June 28, 2023 • 13 mins
Ever been on the receiving end of mean girl behavior, either online or offline? We've all been there and today we're talking about it. Reflecting on my own encounters, I've realized that these interactions can serve as life lessons. Far from being a reflection on us, they're a mirror showing their own insecurities. I'll share how establishing protective boundaries for our mental and emotional wellbeing, surrounding ourselves with supportive communities, and nurturing self-confidence has been instrumental in rising above such negativity.
Join us as we remind you and ourselves that overcoming mean girls isn't just about surviving, it's about becoming the best version of yourself. Tune in to the She's on Fire podcast, and together, let's rise above.
Thoughts on this episode? Send me a message
If this episode helped you I would be so grateful if you would leave a 5 star review. If you do leave a review please send me a message at Jen@jengaines.com and we will send you a special thank you gift.
Make sure to connect with me on IG: @fiercemomboss
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jen Gaines (00:02):
All right, welcome back to the She's on Fire
podcast, The podcast dedicatedto helping women overcome fear
from standing out, build thatconfidence, be fierce and really
succeed in their onlinebusinesses.
I'm your host.
It's me, Jen Gaines, and todaywe're going to be talking about
a topic that many of us havefaced at some point in our lives
(00:27):
dealing with mean girls.
All right, this is a topic nearand dear to my heart.
I've had to deal lately withsomething like this, so I
thought it was a good idea tokind of dive into this topic,
because I know that it happensto a lot of us.
So I know, growing up, many ofus experience the challenges and
(00:50):
heartaches that come withencountering mean girls right In
school, in our communities,maybe in social clubs, whatever.
I was actually really surprised, though, that I would still
have been dealing with thatstuff.
In my 30s, i literally couldn'tbelieve it, and now, in my 40s,
(01:11):
even to me it's just crazy.
It really is, and with the riseof social media and the
prevalence of onlineinteractions, dealing with mean
girls has really taken on a newdimension.
It really has.
So today we're going to discusshow to overcome this online,
(01:34):
even in our offline lives, rightAnd find strength to really
rise above the negativity.
All right, so to begin with, iwant to reflect on our own
experiences with mean girls.
Growing up, i remember feelingthe sting of the hurtful words,
(01:57):
of the interactions, beingexcluded And the constant
questioning of my self-worth.
That's what it came down to.
It was really difficult andpainful when things like this
would happen, and it took a tollon my confidence, and then
(02:18):
again, in my 30s and 40s to havethis kind of stuff happen.
It's something that's reallyimportant to talk about, because
I know this happens to a lot ofwomen at this age too.
All right, here's what I dorealize, though Here's something
that's really over the lastcouple of years, i've come to
(02:42):
realize that through thoseexperiences, i really learned
valuable lessons that havehelped me navigate the online
world with resilience and grace.
Does it always happen where I'mlike, oh, i just kind of brush
(03:02):
it off whatever?
Oh, because it can be hurtful,but just a few years ago I would
handle things so verydifferently than I do now, and
really the first step inovercoming this mean girl
bullshit online or even offlineeither way is really
(03:24):
understanding that theirbehavior is a reflection of
their own insecurities.
It is not a true reflection ofwho you are as a person, most
likely, unless you're an a-hole,right But it's really a
reflection of their owninsecurities.
So, just like in real life,mean girls online often use
(03:51):
negativity to mask their ownfears.
You know insecurities, jealousy, all that kind of stuff, right?
Remembering this can reallyhelp you detach emotionally from
the hurtful comments andrecognize that their actions
(04:12):
really say more about them thanthey do about you.
So next, it's important tocreate boundaries, though, and
really protect your mental andemotional well-being.
Social media platforms they are,it's like, just a breeding
ground for negativity in a lotof ways.
(04:34):
There's a lot of positive youknow aspects to it I absolutely
will say that but there are alot of negative aspects to it as
well, and it's really crucialto filter out those voices, the
toxicity, and really focus onthe positive ones, the positive
voices out there Surroundingyourself I always say this,
(04:59):
always always Surroundingyourself with a supportive
community of like-mindedindividuals who uplift and
inspire you is so crucial whenyou're running an online
business.
Engaging with accounts thatpromote positivity, have a, you
know, promote a growth mindsetis crucial, and really and this
(05:23):
is what I do all the time I'mnot as much anymore.
I don't get I don't get thatmany hate comments.
