November 21, 2025 • 51 mins
In this episode, I sit down with Jenny Marrs, author, adoptive mom, and co-host of HGTV’s Fixer to Fabulous, for a tender and deeply human conversation about grief, waiting, restoration, and the steady presence of God in the middle of it all. Jenny shares openly about a season of profound loss, the long and miraculous journey to bring her daughter home from the Congo, and the everyday choice to trust God when life feels overwhelming or out of control. We talk about compassion in a divided world, what it means to “go with the strength you have,” and how the smallest moments, from heart-shaped stones to a stranger’s kindness to a child’s simple confession of faith, can become markers of God’s faithfulness. This is an honest and hopeful look at what it means to live out Trust God, Love People in real time, and I believe her story will be both grounding and deeply encouraging for you.
Jenny Marrs is a designer, author, and passionate advocate for community transformation, family preservation, and orphan care around the globe. She is the author of House + Home = Love, and co-hosts Fixer to Fabulous with her husband, Dave. She and Dave live on a small farm in Bentonville, Arkansas, with their five kids and too many animals to count.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jenny Marrs (00:31):
Remember who God is, and remember the way he's
been tangible and personal inyour own story.
Joshua Johnson (00:52):
Hello and welcome to the shift in culture
podcast in which we haveconversations about the culture
we create and the impact we canmake. We long to see the body of
Christ look like Jesus. I'm yourhost. Joshua Johnson, you know,
in this conversation, we stepinto a story shaped by trust,
surrender and the fiercetenderness of God's presence in
the ordinary and the impossible.
Jenny Mars, writer, adoptive momand co host of Hg TV's fixer to
(01:17):
fabulous, joins me to talk abouther new book, trust God, love
people, but what she reallyoffers is something deeper.
Jenny shares honestly aboutseasons of waiting, the ache of
loss and the small sacredmarkers of God's faithfulness
that shows up right when we needthem most. She talks about the
years, long journey to bring herdaughter home from the Congo,
(01:39):
the moments of fear that pushher toward surrender and the
everyday work of restoration,both in the home she makes
beautiful unfix her fabulous andin the lives she pours herself
into at home. Her story remindsus that faith is built in the
rhythms of showing up when wefeel empty, choosing compassion
in a polarized world andtrusting that God will meet us
(02:01):
with the strength we need forthe next small step. This
episode is an invitation to slowdown, remember who God has been,
and rediscover the beauty in ourown stories. So join us for a
conversation that's tender,grounded and full of hope. Here
is my conversation with JennyMars. Jenny, welcome to shifting
(02:22):
culture. So excited to have youon thanks for joining me.
Unknown (02:29):
Thank you so much.
Thanks for having me in yourbook,
Joshua Johnson (02:33):
trust God, love people, which is fantastic. You
write about picking up heartshaped stones as tangible
markers of God's faithfulness.
What stone are you carryingaround right now? What's a
marker that you have at themoment?
Unknown (02:50):
Right now we we've just been walking through a season of
loss. Lost a lot of people thatare close to us. It's been a
really hard probably fourmonths. But two weeks ago,
Dave's mom passed away, and shewas just, you know, one of the
best humans I know, and she'smodel of how to be an incredible
(03:12):
mother in law. But this pastweekend, Dave and I had to go
out of town for a home show thatwe had already committed to a
speaking event. And we went todinner the night. We were going
one night, and we went out todinner, and there was a table
next to us, and they there werejust, it was four women, and
(03:33):
they were kind of chatting andstuff. And they said, Hello,
they noticed Dave and I, andhad, you know, so they watched
the show, and we were like, Oh,thank you, you know. And where
are you guys from? And we gotinto a conversation, and it
turns out the it was a wife anda daughter. I mean, a mom and a
daughter, and then a sister anda daughter, and they were on
(03:53):
this trip because the mom hadjust recently, and the daughter
had just lost her dad, and momhad lost her husband. And we
were like, Oh my gosh, andDave's parents are Catholic, and
so they always would pass outrosaries like that was just some
that was something his momalways did. And so this woman
handed us. She said, You knowwhat? I just feel like I meant
(04:13):
to give this to you tonight. Shetook it out of her pocket, and
she gave it to Dave, and it waslike, just this sweet little
just a god wink, moment that wewere like, oh, it just reminded
us of Dave's mom, because thatwould be something she would do.
But then also that we we've beenobviously so sad, and we were
like, Oh, do we go on this trip?
Like, whoa. Do we leave thekids? And we already had this
(04:34):
commitment. And it was just likethis moment of God saying, I see
you. And it was, it was a reallysweet moment. And for us too,
for that, that other, you know,the table next to us, for us to
say to them, like, we see you.
You know, God sees you as well.
Like, it was really beautiful.
So it was a really so it was areally sweet, sweet moment,
(04:56):
yeah,
Joshua Johnson (04:57):
as a beautiful, sweet moment. And you know,
grief is, is hard, and when Godgives you those, those things of
saying, you know, I'm with you,I see you, and in presence, it's
really such a gracious,beautiful moment that we have.
You'll find that, you know itcontinues as the grief ebbs and
(05:20):
wanes and flows through you,like you know there's going to
be presence, and you talk a lotabout that in your book, is that
the in between time and thewaiting time. Of of hoping for
something and you're holding onto hope, but really not knowing
if something is going to tohappen. What rhythms have you
(05:42):
found in your life to keep hopealive and don't calcify yourself
into like denial and bitterness?
Unknown (05:51):
One thing I've learned in seasons, particularly of
waiting, is I found that thoseare the seasons where God's
using or working on my heart andtrying to teach me something.
And so it's not easy. It takes awhile to get there, but I have
found that if I get to the pointof saying, Okay, God, what
should I be learning in thisseason of waiting. Then he then
(06:15):
does teach me and reveals thosethings to me. Once I get to that
heart posture, at first, it'slike, just give me the thing
that I want, and we need to getto the end of this part right
now. I'm sick of this part,because this is the this is the
hard stuff, but I know in thosemoments he is working, because
that's those are the times whenwe're when I at least am relying
(06:37):
on him. The most is when I'm inthose either really hard seasons
of like now grieving, or ifwe're waiting for something, or,
you know, when we were waitingfor our daughter to come home,
or waiting to have kids, orwaiting for healing all of those
things. Those are the times thatI had nothing else to lean on
(06:58):
but to lean on God, and to tojust keep coming to Him, asking
and asking. Because I thinksometimes in the sort of like
abundant, restful, easierseasons, because everybody has
all of those like that is life.
You're going to have seasons ofrest. But sometimes those
seasons, you can sort of takeGod for granted, like you're
(07:18):
just kind of cruising along andyou you know you're doing your
thing. And maybe they're noteven restful seasons. Honestly,
it's sometimes the really busyjust seasons of life. Like, I
mean, right now I have teenagersand work and like, I feel like
this is a really busy season, soyou're just sort of plowing
ahead and making it through dayby day, and you almost like,
(07:38):
forget to rely on on God inthose times. So I think using or
looking at like, kind ofchanging our perspective on
seasons of waiting or seasons ofhard hardship, and looking at
those and as an opportunity tolearn something in that time,
and as an opportunity for yourheart to be shaped, and as an
(07:59):
opportunity to lean fully on theLord and knowing that he can use
he can work in those thosetimes, just as well as the you
know, mountaintop, joyful times,and probably,
Joshua Johnson (08:14):
what does that look like? I mean, yeah, but
what does that look like foryou? So if somebody that you
need to rely on something that Ithink God was whispering, I
don't fear. So if that's a bigthing for you, it's probably
because there's some fear inlife of and worry and trying to
rely on God, especially in aseason like you're in now, in
(08:39):
grief and loss and in busynessat the same time, what is what
is like, tangible presence withGod feel like for you, like,
where can you find rhythms tosay, I could slow down and I
could actually sense or knowthat God is with me in these
times where it may be chaotic orfearful.
Unknown (09:00):
Oh gosh, yeah, I think in terms of, like, what does it
look like tangibly? I there'stimes, you know, and I always
start off in the morning in theword in some capacity, and I've
been doing the Bible recap. Ilove it. It's something that
just gives sometimes, like,right now I'm in Leviticus. I'm
not following, like, the Januaryto December, but like sometimes,
(09:23):
like, Leviticus is kind of hardand kind of dry and kind of
like, oh, gory. Like, I don'twant to talk about slaughtering
animals, but just getting anddoing it every day, and
spending, you know, whatever,however, amount of time that
looks like, sometimes it's 10minutes, but I think that that
act like that, just doing itover and over, the actual, you
(09:45):
know, showing up, part of it isreally important, even if
sometimes you're like, Oh, Ididn't really get anything from
that, but I think it's Veryimportant. I think it builds
just, you know, planting theword on your heart, and it
builds, it builds so much inthat discipline. And then I
think, for me, I do have, Imean, I talked about I traveled.
We just were we had to fly, andI hate flying. I used to love
(10:08):
flying, and I hate it. Now I'mscared of it. I mean, I have
this, like, sometimes it's okay,and sometimes I'm fine, and then
some, usually when it's Dave andI away from the kids, I'm
worried. And I remember being akid and we never flew anywhere,
because, first of all, wecouldn't afford to fly anywhere.
But also, my mom didn't everwant to fly. She was afraid of
it as well. And so I always kindof felt like, if it was
(10:30):
something my mom. Mom was scaredof then it's a scary thing, and
so I don't want my kids to beafraid of flying, and I try not
to ever impart that onto them.
But I do feel like I have thisGod just puts I always want to
try. I love traveling. I want togo see new places, and I want to
go visit friends that he's puton our hearts that live far
away. And I feel like when I'mflying, it's one of those times
(10:52):
that I'm like, Okay, this istruly I'm out of it's out of my
control. Lord, I have to hand itover to you. So it's like this
act of surrender that I eithercannot go or I can choose to
trust him. And sometimes I'mreally freaking out, honestly,
like, not good, but I have tochoose to trust him in that
(11:12):
moment, because I get on theplane, and so I think it's those
like just sort of, even ifyou're afraid, doing it anyway,
because you have to, you have tohave the markers of
faithfulness. You have to learnwho God is, and you have to
continue to just look back onwho he is and what he's done for
you in the past, so that you cantrust him now and trust Him in
your future, and know that atthe end of the day, no matter
(11:37):
what happens, because bad thingsjust happen. I mean, that's just
part of life. It's not alwaysgoing to be you were not
promised that if we choose tofollow God, follow Jesus, that
everything goes great, goesperfectly. We're actually told
the opposite, but we just haveto keep that eternal perspective
and also remembering who God is.
