August 31, 2025 • 22 mins
In this episode, I answer the big question, who the hell am I to talk about mental health? I’m not a guru. I’m a mum who’s been through panic attacks, postnatal depression, and a full-blown breakdown that landed me in hospital. But more than that, I’m someone who’s decided to stop pretending and start telling the truth.
You’ll hear stories I’ve never shared publicly, from childhood trauma to the moment I admitted to my family I didn’t want to be here anymore. It’s messy. It’s honest. And it might be exactly what you need if you’ve ever felt like you’re carrying too much and still not doing enough.
You’ll learn what undiagnosed PTSD can look like, how perfectionism masks pain, and why asking for help isn’t a weakness, it’s survival. If you're tired of hiding, you're in the right place.
If this episode helped you feel seen, come say hey on Instagram at @sheshonestlymental. I'd love to know what landed for you. Or just send a 💛 if you're not ready for words yet. I get it.
In this episode we cover:
- Corrina records from a podcast studio in Bali and talks imposter syndrome
- Childhood trauma and first panic attack
- Eldest daughter responsibilities and emotional overload
- Realisation she couldn’t keep functioning at full capacity
- The mental health masks she wore for survival
- Her body breaking down under the pressure
- The doctor’s intervention and push for psychiatric help
- Being officially diagnosed with PTSD and postnatal depression
- Admitted to a private mental health hospital
- Navigating the logistics and cost of care
- Why this podcast exists and what she wants it to become
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
- Private health insurance mentioned: HBF
- K10 or mental health assessment tool
- Invictus Apothecary (discount code: SHMFAM)
- Connect with Corrina on Instagram at @sheshonestlymental
- sheshonestlymental.com.au
- The Messy Middle – free community for offloading
- The Chaos Letters – sign up for raw mental health reflections
- Instagram (co-working): @hausofcollab
- Lifeline: 13 11 14
- Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker (00:01):
Welcome to She's Honestly Mental, a podcast for
women who are done pretendingthey're fine when they're
falling apart on the inside.
I'm your host, Karina Robinson,ADHD Brain, Medicated Mind, and
proud mental health hospitalalumni.
Still here, still showing upsomehow.
This is the space for thefillers, the fixers, and the
(00:24):
ones who carry it all and stillwonder if it's enough.
We talk about the chaos, theconnection, and everything in
between because silence nearlykilled me, and these
conversations save lives.
Alright, cacao in hand,headphones on, chaos
semi-contained.
Let's get honestly mental.
Guys, gals, queens, welcome toepisode two of She's Honestly
(00:54):
Mental the Podcast.
In this episode, we're gonnatalk about who I am and who the
fuck are you to talk about theseconversations.
Gosh, it's because I'm so cool,because I'm so honestly mental.
Okay.
unknown (01:09):
Fuck.
Speaker (01:10):
I've definitely thought about this a lot, and in the
world of the highlight reels andthe everyone being so beautiful
on social media, that is notwhat you're going to get here.
If you're looking for someonethat you can pop on a pedestal
and be like, oh my gosh, Karinais the god of mental health, and
she just all this, like, dropthat.
(01:33):
That's not me.
Currently in Bali, found thisreally cool podcast studio.
And this morning I went aroundflipping the fuck out because I
wanted this really beautifuloutfit to wear while I was
podcasting, to just like my planwasn't to be in a studio to
record this, but I was like,fuck it, who cares?
(01:53):
And in Bali, everyone is likeso tiny, and I'm like a 16, 18
with a big set of titties and anice horse.
And yeah, they go up to alarge.
So do you think I could findanything really beautiful?
So here I am in my Billy Bonesclass of 2000, giving zero fucks
(02:15):
shirt, my jeans, sitting back,chilling out in this super cute
aesthetic podcast studio.
So make sure you check thesocials to be able to have a
look at this.
But far out, I'm like, who isthis person?
Who am I?
This is crazy.
Yeah, I'm crazy.
Anyway, totally medicatedcrazy.
I love when people joke aboutthat because I'm like, legit,
(02:38):
I'm diagnosed crazy.
And that is cool.
Like, hello, all the bestpeople are.
But definitely something thatfor me is on social media when
you see different people gettingtagged because they're having
conversations around mentalhealth.
Like, I go, oh, interesting.
Okay, maybe I shouldn't talkabout it.
But that's the world of likecomparisonitis, that's a world
(02:59):
of imposter syndrome and all therest of it.
And that's, you know, whenyou're comparing your journey to
someone else's, you just can'tdo that, girl.
Like you just can't do thatbecause your journey is your own
journey, and you never, never,never know of what's going on
behind closed doors.
So who am I?
So I'm Karina.
(03:20):
Funny fact, a couple of mynieces and nephews call me
Auntie Weena, which I just thinkis absolutely adorable.
So thanks to them for giving methe most uncool, cool name out
there, but that's just me.
