September 14, 2025 • 19 mins
What if your brain is lying to you… and you’ve been believing it?
This episode gets raw about rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), the sneaky stories our brain tells us, and why even with therapy, meds and a truckload of self-awareness, the chaos still shows up.
I share a personal story from a club meeting gone rogue, where my brain went straight to “I’m the problem,” even when I knew better.
If you’ve ever spiralled over whether someone’s mad at you, re-lived one awkward conversation for days, or questioned your worth because of a single comment, this one’s going to feel like home. I talk about what RSD is, how trauma amplifies it, and the weird relief of finally having a name for that voice in your head.
You’ll leave this one understanding your brain a little more, and maybe even offering it a bit of grace. Because you're not broken. You're just overwhelmed. And you’re definitely not alone.
What’s one story your brain keeps telling you that you’re ready to rewrite? Come tell me over on Instagram @sheshonestlymental. I’d love to hear from you.
In this episode we cover:
- Corrina launches the podcast and reflects on not needing to "perform"
- A breakdown of rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) and how it shows up
- The go-kart club AGM moment and emotional aftermath
- How trauma makes RSD worse and why naming it helps
- Mowing lawns while spiralling and questioning everything
- Reflection on selling tractors, doing business, and wondering if she should’ve just stayed home
- Feeling grateful for the podcast impact but doubting whether it's "enough"
- A powerful reframe on stories, perspective, and finding glimmers of joy
- Ending with practical hope: recognising the story, naming it, choosing a new one
- Invictus Apothecary (discount code: SHMFAM)
- Connect with Corrina on Instagram at @sheshonestlymental
- sheshonestlymental.com.au
- The Messy Middle – free community for offloading
- The Chaos Letters – sign up for raw mental health reflections
- Instagram (co-working): @hausofcollab
- Lifeline: 13 11 14
- Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Corrina (00:01):
Welcome to She's Honestly Mental, a podcast for
women who are done pretendingthey're fine when they're
falling apart on the inside.
I'm your host,Corrina Rawlinson, ADHD Brain,
Medicated Mind, and proud mentalhealth hospital alumni.
Still here, still showing upsomehow.
This is the space for thefillers, the fixers, and the
(00:24):
ones who carry it all and stillwonder if it's enough.
We talk about the chaos, theconnection, and everything in
between because silence nearlykilled me, and these
conversations save lives.
Alright, cacao in hand,headphones on, chaos
semi-contained.
Let's get honestly mental.
Welcome to episode four ofShe's Honestly Mental.
(00:51):
Far out.
This week has been nuts.
It's been so amazing.
My birthday was on Monday, sothanks for all the birthday
wishes.
And on Monday, I launched thepodcast, which was flipping
exciting.
I definitely didn't feel like Idid my best influence itself
and smashed the publicity out ofit and all the rest of it, but
(01:13):
you know, you got what you got,and that was me, being myself.
I feel really overwhelmed,overwhelmed in so many different
ways, shapes, forms, all therest of it, because I had a
podcast before, and I did it allmyself before.
And I put a lot of pressure onmyself to perform and to do it
(01:35):
all really well.
So the things that I've donethis time around that is a bit
different to when I firstlaunched The Real Womanhood
Life, my OG podcast, is I'vereally made the investment in
getting people who are reallygood to do the things, to do the
things for me.
And yeah, it's definitely costus a little bit of money, but I
(01:56):
fully believe in the purpose andin what I'm doing.
And I know how much of a changethat it's going to make for
people.
And if it sends me broke doingthat, I actually do not care.
And I'm pretty lucky toobecause my husband has been so
supportive of this.
So huge shout out to Jared.
I'm very grateful for you.
(02:17):
But I wanted to start off todaywith a little story about this
thing that they talk about withADHD called rejection
sensitivity dysphoria.
Never heard of it before, um,until obviously I got diagnosed
last year.
And it makes a lot of sense formy brain.
So even as someone who ismedicated, someone who knows the
(02:40):
things and has theconversations and has the
diagnosis and all of the rest ofit, this shit still goes on in
my brain.
And last year for um, I'm inthe race go-karts, my kids race
go-karts, and I am the secretaryfor our local club, and I'm
also sitting on the executiveboard for karting WA as well.
(03:01):
And so, you know, pretty goodat what I do.
But at the same time, last yearat our local club AGM, I was
sitting there doing my job anddoing all the things, making
sure all the stuff wasdocumented, making sure all of
the transcripts were right,making sure all of the I's were
dotted and the T's were crossedand that the grammar was
perfect.
