June 30, 2025 • 25 mins
Talk to us, Shero! Talk to us!
What happens when women tell the truth of their stories?
Something sacred happens. Storytelling isn’t just about sharing experiences—it’s how we heal, connect, and remember who we really are.
In this Shéro Café episode, we explore how telling your story isn’t just personal—it’s powerful. For generations, women have processed life through storytelling, long before there were therapists. And still today, sharing your truth creates space for healing—within you and for others.
We talk about what it means to walk away from the “family path” and choose your own. That moment when you say “no” for the first time—even when everyone expects a “yes.” It’s uncomfortable, but it’s also the beginning of freedom.
Like a soul-based GPS, your real story always points you back to self-love. Each choice is a turn—toward or away from who you really are. You don’t have to take a straight line to get there. You just have to know where you’re going.
You are the captain of your own ship.
Your story holds wisdom. We’d love to hear what’s shaped you.
Email us at thesherocafe@gmail.com or subscribe to join our community of truth-tellers, or subscribe here:
www.SheroCafe.com
Every time a woman shares from her heart—we all heal a little more.
Thank you so much for the likes, love, and comments you leave. Not only does it mean the world to us, it helps other women who need to hear it be able to find it.
#womenempoweringwomen
#youmatter
#makeadifference
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Email: deb@debbiepearson.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Debbie (00:02):
Welcome back to the Shiro Cafe, where we slip, sip
slow, speak truth.
Maybe we slip slow too, I don'tknow.
But we definitely sip it slow,speak our truth and we nourish
what's real.
Today we're going to talk aboutstories, right, and not just
personal ones.
We're going to explore whatit's like to go through that
(00:24):
healing power of storytellingitself.
You know why does storytellingmatter?
What is it that it preserves?
How does it lead others heal aswell?
(00:44):
Something sacred happens whenwomen tell the truth, and not
just your own truth, butsomething that goes deeper,
something that goes to the soullevel.
(01:04):
So, Deborah, do you want totalk about?
You know stories and like whatthey are and why they're sacred?
Deborah (01:13):
You know, one of the things that I, when I look, when
I think about stories, I thinkabout what they mean to us in
our society and in our culture,and you know, and our internal
life and our external life.
But you know, stories are a waythat we can remember who we are
.
I can tell you stories of mymom and dad and I and how we
(01:36):
used to do picnics or go fishingand that, just that just is a
part of me, it's a part of who Iam, and it carries more than a
memory.
It carries meaning about myvalues.
You know my resilience ofthings that I've been through,
that I survived, even survivedsome of the stories of my
(02:01):
survival or some of the thingsthat I didn't think I could
survive and then ended up beingable to use my skills or my
talents or my resilience or justwhatever it is that I carried
with me to get through that.
And you know, before there waseven therapy.
You know, in community, you knowyou've heard of the quilting
(02:24):
circles and the sewing circlesand all of that.
You know a lot of times thatcommunity was more than just
making a quilt.
It was about telling ourstories.
And you know connection,connecting, connecting through
our stories and sharing, youknow, becomes an act of
(02:48):
self-recognition.
You know, I am here in spite ofall of that stuff, or because
of all of that stuff, or becauseof the community that I held or
that I'm in.
I am here and my story allowsme to have that understanding of
(03:08):
my presence.
Debbie (03:10):
Absolutely, and I think a lot of times we think of
stories in almost a negative way, like we had to get through
something, and a lot of timesthat is what happens.
But I love that you brought upit's also the good stories, the
good things that happened, likewith your family and fishing and
picnics and things like that.
Um, for whatever reason, itseems well.
(03:32):
I mean, let me just finish withthat, having that in your life
and I I'm so happy that you hadthat in your life and I hope a
lot of people did I don'tremember pleasant times in my
childhood Like our, our, our,you and I our lives were really
very different.
My dad always seemed to be veryfrustrated.
So was it ever fun?
(03:53):
It was never fun, and but Ithink that, in addition to
stories like what you're talkingabout, they shape our values.
But the negative, if you willstories, the ones that weren't
as pleasant, they also shapeyour values.
You know what you don't want.
You kind of have a good ideawhat you do want, right, right.
(04:13):
I know a lot of women, a lot ofwomen, especially women that
that I coach grew up believingthat we had to disappear.
You know to be loved, the, theyou're to be seen and not heard.
You know all that kind of stuffand storytelling.
