May 7, 2024 • 26 mins
Talk to us, Shero! Talk to us!
Discovering my North Star wasn't just a journey; it was a revolution within. As I grappled with life's purpose in my late fifties, amidst what seemed like the pinnacle of success, the revelation that my core values were my true compass was life-altering. This episode is an intimate confessional, an invitation to witness the metamorphosis that happens when you align your life with the values that resonate deeply within you. From the roots of our guiding principles—shaped by the universal, familial, and societal—to the challenges we face when our values clash with our environment, this heart-to-heart is a beacon for those seeking clarity and direction.
Rolling up our sleeves, we'll scrutinize why living true to our core values can sometimes feel like standing against a hurricane, much like the sturdy live oaks. We delve into the reasons people veer off course, the allure of external validation, and the conflict avoidance that can muddy our path. Yet, we also celebrate the profound resilience and unwavering sense of self that comes from honoring these values. And as a precursor to our interactive Zoom class, where we'll embrace a core values activity, this conversation is a launchpad for personal growth. Join me, and let's grow more awesome together.
Thank you so much for the likes, love, and comments you leave. Not only does it mean the world to us, it helps other women who need to hear it be able to find it.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Debbie (00:04):
Hello, hello.
It is noon and I cannot believeI think I finally figured out
this whole Zoom live stream,third party oh dear God, things.
Okay, anyway, how your valuesshape and inform you.
(00:24):
I wanted to have this visual uphere before we get started so
that when you go to yourFacebook group and you look,
you'll be able to pick that Ialways thought that I was able
to, that it somehow had a label.
It does not in the Facebookgroups.
One more thing to do, so I'lljust do it this way from now on.
(00:46):
So this is about how yourvalues shape and inform you, and
I hope everybody's doing welltoday.
I'm excited about this topic.
It has very strongly impactedmy life, so I'm looking forward
to sharing everything noteverything, but just this, a
(01:06):
little bit of information aboutwhat I've learned.
Okay, so today we are going toexplore this invisible force
that shapes our lives, and it'scalled core values.
Let's start out with me givingyou a brief little personal
example for something thathappened in my life.
It was crazy.
It was like I was in my late50s.
(01:29):
So we're talking I'm 65.
So that was like eight yearsago seven, eight, whatever years
ago, and I faced a major careerdecision I was.
I'm not going to go through thewhole thing, I'm sure you guys
know about right before I walkedCamino, but you know it was.
I was.
I'd really reached the pinnacleof my career.
(01:51):
I had a lucrative position, Iworked for a four-star general
as a civilian and financially Ilike really had it made.
I had the bank account, thehouse, the car, you know all
those things.
But on the inside I feltactually kind of poor, empty
(02:13):
yearning for something that Icouldn't articulate.
The only thing I could say wasthere's something missing.
So I didn't really know.
Oops, I didn't really know whatthat was.
But in time, as I could nolonger suppress those feelings
that were pretty uncomfortable,I suddenly started understanding
(02:33):
all these reasons why money andacquisitions didn't help me
feel better.
I thought about when is my lifegoing to get better?
When is my life?
What is it going to be like?
What is my purpose?
Why am I here?
I don't just all these thoughtsin my head, but I don't know
(02:54):
what it would have been like hadI known to be able to
articulate what my core valueswere.
And again, I was in my latefifties but I had no idea.
So if you don't either.
Don't feel bad, and I have agreat activity after this at the
end to help you figure that allout.
It's kind of fun actually.
Okay, so have you ever had tomake a decision but felt
(03:17):
conflicted, like you weren'tsure what was wrong but why?
It didn't quite feel right tobe doing what you were doing,
but you just couldn't identifywhat was going on with you, you
know, if that's the case, maybeit is time to look, or look
again at your core values,because they do change over time
.
Sometimes it depends on yourparticular life.
(03:38):
For somebody like me who grewup in I used to call it a toxic
household, I often now sayemotionally immature parents,
because they just were.
They were very emotionallyimmature, and so there was a lot
that was lacking in myupbringing.
So because that was lacking, mycore values may bounce more
(03:59):
than other people, just becauseI'm learning more.
Where other people may havelearned a lot of certain aspects
from their childhood, so theydon't have to go as far.
No matter, it just is what itis in our lives, right, we live
the life, what we live, and wemove forward from there.
But once I learned theimportance of core values and I
learned what mine were.
(04:20):
It was like life-changing forme.
Mine were.
It was like life-changing forme, so I like to describe it
like the roots supporting a verypowerful trait.
The roots are like theunderpinning and nourishing of
every decision that we make,even when we're not aware of
them.
So understanding where our corevalues come from can actually
(04:44):
help us appreciate their deepimpact on our daily decisions
and interactions, and it seemsto change things.
To just be able to articulatethem At least for me it was that
was like a huge thing, like, ohmy gosh, now I get it right.