But I do like, you know, Ithink for my family and that,
and my friends that really knowme, they're like, if you weren't
(03:42):
doing this, like if you weren'thonestly mental, like who even
are you?
So my life before it kind ofall fell apart, I remember
vividly my first ever panicattack.
And my dad's a pilot, he's abit of a child, he's never grown
up.
I'd say he's probably a littlebit like Peter Pan.
(04:03):
You're either like not goinganywhere or you're going 5,000
miles an hour, and it's likedoing a wheelie on a motorbike
or being crazy, but that's whywe love my dad.
He's such a big kid.
But my first ever panic attackwas when we were four driving on
the beach, and I literallythought to myself, I am going to
die.
Like, I am going to die.
(04:24):
This is wild, this is crazy,we're going too fast, like I
don't know what the ocean'sdoing.
And it was just this severelack of control, and I just
didn't know what was going on.
And it was this gutturalfeeling of just holy fucking
shit.
And there's other like momentsin my early childhood.
(04:46):
One that I'll probably touch ona little bit more, but I don't
know how I feel about it rightnow because it's something that
I'm still trying to process.
But when we're younger, we hada guy living in our house.
He was working for my parentsat the time, and he was so
fucking dumb.
Anyway, what a fucking shitperson.
Um, but he thought it would becool to sexually assault me.
(05:08):
So that was fun, not, and Inever told anyone about it until
I was 21.
Wild, huh?
So there was that, and thenthere was just this like general
anxiety around lots ofdifferent things.
As a child, I always rememberbeing such a helper.
So I'm the eldest of six kids.
(05:30):
These days we've got a bit of aBrady Bunch family because my
parents have separated, and I'vegot my stepmom and my stepdad,
and they've got their own kids.
So there's literally 600 of us,and then you get everyone
together for Christmas, and thenthere's all the grandkids, and
it's honestly the best time ofmy life being with all of my
family.
Like, oh, it's absolutely crazyand it's wild, but it's just
(05:51):
amazing.
And then we go and haveChristmas with my husband's
family, it's just him and hissister and his parents, and I'm
like, Where's all the people?
But yeah, it's so, so wild.
So being the eldest, I feellike I've been the second mum.
And, you know, eldest daughterthings, so many other kids,
(06:13):
you're looking after everyone,you feel like you're doing all
of the things.
And I think that just comeswith the territory.
Like I don't know anyone that'snot the eldest child or the
eldest daughter that kind ofdoesn't then carry the weight of
the family.
My parents separated when I wasyounger.
Yeah, it was pretty messy,wasn't great.
(06:34):
But I was talking to someoneabout this earlier, and my goal
is to have I actually told youwhat the goal is of this?
So my big fucking scary goal ofshe's honestly mental, like my
vision is maybe I said aboutthis, I can't remember, but it
was like, I want to be able tobring the mental health system
(06:54):
to the women, to be able to haveit meet people with where
they're at.
So my big goal is to be ableto, you know, bring the mental
health system to people, to beable to help them get the access
that they need.
I wanted to write a book.
But with the stuff like thathappened in my childhood and
growing up and, you know, withmy family, I really respect that
(07:17):
that was also their journey.
This was also what they aregoing through.
And I'm not here to speak forthem.
I don't want to tell theirversion of events because what
their version of events isdifferent to how I perceived
their version of events.
And I just really, really,truly believe that in any moment
(07:37):
or time, people are literallyjust doing the best that they
can with what they know and withwhere their brain is at and
where their body is at.
And so I respect that and Ihonour that.
And I believe that that sectionof my life is just a chapter,
and this is this is like therest.
(07:58):
And I, like I said before, I'mjust so as someone who've truly
thought about dying for a verylong time and considered, you
know, like I was looking forrope and all of these different
things, and I just the one thingthat really stopped me those
kind of times was I didn't wantmy kids to find me.
(08:20):
I think that's something thatthey would never be able to
recover from.
And I I just I couldn't dothat.
So I honor my family andrespect them to just be like,
that's their story, it's notmine, but here's like where I'm
at.
So my parents separated.
(08:40):
I lived with my dad for a bit,my mom had moved away.
It just wasn't great.
It wasn't great, but it's mylife and it's my story.
And if I hadn't have gonethrough those things, it
wouldn't be who I am now, andblah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Like, cool.
Cool story, bro needs moredragons.
But what happened, I suppose,specifically, was with where I
(09:05):
was at with my life, I feltresponsible for everything
around me.
Like every single thing I feltresponsible.
And if something didn't work, Iwould panic and freak the fuck
out because I was like, oh myGod, it didn't work.
I need to fix it.
I need to know the answers.
I need to know why.
Like dad always said I shouldbe a detective because I'm
(09:25):
always like, I need to know why,I need to know the things.
And I remember watching ateacher like drag my little
brother to the principal'soffice, and I like stomped after
her and I was like, What areyou doing with my brother?
Like, how dare you?
Like, just this strong sense ofjustice.
