March 4, 2024 • 32 mins
New York Times best-selling author Karen Ehman shares her deeply personal narrative of growing up with an alcoholic father. Her courage in exposing the raw emotions of her childhood not only touches the heart but also opens the door to understanding the complexity of addiction's impact on families. Within these revelations lie powerful lessons of forgiveness and the indomitable strength found in surrendering to God those things we cannot change in those we love.
As Karen's story unfolds, we probe the silent battles faced by those raised in homes marred by addiction. It's a discussion that uncovers the lasting effects of maintaining a veneer of normalcy amidst internal turmoil and the toxic relationship patterns that can emerge from such chaos. But there's hope—mentorship, community support, and choices- leading away from pain toward a healthier future. Karen's experiences shine a light on the importance of these lifelines in breaking free from the cycles of secrecy and addiction.
Thank you, Karen, for your willingness to be vulnerable so that others will be encouraged as they listen to your story. May they find renewed hope in your story and trust that God is loving them through it.
Karen Ehman is a New York Times bestselling author, a Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker and a contributing writer for Encouragement for Today online devotions and a teacher in the First 5 Bible study app which has over 2 million daily users. She has written 19 books and Bible studies including Keep It Shut: What to Say, How to Say It, and When to Say Nothing at All and the 2020 ECPA devotional book of the year Settle My Soul: 100 Quiet Moments to Meet with Jesus.
She is a Cum Laude graduate of Spring Arbor University with a major in Social Science. Karen has been featured on TODAY Parenting, Redbook.com, Foxnews.com, Crosswalk.com, YouVersion.com, and is a monthly columnist for HomeLife Magazine. Her passion is to help women live their priorities as they reflect the gospel to a watching world. She is married to her college sweetheart, Todd, and is the mother of six children—three biological and three in-laws by marriage—although she forgets which ones are which. Karen enjoys collecting vintage Pyrex kitchenware, cheering for the Detroit Tigers, and spending her days feeding the many people who gather around her mid-century dining table to process life and enjoy her county fair blue-ribbon winning cooking.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sherry (00:03):
Welcome back to the she Surrenders podcast.
My name is Sherry and my goalfor this podcast is to bring you
the good news that faith-basedrecovery works, and it is where
you will find the joy in lifethat you did not think was
possible while you were still inthe bondage of addiction.
(00:23):
The stories you will hear fromthe women, and sometimes men, of
those that have walked in yourshoes or alongside someone who
has will inspire you to pursuethe freedom they have found.
That comes from surrenderingnot only our addictions but also
our guilt and our shame to God.
Matthew 19, verse 26, tells usthat Jesus said with man this is
(00:49):
impossible, but with God allthings are possible.
I pray you hear something todaythat brings you to a new
understanding that this is truefor you too, because it is Now
on to our guest hey there, Ifeel like I need to apologize
here.
The she Surrenders podcast hasgone silent these past few
(01:11):
months and I definitely didn'tplan for that to happen.
But life right.
There's just a lot going on inour work with she Surrenders,
the book release and SailorHouse Recovery, and for all
those things you should startseeing some updates very soon.
But I want to move on to ourguests today because we have
(01:31):
Karen Eamon with us.
I met Karen when I won a spotin a Proverbs 31 writing
competition and a ton of us wereassigned to work with New York
Times bestselling author KarenEamon.
I learned so much from Karenand the Proverbs 31 team in
those 10 weeks Fast forward.
When the first edition ofSoberCycle was released, she
(01:54):
said some very kind words onsocial media about the book and
talked about being the child ofan alcoholic, so I made a note
to ask her if she would be aguest here.
She is a busy lady, but I am sograteful she took the time to
talk with me and share her storyhere.
She also took the time toendorse my new book, the Revised
Second Edition of SoberCycle,which will be out on May 1.
(02:17):
And I am incredibly honored Herwords are on the cover with
mine.
Speaking of books, she is anamazing writer and I encourage
you to add them to your readinglist.
There is more about her and herbooks in the podcast
description, so be sure to checkthat out.
You are going to learn so muchfrom the conversation we had, so
(02:37):
sit back, listen and learn fromsomeone who has walked the same
path as so many of us.
So welcome Karen.
I am so grateful that you arehere and willing to share your
story with our listeners today,and that's what I'm going to ask
you to do if you just want tostart with your story and take
(02:59):
it from there.
Karen (03:01):
Of course.
Well, thank you so much forhaving me, sherry.
It's fun to hang out with youtoday.
My story is that I was raisedin a single parent home.
Beginning in the second grade,I never knew that my parents
were having any kind of troubleand all of a sudden, one night,
in the middle of the night, Iheard my dad hitting my mom and
(03:23):
yelling at her and talking in avoice that I didn't really
recognize.
And the next morning he had hissuitcase packed and he kneeled
down and told my brother and Ithat I still want to be your dad
, I just can't be married toyour mom anymore.
And he left, and that startedabout three years of back and
(03:43):
forth of him coming back and mymom forgiving him for his
drinking, and he was also havingmultiple affairs, woman after
woman, and then finally, in thefifth grade, their divorce
became final.
But he still was part of ourlives because we were living in
(04:04):
the house that he owned, and sohe would come over, often drunk,
and sometimes he would comecompletely sober.
I used to say it was like DrJacqueline, mr Hyde, I never
knew which dad was going to showup.
He was violent, mostly towardmy mom and my brother.
But one time he did physicallyabuse me and he would just be
(04:27):
out of control, not like, noteven sounding like my dad, just
like that voice.
I heard that very first night.
But then, when he was sober, hewould show up so apologetic,
crying his eyes out, begging fora forgiveness, swearing he
would never take another drinkagain and he would never lay a
hand on us and saying he wassorry.
And that went on and on and onand on until I was in the 12th
(04:53):
grade and my dad he was acaterer and owned a restaurant
and I don't know how he could dohis job, but he would do his
job, sometimes completely drunk.
I would, I worked for him, Iwas a waitress, and I would
sometimes find him in his officejust slumped over his desk with
a cigarette burning in one handand a drink in the other hand,
(05:13):
and I would sniff out hiscigarette and I'd pour out his
drink, and I don't know how hefunctions.
But one night he catered aparty on a Saturday night, drunk
as could be, and then he wenthome to his apartment and he
fell and he broke his back andhe was not found until Monday
morning when he didn't shop forwork, so they call the ambulance
.
He went into the hospital forhis broken back but he also
(05:37):
entered an addiction recoveryprogram and that was the last
time he had a drink and he neverdrank again for 37 years, until
the day that he died.
And he I like to tell the end ofthe story because he eventually
apologized to my brother, mymom and myself and everybody
he'd ever wronged.
He was looking at people thathe had done wrong in business,
(06:02):
that he had cheated, and helooked up all the men of the
women he'd had affairs with thehusbands and apologized to them
and made amends with them In thelast 20 years of his life.