So core values can originatefrom a combination of sources
(05:10):
and each of them contribute tothe tapestry of our beliefs, our
principles and stuff that guideus.
So, for one, we all have innateor universal values.
Those are like fairness andempathy and responsibility.
But then there's this wholebroader package that comes from,
(05:30):
like our families, theenvironment we grew up in,
traditions, expectations thatare set for us by other people.
We have cultural and societalinfluences.
Those include like ethical,religious, moral teachings, and
again, we receive these fromother people Well, meaning other
(05:55):
people, but other peoplenonetheless and you may not feel
comfortable with what theybelieve, but believe that you
should feel comfortable becausethey're your family, they're
your friends, they're this group, this larger I'll use the word
tribe that you participate with,turns out.
(06:21):
My family and I are like polaropposites almost every spectrum
that I can think of, right,personal, religious, philosophy,
spirituality, political,everything.
I just I just don't know why,but for whatever, whatever the
reason is, I don't think or feelor act or believe like they do.
(06:44):
And it's literally shocked.
My whole, my world, I mean it.
Just it seems like my wholelife was spent feeling like I
don't belong.
Why don't I feel like I matter?
Oh look, deb don't matter.
There it is again.
Deb don't matter.
This is like a big, big, bigtheme that ran through my life
(07:06):
and it was like nobodyunderstood me and I never
understood why I just alwaysseem to be so very different
from everyone in my family.
And then, as I learned certainthings like what it really kept
(07:34):
me feeling like I have thisNorth Star.
This anchor is the core values.
Those have made a really,really big difference for me.
So I'm hoping that it makes areally big difference for you as
well, and that's why we'rediscovering all about core
values this month.
So I've realized that how aperson may act toward their life
(07:56):
, events, challenges andsuccesses can alter their views
of their values over time.
You know what we learn ourself-discovery processes, our
the possibility of maybe goingto therapy or, depending on the
conversations that you have withtrusted others, can all prompt
us to consider, and sometimeschange for the better, our core
(08:19):
values.
So reflect back on a time inyour life whether family,
cultural, religious, whateverany aspect and see if there was
something that was reallyconflicting for you when you
were making decisions,especially maybe during
challenging times.
(08:40):
Did you have a go-to like yourcore values that could help you
make these decisions?
Or did you just feel?
Feel confused, challenged, outof place, had a lack of clarity,
and look to other people tohelp you figure that out?
(09:00):
A lot of us do that because wedon't want to be outside of this
tribe, if you will, this groupof people that we go in and out
of their lives on a regularbasis.
All right, so let's look at thecore values that are shaping
your life right now.
(09:21):
Check again to identify the topcore values, if you can, if you
can articulate them, that guideyou daily in your life.
Learning these is a journey ofself-discovery and how
convenient for you you're in theself-discovery lab.
And if you're not, go into theself-discovery lab and help and
(09:41):
join us.
Okay, these are the values thatinfluence our every decision.
From mundane things like youknow what am I going to wear, or
what am I going to eat, orsignificant like life, life
altering possibilities like whoshould I marry, what type of
person should I marry?
So again, you may know yours,but you may not.
(10:02):
You may be able to articulateyours, your core values, and
then you may not.
I don't know if you have toknow what they are, but knowing
what they are is is, it's smart,it's wise, it's beneficial and
it's nice.
When something happens and youhave that place from which to
draw, you can go.
(10:22):
Oh, that goes against this corevalue.
So I remember when I didn't knowthat integrity was a core value
of mine.
I mean, I didn't like whenpeople lied to me, but I didn't
have the word integrity.
It just didn't fall in my lap,it wasn't part of the forefront
of my thoughts.
But if somebody said or didsomething that I knew wasn't
(10:44):
true, or if they did somethingthat was what I would now call
out of integrity, I didn'tunderstand what it was that I
didn't like, but I knew I wantedto get away from that person.
I took it personally like howdare they lie to me, you know?
Like it was all, everything wasall about me.
It was so, yeah, very personal,but now I know all about it.
(11:06):
So now I can go, oh, thatperson's out of integrity and I
realized that it's like I don'twant to hang out with people
that are out of integrity.
So, where I was spirit,experiencing it as personal
because I didn't know what itwas, I can now like just
identify it and it's fine.
Now you may know all this stuffalready, but honestly, I was so
(11:27):
old I was 58, something likethat when I started really
learning about this that I justno longer assume that everyone
just knows.
So, all right, let me share fivereasons why core values are so
important.
Number one they govern ourperceptions of right and wrong.
(11:51):
Number two they define ouridentity and how we want our
relationships to be.
Number three they establish ourlife's standards and boundaries
.
Number four I'm going to changehands.
Number four they provide amoral compass for decision
making.
That's a really big one for me.
(12:11):
Number five they sustain usthrough challenging times and do
like this heavy lifting whenneeded.
So we might, you know, have abig, heavy something that comes
up, and if we do know what ourcore values are, it just makes
it easier to look toward ourNorth Star.