And so all of these things,like when I fell pregnant with
(09:46):
my babies, I was like, that'sokay.
I can still work from home andbe a parent.
I can still take my kids towork with me and they can go to
daycare and I can still studyand work and be a housewife and
make dinner and do the shopping.
(10:07):
But truth be told, I actuallycouldn't.
I just couldn't.
I don't cook dinner.
My husband does that, he lovesit.
I don't go to woolly's, I don'tdo the shopping because yuck.
I will have a panic.
I get so overwhelmed becauseI'm like, oh my gosh, there's so
many choices.
Like, I could buy this rice,but this rice is cheaper, but I
(10:29):
actually like the other ricebecause it tastes nicer.
And it's just this constantback and froing with every
single item that I go to buy.
So we know in our family it'sjust easier if Jared does the
cooking.
I couldn't function.
I had took responsibility foreverything, things that I had no
control over.
And there was days where I justI really couldn't get out of
(10:52):
bed and I would lay there andI'd be like doom scrolling.
And it wouldn't be untilsomeone called me and it'd be
like the like light switchflicked because I was like,
okay, I need to put my and Ididn't know this.
Obviously, now I understandmore about mental health, but
I'm like, okay, the mask is on,Karina is functioning, Karina is
now the worker, or Karina isnow the baby would cry.
(11:15):
Karina is now the mum, orKarina is now the PNC president,
Karina is now the hockeyassociation treasurer.
Like, this is the mask thatKarina had to put on to be able
to function.
And it gets fucking tiringswitching these masks all the
time, and particularly whenyou're trying to do one thing
and then the other thing pops upand you just like, where am I
(11:36):
at?
What the fuck am I doing?
So I want to say, thank God forsocial media.
I have learned so much aboutmyself listening to other people
tell their stories about theirmental health and the way that
they function and the way thatthey get through things.
But that's what kind of gave methe like clues of like, holy
shit, there's something notquite right.
(11:58):
But that's only kind of in thelast 12 months.
Five years ago, in 2019,2018-2019, is when my mental
health really took a massivedive.
And I thought about dying everyday.
I avoided going to work formonths, but I still somehow
(12:21):
managed to lie to everyone andget everyone to still think that
I had things worked out becauseI definitely didn't.
And that only kind of works forso long.
And I fully understand whypeople think that sometimes
suicide is the option.
Let me tell you, that is notthe option here, my love.
(12:43):
Never an option.
Not something that's gonnahappen.
Please know.
So 2019, when things were notgoing great, I was going back to
my doctor because physically Iwas constantly unwell.
Like stomach issues, chestinfections, sinus infections,
all of these things.
(13:03):
My heart would be playing up.
And by then I'd had two babies.
I definitely had postnataldepression.
Like I didn't reallyunderstand.
I'd been put on meds, but I waslike, I'm healed, I'm fine.
Like, take the meds away.
I don't need it anymore.
And I suppose five years agothe system wasn't really, it was
still kind of dark ages wherethese conversations weren't
(13:24):
happening.
And I suppose, again, this iswhy social media is so great
because these conversations andstories are being openly had.
And my doctor kept doing these,I want to say K10, they're not
K10s.
Is it a decimal 10?
And it's this thing, it's likeon a scale of one to 10, do you
feel more happy or less happy?
(13:45):
Do you feel more dry in themouth or less dry in the mouth
than you did two weeks ago?
It's like this fucking thing,and I'm like, why do I have to
do this fucking thing again?
Like clearly I'm not okay.
And so my doctor was like,things are really not great,
Karina.
Like, what the f is actuallygoing on?
Oh my gosh, he would neverswear.
He's too kind for that.
And he, small country town,knew my family, like knew all
(14:08):
these things, and he just keptsaying, Karina, what are you
doing?
Like, why are you doing allthese things?
And I'm like, oh well, this isXYZ, and I'm gonna solve the
problem by blah, blah, blah,blah, blah.
I always had a plan and like aperfect way to make everything
work.
Except the thing was I had nocontrol over the outside stuff.
So I don't know how I anyway, Iwas mentally unwell, clearly.
So he said, Look, I reallythink we need to get someone who
(14:33):
actually knows what they'retalking about.
Let's find you a psychiatrist.
And I was like, okay, cool.
Went home and just Googled theshit out of like, how do I find
a psychiatrist and how do Iblah, blah, blah.
And then I just startedemailing and I found someone who
was like, Yep, happy toactually see you.
And I was like, Yes, thank you.
Thank you, the lords of privatehealth.
More about that conversationlater, and all of the other
(14:55):
things.
And so when I had the breakdownand my family was like, what's
actually going on?
And I was like, I want to die,I don't want to be here anymore.
I was actually able to say tothem, my doctor is aware and we
kind of have a bit of a plan,but my plan is not happening
right now.
I can't get in to see thepsychiatrist for another three
(15:16):
weeks.
Gosh, I love wait times.