He was a wonderful, godlyChristian man and my kids never
knew him as anything other thana wonderful grandpa.
But my childhood was reallyrough and mostly just because of
the unknown, never knowing ishe gonna show up, is he not
(06:26):
gonna show up?
And I can't even remember beingout in the neighborhood at the
house behind us, our yardsbacked up to each other.
That's where all theneighborhood kids would play
kickball and I remember alwayswanting to play in right field
because I could still see mydriveway really well from right
field and I could tell if my daddrove up or not, because if he
(06:46):
drove up I had to go homebecause I never knew if he was
gonna be drunk and want to hitmy mom or push her down the
stairs or a lot of the differentthings he did to her.
And so it just really affectedme in that at second grade I had
to become a parent to my mom.
I had to protect her physically, protect her reputation.
(07:08):
She didn't want me talking toanybody about it, she wanted
anybody to know.
And I just had to grow upreally, really fast because of
my dad's alcoholism.
Sherry (07:15):
Yeah, and you hear that so often from children or anyone
raised in an alcoholic homethat sense of childhood, that
freedom that you're supposed tohave, there's always this fear
or this alert system, Likeyou've gotta be ready at all
times for anything to happen,because life changes on a dime.
(07:37):
And I think the hardest part ofthat and I'm a child of divorce
as well is that when my kidsread my book, one of them said
the biggest realization for themis that there's a backstory
going on in your parents' life.
And this speaks to every kid,no matter if there's a problem
(07:59):
at home or not.
But every parent, all yourparents, have a backstory that
children have no idea what'sgoing on.
And it struck me because, asyou're talking, I'm thinking,
unfortunately you do know thebackstory while you're growing
up and that's really hardbecause it totally takes away
(08:20):
your childhood.
Karen (08:21):
It does.
It does, in fact.
About a little over a year agoone of my husband's high school
friends was struggling in hislast few months of life with
cancer and a bunch of peoplefrom his high school class were
jumping on his Caring Bridgepage and just reminiscing about
(08:45):
the old days.
And I was reading through thecomments and so many of them
said oh, remember back when wewere in the fifth grade and we
didn't have a care in the world.
Remember how we just used to dowhat we wanted.
We'd go play until the streetlights came on, and all those
were the days not to have a carein the world.
And I remember reading thosecomments and going I don't know
what that's like.
I can't ever remember a timewhere I felt carefree and was
(09:09):
not worried about anything.
It didn't have to take care ofanybody.
I went right from being asecond grader taking care of my
mom into being married andhaving kids and taking care of
them and then taking care of myparents in their latter years
that all four of them have justrecently passed away in the last
three years.
And I just looked at thosecomments and I thought I don't
(09:30):
know what that's like.
I don't remember ever feelinglike a carefree child that had
no worries in the world.
I just don't even know whatthat's like.
Sherry (09:39):
Right and that carries into adulthood right, like your
always caregiver, and even yourbooks a lot of your books I'm
thinking about are about how totake better care of other people
, you know.
So did anybody ever pick up onthat Like?
Was that Like in yourfriendships, or did you have to
(10:02):
pick and choose?
Like who you brought home?
Were you scared to bringfriends home, or I wasn't
allowed to bring anyone home.
Karen (10:08):
I never had a slumber party.
I never had a friend spend thenight.
I wasn't even allowed to letthe neighborhood kids into our
house.
They could play in our yard,but they couldn't come in the
house.
If they needed to use thebathroom, they had to go home.
My mom didn't want anybody toknow what was going on, and we
had just built a house, andabout a year and a half after
that was when my dad's firstaffair was found out and he left
(10:29):
, and so my mom was still doingthings inside the house.
We had old furniture in theliving room that she had wanted
to replace when they moved, butthey couldn't afford it right
away, and so she was embarrassedthat we didn't have nice stuff
like everybody else in theneighborhood in their brand new
houses and their intact familiesand two incomes, and it was
(10:50):
just really kind of a big secretI had to keep, and so it made
me it really actually made me betempted to just lie, because I
knew I didn't want to disappointmy mom, so I had to keep up
this.
She would tell me to tellpeople the dad was traveling for
work.
(11:10):
Well, he owned a restaurant andcatering service.
He didn't travel for work.
And what it really did to me,sherry, was it made me a big
people pleaser because I knew Ihad to keep my dad happy or he
might hit me and I didn't wantto make him mad.
But I didn't want to make my momsad because she had her white
picket dreams dashed.
(11:31):
I mean, all she ever wanted todo was be a wife and a mom and
involved in the church and thePTA at school, and that's all
she ever wanted to do.
And it was all taken away fromher.
When he left she did not own acar, nor did she have a driver's
license.
She had been in driver'straining when she was 16 and a
car hit her was not her fault,but she was in a bad accident
(11:53):
and so she quit driver's ed.
She never drove, so he left herwith nothing and she had to
figure out how to learn how todrive a car, how to buy a car,
you know, and how to just pullherself up by the bootstrap.
So I didn't want to make hersad and I didn't want to make my
dad mad, so I just learned itwas like my responsibility to
(12:14):
make sure I managed everybody'semotions and that nobody was
disappointed or angry.
Sherry (12:20):
And that's so much for a kid.
And I mean you think thateverything you know as kids, you
know you're here too, like,whether it's divorce or
addiction or both, that childrenjust think something has to be
their fault.
Like if you spark a fight or ifthere is, you know, something
happens in the home, somethingdramatic especially, or physical
(12:42):
, you must have something to dowith it.
You can not even be there andyou figure you must have done
something.
Like there's always thisfeeling of guilt or shame and
none of it is positive.
So how did that carry into whenyou were dating your future
husband and what you wantedmarriage to look like?
Karen (13:04):
Did you have any.
Well, luckily I had a wonderfulmentor who first reached out to
me as a lonely teenager livingwith my mom who was working to
put food on the table, and mybrother who was working two jobs
after school.
He was a paper boy and heworked at an auto parts store to
(13:25):
try to help my mom put food onthe table.
And this woman, who was apastor's wife, lived across the
street from us.
The church was kind of kittycorner from us and they just
moved in and she saw me out inthe yard, quirk, pathetic me,
throwing a softball up to myselfbecause there was nobody to
play catch with and she invitedme to join the church softball
(13:48):
team and it was through her thatI learned about Jesus and
became a Christian.
And she was very wise in tellingme when it came to my husband
and dating, even before I met myhusband, my husband was like I
would sweetheart.
But even in like late highschool she said you are gonna
need to be very intentional topick somebody opposite of your
(14:09):
dad, otherwise you're gonna bedrawn to and gravitate towards
men that are just like your dadand then you're gonna find
yourself trapped in the samesituation that your mom was,
which my mom had gravitatedtoward someone who was just like
her dad.