Being able to recall thosestories and some of the
(04:33):
situations that occurred, it'slike I think you said it, it's
like I existed, I survived.
There's resilience because Ican look at it, it and how.
I wasn't really that powerfulthen.
I was, you know, a little kid,but because of that, what a much
stronger person I feel thatI've become, just due to my life
(04:55):
circumstances and how.
When I'm able to witness myself, even if there's no one else
for me to share the story with,that it's really very powerful
because I can decide how am Ilearning from this right?
Another thing is when I share itwith other people.
(05:19):
I've heard a number of timespeople say wow, I'm so glad that
you shared that because youknow, I was feeling something
inside.
I just didn't know I could sayit.
I didn't think it was likeeither safe or okay, because how
often I don't know about yourlife in this part but I don't
know.
But I was always told that as afemale, you know, basically I
(05:43):
had a.
My dad did very, verytraditional female, male, female
roles and there wasn't.
It seemed like I was alwayshaving to ask for permission to
do things and I wasn't gettingit.
So now I'm able to.
I'm able to share a story andthat gives other women
permission, sometimes and Idon't even realize it's
(06:04):
happening.
That's how powerful our storiesare, that that, as we share
them, they do impact otherpeople and that allows that
other person to maybe dosomething, think something, feel
something, act, behave whatever, in a way they never had
permission before, may not haveeven realized it.
(06:26):
So it's speaking, our stories,yeah, it like helps us heal, but
it helps other people heal aswell.
Deborah (06:36):
Right, and listening to other people's stories right.
So one of the things that youknow.
I was listening, you know towhere was I at Oprah's Live your
Best Life tour Right, and I washearing a lot of other stories
from women and from women whohave been through some very hard
things.
Debbie (06:57):
Yeah.
Deborah (06:57):
And some women have been through some really nice
and easy and smooth things, somereally nice and easy and smooth
things, and one of the thingsthat I got from those stories I
mean the reason why I mentionedthat one is because it was a lot
of storytelling in a very shortperiod of time, right, but then
I started thinking about what'spossible.
But what a fabulous experience.
Debbie (07:18):
I just want to throw that in.
What a fabulous experience tobe in that energy.
Deborah (07:22):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah.
But you know, if we are sayingin our own story, you know we
forget about the possibilitiesoutside of that story.
So, even hearing somebody thatmaybe was in a place that we
were in and they were able topersevere, they were able to
find their resilience, they wereable to rise up, you know, like
(07:46):
Maya Angelou, you know, andstill I rise If you can hear
those stories, then that isinspiring and it allows you to
find that place deep inside ofyou that will help you to rise
in those difficult and thosechallenges Right.
So I love listening to otherpeople's stories because it just
(08:08):
gives me another, a little moreinformation on how I can rise.
Debbie (08:16):
Yeah, it is astonishing sometimes how excited I can feel
that, if they were able to doit, that I can do it too, and
and it just I don't know bringsnew fresh hope and encouragement
into my life.
It's so.
Yeah, I know I feel exactlywhat you're saying.
(08:38):
I think sometimes sharing ourstories also help us to see a
(09:11):
path we want to more, find theway to move in the direction
that we want to go in.
Many people that might belistening to this have lived a
life where we've heard otherpeople tell us how we should act
(09:32):
.
If you will, you know, we growup in a household where we learn
that these behaviors are likeget good reaction from our
parents.
These other behaviors, theydon't get good reactions.
And so we begin to I'm going tocall it agree to ourselves I
better do these things and notthese things.
(09:54):
And then, as we keep growingand you know, we go into an
adulthood we still practice.
Oh, those things, these thingsover here, are beneficial and
these things are not.
But there comes a point thatgoing down a path, going down a
(10:23):
path, hearing someone else'sstory, helps us realize that,
wow, I don't have to do thosethings anymore.
I mean, I can do them if that'sright, but I don't have to.
And that is where we are goingthrough, like you know the
self-love part.
You know the self-love part.
This is like being rooted inwhat's real enough for me,
(10:47):
what's real enough for myhighest good.
I like to say the wordauthentic.
It feels authentic to me andwhat's my life genuine.
And from that and from thestories and from, like, all this
encompassing in my life, that Ifeel like I can do a different
thing.
And I will share this reallyquick.
I've always tried to follow thefamily path, and the family
(11:11):
path is you don't say no tocertain people.
If they suggest something ortell you something, you're
almost required to say yes tothem, or you're bad and wrong
and all that stuff.
