January 29, 2025 • 54 mins
This episode explores the challenges of maintaining dreams and aspirations in 2025, focusing on the concept of humble confidence. It highlights the importance of embracing vulnerability, learning from mistakes, and reframing failures into lessons to foster personal and community growth.
• Discussing the struggle of 2025 and its impact on dreams
• Sharing a candid parenting experience
• Reflecting on the pressure of New Year’s resolutions
• Introducing the ‘fake it till you make it’ dilemma
• Defining humble confidence and its significance
• Outlining three actionable behaviors to foster humble confidence
• Encouragement to share mistakes as learning opportunities
• Concluding thoughts on community support and shared experiences
If you found value in today's show please return the favor and leave a positive review and share it with someone important to you! https://www.sharethestrugglepodcast.com/reviews/new/
Find all you need to know about the show https://www.sharethestrugglepodcast.com/
Official Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100077724159859
Join the 2% of Americans that Buy American and support American Together we can bring back American Manufacturing https://www.loudproudamerican.shop/
Loud Proud American Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Loudproudamerican
Loud Proud American Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/loud_proud_american/
Loud Proud American TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@loud_proud_american
Loud Proud American YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmYQtOt6KVURuySWYQ2GWtw
Thank you for Supporting My American Dream!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
One month in on 2025, and I know many of you are
struggling to keep your dreamalive.
Whatever the dream is, nomatter how big or how small from
a New Year's resolution to somelife-changing transitions
you're probably facingresistance and self-doubt.
The oldfake-it-till-you-make-it has you
(00:22):
struggling with impostersyndrome.
Well, today on Share theStruggle podcast, we tackle
three behaviors to establishsome humble confidence.
Let me tell you somethingEverybody struggles.
The difference is some peoplechoose to go through it and some
choose to grow through it.
The choice is completely yours.
(00:51):
Which one you choose will havea very profound effect on the
way you live your life.
If you find strength in thestruggle, then this podcast is
for you.
Do you have a relationship thatis comfortable with
uncomfortable conversations?
You have a relationship that iscomfortable with uncomfortable
conversations?
Uncomfortable conversationschallenge you, humble you and
(01:14):
they build you.
When you sprinkle a little timeand distance on it, it all
makes sense.
Most disagreements, they stemfrom our own insecurities.
You are right where you need tobe.
(01:41):
Good lord, am I so excited tobe back with you?
Oh, it is true.
It is damn true.
Episode 238 and I should befeeling great.
But I wouldn't be honest, Iwouldn't be truthful if I was
telling you I'm feeling, oh sogreat.
(02:02):
Nope, I can't do do it.
I can't lie to the people.
It's not who I am.
That's not what this show isall about.
It's about truth, transparency,can't you see?
So, with that being said, I amgoing to start off today's show
with a full frontal confessional.
Okay, let me grab myself aCabela's catalog.
(02:23):
That's a ball.
You caught me.
That's a.
It's a piece of paper, but I'mgonna pretend it's a cabela's
catalog because, uh, I'm gonnaput my my little hand on it, my
beady little eyes to the sky,and I'm gonna preach the truth
from this guy right here.
I just have my ass whooped by afour-month-old oh, should be
(02:46):
five months in a few days.
So I should give myself somecredit.
Maybe this isn't so bad.
Five months, it can be prettyvicious, am I right?
Good God, almighty.
One of the reasons why I'm notfeeling so great is my head is
pounding.
I literally.
I have my headphones on mypodcasting headphones so I can
pick up on the sounds.
(03:07):
Make sure things are soundingreally nice.
Well, it hurts.
It hurts America Like I can.
I can literally hear and feelthe pulse in my freaking brain
right now, because I've beenscreamed at so ever-loving much.
Today, wow, what's today a day?
(03:27):
Goodness Five in the morning.
I get up, bring my mom to work.
I come home, go to the office,get some work done, sneak
outside, do some barn chores.
I come in baby, mama and baby,looking good, feeling good.
They're in a great mood, right,mama and baby, baby and mama,
baby, mama.
Okay, they're doing good.
They're looking good, feelinggood.
They're in a great mood, right,mama and baby, baby and mama,
baby, mama.
Okay, they're doing good,they're looking good, things are
(03:49):
great.
So I take my little bundle ofjoy.
Today's my day.
This is a daddy daycare day,okay, well, it started off great
until maybe my wife'staillights hit the end of the
driveway and then all hell brokeloose and she began to just
yell and scream at me, forwhatever reason.
(04:11):
We tried everything in thishouse, okay.
We had bouncy seats, teeth andrings, this toy, that toy We've
done it all.
The only piece that I achievedtoday was three from 17 to 28
minute long naps.
Okay, that's been the relievertoday.
(04:31):
Well, she woke up around noonand then just proceeded to yell
at me for 30, 40 minutesstraight.
Now I know there's some of youout there listening that are
like that's nothing, lies, lies.
The sounds of Satan rangthrough my ear canal.
(04:54):
Okay, and yes, I will alreadyadmit.
Five months in, I've alreadythreatened my child with calling
her mother, so much so that Ivideoed her, yes, and said I'm
going to show your mother this,I'm going to show your mother
(05:16):
what you're doing to me, and Iknow this is bad radio, but
there's some of you out thereright now that don't believe me.
Okay, you said you know what?
I've seen that beautiful little, innocent little angel of yours
, and she doesn't make a peepLies, lies, lies, lies, lies.
I'm going to tell you thatright now.
Oh, not good for radio Threatbeing made.
(05:40):
Yeah, I'm going to send this toyour mother.
All right, I paused thisbecause right now we have the
camera on the phone on turn sobaby can see me and her, and she
knows at this point my daddy.
He's taking receipts right now.
(06:03):
This is evidence.
This is going to go to my mamaand my meemaw so she's
contemplating whether she shouldjust pack it up and give in
right now, because I bet on hershoes.
I've been at home giving my moma whale of a time and heard
those words you wait till yourfather gets home.
I know, split decision here,princess.
(06:24):
You got to think what are yougonna do?
She's thinking Decision's beenmade.
The only time she stops isbecause she's regaining air.
Oh, I'm telling you, mother,she's gonna call the authorities
.
That's you.
That's you being angry.
She's going to call theauthorities.
(06:44):
That's you.
That's you being angry.
She's wailing, you're angry.
Look, you don't even look thesame, being that angry.
Oh God, that's not cool.
No, no, yeah, that's aboutenough of that.
But that's a little snippet,that's a little screenshot right
there.
Hopefully that's not absolutelyhorrid radio, but that
(07:09):
proceeded for like 35, 45minutes.
We came to the conclusion we'regoing for a ride, you're getting
in the car, we're leaving.
We're going to get Meemaw early, put her in the truck, she
calms down, has a nice bottle.
We go for a little Sundaycruise.
We arrive at Meemaw's workshoot, maybe a half an hour
(07:34):
early, and we were.
My decision was going to be ifwe arrive at work and she's able
to get in the shopping cart andcruise around the shahs, then
we'll do that.
If she's sleeping, we ain'tmoving.
So we arrived a half an hourearly, she's out, I'm not moving
.
Then my mom proceeds to be ahalf an hour late getting out of
work.
So we arrived a half an hourearly.
She's out, I'm not moving.
Then my mom proceeds to be ahalf an hour late getting out of
work.
So we put some quality time inin the parking lot, but threats
were made today.
Video footage was recorded.
(07:55):
Today, the best part about thisis my mom gets in the car and
she's all happy for me, ma right, and we're driving along and my
mom says what's up with you?
You okay Rough day.
And I said, yeah, real roughday.
And then I begin to tell herwhat my day is like and when
this happens, all littlePaisley's just staring at me
like you're going to do thisright now.
(08:16):
You're going to do this infront of me.
You're going to tell my me, ma,right now, like you're not
going to give me the benefit ofstarting off on a fresh note
with my meemaw.
No, you're not gonna do this.
I take the phone out and I playfor my mother what I just played
for you, and that baby looks atme and shoots daggers through
(08:38):
my soul like you, asshole,you're gonna, you're going to
sail me up the river to myMeemaw.
She was devastated and she justlooked at her Meemaw like he
made that up.
None of this happened.
And then she pouted the entireway home Like literally my mom's
, like is she okay?
What's wrong with her?
And I said, oh no, she knowsthat mistakes were made.
(09:00):
She knows mistakes were made.
She knows Mistakes were made,oh my God.
So I'm trying to regain mycomposure and I'm trying to Pull
up my big daddy pants.
Okay, big daddy pants, is thata thing?
I'm going to buckle upButtercup, because I'm getting
ready for a positive episode.
But for me to reach thedecibels and the octaves that it
(09:23):
requires to properly transformmy energy, to transfer this
enthusiasm to you through yourheadphones, through your radios,
I've got to get vocal.
It hurts my head.
It hurts my head.
It hurts my head.
Oh, I think I earned my daddybadge today.
I know I got a whole road aheadof me, but I'm like what's the
(09:45):
first degree of a karate belt?
What is it?
Brown Pink?
I don't know.
I earned my brown belt today.
I got my daddy badge In theworld of Girl Scouts and Boy
Scouts.
Don't know, I earned my brownbelt today.
I got my daddy badge In theworld of Girl Scouts and Boy
Scouts, don't?
You earn badges for thingsMerit badges, not to be confused
with a participation trophy butyou earn something.
(10:06):
Well, today I earned a daddybadge because I had my ass
handed to me by a five-month-old, but I stood my ground.
Might almost cry a few times,but I-month-old but I stood my
ground, might almost cry a fewtimes, but I made it through it
and I'm here to talk about it.
We lived.
Nobody was harmed in the makingof today's episode.
You understand, we made it.
Brown belt Earned Gotcha.
(10:50):
All right, all right, all right.
You know what, guys?
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you for letting me vent,thank you for letting me express
myself.
Okay, we had ourselves a fullfrontal confessional.
I feel great, I feel relieved,I feel like we've exercised the
(11:13):
demons.
Whew, honestly, it feels good.
It feels good to share.
It feels good to know that it'sokay to share.
It feels good to know that thisis the giving tree.
We've got the circle ofvulnerability here, that we've
established this little positivevibe, this little positive
(11:33):
tribe that we've got going onhere.
Don't forget, if you are amember of this positive tribe
and you want to share thispositive vibe, because Lord
knows, this world needs it.
Please share the show withsomeone you know, help it
blossom, help it grow.
Find all things podcast relatedover to
(11:54):
wwwsharetheshrugglepodcastcom,also available on all major
platforms.
I do believe, all right guys youlet me share a few things.
I was vulnerable.
I was willing to say, hey, Idon't know what I'm doing and
I'm going to share to you me notknowing what the hell I'm doing
(12:17):
.
An effort to, number one, getit off my chest.
Number two, I'm sure that I'mgoing to get some feedback over
this and we're going to learnand we're going to grow.
And that's going to kind ofblend into where we're going on
today's show Because, as we'vealready said to open the show,
we almost have completed thefirst month of 2025.
