August 3, 2025 • 18 mins
Talk to us, Shero! Talk to us!
That quiet ache of feeling invisible—we’ve all felt it. You’ve done everything for everyone, but somewhere along the way, you started disappearing from your own life. You’re present, but not really seen.
In this episode, we talk about what happens when the roles that once defined us shift—parenting, careers, caretaking—and suddenly, you’re left wondering where you fit. Many women search for belonging, only to find themselves in spaces that technically fit, but feel... off.
Through personal stories and powerful metaphors (including a nod to Shel Silverstein), we explore the truth: the missing piece isn’t out there. It’s you. Your self-permission. Your real, unfiltered presence.
Like swapping out uncomfortable heels for spring-y, sparkly sneakers before a big presentation (and delighting in it)—it’s those little acts of self-honoring that build true belonging.
You get to decide where and how you belong. The question is: when will you stop ghosting yourself?
If you're interested in the 3 Reflective Questions mentioned in this episode, click the link to get them now:
https://mailchi.mp/fad75bbbeab2/sherocafeepisode038
Thank you so much for the likes, love, and comments you leave. Not only does it mean the world to us, it helps other women who need to hear it be able to find it.
#womenempoweringwomen
#youmatter
#makeadifference
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Deborah (00:03):
Welcome to the Shero Cafe.
Take a deep breath, pouryourself something warm and
settle in.
Today we're talking about thatquiet ache, what it feels to be
left out, even in your own life.
Maybe you've shown up foreveryone else, kept the
schedules, met the deadlines,made sure the people in your
(00:28):
life that you love are okay, butsomewhere along the way you
started disappearing.
You're in the room, but you'renot at the table.
If this hits home, you're notalone.
If this hits home, you're notalone.
(00:49):
And let me remind you, if youhaven't already subscribed and
liked this podcast, please do so.
It is so important to us and ithelps us get our message out
there.
So let's go.
Debbie (00:58):
All right.
Yeah, it is very interestinghow many women I hear talk about
that feeling of invisibilityand it's like we do everything
for everyone else and then allof a sudden there's that feeling
of like what about me?
You know we feel loss and youknow, once the kids start
(01:21):
getting out of the house and thecareer settled enough where
we're not, you know pushing forthat next thing of the house and
the career settled enough wherewe're not, you know pushing for
that next thing, it's like Idon't know.
It feels like I'm, you know,like we're missing something,
like we're not really thatfulfilled anymore.
Or maybe I should say, whatused to fulfill us isn't there,
like the kids right, or the jobpursuit, whatever the kids right
(01:48):
, or the job pursuit, whateverit.
All of that has come and gone,so it makes it like very
challenging and almost painful.
So I know a lot of people kindof go out, start looking for
groups to hang out with.
You know who can I be with andwhat can I do?
I I remember having that exactsame situation where I was
looking for, I don't know, mypeople, my tribe, my group,
(02:10):
whatever, and I just felt like Ididn't fit in anywhere.
I mean, yeah, you went todifferent meetup groups.
I you know this was a whileback, so facebook wasn't quite
as popular then um, and but it'slike how, like how do you find
people?
And then you find people andyou're like, yeah, no, it's like
that, it just doesn't feelcomfortable.
(02:33):
And so like we're feeling lonely, we're feeling like we're a bit
unwelcome in different places,or you know that it's not the
right group for us.
And I remember thinking ormaybe I heard it and I'm just
remembering it but somebody waslike it's like being the puzzle
(02:55):
piece in the wrong puzzle andtrying to fit into that piece
right, that puzzle piece right,and not really feeling like you
belong there.
Or it could be like your puzzlepiece will fit in there but it
doesn't belong to that image andit's just not good for you.
(03:16):
Could be like light and brightand flowers and you've got like
a foresty scene or something, ormaybe I don't know um house, it
just doesn't work.
It's like the piece fits inthere, like they let you come in
and they're not holding youback, people are nice, but it
just isn't working Right.
So what was said to me was youknow, maybe there's a better
(03:42):
puzzle for you, maybe your piecewill fit in a different puzzle.
And it was like I remember atthe time for me it was very
challenging, like I wasn'tenjoying where I was, I wasn't
enjoying the people and theirideas and their philosophies.