Her father was an alcoholic whoabused the family, who they
caught one time pouring kerosenearound the house because he was
(14:31):
gonna burn the house down withmy mom and her siblings and her
mother in it, and my mom endedup marrying someone just like
her dad.
And I remember thinking, wow,kind of the personality types I
do kind of like and guys aren'tjust like my dad.
So I started to think aboutthat and I very intentionally
(14:51):
married someone completelyopposite of my dad and it was
actually sweet to watch theirrelationship.
My boyfriend slash fiance,slash husband came into my life
right around the time that mydad got sober, so he doesn't
really remember the violent,angry dad I mean, he only saw it
a little bit of it and so mydad and my husband actually
(15:15):
ended up having a really sweetrelationship.
They were very close, butthey're very different Well.
Sherry (15:22):
I can't help but think that woman across the street
from you was an angel, becausethe direction that she gave you
is invaluable.
Yeah, I mean a lot of.
That's why the generational sonof addiction just keeps
repeating itself.
Because we're in this cyclethat we don't know how to get
out of, because, especially aschildren growing up, we don't
(15:43):
know any different.
Right, I think, about thealcoholism in my family.
I think the biggest problem wasis it wasn't talked about very
much.
Oh no, yeah, yeah, you know,and my mom you know my mom I was
just going to say.
Karen (15:59):
My mom used to constantly say this phrase I don't like, I
don't want other people to knowmy problems.
I don't want other people toknow my problems.
So she wouldn't talk about itand she forbid me from talking
about it.
Like if she found out that Italked to that pastor's wife
across the street that led meinto the Lord, or if I'd
mentioned something to my highschool counselor or whatever.
She got furious with me and shesaid I don't like other people
(16:21):
knowing my problems.
And I'm like okay, that's yourproblems, but what about my
problem?
I'm like I'm having a problemwith this.
And she said well, no, thenthey'll know my problems If you
tell them that your dad and Iare divorced and I'm like I
think people kind of know by now, you know, but she just wanted
to just keep up this, thisfacade, and to put up walls and
(16:45):
just go on with life.
And her own sister did not knowanything until my mom.
So that it from second grade tofifth grade is how long it took
until the divorce is final,because he kept coming back.
But in fifth grade, when my thedivorce is finally final, on my
birthday in fifth grade, my momcalled her sister, my aunt, and
(17:06):
let her know I just wanted totell you that Pat and I are
divorced.
And my aunt said what I didn'teven know.
You were having trouble.
She had no idea, no idea forthree years that this was going
on.
And all of a sudden my mom likecouldn't hide it anymore
because it was final, it was inthe paper and she was so
embarrassed that people weregoing to read the paper and see
(17:28):
that there had been a divorcedecree granted, she just really
did not want people knowing hertroubles, which was hard for me
because then that made me haveto pretend like I didn't have
any troubles.
But I was really strugglingwith it and I never did talk to
anybody about it until I got tocollege.
Sherry (17:45):
Wow, that voice of shame is so strong.
I think it's still strong, Imean.
I think we're more encouragedto talk about it now and I don't
think it's more maybe not moreaccepted, but you can find more
of a like-minded people, likefinding my community as far as
(18:08):
Christian women in addiction oradult children of alcoholics.
There's more resources, it'smore talked about in the family.
But I agree, Back then nobodywas talking about it.
I remember, like with myparents, the concessory, like
the elders, came over and Ithought we were going to be
(18:31):
kicked out of church.
I thought I was going to bekicked out of church and how was
I going to explain that?
You know, and it's terrifyingand you don't, as a kid, want to
ask questions because you'regoing to rock the boat even more
.
And, yeah, what a confusingtime.
So was the facade like yourmom's sister didn't know Were
(18:54):
holidays and all that kind ofthing celebrated and just fake.
Karen (18:59):
Like did he go with that kind of stuff?
Yeah, he did.
Sherry (19:03):
Wow, did you like that, that he was able to do that, or
was it even harder?
Karen (19:08):
It depended on which dad showed up if he was sober, if he
was drunk, if he was drunk now,I remember one time him showing
up to my Christmas concert atchurch when I was probably in
the third or fourth grade, andhe was drunk as could be, and I
remember thinking I just wish heweren't here, and then I could
just lie and tell everybody hewas sick, you know, or whatever.
(19:29):
But if he wasn't drinking hewas delightful.
Everybody loved him.
He was the life of the party.
He was super fun, superencouraging, wonderful to be
around.
It's just.
I used to call it the monsterin the bottle, like when he
would drink that bottle.
He became a completelydifferent person.
That person I didn't want toshow it up.
Sherry (19:50):
Right.
And when the good guy showed up, did it ever get your hopes up?
As a kid, that.
Karen (19:57):
Yeah, yeah, over and over again.
How about your mom?
Did she have hope?
Oh yeah, she had hope, up untilhe married my stepmom, that
they would get back together.
But even after he stoppeddrinking, he, we were both my
brother and I, were both out ofhigh school and he just, he
(20:19):
wanted to start all over againwith a new life, new wife.
But my mom kept hoping.
Sherry (20:25):
Yeah.
Karen (20:26):
Yeah.
Sherry (20:27):
And it's so.
It's painful, but it's sadly.
I think it's true of manyfamilies that go through this,
and so in your family.
So you've married someonethat's not like your dad and you
have a beautiful family, whichI've seen on your social media,
and some grandchildren, and whatdo you talk to your kids about
(20:52):
when it comes to addiction andthe family?
Karen (20:55):
Well, you know, for many years my kids didn't know,
growing up, anything aboutgrandpa, but then he slowly
started telling his story whenthey were getting to be like
preteens and teens.
He was so afraid that theywould dabble in drinking and
that they then might becomealcoholics.
His father was not an alcoholic, but his father was a pastor
(21:18):
who abused and was addicted toprescription drugs.
He used to have a cabinet fullof all these different drugs,
and when a doctor wouldn'tprescribe any for him any longer
, he would just find a differentdoctor, you know.
And so they were to help him tosleep or to help him to wake up
, and so he was kind of addictedto that.
My dad, it was alcohol, and so Iremember when he started
(21:42):
talking to my kids they theywere kind of shocked because
they didn't.
They knew that he didn't haveany alcohol in his house and
that we didn't have any alcoholin our house, but they didn't
know why until he started totell them.
And then he told them to aboutthe abuse.
You know that I used to get madat your grandma and I used to
hit your grandma when I was madat her, I used to hit your uncle
and I even think I hit your momonce and I'm so, so sorry and
(22:07):
you should just stay away fromit.
So I kind of stepped out ofbeing the lecturer about alcohol
with my teens and preteensbecause I felt like it was more
effective, coming from my dadwho really had experience with
it a bad experience and couldreally speak from that
experience, a warning that meantsomething more than just every
(22:30):
parent that says you know, don'tembarrass the family, don't get
you know drunk and get caughtby the cops or whatever.