All right.
So I like to say, imagine thisbig, towering, resilient tree.
(12:35):
So I live in the South wherethere's a lot of hurricanes.
Down here there's live oaks.
I don't know if live oaks arewhere you live, but down here
live oaks and they withstandintense winds, 130, 40, 50 mile
an hour winds and they're stillthere.
Like you come, you come backfrom.
(12:56):
You know we always go away, youknow, for three days.
That's the, the magic number.
And and it's like that tree isstill there.
And you're just like howeverything around it's gone, but
that tree is still there.
Like how to do it?
So, to withstand these diversetypes of weather conditions, the
, the live oaks, rely on thestrength of their roots for
stability, anchoring them firmlyin the ground as the big giant
(13:22):
branches are extending in allthese different positions.
And again, how they sustain Idon't know, but they do.
So it's like really important.
So, similarly, your core valuesare like these roots, securing
your world and providing astrong foundation for your
growth.
And as the branches representall the different aspects of
your life your career choices,your relationships, your
(13:43):
personal development, yourcommunity involvement it's like
your core values are what arethe underpinning and influencing
for these various lifedecisions.
So, again, just like thosestrong roots of a tree, your
core values are deeply embeddedin you and they are crucial for
your growth and stability.
(14:05):
So let me just check and see,because I know that I'm not able
to.
Sorry, I got to look on myphone because of the way the new
streaming service is, so giveme one second and let me look
and see if there's anybody's gotanything going on with this.
Okay, it looks like all is well.
(14:25):
Thank you for being here.
Appreciate you guys.
All right, so I'm going to keepgoing, all right, okay, so why
they're important?
Why, my, if they're soimportant?
Why people maybe would not liveaccording to their core values?
Right, so they might not beaware of their core values.
(14:48):
Like I said, I was not aware ofmy core values.
It almost seems crazy to say,but it just is the way that it
is and I just accept it now.
So that's, one just might notbe aware of it and that's
actually, I think, more commonthan we believe.
It's kind of like oh yeah, Ihave core values, but can you
tell me what they are?
No, now I can, but I couldn'tbefore.
(15:11):
Another one is.
Another one is they may knowwhat they are, but they don't
consistently live them.
Well, why would someone knowwhat their core values are and't
consistently live them?
Well, why would someone knowwhat their core values are and
are and not consistently livethem?
Well, they may fear that theymight lose security or approval.
That's a big deal.
(15:32):
That's fear and they're livingin fear and it's like the fear
is stronger than the need forthem to live their core value.
Like the fear is stronger thanthe need for them to live their
core value.
They may want to avoid conflictor discomfort.
So the saying that I like to sayit's like I'm just going to go
along to get along.
It's better to go along to getalong.
And unfortunately, they dismissthemselves.
(15:56):
They just put themselves behindsomebody else.
Maybe they don't want to hurtanother person's feelings.
Maybe they don't want to callattention to themselves.
Maybe they don't think they'llbe heard, that somebody will
just dismiss them.
Maybe they don't have the rightwords and the right words might
be a good reason to learn whatthey are.
(16:17):
That's why I was saying it wassmart and wise and beneficial.
When we have the right words,it's just easier to speak about
what we have going on.
So it is good to learn toarticulate what they are.
All right.
So those are reasons people maynot live their core values.
But here's some reason forliving your core values and to
(16:40):
set boundaries when your corevalues get violated.
So when you have clear values,setting priorities becomes
simpler.
It just does.
It's easier to give up what'snot really that important so
that you can pay more attentionto what's really real for you.
It's easier to respectfully setand enforce boundaries.
(17:03):
Boundaries is a whole thingthat we're putting together in
the self-discovery circle, whichwill be coming hopefully soon,
maybe by the end of June.
I'll talk about that anothertime.
So it's easier to respectfullyset and enforce boundaries.
So what happens is you realizethat it's not personal to the
(17:24):
other person, but you're takingcare of yourself when you set
boundaries.
People get that and it's likethe people that really get it
honor and respect it, and thepeople that don't get it, you
got to question what the problemis that they wouldn't respect
your boundaries, aka your corevalues.
All right.
Also, values help us makedecisions that truly matter.
(17:46):
Truly matter to us I'll say itagain as we are making decisions
for our highest good that isactually the highest good of all
even if they're feelinguncomfortable with it in the
moment.
So what do I mean by?
Not that part, but the partabout helping us with decisions
(18:10):
that truly matter?
When we use our core values andif we need to set boundaries,
we feel more powerful and wholeand, like I said said, it serves
both you and the other personby being upfront and clear.
It's like if people, if a goodfriend, knows that you know I'm
not going to answer the phone at11 o'clock at night they know
(18:32):
well, just don't call that timeas opposed to getting their
feelings heard or notunderstanding what's going on
because I'm not answering thephone maybe not a great example,
but you're getting thatunderstanding what I mean.