And so, you know, I wasthinking like you know, what do
we do today, how do we performand be in, in a way.
(04:08):
So it was like trying not toghost ourselves, trying not to
make ourselves wrong, maybe evenbuilding your own community.
Uh, dvor, we were talking aboutthis a little bit ago how, wow,
we are actually building ourown community and realize we
(04:28):
didn't even realize we weredoing it that this episode fits
so well.
But just real quick, and I'mgoing to hand it over to you, I
was wondering like what, what doyou?
How do you?
What do you build yourcommunity on?
And it was like authenticity,what do you really care about?
And somebody sent me a Tik TOKvideo on this woman who actually
(04:51):
hers is entitled the we Don'tCare Club, so it's not what they
care about, it's what theydon't care about.
What's interesting about it washer and her friends got
together and were kind of liketalking about things that they
just don't care about anymore.
This is like menopause andperimenopause and stuff like
(05:13):
that, and it was just sort offor them.
But she started making thevideos and more and more people
started watching these videosand it got bigger and bigger and
bigger and she kind of freakedout a little bit and it got
bigger and bigger and bigger andshe kind of freaked out a
little bit.
It was like it got too big toofast and she said I ran away.
(05:35):
Like she didn't know what to dowith all that attention.
All of a sudden she said peopleknow my name and it was just
very odd to her.
But what was beautiful about itwas she was able to regroup and
see that's the puzzle piecethat she'd been looking for.
She really does fit there andit's it's hysterical.
(05:58):
I mean.
It is such.
It's so adorable and sopoignant and so real life that I
laugh every time I watch it.
She's just that good, but shebuilt her own community, or her
with her friends, whatever, butthey built their community and
it's just fabulous.
Deborah (06:16):
So you know, and when I , when you were talking about
that um puzzle piece, it broughtto mind.
I don't know if you read thebook the Missing uh Piece by
Shale Shale Shale Silverstein,and it's a story.
It's like a story of thislittle boy who's trying to find
(06:38):
his missing piece, right, andwhat it ends up talking about,
or what he ends up finding atthe end of this story, is that
there is no puzzle that he needsto look into.
That's going to be the perfectpiece to fit into him, right?
What?
And this is a hundred years agothat I read this.
(07:01):
I think I was still in highschool, so, but what it's
talking about that through thisjourney, he realized he doesn't
need to find a missing piece.
He doesn't need to find apuzzle to fit in.
He doesn't need to findsomebody else or another
community to fit into him.
What he realized is that thejourney was within, so he didn't
(07:26):
have to look outside of himself.
He came to the awareness thathe looked inside of himself,
created his own puzzle, createdhis own environment, and that
allowed him to be whole, nomatter where he was.
Debbie (07:45):
Oh, that's beautiful, I know.
Deborah (07:48):
Cause, even if the piece you know, like you were
talking about these differentpuzzles even if he didn't fit in
that puzzle, he still showed upin his wholeness and his
authenticity.
It's been a hundred years sinceI read this book, but I
(08:12):
remember to me it was soprofound because I mean, at the
time, I know, I was like 16 andI was thinking I'm going to find
the love of my life, themissing piece of my life and all
of this, you know, and and and.
Now, when I look at it, I havean expanded view of that.
You know, the missing piece isis, is not outside of me.
What I'm looking for is thatwholeness and that authenticity
(08:35):
inside of me.
So I don't need to be invitedto the table.
I deserve to be at any tablewherever I am whole, honest,
authentic and leading with love.
Debbie (08:49):
You know exactly, I like totally agree, and it's a
matter of getting there.
That you know, like knowingthat that's what, how you want
to live your life, and thentaking all those little steps
that help us to get there.
And it reminds me of I don'tremember who this was, but I
remember the story.
There was a man that went to awedding and he had on like
(09:11):
shorts and a Hawaiian shirt orsomething crazy, that everybody
else was in black tie.
You know, they were like alldressed up and there he is like,
and somebody said like what,what are you doing?
He's like what do you mean?
And they're like you know, thisis a black tie wedding.
He's like okay, and they werelike don't you feel out of place
(09:32):
?
He's like no, I feelcomfortable in what I'm in, and
it was.