Maybe I will now that I'msaying this, but don't hesitate
to block or mute those who areconsistently spreading
negativity, and do not hesitateto just block mean girls or guys
, whoever it is.
(05:44):
I use mean girls because Ithink that, as women, we do deal
with a lot of the inga-sipping,and you know the mean girl shit
, right, the mean girl shit.
I find that men in general arenot as apt to be like that.
(06:04):
They're just not, and maybethat's why I've always gotten
along better with men.
I don't know, but don'thesitate to block people like
that.
You don't have to put up withthat.
That doesn't have to stay inyour life, doesn't?
Haters, trolls, whatever youwant to call them.
Block them.
They are of zero use in yourlife, all right.
(06:31):
Another key aspect of overcomingmean girls online is really
cultivating self confidence,building self confidence and
resilience.
It takes time, it takes effort,but it's really crucial to have
this skill for anyonenavigating the online world.
(06:51):
This is why I work so hard onthis with my clients.
I worked so hard on it withmyself.
That's why my clients and Idive so deep into it, because
it's so critical for the successof your business.
Every single program I run, forthe most part, has this mindset
(07:16):
piece to it, building thatresilience, building that
unshakable confidence.
It's so important.
This is why in my membership wetalk and learn about how to be
fierce as fuck.
So when these mean girl thingshappen, you have more resilience
(07:36):
.
You've got to remind yourselfof your strengths, your
accomplishments and the valuethat you bring to the table.
You have to celebrate youruniqueness So you remember why
you're out there doing what youdo.
And when the bullshit happens,you're more resilient to it.
(08:00):
You've got to embrace thethings that make you stand out.
You have to remember that meangirls' opinions hold no weight
compared to your own belief inyourself.
That's why you've got to createthat belief ahead of time.
(08:20):
That's why you've got to workon your resilience and your
self-confidence and your courage.
It's so critical to yourbusiness, it's so critical to
your mental state when you'reputting yourself out there.
And then another thing isimposter syndrome.
(08:40):
It really often goes hand inhand with the whole mean girl
bullshit, whether online oroffline.
Right, it's that feeling of notbeing good enough.
It's the feeling of doubtingyourself, of thinking you don't
know what you're talking about.
That can often come into playwhen people, when women, start
(09:03):
saying negative things to you.
So to combat imposter syndromegoes back to self-confidence
again.
It goes back to yourachievements, and we all have
achieved something.
Practice self-talk with yourself.
Practice it in the mirror withyourself.
(09:24):
Do that every single day.
It will make such a difference.
You can do that.
Surround yourself withsupportive peers.
Get mentors who are supportive,these people who can remind you
of your worth and reallyprovide guidance when needed And
(09:48):
we all need it sometimes.
I can't tell you how muchthings change for me by just
getting a mentor.
It really, really helped uplevel my life.
And the last thing I want you toremember is that you have the
(10:12):
power to control the narrative.
All right, i want you toremember this In the face of
mean girls online or offline,for that matter, it doesn't
matter.
Either way don't stoop to theirown level.
This is what I used to do.
I used to stoop down to theirown level and I'd argue back and
forth or I would send messagesback and forth.
(10:34):
It's not worth it, and Iactually learned from Gary
Vaynerchuk, so he takes thecredit for this.
I actually learned from him andI've used it.
Don't stoop to their level.
If you respond with kindness andunderstanding and thinking like
(10:56):
that poor person, like the waythat they must think about
themselves, that they take thetime out of their day to make
negative comments, have negativereactions and act that way,
imagine how horrible their lifemust be.
Imagine how horrible theirinner life must be inside them.
(11:16):
So, when you respond withkindness and understanding, it
really can often diffuse tensesituations and shift the
dynamics completely.
I've had to do this recently.
Choose to rise above negativityand focus on building your
online business withauthenticity and make sure you
(11:41):
cultivate not only your clientrelationships, but relationships
with your peers who are on thesame journey with you, because
they're gonna get it, becausethey will support you, because
either they've been there orsomeday they will be there too.
These are the things that willreally, really make a difference
(12:05):
.
Rise above the negativity.
Become fierce as fuck.
Don't let others drag you downinto it.
And as we wrap up, i just wannaI really wanna remind you it's
not an easy task to overcomethese things.
(12:27):
All right, i get that, but itis absolutely possible by
understanding other people'sinsecurities, creating
boundaries, cultivating theself-confidence.
