July 30, 2025 • 39 mins
When first responders hang up their badges, many face a devastating identity crisis that can lead to depression, addiction, and even suicidal thoughts. But what if the uniform was never your true identity in the first place?
In this powerful conversation, former NYPD officer and FDNY firefighter Neil shares his personal journey through the wilderness of post-service life and the breakthrough realization that transformed everything: "My true identity wasn't a cop or fireman. My core identity was I'm a person that helps other people."
Neil reveals how this shift in perspective opened doors to new purpose and meaning, allowing him to continue his mission of service through coaching other first responders. With raw honesty, he discusses the psychological barriers that keep retired heroes stuck in the past and offers practical strategies to break through resistance using "micro actions" so small your subconscious can't object.
You'll discover why first responders possess unique advantages in civilian careers, how skills developed in emergency response transfer directly to entrepreneurship and other fields, and why the mindset of being a "problem solver" creates opportunities in any context. Neil shares real-world examples of how tiny, consistent habits create massive life changes—from the client who cleaned his hoarded office one folder at a time to another who began his fitness journey simply by driving to the gym parking lot without getting out.
For active and retired first responders struggling with purpose, this episode offers a lifeline of hope. For their families and friends, it provides insight into the unique challenges of transition and how to support loved ones through it. The conversation concludes with powerful analogies about maintaining mental health by intentionally filling your life with positivity to counteract the inevitable darkness first responders encounter.
Whether you're a first responder planning your next chapter, already in transition, or supporting someone who is, this conversation will change how you think about identity, purpose, and the possibilities that exist beyond the badge.
Contact Neal @ https://go.neilschoepp.com/freedom-call-page
If you or someone you know is in crisis and at risk of self-harm, please call or text 988, the suicide and crisis lifeline.
To contact us directly send an email to Dan@10-42project.org or call 515-350-6274
Visit our website! 10-42project.org
Check us out on social media!
Youtube: @1042project
Facebook: www.facebook.com/1042project
Instagram: 1042_project
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
welcome back to another episode of the shared
voices podcast brought to you bythe 1042 project.
I got my new york neil with metoday.
What's up, neil?
Speaker 2 (00:15):
dan how are you, my brother?
Speaker 1 (00:16):
man, I'm good, it's it's it's good to have you on.
Uh, I just you know you sent an, you and I, so you and I have
been going.
I think we've been emailingback and forth for a while.
We finally got connected thisweek and had a chance to finally
meet, meet over zoom, and I gotto hear a little bit about you
and your story and, man, you area guy that's motivated.
(00:36):
You're a guy that's on fire.
Um, you're a guy that is is.
Is whole mission is to coachothers to get more out of
themselves, to see what God'sput in them, to get more out of
themselves, to have more out oflife than they've ever realized.
You are a former firstresponder and, neil, thank you.
Can you just give us a fewminutes here, buddy?
(00:58):
Tell me what's going on in NewYork out there and a little bit
about you, buddy.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Sure.
So I hit every kid's biggestdream.
I grew up and I became a policeofficer and a fireman.
So I did 10 years in nypd andthen I rolled over and I did 14
years in fdny.
And my new chapter is out here,coaching people to help them
design their life.
Because when I left the job, Ifelt a identity crisis, Like
(01:33):
what am I going to do now?
Like I was for 24 years I onlydid one thing, and now I'm out
here like in in world and I haveto figure life out all over
again.
And in going through thatprocess, I decided that I was
going to help other firstresponders kind of do the same
(01:55):
thing.
So I'm happy to be here.
We're going to burn the firetonight and we're going to get
you guys some uh, some hope,some faith and get them moving
in the right direction.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Dude, I love it, man.
I uh, first of all, for ourlisteners.
I know we kind of jumped inthere, but thank you for joining
us.
Um, just some housekeepingstuff.
Um, go to our website.
Um, go to the get connectedarea and we're going to be
starting on Wednesday nights.
I think we're going to do ittwo days, do it four times a
month, once a week, but ondifferent days we're going to be
(02:32):
having our peer support grouponline.
Just people hanging out havingfun talking.
If you want to be part of that,send me an email at
dan-1042projectorg.
Dan at 10-42projectorg.
Get plugged into a group, getplugged into a community, get
plugged into some help and somepeople that love you.
Send me an email and I'll getthe information out to you.
(02:53):
We do not open it up to justeverybody, for obvious reasons,
so send me a link so I can reachout to you and get you verified
, and then we'll get you in thegroup so you can be part of it.
Um, also, um, also also also.
We got some new, uh excitingnews coming out.
Actually, I think I'll save itfor next podcast, so we'll just
(03:15):
hold it for that.
So, uh, anyway, neil, we weretalking, um, I think it was
yesterday, who knows, I don'tknow what day of the week it is
anymore, but I got to hear aboutyou, man, and you got me fired
up just talking that's what youdo.
But you and I got to talkingand this is why I wanted to have
(03:35):
you on Number one.
You're a formal first responderand you were a hero.
And then you were a guy thatsat in a recliner with a garden
hose firefighter guy but uh,anyway, at least you were the
hero first.
No, I'm just kidding, um, butman, so many are of our first
responders that I work with,people that that are, you know,
(03:55):
part of our organization, peoplethat are seeking help, people
that are ambassadors, otherpeople in our organization.
When they struggle, when theyretire, when they leave law
maybe they're still in lawenforcement.
Like you had said before, youlose that sense of purpose, that
sense of identity when you getout of law enforcement and for
me, depression set in big timeand my sense of purpose was gone
(04:19):
.
I had no direction, I had nomission.
I was a dangerous personbecause I didn't want to live.
There was no reason to plan forthe future because I planned on
being dead anyway.
So many of us first responders.
We lose our identity, we loseour hope, we lose our joy when
we leave, and we're on a missionto try to change that, neil,
(04:41):
because our first responders areso much more inside of them
when they leave law enforcement.
God calls us to seasons in life.
He doesn't call us to lifelongcommitments, to jobs that you
have to work for 80 years anddie at the office desk.
He calls us to missions and ifyou worked your mission and
you've finished your career as afirst responder number one, be
(05:01):
proud of it.
No matter how you left, youserved, you served.
Be proud of that, celebrate it,grieve it.
If you need to grieve it, giveit some time but then realize
that your identity is not inthat badge.
It never was, it never is.
The identity is inside of you.
God put that in you and you maynot even know what it is
anymore.
I know for me, man.
(05:22):
I turned my head around one dayand next thing I knew I was a
lost, broken person and it justhappened so fast.
Sometimes we don't evenrecognize it.
But God's put more in you.
So many of our first responderswant to give up.
They go into addictions.
A lot of suicide attempts.
After leaving first respondercareers.
We're trying to get themplugged back in to things that
(05:45):
they enjoy hobbies, get themplugged back into their sports.
If they want to start abusiness, let's get them started
on a business.
Let's repurpose our firstresponders for their next season
in life, and one of the bigways we do that, neil, is we,
through our three pillars is werepurpose them.
We allow their hurt and pain tobe repurposed and be used to
mentor and and ambassador otherfirst responders in our area.
(06:08):
Um, that being said, while Isit there and just blab, blab,
blab forever, so many of us needmotivation.
We have we've forgotten who weare.
We've forgotten what's insideof us.
Neil, how do we bring outwhat's inside of us and spark a
new drive, a new mission in ourlife while dealing with trauma?
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
So, dan, we're going to touch on a lot of great
things today.
We're going to bring the fire,we're going to wake you guys up,
right?
I want to touch upon, if I can,just before I answer that
question.
You made the introduction andyou were talking about your
Wednesday night groups.
You're going to start yourWednesday night groups and your
peer groups and guys.
(06:49):
Send Dan an email, get in onthose groups, take that action.
That's one small action thatyou can take that will better
your future.
And why will it better yourfuture?
