October 30, 2025 • 24 mins
Talk to us, Shero! Talk to us!
The roles are loud, but your reflection doesn’t have to be quiet. This episode opens a real, practical conversation about showing up for yourself without stepping away from the people and work you care about. From redefining enough to unlearning old expectations, we explore how to move from automatic reactions to values-aligned choices—so you can keep your peace and your power at the same time.
We dig into the everyday moments where agency is won or lost: saying yes when it serves the bigger picture, saying no when it protects your energy, and noticing how resentment fades when you own your decisions. Through stories of motherhood, workplace pressure, and invisible expectations, we unpack how language shapes truth—when “I get to” empowers, and when it doesn’t.
You’ll leave with a simple framework—awareness, choice, skills, and support—and tools to practice it: using curiosity instead of self-criticism, running quick emotional resets, and making small, consistent choices that rebuild self-trust. If you’ve been the reliable one for everyone else, this episode helps you become reliable to yourself.
Follow the show, share it with a friend, and tell us—what choice will you practice this week?
Thank you so much for the likes, love, and comments you leave. Not only does it mean the world to us, it helps other women who need to hear it be able to find it.
#womenempoweringwomen
#youmatter
#makeadifference
---CONNECT with Shero Cafe---
Subscribe: www.SheroCafe.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/shero.cafe.podcast/
Email: thesherocafe@gmail.com
---CONNECT with Deborah Edwards---
Let's Connect on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/deborah.edwards.372
Self Care Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/624202641785785
Website: https://gratefulom.life/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/deborahedwards-selfcarecoach/
---CONNECT with Debbie Pearson---
Website: https://www.debbiepearson.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/debbiepearsoncoach/
Email: deb@debbiepearson.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Debbie (00:19):
Well, welcome everyone to this episode of the Shero
Cafe.
We hope you guys are doingwell.
Um, this episode, we're goingto be talking about showing up
for yourself.
Deborah (00:30):
Okay.
Debbie (00:31):
Because so many of us, we show up for our families, our
work, our communities.
We carry, lead, support, holdit all together with grace.
But somewhere in that middle,all that doing, it's like your
reflection has gotten a littleblurry.
This episode is about the womanbehind the roles, the heartbeat
(00:54):
beneath the responsibilities.
It's about shifting that mirrorback towards you.
Because not because that you'vedone anything wrong, but
because you finally realize yourreflection matters too.
So this isn't about pullingaway from others, but it's about
coming home to yourself.
Because when you see youclearly, everything else starts
(01:17):
to align.
So, Deborah, what are youthinking?
Deborah (01:24):
Well, I mean, I'm thinking a lot, right?
I mean, that is so absolutelytrue.
And it's really interesting howin different moments we can
just lose ourselves, you know,whether it is someone that we're
with, and then I don't know howmany times, you know, not so
(01:44):
much lately, but still part ofthe, you know, when you're
looking at a situation going,why did I do that?
Why, you know, why didn't Iallow myself to show up?
Why didn't I advocate formyself?
And in so many of thosesituations, we in order to
(02:04):
support somebody, we feel likewe have to give it up from
ourselves.
And so I have seen many, andand I was in a situation last
week where this is somethingthat that I did.
And but having that awarenessallowed me to choose.
So instead of having that be anautomatic reflex, I could say,
(02:29):
you know what, I'm not going toargue with this person.
I'm gonna go ahead and say yeswith this person because it's
still in my best interest to sayyes, even though it is not
exactly what I want, but to beable to have that freedom to to
(02:51):
choose.
So, you know, in the in thepast, without having that clear
understanding of where I'mstanding in the situation, I
would have said no and I wouldhave been pissed off for the
rest of the day, you know.
And so by being able to choose,then I know it's my choice.
I can let it go or I can chooseto re, you know, to bring my
(03:17):
voice into it.
And so that feels really goodto me because uh there was a
long time, especially when I wasworking at a certain
corporation, where you know, itwas just like, I don't give two
rabbits' butts what you think.
You better keep your mouthshut.
And so I got to a point where Ijust kept my mouth shut.
(03:40):
And it just stayed in my body,stayed in my body.
And then I had to get to thepoint where I recognized that,
have the emotional intelligenceto recognize that.
And and there was someforgiveness involved because I
would always go, why didn't yousay anything?
Why didn't you tell him whatthe truth was?
(04:02):
And then I would beat up onmyself for not doing that, and I
had to forgive myself for notin that moment doing that, but
then actually looking at it withcuriosity and saying, Oh, this
is why you didn't say anything.
And so then that prepares mefor the next situation like
that, where I can again make thechoice.
(04:25):
So I am choosing not to sayanything because I know what
this consequence is, or I knowwhat this consequence is, but
I'm choosing to make this choicefor myself.
Knowing the consequences, thatgives me the power in the
situation.
