August 27, 2024 • 20 mins
Today, we're diving into a topic that every mom, aunt or grandmother can relate to - how to give the young women in our lives their space while knowing when it's time to step in. We've all been there, right? We want to respect their privacy, but sometimes, that "mom radar" starts buzzing, and we just know something's off. Whether it's sneaking a peek at their diary or checking their room for clues, it's easy to feel torn between respecting their independence and making sure they are safe. Today, we'll talk about how to approach those tricky situations with love and care, keeping the trust and making sure you are there for her.
Bible Scripture: "Pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17)
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Ladies, your natural instinct isto worry.
You worry about your children,your health, your relationship,
and everything else under thesun.
It's a classic case of worrywart syndrome.
If you tend to worry needlessly,you are not alone.
Welcome to the She Strives WithFaith podcast with Berthena
(00:23):
Jackson.
Berthena is a two time divorcee,single mother, and war veteran
who suffered from anxiety, butlearned to let go and let God.
Berthena will share captivatingand down to earth conversations
on how to strive by faith.
Here's your host, BerthenaJackson.
(00:59):
Hello, beautiful women aroundthe world.
Welcome back to the She StrivesWith Faith podcast.
I'm your host, Lady B Celeste.
So today's episode is going tobe for all the mothers.
If you have a daughter, you'regoing to want to listen to what
I have to say.
(01:19):
Okay.
I have titled this So todaywe're diving into how to give
the young women in our lives,our daughters, granddaughters,
or nieces, their much neededspace, while also knowing when
(01:39):
it's time to step in ifsomething's not right.
You know, we all have atendency, an instinct to be a
bit nosy, whether it's peekinginto their diaries or checking
their rooms.
You know, it's like God hasgiven us this built in radar for
detecting trouble.
Okay.
(02:00):
But respecting, respecting theirprivacy is very important.
So today I'll share how tobalance giving the women, the
young women in our lives,freedom while staying aware and
ready to step in when necessary.
(02:20):
So here's where I want to start,creating a personal space for
your daughter, yourgranddaughter, or your niece is
crucial.
And this is why I say thisbecause giving your daughter or
That young woman in your life, asanctuary where she can, let's
say, decorate how she likes orlisten to her favorite music or
(02:44):
hang out with her friends.
This is really important to herbecause having her own space
helps her feel secure andvalued.
And this is very essential forher to develop independence and
self esteem.
But I will admit, There aretimes when stepping in becomes
(03:04):
necessary.
And here's what I mean.
So if you suspect that thatyoung woman in your life, that
daughter, that granddaughter,that niece is using drugs or
alcohol, or she is engaging inother harmful behaviors.
(03:25):
It's important to approach thiscarefully.
I'm talking.
It's almost like walking oneggshells.
And I know this because I have adaughter and I had to do the
same thing.
So I'm not telling you anythingthat I myself did not do when my
daughter was a teenager.
So instead of us intruding ontheir privacy without notice, I
(03:49):
think it's important for us tolet them know.
That we need to search theirroom and ask them to be present
during the process.
Now, I know that many of youwere raised up where your mama
told you this, my house and Iown this house.
You don't pay no bills.
I can come in this room andsearch and do what I want
(04:09):
because you ain't paying norent.
This is my house.
All right.
You know, we can use thatattitude.
We can go in with that kind ofattitude.
I don't know if that's going tobe most beneficial for your
relationship.
It might be detrimental.
It might push you apart ratherthan bring you together.
(04:34):
And I've used that strategybefore.
I'm going to be honest.
I had that whole attitude withthis ain't your house and you
don't pay no bills.
And you know, when you get yourown place, you can do what you
want.
But right now I can do what Iwant and I can search this room
and I can because it's my house.
I had that attitude, but I'mgoing to ask you to choose to do
(04:56):
something different.
I'm going to ask you to chooseto react, to approach it in a
different way.
And when you do this, this isgoing to respect her space.
But at the same time, Give youthe power and the authority in a
(05:20):
positive way to circumvent anypotential problems that you may
think as a mother, which yourintuition as an auntie or
grandmother with your intuitionthat you have this intuition
(05:40):
that something is going on, butI just want you to approach it
in a different way.
You don't have to be gunho.
You don't have to be aggressive.
You don't have to be demanding.
You don't have to, um, be soassertive with your authority
that you push her away or youcause her to be anxious or
(06:05):
stressed, or even to the pointwhere she doesn't trust you,
that she feels that her room isnot her sanctuary.