(03:21):
Because when you're doing theseroles, you're responsible for
making sure that the stuffhappens properly.
And for someone with ADHD,these kind of roles are actually
really good.
However, you do tend to take ona lot of stuff and you take on
the pressure.
And sitting there doing mywork, and then I bring up one of
(03:43):
the subjects that we had on theagenda, and this guy gets up
and he starts yelling at me.
He's like, You've turned thisinto the Karina show, and you're
just doing everything andyou're not blah, blah, blah,
letting anyone help.
And I just I stopped and Ilooked at him and I said, Are
you actually serious?
(04:04):
Is that really?
And he just kept going.
And then there were peoplebehind him that also kept going.
And I just I just couldn'tbelieve it for a second.
I just, I don't know.
Even now it still makes mereally feel yuck and horrible.
But I walked out, I said, Ijust need a minute.
I need to recollect my thoughtsand I will come back and we
(04:28):
will reconvene.
And so I walked outside and myhusband actually followed me,
and so did a couple of otherpeople.
And one of the guys walked upto me and just gave this
gigantic hug, and he goes,Karin, you don't need that.
Like, you don't deserve to bespoken to like that.
You've done an amazing job.
They should be really gratefulfor having you here.
Blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like, well, thank youso much.
Like, I don't do it for thepraise, obviously, but I do do
(04:51):
it because I like to know thatthings are done properly.
And so while I'm doing this, myhusband comes up to me and he
goes, babe, we're going home.
And I went, Oh.
And our kids were supposed tobe racing straight after this
meeting.
And he goes, No, babe, we'rewe're going home, we're out.
And I thought, all right, sure.
Jared has made the call.
(05:12):
We are going home.
And for those that know him,know that he's just, he's six
foot four, like he's built likefucking brook shit ass, as they
say.
Like he's huge.
But he's soft ass.
Like, if you had an argument ora fight, he is not the person
that you want in your cornerbecause he's just going to be
like, oh nah.
Nah, like, not gonna, I don'twant to hurt anyone, so no
(05:33):
thanks.
He's just a big softie, and welove him for that.
And so when he says, we'regoing home, I know that means
that we're going home.
So, packed the kids' carts up,we came into town, and I just
was in a daze, and I think Iremember it was like 35 degrees
or something like that.
And we ended up going around tomy dad's house, he's got a
(05:54):
pool, and we just hung out withour family for the rest of the
afternoon, and it was justbeautiful.
So, anyway, fast forward, I'mactually still the secretary of
the cart club, and I'm still outthere doing my job because
there was a meeting after, andthe committee got together and
they said, Look, Arena, like wedon't condone the behaviour
that's happened, and we want youto know that you're really
supported and that we reallyappreciate everything that you
(06:15):
do, and it was just it was nice,and we made the decision as a
family to stick there and staythere, and we've just kept going
because that's what the clubneeded.
They needed someone with myskills, and that's what I've
provided.
And look, if there's anyoneelse that wants to do my job,
feel free.
But until then, I shallcontinue.
But funny though, so we wereout at the track on the weekend
(06:36):
and we were mowing the lawns,and the same people that were at
the meeting that kind of losttheir shit, and look, we've
talked about it, and we'veapologised and things.
But when things like thishappen, significant events where
your emotions are reallyheightened, it actually imprints
on you at a genetic level.
(06:58):
And this is where they talkabout trauma.
But for me, it's this constantthought pattern of am I
upsetting someone?
Am I pissing someone off?
Should I be doing somethingelse?
Would they rather me doing it adifferent way?
Like until someone actuallytells me this is what I need you
to do, I constantly question,am I doing the right thing?
(07:21):
And it is a pain in the ass.
And on the weekend, I'm outthere and I'm mowing the lawns
and someone else was spraying.
And I'm thinking to myself,shit, do they really want me to
be mowing right now?
Like, should I not be mowingright now?
Am I mowing over somethingthey've already sprayed?
It just was this constant, justdidn't stop chattering for so
(07:43):
long.
And it just got me.
I thought, what the fuck iswrong with my brain?
Even though I've got all themedication, even though I've
done a lot of skills andtraining and therapy and all the
things, like these things stillhappen.
But something that I've learnedis a, I can now name it.
(08:03):
I can say I have ADHD, and whenthese things happen and I'm
constantly questioning my worthbecause of the fear of being
rejected, I'm like, oh, is thisRSD, rejection sensitivity
dysphoria?
And it really fucking justgrinds my gears sometimes.
But I think now that I've gotsomething and I can go, oh, it's
(08:24):
actually not me.
