is ticking here.
I'm in that window of you havean hour to get all your stuff

(08:54):
together, finish this list, hitthe road.
Thankfully, the location's nottoo far from home.
But um, I I go home and I startlooking in all the spots where I
would find my charger, and it'snot going well.
And I'm beginning to start toget frantic and a little bit
manic, and I'm running aroundthe house trying to find things.
In the meantime, I'm puttingtogether like, you know, my like

(09:16):
Halloween getup, which is notfar from my normal duds.
Let's be honest, it's what Iwould wear, anyways.
But I was a farmer, cattlefarmer, wifey's a cattle farmer,
and our baby Paisley is a littlemoo moo.
She loves cows, so she's got alittle cow jumpsuit.
So I'm grabbing that stuff andI'm scrambling to find um my

(09:37):
charger, and it is nothappening.
And I am going all over God'screation trying to find my
charger, and it gets down to thepoint where I'm well past my
window of when I would like tobe there and set up, and I still
don't have a charger.
I'm frantically messaging thewife, asking her if she knows

(09:58):
where anything is.
She's trying to work, she'sactually in a meeting and
wondering why I'm bothering herendlessly.
And spoiler alert, folks, Icouldn't find it.
Could not find it.
And I said, Well, I've got acouple of options.
Uh I have to go buy a newcharger because I only have 20%
battery on my computer, it's notgonna last this long.

(10:18):
So I um have Ali startresearching who might carry the
uh like a MacBook Air charger,and I man, I already forgot what
it's called.
It's called like a mag safeplug, it's basically a magnetic
charging port, and uh I just amlooking everywhere for it.

(10:39):
I end up going to Staples, theyhave the power supply, but not
the plug, so that doesn't do meany good.
At this point, the clock isticking.
I'm um just watching the minutesclick off here, and I run over
to um um Target and I run out ofthe same situation there.
They don't have the plug.
I'm messaging Allie, I don'tknow what to do.

(11:00):
I'm at that point now where Ihave 30 minutes, 30 minutes to
get there to get set up and tostart playing, and I know that I
maybe have 15 or 20 minutes ofavailable um power supply for my
laptop.
So this isn't good.
Like this, all of this says notgood.

(11:21):
And I'm messaging Allie and uhI'm asking her if um, you know,
like do I have to cancel thisgig?
Like, what am I gonna do?
She's asking people forchargers, like it's a whole
process.
Um, one of my best friends,Jeff, who actually does the
theme song for this herepodcast, Jeff with the gut
truckers.

(11:42):
He's a fellow DJ.
I uh I call him, he's gettingout of work, I meet him at his
place.
He doesn't have the plug either.
And as we're talking, like he'strying to give me ideas, and I
was like, dude, I I've got about20 minutes, man.
I have 20 minutes to be thereand to be set up and to be
playing.

(12:02):
And uh I was like, I I have togo.
When I was leaving, the onethought that I had, the one idea
that kind of popped to me in amoment of clarity is I just
purchased a bunch of music.
When I purchased that on mylaptop, it's automatically gonna
go to my cell phone.
So I know I have some music onmy cell phone.

(12:23):
I come up with a plan that I'mgonna connect my phone to my
laptop with the amount of timethat I have, and I'm going to
download my playlist to it.
That's my plan, that's my go-toplan.
I get there, I set up fasterthan I've ever set up before,
and I go to connect my phone,and it tells me the software is
not compatible.
Like I'm on a different versionsomewhere.

(12:46):
I'm down to 10 minutes, fiveminutes, I would say, somewhere
around there before I have tostart playing.
I uh get on the Wi-Fi, I try todo a download, it's doing its
thing.
I move the vehicle, I come back,and it gives me the same
warning.
So at that moment I realize I'mgonna start this gig with my
computer so I can sound checkeverything correctly, and then

(13:08):
I'm gonna have to DJ everythingelse off of my phone, which
obviously isn't a veryprofessional way of doing
things, but thankfully I hadsome stuff on there.
Me of a couple years ago wouldhave just melted in a ball of
emotion in the corner and justnever DJ'd again.
I would have just put all myshit on marketplace and said,
that's it, dude.

(13:28):
Like, that is it.

SPEAKER_06 (13:30):
It's called a Mag 3.

SPEAKER_02 (13:32):
That's what it's called.
Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_06 (13:34):
I've done plenty of research on this cell phone
charger.
And speaking of Marketplace,found you another one.

SPEAKER_02 (13:42):
We did find one on Marketplace.
Not the exact plug, but it was aworkaround.
Free.com.
Free.com.
It was a workaround.
And we'll get into that one in asecond.
But um I start playing and Ihave, you know, I I think I
maybe made it 10 or 15 minuteson my computer.
I did everything else off of myphone, but I worked around it.
I found a way.
I tried to remain uh composed.

(14:03):
I only had to replay a fewdifferent songs because I kind
of ran out of stuff, but kidsdidn't know that.
People didn't know that theywere coming and going.
Um, everybody appreciated it.
Everybody said it added a reallycool element.
They want me back next year.

SPEAKER_06 (14:16):
The nice thing about that kind of event is like
people aren't coming up to youasking for requests.
Right.
They're just there to get freecandy.
Like, yeah, so you're justadding an extra element.

SPEAKER_02 (14:26):
If I was doing requests and DJing full on off
of my, I mean, it would havebeen it would have been tough.
But knowing the situation andwhat it was, I said, all right,
I'm gonna try to do this.
I can't give up on this, I'mgonna make this happen.
But um, it was as stressful asall get out.
Like, I'm sp it's cold as allheck, and I'm sweating.
Like I'm pouring sweat and I'mfreezing at the same time.

SPEAKER_06 (14:47):
By the time I got there, I brought you an energy
drink, and you're like, yeah, myanxiety is through through if I
can't drink that.

SPEAKER_02 (14:52):
I might throw up if I drank this.