It doesn't abdicate my power.
Debbie (04:44):
Absolutely.
It is so interesting when wedon't even know when that we
have a choice, how it doesaffect um our psyche, our body,
every every aspect of our life,because we're kind of maybe
running on an automatic pilot ora habit or something that maybe
we were taught.
But as you say, the power thatcomes from recognizing that as
(05:11):
an individual, just being onthis earth, we are enough.
Now, most many people think,no, I'm not, right?
They're gonna challenge that.
But the truth of the matter iswe are enough.
We just may not be what someoneelse's enough is.
And then if we like gaugeourselves according to someone
else's definition of what mebeing enough is, I may never
(05:35):
ever be enough.
So, how do we look inside ofourselves and say, how am I
gonna be enough for me?
What makes me enough?
And I know that there weretimes when it was very
frustrating.
Like I was a mom and my purposewas taking care of my son.
(05:56):
And and and you know, thatinvolves all the running around
and making sure the doctor andthe cooking the food and
healthy, but I mean there's justall these things.
But it wasn't my life, but itwas my life, but I was taking
care of this other human being,which was beautiful and
wonderful.
And I also did find itchallenging at times because I
(06:21):
maybe I'm not even sure theright words.
It took away from me in a way,because I did not know how to
have both.
I didn't know how to care formyself and care for my child and
know that that I could takethat time for me.
So there were struggles that Ihad.
But then it was also the stuffat work where it was me thinking
(06:45):
that I have to be a particularway.
Um even as a mom, I have to, Ihave to cook all the meals, I
have to do the thing becausethat's what happened in the
house I grew up in.
So I'm what is that, like agenerational or whatever thing
where it's like I'm rolling overthose traditional roles onto
myself unconsciously, justbecause I was the wife,
(07:09):
therefore that means, and I justassigned it to myself.
No one said you're gonna haveto do this.
But eventually, um, of course,they grow up, you know, and put
you at work, and maybe you feelthat same pressure, like I'm
this particular type ofemployee, therefore I have to,
when no one's even given that toyou.
But then there's also the timeswhen someone does, whether
(07:31):
we're working for ourselves orfor someone else, tries to give
you something that you're like,uh, hold on just a moment.
We come into our own, we feel,and I I wanna, I'm sure most
people listening understand theword power.
It's not about power overanybody, it's just about power
(07:51):
with ourselves and being able toum recognize that we're as
important as everyone else,right?
And keeping that as a uhforefront thought so that when
we do go up against an energythat's not working for us, how
to handle that in a way whereit's not an argument or a fight.
(08:14):
Like you told this woman yes,but you did it from a place of
maybe I don't particularly carefor that, but the end result
suits my needs.
So I'm gonna say yes to her.
Speaker (08:27):
Yes, exactly, and it's so interesting, and and and and
it's true, you know, that um wehave the power to, and I'm not
even forming in my head what I'mtrying to say.
We have the power to create ourexistence.
(08:51):
So, I mean, not soundingwoo-woo-woo-woo, but you know,
when I said earlier, um, I inthe past I would have just been
reactive and and not come backto myself to ask myself, curious
curiously, what is going to befor you in this moment?
(09:11):
What's gonna be best in it foryou in this moment?
And so then if I can recognizewhat is best for me in the
moment, and I make that choice,then I am creating my life right
there, right?
So I'm creating that I want inmy life to be love and light and
(09:34):
peaceful and and just you know,not stressful at all.
So I'm choosing the path that'sgonna not, I don't have to, you
know, give up any of my values,right?
Anything like that, but it isin such a decision that I can
make this choice and keep mypeace.
(09:55):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
Debbie (09:56):
Yeah, that's honoring yourself.
You know, you're doing you'resaying yes, or maybe if it was
no, whichever one it is, you'recoming from a place of um
clarity, knowing what you want,what you would like your end
result to be.
And you know, I it's like Iguess there are people that are
so good at it, they can just doit at the moment.
(10:17):
I'm getting better at that.
I'm not all the way there yet.
Sometimes, sometimes I can flythrough all those thoughts
really quick.
They can nanosecond through mybrain.
For the most part, I usuallywill stumble and then I go home
or I take time, whatever, thinkabout it, and then it all seems
to come together.
And it feels like the more I dothat, so I guess I would call
(10:42):
that like consciously beingaware of it, uh, having some
experience about how to gothrough that and that knowledge,
and then maybe consciouslypracticing is where I want to
go.
So having some knowledge aboutit, um experiencing something,
(11:03):
because we don't learn on theoryalone.
We gotta have crap happen tous, it's so annoying, but we've
got to have discomfort in orderto grow, right?
Speaker (11:17):
Right.
Debbie (11:18):
I do not know who designed this scheme, I don't
like it, but it is the only waythat it happens.