Like, sure, it's my body and mybrain, but it's not me.
Like it's a part of the ADHD,and a part of the ADHD is the
rejection sensitivity.
Okay, cool.
It's just my brain being reallynoisy.
That's not actually the truth.
And even this last week, myhusband and I, we've been away
to these Newdigate field days togo and try and sell some
(08:46):
tractors and sprayers andmowers.
And it was a really great time,but it was just Jared and I,
and all the blokes, the dealersfor the different brands that we
sell.
We all get in together and wedo it as a team, which is just
so lovely, not having to be onyour own.
And there is literally only somuch tractor shit talk that I
can listen to before you startto lose your mind a little bit.
(09:08):
And so I found myself beinglike, oh, does Jared actually
want me here?
Does Jared really want mearound right now?
Like, maybe I should have juststayed home.
And then also there was thisbit of a disaster with the kids
in daycare and them gettinglooked after.
And, you know, my normal kindof like care was that my stepmom
would have the kids, but shegot really sick.
And, you know, we had a plan Band a plan C and all of the rest
(09:31):
of it, and there just was allthis other shit.
And I just had this mum guildof I should have just stayed
home.
Should have stayed home, been amum, and done all the things.
But the thing with our businessis that Jared and I, we do the
sales stuff together because Ican talk underwater and he is
(09:51):
not so confident.
And so it's funny in thesetimes where you're like, well,
I'm gonna have to put myself outthere because I'm gonna have to
talk to people, otherwise, Ican't sell anything.
That the rejection sensitivityisn't there, and it's just
really, really weird because I'mlike, oh well, I've got to do
this anyway.
And it just comes down to thosedifferent stories that we're
(10:12):
telling ourselves.
So, how fun is learning aboutyour brain and all of the
different pieces?
Like it just actually drives mecrazy sometimes.
With the podcast, I'm sograteful.
I think when we checkedyesterday, I was sitting at like
102 or 103 in the charts withmental health.
(10:33):
And I think I should becheering myself on about that,
but then I'm like, oh, it's only103.
It's only 102.
Like, why am I not doingbetter?
What the heck, guys?
Look what I'm doing.
It's amazing.
And then I'm getting thesemessages, like these messages
are insane.
They're just keep going, team.
(10:54):
Like, keep going, Karina.
Don't stop.
What you're doing's amazing.
We're so proud of you.
We've listened to the firstthree episodes.
We want more.
And I think, fuck, what if Ican't do more?
What else do I have to talkabout?
Like, what if I'm talking aboutthe same things all the time?
And it's just these storiesthat I keep telling myself that
is just bullshit.
Like it's just a story.
(11:16):
I've got to remind myself it'sjust a story, and the stories
that go into my brain are notnecessarily true.
There's no evidence.
But it's funny when we talkabout evidence because it's like
if you decide that you're areally shit person, you're going
to continually look for theevidence of you being a really
shit person.
And because that's what you'respecifically looking for, that's
(11:40):
what you're gonna find.
So it's like close your eyes.
Imagine that you're sitting ina room and you can see all of
this amazing blue stuff.
Like, I want you to tell meabout all of the blue things in
that room.
And then now I want you to openyour eyes, and I need you to
(12:02):
tell me about the brown thingsthat were also in that room.
You saw them, right?
No.
No, because we're just focusingon the blue things.
And so the more you begin tofocus on the things that you
believe is true, the less thatyou're able to see the things
that make up the whole picture,make up the whole context.
Because yeah, there's just somuch more to it.
(12:26):
And I find something that helpsme get through the days is to
just start focusing on the otherthings.
And it's like, okay, well, Iknow that my stories are telling
me at the moment that I'm areally shit person, but I
actually just, you know, like mykids are still alive and
they're still breathing.
That can't make me a shitperson.
And it's noticing those littlethings, and I like to call them
(12:48):
glimmers.
I like to focus on the littleglimmers of the things that have
made me happy that day.
And sometimes, you know, if wesit down around the kitchen
table and trust me, we do not dothat very often because we just
don't.
But when we sit down around thetable with the kids and we're
like, okay, tell us your threefavorite things, three things
that made you smile and be happytoday.
And it's those little glimmers,those opportunities where you
(13:11):
actually stop and think aboutthe beautiful things.
And I'm sure now, if you wereto close your eyes and think
about the brown things in theroom or the pink things in the
room, you'd be able to see them.
I mean, open your eyes and lookaround.
There's so many differentcolours.
Rejection sensitivity dysphoriacan go psychophone.
