Tales of Resilience from a Trooper's Journey- Catching up w/ Simply 1 Taj

When laughter bursts through the tension of a high-stakes job, it's not just a release—it's a revelation. That's what we uncover as Simply One Taj returns to our podcast, recounting the thrills and spills of her life in the state highway patrol. From the demanding drives of academy training to the unexpected comedy during traffic stops, Taj's tales are a testament to the resilience and humor that define the thin blue line. Strapping on her boots and badge, she doesn't shy away from sharing the peak moments of a profession where every day writes a new adventure.

Imagine chuckling in the face of danger or finding humor in the heat of the moment—it's this unscripted comedy that stitches together the stories from our police academy chapter. As Taj and I trade anecdotes, we unravel the human side of law enforcement, where laughter can be as much a shield as a bulletproof vest. Our exchange about the quirks of stress response and the involuntary chuckles in dire straits doesn't just entertain, it enlightens, revealing the complex tapestry of coping mechanisms that keep our first responders grounded.

But it's not all guffaws and high-fives; the shadow of stress on the mental health of those in emergency services looms large. This episode digs into the stark realities faced by dispatchers and responders, lending a voice to the unsung heroes who bear the brunt of trauma on a daily basis. We lay bare the pressing need for support systems that do more than just bandage over the psychological scars of the job. Join us for compelling conversations and personal insights that go beyond the badge, bringing to light the critical balance between mental well-being and the demanding dance of emergency response with our inspiring guest, Simply One Taj.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
She bold, she real and she's definitely ready.
Hey guys, it's your girl.
Smiley B and Eva G and SimplyOne Taj.

(00:22):
Yes guys, y'all heard us right.
It.
And Simply One Taj.
Yes guys, y'all heard us right,it's Simply One Taj.
We told y'all that she wasgoing to be back with an update
for you guys.
I know we've been saying it fora while, I know.
But we finally was able to bookher.
Honey.
Y'all know, life be life, fam.
We was finally able to book her.
Everybody's schedules are on.
It was just God.
God worked it out for us.

(00:44):
The blood of Jesus.
Y'all know she always going tomake out.
Yes.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
But you knew that song.
But when I was just over heresinging my song, y'all they just
tried to play me.
I was over here singing a songcomplicated by Nivea.

Speaker 1 (00:59):
She thought she was singing complicated by Nivea.
I don't know what that was.
What's the other?
Who else sing the other song?

Speaker 3 (01:04):
She said who was it giving, it was giving.
Oh, what you say.

Speaker 1 (01:08):
Oh, nah, nah, nah.
I've been thinking about you,who sings?

Speaker 2 (01:13):
that, or do you not?

Speaker 1 (01:15):
Dang.
What is this thing?
See that ain't the stuff Singso?

Speaker 2 (01:18):
far, y'all keep on acting, dang.

Speaker 1 (01:21):
I was about to say J Holiday.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
It's not J Holiday, no, that's.

Speaker 3 (01:27):
Forever Suffocate.
Ain't that Suffocate?

Speaker 1 (01:29):
No, no, they here, they all over the place.
Our age is showing Memory loss.
Either way, she was Harmonizingwith One song To another Song's
beat and it was not GivingNivea.
So that's what I do know.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
But yes.

Speaker 1 (01:48):
So what's up, saj?
What's life been like?
Oh wait.

Speaker 2 (01:53):
So I know right when to start.

Speaker 1 (01:55):
Because how long has it been what?
Two years, two years.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
Soon as I went to that academy.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
Well, yes, guys, as y'all know, and for those who
are new to the SheBoku podcast,taj started the podcast with me.
It was me and her initially,and you know, the Lord placed
her in a different place in herlife and she went to the academy
last year.
She was leaving for the academyto be a state highway patrol,

(02:25):
which was a big step, and we hadtalked about it on the podcast.
She had been expressing andsharing different things that
she was going through with evengetting into the academy and all
the different tests and tasks.

Speaker 2 (02:40):
And training, yeah and training.
I remember when you had to runa certain distance within a
certain amount of time.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
That was wild, all of that that they require you to
do, and you know you did it.
You did it, yeah, accomplishedit and been doing it so proud.
So, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
So it's been very rewarding, I should say, and I
like it yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
Like is this your forever job?
Like you think you will retirefrom this.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
I don't know Because we're not going to say that on
air.
We were just talking about that?

Speaker 2 (03:19):
I'm not sure.

Speaker 3 (03:22):
Maybe, but I want to look into some other options as
well, sure, maybe, but there'ssome.
I want to look into some otheroptions as well.
Um, there's many opportunitiesout there that I'm just now
finding out about, so I'm justgoing to keep my options open
and pray about it and see whatthe good lord says to do, you
know what I have always wantedto ask you times and I don't
think I have so.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
First of all, listeners.
Taj is pretty pretty as hell,right.
I've always wanted to ask youlike will you pull people over,
like especially men?
Do they be trying you?

Speaker 3 (03:51):
not trying me like in a bad way as far as trying to
fight or get aggressive, becauseI'm never trying to get your
number, trying to miss.
Oh yeah, maybe like so I hadarrested a drunk before and I
took him back and he kept sayingoh.
I don't see no ring on yourfinger um what's your name, and
I was like uh, it's, it's, youknow my last name and he's like

(04:14):
officer, and then he just makingup my he just officer g,
officer g, officer g I was likeso and we have to record
everything.
So I'm trying not to smile andlaugh because I don't want when
it goes to court or whatever.
I don't want them to be like,oh she's fraternizing, because
it's just funny.
It's not, I'm fraternizing ornone of that, but I don't know.

(04:37):
People are hilarious.

Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yeah, my sister was just telling me about a video
she had seen where some officershad got to a murder scene, a
crime scene with a dead body,and one of the officers was
laughing on the camera.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
You seen that Something with the little boy.

Speaker 1 (04:53):
Correct, my sister said she seen that, so that just
made me think of that.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
I didn't mean to get off topic and it's not that
they're laughing at thesituation or laughing you gotta
think about it.
We see that stuff all the time,and so the way some officers
deal with it, they just to keepfrom crying, they kind of.
Just that's what my sister said.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
They said it was like a nervous laugh, but my sister
was like she said when she heardit she was like no, she was
cracking up, but, like you say,everybody's nervous laugh is
different you know.
So I don't know, but, like yousaid, it's like everybody is
different, and it is.

Speaker 2 (05:28):
It's always going to be different over the over audio
or recording than it is inperson, because you're not there
and that's why I know I couldnever do like a job like that,
because how I handle likeuncomfortable situations is I
definitely make jokes and laughabout shit.

Speaker 1 (05:43):
That I'm not supposed to like at all or she don't
make jokes, but her reaction isfunny and it doesn't be a funny
situation.
So it's like but it should beso serious and I'll just be like
it's just not expected.
But for me I um, I don't knowwhat it is.
I think that I had to grow itup like turn like darkness into

(06:07):
laughter, so like I literallylaugh at almost everything,
literally like and it's notnothing personal, but I tell
people that all the time, like,even when I used to get in
trouble, like I remember gettinga whooping and I was laughing
during it and my dad just had tojust stop because he was just
like what is going on, but itwas like, literally certain
things just humor me and it'snot even like I can control it,

(06:28):
that's how it's not funny likeI'm laughing at you, but it's
just like I'm left.
So I get that.
I can get that I can really getus sitting together if we sit
next to each other, yeah andthen my reaction, and then you
always laugh.

Speaker 2 (06:44):
First my rakita, always I do, I can't hold it in
and then my reaction, and thenyou always laugh first my rikita
, always I do, I can't hold itin and then, when she laughed,
make me laugh.

Speaker 1 (06:49):
Yeah I can't hold it in.

Speaker 3 (06:51):
That's how it was.
So in the academy we had to gettased.
Do y'all know I laugh, do youget to?

