Can I vent ? (4)

Ever felt the tug-of-war between pleasing others and tending to your own well-being? That's the heart of our latest conversation, where Smillee B and I, Eva G, peel back the layers on the complexities of setting boundaries and the sweet liberation that comes when you finally say 'no'. This episode is a candid journey through our own stories of personal growth, the courage it takes to redefine roles within our relationships, and the transformative power we've discovered in affirming our multifaceted selves.

Hey SBC supporters! Want to connect with us ? You can send us a text message.

Support the show

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
She bold, she real, and she's definitely ready.
Hey guys, it's your girl,smiley B and Eva G.
We are back with another.

(00:23):
Can I Vint?
Yes, my favorite.
It's been a minute since we dida.
Can I Vent?

Speaker 2 (00:29):
It's been a minute since I did a Can I Vent with my
friends period, like I got alot to get off my chest.

Speaker 1 (00:33):
Really.
Yeah me too.
It's just, you know, this yearI told myself I was starting out
clean slate, fresh, leaving2023 in 2023.
But, baby, when I tell you,some energies have tried to
transfer over into this new yearand I'm just not with it, like

(00:55):
I'm not with it.
I've just been in my biblepraying to God, like to provide
me clarity on certain things,because just certain things just
not staying right with me.

Speaker 2 (01:04):
Right.
And you know, whenever you prayto God for something like the
test because the enemy probablyhe hear those things too.
But you know, when you say thatyou want to make a change,
something always pops up to kindof test you.
You know so a situation willcome your way and then it's like
are you going to continue thebehavior of whatever?

Speaker 1 (01:23):
you were doing before that prayer?

Speaker 2 (01:25):
Or are you going to say you know what?
Here's what I said.
I'm going to do in thissituation.
This is how I'm going to change.
So you've been tested.
Are you being tested?
No for sure, you're beingtested?

Speaker 1 (01:36):
I think so.
I think I'm being tested.
I think it's just a matter ofeverything.
I think it's just a matter ofeverything.
I feel like I've gotten clarityon a lot of stuff, but I feel
like some stuff I'm still notcertain of, I feel like and it's
things that are near and dearto me.

(01:57):
So it's like that just makes iteven more harder, because you
want to make sure that you'rehandling certain things gently,
you know, and you just don'twant to make sure that you're
handling certain things gently,you know, and you just don't
want to make certain mistakes,or you just don't want to make
decisions off of emotion likethat.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
I don't understand why didn't he make me gentle
like?
Why can I not be like that?
I don't know because I justhandle it.
So I feel like it's.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
So.
I've been getting this messageand it's been more like I kept
seeing things about like thedifference between being kind
and nice.
You know what I'm saying okayand you know finding what that
means.
You know because for somebodylike me I spoke about it plenty
of times on podcasts it's likebeing a people pleaser.
That is one of my the you knowcons about myself.
Like if I had to weigh out thepros and the cons, of course, I

(02:41):
feel like the pros are you know,I'll weigh the cons in.
Of course I feel like the prosare, you know, outweigh the cons
in my personality.
But I feel like the peoplepleasing spirit in me, you know,
of course I feel like that hadcame from just my childhood and
my upbringing and things that Ihave been through and, um, you
know, just feeling like that wasthe gift, that was a gift that
I had.

(03:01):
But it's like at the same timeit's a burden, because you're
trying to be mindful ofeverybody else and do and give
yourself to everybody else andeverything, but you're not
really really filling yourselfin and making sure that you're
straight until you realize like,okay, I'm not good, you know,
until it's really bad, it's whenyou really notice it.
And so that people pleasingspirit is just not good.

(03:24):
And I don't see, I haven'tfound in the bible yet where it
says that that is, you know, acommandment or that's something
that we're called to do.
You know the lord does say youknow we should, you know, treat,
be kind, and you know, love thyneighbor, be gentle, have
compassion, you know, like that.
But to sit around and justbasically compromise your

(03:46):
happiness and your peace to makesomebody else happy or to make
another situation happy or makesense.
That doesn't, you know, thatdoesn't really make sense.
But one thing about me is likeI kind of get tied up in that
and that's what, you know, tugsat my heart and at my spirit,
because it's like you know, Ifeel damned if I do, damned if I

(04:08):
don't, and I don't like that.
That's one of the things that Ido love about you.
I have to learn how to draw theline.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
Yes, but that is one of the things that I love about
you the most.
You know Like you are sohelpful like to everyone.
But when you talk to me aboutcertain stories you know me,
like my advice it soundsdifferent from yours.
So sometimes even I know y'allall have that friend Smiley is
my friend where if I make a textmessage and I'm about to send

(04:33):
it but I have to call her reallyquick and read it out loud Like
, help me fix this and not sounddisrespectful, because for me
my whole thing is I either treatif I have to say what I need to
say, I just make sure I'm notbeing respectful or am I being
disrespectful, like that's how Ilook at it.
I don't care about the wholenice kind, I don't want to say
no Like.
I just want to make sure whatI'm saying is not disrespectful.

(04:56):
Yeah, Did you ever?
You know you just need to.
I've been telling her foreverSometimes you need to say no,
even when you can say yes.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
Just practice this no , I definitely need to start
standing in my nose more, but Ialso just need to you know, just
make it clear to people thatlike, yeah, I am this person,
but that's not all I am.
You know what I'm saying.
If this is all you see from me,if this is all you see when you
see me, or when you think of me, this, all you think of me is
like, what I can get out of herwhat she's willing to do.

Speaker 2 (05:24):
That's the worst.

Speaker 1 (05:25):
Then just stay away from me, because I'm not that
type of person.
I see everybody and I loveeverybody for everything.

Speaker 2 (05:31):
You know because, but they're not going to stay away
from you because they're gettingwhat they want.

Speaker 1 (05:35):
Yeah, but no because what is going to is starting to
trigger me in a sense like whereyou're about to blow up.

Speaker 2 (05:42):
I can't wait.
I hope I'm here for it.

Speaker 1 (05:43):
No, I'm not with that like.
It's just because for me it'slike I can forgive and move on,
like forgiveness is somethingthat I have become, you know,
more a being more able to dofreely, like and it's not as
difficult as it was for me, youknow, years ago, but it becomes
a thing where I can just if youdo some stuff and it's like I

(06:07):
feel like you just continuing todo it and you know that you're
doing it and you're just tryingto continue to take advantage I
will cut you out of my lifecompletely.
So would you rather have limitedaccess to me or no access to me
at all?
You know what I'm saying andthat's what it's coming down to
with a lot of people in my lifeand in my you know, close

(06:28):
circles, like, if you're not andthis is just, you know, because
I had to realize, even intherapy, like I had to drop my
expectations down from people orbeing able to accept people for
who they are and meeting themwhere they are, and I decide
whether I want to deal with youor not.
And if, if I want to deal withyou, I have to accept you for
who you are, I can't change you,regardless of how much I want

(06:51):
to or how much I feel like youcan change.
That's not my job.
My job is to.
If I'm going to accept you, Ihave to love you and accept you
for who you are, and I'velearned that.
And so, before you know when Iwas like okay, if you do this,
if you do that, you know this iswhat I expect from people.
It's like if you do this, if youdon't do that, then that means
this to me.
If you don't show up for me inthis way, that means this for me
.
And it's like now I understandthat everybody doesn't have.

Speaker 2 (07:13):
I've seen your growth with that.

Speaker 1 (07:18):
Yeah, you know.
But at the same time, thatdoesn't mean that me allowing
myself to let go of expectationsof people.
That doesn't mean that I justhave to allow and accept
anything either, though right,because whatever is healthy for
me I'll deal with that, and ifit's not healthy for me, that
means I can still just step awayand not do it, and I can love
you from a distance and anyonewho is supposed to be around and

(07:39):
who loves and appreciates youfor you and not everything that
you just do for them yeah theywon't have a problem with those
boundaries.
you know, yeah, like I'm just, Ijust want to be at peace,
that's all.
I'm just asking for peace,that's all I pray for regularly.
That is one of the things thatI pray for regularly is just
peace, and I want that foreverybody.

(07:59):
You get what I'm saying andthat's the thing too is like,
even in my people pleasingspirit, I always think like,
okay, well, if I change this,you know, this might not only,
you know, benefit me, but italso may benefit this person.
If I change things with thisrelationship in this way, it
could be beneficial for both ofus, you know, for both parties,
for both ends.

(08:19):
You know what I'm sayingBecause my people peace and
spirit has kind of, you know,manifested itself into some type
of some sort of enabling forcertain people as well.
If they just know, oh, if Idon't do this or if I don't show
up in this way, I could dependon Rikita.
That's enabling because I'mshowing up and I'm I'm being

(08:41):
that crutch.
You get what I'm saying.
So if I pull back from that aswell, it's benefiting them too,
because now you got to stand tentoes for yourself.
You can't just slack offbecause you know you have me.