SPEAKER_06 (14:54):
Also, fun fact you just said Jeff from the gut
truckers.
Yeah.
This whole time I thought youwere talking about Labby.
I thought you were going toJeff.
Which I was like, I don'tunderstand because like I'm
talking to Lindsay and she'sleaving the house right now.
Like I was going to JeffLauren's house.
I was so confused.
Like, why you were going to JeffJeff's house to check the

(15:16):
charger, but she was leaving herhouse.

SPEAKER_02 (15:18):
I no, I that's hilarious.
I left our house with less thanan hour to go.
I managed to go to Staples, toTarget, to Jeff's house, get to
a Rundle Ford, set up,troubleshoot everything, and
start playing at four o'clock.
I don't know how they did it.
And um the best thing about thisis I didn't realize how well

(15:42):
this actually went until likethe next day, and Jeff Forrin
sent me a text message and waslike, Man, how did it go?
And then he said, I gotta tellyou, I've been working on like
my composure.
I've been working on controllingmy emotions and not freaking
out.
I can't believe how calm youwere in the midst of that chaos.

SPEAKER_06 (16:03):
Next time I see Jeff, I'm gonna show him my
phone.
Well, there was nothing calm,cool, and collected.
I'm in a meeting.
I have to literally like silencemy phone because it's like ding
d-ding ding ding dingding-ding-ding ding ding.
Hello, help, help.
I need your help.
Hello, are you there?
Are you ignoring me?
How come you're ignoring me?
What's going on?
Where are you?

(16:24):
Hello?

SPEAKER_02 (16:25):
Well, I'm allowed to be a mess to you.
Okay?
That's different.
Absolutely.
To the clients, I must remaincomposed.
But I was surprised and Isurprised myself because I get
frantic in those moments.
I get worked up at a DJ gig whensoftware doesn't work, when
something isn't happening.

(16:45):
And now I know I'm watching acomputer that's slowly dying a
painful death in front of me onHalloween with kids everywhere.

SPEAKER_06 (16:53):
You always call me in when your screen gets split.
You're like, uh I can neverremember them.

SPEAKER_02 (17:00):
I'm just like, I'm getting shot at, I gotta go.

SPEAKER_06 (17:03):
And uh good thing you bring IT with you.

SPEAKER_02 (17:05):
Oh my gosh.
I need to start taking apercentage.
But I had I was even doing mysetup on my own.
You were at work.
Like this was a major milestoneaccomplishment for me.
And when Jeff said it to me, Iwas like, oh man, you know what?
Maybe I am growing up.
Maybe I am maturing a littlebit.
I want to be like you when Igrow up.
Jeez, I'm and he said, he'slike, I've really been working

(17:27):
on that, and I just admire howcalm you were with the fact that
you had like, you know, 25minutes, 20 minutes to get there
set up, not have a computerwork, and you were like, Yeah,
I'll figure this out.
And I said, Well, I guess havingPaisley's helped.
Because in the mix of likehaving poop on your fingers and
being screamed at and themicrowave going off, and there

(17:49):
like a frying pan burning orsomething, and the dog's
barking, and you're just like,everything's cool here.
Life comes at you fast,apparently.
Fast and hard.
Oh my god.

SPEAKER_06 (18:00):
And being shot at.

SPEAKER_02 (18:01):
Wow.
So that one was number one, itwas really fulfilling and
gratifying to see the little oneout of trick-or-treating and
having a big smile on her face.
And when she comes across thelot and sees me, starts waving.
Like you and my mom walkingaround, all that was was great.

SPEAKER_06 (18:20):
And this was clenched onto the trick-or-treat
bucket.
Like as soon as she startedrealizing that people were
putting treats in her bucket,she grabbed onto that thing so
tight, and then someone went togo put something in, and she
like pulled it away and waslike, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_02 (18:33):
Don't take it back.

SPEAKER_06 (18:34):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (18:35):
So that was um that was great.
And then we had a little familypizza party after, and um, so
that was a real feel-goodscenario.
And the next day, um, I hadanother gig and we were running
around trying to find a powersupply, and you found one that
works.
But I quickly learned whileDJing that every song takes one

(18:56):
or two percentage points ofbattery away.
It's not strong enough to keepit going.
So we look, but it was aworkaround.
But thankfully, we only had atwo-hour gig because if it was
two and a half hours or threehours, I would have run out of
battery there, too.
But we figured it out thanks toyour crafty mom fingertips, mom
fan clubs on Facebook.

SPEAKER_06 (19:17):
We get some free parts and we made we made it
work, but I mean, we alsorealize that you have a bad port
in your laptop, too.
So we learned some stuff.
If you didn't have a bad port,we might be okay.

SPEAKER_02 (19:28):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 (19:28):
But we're working on it.

SPEAKER_02 (19:30):
Yeah.
So I took this gig um a whileago without really reading all
the details.
A friend of mine from school hadreached out and said, Hey, I
have this charity event.
Would you be interested in doingthis?
I really want to have you there.
And she's also connected to thefolks with a rundle forward, and
you know, and and she's been atsome of the parties and stuff
that we've done.

(19:51):
So she just wanted us to do thisevent.

SPEAKER_06 (19:53):
And on the calendar, just so everyone's aware, we
have the skylight calendar andwe love that thing.
Like, go to your local Sam'sClub, buy it.
We're not sponsored, but weshould be.
We should be, actually.
It's gonna be on the calendar,it literally says fundraiser
event.

SPEAKER_02 (20:09):
Did I even put it on the calendar?
I don't even know.

SPEAKER_06 (20:12):
Okay, maybe because I literally Because I put like
fundraiser event, and I waslike, I still don't know what
this fundraiser is, but here weare.

SPEAKER_02 (20:18):
Like, I screwed up too because I thought in my
mind, oh, it's strange to dothat on a Tuesday night.
And I was like, I'm gonna DJFriday and I'll have a couple
days left and I'll do Tuesday.
And thankfully, like on like Idon't know, Monday or Tuesday
the week before I like looked atmy calendar and was like, oop,
good thing I didn't do anythingelse.
Because I remember like, I don'tknow, I just didn't I just

(20:41):
wasn't computing, but I told youit was a fundraiser.