(12:00):
And I think that's, for me, thekey is like, Okay, what is the
heart of God? And the heart ofGod is love, and all of the you
know, all of the names of Godand how faithful he is, and how
he's with anger, and he's ashelter and all of those things,
and just kind of remindingourselves of who he is. And in
(13:04):
those times when, yeah, whenfear comes or sorrow comes, but
yeah, resting in that, and thenhaving that, that discipline,
like I said, I think is reallyimportant whether and that looks
different for everyone. For me,it's, I, if I don't get into
Scripture first thing in themorning, I will, it's, you know,
I will get busy in the day, andit just probably won't happen.
(13:27):
So I do try always, first thingto to spend time in the Word the
Joshua Johnson (13:32):
book title, trust God, love people. It's,
it's more than just a booktitle. It's part of what you're
trying to do in life. Like thisis who you are. Where did it
become real for you in yourlife? Where is this? Trust God,
love people.
Unknown (13:48):
You know, I grew up in the church. I grew up my family
had a wonderful family, had awonderful experience. I was I
felt like as a like, teenagerand young 20 something, I was
just kind of, like cruisingalong. I could get I've always
been sort of driven in terms of,like, achievement and, you know,
(14:09):
just doing whatever I needed toget done. I could just work
harder and do it. And it was oneday when I first decided we were
ready to have kids, and, youknow, we were like, Okay, that's
what we're gonna do. Let's go.
And then they didn't get, youknow, it didn't happen. And we,
we struggled for for severalyears trying to have children,
and I think that whatnot. Ithink I know that was the first
time that it was ever, there wasever something that was truly
(14:31):
just out of my control, like Icouldn't just work harder or do
something different, or go to adifferent doctor or solve the
problem on my own. It truly wasa season of learning to fully
surrender and fully trust thatthere's got, you know, God's
working in this and how can hebe working? Because I did, at
the same time, believe that heput that desire on my heart. So
(14:53):
I knew, because I didn't use Iwasn't like, I wasn't one of
those kids you grew up thinking,I want to have a lot of kids.
When I grew up, and I didn'teven know if I wanted to have
kids, my mom always laughs,because she's like, You have
five kids, and I didn't know ifyou would ever have any. And so
all of a sudden it was like, Iwanted, that I wanted to. And I
thought, well, I all right, thisis something I want, so I'll go.
(15:15):
You know, now it's time. And soI knew that God put the desire
there, but he also used thattime to change my heart and to
learn who he really is, and toreally learn to surrender and be
open handed with my life and thethings that I'm are in my life
(15:35):
and the people that are in mylife. I think that was probably
the first turning point in my20s, and then the loving people
piece. I mean, I've always beenpeople pleaser, and so I think
that's different than lovingpeople pleasing people, you're
never going to you're just nevergoing to please everyone. It's
impossible. But having viewpointtowards others that is bent on
(16:00):
compassion is really important.
And I think I say that because Ithink we don't really know what
everyone's carrying. And I thinkeveryone that we interact with
is carrying something, and wehave no idea. That is. And so I
think that always leaning intocompassion first and thinking,
(16:23):
you know what this person is,for example, maybe really rude
to me today, but I have no ideawhat happened just before our
interaction. And so I have tojust view them from that lens.
And they may not like me. Theymay totally disagree with me all
of the things, but if I can viewthem as a child of God, I then
(16:46):
can can move forward in that.
And I don't have to make itabout me, and I don't have to
make about me, and they don'thave to be my best friend, and I
don't have to, you know, spend aton of time with them, but I can
compassionately love them in atangible way. That's what's
required of me in that moment.
But I also just don't have to beangry with people, you know,
(17:08):
because there's a lot ofopportunities right now in our
world to be angry with oneanother and somebody else's
opinion, or all the things. AndI just, if you're if you're
letting go of that, it's aboutme perspective, and it's
actually, really, genuinely,you're trying to live the Jesus
life of loving people, then youcan passionately view people
(17:33):
from a lens of, okay, we maydisagree, but that's okay. You
know, I it's not my job to makeyou think like me or be like me.
That's that's just not my job.
But I can go up for you or, youknow, I can offer you just a
kind smile, or, you know, Ithink it's just those that
viewpoint of how to how to viewpeople is through a lens of
compassion.
Joshua Johnson (17:56):
I think compassion is such a is such a
key and a helpful thing in thisworld, and especially in the
world of our polarization andour, you know, us versus them
mentality that we have in thisworld, that we need to see
people, that they are made inthe image of God. They're fully
human and made, and God lovesthem. We should actually see
(18:17):
them with compassion as well inthat trusting part and then
trusting God. I think you knowwhen we we It took about five
years for us to have kids as weonce, we started trying, and it
was really hard. And I think thebiggest piece for during that
time, for my wife especially,was a comparison thing, like,
(18:38):
God, why are you giving thembabies and not me? Like, why not
me? Why not me? And I thinkthat's a it's a hard place to be
in when you're like, hey,there's a desire, and we think,
and it's a good desire, and it'sa desire that's from God. But we
aren't seeing that yet. I don'tknow if you struggle with
(18:58):
comparison and like, strugglewith that, but how do you get to
a place where you know it's notjust about why didn't you give
this to me? God, but I'm goingto trust
Unknown (19:11):
you. Yeah, no, that's a hard one, because I do remember
one time, specifically, sittingin the waiting room at another
appointment and looking aroundand everyone else there was
pregnant, and I was like, oh,and I just left that appointment
and just sat in my car and criedand cried and cried, and my
(19:31):
sister in law called and let meknow she was was pregnant, and I
cried and cried and cried, andI'm working for her. And it
wasn't. It was just I couldn'tseparate my joy for her versus
my pain for myself. I think itwell, I don't know if I ever
really got there perfectly, butI really did get to a place
where I said, even if and had toget to that place, it was like
(19:57):
the rock bottom moment of like,I either trust you or I don't,
and I don't know how this ends,like I have no way to know if
I'll ever have kids, but I knowthat you are trustworthy, and I
have to choose to walk in faith,because I don't know, I don't
know what's going to happentomorrow, And I have to believe
(20:18):
that I can only see just so farahead, but you can see much
further ahead. And if that's thecase, then what I can see feels
really sad, and I'm feeling alot of self pity, and I'm
feeling a lot of yes thiscomparison, but I have to trust
that there's something on theother side. And now obviously,
(20:40):
all these you know, the boys, myyoung, my oldest are 15, the
twins. So 1516, years later,it's easy to say, because here I
am. I have five kids. But inthat moment, and in that that
season, I did get to that placeof fully surrendering. But I
don't know that I ever got tothe place of saying, of not
(21:01):
feeling sad still when someoneelse was pregnant and I wasn't
that, I was at the like,towards, you know, the end once
I was finally feeling like,Okay, Lord, I really do trust
you. I don't think it was like,there was times when I was mad
at God. Definitely, but towardsthe end, it was just like, I'm,
you know what? I'm sad and and Ikind of feel like that's okay.
(21:24):
He would, I think he was okaywith that. And I There were
times when I just didn't go tobaby showers, or I couldn't, I
just couldn't be there, youknow, for a friend. And I hated
that. And I afterwards, like mysister in law, I had to
apologize to her afterward, butit just really was a matter of
protecting my heart, and Ididn't want to become bitter,
(21:45):
and I didn't want to becomecynical, and that was very hard,
but I got. I got to a place offully surrendering, but I wasn't
not sad. I think that's okaytoo,
Joshua Johnson (21:55):
as you're going through this process, you
decided to adopt, and youdecided to go through the
adoption process. What did thatlook like for you? What was that
decision like? And how was itwaiting for that
Unknown (22:09):
while we were still trying to have kids, we just we
thought, Well, okay, maybe this,maybe this is not like Dave and
I had already talked aboutadoption, actually, we thought
our we would grow our familythrough adoption at some point.
And so we were like, Okay, maybethat's what's happening. You
know? It was one of those where,again, we were just like, trying
to solve the problem. Like,okay, well, it's not working
this way. Okay, never mind.
We'll do this. And let me tellyou, you can't just solve the
(22:33):
problem. So we were like, rightadoption, we started
researching, and then we were,it was like we were chasing all
of these paths of like, oh,there's a baby that was at the
Children's Shelter, okay, thiscould be it. And then, you know,
that door would close, orthere's this waiting child in
the Ukraine, and that door wouldclose, and like, we were trying
to scramble to get paperwork,and it felt like a scramble,
scramble. And then we ended upgetting pregnant, and so we put
(22:58):
all of the adoption stuff onhold, and I felt really
confused, because I was like,wait. I did like, I do feel
like, even though it wasfrantic, God used that time to
really open my eyes up toadoption and to all of the
complicated layers of it, butthen also the beauty of it, and
also the need of kids here andabroad. And so after the boys
(23:20):
were about a year and a half, Ifelt very strongly that it was
time to start our adoptionagain. And I mean, we were like
barely breathing, like survivingat this point, because the boys
were only a year and a half,were old, and it was chaos. And
so I didn't say anything toDave, because I thought he would
think I was crazy. And then Davecame home one day and was like,
(23:42):
Hey, let's go for a walk, andwe're on a walk. And he's like,
Hey, I think we're supposed tostart the adoption process
again. I feel like we are. And Iwas like, I feel like we are
too, but I didn't want to sayit, because I didn't know, and I
wanted us to both be on the samepage. So this book felt very
clearly we were called toadoption. And then the and I
talk about the story in thebook, it's kind of a long story,
(24:03):
but it was God brought ourdaughter to us in a way that was
like so clear, and he made it soso clear that she was our
daughter through so manydifferent like, very tangible
things that happened, and I'mthankfully dude, because we were
also stepping into hugespiritual battle at that point,
(24:26):
and we knew it and we felt it,and so we needed to have
clarity. We needed very cleardiscernment. We had a lot of
people praying for discernmentfor us, making sure that we were
on the right path, because thisobviously, is a huge thing, but
we also in that process, when westarted the process with Sylvie,
Sylvia's adoption. She was bornin the Democratic Republic of
(24:48):
the Congo, and there was just alot of turmoil, political
instability, a lot of thingshappening, and she was very
sick. And honestly, day to day,we did not know if she was even
alive, much less she would beable to come home ever, because
they put a halt on any adoptedchildren leaving the country at
(25:11):
one point. And so that processwas again. It was like, oh. It
was like what we had experiencedwith trying to have get pregnant
times a billion because she wasalive and and and met her and
held her, and she was being, youknow, held from us, essentially.