(12:39):
Now I know we all come into anew year with a new outlook.
At least, I hope that we doright.
You come into a new year hopingfor new things, new
possibilities, and we startdreaming about what can be, what
could be and what should be, aslong as we are willing to apply
and try to attain those goals.
So some of us will do the.
I guess you would call it likeprototypical or, you know,
(13:03):
stereotypical New Year'sresolutions.
I think they've lost steam andpeople have given up on doing a
lot of those.
But some people still do those.
And if you don't do a NewYear's resolution, maybe you're
like me.
But you set some goals and youuse that pre-prescribed flipping
of the calendar to set thosegoals, to cause and effect the
(13:25):
new year, to sit back andreflect on the previous year,
look at where you've been andwhere you want to go, and you
start to forecast those thingsright.
So, whether you have a NewYear's resolution, or you put
something down in your dreambook, or you put something down
in your calendar that you'reshooting for, or you just set
that goal in your mind.
We talked about finding ourguiding words and living our
(13:46):
year off of those guiding words,and I talked about courage and
sacrifice and how I'm makingdecisions based off of courage
and sacrifice.
Well, here's the truth, guys.
At this point in the year, mostpeople, most of the population
I forgot the number, it's likeover 80% of the population have
already given up on thosepositive commitments they've
(14:09):
made, whether they've committedto making a new habit or
breaking an old habit, positivesteps of action for that
promotion.
They want to apply for a newjob, they want to look for a new
career, start a new business,become the entrepreneur, lose
the weight, get the date,whatever the hell it is.
Y'all have probably set somegoals and I feel, like the
(14:29):
majority of the Americanpopulation, you have given up on
those goals, and I don'tbelieve you to be some of those
people.
Or, if we're already losingsight of those goals, let
today's episode of the podcastbe that cautionary tale that
helps you reel those goals backin, to realize the level of
priority that we should put onthose goals.
(14:50):
This is our day, you see.
This is our day to recapturethose goals.
Because here's the thing I'vedone a lot of things in my life,
cold.
I've done a lot of things blind.
Just jump in and try to swim.
Spoiler alert, I can't swim.
So if you see me jumping intosome water that's over my head
(15:12):
when I can't stand up and savemyself, be very cautious and
please be willing to jump in andsave it.
But that's besides the point.
What I'm trying to say here,folks, is that as we start
chasing these dreams or thesegoals, these habits no matter
how big or how small if it'sbreaking a habit, making a habit
, or if it's taking the leap offaith to start the business, to
(15:35):
quit the job to chase the dream.
You understand, whatever thatvarying degree is, there's some
concepts that go hand in hand,no matter how great the
challenge might be.
Now, for me, there's onephilosophy that was taught to me
that I'm confident was taughtto everybody listening today,
and that is fake it till youmake it, and I think we've all
(16:00):
implemented that strategy fromtime to time.
Now, if you're a day onelistener and you've been
listening to share the strugglepodcast from day one all the way
back in July 2020, you've heardsome confessionals from me
about leaving a career to chasea dream, leaving something that
I felt I was one of the absolutebest at, and then diving into a
(16:24):
pool literally not knowing howto swim, because I had no
ever-loving clue how to designapparel, how to retail apparel,
how to design anything.
I couldn't draw you a stickfigure on a napkin, never mind
design a shirt that I need tosell and support my family.
So I took the cold plunge and Ijumped into this business
because I had a dream ofproviding an all American made
(16:46):
product.
I wanted to design a brand thatcaptured the American spirit,
that represented the Americanspirit, by only offering
American manufactured products.
That was my goal, but I had noclue how to do it, so I just
took a risk and what I did was Itook my savings and everything
I had and I threw it at someequipment and I tried.
And that might not have beenthe best decision, but it was an
(17:09):
investment in my education.
It was, in my opinion.
As I now sprinkle time anddistance on it, it was my
education.
As I now sprinkle time anddistance on it, it was my
education.
It was my college degree, yousee.
So speaking college degrees, Imean clearly I don't have one.
I had to go to night school tolearn how to do different
designs and learn how to useAdobe, because I didn't have a
clue.
But I had to get out there andfail.
(17:30):
I had to fail forward, fail myway into having an ever-loving
clue about what it is that I'mtrying to do.
Now, one of the key ingredientsin this whole method of the
madness for me was fake it tillyou make it.
Just get out there and do itand I felt wholeheartedly.
(17:50):
I felt like an absolute fraud.
I felt like a complete freakingfraud, like I had no clue what
I was doing.
When I came from a business anda profession and a career where
I felt like I knew almosteverything and I could get into
any situation and work my wayout of it.
I now jumped into a situationwhere I know nothing and I can't
(18:12):
work my way into anything butfailures.
I know nothing and I can't workmy way into anything but
failures.
In my previous career I couldfish out the new me, you
understand.
I could find the noob, I couldsmell the dude that had no clue
what he was doing.
So as I jumped into this newcareer and this new profession,
I was out there trying to fakemy way through it and I could
(18:37):
not help but deal with thefeeling that everybody around me
knew I was a fake ass, mofo.
That's how I felt.
And if you've been listeningalong and you've heard some of
these episodes, you've heard mestumble into a little thing
called imposter syndrome, whereyou just start telling yourself
you're not authentic, you're notthe truth.
You just start beating yourselfup and making yourself
convinced that you're theknockoff collection.
You are a designer, imposterbag and you just don't belong.
(19:01):
You're not Louis Vuitton,you're Vidal Sasan.
I don't know, that was a badone.
You're not Louis Vuitton,you're Louis Vachon.
That's better.
You're not Louis Vuitton,you're Louis Vachon.
That's better.
You're not Louis Vuitton,you're Louis Vachon.
Okay, y'all went to school atone point in your life instead
of the Nikes, you had the Mikeys.
All right, I felt like theMikeys.
(19:24):
I felt like the Louis Vachons,that I was the knockoff.
So when I put myself into asituation where I had to
represent myself and my brandand to be confident in who I was
and what I was doing, Icouldn't do it, because the
truth for me is to sell me or tosell what I'm doing, I need to
believe in it.
(19:44):
I didn't believe in my product,I didn't believe in my
abilities.
So the whole notion of fake ittill you make it was crushing me
.
I couldn't get over it.
I spent every day trying to getover the self-doubt that I
created.
From the previous day.
All the failures were startingto stack up and they were
starting to just push me downand I could not get over the
(20:07):
fact that I was designer.
Imposter bag right, I was thefake handbag.
I was the fake shoes.
The imposter syndrome right, Iwas the fake handbag, I was the
fake shoes.
The imposter syndrome wastaking over.
Self-doubt was the only thingfilling my mind.
So I wasn't confident in who Iwas, where I was, what I was
doing.
So by doing that and feelingthat way, by trying to fake it
(20:28):
till I make it, did I make it?
Did I get through that?
Yes, but it was an absolutestruggle fest and my feelings
and my emotions and my struggle,I unfortunately threw all that
on the plates of my family.
I threw all that on the platesof my loved ones Because when
(20:50):
they would just ask thatquestion about how things are
going, it was like you couldjust pull the cord behind my
back, that little pull cord thatgets the toys running across
the floor.
You would pull that and I wouldjust regurgitate and throw up
all over your face all theself-doubt and ridiculous that
was going on in my brain.
That is how fake it till youmake it was affecting me.
Now, did I get through it?
Yes, can you do it?
(21:12):
Yes.
Is there a more effective way toget through life and to try new
things?
Lord, I do believe there is,and we might have stumbled onto
something today that I'm excitedto share with each and every
one of you, and I'm hoping, bysharing this.
It can help you to pull throughwhatever it is you are striving
for.
Is there some hopes and dreamsand goals and aspirations that
(21:34):
are on your plate, that are inyour mind, that's in your heart,
that you are beginning to losesight of or to let go?
There's some things that, likethe rest of society, we're
starting to lose sight of.
I want to change those ways andfor those of you that are
jumping in and trying big, majorthings you're giving up on the
career to chase the dream andyou've been faking it until you
(21:58):
make it I want to sprinkle somenew stuff on you to help reframe
and kind of change the way thatyou look at things.
Because, as we've always said,perception is reality and
whatever you perceive to beshall be.
So that goes hand in hand withme faking it till I make it.
Then whatever you perceive tobe, shall be.
So that goes hand in hand withme faking it till I make it.
I was trying to put out theperception that I was successful
(22:19):
.
I was putting out theperception that I was making it
and that if I could just getalong enough, if I could just
stack enough days up, eventuallyI'd be making it.
But if the perception that Ihad of myself was that I was a
freaking fraud, that I was afake, then that was my reality.
So, in doing some research andtrying to think about ways to
(22:40):
overcome some of these thingsand just stumbling upon
motivation, I listened to a TEDTalk today that spiraled this
whole conversation A nice 15 or20 minute TED Talk from a dude
named Chris Kelso.
No clue who the guy is.
I probably should have donesome more research to look into
who he is and what he's done inlife.
But guess what?
My baby chewed my ass up today.
(23:03):
So I might not be as preparedas we should be.
But that's besides the point,chris Kelso.
He has a TED talk out therethat says three steps to finding
confidence, and this is goingto go hand in hand in the face
of fake it till you make it.
So we're going to battle fakeit till you make it with a new
(23:25):
concept and a new quality thatwe should all try to possess,
and that is humble confidence.
Now, humble confidence seems alittle ironic because they
almost seem like two totaldifferent things.
When you hear them, your firstimpression on them is humble and
confident.
That doesn't really make a lotof sense.
So, to make a little bit ofsense of this, we're going to
(23:47):
flip on over to the olddictionary.
Yes, we're going to thedictionary.
We're going to look up adefinition here, folks Humble.
The definition of humble ishaving or showing a modest or
low estimate of one's importance, having or showing a modest or
low estimate of one's importance.
(24:07):
Now, for me, when I think abouthumble, I don't think about
selling myself short or having alow belief in myself.
I think of humble of, you know,not going out there and just
being like I'm the best son of abitch, like when you see some
of these, you know celebrities,like you know let's go to music
because they're not as annoyingas actors.
(24:31):
So maybe they are, I don't know, maybe they're all, maybe all
celebrities are annoying, butthe ones that I like come off as
humble.
The ones that I like are theones that when they give a thank
you speech, they start off withI want to thank God and my
family, and they just kind ofhave that modest, humble tone to
them, right?
But by definition, humble ishaving or showing a modest or
low estimate of one's importance.
(24:52):
So you're putting out the imagethat you're not really
overvaluing the gifts that youpossess right and confidence.
There's a few definitions we'regoing to dig into.
And digging into the first oneis confidence is the feeling or
belief that one can rely onsomeone or something.
(25:15):
So the feeling or belief thatyou can rely on yourself or
someone else or something.
I have confidence in thatperson or myself.
The next definition given isthe state of feeling certain
about the truth of something.
I'm confident.
I'm confident in that statement.
I perceive that to be true.
(25:35):
I am feeling 100% certain thatwhat that statement is truth.
That's confidence.