Speaker 1 (07:02):
choose where they tase you, they, they, they have
a are you like?

Speaker 3 (07:06):
do they say one?

Speaker 2 (07:07):
two, three go when you just start running, and then
they tase you.

Speaker 3 (07:09):
No, it was a little different for us.
So we kind of just like laidbecause they don't, they didn't
really want us to get it, andthen four or whatever I don't
know.
So we kind of already waslaying down and they just kind
of put it in there.
So it was so you got well forme.
For us it was three seconds ora five second wave.
So I did the three second waveand I laughed and then somebody

(07:33):
one instructor made a commentand was like oh, you think it's
funny?
oh yeah, you know so I'm likewell, it didn't really hurt it's
, you know, it was just, it waskind of like one.

Speaker 1 (07:44):
But I do feel like that because I remember when we
were kids tajay didn't used toalways her laugh is so soft and
it's so like light, so it's likeshe'd be smiling with her, with
her, her smile so big, she'd besmiling.
Her mouth don't necessarily beopen, but she'd be cracking up
like you could see her bodymoving.
And I feel like you were likethat too, because I feel like
there was a time we got likeyelled at by your mom.

(08:05):
I don't know what we did, likewe snuck out, we came in at the
dark, I don't know.
But I feel like you weresmiling and I was like I had
never like seen your mama set.
So I was like that was the onetime I wasn't laughing because I
was just like, wait, I don'twant her to say I can't never
come over again.
But you were like.
It was like you were silentlylaughing, she like me, we the

(08:25):
same.

Speaker 2 (08:26):
That made the punishment worse.

Speaker 3 (08:28):
So, yeah, I just made , I made a comment, I'm like
okay, well, shoot, I'll do thefive second wave.
Then.
So I got, you know, got thefive second wave and I cracked
up laughing and they were likeis everything okay?
Mentally Like this don't hurt,like, and I'm like, oh'm like,
oh well, you know, I did have ababy you know, I didn't I didn't
have no pain medications when Idid so.

Speaker 2 (08:50):
I was just like well, shoot that.

Speaker 3 (08:53):
This ain't nothing compared to the childbirth,
correct?
So I was just laughing betternot been laughing through.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
No contractions or I know something I mean listen,
that ain't nothing funny aboutthat, right well, you know, when
I had my first baby, I wasinduced, so I never felt no
contractions.
But when I had my seconddaughter, my water broke on its
own and I was just so excited toget to that hospital.
Push this baby out, let's go,let's go.
As soon as I walked through theum hospital doors is when I

(09:21):
felt the first contraction.
Y'all thought I was dying.
I'm, I'm like no, what is this?
Something's wrong?
What is this?
She's like ma'am, didn't youhave a baby before?
That's a contraction.
That's a what?
Get it out Medicine, get it outnow and now.
I never really felt nocontraction until my second baby
, oh wow.

Speaker 1 (09:38):
Ain't had a kid since Mm-hmm.
You really be knowing howstrong you are when you give
birth, honey.
But yeah, so the academy was Astruggle, would you say.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
Yeah, it was good and bad days.
Yeah, we had good and bad days.
Mine were mostly bad.

Speaker 2 (09:59):
Are you still like close with the people that you
went to academy with?

Speaker 3 (10:02):
We were never really that close.
It's different because a lot ofum.
It's weird because I've talkedto some of my colleagues now and
they're like it was only 19 ofus that graduated.
We started off with like 40people but people dropped.
So some of my colleagues that Italked to were like, oh, I bet
your class was really tight andclose with each other because it

(10:25):
was only 19, yeah and I'm like,surprisingly, the instructors
told us that we were the mostdistance class, like there's
things that we didn't know abouteach other that we should have
known.
I mean, I talked to some of mycolleagues now and they're like
I knew everyone in my class.
They had maybe one guy.
He said they graduated withlike 80 people.

(10:45):
He said he knew everybody'sspouse's name.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 (10:49):
They had a spouse.
He knew the kid's name, he knewtheir birthday and I'm like see
, our class wasn't like that.
I don't even know half thepeople who had kids.
I don't know their spouse ortheir child's name.

Speaker 2 (11:05):
It's just we weren't for some reason, we just weren't
close.
No, trying to survive.

Speaker 3 (11:06):
We had a couple people that yeah, it was a
couple people that end upgetting closer.
But other than that, if I talkto some of my classmates now, if
I see them at a training, I'mlike hey, how you been?
Or um, we got a lot.
A lot of us are on the sameFacebook with each other, so I
keep contact with them or keepup with their life through
social media, but other thanthat we don't talk, chit, chat
in a group chat or like nothing.

(11:28):
So which kind of sucks?
But at the same time it's likeI get it.
Everybody, you know you got alife and life be life yeah.

Speaker 1 (11:39):
So what you did, you did your you know academy, you
did that, finished that.
Then you got a post and you hadto be.
You started working at a postand things like that.
So like what are some of thelike craziest things you've like
experienced being on the road?

Speaker 3 (12:00):
Like that you've seen , like wow, like that you've
seen like wow, um, I will saylike the fatalities of crashes
um teenagers and like thefatalities of pedestrians and
just things like that and I mean, um, you don't realize how much
, because when you're out theredoing a job, you're just doing

(12:20):
the job.
You're like this is, this iswork.
You're not thinking about thisperson's laying here.
You're not looking at that,because you're trying to get
things done, trying to get yourmeasurements for your crash
scene, trying to make sure thatthe people driving by they're
not rubbernecking, and recording, and you're just trying to
focus on that.

Speaker 2 (12:41):
That's what that's called rubbernecking Mm-hmm.
Because, baby, when I drivepast, you know, they always say
it's a long line of traffic.
You know what the hell y'all?
Y'all just want to be nosy.
And then, when you get past it,I'll do the same thing break my
neck to see what's going on.

Speaker 3 (12:53):
I've seen people crash from rubber necking
because they're rubber neckingand they're acda and the next
person I'm like see, that's whythat should be rubber necking.
So now I gotta do two crashthings because you sit over here
on a rubberneck?

Speaker 1 (13:10):
no, they break.
Check me so no.
But um, yeah, because I wasgonna say like I know that y'all
do a lot of physicalpreparation in an academy for
the position, but what type oflike resources for like mental
health do they provide duringthe academy?

(13:31):
because like it's almost likeyou can't be truly prepared for
something like that yeah, Iremember applying for to be a
9-1-1 operate, like call 9-1-1center operator, and I remember
it wasn't until like I had wentfor the testing, like I got to
like step two, and I was, likeyou know, I passed the little

(13:51):
preliminary part and I was doingthe actual like on the computer
training to you know see whoyou dispatch for this but I was
like I might not really be fitfor this job because I have
anxiety.
I freeze up like I probablywouldn't be.
I can't imagine getting a calland somebody's like somebody
just got shot and they're justlike you know.
So like what did they do tolike mentally prepare y'all for

(14:15):
that type of stuff, seeingfatalities and things like that?

Speaker 3 (14:18):
there is resources that they do offer.
Um, if you want to like, don't?
They always say don't beembarrassed to ask for help.
If you need help, ask for it.
So they're always giving us,you know, different resources
and all that stuff.
Um, if you had too manyfatalities like in a row, like,
for example, I had one one monthand then I have one the next

(14:45):
month and then, like two monthslater, I had another one, and it
was like they were like Ididn't even get to heal from the
first one.
So someone reached out to meand was like, because I didn't,
I didn't think I, you know, Ididn't need to speak with
anybody.
I didn't feel like I needed tospeak with anybody.
Um, but you don't really knowthat until you actually talk to

(15:05):
somebody and be like, oh, maybeI should have reached out to
somebody, so, but they will havesomebody.
Like someone reached out to meand was like I've seen you've
handled this, that, this and thethird, and I just really want
to check in with you.
I want to let you know I'm here.
You know they just talk to youand ask you about certain stuff
and they'll do like some type ofquestionnaire where they'll ask
you how do you feel?