Because you're going to haveproximity to other individuals
that are going through the samething you're going through, and
you will then realize that youare not the only one out there,
(07:15):
that there's support for you,and you're going to be seeing
what other people are doing andhow other people are trying to
better their lives within thegroup.
It's all about proximity.
Proximity is one of those bigpillars that I lean on and we're
going to talk much more aboutproximity.
But that peer group send anemail to Dan, ask to be in the
(07:40):
group, jump on a call with him,go through the process, but take
that action.
You asked about identity, youtouched about identity and I
went through a similar situationwhere I wore a badge.
I was a volunteer fireman atthe age of 18 years old.
So I went from the volunteerfire department, I was an EMT, I
(08:07):
was a police officer, I wentinto the fire department to end
out my career.
So I had probably close to 30years of my life and starting
when I was 18, right, I was 18as a volley, 20 as a cop and
then 30 as a fireman.
So my entire life, essentially,was spent as a first responder,
(08:30):
helping people.
And then one day I woke up and Ididn't have to go to work
anymore and I'm like what am Igoing to do now?
And it took me a good three orfour years to figure out what my
next chapter was.
And for me, as a firstresponder, my identity wasn't a
(08:53):
cop, it wasn't a fireman.
That's what I thought myidentity was.
But my identity, my trueidentity, my core identity was
I'm a person that helps otherpeople.
My core identity was I'm aperson that helps other people.
And when I made thatrealization of, oh, I don't need
the fire truck, I don't needthe RMP, I don't need the radio
(09:16):
calls, the fire calls, I don'tneed the external chaos for me
to add value to somebody's life?
Speaker 3 (09:31):
I don't need all of that for me to have an impact on
somebody's life.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Come on, I can have the impact in what I choose to
do in this next chapter.
And for me my first chapteractually started out in real
estate and rehab and run downproperties so that people had a
safe, clean place to live andraise their families.
And then I learned mindsetwithin that realm, in that world
(09:57):
, and when I came upon thatmindset is when everything
started clicking.
Mindset was the one domino thatknocked all the other dominoes
over.
And now I'm out here trying tohelp other first responders make
that transition Like you could.
You could choose to do whateveryou want with your life, right,
(10:18):
it doesn't.
Once you leave the job, thatidentity of cop you don't.
I don't give that up.
I still consider myself afireman, I still consider myself
a first responder.
I don't give that up completely.
I just change the meaning Igive to it.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
So I'm a person now that helps people I love that
because when you, when you knowwho you are and what your
mission is, and then you knowwhen something comes along that
aligns with that mission andthat's what you're supposed to
be part of.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Yes, it gave me.
So when I, when I came uponthat realization, I wasn't lost
anymore.
I wasn't feeling like I was inthe middle of the the ocean, in
little raft, just bobbing aroundand I end up wherever I end up.
When I made that realizationand I chose to take on that
(11:13):
identity of oh, you know what Ireally am a person that helps
other individuals Then I justhad to choose in which lane am I
going to help other individuals?
Am I going to help them inapartments?
Am I going to help them incoaching?
Am I going to help them in lawncare?
Am I going to help them inplumbing, electrical, the trades
(11:36):
.
You could help people.
People are always looking forhelp.
You could help people in somany different ways.
You can help people justthrough conversation.
You can help people onWednesday nights, just being
part of a peer group.
It's it's amazing how manydifferent ways you can help
people and every first responderI mean.
(11:58):
That's why we're firstresponders, because we want to
help people.
We do for the internal rush too, but we want to help people man
, you said that so well.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
I couldn't have said it better myself.
That's it, and you know, whenyou identify, identify yourself
as that which is the truth.
That's what god's called us tobe a light for others, to be a
helper yes so if you have thatmindset and know that in
yourself, then when you leavelaw enforcement, you've lost
nothing.
Yes, because you are still afirst responder, a server of
(12:30):
other people, period, whetheryou're wearing a uniform or
you're meeting for coffee withanother first responder who's
suffering, or you're takingsomebody to church, I mean,
whatever it is, man, that's it.
Yes.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
So you can still have , so you can have the identity.
You can keep your identity afirst responder.
You give it a slightlydifferent meaning, a meaning of
I'm an individual that helpspeople, as opposed to I ride
around in an RMP or patrol carall day.
(13:06):
Right, I don't have to go tothe station house anymore.
My new station house is theZoom room.
My new station house is thechurch.
It could be anything right,because what I do is I help
individuals and I make thatconscious choice.
(13:27):
I get to choose how my lifegoes.
I don't let the external worldchoose how the life goes.
When you were a cop ridingaround in your patrol car, we
call them RMPs Radio MotorPatrol in NYPD.
That's why I'll say RMP.
But when you're riding aroundin the patrol car, you get a
(13:51):
radio run.
You go there and you deal withthat radio, whatever it may be
In that radio run.
As you're going to that radiorun, you have complete
confidence in yourself that Ican handle and figure out and
problem solve and come up withsolutions for whatever I face,
(14:18):
with solutions for whatever Iface.
Bring that skillset now outsideof the job into your own lives.
So I want to become a uh, Iwant to.
I want to have a contractorbusiness.
I can have a contractorbusiness.
I can have the faith in myselfthat I know that I'm going to be
able to solve the problems, tofigure things out.
My partner, my partner in realestate did 24 years in the Navy
(14:42):
and he said all we are you hewas talking about him and I him
and I he said all all we are aproblem solvers.
That's what we did at work.
We just solved, solved problems.
So when we come out here intobusiness, it's no different.
We're solving differentproblems but we're still using
the same steps of solving thoseproblems.
(15:02):
So you have the skill set.
You just have to translate itinto a slightly different
environment and that's the andthat's the struggle.
People have trouble seeing isthat you can do that yes because
they don't have the same tools,right, I'm used to using the
(15:23):
law a nightstick, a patrol car,a gun, a taser, mace, verbal,
what they call verbal judo.
Just communication, justpsychological communication.
Right, verbal what they callverbal judo yeah.
Just communication, justpsychological communication.
Yeah Right, so those are thetools of the police officer,
right?
You just have to now take thatskill set and bring it over into
(15:48):
the contractor business.
So, instead of a gun or a radio, instead of a radio, I have a
telephone.
Right, that's communication.
Instead of a nightstick, I havea hammer.
Instead of a gun, I have ascrewdriver.
It's just different tools, butyou're still approaching the
problems in the same thoughtprocess.
(16:09):
What's the worst case scenariohere?
What's the outcome I'm lookingfor?
How can I take those microactions to get through this
situation?
One of the first things I didwhen I was a cop was there was
one room in the house thatnobody was ever allowed to be in
(16:29):
.
When I walked into your house,there was one room.
It was the kitchen, because thekitchen is the most dangerous
room.
There's weapons all over thekitchen.
Not that there can't be weaponsin the couch cushions, I'm not
saying that.
But I'm saying that the kitchenis boiling water, it has
cigarettes, it has pots, it haspans, it has knives, it has four
(16:49):
.
Like it's a dangerous room inthe house.
Like it's a dangerous room inthe house.
So so when I went there, mythought process immediately was
you stand to the side of thedoor, right.
You never stand in front of thedoor and knock on it.
You stand to the side of thedoor and you knock on it, right.
So I still do that to this day.
I've been.
I haven't been a cop since2000,.
(17:09):
Since 2001.
I haven't been a cop since 2001.
That's over 20 years ago.
I still will stand to the sideand knock on the door, right so.
But that's that's the thoughtprocess we go through.
So the problem is there'ssomething going on in this house
.
I'm going to stand to the side,I'm going to knock on the door.
When I go into the door, I'mgoing to separate the occupants,
(17:31):
right.
It's a domestic.
The husband and the wife arenever in the same room.
We separate them.
We never let them in thekitchen.
We never let them out of oursight.
We always see their hands.
Their hands are never allowedto be out of sight, right?
These are all the things thatwe're picking up on.
We have a process that we gothrough when we go on these
(17:53):
radio runs, have a process thatwe go through when we go on
these radio runs.