And so, in that three weeks, Iwas like, obviously, I'm not
well.
So, can I fly to Perth?
Can I go see a naturopath?
Can I get all of these bloodsdone?
Because maybe there's somethingwrong with my thyroid.
Like maybe there's somethinghormonally not right with me.
Can I go see a hypnotherapist?
Can I do all of this?
And my family was like, justgo.
(15:36):
Let's try and sort this messout.
And I remember the naturopath,she did this little scan and
she's like, literally, your bodyis like at the rev limiter.
Like, it is like change gears,please, or slow the fuck down
because you're about to blowyour engine.
And the hypnotherapist wasreally cool.
He was a psychologisthypnotherapist, and I loved
(15:58):
that.
And so I spent like a bit of aweek in Perth doing all these
things, and I went home, got theresults, and they're like, no,
you're definitely a bit fuckedright now.
And so we just kind of wentwith that.
And my family were reallygreat.
They were really supportive.
My husband was just so amazing.
God, I love that man.
And when I finally got to speakto the psychiatrist, um, my GP
(16:21):
was like, look, let'stelehealth, come into the
surgery.
You and I'll sit down togetherand we'll talk to her and we'll
get through this.
So on this telehealth with thiswoman I've never met before,
and she's like, Okay, tell meyour story.
And I was like, Great, okay,sure.
Where do I start?
I was sexually assaulted as achild.
My parents divorced.
(16:43):
I lost my grandfather when Iwas really young.
I was super close to him.
I've had two babies, they'reonly 20 months apart.
I really struggle.
I yell, I scream, I getfrustrated, I get overwhelmed, I
end up throwing things, Iscream, I want to get in the car
and I want to drive away.
And obviously, I've thoughtabout suicide a lot.
(17:05):
And she goes, And I think we'reon this call for like 20
minutes.
She's just writing all thesenotes, and she goes, You have
PTSD.
And I sorry, what?
She's like, You've clearly hadundiagnosed postnatal
depression.
And I was like, Yeah.
And also all of these otherthings, it's like it's complex
(17:25):
PTSD.
It's where all of thesetraumatic events happen in your
life and they compound and onething after the next, it's just
like you just get to that pointand your body is about to
explode.
And I was like, Okay, sure.
What now then?
And I'd met someone about 12months ago who'd had a mental
(17:47):
breakdown and was hospitalized.
And I'd kind of been talking toher a little bit because she
was helping me work through mystuff.
And I knew a little bit aboutthis process, and she was like,
it actually was a really goodexperience for me.
And so when the doctor waslike, I'd really like you to
come to Perth, and I was like,Okay, cool, how soon?
And she's like, Within the nextfew days, and I'm like, Oh
(18:10):
shit.
And my doctor, he's just poppedhis hand on my hand, and he's
like, It's all right, doll.
It's alright.
And I'm just thinking, like,how am I gonna tell my family?
Like, how am I gonna say tothem, psychiatrist wants me to
go to Perth and be admitted?
And I just I'm just so gratefulfor my doctor.
(18:31):
It's like, look, go out theside door, go find your family
and just talk to them.
This is our plan and this iswhat we're doing.
And I it was definitely like aa shock to everyone, but I knew
that this is what I needed to dobecause I I wanted my children
(18:52):
to have the support and thestructure of those things I
wanted to be the best version ofmyself so that they could have
the best version of me.
So that's what happened.
So I was admitted.
We went in, I had to change myprivate health because, you
(19:13):
know, as a a mom, when you havekids and you try and reduce your
expenses and all of the rest ofit, we reduced our private
health cover.
And the hospital was like,look, they'll only cover 40% of
each night, and it's about $900a night or day, and you will
then need to pay for the firstweek up front.
And I just thought, where thefuck am I going to get this
(19:36):
money from?
And again, I'm in thisfortunate position where my
family was like, we do not carewhat it costs.
We want you here and we wantyou alive and we want you well.
And I was like, thanks, guys,that's so amazing.
But actually, just like, let memake a phone call to HBF, who
we used to be with, and see ifthey'll help me out.
(19:57):
And honestly, they couldn'thave been more amazing.
And HBF actually coveredeverything for me except my
excess.
And when I get those phonecalls these days, and they're
like, oh, hey, we're justcalling about your private
health, and like we want to knowhow it's currently.
And I'm just like, please stoptalking to me.
I'm not changing.
I'm really happy with where I'mat because it's just a
(20:20):
non-negotiable for us.
It's just non-negotiable.
I'm not changing my cover, I'mnot changing who I'm with, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
Because that is something thatI was able to, and it's
something still these days thatI can just like go.
Hey, I've got top privatehealth.
Can you please blah, blah,blah, blah.
Yep, absolutely.
Thank you so much.
And so for me, it's just thatnon-negotiable.
(20:42):
But again, just so conscious ofknowing that not everyone's in
that position.