Almost the only way I candescribe it is that she was like
(25:33):
being held ransom, but wecouldn't pay the ransom. We
couldn't get her, we couldn'tget to her, and she was legally
our daughter. She had her USvisa, and she wasn't allowed to
leave. And the US Embassy toldus we could try to get her out
of the country, but if we didand we were caught, we would go
to prison for child trafficking,even though she was our daughter
(25:55):
legally. And we were like, Yeah,that's not a good idea. Let's
not do that. But we, webasically had everyone and
anyone helping us, you know. Wewere talking to our senators,
our congressmen and every youknow, and we were just on our
faces before the Lord duringthat season of like, lore, this
and it, it like it was, it wastruly impossible. I. Every day
(26:15):
was just so hard because weagain, didn't know if she was
alive, if she every day she wasin and out of the hospital,
which hospital is kind of agenerous term for where she was.
Again, we got to the point wherewe had a dear friend. We came a
dear friend over the course ofthose years. And she is an
(26:35):
amazing woman. She's Congolese.
Her husband had passed. She hadsix kids of her own, and she
took Sylvie into her home forus. Got to the point where we
talked to her and had prayed,and we basically were like,
Okay, this is it. Like, I don'tthink she's ever coming home. We
need you. You need her to livewith you forever, like, we don't
(26:57):
know, maybe someday, maybe 10years from now, but in the
meantime, we basically had acontingency plan of sending
Sylvie to school and paying forher every month her needs, but
not being able to get her hometo us. And we got to that point,
and then, like out of a completeonly God miracle, there were
(27:18):
about 700 kids that were stuck,and three were allowed to leave
in July of 2014 which is whenSylvie came home and we got the
news that she was allowed toleave because she had a medical
visa, and she was on thatmedical list, and she was one of
the top ones on the list justbecause of a Wait time. And I
mean, there's, there was thenthis incredible Red Sea parting
(27:42):
miracle, you know, all of thethings. But then there was also
the survivor's guilt of all theother kids that got left behind
and the other families that werestill waiting. And so there was,
that was, there were so manylayers to that whole process
that we had, really, our faithwas tested and refined and all
(28:02):
the things, yeah. So that was,yeah, another season of just
being like, Okay, Lord, we can'tdo on our own.
Joshua Johnson (28:08):
Yeah? Talk about inscribing. Isaiah, 60, verse
four, over the bed the paint andprayers with your paint pen. And
what was the praying like withthat. Why were you inscribing
that? What does that look likefor you?
Unknown (28:21):
Well, it's something Dave and I have always done when
we've renovated homes and orbuilt our home together, we've
always written verses on thewalls and the floors before we
paint or install flooring and onSylvia and Sylvia's room, we
just were moving into thefarmhouse where we are now. And
so Sylvie and I was pregnant atthe time, which was a total
(28:41):
surprise as well. Like that wasanother crazy God story. And I
was like, what now? Why? SoCharlotte and Sylvie were going
to be sharing a room, and soover where Sylvia's bed was
going to be, I inscribed, youknow, your your daughters will
be carried home. And I don'teven know it was just, I just
prayed for, you know, what versedidn't scribe, and it was Isaiah
(29:02):
64 and I wrote it on the wall,and then we, you know, painted,
and I wrote it down in myjournal. So I remember I and I
always take pictures of what Iwrite and where, so I know what
verses are there, but kind oflike that, I don't know. I just
thought we would carry her home,like, okay, she's gonna be
careful home. I kind of hold onto that as like a promise to us,
(29:24):
but because of the way howquickly she was allowed to
leave, and the fact that wedidn't want to wait, because
things can change very, veryquickly, we wanted to get her
out. When she was givenpermission to get out as fast as
we could, and I was pregnant, orI had just had Charlotte now, so
Charlotte was eight weeks old,and Dave's visa, he had just
(29:45):
been over in February, so wethought his visa was fine, but
it wasn't. It expired. So weended up not having a way to get
Sylvie home. We had to reapplyfor the visa and all of this.
And so we actually asked Laurasylvie's foster mom if she would
be able to get permission tobring Sylvie home, and we
assumed the answer would be no,because they don't. We knew that
(30:07):
the Congolese officials didn'twant anyone that wasn't, you
know, the the parent bringingkids home, so we thought the
answer would be no and we wouldhave to wait longer. And anyway,
she was allowed to bring herbecause she got permission. And
so literally, Sylvie was carriedhome by her foster mom, who we
adored, and I mean, trulybelieves, actually very much so
(30:32):
physically, say, tangibly, savedSylvia's life, and she was able
to stay with us for a weekduring that transition period,
and was able to, like, helpSylvie just know that she was
safe, because we had both beento visit and stayed with Laura,
for Laura to come here and toshe was kind of silly safe
person at the time, and for herto be able to show her and be
(30:55):
here with us, it was such A giftthat you were it was beyond what
we could have even prayed for onit was amazing, yeah,
Joshua Johnson (31:03):
and then what she whispered to you and what
she said to you a year later,yeah, it was a it was a tear
jerker moment in your book. Sowhat, what did? What was she
able to say? You
Unknown (31:16):
know, when she first came home, she was. So didn't
speak any English, of course,and she had just she was
incredibly traumatized. I knowit was. Everybody always says
how resilient kids are and theyare, but when you've been
through the things that she hadbeen through very, very hard
year when she came home foreveryone, including our other
(31:37):
kids, because our boys were onlyfour, and then we had an eight
week old when she came home. Andso Sylvia was two and a half,
and so a year later, we werestarting to come up for air as a
family. We were starting to feellike we could all breathe and
not be kind of living in thislike trauma. Every moment,
(31:58):
everything was so stressful forthat first year, year and a
half, and we were in bed whenlaying in bed one night, getting
in her bed every night, I had tolay with her. Once she finally
moved to her own room, we wouldtake turns, Dave and I, we'd
have to lay in bed with heruntil she fell asleep. And we
would always sing songs. And shewanted to sing, Jesus loves me.
(32:19):
And she had the cutest littleher voice was really raspy when
she was little because she had alot of airway issues, but it was
(33:28):
so cute. And she was doing, wasdoing great at that point. She
was healthy, so but it was justadorable. And this little French
accent, oh, it was adorable. Andshe said, Mama, Jesus carried me
home. And, I mean, it was themost profound thing. She was
three and a half, and she said,Jesus carried me home, and I and
(33:48):
I it like I couldn't even reallyprocess like or what to say back
to her. And I was like, Yes,baby, yes, he did. And as I
wrote it in my journal again,because I didn't want to forget
exactly what she had said. Andit's one of those, like faith,
like a child, moments where shecan see something so clearly.
And I think for her, it wasclear. I think he, I so believe
(34:12):
I had prayed so many times thathe would be near her, and that
he would be tangible to her, andthat she would feel his embrace.
And I, I believe that he wasthere that whole time in very
tangible ways for her when shewas itty bitty, and for her to
say that she doesn't remember itnow. But I feel like that was
one of those, like the veil isthin moments, and thankful that
(34:36):
I wrote it down, because in theblur of, you know, with little
kids in chaos, I could haveforgotten that, and I did.
That's one of those things Iwould never want to forget
Joshua Johnson (34:44):
such a beautiful moment to see what God does,
especially in the in the heartsof young people. They're, you
know, three years old, so thathe's, he's doing those things
and she could tangibly feel thatyour work is restoration. Your
spiritual metaphor is alsorestoration. Restoration is is
(35:05):
who you are, and it's what youdo, and it's what God does. What
does it look like for you in notjust in a home? Because I know
that you do it in homes all thetime, and you restore homes and
make them beautiful, and they'regreat. I love it, but what does
it look like to do it in ineveryday life is bringing
(35:26):
restoration into everyday life,into your life.
Unknown (35:31):
Oh, I think for us, I for me, it's been a continue. I
think it's a continual process.
I don't think any, I don't thinkwe're ever like, alright, I
learned that lesson now I'mgood. You know, I'm pulling your
sword. It's just life. We'rehere on Earth, and we're broken
and all the things. But, youknow, I look at, I look at the
the way that God has worked inmy life, through hard walking,
(35:55):
through hard things, and I seehis hand so clearly in those
hard seasons. And like we saidwith my daughter, like I think
one of the most tangibleexamples of restoration is
adoption. Because, yes, healingis lifelong. Because trauma is
(36:17):
real. It's very real. And youknow, when your your brain is
forming until you're two yearsold. And so you're you're
learning what love is. You'relearning who you are in those
first two years. And so whenthose connections are broken at
an early age, they're very,very, very hard to restore. I
mean, for example, if a baby'scrying and they're not being
(36:39):
held, you know your mom, yournatural instruments as a mother,
when your baby's crying is topick your baby up, to feed it,
to comfort her, him, and providethat comfort. And that's that
connection is then formed forthe baby in their brain, like
cry, mom is going to pick me up,I'm going to get fed, I'm safe.
And when that doesn't happen,that connection is broken in in
that baby's brain, and thepathway is never formed
(37:02):
properly. And so trying to healthose connections, the human
brain is so complicated and solayered. And so trying to heal
those pathways in the brain andtrying to create connection with
a child. Who is terrified ofeveryone and everything has been
one of the hardest things I'veever done as a as a human and as
(37:25):
a parent. So being able to watchlike, just for example, when
Sylvia first came home and wasterrified, terrified of trees
and grass like anything, likeshe would not go outside and
step on the grass, because she'donly ever seen dirt, and she'd
never seen grass, she'd neverseen a tree. And one day she we,
you know, we were, you know,going outside with the kids, and
(37:49):
she walked out and she didn'thave shoes on, and I tried to
set her down. I was like, Hey,you want to play? And she
freaked out and picked her feetup, but then she put her feet
down, and and then she juststarted running, and we and then
she, like, got on this, youknow, one day she got on her
bike. And it's like, all thoselittle things that you almost
take for granted just raisingyour biological kids. And we
just have had this front rowseat till just so many moments
(38:12):
like that, so many, I mean,animals we live on farms, so the
animals again, have been one ofthose things that was Sylvie was
terrified, terrified of, and nowwe just put down our dog, Dolly.