Now you come into my contractorbusiness.
You just set up that sameprocess right.
What's the first step?
The first step is I have to goto the location.
I have to unload the truck.
I have to know that thiscontracting job is a plumbing
job as opposed to an electricaljob.
(18:13):
It's the same process.
You just have to know that thiscontracting job is a plumbing
job as opposed to an electricaljob.
It's the same process, you justhave to adapt the skill sets
over I, I one of my friend, ryanramp.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
He truly agrees he's.
He was a cop and now he's inmarketing, very successful.
But man, he says he believesthat formal first responders are
some of the best employeespeople can hire.
Yes, quick thinking, you know,they don't get shook, shaken up
by much.
You know, they kind of have allthe perfect skills, able to
(18:44):
multitask.
Um, so, so many of our firstresponders, I feel like their
life's over when they get out sosay they have this dream.
They've been, you know, theyhave this thing.
That's been, you know, god'sbeen putting on their mind to
start a business or to startcoaching other first responders
or, you know, becoming anambassador for our organization
or something like that.
And of course, the first thingto bring the enemy tells itself
(19:05):
is you're not good enough, youcan't do that, you're too old,
you're too dried up.
How do we get from couch tocouch to company?
How do we get ourselvesmotivated to grieve the past and
move forward with direction andintention?
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Direction and intention.
That's the key, right there.
Intention I'm going tointentionally pick the direction
that I'm moving in.
I'm not going to let societytell me what I should or
shouldn't be doing.
That's one.
Two understand how yoursubconscious works.
So you want to start thatmarketing business, that
(19:45):
contractor business, you want tohave a better relationship.
It doesn't matter what youspecifically want to do.
Your subconscious isn't familiarwith that and your subconscious
is going to throw up a ton ofred flags.
One of the thoughts I had whenI was going through this process
was there's no way I could be areal estate investor.
(20:08):
Like, who am I to be a realestate investor?
I don't know anything aboutthat.
I'm a first responder, I'm agrunt.
I just grind it out, I just goand I do it, and what my mentor
showed me is just breaking itdown into micro actions.
You're going to get past yoursubconscious.
(20:29):
So what happens is you decidethat you want to do something.
Your subconscious throws upthose red flags, all of those
things you just said.
Who am I to be doing this?
I'm no businessman.
I don't know how to do this.
I can't do this.
Whatever it is, it's becauseyour subconscious is going in is
seeing unfamiliar territory.
Your mind's meant to keep youalive.
(20:51):
Your mind's about survival.
It's not about growth, it's notabout change, it's not about
doing something bigger andbetter, it's about survival.
And when you say, I want to nowbecome a contractor, I want to
become a marketer, your mindthrows up all of these red flags
.
How do you get past that?
How do you prevent yoursubconscious from doing that?
(21:13):
You dumb down those actions inthe beginning to such a micro
action that your mind, yoursubconscious, can't throw up the
red flag.
So what do I mean by that?
I'm going to start a marketingagency, okay, well, what's one
(21:33):
small thing you can do thatmoves the needle?
But it's so micro that yoursubconscious isn't going to feel
the change happening.
Maybe it's take a course, maybeit's read a book, maybe it's
have a conversation, maybe it'sjust okay.
I'm going to go work for amarketing agency.
But whatever that action is, wemake it so small that we're it
(21:59):
doesn't raise the red flag,because if it doesn't raise the
red flag, then we're going totake that action.
So when I work with individualsuh, I just worked with a guy he
wanted all his big thing was Iwanted to clear out my back room
.
He had a spare bedroom and itwas a complete mess.
(22:20):
Papers everywhere.
Like you, you could barely walkin.
It was like a hoarder's nestright.
And I challenged him to justtake one folder, go through that
folder and take out the piecesof paper and put the pieces of
paper where they actually belong.
So if they were old and youcrumbled them up and you threw
(22:42):
them out, or if it was somethingthat you absolutely needed to
save, maybe it was a socialsecurity card, right.
So you put that social securitycard in its place.
We met a week later and he had25% of his office cleaned out
when we left.
When we, when we had that firstphone call, all he committed to
(23:06):
was one folder, and he could dothat because it was a micro
action.
His subconscious didn't throwup the red flag of oh my god.
Well, what am I going to dowhen I find this?
What am I going to do when Ifind that?
How am I going to deal withthis couch and the chair and the
file cabinet?
His subconscious was like oh no, like I could pick up, like one
(23:28):
folder, and like that's a joke.
And that was enough for him tobuild the momentum.
And when he did that one folder, he was like I'm already here,
let me do another folder andanother folder and another
folder.
Sometimes, now, what thatindividual did was quick, right,
he did 25% of this room in aweek.
(23:51):
I was only expecting a coupleof folders, but then the
following week you do a littlebit more, you add a little bit
more.
You add a little bit more.
You add a little bit morebecause you're starting to take
the actions of the person thatyou want to be.
You're starting to.
I am a person that has anoffice.
That's right.
That's their bedroom.
(24:11):
I am a person that that has aclean space.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
I am a person who goes to the gym.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
I am a person that goes to the gym.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
I had one guy I truly believe in.
If you want to go, to becomestart going to the gym member,
when you start going to the gym,have the goal be drive to the
gym park, put your car inreverse and drive home.
Day one I had a client Next day.
Go in and do one circle on thetrack and walk out.
You are now a person who goesto the gym and works out.
(24:42):
Take that identity and run withit yes, I had.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
I had a client that actually I I didn't make a park
and and come right, just all youhad to do is drive to the gym
and drive like in the parkinglot, drive past the front door,
drive back out and because,exactly like, exactly what you
did, right, like it was just themental hurdle of oh my god, I
(25:07):
don't know how to use themachines, I'm fat, I'm not gonna
look good, I'm gonna lookstupid, like whatever, whatever
excuse comes up, I don't havethe time, like whatever, once
you make that time placement andyou take that action and you go
there.
My guy drove there for anentire week without getting out
of the car.
(25:28):
He was, he was a little bitopposite of the guy that did 25
of his room right in in a week.
This it just took him longer,which is for.
Everybody moves at their ownpace, it's all right.
He went there and now he he'sin the gym five days a week.
It's no big deal to him becausehe gradually, he slowly did it.
(25:53):
Think about when you became acop, right, I don't know about
you or your listeners, but Iwill tell you straight out that
the first day I was on patrol,the very first day I was on
patrol by myself, right like so,in nypd.
Back then you went through theacademy, you came out, you did
essentially what a?
(26:13):
You don't work with an fto innypd.
Um, it was just a group of usand we had one sergeant that was
like our sergeant.
So we were like in our ownlittle squad.
We didn't work side by sidewith an officer.
Yeah and but, and with that,yeah, with that they'd throw you
(26:33):
to the lions.
They'd just be like alright,you got a foot post on this
corner, go stand there if youneed anything.
You got a radio, just ask forhelp.
So here I am, I shit you not.
Then I'm standing in a doorlike it's sort of like a doorway
, and I'm just stay.
I'm standing there like this,praying.
(26:55):
Nobody walks up to me and asksa question because I have no
clue what I'm doing.
Like they basically gave me abadge and a gun and said, yeah,
go out there.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
Like give me, give me , all right some of those you
that are listening can't see him.
He was standing with his bodyreal stiff, like in a, like a
trying to hide position.
Yeah, like I was scared and Ididn't want to.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
I didn't want to be seen.
I was playing how to go seekand I was hiding because I
didn't want to be seen impostersyndrome syndrome, wasn't it
Imposter syndrome?
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Imposter syndrome big time.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Huge imposter syndrome, you got to remember.
I was 20 years old too Backthen.
I really didn't think about it.
But I was just in high schooland here I am now walking the
streets, I got my foot post andI'm like, yeah, just walk up and
down this sidewalk all day long.
Like, yeah, just walk up anddown this sidewalk all day long,
(27:46):
but like now I can go out thereand it's no big deal.