Speaker 2 (08:54):
You might be interfering with God's lessons
for other people too.
God might want certain people toactually hit rock bottom and
actually deal with theconsequences of some of their
decisions.
But if they know every time,look, I'm short on my rent again
.
Let me go on, regina.
Like, why would I you know whatI mean?
Why would I learn to budget orbe more financially responsible?

(09:16):
If I know, I can just callso-and-so to have me when I fall
, because I don't know if youever saw that video.
But you just need to practicesaying no and for a little
razzle dazzle, add an extra hellno to it did you ever see that
video?
oh my gosh, I love it.
Like a girl in a video thatwent viral she was like
everybody got a problem sayingno.
I don't, I love to say no and Iadd a little hell.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
No just for a little razzle dazzle, because it's
giving no yeah, because at theend of the day it's like I think
you know, regardless of what itis it's like, and I feel like
for a lot of people.
They look at me and they'relike, oh, you know, she makes
this look easy.
I don't know what it is youknow about me and I can't see me
through other people's lenses,but what I will say is that,

(10:01):
regardless of what it looks likeon the outside, sometimes I'm
not emotionally, physically,financially, spiritually there
to be there for people.
Just because I have, you know,the 101 times that I've done
before, that doesn't mean that102nd time, that 102nd time that
I will be able to do that orshow up in that way no, and so

(10:24):
consider me in that way too.
You know what I'm saying.
That's where it's hurtful,because it's like regardless,
I'm still human, regardless ofwhat it looks like on the
outside.
Yes, I'm always smiling, hencewhy, you know, I have the name,
the nickname, smiley b.
You know people used to call methat all the time like smiley,
you, always smiling, but thatdoesn't mean that I'm always
happy.
That's just who I am.

(10:46):
I'm always smiling, and it'sjust.
It almost became a mask becausegrowing up or just going
through a lot of stuff that I'vewent through, I wasn't always
smiling, or in on the inside,for sure you know what I'm
saying.
So it just became a thing whereit's like if I smiled and it
won't be noticeable if I smile,I don't have to talk about it.

(11:08):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
I don't have to.
You know, people won't see it,you know, whatever like.
But yeah, like, just considerme in that way, you know
definitely you do smile a lot,so that might make people.

Speaker 2 (11:19):
but they might also just be looking at what you have
on the outside, like Like, oh,you know she's good with this.
Like she has this going on,this going on, Like she got it.
You know it ain't going to beno problem to have it for
something if she got it and Ihate when people assume that you
know, and I might got it, but Imight got it for me.

Speaker 1 (11:36):
Yeah, I might have it for me and my household and
what my life consists of, andthat sister and that's what I
mean, like, just consider me inthat way.
Yes, because I don't look atpeople like that, right, I don't
think like that.
You know what I'm saying.
I know there's a lot of peoplein my life that even have more
than what I have and I couldeasily I know they would just
because of the relationship Ican be like, oh you know, what
can I get out of this person?

(11:57):
I can get this out, but that'snot who.
I am, right, I genuinely lovepeople and if you, you know, are
there for me or you offer hereand there, I might accept or
whatever, but I'm just not thatperson and I Just hate that.
I have a lot of People in mylife that is Like that and it
seems like you know what I'msaying.
Maybe they're not doing itintentionally.
Like I said, it becomes a habitFor some people.

(12:19):
I feel like it just becomes,you know, second nature.
You get what I'm saying.
Like, even Just when I'm goingthrough certain things, I just
automatically call you likeyou're that it just became
second nature.
It's not because you know whatI'm saying, I'm just like oh you
know, let me see, let me callyou know, interrupt her day and
you know, you know, but it'sjust habit, because since we've

(12:41):
been kids, there's just certainstuff that I'll talk to you
about or come to you about thatI want other people, right, but
even with that I have toconsider you because you have a
life.
So it's like, okay, maybe todayshe's not, maybe let me ask or
lead with seeing how she feel,let me check her temperature to
see if she's, you know, readyand willing for me If she can

(13:02):
take this on.

Speaker 2 (13:03):
Yeah, if she can take this on, cause if I'm already
mad and you tell me somethingthat's gonna make me even more
mad, let's just pull up, causeat this point they got us all
fucked up and I'm done you knowwhat I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (13:12):
so I think that that's what I've been struggling
with and that's what I've beenbeing about and I've been
getting it out to the Lord,cause I've been just like you
know, like Lord, please makethis clear to me Like, what am I
doing wrong?
What do I need to changewithout compromising me as a
person who you've called me tobe?
Because, like I said, I do feellike it is a gift and it is a
curse.
I can be there and I can, I can, you know, um, I can speak life

(13:40):
into people.
I'm very dependable.
I love that about me, but thosethings all together, kind of
just and maybe that's what it is.

Speaker 2 (13:47):
Maybe God just wants you to speak life into people.
Yeah, you know, maybe hedoesn't necessarily want these
people in your you know, I don'tknow in your space.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
Yeah, like you know, my sphere, yeah, yeah, no for
sure, like, don't know, and Ijust feel like being able to
stand in my nose or being ableto just have more of a boundary
doesn't, it should not affect,and I think that that's what I
worry about the most.
It's like the, the, the aftereffect of like drawing that line

(14:24):
, or just being able to changethe night and that dynamic with
certain relationships, becauseif the relationship is rooted in
this, that's what I'm sayingwhat you say.

Speaker 2 (14:34):
if I say no, how are you going?

Speaker 1 (14:34):
to act, then how are you going to act?
Is this relationship going toeven be existing?
You get what I'm saying and Ijust have to be okay with the
fallout, whether it goes left orwhether it goes right.
I just have to be okay withthat.
So I just have to continue topray about that, because I think
that that's what it is.
Or like, if I do start to dothis or, you know, change this,

(14:57):
what will other people think ofme?
Like the people that's closest.
I don't really care about otherpeople or outsiders.
What they care, I care, but notto the point where it's like oh
, it's that big of a deal, butthe people that's closest to me,
what would they feel like aboutme?
But even that I have to let gobecause it's like I know who I
am, I know.

Speaker 2 (15:18):
So are you saying that?
You wonder if, by you saying noand standing on your nose, are
you worrying who the people thatyou know really do have your
back and are there for the rightreasons You're worried about
how they're going to judge youfor saying no to other people.

Speaker 1 (15:36):
I think it just will be like not even necessarily
that, just people in general,like not even you know the
people that's closest to me orwhatever, because I mean I guess
everybody's true colors willshow in that moment is what I'm
saying?
Like I feel like anybody who'sanybody that is in my life who
has any type of relationshipwith me.
If I make certain decisions, ifI create certain boundaries, if

(15:58):
I make certain changes, youknow the fallout all the way
around, like what therelationship will be with this
person or this person, or whatwould that person think.
You know the fallout all theway around, like what the
relationship will be with thisperson or this person, or what
would that person think.
You know if I decided to dothat.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (16:12):
It's kind of hard to to explain it without going in
complete no, you're just such anice person and like you, just
care so much, and I just don'tcare yeah and it just, and I
just like I'm saying no, likeI'm just gonna say no, even when
I can if I don't feel yeah, andI just like I'm saying no, like
I'm just going to say no, evenwhen I can If I don't feel like
it, if I'm tired, shoot.
Especially like when it comesto like financial, like people

(16:33):
you know asking for money orwanting money or a large lump
sum of money.
How I look at it is, first ofall, whatever I'm giving you, I
have to work this many hours toget that, so I'm already looking
at it like that, you know.
And then it's like it's coming,like that's something I could
be getting ahead on a bill orgiving to my kids, or something
like that.
So when I think about stufflike that, it makes it real easy
for me to say no if I reallydon't have it, you know what I

(16:54):
mean.

Speaker 1 (16:55):
And, like you say, I think it does become a thing
where it's like what blessingsI'm blocking or how I'm standing
in the way of God's planSomebody else's journey.
They may not understand either,because I honestly and truly
believe that in I feel like I amblessed and highly favored.

Speaker 2 (17:12):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (17:13):
And I don't, and that's so crazy because I don't
measure my.
I don't measure me beingblessed and highly favored based
off of the things that I haveor the things that I've been
granted.

Speaker 2 (17:22):
I base it off of what I've been through and what he's
brought me through, you getwhat I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (17:26):
I say all the time All the things that he's brought
me through.

Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yes, seriously.