SPEAKER_07 (20:44):
That's it.
That's all I got.

SPEAKER_02 (20:45):
And uh I knew it was a charity event, it was an
auction, and then I was gonna DJthe final two hours.

SPEAKER_06 (20:50):
And you said that it was a friend of yours from
school.
I was like, okay, cool, likewhatever.

SPEAKER_02 (20:54):
So during our conversation, I'm chatting back
and forth with Amanda about likehow this is gonna go, and I'm
like, can you kind of set thescene, tell me what this is
like?
And she's like, Well, it's acharity event, it's gonna start
at five, and um, I was like, ohboy, you told me to be there at
eight.
And she's like, No, I have likelive music from five to eight,
and then there's auctions goingon, silent auctions and raffles,

(21:17):
and then you're gonna DJ fromeight to ten.
But I need you to come early andset up before the event gets
started because I won't be ableto have you logging things in
and doing sound checks andstuff.
So I organize the fact thatwe're gonna go there at two
o'clock, and she gives me allthe details, and um I just kind
of pruse over it.

(21:37):
Funny thing here, we don'trealize until like twenty
minutes before we go in tounload the gear that it's a
masquerade ball.

SPEAKER_06 (21:45):
Yeah.
Uh I also don't know until 20minutes before what the
fundraiser is for.

SPEAKER_02 (21:53):
I want to say, first off, masquerade ball.
We don't have anything that goesI I'm not prepared for this.
I wore cowboy boots to this gig.
And I have the biggest bush onmy head because I'm in between
haircuts too, that I wore abackwards LPA cap.

SPEAKER_06 (22:07):
Um people are there was a guy dressed just like you.

SPEAKER_02 (22:11):
Actually wore the exact same shirt as me.
I was like, I'm so underdressed,and there's a guy wearing the
exact same shirt as me.
Um yeah, there's full suits andmasquerade masks and stuff, and
uh, I wasn't prepared for that.

SPEAKER_06 (22:25):
Full opera get ups.

SPEAKER_02 (22:26):
Yes, it was it was bushes and yeah, it was a scene.
Yeah, uh George Washingtonhaircuts and all that good
stuff.
But um you're like, hey, so whatis the charity that we're going
to support to Yeah?

SPEAKER_06 (22:38):
We're like driving around getting coffee, and I was
like, so can you uh give me thelowdown?
Like, what is going on?

SPEAKER_02 (22:42):
Like Yeah, when I get home, I'll go through my
messages.

SPEAKER_06 (22:45):
Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02 (22:46):
We like come home sitting on the couch and I'm
cruising through doo doo doo doodoo doo and you just start
reading it to me.
Did you catch that?
I didn't even realize that.

SPEAKER_06 (22:54):
I definitely got that.

SPEAKER_02 (22:56):
You just get the bluey theme song, and I didn't
even know it.
Doot do I better not do thatagain.
My child will wake up.
She's sleeping, so don't dothat.
So I'm perusing on the couch andI'm like, do do okay, so here it
goes.
Oh, yeah, here's the charity.
Here's the seeds of hope.

SPEAKER_07 (23:16):
Seeds of hope.

SPEAKER_02 (23:17):
And you're like, giving me this.
I was like, huh, I don't knowwhat that is.
Okay, do it, and I keep going.
I look over and you have thislike I just threw it on the
couch look.

SPEAKER_06 (23:26):
Yeah, I was like doing something, and I literally
like came like dead to stop.
And I was like, what did youjust say?
And you're like, Siege of hope.
And I was like, okay.
Hard gulp.
Like, alright, I'm listening.
Like, I'm already like not surewhether I want to go.

SPEAKER_02 (23:51):
Right.
I was kind of waiting for you tobe like, it's two hours.
I'll help you set up the gear,and then I'm out of there, and
you can finish it off tonight.
I'll see you.

SPEAKER_06 (23:59):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (23:59):
And then uh you were asking questions, and like I was
just like, eh, see too hoopy,and you just keep going.
And I was like, uh I looked overat it, and I didn't wasn't
making the math, wasn't mathing.
Yeah, on my end.

SPEAKER_06 (24:12):
So I you're like, what's what's the matter?
What's going on?
And I was like, well, let mejust break this down for you.
Seeds of Hope is a greatfoundation, hands down.
What they do is amazing, isGod's work.
It truly is.
Um, so for anyone who doesn'tknow what Seeds of Hope is, is
they actually have a building umthat they use.

(24:34):
It's a full kitchen.
Um, and if you're homeless ordon't have any food or down on
your luck or whatever, you canalways guarantee um they will
serve you food.
Um, I don't know what the timeframes are, but I know that you
can go there breakfast, lunch,and dinner.
And in the winter time, um, youcan go there for a few hours and

(24:56):
it's called a warming station.
So you can go there for umcertain times um throughout the
day to get your breakfast,lunch, and dinner, but then you
can also go there.
I wanna say that they close thedoors after dinner and then they
reopen them for like two orthree hours in the night time so

(25:17):
you can basically warm up, getout of the cold, and then
unfortunately, they do have tokick you back out because like
they don't have the ability tokeep people there.
Um things have changed recently.
I was talking to one of thedirectors and kind of got an
update.
Um, did some research on Seedsof Hope before getting there as

(25:40):
well.
And uh so one of the main umthings for me is that I know
that my mom used to go there umfor breakfast, lunch, and
dinner.
Um, and it was one of thosethings that I knew she was she

(26:01):
was fed.
Um and so that was likeimportant, important for me.
Um I knew that she would gothere and they would give her uh
a warm jacket, maybe somegloves, um that sort of thing
while she was homeless.
Um so I knew they were doingthey were doing God's work.

(26:23):
So for me, I was like going backand forth, like I have just laid
my mom to rest.
Do I just not go and just staystrong and keep moving on?
Um, or do I go and support thesupport the community and can
support the the foundation thatwas there for my mom when I

(26:45):
couldn't be?