Right, like you get to thepoint because you get your reps
in, you get familiar with it.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Small habits done over a consistent period of time
create big changes.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Small habits consistently over a period of
time.
You want to change your life.
You find the direction you wantto move in right, because you
don't want to be that guy in theraft in the middle of the ocean
, just like bobbing around ifyou ever sat in a, in a tube,
even in a pool, and you closeyour eyes.
(28:31):
All of a sudden you're on theother side of the pool.
You're like how did I get here?
I didn't feel like I was moving.
You're just bobbing around.
That's life just taking youwherever it takes you.
But if you have direction, youhave a direction to move in.
You then take micro actions.
I can just take my hand andjust move the water a little bit
and I can paddle my way acrossthe pool Right.
But I take those micro actions.
(28:52):
And if I take those microactions consistently enough,
change will happen.
Like change is going to happenin your life.
Your life is going to change,happen.
Like change is going to happenin your life.
Your life is going to change.
It's either going to change ina direction you want it to go in
or it's going to change in adirection that life takes it in.
And it's your choice.
You get to choose, because ifyou don't make a choice, that's
(29:15):
still a choice.
You're just choosing.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Choosing to do nothing is a choice 100% and for
our listeners listeners areally good book, I think neil
is.
Uh, if you want to get startedin in this type of mindset, a
book by james clear calledatomic habits.
Um teaches you how to do smallthings consistently over a
period of time and how it bringsout big changes again.
(29:40):
That's atomic habits with withJames Clear.
It's an amazing book.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Take your time with it could I suggest a Atomic
Habits 2.0 book?
Speaker 1 (29:51):
yeah, go for it, suggest whatever you want.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Tiny Habits.
You want to learn how to changeyour behaviors.
You want to learn how toactually develop your habits.
Tiny Habits is written by bjfogg.
He's the founder of thebehavioral lab uh at stanford.
He literally like wrote thebook on on.
(30:18):
So bj james, james, clear inatomic habits references bj's
book okay um, before bj actuallyhad a book james does a very
good job at explaining like.
It's a really good book.
I felt like when I first likewhen I read the first 50 pages
(30:41):
of atomic habits, I was like getout of my head like house, and
this is going back before I wasa mindset guy.
I was like get out of my head,like how do you know this and
you'll form good habits there?
Bj's book will teach you how toactually change your behaviors,
how to make things.
(31:02):
I was talking earlier aboutmaking things so microscopic,
about just going to the gym,right, driving to the gym,
pulling into that parking spot,backing out of that parking spot
and coming home and then goingto the gym, getting out, walking
in, coming out, going home,getting to the gym, walking in,
going around the track oncecoming back home.
That is what tiny habits isabout.
(31:25):
It's about breaking things downreally micro so that you make
the activity so easy that youalmost feel dumb for not
actually taking the action Right, actually taking the action
(31:45):
right.
If I can make the action soeasy, the easier I can make that
action, the more apt I am toactually take that action.
So if you want to develop.
When you're in the developmentstage of things, think about how
I can make this so simple.
I'd have to be an idiot not todo it.
(32:07):
I want to read that book.
Go somewhere that I'm going tosee it and pick it up and read
it.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Again in that book's tiny habits by BJ fog.
If you're listening, if you'rewatching watching on the screen
on YouTube.
I got it pulled up on thescreen there.
You can see it $23 book.
I do all audio books, neil.
I can't sit down and read, man,and it's yeah just not created
that way.
But, boy, all day long.
(32:35):
I love I got to have positivethings going into my head all
the time.
So I'm listening to audio books, I'm listening to sermons in my
earbuds all day long, just tokeep positive things going in my
head.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
That's how you fight, right?
That's how you fight thenegativity of the world, right?
We're positive individuals.
So think about a glass of water, right?
Picture a glass of water.
That's the positive mindset.
But now we have the news.
The news is on and somebody gotshot and this happened and that
happened, and whatever it isright Like.
(33:10):
The news just bombards us withnegativity.
Take a news diet, that'ssomething else, but the news now
.
Take a teaspoon of iced teapowder, stick it in that glass
of water, mix it around.
Now you have a glass that'sbrown and mucky and dirty, right
.
Then you come and you listen tothis podcast, you read that
(33:30):
book, you come to peer groupswhere other individuals are
helping you out.
You're in proximity to peoplethat don't pay attention to
negativity, that repel it.
And that's you taking a pitcherof clear water, pouring it in
that glass of iced tea.
And because you just took agallon pitcher and poured it
(33:52):
into a 16 ounce glass of icedtea, that 16 ounce glass is now
clear water again and that's thepositivity coming back.
You have to constantly overfillon your proximity, on your
positivity.
It's the only way you keep yourhead above water.
(34:13):
It's the light preserver.
It's the light preserver you'rewearing in the raft as you
direct your way down the river.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
I'm so glad you said that because the listeners are
hearing it from somebody morethan me, because that's the
exact kind of analogy I do withthe clean water and the mud
going in it.
And generally we don't havecontrol over the dark water, the
stuff that's being put into ourwater.
Sometimes it's work, it's newsand all that.
But we do have control overwhat I call the clean water time
.
That's why I always tell peoplecheck your clean water time,
(34:39):
because clean water time we dohave control over.
That's our drive to work, wherewe can turn on a christian song
or we can put on an audiobookand something positive in our
drive time.
We can put an earbud in, we cando something positive, we can
go for a run, we can go liftweights.
That's clean water time.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
That's what flushes out the bad I call getting the
goods in the woods yep, so I Itake a walk in in the, literally
in the woods, like I'll.
Like.
I live in the middle of nowherenow, as opposed to new york
city, so I have a lot of hikingtrails here and I'll just go for
a walk in the woods and I justthe quietness of it, the
(35:17):
rustling of the leaves, thebirds.
Sometimes you see a couple ofanimals running around a raccoon
, a fox like, whatever it is,deer, bear like you.
Just, you're just in the woodsand you just decompress.
Um, that's where I get a lotfrom.
I love running water, I lovebeing streamside come on, I love
(35:41):
the smell of the ocean air, Ilove the decompression of the.
The ride home right, so I'mlistening to that podcast.
Maybe on the ride home I go thelong way around, right, so that
I can kind of fill that glass alittle bit because I didn't
(36:01):
have such a good day at work.
Right, because I don't get todetermine what radio calls I go
on, I don't get to determinewhat other people do that I have
to respond to, so sometimes Ineed extra water at the end of
the tour.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
That's right and, neil, if you're okay with this,
we're going to go and close thisepisode out and we're going to
do a second one.
If you can stick around, we'lldo a part two, if that's all
right.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Unless you got to run .
Speaker 2 (36:31):
No, I'm good.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
Like.
I just put them on the spot.
Everybody like put him on thespot, right there Like.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
I could say anything.
I don't have a hard stop so Ican go on for evidence.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Yeah, we're going to stop here about the 36-minute
mark.
That's usually about a good wayto stop it for people's
attention span.
So, guys, we're talking withNeil.
We're talking about tiny habits.
We're talking about microdecisions to change your life,
to get yourself out of a rut, tostart something new in your
life, especially post-lawenforcement, post-first
responder.
We're going to close it there.
(37:05):
Neil's going to pick us back up.
We'll start right off with thetiny habits and head it in the
right direction.
Thank you for tuning in.
I love you all and we will seeyou next week.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
Can I give a teaser?
I'm going to give a teaser.
Guys Tease it.
Part two we're going to betalking about how you actually
change your thought in themoment hold on one second.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
I gotta edit this out or something all right project
shared voice all right, go ahead, buddy.
Sorry, sorry everybody, this isreal life.
We don't edit, we just keeprolling, come on.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
I'm going to give a tease for part two.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
In part two, I'm going to teach a strategy that I
created so that you canliterally change your thought in
the moment, in the moment Inthe moment that's coming in part
two hey, you can control athought if you can capture it,
but you got to capture it first.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
That's the first step actually coming up, part two
meal.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
who knows, we might have part six, seven, eight,
nine, ten.