I just remember thinking wow, tobe so comfortable in your own
skin that you could go to ablack tie affair in a flowery
Hawaiian shirt and a pair ofshorts and feel fine, like not
worry about being judged, notworry about what other people
are saying behind your back, notworrying about, you know, if
(09:55):
somebody likes what you wear ornot, but to know that you are
whole however you are, and itjust I just thought it was this
like really good example of howI would like to live my life.
I'm getting closer but Ihaven't been there yet, you know
.
Deborah (10:15):
Yeah, but then you know you have it within you, you
know that you have, you know, Ithink that sometimes we forget,
we forget to validate ourselves,we forget to recognize the
power within ourselves, weforget that we have to see
(10:36):
ourselves before anyone else cansee us.
And so waiting for thatrecognition, that inclusion,
that permission, is exhausting,it is.
And if you can just letyourself be, and it takes some
work, it takes someunderstanding, it takes some um,
I would say, someself-exploration, some
(11:00):
self-discovery, self-love,self-care, absolutely able to
put yourself in the position toallow that to emerge.
Debbie (11:10):
Definitely I was.
While you were saying that, Iwas thinking what if the missing
piece is us giving ourselvespermission?
You know, I'm saying themissing piece like a puzzle
piece.
You talked about missing piece,but that missing piece of
giving ourselves permission tobe authentic, to not have to
contort ourselves or apologizeor perform in a particular way
(11:34):
so that other people accept us.
And I don't know.
Like you know, we're nevergoing to be able to have
everybody understand us.
It just the world just doesn'twork that way, but it seems like
we try right.
Deborah (11:48):
Right, right.
Debbie (11:49):
Maybe if you understand me then you'll like me and
whatever else is going on on theinside.
So we do have to considerourselves.
You know we all matter, but wedon't all matter to all people
all the time.
Right, that's the thing.
But but ourselves, that's,that's like the big thing.
Deborah (12:09):
So this is saying that you know like we don't matter to
all of the people all of thetime, and be okay with that.
What is reminding me of isjunior high school and high
school Okay.
And you know how you had allthese different cliques.
I was in the swing choir.
I was in the choir, I was inthe music department and all of
(12:32):
the popular people were overhere and you're like I don't
want to be a popular person, Idon't want to be in this popular
group, I want to be in my swingchoir group.
We do things that that I enjoy.
We go to ice cream after aconcert, we do all.
And just to have that awareness, you know how easy it is just
(12:53):
to be who you are instead oftrying to fit this puzzle piece,
fit in this puzzle, fit in thisgroup, fit in this thing.
Just have an awareness of whoyou really are and what makes
you feel good and where you needto be sitting.
Debbie (13:08):
I love that you had that awareness in high school.
I had no awareness in highschool.
I was so numb emotionally likeI couldn't figure anything out.
I was outside with the you knowthe druggies and the people
drinking alcohol at 10 o'clockin the morning.
(13:28):
That's where I was, because Ididn't fit in anywhere else or I
didn't think.
I did, or I didn't know how to,and so I did this other thing
and, um, you know, I grewfeeling that numbness and what I
finally came to do was be onthis search, right.
So I was looking for something,looking for a missing piece.
(13:50):
I guess you could say, um, Iwas trying to fit my piece of
the puzzle everywhere and itwasn't working.
But in time, as I did, learnhow to love and accept myself,
how to care for myself, how totake care of those things, like
it's amazing how much freer Ifeel, how much more wide open
(14:10):
the world is to me now.
Because, I'm not like the guythat wore the Hawaiian shirt and
the shorts to the black tie.
I am way closer to that,because it wasn't so long ago
where I did like this talk and Iwas on stage and I was
miserable putting myselftogether my clothes.
(14:30):
I remember that you do, yeah,yeah, I was miserable and I
couldn't hardly concentrate onthe speech.
And I remember that you do,yeah, yeah, I was miserable and
I couldn't hardly concentrate onthe speech and I kept messing
it up and replaying some ofthose old, you know thoughts.
You know you're not worthy, youdon't matter or whatever, but
having to get beyond that.
And somebody was at my house andshe says, debbie, those, are
you comfortable in those shoes?
(14:51):
And I'm like, no, not really,but you know I'm going to be on
stage and women wear heels.
And she's like, yeah, no, whydon't you try something else?