Sherry (22:37):
Right.
And when you became an you knowan adult or 21, not that
everybody waits till they're 21to have a drink, but what was
your attitude on that?
Like, were you just like?
I will never touch it, or Idon't want anything to do with
it, or it's not a problem?
Karen (22:53):
I never tried alcohol under the age of 21, didn't want
anything to do with it, didn'twant to go to parties, didn't?
I just couldn't even stand thesmell of it because it made me
think of my dad in violence.
And it wasn't until I was maybe22 or 23 that a friend said oh,
you should try this wine cooler.
It tastes like fruit juice.
I took a sip of it but I didn'treally like it.
(23:14):
But now, as an adult, I likevery seldom if I met someone's
house and they're having somelittle fruity cocktails or
whatever.
Though I have something itdoesn't appeal to me, not just
because I don't really like thetaste of it, but especially like
the smell of certain alcohols.
(23:36):
He used to drink beer a lot andhe used to mix vodka with
orange juice.
I was wondering why, when Iwould sneak some orange not
sneak, but I would drink someorange juice from his house it
tasted funny.
And I realized he had it mixedup and I thought why does he not
have it in the carton it comesin from the store?
Why does he have it in this bigglass bottle?
And it tastes funny.
Sherry (23:56):
But now I know all of it was spiked you were having
screwdrivers for breakfast.
Karen (24:01):
I was, so I guess I did try alcohol before I was 21 when
I took a sip of water.
But it just didn't reallyappeal to me and none of my kids
have struggled with it.
One barely drinks Well, tworeally barely drink.
One likes wine here and there,but usually doesn't even finish
their glass.
So thankfully I haven't seenthat in my own kids.
(24:24):
No, big red flags no, and I dothink that their grandpa telling
what his inability to properlyhandle alcohol did to him and
his family, I think that didreally make them think about it.
Sherry (24:39):
Yeah, wow.
Well, I'm happy to hear that,because it sounds like the buck
stops here in your family, sothat's wonderful.
So you said you became aChristian when you were in high
school with your neighbor, yourdad.
It was through his recoveryprocess.
(24:59):
What about your?
Because it doesn't sound likethe church was part of your home
growing up.
Karen (25:03):
Right, so no, your brother, my mom was a Christian
and it had been since she was inthe eighth grade.
But what was a really sad partof this whole thing was we went
to a pretty legalistic I won'tmention the denomination church
when we were growing up.
My dad was a usher at thechurch and when he decided to
(25:28):
divorce my mom, my mom was toldshe could no longer attend
church and bring her kids therebecause she was going to be a
divorced woman.
So she, when I was in probablythird grade, she just quit going
to church and we quit going tochurch, and it wasn't until that
pastor's wife and her familymoved into the church cross
(25:50):
street, which was not the churchwe went to.
We drove across town to adifferent church that had us,
you know, no longer welcome.
It wasn't until I was in theninth grade and that woman took
me under her wing that I startedto go to church on my own and
then invited my mom and shewould come.
She had to work every otherSunday.
She worked in a hospital andfood service and so she couldn't
(26:12):
always come, but she would comeoccasionally with me.
My brother didn't go at all,but that church was so loving
and so welcoming and soinstrumental in helping me learn
what it meant to be spirituallyand emotionally healthy person,
but I still couldn't, didn'tfeel the freedom to talk about
(26:36):
what was going on.
I did a little bit with thepastor's wife, but I was always
afraid Somehow it would get backto my mom and I'd get in
trouble.
Sherry (26:44):
Yeah, well, did you when you were, you know, when you
did accept Jesus and startedgoing back to church and are
going to church, I should saydid you feel, though, like a
little bit more or more comfort,because now you could talk to
God?
Yes, yeah, absolutely.
(27:05):
I could talk to God all thetime, like it was TC's type of
thing.
Yeah, absolutely, wow.
So well, I'm glad your storyhad a happy ending and that you
got to have, you know, that timewith your dad, while he was
here, to see what God can do insomeone's life on the other side
(27:25):
, but also in sharing your story, the power of what a liquid in
a bottle that you can walk intoany store and buy has the power
to destroy everything, and thefamily unit being the most
destructive part of it.
So is there any scripture orverse that you consider your
(27:46):
life verse or that you'd like toshare?
Karen (27:49):
I don't really have a life verse but I have different
like topical verses anddifferent things in my life and
for this topic that we'retalking about today, I love
Psalm 68, 5 and 6.
It says this a father to thefatherless, a defender of widows
, is God in his holy dwelling.
He sets the lonely in families.
And I just think of that.
(28:09):
He was the father to me when Ifelt like I was fatherless
because my dad was absent.
He was the defender of my mom,who kind of was a widow.
She was left without a husband.
And as far as the last part ofthat when it says that he sets
the lonely in families, that'sexactly what he did with me and
(28:29):
the woman who lived across thestreet, ms Pat.
She welcomed me into her family.
I would take my homework therewhen I got home from school and
I would do homework while shefolded laundry and she talked to
me about what it meant to be aChristian and how to grow as a
Christian and I really feltwelcomed and wanted when I was
(28:50):
at her house.
And now I feel like it's kind ofa full circle moment.
That's what has ended uphappening with me and my husband
, with so many teenagers whowere children or friends of our
children who were going throughtheir parents' marriages ending
in divorce.
I could look them in the eyeand say I know how you feel and
(29:12):
you are welcome in my home andI'm going to.
You know, take you in whenyou're feeling lonely.
And it really was a place ofpain that brought about purpose
and ministry.
I like to call it going andfinding your old self.
You know, go find who you oncewere and do something to help
lighten their load or helpencourage them.
(29:34):
And it's just a neat way towatch God work and use the
things that you think are badand awful.
There can still be beauty inthem when you use, you know,
when you drop on that pain toneed somebody else in their pain
and comfort them.
The Bible says that we comfortothers with the comfort we
(29:54):
ourselves have received from God.
I can't remember exactly thereference.
I think it's in Corinthians,one of the Corinthians but I've
totally seen that happen.
Sherry (30:02):
And I love that verse that you shared.
I got all teary because it wasjust so, so pertinent.
It was so perfect for what youwere talking about and also to
go find your former self.
I love that and we do.
I mean, no matter what yourstruggle is or what your pain is
, you have the ability to lookat someone and have that sixth
(30:22):
sense of I know what you'regoing through and I can imagine
your home was.
Your door was wide open.
There was no.
There was a welcome to add out.
Karen (30:31):
Oh yeah, door wide open.
I wanted our house to be thehangout place.
Door wide open, grocery billsky high.
But hey, that's how it is whenyou have a bunch of teenagers up
there.