Speaker 1 (17:30):
And so, with that being said, it's like anybody
connected to me, anything andanybody connected to me, you're
going to be blessed in any way,so anything that you're looking
to get from me is going to be 10times greater if you be patient
and just wait on God to justbless us all you get what I'm
saying.
And that's where we have totake the selfishness out of it.

(17:51):
And just, you know what I'msaying.
That's where it has to come, andthat's why I think, like I said
, I have to learn to just beokay with the fallout, because
that's just going to be theirloss, correct?
If you feel like, because Idon't do what you need me to do
or I'm not, you know the personthat you feel like I need to be

(18:12):
for you, that's fine.
You know what I'm saying andthat disconnect is going to be
there, but, like I said, that'sjust going to be you, you know,
stepping away from whatever itis that the Lord has already
ordained over my life andeverybody connected to me, and
that's what I'm realizing inthis season too.
You know what I'm saying,mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 (18:30):
So yeah, I'm ready for you to be mean.
I'm ready for you to be mean.

Speaker 1 (18:35):
I think I just have to yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:40):
Yeah, I think I just have to Like you're very
particular about how you wordthings to people to try to be
nice and, you know, not createany eggshells for anybody to
walk on.
Bitch, I'm throwing eggs, yeah,like I don't care and that just
made me think about when.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
Because, you right, I literally the other day and I
put this on my story and this ismy we didn't do a wth moment
okay, at the beginning of thepodcast, but I'm gonna throw
this in there.

Speaker 2 (19:04):
This is my, we didn't do a wth moment okay at the
beginning of the podcast, butI'm gonna throw this in there.

Speaker 1 (19:06):
This is my wth moment because this I was at the store
the other day waiting for thestore to open.
It was running late I don'tknow what they had going on, but
they was running a little lateand we were standing outside and
there was multiple peoplepulling up to the store and they
were um, they were coming in.
I mean, they were coming up.
There was a lady coming up frombehind me and she grabbed my

(19:28):
braid.
I'm sorry, yes, she grabbed mybraids.
This, what this?
This older white lady came overbehind me and grabbed my braids
and said can I touch your hair?
It's so pretty.
And she had a handful of mybraids in her hand already and
my instinct, like immediately Iturned around.
I looked at woman, her face,and I gave her like a death
stare because I was like soirritated because, like you

(19:51):
coming up from behind me, Idon't know who you are.
You're startling me and I'm nota pet.

Speaker 2 (19:56):
I'm not a pet.
What are you doing?

Speaker 1 (19:58):
and I immediately like gave her a death stare
because in how I you know,people always tell me like you
don't your facial expressions becrazy, but I don't never notice
.
But I felt it immediately andshe, when I say she let go of my
hair so quick and step back,and she's like oh no, I'm sorry,
it just looks so nice, did youdo it yourself?
And I'm like I couldn't evensay nothing, I just shook my

(20:18):
head and I just she just stoppedtalking to me because I was
just like so shocked, yeah, soshocked yeah.
And I just am, like it was likecoming up out of me, like I
wanted to be like don't ever dothat shit again, like don't
touch.
But I was just like Lord,that's just the God in me,
because I could have let thislittle old lady have it and for
me, like I said on my story, itwasn't about the fact that she

(20:40):
was white or whatever, because Iknow that that's a, but it's
like for me it would have beenanybody.
You're a stranger, you'recoming up from behind somebody I
know for real and you'retouching them in any way, form
or fashion.
That's like me walking up.

Speaker 2 (20:52):
I don't know if that was God in you.
God might have wanted you tocuss her out.

Speaker 1 (20:56):
That's like me walking up to a woman in a store
with a nice Gucci bag and beinglike ma'am, your bag is banging
, let dang it, let me see it.
And grabbing it and touching itLike that's just too close for
comfort.
Like why are you touching me?
Like why?

Speaker 2 (21:10):
You know what I'm saying.
That happened to me at a jobbefore, but my boss okay.
We had a different relationshipthough.

Speaker 1 (21:16):
That's what I'm going to say.

Speaker 2 (21:16):
We knew each other, you know, and she asked me, and
I did let her touch it, and then, after the fact, like I thought
about it and I was like Ishould not have let that woman
playing my hair touch my hair,but she was just so happy she
was, like it's just so nice itwas.
I had like the what do you callthem?
Like the spiral curls orsomething like that, you know,
because they always thinkeverybody's hair has to be like

(21:38):
it's nappy sometimes.
But, baby, I can get itstraight.
You know what I mean and curlit and put some little waves in
it or something.
But yeah, I did think aboutthat and it's like you've seen
somebody with wave braids beforeand then why you didn't touch
them well, not even why do youhave to touch it.

Speaker 1 (21:53):
What are you touching it for?
And then my hair at that pointis have been in there for like
six to eight weeks, wasn'tnothing?
Nothing about it cute, but notgirl the new girl the new girl
was crazy.
Baby hairs not laid ends,wasn't even curled.
No more frizzy braids like baby.
What are you talking?

Speaker 2 (22:13):
about you just doing stuff because I feel like you're
trying to be funny.

Speaker 1 (22:17):
You just doing stuff to do it like what are you
talking about?
Like oh my gosh.
But yeah, I definitely need toget better with that, because I
feel like my life is good, but Ifeel like it would be so much
better if, yeah, like if babycould just start standing on my
nose again and just really, andI feel like I've done, I have

(22:38):
made changes with it, but I feellike there's just certain
relationships with certainpeople that I haven't quite did
that with yet, and that's what,just like you know and it may be
because of their title to me orwhatever, and I just I'm just
praying for clarity on thatcause.
I want to make sure that I'mdoing what I'm supposed to do at

(22:58):
the same time and that I'mstill honoring God by doing that
.
You know what I'm saying like Idon't know what I'm called to
be in somebody's life, and Idon't know what I'm called to be
in somebody's life, and I don'tever want to be selfish to
where it's like okay, I'mmissing that, I'm missing my
mark with that.
You know, what I'm saying,because he could have put me in

(23:20):
this person's life to do X, yand Z, and I might not be doing
the Z or whatever, but thatdoesn't mean I have to stop
doing all together or whatever.
Like just I'm just trying tofigure it out and make it make
sense.
But yeah, like I just feel likeeverybody would be happier all
the way around.
It's just like we all just bemore transparent and just

(23:42):
understanding.
And I just feel like you knowsome stuff people may not know,
but it's just some stuff is likeyou know some stuff people may
not know, but it's just somestuff is like you know what
you're doing.
Yeah, you know what the hellyou're doing.
Like just stop.

Speaker 2 (23:52):
Yeah, that's so interesting, like I really feel
like we're so similar in a lotof ways, we're so different in a
lot of ways, and that is one ofthe big ways that we kind of
differ you know, and so I dojust wish like I could have half
of that from you and you couldhave half of that for me so I
could balance out, because myproblem is I'm gonna say and I'm
gonna stand on whatever I needto.

(24:13):
I'm gonna say whatever I need tosay.
My whole thing is like I justhave to like things, that if
somebody said something to methat I felt like was true, yeah,
you know, if, as long as theyweren't like disrespectful or
something like, I can take thewords that somebody is saying
and like, digest that, focus onthat and be like, okay, that's
either true or not.
But I feel like everybody can'tdo that.

(24:34):
But I'm that type of person.
So I kind of say bluntly whatit is I need to say.
And some people take that, asyou know, mean or disrespectful
or whatever it is.
So I don't know, like maybe Ineed to pause a little bit more.
And just what would?
What would smiley do?

Speaker 1 (24:51):
yeah, and I think that you know.
I think that, even though yousay that you know, you're not
this way.
I've known a lot of situationswhere I was like, because you
being too nice, what?

Speaker 2 (25:03):
you mean example?

Speaker 1 (25:04):
me honey, when you moved, said baby.
When you moved, that baby mamayeah, that's different said
brother's baby mama in yourhouse after a little, not
knowing her that well, butmoving her in your house and not
, um, making her pay any billsand all this and all that, and

(25:24):
then baby, it backfired becausebaby didn't even appreciate it
and now she running crazy likesomebody done this on her but I
feel like I still did what I wassupposed to do because, who
knows, from that situation, thatmay have been the only reason
how I got so close with thatnephew, you know.
I get it.
You know, that was definitely ame move.

(25:44):
You know what I'm saying thatwas.
You said you saw me, but thatwas a but.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
This is the difference, though this is the
difference.
We probably lived together forall of six, eight months, no.

Speaker 1 (25:54):
It wasn't a year it was maybe a year, she moved in
when I was at that one apartment.