We're just gonna have him on asa regular because I love his
energy and I love his passion.
So thank you, guys, and we willsee you next week.
God bless, and that wraps upanother episode from the 1042
Project Shared Voices podcast.
Thank you for tuning in andjust a reminder, we are a 501c3.
(38:32):
If you guys can support us, youcan go to our website or if you
know an organization or acompany or your church may want
to get involved in supporting1042 Project's mission of
equipping, restoring,repurposing our first responders
, please reach out to us at10-42projectorg.
There is a giving page on there.
We need your help.
(38:52):
We need your support.
If you can't give financially,please be willing to share the
word of our podcast, of ourorganization and the work that
God's doing.
Thank you and have a blessedweek.
welcome back to another episode of the shared
voices podcast brought to you bythe 1042 project.
I got my new york neil with metoday.
What's up, neil?
Speaker 2 (00:15):
dan how are you, my brother?
Speaker 1 (00:16):
man, I'm good, it's it's it's good to have you on.
Uh, I just you know you sent an, you and I, so you and I have
been going.
I think we've been emailingback and forth for a while.
We finally got connected thisweek and had a chance to finally
meet, meet over zoom, and I gotto hear a little bit about you
and your story and, man, you area guy that's motivated.
(00:36):
You're a guy that's on fire.
Um, you're a guy that is is.
Is whole mission is to coachothers to get more out of
themselves, to see what God'sput in them, to get more out of
themselves, to have more out oflife than they've ever realized.
You are a former firstresponder and, neil, thank you.
Can you just give us a fewminutes here, buddy?
(00:58):
Tell me what's going on in NewYork out there and a little bit
about you, buddy.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Sure.
So I hit every kid's biggestdream.
I grew up and I became a policeofficer and a fireman.
So I did 10 years in nypd andthen I rolled over and I did 14
years in fdny.
And my new chapter is out here,coaching people to help them
design their life.
Because when I left the job, Ifelt a identity crisis, Like
(01:33):
what am I going to do now?
Like I was for 24 years I onlydid one thing, and now I'm out
here like in in world and I haveto figure life out all over
again.
And in going through thatprocess, I decided that I was
going to help other firstresponders kind of do the same
(01:55):
thing.
So I'm happy to be here.
We're going to burn the firetonight and we're going to get
you guys some uh, some hope,some faith and get them moving
in the right direction.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Dude, I love it, man.
I uh, first of all, for ourlisteners.
I know we kind of jumped inthere, but thank you for joining
us.
Um, just some housekeepingstuff.
Um, go to our website.
Um, go to the get connectedarea and we're going to be
starting on Wednesday nights.
I think we're going to do ittwo days, do it four times a
month, once a week, but ondifferent days we're going to be
(02:32):
having our peer support grouponline.
Just people hanging out havingfun talking.
If you want to be part of that,send me an email at
dan-1042projectorg.
Dan at 10-42projectorg.
Get plugged into a group, getplugged into a community, get
plugged into some help and somepeople that love you.
Send me an email and I'll getthe information out to you.
(02:53):
We do not open it up to justeverybody, for obvious reasons,
so send me a link so I can reachout to you and get you verified
, and then we'll get you in thegroup so you can be part of it.
Um, also, um, also also also.
We got some new, uh excitingnews coming out.
Actually, I think I'll save itfor next podcast, so we'll just
(03:15):
hold it for that.
So, uh, anyway, neil, we weretalking, um, I think it was
yesterday, who knows, I don'tknow what day of the week it is
anymore, but I got to hear aboutyou, man, and you got me fired
up just talking that's what youdo.
But you and I got to talkingand this is why I wanted to have
(03:35):
you on Number one.
You're a formal first responderand you were a hero.
And then you were a guy thatsat in a recliner with a garden
hose firefighter guy but uh,anyway, at least you were the
hero first.
No, I'm just kidding, um, butman, so many are of our first
responders that I work with,people that that are, you know,
(03:55):
part of our organization, peoplethat are seeking help, people
that are ambassadors, otherpeople in our organization.
When they struggle, when theyretire, when they leave law
maybe they're still in lawenforcement.
Like you had said before, youlose that sense of purpose, that
sense of identity when you getout of law enforcement and for
me, depression set in big timeand my sense of purpose was gone
(04:19):
.
I had no direction, I had nomission.
I was a dangerous personbecause I didn't want to live.
There was no reason to plan forthe future because I planned on
being dead anyway.
So many of us first responders.
We lose our identity, we loseour hope, we lose our joy when
we leave, and we're on a missionto try to change that, neil,
(04:41):
because our first responders areso much more inside of them
when they leave law enforcement.
God calls us to seasons in life.
He doesn't call us to lifelongcommitments, to jobs that you
have to work for 80 years anddie at the office desk.
He calls us to missions and ifyou worked your mission and
you've finished your career as afirst responder number one, be
(05:01):
proud of it.
No matter how you left, youserved, you served.
Be proud of that, celebrate it,grieve it.
If you need to grieve it, giveit some time but then realize
that your identity is not inthat badge.
It never was, it never is.
The identity is inside of you.
God put that in you and you maynot even know what it is
anymore.
I know for me, man.
(05:22):
I turned my head around one dayand next thing I knew I was a
lost, broken person and it justhappened so fast.
Sometimes we don't evenrecognize it.
But God's put more in you.
So many of our first responderswant to give up.
They go into addictions.
A lot of suicide attempts.
After leaving first respondercareers.
We're trying to get themplugged back in to things that
(05:45):
they enjoy hobbies, get themplugged back into their sports.
If they want to start abusiness, let's get them started
on a business.
Let's repurpose our firstresponders for their next season
in life, and one of the bigways we do that, neil, is we,
through our three pillars is werepurpose them.
We allow their hurt and pain tobe repurposed and be used to
mentor and and ambassador otherfirst responders in our area.
(06:08):
Um, that being said, while Isit there and just blab, blab,
blab forever, so many of us needmotivation.
We have we've forgotten who weare.
We've forgotten what's insideof us.
Neil, how do we bring outwhat's inside of us and spark a
new drive, a new mission in ourlife while dealing with trauma?
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
So, dan, we're going to touch on a lot of great
things today.
We're going to bring the fire,we're going to wake you guys up,
right?
I want to touch upon, if I can,just before I answer that
question.
You made the introduction andyou were talking about your
Wednesday night groups.
You're going to start yourWednesday night groups and your
peer groups and guys.
(06:49):
Send Dan an email, get in onthose groups, take that action.
That's one small action thatyou can take that will better
your future.
And why will it better yourfuture?
Because you're going to haveproximity to other individuals
that are going through the samething you're going through, and
you will then realize that youare not the only one out there,
(07:15):
that there's support for you,and you're going to be seeing
what other people are doing andhow other people are trying to
better their lives within thegroup.
It's all about proximity.
Proximity is one of those bigpillars that I lean on and we're
going to talk much more aboutproximity.
But that peer group send anemail to Dan, ask to be in the
(07:40):
group, jump on a call with him,go through the process, but take
that action.
You asked about identity, youtouched about identity and I
went through a similar situationwhere I wore a badge.
I was a volunteer fireman atthe age of 18 years old.
So I went from the volunteerfire department, I was an EMT, I
(08:07):
was a police officer, I wentinto the fire department to end
out my career.
So I had probably close to 30years of my life and starting
when I was 18, right, I was 18as a volley, 20 as a cop and
then 30 as a fireman.
So my entire life, essentially,was spent as a first responder,
(08:30):
helping people.
And then one day I woke up and Ididn't have to go to work
anymore and I'm like what am Igoing to do now?
And it took me a good three orfour years to figure out what my
next chapter was.
And for me, as a firstresponder, my identity wasn't a
(08:53):
cop, it wasn't a fireman.