But it wasn't too long agowhere it was requested, I do
(11:33):
something and I know that thatwas not my highest good and I
said no and a couple of thingshappened.
So I am telling you one of mystories.
A couple of things happened.
One was this unbelievablefeeling inside of myself how
(11:53):
proud I was of myself forstanding up for myself.
Deborah (11:58):
Like it was a big big deal.
Debbie (12:01):
Something not so good that happened was certain people
took a step back from me and itwas like I wasn't doing it
their way and they didn't likethat.
And I knew that was probablygoing to happen and I felt like
I was had prepared myself forthat and, in a way, I did I
(12:24):
prepared myself for that.
Did it hurt?
Yeah, sure, it always hurtswhen you're not, when you don't
belong as well as you thoughtyou did or whatever.
It's always hurts to feelrejected in some way.
But it was more important forme to stand alone.
Stand alone and do what I knew,what was right for me.
Uh, rather than succumb to arepeated pattern of what that
(12:48):
story was and that story is orwas for me.
You need to do what thosepeople say.
So it was just a huge shift forme and I can't tell you how
much inner freedom that I havebecause I was able to step away
from that repeated pattern.
Deborah (13:08):
You know, and then that becomes a you know.
Another point you know, whenyou look at your stories, your
life story, you look at it withcompassion and with you know a
different lens than what youlooked at it for, what it was.
And when you decide that you'regoing to move forward, you can
(13:39):
move forward with the reality ofwhat those stories were.
Because when you're hearingthose stories and you're how do
I say this?
You're actually making thosestories inform you of your
(14:00):
presence and the story thatyou're looking at you're not
looking at it as a reality orwith clarity or with the
realness.
Then you're letting that informyour decisions and the moves
that you're making right now.
But if you take the time tolook at those stories, to find
(14:24):
the truth in those stories, tofind the love and the compassion
in those stories, then itallows you to see it with a
clearer lens and so then you canmove forward with the truth and
not with the lie.
Debbie (14:40):
Well, I think you just hit it on the head.
I wasn't thinking of it as a lie, but I I'm seeing it now that
it is.
It's like I wasn't living mystory, I was living someone
else's story and and that's alie for me, it's like that.
You know me, quote unquoteliving their story.
Doing what they wanted me to dohelped them feel better about
(15:03):
themselves, but it was alsoabout their control and I was
allowing that that repeatedstory to infiltrate, take over,
dominate my life, until I beganto like review that story, come
into my own self-love andself-care and find my own
(15:24):
presence, and that allowed me tolike not be gaslighted anymore,
uh, not actually not bedismissed anymore because I
wasn't getting anything you know, positive benefit from doing it
.
But there was a lot of negativebenefit, negative benefit,
negative happening, negativeenergy, whatever from
(15:47):
participating there.
So I love what you're sayinglike.
Now I'm seeing it from a wholedifferent perspective and it
shows, you know, that washappening, but from a place of
like a lie, and now I live moreof that truth and that is gold
(16:08):
like, yeah, it's freeing.
Deborah (16:09):
and the other thing that that came to mind for me is
you know you mentioned that youwere living someone else's
story.
Yep, you know, when you livesomeone else's story, you'll
never get it right.
Yeah, you'll never feelcomfortable in that story.
You will never feel supportedor nurtured in that story.
(16:30):
The only time when you can livefully with your self-love and
your self-care is when youidentify what is your story to
live, what is yours to do, andallow that to inform you of what
your next step is.
Even your next little baby stepis.
When I am operating from what istrue for me, then that next
(16:51):
baby step is probably going tobe closer to getting me to what
my deepest goals and desires are.
Debbie (16:58):
Right.
I like to look at it like anemotional GPS, right, so we know
what a GPS does.
Right, we put in the end resultwhen do we want to go?
The emotional GPS is where do Iwant to go?
Well, if I want to go toself-love, freedom, self-care,
whatever, whatever the respect,whatever the thing is, wherever
I want to go, and I might have30 different GPSs, it doesn't
(17:19):
matter.
It is what happened or what'shappening.
Is it moving me closer to whereI want to go?
Is it moving me closer to mydestination?
And I love what you said evenbaby steps, because no path is
straight.
Deborah (17:36):
Right, right no path is straight.
Debbie (17:38):
I love an image where it's like point A, point B,
there's a straight line.
But quote, unquote what itreally looks like and just think
of scribble, scratch everywhereand eventually you get from
point A to point B.