Speaker 2 (25:59):
I think it was at least a year.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
She moved in and was there for like four months.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
She was there for like four months and then at the
new house, she was only therefor like six months, that's a
year Almost.
But even with that, I put myexpectations on.
I am a nice, don't get me wrong.
I am a nice person, but when Ifeel like things are being taken
advantage of, I'm going to giveyou one, maybe two warnings,

(26:28):
because as soon as I saw thelast little um, I think it's
time for you to go.
I ain't feel bad about it ornothing.
It's time for you to go.
You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (26:34):
So I think that was reasonable.

Speaker 2 (26:36):
Yeah, I feel like you're I like to help people who
are helping themselves that'smy thing, but I feel like too.

Speaker 1 (26:42):
You're like me in essence too, because you help a
lot of people.
I do, but you give less chancesI'll say that you are firm in
like, whatever it is that yousaid at that moment like and
then I don't feel bad, yeah, andthat's my thing is I give too
many chances, I think I don'tknow if there's a limit or um.
It should be too because whatif, the what if, each, each time

(27:03):
, each time is somethingdifferent.

Speaker 2 (27:05):
Things are just.
Some things are just, um, likegiving someone a warning or just
letting them know.
Hey, I don't like this Becausewhen I, when we lived together,
there were several things youknow.
She grew up how and where shegrew up.
I grew up where and how I grewup.
So whenever you're moving andliving with somebody, y'all have
to learn how to operate in eachother's space.

(27:30):
So there were several thingsthat I was seeing and I'm just
talking to hey, I know you walkpast this sink of dishes, just
like I walk past the sink offucking dishes, okay, you know.
So I'm going to let you knowwhat, what I would expect.
But you know, after a couple ofwarnings then it's like, okay,
boom, you still did that.
That's strike one.
Yeah, strike two.
It's time to go.
And I don't feel bad, like Iactually feel good.
I'm very proud.
I know I helped someone thatwas in need.

(27:50):
I know that God was very proudof me for that.
But I'm not about to be adoormat.
You're not about to use me allup and if I don't see that
you're in this space to, uh,like my biggest thing is, I see
so much in people that I feellike they don't see in
themselves, and so I saw Same,you see the potential in people.
I see the potential.
So, when I realized that shedidn't see that potential and

(28:12):
she didn't want to better hersituation.
What can we talk about?
What is similar about us?
It's nothing.
It's only going to bring mebackwards and bring me down.
You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (28:22):
And so.

Speaker 2 (28:23):
I didn't feel bad at all.

Speaker 1 (28:25):
I think it's time for you to go.

Speaker 2 (28:26):
Yeah, you know, and I know I didn't do nothing wrong,
because I've continued toreceive blessings after that and
that person continued to godownhill.
If anything, I thank God youdid the right thing.
You got away when you could,for sure you know.
For sure.

Speaker 1 (28:40):
Speaking of chances, I know you said something about
friendships because, yeah, Ifeel like you give your friends
a lot of chances.

Speaker 2 (28:48):
I do.
So a good way to look at it.
And I had, I had a boyfriend atone time.
You know how we talked on thepodcast before about like how I
view like relationships and exesand everything, and I don't
really feel like I have like badbreakups, like I feel like I
could walk past just about anyex, say what's up, keep it
pushing, like no, no, really nohate or whatever, because I

(29:10):
really appreciate everyrelationship, whether it's, you
know, a dating relationship,family relationship, friends
relationship, like you're goingto learn something that's going
to better you in some way, shapeor form.
But anyways, I had a boyfriendand he gave me like the best
friend advice ever and I reallyfeel like that was God's sole
reason for bringing that maninto my life, because I needed

(29:31):
to hear that when I think aboutending a friendship with someone
or if we need to go ourseparate ways or take space, I
have to look at and do you justnot agree with what this person
is is doing in their life liketheir own choices?
Person is is doing in theirlife like their own choices,
like is that what the issue is?

(29:51):
Or do you feel like that personwouldn't have your back?
or doesn't care about you, oryou know, like, don't not just
be someone's friend because ofwhat they're doing to themselves
.
How are they treating you?
You know what I mean, and soonce I think of like, once I
started looking at things likethat, I think that made such a
big difference, like I have afriend who I don't agree with
anything.

(30:11):
Anything she does or dates, oranybody she dates not I'll say
anything.
She dates, anybody she dates,or just there are a lot of
things when it comes to thatthat I absolutely hate for her.
You know what I mean.
But at the end of the day, if Iwas to become homeless right
now, I don't care if she had aone bedroom shack.
Ok, pack them, kids up, bringthem.
Do you need some clothes?

(30:32):
Take the shirt off my bag.
Here's my last sandwich.
Like let's, let's split thatsandwich and you don't come
across a lot of people that youreally feel like will have your
back, like that.
So I don't know if I do feellike I give friends a lot of
chances, but it's just onceagain me seeing the potential in
you and that hurts me.
Like I feel like my frienddeserves the world and she

(30:52):
deserves this and that and she'ssettling for this, and so I
think that's more so.
Yeah, like what the chances are, but I don't think that's my
right you know that's not fair.

Speaker 1 (31:02):
Yeah, no, I feel it.
I just know that you know,recently you had, you know, a
situation with a friend that yougave multiple chances to, and I
think that you know thisparticular person probably
crossed the line for the finaltime for you, so it's just like.
That's why I'm like okay, whatis it like?
What?
What does make you draw theline?

Speaker 2 (31:22):
oh, what makes me draw the line with friends?
I think that, hmm, what drawsthe lines with friends is that's
a hard one, because, yeah, Ithink it's different, I think
it's it depends on the situationand then, like you said, the,
the friendship, the, the, thefoundation of the right, I mean,
obviously we have the commonsense ones.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
Like you know, if they mess with your man or you
know, like of course they dosomething that shows that their
integrity is just compromised.

Speaker 2 (31:51):
But then some stuff like it's just and we've talked
about this before you know howsometimes you'll have a
friendship with someone and it'sbased off of like history, like
we've known each other for 20years.
You can't just trauma bonding,yeah you can't just not be
friends like you know, um, youmight not see each other and
speak to each other all the time, but you're always going to
have a love and a soft spot forsomeone.

(32:13):
But, yeah, I definitely dothink that, like that last
situation, that definitely drewthe line.
But even how my line looks, itmight look different to some
people, like me and this personstill have a lot of mutual
friends.
We're going to be around eachother.
You know what I mean and that'sfine.
We were just around each other,perfect time, good time.
But am I going to text you later?

(32:33):
Am I going to respond to text?
Am I going to call you?
Am I going to invite you to myhouse?
Am I going to?
You know, just hang out, justme, and you, oh, absolutely not.
You know what I mean,absolutely not, and I don't feel
bad about that, but I don'tknow.
Do you not think that that'slike stern enough?
Do you feel like like if youwere to fall out with someone in
the situation I was in, do youfeel like it deserves?

(32:54):
They never deserve to be in mypresence again?
Like do you not think I'm beingmean enough with it?

Speaker 1 (32:59):
like no, I think that you know, I think, like I said,
and I think it's, you know,different strokes for different
folks, and I think everysituation is different.
My thing is once my trust or mycomfortability is, like you know
, tainted in that sense, like ifthere's this level of trust
that's breached, like if I feellike I got to watch my back

(33:20):
because I don't know what I'mgetting with you, and every time
it's something different and itstarts to become a thing where
it's like I don't really know,I'm not, really can't be myself,
I can't 100 let my guard downbecause you might act like this
or you might come like this.
And I'm not saying no smallstuff, I'm saying like your
personality is changing you, youtrying to be physical, are you

(33:42):
like stuff like that is like forme, it's like, yeah, if you are
, my presence is gonna be verylimited and my guard is gonna be
up, and I don't want to.
I'm a free spirited person, Idon't want to have my guard up.
So, yeah, it's gonna be veryfar in between where that's
gonna happen, unless I see likelegit, genuine change in a
person, because that's the thingabout it too is like people do

(34:04):
be fighting their own demons andwe think that we, we are very
powerful.
I feel like we both areanointed, we both have you know,
really, really big callings onour life, but I feel like
there's even some stuff that'sbigger than us and it's like we
can't.
I feel like that's one thing weboth got to realize that there's
things that we just can't, youknow, help, or we can't change,
and it's like we we just gottaleave that be where it's at and

(34:28):
if that, you know what I'msaying and I think only time
will tell if it's forever or notbut um I mean.