That's what I thought myidentity was.
But my identity, my trueidentity, my core identity was
I'm a person that helps otherpeople.
My core identity was I'm aperson that helps other people.
And when I made thatrealization of, oh, I don't need
the fire truck, I don't needthe RMP, I don't need the radio
(09:16):
calls, the fire calls, I don'tneed the external chaos for me
to add value to somebody's life?
Speaker 3 (09:31):
I don't need all of that for me to have an impact on
somebody's life.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Come on, I can have the impact in what I choose to
do in this next chapter.
And for me my first chapteractually started out in real
estate and rehab and run downproperties so that people had a
safe, clean place to live andraise their families.
And then I learned mindsetwithin that realm, in that world
(09:57):
, and when I came upon thatmindset is when everything
started clicking.
Mindset was the one domino thatknocked all the other dominoes
over.
And now I'm out here trying tohelp other first responders make
that transition Like you could.
You could choose to do whateveryou want with your life, right,
(10:18):
it doesn't.
Once you leave the job, thatidentity of cop you don't.
I don't give that up.
I still consider myself afireman, I still consider myself
a first responder.
I don't give that up completely.
I just change the meaning Igive to it.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
So I'm a person now that helps people I love that
because when you, when you knowwho you are and what your
mission is, and then you knowwhen something comes along that
aligns with that mission andthat's what you're supposed to
be part of.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Yes, it gave me.
So when I, when I came uponthat realization, I wasn't lost
anymore.
I wasn't feeling like I was inthe middle of the the ocean, in
little raft, just bobbing aroundand I end up wherever I end up.
When I made that realizationand I chose to take on that
(11:13):
identity of oh, you know what Ireally am a person that helps
other individuals Then I justhad to choose in which lane am I
going to help other individuals?
Am I going to help them inapartments?
Am I going to help them incoaching?
Am I going to help them in lawncare?
Am I going to help them inplumbing, electrical, the trades
(11:36):
.
You could help people.
People are always looking forhelp.
You could help people in somany different ways.
You can help people justthrough conversation.
You can help people onWednesday nights, just being
part of a peer group.
It's it's amazing how manydifferent ways you can help
people and every first responderI mean.
(11:58):
That's why we're firstresponders, because we want to
help people.
We do for the internal rush too, but we want to help people man
, you said that so well.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
I couldn't have said it better myself.
That's it, and you know, whenyou identify, identify yourself
as that which is the truth.
That's what god's called us tobe a light for others, to be a
helper yes so if you have thatmindset and know that in
yourself, then when you leavelaw enforcement, you've lost
nothing.
Yes, because you are still afirst responder, a server of
(12:30):
other people, period, whetheryou're wearing a uniform or
you're meeting for coffee withanother first responder who's
suffering, or you're takingsomebody to church, I mean,
whatever it is, man, that's it.
Yes.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
So you can still have , so you can have the identity.
You can keep your identity afirst responder.
You give it a slightlydifferent meaning, a meaning of
I'm an individual that helpspeople, as opposed to I ride
around in an RMP or patrol carall day.
(13:06):
Right, I don't have to go tothe station house anymore.
My new station house is theZoom room.
My new station house is thechurch.
It could be anything right,because what I do is I help
individuals and I make thatconscious choice.
(13:27):
I get to choose how my lifegoes.
I don't let the external worldchoose how the life goes.
When you were a cop ridingaround in your patrol car, we
call them RMPs Radio MotorPatrol in NYPD.
That's why I'll say RMP.
But when you're riding aroundin the patrol car, you get a
(13:51):
radio run.
You go there and you deal withthat radio, whatever it may be
In that radio run.
As you're going to that radiorun, you have complete
confidence in yourself that Ican handle and figure out and
problem solve and come up withsolutions for whatever I face,
(14:18):
with solutions for whatever Iface.
Bring that skillset now outsideof the job into your own lives.
So I want to become a uh, Iwant to.
I want to have a contractorbusiness.
I can have a contractorbusiness.
I can have the faith in myselfthat I know that I'm going to be
able to solve the problems, tofigure things out.
My partner, my partner in realestate did 24 years in the Navy
(14:42):
and he said all we are you hewas talking about him and I him
and I he said all all we are aproblem solvers.
That's what we did at work.
We just solved, solved problems.
So when we come out here intobusiness, it's no different.
We're solving differentproblems but we're still using
the same steps of solving thoseproblems.
(15:02):
So you have the skill set.
You just have to translate itinto a slightly different
environment and that's the andthat's the struggle.
People have trouble seeing isthat you can do that yes because
they don't have the same tools,right, I'm used to using the
(15:23):
law a nightstick, a patrol car,a gun, a taser, mace, verbal,
what they call verbal judo.
Just communication, justpsychological communication.
Right, verbal what they callverbal judo yeah.
Just communication, justpsychological communication.
Yeah Right, so those are thetools of the police officer,
right?
You just have to now take thatskill set and bring it over into
(15:48):
the contractor business.
So, instead of a gun or a radio, instead of a radio, I have a
telephone.
Right, that's communication.
Instead of a nightstick, I havea hammer.
Instead of a gun, I have ascrewdriver.
It's just different tools, butyou're still approaching the
problems in the same thoughtprocess.
(16:09):
What's the worst case scenariohere?
What's the outcome I'm lookingfor?
How can I take those microactions to get through this
situation?
One of the first things I didwhen I was a cop was there was
one room in the house thatnobody was ever allowed to be in
(16:29):
.
When I walked into your house,there was one room.
It was the kitchen, because thekitchen is the most dangerous
room.
There's weapons all over thekitchen.
Not that there can't be weaponsin the couch cushions, I'm not
saying that.
But I'm saying that the kitchenis boiling water, it has
cigarettes, it has pots, it haspans, it has knives, it has four
(16:49):
.
Like it's a dangerous room inthe house.
Like it's a dangerous room inthe house.
So so when I went there, mythought process immediately was
you stand to the side of thedoor, right.
You never stand in front of thedoor and knock on it.
You stand to the side of thedoor and you knock on it, right.
So I still do that to this day.
I've been.
I haven't been a cop since2000,.
(17:09):
Since 2001.
I haven't been a cop since 2001.
That's over 20 years ago.
I still will stand to the sideand knock on the door, right so.
But that's that's the thoughtprocess we go through.
So the problem is there'ssomething going on in this house
.
I'm going to stand to the side,I'm going to knock on the door.
When I go into the door, I'mgoing to separate the occupants,
(17:31):
right.
It's a domestic.
The husband and the wife arenever in the same room.
We separate them.
We never let them in thekitchen.
We never let them out of oursight.
We always see their hands.
Their hands are never allowedto be out of sight, right?
These are all the things thatwe're picking up on.
We have a process that we gothrough when we go on these
(17:53):
radio runs, have a process thatwe go through when we go on
these radio runs.
Now you come into my contractorbusiness.
You just set up that sameprocess right.
What's the first step?
The first step is I have to goto the location.
I have to unload the truck.
I have to know that thiscontracting job is a plumbing
job as opposed to an electricaljob.
(18:13):
It's the same process.
You just have to know that thiscontracting job is a plumbing
job as opposed to an electricaljob.
It's the same process, you justhave to adapt the skill sets
over I, I one of my friend, ryanramp.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
He truly agrees he's.
He was a cop and now he's inmarketing, very successful.
But man, he says he believesthat formal first responders are
some of the best employeespeople can hire.
Yes, quick thinking, you know,they don't get shook, shaken up
by much.
You know, they kind of have allthe perfect skills, able to
(18:44):
multitask.
Um, so, so many of our firstresponders, I feel like their
life's over when they get out sosay they have this dream.
They've been, you know, theyhave this thing.
That's been, you know, god'sbeen putting on their mind to
start a business or to startcoaching other first responders
or, you know, becoming anambassador for our organization
or something like that.