But some little facts about itis that it is nearly universal
(13:35):
in ADHD.
So women or anyone with ADHDwill more than likely have some
form of this rejectionsensitivity dysphoria.
I mean, jump on TikTok, onInstagram, have a scroll,
Pinterest, all the rest of it.
It will just show you so manydifferent things about all of
the different diagnoses andthings that kind of go hand in
(13:55):
hand.
But one of the biggest thingsis that RSD is amplified by
trauma.
So when I put myself back intoa situation where I've been
verbally abused and I choose togo back in there, I am more
likely to have experiences ofRSD because of what's happened
(14:16):
in the past.
What I do is as I go out intothose situations and I go, okay,
this has happened before.
This is the old story, andwe're building a new one.
Because I can actually tell youthat that person and I are both
very similar, and we are bothworking really hard to find ways
to come together to really workthrough and find.
(14:39):
We've got a very joint sense ofpurpose around the car club and
what we're trying to achieve.
And we're both very hot-headedand we're both trying to work
through it, but we're just like,let's get through this.
It's really hard for someonewith RSD because you are going
to perceive the rejection andthe criticism even when none is
(15:00):
intended.
And I'm sure you can think ofplenty of times, and I do this
all the time, where my verbaldiarrhea has diarrheed and
shit's come out of my mouth, andI'm like, oh my gosh, I never
meant that.
I never ever meant that.
And it's really hard becausewhen you're trying to talk to
someone else or explain yourselfto someone else, no one sees
(15:22):
the same thing in the world.
No one sees the same thing atall for a second.
So imagine there's two millionlittle matchsticks and they're
all dropping.
You only see 24.
And then the person next to youout of the two million will see
another 24.
And so what we're seeingthroughout the world is actually
(15:43):
never the same as what someoneelse is seeing.
So it comes really down toperspective.
And if someone has taken whatyou've said the wrong way,
sometimes you have to takeaccountability for maybe you
have actually said it the wrongway, but you're not going to be
able to take it back.
All you can do is, I believe,is through changed behavior and
(16:05):
learning and accepting that,yeah, hey, I actually fucked up
and I shouldn't have said that.
And I love it so much whensomeone can honestly say to me,
it happened to me a couple ofweeks ago.
We were at a cart meeting, andI had to penalize a driver.
Um, we sit down, there was acouple of us stewards in the
room, and this was for thefinal, and they'd just raced the
(16:27):
final, and one of these drivershad alleged that another driver
had pushed him off of thetrack, and they sat down with us
with the evidence.
And through the evidence, whatI saw, I believed that they
purposefully pushed this car offthe track, which meant that
that person in front didn'tfinish the race, and the person
that pushed them off the trackended up winning.
(16:49):
And so I made the decision topenalize them 10 seconds, which
meant they lost their positionon the podium.
And holy smokes, that is aheavy weight to carry.
Like, why?
Why?
Why does it have to be me to dothat?
But because I love the sportand all of the rest of it, and
we've got a rule book, you'relike, you want it to be fair for
everyone, and it's really hardto talk about.
(17:12):
But after that, I walked out,and you know, people are running
around because the driversdecided to appeal the decision,
which they were within theirrights to do.
And I've rung one of mycolleagues, I just went, Oh my
gosh.
I've done this, this is what'shappened, and now everyone's
running around, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah.
And people are talking about hegoes, Karina, why do you keep
doing this to yourself?
(17:32):
Mate, you made the decision,believe in the decision that you
made, go with it.
And I went, you know what?
You're right.
I made the decision, I madethat with confidence, I made it
with the evidence that was infront of me, and I sit with it.
And yeah, it's reallyunfortunate.
I don't actually know because Iappealed it, like I don't know
(17:53):
what the outcome is.
But yeah, it's just really hardwhen you put yourself in these
positions and you've got to makethose kind of decisions.
But it's funny how I made thedecision with the evidence in
front of me and the rule book infront of me, like literally
things in black and white, andthen I step away from it and
then I question what I'm doing.
That's a rejection sensitivity.
(18:14):
Far out.
Rejection sensitivity causeslow self-esteem, years of
believing that you're the badperson, instead of understanding
that you've just wired a bitdifferently.
It's just crazy how we don'ttalk about it.
Let's remember if the rejectionsensitivity noise gets really
(18:35):
loud, it's just a story.
It's not a fact.
Literally, when these storiesstart happening, I'm like, oh,
Cool Story Bro needs moredragons.
Let's wrap up today's episodeof She's Honestly Mental.