Speaker 2 (34:33):
and then we gotta keep in mind too, this sad
person that we talk about y'allI had already stopped being
friends with for like two, threeyears.
You know, when I saw, when Idid see some things about, okay,
I didn't know if you just madea bad decision or used a poor
choice of words, so I'm notgoing to just hold you on these
couple bad moments.
But then when I saw, okay, no,it's some things about your
character that's just not, we'renot matching Definitely left

(34:55):
that person for several yearsLike, oh, you're going to see,
you know what I mean.
And then you know, saw somechanges, thought there were some
changes made, and then you, youknow we can be more so in that
closer space, yeah, and thenthat person does it again.
So I don't think I don't faultmyself for it no, I don't know,
because I would pray that peoplewill have grace for me also.

(35:16):
We go through periods of times,uh, where we're going through
changes or growth and maybe youknow I wasn't being my best self
during something I was goingthrough, you know.
So I don't want to be toojudgmental or hard on people,
yeah, um.
But you know I'm definitelyokay with like checking in and
seeing can we get back to thatspace?
I'm okay with it.
But then I see it again.

(35:36):
Now I gotta back up again.

Speaker 1 (35:38):
Yeah for sure.
Yeah, and I mean I think it,just it.

Speaker 2 (35:42):
I think you'll know when, like you're completely
done um, you know what I'msaying, because that's the thing
that me and you have never seeneye to eye on, though, because
you feel like you can be donewith friends.
I feel like when I have beenlike such a friend, like when I
have been a good friend tosomeone like I don't think it
ever really like.
You never really stop beingfriends, you stop being close

(36:03):
friends, you stop being bestfriends, but it's always going
to be like unless they did somesuper snake shit.
Like it's going to always besome type of like if you walk in
with your man down the streetand you bump into this person
and you say, oh, this is my oldfriend, like, this is my friend,
so and so, like I'm all.
It's always going to still bethat a little bit, you know.

Speaker 1 (36:22):
I just feel like for me and I my perspective has
changed a lot because, like yousaid, it's like a lot of that
came from expectations.
Yeah, because I expected me outof other people and that's
where I went wrong.

Speaker 2 (36:35):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (36:36):
And I'm like I say I'm not perfect, but I know who
I am to people, I know who I'vebeen to people, I know what I've
done and I've changed people'slives in ways that you know
others haven't.
So for me it's like yeah, I know, you know I did expect me out
of people because I just feltlike it just made sense or that
it just would happen.

(36:56):
Natural, you know what I'msaying, but everybody's not me,
everybody don't have the samethinking or mindset, or you know
, and that's just fine, you know.
So my thought process haschanged on that a bit.
However, what I will say isthat sometimes for me it's like
I would rather I don't want itto have to be something so major

(37:16):
and so big to where ittarnishes.
You know that I don't want toremember you in that light, like
if it doesn't work out or if wedon't become friends.
If something does happen, andeven if it's some minute to some
people, I'd rather that be thecase, like you said, and there's
no animosity and we just go ourseparate ways and if I see you
as I speak and you know what I'msaying.

(37:37):
But at that point, yeah, maybethe friendship title does fall
off, because we're not callingeach other, we're not being that
.
You know, we're not reallyfitting the definition of what a
friend is and that's just likethe, the standard definition of
what a friend is you get?
what I'm saying.
Like you said, it's like if Isee you, I see you I'm not.
You know we're speakingwhatever, and sometimes it's
best for things to be like that.

(37:58):
I have a lot of friends that Iwill say.
We growing up, I had a lot offriends that I'm not necessarily
friends with or I'm stillfriendly with.
I'll say that and maybe that'swhat it is, and, and, and that
will, but I don't never want itto be a situation and and if it
has been, it never was on my end.
I don't, I don't know.
You know.
I'm saying, like you said, ifwe were genuinely friends and I

(38:19):
really love for you, I've beenthere for you.
We've been through some tryingtimes together.
I will always respect, I willalways cherish that and I want
that to be that.
I don't want to keep giving youchances to keep, or you know
what I'm saying, or you givingme multiple chances, and then it
makes it even worse to thepoint where it's like, damn,
ain't no comeback from that.
If I do see you, I don't evenwant to speak, because you done.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (38:38):
I don't want it to ever get to that, and so
sometimes it's like I don't know, but that's so hard because,
like, I feel like a big callingfor me, yeah is.
You know, I'm just such apeople person like I can just I
just people gravitate to mereally easily and it's just
really easy for me to talk topeople and so I feel like that's
kind of like a big part of mycalling.
There have people that I've hada quick conversation with or

(39:00):
something that really, likechanged their perspective on
something or really gave themthe encouragement that they
needed.
So what if my calling in thisperson's life and kind of why
it's so hard to pull away, whatif really there's something that
god knows this person needs tohear from me, or maybe something
about my life?
God needs this person to seesomething.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
So that's something that Istruggle with a lot with, like

(39:22):
you know, old friends who I feellike I can't blame everybody
for not being at the same levelas me, because at one point in
time we were at the same level.
Yeah, you know, I made mydecision to go this way and you
made your choices to go theother way.
You know what I mean, but atsome point we were equally yoked
.
You know.
That's how we became friends,yeah, but I don't know if I just
if, if you just completely, 100percent, just that doesn't mean

(39:47):
you have to be like easilyaccessible or accessible all the
time.
But I'm not gonna act like Ihate you, you know.
I can be in the same room withyou and I'm not gonna I don't
gotta make it awkward.
You know I can have as long asnow, don't get me wrong.
All of that.
We had a conversation had to behad before it got to that point
.
You know a very heated and I'mand I'm no filter and I'm saying

(40:08):
everything I need to say.
You know, once thatconversation was said and I gave
you these are the newboundaries.
You know what I mean no so oncethat conversation was had.
Yeah, we can definitely be ineach other's space.
You know what I mean.
Like I definitely always I'mgonna want the best for you, but
I don't know, maybe that isstill giving a chance.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
But yeah, I mean I think we're saying the same
thing because, like, yeah, andlike I said, you know, I think
that everybody's different.
Um, because I am such a, like,emotional person um, you know
what I'm saying.
It doesn't always take the bigthings to hurt my feelings or to
make me feel a way, and then itit also matters to me, like how

(40:45):
you acknowledge it, if if I ifI tell you like this hurt my
feelings or this made me feel away also that affects my
decision how to move forward toobecause,
everybody's gonna make mistakes.
We're all human and we may, youknow, not purposely hurt
someone else's feelings.
However, if or do something tohurt somebody, but if someone

(41:06):
brings that to your attentionand they this is a person that
says they really care about you,then it go.
I'm gonna consider how you are,whatever you are doing or
however you handle the situation.
That's gonna determine mydecision on how I want to move
forward right because I'm a typeof person like, if you come to
me today like cuz, when you saidthis to me or when you brought

(41:26):
this up, I didn't that hurt myfeelings.
I didn't really appreciate that.
I feel like you were trying tobe funny or you was throwing
shade, and if I don't see itthat way, I'm gonna say that
like hey, cuz, I didn't see itthat way.
I'm sorry, that wasn't myintentions, but I acknowledge
your feelings and I I don't everwant to make you feel like,
because I love you whether Iagree, because I know that that
wasn't my intentions.
I don't really agree.

Speaker 2 (41:44):
And one thing you know that I love about us.
I don't really feel like weeven have too many Of those
moments, but I know we have Aspecific moment when remember we
were at the airport.

Speaker 1 (41:53):
Yeah, with another cousin.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:55):
And I was talking to you About something.

Speaker 1 (41:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:57):
Explaining something to you and then that person Kind
of put themselves in it and itkind of seemed like were like
attacking and saying something,something to you about yourself,
and you completely were sayingtwo different things.
But before you even you didn'teven have to tell me that your
feelings was low-key, hurt.
You didn't have to tell me likeas soon as we off to the side,
because my bad, that was notsupposed to go, like that I was

(42:19):
not saying the same thing.
You know what I mean.
Like I know you so much, Ialready knew that was gonna
bother you.

Speaker 1 (42:23):
Yeah, you know because and it because it
bothered me yeah, and don't getme wrong, because I could take
criticism.
I can't excuse my neighbor'sdog job, but I can take
criticism and I can.
I can listen and and reallyhear people out right, and you
know what I'm saying.
I can't take that in becauseyou know what I'm saying.
I'm an adult, but it's likewhere?

(42:43):
there are some factors, it'ssome factors and it's certain
things, like you said it's likeit, whether to me it's like well
, I didn't see it like that.
You know what I'm saying andthat's not my idea.
Like I feel like if you know me, you know where I'm coming from
with certain things you know,what I'm saying, but at the same
time I can't come off a certainway and not know it.
So I appreciate that.
But it's like, if it comes off,it's like you trying to judge me

(43:05):
, then that's when it's kind oflike I'm going to be like okay,
like what is this coming from?
Are you just trying to?
You know?

Speaker 2 (43:10):
are you trying to bring me down?
Are you trying to bringsomething to my?