And, um, I just happened tohave a pair of tennis shoes that
I was I put on because I had torun around with those clothes
on.
But I had to run around and, um, I ended up having a pair of.
(15:15):
I loved, felt very comfortablein the tennis shoes with all the
rest of it the slacks, thejacket, my artsy jewelry you
know, it was like I had allthose things but the shoes.
It was crazy how much that madea difference.
And then I ended up wearingsparkly gold tennis shoes.
(15:35):
I love those tennis shoes, and Idid too.
And I tell you I'm not a flashyperson, I am not somebody who's
like, look at me, look at me.
It's just never been my thingat all.
But when people say I love yourtennis shoes, like wow, look at
those shoes, it's like I amsurprised, first of of all, that
(15:55):
they say anything aboutanything I'm wearing.
But you know that they say itand it's like I'm like, oh, yay,
yeah, and it's weird.
There's like this little bit ofbelonging for just that moment,
right, like my piece of thepuzzle fit in right there in
that moment and I thought aboutgetting all, all colors of
sparkly tennis shoes at onepoint.
(16:15):
But that was a little overkill.
But it was like, yeah, it wasan interesting thing to go
through, but it was once Ibecame myself, once I was super
authentic and I didn't mindwearing the clothes I was
wearing because they felt socomfortable.
I'm wearing the clothes I waswearing because they felt so
comfortable.
That was the thing.
The shoes did not feelcomfortable.
(16:35):
I thought I had to.
I wanted to fit in, I wantedpeople to accept me and then,
however it turned out, I wasauthentic to myself and I put
those tennis shoes on and it waslike when I got to that place
to do the speech, I just feltlike I had it.
(16:57):
I wasn't concentrating on thepain in my feet, I wasn't
concentrating on slipping on thefloor nothing like that it was
amazing, very amazing.
Deborah (17:03):
So I love that.
I love that story, and, and,and and.
What a way to end our today'sepisode.
Debbie (17:09):
We are.
Deborah (17:11):
I just love that.
You know how we have moved fromknowing that the puzzle is
outside of us and then just thejourney within, and I love that
story.
It's so true because however wepresent ourselves or how we
show up for ourselves with ourself-love and self-care really
informs what our experience is.
Debbie (17:34):
So yeah, yes, absolutely .
So I guess I would like toleave the audience with the
statement that you have thepower to define where you belong
and how you belong and who getsaccess to you Like you don't
have to let everybody in rightand how you treat yourself in
(17:55):
the process.
And so, as a little bonus, um,we would like to offer you some
reflective questions and, inorder to get those, just go into
the description.
Deborah (18:04):
we'll have a link there for you and, as always, we
invite you to love and care forthe Shero in you.
Woo-hoo, bye, see you guys.
Welcome to the Shero Cafe.
Take a deep breath, pouryourself something warm and
settle in.
Today we're talking about thatquiet ache, what it feels to be
left out, even in your own life.
Maybe you've shown up foreveryone else, kept the
schedules, met the deadlines,made sure the people in your
(00:28):
life that you love are okay, butsomewhere along the way you
started disappearing.
You're in the room, but you'renot at the table.
If this hits home, you're notalone.
If this hits home, you're notalone.
(00:49):
And let me remind you, if youhaven't already subscribed and
liked this podcast, please do so.
It is so important to us and ithelps us get our message out
there.
So let's go.
Debbie (00:58):
All right.
Yeah, it is very interestinghow many women I hear talk about
that feeling of invisibilityand it's like we do everything
for everyone else and then allof a sudden there's that feeling
of like what about me?
You know we feel loss and youknow, once the kids start
(01:21):
getting out of the house and thecareer settled enough where
we're not, you know pushing forthat next thing of the house and
the career settled enough wherewe're not, you know pushing for
that next thing, it's like Idon't know.
It feels like I'm, you know,like we're missing something,
like we're not really thatfulfilled anymore.
Or maybe I should say, whatused to fulfill us isn't there,
like the kids right, or the jobpursuit, whatever the kids right
(01:48):
, or the job pursuit, whateverit.
All of that has come and gone,so it makes it like very
challenging and almost painful.
So I know a lot of people kindof go out, start looking for
groups to hang out with.