So I really hope that throughthe podcast and through She's
Honestly Mental and the rest ofit, what we can get out of this
is that you understand that youdo not need to be in crisis to
(21:02):
get help.
You don't need permission tofall apart.
You don't need someone to say,look, go have a breakdown.
You know, it's okay.
Because it's actually not okay.
There's just so much.
And I'm like, I don't even knowwhat I've spoken about, but
it'll all come out.
You'll get to know me a bitmore.
(21:23):
And I'm still in awe that I'mhere and I'm able to be holding
this space for you guys.
Thanks for hanging out with meon She's Honestly Mentor.
If today's episode cracked opensomething inside of you or gave
you space to exhale, come sayhi over at Instagram at She's
Honestly Mentor.
(21:43):
Or send this to someone whoneeds to hear that they're not
alone.
And if you haven't yet, hitthat follow button so the next
episode lands in your messy feedright where it belongs.
Until next time, take care ofyour brain.
You're not broken.
You're just honestly mental.
And all the best people are.
Welcome to She's Honestly Mental, a podcast for
women who are done pretendingthey're fine when they're
falling apart on the inside.
I'm your host, Karina Robinson,ADHD Brain, Medicated Mind, and
proud mental health hospitalalumni.
Still here, still showing upsomehow.
This is the space for thefillers, the fixers, and the
(00:24):
ones who carry it all and stillwonder if it's enough.
We talk about the chaos, theconnection, and everything in
between because silence nearlykilled me, and these
conversations save lives.
Alright, cacao in hand,headphones on, chaos
semi-contained.
Let's get honestly mental.
Guys, gals, queens, welcome toepisode two of She's Honestly
(00:54):
Mental the Podcast.
In this episode, we're gonnatalk about who I am and who the
fuck are you to talk about theseconversations.
Gosh, it's because I'm so cool,because I'm so honestly mental.
Okay.
unknown (01:09):
Fuck.
Speaker (01:10):
I've definitely thought about this a lot, and in the
world of the highlight reels andthe everyone being so beautiful
on social media, that is notwhat you're going to get here.
If you're looking for someonethat you can pop on a pedestal
and be like, oh my gosh, Karinais the god of mental health, and
she just all this, like, dropthat.
(01:33):
That's not me.
Currently in Bali, found thisreally cool podcast studio.
And this morning I went aroundflipping the fuck out because I
wanted this really beautifuloutfit to wear while I was
podcasting, to just like my planwasn't to be in a studio to
record this, but I was like,fuck it, who cares?
(01:53):
And in Bali, everyone is likeso tiny, and I'm like a 16, 18
with a big set of titties and anice horse.
And yeah, they go up to alarge.
So do you think I could findanything really beautiful?
So here I am in my Billy Bonesclass of 2000, giving zero fucks
(02:15):
shirt, my jeans, sitting back,chilling out in this super cute
aesthetic podcast studio.
So make sure you check thesocials to be able to have a
look at this.
But far out, I'm like, who isthis person?
Who am I?
This is crazy.
Yeah, I'm crazy.
Anyway, totally medicatedcrazy.
I love when people joke aboutthat because I'm like, legit,
(02:38):
I'm diagnosed crazy.
And that is cool.
Like, hello, all the bestpeople are.
But definitely something thatfor me is on social media when
you see different people gettingtagged because they're having
conversations around mentalhealth.
Like, I go, oh, interesting.
Okay, maybe I shouldn't talkabout it.
But that's the world of likecomparisonitis, that's a world
(02:59):
of imposter syndrome and all therest of it.
And that's, you know, whenyou're comparing your journey to
someone else's, you just can'tdo that, girl.
Like you just can't do thatbecause your journey is your own
journey, and you never, never,never know of what's going on
behind closed doors.
So who am I?
So I'm Karina.
(03:20):
Funny fact, a couple of mynieces and nephews call me
Auntie Weena, which I just thinkis absolutely adorable.
So thanks to them for giving methe most uncool, cool name out
there, but that's just me.
But I do like, you know, Ithink for my family and that,
and my friends that really knowme, they're like, if you weren't
(03:42):
doing this, like if you weren'thonestly mental, like who even
are you?
So my life before it kind ofall fell apart, I remember
vividly my first ever panicattack.
And my dad's a pilot, he's abit of a child, he's never grown
up.
I'd say he's probably a littlebit like Peter Pan.
(04:03):
You're either like not goinganywhere or you're going 5,000
miles an hour, and it's likedoing a wheelie on a motorbike
or being crazy, but that's whywe love my dad.
He's such a big kid.
But my first ever panic attackwas when we were four driving on
the beach, and I literallythought to myself, I am going to
die.
Like, I am going to die.
(04:24):
This is wild, this is crazy,we're going too fast, like I
don't know what the ocean'sdoing.
And it was just this severelack of control, and I just
didn't know what was going on.
And it was this gutturalfeeling of just holy fucking
shit.
And there's other like momentsin my early childhood.