Speaker (11:25):
So you know, and but go ahead, but the other part of
that is you know, I and and I'veseen this happen in my life so
much, where I would be in thatmoment, and then I would just
like not react in a way likethat.
So then I'd go back and I'dlook at the situation, I talk to
(11:47):
some people that I cared about,that I trusted, and then I'm
like, okay, this is how it couldbe done differently.
But by doing that and and andum in in and going through those
um recapitulations and and andreally looking at it with
curiosity, like I said before,when that situation comes up
(12:09):
next time, the solution, theability for you to connect with
yourself becomes more available.
You've got to yeah, right,because you've done it before,
and you've already done it,you've set the stage, but I will
tell you that same woman I haddifferent interactions in the
same day, and it wasn'tavailable to me.
(12:31):
I did get pissed off, but I wasable to release it, so it's a
practice.
So you're not gonna be perfect,you're there's no polyperfect
in this world, but there aremore moments where you can have
that availability, and it's justlike everything else baby
steps.
Yep, every skill, the more youpractice, the more it's
(12:55):
available to you.
Debbie (12:58):
I agree with that.
It's like if we think aboutalmost anything we do in life,
that formula is correct.
It's kind of like you learnsome steps, you practice them,
and you get better.
Now, I would say that thatapplies to everything except
people driving, because I thinkthat people do not necessarily
(13:20):
get better with their drivingthey've been doing it for a
while.
But um, I mean, just thinkabout the artist, the musician
cooking meals.
When's the first time youcooked a Thanksgiving dinner or
even a scrambled egg?
Like, what do you do?
Right.
And now it's I don't know aboutthe Thanksgiving dinner part,
but the scrambled egg, I gotthat pretty down pat.
(13:41):
Um, but anything we do takessome practice.
And when we have those frame ofreferences, that's what I was
pitching in, adding to that.
We can draw from that, and thatgives us more guidance.
Is that the right word?
It gives us more.
I was gonna say ammunition, butthat's the wrong word.
Speaker (14:02):
Yeah, I always say that it informs you.
Good one.
I like it.
It informs you of what your,you know, what your future
actions are gonna be, or couldbe, or could not be, because
exactly, yeah, because it cangive you both sides of it.
Debbie (14:17):
Like I would use it that for this situation, but not for
that situation.
So again, choice comes in.
Choice is amazing.
Choice is so amazing.
How many times do we say I haveto?
I need to, you know.
Um, I remember.
I should, I know.
(14:37):
I said, don't should onyourself, right?
It's like, and so it's like ohwait, wait, wait, I gotta share
something.
Speaker (14:44):
I'm gonna interrupt you, but good.
I had somebody, I was in a Iwas uh a speaker at a conference
this two weeks ago, I guess,and we were talking about
shoulds, and someone said, putthose shoulds on the shelf.
And I loved that, you know.
Yeah, you know, we carry aroundall these shoulds, put them on
(15:05):
the shelf, they're not doing anygood, or better yet, um, put
them in the fire pit.
Debbie (15:13):
Okay, and like if those work like that, like do them.
I also like to say change theword to get to.
I'm honored to.
I'm blessed to be able to.
So let's say I have to take thekids to school, I gotta cook
supper, I gotta go to work.
(15:34):
What if I'm I get to take thekids to school?
You know, what if I feel like Iwas sick and now I get to go to
work?
Like I am not unwell.
It may not work in everysituation, but just replacing uh
a need to, like, I need to cooksupper.
How about I get to cook supper?
(15:54):
Because now I can cook healthyfoods for my family, versus I
need to and now I'm frustratedbecause I wish I'd have known
this a long time ago because Iused to use those words all the
time.
Like, why do I always have tobe the one that cook cover, you
know, and just being frustratedwith it?
But had I known that, it wouldhave literally made my life so
(16:15):
much.
Uh, I don't want to just usethe word happier, although
that's a true statement, uhemotionally freer because I I I
felt trapped in in some wayswhere changing that word would
have helped me to feel morefree.
Because at that time I didn'tthink that I mattered.
(16:37):
My reflection didn't matter.
What was going on with medidn't matter.
I showed up, I was theshow-upper, shower upper.
I did the things, I took careof everything and everybody
else, and it was for the family,and it was at work, and it just
felt like the community justfelt like I just was
do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do allthe time.
But I didn't take care ofmyself, and that was one of the
(17:01):
things that was the big thing.
That was the big missing piece.
Yeah, great to take care of.
Nothing wrong with motherhoodor going to work or any of that
stuff.
Yeah, we don't take the time toalso put ourselves in that mix,
that's where burnout,overwhelm, all those
(17:21):
uncomfortable.
I'm not worthy.
If I was worthy, I would beable to.
Somebody would say, Hey, let mewash the dishes, you go take a
break.
That's not how it works,though.