I have a really big favor toask.
If you've been listening to thepodcast, can you please make
(18:55):
sure that you leave a review?
It's just a really easy way tobe able to recommend the podcast
to other people.
I truly, truly appreciate allof the messages that I've been
getting.
And yeah, you guys are thereason why I'm here and why I'm
doing it and why I've somehowmanaged to find the confidence
(19:16):
in myself to keep going.
And it's literally just fromthe support that I've had.
So anyway, have a great week.
Bye.
Thanks for hanging out with meon She's Honestly Mentor.
If today's episode cracked opensomething inside of you or gave
you space to exhale, come sayhi over at Instagram at She's
(19:37):
Honestly Mentor.
Or send this to someone whoneeds to hear that they're not
alone.
And if you haven't yet, hitthat follow button so the next
episode lands in your messy feedright where it belongs.
Until next time, take care ofyour brain.
You're not broken, you're justhonestly mental.
And all the best people are.
Welcome to She's Honestly Mental, a podcast for
women who are done pretendingthey're fine when they're
falling apart on the inside.
I'm your host,Corrina Rawlinson, ADHD Brain,
Medicated Mind, and proud mentalhealth hospital alumni.
Still here, still showing upsomehow.
This is the space for thefillers, the fixers, and the
(00:24):
ones who carry it all and stillwonder if it's enough.
We talk about the chaos, theconnection, and everything in
between because silence nearlykilled me, and these
conversations save lives.
Alright, cacao in hand,headphones on, chaos
semi-contained.
Let's get honestly mental.
Welcome to episode four ofShe's Honestly Mental.
(00:51):
Far out.
This week has been nuts.
It's been so amazing.
My birthday was on Monday, sothanks for all the birthday
wishes.
And on Monday, I launched thepodcast, which was flipping
exciting.
I definitely didn't feel like Idid my best influence itself
and smashed the publicity out ofit and all the rest of it, but
(01:13):
you know, you got what you got,and that was me, being myself.
I feel really overwhelmed,overwhelmed in so many different
ways, shapes, forms, all therest of it, because I had a
podcast before, and I did it allmyself before.
And I put a lot of pressure onmyself to perform and to do it
(01:35):
all really well.
So the things that I've donethis time around that is a bit
different to when I firstlaunched The Real Womanhood
Life, my OG podcast, is I'vereally made the investment in
getting people who are reallygood to do the things, to do the
things for me.
And yeah, it's definitely costus a little bit of money, but I
(01:56):
fully believe in the purpose andin what I'm doing.
And I know how much of a changethat it's going to make for
people.
And if it sends me broke doingthat, I actually do not care.
And I'm pretty lucky toobecause my husband has been so
supportive of this.
So huge shout out to Jared.
I'm very grateful for you.
(02:17):
But I wanted to start off todaywith a little story about this
thing that they talk about withADHD called rejection
sensitivity dysphoria.
Never heard of it before, um,until obviously I got diagnosed
last year.
And it makes a lot of sense formy brain.
So even as someone who ismedicated, someone who knows the
(02:40):
things and has theconversations and has the
diagnosis and all of the rest ofit, this shit still goes on in
my brain.
And last year for um, I'm inthe race go-karts, my kids race
go-karts, and I am the secretaryfor our local club, and I'm
also sitting on the executiveboard for karting WA as well.
(03:01):
And so, you know, pretty goodat what I do.
But at the same time, last yearat our local club AGM, I was
sitting there doing my job anddoing all the things, making
sure all the stuff wasdocumented, making sure all of
the transcripts were right,making sure all of the I's were
dotted and the T's were crossedand that the grammar was
perfect.
(03:21):
Because when you're doing theseroles, you're responsible for
making sure that the stuffhappens properly.
And for someone with ADHD,these kind of roles are actually
really good.
However, you do tend to take ona lot of stuff and you take on
the pressure.
And sitting there doing mywork, and then I bring up one of
(03:43):
the subjects that we had on theagenda, and this guy gets up
and he starts yelling at me.
He's like, You've turned thisinto the Karina show, and you're
just doing everything andyou're not blah, blah, blah,
letting anyone help.
And I just I stopped and Ilooked at him and I said, Are
you actually serious?
(04:04):
Is that really?
And he just kept going.
And then there were peoplebehind him that also kept going.
And I just I just couldn'tbelieve it for a second.
I just, I don't know.
Even now it still makes mereally feel yuck and horrible.
But I walked out, I said, Ijust need a minute.
I need to recollect my thoughtsand I will come back and we
(04:28):
will reconvene.
