April 10, 2024 • 37 mins
Hey everyone, it's Jessica from She's Got It Together. In this episode, I sit down with a special guest, Jenny Melrose, to discuss the challenges of navigating social media as parents and business owners. As moms, we often find ourselves in a tricky situation where we're constantly on social media for our businesses, but at the same time, we're trying to protect our kids and limit their exposure to these platforms.
Jenny, a former inner-city school district teacher turned successful blogger and business coach, shares her experiences and insights on how she handles this delicate balance with her own daughters. We dive into the importance of setting boundaries for ourselves as well as our children, and the need to have open conversations about the potential risks and dangers of social media.
Throughout our discussion, we touch on various aspects of parenting in the digital age, from deciding when to give our kids their first phone to monitoring their online activities and teaching them to be safe and responsible online. We also share some personal stories and tips on how to foster open communication with our children, even during those challenging tween and teen years.
Whether you're a parent, a business owner, or both, this episode is packed with valuable insights and practical advice on how to navigate the complex world of social media while keeping our families safe and connected. So join us for this engaging conversation, and don't forget to share your own experiences and thoughts with us!
You can find Jenny Melrose at:
Email: jenny@jennymelrose.com
Insta: @jenny_melrose
Hope you enjoyed this episode!
Remember we'll be back twice a month with more fun shananagins. Be sure to follow us so you don't miss a beat!
We'd sure appreciate a review too. This helps us reach more women just like you trying to make it through the sometimes chaotic, sometimes fun, and sometimes cry-worth days of motherhood.
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Here's to Getting it Together one day at a time,
Jessica & Samantha
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
And I think, when my friends that have older ones
tell me the different thingsthat have happened and how
they've handled it and what theythink and our parenting
philosophies are very different,because I'm very like I'm going
to tell you everything, I'mprobably going to scare you a
little bit with everything.
You need to know everything,while someone else may not try
to go that route, but I thinkunderstanding the situations
(00:24):
that kids find themselves in hasbeen really helpful.
Um, I think when things havehappened like she was bullied in
sixth grade using um TikTok shedidn't even have TikTok but
another little girl was puttingup things about her on TikTok
and by the time I could get intoit to be able to try to take a
(00:49):
screenshot to give the mother,who happened to be the PTO
president, what was being sent,it was gone by the time I could
get to it.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Hi everyone, and welcome to a brand new episode
of she's Got it Together.
I'm your host, Jessica and I'mSamantha.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Each week we peel back the curtain on what it
really looks like to have ittogether.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
From the messy moments to the milestones, we're
here to share it all.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
So grab your favorite drink, get comfy and let's dive
into today's topic.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Hey everyone, welcome back to.
She's Got it Together.
We are here for another episodeand we are going to be talking
with a special guest.
But before I say who that is,I'm going to give you the topic,
because it's a little bit of atwist on what we usually do.
This one has a little bit of abusiness feel to it.
(01:43):
So we've talked about socialmedia and you know how the
struggle is with the kids andtrying to keep them off of it in
a, I guess, on a platformthat's appropriate for their age
.
But how do we handle that whenwe are a business owner
ourselves and on these platforms, and regularly.
(02:04):
So it's a twist on you know wedon't want to contradict
ourselves by telling our kidsone thing and then going and
doing something else, but thisis an interesting area to
navigate and I'm reallyinterested in this because I
have that with my daughter.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Yes, thank you so much, first of all for having me
.
I'm excited for thisconversation.
It's something near and dear tomy heart because we have dealt
with it quite a bit, especiallyas the girls have gotten older.
So my name is Jenny Melrose.
I'm actually a former innercity school district teacher.
I started teaching, taught fornine years and was able to
retire at 35 because my bloggingincome actually replaced my
(02:43):
teacher salary.
At the time when I started myblog, it was 2010.
And my daughter, who is now 14,was six months old.
So I started the blog because Ihad lost myself as a new mother
and needed something that wasmy own and kind of was a passion
project.
And that's how it started.
And as she grew and we ended upwith a second surprise, because
(03:09):
we had struggled for quite sometime to get pregnant with my
first, had to do fertility, wekind of just continued to grow
the site and it became more of afood site.
So it was the Melrose familywhere we created quick and easy
recipes and projects for busyparents.
I was able to grow that, like Isaid, to replace that teacher
salary, and then we decided toturn around and sell that in
(03:29):
2000 for six figures because Iwas doing more of the speaking
and coaching people on how theyshould be marketing their
businesses so that they couldgrow online, which of course,
goes right to this topic,because it's very sensitive
topic, especially for moms thatare on social media continually.
(03:50):
Their kids see them doing thatand then they're telling them no
, you can't have it.
Yeah definitely.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
That's amazing.
I didn't realize that you hadanother blog before all of this
and now you are just on thebusiness end of it pretty much,
and when I had the Melrosefamily, it was my journey of
learning how to cook, because Ididn't know how to cook, I was
never taught.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
I was an athlete all throughout high school, played
two sports in college.
I was never in the kitchen.
So once we had my firstdaughter, my husband was working
crazy hours and I was a teacher.
So I was home around dinnertimeand realized I'm going to have
to figure this out in order tofeed my child that's growing
into toddler that needs realfood.
(04:31):
So the Melrose family, kind of,was my journey of like sharing.
If I can do it, you candefinitely do it.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Oh, how cool.
Now is it still around.
I know you sold it, but is itstill around?
That's awesome, I feel like.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Dinner is always so hard too, because it's the end
of the day.
You're tired.
Your kids are at that phasewhere it's like before bedtime.
They've got that witchy nowwhere you're just like oh my
gosh, and instead of trying tojust go grab a pizza or
something.
You want to have a healthy mealfor your kids?
Yeah, especially when they'rejust starting to like eat.
You know, finger foods andeverything.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
That's great.
Yeah, and you know I mean itrequires planning too.
That's where I feel you have totake something out of the
freezer in the morning.
I'll think about it by likethree o'clock.
I'm like, oh shoot, how do Isolve that?
Speaker 3 (05:16):
What am I doing?
Speaker 2 (05:16):
for dinner, okay, so that I could see us going down a
big rabbit hole with that one.
So let's dive into the actualtopic we're going to talk about
then, and that's just the socialmedia aspect of this and trying
to navigate our kids.
Having them understand, I guess, why we are on it so often and
why they can't be.
I think that's probably thebiggest piece there, because as
(05:38):
business owners, you have to be,I mean, if that's what you're
working through and you needthat marketing piece.
So it's not really an option tojust say, okay, I will stop
with you, you know, I'llpractice what I preach, but just
to explain to them how it isdifferent compared to what they
might be doing and what we'relimiting them.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
And I think that it goes twofold right, there's two
parts of the conversation.
I think the first part of theconversation needs to be you, as
the business owner and as themom, have to put boundaries in,
because, let's be honest, wecould be on it all day every day
, and it's addictive and it'sset up that way.
So, as the mom, the businessowner, you need to know when
your boundary is in place.
(06:16):
We have always said no phonesat the table, at the dinner
table, because we always try toeat together, no matter how many
different directions we'rerunning in, especially now that
they're getting older.
But having that boundary thereas well as like having the work
hours and knowing okay, I'mputting this down if I need to
be present and they are eitherjust much more aware as they get
(06:37):
older and they're watching tosee what you're doing.
So I think the first place isto have your own boundaries put
in place and if you are thatbusiness owner, I will kind of
put it out there that you don'thave to be everywhere.
Don't feel like you have to beon every single platform trying
to do all of the things.
Find one platform where yourpeople actually are.
So you have to know your likedemographics as far as who
(07:00):
you're trying to reach out, toSpend your time there and if you
get triggered by certaincontent that you see, block
those people or get off theplatform just for a little bit
that you're not continuallybeing hit with it, because you
will take that and I think thatright there was the biggest
reason that I knew I needed tohave boundaries in place, not
only for myself, but then alsofor my girls.
(07:22):
I am a confident business owner.
I have been doing this for avery long time, before Instagram
existed.
Pinterest was a baby when Istarted.
I've been online for a verylong time now.
At this point, I considermyself a dinosaur Because of
that.
I also know that I gettriggered by certain content.
(07:42):
There's things that I see thatI'm like oh my God, I'm so sick
of this highlight reel.
She's so full of crap.
I know her in real life.
That's not the way she actuallyhandles things and it's so
frustrating at times.
So for me, knowing that I gettriggered, to then think about
okay, I have a 14 year old who'sat that phase where they're
(08:03):
going to their middle school.
There's so much that's in theirface and I know she's going to
get triggered.
No matter how confident thatchild is, she is likely to find
things that are going to justnot sit well with her.
Yeah, and I think that was myfirst place and that's where I
started with her and when shewould ask, it was we're coming.