The last definition I have is afeeling of self-assurance from
one's appreciation of one's ownabilities or qualities.
You can have self-confidencebecause you are confident in
your own abilities.
I am confident in who I am.
(25:57):
I appreciate who I am.
I'm confident of what I can getdone.
I know the abilities, I know myown personal qualities.
I can begin to develop a greatdeal of confidence in knowing
those things.
Hey, this is who I am, this iswhat I do, this is how I do it
and I feel great about all threeof those.
Now, as I break down thosedefinitions, you might be
sitting back going.
(26:17):
You're right, that doesn't makesense Humble and confident.
I don't think those two gotogether.
Well, I would beg of you toslow down, cinderella.
We're going somewhere.
Getting back to the TED Talk,they referenced an author, rick
Warren, who said humility is notthinking less of yourself, it's
thinking of yourself less.
(26:39):
Now we're getting somewhere.
I'm starting to love this.
Let's spell it out one moretime Humility is not thinking
less of yourself, it's thinkingof yourself less.
It does not mean you have a lowopinion of yourself.
It just means you quit worryingabout what everyone else thinks
of you.
It's not one of the biggestkeys to life?
(27:00):
Honestly, if we could just getover everybody else's opinion of
us, we can live a hell of a lotbetter.
And I'm telling you, we allhave some people in our life
that possess a greater level ofability in doing so, but I'm
willing to guarantee noteverybody's perfect at this.
If we all were going to havethat full frontal confessional,
we could all be better atworrying less and caring less
(27:24):
about other people's opinions.
So, getting back to thedefinition, humility is not
thinking less of yourself, it'sthinking of yourself less.
I'm not beating myself up.
I'm not thinking that.
You know, I'm some overweightslouch who's out here pretending
to own an apparel brand.
I'm not putting those thoughtsinto my head, I'm just thinking
(27:46):
of myself less right.
I'm not allowing the self-doubtto take over.
I'm not letting thosecontrolling conversations in my
mind disrupt my day.
So it does not mean you have alow opinion of yourself Ever.
Love and know you don't have tothink negative about yourself.
It just means that you quitworrying about what everybody
(28:09):
else thinks of you.
If we kind of peel back theonion and we go back a few
minutes ago to me talking aboutstarting this brand and knowing
that I was the new but I had noclue what I was doing, those
first few events that I did whenI was lined up next to other
big brands and businesses and Ifelt like an imposter, I put
that in my mind, right.
(28:30):
I put in my mind that, hey, Idon't belong here and I
perceived that the person nextto me was believing that to be
true.
I worried more about theiropinion, thinking they're over
there seeing right through me.
This guy has no clue what he'sdoing, he doesn't belong here,
he shouldn't be here.
The moment that I startworrying less about what those
(28:52):
other people think, I startmoving in a much more positive
direction, and I mean that'skind of an obvious statement,
right.
But there are behaviors that wecan tap into to develop this
humble confidence.
Having the humility to notthink less of yourself but not
think about yourself so much,and focusing on not talking
(29:17):
negative to yourself andworrying a hell of a lot less
about what other people sayabout you that is a humble
confidence.
You're confident in yourself.
I'm not going to spend a bunchof time talking about myself,
but I'm also not going to letyou downplay myself.
That is a humble confidence.
So, my fellow loud, proudAmericans, shall I ask you this
(29:38):
Are you interested in growingand developing your humble
confidence?
Are you interested in worryinga hell of a lot less about what
other people think?
Are you interested in feelingconfident about yourself, not
talking down to yourself?
Are you interested in thathumble confidence?
Hmm, well, I expect this momentin time everybody is answering
(30:01):
a resounding yes, because if not, you're completely a full of
caca.
That's French for shit.
I think Made that up.
Good news there are threebehaviors that we can talk about
, actionable steps we can taketo develop some humble
(30:21):
confidence.
Now, the first one is gettingcomfortable with.
I don't know, but when you letthat stew a little bit, you can
raise the old goose pimples, theold goose bumpskies on your
arms right.
Get comfortable with I don'tknow.
(30:44):
I don't know, I didn't mean touse it right there.
Wow, okay, we found ourselvesin a tricky situation here.
I don't know of something thatcan make me feel more
uncomfortable than legitimatelynot knowing right.
That's the truth.
We pride ourselves as freakinghumans on knowing anything and
(31:09):
everything and the fact that wehave Google in the palm of our
hands.
Every 11 of you is an expert onany freaking thing in the world
.
We all pride ourselves inhaving an answer, whether that
answer is right, wrong orindifferent.
I've got an answer and bygiving you that answer, I can
prove to you that I know whatthe hell I'm talking about.
Well, truth is, you don't.
(31:30):
How many times have you backedyourself in a corner because you
thought you had to give ananswer?
Like, have you put yourself inthe position of like being a
professional in a certain areaand then said novice, the new
guy, the rookie, comes up andasks you a question that stumps
(31:51):
you, but you put so muchpressure on yourself and being
the professional in this area ofexpertise that you feel like
you need to give an answer.
So, instead of knowing theanswer, you just kind of talk
your way around, hoping that atsome point, some way, somehow,
the right message is going to bedelivered here and this person
is going to get something fromthis and they're going to walk
off going.
See, he did know what he wastalking about.
(32:14):
I've done that as a new managerin my life.
I've been in those situationswhere I felt that when a new
employee came to me with aquestion or a struggle or a
situation, I felt like I neededto provide an answer to validate
who I am and my position as anauthority figure.
I got to answer this question.
(32:35):
The truth is, there's a lotmore strength in being
vulnerable and straight upleveling in that situation and
saying I don't frigging know.
Now, first things first.
It's hard as shit to admit itright.
It's almost impossible to admitthat we don't know something
because we always want to soundit right.
It's almost impossible to admitthat we don't know something
(32:55):
because we always want to soundsmart right.
But there's a few things thatinstantly come from being
vulnerable enough to say I don'tknow, and one of those is it
invites people to help, and whenyou invite people to help, you
show a layer of vulnerability.
People begin to feel thatthey're valued.
(33:17):
I learned later in my career, asI became what I felt was a
strong manager.
I got comfortable in sayingthings like I don't know, but
and what I'm saying here is thisis a leading sentence right,
we're going to go off on a runhere I don't know, but we can
find the answer.
I don't know, but I'm confidentyou can find the answer.
(33:39):
I don't know, but I'm suresomebody you know, this person
knows.
Let's invite them into theconversation.
Now, by doing this, thisbecomes a team building scenario
.
Right, that person begins tofeel valued in that situation.
Wow, they're being vulnerableenough to say that they don't
know, but together we're goingto find this answer.
(34:00):
Now I'm allowed to throw my twocents in, to have my input, and
if, all of a sudden, you haveyour people's input, your team,
the people that you care about,the ones that you work with each
and every day, the ones thatyou value, you're allowing them
to throw in their two cents andyou're throwing in yours.
You are genuinely, truly,coming up with a great answer
(34:22):
and a great solution.
So, as a manager, I had to getcomfortable with saying I don't
know, but we can find out.
I don't know, but let's work itout, because me showing
vulnerability gave them theopportunity to also educate me
and it gave us the realopportunity to get in the
(34:42):
trenches and to figure somethingout and it also really
validates my answer.
When someone comes to me with aquestion and I 100% know the
answer right, you're buildingvalue and trust in yourself as a
manager.
When, if there was twoquestions over the course of
three months that came up andyou had to go with I don't know,
but well, when there's this big, severe issue that comes up and
(35:05):
they come to you saying this iswhat the problem is, I don't
know the answer, and you justpop them right in the blinkers
with an answer, they're going totake your word for it, they're
going to develop confidence inyou and that answer because they
know that if you didn't knowthe true answer, if that wasn't
the absolute end-all, be-allanswer, the two of you would
work through it.
So get comfortable with sayingI don't know.
(35:28):
I know I spun that off intokind of a you know a management
situation, but this answer itworks in all areas of life.
I've gotten extremelycomfortable over the past five
months having to throw my armsup and say I don't really know.
When it comes to being a parent, I'm a first time dad.
(35:48):
When I face these certainthings, when I'm having these
freak out moments, you have tobe willing to say I don't know.
You don't want to say I don'tknow and give up.
But you want to put it outthere.
So I don't know, but I don'tknow what to do in a situation,
but I'm sure I'm going to workthrough it.
I don't know what to do in asituation but I'm going to call
somebody and ask for help.
(36:09):
Get comfortable with the wordsI don't know.
The next actionable item, thenext behavior we want to focus
on, is reorganizing the sourceof our confidence.
Now, what I mean by this iswhen we jump into a situation,
(36:32):
when we're starting thatbusiness, when we're taking that
leap of faith and we're forced,with that moment of well, I
guess, when, all thingsconsidered, I just got to fake
it till I make it.
I just got to jump in and seewhat happens here, instead of
creating the opportunity forthat designer handbag mentality
(36:54):
right, that imposter syndrome,to kick in, all that
self-sabotaging, self-doubtnonsense because you're just
trying to fake your way throughsomething.
Refocus, reorganize and rethinkabout how you find your
confidence and, instead oftrying to fake something, think
about all the times you had tojump in headfirst onto something
(37:15):
and it was new and you wereafraid, and you figured it out.
You understand what I'm saying.
Don't focus on the fact thatright now, I don't have a damn
clue what I'm doing.
Right now, I got to just fakethis until I figure this out,
instead of taking that objectiveand moving in that direction.
(37:35):
Stop for a moment.
As you're faced in this area offear, this big ocean of fear,
knowing I'm going to jump in andI can't swim, right then I want
you to think about how manytimes in your life have you
found yourself in a situationjust like this and you jumped in
and you figured it out?
We're going to dig ourconfidence from the fact of
(37:57):
knowing that if we just getinvolved and start moving and
researching and learning andadmitting when we don't know,
there's a track record there, wehave a reputation there.
I've done so much before.
Find the confidence in knowingall that you've done before, the
confidence to know I can and Iwill.
(38:20):
That's the difference, right?
We're not going to jump intothis deep, dark unknown without
self-confidence.
We can't draw on the fact, hey,I know what I'm doing in this
situation.
But what we can draw into forconfidence is hey, I've done
shit like this in my life many,many times, and all the times
that I've done this is how it'sended.
(38:41):
I know that I can and I will.
I can do this and I will dothis because I've done it before
.
You're finding a new source ofconfidence.
You are wholeheartedly jumpingin, knowing I don't have the
answers, but knowing I have theability to find those answers.
(39:03):
That's a key ingredient.
And the last one, step three beopen to sharing your mistakes
and failures, but reframing themas lessons learned, because if
you hide the failure, you losethe lesson.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, for 238 consecutive weeks
(39:25):
, we've been gathering here on alittle ditty called Share the
Struggle Podcast, because wehave been saying since day one
there is strength in each andeverybody's struggle.
There is growth that comes frombeing vulnerable enough to
share our struggles, to be true,heartfelt, honest and
(39:45):
transparent enough to share ourfailures.
Because when we do so, when weshare the things that we've gone
through.