(15:26):
And you know, and depending onhow you answer, then they'll
just kind of go from there.
But my thing is with it.
I feel for dispatchers because,for one, they're the first
people getting those calls and,yeah, our job is hard on the
road, but also their job is hardtoo, because they have to move
quick, they have to get those,you know, they have to reach out

(15:48):
to us and let us know.
Meanwhile you got the otherperson on the other end freaking
out, screaming, whatever.
So I do feel for them too,because they're mentally
struggling as well, just likeyou know yeah, I can't picture
you doing that job because andthen you ask a lot of questions
no, but I think I would.

Speaker 1 (16:07):
No.
Let me not even say thatbecause I was about to say I
think I would do better thansome of these dispatchers,
because have y'all seen themclips of like those dispatch
calls that be coming across uminstagram?
And it's just like these.

Speaker 2 (16:18):
But I was like maybe I should be like, yeah, with the
mom and the dad had got shot.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
and then there was one I just heard with one of the
famous football players wives.
I don't know if it was like adomestic dispute between them
two, but she was scared, likeyou could tell she was scared.
So she, like you know they'reasking her all the questions
that she got asked her.
But she, like, can you?
You know, usually you hear themsay help is on the way, but but
I'm going to stay on the linewith you.
Like the woman didn't say that,so she was waiting for you.

(16:47):
You could tell she was waitingfor that and she was like, so
are they on their way?
Like, are they coming?
Are you sending the people?
Like you asked me all thesequestions, but are they coming?
Because, like, if somebody getskilled like that's what she
said I was going to say Iprobably could do it better, but
it's like I don't know, I don'tknow how long they've been
doing it Because you have a lotof empathy, like that's what I

(17:07):
think.

Speaker 2 (17:07):
Yeah, and that's the thing too.

Speaker 3 (17:09):
Some people start off in their career like say you've
been doing this 10, 15 years.

Speaker 1 (17:18):
The empathy that you had in the beginning.
You done heard so much.
So the empathy you had in thebeginning, you don't have it.

Speaker 3 (17:21):
And I've learned that too.
On the road, like there's somecrash scenes where I've been
pulled up to Like when I firststarted.
I'm like super like givingempathy, saying, hey, just calm
down, just sit right here, warmup in my car, you know, versus
when?

Speaker 1 (17:36):
you got.
A couple years on, you getthere and you're like oh, it's
another one, or you?

Speaker 3 (17:41):
know, and it's kind of obvious, and I've um, I can't
remember exactly what happenedthere was a crash scene and it
really wasn't that bad, but theperson was just freaking out.
Granted, that was their firstcrash, young girl, but I kind of
was like here, fill this out,do this, give me what's your

(18:02):
idea?
Like you know, because I'mtrying to rush and and I didn't
realize I was being rude and Ihad to go back to her and I'm
like, um, I'm sorry, I didn't,you know, mean it that way.
If you know, if you felt like Iwas being a little rude or a
little rushed, I'm just tryingto.
It's raining, it's bad out.
I don't want another car toslide off and hit us and so I'm

(18:24):
trying to do it the safest way.
But then I didn't realize I wasbeing rude too.
So I was like, and then it kindof it made me um happy because
she was like, yeah, you know she.
She was like, yeah, you know,thank you for that.
Blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like actually just comesit back in my car, just sit
with me.
And I found what was weird aboutthat situation was there was a

(18:46):
truck driver that had stoppedand was um waiting, like he had
stopped, and I thought maybeshe's, he was involved.
So I'm asking him like were youinvolved?
Did you witness this?
You know?
No, I kind of came up on herafter the fact and I'm like,
okay, I'm like, well, you ain'tgotta sit here, because I've at
that point her car was disabled,so I had her throw it in

(19:08):
neutral and I pushed her offthere because she was in the
literally in the middle lane andthere's traffic and cars
swerving trying to, you know.
So I'm like hurt, we're gonnathrow this bad boy in neutral
and I'm gonna push.
And I asked the truck driver.
I said, thank god you're here,let's help me push.
So we pushed her off the roadand he just kept sitting there
and I'm like, sir, you can leave, like you can go, and he's like
well, I want to make sure she'sokay.

(19:29):
I'm like she's good, I'm here,she's with me, we're good.
And he was like well, um, shesaid she needed a ride because
she was from a different city,and so he was like, well, she
said she needed her, all right.
And I'm like I was like, no,she's okay, she's, I'll make
sure she gets to where she needsto get to.
So then he's like trying totalk to her and was like are you

(19:50):
sure you're okay, do you wantto ride?
And I thought that was weirdand I'm like what are you into?

Speaker 2 (19:55):
what are you into?
Because are you into some typeof sex trafficking.

Speaker 3 (20:00):
Because why do you keep asking this little girl?
If she needs, she's a younggirl.
Why do you keep asking hershe's with the safest person.

Speaker 1 (20:07):
She's with the police , with a sheriff, I mean with a
state trooper, like yeah, and he, like was just pissing me off,
so I'm like, so I I got moreaggressive.

Speaker 3 (20:15):
I said, sir, you can go, like you gotta go, because
you're at this point you'reholding up traffic, so you can
just go ahead and go.
He's like all right, well, I'llleave.
But I always think in my headand I didn't have no probable
cause, I didn't have nothing, hewasn't involved.
So it's not like I could belike I didn't have no probable
cause, I didn't have nothing, hewasn't involved, so it's not
like I could be like I didn't,there was nothing I could do to

(20:36):
get more.
Maybe I could have asked alittle bit more questions, like
um, but when you're a youngofficer, you just don't know
what to ask and you don't know.
But I always wonder and I'mlike he gave me those weird
vibes, to the point where yeah,and it's like I wonder if
there's something going on.
Was there other?
Was there people in the truck?
Was there other?

(20:58):
You get what I'm saying so likeis this what you do?

Speaker 2 (21:01):
you drive around and wait to see young women that
need help.

Speaker 3 (21:03):
Yeah, and I'm like and to this day I'll be thinking
like I really hope that Ididn't let, uh, as you know
something a sex trafficker go orwhatever.
But there was, like I said, Idon't know if he could have just
been really concerned for hertoo, because that's what it was
given, very concerned, but thenit was kind of given like creepy
sir, you gotta go.

Speaker 1 (21:23):
So yeah, I think that that is the tough part.
That is the tough part too, andI think that's why it's
important to have thoseresources and things like that,
because even, like we talkedabout, with the dispatch calls
and stuff like that, it could beeasily a situation where it's
been years and years and yearsof doing the job and your

(21:48):
attitude changes.
It gets frustrating because youknow, like you said, you can't
really control what the otherperson is doing.
Like you said, if you pull upto a scene and somebody's
freaking out and to you, you'veseen a million and one accidents
.
And they've taken a million andone phone calls, but you got to
think that might have been thatperson's first time.

(22:09):
That was that little girl'sfirst time ever witnessing her
mom on the ground fighting forher life.
That was that for little girl'sfirst time that were hit in the
guardrail and needed, you know,some type of assistance.
So it's like there should besome type of like continuing
education, continuing likeresources that is provided when
you're in those fields because,or like a mandatory counseling
session or something, becausethat's what I was.

Speaker 2 (22:30):
Okay, you know, people always swear.
They know about the law whenthey watch the law and order but
for real, you know when youwatch law and order, whenever
Stabler and Olivia would dealwith certain situations, it's
like the captain would forcethem to like go and yeah, and
that's the thing.

Speaker 3 (22:43):
They don't force that upon us they don't force us to
go to anything.
I mean, if you need it, theresources, are there.
But a lot of the time somepeople don't.
They just don't use theresources.
It's just you're so busy on theroad and you're so busy day by
day that, like I said, it's hardto even know that you need the
help, because it's just you justkeep going, you just it's.