My 14 year old, was a fifthgrader when we came back from
(08:28):
COVID, when they first came backto school.
So fourth grade was when COVIDhappened for her.
So fifth grade she comes back.
We change schools.
Everyone's got a phone.
She doesn't have a phone as afifth grader.
We held off as long as we could, gave it to her at the end of
fifth grade and then she went tomiddle school.
And when she got to middleschool, as we could, gave it to
her at the end of fifth gradeand then she went to middle
school.
(08:48):
And once she got to middleschool it was everyone's got
social media, everyone has agame.
I want TikTok, I want Snapchat,I want Instagram, and it was.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
You're not mentally prepared for that and we're not
doing that yet I think I don'tthink anyone is mentally
prepared for it.
Honestly, you know it's, I meanit's a struggle for anyone at
any age, and I think that'sperfect because that's what I
did with my oldest, who is 15now.
So she didn't have a phoneuntil she was in middle school
(09:16):
too, actually, like the end ofmiddle school, I think it might
have been middle, maybe seventhgrade.
But as far as social media, youknow, we kind of fell into that
trap of okay, everyone has it,all your friends are on this
like.
So Snapchat came up and then werealized how terrible that was,
especially since it's gone andwe don't necessarily know
(09:37):
exactly what's happening.
So that ended really quick.
And then, you know, then it waslike okay, then what can I have?
So we ended up with like anInstagram, but she was limited,
like, she had a private account,she was limited on who could be
approved, so I had control overwho could be approved.
So that was.
You know, it's like they alwaysfigure out another way around,
(09:57):
like I.
It is a struggle, but I mean wetry and I mean the other piece
of that is like okay, so howlong are?
You know you're going to be onthis.
How are you scrolling so atduring school?
You know I have all of thesettings so that literally all
she can do is call or text atschool.
(10:20):
And that was, you know, forobvious reasons, like she had
limited contact.
She had me contact, she had meher dad, you know, like we had
like grandmas on there, justemergency contacts kind of like,
because I didn't want her tonot be able to communicate,
especially these days, with wenever know what's happening in
schools.
But I also didn't want to havethis problem where she's, you
(10:40):
know, scrolling through things,texting her friends, because I
knew if I wanted to be adistraction right if I took away
the social media or the gamesand things during school, she'll
just go to texting and textingwhoever else is there, like we
don't need this.
So I mean, using those controlsin there has been a lifesaver,
for me at least.
I mean Apple does a really goodjob with all of that.
(11:01):
But now that she's growing, youknow obviously I have to
release some of this and kind oflet her.
You know experience that Idon't want her to be completely
sheltered.
I want her to understand how tohandle it as she gets older,
appropriately, I guess.
But it is.
It's so hard because kids can,really, they can, you know,
they're smart enough.
(11:21):
They can just go make anaccount wherever they want.
I mean it's not like there'sany verification.
You throw in a birth date andyou're good to go.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Well, you just hope that you've been able to like
teach them you know how to besafe online, so that they know
like, if they like run intosomething that is a little
sketchy, they know what to do.
They can come to you.
They know like I'm not going tojust follow this random person
or accept this random person.
So it's like just being able totalk about how to be safe online
.
I think is important too whenyou do, or when you are ready to
(11:50):
give them that freedom.
And I think, like Beau's 16months, so like I have a while
until I have to worry about thatwith him, but it's fine, but I
still like think about it.
I'm just like, hmm, when am Igoing to like want to have, like
give him a phone?
When am I going to feel likeit's safe for him to be online
and I know like he's going towant it sooner than I'm ready
for him to have it, and likethat's a conversation we're
(12:11):
going to have to have becauseevery family is different.
You have to just, you know, belike you know what.
I know like Sandy over here hasa phone and she's online, but
you know that's just not likewhat we're doing right now.
So you have to be able to beconfident in the boundaries that
you're setting and not try notto.
I can say this now, when I'm noteven going through it but just
like try not to like give in, tolike it's like peer pressure
(12:33):
for parents to be like yeah,like your kids coming to you.
All my friends have a phone.
Like I hate you, you're notgiving it to me.
That's Taylor, right now,fourth grade, and she's like
what?
10?
Yes, she's 10.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
And I mean they all have phones at school, but I
will not give her one, one thatshe's just too irresponsible and
will break it.
But you know, two, I mean Idon't want her, she doesn't need
it.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
I don't need her on social media and things.
It's like they have phones atschool.
You can call me from school.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Right, you know she's at a smaller school, so I'm
feeling a little safer there.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Yeah, well gosh, when I was like their age, there
wasn't all of this social mediaLike MySpace, was the was the
thing.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
I didn't even have that.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
Yeah, myspace was like I remember like big thing
and that was a little different.
Like you would add, like yourfriends and stuff, but then you
could chat in there.
But I just remember people likedrama at school would go and
then everybody would chat aboutit on MySpace or you'd get a
message from some girl that'slike oh, you're talking to that
(13:38):
guy that I like it was not ahealthy thing and that's what it
can be on Instagram now.
Or Facebook.
Like Facebook came out morewhen I was like end of high
school but we didn't have onefor a long time.
It's just like, it's all, likejust developed.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
It is.
It's just crazy.
Can you imagine what Beau'sgoing to have?
Speaker 3 (13:59):
No, and I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
I'm scared.
Maybe it will all crash.
There'll be no social media bythe time it's his turn.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Right.
Yeah, it's like it'll be backin the 90s, when we were growing
up.
There wasn't a lot oftechnology.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
What did we have?
Speaker 3 (14:11):
I was like I appreciated my childhood really.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Oh, you know what it was.
We had AOL Messenger.
Oh, that's right, these chatrooms we had that too.
Yeah, like that was all Iremember Well you'd get online
at night, we weren't supposed tobe on and it's like trying not
to like wake up your parents,yep.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
And then it was like AIM that came out and it was
like that more updated versionof AOL.
You had your screen name andyou would hear the door like
creak open when somebody got onand you were just like, oh god,
like the guy I likes on or myfriends are on, and then all of
a sudden the door would slamlike oh, they got offline.
Like there was no way to seeother if they were online or not
.
It's crazy.
(14:53):
Now it's like you can just talkto anybody.
It's scary.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
And it's so visual.
That's the thing now.
It's so visual and that's scary.
I mean, even so, we ran intokind of an issue, you know, with
my oldest.
You know we had thisconversation about even just
pictures on your phone.
You need to be mindful of whatyou're taking pictures of and
who you're sending them to.
You know, like kids are mean,kids are cruel.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
Well, and just like if it has your address in the
background or it has a pictureof your house and there's some
creep online, who knows whatpeople are seeing your stuff, so
true.
And it's hard for kids torealize the things that
developmentally they're notnecessarily thinking of those
things.
No, so they're just like oh,I'm just posting a selfie of me
and it just happens to have,like, my house and my address in
(15:43):
the background.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Well, you know, but there could be some creep online
, you know that you're not, thatyou have no idea where you're
at too.
Yeah, you know, like when, whenHayden's out, if she's at the
mall or she goes to the movie,it's like there's no tagging,
Like I don't want them knowingyour location.
That's what.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
Facebook like statuses were for us and like
AIM you'd put like your awaymessage oh hey, like, and you'd
literally tell like your day andyour schedule and what was
going on.
I'm like that was so dumb, sodumb.
People knew where I was my timeI worked.
Why on earth did I do that?
And it was just like you had noidea.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
You weren't like educated on that, but even
adults didn't think about it,then you know we didn't think
about it.
I mean, that wasn't somethingthat mom and dad, you know, were
like don't do this, don't dothat.
You know that didn't come intoplay until this full wave of
social media, I think.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
That also goes to the point of everything is out
there now, any story you hear,like when you're talking about
taking the pictures For us wehad a friend that got their
daughter's picture got editedand it got changed and put in
that she had something in herhand that she shouldn't have as
a 16-year-old and it turned intonow you're not playing
(16:57):
volleyball for the high schoolteam for something she never,
ever did.
But you know, it's just so easynow to edit photos and make it
seem like they're somewhere thatthey're not or they are.
It's just there's too muchthere they have access to now it
is.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
I didn't even think of that.
I mean, that is so true.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
It's just sad that all this stuff can be used in
such a negative way when, likeit obviously, like wasn't
necessarily made for that.
But it turns into that becausethere's just too much at your
fingertips to use, you know.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Too much control over things, Too much you know yeah.
Gosh.
A lot of people have too muchtime in their hands.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
Yes, but those are the conversations I think you
need to have with your kids too.
It's like this is what happenedto her, and I mean, this girl
is, with that time, probably 10years older than my oldest, but
it was still kind of like thisis the what happens over time,
what can potentially happen, andI need you to understand.