You know who can I be with andwhat can I do?
I I remember having that exactsame situation where I was
looking for, I don't know, mypeople, my tribe, my group,
(02:10):
whatever, and I just felt like Ididn't fit in anywhere.
I mean, yeah, you went todifferent meetup groups.
I you know this was a whileback, so facebook wasn't quite
as popular then um, and but it'slike how, like how do you find
people?
And then you find people andyou're like, yeah, no, it's like
that, it just doesn't feelcomfortable.
(02:33):
And so like we're feeling lonely, we're feeling like we're a bit
unwelcome in different places,or you know that it's not the
right group for us.
And I remember thinking ormaybe I heard it and I'm just
remembering it but somebody waslike it's like being the puzzle
(02:55):
piece in the wrong puzzle andtrying to fit into that piece
right, that puzzle piece right,and not really feeling like you
belong there.
Or it could be like your puzzlepiece will fit in there but it
doesn't belong to that image andit's just not good for you.
(03:16):
Could be like light and brightand flowers and you've got like
a foresty scene or something, ormaybe I don't know um house, it
just doesn't work.
It's like the piece fits inthere, like they let you come in
and they're not holding youback, people are nice, but it
just isn't working Right.
So what was said to me was youknow, maybe there's a better
(03:42):
puzzle for you, maybe your piecewill fit in a different puzzle.
And it was like I remember atthe time for me it was very
challenging, like I wasn'tenjoying where I was, I wasn't
enjoying the people and theirideas and their philosophies.
And so, you know, I wasthinking like you know, what do
we do today, how do we performand be in, in a way.
(04:08):
So it was like trying not toghost ourselves, trying not to
make ourselves wrong, maybe evenbuilding your own community.
Uh, dvor, we were talking aboutthis a little bit ago how, wow,
we are actually building ourown community and realize we
(04:28):
didn't even realize we weredoing it that this episode fits
so well.
But just real quick, and I'mgoing to hand it over to you, I
was wondering like what, what doyou?
How do you?
What do you build yourcommunity on?
And it was like authenticity,what do you really care about?
And somebody sent me a Tik TOKvideo on this woman who actually
(04:51):
hers is entitled the we Don'tCare Club, so it's not what they
care about, it's what theydon't care about.
What's interesting about it washer and her friends got
together and were kind of liketalking about things that they
just don't care about anymore.
This is like menopause andperimenopause and stuff like
(05:13):
that, and it was just sort offor them.
But she started making thevideos and more and more people
started watching these videosand it got bigger and bigger and
bigger and she kind of freakedout a little bit and it got
bigger and bigger and bigger andshe kind of freaked out a
little bit.
It was like it got too big toofast and she said I ran away.
(05:35):
Like she didn't know what to dowith all that attention.
All of a sudden she said peopleknow my name and it was just
very odd to her.
But what was beautiful about itwas she was able to regroup and
see that's the puzzle piecethat she'd been looking for.
She really does fit there andit's it's hysterical.
(05:58):
I mean.
It is such.
It's so adorable and sopoignant and so real life that I
laugh every time I watch it.
She's just that good, but shebuilt her own community, or her
with her friends, whatever, butthey built their community and
it's just fabulous.
Deborah (06:16):
So you know, and when I , when you were talking about
that um puzzle piece, it broughtto mind.
I don't know if you read thebook the Missing uh Piece by
Shale Shale Shale Silverstein,and it's a story.
It's like a story of thislittle boy who's trying to find
(06:38):
his missing piece, right, andwhat it ends up talking about,
or what he ends up finding atthe end of this story, is that
there is no puzzle that he needsto look into.
That's going to be the perfectpiece to fit into him, right?
What?
And this is a hundred years agothat I read this.
(07:01):
I think I was still in highschool, so, but what it's
talking about that through thisjourney, he realized he doesn't
need to find a missing piece.
He doesn't need to find apuzzle to fit in.
He doesn't need to findsomebody else or another
community to fit into him.
What he realized is that thejourney was within, so he didn't
(07:26):
have to look outside of himself.
He came to the awareness thathe looked inside of himself,
created his own puzzle, createdhis own environment, and that
allowed him to be whole, nomatter where he was.
Debbie (07:45):
Oh, that's beautiful, I know.