And so I walked outside and myhusband actually followed me,
and so did a couple of otherpeople.
And one of the guys walked upto me and just gave this
gigantic hug, and he goes,Karin, you don't need that.
Like, you don't deserve to bespoken to like that.
You've done an amazing job.
They should be really gratefulfor having you here.
Blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like, well, thank youso much.
Like, I don't do it for thepraise, obviously, but I do do
(04:51):
it because I like to know thatthings are done properly.
And so while I'm doing this, myhusband comes up to me and he
goes, babe, we're going home.
And I went, Oh.
And our kids were supposed tobe racing straight after this
meeting.
And he goes, No, babe, we'rewe're going home, we're out.
And I thought, all right, sure.
Jared has made the call.
(05:12):
We are going home.
And for those that know him,know that he's just, he's six
foot four, like he's built likefucking brook shit ass, as they
say.
Like he's huge.
But he's soft ass.
Like, if you had an argument ora fight, he is not the person
that you want in your cornerbecause he's just going to be
like, oh nah.
Nah, like, not gonna, I don'twant to hurt anyone, so no
(05:33):
thanks.
He's just a big softie, and welove him for that.
And so when he says, we'regoing home, I know that means
that we're going home.
So, packed the kids' carts up,we came into town, and I just
was in a daze, and I think Iremember it was like 35 degrees
or something like that.
And we ended up going around tomy dad's house, he's got a
(05:54):
pool, and we just hung out withour family for the rest of the
afternoon, and it was justbeautiful.
So, anyway, fast forward, I'mactually still the secretary of
the cart club, and I'm still outthere doing my job because
there was a meeting after, andthe committee got together and
they said, Look, Arena, like wedon't condone the behaviour
that's happened, and we want youto know that you're really
supported and that we reallyappreciate everything that you
(06:15):
do, and it was just it was nice,and we made the decision as a
family to stick there and staythere, and we've just kept going
because that's what the clubneeded.
They needed someone with myskills, and that's what I've
provided.
And look, if there's anyoneelse that wants to do my job,
feel free.
But until then, I shallcontinue.
But funny though, so we wereout at the track on the weekend
(06:36):
and we were mowing the lawns,and the same people that were at
the meeting that kind of losttheir shit, and look, we've
talked about it, and we'veapologised and things.
But when things like thishappen, significant events where
your emotions are reallyheightened, it actually imprints
on you at a genetic level.
(06:58):
And this is where they talkabout trauma.
But for me, it's this constantthought pattern of am I
upsetting someone?
Am I pissing someone off?
Should I be doing somethingelse?
Would they rather me doing it adifferent way?
Like until someone actuallytells me this is what I need you
to do, I constantly question,am I doing the right thing?
(07:21):
And it is a pain in the ass.
And on the weekend, I'm outthere and I'm mowing the lawns
and someone else was spraying.
And I'm thinking to myself,shit, do they really want me to
be mowing right now?
Like, should I not be mowingright now?
Am I mowing over somethingthey've already sprayed?
It just was this constant, justdidn't stop chattering for so
(07:43):
long.
And it just got me.
I thought, what the fuck iswrong with my brain?
Even though I've got all themedication, even though I've
done a lot of skills andtraining and therapy and all the
things, like these things stillhappen.
But something that I've learnedis a, I can now name it.
(08:03):
I can say I have ADHD, and whenthese things happen and I'm
constantly questioning my worthbecause of the fear of being
rejected, I'm like, oh, is thisRSD, rejection sensitivity
dysphoria?
And it really fucking justgrinds my gears sometimes.
But I think now that I've gotsomething and I can go, oh, it's
(08:24):
actually not me.
Like, sure, it's my body and mybrain, but it's not me.
Like it's a part of the ADHD,and a part of the ADHD is the
rejection sensitivity.
Okay, cool.
It's just my brain being reallynoisy.
That's not actually the truth.
And even this last week, myhusband and I, we've been away
to these Newdigate field days togo and try and sell some
(08:46):
tractors and sprayers andmowers.
And it was a really great time,but it was just Jared and I,
and all the blokes, the dealersfor the different brands that we
sell.
We all get in together and wedo it as a team, which is just
so lovely, not having to be onyour own.
And there is literally only somuch tractor shit talk that I
can listen to before you startto lose your mind a little bit.
(09:08):
And so I found myself beinglike, oh, does Jared actually
want me here?
Does Jared really want mearound right now?
Like, maybe I should have juststayed home.
And then also there was thisbit of a disaster with the kids
in daycare and them gettinglooked after.