Like something dumb that yousay there was a New York Yankee
(17:54):
years ago probably I don't evenknow if I had my girls yet he
said something on Twitter to oneof his friends and he used
something that was culturallyoffensive.
They went back five, ten yearsand found it.
He lost his contract with theYankees as a pitcher over
something just dumb that hedidn't think about Just in the
(18:15):
moment.
Yes, and the kids love to think, oh, I'm going to put it out
there and it's gone.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
It's never going to happen.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Let's be honest.
They're taking a screenshot,they're doing whatever they need
to do in order to use it theway that they want to.
No those are such theconversations, and I think the
transition point for us of whenwe did decide to let my 14 year
old have it is she was givingPowerPoint, starting in like
sixth grade, to us of like whyshe should get to have it I love
it.
Do the research and here's thebenefits, and I'll be able to
(18:46):
understand how to use all theseplatforms as a business owner
Totally.
Of course, you know, feedinginto the business owner side.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
Right, right.
Of course she knows heraudience.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
I love it, totally does.
But we got to that point whereI was like, okay, explain to me
how you're going to use it.
And I think that was it,because the way that I saw
Snapchat was not the way thatthey were using it.
They were actually like theyuse it not to post to their feed
.
She doesn't really post to herfeed a lot like we think of,
like Instagram and things likethat.
(19:16):
They're using it as a textmessage, exactly.
It's easier to take photos andlike, send of, like what you're
doing and like what you'reeating and whatever to just
particular people her bestiesthey would be doing via text and
then it's just easy to like,reply and see who's done it and
whatever else.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Yeah, I mean, that is what we started with and it
just we ended up, you know, likebullying happening on there
because friends weren't friendsanymore and it just, it just
rolls downhill and that age ishard.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
You know, those middle school ages are hard,
it's just always such a yeah,and it's like friendships change
, like personalities change,like it's just you're going from
like this, like fifth grade kidin elementary school, and then
you're going into, like newfriends, new school.
You feel like you're, you know,older and more mature and then,
like you can be easilyinfluenced at that age by other
(20:08):
people.
Yeah, so hard, and that's likewhen they want everything to
like.
That's what they want, right?
Social media on the phones andstuff like that.
But that's also when all thatstuff happens too.
So you're just like, I'm justtrying to protect you.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
I've been through this in some way.
Yeah Right, yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
It is hard to find that balance, for sure, gosh,
and I think it's hard toobecause, like now, there's the
whole like Instagram versusreality, because people are
posting like highlight reels oflike their life or what they're
doing and it's not exactly likeas picture, perfect as it seems,
and like us as adults getsucked into that too, you know.
(20:46):
So imagine, you know like a 14,15 year old kid who's just like,
oh my gosh, look at this, youknow girl doing her skincare
routine.
She's so pretty and like gosh.
Look at this, you know, girlduring her skincare routine.
She's so pretty and like skinnyand like all this stuff, and
it's really like you know, theyjust are so envious of that life
or like, why don't you let melike make videos and do this,
Like it's so hard to justnavigate all the new things that
(21:08):
are coming up and what they'reseeing it's just so hard to
control.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Yeah, and I mean we haven't even talked about
youtube.
I mean youtube is this otherbeast.
I mean it's like social media,it's like search engine.
It's just it's got so manycomponents to it and right now,
like my youngest taylor, she isobsessed with having a youtube
channel because she watchesyoutube constantly.
She loves playing minecraft,she's good at it.
I mean she does roblox, likeshe like does all of these
building type of games or Idon't know what.
I am not into them.
I have no, probably describingthem wrong.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
I think I mean she's so creative on them that they're
like an engineering mind kindof thing.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
You know it's, but she wants to like video herself
talking through you know, likewhat she's doing and all of this
stuff.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
And she sees other kids doing that.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
She does.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
And she's recorded some on her computer because she
doesn't have a channel yet andit's very good, like she's
really good at it.
It's crazy but it's, how do youcontrol even that piece?
I mean that's something that'sgoing to be again put out there
pretty much forever in thatpiece.
I mean that's something that'sgoing to be again put out there
pretty much forever.
And you know this is a child.
Even if I have, you know, Idon't know if I can even control
(22:21):
her channel and who's there andwho's watching, and things like
that.
I haven't even gotten that far.
But I mean she's got a fewfriends right now that have
channels, they have videos up,they're doing all of this and
she's actually on some of them.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
I discovered just last week because that's a whole
nother element.
I know I'm like being like whenthey're not with you and
they're on another kid's channelor instagram story or something
like that.
You don't have control over.
That's a whole nother thingthat you could like dive into.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
This is just like they video each other because
they're on what is it?
The kid messenger.
We finally got her that kidmessenger and she's on a call
with her and she just videoswhat they're doing on the call
and then she adds to it, postsit to her channel.
I'm like I don't even have away to stop this.
(23:12):
You know like I'm trying tokeep it to a minimum with
everything.
I mean, this chat is reallygood for her and she does well
with it.
We've got full control of it.
But then I don't have fullcontrol so it seems, because I
don't know what's being recordedon the other end and who's
doing what with it.
It's just right, so much.
And then even games so like herminecraft and her roblo,
(23:34):
there's chat within these Right,like we've had to turn some off
.
They go to different servers,they do all this stuff and it's
like who's there?
Who are they talking to?
I mean even her VR.
She got a VR thing forChristmas, like that meta.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
That thing scared me so bad, I know I was doing some
monkey like climbing thing andthen all of a sudden it just
like I jumped somehow and itlike I felt like I was falling
down this mountain and Iscreamed, I scared my child.
I'm like I felt so sick after.
I'm like this is not for me, Idon't know, how you can do this
(24:11):
all day.
This is not my cup of tea.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
I'm like this is not for me.
I don't know how you can dothis all day.
This is not my cup of tea.
Yeah, no, and I mean even inthose there's like people that
you talk to and interact withand they're running around and
doing things Like you can't turnit all off.
It's like either she doesn'tget to have any of it or you
have to kind of trust that she'sdoing.
I mean, I try to check in on it, I'll get on it once in a great
while.
I can't do it.
(24:34):
It makes me like get vertigo,it's just like.
So it's not for me either.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
It's like hey honey, hey DJ, can you just?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
um for me, I can't do it no-transcript, and it's just
, I think, being that she'sgrown up with all of this from
(25:01):
day one, I almost think that shehas a better handle on it than
my oldest daughter, who's youknow, five years older, because
she started with kind of nothing.
I protected her longer.
She didn't get into any of thisextra like.
I mean, I think she playedRoblox.
I don't know if she didMinecraft, she definitely didn't
do the VR stuff and likethere's so many other things
(25:23):
that she went and TikTok or notTikTok, but Snapchat was like
her biggest thing and it was adisaster.
But she doesn't know how tonavigate it real well at this
point.
Still, it could be personality,it could be age, I don't know,
but Taylor, she's pretty good.
It's like.
Last night she came to me.
She's like so Brittany and Iwere playing Minecraft and she
(25:45):
goes on the computer, playsMinecraft and then has her
little friend on her tablet andthey're talking through and
playing.
It's like a whole thing.
Sometimes the TV even is on.
She's got youtube, you know.
But anyways, she, um, she'slike, well, somebody came in and
was talking to me and they saidit was somebody from school and
they were giving me all thesedetails about somebody at school
(26:06):
, so I don't know if it was themor if it was some creeper like.
So she like immediately redflags it.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
So I feel she's aware .
Speaker 2 (26:15):
You know, right, that's what I mean like she has
this, this ability to understandthat something's not quite
right, or I should not trustthis person because they never
gave him access to the worldthey're in and all of this.
Like I said, I don't know itall, so not quite sure how it
all works, but I know enoughthat somebody was there that
shouldn't have been there andshe's questioning who it was and
(26:38):
if it really was her friend.
So I mean, I don't know, Icouldn't tell you if it's the
age or if it's just herpersonality, but she's, I feel,
a little bit safer with her.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
I don't know.
I always go out just tellingthem the stories, the things
that are happening.
So they do know those red flagsright, like what is off, what
doesn't sound right, what seemsa little not right?
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Yeah, I definitely agree.
I mean, we've we watched?
We watched a program on thegosh, what was it called?
It was probably last year.
It was kind of like adocumentary about social media
itself and it was kind of likeshowing how people manipulate
(27:24):
and how they're sneaking and howthey're not really who they are
.
And I watched it with both thegirls, but I think Taylor
absorbed more of it.
She was just very intrigued bylike wow, how is that?
Because she's very logical inher thinking and she needs to
like figure out well, how couldthey possibly get in here if I
have it?
You know, it's my world andI've got a, you know, guest, I
(27:45):
have to be invited and thingslike that.
