May 15, 2024 • 34 mins
Hey everyone, it's Jessica from She's Got It Together! In this week's episode, Samantha and I had a blast chatting with Jennifer Roskamp, a homeschooling mom of nine and grandma (or "Gigi") of two. Jennifer shared her insights on managing a large household, keeping things running smoothly, and still finding time for self-care.
We dove into how Jennifer handles schedules, chores, and the inevitable chaos that comes with a big family. Her key tips? Plan in pencil, be flexible, and involve the whole family in household tasks. She also emphasized the importance of making time for yourself, even if it's just 10 minutes, because burning the candle at both ends doesn't do anyone any good.
This episode is packed with practical advice and relatable moments that'll have you nodding along and laughing with us. Whether you've got one kid or ten, you'll definitely pick up some strategies to simplify your life and be a more intentional mom. So grab a cup of coffee, pop in your earbuds, and join us for this fun, down-to-earth conversation with the amazing Jennifer Roskamp!
Want more from Jennifer? Well, you are in luck. She will be hosting a FREE online summit called Simplify Your Summer. It will be live Tuesday, May 28th through Monday, June 5th and you can find my session on Sketch Planning Thursday, May 30th. Use the link below to grab your FREE TICKET: https://ubmedia--the-intentional-mom.thrivecart.com/summit-2024-all-access-47-workbook/
Hope you enjoyed this episode!
Remember we'll be back twice a month with more fun shananagins. Be sure to follow us so you don't miss a beat!
We'd sure appreciate a review too. This helps us reach more women just like you trying to make it through the sometimes chaotic, sometimes fun, and sometimes cry-worth days of motherhood.
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Here's to Getting it Together one day at a time,
Jessica & Samantha
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
half planning and it's half damage control, and I
teach that as the skill ofreassessment, right, like that's
really what it is.
It's like, when life happenswhich is a lot, what are you
going to do, right, you, you,you can't undo a lot of things,
so it's a matter of justaccepting what it is and then
saying, all right, well, that'sinteresting, so this is what I
(00:23):
thought was going to happen, butthis is now what has happened.
So it's like, how can Ireconcile these two things?
So, yeah, that's that's reallywhat it boils down to.
I feel like, even even when youhave smaller families, right,
you're doing the same thing.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Hi everyone, and welcome to a brand new episode
of she's Got it Together.
I'm your host, jessica.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
And I'm Samantha.
Each week we peel back thecurtain on what it really looks
like to have it together.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
From the messy moments to the milestones, we're
here to share it all.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
So grab your favorite drink, get comfy and let's dive
into today's topic.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Hey, jessica, here from, she's Got it Together and
I'm here with my lovely co-host,samantha, and today we are
going to be talking withJennifer Roskamp.
Hi, jennifer, hey ladies,thanks for having me here today.
I'm excited to talk with you.
Yeah, this is going to be fun.
So today's topic is going to bemanaging a household.
So today's topic is going to bemanaging a household, but
(01:24):
Jennifer has a bit of a twist onthat, just because she has more
children than the averagefamily.
So, jennifer, do you want tojust kind of dive in and tell us
a little bit about yourself?
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Yeah, so I'm a homeschooling mom of nine, gigi
of two, which means grandma inmy world, but because my
youngest was only three and ahalf when my first grandson was
born, I thought I need to beGigi, like I need to pick a name
, like it can't be grandma,right?
This is so confusing for myyoungest son at the time, who
(01:59):
must have been six or seven.
He's like so, do we haveanother brother-in-law now?
And it was like.
He's like so do we have anotherbrother-in-law now?
And it was like no, no, no,like a nephew, you know, just
really confusing.
So so, yeah, there's a big gap,obviously, between my oldest and
my youngest.
So at the time of thisrecording, my oldest just turned
23.
She's the one with two kids,and then my youngest is five.
(02:20):
So, and my first three arereally close in age, and then
they kind of space out to wherethey're about two years apart,
most of them um, and then wehomeschool as well.
So, um, we're together a lot,but my kids do a lot of stuff as
well, uh, but, uh, yeah, solife is never boring.
That's always what I say, right, and it's controlled chaos.
(02:40):
I always say those are my twothings, like it's.
It's always an element of chaos.
It's a matter of you just haveto control it and then do with
it what you can, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, just takewhat you can and let go and rest
, I guess.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Oh my gosh, that's crazy.
I mean we, samantha and I,because we're sisters.
We have about eight and a half,almost nine years between us,
but still our mom only had three, and it was because there was
twins.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Because Sam's a twin.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
I'm a twin.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Oh wow yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
So, gosh, you guys were sisters, we are.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
That's fine.
Fun fact, yes, fun fact.
So okay, well, I mean, you'vegot've got it all figured out
then if you can handle ahousehold with that many.
It's control right yes.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Oh, I love that.
Yes, that's perfect Damage.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Control.
Yes, it's perfect.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
I mean, that's really what it is.
I feel like it's it's halfplanning and it's half damage
control, and really I teach thatas the skill of reassessment,
right, like that's really whatit is.
It's like when life happens,which happens a lot, what are
you going to do, right, you, you, you can't undo a lot of things
(03:53):
, so it's a matter of justaccepting what it is and then
saying, all right, well, that'sinteresting, so this is what I
thought was going to happen, butthis is now what has happened.
So it's like, how can Ireconcile these two things?
So that's really what it boilsdown to.
I feel like, even when you havesmaller families, right, you're
doing the same thing.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
No, that's very true.
I mean, that's essentially howyou make it through the day is
just by pivoting when you needto pivot and going with it.
Yeah, definitely going with it.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
You can always have a plan, but it's never gonna go
according to the plan, so youhave to be flexible because I
have an 18 month old.
I'm pregnant with my secondright now, so I'm just kind of
like okay, like we've got lifefigured out for the most part
with the one.
Now we're gonna and he's, youknow, 18 months, so it'll be
like 22 months apart.
So then we're gonna add anotherone to the chaos and I'm like
(04:44):
you know 18 months, so there'llbe like 22 months apart.
So then we're going to addanother one to the chaos and I'm
like you know what Two, four,six like does it matter you know
how many we have is just goingto be chaos, controlled chaos,
no matter how many you have.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Yeah, I mean honestly , you know that's kind of.
When we got to four I will saypeople think I'm crazy, but I
think there was some adjustmentwith going from one to two, two
to three and three to four, butliterally after that there was
just no, there was no adjustmentanymore.
And I know that sounds crazy,but it really was just like well
(05:18):
, all the wheels are essentially, you know like you are, you are
heavily outnumbered.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
And so it is just the way it is.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
And then, yeah, it's, it's the fluidity of life.
Right, that's it's.
You gotta be fluid because,again, you can fight against it.
But why do that?
Like, all you're doing istaking your precious resources,
your time, your bandwidth, yourbrain space, your emotions, your
mental capacity, all thosethings.
So, and then you're just, youknow, trying to beat your head
(05:48):
against the wall about saying,you know, well, I don't like
this, right, like, but I don'twant this to happen, but I
wanted it to go this way.
You know, that's just like.
Well, let's, let's use myresources.
Like I'm all about, I think,when you're spread between so
many different people and pulledin so many different directions
, I think I'm just so hardwiredto be so strategic of, like, my
(06:10):
resources.
I'm like what is the leastamount of effort and time and
bandwidth and everything I canput into each and everything,
because I need enough, you know,for all these buckets, right,
exactly, yeah that is, and I'veheard that from so many other
large families that you know,after three or four, it's, it's
nothing changes really, it'sjust yeah and another one to the
(06:32):
mix Three to four is usuallyeasier because like they have
like playmates and like there'slike it's an even number for a
minute there and like they'rejust like okay, yeah, there's
four of them.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
Like they're just everywhere now, like it's fine,
they're everywhere.
I love it, yes.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Well, just to occur to Samantha, I would say my
daughter's transition from oneto two has been really, really
smooth.