And, you know, my normal kindof like care was that my stepmom
would have the kids, but shegot really sick.
And, you know, we had a plan Band a plan C and all of the rest
(09:31):
of it, and there just was allthis other shit.
And I just had this mum guildof I should have just stayed
home.
Should have stayed home, been amum, and done all the things.
But the thing with our businessis that Jared and I, we do the
sales stuff together because Ican talk underwater and he is
(09:51):
not so confident.
And so it's funny in thesetimes where you're like, well,
I'm gonna have to put myself outthere because I'm gonna have to
talk to people, otherwise, Ican't sell anything.
That the rejection sensitivityisn't there, and it's just
really, really weird because I'mlike, oh well, I've got to do
this anyway.
And it just comes down to thosedifferent stories that we're
(10:12):
telling ourselves.
So, how fun is learning aboutyour brain and all of the
different pieces?
Like it just actually drives mecrazy sometimes.
With the podcast, I'm sograteful.
I think when we checkedyesterday, I was sitting at like
102 or 103 in the charts withmental health.
(10:33):
And I think I should becheering myself on about that,
but then I'm like, oh, it's only103.
It's only 102.
Like, why am I not doingbetter?
What the heck, guys?
Look what I'm doing.
It's amazing.
And then I'm getting thesemessages, like these messages
are insane.
They're just keep going, team.
(10:54):
Like, keep going, Karina.
Don't stop.
What you're doing's amazing.
We're so proud of you.
We've listened to the firstthree episodes.
We want more.
And I think, fuck, what if Ican't do more?
What else do I have to talkabout?
Like, what if I'm talking aboutthe same things all the time?
And it's just these storiesthat I keep telling myself that
is just bullshit.
Like it's just a story.
(11:16):
I've got to remind myself it'sjust a story, and the stories
that go into my brain are notnecessarily true.
There's no evidence.
But it's funny when we talkabout evidence because it's like
if you decide that you're areally shit person, you're going
to continually look for theevidence of you being a really
shit person.
And because that's what you'respecifically looking for, that's
(11:40):
what you're gonna find.
So it's like close your eyes.
Imagine that you're sitting ina room and you can see all of
this amazing blue stuff.
Like, I want you to tell meabout all of the blue things in
that room.
And then now I want you to openyour eyes, and I need you to
(12:02):
tell me about the brown thingsthat were also in that room.
You saw them, right?
No.
No, because we're just focusingon the blue things.
And so the more you begin tofocus on the things that you
believe is true, the less thatyou're able to see the things
that make up the whole picture,make up the whole context.
Because yeah, there's just somuch more to it.
(12:26):
And I find something that helpsme get through the days is to
just start focusing on the otherthings.
And it's like, okay, well, Iknow that my stories are telling
me at the moment that I'm areally shit person, but I
actually just, you know, like mykids are still alive and
they're still breathing.
That can't make me a shitperson.
And it's noticing those littlethings, and I like to call them
(12:48):
glimmers.
I like to focus on the littleglimmers of the things that have
made me happy that day.
And sometimes, you know, if wesit down around the kitchen
table and trust me, we do not dothat very often because we just
don't.
But when we sit down around thetable with the kids and we're
like, okay, tell us your threefavorite things, three things
that made you smile and be happytoday.
And it's those little glimmers,those opportunities where you
(13:11):
actually stop and think aboutthe beautiful things.
And I'm sure now, if you wereto close your eyes and think
about the brown things in theroom or the pink things in the
room, you'd be able to see them.
I mean, open your eyes and lookaround.
There's so many differentcolours.
Rejection sensitivity dysphoriacan go psychophone.
But some little facts about itis that it is nearly universal
(13:35):
in ADHD.
So women or anyone with ADHDwill more than likely have some
form of this rejectionsensitivity dysphoria.
I mean, jump on TikTok, onInstagram, have a scroll,
Pinterest, all the rest of it.
It will just show you so manydifferent things about all of
the different diagnoses andthings that kind of go hand in
(13:55):
hand.
But one of the biggest thingsis that RSD is amplified by
trauma.
So when I put myself back intoa situation where I've been
verbally abused and I choose togo back in there, I am more
likely to have experiences ofRSD because of what's happened
(14:16):
in the past.
What I do is as I go out intothose situations and I go, okay,
this has happened before.
This is the old story, andwe're building a new one.
Because I can actually tell youthat that person and I are both
very similar, and we are bothworking really hard to find ways
to come together to really workthrough and find.
(14:39):
We've got a very joint sense ofpurpose around the car club and
what we're trying to achieve.