And then you've got my oldest,who's just whatever.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
They're so different though too, like Hayden's, so
much more like trusting andeasygoing and gives people the
benefit of the doubt and I feellike Taylor questions a lot
she's very skeptical.
So it's like that personality,of course, is going to do a
little bit better online,because they're already like
skeptical of anybody, let alonesome person that comes into
(28:13):
their world.
You know so.
I think, I think personalitydefinitely has, definitely has a
place on social media and howthey navigate it.
Because I mean, just like withmy twin sister, like Sydney and
I were so different and she wasalways this very trusting,
easygoing, like everybody's niceand like no one, nothing's bad
is going to happen to me, andthen I was'm the complete
(28:34):
opposite.
I am just like skeptical ofeverybody.
It's like don't talk to thatperson, like who is that?
Like I'm like no right.
So I think it's definitely apersonality, too that has an
impact on like I guess, if theyquestion things more than others
online for sure, well, do you?
Speaker 2 (28:50):
have any more tips on how we can, you know, navigate?
I mean, obviously we want to bevery open about it and limit it
as long as we can, but it'sinevitable that they're going to
get into this.
They're going to need tomaneuver through all of these
hurdles.
I mean, it's part of life now.
So do you have anything that'sbeen working really, really well
(29:13):
for you or ways to?
Speaker 1 (29:15):
work around things Well.
I think one thing that hasdefinitely helped is having
conversations with the otherparents, whether they're the
same age or I have friends thathave older kids and I think when
my friends that have older onestell me the different things
that have happened and howthey've handled it and what they
think and our parentingphilosophies are very different,
because I'm very like I'm goingto tell you everything, I'm
(29:37):
probably going to scare you alittle bit with everything.
You need to know everything,while someone else may not try
to go that route, but I thinkunderstanding the situations
that kids find themselves in hasbeen really helpful.
I think when things havehappened like she was bullied in
sixth grade using TikTok shedidn't even have TikTok but
(30:02):
another little girl was puttingup things about her on TikTok
and by the time I could get intoit to be able to try to take a
screenshot to give the mother,who happened to be the PTO
president Of course.
Of course, what was being sent,it was gone by the time I could
get to it.
So I think, just talkingthrough those things and just
(30:25):
going back to your family values, I think anytime you can bring
that back up with them and havethat established like where do
you see your family and what arethe values that we have?
And being able to tie it backto this isn't why we don't do
this.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
This is why we do handle it.
The examples are huge, I thinkI mean it just really sets it
into reality for them.
Yeah, yes.
So I have another question foryou.
I'm going to just kind ofexplain why.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
I'm asking this.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
So what we did in the past, when we first gave Hayden
her phone, we actually had itcloned and I had an old iPhone.
I had her entire phone clonedon it so we could always see
what was happening.
We could see, you know, herpictures, her texts, everything
was there, who was calling.
If you know, if somebody calledin the middle of the night,
this phone next to us went off.
So how do you feel about thatprivacy bit with this as a mom?
Speaker 1 (31:16):
So, and again, I have two kids that are very
different.
One is very mature for her age.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Does PowerPoint presentations to explain why she
should have it Right.
Business owner there.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
And then I have another one that's like eight
years old and rides the scooteron a main road to go, find, go
somewhere, like two three milesaway where I'm like walks in and
I'm like did you get here?
Oh, I run my scooter, oh, mygosh, you and your dad, so you
know, I think that's part of itis like you have to kind of know
(31:48):
your kids and the conversationsthat you have to have with them
and the boundaries that youhave to be able to put in with
them conversations that you haveto have with them and the
boundaries that you have to beable to put in with them.
I am wary of my little one asshe gets older and what will
happen because she makesdecisions like her dad and her
dad didn't always make the bestdecisions, right, right, that
kind of stuff, especiallysocially, yeah.
So I think that that and listen, by all means, I am no expert
(32:13):
when it comes.
I still try to figure this outand try to continue to have that
open communication.
It's funny because I have aclient right now that sees
herself as a food blogger butactually started telling me how
she cooks in the kitchen withher tweens and teens.
And they tell her everythingbecause she cooks with them and
has been since they were tweens.
(32:33):
They don't hide in their rooms,they just have open
conversations, and she wastelling me how she hates being a
food blogger.
She just doesn't want to keeppushing out recipes that don't
have any connection to anythingand I'm like we need to do this,
we need to do this, we need todo this, we need to do this.
Like you got to talk about theteam.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Oh my gosh, yeah, that whole other piece to that
that would.
Speaker 3 (32:53):
I feel like that's such a huge thing because at
that age, like you want to bearound your kids more, you want
to talk to them more, and theyare just like not interested in
it.
So there's something that youcan do with them.
That actually brings them outof their room and they're
talking to you.
It's like you can't stop doingthat.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
No, what a connection .
That is so neat, that's great.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
And she has it to a point where, like, she doesn't
ask them awkward questions thatwere like hey, how was your day?
Just kind of comes right.
It just she'll just startchopping here.
You start chopping, I'm goingto chop this, this is what we're
geared towards.
She's like, and sometimes shegoes.
She has like this guide thatshe just recently put together
with like tips of what to talkabout, like tell them a story
(33:34):
about your family and like whatyou were like as a kid, or put
on music and like have aconversation about like um, mc
Hammer and what he used to wearwhen you used to listen to any
of those types of conversations.
So it's not so much of thatawkward how was your day?
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Yeah, you're not drilling them, cause I think
that's what we find is like,even when they walk in like how
was your day, fine?
And they go away.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
It's like what did you do?
I don't know, right exactlythat's.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
That's a million dollar.
Yeah, I don't know.
Well, it was only 10 minutesago that you left school.
What were you doing before youleft?
Speaker 1 (34:09):
but yeah, that's a cool thing, I feel like it's
things like that, where we tryto make those like moments with
them where it's not so awkward,so that they can feel like
they're going to tell useverything.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Yes, no pressure kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Yes, Hopefully, we're obviously not friends, because
I don't believe in a parentbeing friend with them until
they're like they're in their20s.
Then it's a different ballgame.
But when they're little, Ibelieve in like having that
boundary.
You're like they're in theirtwenties, Then it's a different
ball game.
But when they're little, Ibelieve in like having that
boundary You're the parent, youknow they're the child.
But I do think anytime you cantake advantage of those moments,
like for us.
A lot of times it's drivingthem because this one's got to
go to volleyball and this one'sgot to go to dance.
(34:46):
That's when we'll haveconversations and again, like I,
go back to turn 81.
What?
Go back to turn reading onwhat's what?
Do they want to listen to you?
You know, I'll have a podcaston.
They'll get and be like and I'mready to listen to it, hear
those words.
That's how we've been aroundyour own business, yeah right, I
love that.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
Yeah, that's interesting.
I think you know Hayden and Iactually have that conversation
every day after I pick her upfrom school, but before I get
her sister, there's like a 20minute gap and just driving from
one school to the next sittingin the parking lot.
That's kind of when everythingjust comes out and it just it's
totally casual.
I usually put the music onthat's from my day and they
(35:26):
crack up over it because I meanit's not, it's not cool music to
them.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
So I have found to like sharing pieces of your day,
what you're frustrated with,what you're really excited about
with them, and it seems likethey wouldn't connect with it.
But my youngest is veryempathetic and when she sees
that I'm like worked up aboutsomething, whether I'm angry,
whether I'm happy, whatever itis all of a sudden it's like her
attention just kind of likechanges and she's in it.
(35:52):
She will start sharing thingsand trying to see if I'm feeling
better and offering to likehave it's just.
The shift is interesting.
Whereas, like the, other onedoesn't want to talk about
feelings, oh dear God.
But you know, I think it's justkind of trying to figure out
what works with your kids,because they are always.
Each child is so different.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
Yeah, that's very true, Gosh.
I love those ideas, though.
I think that's really smart,and it's something that's so
obvious that you don't thinkabout it.
You know, those are the thingsthat are always the best.
It's like those ones that youshould just, you know, should
click because it happensrandomly and just keep
replicating it.
But we don't.
So that's really smart, Allright, Well, I think that was a
(36:37):
great conversation today and Iwould love for you all to be
able to connect with Jenny.
Um, do you want to give them?
You know where they can findyou and all of that good stuff.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Yes, um, the easiest place, honestly, is Instagram,
at Jenny underscore Melrose.
You, if you have any questionsabout anything, you can just
send me a DM.
It will be me in thereanswering.
Otherwise, if you're not onInstagram, send me an email at
Jenny, at JennyMelrosecom.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Awesome.
We'll put that in the shownotes too, so don't worry about
trying to remember all that, butit was so nice having you on
here today.