And I won't say what happenedwhen Sylvia first came home, but
her and Dolly did not have agood relationship at all, at
(38:34):
all. Sylvie didn't like Dolly.
Didn't want to be around. Dollydidn't didn't want her near. And
Sylvie was the one who wanted tobe holding dolly when we had to
put her on and and carried herin the car and held her in the
car, and laid with me that nightbefore we knew we were going to
(38:54):
the vet in the morning, and laidnext to dolly with me. And that
picture in the past. You know,that's 10 years or so, like is
incredible what God has done andhow he's healed, and not
everything. It's a lifelongprocess. But I think that I I've
never seen so many tangibleexamples of restoration in so
(39:17):
visible, in such a visible wayas I have through being an
adoptive mom, I'm gratefulbecause it's not I mean, we're
doing a lot of hard work, butit's God doing the healing, and
there's so many prayers thathave have been poured into her
life, and then also our otherkids too, and seeing the way
that they have learned. And andI speak back, it goes back to
(39:40):
what we talked about thebeginning. They've learned to be
compassionate in a way that theywould have been, well, I don't
know, maybe I hope they wouldhave been, but in a really deep,
tangible way, because they knowhow people deal with things that
are unseen. So a lot of times,we assume a disability is always
visible, but it's not. And sothey know that they've lived,
(40:01):
that they've lived with that andthrough that, and so I think
that it's helped them to havecompassion on others. And we
went to dinner recently with acolleague and his family,
someone we work with, and hisfamily. We never met his family,
and he was like, I want to hecalled us ahead of time, and
he's like, I just want to makesure you're, I prepare you guys,
and you can talk to your kids,you know, ahead of time, because
(40:22):
their son was is severelyautistic. And I was like, Okay,
no, absolutely this. Okay, well,make sure the kids are, you
know, like, we'll prepare them.
And, like, it wasn't even athing, like, our kids were like,
Oh yeah, he's obviously dealingwith something. And it's they
were just so kind. And they methim right where he was, and it
was such a beautiful dinner. AndI was like, You know what they
(40:45):
and afterwards, I Dave, and Italked about, I'm like, I think
they really do know how tounderstand that just because
someone looks quote, unquotenormal, that that doesn't mean
they're carrying something heavyor hard, or their brain may not
be functioning the way thateveryone else's quote, unquote
normal brains, and it's one ofthe hardest things for sure,
(41:07):
like, isn't that easy? But it'salso been really incredibly
beautiful and and I'm sograteful for being able to, you
know, parent, this wonderfulperson who's incredible.
Joshua Johnson (41:22):
One of the things I really love in your
book is when you hit a wallfilming, or, you know, when
things are really difficult andhard, when, hey, it's a season
now, it's really hard, it'sbusy, it's difficult. God tells
you, go with the strength youhave, what does it look like for
you? Just like, what does itlook like when God says, go with
(41:44):
the strength you have so that hecan be strength for you?
Unknown (41:49):
Yeah, I pray that a lot, especially lately, I love
that story of Gideon to be likea I'm not cut out for the job.
Lord. And like, God was thereface to face, and he said, No,
wow, but I love that God putthat in the Bible for us,
because it's like, okay, it'sit's okay if I feel very ill
(42:10):
equipped, and I am very tiredand I don't want to do this, and
I don't have the strength to dothis, and it's okay. And I
think. That for me it's justokay, one step, one small step
at a time. So like on, forexample, we found out the day we
were I was getting ready in themorning. Dave took the kids to
(42:30):
school for me because we had awe had a walk through. This was
in April of this year. We had towalk through in the morning,
side to get ready and do my hairand stuff, which takes forever.
I mean, Dave just throws on ahat, you know, so it's quick. So
he takes the kids to school inthe morning, when we're when
we're doing, you know, whenwe're filming. And I was getting
ready, and my friend, ourneighbor, Jill, called her, and
(42:53):
her husband had gone to SouthAfrica. They were there on
vacation. And a place, it's aplace that they love, that we
love. It's an incredibleconnection thing. But anyway,
she called and told me, and Ithought it was odd that she was
calling, so I answered. I waslike, oh, what's going on? And,
you know? And she told me thatBob had passed away the night
before in his sleep, and herhusband, and it was, he was
(43:18):
basically like a uncle. I mean,my kids called him Uncle Bob. He
was our neighbor, but we livedhere now for, gosh, 14 years,
and he's been, he's been aconstant in our life. He's here
for every holiday, all thethings and so that. And then
Dave came home that morning, youknow, took the kids, and I had
to tell Dave. And then the thingis, when we're filming, and
(43:39):
especially when we're filmingwith homeowners, we have,
there's a production schedule,and our producers, our camera
crew, and our producer, was intown for this, and we had to
film. And so we went, and wecan't reschedule with the
homeowners, because theyactually were in town just for
this walkthrough, because theydidn't. They're not living here
yet. So we had to go and film,and I had to, like, take breaks
(44:03):
and just go sit in the garageand cry in between. Like, so
those moments I'm like, Oh God,I can't do this. I really just
can't do this. And those are thetimes I'm like, I need you to
get me through this, mom. Like,not I'm not looking at my whole
day. I'm looking at these next,this next, like we just have to
(44:23):
walk through the living room. Ineed you to get me through,
walking through the living room.
And then I'll take a break, andI'll come back out here and Cry
some more, and we'll talk again.
And like he did. And so then Igo, okay. I'm like, Okay, now we
gotta do the kitchen. All right.
I gotta, I have to listen. Ihave. Because the other thing
is, okay in a normal job, Icould go, even if I couldn't
reschedule it, I could still go,and I could listen, and I could
(44:45):
I could do the walk through, andI can do all the things. But the
fact that the cameras were onand I know that someone's watch
it, they're going to be like,Oh, Jenny looks really like, Oh,
she doesn't look very nice thisthis morning. Like, what is
wrong with her, because they'regoing to judge whatever faces
I'm making, because I can'tpretend to smile right now. And
so I'm also having thatnarrative in my head as well,
(45:06):
like there people are going towatch, they're going to think
what's wrong with her, andthey're not going to know what
was really wrong with me thatday. And so those moments, yeah,
those are the moments that it'sit's really hard, and there's
been a lot of those kinds ofmoments, to be honest,
especially because David haddementia, and so the past three
years have been just like aconstant grieving of something,
(45:29):
you know, like, it's just beenreally, it's a very hard road.
And so there's been so manytimes that we'd be driving to
the job, to a house, and ballI'm crying in the car. And
they're like, Okay, I'm like,All right, here we go. Okay, you
know? And so those are the timesit's like, okay, I need your
strength, Lord, right now, rightnow for this, this next hour I
(45:49):
got out, give me an hour, andthen I will worry about the next
hour. But I can't think aboutlike, oh, this whole month, or
this whole year. Can't think ofit that way, because it's too
overwhelming. And I know hemeets me right then, and and I
can, you know, one step at atime, little by little like to
say that too.
Joshua Johnson (46:07):
Wow, wow, wow.
Thanks. But Jenny, think ofthink of your reader, and think
of people who are going to pickup your book. Trust God and love
people. What hope do you havefor them?
Unknown (46:21):
Oh, I hope that I can.
It can be encouragement and towhomever, like whatever season
they're in. You know that it canbe an encouragement, I think
that to remember who God is andremember the way he's been
tangible and personal in yourown story. Because I think at
the end of the day, we all havea story, and I will say I
(46:42):
questioned it so many times.
Writing this book, like whowants to read this is just like
my rambling about my life, andit's really writing it. I'm
really wrote it for my kids. Iwant my kids to have these
stories, but who else is goingto care about this? And I think
we all feel that way, like mywho's my? Who am I? My story is
not really that unique ordifferent or important. I'm not
(47:06):
doing any I'm literally justrenovating homes. I'm not making
you know, I'm not saving livesevery year. But I hope that by
me telling my story, it inspirespeople to realize that their
story is important too. And allof those little, even as small
as they may seem, those Godmoments that we have, like, no
matter what, which ones theyare, whether it's the, you know,
(47:28):
when somebody started, like, notscared of grass, like, that's a
God moment. And now you have thehuge moments, but you also have
the little ones, and just torecognize, remember them, honor
them, be grateful for them andand really just again, love
people out of the heart ofcompassion that you've received
(47:49):
through your trust and of Godand in his faithfulness.
Joshua Johnson (47:54):
Couple quick questions at the end here. One,
if you go back to your 21 yearold self, what advice would you
give?
Unknown (48:00):
Oh, gosh, go home early. I always was a night owl.
Nothing. We always nothing. Goodhappens after midnight. I would
tell myself, just go home early,like your old self does.
Joshua Johnson (48:18):
All right, good advice. Good advice. It's good
anything you've been reading orwatching lately you could
recommend.
Unknown (48:25):
Okay, I Well, I do love Heartland, if you're if you're
mom with girls or boys, I know Ijust watch. It's one of the
shows that Charlotte and I love.
Charlotte loves horses, and it'sjust one of those shows that's
just happy and I don't have toworry about what's going to
happen. It's neverinappropriate. And we we love
it. All the other kids pretendthat they don't love it. It's
(48:49):
Charlotte and I really love it,but they pretend they don't, but
they always come on the couchand end up watching it with us,
because it's just a sweet storyabout a half like a family, and
it's really good. So yeah, Iwould say that, yeah, heartland,
Joshua Johnson (49:05):
trust God love people is available anywhere
books are sold. So you can goand get this wonderful book. I
love, I love your, your yourramblings of your story. And you
know that's what you you justdescribed it as, but it's a
beautiful little book, and it'shelpful for us to know that in
(49:27):
your story and in our stories,that God is faithful and that
he's going to be with us in themoments that are difficult and
hard, and the incredible momentsand the the happy moments as
well, that he is there and he'spresent. We could trust him in
the middle of it, and he'sfaithful, and we could love
others well and compassionately.
It's great little book. So welldone. So people could go out and
(49:49):
get that. Is there anywhere elsethat you'd like to point people
to? How could they connect withyou? Yeah.