SPEAKER_02 (26:47):
They were there for her when like literally nobody
else was.
And a lot of it not by umanybody else's like own doing,
but she wasn't taking help fromanybody else either.
You know what I mean?
And um, but she was taking helpfrom them.
And like you said, they werethere when nobody else was.

SPEAKER_06 (27:06):
And they do other things there, like you know, if
you are trying to get uh foodstamps or housing assistance and
that sort of thing, like they'llset you up with a um a
caseworker, and um, you know,they'll get you in contact with
um like the housing departmentsin the local area and kind of

(27:28):
help you do your taxes, and theyjust do a whole lot of things.
Um, it's n it's basically like aresource center.

SPEAKER_02 (27:34):
Yeah, it's a lot more than just like a food
pantry or a soup kitchen.
Like there's all these otherthings I didn't even know about.
Like you're educating me as wego through all this and all the
things that they do offer.

SPEAKER_06 (27:48):
And um they have like a um a closet that they
will basically like clothepeople, which is super nice.
And um, your mom and I donate tothem all the time with with
clothes, like sometimes we go togoodwill and sometimes we go to
um seeds of hope.
Like now that we've recentlyjust found out about like Seeds
of Hope that they take clothes.

(28:09):
Um because the last couple oftimes we have tried to go there,
they weren't accepting anything,so we would just go to the
goodwill.
Um, but to know that they liketake clothes and you know what
they do with them is they theyallow people from Seeds of Hope
to go in there, kind of get umsome clothes, like especially if
they're going to an interviewand that sort of thing.
Like they'll bring them to thecloset um and like hook them up.

(28:33):
I had actually experienced Seedsof Hope um before my mom had
started using their services.
Um, when I was working at theaddiction clinic, we used to
have um Oh, that makes sense.
We would send people down there,they would drop off coupons and
that sort of thing and kind ofuh give us their information
cards, like letting us know,like, hey, you know, if you have

(28:54):
somebody who's in need, we'rehappy to help them.
These are the resources.
That's kind of like where I gotkind of all of their information
um initially.
And that was like six years ago.
Um, so before my mom evenneeded, yeah, yeah.
So I already knew that they werealready doing good work, and I
used to send my patients downthere all the time.

(29:15):
Um, so it's it was really nice.
Um, but I did, I contemplatedback and forth leading up to it.
Like, am I am I going?
Is this a right move?
Is this um is this God's plan?
Am I gonna set myself back?
Like I literally went throughlike all the motions.
Like I was like, you know, no,I'm just it's just a couple of
hours, like you're just gonnastay home.

(29:36):
Like, you don't need to go,you're fine, you're already set
up, good to go.
We got the charger good.
And then I was like, no, there'sa there's a reason for this.
Like there's there's a biggerplan.
Um so I ended up going.
It was fun.

SPEAKER_02 (29:53):
I think um you're absolutely right.
There was certainly a biggerplan.
I Never noticed the charity whenshe first reached out because
had I noticed, we could have hada discussion, decided, you know
what I mean?
We this was all sprung on you,you know.
It was on a whim that I took thegig, it was on a whim that it

(30:15):
actually fit in the schedulebecause for the next two
weekends in a row, I would havehad to say no.

SPEAKER_00 (30:20):
Right.

SPEAKER_02 (30:20):
So the fact that it actually fit in as well was
random.
Um, it was all God's plan, itwas all God's timing.
And um, I think it wasincredible that just the way it
all went, that it worked out,that you would find out.
Like before, you didn't have Iknew about this for weeks, maybe
a month, right?

(30:41):
But I didn't realize, right?
I didn't do the research.
Like I knew of the fundraiser,but I didn't know the I read it,
but I just skipped over it, andI was like, last time I talked
to her, she worked for a bank.
So what you know what I mean?
I I literally like don'tremember.
I just kind of spruised over it,or we could have talked this out
for the longest time.
This was sprung on you withlike, you know, less than I

(31:01):
mean, it was hours, basically.

SPEAKER_06 (31:02):
Which is probably a better idea than it's like.

SPEAKER_02 (31:05):
That's why I think it was more God's plan because
you would have sweated overthis, you know, you would have
changed your mind 16 times toSunday, you know what I mean?
Right.
And in this time that didn'treally give you that option.
It was like, well, I guess I'mI'm doing this.
And also I think it was goodthat we were able to go there,
set up, get a little vibe,leave, come home, go back, like

(31:26):
kind of reprepare yourself.
Yeah.
But it was certainly wasn't ourplan.
This just worked out like theway it was supposed to work out.
I also, in the back of my mind,felt like at some point you were
gonna have some form ofconversation just because I know
you.
But while I was DJing, I lookedover and there was a lot of time
where you were just kind ofdistracting yourself on the

(31:47):
couch and just kind of you knowletting things kind of happen.
Um then there was a point whereI saw you settle in and you were
like dancing and enjoyingyourself, but there was
definitely a block of time whereyou look like you either needed
to distract yourself or youweren't feeling comfortable, you
know.
Um there's nothing at that pointthat I can do.
I'm behind a booth just tryingto work and um, you know, not

(32:12):
look like an idiot and plaid,basically.

SPEAKER_06 (32:15):
Yeah, it was a lot of uh a lot of different things
going on.
Like it was, you know, in the inthe back of my mind, I'm like,
um, I just kept hearing saythank you, say thank you, say
thank you, like non-stop.
And so I was you know, umscrolling on my phone, just
trying to like just be in themoment, but also like ignore

(32:40):
this nonstop, like thank you,thank you, thank you in my head.
Um, there was a couple of timesthat I had run into the
organizers, and I just keptsaying to myself, like, we're
not telling them nothing.
I'm here, I'm with the DJ.

SPEAKER_02 (32:59):
I'm gonna blend in here.