They know your boundaries, theyknow where they can come in and
it's okay, and then wherethey're like, oh, maybe I
(18:52):
shouldn't step in that close.
That's really important.
It gives you healthierrelationships.
It's like if your friend saidsomething to you, like you would
want to honor that because youunderstand that's a boundary of
theirs.
Maybe their core values ofintegrity is like oh, not that
you go around lying, but it'slike I better not lie to her
because she's not going to wantto participate with me and it
(19:13):
lets everybody know where youstand.
Very, very healthy stuff.
Okay, so we're going to beconcluding here in just a second
.
I want to encourage each of youto think about at least one
core value.
Like I said, we're going to doan activity and I'll explain
that.
But during the month of May,think of one core value that you
want to live more fully.
This month, I invite you tostart a values journal today,
(19:38):
tonight.
Whatever Note when your valuesare guiding your decisions and
when they don't, and this simplepractice of just becoming more
aware of yourself and yourdecisions can help align your
actions with your core values.
That leads to a more integratedand fulfilling life.
I mean like how delicious to beable to live our lives
(20:02):
according to our values.
It's like the best right To me,that's like emotional freedom,
all right.
So in the self-discovery labyep, a few minutes ago, the core
values activity dropped.
So there's going to be threeparts to the activity.
So let me tell you what theyare so you'll know what's going
on.
It's like four pages long.
(20:23):
So part one is you just it'sjust like 125 values on a page.
Choose the ones that like.
You're like yes, yes, yes,that's me.
And then there's some lines atthe bottom.
If you're like, hey, my specialone's not on there, well, you
can just write that one in andyou're going to add in your own
if you want or you don't have to.
Let's see.
I want to check.
(20:44):
All right, it looks like thereare no comments.
So this is awesome.
If it's not awesome thatthere's no comments, it's
awesome that you guys are there.
If you have a question, put itin the chat.
No, make a comment.
Sorry, wrong terminology.
I have to look again on myphone because Facebook did a
(21:06):
thing.
We'll just talk about thatlater.
Facebook did a thing, so Ican't look at chat anymore, even
though I'm going live on Zoom.
So if you have a question, putit in as a comment in the
self-discovery lab and if you'rehere, put hashtag live, or if
(21:27):
you're watching the replay, puthashtag replay.
That would be lovely.
I would appreciate that verymuch.
Okay, so getting back to thisactivity.
So the first page is a wholebunch of one word I think
they're all one and you're goingto decide which ones are your
values.
Then really look at them andsay which ones do I live by?
This one, this one, this one,this one, whatever.
(21:48):
Take the ones you really liveby, go to page two or part two,
and part two is figure out whatcategory they fit in, find that
category, that the ones frompart one fit in, and however you
want to acknowledge a checkmark or write the word or
(22:09):
whatever that works, then you'regoing to pick at least one,
maybe up to three, and thenwhere it says part three is the
actual activity.
And here's where the selfdiscovery really, really begins.
So you're invited to pick one ofyour core values, define it for
yourself like what does thatmean to me?
(22:37):
I've about what my behaviorsand actions other people
experience when I live, theintegrity value Okay, I don't
know if that made sense, so I'mwhatever it is.
(22:59):
Say it's family.
I don't remember how it'swritten as a category, but let's
just say it's family.
So you choose the categoryfamily, you're going to write
and it's got all the informationthere.
You're going to write thedefinition of what does family
mean to you?
Because can you imagine it'sdifferent for other people,
right?
So you write what thedefinition of family means for
(23:20):
you as a core value Just yournotes, nothing really big, and
then next to that box will beone, two, three.
Write three comments about howfamily experiences you when you
live this core value.
It's very powerful.
It's a very powerful exercise.
(23:41):
Okay, if you have any questions, of course, reach out.
So every day, we have the choiceto walk the walk, walk the talk
, walk the talk.
Yes, we talk about our corevalues, so we're going to walk
that talk, and when we do, welive with integrity and
(24:02):
authenticity.
We feel more whole and aligned.
And when we don't we don't walkthat talk we might feel
confused, conflicted, maybedisconnected.
So living by your core valuesdoes not mean perfection at all.
It means embracing and learningfrom each moment and choosing
to grow and stand firm in whatmatters to you the most.
And then, as you do, you'regoing to see the positive impact
(24:26):
that living your best life hason not only yourself but on
other people.
We're not doing it for otherpeople but, like I said, you
live your highest good and ithas great positive impact.
All right again, core valuesactivity can be found in the
files section.
Download it.
I would suggest printing it out, totally up to you.
(24:48):
There's something abouthandwriting.
That's really awesome withyourself and really sit down and
think about your answers.
And if you're new to this, wereyou surprised by what you came
(25:10):
up with?
And if this is not your firsttime, were you surprised by any
changes that you've had fromprevious times?
Next week, on next Tuesday, atthis same time which for me is
noon central, we'll be meetinglive on Zoom, not Facebook Live,
but I'll put the Zoom linkthere so everybody can come into
the Zoom room and I'll put allthe details in the lab.