I can't remember that lie,though I have no idea what it
was like for me and my you knowmy kids would say all the time
well, that's because you're adinosaur, you know.
I hear all kinds of things Justhaving watched her go through
it just recently, because myyoungest grandson is not even
(07:08):
three months yet and that's beena real smooth transition for
her, is not even three monthsyet and that's been a real
smooth transition for her.
So I think, if you hear I meanI think a lot of times we think,
and maybe people tell you allthe bad stories, so I would want
to say no, it's not, you know,it can be totally a hundred
percent fine.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Well, that's really encouraging.
It makes me excited.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Well, and your personality too.
You know you're pretty laidback for the most part.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Yeah, like I feel like I'm you know, I was a
teacher, like I've babysat kids,Like I'm very comfortable
around kids.
I love kids, so I'm like I'mnot like super nervous about
having two.
It's just like all of the liketime and things, like all the
stuff you have to do for one.
I'm a little like, oh, I feelso bad, I'm not going to be able
to like give him, give him asmuch like undivided attention
(07:56):
and stuff like that.
But then all my friends thatwent from like one to two or
three kids, they're like it'llbe fine, Like you feel a little
guilty now but once like thatbaby comes and you see, like
their relationship, like it's soworth it.
So I'm excited yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Well, that is interesting that you bring up
that point too, because that'scertainly a question I get a lot
, you know, is like.
You know, how can you, how isthere even close to enough of
you to go around Like there'snot?
You know it's like, but don'tforget that you're not the only
one who brings value in terms ofrelationship and everything to
your kids.
You know they get so much moreand everything to their kids.
(08:34):
You know they get so much more.
You know they have so manyother people in my family to
also gain everything from, andso it definitely is a different
dynamic, you know, but it's not.
That was a big, I think,realization for us when we got
to four, and I think that'sreally what made us because we
didn't.
In fact, when my husband and Iwere married for a while, we
said we weren't having any kids.
Isn't that interesting, wow.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
But we never knew we wanted a large family.
I think we both come from threeand so I think if you would
have asked us, we probably justwould have assumed that, because
that's what was familiar to us.
And then, I guess, after we hadthe first one, maybe the second
one is when I knew I wanted atleast four, I really wanted four
, and my husband was like, no,I'm not doing that.
(09:19):
So actually the biggest gapbetween our kids is between
three and four.
There's actually a three yeargap there.
And then he was finally likeyou know what, I'm good with
four.
And then literally it when wehad that four, that's when the
fun really became clear to usand it was just like, oh my gosh
, this is so cool.
And part of that was watchingthe siblings with each other and
(09:42):
just seeing all the you know,the different dynamics and
differences and personalitiesand just really realizing you
know what a unique gift that canbe, you know, to our kids.
So then we just decided, justyou know what, whatever happens,
happens.
And there we went, just go forit, I love that, yeah, that is
(10:04):
pretty awesome.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Going from like I don't know if I want to have
kids to three kids.
You know what?
Let's have nine.
Let's just keep going, I lovethat we would have had more.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Yeah, we would have had more.
I love that.
I'm a dinosaur now, so you knowkids Well absolutely not.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
You look fabulous.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Yes, yes, you do.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Oh, thank you, I just love that realization.
I feel like that, you know, youknow everyone says it takes a
village, but like having likethose other relationships, like
that's just like.
That was just such a light bulbmoment for me because we have
such a supportive family andfriends and it's nice to know
that like yeah, I might not beable to be there for like every
little thing, but it's likeother people can.
(10:48):
Somebody will be and like those,yeah, somebody will be like
they're always going to havesome strong supportive
relationships, which is so nice,wow.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Well, and too, as your kids get older, for us,
when teenagers need to discusscertain things, they felt more
comfortable going to one of mysisters or something about
something.
And I'll never forget when myoldest was needing to learn to
shave her legs, I'm like, oh mygosh, I can't do it.
I made my sister do it.
(11:18):
I'm like we have to teach herto shave her legs.
I could rather most people dothat.
You know it's cool.
You know that you can.
You know when you're, whenyou're blessed to have that.
You know bigger support system,too, that you can draw on them
and all of that.
You know bigger support system,too, that you can draw on them
and all of that too.
So, and I, you know I lookforward to what that's going to
be like.
You know, when my kids getolder, you know to see how they,
(11:42):
as adults, are there for eachother.
Even just this week, my 16 yearold has her prom this weekend
and you know she came to me andsaid you know, and I'm a
hairdresser, isn't this funny?
She's like can you do my hairlike this?
And I'm like, no, that was notmy gift.
If you want a perm, I can giveyou a perm all day long.
I'm not do those pretty hairdo,but you know what your sister
(12:06):
can do, that you know.
Why don't you call her?
Speaker 2 (12:21):
She loves to do that and she's so good.
Oh, yes, I'll do that.
So you know she's coming overto do her hair this weekend
because her hairdresser momcan't do it.
Oh my goodness.
All right, so let's hit someother topics here with this.
So how do you manage yourschedule With all of this going
on?
I mean that's, is it possible?
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Well, so I would say there's a few things to keep in
mind and I feel like the more,the more variables is how I call
them the more variables youhave in your life.
So, for instance, I havemultiple kids.
They do multiple, you know, Ihave some of them in this sport,
I have others in this sport.
They also do music and havemusic lessons and a day of music
(12:55):
, and then we've got churchyouth group that a couple of
them do and just all thesedifferent things and I would
consider those to be allvariables.
And so the more variables youhave, the more I find you plan
things in pencil.
Yes, I like that?
Yes, I like that.
Yes, you know it's like, andyou really only put things in
(13:18):
stone like a day or two ahead atthe most.
Yeah, because it just has to bethat way.
So when it comes to managinglike the schedule in that way,
like there are many times wherethere will be, as you can
imagine, overlapping things,like I'm supposed to have this
kid here at the same time asthis kid is supposed to be there
, and I have learned that.
(13:40):
I am aware of that.
You know there's always got tobe this awareness where you're
looking ahead, you know a monthor two or three, but when there
are problems like that, I havelearned that I just need to wait
it out and see.
It is amazing how some of thosedetails end up getting worked
out so much of the time and itdoesn't.
(14:01):
You know, when you're doingthat sort of thing too far out,
whatever solution you come upwith is probably going to change
10 different.
You know the exact details willchange 10 times between now and
then.
So then it just becomes wastedeffort and wasted everything.
So stress that you don't needWorry.
Yeah, so I find that's onemajor way of managing, like
(14:21):
where everybody has to go andall of that.
It literally is like pencilplanning any pencil for a while.
My kids just today are startingup with their.
I have five swimmers right nowyeah, five swimmers, but of
course their groups are all werepresent, all the different
groups offered, I bet you.
(14:41):
They all have differentpractice times and so there's
some overlap and there's somenot, and so our kids have
learned there also has to beflexibility on my part, and all
my kids know there has to beflexibility as well.
There's times where you know Iwill, one kid will have to go a
(15:03):
half hour early because I'm not,I'm not going this back and
forth.
So you're, you're gonna come ahalf hour early and bring a book
or whatever and somebody elsemight stay late, and so there's
a lot of that flexibility andadaptability.
I mean that's a key.
Also when they're happy, youknow, when we're talking
schedules and trying to makeeverything fit, and then when
(15:24):
you're talking about like, justhow to get through the day, that
type of schedule, again, for meI like to plan things in time
blocks for the most part, whereagain you kind of just have I
have my different roles kind ofmapped out through the day.
So when my day first starts,that's when I get my work done,
because obviously I still run abusiness also, so that's when I
(15:45):
get my work done.
So that's kind of my workbucket.
And then after I work I go intomy self-care bucket.
That's usually a time that I'mgetting a workout in and that
sort of thing.
And then after that I switchedto kind of the homemaker slash
mom bucket where I'm helpingpeople get through breakfast and
we're getting you know like ayou know quick morning, tidy,
(16:07):
done after the you knowaftermath of all of those things
.