Cultivating the self-confidence, combating that imposter
syndrome, working on yourresilience, you literally can
(12:54):
rise above the negativity andcontinue to build your online
business and really step out andbe successful.
I hope this helps.
I really hope this helps And ifit did, or if it hits home with
you, i would love it if youwould really leave a review for
me, leave a five-star review.
(13:15):
I would love to hear from you.
All right, i'll talk to youlater.
Bye.
All right, welcome back to the She's on Fire
podcast, The podcast dedicatedto helping women overcome fear
from standing out, build thatconfidence, be fierce and really
succeed in their onlinebusinesses.
I'm your host.
It's me, Jen Gaines, and todaywe're going to be talking about
a topic that many of us havefaced at some point in our lives
(00:27):
dealing with mean girls.
All right, this is a topic nearand dear to my heart.
I've had to deal lately withsomething like this, so I
thought it was a good idea tokind of dive into this topic,
because I know that it happensto a lot of us.
So I know, growing up, many ofus experience the challenges and
(00:50):
heartaches that come withencountering mean girls right In
school, in our communities,maybe in social clubs, whatever.
I was actually really surprised, though, that I would still
have been dealing with thatstuff.
In my 30s, i literally couldn'tbelieve it, and now, in my 40s,
(01:11):
even to me it's just crazy.
It really is, and with the riseof social media and the
prevalence of onlineinteractions, dealing with mean
girls has really taken on a newdimension.
It really has.
So today we're going to discusshow to overcome this online,
(01:34):
even in our offline lives, rightAnd find strength to really
rise above the negativity.
All right, so to begin with, iwant to reflect on our own
experiences with mean girls.
Growing up, i remember feelingthe sting of the hurtful words,
(01:57):
of the interactions, beingexcluded And the constant
questioning of my self-worth.
That's what it came down to.
It was really difficult andpainful when things like this
would happen, and it took a tollon my confidence, and then
(02:18):
again, in my 30s and 40s to havethis kind of stuff happen.
It's something that's reallyimportant to talk about, because
I know this happens to a lot ofwomen at this age too.
All right, here's what I dorealize, though Here's something
that's really over the lastcouple of years, i've come to
(02:42):
realize that through thoseexperiences, i really learned
valuable lessons that havehelped me navigate the online
world with resilience and grace.
Does it always happen where I'mlike, oh, i just kind of brush
(03:02):
it off whatever?
Oh, because it can be hurtful,but just a few years ago I would
handle things so verydifferently than I do now, and
really the first step inovercoming this mean girl
bullshit online or even offlineeither way is really
(03:24):
understanding that theirbehavior is a reflection of
their own insecurities.
It is not a true reflection ofwho you are as a person, most
likely, unless you're an a-hole,right But it's really a
reflection of their owninsecurities.
So, just like in real life,mean girls online often use
(03:51):
negativity to mask their ownfears.
You know insecurities, jealousy, all that kind of stuff, right?
Remembering this can reallyhelp you detach emotionally from
the hurtful comments andrecognize that their actions
(04:12):
really say more about them thanthey do about you.
So next, it's important tocreate boundaries, though, and
really protect your mental andemotional well-being.
Social media platforms they are,it's like, just a breeding
ground for negativity in a lotof ways.
(04:34):
There's a lot of positive youknow aspects to it I absolutely
will say that but there are alot of negative aspects to it as
well, and it's really crucialto filter out those voices, the
toxicity, and really focus onthe positive ones, the positive
voices out there Surroundingyourself I always say this,
(04:59):
always always Surroundingyourself with a supportive
community of like-mindedindividuals who uplift and
inspire you is so crucial whenyou're running an online
business.
Engaging with accounts thatpromote positivity, have a, you
know, promote a growth mindsetis crucial, and really and this
(05:23):
is what I do all the time I'mnot as much anymore.
I don't get I don't get thatmany hate comments.
Maybe I will now that I'msaying this, but don't hesitate
to block or mute those who areconsistently spreading
negativity, and do not hesitateto just block mean girls or guys
, whoever it is.
(05:44):
I use mean girls because Ithink that, as women, we do deal
with a lot of the inga-sipping,and you know the mean girl shit
, right, the mean girl shit.
I find that men in general arenot as apt to be like that.
(06:04):
They're just not, and maybethat's why I've always gotten
along better with men.