(04:46):
One that I'll probably touch ona little bit more, but I don't
know how I feel about it rightnow because it's something that
I'm still trying to process.
But when we're younger, we hada guy living in our house.
He was working for my parentsat the time, and he was so
fucking dumb.
Anyway, what a fucking shitperson.
Um, but he thought it would becool to sexually assault me.
(05:08):
So that was fun, not, and Inever told anyone about it until
I was 21.
Wild, huh?
So there was that, and thenthere was just this like general
anxiety around lots ofdifferent things.
As a child, I always rememberbeing such a helper.
So I'm the eldest of six kids.
(05:30):
These days we've got a bit of aBrady Bunch family because my
parents have separated, and I'vegot my stepmom and my stepdad,
and they've got their own kids.
So there's literally 600 of us,and then you get everyone
together for Christmas, and thenthere's all the grandkids, and
it's honestly the best time ofmy life being with all of my
family.
Like, oh, it's absolutely crazyand it's wild, but it's just
(05:51):
amazing.
And then we go and haveChristmas with my husband's
family, it's just him and hissister and his parents, and I'm
like, Where's all the people?
But yeah, it's so, so wild.
So being the eldest, I feellike I've been the second mum.
And, you know, eldest daughterthings, so many other kids,
(06:13):
you're looking after everyone,you feel like you're doing all
of the things.
And I think that just comeswith the territory.
Like I don't know anyone that'snot the eldest child or the
eldest daughter that kind ofdoesn't then carry the weight of
the family.
My parents separated when I wasyounger.
Yeah, it was pretty messy,wasn't great.
(06:34):
But I was talking to someoneabout this earlier, and my goal
is to have I actually told youwhat the goal is of this?
So my big fucking scary goal ofshe's honestly mental, like my
vision is maybe I said aboutthis, I can't remember, but it
was like, I want to be able tobring the mental health system
(06:54):
to the women, to be able to haveit meet people with where
they're at.
So my big goal is to be ableto, you know, bring the mental
health system to people, to beable to help them get the access
that they need.
I wanted to write a book.
But with the stuff like thathappened in my childhood and
growing up and, you know, withmy family, I really respect that
(07:17):
that was also their journey.
This was also what they aregoing through.
And I'm not here to speak forthem.
I don't want to tell theirversion of events because what
their version of events isdifferent to how I perceived
their version of events.
And I just really, really,truly believe that in any moment
(07:37):
or time, people are literallyjust doing the best that they
can with what they know and withwhere their brain is at and
where their body is at.
And so I respect that and Ihonour that.
And I believe that that sectionof my life is just a chapter,
and this is this is like therest.
(07:58):
And I, like I said before, I'mjust so as someone who've truly
thought about dying for a verylong time and considered, you
know, like I was looking forrope and all of these different
things, and I just the one thingthat really stopped me those
kind of times was I didn't wantmy kids to find me.
(08:20):
I think that's something thatthey would never be able to
recover from.
And I I just I couldn't dothat.
So I honor my family andrespect them to just be like,
that's their story, it's notmine, but here's like where I'm
at.
So my parents separated.
(08:40):
I lived with my dad for a bit,my mom had moved away.
It just wasn't great.
It wasn't great, but it's mylife and it's my story.
And if I hadn't have gonethrough those things, it
wouldn't be who I am now, andblah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Like, cool.
Cool story, bro needs moredragons.
But what happened, I suppose,specifically, was with where I
(09:05):
was at with my life, I feltresponsible for everything
around me.
Like every single thing I feltresponsible.
And if something didn't work, Iwould panic and freak the fuck
out because I was like, oh myGod, it didn't work.
I need to fix it.
I need to know the answers.
I need to know why.
Like dad always said I shouldbe a detective because I'm
(09:25):
always like, I need to know why,I need to know the things.
And I remember watching ateacher like drag my little
brother to the principal'soffice, and I like stomped after
her and I was like, What areyou doing with my brother?
Like, how dare you?
Like, just this strong sense ofjustice.
And so all of these things,like when I fell pregnant with
(09:46):
my babies, I was like, that'sokay.
I can still work from home andbe a parent.
I can still take my kids towork with me and they can go to
daycare and I can still studyand work and be a housewife and
make dinner and do the shopping.
(10:07):
But truth be told, I actuallycouldn't.
I just couldn't.
I don't cook dinner.
My husband does that, he lovesit.
I don't go to woolly's, I don'tdo the shopping because yuck.
I will have a panic.
I get so overwhelmed becauseI'm like, oh my gosh, there's so
many choices.
Like, I could buy this rice,but this rice is cheaper, but I
(10:29):
actually like the other ricebecause it tastes nicer.
And it's just this constantback and froing with every
single item that I go to buy.
So we know in our family it'sjust easier if Jared does the
cooking.
I couldn't function.
I had took responsibility foreverything, things that I had no
control over.
And there was days where I justI really couldn't get out of
(10:52):
bed and I would lay there andI'd be like doom scrolling.