Because if you think about ifyou're on the West Coast and
you're going to the East Coast,the interstate isn't straight,
even though it's considered astraight line if you will.
(17:59):
But you also are going to getdetours.
You got to stop to go to thebathroom, you got to get food,
you might have to spend thenight.
There's always going to bethese other things going on and
all those things help you findother stories, like everything,
like there's so many stories andtelling our stories is so
(18:19):
important.
It's so um, self-honoring rightright, and you know.
Deborah (18:27):
Well, just like it's not like we've got to be
vulnerable to anybody, we don'twant to be vulnerable to right,
share the stories in a way thatfor the audience we're, you know
, speaking to right and one ofthe things that I you know, that
your GPS story that you toldyou know where you put the end
(18:47):
in mind and the other thing iswhere you are in your story
right so you are starting off.
It says, says okay, the one lineis where are you starting from?
And you're starting off fromyour story, and then GPS tells
you how to get there, right.
Debbie (19:04):
Yes.
Deborah (19:04):
If you're starting off with somebody else's story,
which could be 150 miles offfrom where you are, gps is going
to give you a route that maybenot be the direct route or maybe
not even eventually get youwhere you want to go, because
that starting point iscompletely different.
So I mean, I just love thatanalogy because it worked out
(19:28):
both ways you got to know whereyou're going and you got to know
where you're starting from tohave a really, really good and
I'll go back to my hippie daysto have a good trip man.
Debbie (19:39):
Exactly so.
Um, I don't know.
Um, I guess I want to inviteour listeners to think about
something in well.
Think of listeners thinkingabout something in your life.
Think about something in well.
Think of listeners thinkingabout something in your life.
Think about something that'soccurred that you learned from.
(20:04):
What is it that you might sharethat might help other people?
Our stories are not weaknesses,right, right, and if it's
feeling like a weakness, thenyou, you, you want to share it
with someone who will respectthat.
(20:27):
That if you're feeling lessthan, for some reason, maybe
you're feeling shame, guilt, putdown, rejected, anything like
that Be careful and share itwith someone who's going to be
there and receive you for whereyou are, but learn from it.
How can you move forward withit?
(20:49):
Our stories are wisdom.
Our stories are wisdom.
I think, every single timewomen speak their truth from
their heart, we all heal.
And the story you told or heala little bit more, the story you
told about being at was itOprah's yeah, live your Best
Life Tour.
Live your Best Life Tour.
(21:11):
And all these different womentelling stories like, like, I
think I need to go to somethinglike that, like I think that
would be so powerful.
Deborah (21:19):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah so so I want to before we I know
it's time for us to go, butbefore we um leave, I want to
answer the question that you'reasking, or that we're asking our
listeners to consider what'sthe truth from your stories,
(21:41):
your life, that you would sharewith other women.
So I want to answer thatquestion myself.
Debbie (21:47):
Go ahead, yes indeed.
Deborah (21:48):
The big one that I got is you are the captain of your
own ship.
You get to choose, you get tochoose.
You get to choose what yourlife looks like.
You get to choose who your lifeis lived with.
You get to choose, you get tochoose.
So that's what I would share,and I would want to share with
(22:10):
anybody and everybody, becausewe live so much of our lives
sometimes, you know, lettingother people captain our ship
and it's not necessarily what isin our best and highest good.
Debbie (22:24):
Yeah, exactly, because nobody really knows what our
best and highest good is but us.
But they can live side by side.
A lot of times, interestingly,what I would share to help other
women is almost like well, letme say it and then we'll put
them together.
Mine was more like don't letother people choose for you.
(22:47):
Like I had situations where ifI wasn't doing, or somebody said
that's not how you do it, or I,I do it differently, I'd be
like really upset, thinking Idid something wrong.
And I was living my life in away that made them right but me
wrong, Until I guess I becameaware of it through enough life
(23:09):
living and other people'sstories where it was.
Why am I worried so much aboutwhat this random person says?
And I didn't even know theperson, but I was trying to like
, wanted them to approve of meor like me or whatever.
It was crazy.
So in in a way even though I'msaying it completely different I
(23:30):
was letting someone else be thecaptain of my ship, Right, and
I didn't even realize at allthat that's what was happening.
So from my perspective, itwould be like don't let other
people choose for you.
You've got to be true toyourself, but you're saying be
the captain of your own ship.
And that's kind of the samething, isn't it?