But like I said before, if youknow or feel that something is
going on, approach it from amore sensitive mindset.
(06:29):
Give her the respect, but alsoshow her that you care.
Let me give you an example.
When my niece was living withme, I found a home pregnancy
test in her room.
Now, automatically I'm thinking,Oh my gosh, she done got herself
pregnant or she is.
(06:52):
Well, I'm not going to say,well, with the pregnancy test.
Yeah.
I just assumed that my niece washaving sex and she suspected
that she was pregnant.
That was my, that was my firstresponse.
But rather than reactingimmediately, I chose to take a
step back.
I approached my niece and I toldher, listen, I found this
(07:15):
pregnancy test.
Let's think about this.
Let's talk it over breakfasttomorrow.
I did this because I wanted toget some advice from other
friends and I wanted to prayabout it.
You know, I thought about thatscripture, 1 Thessalonians
(07:37):
chapter 5, verse 17, whichencourages us to pray without
ceasing.
So I wanted to pray.
This reverse reminded me to stayconnected with God through
prayer, especially since I wasfacing this situation with my
niece and I didn't have all thedetails.
(07:59):
I didn't want to assumeanything, and I wanted to come
with her in love.
I didn't want to accuse her ofanything.
So I took the time out to pray.
So the next morning I approachedher gently over breakfast.
I said, I just want tounderstand what's going on.
(08:19):
I'm not going to be angry.
And I'm sorry that you had tokeep this important issue a
secret.
And this is what my niece saidto me.
She said, auntie, it doesn'tmean anything.
So she was very defensive.
She said, give me a break.
(08:42):
Now, my response could have beento get angry or upset or
frustrated.
But I continue with empathy.
And I said to her, baby, Isuspect this might mean that
you've been sexually active oryou might be worried about being
(09:05):
pregnant.
I said, I remember how scared Iwas with my first pregnancy
test.
I thought that I was pregnant.
I didn't know and I was afraid.
So instead of launching into alecture, I shared my own
(09:28):
experience to build connection.
And this approach opened thedoor for a meaningful
conversation.
And with tears in her eyes, myniece admitted that yes, she was
afraid that she might bepregnant.
She says, I'm sorry, auntie.
(09:49):
I've never been so scared inall.
My life.
And we continued to talk aboutit and I won't get into much
more details than what I'vealready shared.
But I just wanted to share withyou how I responded to my niece
(10:10):
and how, as a result of that,she was able to open up to me.
She was able to share the fearthat she had.
And I know some of you havedaughters or nieces or
granddaughters that are eithergoing through the same thing, or
(10:32):
you've experienced it.
And I don't know what yourresponse was.
I just ask that you consider thenext time that you are presented
with this problem, that you'reable to respond in a different
way.
Not the same way that you didbefore, but differently from the
(10:59):
heart with love, not withaggression or authority or
anger.
Because I believe combiningempathy with constant prayer
allows us to foster honestdialogue and provide support you
(11:19):
know, and when we do that, itstrengthens our relationships
with the young women in ourlives.
So now I want to give youpractical strategies, three
practical strategies that youcan use.
Number one, respect their space.
Let them personalize theirrooms, enjoy their music, and
(11:41):
have friends over.
And this helps them feelindependent and valued, giving
them a safe haven to expressthemselves.
Number two, communicate openly.
If you need to address aconcern, inform them beforehand
and involve them in the process.
Approach these situations withunderstanding, explaining your
(12:05):
concerns, and asking for theircooperation.
And number three, stay aware.
Be vigilant for signs of troublewhile respecting their privacy.
If you notice any red flags,address them with care and
sympathy and empathy and love,ensuring them, letting them know
(12:30):
that you're there to supportthem.
You're not there to attack them.
You're not there to accuse them.
You're not there to criticize.
You're there because you lovethem and you want to see them
successful.
You want to be helpful.
So I hope that something that Ihave shared has been beneficial
(12:55):
to you.
I hope this episode will helpyou to better relate to the
young women in your life.
You don't have to do the samething that your mother did, you
(13:16):
don't have to interact with thewomen in your lives, your
daughter, or your granddaughter,that niece.
You don't have to interact withthem the way that your mother or
grandmother interacted with you.
You don't have to respond thesame way.
I believe That there are thingsthat my mother taught me that I
(13:38):
am very grateful for.
There are things that my mothertaught me that I can use today,
but then there are some things,let me tell you that I refuse.
To accept when I was raising mydaughter, there are methods that
I refused to use just because mymother used those methods.
(14:02):
I don't have to use those samemethods.