(23:05):
It's never no time for you tosit down and be like dang.
That just happened yeah youdon't really get to think about
it unless you go to sleep andyou're like you have.
You know, you're having someissues when you where you can't
sleep, or then you'll know like,okay, um, but most people they
just, they just take it a day,one day at a time.
They just keep going.
They don't never, you don'tever know that you need the help

(23:28):
until it's too late.
And now, now, at this point,you're like yeah, because you
get officers.

Speaker 2 (23:34):
Like those are high stress Level jobs.
Like I was.
I was about to sign up To go ToEMT school To like Help the
paramedics, yeah, and my bestfriend had to tell me Girl, you
are the most, most panicking assperson I know why would you go.
And I had to really think aboutit too.
Like you got to know yourself,because that would have been a

(23:55):
waste of time and money andeducation, because my first
scene let me even see a brokenpinky Faint Passing out Can't
handle it, broken bone, yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:05):
Same.
And that brings me to anotherimportant point is that you know
of.
And that brings me to anotherimportant point is that you know
, of course, when we started thepodcast, you know we always
shared, like you know you have adaughter, you know you're a
single mom and you know how hasthis transition affected your
personal life, like as far asbeing a mom, and like you know

(24:27):
that capacity of your life.

Speaker 3 (24:28):
Well, because you work long hours, of course, you
work weekends, work weekends,holidays, all that stuff.
So that's the only thing thathas really affected is like you
can't make certain events or um,you can't, you know, you just
you feel like you can't be thereas much as you should.

(24:48):
Um, I would say that and thenlike missing certain holidays
because, there's times where youknow I miss Thanksgiving or we
started Christmas late because Ihad to work and just stuff like
that so does she ever likeaccidentally make you feel bad
about?
that like no, no, sheunderstands.
Like last Christmas, thischristmas I was working day

(25:11):
shift, thankfully, and but Ididn't get off until two, and
normally, you know christmas, wedo christmas in the morning.
So I'm like I was geek to be onday shift because I get off
earlier, but then I didn't thinklike oh, christmas morning,
morning, yeah, I didn't thinkabout that.
So I was like, oh, you knowwhat?
Um, santa already came, youknow, but you have to wait until

(25:32):
I get off to open the presents.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
So that was, you know , she was like okay, we can do
that, like yeah so that was agood thing.

Speaker 3 (25:41):
Um, so yeah, you just , you just compromise, you just
make it work, you know, even ifyou're all night like night.
When I first started out thevery, very first Christmas, I
was on nights, and so we did itin the morning.
I got off in the morning, youknow she was there and stayed up
we did that and I went to sleepfor a little bit, and that was
it.
We got breakfast and I was, youknow.

(26:02):
So in the first christmas itwas just me and her.
Yeah, so this christmas was alittle different, yeah.

Speaker 1 (26:11):
So how old is Paris?
Now Seven, okay.
So does she like ask youquestions about, like your job?
You know, like kids just beinquiring because like she's
seen you in your uniform, youwear, you know, your uniform,
you have like the whole beltstrap, the gun, the mask, all
that.
So does she like be asking you,because my boys they so nosy so

(26:33):
they'd be.

Speaker 3 (26:33):
You know, she actually, like mom, you had to
arrest anybody today or like shewas, so I first, when I first
started, she would ask um what?
What did she used to say okay,so not.
Instead of saying arrest, shewas calling under arrest so she
did.
You have to under arrestsomebody and I'm like you know,

(26:54):
and I would tell her certainthings.
I wouldn't get in a needygreedy, but I would just tell
her certain things like yeah,you know I had someone, um, I
stopped today and you know theydidn't have a license, or you
know, just whatever, or?
They had some other stuff goingon and I'm like, yeah, and I
arrested that person or you knowsomebody, was she?

(27:14):
Well, because she knows, likekids they know.
So she's like what if they'redrinking and driving?

Speaker 2 (27:20):
I said what do you know about drinking?
And driving.

Speaker 3 (27:22):
So one time my mom was um drinking uh, like some
ever fresh or something.
She gonna say mom, you know youshouldn't be drinking and
driving, because mommy canarrest you and she said not that
kind of drink.
Girl like this type of drinkain't gonna do nothing, right,

(27:45):
so she so that type of sit likeyou know and then um one time I
you know we have to put deersdown.
So say, if somebody hit a deer,um and the deer is still alive,
we have to put them down.
So why, because they can't getback.
You want them to lay therestruggling, yeah you want them
to lay there struggling, or sothey won't work.

(28:07):
Get up and get back, yeah okay,so they won't recover.

Speaker 2 (28:10):
I'm thinking maybe move to the side of the road.
No, I mean, I don't know Idon't.

Speaker 1 (28:15):
I never hit a deer.
I never had a deer before.
But now I have a differentperspective because in my mind,
when I ride past and I see adeer dead on the side of the
road, I think they just diedfrom the impact.

Speaker 3 (28:26):
But now I know y'all here putting them down.

Speaker 1 (28:29):
I said some people, we got the state highway patrol
officers and the police officersover here.

Speaker 3 (28:34):
I said, some people do, some animals do die from
impact cause they might be ableto recover.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
I mean I don't know, how do y'all know who give y'all
the right to make that?

Speaker 2 (28:47):
decision, cause they would still be there by the time
the police get there.

Speaker 1 (28:50):
I would think if they could get up and run away.
I mean, if you get hit by a car, would you want to get put down
?
Your bones go, they go heal,you go get a cast or whatever
you might get up it don't matterif you, but if a deer gets hit
and their hind legs break,they're gonna, they're gonna die
, okay, or or the coyotes isgonna come eat them or they're

(29:13):
gonna get back up and try tomove.

Speaker 3 (29:14):
And then now you got another crash you gotta handle
because another person hit thisdeer and that's dangerous.

Speaker 2 (29:20):
Don't let him be a fighter.
When I say it for the thirdtime, yeah and well, y'all when
I say these because I didn'tknow that I don't know how I
feel you gotta think about it.

Speaker 3 (29:29):
You're not doing nothing wrong.
People deer hunt all the time,so you're not.
It's not like you're out hereshooting dogs and no, you're
just.
Yeah, it's a deer and people soif a dog get, hit.
I ain't never had a dog get hit.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
The dog is late she don't want to talk about that.

Speaker 3 (29:50):
I don't't know about no dogs, but I know them deer
and them deer are huge.
They mess your car up.
I mean, I done seen deers putpeople's airbags out and put
people in the hospital.
So, that's why I'm like it iswhat it is.

Speaker 2 (30:05):
You just got to put it down Girl, that's a million
to down.
I hate deer.
That's like one of my greatestfears is hitting a deer when I'm
driving they will tear your car.

Speaker 3 (30:14):
We out of deer, we out of deer season.

Speaker 2 (30:16):
Now I think we're out of deer season yeah, I mean, I
mean I don't know.

Speaker 1 (30:25):
I used to be scared of deer too, because I just
never really understood, likewhat they would do if they like
just came up close to you.
But like where I live at,there's always deer and they
just like live their best lifeand like they just be over there
in the little woods area theydon't really bother anybody.
But I don't know, I I don't, Iwould definitely not want to hit
a deer.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
You don't want to know, but you know, and then I
guess it just depends, like whenI'm on the freeway when I'm on
the freeway.
I'm definitely paranoid about adeer just sprinting or running
across and this happened to mebefore, like on frank row 104,
like thank god it was far enoughto where I could slow down, but
he didn't even look, both waysor nothing just right, because
they said they really can't seethat they're very look how small

(31:11):
it is.
They're gonna brain.
I think they're very stupid.
But then, like where I live now, like there is a lot of deer in
my neighborhood, but it's likethose are the smart deer,
because they're over there byyour house.

Speaker 1 (31:22):
They just be, that's what I'm saying.
They just be with their familylooking for something to eat you
know, maybe the ones on thefreeway are panicking, because I
think they just, yeah, tryingto get back to where home, you
know, and they can't see.