And then it switches tohomeschool mom bucket and then
it switches back to kind of likehomemaker mom bucket.
Then it goes back to workbucket.
So it's really just.
I think it's very helpful whenmanaging a schedule to start
with what your different rolesand this is how I teach it you
start with what your differentroles and responsibilities are.
(16:30):
First you lay those out in yourday on a Tuesday and a
Wednesday if it looks differentand then the tasks you can fill
in from there, because those arethe variables that can change
Right.
So I and it's not to say thatyou don't have overlap of your
you know time walks, becausethere are there's times where
I'm homeschool mom, working mom,homemaker and taxi service all
(16:52):
at the same time.
You know, for the most part,when you have kind of one
primary rule planned for eachdifferent block of time
throughout your day, it reallyhelps you be more, I find, helps
me feel like I'm more presentin everything that I do, rather
than trying to do 12,000 thingsat one time.
(17:12):
And you know my kids will know,you know, if they will approach
me during a work time, forinstance, they know that I might
say you know they don't evensay like, certain times they
won't even say hey, can you dothis for me?
Their question will be when areyou going to be done with this
work time or something alongthose lines.
Because they know that you know, outside of our blood or vomit
(17:34):
rule, you know we try to justkind of stick with the way that
things go and just like too,when I'm homeschooling a couple
of the younger ones together,you know, and the older kids
know, like this is homeschooltime, like again, unless it's
blood or vomit.
This is what I'm doing rightnow and so I think that's very
helpful too when you're thinkingabout a daily schedule is to
(17:57):
think about the rules andresponsibilities first and the
tasks second, because when allwe do is think about all the
things we have to do and allthose tasks, that's what makes
us feel like we're running therat race all the time.
Yeah, overwhelmed, and yeah,definitely.
So I really feel like it setsyou up in a good way to keep the
real thing on the real thing,not to say that you don't still
feel like you're pulled all overthe place sometimes because you
(18:18):
do.
But I think when you approachit as I'm going to, I'm going to
manage the person first and thetasks second.
Yeah, I find that is helpful aswell, and you know this is
stuff that has taken me years tofigure out.
Right, like I make it soundlike oh, this is just what you
do, and you know it's.
It takes, it has taken a lot toland here, but this is where I
(18:40):
have found certainly to work thesmoothest.
For the last probably 10 yearsat least, I've kind of been
doing it this way, I would say.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Yeah, I like that you mentioned bringing you know.
Your family is kind of broughtinto this.
They understand what each hatmeans or each bucket means, so
that they know how to you know,interrupt or don't interrupt.
I mean that's, I think, superimportant.
It's something that gets misseda lot, so it's not going to
function the way you need it toif everyone's not on board.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Yeah, well, and there's reminders too.
In fact, I had to have a sitdown this weekend and remind my
kids, like, cause they, you knowit was cleaning the house day,
it was our home reset day, whichwe do on the weekend, and, you
know, this kid wanted me tocheck this and that kid wanted
me to check that, and this kidand that kid, and I literally
reminded and explained again tosome of my youngers, you know,
um, if, if all I did was, youknow, run around here to do this
(19:30):
for this person and run hereand run here, like I would be
able to get my list done, likeyou can see my list.
And so, yes, I understand thatyou would like me to do this for
you right now and you wouldlike me to do this right now,
but let's remember that we wantto just be able to get done, and
you guys want my, you want meto be able to get my work done
too, so that we can get to thefun stuff Right, and so it has
(19:51):
to be this togetherness.
You know we have to kind ofwork together.
And so, again, they had kind ofgotten where they were
reminding more than or askingfor that type of thing, but it's
, you know, I always try toremind them like here's, why,
like, imagine, and I literallyask them, imagine if, if I did
(20:14):
this for you, that for them, andthat for them, and that for
them, you know, and it can belike bombarding, you know, like
literally, it could be somethingevery couple of minutes and it
kind of was this weekend, youknow, and I'm like, every time
that you, you know, interrupt metoo, you know it, it just it
makes me kind of have to resetagain.
And so, you know, why don't weplan on, you know, check in with
(20:34):
me.
You know, why don't we havecheck-ins every half hour?
Let me know what you need atthat point, you know.
And so that way, I mean, ourkids can do that right, even if
they aren't old enough to telltime.
And you're setting a timer Likethat's how it was with my
little ones Like 10 minutes, youknow, you're going to have your
alone time over on your blankethere for 10 minutes.
You're going to have your alonetime on a blanket here for 10
minutes and I'm going to sit onthe couch and do my thing,
(20:56):
whatever, and when the timergoes off, then we're done, you
know, then we can reassess andsee what we're going to do at
that point.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Yeah, no, that's really smart.
So, when you mentioned thecleaning over the weekend, so
how do you handle your tasks Imean as far as chores and tasks,
things like that for the kids,how do you handle your tasks I
mean as far as chores and tasks,things like that, for the kids,
how do you, how do you handlethat?
Do they do most of it or, youknow, is it a team?
Speaker 1 (21:20):
effort.
It is definitely a team effort.
Now, there are certain things.
So this is interesting and I,again, I've tried all.
We've done all different thingswith this too.
We've done it where theeverybody you know like this
person does this every week.
You know, like this is yourpack of tours, this is what you
do.
And I will say too, it's notjust on the weekend.
(21:41):
We have certain things we dothroughout the week too, because
we don't want to spend ourwhole weekend just pulling the
house together.
You know.
So some of these easier taskswe do during the week as well.
So I will say, like, in termsof the daily tasks, like my kids
are very in charge of, you know, cleaning up.
We have one person who clearsthe dining room.
It takes care of the diningroom.
We have one person who does thepantry dishes.
(22:02):
We have one person who cleansup the kitchen after every meal,
and you'll notice, none ofthose are me actually.
So a lot of times I'll have akid or two.
Help me bring a meal together,even if it's just something
simple.
You know kids when they'resuper young, you can say you
know, I usually will ask my kidsat lunchtime every day, because
of course they're here, becausewe homeschool, you know, and I
(22:23):
will ask them, you know, can youfirst of all pull out any
leftovers that we have so thosedon't get missed?
That's.
We have a really tight foodbudget.
It's something that I havealways tried to spend minimally
on is food.
I'd rather spend my money onother fun things.
I mean not that food can't befun, but, um.
So you know we keep a reallyclose eye on leftovers or
whatever.
So usually I'm just pullingsomeone into the kitchen hey,
(22:45):
can you, um, bring out theleftovers for me?
Can you make, can you grab thesalad?
Can you do this?
So, um, you know we always havevery planned meals so that
everybody knows what's forbreakfast and lunch and dinner
and so that again, it's easierfor them to jump in and out.
You know that's a key.
If you want your kids to helpyou with stuff, you got to.
Let them know what there isavailable to help with, yeah,
(23:07):
what to help with.
Then they can help you.
So, but in terms of thehousehold chores, so where we
found it works best on the homereset is I literally will make a
list every single week and justput everybody's name on it, and
I have found rotation to be themost helpful, unless there are
certain people who like to docertain tasks, and as long as
(23:28):
everyone agrees, right, becauseit can't be like, hey, I want
this, this and this, you know,right, as long as everybody
agrees with that.
But we have landed where peoplereally do like the variety from
week to week, myself included.
And another key is, in fact,another key is literally goes
down the left.
(23:48):
All my kids names go down theleft.
Their jobs go underneath it,and then I put mine there too,
and I think that is a keybecause they see that I'm doing
it along with them.
It's not just hey, you know,here you guys go and I even will
write jobs a lot of times to dothis with mom or do this with a
(24:09):
sibling, you know, and it'slike an older kid and a younger
kid or like it's a big.
Yeah, we have certain areasthat you like our school room,
we have a large school room, butthere's a lot of a lot, a lot
that happens during the week.
You know, we do a general tidyof it, but it's it's pretty much
a butchering rep by the time weget to the weekend after a
school week.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
Yeah, no-transcript, even just with the two I have
(24:58):
here.