Speaker (17:31):
You know, one of the things that I'm hearing that I
disagree with is, you know, whenyou were saying turn around
from I need to to I get to, youknow, that to me can be erasing
yourself too.
(17:52):
So so let me just tell youabout like I don't take out the
trash.
And so since Patrick has beenhaving his surgery, I've needed
to take out my own trash, whichI've done this my whole life,
(18:12):
right?
And then just since I've gottenmarried here lately, you know,
I don't take out the trash.
And so I still don't liketaking out the trash, and so now
I'm taking out the trash.
If I say I get to take out thetrash, I'd be lying to myself.
Debbie (18:29):
Well, then use that, yeah, use that, but how about
it's really nice that I can takeout the trash and Patrick
doesn't have to worry aboutthat?
I can do that for him.
Well, it's just redefining it,and and one phrase isn't gonna
work in every situation, but doyou feel better?
(18:49):
That's what it's about, and I'mnot asking you specifically to
answer it, but it's like the wayI would look at it is does it
feel better to feel annoyed?
Like, oh, I gotta take thetrash out, or right feel better
to think I'm so happy I can dothis for him, right?
Speaker (19:08):
Like it's just a different energy, yeah, and
that's what I do, you know, andit does get overwhelming
sometimes, and I have to justslow myself down.
But for me to just say, again,right, making a choice.
I hate taking out the trash.
I could say, I am so upsetbecause I have to take this
(19:30):
trash out.
I'm just key teasing when I sayI had to take out my own trash.
I'm just teasing, but like, orI can say, like you suggested,
well, I'm so glad that I'm ableto support my husband, this
person that I care about, and dothese things, you know.
And so, yeah, it's it's againthat choice, that choice.
Debbie (19:50):
You know, sometimes it's it's fun to play, you know,
having that you you kind of puton a face and and and you kind
of changed your voice a littlebit, like, I'm gonna take all
the trash.
It's like that fake, whiny,whatever, you know, like you're
like because you let meliterally like maybe feeling a
little bit sorry for ourselves,or you know, having our own
(20:10):
little pity party.
Why we like that?
I don't know, but I do thattoo.
We all do.
I don't know about everybody,but you know, a lot of us do
that where we're like um whiny,whatever, it but it's not really
real, you know.
You're not like literallycrying because you gotta take
trash out, like a horriblething.
(20:31):
Um, but we were just trying torelay a point, so yeah, right,
exactly.
Speaker (20:37):
But it it but in in real in in in for reals, for
reasons, you know, those thingscan again inform you.
Debbie (20:46):
Yeah, absolutely.
It's all about choice.
Yeah, like how do I want tofeel?
And it's not, I don't know thatwe can um you know do an eye
dream, a genie blink or abewitched nose twitch, and and
things are just wonderful, butare there moments that we
actually can look at somethingand and with just a a decision,
(21:09):
a choice, shift our energy?
Like absolutely.
I was at a a seminar and um ohwhat's her name?
She wrote the book E Square.
And it's about energy, energysquare.
I can't remember Pam.
Oof, I don't know.
I'll I'll try to put it in thein the description.
(21:31):
Um, she wrote this book and andit was really good, but it's
about all the different ways youcan test your own energy.
I don't mean strength, but Imean like planting some plants
and speaking to half of them ornot watering the other half or
whatever.
So those kinds of things youcan watch, energy, what your
energy can do.
But at this conference, um shebasically said, we're gonna test
(21:54):
the theory.
And she's told everybody, like,how are you feeling right now?
From one to 10, how are youfeeling right now?
Everybody writes their littlenumber down.
And then she says, Okay, putall your stuff on the chair,
stand up, put your stuff down.
She goes, Now, I want you topretend that your team that has
been working so hard has justwon the biggest championship
(22:16):
that they've ever won.
And I want you to run aroundthis room and high-five
everybody, because everybody inthis room is on your team.
And she got it's all fired up,and we're running around like a
bunch of maniacs, screaming,belly bumping, high fiving, I
mean, it was crazy.
And then it was time to sitback down, and it was like on a
(22:40):
scale of one to 10, how youfeel?
It was like 12.
It was astonishing, and it waslike that was very poignant
moment for me.
I was like, wow, I experiencedthat difference in my energy
just from deciding this littleexperiment of my team won,
whatever, but of course, with awhole bunch of other people.
(23:00):
Um, I think energy iscontagious as well.
So it was like a whole thing,but um oh, where were we for?
Speaker (23:08):
But you get to create, yeah, I but you get to create
that for yourself, yes.
So that I I think that um we'regetting to the end of our time
here today, but I think that theone thing that I, you know,
want to bring out is it's thatawareness.
Yep.
And that awareness always, youknow, I always say that
(23:29):
awareness is the first step.
First, you have that awareness,and then you have that
awareness that allows you tocome back to you.