And I found that by doing that,I had a better connection with
my daughter.
And even today, my daughter andmy relationship with her is
still intact.
It is a beautiful relationship.
It is a strong relationship.
(14:23):
We communicate well.
She's able to express herselfopenly.
She's able to share with me someof the deep things in her heart.
And I know that you have thesame desire.
You have the same desire to havethat similar relationship with
(14:47):
the young women in your life.
So I want to encourage you toreally sit back and analyze and
assess.
Some of the destructive thingsthat we have said to our
daughters, our nieces, ourgranddaughters, assess it,
(15:13):
evaluate it.
And if you need to go back andapologize, apologize to her.
And I'm telling you, when you dothat, you'll see your
relationship, transform.
(15:35):
It will be turned around.
Those broken bridges, you'll beable to mend those broken
bridges.
So that's really all that I havefor you today.
I want to say, God bless you.
(15:56):
I want to just say that if youhave a broken relationship, With
a young woman in your life.
I pray that God will come in tomend that relationship to
restore that relationship, thathe will remove any anger,
(16:19):
frustration, resentment from thewords that we have spoken, from
the behaviors that we havedisplayed because we thought
that we were doing the rightthing.
And granted, we did do thosethings out of love, but that
doesn't necessarily mean that itwas the right response.
(16:41):
It doesn't necessarily mean thatit was the correct strategy.
It doesn't necessarily mean thatour daughters or the women in
our lives benefited from it.
And in fact, you may find thatform of strategy, that old way
(17:06):
of doing things actually didmore damage than you could have
ever imagined.
But she never said anything, butit's still within her.
She's still dealing with that.
So it's up to you to all themothers, the grandmothers, the
(17:28):
aunties, it's up to you.
To go back to that young woman,even if she is an adult now,
even if she's grown and mature,it don't matter.
Even if she's got her ownfamily, it don't matter.
It is up to you to make amendsbecause that is what God would
(17:52):
want you to do.
So I love you with the love ofJesus.
And I thank you so much forlistening to this podcast, for
tuning in today.
I hope these tips help youcreate a supportive environment
for the young woman or the youngwomen in your life.
(18:13):
Until next time, keep strivingwith faith.
Bye for now.
Thank you for listening to theShe Strives With Faith podcast.
To hear more about how you cantap into the power of striving
with faith, join her next week.
If you found value in theepisode, give her a rating or
(18:36):
tell a friend about the show.
Follow Berthena on Facebook andInstagram for a more personal
chat.
Until next time, strive to keepfaith alive.
Ladies, your natural instinct isto worry.
You worry about your children,your health, your relationship,
and everything else under thesun.
It's a classic case of worrywart syndrome.
If you tend to worry needlessly,you are not alone.
Welcome to the She Strives WithFaith podcast with Berthena
(00:23):
Jackson.
Berthena is a two time divorcee,single mother, and war veteran
who suffered from anxiety, butlearned to let go and let God.
Berthena will share captivatingand down to earth conversations
on how to strive by faith.
Here's your host, BerthenaJackson.
(00:59):
Hello, beautiful women aroundthe world.
Welcome back to the She StrivesWith Faith podcast.
I'm your host, Lady B Celeste.
So today's episode is going tobe for all the mothers.
If you have a daughter, you'regoing to want to listen to what
I have to say.
(01:19):
Okay.
I have titled this So todaywe're diving into how to give
the young women in our lives,our daughters, granddaughters,
or nieces, their much neededspace, while also knowing when
(01:39):
it's time to step in ifsomething's not right.
You know, we all have atendency, an instinct to be a
bit nosy, whether it's peekinginto their diaries or checking
their rooms.
You know, it's like God hasgiven us this built in radar for
detecting trouble.
Okay.
(02:00):
But respecting, respecting theirprivacy is very important.
So today I'll share how tobalance giving the women, the
young women in our lives,freedom while staying aware and
ready to step in when necessary.
(02:20):
So here's where I want to start,creating a personal space for
your daughter, yourgranddaughter, or your niece is
crucial.
And this is why I say thisbecause giving your daughter or
That young woman in your life, asanctuary where she can, let's
say, decorate how she likes orlisten to her favorite music or
(02:44):
hang out with her friends.
This is really important to herbecause having her own space
helps her feel secure andvalued.
And this is very essential forher to develop independence and
self esteem.
But I will admit, There aretimes when stepping in becomes
(03:04):
necessary.
And here's what I mean.