You know it's well, she doesn'thave to do anything.
Why don't I have to do this?
Well, she does.
You just don't see what herlist is.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Well, when they think , oh, I want to complain about
this thing, they get anopportunity to glance and say,
oh, well, my sister's playing inthe bathroom.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
I guess that's not so bad.
We should probably Maybe that'swhat we're talking about now.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
Well, I feel like this kind of like leads into
another question.
It's like do you get any likealone time?
I know you said like yourself-care every day where you do
your workout, which I think isgreat, because I think, with
having so many like tasks andbuckets that you have to fill
and roles you have to play, thatthat could easily be pushed to
the side because you're saying Ijust simply don't have time.
(25:41):
I love that you make that likepart of your day.
So it's like do you get likethat time like with you or just
you and your spouse or whoeverlike?
Do you get that alone time tojust kind of reset?
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Well, I'm going to.
I'm going to key in on twowords you use, which I was
really glad you used them.
You use the word have and youuse the word get, and I will
answer, no, I do not have thetime and no, I don't get the
time, but I make it AbsolutelyBecause that's what it has to be
.
Because if we just sit aroundand wait for, if we wait to get
(26:13):
to X, y or Z, we all know likethat, you know that will never
happen.
There's always a thousand otherthings that are screaming
louder.
Right, if we think about ourself-care, you know just kind of
that as a general bucket.
You know there is always goingto be all the tasks and all of
those things, and you know theydo.
(26:33):
They feel more urgent than ourself-care.
But I like to say how.
You know you hear the word selfin self-care, but it's
everybody benefits, right.
You know that to be true too.
If you are constantly.
Now, I do believe that women canrun on fumes for a while.
I think we can go above andbeyond.
We can neglect ourselves for awhile when we have seasons or
(26:56):
situations that require that,right, but there will reach a
point where we cannot do that.
And what is that point?
Who knows, who knows when it'sgoing to happen, but it's real
hard to bring yourself back.
Once you go over the edge andinto burnout.
Or you go over the edge intojust I have nothing left, it's
(27:18):
harder to bring yourself back.
And then a question I like toask too is if you're burning the
candle at both ends that way,how much value are you really
able to bring to the people andthe things that you're trying to
do it all for, like I call ityour highest and best self?
You're not able to do that, andwe want that too, right,
(27:41):
because we know when we'reshowing up on one out of five
cylinders and we don't like it,so it's.
But you do have to make thetime, absolutely make the time.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Yeah, I know it's so important because, like if
you're, like you said, burningthe candle at both ends and
you're showing up and beingsnippy with your partner or
you're just being really shortwith your kids and you like just
kind of lose it.
You're like that's not helpinganybody, that's not showing up
as like the best version of youand like that's not benefiting
like yourself, your spouse, yourkids, anything.
(28:15):
So I love that Like you justhave to make the time because it
benefits everyone, not just you.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
And I feel like that time can be different in
different seasons too, andthere's a situation, you know,
there's plenty of times where wecan say, well, ideally this is
what this would look like.
Ideally I would like to havetime for a 45 minute workout
every day.
But there might be seasonswhere you say, for right now I
like tacking that onto it, right, because we're like we can feel
(28:42):
disappointed, likerealistically right now, like it
can only be 20 minutes, youknow, every day or every other
day or whatever, or whatever,but just to remind yourself like
this is what it has to be forright now.
Later it will be able to lookdifferent or I will be able to
reevaluate this, you know, at alater time, when it's not in the
(29:06):
middle of, you know, concertseason and baseball season and
all of those things.
But you, you know you stillhave to um, the type a
personality that I am for a longtime, like if I, if I was
supposed to do a 30 minuteworkout like my husband helped
me figure this out because he'snot type A but when I would be
at a point where I couldn't geta 30 minute workout, I would not
want to do any workout at all.
(29:26):
And my husband would be likethat's so dumb, why don't you go
out for a 10 minute walk?
And I'd be like I don't know, Ijust don't want go out for a 10
minute walk.
And I'd be like I don't know, Ijust don't want to wake already
.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
you know, that's really really interesting,
because I think I fall into thatsame category yeah, I mean it's
like you have it set you justlike have it set in your mind
like a certain way you want itto be done and it's like, if I
don't get, like at least, likeyou said, like 30 minutes in,
like what's the point?
Like it's not what I hadplanned.
And then it's like, well, it'seither that or nothing.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
Like the 10 minute walk would probably be better
than nothing, but in your mindyou're just like yeah, though I
mean really yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Here's the benefit, though, is it's, I think, yes,
are you giving up the workout ifyou're not able to?
Are you giving up the 30minutes if you can only get 10,
yes, but what you're not givingup is how you are showing up for
yourself, right, and so I thinkthat's the bigger thing.
We sacrifice and say, if Ican't get the 30, so I'm not
doing anything.
What we the kind of theemotions and feelings and
(30:25):
frustrations that we have tograpple with at that point is we
haven't prioritized ourself atall, we haven't kept any sort of
promise to ourselves and we'veturned.
You know, it's like we'veturned our back on ourselves.
And so when you're able to getthat 10 minute walk, it's not,
yeah, you're not getting muchfor exercise wise in 10 minutes
time, but what you are gettingis, you know what?
(30:48):
I still showed up for myselftoday, and I still made sure
that I prioritized myself, evenif it was just in this much
smaller way, and I think thatallows us, in our mindset, to be
a much healthier person.
Because I don't know about you,but when I would miss that
30-minute workout, ben, and donothing, I am in a much more
(31:08):
frustrated state than I get a10-minute in Yep, I agree, I
would totally agree, cause it'slike you showed up for yourself
for at least 10 minutes.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
You prioritize yourself, and then if you don't
do that, then you're just likethinking like, okay, well one.
I'm just like sulking andirritated on the couch, or I'm
like I'm doing the dishes when Ishould be like having my 10
minutes of self care and you'rejust like, then you're just like
in a bad mood.
The rest of the day or it takesme a little bit longer to like
get out of a like little funklike that sometimes.
(31:38):
So I'm just like yeah, Itotally agree, it's like 10
minutes is better than nothing.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Well, and then how do we feel about the people Like,
whatever it is that we determinehas made it so that we can't
get this workout done Like term,and has made it so that we
can't get this workout done,like now, we're frustrated
towards that person.
Speaker 3 (31:57):
you know, yes, we're resentful.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
Not good, not not a pretty emotion Like I don't, no,
I don't see pretty, uh, pretty,uh words and actions coming out
of way, no, when we feel likethe word like resentful in
itself is just like an ugly word.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
you know, the word like resentful in itself is just
like an ugly word.
It's not pretty.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
Does that look pretty ?
I'm not bad, no, oh my gosh.
Well, that's awesome.
I think that is a great placeto stop for this week, but I
would love for you, jennifer,just to tell everyone where they
can find you, what's going onin your neck of the woods.
All that good stuff.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
Yeah, so we have something really exciting
actually happening here in thenext couple of weeks.
We've got the Simplify yourSummer Online Summit happening,
which is we've got 30 speakershappening this year, one of
which you'll recognize.
So we've got and we covereverything from self-care we
talk about home care, we talkabout meals, we talk about time
(32:57):
management, we talk aboutgetting stuff done, and this
year we're actually having acategory for moms and working
moms as well.
So, yeah, so just all thecommon things that women
struggle with every day.
You can find out and get a freeticket to that at
simplifyyoursummercom.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Awesome.
Yeah, we'll leave that in theshow notes for everyone so you
can grab that if you'd like toattend.
I'd encourage it.
I've gone last year and I'll bethere again this year, so good
times, all right.
Well, thank you so much,jennifer, for being here.
It was so fun and I think youjust nailed a lot of points
(33:39):
across about what us moms justkind of neglect, and you know,
managing that household is justsuch a challenge, but it really
doesn't have to be if we thinkabout it in the right way.