We don't just go through them,we grow through them.
I want to steal this line fromtoday's research for a long time
because I absolutely love it.
If you hide the failure, youlose the lesson.
And like there's not failures,there are lessons.
(40:08):
We have to learn the lesson.
I think we're allpre-programmed to try to create
the image of how successful weare and that you know we don't
deal with bad things, we don'tmake mistakes, we're perfect.
Right, we create that socialmedia filter-fueled image of the
picket white fence and theperfect family.
(40:30):
But the truth is, behind thosefilters, there's a bunch of
mistakes and there's failuresand there's mess ups and there's
dirty coverups right, but thetruth is, if we hide from those
things, if we hide thosefailures, then we lose those
lessons.
I'm not saying we need to goout there and publicize all the
mistakes we've made, but ifwe're willing to share some of
(40:52):
those things with people we careabout, then they too can learn
and you can both truly learnthrough it.
Right, because I feel likethere's a great deal of
perspective that comes fromother people when you are
vulnerable enough to share yourlessons, your failures.
I come on here week after weekand I'm honest enough to say to
you I suck at this.
This is why I screwed this up.
(41:14):
This is when I lost my bestopportunity.
This is how I ended up at thebottom of the barrel by sharing
those things.
I know that there's otherpeople listening that have been
there, and if they maybe feellike I'm a few steps ahead of
them, then maybe I give them thestrength and courage to pull
themselves up, to get through.
Or maybe I reach out tosomebody through my stories and
(41:36):
they contact me and say you knowwhat, keep your head up.
I was there, I did this.
This is where I am at now.
Right, because that lessonlearned and lesson shared is a
lesson multiplied.
So if you're willing to bearyour souls and your failures and
your mix-ups and mess-ups,everybody else, there's a lesson
(41:56):
to be learned, and when alesson is shared, a lesson is
multiplied.
We shall all benefit fromsharing our failures.
Hide the failure, lose thelesson.
So, to recap those threeactionable steps, those
behaviors that we want to createthe first one is getting
comfortable with I don't know.
One is getting comfortable withI don't know.
Get comfortable with using thewords I don't know, being
(42:19):
vulnerable enough to admit Ijust don't know, and then
reorganize that source ofconfidence.
Hey, as I face this big,fearful challenge in my life
when I don't have the answersbut I do have the ability to
find the answers, I've done somuch before in my life that I
have the confidence that I knowI can and I will.
(42:44):
Draw on those previousexperiences when you did and you
exceeded and you succeeded.
Draw on those things, find yourconfidence from them.
Don't look for the wide, vastunknown.
Think about what is known.
I can and I will, and I mightnot know the answers, but I damn
sure can find the answers.
(43:05):
And you must be open to sharingyour mistakes and failures,
remembering that if you hide thefailure you lose the lesson.
I would hate to suffer throughsomething and learn something
tremendous from that suffer, butjust shut that all out, lose
that entire lesson, that wholehistory book and education that
I learned from that massivefailure.
(43:26):
I'd hate to lose all thatbecause I just wanted to pack it
up and hide it deep down inside.
I wanted to deepen ourdiscussion today on this humble
confidence.
I did a little additionalresearch outside of the TED Talk
and some of the things I foundout was a definition itself on
humble confidence.
That is, a combination ofconfidence and humility that
(43:47):
allows people to be secure intheir abilities while also being
open to learning and improving.
So you're confident in who youare, you're confident in those
abilities, but you're also opento learning and improving those
things.
Now they also have a few thingsto kind of help define what it
looks like.
A few more actionable things.
(44:08):
Number one being self-aware,knowing your strengths and
weaknesses and being able toadmit when you don't know.
Something sounds prettyfamiliar.
Right, getting comfortable withI don't know and being willing
to say I don't know, being opento learning, asking questions,
listening to others and beingreceptive to feedback.
(44:29):
When we talked about thatsentence I don't know, but you
are now opening yourself up tolearning, you're opening
yourself up to feedback and youneed to be receptive to those
things.
Right, admitting you don't knowwhether someone's coming to you
or you're a new dad throwingyour hands up.
If I say I don't know, I can'tjust go shoot you down after
(44:51):
when you come to me with someinformation.
If I say, hey, I don't knowwhat to do here and my wife
wants to tell me what she woulddo, I can't just dismiss her
because I asked for the help, bereceptive to it.
The next one that I love thisis, in all aspects of life,
right being accountable, takingresponsibility for your mistakes
and being willing to learn fromthem.
(45:12):
And the last one, beingconfident in your potential,
believing in your ability toimprove and make good decisions.
I think that really confirmsand furthers a train of thought
on this humble confidence andthe fact that I think all of us
could benefit from strengtheningand growing our humble
confidence.
Step one for all of us shouldbe number one learning what it
(45:33):
is, acknowledging it and thengoing to get it.
We laid out some actionablesteps today, some habits we can
create to help strengthen ourability for humble confidence.
I think it's an amazing traitand it's one that I hope each
and every one of us strives forin 2025.
Before we go today, I want toshare a quick little story with
you that came from this TED Talkand basically this gentleman
(45:57):
that was up there speaking,chris.
He mentioned a kind of like anold wise tale, ibm story.
Right, this story that's beentold from many IBM employees
through all the hands of timeright Like sands to the
hourglass.
These are the days of our lives.
Time right Like sands to thehourglass.
(46:17):
These are the days of our lives.
So he shared this story fromTom Watson of IBM all the way
back in the early stages of IBM,and this story has been shared
from all these employees.
So I guess this has kind oflived on forever.
So he shares this story.
You might've already heard itbefore, but this was the first
time that I heard it.
So these fellow employees aretelling the story of Tom Watson
and that he had this salesconsultant on his team, this
(46:39):
sales professional right One oftheir head sales folks, and
supposedly he was kind of new onthe job but they trusted him
with this big potential deal andhe was out there negotiating
this deal and it was a milliondollar deal and this is the
early phases of IBM, so that'smassive money now right.
So I don't know what that wouldcompare to, how many billions
(47:02):
of dollars it would be intoday's day and age, but you can
imagine a million dollars inthe early days of IBM.
This person's out therenegotiating that deal.
Imagine yourself out there.
You know you just took on a newjob and you're trying to close
a multi-million dollar deal andit fails and it blows up, maybe
(47:22):
because of something that youdid, something that you said,
but the deal just fails.
So put yourself into the shoesof this IBM salesperson that
lost a million dollar deal.
Tom Watson asked that person tocome in and have a meeting with
him to recap this deal.
That salesperson writes hisletter of resignation.
(47:45):
You know what?
I failed.
I cost the company a milliondollars.
That could put us out ofbusiness.
I understand where this isgoing.
I'm going to humble up and I'mgoing to eat it.
And he writes a resignationletter.
I'm sorry, clearly I'm not theright fit.
We're done here.
He walks into the meeting beforethe meeting gets started.
(48:06):
He takes his resignation letterand he slides it across the
table to Tom Watson.
And Tom looks at that, at thatletter, and he reads it and he
puts it down.
And he puts it down and he sayswhy would I let you leave?
Why would I fire you and whywould I let you go when we just
invested $1 million into youreducation?
(48:26):
Think about that.
Let that set in for a minute.
Why would I let you go?
We just invested $1 million inyour education and that's the
truth.
That's the truth.
And his thought process is youlearned a tremendous lesson.
Why do I want you to go to workfor my competition when you
(48:48):
know the million dollar lesson?
Right, I'm not going to let youwork for somebody else to beat
me, to defeat me.
You already cost me enough.
I'm not going to let you costfor somebody else to beat me to
defeat me.
You already cost me enough.
I'm gonna let you cost meanymore.
Think about the wisdom in that.
We're not going to let you go.
We already invested a milliondollars into your education.
When you start to reframe inyour mind what these mistakes
(49:09):
are, when you start to take awhole different perspective on
our failures that we have, thatwe've been hiding inside, they
become lessons and they becomeinvestments.
I was talking to you about thisbusiness, just to make a
personal example, and I saidwhen I started it, I put all
this money, all the money I had,into equipment and into
(49:30):
technology and all these things.
And it wasn't a million dollars, folks, it wasn't a lot.
It was, you know, 20, let's say, $25,000.
But it's all I really had.
I invested into equipment andthe technology that I might use
three or four times a year,because it wasn't right.
(49:52):
It's not durable enough, it'snot fast enough.
It's not at all what I neededto run my business.
I had to get over that poordecision that I made.
I jumped the gun, wanted tostart a business and I said, let
me just buy this equipment.
And I talked to a businessadvisor that had told me listen,
(50:16):
starting a business justbecause you have the money isn't
the reason to start a business.
And I left that meeting prettypissed off about the way it went
for many reasons.
But that line that wasdelivered to me always stuck
with me and when I bought thatpiece of equipment and I learned
and I tried and I failed overand over and over and I spent a
(50:38):
whole summer just failing, notunderstanding what I was doing
wrong, continually investingmore money into the machine and
the product and failing andfailing and failing some more.
I had the hardest time gettingover that thought, getting over
the message that was deliveredto me by that person that said
hey, man, just because you havethe money to do this doesn't
mean it's right, doesn't meanit's smart.
(50:59):
I let that eat me up and I letthat sit and just take up space.
I let it take up space in mymind and in my life.
Just wasted space sitting therebeing like dude, wasted space
sitting there being like dude.
You took all you had for yourfamily, a life savings, the
(51:23):
money you made from leaving acareer, everything that you have
.
You bet it on this because youdidn't do enough research, you
didn't have enough ability, youdidn't have enough confidence.
You tried to fake it and youended up with this.
It chewed me up and it waseating me up each and every day
that I made a bad decision,until I was watching a video on
this type of you know, this lineof work, the business that I'm
(51:43):
in on YouTube.
I was into these different, asyou know, ted Talks and
motivation things.
I wound up on this videotalking about this business that
I'm in, this apparel decoratingbrand business, and they
mentioned your first year, thosemistakes, those investments,
(52:04):
those things that you do, theequipment that you have stacked
up but you don't use, thesoftware that you no longer need
.
That was your college education.
For me.
I realized, as a man that neverwent to college.
That was my college education,because if I didn't spend an
entire year failing and failingand failing, that I wouldn't
(52:28):
have been learning and learningand learning.
So, instead of spending $25,000on a piece of equipment and
some apparel.
I spent $25,000 on a collegeeducation for the career that I
want to be in.
When we reframe in our mind howwe look at our failures, they
become lessons, and when we arewilling to share those lessons,
(52:52):
everybody can learn from thoselessons.
I hope each and every one of youfound something positive from
today.
If you did, please, please,please, hit, subscribe, roll the
tribe, share the show withsomeone you know.
It would mean the world to me.
Until then, thank you forsupporting my American dream.
Now, don't wash your buckethands.
(53:12):
You filthy, savage.
That's it and that's all.
Biggie Smalls.
If you're a loud, proud Americanand you find yourself just
(53:37):
wanting more, find me on YouTubeand Facebook.