Sherry (30:42):
That's right.
That's right.
No, that's wonderful.
Well, thank you, karen.
I think your story is heartfelt, not honest, but also inspiring
, and someone listening to thisif that was their story or is
their story it's going to seehow beauty from beauty from
ashes can come from somethinglike this, and also about
(31:04):
restoration.
You know so much of thathappened in your family and it's
hard to see at the time.
You know, when you're goingthrough it, that there can ever
be any freedom from this game.
But God right.
So, yeah, well, thank you forbeing here today, karen.
I really appreciate you takingthe time out of your busy
schedule, and I will have linksto all of Karen's information
(31:28):
and her books and what she's upto in the show notes.
So thank you again, karen, forbeing here today.
Well, thanks for having me.
Thank you, and we will see youhere next week on the she
Surrenders podcast.
And if you could take a momentto leave a positive review, no
negative ones, please.
That is how we get the word outof what's happening when faith
(31:48):
meets recovery, and feel free tosubscribe when you're there too
.
See you next week.
Welcome back to the she Surrenders podcast.
My name is Sherry and my goalfor this podcast is to bring you
the good news that faith-basedrecovery works, and it is where
you will find the joy in lifethat you did not think was
possible while you were still inthe bondage of addiction.
(00:23):
The stories you will hear fromthe women, and sometimes men, of
those that have walked in yourshoes or alongside someone who
has will inspire you to pursuethe freedom they have found.
That comes from surrenderingnot only our addictions but also
our guilt and our shame to God.
Matthew 19, verse 26, tells usthat Jesus said with man this is
(00:49):
impossible, but with God allthings are possible.
I pray you hear something todaythat brings you to a new
understanding that this is truefor you too, because it is Now
on to our guest hey there, Ifeel like I need to apologize
here.
The she Surrenders podcast hasgone silent these past few
(01:11):
months and I definitely didn'tplan for that to happen.
But life right.
There's just a lot going on inour work with she Surrenders,
the book release and SailorHouse Recovery, and for all
those things you should startseeing some updates very soon.
But I want to move on to ourguests today because we have
(01:31):
Karen Eamon with us.
I met Karen when I won a spotin a Proverbs 31 writing
competition and a ton of us wereassigned to work with New York
Times bestselling author KarenEamon.
I learned so much from Karenand the Proverbs 31 team in
those 10 weeks Fast forward.
When the first edition ofSoberCycle was released, she
(01:54):
said some very kind words onsocial media about the book and
talked about being the child ofan alcoholic, so I made a note
to ask her if she would be aguest here.
She is a busy lady, but I am sograteful she took the time to
talk with me and share her storyhere.
She also took the time toendorse my new book, the Revised
Second Edition of SoberCycle,which will be out on May 1.
(02:17):
And I am incredibly honored Herwords are on the cover with
mine.
Speaking of books, she is anamazing writer and I encourage
you to add them to your readinglist.
There is more about her and herbooks in the podcast
description, so be sure to checkthat out.
You are going to learn so muchfrom the conversation we had, so
(02:37):
sit back, listen and learn fromsomeone who has walked the same
path as so many of us.
So welcome Karen.
I am so grateful that you arehere and willing to share your
story with our listeners today,and that's what I'm going to ask
you to do if you just want tostart with your story and take
(02:59):
it from there.
Karen (03:01):
Of course.
Well, thank you so much forhaving me, sherry.
It's fun to hang out with youtoday.
My story is that I was raisedin a single parent home.
Beginning in the second grade,I never knew that my parents
were having any kind of troubleand all of a sudden, one night,
in the middle of the night, Iheard my dad hitting my mom and
(03:23):
yelling at her and talking in avoice that I didn't really
recognize.
And the next morning he had hissuitcase packed and he kneeled
down and told my brother and Ithat I still want to be your dad
, I just can't be married toyour mom anymore.
And he left, and that startedabout three years of back and
(03:43):
forth of him coming back and mymom forgiving him for his
drinking, and he was also havingmultiple affairs, woman after
woman, and then finally, in thefifth grade, their divorce
became final.
But he still was part of ourlives because we were living in
(04:04):
the house that he owned, and sohe would come over, often drunk,
and sometimes he would comecompletely sober.
I used to say it was like DrJacqueline, mr Hyde, I never
knew which dad was going to showup.
He was violent, mostly towardmy mom and my brother.
But one time he did physicallyabuse me and he would just be
(04:27):
out of control, not like, noteven sounding like my dad, just
like that voice.
I heard that very first night.
But then, when he was sober, hewould show up so apologetic,
crying his eyes out, begging fora forgiveness, swearing he
would never take another drinkagain and he would never lay a
hand on us and saying he wassorry.
And that went on and on and onand on until I was in the 12th
(04:53):
grade and my dad he was acaterer and owned a restaurant
and I don't know how he could dohis job, but he would do his
job, sometimes completely drunk.
I would, I worked for him, Iwas a waitress, and I would
sometimes find him in his officejust slumped over his desk with
a cigarette burning in one handand a drink in the other hand,
(05:13):
and I would sniff out hiscigarette and I'd pour out his
drink, and I don't know how hefunctions.
But one night he catered aparty on a Saturday night, drunk
as could be, and then he wenthome to his apartment and he
fell and he broke his back andhe was not found until Monday
morning when he didn't shop forwork, so they call the ambulance
.
He went into the hospital forhis broken back but he also
(05:37):
entered an addiction recoveryprogram and that was the last
time he had a drink and he neverdrank again for 37 years, until
the day that he died.
And he I like to tell the end ofthe story because he eventually
apologized to my brother, mymom and myself and everybody
he'd ever wronged.
He was looking at people thathe had done wrong in business,
(06:02):
that he had cheated, and helooked up all the men of the
women he'd had affairs with thehusbands and apologized to them
and made amends with them In thelast 20 years of his life.
He was a wonderful, godlyChristian man and my kids never
knew him as anything other thana wonderful grandpa.
But my childhood was reallyrough and mostly just because of
the unknown, never knowing ishe gonna show up, is he not
(06:26):
gonna show up?
And I can't even remember beingout in the neighborhood at the
house behind us, our yardsbacked up to each other.
That's where all theneighborhood kids would play
kickball and I remember alwayswanting to play in right field
because I could still see mydriveway really well from right
field and I could tell if my daddrove up or not, because if he
(06:46):
drove up I had to go homebecause I never knew if he was
gonna be drunk and want to hitmy mom or push her down the
stairs or a lot of the differentthings he did to her.
And so it just really affectedme in that at second grade I had
to become a parent to my mom.
I had to protect her physically, protect her reputation.
(07:08):
She didn't want me talking toanybody about it, she wanted
anybody to know.
And I just had to grow upreally, really fast because of
my dad's alcoholism.