Speaker 1 (43:13):
attention, so I can work on that Exactly.

Speaker 2 (43:16):
You get what I'm saying and that was my intention
.

Speaker 1 (43:18):
So it's about the context.

Speaker 2 (43:19):
That was my intention about that specific situation
and I felt like the the otherperson.
I was real confused, you knowyeah not that I don't know if
they were trying tointentionally.
I don't think they were tryingto intentionally hurt you or
bring you down, and that's thedelivery wasn't, and that's the
thing I started I wanted to saytoo because, like you say, it
comes from like direct andindirect.

Speaker 1 (43:37):
I can't respect anything that's indirect, like
in a sense, like that, like I'vebeen seeing a lot of indirect
stuff, like even just with, likefamily and close, like you know
what I'm saying and I'm justlike I, if it's not directed, I
can't respect it, get.
I'm saying yeah, because, likeyou said, what is this rooted in
?
Like where is this reallycoming from?
And then, do you really want aresolution or do you want to

(43:57):
have a problem?
Right, is there a problem or isit?
You're really trying to.
You know what I'm saying,because I'm, I think, like that
too.
But that's me, because I alwaystry to look at the bigger
picture.

Speaker 2 (44:07):
Not everybody can do that, which is something that
I'm learning At this big age.
A lot of people can't putthemselves in other people's
shoes.
I do that so well.
I'm such an empath.
I can feel like if someone istalking to me about something
because you know me, I ask somany questions, I'm getting the
picture, I'm visualizing thesituation I'm putting myself in

(44:27):
this situation.
A lot of people cannot do thatCorrect and that's it causes
like such a that's wheremisunderstanding comes in and I
mean that's just the worst.
I feel like that's one of thebiggest things that I deal with
is feeling like I'm not beingunderstood, like I feel so
misunderstood a lot of timeswhich it confuses me because I

(44:48):
feel like I'm so direct, youknow, but I don't know.
Like I struggle with feelinglike I have to get my point
across or over explain to peoplewhen they're already showing
they're not.
Some people aren't able tohandle what you're saying.
You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (45:05):
No, for sure.
For me it's like there is asecret animosity, like where is
this coming from?
You get what I'm saying, likejust be a, just be direct, like
just call it how you see it andlike you know what I'm saying.
To me that's like you'reseeking a issue or you're
wanting it to be a divide.

Speaker 2 (45:21):
I don't know if I'm saying that or it could be that
you know they.
Just maybe they're experiencingsomething that they've seen.
Maybe they read into it wrongor differently or something else
.
You know what I mean, like inthat specific situation, because
, like I mean, I have traveledwith you like a whole bunch of
times.
You know what I mean.
So in that specific situation,I know you.

(45:42):
I also look at the benefits.
You know the pros and the cons.
Like I love my pros travelingwith you.
I feel like there's a couplecons and you, like I love my
pros traveling with you.
I feel like there's a couplecars which and I'm probably, you
probably feel like that with me, especially when it comes to
like things like traveling.
So, like y'all, let me tell yousomething.
Smiley B is like, first of all,she's gonna have an itinerary
plane, she gonna have ittogether.
Here's our tickets.
We're gonna be here at thistime, like literally when I'm

(46:04):
going on vacation with her, Ijust packed my bag and she tells
me the rest of what to do.
Yeah, I just show up.
You know what I mean and thatcould, I don't know.
Does that irritate you?

Speaker 1 (46:14):
that I'm like not, no , I kind of like to have that
control a little bit in a sense,because it kind of eases my
anxiety yeah um, I don't.
I'm not a person that.
I'm the opposite.
I don't want to travel anddepend on somebody else's ice or
like just a lot of people, justtravel and wing it, and I love
that for the free spirit ofpeople but, I'm a little bit
more organized and very you knowI, it has to make sense, like I

(46:37):
have to know at least abaseline of like what's going on
, and I feel like at leastgetting there and getting from
there, the we have to be on oneaccord.
Everybody needs to be on thesame page or know what is
expected, because if any type ofmiscommunication or any mishaps
happen, we at least we knowlike okay, I said this was the

(46:57):
deal, you know what I'm saying.
But especially when you'retraveling with a group of people
, now, if it's just me and eva,we going, it's a little bit more
free.
You know what I'm saying, we,we, it's just us two, right, but
we've took a lot of trips with,like multiple people yeah
groups um groups of people.
So for me that just helps easemy anxiety.
With that, you know what I'msaying and I love everything

(47:18):
about it.

Speaker 2 (47:19):
Just tell me where to be and when, like.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
But yeah, even like, yeah, she's just like, she is
more like just not shalom, andthat is like yeah, she just not
Shalon.

Speaker 2 (47:30):
Is it bad sometimes?
Am I not Shalon with everything?

Speaker 1 (47:33):
Yeah, like we was about to be late for when we was
going to Texas, when we wasgoing to Houston that time, and
I was like, oh my gosh, your momwas going to take us to the
airport and she was like on theother side of town, and we're
already on the other side oftown, it's like 20 minutes away,
and we had to go back to thatside of town where she lives to
go to the airport.
So she had to come to us andthen get us back.

(47:54):
That way he was freaking out,cuz yes, and I called you
because we, mind you, okay, we,my aunt's birthday is two days
before my birthday, but herparty was the night before my
birthday and we were, and so andand my her aunt is my mom, so
that's how we're cousins yes, webooked a red eye.
So me and her went to her mom'sbirthday the night before.
Party the night before.
We're having a good time, we'rea little inebriated and we're

(48:18):
not even thinking like we gottaget up in a few hours and catch
a flight, and so we're about tonot even go to sleep, we're
about to just go unpack our bagsand just be waiting for your
mom to come get us in a couplehours.
But my aunt fell asleep and I'mnot mad at her, she's older, it
was her birthday.
She kicked it hard but, baby,she woke up and we was like you
know, you got to be at theairport like at least an hour
and a half to two hours beforeyour flight board we was

(48:40):
literally got there and they wasboarding the planes.
Like I remember, walking up tothe lady was like y'all need to
hurry up, they're about to boardy'all's plane, like it was my
birthday.
They gave my birthday back.
They was like y'all need tohurry up and go, like y'all
y'all playing, but that's how.
Yeah, like I don't like havinga rush through tsa and all that
and so it was like just calmdown, cuz it's, we're gonna be
okay, we're gonna make it.
I'm like, yeah, by the skin ofour teeth, we about to get the

(49:02):
shitty seats, we're about tolike and like you know, and I
guess stuff like that seatsdon't bother me.

Speaker 2 (49:08):
What if we want to get something to eat?
What if we want?

Speaker 1 (49:10):
to just get a little drink, something to take the
edge off.
We're about to get on thisflight like we ain't had time to
do none of that.

Speaker 2 (49:16):
We had to make sure we was in the right uh, you know
boarding area, all that, butit's just so funny because y'all
have to one of the biggestthings about me that I needed to
work on.
But at this point I just thinkit's part of my character and
it's how god made me talk to himabout.
If you have a problem, I'm avery late person, so her idea.

Speaker 1 (49:32):
She's always her idea .
Don't be like super late it'dbe to everything.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
I probably was late going to get a fucking what's it
called induced and get my laborinduced.
Like I'm late to everything, Ihave to find jobs to where you
know they're very lenient, andeverything.
I've been very lucky to havebosses that are like baby, as
long as you hit your hours, Iain't tripping.
You know what I mean.
So our ideas of being late arejust completely different.

(49:57):
Like to Smiley, being on timeis late, but to me being 15, 20,
30 minutes late is low key ontime.

Speaker 1 (50:05):
Like that's how I look at it.
Yeah, she was late today.
We like okay, we're not goingto drive to the office, which
probably was a mistake, becausethese damn dumbass dogs next
door.
And I'm not no dog hater ornothing like that y'all.
So don't judge me, but it'sjust my neighbor's dogs.
I just moved y'all and I got aneighbor with three big-ass dogs
that just bark at anything andit's so annoying and I just

(50:31):
absolutely hate it like I hateit for them, because why do
y'all have these annoying assdogs?
And they're not even likelittle baby dogs, they're big
dogs that should be trained andit's like they know better.
But if they getting on mynerves, I know they getting on
y'all's damn nerves theyprobably tuned it out, but like
so, even with that, perfectexample, and she only live 15
minutes away from me, so shetold me to be here at 1115.

Speaker 2 (50:52):
So I'm assuming she means like 12 o'clock.

Speaker 1 (50:56):
Like no, I said 1115.

Speaker 2 (50:58):
You really mean 1115?

Speaker 1 (51:00):
See when I mean direct and not say what I mean.
No, okay, because this is whatyou got to do.