(25:31):
So don't worry about it.
But be sure to complete thecore values activity before
coming to the class, the Zoomclass, because we're going to
want to spend time on youranswers, connecting and sharing
with each other and, of course,any questions that may have come
up.
All right again, I'm going topost everything in the lab.
For next week, the core valuesactivity should be in the file
(25:52):
section and for those of you whoare listening and you're not
already in the free, private,women-only self-discovery lab,
please feel free to join us.
As always, I'm Deb Pearson,helping you become more awesome
on the inside.
See you next video.
Hello, hello.
It is noon and I cannot believeI think I finally figured out
this whole Zoom live stream,third party oh dear God, things.
Okay, anyway, how your valuesshape and inform you.
(00:24):
I wanted to have this visual uphere before we get started so
that when you go to yourFacebook group and you look,
you'll be able to pick that Ialways thought that I was able
to, that it somehow had a label.
It does not in the Facebookgroups.
One more thing to do, so I'lljust do it this way from now on.
(00:46):
So this is about how yourvalues shape and inform you, and
I hope everybody's doing welltoday.
I'm excited about this topic.
It has very strongly impactedmy life, so I'm looking forward
to sharing everything noteverything, but just this, a
(01:06):
little bit of information aboutwhat I've learned.
Okay, so today we are going toexplore this invisible force
that shapes our lives, and it'scalled core values.
Let's start out with me givingyou a brief little personal
example for something thathappened in my life.
It was crazy.
It was like I was in my late50s.
(01:29):
So we're talking I'm 65.
So that was like eight yearsago seven, eight, whatever years
ago, and I faced a major careerdecision I was.
I'm not going to go through thewhole thing, I'm sure you guys
know about right before I walkedCamino, but you know it was.
I was.
I'd really reached the pinnacleof my career.
(01:51):
I had a lucrative position, Iworked for a four-star general
as a civilian and financially Ilike really had it made.
I had the bank account, thehouse, the car, you know all
those things.
But on the inside I feltactually kind of poor, empty
(02:13):
yearning for something that Icouldn't articulate.
The only thing I could say wasthere's something missing.
So I didn't really know.
Oops, I didn't really know whatthat was.
But in time, as I could nolonger suppress those feelings
that were pretty uncomfortable,I suddenly started understanding
(02:33):
all these reasons why money andacquisitions didn't help me
feel better.
I thought about when is my lifegoing to get better?
When is my life?
What is it going to be like?
What is my purpose?
Why am I here?
I don't just all these thoughtsin my head, but I don't know
(02:54):
what it would have been like hadI known to be able to
articulate what my core valueswere.
And again, I was in my latefifties but I had no idea.
So if you don't either.
Don't feel bad, and I have agreat activity after this at the
end to help you figure that allout.
It's kind of fun actually.
Okay, so have you ever had tomake a decision but felt
(03:17):
conflicted, like you weren'tsure what was wrong but why?
It didn't quite feel right tobe doing what you were doing,
but you just couldn't identifywhat was going on with you, you
know, if that's the case, maybeit is time to look, or look
again at your core values,because they do change over time
.
Sometimes it depends on yourparticular life.
(03:38):
For somebody like me who grewup in I used to call it a toxic
household, I often now sayemotionally immature parents,
because they just were.
They were very emotionallyimmature, and so there was a lot
that was lacking in myupbringing.
So because that was lacking, mycore values may bounce more
(03:59):
than other people, just becauseI'm learning more.
Where other people may havelearned a lot of certain aspects
from their childhood, so theydon't have to go as far.
No matter, it just is what itis in our lives, right, we live
the life, what we live, and wemove forward from there.
But once I learned theimportance of core values and I
learned what mine were.
(04:20):
It was like life-changing forme.
Mine were.
It was like life-changing forme, so I like to describe it
like the roots supporting a verypowerful trait.
The roots are like theunderpinning and nourishing of
every decision that we make,even when we're not aware of
them.
So understanding where our corevalues come from can actually
(04:44):
help us appreciate their deepimpact on our daily decisions
and interactions, and it seemsto change things.
To just be able to articulatethem At least for me it was that
was like a huge thing, like, ohmy gosh, now I get it right.
So core values can originatefrom a combination of sources
(05:10):
and each of them contribute tothe tapestry of our beliefs, our
principles and stuff that guideus.
So, for one, we all have innateor universal values.
Those are like fairness andempathy and responsibility.
But then there's this wholebroader package that comes from,
(05:30):
like our families, theenvironment we grew up in,
traditions, expectations thatare set for us by other people.
We have cultural and societalinfluences.
Those include like ethical,religious, moral teachings, and
again, we receive these fromother people Well, meaning other
(05:55):
people, but other peoplenonetheless and you may not feel
comfortable with what theybelieve, but believe that you
should feel comfortable becausethey're your family, they're
your friends, they're this group, this larger I'll use the word
tribe that you participate with,turns out.