Speaker 3 (31:35):
I'm going to show y'all this picture from when I
was in FTO training, which wasthe field training.
A deer ran into the side of thepatrol car and I'm going to
show y'all the damage that itdid.

Speaker 2 (31:49):
It was horrible and then don't let me see a deer
with the goddamn antlers, thembig ones don't really scare me.

Speaker 1 (31:55):
There's some reindeer .

Speaker 2 (31:56):
Those are bucks, bucks and I'm up here yeah, that
makes me nervous yeah, thosedeer dancing.

Speaker 3 (32:12):
I was gonna say I had laughing.

Speaker 2 (32:16):
What shit you say you're supposed to be laughing
about?
You was just there.
That was the first deer I knewabout saying the same, you know,
but hey, no, that's like one ofmy greatest oh my gosh greatest
fears.

Speaker 1 (32:29):
Yeah, because they say like don't swerve them, they
tell you to hit them.
They're like yeah, because theysay like don't swerve them,
they tell you to hit them,they're like if you hit a deer.
They say that they say, likethe road rules.
If you see any type of likeanimal of any nature, like
running in front of your car,you know your instinct is to
swerve it Right.
But they said that could resultin a worse accident.

Speaker 2 (32:45):
Right.
What if you?

Speaker 1 (32:46):
swerve it and you hit another car.
But if you're swerving your car, tips over right so they say,
like don't try to swerve,especially not on the freeway.
You're on a multi-lane roadwhere cars are going 60 miles
per hour at the least, and justimagine trying to swerve a deer
and you get into the next lane.

Speaker 3 (33:03):
It's a semi truck yeah, you're not supposed to
swerve the deer because, um,like, for that reason,
especially for insurance.
So if you swerve a deer and youhit a guardrail, I'm giving you
a citation.
Even though you're saying youswerved a deer, there's no proof
.
Where's the deer?
Damn.
So you're going to get citedfor failure to control because
you failed to control yourvehicle.
So that's, that's crazy.

(33:26):
Yeah, because I don't have noproof.
Where's the proof that you wereswerving to avoid something?
Because, because a lot ofpeople say, oh, I swerve.

Speaker 1 (33:32):
But what is the citation for?
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (33:34):
You get a ticket Can't control your vehicle yeah,
and now your insurance.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
No, the vehicle can't control me, if you have
insurance ain't going to.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
probably if you get cited for something, they're not
going to pay it, right.
Yeah, they're not going to payit, right?
Yeah, they're not going to payyour damages, so you might as
well just you better hit thedeer, you better hit the deer.
So she said where's the proof?
So people be saying that to you, you'd be like oh okay, I'm
sorry to hear that.
Here's your citation.

Speaker 1 (34:02):
Or people will say what if I try to swerve a car
that's going fast like anddriving crazy, because you know,
have witnesses but they're notgonna stop on the freeway to
tell the the officer that youhit the guardrail because a car.

Speaker 3 (34:14):
Yeah, no, um, they're not gonna do that.
You better off hitting the carand then they be in that fault
so you can get your stuff paidfor, because, like you gotta, we
I get it.
What, like you could genuinelybe telling me the truth, but
there's no proof.
So now it's like Everybodywould say that and then on my

(34:36):
part, if I don't cite you or andnow I have to turn this
paperwork in I may have to callyou, depending on how my
sergeant may feel, if mysergeant reviews this and be
like okay, well, where's theproof that they were swerving?
Was there?
What evidence did you find thatthey were swerving?
What evidence did you find thatthey were swerving, like you
know they're going to, and thenthey're going to be like okay,
well, because I've done thatbefore, I believe the person and

(34:58):
they could have just been lyingto me.
And now here I am trying toexplain that.
Is there?

Speaker 1 (35:05):
a fee, a ticket, like is there a fee that I got to
pay if I I'm cited, so you wantme to pay the ticket and get my
car fixed?

Speaker 3 (35:15):
this is absurd I need to talk to the mayor about this
basically I mean because thenif I turn in my paperwork and
say I'll take your word and Iturn in my paperwork, but my
sergeant don't agree, I'm gonnajust have to give you a phone
call and cite you anyway oh no,like you're so like you're going
to regardless you know.

Speaker 1 (35:32):
So that's why people be hitting and running.
They hit them and they runbecause it's damned if I do,
damned if I don't.

Speaker 2 (35:41):
I mean, yeah, oh my God.
So I wonder, do parents be likebragging to her friends and
everybody telling them what kindof job you have, what you do?

Speaker 3 (35:52):
Yeah, I think.
So I know she was a lot in thebeginning, this girl.
She went to summer camp and Iguess she had got in a little
tussle or something in summercamp.
I don't know, it was somethingshe got into.

Speaker 1 (36:16):
You know my mom's a cop gonna tell one of the.

Speaker 3 (36:17):
yeah, well, she told one of the instructors it was
one of the instructors had um, Idon't know if the instructor,
because I had a bunch of, likeyoung instructors that were like
college students, like fresh,like I mean 19, 20 year olds,
and that you, they don't knowhow.
They don't probably have kidsand stuff, so they don't know
how to really deal with kids.
This is just their summer job.
She gonna tell one of theinstructors I don't know what

(36:42):
happened, I, I don't know.
I'm pretty sure my child wasn'tone getting smart.
But she gonna tell one of theinstructors um, well, when my
mom picks me up, I'm just gonnahave her arrest you and so it
was dead ass serious.
So the instructor was like what,what does your mom do?
And she told her.
And so when I came, theinstructor was like can I talk

(37:03):
to you?

Speaker 2 (37:04):
She was trying to be all nice and stuff.

Speaker 3 (37:06):
And I'm like, oh, I'm going to talk to her, but this
was the car.
Oh wow, and the deer, theairbags and stuff was out.

Speaker 2 (37:16):
And the deer ran into the.
That is wild.

Speaker 3 (37:18):
And that's poop that's the deer's like guts and
stuff.
It's wild and that's poopthat's the deer's like guts and
stuff.

Speaker 2 (37:27):
Oh lord, I should have took a picture of the deer
too like did you have to shootit?

Speaker 3 (37:29):
no, that one, no, that died.
The whole inside of the likesplitting half.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
Oh, because it hit it on the side it hit this on its
side of his body.
That's crazy that's crazy, wowso um, you wow.

Speaker 1 (37:42):
So you know, last we heard, you know you was a single
mom, you know pursuing yourcareer as a state highway patrol
officer.
And I mean I know that peoplewant to know, like, are you
still available?

Speaker 3 (37:57):
What's the relationship status?
Given it's given, fiance, it'sgiven fiance.

Speaker 1 (38:01):
Hey, if you like it, then you should have put a ring
on it.
Let me see that ring.
Honey, congratulations, thankyou, thank y'all.
So how is it so, like you know,from being single to like in a
relationship to now planning awedding honey?

Speaker 3 (38:23):
It's fun.
I mean it's been good Is it?
Not stressful, but I've been alittle stressed because I've
been trying to look at venuesand everything.

Speaker 2 (38:30):
People always say that.
I always hear people complainabout or not available for the
dates that you want or something.

Speaker 3 (38:37):
Well, so far, the date I want is available for
most places, but it's justfinding the perfect place.
Like I found a place that Ilike, but then they didn't have
one of the amenities, so I'mlike, well, that's a no.

Speaker 2 (38:53):
Yeah, and then you know.
So it's just a little bit.

Speaker 3 (38:58):
Because I just I don't know, I just want it.
I don't want to have to pay forextra certain stuff, like if I
just need something that is allin one, all inclusive.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
Yeah, yeah, so you found your person, honey.
Tell us how to do it, honey,because we still trying to
figure it out, me and Eva.

Speaker 2 (39:13):
So were you intentionally dating or did he
just come out of nowhere Like,did it just?