Sherry (07:15):
Yeah, and you hear that so often from children or anyone
raised in an alcoholic homethat sense of childhood, that
freedom that you're supposed tohave, there's always this fear
or this alert system, Likeyou've gotta be ready at all
times for anything to happen,because life changes on a dime.
(07:37):
And I think the hardest part ofthat and I'm a child of divorce
as well is that when my kidsread my book, one of them said
the biggest realization for themis that there's a backstory
going on in your parents' life.
And this speaks to every kid,no matter if there's a problem
(07:59):
at home or not.
But every parent, all yourparents, have a backstory that
children have no idea what'sgoing on.
And it struck me because, asyou're talking, I'm thinking,
unfortunately you do know thebackstory while you're growing
up and that's really hardbecause it totally takes away
(08:20):
your childhood.
Karen (08:21):
It does.
It does, in fact.
About a little over a year agoone of my husband's high school
friends was struggling in hislast few months of life with
cancer and a bunch of peoplefrom his high school class were
jumping on his Caring Bridgepage and just reminiscing about
(08:45):
the old days.
And I was reading through thecomments and so many of them
said oh, remember back when wewere in the fifth grade and we
didn't have a care in the world.
Remember how we just used to dowhat we wanted.
We'd go play until the streetlights came on, and all those
were the days not to have a carein the world.
And I remember reading thosecomments and going I don't know
what that's like.
I can't ever remember a timewhere I felt carefree and was
(09:09):
not worried about anything.
It didn't have to take care ofanybody.
I went right from being asecond grader taking care of my
mom into being married andhaving kids and taking care of
them and then taking care of myparents in their latter years
that all four of them have justrecently passed away in the last
three years.
And I just looked at thosecomments and I thought I don't
(09:30):
know what that's like.
I don't remember ever feelinglike a carefree child that had
no worries in the world.
I just don't even know whatthat's like.
Sherry (09:39):
Right and that carries into adulthood right, like your
always caregiver, and even yourbooks a lot of your books I'm
thinking about are about how totake better care of other people
, you know.
So did anybody ever pick up onthat Like?
Was that Like in yourfriendships, or did you have to
(10:02):
pick and choose?
Like who you brought home?
Were you scared to bringfriends home, or I wasn't
allowed to bring anyone home.
Karen (10:08):
I never had a slumber party.
I never had a friend spend thenight.
I wasn't even allowed to letthe neighborhood kids into our
house.
They could play in our yard,but they couldn't come in the
house.
If they needed to use thebathroom, they had to go home.
My mom didn't want anybody toknow what was going on, and we
had just built a house, andabout a year and a half after
that was when my dad's firstaffair was found out and he left
(10:29):
, and so my mom was still doingthings inside the house.
We had old furniture in theliving room that she had wanted
to replace when they moved, butthey couldn't afford it right
away, and so she was embarrassedthat we didn't have nice stuff
like everybody else in theneighborhood in their brand new
houses and their intact familiesand two incomes, and it was
(10:50):
just really kind of a big secretI had to keep, and so it made
me it really actually made me betempted to just lie, because I
knew I didn't want to disappointmy mom, so I had to keep up
this.
She would tell me to tellpeople the dad was traveling for
work.
(11:10):
Well, he owned a restaurant andcatering service.
He didn't travel for work.
And what it really did to me,sherry, was it made me a big
people pleaser because I knew Ihad to keep my dad happy or he
might hit me and I didn't wantto make him mad.
But I didn't want to make my momsad because she had her white
picket dreams dashed.
(11:31):
I mean, all she ever wanted todo was be a wife and a mom and
involved in the church and thePTA at school, and that's all
she ever wanted to do.
And it was all taken away fromher.
When he left she did not own acar, nor did she have a driver's
license.
She had been in driver'straining when she was 16 and a
car hit her was not her fault,but she was in a bad accident
(11:53):
and so she quit driver's ed.
She never drove, so he left herwith nothing and she had to
figure out how to learn how todrive a car, how to buy a car,
you know, and how to just pullherself up by the bootstrap.
So I didn't want to make hersad and I didn't want to make my
dad mad, so I just learned itwas like my responsibility to
(12:14):
make sure I managed everybody'semotions and that nobody was
disappointed or angry.
Sherry (12:20):
And that's so much for a kid.
And I mean you think thateverything you know as kids, you
know you're here too, like,whether it's divorce or
addiction or both, that childrenjust think something has to be
their fault.
Like if you spark a fight or ifthere is, you know, something
happens in the home, somethingdramatic especially, or physical
(12:42):
, you must have something to dowith it.
You can not even be there andyou figure you must have done
something.
Like there's always thisfeeling of guilt or shame and
none of it is positive.
So how did that carry into whenyou were dating your future
husband and what you wantedmarriage to look like?
Karen (13:04):
Did you have any.
Well, luckily I had a wonderfulmentor who first reached out to
me as a lonely teenager livingwith my mom who was working to
put food on the table, and mybrother who was working two jobs
after school.
He was a paper boy and heworked at an auto parts store to
(13:25):
try to help my mom put food onthe table.
And this woman, who was apastor's wife, lived across the
street from us.
The church was kind of kittycorner from us and they just
moved in and she saw me out inthe yard, quirk, pathetic me,
throwing a softball up to myselfbecause there was nobody to
play catch with and she invitedme to join the church softball
(13:48):
team and it was through her thatI learned about Jesus and
became a Christian.
And she was very wise in tellingme when it came to my husband
and dating, even before I met myhusband, my husband was like I
would sweetheart.
But even in like late highschool she said you are gonna
need to be very intentional topick somebody opposite of your
(14:09):
dad, otherwise you're gonna bedrawn to and gravitate towards
men that are just like your dadand then you're gonna find
yourself trapped in the samesituation that your mom was,
which my mom had gravitatedtoward someone who was just like
her dad.
Her father was an alcoholic whoabused the family, who they
caught one time pouring kerosenearound the house because he was
(14:31):
gonna burn the house down withmy mom and her siblings and her
mother in it, and my mom endedup marrying someone just like
her dad.
And I remember thinking, wow,kind of the personality types I
do kind of like and guys aren'tjust like my dad.
So I started to think aboutthat and I very intentionally
(14:51):
married someone completelyopposite of my dad and it was
actually sweet to watch theirrelationship.
My boyfriend slash fiance,slash husband came into my life
right around the time that mydad got sober, so he doesn't
really remember the violent,angry dad I mean, he only saw it
a little bit of it and so mydad and my husband actually
(15:15):
ended up having a really sweetrelationship.
They were very close, butthey're very different Well.
Sherry (15:22):
I can't help but think that woman across the street
from you was an angel, becausethe direction that she gave you
is invaluable.
Yeah, I mean a lot of.
That's why the generational sonof addiction just keeps
repeating itself.