(06:21):
My family and I are like polaropposites almost every spectrum
that I can think of, right,personal, religious, philosophy,
spirituality, political,everything.
I just I just don't know why,but for whatever, whatever the
reason is, I don't think or feelor act or believe like they do.
(06:44):
And it's literally shocked.
My whole, my world, I mean it.
Just it seems like my wholelife was spent feeling like I
don't belong.
Why don't I feel like I matter?
Oh look, deb don't matter.
There it is again.
Deb don't matter.
This is like a big, big, bigtheme that ran through my life
(07:06):
and it was like nobodyunderstood me and I never
understood why I just alwaysseem to be so very different
from everyone in my family.
And then, as I learned certainthings like what it really kept
(07:34):
me feeling like I have thisNorth Star.
This anchor is the core values.
Those have made a really,really big difference for me.
So I'm hoping that it makes areally big difference for you as
well, and that's why we'rediscovering all about core
values this month.
So I've realized that how aperson may act toward their life
(07:56):
, events, challenges andsuccesses can alter their views
of their values over time.
You know what we learn ourself-discovery processes, our
the possibility of maybe goingto therapy or, depending on the
conversations that you have withtrusted others, can all prompt
us to consider, and sometimeschange for the better, our core
(08:19):
values.
So reflect back on a time inyour life whether family,
cultural, religious, whateverany aspect and see if there was
something that was reallyconflicting for you when you
were making decisions,especially maybe during
challenging times.
(08:40):
Did you have a go-to like yourcore values that could help you
make these decisions?
Or did you just feel?
Feel confused, challenged, outof place, had a lack of clarity,
and look to other people tohelp you figure that out?
(09:00):
A lot of us do that because wedon't want to be outside of this
tribe, if you will, this groupof people that we go in and out
of their lives on a regularbasis.
All right, so let's look at thecore values that are shaping
your life right now.
(09:21):
Check again to identify the topcore values, if you can, if you
can articulate them, that guideyou daily in your life.
Learning these is a journey ofself-discovery and how
convenient for you you're in theself-discovery lab.
And if you're not, go into theself-discovery lab and help and
(09:41):
join us.
Okay, these are the values thatinfluence our every decision.
From mundane things like youknow what am I going to wear, or
what am I going to eat, orsignificant like life, life
altering possibilities like whoshould I marry, what type of
person should I marry?
So again, you may know yours,but you may not.
(10:02):
You may be able to articulateyours, your core values, and
then you may not.
I don't know if you have toknow what they are, but knowing
what they are is is, it's smart,it's wise, it's beneficial and
it's nice.
When something happens and youhave that place from which to
draw, you can go.
(10:22):
Oh, that goes against this corevalue.
So I remember when I didn't knowthat integrity was a core value
of mine.
I mean, I didn't like whenpeople lied to me, but I didn't
have the word integrity.
It just didn't fall in my lap,it wasn't part of the forefront
of my thoughts.
But if somebody said or didsomething that I knew wasn't
(10:44):
true, or if they did somethingthat was what I would now call
out of integrity, I didn'tunderstand what it was that I
didn't like, but I knew I wantedto get away from that person.
I took it personally like howdare they lie to me, you know?
Like it was all, everything wasall about me.
It was so, yeah, very personal,but now I know all about it.
(11:06):
So now I can go, oh, thatperson's out of integrity and I
realized that it's like I don'twant to hang out with people
that are out of integrity.
So, where I was spirit,experiencing it as personal
because I didn't know what itwas, I can now like just
identify it and it's fine.
Now you may know all this stuffalready, but honestly, I was so
(11:27):
old I was 58, something likethat when I started really
learning about this that I justno longer assume that everyone
just knows.
So, all right, let me share fivereasons why core values are so
important.
Number one they govern ourperceptions of right and wrong.
(11:51):
Number two they define ouridentity and how we want our
relationships to be.
Number three they establish ourlife's standards and boundaries
.
Number four I'm going to changehands.
Number four they provide amoral compass for decision
making.
That's a really big one for me.
(12:11):
Number five they sustain usthrough challenging times and do
like this heavy lifting whenneeded.
So we might, you know, have abig, heavy something that comes
up, and if we do know what ourcore values are, it just makes
it easier to look toward ourNorth Star.
All right.
So I like to say, imagine thisbig, towering, resilient tree.
(12:35):
So I live in the South wherethere's a lot of hurricanes.
Down here there's live oaks.
I don't know if live oaks arewhere you live, but down here
live oaks and they withstandintense winds, 130, 40, 50 mile
an hour winds and they're stillthere.
Like you come, you come backfrom.
(12:56):
You know we always go away, youknow, for three days.
That's the, the magic number.
And and it's like that tree isstill there.
And you're just like howeverything around it's gone, but
that tree is still there.
Like how to do it?