So, appreciate all your insights.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Yeah Well, I was going to say too I also have the
Intentional Mom podcast, andyou are going to be a guest on
that as well too.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
We're going to be able to sit down, but you'll be,
a familiar face on theIntentional Mom podcast as well,
definitely definitely going tobe awesome, all right, well,
thanks everyone for joining usthis week and we will be back
next with a brand new episode.
Yeah, thanks for having me.
Thanks for joining us today on,she's Got it Together.
It's been a real journey,sharing and laughing with you
(34:20):
all.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
We hope you're walking away with a smile on
your face and a bit moreconfidence in your step.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Remember, you're not alone in this crazy ride called
life.
We're all in this together, oneday at a time.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Don't forget to subscribe, leave us a review and
, of course, share this podcastwith all the incredible women in
your life.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Join us next week for more stories, more laughs and
more real talk.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
Until then, keep embracing your unique journey
and remember you've got ittogether more than you think.
half planning and it's half damage control, and I
teach that as the skill ofreassessment, right, like that's
really what it is.
It's like, when life happenswhich is a lot, what are you
going to do, right, you, you,you can't undo a lot of things,
so it's a matter of justaccepting what it is and then
saying, all right, well, that'sinteresting, so this is what I
(00:23):
thought was going to happen, butthis is now what has happened.
So it's like, how can Ireconcile these two things?
So, yeah, that's that's reallywhat it boils down to.
I feel like, even even when youhave smaller families, right,
you're doing the same thing.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Hi everyone, and welcome to a brand new episode
of she's Got it Together.
I'm your host, jessica.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
And I'm Samantha.
Each week we peel back thecurtain on what it really looks
like to have it together.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
From the messy moments to the milestones, we're
here to share it all.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
So grab your favorite drink, get comfy and let's dive
into today's topic.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Hey, jessica, here from, she's Got it Together and
I'm here with my lovely co-host,samantha, and today we are
going to be talking withJennifer Roskamp.
Hi, jennifer, hey ladies,thanks for having me here today.
I'm excited to talk with you.
Yeah, this is going to be fun.
So today's topic is going to bemanaging a household.
So today's topic is going to bemanaging a household, but
(01:24):
Jennifer has a bit of a twist onthat, just because she has more
children than the averagefamily.
So, jennifer, do you want tojust kind of dive in and tell us
a little bit about yourself?
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Yeah, so I'm a homeschooling mom of nine, gigi
of two, which means grandma inmy world, but because my
youngest was only three and ahalf when my first grandson was
born, I thought I need to beGigi, like I need to pick a name
, like it can't be grandma,right?
This is so confusing for myyoungest son at the time, who
(01:59):
must have been six or seven.
He's like so, do we haveanother brother-in-law now?
And it was like.
He's like so do we have anotherbrother-in-law now?
And it was like no, no, no,like a nephew, you know, just
really confusing.
So so, yeah, there's a big gap,obviously, between my oldest and
my youngest.
So at the time of thisrecording, my oldest just turned
23.
She's the one with two kids,and then my youngest is five.
(02:20):
So, and my first three arereally close in age, and then
they kind of space out to wherethey're about two years apart,
most of them um, and then wehomeschool as well.
So, um, we're together a lot,but my kids do a lot of stuff as
well, uh, but, uh, yeah, solife is never boring.
That's always what I say, right, and it's controlled chaos.
(02:40):
I always say those are my twothings, like it's.
It's always an element of chaos.
It's a matter of you just haveto control it and then do with
it what you can, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, just takewhat you can and let go and rest
, I guess.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Oh my gosh, that's crazy.
I mean we, samantha and I,because we're sisters.
We have about eight and a half,almost nine years between us,
but still our mom only had three, and it was because there was
twins.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Because Sam's a twin.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
I'm a twin.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Oh wow yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
So, gosh, you guys were sisters, we are.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
That's fine.
Fun fact, yes, fun fact.
So okay, well, I mean, you'vegot've got it all figured out
then if you can handle ahousehold with that many.
It's control right yes.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Oh, I love that.
Yes, that's perfect Damage.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Control.
Yes, it's perfect.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
I mean, that's really what it is.
I feel like it's it's halfplanning and it's half damage
control, and really I teach thatas the skill of reassessment,
right, like that's really whatit is.
It's like when life happens,which happens a lot, what are
you going to do, right, you, you, you can't undo a lot of things
(03:53):
, so it's a matter of justaccepting what it is and then
saying, all right, well, that'sinteresting, so this is what I
thought was going to happen, butthis is now what has happened.
So it's like, how can Ireconcile these two things?
So that's really what it boilsdown to.
I feel like, even when you havesmaller families, right, you're
doing the same thing.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
No, that's very true.
I mean, that's essentially howyou make it through the day is
just by pivoting when you needto pivot and going with it.
Yeah, definitely going with it.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
You can always have a plan, but it's never gonna go
according to the plan, so youhave to be flexible because I
have an 18 month old.
I'm pregnant with my secondright now, so I'm just kind of
like okay, like we've got lifefigured out for the most part
with the one.
Now we're gonna and he's, youknow, 18 months, so it'll be
like 22 months apart.
So then we're gonna add anotherone to the chaos and I'm like
(04:44):
you know 18 months, so there'llbe like 22 months apart.
So then we're going to addanother one to the chaos and I'm
like you know what Two, four,six like does it matter you know
how many we have is just goingto be chaos, controlled chaos,
no matter how many you have.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
Yeah, I mean honestly , you know that's kind of.
When we got to four I will saypeople think I'm crazy, but I
think there was some adjustmentwith going from one to two, two
to three and three to four, butliterally after that there was
just no, there was no adjustmentanymore.
And I know that sounds crazy,but it really was just like well
(05:18):
, all the wheels are essentially, you know like you are, you are
heavily outnumbered.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
And so it is just the way it is.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
And then, yeah, it's, it's the fluidity of life.
Right, that's it's.
You gotta be fluid because,again, you can fight against it.
But why do that?
Like, all you're doing istaking your precious resources,
your time, your bandwidth, yourbrain space, your emotions, your
mental capacity, all thosethings.
So, and then you're just, youknow, trying to beat your head
(05:48):
against the wall about saying,you know, well, I don't like
this, right, like, but I don'twant this to happen, but I
wanted it to go this way.
You know, that's just like.
Well, let's, let's use myresources.
Like I'm all about, I think,when you're spread between so
many different people and pulledin so many different directions
, I think I'm just so hardwiredto be so strategic of, like, my
(06:10):
resources.
I'm like what is the leastamount of effort and time and
bandwidth and everything I canput into each and everything,
because I need enough, you know,for all these buckets, right,
exactly, yeah that is, and I'veheard that from so many other
large families that you know,after three or four, it's, it's
nothing changes really, it'sjust yeah and another one to the
(06:32):
mix Three to four is usuallyeasier because like they have
like playmates and like there'slike it's an even number for a
minute there and like they'rejust like okay, yeah, there's
four of them.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
Like they're just everywhere now, like it's fine,
they're everywhere.
I love it, yes.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Well, just to occur to Samantha, I would say my
daughter's transition from oneto two has been really, really
smooth.
I can't remember that lie,though I have no idea what it
was like for me and my you knowmy kids would say all the time
well, that's because you're adinosaur, you know.
I hear all kinds of things Justhaving watched her go through
it just recently, because myyoungest grandson is not even
(07:08):
three months yet and that's beena real smooth transition for
her, is not even three monthsyet and that's been a real
smooth transition for her.
So I think, if you hear I meanI think a lot of times we think,
and maybe people tell you allthe bad stories, so I would want
to say no, it's not, you know,it can be totally a hundred
percent fine.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Well, that's really encouraging.
It makes me excited.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Well, and your personality too.
You know you're pretty laidback for the most part.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Yeah, like I feel like I'm you know, I was a
teacher, like I've babysat kids,Like I'm very comfortable
around kids.
I love kids, so I'm like I'mnot like super nervous about
having two.
It's just like all of the liketime and things, like all the
stuff you have to do for one.