Unknown (49:55):
So, I mean, I think if you just I'm Instagram is the
only place I'm really active.
Jenny Mars, I can't keep up witheverything else. But our new
season for the show will airsometime in December, but I'll
announce it there once I have adate. Yeah, that's the only
other thing. Yeah.
Joshua Johnson (50:10):
All right, excited, excited to go watch the
new season of the show, likeduring Christmas, Christmas
break. I'll just watch a bunchof it. It'll be good. And so,
Jenny, thank you for thisconversation. I really, really
enjoyed talking to you. So thankyou so much. Thank you. You you.
Remember who God is, and remember the way he's
been tangible and personal inyour own story.
Joshua Johnson (00:52):
Hello and welcome to the shift in culture
podcast in which we haveconversations about the culture
we create and the impact we canmake. We long to see the body of
Christ look like Jesus. I'm yourhost. Joshua Johnson, you know,
in this conversation, we stepinto a story shaped by trust,
surrender and the fiercetenderness of God's presence in
the ordinary and the impossible.
Jenny Mars, writer, adoptive momand co host of Hg TV's fixer to
(01:17):
fabulous, joins me to talk abouther new book, trust God, love
people, but what she reallyoffers is something deeper.
Jenny shares honestly aboutseasons of waiting, the ache of
loss and the small sacredmarkers of God's faithfulness
that shows up right when we needthem most. She talks about the
years, long journey to bring herdaughter home from the Congo,
(01:39):
the moments of fear that pushher toward surrender and the
everyday work of restoration,both in the home she makes
beautiful unfix her fabulous andin the lives she pours herself
into at home. Her story remindsus that faith is built in the
rhythms of showing up when wefeel empty, choosing compassion
in a polarized world andtrusting that God will meet us
(02:01):
with the strength we need forthe next small step. This
episode is an invitation to slowdown, remember who God has been,
and rediscover the beauty in ourown stories. So join us for a
conversation that's tender,grounded and full of hope. Here
is my conversation with JennyMars. Jenny, welcome to shifting
(02:22):
culture. So excited to have youon thanks for joining me.
Unknown (02:29):
Thank you so much.
Thanks for having me in yourbook,
Joshua Johnson (02:33):
trust God, love people, which is fantastic. You
write about picking up heartshaped stones as tangible
markers of God's faithfulness.
What stone are you carryingaround right now? What's a
marker that you have at themoment?
Unknown (02:50):
Right now we we've just been walking through a season of
loss. Lost a lot of people thatare close to us. It's been a
really hard probably fourmonths. But two weeks ago,
Dave's mom passed away, and shewas just, you know, one of the
best humans I know, and she'smodel of how to be an incredible
(03:12):
mother in law. But this pastweekend, Dave and I had to go
out of town for a home show thatwe had already committed to a
speaking event. And we went todinner the night. We were going
one night, and we went out todinner, and there was a table
next to us, and they there werejust, it was four women, and
(03:33):
they were kind of chatting andstuff. And they said, Hello,
they noticed Dave and I, andhad, you know, so they watched
the show, and we were like, Oh,thank you, you know. And where
are you guys from? And we gotinto a conversation, and it
turns out the it was a wife anda daughter. I mean, a mom and a
daughter, and then a sister anda daughter, and they were on
(03:53):
this trip because the mom hadjust recently, and the daughter
had just lost her dad, and momhad lost her husband. And we
were like, Oh my gosh, andDave's parents are Catholic, and
so they always would pass outrosaries like that was just some
that was something his momalways did. And so this woman
handed us. She said, You knowwhat? I just feel like I meant
(04:13):
to give this to you tonight. Shetook it out of her pocket, and
she gave it to Dave, and it waslike, just this sweet little
just a god wink, moment that wewere like, oh, it just reminded
us of Dave's mom, because thatwould be something she would do.
But then also that we we've beenobviously so sad, and we were
like, Oh, do we go on this trip?
Like, whoa. Do we leave thekids? And we already had this
(04:34):
commitment. And it was just likethis moment of God saying, I see
you. And it was, it was a reallysweet moment. And for us too,
for that, that other, you know,the table next to us, for us to
say to them, like, we see you.
You know, God sees you as well.
Like, it was really beautiful.
So it was a really so it was areally sweet, sweet moment,
(04:56):
yeah,
Joshua Johnson (04:57):
as a beautiful, sweet moment. And you know,
grief is, is hard, and when Godgives you those, those things of
saying, you know, I'm with you,I see you, and in presence, it's
really such a gracious,beautiful moment that we have.
You'll find that, you know itcontinues as the grief ebbs and
(05:20):
wanes and flows through you,like you know there's going to
be presence, and you talk a lotabout that in your book, is that
the in between time and thewaiting time. Of of hoping for
something and you're holding onto hope, but really not knowing
if something is going to tohappen. What rhythms have you
(05:42):
found in your life to keep hopealive and don't calcify yourself
into like denial and bitterness?
Unknown (05:51):
One thing I've learned in seasons, particularly of
waiting, is I found that thoseare the seasons where God's
using or working on my heart andtrying to teach me something.
And so it's not easy. It takes awhile to get there, but I have
found that if I get to the pointof saying, Okay, God, what
should I be learning in thisseason of waiting. Then he then
(06:15):
does teach me and reveals thosethings to me. Once I get to that
heart posture, at first, it'slike, just give me the thing
that I want, and we need to getto the end of this part right
now. I'm sick of this part,because this is the this is the
hard stuff, but I know in thosemoments he is working, because
that's those are the times whenwe're when I at least am relying
(06:37):
on him. The most is when I'm inthose either really hard seasons
of like now grieving, or ifwe're waiting for something, or,
you know, when we were waitingfor our daughter to come home,
or waiting to have kids, orwaiting for healing all of those
things. Those are the times thatI had nothing else to lean on
(06:58):
but to lean on God, and to tojust keep coming to Him, asking
and asking. Because I thinksometimes in the sort of like
abundant, restful, easierseasons, because everybody has
all of those like that is life.
You're going to have seasons ofrest. But sometimes those
seasons, you can sort of takeGod for granted, like you're
(07:18):
just kind of cruising along andyou you know you're doing your
thing. And maybe they're noteven restful seasons. Honestly,
it's sometimes the really busyjust seasons of life. Like, I
mean, right now I have teenagersand work and like, I feel like
this is a really busy season, soyou're just sort of plowing
ahead and making it through dayby day, and you almost like,
(07:38):
forget to rely on on God inthose times. So I think using or
looking at like, kind ofchanging our perspective on
seasons of waiting or seasons ofhard hardship, and looking at
those and as an opportunity tolearn something in that time,
and as an opportunity for yourheart to be shaped, and as an
(07:59):
opportunity to lean fully on theLord and knowing that he can use
he can work in those thosetimes, just as well as the you
know, mountaintop, joyful times,and probably,
Joshua Johnson (08:14):
what does that look like? I mean, yeah, but
what does that look like foryou? So if somebody that you
need to rely on something that Ithink God was whispering, I
don't fear. So if that's a bigthing for you, it's probably
because there's some fear inlife of and worry and trying to
rely on God, especially in aseason like you're in now, in
(08:39):
grief and loss and in busynessat the same time, what is what
is like, tangible presence withGod feel like for you, like,
where can you find rhythms tosay, I could slow down and I
could actually sense or knowthat God is with me in these
times where it may be chaotic orfearful.
Unknown (09:00):
Oh gosh, yeah, I think in terms of, like, what does it
look like tangibly? I there'stimes, you know, and I always
start off in the morning in theword in some capacity, and I've
been doing the Bible recap. Ilove it. It's something that
just gives sometimes, like,right now I'm in Leviticus. I'm
not following, like, the Januaryto December, but like sometimes,
(09:23):
like, Leviticus is kind of hardand kind of dry and kind of
like, oh, gory. Like, I don'twant to talk about slaughtering
animals, but just getting anddoing it every day, and
spending, you know, whatever,however, amount of time that
looks like, sometimes it's 10minutes, but I think that that
act like that, just doing itover and over, the actual, you
(09:45):
know, showing up, part of it isreally important, even if
sometimes you're like, Oh, Ididn't really get anything from
that, but I think it's Veryimportant. I think it builds
just, you know, planting theword on your heart, and it
builds, it builds so much inthat discipline. And then I
think, for me, I do have, Imean, I talked about I traveled.
We just were we had to fly, andI hate flying. I used to love
(10:08):
flying, and I hate it. Now I'mscared of it. I mean, I have
this, like, sometimes it's okay,and sometimes I'm fine, and then
some, usually when it's Dave andI away from the kids, I'm
worried. And I remember being akid and we never flew anywhere,
because, first of all, wecouldn't afford to fly anywhere.
But also, my mom didn't everwant to fly. She was afraid of
it as well. And so I always kindof felt like, if it was
(10:30):
something my mom. Mom was scaredof then it's a scary thing, and
so I don't want my kids to beafraid of flying, and I try not
to ever impart that onto them.
But I do feel like I have thisGod just puts I always want to
try. I love traveling. I want togo see new places, and I want to
go visit friends that he's puton our hearts that live far
away. And I feel like when I'mflying, it's one of those times
(10:52):
that I'm like, Okay, this istruly I'm out of it's out of my
control. Lord, I have to hand itover to you. So it's like this
act of surrender that I eithercannot go or I can choose to
trust him. And sometimes I'mreally freaking out, honestly,
like, not good, but I have tochoose to trust him in that
(11:12):
moment, because I get on theplane, and so I think it's those
like just sort of, even ifyou're afraid, doing it anyway,
because you have to, you have tohave the markers of
faithfulness. You have to learnwho God is, and you have to
continue to just look back onwho he is and what he's done for
you in the past, so that you cantrust him now and trust Him in
your future, and know that atthe end of the day, no matter
(11:37):
what happens, because bad thingsjust happen. I mean, that's just
part of life. It's not alwaysgoing to be you were not
promised that if we choose tofollow God, follow Jesus, that
everything goes great, goesperfectly. We're actually told
the opposite, but we just haveto keep that eternal perspective
and also remembering who God is.