So if you suspect that thatyoung woman in your life, that
daughter, that granddaughter,that niece is using drugs or
alcohol, or she is engaging inother harmful behaviors.
(03:25):
It's important to approach thiscarefully.
I'm talking.
It's almost like walking oneggshells.
And I know this because I have adaughter and I had to do the
same thing.
So I'm not telling you anythingthat I myself did not do when my
daughter was a teenager.
So instead of us intruding ontheir privacy without notice, I
(03:49):
think it's important for us tolet them know.
That we need to search theirroom and ask them to be present
during the process.
Now, I know that many of youwere raised up where your mama
told you this, my house and Iown this house.
You don't pay no bills.
I can come in this room andsearch and do what I want
(04:09):
because you ain't paying norent.
This is my house.
All right.
You know, we can use thatattitude.
We can go in with that kind ofattitude.
I don't know if that's going tobe most beneficial for your
relationship.
It might be detrimental.
It might push you apart ratherthan bring you together.
(04:34):
And I've used that strategybefore.
I'm going to be honest.
I had that whole attitude withthis ain't your house and you
don't pay no bills.
And you know, when you get yourown place, you can do what you
want.
But right now I can do what Iwant and I can search this room
and I can because it's my house.
I had that attitude, but I'mgoing to ask you to choose to do
(04:56):
something different.
I'm going to ask you to chooseto react, to approach it in a
different way.
And when you do this, this isgoing to respect her space.
But at the same time, Give youthe power and the authority in a
(05:20):
positive way to circumvent anypotential problems that you may
think as a mother, which yourintuition as an auntie or
grandmother with your intuitionthat you have this intuition
(05:40):
that something is going on, butI just want you to approach it
in a different way.
You don't have to be gunho.
You don't have to be aggressive.
You don't have to be demanding.
You don't have to, um, be soassertive with your authority
that you push her away or youcause her to be anxious or
(06:05):
stressed, or even to the pointwhere she doesn't trust you,
that she feels that her room isnot her sanctuary.
But like I said before, if youknow or feel that something is
going on, approach it from amore sensitive mindset.
(06:29):
Give her the respect, but alsoshow her that you care.
Let me give you an example.
When my niece was living withme, I found a home pregnancy
test in her room.
Now, automatically I'm thinking,Oh my gosh, she done got herself
pregnant or she is.
(06:52):
Well, I'm not going to say,well, with the pregnancy test.
Yeah.
I just assumed that my niece washaving sex and she suspected
that she was pregnant.
That was my, that was my firstresponse.
But rather than reactingimmediately, I chose to take a
step back.
I approached my niece and I toldher, listen, I found this
(07:15):
pregnancy test.
Let's think about this.
Let's talk it over breakfasttomorrow.
I did this because I wanted toget some advice from other
friends and I wanted to prayabout it.
You know, I thought about thatscripture, 1 Thessalonians
(07:37):
chapter 5, verse 17, whichencourages us to pray without
ceasing.
So I wanted to pray.
This reverse reminded me to stayconnected with God through
prayer, especially since I wasfacing this situation with my
niece and I didn't have all thedetails.
(07:59):
I didn't want to assumeanything, and I wanted to come
with her in love.
I didn't want to accuse her ofanything.
So I took the time out to pray.
So the next morning I approachedher gently over breakfast.
I said, I just want tounderstand what's going on.
(08:19):
I'm not going to be angry.
And I'm sorry that you had tokeep this important issue a
secret.
And this is what my niece saidto me.
She said, auntie, it doesn'tmean anything.
So she was very defensive.
She said, give me a break.
(08:42):
Now, my response could have beento get angry or upset or
frustrated.
But I continue with empathy.
And I said to her, baby, Isuspect this might mean that
you've been sexually active oryou might be worried about being
(09:05):
pregnant.
I said, I remember how scared Iwas with my first pregnancy
test.
I thought that I was pregnant.
I didn't know and I was afraid.
So instead of launching into alecture, I shared my own
(09:28):
experience to build connection.
And this approach opened thedoor for a meaningful
conversation.
And with tears in her eyes, myniece admitted that yes, she was
afraid that she might bepregnant.
She says, I'm sorry, auntie.
(09:49):
I've never been so scared inall.
My life.
And we continued to talk aboutit and I won't get into much
more details than what I'vealready shared.
But I just wanted to share withyou how I responded to my niece
(10:10):
and how, as a result of that,she was able to open up to me.
She was able to share the fearthat she had.
And I know some of you havedaughters or nieces or
granddaughters that are eithergoing through the same thing, or
(10:32):
you've experienced it.