And of course, the first thingto bring the enemy tells itself
(19:05):
is you're not good enough, youcan't do that, you're too old,
you're too dried up.
How do we get from couch tocouch to company?
How do we get ourselvesmotivated to grieve the past and
move forward with direction andintention?
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Direction and intention.
That's the key, right there.
Intention I'm going tointentionally pick the direction
that I'm moving in.
I'm not going to let societytell me what I should or
shouldn't be doing.
That's one.
Two understand how yoursubconscious works.
So you want to start thatmarketing business, that
(19:45):
contractor business, you want tohave a better relationship.
It doesn't matter what youspecifically want to do.
Your subconscious isn't familiarwith that and your subconscious
is going to throw up a ton ofred flags.
One of the thoughts I had whenI was going through this process
was there's no way I could be areal estate investor.
(20:08):
Like, who am I to be a realestate investor?
I don't know anything aboutthat.
I'm a first responder, I'm agrunt.
I just grind it out, I just goand I do it, and what my mentor
showed me is just breaking itdown into micro actions.
You're going to get past yoursubconscious.
(20:29):
So what happens is you decidethat you want to do something.
Your subconscious throws upthose red flags, all of those
things you just said.
Who am I to be doing this?
I'm no businessman.
I don't know how to do this.
I can't do this.
Whatever it is, it's becauseyour subconscious is going in is
seeing unfamiliar territory.
Your mind's meant to keep youalive.
(20:51):
Your mind's about survival.
It's not about growth, it's notabout change, it's not about
doing something bigger andbetter, it's about survival.
And when you say, I want to nowbecome a contractor, I want to
become a marketer, your mindthrows up all of these red flags
.
How do you get past that?
How do you prevent yoursubconscious from doing that?
(21:13):
You dumb down those actions inthe beginning to such a micro
action that your mind, yoursubconscious, can't throw up the
red flag.
So what do I mean by that?
I'm going to start a marketingagency, okay, well, what's one
(21:33):
small thing you can do thatmoves the needle?
But it's so micro that yoursubconscious isn't going to feel
the change happening.
Maybe it's take a course, maybeit's read a book, maybe it's
have a conversation, maybe it'sjust okay.
I'm going to go work for amarketing agency.
But whatever that action is, wemake it so small that we're it
(21:59):
doesn't raise the red flag,because if it doesn't raise the
red flag, then we're going totake that action.
So when I work with individualsuh, I just worked with a guy he
wanted all his big thing was Iwanted to clear out my back room
.
He had a spare bedroom and itwas a complete mess.
(22:20):
Papers everywhere.
Like you, you could barely walkin.
It was like a hoarder's nestright.
And I challenged him to justtake one folder, go through that
folder and take out the piecesof paper and put the pieces of
paper where they actually belong.
So if they were old and youcrumbled them up and you threw
(22:42):
them out, or if it was somethingthat you absolutely needed to
save, maybe it was a socialsecurity card, right.
So you put that social securitycard in its place.
We met a week later and he had25% of his office cleaned out
when we left.
When we, when we had that firstphone call, all he committed to
(23:06):
was one folder, and he could dothat because it was a micro
action.
His subconscious didn't throwup the red flag of oh my god.
Well, what am I going to dowhen I find this?
What am I going to do when Ifind that?
How am I going to deal withthis couch and the chair and the
file cabinet?
His subconscious was like oh no, like I could pick up, like one
(23:28):
folder, and like that's a joke.
And that was enough for him tobuild the momentum.
And when he did that one folder, he was like I'm already here,
let me do another folder andanother folder and another
folder.
Sometimes, now, what thatindividual did was quick, right,
he did 25% of this room in aweek.
(23:51):
I was only expecting a coupleof folders, but then the
following week you do a littlebit more, you add a little bit
more.
You add a little bit more.
You add a little bit morebecause you're starting to take
the actions of the person thatyou want to be.
You're starting to.
I am a person that has anoffice.
That's right.
That's their bedroom.
(24:11):
I am a person that that has aclean space.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
I am a person who goes to the gym.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
I am a person that goes to the gym.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
I had one guy I truly believe in.
If you want to go, to becomestart going to the gym member,
when you start going to the gym,have the goal be drive to the
gym park, put your car inreverse and drive home.
Day one I had a client Next day.
Go in and do one circle on thetrack and walk out.
You are now a person who goesto the gym and works out.
(24:42):
Take that identity and run withit yes, I had.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
I had a client that actually I I didn't make a park
and and come right, just all youhad to do is drive to the gym
and drive like in the parkinglot, drive past the front door,
drive back out and because,exactly like, exactly what you
did, right, like it was just themental hurdle of oh my god, I
(25:07):
don't know how to use themachines, I'm fat, I'm not gonna
look good, I'm gonna lookstupid, like whatever, whatever
excuse comes up, I don't havethe time, like whatever, once
you make that time placement andyou take that action and you go
there.
My guy drove there for anentire week without getting out
of the car.
(25:28):
He was, he was a little bitopposite of the guy that did 25
of his room right in in a week.
This it just took him longer,which is for.
Everybody moves at their ownpace, it's all right.
He went there and now he he'sin the gym five days a week.
It's no big deal to him becausehe gradually, he slowly did it.
(25:53):
Think about when you became acop, right, I don't know about
you or your listeners, but Iwill tell you straight out that
the first day I was on patrol,the very first day I was on
patrol by myself, right like so,in nypd.
Back then you went through theacademy, you came out, you did
essentially what a?
(26:13):
You don't work with an fto innypd.
Um, it was just a group of usand we had one sergeant that was
like our sergeant.
So we were like in our ownlittle squad.
We didn't work side by sidewith an officer.
Yeah and but, and with that,yeah, with that they'd throw you
(26:33):
to the lions.
They'd just be like alright,you got a foot post on this
corner, go stand there if youneed anything.
You got a radio, just ask forhelp.
So here I am, I shit you not.
Then I'm standing in a doorlike it's sort of like a doorway
, and I'm just stay.
I'm standing there like this,praying.
(26:55):
Nobody walks up to me and asksa question because I have no
clue what I'm doing.
Like they basically gave me abadge and a gun and said, yeah,
go out there.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
Like give me, give me , all right some of those you
that are listening can't see him.
He was standing with his bodyreal stiff, like in a, like a
trying to hide position.
Yeah, like I was scared and Ididn't want to.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
I didn't want to be seen.
I was playing how to go seekand I was hiding because I
didn't want to be seen impostersyndrome syndrome, wasn't it
Imposter syndrome?
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Imposter syndrome big time.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Huge imposter syndrome, you got to remember.
I was 20 years old too Backthen.
I really didn't think about it.
But I was just in high schooland here I am now walking the
streets, I got my foot post andI'm like, yeah, just walk up and
down this sidewalk all day long.
Like, yeah, just walk up anddown this sidewalk all day long,
(27:46):
but like now I can go out thereand it's no big deal.
Right, like you get to thepoint because you get your reps
in, you get familiar with it.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Small habits done over a consistent period of time
create big changes.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
Small habits consistently over a period of
time.
You want to change your life.
You find the direction you wantto move in right, because you
don't want to be that guy in theraft in the middle of the ocean
, just like bobbing around ifyou ever sat in a, in a tube,
even in a pool, and you closeyour eyes.
(28:31):
All of a sudden you're on theother side of the pool.
You're like how did I get here?
I didn't feel like I was moving.
You're just bobbing around.
That's life just taking youwherever it takes you.
But if you have direction, youhave a direction to move in.
You then take micro actions.
I can just take my hand andjust move the water a little bit
and I can paddle my way acrossthe pool Right.
But I take those micro actions.
(28:52):
And if I take those microactions consistently enough,
change will happen.
Like change is going to happenin your life.
Your life is going to change,happen.
Like change is going to happenin your life.
Your life is going to change.
It's either going to change ina direction you want it to go in
or it's going to change in adirection that life takes it in.
And it's your choice.
You get to choose, because ifyou don't make a choice, that's
(29:15):
still a choice.