Speaker 2 (51:04):
This is what you got to do with me.
When it's like the absolutedeadline time, you have to say
like no, literally 1115.
But I thought that, since youknow me so well, I thought you'd
be giving me a cushion, because1115 is such a weird time.
It is a weird time, so Ithought you was giving me a
cushion, like I thought youwanted to be here at 1130.

Speaker 1 (51:20):
I was giving you a cushion and you got here at 1135
when you walked in the door at1135.
So that's still on time,because if I thought you meant
11 30.

Speaker 2 (51:32):
I only got here, but I did expect you to be here,
like at least 11 30, like I did.
I'm not and I did basically,yeah, 11 35 is a little bit,
just a second.

Speaker 1 (51:37):
Yeah, see no respect, no respect.
That's what I be trying toteach her.
Like it comes off verydisrespectful, like what?

Speaker 2 (51:48):
I'm terrible because I will literally lay down until,
like I'm late for something, Iwill be awake.

Speaker 1 (51:53):
She's like oh, I gotta go, I gotta somewhere to
be.
I'm like what time you gotta bethere?
She'd be like 12, 30, it'd beone o'clock like ma'am.
You might not go, just don't goat this point you're not going
to better than not coming, justcoming late.

Speaker 2 (52:07):
I'm gonna show up and I feel like at this point,
everybody in my life, I feellike and I'm not saying it's a
good thing.
It is something that I shouldwork on, but I feel like
everybody around me pretty muchlike they give me wrong times
now on purpose, so I'm kind ofcomfortable now yeah I told them
that I said you gotta.

Speaker 1 (52:23):
But one thing about her too is that um is she will
bug you a thousand and one time.
This would really be stressingme out by her, because why did
you ask me 10 times what time isthis start, what time this
start, and you still don't.
It's like oh cuz on it today,she really on it, she really
gonna be on time, because shekeep asking me, she keep

(52:44):
forgetting what time.
So clearly she really care andthen she still come late, like
you done.

Speaker 2 (52:48):
Asked me no, cuz I need a no cause.
I need a life assistant, Like Ineed a life assistant.
I am such a like okay, you knowhow, we was just talking about
practice and saying no, I amsuch a say yes person to like
being invited to stuff.

Speaker 1 (53:03):
So I said yes to everything.
She's awesome yeah.

Speaker 2 (53:16):
I don't got nothing to do that day.
It's okay, you can rest likewhat the hell, baby?
And then guess what?
And then I really have likethree things planned and I just
forgot.
I just said yes, girl, I triplebook.
I caught you because you got tounderstand too, I'm a mom, so I
have kids that are gettingolder and they be booked and
busy too, so they got birthdayparties and sleepovers and
things.
So I mean I just I gotta work onthat got to start really
utilizing planners and calendarsand stuff, because I just need
to get that organized.
I forgot I told some kids thatthey could come over for a

(53:38):
sleepover.
Yesterday I was invited to awhole sleepover, a grown up
sleepover party that Icompletely forgot all about.
But even when I told these kidsyes to a sleepover at my house,
in the back of my head I'm likeI feel like I have something to
do, but I could not for thelife of me, remember.

Speaker 1 (53:54):
Yeah, speaking of saying no to, I need to start
saying no to my kids more,because let me vent about these
little, these kids, honey, they,I don't know what they think, I
don't really know what theythink, but we just moved.
Y'all, like I said, said wejust moved literally a week ago
today.
No, we moved friday.
So a week ago, on friday wemake a week.

(54:14):
We've been in our new house andthese kids ain't like you would
think.
They'd just be grateful.
Your mom just got your house.
Y'all got the big backyardy'all wanted, we got.
You know, I'm trying to get thehouse together.
They still asking me to do thisand do that and spend money
here and spend money there, andI'm just like wait, like can we
just soak in the fact that weare out of the apartment that we

(54:37):
just stayed in for four years,like we're in a you know a
three-bedroom house?
Y'all got y'all's own room.
We got you know what I'm sayingall this space, garage, like.
Can y'all focus?
on that soak that in on thesecond, before y'all ask me for
anything else.
Honey Girl, while we still wasthis move done broke me.

Speaker 2 (54:52):
We was still bringing boxes in the house and her
oldest over there talking aboutsomething.
Well, I want to.
I got some friends over here.
I want to go down to the park.
Can I go down to the park?

Speaker 1 (54:59):
He don't even want to help.

Speaker 2 (55:00):
Can I go to the store , can I do this about the
neighborhood and everything likethat?
But yeah, it's just crazy.
It's crazy.
Sometimes you gotta say justdon't ask for shit this week has
been crazy.

Speaker 1 (55:16):
Like I got so much stuff I can think about, like I
just can't even think abouteverything.
Like what else was I gonna theUSPS, usps, count your days,
count your days.
Okay, I've been up and downwith these people for the last

(55:38):
week and it's insane.
Like, don't ever forward yourmail, change your address.
Y'all might as well justcontact y'all your bill people,
everybody your banks, justupdate your address with them,
because I don't know how Ichanged my address three weeks
ago and I still ain't got mymail and then y'all holding mail

(56:00):
at the local post office.
Then y'all said I got mail inthe other holding area in
Detroit.
I just don't understand.
But baby, I ain't got no mail.
Even my son, he got his littleoutfit, he done ordered on T-MU
and his little cash at cart, butI ain't got no mail.
And I got some important mailI'm waiting on.
So I'm just not understanding.
Like, and then they keeptelling me all this different

(56:21):
stuff 7 to 10 days, 2 weeks, isit?

Speaker 2 (56:23):
7 to 10 days, or is it 2 weeks?

Speaker 1 (56:25):
and is it business days?
Because their mail run onSaturdays.
So make it make sense.
Then y'all charge me a dollar.

Speaker 2 (56:40):
To do the change of address.

Speaker 1 (56:42):
I want my dollar back .
I'm disputing it Because Ididn't get the service I paid
for.
That's one thing about it.
I didn't get the service I paidfor, so I want my dollar back
period, like what this?
Is insane that's funny for real.

Speaker 2 (57:00):
Like these people is crazy you getting it from every
direction, ain't you?

Speaker 1 (57:05):
yeah, you know, but I'm just continuing to find the
grace in everything and likejust just remaining grateful.
I just thank God every day.
I still am so appalled and indisbelief by just all the
blessings that he's just givenme recently and everything
that's going on, and even justthe growth with the podcast.

(57:27):
All this stuff is just like I'malmost overwhelmed with joy in
a sense.
So it's like even all theseother things and these things
that I did vent about is like itstill can't steal my joy.
I'm still not allowing it tosteal the joy that the lord has
instilled in me because I amtruly blessed and highly favored
and I'm just so thankful, likeforever thankful.

(57:50):
So I just, you know, but italways is good to you know vent
and get things off your chest,because one thing I used to do
is hold everything in until Iexplode and I will be breaking
down, calling my cousin cryinglike this, this, this, that, and
she be like cuz and I'm likeyeah.
So that's why we just lovedoing the can I Vent segments

(58:11):
and we be having so much stuffto vent about.

Speaker 2 (58:14):
Yes, and thank y'all for letting us unload this on
y'all Like For real, because Iknow y'all be going through this
.
I know y'all's friends betrying y'all sometimes, like you
know.

Speaker 1 (58:25):
And I think that you know what I just, oh my gosh.
So me and Eva, we talked aboutsome exciting things that we
wanted to do, like with thegrowth of the podcast.
We want to.
You know, one of our goalswithin this next year is to do a
live podcast show those arereally popular right now and it
just gives us the way to be moreclose and intimate with our
listeners and our you knowfollowers, and so I just thought

(58:48):
about it like we should do alive.
Can I vent?

Speaker 2 (58:52):
Ooh, and I'm gonna invite the friends I'm talking
about.

Speaker 1 (58:58):
I think that would be so dope, just giving the floor
to people and letting them.

Speaker 2 (59:07):
We gonna be a room full of I love it.

Speaker 1 (59:09):
I think that would be so dope y'all what y'all think
y'all need to.
Let us know.
Hit us up on our page, let usknow.
Would y'all come?
Like we really would have aball yeah, that would be a good
time and, like Eva said, youknow I'm a planner so I get to
it like when I plan stuff it bea good time it do you don't

(59:30):
gotta worry about nothing, Ijust sit back and show up.

Speaker 2 (59:33):
I love it.

Speaker 1 (59:34):
Yes, it is, I love it , mm-mm.
Y'all love me not one bit.
She gonna be a part of thisplanning honey.