I don't know, but don'thesitate to block people like
that.
You don't have to put up withthat.
That doesn't have to stay inyour life, doesn't?
Haters, trolls, whatever youwant to call them.
Block them.
They are of zero use in yourlife, all right.
(06:31):
Another key aspect of overcomingmean girls online is really
cultivating self confidence,building self confidence and
resilience.
It takes time, it takes effort,but it's really crucial to have
this skill for anyonenavigating the online world.
(06:51):
This is why I work so hard onthis with my clients.
I worked so hard on it withmyself.
That's why my clients and Idive so deep into it, because
it's so critical for the successof your business.
Every single program I run, forthe most part, has this mindset
(07:16):
piece to it, building thatresilience, building that
unshakable confidence.
It's so important.
This is why in my membership wetalk and learn about how to be
fierce as fuck.
So when these mean girl thingshappen, you have more resilience
(07:36):
.
You've got to remind yourselfof your strengths, your
accomplishments and the valuethat you bring to the table.
You have to celebrate youruniqueness So you remember why
you're out there doing what youdo.
And when the bullshit happens,you're more resilient to it.
(08:00):
You've got to embrace thethings that make you stand out.
You have to remember that meangirls' opinions hold no weight
compared to your own belief inyourself.
That's why you've got to createthat belief ahead of time.
(08:20):
That's why you've got to workon your resilience and your
self-confidence and your courage.
It's so critical to yourbusiness, it's so critical to
your mental state when you'reputting yourself out there.
And then another thing isimposter syndrome.
(08:40):
It really often goes hand inhand with the whole mean girl
bullshit, whether online oroffline.
Right, it's that feeling of notbeing good enough.
It's the feeling of doubtingyourself, of thinking you don't
know what you're talking about.
That can often come into playwhen people, when women, start
(09:03):
saying negative things to you.
So to combat imposter syndromegoes back to self-confidence
again.
It goes back to yourachievements, and we all have
achieved something.
Practice self-talk with yourself.
Practice it in the mirror withyourself.
(09:24):
Do that every single day.
It will make such a difference.
You can do that.
Surround yourself withsupportive peers.
Get mentors who are supportive,these people who can remind you
of your worth and reallyprovide guidance when needed And
(09:48):
we all need it sometimes.
I can't tell you how muchthings change for me by just
getting a mentor.
It really, really helped uplevel my life.
And the last thing I want you toremember is that you have the
(10:12):
power to control the narrative.
All right, i want you toremember this In the face of
mean girls online or offline,for that matter, it doesn't
matter.
Either way don't stoop to theirown level.
This is what I used to do.
I used to stoop down to theirown level and I'd argue back and
forth or I would send messagesback and forth.
(10:34):
It's not worth it, and Iactually learned from Gary
Vaynerchuk, so he takes thecredit for this.
I actually learned from him andI've used it.
Don't stoop to their level.
If you respond with kindness andunderstanding and thinking like
(10:56):
that poor person, like the waythat they must think about
themselves, that they take thetime out of their day to make
negative comments, have negativereactions and act that way,
imagine how horrible their lifemust be.
Imagine how horrible theirinner life must be inside them.
(11:16):
So, when you respond withkindness and understanding, it
really can often diffuse tensesituations and shift the
dynamics completely.
I've had to do this recently.
Choose to rise above negativityand focus on building your
online business withauthenticity and make sure you
(11:41):
cultivate not only your clientrelationships, but relationships
with your peers who are on thesame journey with you, because
they're gonna get it, becausethey will support you, because
either they've been there orsomeday they will be there too.
These are the things that willreally, really make a difference
(12:05):
.
Rise above the negativity.
Become fierce as fuck.
Don't let others drag you downinto it.
And as we wrap up, i just wannaI really wanna remind you it's
not an easy task to overcomethese things.
(12:27):
All right, i get that, but itis absolutely possible by
understanding other people'sinsecurities, creating
boundaries, cultivating theself-confidence.
Cultivating the self-confidence, combating that imposter
syndrome, working on yourresilience, you literally can
(12:54):
rise above the negativity andcontinue to build your online
business and really step out andbe successful.
I hope this helps.
I really hope this helps And ifit did, or if it hits home with
you, i would love it if youwould really leave a review for
me, leave a five-star review.
(13:15):
I would love to hear from you.
All right, i'll talk to youlater.
Bye.
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