Speaker 3 (39:25):
It was like out of nowhere.
Okay, yeah, because I had justgraduated the academy, basically
.
And then, yeah, like we startafter I graduated, we, kind of
you know, start talking and itjust grew.

Speaker 2 (39:34):
Yeah, it just just grew after that see y'all, stop
searching and looking, let themcome find you yeah, so now y'all
got the blended family thinggoing on because he has a child
as well right and then you gotpairs.

Speaker 1 (39:50):
So how is that transition going?
Because everybody pretty muchthis is your first relationship
with like you know, blendedfamily, right, right, yeah.
So how is that?
Because, uh, we talk about thatall the time.
It's like, you know, we're ablended family, right, yeah.
So how is that?
Cause the we talk about thatall the time, it's like, you
know, me and Eva we kind offigure like we're done, you know
, having kids.
So we hope that whoever we do,you know, end up with has either

(40:12):
already had kids or kind ofjust is okay with, you know, our
you know, they call each othersisters.

Speaker 3 (40:26):
Yeah, they do now you know, yeah, so it's been going
pretty good.
Like you know they're pretty,they get along with each other,
they like each other, they havefun together.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
Are they close in?

Speaker 3 (40:40):
age?
Yeah, six and seven.

Speaker 1 (40:42):
Oh, that's good yeah.

Speaker 3 (40:44):
So for the most part everything's been good.
Um good, I would say.
You know, with the wholeco-parenting situation.
You know that's has, it's good,but then sometimes it has its
ups and downs, so that can belike the only downfall.
And plus, you know certain, ifwe run things a certain way in

(41:07):
our household and that parentdon't run, you know run the same
thing in their household, thenthat can kind of throw things
off, because you know, like, forexample, I could say like maybe
my child's father, he may nothave as much structure, or and

(41:28):
then versus, and then vice versa.

Speaker 1 (41:31):
That is important.
Yeah, we talk about thatbecause it is.
It's hard, especially with kidsat that adolescence age, where
they're still trying to learn,you know, know right from wrong.
And when you have a structuredhousehold or you have a set
schedule and things like this,and they're here majority of the
time, then they're adapting tothat and then when they go over
there it's like okay, nowthey're.

(41:53):
They're kind of confused andit's almost like you can't
really even be mad at them andthen, they come back home acting
different yeah remember how Iwas just about to say that their
daughter is a perfect example.

Speaker 2 (42:05):
My youngest daughter Every time she went to her dad's
house and she came back.
It's like I had to retrain herteacher.

Speaker 1 (42:10):
She would like literally.

Speaker 2 (42:12):
Yeah, you know but when she's at my house, she's
the youngest.
When she's with her dad, she'sthe oldest.
You know this.
You know what I mean, so yeah Idefinitely understand that.

Speaker 1 (42:27):
Yeah, yep so that's good, I'm excited, a little
challenging.
Yeah, that is so exciting.
That is exciting, I meanliterally it's just been like a
complete 180 since you last waswith us.
You know, like, career wise,personal wise, all of that, so
that's why it was superimportant for us to, like you
know, catch up with you.
I know, like we've been like Isaid, we've been telling the
listeners we was going to dothis and it's, you know, perfect

(42:49):
timing.
You know, like, literally, wejust got so much stuff going on.
So we, you know it's safe tosay you happy honey, yeah, you
happy with where life is at foryou right now heck, yeah, yes,
everything falling into place.

Speaker 2 (43:05):
I love it.
Oh, I can't wait to yourwedding.

Speaker 1 (43:07):
I've been told the people you don't even know if
you invited girl.
That's what I'll put the hat on.
Can I find a plus one?
I'm definitely oh my god,that's another thing too.

Speaker 2 (43:17):
We gotta um, figure out.
I want to help, let me knowwhat you need, because I want to
do a bachelor, a bacheloretteparty.

Speaker 3 (43:22):
But I want to help, let me know what you need
because I want to do abachelorette party, but I want
to do it in Vegas oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (43:31):
Yeah, that's going to be a time.
And it stays in Vegas.
That's going to be a time.
No, I've been talking aboutthat for the longest.
I am so ready to go to awedding.
Why isn't anybody gettingmarried?
I'm so ready to go to a wedding.
Why isn't anybody gettingmarried Like I'm so ready to be
in a wedding?

Speaker 1 (43:44):
Girl.
So I just got asked to host myuncle's wedding, um, whatever
that means, and yes, in June.
So yeah, so host yeah.

Speaker 3 (43:56):
Yeah, what is that?
Yeah, well, no, well, no, Ithink like you host like.

Speaker 1 (44:00):
I think I host like the beginning of the wedding and
then like the beginning of thereception.
I don't really know.
I have to sit with them and seewhat this is all about.
Yeah, because I don't know what.

Speaker 2 (44:13):
I'm signing up for Is anybody else in the family
offended.
I don't know they didn't tellme that it was.

Speaker 1 (44:22):
No, my sister did tell me because you know she
thinks she his favorite.
But yeah, it caught me bysurprise Cause, like you said, I
done been to a few weddings andI just okay with just coming
and sitting in and being, youknow.
But I mean I guess it's okay tobe like the first face people
see.
I don't know, maybe I'll meetmy Mr Right.

Speaker 3 (44:40):
Oh, my friend, everybody keep saying that Maybe
I'll meet my Mr Right, all myfriends, everybody keeps saying
that they're like maybe.
I'm going to meet somebody atyour wedding.

Speaker 1 (44:48):
I'm like.
That's what I be thinking aboutin my head.
I love to see a good union andall of that.
But, honey, I be looking likewondering Because in your mind
you just think these were thelike upstanding nice guys gonna
be oh yeah, especially because Iplan on having some people from

(45:10):
work come.

Speaker 3 (45:11):
Maybe you know who can protect me, or not even
necessarily from work, I wouldsay I got.
I have other friends that arein law enforcement with other
agencies that I may extend theinvite to.

(45:32):
So yeah, yeah, so we'll see ohno I gotta figure it out.

Speaker 1 (45:37):
That's what's up because we have talked about I
feel like we talked a while agoone of our episodes about like,
like, what is the time frame?
Like you think Because, like,did you think?
Like you would know each otherin person?
Like, how long are you willingto wait before it's like you
want that proposal or whatnot?
Because, like, how long havey'all been together?

Speaker 3 (45:57):
Two years.

Speaker 1 (45:58):
Yeah, I think that's like Damn really, that flew by.
I think that's like really Ithink, I think that's a good
time I think that a year to twoyears is a good time, if you
know, to know if you want tomarry somebody or not.

Speaker 2 (46:09):
Like I don't want to say that, men know, within like
six months or something.

Speaker 3 (46:12):
Yeah, yeah, for sure that's how he basically was.

Speaker 2 (46:15):
He was like I knew since day one, he already, so he
told you that y'all was gonnaget married already yeah I love
that, for y'all had talked aboutit before.

Speaker 1 (46:24):
Yeah, you just didn't know.

Speaker 3 (46:25):
Yeah, I didn't know when he was going to do it, or
ask.

Speaker 1 (46:28):
But he said he knew he ain't want to, like you know,
say it off the back but nowhe's like yeah, I've been there
and ain't that crazy, because heprobably didn't want back,
because people look at it like,oh, that's weird or that's corny
, yeah, because you can't reallyexpress yourself, because then
it's like, oh, you know what isshe gonna think I'm weird?
Or she gonna think I'm like youknow what is it giving.
But it's like you should beable to express yourself as a

(46:50):
female or a male and be okay,like in that moment.

Speaker 2 (46:54):
You know what I'm saying, because do you think he
was already at a time in hislife where he was looking for a
wife, or do you think it kind ofcaught him by surprise too,
like was he just like?
You know, I'm just living mysingle life.

Speaker 3 (47:04):
If it happens, it happens yeah, that's how it was
okay.
Got you, yeah.
Yeah, that's how it was okayand that's just how I felt, too
like it is what it is at thispoint.
Yeah, like I'm already in thisnew career, I'm already stressed
enough.
I don't need no extra.