And then the next thing thatyou have is the ability to
choose what's best for you,exactly.
Debbie (23:45):
It's when the person can't figure that part out.
That's when you reach out,that's when you, meaning
listeners, if you can't figureout what's best for you, that's
when someone that is can helpyou build those skills.
Because it's a bunch of skills,this group of skills that we
learn about who we are and howto take care of ourselves and
(24:09):
love ourselves.
That again, it's knowledge andinformation, but it's also
consciously practicing them.
That's what makes it get betterand better and better.
Speaker (24:23):
Brilliant, brilliant, yeah, lovely, well said, and um,
so I want to thank everybodyfor joining us today and invite
you to please, please click thatlike button and subscribe to
the Shero Cafe so that you canstay informed and help us on our
mission to spread love and selfcare.
(24:44):
And as always, we invite you tolove and care for the Shero in
you.
Bye! Bye.
Well, welcome everyone to this episode of the Shero
Cafe.
We hope you guys are doingwell.
Um, this episode, we're goingto be talking about showing up
for yourself.
Deborah (00:30):
Okay.
Debbie (00:31):
Because so many of us, we show up for our families, our
work, our communities.
We carry, lead, support, holdit all together with grace.
But somewhere in that middle,all that doing, it's like your
reflection has gotten a littleblurry.
This episode is about the womanbehind the roles, the heartbeat
(00:54):
beneath the responsibilities.
It's about shifting that mirrorback towards you.
Because not because that you'vedone anything wrong, but
because you finally realize yourreflection matters too.
So this isn't about pullingaway from others, but it's about
coming home to yourself.
Because when you see youclearly, everything else starts
(01:17):
to align.
So, Deborah, what are youthinking?
Deborah (01:24):
Well, I mean, I'm thinking a lot, right?
I mean, that is so absolutelytrue.
And it's really interesting howin different moments we can
just lose ourselves, you know,whether it is someone that we're
with, and then I don't know howmany times, you know, not so
(01:44):
much lately, but still part ofthe, you know, when you're
looking at a situation going,why did I do that?
Why, you know, why didn't Iallow myself to show up?
Why didn't I advocate formyself?
And in so many of thosesituations, we in order to
(02:04):
support somebody, we feel likewe have to give it up from
ourselves.
And so I have seen many, andand I was in a situation last
week where this is somethingthat that I did.
And but having that awarenessallowed me to choose.
So instead of having that be anautomatic reflex, I could say,
(02:29):
you know what, I'm not going toargue with this person.
I'm gonna go ahead and say yeswith this person because it's
still in my best interest to sayyes, even though it is not
exactly what I want, but to beable to have that freedom to to
(02:51):
choose.
So, you know, in the in thepast, without having that clear
understanding of where I'mstanding in the situation, I
would have said no and I wouldhave been pissed off for the
rest of the day, you know.
And so by being able to choose,then I know it's my choice.
I can let it go or I can chooseto re, you know, to bring my
(03:17):
voice into it.
And so that feels really goodto me because uh there was a
long time, especially when I wasworking at a certain
corporation, where you know, itwas just like, I don't give two
rabbits' butts what you think.
You better keep your mouthshut.
And so I got to a point where Ijust kept my mouth shut.
(03:40):
And it just stayed in my body,stayed in my body.
And then I had to get to thepoint where I recognized that,
have the emotional intelligenceto recognize that.
And and there was someforgiveness involved because I
would always go, why didn't yousay anything?
Why didn't you tell him whatthe truth was?
(04:02):
And then I would beat up onmyself for not doing that, and I
had to forgive myself for notin that moment doing that, but
then actually looking at it withcuriosity and saying, Oh, this
is why you didn't say anything.
And so then that prepares mefor the next situation like
that, where I can again make thechoice.
(04:25):
So I am choosing not to sayanything because I know what
this consequence is, or I knowwhat this consequence is, but
I'm choosing to make this choicefor myself.
Knowing the consequences, thatgives me the power in the
situation.
It doesn't abdicate my power.
Debbie (04:44):
Absolutely.
It is so interesting when wedon't even know when that we
have a choice, how it doesaffect um our psyche, our body,
every every aspect of our life,because we're kind of maybe
running on an automatic pilot ora habit or something that maybe
we were taught.
But as you say, the power thatcomes from recognizing that as
(05:11):
an individual, just being onthis earth, we are enough.
Now, most many people think,no, I'm not, right?
They're gonna challenge that.
But the truth of the matter iswe are enough.
We just may not be what someoneelse's enough is.
And then if we like gaugeourselves according to someone
else's definition of what mebeing enough is, I may never
(05:35):
ever be enough.
So, how do we look inside ofourselves and say, how am I
gonna be enough for me?
What makes me enough?
And I know that there weretimes when it was very
frustrating.
Like I was a mom and my purposewas taking care of my son.