We'll have to have you backbecause there's so many other
things I think we could reallytalk about.
There was lots of rabbit holesthat I saw potential for today,
but thank you again for being onhere and we will see everybody
(37:24):
in the next episode.
Thanks for joining us today on.
She's Got it Together.
It's been a real journey,sharing and laughing with you
all.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
We hope you're walking away with a smile on
your face and a bit moreconfidence in your step.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Remember, you're not alone in this crazy ride called
life.
We're all in this together, oneday at a time.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
Don't forget to subscribe, leave us a review and
, of course, share this podcastwith all the incredible women in
your life.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Join us next week for more stories, more laughs and
more real talk.
Speaker 3 (37:55):
Until then, keep embracing your unique journey
and remember you've got ittogether more than you think.
And I think, when my friends that have older ones
tell me the different thingsthat have happened and how
they've handled it and what theythink and our parenting
philosophies are very different,because I'm very like I'm going
to tell you everything, I'mprobably going to scare you a
little bit with everything.
You need to know everything,while someone else may not try
to go that route, but I thinkunderstanding the situations
(00:24):
that kids find themselves in hasbeen really helpful.
Um, I think when things havehappened like she was bullied in
sixth grade using um TikTok shedidn't even have TikTok but
another little girl was puttingup things about her on TikTok
and by the time I could get intoit to be able to try to take a
(00:49):
screenshot to give the mother,who happened to be the PTO
president, what was being sent,it was gone by the time I could
get to it.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Hi everyone, and welcome to a brand new episode
of she's Got it Together.
I'm your host, Jessica and I'mSamantha.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Each week we peel back the curtain on what it
really looks like to have ittogether.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
From the messy moments to the milestones, we're
here to share it all.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
So grab your favorite drink, get comfy and let's dive
into today's topic.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Hey everyone, welcome back to.
She's Got it Together.
We are here for another episodeand we are going to be talking
with a special guest.
But before I say who that is,I'm going to give you the topic,
because it's a little bit of atwist on what we usually do.
This one has a little bit of abusiness feel to it.
(01:43):
So we've talked about socialmedia and you know how the
struggle is with the kids andtrying to keep them off of it in
a, I guess, on a platformthat's appropriate for their age
.
But how do we handle that whenwe are a business owner
ourselves and on these platforms, and regularly.
(02:04):
So it's a twist on you know wedon't want to contradict
ourselves by telling our kidsone thing and then going and
doing something else, but thisis an interesting area to
navigate and I'm reallyinterested in this because I
have that with my daughter.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Yes, thank you so much, first of all for having me
.
I'm excited for thisconversation.
It's something near and dear tomy heart because we have dealt
with it quite a bit, especiallyas the girls have gotten older.
So my name is Jenny Melrose.
I'm actually a former innercity school district teacher.
I started teaching, taught fornine years and was able to
retire at 35 because my bloggingincome actually replaced my
(02:43):
teacher salary.
At the time when I started myblog, it was 2010.
And my daughter, who is now 14,was six months old.
So I started the blog because Ihad lost myself as a new mother
and needed something that wasmy own and kind of was a passion
project.
And that's how it started.
And as she grew and we ended upwith a second surprise, because
(03:09):
we had struggled for quite sometime to get pregnant with my
first, had to do fertility, wekind of just continued to grow
the site and it became more of afood site.
So it was the Melrose familywhere we created quick and easy
recipes and projects for busyparents.
I was able to grow that, like Isaid, to replace that teacher
salary, and then we decided toturn around and sell that in
(03:29):
2000 for six figures because Iwas doing more of the speaking
and coaching people on how theyshould be marketing their
businesses so that they couldgrow online, which of course,
goes right to this topic,because it's very sensitive
topic, especially for moms thatare on social media continually.
(03:50):
Their kids see them doing thatand then they're telling them no
, you can't have it.
Yeah definitely.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
That's amazing.
I didn't realize that you hadanother blog before all of this
and now you are just on thebusiness end of it pretty much,
and when I had the Melrosefamily, it was my journey of
learning how to cook, because Ididn't know how to cook, I was
never taught.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
I was an athlete all throughout high school, played
two sports in college.
I was never in the kitchen.
So once we had my firstdaughter, my husband was working
crazy hours and I was a teacher.
So I was home around dinnertimeand realized I'm going to have
to figure this out in order tofeed my child that's growing
into toddler that needs realfood.
(04:31):
So the Melrose family, kind of,was my journey of like sharing.
If I can do it, you candefinitely do it.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Oh, how cool.
Now is it still around.
I know you sold it, but is itstill around?
That's awesome, I feel like.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Dinner is always so hard too, because it's the end
of the day.
You're tired.
Your kids are at that phasewhere it's like before bedtime.
They've got that witchy nowwhere you're just like oh my
gosh, and instead of trying tojust go grab a pizza or
something.
You want to have a healthy mealfor your kids?
Yeah, especially when they'rejust starting to like eat.
You know, finger foods andeverything.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
That's great.
Yeah, and you know I mean itrequires planning too.
That's where I feel you have totake something out of the
freezer in the morning.
I'll think about it by likethree o'clock.
I'm like, oh shoot, how do Isolve that?
Speaker 3 (05:16):
What am I doing?
Speaker 2 (05:16):
for dinner, okay, so that I could see us going down a
big rabbit hole with that one.
So let's dive into the actualtopic we're going to talk about
then, and that's just the socialmedia aspect of this and trying
to navigate our kids.
Having them understand, I guess, why we are on it so often and
why they can't be.
I think that's probably thebiggest piece there, because as
(05:38):
business owners, you have to be,I mean, if that's what you're
working through and you needthat marketing piece.
So it's not really an option tojust say, okay, I will stop
with you, you know, I'llpractice what I preach, but just
to explain to them how it isdifferent compared to what they
might be doing and what we'relimiting them.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
And I think that it goes twofold right, there's two
parts of the conversation.
I think the first part of theconversation needs to be you, as
the business owner and as themom, have to put boundaries in,
because, let's be honest, wecould be on it all day every day
, and it's addictive and it'sset up that way.
So, as the mom, the businessowner, you need to know when
your boundary is in place.
(06:16):
We have always said no phonesat the table, at the dinner
table, because we always try toeat together, no matter how many
different directions we'rerunning in, especially now that
they're getting older.
But having that boundary thereas well as like having the work
hours and knowing okay, I'mputting this down if I need to
be present and they are eitherjust much more aware as they get
(06:37):
older and they're watching tosee what you're doing.
So I think the first place isto have your own boundaries put
in place and if you are thatbusiness owner, I will kind of
put it out there that you don'thave to be everywhere.
Don't feel like you have to beon every single platform trying
to do all of the things.
Find one platform where yourpeople actually are.
So you have to know your likedemographics as far as who
(07:00):
you're trying to reach out, toSpend your time there and if you
get triggered by certaincontent that you see, block
those people or get off theplatform just for a little bit
that you're not continuallybeing hit with it, because you
will take that and I think thatright there was the biggest
reason that I knew I needed tohave boundaries in place, not
only for myself, but then alsofor my girls.
(07:22):
I am a confident business owner.
I have been doing this for avery long time, before Instagram
existed.
Pinterest was a baby when Istarted.
I've been online for a verylong time now.
At this point, I considermyself a dinosaur Because of
that.
I also know that I gettriggered by certain content.
(07:42):
There's things that I see thatI'm like oh my God, I'm so sick
of this highlight reel.
She's so full of crap.
I know her in real life.
That's not the way she actuallyhandles things and it's so
frustrating at times.
So for me, knowing that I gettriggered, to then think about
okay, I have a 14 year old who'sat that phase where they're
(08:03):
going to their middle school.
There's so much that's in theirface and I know she's going to
get triggered.
No matter how confident thatchild is, she is likely to find
things that are going to justnot sit well with her.
Yeah, and I think that was myfirst place and that's where I
started with her and when shewould ask, it was we're coming.
My 14 year old, was a fifthgrader when we came back from
(08:28):
COVID, when they first came backto school.
So fourth grade was when COVIDhappened for her.
So fifth grade she comes back.
We change schools.
Everyone's got a phone.
She doesn't have a phone as afifth grader.
We held off as long as we could, gave it to her at the end of
fifth grade and then she went tomiddle school.
And when she got to middleschool, as we could, gave it to
her at the end of fifth gradeand then she went to middle
school.
(08:48):
And once she got to middleschool it was everyone's got
social media, everyone has agame.
I want TikTok, I want Snapchat,I want Instagram, and it was.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
You're not mentally prepared for that and we're not
doing that yet I think I don'tthink anyone is mentally
prepared for it.
Honestly, you know it's, I meanit's a struggle for anyone at
any age, and I think that'sperfect because that's what I
did with my oldest, who is 15now.