Because we're in this cyclethat we don't know how to get
out of, because, especially aschildren growing up, we don't
(15:43):
know any different.
Right, I think, about thealcoholism in my family.
I think the biggest problem wasis it wasn't talked about very
much.
Oh no, yeah, yeah, you know,and my mom you know my mom I was
just going to say.
Karen (15:59):
My mom used to constantly say this phrase I don't like, I
don't want other people to knowmy problems.
I don't want other people toknow my problems.
So she wouldn't talk about itand she forbid me from talking
about it.
Like if she found out that Italked to that pastor's wife
across the street that led meinto the Lord, or if I'd
mentioned something to my highschool counselor or whatever.
She got furious with me and shesaid I don't like other people
(16:21):
knowing my problems.
And I'm like okay, that's yourproblems, but what about my
problem?
I'm like I'm having a problemwith this.
And she said well, no, thenthey'll know my problems If you
tell them that your dad and Iare divorced and I'm like I
think people kind of know by now, you know, but she just wanted
to just keep up this, thisfacade, and to put up walls and
(16:45):
just go on with life.
And her own sister did not knowanything until my mom.
So that it from second grade tofifth grade is how long it took
until the divorce is final,because he kept coming back.
But in fifth grade, when my thedivorce is finally final, on my
birthday in fifth grade, my momcalled her sister, my aunt, and
(17:06):
let her know I just wanted totell you that Pat and I are
divorced.
And my aunt said what I didn'teven know.
You were having trouble.
She had no idea, no idea forthree years that this was going
on.
And all of a sudden my mom likecouldn't hide it anymore
because it was final, it was inthe paper and she was so
embarrassed that people weregoing to read the paper and see
(17:28):
that there had been a divorcedecree granted, she just really
did not want people knowing hertroubles, which was hard for me
because then that made me haveto pretend like I didn't have
any troubles.
But I was really strugglingwith it and I never did talk to
anybody about it until I got tocollege.
Sherry (17:45):
Wow, that voice of shame is so strong.
I think it's still strong, Imean.
I think we're more encouragedto talk about it now and I don't
think it's more maybe not moreaccepted, but you can find more
of a like-minded people, likefinding my community as far as
(18:08):
Christian women in addiction oradult children of alcoholics.
There's more resources, it'smore talked about in the family.
But I agree, Back then nobodywas talking about it.
I remember, like with myparents, the concessory, like
the elders, came over and Ithought we were going to be
(18:31):
kicked out of church.
I thought I was going to bekicked out of church and how was
I going to explain that?
You know, and it's terrifyingand you don't, as a kid, want to
ask questions because you'regoing to rock the boat even more
.
And, yeah, what a confusingtime.
So was the facade like yourmom's sister didn't know Were
(18:54):
holidays and all that kind ofthing celebrated and just fake.
Karen (18:59):
Like did he go with that kind of stuff?
Yeah, he did.
Sherry (19:03):
Wow, did you like that, that he was able to do that, or
was it even harder?
Karen (19:08):
It depended on which dad showed up if he was sober, if he
was drunk, if he was drunk now,I remember one time him showing
up to my Christmas concert atchurch when I was probably in
the third or fourth grade, andhe was drunk as could be, and I
remember thinking I just wish heweren't here, and then I could
just lie and tell everybody hewas sick, you know, or whatever.
(19:29):
But if he wasn't drinking hewas delightful.
Everybody loved him.
He was the life of the party.
He was super fun, superencouraging, wonderful to be
around.
It's just.
I used to call it the monsterin the bottle, like when he
would drink that bottle.
He became a completelydifferent person.
That person I didn't want toshow it up.
Sherry (19:50):
Right.
And when the good guy showed up, did it ever get your hopes up?
As a kid, that.
Karen (19:57):
Yeah, yeah, over and over again.
How about your mom?
Did she have hope?
Oh yeah, she had hope, up untilhe married my stepmom, that
they would get back together.
But even after he stoppeddrinking, he, we were both my
brother and I, were both out ofhigh school and he just, he
(20:19):
wanted to start all over againwith a new life, new wife.
But my mom kept hoping.
Sherry (20:25):
Yeah.
Karen (20:26):
Yeah.
Sherry (20:27):
And it's so.
It's painful, but it's sadly.
I think it's true of manyfamilies that go through this,
and so in your family.
So you've married someonethat's not like your dad and you
have a beautiful family, whichI've seen on your social media,
and some grandchildren, and whatdo you talk to your kids about
(20:52):
when it comes to addiction andthe family?
Karen (20:55):
Well, you know, for many years my kids didn't know,
growing up, anything aboutgrandpa, but then he slowly
started telling his story whenthey were getting to be like
preteens and teens.
He was so afraid that theywould dabble in drinking and
that they then might becomealcoholics.
His father was not an alcoholic, but his father was a pastor
(21:18):
who abused and was addicted toprescription drugs.
He used to have a cabinet fullof all these different drugs,
and when a doctor wouldn'tprescribe any for him any longer
, he would just find a differentdoctor, you know.
And so they were to help him tosleep or to help him to wake up
, and so he was kind of addictedto that.
My dad, it was alcohol, and so Iremember when he started
(21:42):
talking to my kids they theywere kind of shocked because
they didn't.
They knew that he didn't haveany alcohol in his house and
that we didn't have any alcoholin our house, but they didn't
know why until he started totell them.
And then he told them to aboutthe abuse.
You know that I used to get madat your grandma and I used to
hit your grandma when I was madat her, I used to hit your uncle
and I even think I hit your momonce and I'm so, so sorry and
(22:07):
you should just stay away fromit.
So I kind of stepped out ofbeing the lecturer about alcohol
with my teens and preteensbecause I felt like it was more
effective, coming from my dadwho really had experience with
it a bad experience and couldreally speak from that
experience, a warning that meantsomething more than just every
(22:30):
parent that says you know, don'tembarrass the family, don't get
you know drunk and get caughtby the cops or whatever.
Sherry (22:37):
Right.
And when you became an you knowan adult or 21, not that
everybody waits till they're 21to have a drink, but what was
your attitude on that?
Like, were you just like?
I will never touch it, or Idon't want anything to do with
it, or it's not a problem?
Karen (22:53):
I never tried alcohol under the age of 21, didn't want
anything to do with it, didn'twant to go to parties, didn't?
I just couldn't even stand thesmell of it because it made me
think of my dad in violence.
And it wasn't until I was maybe22 or 23 that a friend said oh,
you should try this wine cooler.
It tastes like fruit juice.
I took a sip of it but I didn'treally like it.
(23:14):
But now, as an adult, I likevery seldom if I met someone's
house and they're having somelittle fruity cocktails or
whatever.
Though I have something itdoesn't appeal to me, not just
because I don't really like thetaste of it, but especially like
the smell of certain alcohols.