So, to withstand these diversetypes of weather conditions, the
, the live oaks, rely on thestrength of their roots for
stability, anchoring them firmlyin the ground as the big giant
(13:22):
branches are extending in allthese different positions.
And again, how they sustain Idon't know, but they do.
So it's like really important.
So, similarly, your core valuesare like these roots, securing
your world and providing astrong foundation for your
growth.
And as the branches representall the different aspects of
your life your career choices,your relationships, your
(13:43):
personal development, yourcommunity involvement it's like
your core values are what arethe underpinning and influencing
for these various lifedecisions.
So, again, just like thosestrong roots of a tree, your
core values are deeply embeddedin you and they are crucial for
your growth and stability.
(14:05):
So let me just check and see,because I know that I'm not able
to.
Sorry, I got to look on myphone because of the way the new
streaming service is, so giveme one second and let me look
and see if there's anybody's gotanything going on with this.
Okay, it looks like all is well.
(14:25):
Thank you for being here.
Appreciate you guys.
All right, so I'm going to keepgoing, all right, okay, so why
they're important?
Why, my, if they're soimportant?
Why people maybe would not liveaccording to their core values?
Right, so they might not beaware of their core values.
(14:48):
Like I said, I was not aware ofmy core values.
It almost seems crazy to say,but it just is the way that it
is and I just accept it now.
So that's, one just might notbe aware of it and that's
actually, I think, more commonthan we believe.
It's kind of like oh yeah, Ihave core values, but can you
tell me what they are?
No, now I can, but I couldn'tbefore.
(15:11):
Another one is.
Another one is they may knowwhat they are, but they don't
consistently live them.
Well, why would someone knowwhat their core values are and't
consistently live them?
Well, why would someone knowwhat their core values are and
are and not consistently livethem?
Well, they may fear that theymight lose security or approval.
That's a big deal.
(15:32):
That's fear and they're livingin fear and it's like the fear
is stronger than the need forthem to live their core value.
Like the fear is stronger thanthe need for them to live their
core value.
They may want to avoid conflictor discomfort.
So the saying that I like to sayit's like I'm just going to go
along to get along.
It's better to go along to getalong.
And unfortunately, they dismissthemselves.
(15:56):
They just put themselves behindsomebody else.
Maybe they don't want to hurtanother person's feelings.
Maybe they don't want to callattention to themselves.
Maybe they don't think they'llbe heard, that somebody will
just dismiss them.
Maybe they don't have the rightwords and the right words might
be a good reason to learn whatthey are.
(16:17):
That's why I was saying it wassmart and wise and beneficial.
When we have the right words,it's just easier to speak about
what we have going on.
So it is good to learn toarticulate what they are.
All right.
So those are reasons people maynot live their core values.
But here's some reason forliving your core values and to
(16:40):
set boundaries when your corevalues get violated.
So when you have clear values,setting priorities becomes
simpler.
It just does.
It's easier to give up what'snot really that important so
that you can pay more attentionto what's really real for you.
It's easier to respectfully setand enforce boundaries.
(17:03):
Boundaries is a whole thingthat we're putting together in
the self-discovery circle, whichwill be coming hopefully soon,
maybe by the end of June.
I'll talk about that anothertime.
So it's easier to respectfullyset and enforce boundaries.
So what happens is you realizethat it's not personal to the
(17:24):
other person, but you're takingcare of yourself when you set
boundaries.
People get that and it's likethe people that really get it
honor and respect it, and thepeople that don't get it, you
got to question what the problemis that they wouldn't respect
your boundaries, aka your corevalues.
All right.
Also, values help us makedecisions that truly matter.
(17:46):
Truly matter to us I'll say itagain as we are making decisions
for our highest good that isactually the highest good of all
even if they're feelinguncomfortable with it in the
moment.
So what do I mean by?
Not that part, but the partabout helping us with decisions
(18:10):
that truly matter?
When we use our core values andif we need to set boundaries,
we feel more powerful and wholeand, like I said said, it serves
both you and the other personby being upfront and clear.
It's like if people, if a goodfriend, knows that you know I'm
not going to answer the phone at11 o'clock at night they know
(18:32):
well, just don't call that timeas opposed to getting their
feelings heard or notunderstanding what's going on
because I'm not answering thephone maybe not a great example,
but you're getting thatunderstanding what I mean.
They know your boundaries, theyknow where they can come in and
it's okay, and then wherethey're like, oh, maybe I
(18:52):
shouldn't step in that close.
That's really important.
It gives you healthierrelationships.
It's like if your friend saidsomething to you, like you would
want to honor that because youunderstand that's a boundary of
theirs.
Maybe their core values ofintegrity is like oh, not that
you go around lying, but it'slike I better not lie to her
because she's not going to wantto participate with me and it
(19:13):
lets everybody know where youstand.
Very, very healthy stuff.
Okay, so we're going to beconcluding here in just a second
.
I want to encourage each of youto think about at least one
core value.
Like I said, we're going to doan activity and I'll explain
that.