SPEAKER_06 (33:00):
I'm blending in.
That's it.
I know the Midors, I know theLabbies, like I Trottiers,
Trottiers, like all of them,they were there yesterday.
Like, I I'm just here with them.
They know me from DJing withyou, and that's that's just what
I'm here for.
Um, and I didn't want I I didn'twant to bring up my mom, and I

(33:25):
just kept saying that in myhead, like, we're not doing
this, we're not, there's nowe're not having our
conversation, we're here to getin, get out, we're here for two
hours.
Like, and I just kept goingthrough that.
Like, I just kept going throughthe motions, and I was like,
There's no need for you to shareyour story to any anyone, like
it it's not your story to share.
Like, just be done with it, youknow what I mean?

(33:46):
Like, I didn't use them as aservice, um, but I saw them help
a lot of people.
Um, so I had like a couple ofdrinks, and I was like, all
right, I'm gonna dance with thecrew, like hang out, like let
let loose a little bit.
Um and the it just kept gettinglouder.

(34:11):
But it was funny because it wasoriginally like say thank you,
say thank you, say thank you.
And I'm like, say thank you forwhat?
Like I'm literally like I'mprobably sound like a
psychopath, but I'm like, saythank you for what?
Like I'm I'm lost.
At one point I heard please,please say thank you.

(34:33):
And I was like, So I sat backand I just started like just
evaluating the situation.
Like I'm sitting, I'm standingat the DJ booth with you,
looking over the dance floor isfull, the they just had a great
like auction, and I'm justtaking in the moment at that
point.

(34:53):
And I was like, okay, I got it,I got it.
Like I'm okay, I'm gonna make itright.
And I think you had at thatpoint just were working on your
last song or something of thatnature, and I was like, I'm
gonna go to the bathroom, andthen um you asked me to settle
up the tab.
So I did, and I like started towalk towards and I walked

(35:14):
towards the the bar and ran intoa friend that I knew, said hi,
did the whole shebang, and thenran directly into the director.
Like bam, like whoa, excuse me,sorry.
Like I had talked to her likeearlier, hi, I'm Allie,
whatever.
Ran smack into her.
And it was like it was like wordvomit.

(35:39):
Like I felt so bad, but I justlike I word vomited on her, and
I was like, thank you.
Thank you for everything thatyou do.
I know you don't hear thatenough.
And she was like, it stopped herin her tracks.

SPEAKER_02 (35:56):
Right.
We certainly didn't expect that.

SPEAKER_06 (35:59):
Um and it was the next thing that came out of my
mouth is coming from a familymember on the other side who
knows that their family memberis being fed and clothed and all
the things by you.

(36:20):
You're doing God's work, and I'mso grateful.
I'm so grateful that you'rethere.
Um thank you from the bottom ofmy heart for what you're what
you're doing, and please keepdoing what you're doing.
I know you don't hear thank youfrom those people, and that's
okay.
Um, but no, the people on theoutside that see it, it means a

(36:41):
lot.
And I said to her, before my momtook her own life, she used your
service every single day.
And I don't know if you do anyof the serving there or if
you're behind the scenes.
I don't know.

(37:02):
Um, but m I know my mom wasgoing there every single day,
and she said, Um, what was yourmom's name?
And I said, her name was Angel,and her last name is Monk, and
she just looked at me and shechuckled a little bit, and I

(37:25):
said, She's not the nicestperson on earth.
Uh wasn't the nicest person, andshe just looked at me and said,
She hated me.
And I said, Well, if it makesyou feel any better, I'm her
daughter and she hated me too.
I said, but um, you know, itcomes with the territory, I

(37:51):
guess.
Um but I knew that she was okaywhen she was here.
When she would tell me, I'mtrying to catch the bus, I'm
trying to go to Seeds, that tome was she's gonna get a warm
meal.
She may get a warm shower ifthey are if they're open.

(38:12):
Um because sometimes they don'tdo showers and that sort of
thing um during dinner time.
And so there were just like somechecks check marks if like in my
head, like, all right, she'sgonna checking in.
If they need if she needssomething, they'll help her.
If she hurt herself, they'llhelp her.

(38:33):
Um I knew there was somebodythere.
Um, and she gave me the biggesthug and she got teary-eyed, and
she just said, Thank you.
That means a lot.
Um, we don't hear it.
We don't hear it at all.
And I said, I can believe that.

(38:53):
And one of her other workers umsaid, We just do what we do
because we need to.

SPEAKER_03 (39:02):
Right.

SPEAKER_06 (39:03):
We're we're driven uh to do so.
And her and I chit-chatted a alittle bit more.
She told me some stories abouthow um how and why my mom hates
her, and apparently she wentthere super late and they were
closing for lunchtime, and mymom was like, Can I take a

(39:23):
shower?
And she was like, No.
And because they were closing.
Yeah.
And rules, who would figure?
Correct.
And apparently my mom held thatgrudge, and anytime she saw her,
she gave her a dirty look orcalled her a bad name or
whatnot.
And she said, I didn't take itpersonal.

(39:45):
Yeah, it was that wasn't her.
Right.
If I would have seen her outsideof the addiction, that wasn't
her.
And I said, You're right.
You're right, you're absolutelyright.

SPEAKER_02 (39:56):
You're absolutely right about the um holding the
grudge part too.

SPEAKER_06 (40:00):
Oh yeah.
And I knew when she said, like Iknew she knew, I knew she knew
who she was talking about.
She's talking about a whiteperson based off descriptions,
correct, and like the dirtylooks, the uh, you know, that
sort of thing.
Um and so she said, you know,there are a few that do hold a
soft spot in your heart, and uh,she was one of them.
And that that to me was anotherlike a check mark.

SPEAKER_03 (40:24):
Right.

SPEAKER_06 (40:25):
Those are the ones that you take care of, those are
the ones that you know come in,and maybe you give them a little
extra.
Yeah, I didn't know that untilnow, but um, you know, she said
that she was really heartbrokento hear um what had happened,
and her and I kind of uh wentthrough what was going around

(40:47):
Seeds of Hope because all thehomeless and all the addicts
come together at one dinnertable and she hears the the rif
raff.
Um, and so we had a conversationabout that, and uh you know, she
was packing up, I was holdingyou up from packing up.
My bad.