Deborah (07:48):
Cause, even if the piece you know, like you were
talking about these differentpuzzles even if he didn't fit in
that puzzle, he still showed upin his wholeness and his
authenticity.
It's been a hundred years sinceI read this book, but I
(08:12):
remember to me it was soprofound because I mean, at the
time, I know, I was like 16 andI was thinking I'm going to find
the love of my life, themissing piece of my life and all
of this, you know, and and and.
Now, when I look at it, I havean expanded view of that.
You know, the missing piece isis, is not outside of me.
What I'm looking for is thatwholeness and that authenticity
(08:35):
inside of me.
So I don't need to be invitedto the table.
I deserve to be at any tablewherever I am whole, honest,
authentic and leading with love.
Debbie (08:49):
You know exactly, I like totally agree, and it's a
matter of getting there.
That you know, like knowingthat that's what, how you want
to live your life, and thentaking all those little steps
that help us to get there.
And it reminds me of I don'tremember who this was, but I
remember the story.
There was a man that went to awedding and he had on like
(09:11):
shorts and a Hawaiian shirt orsomething crazy, that everybody
else was in black tie.
You know, they were like alldressed up and there he is like,
and somebody said like what,what are you doing?
He's like what do you mean?
And they're like you know, thisis a black tie wedding.
He's like okay, and they werelike don't you feel out of place
(09:32):
?
He's like no, I feelcomfortable in what I'm in, and
it was.
I just remember thinking wow, tobe so comfortable in your own
skin that you could go to ablack tie affair in a flowery
Hawaiian shirt and a pair ofshorts and feel fine, like not
worry about being judged, notworry about what other people
are saying behind your back, notworrying about, you know, if
(09:55):
somebody likes what you wear ornot, but to know that you are
whole however you are, and itjust I just thought it was this
like really good example of howI would like to live my life.
I'm getting closer but Ihaven't been there yet, you know
.
Deborah (10:15):
Yeah, but then you know you have it within you, you
know that you have, you know, Ithink that sometimes we forget,
we forget to validate ourselves,we forget to recognize the
power within ourselves, weforget that we have to see
(10:36):
ourselves before anyone else cansee us.
And so waiting for thatrecognition, that inclusion,
that permission, is exhausting,it is.
And if you can just letyourself be, and it takes some
work, it takes someunderstanding, it takes some um,
I would say, someself-exploration, some
(11:00):
self-discovery, self-love,self-care, absolutely able to
put yourself in the position toallow that to emerge.
Debbie (11:10):
Definitely I was.
While you were saying that, Iwas thinking what if the missing
piece is us giving ourselvespermission?
You know, I'm saying themissing piece like a puzzle
piece.
You talked about missing piece,but that missing piece of
giving ourselves permission tobe authentic, to not have to
contort ourselves or apologizeor perform in a particular way
(11:34):
so that other people accept us.
And I don't know.
Like you know, we're nevergoing to be able to have
everybody understand us.
It just the world just doesn'twork that way, but it seems like
we try right.
Deborah (11:48):
Right, right.
Debbie (11:49):
Maybe if you understand me then you'll like me and
whatever else is going on on theinside.
So we do have to considerourselves.
You know we all matter, but wedon't all matter to all people
all the time.
Right, that's the thing.
But but ourselves, that's,that's like the big thing.
Deborah (12:09):
So this is saying that you know like we don't matter to
all of the people all of thetime, and be okay with that.
What is reminding me of isjunior high school and high
school Okay.
And you know how you had allthese different cliques.
I was in the swing choir.
I was in the choir, I was inthe music department and all of
(12:32):
the popular people were overhere and you're like I don't
want to be a popular person, Idon't want to be in this popular
group, I want to be in my swingchoir group.
We do things that that I enjoy.
We go to ice cream after aconcert, we do all.
And just to have that awareness, you know how easy it is just
(12:53):
to be who you are instead oftrying to fit this puzzle piece,
fit in this puzzle, fit in thisgroup, fit in this thing.
Just have an awareness of whoyou really are and what makes
you feel good and where you needto be sitting.
Debbie (13:08):
I love that you had that awareness in high school.
I had no awareness in highschool.
I was so numb emotionally likeI couldn't figure anything out.