(12:00):
And I think that's, for me, thekey is like, Okay, what is the
heart of God? And the heart ofGod is love, and all of the you
know, all of the names of Godand how faithful he is, and how
he's with anger, and he's ashelter and all of those things,
and just kind of remindingourselves of who he is. And in
(13:04):
those times when, yeah, whenfear comes or sorrow comes, but
yeah, resting in that, and thenhaving that, that discipline,
like I said, I think is reallyimportant whether and that looks
different for everyone. For me,it's, I, if I don't get into
Scripture first thing in themorning, I will, it's, you know,
I will get busy in the day, andit just probably won't happen.
(13:27):
So I do try always, first thingto to spend time in the Word the
Joshua Johnson (13:32):
book title, trust God, love people. It's,
it's more than just a booktitle. It's part of what you're
trying to do in life. Like thisis who you are. Where did it
become real for you in yourlife? Where is this? Trust God,
love people.
Unknown (13:48):
You know, I grew up in the church. I grew up my family
had a wonderful family, had awonderful experience. I was I
felt like as a like, teenagerand young 20 something, I was
just kind of, like cruisingalong. I could get I've always
been sort of driven in terms of,like, achievement and, you know,
(14:09):
just doing whatever I needed toget done. I could just work
harder and do it. And it was oneday when I first decided we were
ready to have kids, and, youknow, we were like, Okay, that's
what we're gonna do. Let's go.
And then they didn't get, youknow, it didn't happen. And we,
we struggled for for severalyears trying to have children,
and I think that whatnot. Ithink I know that was the first
time that it was ever, there wasever something that was truly
(14:31):
just out of my control, like Icouldn't just work harder or do
something different, or go to adifferent doctor or solve the
problem on my own. It truly wasa season of learning to fully
surrender and fully trust thatthere's got, you know, God's
working in this and how can hebe working? Because I did, at
the same time, believe that heput that desire on my heart. So
(14:53):
I knew, because I didn't use Iwasn't like, I wasn't one of
those kids you grew up thinking,I want to have a lot of kids.
When I grew up, and I didn'teven know if I wanted to have
kids, my mom always laughs,because she's like, You have
five kids, and I didn't know ifyou would ever have any. And so
all of a sudden it was like, Iwanted, that I wanted to. And I
thought, well, I all right, thisis something I want, so I'll go.
(15:15):
You know, now it's time. And soI knew that God put the desire
there, but he also used thattime to change my heart and to
learn who he really is, and toreally learn to surrender and be
open handed with my life and thethings that I'm are in my life
(15:35):
and the people that are in mylife. I think that was probably
the first turning point in my20s, and then the loving people
piece. I mean, I've always beenpeople pleaser, and so I think
that's different than lovingpeople pleasing people, you're
never going to you're just nevergoing to please everyone. It's
impossible. But having viewpointtowards others that is bent on
(16:00):
compassion is really important.
And I think I say that because Ithink we don't really know what
everyone's carrying. And I thinkeveryone that we interact with
is carrying something, and wehave no idea. That is. And so I
think that always leaning intocompassion first and thinking,
(16:23):
you know what this person is,for example, maybe really rude
to me today, but I have no ideawhat happened just before our
interaction. And so I have tojust view them from that lens.
And they may not like me. Theymay totally disagree with me all
of the things, but if I can viewthem as a child of God, I then
(16:46):
can can move forward in that.
And I don't have to make itabout me, and I don't have to
make about me, and they don'thave to be my best friend, and I
don't have to, you know, spend aton of time with them, but I can
compassionately love them in atangible way. That's what's
required of me in that moment.
But I also just don't have to beangry with people, you know,
(17:08):
because there's a lot ofopportunities right now in our
world to be angry with oneanother and somebody else's
opinion, or all the things. AndI just, if you're if you're
letting go of that, it's aboutme perspective, and it's
actually, really, genuinely,you're trying to live the Jesus
life of loving people, then youcan passionately view people
(17:33):
from a lens of, okay, we maydisagree, but that's okay. You
know, I it's not my job to makeyou think like me or be like me.
That's that's just not my job.
But I can go up for you or, youknow, I can offer you just a
kind smile, or, you know, Ithink it's just those that
viewpoint of how to how to viewpeople is through a lens of
compassion.
Joshua Johnson (17:56):
I think compassion is such a is such a
key and a helpful thing in thisworld, and especially in the
world of our polarization andour, you know, us versus them
mentality that we have in thisworld, that we need to see
people, that they are made inthe image of God. They're fully
human and made, and God lovesthem. We should actually see
(18:17):
them with compassion as well inthat trusting part and then
trusting God. I think you knowwhen we we It took about five
years for us to have kids as weonce, we started trying, and it
was really hard. And I think thebiggest piece for during that
time, for my wife especially,was a comparison thing, like,
(18:38):
God, why are you giving thembabies and not me? Like, why not
me? Why not me? And I thinkthat's a it's a hard place to be
in when you're like, hey,there's a desire, and we think,
and it's a good desire, and it'sa desire that's from God. But we
aren't seeing that yet. I don'tknow if you struggle with
(18:58):
comparison and like, strugglewith that, but how do you get to
a place where you know it's notjust about why didn't you give
this to me? God, but I'm goingto trust
Unknown (19:11):
you. Yeah, no, that's a hard one, because I do remember
one time, specifically, sittingin the waiting room at another
appointment and looking aroundand everyone else there was
pregnant, and I was like, oh,and I just left that appointment
and just sat in my car and criedand cried and cried, and my
(19:31):
sister in law called and let meknow she was was pregnant, and I
cried and cried and cried, andI'm working for her. And it
wasn't. It was just I couldn'tseparate my joy for her versus
my pain for myself. I think itwell, I don't know if I ever
really got there perfectly, butI really did get to a place
where I said, even if and had toget to that place, it was like
(19:57):
the rock bottom moment of like,I either trust you or I don't,
and I don't know how this ends,like I have no way to know if
I'll ever have kids, but I knowthat you are trustworthy, and I
have to choose to walk in faith,because I don't know, I don't
know what's going to happentomorrow, And I have to believe
(20:18):
that I can only see just so farahead, but you can see much
further ahead. And if that's thecase, then what I can see feels
really sad, and I'm feeling alot of self pity, and I'm
feeling a lot of yes thiscomparison, but I have to trust
that there's something on theother side. And now obviously,
(20:40):
all these you know, the boys, myyoung, my oldest are 15, the
twins. So 1516, years later,it's easy to say, because here I
am. I have five kids. But inthat moment, and in that that
season, I did get to that placeof fully surrendering. But I
don't know that I ever got tothe place of saying, of not
(21:01):
feeling sad still when someoneelse was pregnant and I wasn't
that, I was at the like,towards, you know, the end once
I was finally feeling like,Okay, Lord, I really do trust
you. I don't think it was like,there was times when I was mad
at God. Definitely, but towardsthe end, it was just like, I'm,
you know what? I'm sad and and Ikind of feel like that's okay.
(21:24):
He would, I think he was okaywith that. And I There were
times when I just didn't go tobaby showers, or I couldn't, I
just couldn't be there, youknow, for a friend. And I hated
that. And I afterwards, like mysister in law, I had to
apologize to her afterward, butit just really was a matter of
protecting my heart, and Ididn't want to become bitter,
(21:45):
and I didn't want to becomecynical, and that was very hard,
but I got. I got to a place offully surrendering, but I wasn't
not sad. I think that's okaytoo,
Joshua Johnson (21:55):
as you're going through this process, you
decided to adopt, and youdecided to go through the
adoption process. What did thatlook like for you? What was that
decision like? And how was itwaiting for that
Unknown (22:09):
while we were still trying to have kids, we just we
thought, Well, okay, maybe this,maybe this is not like Dave and
I had already talked aboutadoption, actually, we thought
our we would grow our familythrough adoption at some point.
And so we were like, Okay, maybethat's what's happening. You
know? It was one of those where,again, we were just like, trying
to solve the problem. Like,okay, well, it's not working
this way. Okay, never mind.
We'll do this. And let me tellyou, you can't just solve the
(22:33):
problem. So we were like, rightadoption, we started
researching, and then we were,it was like we were chasing all
of these paths of like, oh,there's a baby that was at the
Children's Shelter, okay, thiscould be it. And then, you know,
that door would close, orthere's this waiting child in
the Ukraine, and that door wouldclose, and like, we were trying
to scramble to get paperwork,and it felt like a scramble,
scramble. And then we ended upgetting pregnant, and so we put
(22:58):
all of the adoption stuff onhold, and I felt really
confused, because I was like,wait. I did like, I do feel
like, even though it wasfrantic, God used that time to
really open my eyes up toadoption and to all of the
complicated layers of it, butthen also the beauty of it, and
also the need of kids here andabroad. And so after the boys
(23:20):
were about a year and a half, Ifelt very strongly that it was
time to start our adoptionagain. And I mean, we were like
barely breathing, like survivingat this point, because the boys
were only a year and a half,were old, and it was chaos. And
so I didn't say anything toDave, because I thought he would
think I was crazy. And then Davecame home one day and was like,
(23:42):
Hey, let's go for a walk, andwe're on a walk. And he's like,
Hey, I think we're supposed tostart the adoption process
again. I feel like we are. And Iwas like, I feel like we are
too, but I didn't want to sayit, because I didn't know, and I
wanted us to both be on the samepage. So this book felt very
clearly we were called toadoption. And then the and I
talk about the story in thebook, it's kind of a long story,
(24:03):
but it was God brought ourdaughter to us in a way that was
like so clear, and he made it soso clear that she was our
daughter through so manydifferent like, very tangible
things that happened, and I'mthankfully dude, because we were
also stepping into hugespiritual battle at that point,
(24:26):
and we knew it and we felt it,and so we needed to have
clarity. We needed very cleardiscernment. We had a lot of
people praying for discernmentfor us, making sure that we were
on the right path, because thisobviously, is a huge thing, but
we also in that process, when westarted the process with Sylvie,
Sylvia's adoption. She was bornin the Democratic Republic of
(24:48):
the Congo, and there was just alot of turmoil, political
instability, a lot of thingshappening, and she was very
sick. And honestly, day to day,we did not know if she was even
alive, much less she would beable to come home ever, because
they put a halt on any adoptedchildren leaving the country at
(25:11):
one point. And so that processwas again. It was like, oh. It
was like what we had experiencedwith trying to have get pregnant
times a billion because she wasalive and and and met her and
held her, and she was being, youknow, held from us, essentially.