SPEAKER_02 (41:07):
I didn't know, I was like, I didn't know what at this
point I didn't think you werehaving this kind of
conversation, or I never wouldhave texted you, but like I'm
done and looking for the car keyjust to open the trunk, and I'm
like, even if you're pinging thetab, just lean out the window
and unlock the trunk.
Like I didn't know you werehaving this conversation at the
time.

SPEAKER_06 (41:23):
And what's weird is like my watch and my phone
didn't go off at all until like20 minutes down the road.
Right.
Like that you were texting me.
And like we were in like apretty well like yeah, on a
Wi-Fi network.
Like Yeah.
So it was like super bizarre.

SPEAKER_02 (41:37):
You weren't supposed to be distracted, so my messages
didn't make it, you know what Imean?

SPEAKER_06 (41:40):
Yeah, and it was just a really good um
opportunity for me to share ummy story as someone on the
outside who doesn't use herservices to know that they're
doing the right thing.
And like even if you know theyare having a bad day and
someone's being super mean tothem, that like there are family

(42:00):
members out there that are verygrateful to know that they're
checking in at seeds.

SPEAKER_02 (42:06):
How often do they ever really get that?
You know what I mean?
Like, like you said, people inthe situation, not a lot of them
are gonna say thank you.
It's not their fault.
Like they're I should say, Imean, I don't know if fault's
the right word, but a lot ofthese folks are they're
addicted, right?
So they're not their trueselves, right?
They're not um really with it inthe sense of like being grateful

(42:27):
and you know and and sayingthank you and counting bustins,
but there's a lot of them thatI'm sure, I'm sure are, you know
what I mean?
But also of that, if you have avery slim amount that probably
say thank you all the time orshow their true appreciation of
all the people that go there toactually hear from family, like
family members, I'm guessingthat very rarely ever happens,

(42:49):
right?
Because a lot of these peoplethat are going there, they might
not even have family left, andthat could be part of the
reason.
You know what I mean?
They might not even be, theycould be hundreds of miles away
from home.
I don't know.
They could have a brokenscenario where they don't talk
to their family at all, you knowwhat I mean?
And then they and which was muchlike the situation that that
that Angel had, but thelikelihood, the percentage

(43:14):
points on the fact that this alllined up for you to be able to
to say thank you is um that'struly God's timing.
It's not this was completely outof our hands.
This was in no no way, shape, orform created by us.

SPEAKER_06 (43:32):
And I think it was, you know, we had a good
conversation when we left there,and you made a very, very good
point that, you know, like itwas probably, I mean, very well
my mom saying, please say thankyou.
Please close up those loose endsthat I never had the ability to,
but now that I've transitionedand I'm not addicted and I'm not
in any pain, I see all the goodthat they've done.

(43:54):
Yeah, um, so please do that forme.

SPEAKER_02 (43:56):
So as soon as you said, like, I just kept having
this feeling, this you know, saythank you.
I just kept hearing this, and Iwas like, Well, that's that's
Angel.
She wants you to say thank you.
And and I'd also said that younot necessarily knowing it, have

(44:17):
had things placed on your path,or you've been put in a
direction to tie up loose endsfor angel.
And you've been on this thisjourney here, and it started
with with the Reiki and theconversations and the tough
conversations, and we've said iton here before, folks.

(44:38):
There's multiple conversationsand episodes on here.
If you guys want to go back andfollow along on those, they're
extremely, extremely powerful.
And you can hear Ali's wholestory on this, and you'll start
to see now as we sprinkle timeand distance on it, how much all
of this makes sense.
And we had this like come toJesus conversation on the ride

(44:59):
home on Saturday night where youstart connecting the dots and
say, Man, you've been closingthe loop, you've been tying up
loose ends for Angel withouteven knowing it.
You've gotten phone calls fromrandom like drug addicts that
were given your number fromsomebody else, who was giving
your number from somebody elsethat wanted to hear a story that

(45:20):
was trying to connect withAngel.
You've had to firsthand tell somany people months later that
she's no longer here.
Yeah, you've been the onebreaking that that news.
You've had so many uncomfortableoff-the-wall conversations,
whether you're getting yournails done and a person that was
selling and buying drugs withher walks in and results in you

(45:41):
almost going fisticuffs in theparking lot, but giving her a
conversation, a reality thatmaybe sets in and maybe
hopefully changes her direction.
Yeah, but you think of thesethings, so many of these
conversations I'm certain weredriven by angel, right?
Yeah and the people that you'vehad to talk to that you've never
seen before, you've never heardfrom before.

(46:02):
Um, it's in it's incredible theway some of these things have
gone.

SPEAKER_06 (46:06):
Yeah, I just got a message the other day from some
random lady, never even she'slike, I've been trying to call
and text her mom.
Where is she?
Is she okay?
Did she get into rehab?
Who are you?
Yeah, where did you get myinformation?
Right.
Like, I can be my hand on theCabela's catalog, eye to the
sky.
She didn't go around saying Ihave a son and a daughter.

SPEAKER_02 (46:27):
Right.
We know that to be true.
The um the the thing too is likeif you think about it now, like
I like we always say, sprinkletime and distance on it.
You look at some of the pebblesand the path and the stones that
were cast to make this all workout.
A detective calls you and says,I have her belongings, and you
deny wanting to pick those up.

(46:49):
Eventually you go and pick thoseup.
That leads you to, you know,burner phones and information
that tells you the truth, butalso connects you to these
people in these conversations.
Yeah, it gives you the abilityto call bullshit when you see
somebody at a nail salon andsay, No, you can't feed me those
lies.
I have the phone, I read thestory.