I'm a little like, oh, I feelso bad, I'm not going to be able
to like give him, give him asmuch like undivided attention
(07:56):
and stuff like that.
But then all my friends thatwent from like one to two or
three kids, they're like it'llbe fine, Like you feel a little
guilty now but once like thatbaby comes and you see, like
their relationship, like it's soworth it.
So I'm excited yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Well, that is interesting that you bring up
that point too, because that'scertainly a question I get a lot
, you know, is like.
You know, how can you, how isthere even close to enough of
you to go around Like there'snot?
You know it's like, but don'tforget that you're not the only
one who brings value in terms ofrelationship and everything to
your kids.
You know they get so much moreand everything to their kids.
(08:34):
You know they get so much more.
You know they have so manyother people in my family to
also gain everything from, andso it definitely is a different
dynamic, you know, but it's not.
That was a big, I think,realization for us when we got
to four, and I think that'sreally what made us because we
didn't.
In fact, when my husband and Iwere married for a while, we
said we weren't having any kids.
Isn't that interesting, wow.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
But we never knew we wanted a large family.
I think we both come from threeand so I think if you would
have asked us, we probably justwould have assumed that, because
that's what was familiar to us.
And then, I guess, after we hadthe first one, maybe the second
one is when I knew I wanted atleast four, I really wanted four
, and my husband was like, no,I'm not doing that.
(09:19):
So actually the biggest gapbetween our kids is between
three and four.
There's actually a three yeargap there.
And then he was finally likeyou know what, I'm good with
four.
And then literally it when wehad that four, that's when the
fun really became clear to usand it was just like, oh my gosh
, this is so cool.
And part of that was watchingthe siblings with each other and
(09:42):
just seeing all the you know,the different dynamics and
differences and personalitiesand just really realizing you
know what a unique gift that canbe, you know, to our kids.
So then we just decided, justyou know what, whatever happens,
happens.
And there we went, just go forit, I love that, yeah, that is
(10:04):
pretty awesome.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Going from like I don't know if I want to have
kids to three kids.
You know what?
Let's have nine.
Let's just keep going, I lovethat we would have had more.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
Yeah, we would have had more.
I love that.
I'm a dinosaur now, so you knowkids Well absolutely not.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
You look fabulous.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Yes, yes, you do.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Oh, thank you, I just love that realization.
I feel like that, you know, youknow everyone says it takes a
village, but like having likethose other relationships, like
that's just like.
That was just such a light bulbmoment for me because we have
such a supportive family andfriends and it's nice to know
that like yeah, I might not beable to be there for like every
little thing, but it's likeother people can.
(10:48):
Somebody will be and like those,yeah, somebody will be like
they're always going to havesome strong supportive
relationships, which is so nice,wow.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Well, and too, as your kids get older, for us,
when teenagers need to discusscertain things, they felt more
comfortable going to one of mysisters or something about
something.
And I'll never forget when myoldest was needing to learn to
shave her legs, I'm like, oh mygosh, I can't do it.
I made my sister do it.
(11:18):
I'm like we have to teach herto shave her legs.
I could rather most people dothat.
You know it's cool.
You know that you can.
You know when you're, whenyou're blessed to have that.
You know bigger support system,too, that you can draw on them
and all of that.
You know bigger support system,too, that you can draw on them
and all of that too.
So, and I, you know I lookforward to what that's going to
be like.
You know, when my kids getolder, you know to see how they,
(11:42):
as adults, are there for eachother.
Even just this week, my 16 yearold has her prom this weekend
and you know she came to me andsaid you know, and I'm a
hairdresser, isn't this funny?
She's like can you do my hairlike this?
And I'm like, no, that was notmy gift.
If you want a perm, I can giveyou a perm all day long.
I'm not do those pretty hairdo,but you know what your sister
(12:06):
can do, that you know.
Why don't you call her?
Speaker 2 (12:21):
She loves to do that and she's so good.
Oh, yes, I'll do that.
So you know she's coming overto do her hair this weekend
because her hairdresser momcan't do it.
Oh my goodness.
All right, so let's hit someother topics here with this.
So how do you manage yourschedule With all of this going
on?
I mean that's, is it possible?
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Well, so I would say there's a few things to keep in
mind and I feel like the more,the more variables is how I call
them the more variables youhave in your life.
So, for instance, I havemultiple kids.
They do multiple, you know, Ihave some of them in this sport,
I have others in this sport.
They also do music and havemusic lessons and a day of music
(12:55):
, and then we've got churchyouth group that a couple of
them do and just all thesedifferent things and I would
consider those to be allvariables.
And so the more variables youhave, the more I find you plan
things in pencil.
Yes, I like that?
Yes, I like that.
Yes, you know it's like, andyou really only put things in
(13:18):
stone like a day or two ahead atthe most.
Yeah, because it just has to bethat way.
So when it comes to managinglike the schedule in that way,
like there are many times wherethere will be, as you can
imagine, overlapping things,like I'm supposed to have this
kid here at the same time asthis kid is supposed to be there
, and I have learned that.
(13:40):
I am aware of that.
You know there's always got tobe this awareness where you're
looking ahead, you know a monthor two or three, but when there
are problems like that, I havelearned that I just need to wait
it out and see.
It is amazing how some of thosedetails end up getting worked
out so much of the time and itdoesn't.
(14:01):
You know, when you're doingthat sort of thing too far out,
whatever solution you come upwith is probably going to change
10 different.
You know the exact details willchange 10 times between now and
then.
So then it just becomes wastedeffort and wasted everything.
So stress that you don't needWorry.
Yeah, so I find that's onemajor way of managing, like
(14:21):
where everybody has to go andall of that.
It literally is like pencilplanning any pencil for a while.
My kids just today are startingup with their.
I have five swimmers right nowyeah, five swimmers, but of
course their groups are all werepresent, all the different
groups offered, I bet you.
(14:41):
They all have differentpractice times and so there's
some overlap and there's somenot, and so our kids have
learned there also has to beflexibility on my part, and all
my kids know there has to beflexibility as well.
There's times where you know Iwill, one kid will have to go a
(15:03):
half hour early because I'm not,I'm not going this back and
forth.
So you're, you're gonna come ahalf hour early and bring a book
or whatever and somebody elsemight stay late, and so there's
a lot of that flexibility andadaptability.
I mean that's a key.
Also when they're happy, youknow, when we're talking
schedules and trying to makeeverything fit, and then when
(15:24):
you're talking about like, justhow to get through the day, that
type of schedule, again, for meI like to plan things in time
blocks for the most part, whereagain you kind of just have I
have my different roles kind ofmapped out through the day.
So when my day first starts,that's when I get my work done,
because obviously I still run abusiness also, so that's when I
(15:45):
get my work done.
So that's kind of my workbucket.
And then after I work I go intomy self-care bucket.
That's usually a time that I'mgetting a workout in and that
sort of thing.
And then after that I switchedto kind of the homemaker slash
mom bucket where I'm helpingpeople get through breakfast and
we're getting you know like ayou know quick morning, tidy,
(16:07):
done after the you knowaftermath of all of those things
.
And then it switches tohomeschool mom bucket and then
it switches back to kind of likehomemaker mom bucket.
Then it goes back to workbucket.
So it's really just.
I think it's very helpful whenmanaging a schedule to start
with what your different rolesand this is how I teach it you
start with what your differentroles and responsibilities are.
(16:30):
First you lay those out in yourday on a Tuesday and a
Wednesday if it looks differentand then the tasks you can fill
in from there, because those arethe variables that can change
Right.
So I and it's not to say thatyou don't have overlap of your
you know time walks, becausethere are there's times where
I'm homeschool mom, working mom,homemaker and taxi service all
(16:52):
at the same time.
You know, for the most part,when you have kind of one
primary rule planned for eachdifferent block of time
throughout your day, it reallyhelps you be more, I find, helps
me feel like I'm more presentin everything that I do, rather
than trying to do 12,000 thingsat one time.