Almost the only way I candescribe it is that she was like
(25:33):
being held ransom, but wecouldn't pay the ransom. We
couldn't get her, we couldn'tget to her, and she was legally
our daughter. She had her USvisa, and she wasn't allowed to
leave. And the US Embassy toldus we could try to get her out
of the country, but if we didand we were caught, we would go
to prison for child trafficking,even though she was our daughter
(25:55):
legally. And we were like, Yeah,that's not a good idea. Let's
not do that. But we, webasically had everyone and
anyone helping us, you know. Wewere talking to our senators,
our congressmen and every youknow, and we were just on our
faces before the Lord duringthat season of like, lore, this
and it, it like it was, it wastruly impossible. I. Every day
(26:15):
was just so hard because weagain, didn't know if she was
alive, if she every day she wasin and out of the hospital,
which hospital is kind of agenerous term for where she was.
Again, we got to the point wherewe had a dear friend. We came a
dear friend over the course ofthose years. And she is an
(26:35):
amazing woman. She's Congolese.
Her husband had passed. She hadsix kids of her own, and she
took Sylvie into her home forus. Got to the point where we
talked to her and had prayed,and we basically were like,
Okay, this is it. Like, I don'tthink she's ever coming home. We
need you. You need her to livewith you forever, like, we don't
(26:57):
know, maybe someday, maybe 10years from now, but in the
meantime, we basically had acontingency plan of sending
Sylvie to school and paying forher every month her needs, but
not being able to get her hometo us. And we got to that point,
and then, like out of a completeonly God miracle, there were
(27:18):
about 700 kids that were stuck,and three were allowed to leave
in July of 2014 which is whenSylvie came home and we got the
news that she was allowed toleave because she had a medical
visa, and she was on thatmedical list, and she was one of
the top ones on the list justbecause of a Wait time. And I
mean, there's, there was thenthis incredible Red Sea parting
(27:42):
miracle, you know, all of thethings. But then there was also
the survivor's guilt of all theother kids that got left behind
and the other families that werestill waiting. And so there was,
that was, there were so manylayers to that whole process
that we had, really, our faithwas tested and refined and all
(28:02):
the things, yeah. So that was,yeah, another season of just
being like, Okay, Lord, we can'tdo on our own.
Joshua Johnson (28:08):
Yeah? Talk about inscribing. Isaiah, 60, verse
four, over the bed the paint andprayers with your paint pen. And
what was the praying like withthat. Why were you inscribing
that? What does that look likefor you?
Unknown (28:21):
Well, it's something Dave and I have always done when
we've renovated homes and orbuilt our home together, we've
always written verses on thewalls and the floors before we
paint or install flooring and onSylvia and Sylvia's room, we
just were moving into thefarmhouse where we are now. And
so Sylvie and I was pregnant atthe time, which was a total
(28:41):
surprise as well. Like that wasanother crazy God story. And I
was like, what now? Why? SoCharlotte and Sylvie were going
to be sharing a room, and soover where Sylvia's bed was
going to be, I inscribed, youknow, your your daughters will
be carried home. And I don'teven know it was just, I just
prayed for, you know, what versedidn't scribe, and it was Isaiah
(29:02):
64 and I wrote it on the wall,and then we, you know, painted,
and I wrote it down in myjournal. So I remember I and I
always take pictures of what Iwrite and where, so I know what
verses are there, but kind oflike that, I don't know. I just
thought we would carry her home,like, okay, she's gonna be
careful home. I kind of hold onto that as like a promise to us,
(29:24):
but because of the way howquickly she was allowed to
leave, and the fact that wedidn't want to wait, because
things can change very, veryquickly, we wanted to get her
out. When she was givenpermission to get out as fast as
we could, and I was pregnant, orI had just had Charlotte now, so
Charlotte was eight weeks old,and Dave's visa, he had just
(29:45):
been over in February, so wethought his visa was fine, but
it wasn't. It expired. So weended up not having a way to get
Sylvie home. We had to reapplyfor the visa and all of this.
And so we actually asked Laurasylvie's foster mom if she would
be able to get permission tobring Sylvie home, and we
assumed the answer would be no,because they don't. We knew that
(30:07):
the Congolese officials didn'twant anyone that wasn't, you
know, the the parent bringingkids home, so we thought the
answer would be no and we wouldhave to wait longer. And anyway,
she was allowed to bring herbecause she got permission. And
so literally, Sylvie was carriedhome by her foster mom, who we
adored, and I mean, trulybelieves, actually very much so
(30:32):
physically, say, tangibly, savedSylvia's life, and she was able
to stay with us for a weekduring that transition period,
and was able to, like, helpSylvie just know that she was
safe, because we had both beento visit and stayed with Laura,
for Laura to come here and toshe was kind of silly safe
person at the time, and for herto be able to show her and be
(30:55):
here with us, it was such A giftthat you were it was beyond what
we could have even prayed for onit was amazing, yeah,
Joshua Johnson (31:03):
and then what she whispered to you and what
she said to you a year later,yeah, it was a it was a tear
jerker moment in your book. Sowhat, what did? What was she
able to say? You
Unknown (31:16):
know, when she first came home, she was. So didn't
speak any English, of course,and she had just she was
incredibly traumatized. I knowit was. Everybody always says
how resilient kids are and theyare, but when you've been
through the things that she hadbeen through very, very hard
year when she came home foreveryone, including our other
(31:37):
kids, because our boys were onlyfour, and then we had an eight
week old when she came home. Andso Sylvia was two and a half,
and so a year later, we werestarting to come up for air as a
family. We were starting to feellike we could all breathe and
not be kind of living in thislike trauma. Every moment,
(31:58):
everything was so stressful forthat first year, year and a
half, and we were in bed whenlaying in bed one night, getting
in her bed every night, I had tolay with her. Once she finally
moved to her own room, we wouldtake turns, Dave and I, we'd
have to lay in bed with heruntil she fell asleep. And we
would always sing songs. And shewanted to sing, Jesus loves me.
(32:19):
And she had the cutest littleher voice was really raspy when
she was little because she had alot of airway issues, but it was
(33:28):
so cute. And she was doing, wasdoing great at that point. She
was healthy, so but it was justadorable. And this little French
accent, oh, it was adorable. Andshe said, Mama, Jesus carried me
home. And, I mean, it was themost profound thing. She was
three and a half, and she said,Jesus carried me home, and I and
(33:48):
I it like I couldn't even reallyprocess like or what to say back
to her. And I was like, Yes,baby, yes, he did. And as I
wrote it in my journal again,because I didn't want to forget
exactly what she had said. Andit's one of those, like faith,
like a child, moments where shecan see something so clearly.
And I think for her, it wasclear. I think he, I so believe
(34:12):
I had prayed so many times thathe would be near her, and that
he would be tangible to her, andthat she would feel his embrace.
And I, I believe that he wasthere that whole time in very
tangible ways for her when shewas itty bitty, and for her to
say that she doesn't remember itnow. But I feel like that was
one of those, like the veil isthin moments, and thankful that
(34:36):
I wrote it down, because in theblur of, you know, with little
kids in chaos, I could haveforgotten that, and I did.
That's one of those things Iwould never want to forget
Joshua Johnson (34:44):
such a beautiful moment to see what God does,
especially in the in the heartsof young people. They're, you
know, three years old, so thathe's, he's doing those things
and she could tangibly feel thatyour work is restoration. Your
spiritual metaphor is alsorestoration. Restoration is is
(35:05):
who you are, and it's what youdo, and it's what God does. What
does it look like for you in notjust in a home? Because I know
that you do it in homes all thetime, and you restore homes and
make them beautiful, and they'regreat. I love it, but what does
it look like to do it in ineveryday life is bringing
(35:26):
restoration into everyday life,into your life.
Unknown (35:31):
Oh, I think for us, I for me, it's been a continue. I
think it's a continual process.
I don't think any, I don't thinkwe're ever like, alright, I
learned that lesson now I'mgood. You know, I'm pulling your
sword. It's just life. We'rehere on Earth, and we're broken
and all the things. But, youknow, I look at, I look at the
the way that God has worked inmy life, through hard walking,
(35:55):
through hard things, and I seehis hand so clearly in those
hard seasons. And like we saidwith my daughter, like I think
one of the most tangibleexamples of restoration is
adoption. Because, yes, healingis lifelong. Because trauma is
(36:17):
real. It's very real. And youknow, when your your brain is
forming until you're two yearsold. And so you're you're
learning what love is. You'relearning who you are in those
first two years. And so whenthose connections are broken at
an early age, they're very,very, very hard to restore. I
mean, for example, if a baby'scrying and they're not being
(36:39):
held, you know your mom, yournatural instruments as a mother,
when your baby's crying is topick your baby up, to feed it,
to comfort her, him, and providethat comfort. And that's that
connection is then formed forthe baby in their brain, like
cry, mom is going to pick me up,I'm going to get fed, I'm safe.
And when that doesn't happen,that connection is broken in in
that baby's brain, and thepathway is never formed
(37:02):
properly. And so trying to healthose connections, the human
brain is so complicated and solayered. And so trying to heal
those pathways in the brain andtrying to create connection with
a child. Who is terrified ofeveryone and everything has been
one of the hardest things I'veever done as a as a human and as
(37:25):
a parent. So being able to watchlike, just for example, when
Sylvia first came home and wasterrified, terrified of trees
and grass like anything, likeshe would not go outside and
step on the grass, because she'donly ever seen dirt, and she'd
never seen grass, she'd neverseen a tree. And one day she we,
you know, we were, you know,going outside with the kids, and
(37:49):
she walked out and she didn'thave shoes on, and I tried to
set her down. I was like, Hey,you want to play? And she
freaked out and picked her feetup, but then she put her feet
down, and and then she juststarted running, and we and then
she, like, got on this, youknow, one day she got on her
bike. And it's like, all thoselittle things that you almost
take for granted just raisingyour biological kids. And we
just have had this front rowseat till just so many moments
(38:12):
like that, so many, I mean,animals we live on farms, so the
animals again, have been one ofthose things that was Sylvie was
terrified, terrified of, and nowwe just put down our dog, Dolly.
And I won't say what happenedwhen Sylvia first came home, but
her and Dolly did not have agood relationship at all, at
(38:34):
all. Sylvie didn't like Dolly.