At loud, proud American, putthe face page as my mama calls
it.
If you're a fan of the GrahamCracker, you want to find me on
Instagram, where all the kidsare tickety-talking on the
TikTok.
You can find me on both ofthose.
At loud, underscore, proud,underscore American.
(53:59):
A big old thank you to the boysfrom the Gut Truckers for the
background beats and the themesong for this year's podcast.
If you are enjoying what you'rehearing, you can track down the
gut truckers on facebook, justsearch gut truckers.
(54:42):
Give them motherfuckers a liketoo.
I truly thank you forsupporting my American dream.
Now go wash your fucking hands,you filthy savage.
One month in on 2025, and I know many of you are
struggling to keep your dreamalive.
Whatever the dream is, nomatter how big or how small from
a New Year's resolution to somelife-changing transitions
you're probably facingresistance and self-doubt.
The oldfake-it-till-you-make-it has you
(00:22):
struggling with impostersyndrome.
Well, today on Share theStruggle podcast, we tackle
three behaviors to establishsome humble confidence.
Let me tell you somethingEverybody struggles.
The difference is some peoplechoose to go through it and some
choose to grow through it.
The choice is completely yours.
(00:51):
Which one you choose will havea very profound effect on the
way you live your life.
If you find strength in thestruggle, then this podcast is
for you.
Do you have a relationship thatis comfortable with
uncomfortable conversations?
You have a relationship that iscomfortable with uncomfortable
conversations?
Uncomfortable conversationschallenge you, humble you and
(01:14):
they build you.
When you sprinkle a little timeand distance on it, it all
makes sense.
Most disagreements, they stemfrom our own insecurities.
You are right where you need tobe.
(01:41):
Good lord, am I so excited tobe back with you?
Oh, it is true.
It is damn true.
Episode 238 and I should befeeling great.
But I wouldn't be honest, Iwouldn't be truthful if I was
telling you I'm feeling, oh sogreat.
(02:02):
Nope, I can't do do it.
I can't lie to the people.
It's not who I am.
That's not what this show isall about.
It's about truth, transparency,can't you see?
So, with that being said, I amgoing to start off today's show
with a full frontal confessional.
Okay, let me grab myself aCabela's catalog.
(02:23):
That's a ball.
You caught me.
That's a.
It's a piece of paper, but I'mgonna pretend it's a cabela's
catalog because, uh, I'm gonnaput my my little hand on it, my
beady little eyes to the sky,and I'm gonna preach the truth
from this guy right here.
I just have my ass whooped by afour-month-old oh, should be
(02:46):
five months in a few days.
So I should give myself somecredit.
Maybe this isn't so bad.
Five months, it can be prettyvicious, am I right?
Good God, almighty.
One of the reasons why I'm notfeeling so great is my head is
pounding.
I literally.
I have my headphones on mypodcasting headphones so I can
pick up on the sounds.
(03:07):
Make sure things are soundingreally nice.
Well, it hurts.
It hurts America Like I can.
I can literally hear and feelthe pulse in my freaking brain
right now, because I've beenscreamed at so ever-loving much.
Today, wow, what's today a day?
(03:27):
Goodness Five in the morning.
I get up, bring my mom to work.
I come home, go to the office,get some work done, sneak
outside, do some barn chores.
I come in baby, mama and baby,looking good, feeling good.
They're in a great mood, right,mama and baby, baby and mama,
baby, mama.
Okay, they're doing good.
They're looking good, feelinggood.
They're in a great mood, right,mama and baby, baby and mama,
baby, mama.
Okay, they're doing good,they're looking good, things are
(03:49):
great.
So I take my little bundle ofjoy.
Today's my day.
This is a daddy daycare day,okay, well, it started off great
until maybe my wife'staillights hit the end of the
driveway and then all hell brokeloose and she began to just
yell and scream at me, forwhatever reason.
(04:11):
We tried everything in thishouse, okay.
We had bouncy seats, teeth andrings, this toy, that toy We've
done it all.
The only piece that I achievedtoday was three from 17 to 28
minute long naps.
Okay, that's been the relievertoday.
(04:31):
Well, she woke up around noonand then just proceeded to yell
at me for 30, 40 minutesstraight.
Now I know there's some of youout there listening that are
like that's nothing, lies, lies.
The sounds of Satan rangthrough my ear canal.
(04:54):
Okay, and yes, I will alreadyadmit.
Five months in, I've alreadythreatened my child with calling
her mother, so much so that Ivideoed her, yes, and said I'm
going to show your mother this,I'm going to show your mother
(05:16):
what you're doing to me, and Iknow this is bad radio, but
there's some of you out thereright now that don't believe me.
Okay, you said you know what?
I've seen that beautiful little, innocent little angel of yours
, and she doesn't make a peepLies, lies, lies, lies, lies.
I'm going to tell you thatright now.
Oh, not good for radio Threatbeing made.
(05:40):
Yeah, I'm going to send this toyour mother.
All right, I paused thisbecause right now we have the
camera on the phone on turn sobaby can see me and her, and she
knows at this point my daddy.
He's taking receipts right now.
(06:03):
This is evidence.
This is going to go to my mamaand my meemaw so she's
contemplating whether she shouldjust pack it up and give in
right now, because I bet on hershoes.
I've been at home giving my moma whale of a time and heard
those words you wait till yourfather gets home.
I know, split decision here,princess.
(06:24):
You got to think what are yougonna do?
She's thinking Decision's beenmade.
The only time she stops isbecause she's regaining air.
Oh, I'm telling you, mother,she's gonna call the authorities
.
That's you.
That's you being angry.
She's going to call theauthorities.
(06:44):
That's you.
That's you being angry.
She's wailing, you're angry.
Look, you don't even look thesame, being that angry.
Oh God, that's not cool.
No, no, yeah, that's aboutenough of that.
But that's a little snippet,that's a little screenshot right
there.
Hopefully that's not absolutelyhorrid radio, but that
(07:09):
proceeded for like 35, 45minutes.
We came to the conclusion we'regoing for a ride, you're getting
in the car, we're leaving.
We're going to get Meemaw early, put her in the truck, she
calms down, has a nice bottle.
We go for a little Sundaycruise.
We arrive at Meemaw's workshoot, maybe a half an hour
(07:34):
early, and we were.
My decision was going to be ifwe arrive at work and she's able
to get in the shopping cart andcruise around the shahs, then
we'll do that.
If she's sleeping, we ain'tmoving.
So we arrived a half an hourearly, she's out, I'm not moving
.
Then my mom proceeds to be ahalf an hour late getting out of
work.
So we arrived a half an hourearly.
She's out, I'm not moving.
Then my mom proceeds to be ahalf an hour late getting out of
work.
So we put some quality time inin the parking lot, but threats
were made today.
Video footage was recorded.
(07:55):
Today, the best part about thisis my mom gets in the car and
she's all happy for me, ma right, and we're driving along and my
mom says what's up with you?
You okay Rough day.
And I said, yeah, real roughday.
And then I begin to tell herwhat my day is like and when
this happens, all littlePaisley's just staring at me
like you're going to do thisright now.
(08:16):
You're going to do this infront of me.
You're going to tell my me, ma,right now, like you're not
going to give me the benefit ofstarting off on a fresh note
with my meemaw.
No, you're not gonna do this.
I take the phone out and I playfor my mother what I just played
for you, and that baby looks atme and shoots daggers through
(08:38):
my soul like you, asshole,you're gonna, you're going to
sail me up the river to myMeemaw.
She was devastated and she justlooked at her Meemaw like he
made that up.
None of this happened.
And then she pouted the entireway home Like literally my mom's
, like is she okay?
What's wrong with her?
And I said, oh no, she knowsthat mistakes were made.
(09:00):
She knows mistakes were made.
She knows Mistakes were made,oh my God.
So I'm trying to regain mycomposure and I'm trying to Pull
up my big daddy pants.
Okay, big daddy pants, is thata thing?
I'm going to buckle upButtercup, because I'm getting
ready for a positive episode.
But for me to reach thedecibels and the octaves that it
(09:23):
requires to properly transformmy energy, to transfer this
enthusiasm to you through yourheadphones, through your radios,
I've got to get vocal.
It hurts my head.
It hurts my head.
It hurts my head.
Oh, I think I earned my daddybadge today.
I know I got a whole road aheadof me, but I'm like what's the
(09:45):
first degree of a karate belt?
What is it?
Brown Pink?
I don't know.
I earned my brown belt today.
I got my daddy badge In theworld of Girl Scouts and Boy
Scouts.
Don't know, I earned my brownbelt today.
I got my daddy badge In theworld of Girl Scouts and Boy
Scouts, don't?
You earn badges for thingsMerit badges, not to be confused
with a participation trophy butyou earn something.
(10:06):
Well, today I earned a daddybadge because I had my ass
handed to me by a five-month-old, but I stood my ground.
Might almost cry a few times,but I-month-old but I stood my
ground, might almost cry a fewtimes, but I made it through it
and I'm here to talk about it.
We lived.
Nobody was harmed in the makingof today's episode.
You understand, we made it.
Brown belt Earned Gotcha.
(10:50):
All right, all right, all right.
You know what, guys?
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you for letting me vent,thank you for letting me express
myself.
Okay, we had ourselves a fullfrontal confessional.
I feel great, I feel relieved,I feel like we've exercised the
(11:13):
demons.
Whew, honestly, it feels good.
It feels good to share.
It feels good to know that it'sokay to share.
It feels good to know that thisis the giving tree.
We've got the circle ofvulnerability here, that we've
established this little positivevibe, this little positive
(11:33):
tribe that we've got going onhere.
Don't forget, if you are amember of this positive tribe
and you want to share thispositive vibe, because Lord
knows, this world needs it.
Please share the show withsomeone you know, help it
blossom, help it grow.
Find all things podcast relatedover to
(11:54):
wwwsharetheshrugglepodcastcom,also available on all major
platforms.
I do believe, all right guys youlet me share a few things.
I was vulnerable.
I was willing to say, hey, Idon't know what I'm doing and
I'm going to share to you me notknowing what the hell I'm doing
(12:17):
.
An effort to, number one, getit off my chest.
Number two, I'm sure that I'mgoing to get some feedback over
this and we're going to learnand we're going to grow.
And that's going to kind ofblend into where we're going on
today's show Because, as we'vealready said to open the show,
we almost have completed thefirst month of 2025.
(12:39):
Now I know we all come into anew year with a new outlook.
At least, I hope that we doright.
You come into a new year hopingfor new things, new
possibilities, and we startdreaming about what can be, what
could be and what should be, aslong as we are willing to apply
and try to attain those goals.
So some of us will do the.
I guess you would call it likeprototypical or, you know,
(13:03):
stereotypical New Year'sresolutions.
I think they've lost steam andpeople have given up on doing a
lot of those.
But some people still do those.
And if you don't do a NewYear's resolution, maybe you're
like me.
But you set some goals and youuse that pre-prescribed flipping
of the calendar to set thosegoals, to cause and effect the
(13:25):
new year, to sit back andreflect on the previous year,
look at where you've been andwhere you want to go, and you
start to forecast those thingsright.