(05:56):
And and and you know, thatinvolves all the running around
and making sure the doctor andthe cooking the food and
healthy, but I mean there's justall these things.
But it wasn't my life, but itwas my life, but I was taking
care of this other human being,which was beautiful and
wonderful.
And I also did find itchallenging at times because I
(06:21):
maybe I'm not even sure theright words.
It took away from me in a way,because I did not know how to
have both.
I didn't know how to care formyself and care for my child and
know that that I could takethat time for me.
So there were struggles that Ihad.
But then it was also the stuffat work where it was me thinking
(06:45):
that I have to be a particularway.
Um even as a mom, I have to, Ihave to cook all the meals, I
have to do the thing becausethat's what happened in the
house I grew up in.
So I'm what is that, like agenerational or whatever thing
where it's like I'm rolling overthose traditional roles onto
myself unconsciously, justbecause I was the wife,
(07:09):
therefore that means, and I justassigned it to myself.
No one said you're gonna haveto do this.
But eventually, um, of course,they grow up, you know, and put
you at work, and maybe you feelthat same pressure, like I'm
this particular type ofemployee, therefore I have to,
when no one's even given that toyou.
But then there's also the timeswhen someone does, whether
(07:31):
we're working for ourselves orfor someone else, tries to give
you something that you're like,uh, hold on just a moment.
We come into our own, we feel,and I I wanna, I'm sure most
people listening understand theword power.
It's not about power overanybody, it's just about power
(07:51):
with ourselves and being able toum recognize that we're as
important as everyone else,right?
And keeping that as a uhforefront thought so that when
we do go up against an energythat's not working for us, how
to handle that in a way whereit's not an argument or a fight.
(08:14):
Like you told this woman yes,but you did it from a place of
maybe I don't particularly carefor that, but the end result
suits my needs.
So I'm gonna say yes to her.
Speaker (08:27):
Yes, exactly, and it's so interesting, and and and and
it's true, you know, that um wehave the power to, and I'm not
even forming in my head what I'mtrying to say.
We have the power to create ourexistence.
(08:51):
So, I mean, not soundingwoo-woo-woo-woo, but you know,
when I said earlier, um, I inthe past I would have just been
reactive and and not come backto myself to ask myself, curious
curiously, what is going to befor you in this moment?
(09:11):
What's gonna be best in it foryou in this moment?
And so then if I can recognizewhat is best for me in the
moment, and I make that choice,then I am creating my life right
there, right?
So I'm creating that I want inmy life to be love and light and
(09:34):
peaceful and and just you know,not stressful at all.
So I'm choosing the path that'sgonna not, I don't have to, you
know, give up any of my values,right?
Anything like that, but it isin such a decision that I can
make this choice and keep mypeace.
(09:55):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
Debbie (09:56):
Yeah, that's honoring yourself.
You know, you're doing you'resaying yes, or maybe if it was
no, whichever one it is, you'recoming from a place of um
clarity, knowing what you want,what you would like your end
result to be.
And you know, I it's like Iguess there are people that are
so good at it, they can just doit at the moment.
(10:17):
I'm getting better at that.
I'm not all the way there yet.
Sometimes, sometimes I can flythrough all those thoughts
really quick.
They can nanosecond through mybrain.
For the most part, I usuallywill stumble and then I go home
or I take time, whatever, thinkabout it, and then it all seems
to come together.
And it feels like the more I dothat, so I guess I would call
(10:42):
that like consciously beingaware of it, uh, having some
experience about how to gothrough that and that knowledge,
and then maybe consciouslypracticing is where I want to
go.
So having some knowledge aboutit, um experiencing something,
(11:03):
because we don't learn on theoryalone.
We gotta have crap happen tous, it's so annoying, but we've
got to have discomfort in orderto grow, right?
Speaker (11:17):
Right.
Debbie (11:18):
I do not know who designed this scheme, I don't
like it, but it is the only waythat it happens.
Speaker (11:25):
So you know, and but go ahead, but the other part of
that is you know, I and and I'veseen this happen in my life so
much, where I would be in thatmoment, and then I would just
like not react in a way likethat.
So then I'd go back and I'dlook at the situation, I talk to
(11:47):
some people that I cared about,that I trusted, and then I'm
like, okay, this is how it couldbe done differently.
But by doing that and and andum in in and going through those
um recapitulations and and andreally looking at it with
curiosity, like I said before,when that situation comes up
(12:09):
next time, the solution, theability for you to connect with
yourself becomes more available.
You've got to yeah, right,because you've done it before,
and you've already done it,you've set the stage, but I will
tell you that same woman I haddifferent interactions in the
same day, and it wasn'tavailable to me.
(12:31):
I did get pissed off, but I wasable to release it, so it's a
practice.