And I don't know what yourresponse was.
I just ask that you consider thenext time that you are presented
with this problem, that you'reable to respond in a different
way.
Not the same way that you didbefore, but differently from the
(10:59):
heart with love, not withaggression or authority or
anger.
Because I believe combiningempathy with constant prayer
allows us to foster honestdialogue and provide support you
(11:19):
know, and when we do that, itstrengthens our relationships
with the young women in ourlives.
So now I want to give youpractical strategies, three
practical strategies that youcan use.
Number one, respect their space.
Let them personalize theirrooms, enjoy their music, and
(11:41):
have friends over.
And this helps them feelindependent and valued, giving
them a safe haven to expressthemselves.
Number two, communicate openly.
If you need to address aconcern, inform them beforehand
and involve them in the process.
Approach these situations withunderstanding, explaining your
(12:05):
concerns, and asking for theircooperation.
And number three, stay aware.
Be vigilant for signs of troublewhile respecting their privacy.
If you notice any red flags,address them with care and
sympathy and empathy and love,ensuring them, letting them know
(12:30):
that you're there to supportthem.
You're not there to attack them.
You're not there to accuse them.
You're not there to criticize.
You're there because you lovethem and you want to see them
successful.
You want to be helpful.
So I hope that something that Ihave shared has been beneficial
(12:55):
to you.
I hope this episode will helpyou to better relate to the
young women in your life.
You don't have to do the samething that your mother did, you
(13:16):
don't have to interact with thewomen in your lives, your
daughter, or your granddaughter,that niece.
You don't have to interact withthem the way that your mother or
grandmother interacted with you.
You don't have to respond thesame way.
I believe That there are thingsthat my mother taught me that I
(13:38):
am very grateful for.
There are things that my mothertaught me that I can use today,
but then there are some things,let me tell you that I refuse.
To accept when I was raising mydaughter, there are methods that
I refused to use just because mymother used those methods.
(14:02):
I don't have to use those samemethods.
And I found that by doing that,I had a better connection with
my daughter.
And even today, my daughter andmy relationship with her is
still intact.
It is a beautiful relationship.
It is a strong relationship.
(14:23):
We communicate well.
She's able to express herselfopenly.
She's able to share with me someof the deep things in her heart.
And I know that you have thesame desire.
You have the same desire to havethat similar relationship with
(14:47):
the young women in your life.
So I want to encourage you toreally sit back and analyze and
assess.
Some of the destructive thingsthat we have said to our
daughters, our nieces, ourgranddaughters, assess it,
(15:13):
evaluate it.
And if you need to go back andapologize, apologize to her.
And I'm telling you, when you dothat, you'll see your
relationship, transform.
(15:35):
It will be turned around.
Those broken bridges, you'll beable to mend those broken
bridges.
So that's really all that I havefor you today.
I want to say, God bless you.
(15:56):
I want to just say that if youhave a broken relationship, With
a young woman in your life.
I pray that God will come in tomend that relationship to
restore that relationship, thathe will remove any anger,
(16:19):
frustration, resentment from thewords that we have spoken, from
the behaviors that we havedisplayed because we thought
that we were doing the rightthing.
And granted, we did do thosethings out of love, but that
doesn't necessarily mean that itwas the right response.
(16:41):
It doesn't necessarily mean thatit was the correct strategy.
It doesn't necessarily mean thatour daughters or the women in
our lives benefited from it.
And in fact, you may find thatform of strategy, that old way
(17:06):
of doing things actually didmore damage than you could have
ever imagined.
But she never said anything, butit's still within her.
She's still dealing with that.
So it's up to you to all themothers, the grandmothers, the
(17:28):
aunties, it's up to you.
To go back to that young woman,even if she is an adult now,
even if she's grown and mature,it don't matter.
Even if she's got her ownfamily, it don't matter.
It is up to you to make amendsbecause that is what God would
(17:52):
want you to do.
So I love you with the love ofJesus.
And I thank you so much forlistening to this podcast, for
tuning in today.
I hope these tips help youcreate a supportive environment
for the young woman or the youngwomen in your life.
(18:13):
Until next time, keep strivingwith faith.
Bye for now.
Thank you for listening to theShe Strives With Faith podcast.
To hear more about how you cantap into the power of striving
with faith, join her next week.
If you found value in theepisode, give her a rating or
(18:36):
tell a friend about the show.
Follow Berthena on Facebook andInstagram for a more personal
chat.
Until next time, strive to keepfaith alive.
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