So, whether you have a NewYear's resolution, or you put
something down in your dreambook, or you put something down
in your calendar that you'reshooting for, or you just set
that goal in your mind.
We talked about finding ourguiding words and living our
(13:46):
year off of those guiding words,and I talked about courage and
sacrifice and how I'm makingdecisions based off of courage
and sacrifice.
Well, here's the truth, guys.
At this point in the year, mostpeople, most of the population
I forgot the number, it's likeover 80% of the population have
already given up on thosepositive commitments they've
(14:09):
made, whether they've committedto making a new habit or
breaking an old habit, positivesteps of action for that
promotion.
They want to apply for a newjob, they want to look for a new
career, start a new business,become the entrepreneur, lose
the weight, get the date,whatever the hell it is.
Y'all have probably set somegoals and I feel, like the
(14:29):
majority of the Americanpopulation, you have given up on
those goals, and I don'tbelieve you to be some of those
people.
Or, if we're already losingsight of those goals, let
today's episode of the podcastbe that cautionary tale that
helps you reel those goals backin, to realize the level of
priority that we should put onthose goals.
(14:50):
This is our day, you see.
This is our day to recapturethose goals.
Because here's the thing I'vedone a lot of things in my life,
cold.
I've done a lot of things blind.
Just jump in and try to swim.
Spoiler alert, I can't swim.
So if you see me jumping intosome water that's over my head
(15:12):
when I can't stand up and savemyself, be very cautious and
please be willing to jump in andsave it.
But that's besides the point.
What I'm trying to say here,folks, is that as we start
chasing these dreams or thesegoals, these habits no matter
how big or how small if it'sbreaking a habit, making a habit
, or if it's taking the leap offaith to start the business, to
(15:35):
quit the job to chase the dream.
You understand, whatever thatvarying degree is, there's some
concepts that go hand in hand,no matter how great the
challenge might be.
Now, for me, there's onephilosophy that was taught to me
that I'm confident was taughtto everybody listening today,
and that is fake it till youmake it, and I think we've all
(16:00):
implemented that strategy fromtime to time.
Now, if you're a day onelistener and you've been
listening to share the strugglepodcast from day one all the way
back in July 2020, you've heardsome confessionals from me
about leaving a career to chasea dream, leaving something that
I felt I was one of the absolutebest at, and then diving into a
(16:24):
pool literally not knowing howto swim, because I had no
ever-loving clue how to designapparel, how to retail apparel,
how to design anything.
I couldn't draw you a stickfigure on a napkin, never mind
design a shirt that I need tosell and support my family.
So I took the cold plunge and Ijumped into this business
because I had a dream ofproviding an all American made
(16:46):
product.
I wanted to design a brand thatcaptured the American spirit,
that represented the Americanspirit, by only offering
American manufactured products.
That was my goal, but I had noclue how to do it, so I just
took a risk and what I did was Itook my savings and everything
I had and I threw it at someequipment and I tried.
And that might not have beenthe best decision, but it was an
(17:09):
investment in my education.
It was, in my opinion.
As I now sprinkle time anddistance on it, it was my
education.
As I now sprinkle time anddistance on it, it was my
education.
It was my college degree, yousee.
So speaking college degrees, Imean clearly I don't have one.
I had to go to night school tolearn how to do different
designs and learn how to useAdobe, because I didn't have a
clue.
But I had to get out there andfail.
(17:30):
I had to fail forward, fail myway into having an ever-loving
clue about what it is that I'mtrying to do.
Now, one of the key ingredientsin this whole method of the
madness for me was fake it tillyou make it.
Just get out there and do itand I felt wholeheartedly.
(17:50):
I felt like an absolute fraud.
I felt like a complete freakingfraud, like I had no clue what
I was doing.
When I came from a business anda profession and a career where
I felt like I knew almosteverything and I could get into
any situation and work my wayout of it.
I now jumped into a situationwhere I know nothing and I can't
(18:12):
work my way into anything butfailures.
I know nothing and I can't workmy way into anything but
failures.
In my previous career I couldfish out the new me, you
understand.
I could find the noob, I couldsmell the dude that had no clue
what he was doing.
So as I jumped into this newcareer and this new profession,
I was out there trying to fakemy way through it and I could
(18:37):
not help but deal with thefeeling that everybody around me
knew I was a fake ass, mofo.
That's how I felt.
And if you've been listeningalong and you've heard some of
these episodes, you've heard mestumble into a little thing
called imposter syndrome, whereyou just start telling yourself
you're not authentic, you're notthe truth.
You just start beating yourselfup and making yourself
convinced that you're theknockoff collection.
You are a designer, imposterbag and you just don't belong.
(19:01):
You're not Louis Vuitton,you're Vidal Sasan.
I don't know, that was a badone.
You're not Louis Vuitton,you're Louis Vachon.
That's better.
You're not Louis Vuitton,you're Louis Vachon.
That's better.
You're not Louis Vuitton,you're Louis Vachon.
Okay, y'all went to school atone point in your life instead
of the Nikes, you had the Mikeys.
All right, I felt like theMikeys.
(19:24):
I felt like the Louis Vachons,that I was the knockoff.
So when I put myself into asituation where I had to
represent myself and my brandand to be confident in who I was
and what I was doing, Icouldn't do it, because the
truth for me is to sell me or tosell what I'm doing, I need to
believe in it.
(19:44):
I didn't believe in my product,I didn't believe in my
abilities.
So the whole notion of fake ittill you make it was crushing me
.
I couldn't get over it.
I spent every day trying to getover the self-doubt that I
created.
From the previous day.
All the failures were startingto stack up and they were
starting to just push me downand I could not get over the
(20:07):
fact that I was designer.
Imposter bag right, I was thefake handbag.
I was the fake shoes.
The imposter syndrome right, Iwas the fake handbag, I was the
fake shoes.
The imposter syndrome wastaking over.
Self-doubt was the only thingfilling my mind.
So I wasn't confident in who Iwas, where I was, what I was
doing.
So by doing that and feelingthat way, by trying to fake it
(20:28):
till I make it, did I make it?
Did I get through that?
Yes, but it was an absolutestruggle fest and my feelings
and my emotions and my struggle,I unfortunately threw all that
on the plates of my family.
I threw all that on the platesof my loved ones Because when
(20:50):
they would just ask thatquestion about how things are
going, it was like you couldjust pull the cord behind my
back, that little pull cord thatgets the toys running across
the floor.
You would pull that and I wouldjust regurgitate and throw up
all over your face all theself-doubt and ridiculous that
was going on in my brain.
That is how fake it till youmake it was affecting me.
Now, did I get through it?
Yes, can you do it?
(21:12):
Yes.
Is there a more effective way toget through life and to try new
things?
Lord, I do believe there is,and we might have stumbled onto
something today that I'm excitedto share with each and every
one of you, and I'm hoping, bysharing this.
It can help you to pull throughwhatever it is you are striving
for.
Is there some hopes and dreamsand goals and aspirations that
(21:34):
are on your plate, that are inyour mind, that's in your heart,
that you are beginning to losesight of or to let go?
There's some things that, likethe rest of society, we're
starting to lose sight of.
I want to change those ways andfor those of you that are
jumping in and trying big, majorthings you're giving up on the
career to chase the dream andyou've been faking it until you
(21:58):
make it I want to sprinkle somenew stuff on you to help reframe
and kind of change the way thatyou look at things.
Because, as we've always said,perception is reality and
whatever you perceive to beshall be.
So that goes hand in hand withme faking it till I make it.
Then whatever you perceive tobe, shall be.
So that goes hand in hand withme faking it till I make it.
I was trying to put out theperception that I was successful
(22:19):
.
I was putting out theperception that I was making it
and that if I could just getalong enough, if I could just
stack enough days up, eventuallyI'd be making it.
But if the perception that Ihad of myself was that I was a
freaking fraud, that I was afake, then that was my reality.
So, in doing some research andtrying to think about ways to
(22:40):
overcome some of these thingsand just stumbling upon
motivation, I listened to a TEDTalk today that spiraled this
whole conversation A nice 15 or20 minute TED Talk from a dude
named Chris Kelso.
No clue who the guy is.
I probably should have donesome more research to look into
who he is and what he's done inlife.
But guess what?
My baby chewed my ass up today.
(23:03):
So I might not be as preparedas we should be.
But that's besides the point,chris Kelso.
He has a TED talk out therethat says three steps to finding
confidence, and this is goingto go hand in hand in the face
of fake it till you make it.
So we're going to battle fakeit till you make it with a new
(23:25):
concept and a new quality thatwe should all try to possess,
and that is humble confidence.
Now, humble confidence seems alittle ironic because they
almost seem like two totaldifferent things.
When you hear them, your firstimpression on them is humble and
confident.
That doesn't really make a lotof sense.
So, to make a little bit ofsense of this, we're going to
(23:47):
flip on over to the olddictionary.
Yes, we're going to thedictionary.
We're going to look up adefinition here, folks Humble.
The definition of humble ishaving or showing a modest or
low estimate of one's importance, having or showing a modest or
low estimate of one's importance.
(24:07):
Now, for me, when I think abouthumble, I don't think about
selling myself short or having alow belief in myself.
I think of humble of, you know,not going out there and just
being like I'm the best son of abitch, like when you see some
of these, you know celebrities,like you know let's go to music
because they're not as annoyingas actors.
(24:31):
So maybe they are, I don't know, maybe they're all, maybe all
celebrities are annoying, butthe ones that I like come off as
humble.
The ones that I like are theones that when they give a thank
you speech, they start off withI want to thank God and my
family, and they just kind ofhave that modest, humble tone to
them, right?
But by definition, humble ishaving or showing a modest or
low estimate of one's importance.
(24:52):
So you're putting out the imagethat you're not really
overvaluing the gifts that youpossess right and confidence.
There's a few definitions we'regoing to dig into.
And digging into the first oneis confidence is the feeling or
belief that one can rely onsomeone or something.
(25:15):
So the feeling or belief thatyou can rely on yourself or
someone else or something.
I have confidence in thatperson or myself.
The next definition given isthe state of feeling certain
about the truth of something.
I'm confident.
I'm confident in that statement.
I perceive that to be true.
(25:35):
I am feeling 100% certain thatwhat that statement is truth.
That's confidence.
The last definition I have is afeeling of self-assurance from
one's appreciation of one's ownabilities or qualities.
You can have self-confidencebecause you are confident in
your own abilities.
I am confident in who I am.
(25:57):
I appreciate who I am.
I'm confident of what I can getdone.
I know the abilities, I know myown personal qualities.
I can begin to develop a greatdeal of confidence in knowing
those things.
Hey, this is who I am, this iswhat I do, this is how I do it
and I feel great about all threeof those.
Now, as I break down thosedefinitions, you might be
sitting back going.
(26:17):
You're right, that doesn't makesense Humble and confident.
I don't think those two gotogether.
Well, I would beg of you toslow down, cinderella.