And we're both very hot-headedand we're both trying to work
through it, but we're just like,let's get through this.
It's really hard for someonewith RSD because you are going
to perceive the rejection andthe criticism even when none is
(15:00):
intended.
And I'm sure you can think ofplenty of times, and I do this
all the time, where my verbaldiarrhea has diarrheed and
shit's come out of my mouth, andI'm like, oh my gosh, I never
meant that.
I never ever meant that.
And it's really hard becausewhen you're trying to talk to
someone else or explain yourselfto someone else, no one sees
(15:22):
the same thing in the world.
No one sees the same thing atall for a second.
So imagine there's two millionlittle matchsticks and they're
all dropping.
You only see 24.
And then the person next to youout of the two million will see
another 24.
And so what we're seeingthroughout the world is actually
(15:43):
never the same as what someoneelse is seeing.
So it comes really down toperspective.
And if someone has taken whatyou've said the wrong way,
sometimes you have to takeaccountability for maybe you
have actually said it the wrongway, but you're not going to be
able to take it back.
All you can do is, I believe,is through changed behavior and
(16:05):
learning and accepting that,yeah, hey, I actually fucked up
and I shouldn't have said that.
And I love it so much whensomeone can honestly say to me,
it happened to me a couple ofweeks ago.
We were at a cart meeting, andI had to penalize a driver.
Um, we sit down, there was acouple of us stewards in the
room, and this was for thefinal, and they'd just raced the
(16:27):
final, and one of these drivershad alleged that another driver
had pushed him off of thetrack, and they sat down with us
with the evidence.
And through the evidence, whatI saw, I believed that they
purposefully pushed this car offthe track, which meant that
that person in front didn'tfinish the race, and the person
that pushed them off the trackended up winning.
(16:49):
And so I made the decision topenalize them 10 seconds, which
meant they lost their positionon the podium.
And holy smokes, that is aheavy weight to carry.
Like, why?
Why?
Why does it have to be me to dothat?
But because I love the sportand all of the rest of it, and
we've got a rule book, you'relike, you want it to be fair for
everyone, and it's really hardto talk about.
(17:12):
But after that, I walked out,and you know, people are running
around because the driversdecided to appeal the decision,
which they were within theirrights to do.
And I've rung one of mycolleagues, I just went, Oh my
gosh.
I've done this, this is what'shappened, and now everyone's
running around, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah.
And people are talking about hegoes, Karina, why do you keep
doing this to yourself?
(17:32):
Mate, you made the decision,believe in the decision that you
made, go with it.
And I went, you know what?
You're right.
I made the decision, I madethat with confidence, I made it
with the evidence that was infront of me, and I sit with it.
And yeah, it's reallyunfortunate.
I don't actually know because Iappealed it, like I don't know
(17:53):
what the outcome is.
But yeah, it's just really hardwhen you put yourself in these
positions and you've got to makethose kind of decisions.
But it's funny how I made thedecision with the evidence in
front of me and the rule book infront of me, like literally
things in black and white, andthen I step away from it and
then I question what I'm doing.
That's a rejection sensitivity.
(18:14):
Far out.
Rejection sensitivity causeslow self-esteem, years of
believing that you're the badperson, instead of understanding
that you've just wired a bitdifferently.
It's just crazy how we don'ttalk about it.
Let's remember if the rejectionsensitivity noise gets really
(18:35):
loud, it's just a story.
It's not a fact.
Literally, when these storiesstart happening, I'm like, oh,
Cool Story Bro needs moredragons.
Let's wrap up today's episodeof She's Honestly Mental.
I have a really big favor toask.
If you've been listening to thepodcast, can you please make
(18:55):
sure that you leave a review?
It's just a really easy way tobe able to recommend the podcast
to other people.
I truly, truly appreciate allof the messages that I've been
getting.
And yeah, you guys are thereason why I'm here and why I'm
doing it and why I've somehowmanaged to find the confidence
(19:16):
in myself to keep going.
And it's literally just fromthe support that I've had.
So anyway, have a great week.
Bye.
Thanks for hanging out with meon She's Honestly Mentor.
If today's episode cracked opensomething inside of you or gave
you space to exhale, come sayhi over at Instagram at She's
(19:37):
Honestly Mentor.
Or send this to someone whoneeds to hear that they're not
alone.
And if you haven't yet, hitthat follow button so the next
episode lands in your messy feedright where it belongs.
Until next time, take care ofyour brain.
You're not broken, you're justhonestly mental.
And all the best people are.
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