(23:53):
Yeah, You're not letting otherpeople choose, you're choosing.
You're the one right side whereyour vehicle is gonna go
exactly, exactly.
Deborah (24:03):
and then you come then now from a place of presence,
power, self-care, self-love, andbecause of that then you're
more able and willing to sharethose things with other people.
Debbie (24:20):
So the encouragement is look deeper into your stories.
They hold lots and lots ofwisdom.
Deborah (24:30):
Absolutely so.
I am so excited that we wereable to share this time with you
and, you know, think about it,be the captain of your own ship
and, as always, we invite you tolove and care for the Shero and
you.
Bye.
Debbie (24:47):
Thank you Bye.
Welcome back to the Shiro Cafe, where we slip, sip
slow, speak truth.
Maybe we slip slow too, I don'tknow.
But we definitely sip it slow,speak our truth and we nourish
what's real.
Today we're going to talk aboutstories, right, and not just
personal ones.
We're going to explore whatit's like to go through that
(00:24):
healing power of storytellingitself.
You know why does storytellingmatter?
What is it that it preserves?
How does it lead others heal aswell?
(00:44):
Something sacred happens whenwomen tell the truth, and not
just your own truth, butsomething that goes deeper,
something that goes to the soullevel.
(01:04):
So, Deborah, do you want totalk about?
You know stories and like whatthey are and why they're sacred?
Deborah (01:13):
You know, one of the things that I, when I look, when
I think about stories, I thinkabout what they mean to us in
our society and in our culture,and you know, and our internal
life and our external life.
But you know, stories are a waythat we can remember who we are
.
I can tell you stories of mymom and dad and I and how we
(01:36):
used to do picnics or go fishingand that, just that just is a
part of me, it's a part of who Iam, and it carries more than a
memory.
It carries meaning about myvalues.
You know my resilience ofthings that I've been through,
that I survived, even survivedsome of the stories of my
(02:01):
survival or some of the thingsthat I didn't think I could
survive and then ended up beingable to use my skills or my
talents or my resilience or justwhatever it is that I carried
with me to get through that.
And you know, before there waseven therapy.
You know, in community, you knowyou've heard of the quilting
(02:24):
circles and the sewing circlesand all of that.
You know a lot of times thatcommunity was more than just
making a quilt.
It was about telling ourstories.
And you know connection,connecting, connecting through
our stories and sharing, youknow, becomes an act of
(02:48):
self-recognition.
You know, I am here in spite ofall of that stuff, or because
of all of that stuff, or becauseof the community that I held or
that I'm in.
I am here and my story allowsme to have that understanding of
(03:08):
my presence.
Debbie (03:10):
Absolutely, and I think a lot of times we think of
stories in almost a negative way, like we had to get through
something, and a lot of timesthat is what happens.
But I love that you brought upit's also the good stories, the
good things that happened, likewith your family and fishing and
picnics and things like that.
Um, for whatever reason, itseems well.
(03:32):
I mean, let me just finish withthat, having that in your life
and I I'm so happy that you hadthat in your life and I hope a
lot of people did I don'tremember pleasant times in my
childhood Like our, our, our,you and I our lives were really
very different.
My dad always seemed to be veryfrustrated.
So was it ever fun?
(03:53):
It was never fun, and but Ithink that, in addition to
stories like what you're talkingabout, they shape our values.
But the negative, if you willstories, the ones that weren't
as pleasant, they also shapeyour values.
You know what you don't want.
You kind of have a good ideawhat you do want, right, right.
(04:13):
I know a lot of women, a lot ofwomen, especially women that
that I coach grew up believingthat we had to disappear.
You know to be loved, the, theyou're to be seen and not heard.
You know all that kind of stuffand storytelling.
Being able to recall thosestories and some of the
(04:33):
situations that occurred, it'slike I think you said it, it's
like I existed, I survived.
There's resilience because Ican look at it, it and how.
I wasn't really that powerfulthen.
I was, you know, a little kid,but because of that, what a much
stronger person I feel thatI've become, just due to my life
(04:55):
circumstances and how.
When I'm able to witness myself, even if there's no one else
for me to share the story with,that it's really very powerful
because I can decide how am Ilearning from this right?
Another thing is when I share itwith other people.
(05:19):
I've heard a number of timespeople say wow, I'm so glad that
you shared that because youknow, I was feeling something
inside.
I just didn't know I could sayit.