But during the month of May,think of one core value that you
want to live more fully.
This month, I invite you tostart a values journal today,
(19:38):
tonight.
Whatever Note when your valuesare guiding your decisions and
when they don't, and this simplepractice of just becoming more
aware of yourself and yourdecisions can help align your
actions with your core values.
That leads to a more integratedand fulfilling life.
I mean like how delicious to beable to live our lives
(20:02):
according to our values.
It's like the best right To me,that's like emotional freedom,
all right.
So in the self-discovery labyep, a few minutes ago, the core
values activity dropped.
So there's going to be threeparts to the activity.
So let me tell you what theyare so you'll know what's going
on.
It's like four pages long.
(20:23):
So part one is you just it'sjust like 125 values on a page.
Choose the ones that like.
You're like yes, yes, yes,that's me.
And then there's some lines atthe bottom.
If you're like, hey, my specialone's not on there, well, you
can just write that one in andyou're going to add in your own
if you want or you don't have to.
Let's see.
I want to check.
(20:44):
All right, it looks like thereare no comments.
So this is awesome.
If it's not awesome thatthere's no comments, it's
awesome that you guys are there.
If you have a question, put itin the chat.
No, make a comment.
Sorry, wrong terminology.
I have to look again on myphone because Facebook did a
(21:06):
thing.
We'll just talk about thatlater.
Facebook did a thing, so Ican't look at chat anymore, even
though I'm going live on Zoom.
So if you have a question, putit in as a comment in the
self-discovery lab and if you'rehere, put hashtag live, or if
(21:27):
you're watching the replay, puthashtag replay.
That would be lovely.
I would appreciate that verymuch.
Okay, so getting back to thisactivity.
So the first page is a wholebunch of one word I think
they're all one and you're goingto decide which ones are your
values.
Then really look at them andsay which ones do I live by?
This one, this one, this one,this one, whatever.
(21:48):
Take the ones you really liveby, go to page two or part two,
and part two is figure out whatcategory they fit in, find that
category, that the ones frompart one fit in, and however you
want to acknowledge a checkmark or write the word or
(22:09):
whatever that works, then you'regoing to pick at least one,
maybe up to three, and thenwhere it says part three is the
actual activity.
And here's where the selfdiscovery really, really begins.
So you're invited to pick one ofyour core values, define it for
yourself like what does thatmean to me?
(22:37):
I've about what my behaviorsand actions other people
experience when I live, theintegrity value Okay, I don't
know if that made sense, so I'mwhatever it is.
(22:59):
Say it's family.
I don't remember how it'swritten as a category, but let's
just say it's family.
So you choose the categoryfamily, you're going to write
and it's got all the informationthere.
You're going to write thedefinition of what does family
mean to you?
Because can you imagine it'sdifferent for other people,
right?
So you write what thedefinition of family means for
(23:20):
you as a core value Just yournotes, nothing really big, and
then next to that box will beone, two, three.
Write three comments about howfamily experiences you when you
live this core value.
It's very powerful.
It's a very powerful exercise.
(23:41):
Okay, if you have any questions, of course, reach out.
So every day, we have the choiceto walk the walk, walk the talk
, walk the talk.
Yes, we talk about our corevalues, so we're going to walk
that talk, and when we do, welive with integrity and
(24:02):
authenticity.
We feel more whole and aligned.
And when we don't we don't walkthat talk we might feel
confused, conflicted, maybedisconnected.
So living by your core valuesdoes not mean perfection at all.
It means embracing and learningfrom each moment and choosing
to grow and stand firm in whatmatters to you the most.
And then, as you do, you'regoing to see the positive impact
(24:26):
that living your best life hason not only yourself but on
other people.
We're not doing it for otherpeople but, like I said, you
live your highest good and ithas great positive impact.
All right again, core valuesactivity can be found in the
files section.
Download it.
I would suggest printing it out, totally up to you.
(24:48):
There's something abouthandwriting.
That's really awesome withyourself and really sit down and
think about your answers.
And if you're new to this, wereyou surprised by what you came
(25:10):
up with?
And if this is not your firsttime, were you surprised by any
changes that you've had fromprevious times?
Next week, on next Tuesday, atthis same time which for me is
noon central, we'll be meetinglive on Zoom, not Facebook Live,
but I'll put the Zoom linkthere so everybody can come into
the Zoom room and I'll put allthe details in the lab.
(25:31):
So don't worry about it.
But be sure to complete thecore values activity before
coming to the class, the Zoomclass, because we're going to
want to spend time on youranswers, connecting and sharing
with each other and, of course,any questions that may have come
up.
All right again, I'm going topost everything in the lab.
For next week, the core valuesactivity should be in the file
(25:52):
section and for those of you whoare listening and you're not
already in the free, private,women-only self-discovery lab,
please feel free to join us.
As always, I'm Deb Pearson,helping you become more awesome
on the inside.
See you next video.
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