So she didn't have a phoneuntil she was in middle school
(09:16):
too, actually, like the end ofmiddle school, I think it might
have been middle, maybe seventhgrade.
But as far as social media, youknow, we kind of fell into that
trap of okay, everyone has it,all your friends are on this
like.
So Snapchat came up and then werealized how terrible that was,
especially since it's gone andwe don't necessarily know
(09:37):
exactly what's happening.
So that ended really quick.
And then, you know, then it waslike okay, then what can I have?
So we ended up with like anInstagram, but she was limited,
like, she had a private account,she was limited on who could be
approved, so I had control overwho could be approved.
So that was.
You know, it's like they alwaysfigure out another way around,
(09:57):
like I.
It is a struggle, but I mean wetry and I mean the other piece
of that is like okay, so howlong are?
You know you're going to be onthis.
How are you scrolling so atduring school?
You know I have all of thesettings so that literally all
she can do is call or text atschool.
(10:20):
And that was, you know, forobvious reasons, like she had
limited contact.
She had me contact, she had meher dad, you know, like we had
like grandmas on there, justemergency contacts kind of like,
because I didn't want her tonot be able to communicate,
especially these days, with wenever know what's happening in
schools.
But I also didn't want to havethis problem where she's, you
(10:40):
know, scrolling through things,texting her friends, because I
knew if I wanted to be adistraction right if I took away
the social media or the gamesand things during school, she'll
just go to texting and textingwhoever else is there, like we
don't need this.
So I mean, using those controlsin there has been a lifesaver,
for me at least.
I mean Apple does a really goodjob with all of that.
(11:01):
But now that she's growing, youknow obviously I have to
release some of this and kind oflet her.
You know experience that Idon't want her to be completely
sheltered.
I want her to understand how tohandle it as she gets older,
appropriately, I guess.
But it is.
It's so hard because kids can,really, they can, you know,
they're smart enough.
(11:21):
They can just go make anaccount wherever they want.
I mean it's not like there'sany verification.
You throw in a birth date andyou're good to go.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Well, you just hope that you've been able to like
teach them you know how to besafe online, so that they know
like, if they like run intosomething that is a little
sketchy, they know what to do.
They can come to you.
They know like I'm not going tojust follow this random person
or accept this random person.
So it's like just being able totalk about how to be safe online
.
I think is important too whenyou do, or when you are ready to
(11:50):
give them that freedom.
And I think, like Beau's 16months, so like I have a while
until I have to worry about thatwith him, but it's fine, but I
still like think about it.
I'm just like, hmm, when am Igoing to like want to have, like
give him a phone?
When am I going to feel likeit's safe for him to be online
and I know like he's going towant it sooner than I'm ready
for him to have it, and likethat's a conversation we're
(12:11):
going to have to have becauseevery family is different.
You have to just, you know, belike you know what.
I know like Sandy over here hasa phone and she's online, but
you know that's just not likewhat we're doing right now.
So you have to be able to beconfident in the boundaries that
you're setting and not try notto.
I can say this now, when I'm noteven going through it but just
like try not to like give in, tolike it's like peer pressure
(12:33):
for parents to be like yeah,like your kids coming to you.
All my friends have a phone.
Like I hate you, you're notgiving it to me.
That's Taylor, right now,fourth grade, and she's like
what?
10?
Yes, she's 10.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
And I mean they all have phones at school, but I
will not give her one, one thatshe's just too irresponsible and
will break it.
But you know, two, I mean Idon't want her, she doesn't need
it.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
I don't need her on social media and things.
It's like they have phones atschool.
You can call me from school.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Right, you know she's at a smaller school, so I'm
feeling a little safer there.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Yeah, well gosh, when I was like their age, there
wasn't all of this social mediaLike MySpace, was the was the
thing.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
I didn't even have that.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
Yeah, myspace was like I remember like big thing
and that was a little different.
Like you would add, like yourfriends and stuff, but then you
could chat in there.
But I just remember people likedrama at school would go and
then everybody would chat aboutit on MySpace or you'd get a
message from some girl that'slike oh, you're talking to that
(13:38):
guy that I like it was not ahealthy thing and that's what it
can be on Instagram now.
Or Facebook.
Like Facebook came out morewhen I was like end of high
school but we didn't have onefor a long time.
It's just like, it's all, likejust developed.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
It is.
It's just crazy.
Can you imagine what Beau'sgoing to have?
Speaker 3 (13:59):
No, and I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
I'm scared.
Maybe it will all crash.
There'll be no social media bythe time it's his turn.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Right.
Yeah, it's like it'll be backin the 90s, when we were growing
up.
There wasn't a lot oftechnology.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
What did we have?
Speaker 3 (14:11):
I was like I appreciated my childhood really.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Oh, you know what it was.
We had AOL Messenger.
Oh, that's right, these chatrooms we had that too.
Yeah, like that was all Iremember Well you'd get online
at night, we weren't supposed tobe on and it's like trying not
to like wake up your parents,yep.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
And then it was like AIM that came out and it was
like that more updated versionof AOL.
You had your screen name andyou would hear the door like
creak open when somebody got onand you were just like, oh god,
like the guy I likes on or myfriends are on, and then all of
a sudden the door would slamlike oh, they got offline.
Like there was no way to seeother if they were online or not
.
It's crazy.
(14:53):
Now it's like you can just talkto anybody.
It's scary.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
And it's so visual.
That's the thing now.
It's so visual and that's scary.
I mean, even so, we ran intokind of an issue, you know, with
my oldest.
You know we had thisconversation about even just
pictures on your phone.
You need to be mindful of whatyou're taking pictures of and
who you're sending them to.
You know, like kids are mean,kids are cruel.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
Well, and just like if it has your address in the
background or it has a pictureof your house and there's some
creep online, who knows whatpeople are seeing your stuff, so
true.
And it's hard for kids torealize the things that
developmentally they're notnecessarily thinking of those
things.
No, so they're just like oh,I'm just posting a selfie of me
and it just happens to have,like, my house and my address in
(15:43):
the background.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Well, you know, but there could be some creep online
, you know that you're not, thatyou have no idea where you're
at too.
Yeah, you know, like when, whenHayden's out, if she's at the
mall or she goes to the movie,it's like there's no tagging,
Like I don't want them knowingyour location.
That's what.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
Facebook like statuses were for us and like
AIM you'd put like your awaymessage oh hey, like, and you'd
literally tell like your day andyour schedule and what was
going on.
I'm like that was so dumb, sodumb.
People knew where I was my timeI worked.
Why on earth did I do that?
And it was just like you had noidea.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
You weren't like educated on that, but even
adults didn't think about it,then you know we didn't think
about it.
I mean, that wasn't somethingthat mom and dad, you know, were
like don't do this, don't dothat.
You know that didn't come intoplay until this full wave of
social media, I think.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
That also goes to the point of everything is out
there now, any story you hear,like when you're talking about
taking the pictures For us wehad a friend that got their
daughter's picture got editedand it got changed and put in
that she had something in herhand that she shouldn't have as
a 16-year-old and it turned intonow you're not playing
(16:57):
volleyball for the high schoolteam for something she never,
ever did.
But you know, it's just so easynow to edit photos and make it
seem like they're somewhere thatthey're not or they are.
It's just there's too muchthere they have access to now it
is.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
I didn't even think of that.
I mean, that is so true.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
It's just sad that all this stuff can be used in
such a negative way when, likeit obviously, like wasn't
necessarily made for that.
But it turns into that becausethere's just too much at your
fingertips to use, you know.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Too much control over things, Too much you know yeah.
Gosh.
A lot of people have too muchtime in their hands.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
Yes, but those are the conversations I think you
need to have with your kids too.
It's like this is what happenedto her, and I mean, this girl
is, with that time, probably 10years older than my oldest, but
it was still kind of like thisis the what happens over time,
what can potentially happen, andI need you to understand.
Like something dumb that yousay there was a New York Yankee
(17:54):
years ago probably I don't evenknow if I had my girls yet he
said something on Twitter to oneof his friends and he used
something that was culturallyoffensive.
They went back five, ten yearsand found it.
He lost his contract with theYankees as a pitcher over
something just dumb that hedidn't think about Just in the
(18:15):
moment.
Yes, and the kids love to think, oh, I'm going to put it out
there and it's gone.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
It's never going to happen.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Let's be honest.
They're taking a screenshot,they're doing whatever they need
to do in order to use it theway that they want to.
No those are such theconversations, and I think the
transition point for us of whenwe did decide to let my 14 year
old have it is she was givingPowerPoint, starting in like
sixth grade, to us of like whyshe should get to have it I love
it.