Speaker 2 (47:20):
No, for real, yeah yeah, like super supportive of
your job and everything.
Or does he worry about you?

Speaker 3 (47:26):
He say worries, but especially when I was on nights.
But he's supportive, he gets it.
That's good.

Speaker 1 (47:35):
And I remember us even talking about that too,
about starting a career andbeing able to flourish
professionally and still have aromantic thing.
But that just shows the levelof maturity, because we had
talked about that before withyou on an episode about maybe
one of your exes and how.
I think that's what drove thattopic.

(47:56):
It was like is it harderbecause you don't have the time
to dedicate to this person orwhatever?
And it's kind of like you haveto choose.
And I think the discussion waslike can you be successful and
still, you know, strive for yourcareer?
And that's just like you know,proof in the pudding that you
can.
You can go for both if you havethe right person backing you.

(48:17):
You know, if you have thatperson who has the same type of
you know, belief in you and thatsame type of drive behind you,
it's like, you know, we doingour own things professionally,
but we still are investing ineach other and rooting each
other on speaking life into eachother.
So that's dope yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:35):
Is he a God-fearing?

Speaker 1 (48:36):
man yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:37):
That's good.
Yeah, you sound like myneighbor, mr Goddamn Joe.

Speaker 3 (48:43):
We definitely be praying together that's good I
mean you know we may.
I mean I'm because I I go tochurch and and I try well, at
least I try to as much as I can,because now my schedule is a
little bit more open so I can.
But, um, before I wasn't, I wasmissing a bunch because I was
working sundays yeah, yeah so,but now it's a little bit more

(49:08):
open.
So, um, we're gonna, you know,try to get into the role of
going together and yeah all thatstuff plus.

Speaker 2 (49:15):
I want my bishop to counsel us before we get married
so now, how is it between umyour fiance, because we gotta
put the respect on it, but likethe relationship between your
fiance and your daughter, likedo do they mesh?
Well, does, yeah does he?
Everybody gets along does shetake his?

(49:36):
You know he has to get on herand tell her his authority yeah
and he has a good way of doingthat with.

Speaker 3 (49:43):
Like me, I'm the yeller.
I'm like get out of here.
What's all that noise?
You know he don't do all thatlike he does.
He talks and he's like, and hehas a way to them.
Got me.
I'm yelling, I'm screaming, I'mlike.
It's time to you know whatever?

Speaker 2 (50:00):
yeah, y'all need to clean this room up, you know and
I'm always, it's like Same.

Speaker 3 (50:05):
Just, you know the more just yelling and all that.
But him he's like oh, y'allknow, y'all shouldn't be doing.

Speaker 2 (50:12):
You know he's all calm about it and then they
listen.
But they listen better to menanyways.
They listen better to theirdads, like I promise my
daughters.
They give me the hardest time,but maybe it is because of our
approach.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
Because it's like they almost make them act the
opposite, like my son told me,like he had.
I went to his parent teacherconference Last week and I love
how his teacher does like theirend of the quarter.
She does an end of the quarterinterview when she asks them
like Things about them, doeslike their um, end of the
quarter.
She does the end of the quarterinterview where she asks them
like things about them and liketheir behavior and like is

(50:48):
anybody picking on you?
Like you know?
Or um, what do you think youcan work on?
Or what is your strengths andweaknesses, and she presents
those to the parents at theparent teacher conference.
I love it and um, I have seenhow he is his answers and stuff
has evolved and even like thisquarter was probably the best
one, like I feel like was likeokay, I'm understanding my son
more Because he gave likestraightforward, like his honest

(51:12):
answers, like he felt like youknow, sometimes he is the more
problematic child in the room.
He admitted to that Just becauseof his attitude and he said
what is something that he feellike he can work on?
He said his attitude becausewhen people yell at him like or
come at him like that it makeshim frustrated and so then he
shuts down.
And then it's like now it's acombative thing.

(51:33):
And so now it's like, oh, youknow, now his teacher can
understand how to?
You know, come at him.
And the same with me.
It's like it kind of cause I aminitially like you know what
I'm saying and I'm just likegoing off trying to get my point
across, because that's how Iwas raised and you know, you
just think that's how the pointgets across.
But it's like well, maybe if Icome at you in a calmer manner,

(51:54):
you won't get so defensive, yourguard won't go up and you won't
shut down.
Now I can understand that, youknow, and I feel like with men,
it takes them a lot to startyelling like and putting their
authority down.
It's like they gotta say onething and it's cool.
But it's like we, we don't, wejust go zero to a hundred I
don't know, because I've done itboth ways, you know if I'm

(52:17):
already having a long day orwhatever, and y'all already know
this supposed to be done or wegot to do this or that.

Speaker 2 (52:22):
You know I have had those days, but I feel like it's
50, 50 because there are timeswhen I will calmly tell my child
, my children hey, you need todo this, hey, I already said it,
nice, okay, this is my thirdtime saying it and you get mad
when I holler yeah, I just had aconversation with my oldest.
She's 11 now and I mean I wasjust now.
She's older, so ourconversations are conversations,

(52:43):
because now I'm teaching youabout life.
It's just not about you're introuble or anything like that.
Like honey, every lesson thatI'm teaching you, I'm explaining
how you're going to need tounderstand this for when you're
an adult like I'm alreadytalking to her about that.
You're in middle school, like wegot to get serious about this
stuff and so I was just chewingher out I wasn't yelling,
cussing or anything like thatand just explaining how I'm

(53:04):
disappointed about this and thismom you could have just yelled
at me like that hurt her evenmore.
You know that.
I'm just telling you calmly I'mvery disappointed.
I've taught you better.
I expect better.
I I don't.
I can't even really look at youright now like that's how sad
you just made me and she waslike you could have just yelled
at me or something so I don'tknow.

Speaker 1 (53:25):
So it is.
I think it's 50, like you say.
Yeah, I think in some casesit's like you know the yelling,
like you said, after one, two,three times saying the same
thing, yeah all right, like yousaid, I think we all can agree.
It's more productive and there'smore of a understanding of what
, what it is that you're sayingto them when you're calmly
breaking it down like that.
And then also it's moreimpactful because they're like

(53:47):
oh, you're disappointing me.
That made you feel sad, likeokay, you know what I'm saying.
Because I feel like when we'reyelling at them, sometimes
they're not listening.
They hear us because we'reyelling.
You know we're yelling, butit's like to listen and really
listen to understand.
And that's what I was sayingwith my son.
It's like I want you to listenand understand, because then the
next time, if we do have tohave this conversation, it is

(54:07):
going to be different, because Iknow that now you understand,
because we made sure that wasclear, so that's good.

Speaker 2 (54:15):
That's so good.
That is such a balance, thoughshe said I'm the yeller.

Speaker 3 (54:19):
And then, like you don't know how, like her, yeah,
and then like you don't know how.

Speaker 2 (54:27):
Like see, I don't know how um she's disciplined
elsewhere, either you know.

Speaker 3 (54:29):
So you just don't know.
Like that's true, you don'tknow if the other person's a
yeller or not.

Speaker 2 (54:32):
So you just, you just don't know, so it's like, well,
shoot.

Speaker 3 (54:36):
So you try to do the best you know and be the calmest
as you can like.
Hey, you know, you know, justmake sure y'all do this, do that
.

Speaker 1 (54:43):
I think it comes with building a bond too, Because I
feel like once that other personlearns and builds a
relationship with your child,then it becomes easier to learn
the approach.
You know then, to just comingin and like not really knowing
and having that connection isalmost going to be like he's
talking to, or who she's talkingto like not me, you know.

(55:07):
But when you have a level ofrespect and you have that
connection, you understand.
Okay, this is not my biologicalmother, this is not my
biological father, but thisperson cares about me.
So obviously you know whatthey're saying means something
you know, yeah, means well, yeah.
So I never.

