Breaking the Family Trance: Self-Differentiation, Enmeshment, and the Path Back to You with Jerry Wise (Bonus Episode 30)

Have you ever felt like you're living in someone else’s life script—following invisible rules, walking on emotional eggshells, and carrying pain that doesn’t fully belong to you?

Do you wonder why, even after cutting contact, your toxic family still seems to echo in your mind, body, or choices?

Survivors of enmeshed, narcissistic, or otherwise toxic family systems often live in what Jerry Wise brilliantly calls “the family trance”—a psychological and emotional programming that conditions our perception, keeps us loyal to dysfunction, and disconnects us from our true selves.

In this episode, let’s explore the core dynamics that keep us bound: family trance, self-differentiation, enmeshment, the misunderstood role of the “identified patient,” and the trauma of awakening.

🌿The Super Self of the Toxic Family System

🌿 Unpacking what it means to be in the “Family Trance”

🌿 Enmeshment creates a lack of connection, just as distance creates a lack of connection.

🌿What Jerry means by “self differentiation”

🌿 Whether our relationships with our families are in contact or no contact there is always still a connection

🌿 We cannot use an “other-centered focus” to change our family

🌿 Being centered on healing yourself is not selfish

🌿 Enmeshment is not closeness.

🌿 How to start “Self Differentiating”

Jerry T. Wise, MA, MS, CLC, is a renowned family-systems expert and self-differentiation coach with over 45 years of experience as a marriage & family therapist, addictions therapist, pastoral counselor, and certified life/relationship coach. He’s helped thousands of clients across 110+ countries, reaching millions online as he guides survivors of narcissistic, dysfunctional, or emotionally immature families to reclaim their authentic selves—cultivating resilience, confidence, and calm.

His signature “Road to Self” program, along with hundreds of free videos and trainings, focuses on healing through boundary-setting, emotional detachment, and reducing reactivity, helping individuals break free from lifelong patterns.

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MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE:

📌 [Book] People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil by M. Scott Peck - https://www.amazon.com/People-Lie-Hope-Healing-Human/dp/0684848597

📌 [Book] Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel - https://www.amazon.com/Mating-Captivity-Unlocking-Erotic-Intelligence/dp/0060753641

CONNECT WITH JERRY:

📌 Website: https://www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/

📌 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@jerrywise

📌 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jerrytwise/

📌 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JerryTWise/

📌 Twitter: https://www.tiktok.com/@jerrytwise

📌 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jerrytwise/

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MY LATEST BOOK!!!

Adult Survivors of Emotionally Abusive Parents: How to Heal, Cultivate Emotional Resilience, and Build the Life and Love You Deserve - https://amzn.to/3UhURWI

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MY TEDx TALK:

📌 TEDx Talk Not All Parents Are Good by Dr. Sherrie Campbell - https://youtu.be/deyHwDkG7oc

BOOKS BY DR. SHERRIE:

⚉ Adult