(47:11):
Like you know the truth.
All these things were placedthere for you to close these
loops.
Like, you've been on thisjourney to do so.
And I we talked about it onSaturday.
A few weeks ago, you went andyou finally had the opportunity
to lay her to rest.
There was no church service.
No.
The next day, as a family, wewalked into church, and we've

(47:33):
done it every Sunday since.
This past weekend, we think andfeel that was the final step.
You were able to say thank youto the people that were there
for her.
Yeah.
Even when she said she didn'twant to help, they were there
for her.
It's um it's God's timing andit's it's Angel's message.

(47:56):
And I think that regardless ofthe difficulties that you two
have had for her to be where sheis now, watching you where you
are now, and knowing after allof this, you're still doing this
for her.
We just went through a a churchservice on Sunday that was on

(48:17):
forgiveness.
I also would would say that thatmessage on forgiveness was also
certainly given to you.
And I'm certain it was given tomany more people that it
resonated with there, but youhave every reason to live with

(48:38):
resentment.
You have every reason to livewith the hostility.
It's because of your heart thatyou live with forgiveness.

SPEAKER_05 (48:48):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (48:49):
That message on forgiveness at church speaks
volumes to this path that you'vebeen on.
And to realize that, like onSaturday, you're saying thank
you.
You're doing these things on herbehalf, and then we're going to
church and we're getting thismessage.
It's incredible to me that umthis is what's been happening.

(49:11):
And I know that there's beensome difficult times and days
for for you and for us.
You know, we've struggledthrough some things as of late.
And I questioned whether youwould want to have this episode
tonight and bring some of thesethings back up.
But I also think that it justgoes to show that you're forever

(49:31):
committed to the fact that whatit is that you're going through,
if you share it, it's going tohelp other people.
And um people should alsorealize that when you have the
strength to share what you'regoing through, I think it makes
people feel better as well.
And I hope that it has for you,and that you can recognize that
I forgive there's a lot offorgiveness in my heart, and and

(49:54):
I've done these things and I'mclosing these loops, and I think
that that is a major help forboth of you.
And I think that you certainlydidn't hear it enough as a
child, and I know that, and youdidn't hear it enough as an
adult.
But that voice in your head thatsaid to say thank you, I think

(50:16):
you you absolutely know thatshe's proud of you and she
appreciates that you have donethat and that you've been doing
what you're doing.

SPEAKER_05 (50:24):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 (50:26):
Yeah.
And uh tomorrow at two o'clock,I will go ahead and sit down
with with Missy and leteverything go.
I've made a another appointmentwith uh Missy, my Reiki, um
Reiki coach, in order to um saymy final goodbyes.

(50:51):
And I I did that in my um firstcouple of sessions, but now I've
done the work.
Right.
Um, we've laid her to rest.
Um I've had these opportunitiesto go to church and now finally
say thank you.
Um, so I felt that there was nobetter time than um than now for

(51:11):
me to make an appointment, um,sit down with Missy, uh, have
her help me um remove the lastbit of um hurt and anger that I
have because of everything, um,the resentment.
Um because of course I'm alwaysgoing to hold on to a little bit
of that.

SPEAKER_02 (51:31):
Well, it's gonna come and go, right?
Emotions are gonna hit you.
You're gonna see something, it'sgonna remind you.
You're gonna be looking at yourdaughter, and something's gonna
hit you.
Like I have all these justflashes from like my dad on
things, so I can only imaginelike the emotional roller
coaster that that you go on overthis because it's a very unique

(51:52):
situation.
You know what I mean?
You're we're talking aboutaddiction and and suicide and
and abuse and the years oftrying to make things work, and
there's all these whirlwind ofemotions.
It's not like a normal situationwhere you're like, oh wow, I
miss my relative right now.
You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 (52:08):
It's very traumatic.
So on top of everything else,yeah.
Um, it's just one more uh onemore loop in the belt, I guess.
Yeah.
Um, and that's why I'm going touh seek um assistance with
Missy.
And she's helped me along theprocess uh this far.

(52:29):
And I think that it's going tobe super helpful um for her to
allow me to release um anynegativity that I have left, any
hurt that I have left.
Um, because at this point, nowthat you know we've laid her to
rest, I think it's important umfor me to move on.

(52:50):
Um and remember her for the goodtimes that we had.
Um they may have been few andfar between, but that's what I
want to remember.
Um, you know, before theaddiction set in and um before
she was so angry and um and itwas like her against the world.
Right.

(53:10):
Um, so I think that this isgoing to allow me to finish the
healing journey that I started.
Of course, we're we're alwaysgonna continue to grieve, but I
think it's going to allow me toclose that healing journey as
far as hearing the news andlaying her to rest.

(53:34):
Um, I can close that chapter.
Um I've done all the work in inthe background of all the
things, all the people I neededto talk to, um, gathering with
family, that sort of thing.
Now it's my time to open up tomy new season of how do I live
life not worrying about her, um,and being a good mom of my own.

(54:01):
Um, and so with the assistanceof Missy, we're we're gonna work
on that and we're gonna moveforward.
Um, but I am so grateful um foryou taking that gig because I
feel like that was just one umone more step towards me saying
goodbye um in a proper manner.

(54:23):
Right.
You know, I if you wouldn't havetaken that gig, I never would
have had that opportunity.
Like I wouldn't have I mean,maybe if they had a like a an
event or something of thatnature, but I never would have
had that conversation.

SPEAKER_02 (54:35):
Yeah, what it what's the likelihood of that event
even falling on your lap to belike, oh, I'm gonna I I'm aware
of it, I'm gonna go to it.
You know what I mean?
This was like a ticketed event,like a fifty dollar per person
scenario.
I'd never seen it advertised.

SPEAKER_06 (54:48):
Like I mean, like I've gone to like a couple of
their yard sales and a couple oftheir like closet, like when
they you know get rid of thingsin their closet.

SPEAKER_02 (54:56):
You might have done a donation, right?
Maybe that would have been it,right?
You yeah, but I mean you mighthave been like, I'm gonna clean
the closet and I'm gonna go dropthis off, and then that could
have spiked a conversation, butbut you never did.