And it wouldn't be untilsomeone called me and it'd be
like the like light switchflicked because I was like,
okay, I need to put my and Ididn't know this.
Obviously, now I understandmore about mental health, but
I'm like, okay, the mask is on,Karina is functioning, Karina is
now the worker, or Karina isnow the baby would cry.
(11:15):
Karina is now the mum, orKarina is now the PNC president,
Karina is now the hockeyassociation treasurer.
Like, this is the mask thatKarina had to put on to be able
to function.
And it gets fucking tiringswitching these masks all the
time, and particularly whenyou're trying to do one thing
and then the other thing pops upand you just like, where am I
(11:36):
at?
What the fuck am I doing?
So I want to say, thank God forsocial media.
I have learned so much aboutmyself listening to other people
tell their stories about theirmental health and the way that
they function and the way thatthey get through things.
But that's what kind of gave methe like clues of like, holy
shit, there's something notquite right.
(11:58):
But that's only kind of in thelast 12 months.
Five years ago, in 2019,2018-2019, is when my mental
health really took a massivedive.
And I thought about dying everyday.
I avoided going to work formonths, but I still somehow
(12:21):
managed to lie to everyone andget everyone to still think that
I had things worked out becauseI definitely didn't.
And that only kind of works forso long.
And I fully understand whypeople think that sometimes
suicide is the option.
Let me tell you, that is notthe option here, my love.
(12:43):
Never an option.
Not something that's gonnahappen.
Please know.
So 2019, when things were notgoing great, I was going back to
my doctor because physically Iwas constantly unwell.
Like stomach issues, chestinfections, sinus infections,
all of these things.
(13:03):
My heart would be playing up.
And by then I'd had two babies.
I definitely had postnataldepression.
Like I didn't reallyunderstand.
I'd been put on meds, but I waslike, I'm healed, I'm fine.
Like, take the meds away.
I don't need it anymore.
And I suppose five years agothe system wasn't really, it was
still kind of dark ages wherethese conversations weren't
(13:24):
happening.
And I suppose, again, this iswhy social media is so great
because these conversations andstories are being openly had.
And my doctor kept doing these,I want to say K10, they're not
K10s.
Is it a decimal 10?
And it's this thing, it's likeon a scale of one to 10, do you
feel more happy or less happy?
(13:45):
Do you feel more dry in themouth or less dry in the mouth
than you did two weeks ago?
It's like this fucking thing,and I'm like, why do I have to
do this fucking thing again?
Like clearly I'm not okay.
And so my doctor was like,things are really not great,
Karina.
Like, what the f is actuallygoing on?
Oh my gosh, he would neverswear.
He's too kind for that.
And he, small country town,knew my family, like knew all
(14:08):
these things, and he just keptsaying, Karina, what are you
doing?
Like, why are you doing allthese things?
And I'm like, oh well, this isXYZ, and I'm gonna solve the
problem by blah, blah, blah,blah, blah.
I always had a plan and like aperfect way to make everything
work.
Except the thing was I had nocontrol over the outside stuff.
So I don't know how I anyway, Iwas mentally unwell, clearly.
So he said, Look, I reallythink we need to get someone who
(14:33):
actually knows what they'retalking about.
Let's find you a psychiatrist.
And I was like, okay, cool.
Went home and just Googled theshit out of like, how do I find
a psychiatrist and how do Iblah, blah, blah.
And then I just startedemailing and I found someone who
was like, Yep, happy toactually see you.
And I was like, Yes, thank you.
Thank you, the lords of privatehealth.
More about that conversationlater, and all of the other
(14:55):
things.
And so when I had the breakdownand my family was like, what's
actually going on?
And I was like, I want to die,I don't want to be here anymore.
I was actually able to say tothem, my doctor is aware and we
kind of have a bit of a plan,but my plan is not happening
right now.
I can't get in to see thepsychiatrist for another three
(15:16):
weeks.
Gosh, I love wait times.
And so, in that three weeks, Iwas like, obviously, I'm not
well.
So, can I fly to Perth?
Can I go see a naturopath?
Can I get all of these bloodsdone?
Because maybe there's somethingwrong with my thyroid.
Like maybe there's somethinghormonally not right with me.
Can I go see a hypnotherapist?
Can I do all of this?
And my family was like, justgo.
(15:36):
Let's try and sort this messout.
And I remember the naturopath,she did this little scan and
she's like, literally, your bodyis like at the rev limiter.
Like, it is like change gears,please, or slow the fuck down
because you're about to blowyour engine.
And the hypnotherapist wasreally cool.
He was a psychologisthypnotherapist, and I loved
(15:58):
that.
And so I spent like a bit of aweek in Perth doing all these
things, and I went home, got theresults, and they're like, no,
you're definitely a bit fuckedright now.
And so we just kind of wentwith that.
And my family were reallygreat.
They were really supportive.
My husband was just so amazing.