So you're not gonna be perfect,you're there's no polyperfect
in this world, but there aremore moments where you can have
that availability, and it's justlike everything else baby
steps.
Yep, every skill, the more youpractice, the more it's
(12:55):
available to you.
Debbie (12:58):
I agree with that.
It's like if we think aboutalmost anything we do in life,
that formula is correct.
It's kind of like you learnsome steps, you practice them,
and you get better.
Now, I would say that thatapplies to everything except
people driving, because I thinkthat people do not necessarily
(13:20):
get better with their drivingthey've been doing it for a
while.
But um, I mean, just thinkabout the artist, the musician
cooking meals.
When's the first time youcooked a Thanksgiving dinner or
even a scrambled egg?
Like, what do you do?
Right.
And now it's I don't know aboutthe Thanksgiving dinner part,
but the scrambled egg, I gotthat pretty down pat.
(13:41):
Um, but anything we do takessome practice.
And when we have those frame ofreferences, that's what I was
pitching in, adding to that.
We can draw from that, and thatgives us more guidance.
Is that the right word?
It gives us more.
I was gonna say ammunition, butthat's the wrong word.
Speaker (14:02):
Yeah, I always say that it informs you.
Good one.
I like it.
It informs you of what your,you know, what your future
actions are gonna be, or couldbe, or could not be, because
exactly, yeah, because it cangive you both sides of it.
Debbie (14:17):
Like I would use it that for this situation, but not for
that situation.
So again, choice comes in.
Choice is amazing.
Choice is so amazing.
How many times do we say I haveto?
I need to, you know.
Um, I remember.
I should, I know.
(14:37):
I said, don't should onyourself, right?
It's like, and so it's like ohwait, wait, wait, I gotta share
something.
Speaker (14:44):
I'm gonna interrupt you, but good.
I had somebody, I was in a Iwas uh a speaker at a conference
this two weeks ago, I guess,and we were talking about
shoulds, and someone said, putthose shoulds on the shelf.
And I loved that, you know.
Yeah, you know, we carry aroundall these shoulds, put them on
(15:05):
the shelf, they're not doing anygood, or better yet, um, put
them in the fire pit.
Debbie (15:13):
Okay, and like if those work like that, like do them.
I also like to say change theword to get to.
I'm honored to.
I'm blessed to be able to.
So let's say I have to take thekids to school, I gotta cook
supper, I gotta go to work.
(15:34):
What if I'm I get to take thekids to school?
You know, what if I feel like Iwas sick and now I get to go to
work?
Like I am not unwell.
It may not work in everysituation, but just replacing uh
a need to, like, I need to cooksupper.
How about I get to cook supper?
(15:54):
Because now I can cook healthyfoods for my family, versus I
need to and now I'm frustratedbecause I wish I'd have known
this a long time ago because Iused to use those words all the
time.
Like, why do I always have tobe the one that cook cover, you
know, and just being frustratedwith it?
But had I known that, it wouldhave literally made my life so
(16:15):
much.
Uh, I don't want to just usethe word happier, although
that's a true statement, uhemotionally freer because I I I
felt trapped in in some wayswhere changing that word would
have helped me to feel morefree.
Because at that time I didn'tthink that I mattered.
(16:37):
My reflection didn't matter.
What was going on with medidn't matter.
I showed up, I was theshow-upper, shower upper.
I did the things, I took careof everything and everybody
else, and it was for the family,and it was at work, and it just
felt like the community justfelt like I just was
do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do allthe time.
But I didn't take care ofmyself, and that was one of the
(17:01):
things that was the big thing.
That was the big missing piece.
Yeah, great to take care of.
Nothing wrong with motherhoodor going to work or any of that
stuff.
Yeah, we don't take the time toalso put ourselves in that mix,
that's where burnout,overwhelm, all those
(17:21):
uncomfortable.
I'm not worthy.
If I was worthy, I would beable to.
Somebody would say, Hey, let mewash the dishes, you go take a
break.
That's not how it works,though.
Speaker (17:31):
You know, one of the things that I'm hearing that I
disagree with is, you know, whenyou were saying turn around
from I need to to I get to, youknow, that to me can be erasing
yourself too.
(17:52):
So so let me just tell youabout like I don't take out the
trash.
And so since Patrick has beenhaving his surgery, I've needed
to take out my own trash, whichI've done this my whole life,
(18:12):
right?
And then just since I've gottenmarried here lately, you know,
I don't take out the trash.
And so I still don't liketaking out the trash, and so now
I'm taking out the trash.
If I say I get to take out thetrash, I'd be lying to myself.
Debbie (18:29):
Well, then use that, yeah, use that, but how about
it's really nice that I can takeout the trash and Patrick
doesn't have to worry aboutthat?
I can do that for him.
Well, it's just redefining it,and and one phrase isn't gonna
work in every situation, but doyou feel better?