You're just choosing.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Choosing to do nothing is a choice 100% and for
our listeners listeners areally good book, I think neil
is.
Uh, if you want to get startedin in this type of mindset, a
book by james clear calledatomic habits.
Um teaches you how to do smallthings consistently over a
period of time and how it bringsout big changes again.
(29:40):
That's atomic habits with withJames Clear.
It's an amazing book.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Take your time with it could I suggest a Atomic
Habits 2.0 book?
Speaker 1 (29:51):
yeah, go for it, suggest whatever you want.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Tiny Habits.
You want to learn how to changeyour behaviors.
You want to learn how toactually develop your habits.
Tiny Habits is written by bjfogg.
He's the founder of thebehavioral lab uh at stanford.
He literally like wrote thebook on on.
(30:18):
So bj james, james, clear inatomic habits references bj's
book okay um, before bj actuallyhad a book james does a very
good job at explaining like.
It's a really good book.
I felt like when I first likewhen I read the first 50 pages
(30:41):
of atomic habits, I was like getout of my head like house, and
this is going back before I wasa mindset guy.
I was like get out of my head,like how do you know this and
you'll form good habits there?
Bj's book will teach you how toactually change your behaviors,
how to make things.
(31:02):
I was talking earlier aboutmaking things so microscopic,
about just going to the gym,right, driving to the gym,
pulling into that parking spot,backing out of that parking spot
and coming home and then goingto the gym, getting out, walking
in, coming out, going home,getting to the gym, walking in,
going around the track oncecoming back home.
That is what tiny habits isabout.
(31:25):
It's about breaking things downreally micro so that you make
the activity so easy that youalmost feel dumb for not
actually taking the action Right, actually taking the action
(31:45):
right.
If I can make the action soeasy, the easier I can make that
action, the more apt I am toactually take that action.
So if you want to develop.
When you're in the developmentstage of things, think about how
I can make this so simple.
I'd have to be an idiot not todo it.
(32:07):
I want to read that book.
Go somewhere that I'm going tosee it and pick it up and read
it.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Again in that book's tiny habits by BJ fog.
If you're listening, if you'rewatching watching on the screen
on YouTube.
I got it pulled up on thescreen there.
You can see it $23 book.
I do all audio books, neil.
I can't sit down and read, man,and it's yeah just not created
that way.
But, boy, all day long.
(32:35):
I love I got to have positivethings going into my head all
the time.
So I'm listening to audio books, I'm listening to sermons in my
earbuds all day long, just tokeep positive things going in my
head.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
That's how you fight, right?
That's how you fight thenegativity of the world, right?
We're positive individuals.
So think about a glass of water, right?
Picture a glass of water.
That's the positive mindset.
But now we have the news.
The news is on and somebody gotshot and this happened and that
happened, and whatever it isright Like.
(33:10):
The news just bombards us withnegativity.
Take a news diet, that'ssomething else, but the news now
.
Take a teaspoon of iced teapowder, stick it in that glass
of water, mix it around.
Now you have a glass that'sbrown and mucky and dirty, right
.
Then you come and you listen tothis podcast, you read that
(33:30):
book, you come to peer groupswhere other individuals are
helping you out.
You're in proximity to peoplethat don't pay attention to
negativity, that repel it.
And that's you taking a pitcherof clear water, pouring it in
that glass of iced tea.
And because you just took agallon pitcher and poured it
(33:52):
into a 16 ounce glass of icedtea, that 16 ounce glass is now
clear water again and that's thepositivity coming back.
You have to constantly overfillon your proximity, on your
positivity.
It's the only way you keep yourhead above water.
(34:13):
It's the light preserver.
It's the light preserver you'rewearing in the raft as you
direct your way down the river.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
I'm so glad you said that because the listeners are
hearing it from somebody morethan me, because that's the
exact kind of analogy I do withthe clean water and the mud
going in it.
And generally we don't havecontrol over the dark water, the
stuff that's being put into ourwater.
Sometimes it's work, it's newsand all that.
But we do have control overwhat I call the clean water time
.
That's why I always tell peoplecheck your clean water time,
(34:39):
because clean water time we dohave control over.
That's our drive to work, wherewe can turn on a christian song
or we can put on an audiobookand something positive in our
drive time.
We can put an earbud in, we cando something positive, we can
go for a run, we can go liftweights.
That's clean water time.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
That's what flushes out the bad I call getting the
goods in the woods yep, so I Itake a walk in in the, literally
in the woods, like I'll.
Like.
I live in the middle of nowherenow, as opposed to new york
city, so I have a lot of hikingtrails here and I'll just go for
a walk in the woods and I justthe quietness of it, the
(35:17):
rustling of the leaves, thebirds.
Sometimes you see a couple ofanimals running around a raccoon
, a fox like, whatever it is,deer, bear like you.
Just, you're just in the woodsand you just decompress.
Um, that's where I get a lotfrom.
I love running water, I lovebeing streamside come on, I love
(35:41):
the smell of the ocean air, Ilove the decompression of the.
The ride home right, so I'mlistening to that podcast.
Maybe on the ride home I go thelong way around, right, so that
I can kind of fill that glass alittle bit because I didn't
(36:01):
have such a good day at work.
Right, because I don't get todetermine what radio calls I go
on, I don't get to determinewhat other people do that I have
to respond to, so sometimes Ineed extra water at the end of
the tour.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
That's right and, neil, if you're okay with this,
we're going to go and close thisepisode out and we're going to
do a second one.
If you can stick around, we'lldo a part two, if that's all
right.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Unless you got to run .
Speaker 2 (36:31):
No, I'm good.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
Like.
I just put them on the spot.
Everybody like put him on thespot, right there Like.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
I could say anything.
I don't have a hard stop so Ican go on for evidence.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Yeah, we're going to stop here about the 36-minute
mark.
That's usually about a good wayto stop it for people's
attention span.
So, guys, we're talking withNeil.
We're talking about tiny habits.
We're talking about microdecisions to change your life,
to get yourself out of a rut, tostart something new in your
life, especially post-lawenforcement, post-first
responder.
We're going to close it there.
(37:05):
Neil's going to pick us back up.
We'll start right off with thetiny habits and head it in the
right direction.
Thank you for tuning in.
I love you all and we will seeyou next week.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
Can I give a teaser?
I'm going to give a teaser.
Guys Tease it.
Part two we're going to betalking about how you actually
change your thought in themoment hold on one second.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
I gotta edit this out or something all right project
shared voice all right, go ahead, buddy.
Sorry, sorry everybody, this isreal life.
We don't edit, we just keeprolling, come on.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
I'm going to give a tease for part two.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
In part two, I'm going to teach a strategy that I
created so that you canliterally change your thought in
the moment, in the moment Inthe moment that's coming in part
two hey, you can control athought if you can capture it,
but you got to capture it first.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
That's the first step actually coming up, part two
meal.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
who knows, we might have part six, seven, eight,
nine, ten.
We're just gonna have him on asa regular because I love his
energy and I love his passion.
So thank you, guys, and we willsee you next week.
God bless, and that wraps upanother episode from the 1042
Project Shared Voices podcast.
Thank you for tuning in andjust a reminder, we are a 501c3.
(38:32):
If you guys can support us, youcan go to our website or if you
know an organization or acompany or your church may want
to get involved in supporting1042 Project's mission of
equipping, restoring,repurposing our first responders
, please reach out to us at10-42projectorg.
There is a giving page on there.
We need your help.
(38:52):
We need your support.
If you can't give financially,please be willing to share the
word of our podcast, of ourorganization and the work that
God's doing.
Thank you and have a blessedweek.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show
The Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show. Clay Travis and Buck Sexton tackle the biggest stories in news, politics and current events with intelligence and humor. From the border crisis, to the madness of cancel culture and far-left missteps, Clay and Buck guide listeners through the latest headlines and hot topics with fun and entertaining conversations and opinions.