Speaker 3 (55:23):
You know, I never.
Everything I say is for a goodreason.
It's not.
No, I'm never being mean.
You know, I'm not a mean person, so I'm never going to be mean
or nasty about anything.
But if something needs to bedone, it needs to be done.
If you're eating too much candy, you're eating too much candy.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
Chill out like you need a brush brush your teeth,
and so you said they're sevenand eight.

Speaker 3 (55:45):
Okay six and seven.

Speaker 2 (55:47):
Six and seven, okay, well, you know so y'all got two
girls at the house and you knowI have two girls at the house
and so my oldest is now 11.
So, yeah, they think you wasn'tbeing a bad guy.
But now, like, it's head likebut in heads like and my
daughter shanai was the mostlaid back, most chill and she is
still.
She's an amazing kid, great, uh, great grades, athletic, you

(56:09):
know, very helpful around thehouse with her sister and stuff.
But when they just hit that age, it's like the inevitable, like
attitudes, like both of us.
So who, give it a few moreyears?
Give?

Speaker 1 (56:21):
it a few more years.
Give it a few more years.

Speaker 2 (56:23):
So something that I think like what do you think the
next steps are now Right?
So when we first, when thepodcast was going, you know, we
all were like working on likethese big things in our lives,
these big changes.
You were getting ready, gettingprepared for the academy, you
were going to school, gettingprepared for your real estate.
And then I was in theinterviewing process trying to

(56:43):
get a promotion and all thatgood stuff and everything that
we spoke about.
Like it came, it happened.
It happened for all of us.

Speaker 1 (56:49):
Yes, it came to fruition for sure, so can we run
it?

Speaker 2 (56:52):
back Because I'm in need for it.
Come on, lord, I'm in need.

Speaker 1 (56:55):
I'm ready for something else.

Speaker 2 (56:56):
So what do we see happening for us, like, what are
our next steps, what are ournext goals?
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (57:03):
So for me, I feel that, of course, growing the
podcast, I definitely want tocontinue to grow podcasts.
I see live, you know live shows.
I see live shows.
I see us traveling interviewingdifferent guests.
I see you know of course I'mstill doing the real estate

(57:24):
thing, so I still see you knowme.
I want to start being more onthe investment side of things.
With that, hopefully, you know,the Lord is working on my
husband.
I've been praying for him everyday.
So, yeah, you know, hopefully Ifind my person soon, or my

(57:45):
person find me soon.
And yeah, like my oldest, he'sabout to be going to high school
soon.
I got two more years with mybaby In middle school and things
is moving fast for him.
He's in sports and traveling.
He's done so much travelingthis year.
So really just continuing onthis path and just growing
closer to God and working onthem things that, yeah, I spoke

(58:07):
about.
Okay, we're going to speak itinto existence, yes, amen.

Speaker 3 (58:13):
So for me, I would say, of course, like you know,
building my relationship and myfaith more Because, like you
know, sometimes I feel like Ifell off ever since I went to
the academy and I do want topurchase a home, and you're a

(58:35):
new girl.
Yeah, I'm a new girl, I want topurchase a home and then
career-wise, that's still kindof up in the air.
I do want to eventually.
Um, the thing is, I keep sayingI want to get into
investigations or into polygraphor something like that.
So, um oh I could rather it'sdetective rather it's in the

(58:57):
patrol or with another agency, Idon't know that.
Um so, that's just something Igotta keep praying about, and
just seeing what vision?

Speaker 2 (59:05):
god gives me.

Speaker 3 (59:06):
If he shows me another vision and another way,
then that's what it is.
So me just trying to figure outmy next moves because, yeah, I
don't want to be a state trooperfor the rest of my life, like I
just don't want to be a roadtrooper.

Speaker 1 (59:17):
I want to elevate and yeah, for sure, and planning
that wedding honey I ain't evenyeah that, but I didn't include.
I include that because that'slike oh, I meant to ask you to
do you, do, you do?
You guys want more kids yeah,one more kid okay, one more.

Speaker 2 (59:35):
I got one more in me.
You want a boy, or does itmatter?
I want a boy period.

Speaker 3 (59:40):
I got one more in me, but who?
Knows, I don't know when that'sgoing to come.

Speaker 2 (59:46):
I got too much it's never like a right time at all
correct.
I think, since we're speakingthings into existence and we
know something about it's powerin our words because, like we
said it all and we have all ourlisteners.
They all went through thejourney and know all of the work

(01:00:07):
that we put, and that'ssomething we need to emphasize
too.
We didn't just pray and hopefor things.
We prayed, we hoped and we allput in a significant amount of
work.

Speaker 1 (01:00:15):
For sure, worked our tails off for it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:18):
You know.
So I would say, for me I don'tthink my stuff is like, as I
don't know, like as big as whatboth of you were saying, but for
me I think I'm in the season ofjust I'm just really focused
and thinking about every day I'mjust thinking about, like, my

(01:00:39):
mental health and my physicalhealth, like I just want to work
on my healthiness.

Speaker 1 (01:00:43):
You know what I mean?
Yes, I love that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:45):
So that's what I'm working on and praying for, and
that's what it is for me.

Speaker 1 (01:00:51):
Yeah, yeah, I'll pray that for you too, guys.
Yeah, she take care of a lot ofpeople, honey, and I just want
you to give that same energy toyourself, because you deserve it
.
Oh, and I just want you to, youknow, give that same energy to
yourself Because you deserve it.
Oh, I love that.

Speaker 2 (01:01:04):
Yes, yes, because I ain't going to be no good to
nobody else if I'm, you know,not good for myself.
Yes, yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:01:11):
Your hair looks good.

Speaker 2 (01:01:12):
I know, you see it girl.

Speaker 1 (01:01:13):
I'm glad you went because she said she wasn't
going to go.

Speaker 2 (01:01:15):
So I was like I'm glad you still went.

Speaker 1 (01:01:21):
I was like, why are you canceling?
That's why I was asking.
I'm like, why are you canceling?
Like you could still y'allcould still go get your hair
done before we record.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
I just felt like it was just gonna be doing too much
.
Yeah, I had a lot of stuffplanned it's Easter weekend and
all that stuff but and that'sanother small step that I have
to take and I mean and I don'tknow if anybody else out there
deals with this but it is reallyhard for me to intentionally
like take care of myself likebefore, like I'm.
It's not easy for me to just goget my nails done.
Go get my hair done and I'm nottalking about like finance wise

(01:01:45):
or time wise.
It's just something alwaysmakes me feel like, well, that's
in time and energy or fundsI'll be, I can put into
something else you know so I'mso proud of myself exactly, you
know.
So I went, got, you got mylittle.
Well, he didn't have to trim myends this time, because last
time I went um and I went mysecond month in a row, you know.
So I'm like, okay, let me in,and I think that's what's going

(01:02:08):
to help with, like you know, themental health part for sure,
taking care of me and takingtime out for myself, because I
go and look back and I'm like Iused to be the girl like you
want to caught me while the busdown middle part, so in like you
would have caught me without mynails and you know all of that
stuff done and I'm like I wantto get back to just worrying
about me and taking my time outfor myself and not feeling

(01:02:29):
guilty about that like that'sokay, yeah, for sure I love that
, so I can't wait for us to fora year to pass and that's the
recap.

Speaker 1 (01:02:38):
And yeah, everybody's stuff.
Yeah, where's Where's that?
Yeah, well, we thank you againfor coming on making time to
give us an update.
Yes, you know day one, so weappreciate that.
And of course, you know thisain't the last y'all heard of
Taj, correct?
I know you know, life has, youknow, directed us into so many

(01:02:58):
different paths and things likethat.
But we're going so manydifferent paths and things like
that, but we gonna continue toget updates, we gonna continue
to have her on, you know.
So, yeah, guys, until next timestay bold.