SPEAKER_06 (55:06):
But I mean, what's the chances?
You know what I mean?
Like, because they're theorganizers and they're usually
at Seeds of Hope, not at thecloset.
So, like the likelihood of uslike running into one another,
and I could have run into her atthe grocery store multiple of
times and never knew who not hada clue.
Yeah, no.
Um so having the conversationwith her was so heartfelt and so

(55:33):
warm um that it you know,leaving there like was like
another weight lifted off of myshoulders.
Like, you know, every time I youknow I don't know how to how to
explain it, but every time Imove closer and closer to the
end of that chapter, somethingelse comes off of my shoulders

(55:56):
and it doesn't feel as heavy.

SPEAKER_02 (55:58):
Right.
Um you argue with your husbandon the ride home and then it
changes everything.
Right.

SPEAKER_07 (56:04):
I don't ruin it.

SPEAKER_02 (56:05):
I'm gonna kick your ass.
Question for you.
Did you make said Reikiappointment before or after?
You got in a little heateddebate conversation with your
husband that said book a Reikiappointment.

SPEAKER_07 (56:21):
No, it's actually been on the schedule.

SPEAKER_02 (56:23):
Really?
I can't take credit for this?
No.
Was it also on your schedule toleave work early and just tell
me now?

SPEAKER_07 (56:31):
It's my last day of work with this company, so yeah,
it's been on the schedule.

SPEAKER_02 (56:35):
It's a You literally said to me this morning, I got a
feeling I'm not gonna make itthe full day tomorrow.
No kidding! You made anappointment.
There's no way you're making thefull day.
Busted.
Yeah.
I'm so on to you.

SPEAKER_06 (56:46):
Yeah, I was just gonna show up.

SPEAKER_02 (56:48):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 (56:49):
But I felt like it was a way for me to do me.

SPEAKER_02 (56:54):
That makes sense.
I'm happy for you.

SPEAKER_06 (56:56):
Like I'm ending one chapter of my life with the
company, but I'm also ending achapter in my life of loving it,
laying my mom to rest.
All on the same day.

SPEAKER_02 (57:09):
You just um drop some some news there for the
people.
And we're gonna leave that tothe next time you join the show.
That is what they call the showbusiness, a cliffhanging.
We're gonna leave the folkshanging there.
There's a major news drop fromthe from the wife there.

SPEAKER_05 (57:27):
Not like a booger hanger.

SPEAKER_02 (57:29):
No, no bats in the cave.
Not an election hanging Chadscenario.
Um hanging Chad.
Yeah, that election happenedbefore you were really you were
I was in middle school.

SPEAKER_05 (57:40):
So you were hanging people at elections?

SPEAKER_02 (57:43):
No, no, no, no.
It's election day today, aswe're recording.
So another election joke wasjust appropriate, but I'll
explain it to you.
It was a gore bush election voterecount in Florida, hanging
Chads.

SPEAKER_05 (57:56):
You just said there was no hanging, and then you
said it was gory.

SPEAKER_02 (58:00):
And then I said something about a bush.
I'll explain all of it, Ipromise.

SPEAKER_05 (58:04):
Okay.

SPEAKER_02 (58:04):
It's gonna require a game of poker and you losing
your top.

SPEAKER_07 (58:08):
I'm not wearing one.

SPEAKER_02 (58:10):
Even better.

SPEAKER_07 (58:11):
On that note, yes, I am recording topless.

SPEAKER_02 (58:16):
You were you were wearing actually two tops, but
you might be missing up there.
Hello.
Wow, this just got reallyinappropriate.
Someday our child's gonna listento this episode.
People are gonna wonder.

SPEAKER_05 (58:29):
I love that.

SPEAKER_02 (58:30):
What is wrong with us?

SPEAKER_05 (58:31):
We gotta go out on a happier note.

SPEAKER_02 (58:33):
I am to that sister.
But I do think everything aboutthis was actually happy.
Um and fulfilling and uplifting,and it's this journey of life
that we are on is never ceasesto amaze, right?
Like it's uh that's crazy.
I even had a really awesomechurch story to share this week,

(58:55):
but uh save it.
It is what it is.
This is enough.
People can't handle it, theycan't handle any more from us.
This is it.

SPEAKER_05 (59:02):
Can it?

SPEAKER_02 (59:03):
Can it?
Well, until next time, America.
Actually, find us at the BangorMall this weekend if you're
curious.
If you want to come on.

SPEAKER_06 (59:14):
Yeah.
Till the cat.

SPEAKER_02 (59:15):
Curiosity actually filled the Christmas tree.
You know what I mean?
Come on out and buy somethingAmerican made.
I'll see you at the Bangor MallSaturday and Sunday.
We love you.
We appreciate you.
Thank you for supporting ourAmerican dream.

SPEAKER_04 (59:28):
My American dream.
Your American dream.
Our American dream.
Amen.
Paisley's American dream.
That's that too.
Now wash your hands.
Eat your mashed potatoes.
Take your vitamins.

SPEAKER_02 (59:40):
Filfe animal.

SPEAKER_00 (59:43):
Christmas movie blind.

SPEAKER_02 (59:46):
That's it, and that's all, Biggie Smalls.
If you're a Loud Proud Americanand you find yourself just

(01:00:07):
wanting more, find me on YouTubeand Facebook at Loud Proud
American or the Face page, as mymama calls it.
If you're a fan of the GrahamCracker, you want to find me on
Instagram or all the kids bytickety talkin' on the TikTok,
you can find me on both of thoseat loud underscore proud

(01:00:28):
underscore American.
A big old thank you to the boysfrom the Gut Truckers for the
background beats and the themesong for this year podcast.
If you are enjoying what you'rehearing, track down the gut

(01:00:49):
truckers on Facebook and justsearch Gut Truckers.
Give them motherfuckers a liketoo.

SPEAKER_03 (01:00:59):
I hate to say I told you so.
Make it green.
I told you so.

SPEAKER_02 (01:01:14):
I truly thank you for supporting my American
dream.
Now go wash your fucking hands,you filthy savage.