(17:12):
And you know my kids will know,you know, if they will approach
me during a work time, forinstance, they know that I might
say you know they don't evensay like, certain times they
won't even say hey, can you dothis for me?
Their question will be when areyou going to be done with this
work time or something alongthose lines.
Because they know that you know, outside of our blood or vomit
(17:34):
rule, you know we try to justkind of stick with the way that
things go and just like too,when I'm homeschooling a couple
of the younger ones together,you know, and the older kids
know, like this is homeschooltime, like again, unless it's
blood or vomit.
This is what I'm doing rightnow and so I think that's very
helpful too when you're thinkingabout a daily schedule is to
(17:57):
think about the rules andresponsibilities first and the
tasks second, because when allwe do is think about all the
things we have to do and allthose tasks, that's what makes
us feel like we're running therat race all the time.
Yeah, overwhelmed, and yeah,definitely.
So I really feel like it setsyou up in a good way to keep the
real thing on the real thing,not to say that you don't still
feel like you're pulled all overthe place sometimes because you
(18:18):
do.
But I think when you approachit as I'm going to, I'm going to
manage the person first and thetasks second.
Yeah, I find that is helpful aswell, and you know this is
stuff that has taken me years tofigure out.
Right, like I make it soundlike oh, this is just what you
do, and you know it's.
It takes, it has taken a lot toland here, but this is where I
(18:40):
have found certainly to work thesmoothest.
For the last probably 10 yearsat least, I've kind of been
doing it this way, I would say.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Yeah, I like that you mentioned bringing you know.
Your family is kind of broughtinto this.
They understand what each hatmeans or each bucket means, so
that they know how to you know,interrupt or don't interrupt.
I mean that's, I think, superimportant.
It's something that gets misseda lot, so it's not going to
function the way you need it toif everyone's not on board.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Yeah, well, and there's reminders too.
In fact, I had to have a sitdown this weekend and remind my
kids, like, cause they, you knowit was cleaning the house day,
it was our home reset day, whichwe do on the weekend, and, you
know, this kid wanted me tocheck this and that kid wanted
me to check that, and this kidand that kid, and I literally
reminded and explained again tosome of my youngers, you know,
um, if, if all I did was, youknow, run around here to do this
(19:30):
for this person and run hereand run here, like I would be
able to get my list done, likeyou can see my list.
And so, yes, I understand thatyou would like me to do this for
you right now and you wouldlike me to do this right now,
but let's remember that we wantto just be able to get done, and
you guys want my, you want meto be able to get my work done
too, so that we can get to thefun stuff Right, and so it has
(19:51):
to be this togetherness.
You know we have to kind ofwork together.
And so, again, they had kind ofgotten where they were
reminding more than or askingfor that type of thing, but it's
, you know, I always try toremind them like here's, why,
like, imagine, and I literallyask them, imagine if, if I did
(20:14):
this for you, that for them, andthat for them, and that for
them, you know, and it can belike bombarding, you know, like
literally, it could be somethingevery couple of minutes and it
kind of was this weekend, youknow, and I'm like, every time
that you, you know, interrupt metoo, you know it, it just it
makes me kind of have to resetagain.
And so, you know, why don't weplan on, you know, check in with
(20:34):
me.
You know, why don't we havecheck-ins every half hour?
Let me know what you need atthat point, you know.
And so that way, I mean, ourkids can do that right, even if
they aren't old enough to telltime.
And you're setting a timer Likethat's how it was with my
little ones Like 10 minutes, youknow, you're going to have your
alone time over on your blankethere for 10 minutes.
You're going to have your alonetime on a blanket here for 10
minutes and I'm going to sit onthe couch and do my thing,
(20:56):
whatever, and when the timergoes off, then we're done, you
know, then we can reassess andsee what we're going to do at
that point.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Yeah, no, that's really smart.
So, when you mentioned thecleaning over the weekend, so
how do you handle your tasks Imean as far as chores and tasks,
things like that for the kids,how do you handle your tasks I
mean as far as chores and tasks,things like that, for the kids,
how do you, how do you handlethat?
Do they do most of it or, youknow, is it a team?
Speaker 1 (21:20):
effort.
It is definitely a team effort.
Now, there are certain things.
So this is interesting and I,again, I've tried all.
We've done all different thingswith this too.
We've done it where theeverybody you know like this
person does this every week.
You know, like this is yourpack of tours, this is what you
do.
And I will say too, it's notjust on the weekend.
(21:41):
We have certain things we dothroughout the week too, because
we don't want to spend ourwhole weekend just pulling the
house together.
You know.
So some of these easier taskswe do during the week as well.
So I will say, like, in termsof the daily tasks, like my kids
are very in charge of, you know, cleaning up.
We have one person who clearsthe dining room.
It takes care of the diningroom.
We have one person who does thepantry dishes.
(22:02):
We have one person who cleansup the kitchen after every meal,
and you'll notice, none ofthose are me actually.
So a lot of times I'll have akid or two.
Help me bring a meal together,even if it's just something
simple.
You know kids when they'resuper young, you can say you
know, I usually will ask my kidsat lunchtime every day, because
of course they're here, becausewe homeschool, you know, and I
(22:23):
will ask them, you know, can youfirst of all pull out any
leftovers that we have so thosedon't get missed?
That's.
We have a really tight foodbudget.
It's something that I havealways tried to spend minimally
on is food.
I'd rather spend my money onother fun things.
I mean not that food can't befun, but, um.
So you know we keep a reallyclose eye on leftovers or
whatever.
So usually I'm just pullingsomeone into the kitchen hey,
(22:45):
can you, um, bring out theleftovers for me?
Can you make, can you grab thesalad?
Can you do this?
So, um, you know we always havevery planned meals so that
everybody knows what's forbreakfast and lunch and dinner
and so that again, it's easierfor them to jump in and out.
You know that's a key.
If you want your kids to helpyou with stuff, you got to.
Let them know what there isavailable to help with, yeah,
(23:07):
what to help with.
Then they can help you.
So, but in terms of thehousehold chores, so where we
found it works best on the homereset is I literally will make a
list every single week and justput everybody's name on it, and
I have found rotation to be themost helpful, unless there are
certain people who like to docertain tasks, and as long as
(23:28):
everyone agrees, right, becauseit can't be like, hey, I want
this, this and this, you know,right, as long as everybody
agrees with that.
But we have landed where peoplereally do like the variety from
week to week, myself included.
And another key is, in fact,another key is literally goes
down the left.
(23:48):
All my kids names go down theleft.
Their jobs go underneath it,and then I put mine there too,
and I think that is a keybecause they see that I'm doing
it along with them.
It's not just hey, you know,here you guys go and I even will
write jobs a lot of times to dothis with mom or do this with a
(24:09):
sibling, you know, and it'slike an older kid and a younger
kid or like it's a big.
Yeah, we have certain areasthat you like our school room,
we have a large school room, butthere's a lot of a lot, a lot
that happens during the week.
You know, we do a general tidyof it, but it's it's pretty much
a butchering rep by the time weget to the weekend after a
school week.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
Yeah, no-transcript, even just with the two I have
(24:58):
here.
You know it's well, she doesn'thave to do anything.
Why don't I have to do this?
Well, she does.
You just don't see what herlist is.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Well, when they think , oh, I want to complain about
this thing, they get anopportunity to glance and say,
oh, well, my sister's playing inthe bathroom.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
I guess that's not so bad.
We should probably Maybe that'swhat we're talking about now.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
Well, I feel like this kind of like leads into
another question.
It's like do you get any likealone time?
I know you said like yourself-care every day where you do
your workout, which I think isgreat, because I think, with
having so many like tasks andbuckets that you have to fill
and roles you have to play, thatthat could easily be pushed to
the side because you're saying Ijust simply don't have time.
(25:41):
I love that you make that likepart of your day.
So it's like do you get likethat time like with you or just
you and your spouse or whoeverlike?
Do you get that alone time tojust kind of reset?