I was outside with the you knowthe druggies and the people
drinking alcohol at 10 o'clockin the morning.
(13:28):
That's where I was, because Ididn't fit in anywhere else or I
didn't think.
I did, or I didn't know how to,and so I did this other thing
and, um, you know, I grewfeeling that numbness and what I
finally came to do was be onthis search, right.
So I was looking for something,looking for a missing piece.
(13:50):
I guess you could say, um, Iwas trying to fit my piece of
the puzzle everywhere and itwasn't working.
But in time, as I did, learnhow to love and accept myself,
how to care for myself, how totake care of those things, like
it's amazing how much freer Ifeel, how much more wide open
(14:10):
the world is to me now.
Because, I'm not like the guythat wore the Hawaiian shirt and
the shorts to the black tie.
I am way closer to that,because it wasn't so long ago
where I did like this talk and Iwas on stage and I was
miserable putting myselftogether my clothes.
(14:30):
I remember that you do, yeah,yeah, I was miserable and I
couldn't hardly concentrate onthe speech.
And I remember that you do,yeah, yeah, I was miserable and
I couldn't hardly concentrate onthe speech and I kept messing
it up and replaying some ofthose old, you know thoughts.
You know you're not worthy, youdon't matter or whatever, but
having to get beyond that.
And somebody was at my house andshe says, debbie, those, are
you comfortable in those shoes?
(14:51):
And I'm like, no, not really,but you know I'm going to be on
stage and women wear heels.
And she's like, yeah, no, whydon't you try something else?
And, um, I just happened tohave a pair of tennis shoes that
I was I put on because I had torun around with those clothes
on.
But I had to run around and, um, I ended up having a pair of.
(15:15):
I loved, felt very comfortablein the tennis shoes with all the
rest of it the slacks, thejacket, my artsy jewelry you
know, it was like I had allthose things but the shoes.
It was crazy how much that madea difference.
And then I ended up wearingsparkly gold tennis shoes.
(15:35):
I love those tennis shoes, and Idid too.
And I tell you I'm not a flashyperson, I am not somebody who's
like, look at me, look at me.
It's just never been my thingat all.
But when people say I love yourtennis shoes, like wow, look at
those shoes, it's like I amsurprised, first of of all, that
(15:55):
they say anything aboutanything I'm wearing.
But you know that they say itand it's like I'm like, oh, yay,
yeah, and it's weird.
There's like this little bit ofbelonging for just that moment,
right, like my piece of thepuzzle fit in right there in
that moment and I thought aboutgetting all, all colors of
sparkly tennis shoes at onepoint.
(16:15):
But that was a little overkill.
But it was like, yeah, it wasan interesting thing to go
through, but it was once Ibecame myself, once I was super
authentic and I didn't mindwearing the clothes I was
wearing because they felt socomfortable.
I'm wearing the clothes I waswearing because they felt so
comfortable.
That was the thing.
The shoes did not feelcomfortable.
(16:35):
I thought I had to.
I wanted to fit in, I wantedpeople to accept me and then,
however it turned out, I wasauthentic to myself and I put
those tennis shoes on and it waslike when I got to that place
to do the speech, I just feltlike I had it.
(16:57):
I wasn't concentrating on thepain in my feet, I wasn't
concentrating on slipping on thefloor nothing like that it was
amazing, very amazing.
Deborah (17:03):
So I love that.
I love that story, and, and,and and.
What a way to end our today'sepisode.
Debbie (17:09):
We are.
Deborah (17:11):
I just love that.
You know how we have moved fromknowing that the puzzle is
outside of us and then just thejourney within, and I love that
story.
It's so true because however wepresent ourselves or how we
show up for ourselves with ourself-love and self-care really
informs what our experience is.
Debbie (17:34):
So yeah, yes, absolutely .
So I guess I would like toleave the audience with the
statement that you have thepower to define where you belong
and how you belong and who getsaccess to you Like you don't
have to let everybody in rightand how you treat yourself in
(17:55):
the process.
And so, as a little bonus, um,we would like to offer you some
reflective questions and, inorder to get those, just go into
the description.
Deborah (18:04):
we'll have a link there for you and, as always, we
invite you to love and care forthe Shero in you.
Woo-hoo, bye, see you guys.
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