Do the research and here's thebenefits, and I'll be able to
(18:46):
understand how to use all theseplatforms as a business owner
Totally.
Of course, you know, feedinginto the business owner side.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
Right, right.
Of course she knows heraudience.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
I love it, totally does.
But we got to that point whereI was like, okay, explain to me
how you're going to use it.
And I think that was it,because the way that I saw
Snapchat was not the way thatthey were using it.
They were actually like theyuse it not to post to their feed
.
She doesn't really post to herfeed a lot like we think of,
like Instagram and things likethat.
(19:16):
They're using it as a textmessage, exactly.
It's easier to take photos andlike, send of, like what you're
doing and like what you'reeating and whatever to just
particular people her bestiesthey would be doing via text and
then it's just easy to like,reply and see who's done it and
whatever else.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Yeah, I mean, that is what we started with and it
just we ended up, you know, likebullying happening on there
because friends weren't friendsanymore and it just, it just
rolls downhill and that age ishard.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
You know, those middle school ages are hard,
it's just always such a yeah,and it's like friendships change
, like personalities change,like it's just you're going from
like this, like fifth grade kidin elementary school, and then
you're going into, like newfriends, new school.
You feel like you're, you know,older and more mature and then,
like you can be easilyinfluenced at that age by other
(20:08):
people.
Yeah, so hard, and that's likewhen they want everything to
like.
That's what they want, right?
Social media on the phones andstuff like that.
But that's also when all thatstuff happens too.
So you're just like, I'm justtrying to protect you.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
I've been through this in some way.
Yeah Right, yeah yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
It is hard to find that balance, for sure, gosh,
and I think it's hard toobecause, like now, there's the
whole like Instagram versusreality, because people are
posting like highlight reels oflike their life or what they're
doing and it's not exactly likeas picture, perfect as it seems,
and like us as adults getsucked into that too, you know.
(20:46):
So imagine, you know like a 14,15 year old kid who's just like,
oh my gosh, look at this, youknow girl doing her skincare
routine.
She's so pretty and like gosh.
Look at this, you know, girlduring her skincare routine.
She's so pretty and like skinnyand like all this stuff, and
it's really like you know, theyjust are so envious of that life
or like, why don't you let melike make videos and do this,
Like it's so hard to justnavigate all the new things that
(21:08):
are coming up and what they'reseeing it's just so hard to
control.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Yeah, and I mean we haven't even talked about
youtube.
I mean youtube is this otherbeast.
I mean it's like social media,it's like search engine.
It's just it's got so manycomponents to it and right now,
like my youngest taylor, she isobsessed with having a youtube
channel because she watchesyoutube constantly.
She loves playing minecraft,she's good at it.
I mean she does roblox, likeshe like does all of these
building type of games or Idon't know what.
I am not into them.
I have no, probably describingthem wrong.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
I think I mean she's so creative on them that they're
like an engineering mind kindof thing.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
You know it's, but she wants to like video herself
talking through you know, likewhat she's doing and all of this
stuff.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
And she sees other kids doing that.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
She does.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
And she's recorded some on her computer because she
doesn't have a channel yet andit's very good, like she's
really good at it.
It's crazy but it's, how do youcontrol even that piece?
I mean that's something that'sgoing to be again put out there
pretty much forever in thatpiece.
I mean that's something that'sgoing to be again put out there
pretty much forever.
And you know this is a child.
Even if I have, you know, Idon't know if I can even control
(22:21):
her channel and who's there andwho's watching, and things like
that.
I haven't even gotten that far.
But I mean she's got a fewfriends right now that have
channels, they have videos up,they're doing all of this and
she's actually on some of them.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
I discovered just last week because that's a whole
nother element.
I know I'm like being like whenthey're not with you and
they're on another kid's channelor instagram story or something
like that.
You don't have control over.
That's a whole nother thingthat you could like dive into.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
This is just like they video each other because
they're on what is it?
The kid messenger.
We finally got her that kidmessenger and she's on a call
with her and she just videoswhat they're doing on the call
and then she adds to it, postsit to her channel.
I'm like I don't even have away to stop this.
(23:12):
You know like I'm trying tokeep it to a minimum with
everything.
I mean, this chat is reallygood for her and she does well
with it.
We've got full control of it.
But then I don't have fullcontrol so it seems, because I
don't know what's being recordedon the other end and who's
doing what with it.
It's just right, so much.
And then even games so like herminecraft and her roblo,
(23:34):
there's chat within these Right,like we've had to turn some off
.
They go to different servers,they do all this stuff and it's
like who's there?
Who are they talking to?
I mean even her VR.
She got a VR thing forChristmas, like that meta.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
That thing scared me so bad, I know I was doing some
monkey like climbing thing andthen all of a sudden it just
like I jumped somehow and itlike I felt like I was falling
down this mountain and Iscreamed, I scared my child.
I'm like I felt so sick after.
I'm like this is not for me, Idon't know, how you can do this
(24:11):
all day.
This is not my cup of tea.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
I'm like this is not for me.
I don't know how you can dothis all day.
This is not my cup of tea.
Yeah, no, and I mean even inthose there's like people that
you talk to and interact withand they're running around and
doing things Like you can't turnit all off.
It's like either she doesn'tget to have any of it or you
have to kind of trust that she'sdoing.
I mean, I try to check in on it, I'll get on it once in a great
while.
I can't do it.
(24:34):
It makes me like get vertigo,it's just like.
So it's not for me either.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
It's like hey honey, hey DJ, can you just?
Speaker 2 (24:41):
um for me, I can't do it no-transcript, and it's just
, I think, being that she'sgrown up with all of this from
(25:01):
day one, I almost think that shehas a better handle on it than
my oldest daughter, who's youknow, five years older, because
she started with kind of nothing.
I protected her longer.
She didn't get into any of thisextra like.
I mean, I think she playedRoblox.
I don't know if she didMinecraft, she definitely didn't
do the VR stuff and likethere's so many other things
(25:23):
that she went and TikTok or notTikTok, but Snapchat was like
her biggest thing and it was adisaster.
But she doesn't know how tonavigate it real well at this
point.
Still, it could be personality,it could be age, I don't know,
but Taylor, she's pretty good.
It's like.
Last night she came to me.
She's like so Brittany and Iwere playing Minecraft and she
(25:45):
goes on the computer, playsMinecraft and then has her
little friend on her tablet andthey're talking through and
playing.
It's like a whole thing.
Sometimes the TV even is on.
She's got youtube, you know.
But anyways, she, um, she'slike, well, somebody came in and
was talking to me and they saidit was somebody from school and
they were giving me all thesedetails about somebody at school
(26:06):
, so I don't know if it was themor if it was some creeper like.
So she like immediately redflags it.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
So I feel she's aware .
Speaker 2 (26:15):
You know, right, that's what I mean like she has
this, this ability to understandthat something's not quite
right, or I should not trustthis person because they never
gave him access to the worldthey're in and all of this.
Like I said, I don't know itall, so not quite sure how it
all works, but I know enoughthat somebody was there that
shouldn't have been there andshe's questioning who it was and
(26:38):
if it really was her friend.
So I mean, I don't know, Icouldn't tell you if it's the
age or if it's just herpersonality, but she's, I feel,
a little bit safer with her.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
I don't know.
I always go out just tellingthem the stories, the things
that are happening.
So they do know those red flagsright, like what is off, what
doesn't sound right, what seemsa little not right?
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Yeah, I definitely agree.
I mean, we've we watched?
We watched a program on thegosh, what was it called?
It was probably last year.
It was kind of like adocumentary about social media
itself and it was kind of likeshowing how people manipulate
(27:24):
and how they're sneaking and howthey're not really who they are
.
And I watched it with both thegirls, but I think Taylor
absorbed more of it.
She was just very intrigued bylike wow, how is that?
Because she's very logical inher thinking and she needs to
like figure out well, how couldthey possibly get in here if I
have it?
You know, it's my world andI've got a, you know, guest, I
(27:45):
have to be invited and thingslike that.
And then you've got my oldest,who's just whatever.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
They're so different though too, like Hayden's, so
much more like trusting andeasygoing and gives people the
benefit of the doubt and I feellike Taylor questions a lot
she's very skeptical.
So it's like that personality,of course, is going to do a
little bit better online,because they're already like
skeptical of anybody, let alonesome person that comes into
(28:13):
their world.
You know so.
I think, I think personalitydefinitely has, definitely has a
place on social media and howthey navigate it.
Because I mean, just like withmy twin sister, like Sydney and
I were so different and she wasalways this very trusting,
easygoing, like everybody's niceand like no one, nothing's bad
is going to happen to me, andthen I was'm the complete
(28:34):
opposite.
I am just like skeptical ofeverybody.
It's like don't talk to thatperson, like who is that?