We're going somewhere.
Getting back to the TED Talk,they referenced an author, rick
Warren, who said humility is notthinking less of yourself, it's
thinking of yourself less.
(26:39):
Now we're getting somewhere.
I'm starting to love this.
Let's spell it out one moretime Humility is not thinking
less of yourself, it's thinkingof yourself less.
It does not mean you have a lowopinion of yourself.
It just means you quit worryingabout what everyone else thinks
of you.
It's not one of the biggestkeys to life?
(27:00):
Honestly, if we could just getover everybody else's opinion of
us, we can live a hell of a lotbetter.
And I'm telling you, we allhave some people in our life
that possess a greater level ofability in doing so, but I'm
willing to guarantee noteverybody's perfect at this.
If we all were going to havethat full frontal confessional,
we could all be better atworrying less and caring less
(27:24):
about other people's opinions.
So, getting back to thedefinition, humility is not
thinking less of yourself, it'sthinking of yourself less.
I'm not beating myself up.
I'm not thinking that.
You know, I'm some overweightslouch who's out here pretending
to own an apparel brand.
I'm not putting those thoughtsinto my head, I'm just thinking
(27:46):
of myself less right.
I'm not allowing the self-doubtto take over.
I'm not letting thosecontrolling conversations in my
mind disrupt my day.
So it does not mean you have alow opinion of yourself Ever.
Love and know you don't have tothink negative about yourself.
It just means that you quitworrying about what everybody
(28:09):
else thinks of you.
If we kind of peel back theonion and we go back a few
minutes ago to me talking aboutstarting this brand and knowing
that I was the new but I had noclue what I was doing, those
first few events that I did whenI was lined up next to other
big brands and businesses and Ifelt like an imposter, I put
that in my mind, right.
(28:30):
I put in my mind that, hey, Idon't belong here and I
perceived that the person nextto me was believing that to be
true.
I worried more about theiropinion, thinking they're over
there seeing right through me.
This guy has no clue what he'sdoing, he doesn't belong here,
he shouldn't be here.
The moment that I startworrying less about what those
(28:52):
other people think, I startmoving in a much more positive
direction, and I mean that'skind of an obvious statement,
right.
But there are behaviors that wecan tap into to develop this
humble confidence.
Having the humility to notthink less of yourself but not
think about yourself so much,and focusing on not talking
(29:17):
negative to yourself andworrying a hell of a lot less
about what other people sayabout you that is a humble
confidence.
You're confident in yourself.
I'm not going to spend a bunchof time talking about myself,
but I'm also not going to letyou downplay myself.
That is a humble confidence.
So, my fellow loud, proudAmericans, shall I ask you this
(29:38):
Are you interested in growingand developing your humble
confidence?
Are you interested in worryinga hell of a lot less about what
other people think?
Are you interested in feelingconfident about yourself, not
talking down to yourself?
Are you interested in thathumble confidence?
Hmm, well, I expect this momentin time everybody is answering
(30:01):
a resounding yes, because if not, you're completely a full of
caca.
That's French for shit.
I think Made that up.
Good news there are threebehaviors that we can talk about
, actionable steps we can taketo develop some humble
(30:21):
confidence.
Now, the first one is gettingcomfortable with.
I don't know, but when you letthat stew a little bit, you can
raise the old goose pimples, theold goose bumpskies on your
arms right.
Get comfortable with I don'tknow.
(30:44):
I don't know, I didn't mean touse it right there.
Wow, okay, we found ourselvesin a tricky situation here.
I don't know of something thatcan make me feel more
uncomfortable than legitimatelynot knowing right.
That's the truth.
We pride ourselves as freakinghumans on knowing anything and
(31:09):
everything and the fact that wehave Google in the palm of our
hands.
Every 11 of you is an expert onany freaking thing in the world
.
We all pride ourselves inhaving an answer, whether that
answer is right, wrong orindifferent.
I've got an answer and bygiving you that answer, I can
prove to you that I know whatthe hell I'm talking about.
Well, truth is, you don't.
(31:30):
How many times have you backedyourself in a corner because you
thought you had to give ananswer?
Like, have you put yourself inthe position of like being a
professional in a certain areaand then said novice, the new
guy, the rookie, comes up andasks you a question that stumps
(31:51):
you, but you put so muchpressure on yourself and being
the professional in this area ofexpertise that you feel like
you need to give an answer.
So, instead of knowing theanswer, you just kind of talk
your way around, hoping that atsome point, some way, somehow,
the right message is going to bedelivered here and this person
is going to get something fromthis and they're going to walk
off going.
See, he did know what he wastalking about.
(32:14):
I've done that as a new managerin my life.
I've been in those situationswhere I felt that when a new
employee came to me with aquestion or a struggle or a
situation, I felt like I neededto provide an answer to validate
who I am and my position as anauthority figure.
I got to answer this question.
(32:35):
The truth is, there's a lotmore strength in being
vulnerable and straight upleveling in that situation and
saying I don't frigging know.
Now, first things first.
It's hard as shit to admit itright.
It's almost impossible to admitthat we don't know something
because we always want to soundit right.
It's almost impossible to admitthat we don't know something
(32:55):
because we always want to soundsmart right.
But there's a few things thatinstantly come from being
vulnerable enough to say I don'tknow, and one of those is it
invites people to help, and whenyou invite people to help, you
show a layer of vulnerability.
People begin to feel thatthey're valued.
(33:17):
I learned later in my career, asI became what I felt was a
strong manager.
I got comfortable in sayingthings like I don't know, but
and what I'm saying here is thisis a leading sentence right,
we're going to go off on a runhere I don't know, but we can
find the answer.
I don't know, but I'm confidentyou can find the answer.
(33:39):
I don't know, but I'm suresomebody you know, this person
knows.
Let's invite them into theconversation.
Now, by doing this, thisbecomes a team building scenario
.
Right, that person begins tofeel valued in that situation.
Wow, they're being vulnerableenough to say that they don't
know, but together we're goingto find this answer.
(34:00):
Now I'm allowed to throw my twocents in, to have my input, and
if, all of a sudden, you haveyour people's input, your team,
the people that you care about,the ones that you work with each
and every day, the ones thatyou value, you're allowing them
to throw in their two cents andyou're throwing in yours.
You are genuinely, truly,coming up with a great answer
(34:22):
and a great solution.
So, as a manager, I had to getcomfortable with saying I don't
know, but we can find out.
I don't know, but let's work itout, because me showing
vulnerability gave them theopportunity to also educate me
and it gave us the realopportunity to get in the
(34:42):
trenches and to figure somethingout and it also really
validates my answer.
When someone comes to me with aquestion and I 100% know the
answer right, you're buildingvalue and trust in yourself as a
manager.
When, if there was twoquestions over the course of
three months that came up andyou had to go with I don't know,
but well, when there's this big, severe issue that comes up and
(35:05):
they come to you saying this iswhat the problem is, I don't
know the answer, and you justpop them right in the blinkers
with an answer, they're going totake your word for it, they're
going to develop confidence inyou and that answer because they
know that if you didn't knowthe true answer, if that wasn't
the absolute end-all, be-allanswer, the two of you would
work through it.
So get comfortable with sayingI don't know.
(35:28):
I know I spun that off intokind of a you know a management
situation, but this answer itworks in all areas of life.
I've gotten extremelycomfortable over the past five
months having to throw my armsup and say I don't really know.
When it comes to being a parent, I'm a first time dad.
(35:48):
When I face these certainthings, when I'm having these
freak out moments, you have tobe willing to say I don't know.
You don't want to say I don'tknow and give up.
But you want to put it outthere.
So I don't know, but I don'tknow what to do in a situation,
but I'm sure I'm going to workthrough it.
I don't know what to do in asituation but I'm going to call
somebody and ask for help.
(36:09):
Get comfortable with the wordsI don't know.
The next actionable item, thenext behavior we want to focus
on, is reorganizing the sourceof our confidence.
Now, what I mean by this iswhen we jump into a situation,
(36:32):
when we're starting thatbusiness, when we're taking that
leap of faith and we're forced,with that moment of well, I
guess, when, all thingsconsidered, I just got to fake
it till I make it.
I just got to jump in and seewhat happens here, instead of
creating the opportunity forthat designer handbag mentality
(36:54):
right, that imposter syndrome,to kick in, all that
self-sabotaging, self-doubtnonsense because you're just
trying to fake your way throughsomething.
Refocus, reorganize and rethinkabout how you find your
confidence and, instead oftrying to fake something, think
about all the times you had tojump in headfirst onto something
(37:15):
and it was new and you wereafraid, and you figured it out.
You understand what I'm saying.
Don't focus on the fact thatright now, I don't have a damn
clue what I'm doing.
Right now, I got to just fakethis until I figure this out,
instead of taking that objectiveand moving in that direction.
(37:35):
Stop for a moment.
As you're faced in this area offear, this big ocean of fear,
knowing I'm going to jump in andI can't swim, right then I want
you to think about how manytimes in your life have you
found yourself in a situationjust like this and you jumped in
and you figured it out?
We're going to dig ourconfidence from the fact of
(37:57):
knowing that if we just getinvolved and start moving and
researching and learning andadmitting when we don't know,
there's a track record there, wehave a reputation there.
I've done so much before.
Find the confidence in knowingall that you've done before, the
confidence to know I can and Iwill.
(38:20):
That's the difference, right?
We're not going to jump intothis deep, dark unknown without
self-confidence.
We can't draw on the fact, hey,I know what I'm doing in this
situation.
But what we can draw into forconfidence is hey, I've done
shit like this in my life many,many times, and all the times
that I've done this is how it'sended.
(38:41):
I know that I can and I will.
I can do this and I will dothis because I've done it before
.
You're finding a new source ofconfidence.
You are wholeheartedly jumpingin, knowing I don't have the
answers, but knowing I have theability to find those answers.
(39:03):
That's a key ingredient.
And the last one, step three beopen to sharing your mistakes
and failures, but reframing themas lessons learned, because if
you hide the failure, you losethe lesson.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys andgirls, for 238 consecutive weeks
(39:25):
, we've been gathering here on alittle ditty called Share the
Struggle Podcast, because wehave been saying since day one
there is strength in each andeverybody's struggle.
There is growth that comes frombeing vulnerable enough to
share our struggles, to be true,heartfelt, honest and
(39:45):
transparent enough to share ourfailures.
Because when we do so, when weshare the things that we've gone
through.
We don't just go through them,we grow through them.
I want to steal this line fromtoday's research for a long time
because I absolutely love it.
If you hide the failure, youlose the lesson.
And like there's not failures,there are lessons.
(40:08):
We have to learn the lesson.
I think we're allpre-programmed to try to create
the image of how successful weare and that you know we don't
deal with bad things, we don'tmake mistakes, we're perfect.
Right, we create that socialmedia filter-fueled image of the
picket white fence and theperfect family.
(40:30):
But the truth is, behind thosefilters, there's a bunch of
mistakes and there's failuresand there's mess ups and there's
dirty coverups right, but thetruth is, if we hide from those
things, if we hide thosefailures, then we lose those
lessons.