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Well, I'm going to.
I'm going to key in on twowords you use, which I was
really glad you used them.
You use the word have and youuse the word get, and I will
answer, no, I do not have thetime and no, I don't get the
time, but I make it AbsolutelyBecause that's what it has to be
.
Because if we just sit aroundand wait for, if we wait to get
(26:13):
to X, y or Z, we all know likethat, you know that will never
happen.
There's always a thousand otherthings that are screaming
louder.
Right, if we think about ourself-care, you know just kind of
that as a general bucket.
You know there is always goingto be all the tasks and all of
those things, and you know theydo.
(26:33):
They feel more urgent than ourself-care.
But I like to say how.
You know you hear the word selfin self-care, but it's
everybody benefits, right.
You know that to be true too.
If you are constantly.
Now, I do believe that women canrun on fumes for a while.
I think we can go above andbeyond.
We can neglect ourselves for awhile when we have seasons or
(26:56):
situations that require that,right, but there will reach a
point where we cannot do that.
And what is that point?
Who knows, who knows when it'sgoing to happen, but it's real
hard to bring yourself back.
Once you go over the edge andinto burnout.
Or you go over the edge intojust I have nothing left, it's
(27:18):
harder to bring yourself back.
And then a question I like toask too is if you're burning the
candle at both ends that way,how much value are you really
able to bring to the people andthe things that you're trying to
do it all for, like I call ityour highest and best self?
You're not able to do that, andwe want that too, right,
(27:41):
because we know when we'reshowing up on one out of five
cylinders and we don't like it,so it's.
But you do have to make thetime, absolutely make the time.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Yeah, I know it's so important because, like if
you're, like you said, burningthe candle at both ends and
you're showing up and beingsnippy with your partner or
you're just being really shortwith your kids and you like just
kind of lose it.
You're like that's not helpinganybody, that's not showing up
as like the best version of youand like that's not benefiting
like yourself, your spouse, yourkids, anything.
(28:15):
So I love that Like you justhave to make the time because it
benefits everyone, not just you.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
And I feel like that time can be different in
different seasons too, andthere's a situation, you know,
there's plenty of times where wecan say, well, ideally this is
what this would look like.
Ideally I would like to havetime for a 45 minute workout
every day.
But there might be seasonswhere you say, for right now I
like tacking that onto it, right, because we're like we can feel
(28:42):
disappointed, likerealistically right now, like it
can only be 20 minutes, youknow, every day or every other
day or whatever, or whatever,but just to remind yourself like
this is what it has to be forright now.
Later it will be able to lookdifferent or I will be able to
reevaluate this, you know, at alater time, when it's not in the
(29:06):
middle of, you know, concertseason and baseball season and
all of those things.
But you, you know you stillhave to um, the type a
personality that I am for a longtime, like if I, if I was
supposed to do a 30 minuteworkout like my husband helped
me figure this out because he'snot type A but when I would be
at a point where I couldn't geta 30 minute workout, I would not
want to do any workout at all.
(29:26):
And my husband would be likethat's so dumb, why don't you go
out for a 10 minute walk?
And I'd be like I don't know, Ijust don't want go out for a 10
minute walk.
And I'd be like I don't know, Ijust don't want to wake already
.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
you know, that's really really interesting,
because I think I fall into thatsame category yeah, I mean it's
like you have it set you justlike have it set in your mind
like a certain way you want itto be done and it's like, if I
don't get, like at least, likeyou said, like 30 minutes in,
like what's the point?
Like it's not what I hadplanned.
And then it's like, well, it'seither that or nothing.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
Like the 10 minute walk would probably be better
than nothing, but in your mindyou're just like yeah, though I
mean really yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Here's the benefit, though, is it's, I think, yes,
are you giving up the workout ifyou're not able to?
Are you giving up the 30minutes if you can only get 10,
yes, but what you're not givingup is how you are showing up for
yourself, right, and so I thinkthat's the bigger thing.
We sacrifice and say, if Ican't get the 30, so I'm not
doing anything.
What we the kind of theemotions and feelings and
(30:25):
frustrations that we have tograpple with at that point is we
haven't prioritized ourself atall, we haven't kept any sort of
promise to ourselves and we'veturned.
You know, it's like we'veturned our back on ourselves.
And so when you're able to getthat 10 minute walk, it's not,
yeah, you're not getting muchfor exercise wise in 10 minutes
time, but what you are gettingis, you know what?
(30:48):
I still showed up for myselftoday, and I still made sure
that I prioritized myself, evenif it was just in this much
smaller way, and I think thatallows us, in our mindset, to be
a much healthier person.
Because I don't know about you,but when I would miss that
30-minute workout, ben, and donothing, I am in a much more
(31:08):
frustrated state than I get a10-minute in Yep, I agree, I
would totally agree, cause it'slike you showed up for yourself
for at least 10 minutes.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
You prioritize yourself, and then if you don't
do that, then you're just likethinking like, okay, well one.
I'm just like sulking andirritated on the couch, or I'm
like I'm doing the dishes when Ishould be like having my 10
minutes of self care and you'rejust like, then you're just like
in a bad mood.
The rest of the day or it takesme a little bit longer to like
get out of a like little funklike that sometimes.
(31:38):
So I'm just like yeah, Itotally agree, it's like 10
minutes is better than nothing.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Well, and then how do we feel about the people Like,
whatever it is that we determinehas made it so that we can't
get this workout done Like term,and has made it so that we
can't get this workout done,like now, we're frustrated
towards that person.
Speaker 3 (31:57):
you know, yes, we're resentful.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
Not good, not not a pretty emotion Like I don't, no,
I don't see pretty, uh, pretty,uh words and actions coming out
of way, no, when we feel likethe word like resentful in
itself is just like an ugly word.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
you know, the word like resentful in itself is just
like an ugly word.
It's not pretty.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
Does that look pretty ?
I'm not bad, no, oh my gosh.
Well, that's awesome.
I think that is a great placeto stop for this week, but I
would love for you, jennifer,just to tell everyone where they
can find you, what's going onin your neck of the woods.
All that good stuff.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
Yeah, so we have something really exciting
actually happening here in thenext couple of weeks.
We've got the Simplify yourSummer Online Summit happening,
which is we've got 30 speakershappening this year, one of
which you'll recognize.
So we've got and we covereverything from self-care we
talk about home care, we talkabout meals, we talk about time
(32:57):
management, we talk aboutgetting stuff done, and this
year we're actually having acategory for moms and working
moms as well.
So, yeah, so just all thecommon things that women
struggle with every day.
You can find out and get a freeticket to that at
simplifyyoursummercom.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Awesome.
Yeah, we'll leave that in theshow notes for everyone so you
can grab that if you'd like toattend.
I'd encourage it.
I've gone last year and I'll bethere again this year, so good
times, all right.
Well, thank you so much,jennifer, for being here.
It was so fun and I think youjust nailed a lot of points
(33:39):
across about what us moms justkind of neglect, and you know,
managing that household is justsuch a challenge, but it really
doesn't have to be if we thinkabout it in the right way.
So, appreciate all your insights.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Yeah Well, I was going to say too I also have the
Intentional Mom podcast, andyou are going to be a guest on
that as well too.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
We're going to be able to sit down, but you'll be,
a familiar face on theIntentional Mom podcast as well,
definitely definitely going tobe awesome, all right, well,
thanks everyone for joining usthis week and we will be back
next with a brand new episode.
Yeah, thanks for having me.
Thanks for joining us today on,she's Got it Together.
It's been a real journey,sharing and laughing with you
(34:20):
all.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
We hope you're walking away with a smile on
your face and a bit moreconfidence in your step.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Remember, you're not alone in this crazy ride called
life.
We're all in this together, oneday at a time.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
Don't forget to subscribe, leave us a review and
, of course, share this podcastwith all the incredible women in
your life.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Join us next week for more stories, more laughs and
more real talk.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
Until then, keep embracing your unique journey
and remember you've got ittogether more than you think.
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