Didn't want to be around. Dollydidn't didn't want her near. And
Sylvie was the one who wanted tobe holding dolly when we had to
put her on and and carried herin the car and held her in the
car, and laid with me that nightbefore we knew we were going to
(38:54):
the vet in the morning, and laidnext to dolly with me. And that
picture in the past. You know,that's 10 years or so, like is
incredible what God has done andhow he's healed, and not
everything. It's a lifelongprocess. But I think that I I've
never seen so many tangibleexamples of restoration in so
(39:17):
visible, in such a visible wayas I have through being an
adoptive mom, I'm gratefulbecause it's not I mean, we're
doing a lot of hard work, butit's God doing the healing, and
there's so many prayers thathave have been poured into her
life, and then also our otherkids too, and seeing the way
that they have learned. And andI speak back, it goes back to
(39:40):
what we talked about thebeginning. They've learned to be
compassionate in a way that theywould have been, well, I don't
know, maybe I hope they wouldhave been, but in a really deep,
tangible way, because they knowhow people deal with things that
are unseen. So a lot of times,we assume a disability is always
visible, but it's not. And sothey know that they've lived,
(40:01):
that they've lived with that andthrough that, and so I think
that it's helped them to havecompassion on others. And we
went to dinner recently with acolleague and his family,
someone we work with, and hisfamily. We never met his family,
and he was like, I want to hecalled us ahead of time, and
he's like, I just want to makesure you're, I prepare you guys,
and you can talk to your kids,you know, ahead of time, because
(40:22):
their son was is severelyautistic. And I was like, Okay,
no, absolutely this. Okay, well,make sure the kids are, you
know, like, we'll prepare them.
And, like, it wasn't even athing, like, our kids were like,
Oh yeah, he's obviously dealingwith something. And it's they
were just so kind. And they methim right where he was, and it
was such a beautiful dinner. AndI was like, You know what they
(40:45):
and afterwards, I Dave, and Italked about, I'm like, I think
they really do know how tounderstand that just because
someone looks quote, unquotenormal, that that doesn't mean
they're carrying something heavyor hard, or their brain may not
be functioning the way thateveryone else's quote, unquote
normal brains, and it's one ofthe hardest things for sure,
(41:07):
like, isn't that easy? But it'salso been really incredibly
beautiful and and I'm sograteful for being able to, you
know, parent, this wonderfulperson who's incredible.
Joshua Johnson (41:22):
One of the things I really love in your
book is when you hit a wallfilming, or, you know, when
things are really difficult andhard, when, hey, it's a season
now, it's really hard, it'sbusy, it's difficult. God tells
you, go with the strength youhave, what does it look like for
you? Just like, what does itlook like when God says, go with
(41:44):
the strength you have so that hecan be strength for you?
Unknown (41:49):
Yeah, I pray that a lot, especially lately, I love
that story of Gideon to be likea I'm not cut out for the job.
Lord. And like, God was thereface to face, and he said, No,
wow, but I love that God putthat in the Bible for us,
because it's like, okay, it'sit's okay if I feel very ill
(42:10):
equipped, and I am very tiredand I don't want to do this, and
I don't have the strength to dothis, and it's okay. And I
think. That for me it's justokay, one step, one small step
at a time. So like on, forexample, we found out the day we
were I was getting ready in themorning. Dave took the kids to
(42:30):
school for me because we had awe had a walk through. This was
in April of this year. We had towalk through in the morning,
side to get ready and do my hairand stuff, which takes forever.
I mean, Dave just throws on ahat, you know, so it's quick. So
he takes the kids to school inthe morning, when we're when
we're doing, you know, whenwe're filming. And I was getting
ready, and my friend, ourneighbor, Jill, called her, and
(42:53):
her husband had gone to SouthAfrica. They were there on
vacation. And a place, it's aplace that they love, that we
love. It's an incredibleconnection thing. But anyway,
she called and told me, and Ithought it was odd that she was
calling, so I answered. I waslike, oh, what's going on? And,
you know? And she told me thatBob had passed away the night
before in his sleep, and herhusband, and it was, he was
(43:18):
basically like a uncle. I mean,my kids called him Uncle Bob. He
was our neighbor, but we livedhere now for, gosh, 14 years,
and he's been, he's been aconstant in our life. He's here
for every holiday, all thethings and so that. And then
Dave came home that morning, youknow, took the kids, and I had
to tell Dave. And then the thingis, when we're filming, and
(43:39):
especially when we're filmingwith homeowners, we have,
there's a production schedule,and our producers, our camera
crew, and our producer, was intown for this, and we had to
film. And so we went, and wecan't reschedule with the
homeowners, because theyactually were in town just for
this walkthrough, because theydidn't. They're not living here
yet. So we had to go and film,and I had to, like, take breaks
(44:03):
and just go sit in the garageand cry in between. Like, so
those moments I'm like, Oh God,I can't do this. I really just
can't do this. And those are thetimes I'm like, I need you to
get me through this, mom. Like,not I'm not looking at my whole
day. I'm looking at these next,this next, like we just have to
(44:23):
walk through the living room. Ineed you to get me through,
walking through the living room.
And then I'll take a break, andI'll come back out here and Cry
some more, and we'll talk again.
And like he did. And so then Igo, okay. I'm like, Okay, now we
gotta do the kitchen. All right.
I gotta, I have to listen. Ihave. Because the other thing
is, okay in a normal job, Icould go, even if I couldn't
reschedule it, I could still go,and I could listen, and I could
(44:45):
I could do the walk through, andI can do all the things. But the
fact that the cameras were onand I know that someone's watch
it, they're going to be like,Oh, Jenny looks really like, Oh,
she doesn't look very nice thisthis morning. Like, what is
wrong with her, because they'regoing to judge whatever faces
I'm making, because I can'tpretend to smile right now. And
so I'm also having thatnarrative in my head as well,
(45:06):
like there people are going towatch, they're going to think
what's wrong with her, andthey're not going to know what
was really wrong with me thatday. And so those moments, yeah,
those are the moments that it'sit's really hard, and there's
been a lot of those kinds ofmoments, to be honest,
especially because David haddementia, and so the past three
years have been just like aconstant grieving of something,
(45:29):
you know, like, it's just beenreally, it's a very hard road.
And so there's been so manytimes that we'd be driving to
the job, to a house, and ballI'm crying in the car. And
they're like, Okay, I'm like,All right, here we go. Okay, you
know? And so those are the timesit's like, okay, I need your
strength, Lord, right now, rightnow for this, this next hour I
(45:49):
got out, give me an hour, andthen I will worry about the next
hour. But I can't think aboutlike, oh, this whole month, or
this whole year. Can't think ofit that way, because it's too
overwhelming. And I know hemeets me right then, and and I
can, you know, one step at atime, little by little like to
say that too.
Joshua Johnson (46:07):
Wow, wow, wow.
Thanks. But Jenny, think ofthink of your reader, and think
of people who are going to pickup your book. Trust God and love
people. What hope do you havefor them?
Unknown (46:21):
Oh, I hope that I can.
It can be encouragement and towhomever, like whatever season
they're in. You know that it canbe an encouragement, I think
that to remember who God is andremember the way he's been
tangible and personal in yourown story. Because I think at
the end of the day, we all havea story, and I will say I
(46:42):
questioned it so many times.
Writing this book, like whowants to read this is just like
my rambling about my life, andit's really writing it. I'm
really wrote it for my kids. Iwant my kids to have these
stories, but who else is goingto care about this? And I think
we all feel that way, like mywho's my? Who am I? My story is
not really that unique ordifferent or important. I'm not
(47:06):
doing any I'm literally justrenovating homes. I'm not making
you know, I'm not saving livesevery year. But I hope that by
me telling my story, it inspirespeople to realize that their
story is important too. And allof those little, even as small
as they may seem, those Godmoments that we have, like, no
matter what, which ones theyare, whether it's the, you know,
(47:28):
when somebody started, like, notscared of grass, like, that's a
God moment. And now you have thehuge moments, but you also have
the little ones, and just torecognize, remember them, honor
them, be grateful for them andand really just again, love
people out of the heart ofcompassion that you've received
(47:49):
through your trust and of Godand in his faithfulness.
Joshua Johnson (47:54):
Couple quick questions at the end here. One,
if you go back to your 21 yearold self, what advice would you
give?
Unknown (48:00):
Oh, gosh, go home early. I always was a night owl.
Nothing. We always nothing. Goodhappens after midnight. I would
tell myself, just go home early,like your old self does.
Joshua Johnson (48:18):
All right, good advice. Good advice. It's good
anything you've been reading orwatching lately you could
recommend.
Unknown (48:25):
Okay, I Well, I do love Heartland, if you're if you're
mom with girls or boys, I know Ijust watch. It's one of the
shows that Charlotte and I love.
Charlotte loves horses, and it'sjust one of those shows that's
just happy and I don't have toworry about what's going to
happen. It's neverinappropriate. And we we love
it. All the other kids pretendthat they don't love it. It's
(48:49):
Charlotte and I really love it,but they pretend they don't, but
they always come on the couchand end up watching it with us,
because it's just a sweet storyabout a half like a family, and
it's really good. So yeah, Iwould say that, yeah, heartland,
Joshua Johnson (49:05):
trust God love people is available anywhere
books are sold. So you can goand get this wonderful book. I
love, I love your, your yourramblings of your story. And you
know that's what you you justdescribed it as, but it's a
beautiful little book, and it'shelpful for us to know that in
(49:27):
your story and in our stories,that God is faithful and that
he's going to be with us in themoments that are difficult and
hard, and the incredible momentsand the the happy moments as
well, that he is there and he'spresent. We could trust him in
the middle of it, and he'sfaithful, and we could love
others well and compassionately.
It's great little book. So welldone. So people could go out and
(49:49):
get that. Is there anywhere elsethat you'd like to point people
to? How could they connect withyou? Yeah.
Unknown (49:55):
So, I mean, I think if you just I'm Instagram is the
only place I'm really active.
Jenny Mars, I can't keep up witheverything else. But our new
season for the show will airsometime in December, but I'll
announce it there once I have adate. Yeah, that's the only
other thing. Yeah.
Joshua Johnson (50:10):
All right, excited, excited to go watch the
new season of the show, likeduring Christmas, Christmas
break. I'll just watch a bunchof it. It'll be good. And so,
Jenny, thank you for thisconversation. I really, really
enjoyed talking to you. So thankyou so much. Thank you. You you.
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