I didn't think it was likeeither safe or okay, because how
often I don't know about yourlife in this part but I don't
know.
But I was always told that as afemale, you know, basically I
(05:43):
had a.
My dad did very, verytraditional female, male, female
roles and there wasn't.
It seemed like I was alwayshaving to ask for permission to
do things and I wasn't gettingit.
So now I'm able to.
I'm able to share a story andthat gives other women
permission, sometimes and Idon't even realize it's
(06:04):
happening.
That's how powerful our storiesare, that that, as we share
them, they do impact otherpeople and that allows that
other person to maybe dosomething, think something, feel
something, act, behave whatever, in a way they never had
permission before, may not haveeven realized it.
(06:26):
So it's speaking, our stories,yeah, it like helps us heal, but
it helps other people heal aswell.
Deborah (06:36):
Right, and listening to other people's stories right.
So one of the things that youknow.
I was listening, you know towhere was I at Oprah's Live your
Best Life tour Right, and I washearing a lot of other stories
from women and from women whohave been through some very hard
things.
Debbie (06:57):
Yeah.
Deborah (06:57):
And some women have been through some really nice
and easy and smooth things, somereally nice and easy and smooth
things, and one of the thingsthat I got from those stories I
mean the reason why I mentionedthat one is because it was a lot
of storytelling in a very shortperiod of time, right, but then
I started thinking about what'spossible.
But what a fabulous experience.
Debbie (07:18):
I just want to throw that in.
What a fabulous experience tobe in that energy.
Deborah (07:22):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah.
But you know, if we are sayingin our own story, you know we
forget about the possibilitiesoutside of that story.
So, even hearing somebody thatmaybe was in a place that we
were in and they were able topersevere, they were able to
find their resilience, they wereable to rise up, you know, like
(07:46):
Maya Angelou, you know, andstill I rise If you can hear
those stories, then that isinspiring and it allows you to
find that place deep inside ofyou that will help you to rise
in those difficult and thosechallenges Right.
So I love listening to otherpeople's stories because it just
(08:08):
gives me another, a little moreinformation on how I can rise.
Debbie (08:16):
Yeah, it is astonishing sometimes how excited I can feel
that, if they were able to doit, that I can do it too, and
and it just I don't know bringsnew fresh hope and encouragement
into my life.
It's so.
Yeah, I know I feel exactlywhat you're saying.
(08:38):
I think sometimes sharing ourstories also help us to see a
(09:11):
path we want to more, find theway to move in the direction
that we want to go in.
Many people that might belistening to this have lived a
life where we've heard otherpeople tell us how we should act
(09:32):
.
If you will, you know, we growup in a household where we learn
that these behaviors are likeget good reaction from our
parents.
These other behaviors, theydon't get good reactions.
And so we begin to I'm going tocall it agree to ourselves I
better do these things and notthese things.
(09:54):
And then, as we keep growingand you know, we go into an
adulthood we still practice.
Oh, those things, these thingsover here, are beneficial and
these things are not.
But there comes a point thatgoing down a path, going down a
(10:23):
path, hearing someone else'sstory, helps us realize that,
wow, I don't have to do thosethings anymore.
I mean, I can do them if that'sright, but I don't have to.
And that is where we are goingthrough, like you know the
self-love part.
You know the self-love part.
This is like being rooted inwhat's real enough for me,
(10:47):
what's real enough for myhighest good.
I like to say the wordauthentic.
It feels authentic to me andwhat's my life genuine.
And from that and from thestories and from, like, all this
encompassing in my life, that Ifeel like I can do a different
thing.
And I will share this reallyquick.
I've always tried to follow thefamily path, and the family
(11:11):
path is you don't say no tocertain people.
If they suggest something ortell you something, you're
almost required to say yes tothem, or you're bad and wrong
and all that stuff.
But it wasn't too long agowhere it was requested, I do
(11:33):
something and I know that thatwas not my highest good and I
said no and a couple of thingshappened.
So I am telling you one of mystories.
A couple of things happened.
One was this unbelievablefeeling inside of myself how
(11:53):
proud I was of myself forstanding up for myself.
Deborah (11:58):
Like it was a big big deal.
Debbie (12:01):
Something not so good that happened was certain people
took a step back from me and itwas like I wasn't doing it
their way and they didn't likethat.
And I knew that was probablygoing to happen and I felt like
I was had prepared myself forthat and, in a way, I did I
(12:24):
prepared myself for that.
Did it hurt?