Like I'm like no right.
So I think it's definitely apersonality, too that has an
impact on like I guess, if theyquestion things more than others
online for sure, well, do you?
Speaker 2 (28:50):
have any more tips on how we can, you know, navigate?
I mean, obviously we want to bevery open about it and limit it
as long as we can, but it'sinevitable that they're going to
get into this.
They're going to need tomaneuver through all of these
hurdles.
I mean, it's part of life now.
So do you have anything that'sbeen working really, really well
(29:13):
for you or ways to?
Speaker 1 (29:15):
work around things Well.
I think one thing that hasdefinitely helped is having
conversations with the otherparents, whether they're the
same age or I have friends thathave older kids and I think when
my friends that have older onestell me the different things
that have happened and howthey've handled it and what they
think and our parentingphilosophies are very different,
because I'm very like I'm goingto tell you everything, I'm
(29:37):
probably going to scare you alittle bit with everything.
You need to know everything,while someone else may not try
to go that route, but I thinkunderstanding the situations
that kids find themselves in hasbeen really helpful.
I think when things havehappened like she was bullied in
sixth grade using TikTok shedidn't even have TikTok but
(30:02):
another little girl was puttingup things about her on TikTok
and by the time I could get intoit to be able to try to take a
screenshot to give the mother,who happened to be the PTO
president Of course.
Of course, what was being sent,it was gone by the time I could
get to it.
So I think, just talkingthrough those things and just
(30:25):
going back to your family values, I think anytime you can bring
that back up with them and havethat established like where do
you see your family and what arethe values that we have?
And being able to tie it backto this isn't why we don't do
this.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
This is why we do handle it.
The examples are huge, I thinkI mean it just really sets it
into reality for them.
Yeah, yes.
So I have another question foryou.
I'm going to just kind ofexplain why.
Speaker 3 (30:52):
I'm asking this.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
So what we did in the past, when we first gave Hayden
her phone, we actually had itcloned and I had an old iPhone.
I had her entire phone clonedon it so we could always see
what was happening.
We could see, you know, herpictures, her texts, everything
was there, who was calling.
If you know, if somebody calledin the middle of the night,
this phone next to us went off.
So how do you feel about thatprivacy bit with this as a mom?
Speaker 1 (31:16):
So, and again, I have two kids that are very
different.
One is very mature for her age.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
Does PowerPoint presentations to explain why she
should have it Right.
Business owner there.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
And then I have another one that's like eight
years old and rides the scooteron a main road to go, find, go
somewhere, like two three milesaway where I'm like walks in and
I'm like did you get here?
Oh, I run my scooter, oh, mygosh, you and your dad, so you
know, I think that's part of itis like you have to kind of know
(31:48):
your kids and the conversationsthat you have to have with them
and the boundaries that youhave to be able to put in with
them conversations that you haveto have with them and the
boundaries that you have to beable to put in with them.
I am wary of my little one asshe gets older and what will
happen because she makesdecisions like her dad and her
dad didn't always make the bestdecisions, right, right, that
kind of stuff, especiallysocially, yeah.
So I think that that and listen, by all means, I am no expert
(32:13):
when it comes.
I still try to figure this outand try to continue to have that
open communication.
It's funny because I have aclient right now that sees
herself as a food blogger butactually started telling me how
she cooks in the kitchen withher tweens and teens.
And they tell her everythingbecause she cooks with them and
has been since they were tweens.
(32:33):
They don't hide in their rooms,they just have open
conversations, and she wastelling me how she hates being a
food blogger.
She just doesn't want to keeppushing out recipes that don't
have any connection to anythingand I'm like we need to do this,
we need to do this, we need todo this, we need to do this.
Like you got to talk about theteam.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Oh my gosh, yeah, that whole other piece to that
that would.
Speaker 3 (32:53):
I feel like that's such a huge thing because at
that age, like you want to bearound your kids more, you want
to talk to them more, and theyare just like not interested in
it.
So there's something that youcan do with them.
That actually brings them outof their room and they're
talking to you.
It's like you can't stop doingthat.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
No, what a connection .
That is so neat, that's great.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
And she has it to a point where, like, she doesn't
ask them awkward questions thatwere like hey, how was your day?
Just kind of comes right.
It just she'll just startchopping here.
You start chopping, I'm goingto chop this, this is what we're
geared towards.
She's like, and sometimes shegoes.
She has like this guide thatshe just recently put together
with like tips of what to talkabout, like tell them a story
(33:34):
about your family and like whatyou were like as a kid, or put
on music and like have aconversation about like um, mc
Hammer and what he used to wearwhen you used to listen to any
of those types of conversations.
So it's not so much of thatawkward how was your day?
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Yeah, you're not drilling them, cause I think
that's what we find is like,even when they walk in like how
was your day, fine?
And they go away.
Speaker 3 (33:59):
It's like what did you do?
I don't know, right exactlythat's.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
That's a million dollar.
Yeah, I don't know.
Well, it was only 10 minutesago that you left school.
What were you doing before youleft?
Speaker 1 (34:09):
but yeah, that's a cool thing, I feel like it's
things like that, where we tryto make those like moments with
them where it's not so awkward,so that they can feel like
they're going to tell useverything.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Yes, no pressure kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Yes, Hopefully, we're obviously not friends, because
I don't believe in a parentbeing friend with them until
they're like they're in their20s.
Then it's a different ballgame.
But when they're little, Ibelieve in like having that
boundary.
You're like they're in theirtwenties, Then it's a different
ball game.
But when they're little, Ibelieve in like having that
boundary You're the parent, youknow they're the child.
But I do think anytime you cantake advantage of those moments,
like for us.
A lot of times it's drivingthem because this one's got to
go to volleyball and this one'sgot to go to dance.
(34:46):
That's when we'll haveconversations and again, like I,
go back to turn 81.
What?
Go back to turn reading onwhat's what?
Do they want to listen to you?
You know, I'll have a podcaston.
They'll get and be like and I'mready to listen to it, hear
those words.
That's how we've been aroundyour own business, yeah right, I
love that.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
Yeah, that's interesting.
I think you know Hayden and Iactually have that conversation
every day after I pick her upfrom school, but before I get
her sister, there's like a 20minute gap and just driving from
one school to the next sittingin the parking lot.
That's kind of when everythingjust comes out and it just it's
totally casual.
I usually put the music onthat's from my day and they
(35:26):
crack up over it because I meanit's not, it's not cool music to
them.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
So I have found to like sharing pieces of your day,
what you're frustrated with,what you're really excited about
with them, and it seems likethey wouldn't connect with it.
But my youngest is veryempathetic and when she sees
that I'm like worked up aboutsomething, whether I'm angry,
whether I'm happy, whatever itis all of a sudden it's like her
attention just kind of likechanges and she's in it.
(35:52):
She will start sharing thingsand trying to see if I'm feeling
better and offering to likehave it's just.
The shift is interesting.
Whereas, like the, other onedoesn't want to talk about
feelings, oh dear God.
But you know, I think it's justkind of trying to figure out
what works with your kids,because they are always.
Each child is so different.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
Yeah, that's very true, Gosh.
I love those ideas, though.
I think that's really smart,and it's something that's so
obvious that you don't thinkabout it.
You know, those are the thingsthat are always the best.
It's like those ones that youshould just, you know, should
click because it happensrandomly and just keep
replicating it.
But we don't.
So that's really smart, Allright, Well, I think that was a
(36:37):
great conversation today and Iwould love for you all to be
able to connect with Jenny.
Um, do you want to give them?
You know where they can findyou and all of that good stuff.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Yes, um, the easiest place, honestly, is Instagram,
at Jenny underscore Melrose.
You, if you have any questionsabout anything, you can just
send me a DM.
It will be me in thereanswering.
Otherwise, if you're not onInstagram, send me an email at
Jenny, at JennyMelrosecom.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Awesome.
We'll put that in the shownotes too, so don't worry about
trying to remember all that, butit was so nice having you on
here today.
We'll have to have you backbecause there's so many other
things I think we could reallytalk about.
There was lots of rabbit holesthat I saw potential for today,
but thank you again for being onhere and we will see everybody
(37:24):
in the next episode.
Thanks for joining us today on.
She's Got it Together.
It's been a real journey,sharing and laughing with you
all.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
We hope you're walking away with a smile on
your face and a bit moreconfidence in your step.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
Remember, you're not alone in this crazy ride called
life.
We're all in this together, oneday at a time.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
Don't forget to subscribe, leave us a review and
, of course, share this podcastwith all the incredible women in
your life.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
Join us next week for more stories, more laughs and
more real talk.
Speaker 3 (37:55):
Until then, keep embracing your unique journey
and remember you've got ittogether more than you think.
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