(18:49):
That's what it's about, and I'mnot asking you specifically to
answer it, but it's like the wayI would look at it is does it
feel better to feel annoyed?
Like, oh, I gotta take thetrash out, or right feel better
to think I'm so happy I can dothis for him, right?
Speaker (19:08):
Like it's just a different energy, yeah, and
that's what I do, you know, andit does get overwhelming
sometimes, and I have to justslow myself down.
But for me to just say, again,right, making a choice.
I hate taking out the trash.
I could say, I am so upsetbecause I have to take this
(19:30):
trash out.
I'm just key teasing when I sayI had to take out my own trash.
I'm just teasing, but like, orI can say, like you suggested,
well, I'm so glad that I'm ableto support my husband, this
person that I care about, and dothese things, you know.
And so, yeah, it's it's againthat choice, that choice.
Debbie (19:50):
You know, sometimes it's it's fun to play, you know,
having that you you kind of puton a face and and and you kind
of changed your voice a littlebit, like, I'm gonna take all
the trash.
It's like that fake, whiny,whatever, you know, like you're
like because you let meliterally like maybe feeling a
little bit sorry for ourselves,or you know, having our own
(20:10):
little pity party.
Why we like that?
I don't know, but I do thattoo.
We all do.
I don't know about everybody,but you know, a lot of us do
that where we're like um whiny,whatever, it but it's not really
real, you know.
You're not like literallycrying because you gotta take
trash out, like a horriblething.
(20:31):
Um, but we were just trying torelay a point, so yeah, right,
exactly.
Speaker (20:37):
But it it but in in real in in in for reals, for
reasons, you know, those thingscan again inform you.
Debbie (20:46):
Yeah, absolutely.
It's all about choice.
Yeah, like how do I want tofeel?
And it's not, I don't know thatwe can um you know do an eye
dream, a genie blink or abewitched nose twitch, and and
things are just wonderful, butare there moments that we
actually can look at somethingand and with just a a decision,
(21:09):
a choice, shift our energy?
Like absolutely.
I was at a a seminar and um ohwhat's her name?
She wrote the book E Square.
And it's about energy, energysquare.
I can't remember Pam.
Oof, I don't know.
I'll I'll try to put it in thein the description.
(21:31):
Um, she wrote this book and andit was really good, but it's
about all the different ways youcan test your own energy.
I don't mean strength, but Imean like planting some plants
and speaking to half of them ornot watering the other half or
whatever.
So those kinds of things youcan watch, energy, what your
energy can do.
But at this conference, um shebasically said, we're gonna test
(21:54):
the theory.
And she's told everybody, like,how are you feeling right now?
From one to 10, how are youfeeling right now?
Everybody writes their littlenumber down.
And then she says, Okay, putall your stuff on the chair,
stand up, put your stuff down.
She goes, Now, I want you topretend that your team that has
been working so hard has justwon the biggest championship
(22:16):
that they've ever won.
And I want you to run aroundthis room and high-five
everybody, because everybody inthis room is on your team.
And she got it's all fired up,and we're running around like a
bunch of maniacs, screaming,belly bumping, high fiving, I
mean, it was crazy.
And then it was time to sitback down, and it was like on a
(22:40):
scale of one to 10, how youfeel?
It was like 12.
It was astonishing, and it waslike that was very poignant
moment for me.
I was like, wow, I experiencedthat difference in my energy
just from deciding this littleexperiment of my team won,
whatever, but of course, with awhole bunch of other people.
(23:00):
Um, I think energy iscontagious as well.
So it was like a whole thing,but um oh, where were we for?
Speaker (23:08):
But you get to create, yeah, I but you get to create
that for yourself, yes.
So that I I think that um we'regetting to the end of our time
here today, but I think that theone thing that I, you know,
want to bring out is it's thatawareness.
Yep.
And that awareness always, youknow, I always say that
(23:29):
awareness is the first step.
First, you have that awareness,and then you have that
awareness that allows you tocome back to you.
And then the next thing thatyou have is the ability to
choose what's best for you,exactly.
Debbie (23:45):
It's when the person can't figure that part out.
That's when you reach out,that's when you, meaning
listeners, if you can't figureout what's best for you, that's
when someone that is can helpyou build those skills.
Because it's a bunch of skills,this group of skills that we
learn about who we are and howto take care of ourselves and
(24:09):
love ourselves.
That again, it's knowledge andinformation, but it's also
consciously practicing them.
That's what makes it get betterand better and better.
Speaker (24:23):
Brilliant, brilliant, yeah, lovely, well said, and um,
so I want to thank everybodyfor joining us today and invite
you to please, please click thatlike button and subscribe to
the Shero Cafe so that you canstay informed and help us on our
mission to spread love and selfcare.
(24:44):
And as always, we invite you tolove and care for the Shero in
you.
Bye! Bye.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.