Yeah, sure, it always hurtswhen you're not, when you don't
belong as well as you thoughtyou did or whatever.
It's always hurts to feelrejected in some way.
But it was more important forme to stand alone.
Stand alone and do what I knew,what was right for me.
Uh, rather than succumb to arepeated pattern of what that
(12:48):
story was and that story is orwas for me.
You need to do what thosepeople say.
So it was just a huge shift forme and I can't tell you how
much inner freedom that I havebecause I was able to step away
from that repeated pattern.
Deborah (13:08):
You know, and then that becomes a you know.
Another point you know, whenyou look at your stories, your
life story, you look at it withcompassion and with you know a
different lens than what youlooked at it for, what it was.
And when you decide that you'regoing to move forward, you can
(13:39):
move forward with the reality ofwhat those stories were.
Because when you're hearingthose stories and you're how do
I say this?
You're actually making thosestories inform you of your
(14:00):
presence and the story thatyou're looking at you're not
looking at it as a reality orwith clarity or with the
realness.
Then you're letting that informyour decisions and the moves
that you're making right now.
But if you take the time tolook at those stories, to find
(14:24):
the truth in those stories, tofind the love and the compassion
in those stories, then itallows you to see it with a
clearer lens and so then you canmove forward with the truth and
not with the lie.
Debbie (14:40):
Well, I think you just hit it on the head.
I wasn't thinking of it as a lie, but I I'm seeing it now that
it is.
It's like I wasn't living mystory, I was living someone
else's story and and that's alie for me, it's like that.
You know me, quote unquoteliving their story.
Doing what they wanted me to dohelped them feel better about
(15:03):
themselves, but it was alsoabout their control and I was
allowing that that repeatedstory to infiltrate, take over,
dominate my life, until I beganto like review that story, come
into my own self-love andself-care and find my own
(15:24):
presence, and that allowed me tolike not be gaslighted anymore,
uh, not actually not bedismissed anymore because I
wasn't getting anything you know, positive benefit from doing it
.
But there was a lot of negativebenefit, negative benefit,
negative happening, negativeenergy, whatever from
(15:47):
participating there.
So I love what you're sayinglike.
Now I'm seeing it from a wholedifferent perspective and it
shows, you know, that washappening, but from a place of
like a lie, and now I live moreof that truth and that is gold
(16:08):
like, yeah, it's freeing.
Deborah (16:09):
and the other thing that that came to mind for me is
you know you mentioned that youwere living someone else's
story.
Yep, you know, when you livesomeone else's story, you'll
never get it right.
Yeah, you'll never feelcomfortable in that story.
You will never feel supportedor nurtured in that story.
(16:30):
The only time when you can livefully with your self-love and
your self-care is when youidentify what is your story to
live, what is yours to do, andallow that to inform you of what
your next step is.
Even your next little baby stepis.
When I am operating from what istrue for me, then that next
(16:51):
baby step is probably going tobe closer to getting me to what
my deepest goals and desires are.
Debbie (16:58):
Right.
I like to look at it like anemotional GPS, right, so we know
what a GPS does.
Right, we put in the end resultwhen do we want to go?
The emotional GPS is where do Iwant to go?
Well, if I want to go toself-love, freedom, self-care,
whatever, whatever the respect,whatever the thing is, wherever
I want to go, and I might have30 different GPSs, it doesn't
(17:19):
matter.
It is what happened or what'shappening.
Is it moving me closer to whereI want to go?
Is it moving me closer to mydestination?
And I love what you said evenbaby steps, because no path is
straight.
Deborah (17:36):
Right, right no path is straight.
Debbie (17:38):
I love an image where it's like point A, point B,
there's a straight line.
But quote, unquote what itreally looks like and just think
of scribble, scratch everywhereand eventually you get from
point A to point B.
Because if you think about ifyou're on the West Coast and
you're going to the East Coast,the interstate isn't straight,
even though it's considered astraight line if you will.
(17:59):
But you also are going to getdetours.
You got to stop to go to thebathroom, you got to get food,
you might have to spend thenight.
There's always going to bethese other things going on and
all those things help you findother stories, like everything,
like there's so many stories andtelling our stories is so
(18:19):
important.
It's so um, self-honoring rightright, and you know.
Deborah (18:27):
Well, just like it's not like we've got to be
vulnerable to anybody, we don'twant to be vulnerable to right,
share the stories in a way thatfor the audience we're, you know
, speaking to right and one ofthe things that I you know, that
your GPS story that you toldyou know where you put the end
(18:47):
in mind and the other thing iswhere you are in your story
right so you are starting off.