(23:36):
He used to drink beer a lot andhe used to mix vodka with
orange juice.
I was wondering why, when Iwould sneak some orange not
sneak, but I would drink someorange juice from his house it
tasted funny.
And I realized he had it mixedup and I thought why does he not
have it in the carton it comesin from the store?
Why does he have it in this bigglass bottle?
And it tastes funny.
Sherry (23:56):
But now I know all of it was spiked you were having
screwdrivers for breakfast.
Karen (24:01):
I was, so I guess I did try alcohol before I was 21 when
I took a sip of water.
But it just didn't reallyappeal to me and none of my kids
have struggled with it.
One barely drinks Well, tworeally barely drink.
One likes wine here and there,but usually doesn't even finish
their glass.
So thankfully I haven't seenthat in my own kids.
(24:24):
No, big red flags no, and I dothink that their grandpa telling
what his inability to properlyhandle alcohol did to him and
his family, I think that didreally make them think about it.
Sherry (24:39):
Yeah, wow.
Well, I'm happy to hear that,because it sounds like the buck
stops here in your family, sothat's wonderful.
So you said you became aChristian when you were in high
school with your neighbor, yourdad.
It was through his recoveryprocess.
(24:59):
What about your?
Because it doesn't sound likethe church was part of your home
growing up.
Karen (25:03):
Right, so no, your brother, my mom was a Christian
and it had been since she was inthe eighth grade.
But what was a really sad partof this whole thing was we went
to a pretty legalistic I won'tmention the denomination church
when we were growing up.
My dad was a usher at thechurch and when he decided to
(25:28):
divorce my mom, my mom was toldshe could no longer attend
church and bring her kids therebecause she was going to be a
divorced woman.
So she, when I was in probablythird grade, she just quit going
to church and we quit going tochurch, and it wasn't until that
pastor's wife and her familymoved into the church cross
(25:50):
street, which was not the churchwe went to.
We drove across town to adifferent church that had us,
you know, no longer welcome.
It wasn't until I was in theninth grade and that woman took
me under her wing that I startedto go to church on my own and
then invited my mom and shewould come.
She had to work every otherSunday.
She worked in a hospital andfood service and so she couldn't
(26:12):
always come, but she would comeoccasionally with me.
My brother didn't go at all,but that church was so loving
and so welcoming and soinstrumental in helping me learn
what it meant to be spirituallyand emotionally healthy person,
but I still couldn't, didn'tfeel the freedom to talk about
(26:36):
what was going on.
I did a little bit with thepastor's wife, but I was always
afraid Somehow it would get backto my mom and I'd get in
trouble.
Sherry (26:44):
Yeah, well, did you when you were, you know, when you
did accept Jesus and startedgoing back to church and are
going to church, I should saydid you feel, though, like a
little bit more or more comfort,because now you could talk to
God?
Yes, yeah, absolutely.
(27:05):
I could talk to God all thetime, like it was TC's type of
thing.
Yeah, absolutely, wow.
So well, I'm glad your storyhad a happy ending and that you
got to have, you know, that timewith your dad, while he was
here, to see what God can do insomeone's life on the other side
(27:25):
, but also in sharing your story, the power of what a liquid in
a bottle that you can walk intoany store and buy has the power
to destroy everything, and thefamily unit being the most
destructive part of it.
So is there any scripture orverse that you consider your
(27:46):
life verse or that you'd like toshare?
Karen (27:49):
I don't really have a life verse but I have different
like topical verses anddifferent things in my life and
for this topic that we'retalking about today, I love
Psalm 68, 5 and 6.
It says this a father to thefatherless, a defender of widows
, is God in his holy dwelling.
He sets the lonely in families.
And I just think of that.
(28:09):
He was the father to me when Ifelt like I was fatherless
because my dad was absent.
He was the defender of my mom,who kind of was a widow.
She was left without a husband.
And as far as the last part ofthat when it says that he sets
the lonely in families, that'sexactly what he did with me and
(28:29):
the woman who lived across thestreet, ms Pat.
She welcomed me into her family.
I would take my homework therewhen I got home from school and
I would do homework while shefolded laundry and she talked to
me about what it meant to be aChristian and how to grow as a
Christian and I really feltwelcomed and wanted when I was
(28:50):
at her house.
And now I feel like it's kind ofa full circle moment.
That's what has ended uphappening with me and my husband
, with so many teenagers whowere children or friends of our
children who were going throughtheir parents' marriages ending
in divorce.
I could look them in the eyeand say I know how you feel and
(29:12):
you are welcome in my home andI'm going to.
You know, take you in whenyou're feeling lonely.
And it really was a place ofpain that brought about purpose
and ministry.
I like to call it going andfinding your old self.
You know, go find who you oncewere and do something to help
lighten their load or helpencourage them.
(29:34):
And it's just a neat way towatch God work and use the
things that you think are badand awful.
There can still be beauty inthem when you use, you know,
when you drop on that pain toneed somebody else in their pain
and comfort them.
The Bible says that we comfortothers with the comfort we
(29:54):
ourselves have received from God.
I can't remember exactly thereference.
I think it's in Corinthians,one of the Corinthians but I've
totally seen that happen.
Sherry (30:02):
And I love that verse that you shared.
I got all teary because it wasjust so, so pertinent.
It was so perfect for what youwere talking about and also to
go find your former self.
I love that and we do.
I mean, no matter what yourstruggle is or what your pain is
, you have the ability to lookat someone and have that sixth
(30:22):
sense of I know what you'regoing through and I can imagine
your home was.
Your door was wide open.
There was no.
There was a welcome to add out.
Karen (30:31):
Oh yeah, door wide open.
I wanted our house to be thehangout place.
Door wide open, grocery billsky high.
But hey, that's how it is whenyou have a bunch of teenagers up
there.
Sherry (30:42):
That's right.
That's right.
No, that's wonderful.
Well, thank you, karen.
I think your story is heartfelt, not honest, but also inspiring
, and someone listening to thisif that was their story or is
their story it's going to seehow beauty from beauty from
ashes can come from somethinglike this, and also about
(31:04):
restoration.
You know so much of thathappened in your family and it's
hard to see at the time.
You know, when you're goingthrough it, that there can ever
be any freedom from this game.
But God right.
So, yeah, well, thank you forbeing here today, karen.
I really appreciate you takingthe time out of your busy
schedule, and I will have linksto all of Karen's information
(31:28):
and her books and what she's upto in the show notes.
So thank you again, karen, forbeing here today.
Well, thanks for having me.
Thank you, and we will see youhere next week on the she
Surrenders podcast.
And if you could take a momentto leave a positive review, no
negative ones, please.
That is how we get the word outof what's happening when faith
(31:48):
meets recovery, and feel free tosubscribe when you're there too
.
See you next week.
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