God, I love that man.
And when I finally got to speakto the psychiatrist, um, my GP
(16:21):
was like, look, let'stelehealth, come into the
surgery.
You and I'll sit down togetherand we'll talk to her and we'll
get through this.
So on this telehealth with thiswoman I've never met before,
and she's like, Okay, tell meyour story.
And I was like, Great, okay,sure.
Where do I start?
I was sexually assaulted as achild.
My parents divorced.
(16:43):
I lost my grandfather when Iwas really young.
I was super close to him.
I've had two babies, they'reonly 20 months apart.
I really struggle.
I yell, I scream, I getfrustrated, I get overwhelmed, I
end up throwing things, Iscream, I want to get in the car
and I want to drive away.
And obviously, I've thoughtabout suicide a lot.
(17:05):
And she goes, And I think we'reon this call for like 20
minutes.
She's just writing all thesenotes, and she goes, You have
PTSD.
And I sorry, what?
She's like, You've clearly hadundiagnosed postnatal
depression.
And I was like, Yeah.
And also all of these otherthings, it's like it's complex
(17:25):
PTSD.
It's where all of thesetraumatic events happen in your
life and they compound and onething after the next, it's just
like you just get to that pointand your body is about to
explode.
And I was like, Okay, sure.
What now then?
And I'd met someone about 12months ago who'd had a mental
(17:47):
breakdown and was hospitalized.
And I'd kind of been talking toher a little bit because she
was helping me work through mystuff.
And I knew a little bit aboutthis process, and she was like,
it actually was a really goodexperience for me.
And so when the doctor waslike, I'd really like you to
come to Perth, and I was like,Okay, cool, how soon?
And she's like, Within the nextfew days, and I'm like, Oh
(18:10):
shit.
And my doctor, he's just poppedhis hand on my hand, and he's
like, It's all right, doll.
It's alright.
And I'm just thinking, like,how am I gonna tell my family?
Like, how am I gonna say tothem, psychiatrist wants me to
go to Perth and be admitted?
And I just I'm just so gratefulfor my doctor.
(18:31):
It's like, look, go out theside door, go find your family
and just talk to them.
This is our plan and this iswhat we're doing.
And I it was definitely like aa shock to everyone, but I knew
that this is what I needed to dobecause I I wanted my children
(18:52):
to have the support and thestructure of those things I
wanted to be the best version ofmyself so that they could have
the best version of me.
So that's what happened.
So I was admitted.
We went in, I had to change myprivate health because, you
(19:13):
know, as a a mom, when you havekids and you try and reduce your
expenses and all of the rest ofit, we reduced our private
health cover.
And the hospital was like,look, they'll only cover 40% of
each night, and it's about $900a night or day, and you will
then need to pay for the firstweek up front.
And I just thought, where thefuck am I going to get this
(19:36):
money from?
And again, I'm in thisfortunate position where my
family was like, we do not carewhat it costs.
We want you here and we wantyou alive and we want you well.
And I was like, thanks, guys,that's so amazing.
But actually, just like, let memake a phone call to HBF, who
we used to be with, and see ifthey'll help me out.
(19:57):
And honestly, they couldn'thave been more amazing.
And HBF actually coveredeverything for me except my
excess.
And when I get those phonecalls these days, and they're
like, oh, hey, we're justcalling about your private
health, and like we want to knowhow it's currently.
And I'm just like, please stoptalking to me.
I'm not changing.
I'm really happy with where I'mat because it's just a
(20:20):
non-negotiable for us.
It's just non-negotiable.
I'm not changing my cover, I'mnot changing who I'm with, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
Because that is something thatI was able to, and it's
something still these days thatI can just like go.
Hey, I've got top privatehealth.
Can you please blah, blah,blah, blah.
Yep, absolutely.
Thank you so much.
And so for me, it's just thatnon-negotiable.
(20:42):
But again, just so conscious ofknowing that not everyone's in
that position.
So I really hope that throughthe podcast and through She's
Honestly Mental and the rest ofit, what we can get out of this
is that you understand that youdo not need to be in crisis to
(21:02):
get help.
You don't need permission tofall apart.
You don't need someone to say,look, go have a breakdown.
You know, it's okay.
Because it's actually not okay.
There's just so much.
And I'm like, I don't even knowwhat I've spoken about, but
it'll all come out.
You'll get to know me a bitmore.
(21:23):
And I'm still in awe that I'mhere and I'm able to be holding
this space for you guys.
Thanks for hanging out with meon She's Honestly Mentor.
If today's episode cracked opensomething inside of you or gave
you space to exhale, come sayhi over at Instagram at She's
Honestly Mentor.
(21:43):
Or send this to someone whoneeds to hear that they're not
alone.
And if you haven't yet, hitthat follow button so the next
episode lands in your messy feedright where it belongs.
Until next time, take care ofyour brain.
You're not broken.
You're just honestly mental.
And all the best people are.
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