I'm not saying we need to goout there and publicize all the
mistakes we've made, but ifwe're willing to share some of
(40:52):
those things with people we careabout, then they too can learn
and you can both truly learnthrough it.
Right, because I feel likethere's a great deal of
perspective that comes fromother people when you are
vulnerable enough to share yourlessons, your failures.
I come on here week after weekand I'm honest enough to say to
you I suck at this.
This is why I screwed this up.
(41:14):
This is when I lost my bestopportunity.
This is how I ended up at thebottom of the barrel by sharing
those things.
I know that there's otherpeople listening that have been
there, and if they maybe feellike I'm a few steps ahead of
them, then maybe I give them thestrength and courage to pull
themselves up, to get through.
Or maybe I reach out tosomebody through my stories and
(41:36):
they contact me and say you knowwhat, keep your head up.
I was there, I did this.
This is where I am at now.
Right, because that lessonlearned and lesson shared is a
lesson multiplied.
So if you're willing to bearyour souls and your failures and
your mix-ups and mess-ups,everybody else, there's a lesson
(41:56):
to be learned, and when alesson is shared, a lesson is
multiplied.
We shall all benefit fromsharing our failures.
Hide the failure, lose thelesson.
So, to recap those threeactionable steps, those
behaviors that we want to createthe first one is getting
comfortable with I don't know.
One is getting comfortable withI don't know.
Get comfortable with using thewords I don't know, being
(42:19):
vulnerable enough to admit Ijust don't know, and then
reorganize that source ofconfidence.
Hey, as I face this big,fearful challenge in my life
when I don't have the answersbut I do have the ability to
find the answers, I've done somuch before in my life that I
have the confidence that I knowI can and I will.
(42:44):
Draw on those previousexperiences when you did and you
exceeded and you succeeded.
Draw on those things, find yourconfidence from them.
Don't look for the wide, vastunknown.
Think about what is known.
I can and I will, and I mightnot know the answers, but I damn
sure can find the answers.
(43:05):
And you must be open to sharingyour mistakes and failures,
remembering that if you hide thefailure you lose the lesson.
I would hate to suffer throughsomething and learn something
tremendous from that suffer, butjust shut that all out, lose
that entire lesson, that wholehistory book and education that
I learned from that massivefailure.
(43:26):
I'd hate to lose all thatbecause I just wanted to pack it
up and hide it deep down inside.
I wanted to deepen ourdiscussion today on this humble
confidence.
I did a little additionalresearch outside of the TED Talk
and some of the things I foundout was a definition itself on
humble confidence.
That is, a combination ofconfidence and humility that
(43:47):
allows people to be secure intheir abilities while also being
open to learning and improving.
So you're confident in who youare, you're confident in those
abilities, but you're also opento learning and improving those
things.
Now they also have a few thingsto kind of help define what it
looks like.
A few more actionable things.
(44:08):
Number one being self-aware,knowing your strengths and
weaknesses and being able toadmit when you don't know.
Something sounds prettyfamiliar.
Right, getting comfortable withI don't know and being willing
to say I don't know, being opento learning, asking questions,
listening to others and beingreceptive to feedback.
(44:29):
When we talked about thatsentence I don't know, but you
are now opening yourself up tolearning, you're opening
yourself up to feedback and youneed to be receptive to those
things.
Right, admitting you don't knowwhether someone's coming to you
or you're a new dad throwingyour hands up.
If I say I don't know, I can'tjust go shoot you down after
(44:51):
when you come to me with someinformation.
If I say, hey, I don't knowwhat to do here and my wife
wants to tell me what she woulddo, I can't just dismiss her
because I asked for the help, bereceptive to it.
The next one that I love thisis, in all aspects of life,
right being accountable, takingresponsibility for your mistakes
and being willing to learn fromthem.
(45:12):
And the last one, beingconfident in your potential,
believing in your ability toimprove and make good decisions.
I think that really confirmsand furthers a train of thought
on this humble confidence andthe fact that I think all of us
could benefit from strengtheningand growing our humble
confidence.
Step one for all of us shouldbe number one learning what it
(45:33):
is, acknowledging it and thengoing to get it.
We laid out some actionablesteps today, some habits we can
create to help strengthen ourability for humble confidence.
I think it's an amazing traitand it's one that I hope each
and every one of us strives forin 2025.
Before we go today, I want toshare a quick little story with
you that came from this TED Talkand basically this gentleman
(45:57):
that was up there speaking,chris.
He mentioned a kind of like anold wise tale, ibm story.
Right, this story that's beentold from many IBM employees
through all the hands of timeright Like sands to the
hourglass.
These are the days of our lives.
Time right Like sands to thehourglass.
(46:17):
These are the days of our lives.
So he shared this story fromTom Watson of IBM all the way
back in the early stages of IBM,and this story has been shared
from all these employees.
So I guess this has kind oflived on forever.
So he shares this story.
You might've already heard itbefore, but this was the first
time that I heard it.
So these fellow employees aretelling the story of Tom Watson
and that he had this salesconsultant on his team, this
(46:39):
sales professional right One oftheir head sales folks, and
supposedly he was kind of new onthe job but they trusted him
with this big potential deal andhe was out there negotiating
this deal and it was a milliondollar deal and this is the
early phases of IBM, so that'smassive money now right.
So I don't know what that wouldcompare to, how many billions
(47:02):
of dollars it would be intoday's day and age, but you can
imagine a million dollars inthe early days of IBM.
This person's out therenegotiating that deal.
Imagine yourself out there.
You know you just took on a newjob and you're trying to close
a multi-million dollar deal andit fails and it blows up, maybe
(47:22):
because of something that youdid, something that you said,
but the deal just fails.
So put yourself into the shoesof this IBM salesperson that
lost a million dollar deal.
Tom Watson asked that person tocome in and have a meeting with
him to recap this deal.
That salesperson writes hisletter of resignation.
(47:45):
You know what?
I failed.
I cost the company a milliondollars.
That could put us out ofbusiness.
I understand where this isgoing.
I'm going to humble up and I'mgoing to eat it.
And he writes a resignationletter.
I'm sorry, clearly I'm not theright fit.
We're done here.
He walks into the meeting beforethe meeting gets started.
(48:06):
He takes his resignation letterand he slides it across the
table to Tom Watson.
And Tom looks at that, at thatletter, and he reads it and he
puts it down.
And he puts it down and he sayswhy would I let you leave?
Why would I fire you and whywould I let you go when we just
invested $1 million into youreducation?
(48:26):
Think about that.
Let that set in for a minute.
Why would I let you go?
We just invested $1 million inyour education and that's the
truth.
That's the truth.
And his thought process is youlearned a tremendous lesson.
Why do I want you to go to workfor my competition when you
(48:48):
know the million dollar lesson?
Right, I'm not going to let youwork for somebody else to beat
me, to defeat me.
You already cost me enough.
I'm not going to let you costfor somebody else to beat me to
defeat me.
You already cost me enough.
I'm gonna let you cost meanymore.
Think about the wisdom in that.
We're not going to let you go.
We already invested a milliondollars into your education.
When you start to reframe inyour mind what these mistakes
(49:09):
are, when you start to take awhole different perspective on
our failures that we have, thatwe've been hiding inside, they
become lessons and they becomeinvestments.
I was talking to you about thisbusiness, just to make a
personal example, and I saidwhen I started it, I put all
this money, all the money I had,into equipment and into
(49:30):
technology and all these things.
And it wasn't a million dollars, folks, it wasn't a lot.
It was, you know, 20, let's say, $25,000.
But it's all I really had.
I invested into equipment andthe technology that I might use
three or four times a year,because it wasn't right.
(49:52):
It's not durable enough, it'snot fast enough.
It's not at all what I neededto run my business.
I had to get over that poordecision that I made.
I jumped the gun, wanted tostart a business and I said, let
me just buy this equipment.
And I talked to a businessadvisor that had told me listen,
(50:16):
starting a business justbecause you have the money isn't
the reason to start a business.
And I left that meeting prettypissed off about the way it went
for many reasons.
But that line that wasdelivered to me always stuck
with me and when I bought thatpiece of equipment and I learned
and I tried and I failed overand over and over and I spent a
(50:38):
whole summer just failing, notunderstanding what I was doing
wrong, continually investingmore money into the machine and
the product and failing andfailing and failing some more.
I had the hardest time gettingover that thought, getting over
the message that was deliveredto me by that person that said
hey, man, just because you havethe money to do this doesn't
mean it's right, doesn't meanit's smart.
(50:59):
I let that eat me up and I letthat sit and just take up space.
I let it take up space in mymind and in my life.
Just wasted space sitting therebeing like dude, wasted space
sitting there being like dude.
You took all you had for yourfamily, a life savings, the
(51:23):
money you made from leaving acareer, everything that you have
.
You bet it on this because youdidn't do enough research, you
didn't have enough ability, youdidn't have enough confidence.
You tried to fake it and youended up with this.
It chewed me up and it waseating me up each and every day
that I made a bad decision,until I was watching a video on
this type of you know, this lineof work, the business that I'm
(51:43):
in on YouTube.
I was into these different, asyou know, ted Talks and
motivation things.
I wound up on this videotalking about this business that
I'm in, this apparel decoratingbrand business, and they
mentioned your first year, thosemistakes, those investments,
(52:04):
those things that you do, theequipment that you have stacked
up but you don't use, thesoftware that you no longer need
.
That was your college education.
For me.
I realized, as a man that neverwent to college.
That was my college education,because if I didn't spend an
entire year failing and failingand failing, that I wouldn't
(52:28):
have been learning and learningand learning.
So, instead of spending $25,000on a piece of equipment and
some apparel.
I spent $25,000 on a collegeeducation for the career that I
want to be in.
When we reframe in our mind howwe look at our failures, they
become lessons, and when we arewilling to share those lessons,
(52:52):
everybody can learn from thoselessons.
I hope each and every one of youfound something positive from
today.
If you did, please, please,please, hit, subscribe, roll the
tribe, share the show withsomeone you know.
It would mean the world to me.
Until then, thank you forsupporting my American dream.
Now, don't wash your buckethands.
(53:12):
You filthy, savage.
That's it and that's all.
Biggie Smalls.
If you're a loud, proud Americanand you find yourself just
(53:37):
wanting more, find me on YouTubeand Facebook.
At loud, proud American, putthe face page as my mama calls
it.
If you're a fan of the GrahamCracker, you want to find me on
Instagram, where all the kidsare tickety-talking on the
TikTok.
You can find me on both ofthose.
At loud, underscore, proud,underscore American.
(53:59):
A big old thank you to the boysfrom the Gut Truckers for the
background beats and the themesong for this year's podcast.
If you are enjoying what you'rehearing, you can track down the
gut truckers on facebook, justsearch gut truckers.
(54:42):
Give them motherfuckers a liketoo.
I truly thank you forsupporting my American dream.
Now go wash your fucking hands,you filthy savage.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.