It says, says okay, the one lineis where are you starting from?
And you're starting off fromyour story, and then GPS tells
you how to get there, right.
Debbie (19:04):
Yes.
Deborah (19:04):
If you're starting off with somebody else's story,
which could be 150 miles offfrom where you are, gps is going
to give you a route that maybenot be the direct route or maybe
not even eventually get youwhere you want to go, because
that starting point iscompletely different.
So I mean, I just love thatanalogy because it worked out
(19:28):
both ways you got to know whereyou're going and you got to know
where you're starting from tohave a really, really good and
I'll go back to my hippie daysto have a good trip man.
Debbie (19:39):
Exactly so.
Um, I don't know.
Um, I guess I want to inviteour listeners to think about
something in well.
Think of listeners thinkingabout something in your life.
Think about something in well.
Think of listeners thinkingabout something in your life.
Think about something that'soccurred that you learned from.
(20:04):
What is it that you might sharethat might help other people?
Our stories are not weaknesses,right, right, and if it's
feeling like a weakness, thenyou, you, you want to share it
with someone who will respectthat.
(20:27):
That if you're feeling lessthan, for some reason, maybe
you're feeling shame, guilt, putdown, rejected, anything like
that Be careful and share itwith someone who's going to be
there and receive you for whereyou are, but learn from it.
How can you move forward withit?
(20:49):
Our stories are wisdom.
Our stories are wisdom.
I think, every single timewomen speak their truth from
their heart, we all heal.
And the story you told or heala little bit more, the story you
told about being at was itOprah's yeah, live your Best
Life Tour.
Live your Best Life Tour.
(21:11):
And all these different womentelling stories like, like, I
think I need to go to somethinglike that, like I think that
would be so powerful.
Deborah (21:19):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah so so I want to before we I know
it's time for us to go, butbefore we um leave, I want to
answer the question that you'reasking, or that we're asking our
listeners to consider what'sthe truth from your stories,
(21:41):
your life, that you would sharewith other women.
So I want to answer thatquestion myself.
Debbie (21:47):
Go ahead, yes indeed.
Deborah (21:48):
The big one that I got is you are the captain of your
own ship.
You get to choose, you get tochoose.
You get to choose what yourlife looks like.
You get to choose who your lifeis lived with.
You get to choose, you get tochoose.
So that's what I would share,and I would want to share with
(22:10):
anybody and everybody, becausewe live so much of our lives
sometimes, you know, lettingother people captain our ship
and it's not necessarily what isin our best and highest good.
Debbie (22:24):
Yeah, exactly, because nobody really knows what our
best and highest good is but us.
But they can live side by side.
A lot of times, interestingly,what I would share to help other
women is almost like well, letme say it and then we'll put
them together.
Mine was more like don't letother people choose for you.
(22:47):
Like I had situations where ifI wasn't doing, or somebody said
that's not how you do it, or I,I do it differently, I'd be
like really upset, thinking Idid something wrong.
And I was living my life in away that made them right but me
wrong, Until I guess I becameaware of it through enough life
(23:09):
living and other people'sstories where it was.
Why am I worried so much aboutwhat this random person says?
And I didn't even know theperson, but I was trying to like
, wanted them to approve of meor like me or whatever.
It was crazy.
So in in a way even though I'msaying it completely different I
(23:30):
was letting someone else be thecaptain of my ship, Right, and
I didn't even realize at allthat that's what was happening.
So from my perspective, itwould be like don't let other
people choose for you.
You've got to be true toyourself, but you're saying be
the captain of your own ship.
And that's kind of the samething, isn't it?
(23:53):
Yeah, You're not letting otherpeople choose, you're choosing.
You're the one right side whereyour vehicle is gonna go
exactly, exactly.
Deborah (24:03):
and then you come then now from a place of presence,
power, self-care, self-love, andbecause of that then you're
more able and willing to sharethose things with other people.
Debbie (24:20):
So the encouragement is look deeper into your stories.
They hold lots and lots ofwisdom.
Deborah (24:30):
Absolutely so.
I am so excited that we wereable to share this time with you
and, you know, think about it,be the captain of your own ship
and, as always, we invite you tolove and care for the Shero and
you.
Bye.
Debbie (24:47):
Thank you Bye.
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