Speaker 2 (59:40):
I'm talking about y'all to the point when she
tells me when it's time to standup and get on the plane.
Like I literally Like I travelwith her so much and let her
just take care of everything.
I'm planning my first trip bymyself With my kids and like
Cause, this is like I don't likeit, so should y'all?

Speaker 1 (01:00:03):
Oh, she should probably be the first person I
stand on business with.
Huh Should I make even?
I'm going to start making hertake more part of it.
I'm going to show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'malways late, yeah well, you
better start being on time.

Speaker 2 (01:00:19):
So I'm going to plan stuff after we're supposed to be
at the airport, Like that ain't, don't let me ruin the trip.

Speaker 1 (01:00:25):
Don't let it be my fault.
No, you're going to ruin it foryou.
You gonna be the one we gonnabe waving from you While we
going, we pulling on oh my goshand you know what I love too,
like you know, ray Ray Is.

Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
So Ray Ray, my other favorite cousin, so she's like
you too.
Yeah, like cause Y'all, mybirthday is next week, on the
25th.
Yeah, and we're going toChicago.
And when I tell you, poor RayRay, you take care of everything
, okay, even to the fact where,like I was about to book the

(01:00:57):
Airbnb and the room andeverything like she, like, cuz,
just come over here and pull up,I pulled up, you doing this
wrong, took the phone and shedone fixed and found the best
deal and got the room booked andtogether, cuz she had the damn
rental car rented or or reservedlike two weeks in advance.

Speaker 1 (01:01:16):
I've never seen that, I've never and it's so crazy
listen to her and think like, ohmy gosh, like she just can't do
nothing.
But I don't know if y'alllisten to our episode that we
did with Courtney Gossie.
But, like she said, eva was herone friend that was in school
getting 4.1, 4.2, like exceedingexpectations.

(01:01:37):
So it's not like she can't doit, she just is one of them
people that once she seeeverybody else can do it, she
like, oh, she got it.
Let me just play back over hereLike she got it, but she can do
it.
I can't.
It's back over here like shegot it, but she can do it.
I can't, it's too hard.
I see you book an airbnb or two.
It was hard.

Speaker 2 (01:01:58):
That's one of the things we're gonna work on and
then the one the remember when Ibooked that one airbnb and it
was a festival and don't let medo shit.
See, like don't let me do that.

Speaker 1 (01:02:08):
I probably didn't read the reviews.

Speaker 2 (01:02:10):
I don't, I didn't read them.
See what I'm talking about shedid, she's just like.

Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
This is nice.

Speaker 2 (01:02:16):
This is enough space for all of us, us the kids and
ants, we all up in here comfymaybe that is something I need
to work on, but I just feel likeI never really had to and I
don't want to.
Like you know, whatever man Godputs in my life I hope he loves
planning shit, cause, fuck withme, we won't do nothing.

(01:02:38):
I just like to show up and I'mthe life of the party, like I'm
bringing the vibes.
That's what I'm bringing,that's my contribution.
Okay, we gonna have a good timeyeah, cause like where is?

Speaker 1 (01:02:52):
the man at honey.
Yeah, because if he come whenwe like 40, nobody's gonna feel
like doing nothing.
We're retired, we're layingdown exhausted exhausted, the
price is right.
Like this is what we're doing.
Like yeah, lord.
Like we've been waiting.
We've been waiting patientlywhen they at.

(01:03:14):
Like yeah, that is crazy Talkabout it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:18):
I'm really never on time to anything.
That's wild.

Speaker 1 (01:03:22):
Yeah, I want to feel about that because it's very
rude, Like when.

Speaker 2 (01:03:25):
I make doctor's appointments because, like I
always ask them, like, like youknow what's the grace period,
that's one thing I'm not like.

Speaker 1 (01:03:31):
I show up doctors or a dentist appointment, because I
ain't trying to sit in thislobby with all these people and
all these minutes, like, like,especially when they give me a
weird time, so they tell me myappointment was at 9 10 in my
hand.
No time is weird.

Speaker 2 (01:03:43):
You must be 9, 30, what is it a?

Speaker 1 (01:03:46):
weird time?
No, it's not weird, so you showup at 19 not standard.
Time is not hour or 30 minute,half hour.
There's minutes in between.
It's like she only do time bythe half hour or the hour
exactly.

Speaker 2 (01:04:02):
No there's minutes in between.

Speaker 1 (01:04:03):
There's uh, what is it?
It's a quarter quarter after 10, like you?
Like what?

Speaker 2 (01:04:13):
no, I just assumed when they said 9-10, they meant
9-30 and I showed up at 9-30 andit wasn't a problem 9-10 you
need to at least be there by9-45.

Speaker 1 (01:04:22):
I mean wait 10 if they said appointments at 10-10,
you need to be there, see.

Speaker 2 (01:04:25):
That's why I need to be there every hour every hour,
all the hour, don't show up.

Speaker 1 (01:04:29):
No, I just keep saying all these numbers.
No, if it's 1010, you need tobe at least at the appointment
by 945, 950, because you need tobe there to check in, because
checking in takes like onesecond.
No, sometimes you got to doyour recertification paperwork
Every six months.
You got to follow up.
You got to update yourinformation.

Speaker 2 (01:04:50):
Well, my doctor must do that for me.
They must already know.

Speaker 1 (01:04:52):
And then, who knows, say you get there at 10.09, and
your appointment is at 10.10.
You think it's going to takeone minute to check in.
What if that day they're busyand it's all these people in
front of you Now you in the backof the line, and all the people
that come before you that getchecked in before you Now they
about to get seen before you,maybe I don't know.
No, I just get comfortable inthe lobby.

Speaker 2 (01:05:12):
It don't make me no, never mind, it don't bother me.
She just got the time to wait.

Speaker 1 (01:05:16):
I just go with the flow, talking about I assume
they want me there at 1030.
No, that's like saying that.
No, they said 1010.
That's like I remember I gotpulled over for speeding one
time.
Let me tell y'all, I got pulledover for speeding and this

(01:05:36):
officer was so rude to me.
I don't know if he just washaving a bad day or if he ran my
plates and seen that I hadalready been pulled over
multiple times for the samething, but I'm going to just
assume he was having a bad day,not my fault, he was having a

(01:06:00):
bad day.
He was so rude and just not softwith me at all, and he was like
you know, you're speeding inthis school zone.
And I'm like, no, I was notspeeding.
He's like, yes, you was.
And he said you was going.
I think the speed limit waslike 25, 30 he's.
He's like you know, you weregoing like 35 miles per hour or
something like that.
It was like something so notthat much speed.
And I'm like, well, I thoughtthat there was like a grace,
like a window, like a graceperiod Like a safe zone, your

(01:06:23):
safe zone Like okay you can golike five to six miles over.

Speaker 2 (01:06:27):
He was like listen to yourself.

Speaker 1 (01:06:29):
Do that make sense?
It makes sense to me the speedlimit is the speed limit, for a
reason, if the speed limit is 25miles per hour, it's 25 miles
per hour, it's not 20 plus anextra 5 miles per hour, if you
feel like it.
He was like he was so irritated.
He was like he was like it wasthe dumbest shit I've ever heard
and I and I'm like I'm reallymad whoever told me that,

(01:06:51):
because I really believe him.
You know, I didn't go todriving school.
May have been me, I didn't goto driving school.

Speaker 2 (01:06:55):
I thought that was the common law.
I got my license when I was 18.

Speaker 1 (01:06:59):
So I didn't go to driving school, so I don't know
really the rules of the road.
I just knew what I needed toknow to pass the test to get my
license Correct.
That's it.
The passed the test to get mylicense Correct the bare minimum
.
He was pissed, but that's howshe sounds.

Speaker 2 (01:07:13):
I thought you meant him.
I cannot be the only one thatthinks like this.

Speaker 1 (01:07:16):
Let us know.
Y'all Write us in the inbox.

Speaker 2 (01:07:19):
If your appointment is at 9-10, what time are you
supposed to be there?

Speaker 1 (01:07:23):
I'm going to make a poll today because I'm posting
this podcast today.
Today is Sunday, april the 21st.
I'm posting this podcast todayand I'm going to create a poll
and I'm going to ask thatquestion and we're going to see
and watch how many people thinklike me shoot as long as you're
there by 930, it should be noproblems okay gosh, I'm bad with

(01:07:44):
everything.

Speaker 2 (01:07:46):
I don't think I've ever been on time to see
anything.
I can't think of a single thing.
Mm, mm, mm, I don't think.

Speaker 1 (01:07:53):
I've ever been on time to anything.
I can't think of a single thing, Mm-mm-mm.
Well, y'all.
This concludes the Can I haveit episode, Because honey, she's
still thinking about the time.
So yeah, Until next time, guysStay bold.