18. Masturbation & Sexual Consent ft. Karen Zheng (MX Asian American) - Part 2 - Shit We Don't Tell Mom

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kristy Yee (00:00):
I was really unhappy.
And then I also associated sexwith unhappy thoughts and
unhappy feelings, which made melater on not like sex as a
person who identifies as asexual person and then not
liking sex was really.
I would have character.
It felt like a part of myidentity was weird, like ruined

(00:24):
misaligned.
And then, and then until I,until just very recently, like
my ex was the first time that Ihad ever said, no, I don't feel
like it today.
And, and so it was still a veryrecent thing that I learned to
say no, when I don't want to.

(01:11):
Welcome back to another episodeof shift.
We don't tell mom, this isChrissy and only Christie
because it is the beginning of2021.
Angie and I are not hanging outbecause we're still in all this
isolation shit.
So you're only going to hear myvoice in the next.
30 seconds.
We're going to try some newthings For season two.
Basically, we're going to have alot of guests this upcoming

(01:33):
season, some of which are alsopodcast hosts themselves.
we've just met some fantasticpeople in our networks And we
want to elevate each other onthis platform.
So we're doing a two part serieswith MX Asian American and the
host Karen Zang part one wasalready released that was
episode 17, we talked about sexand identity and her journey, as

(01:56):
a kid being raised in aChristian family as a queer
person and how that has impactedher relationship with her mom.
If you want to check out partone, go listen to episode 17,
where Angie and I interviewKaren.
And in this episode, it's superspecial because we're actually
not leading this episode.

(02:16):
This episode was released on MXAsian American podcast and Karen
is interviewing the both of us..
We're continuing our sex talk.
We talked about masturbation.
We talked specifically aboutsexual consent and what does
that mean and how that has.
Changed, between generations.

(02:37):
And we also talk about oursexual awakenings.
All right.
Enjoy.

Karen Zheng (02:41):
Welcome back.
Everyone's MX Asian American.
Today.
We have Christie and Angie andyou guys want to introduce
yourself

Kristy Yee (02:46):
first?
Hello everybody.
My name is Christie.

Angie Yu (02:50):
Uh, my name is Sandra Lee.
People say our voices soundsimilar, so hopefully we'll
sound different enough on here.

You guys don't sound that similar to me.

Kristy Yee (03:02):
Yeah, we do.
Have we have comments about howour voices sound the same?
I'm going to use this, we usethis transcript thing and
sometimes it, it thinks I'm NG.

Angie Yu (03:13):
Wow.
Both of us.
Yeah.
So Christie and I, we are theco-hosts for a podcast called
shit.
We don't tell mom.
And I hope that we can swear onyour podcast.
Yes.
Cause we

Kristy Yee (03:26):
just did every

one of my episodes is explicit, so it's fine.

Kristy Yee (03:33):
So was ours.

Yes.
Yeah.
After all it's shit we don'ttell off.
Anyway.
Um, so today we wanted to talkabout, um, also shit.
We usually don't tell mom it'sall about sex, basically.
Um, so from the very beginning,where did you guys grow up and
what was y'all's relationshiplike with you and your parents?

(03:56):
Did you guys ever get those sextalk?

Angie Yu (03:58):
Who wants to go first?
Oh, you know what?
I'll go first because I actuallyhave a really good story for
this.
I, so my name is Angie again.
Uh, my name's Sandy.
Uh, I was born in China and Imoved to Canada when I was nine
years old and I spent, yeah.
Spend the rest of my life hereor hopefully, um, yeah, you know

(04:21):
what I mean?
What are words.
Um, crime of the scene.
Um, and I guess my relationshipwith my parents, uh, very
typical relationship with mydad, you know, like we don't
really talk.
He's very, he does his ownthing.

(04:41):
He, yeah.
Typical relationship with myChinese dad.
Um, It was atypical relationshipwith my Chinese mom until she
decided to switch from being inlike science and technology.
Like she was an engineer inChina to early childhood
education, which is like,preschool.
They care teachers here inCanada and in the U S so because

(05:03):
of that, we got closer.
Uh, gradually we still aregetting closer and closer every
day.
Um, So when I was 17 and I say17, I don't remember how old I
was, but I had a subscription tosomething called the 17
magazine, which is American.
Um, I don't know what it's likenow, but back in my day, the 17

(05:26):
magazine was pretty popular.
And also to the kids listeningto this podcast, we have these
things called magazines.
Um, they're not, they're notaligned that, like, they're
basically like becoming these.
Um, like things made ofsomething called paper, which
were made of trees.

Kristy Yee (05:47):
Trees made from trees,

Angie Yu (05:48):
maybe sorry.
Made from wow.
Yeah.
Um, and yeah, 17 was prettywholesome back in my days.
I don't know what it's like now,but it would tell you things
like, Hey girls, um, grab amirror and look at your vagina.
This is what it can look like.
This is.

(06:09):
You know, like this is what yourdischarge may look like, and
this is what you should do.
If it doesn't look like this orsmell like this.
And it was like very wholesome,very informational, um, which I
wasn't expecting when I had thesubscription, I was just
expecting like, like tell me howto wear clothes.
And how to be a girl, you know,very societal gender norm, et

(06:30):
cetera, et cetera.
but one day my mom came into myroom and she was just sitting on
the floor in my room, flippingthrough my magazines.
I didn't think anything of it.
And I guess she came across oneof the pages on sex and health
and.
One thing I really liked aboutthe 17 magazine, as opposed to a
magazine like Cosmo, Cosmo isall about sex and relationships,
which is also has lots ofwonderful information, but 17

(06:50):
was about sex and health.
And I think for a girl who'slike, um, for myself as a
teenage girl, um, theinformation was really helpful
because I didn't have that kindof information from my parents.
Right.
and she was flipping through it.
Um, and my mom's like, Oh, andthen like, freeze.
Cause I'm like, Oh shit.
Like, I don't know what she'sgoing to say.

(07:12):
Like, we've never talked aboutstuff like this.
Like I only told my mom aboutlike my first period, like, we
don't talk about this stuff atall.
And she kinda like looks at meand she's like, Oh, this is
really good.
Like, I'm really happy that thismagazine has the stuff.
Cause then I don't have to talkto you about it.
Cause I don't want to do that.

(07:32):
That was funny because you know,like we, we dread the sex talk.
Right.
But so do our parents I'm sure.
I'm sure.
Um, she did give me a sex talk.
Once when we were in the car,she was like, Oh, you're going,
um, new, going on a camping tripwith your high school boyfriend.
Um, Make sure.
She's like, I just want to know.

(07:52):
I just want you to let you knowthat I don't want to be a
grandmother yet,

Kristy Yee (07:57):
which is a very, really, it's a nice way to say
that.

Angie Yu (08:01):
Yeah, very.
Yeah.
She's like, I don't want to be agrandma.
I don't want you to be a teenagemom.
So if you're going to have sex,please use a C.
And I'm like getting in the car,I'm like, huh.
And I'm like, Oh, a condo.
And I'm like, what?
A weird choice of a word toinitialize, like condom, she can

(08:26):
say sex, but she can say condom.
Like, I don't understand it.
I was like, What does she talkto you about, like to see there
could be so many things.
Yeah, but, uh, my response wasbasically, mom, if you don't
stop talking about this, I'mgoing to jump out of the car.
So that was the, just of my sextalk with my mom.

(08:49):
I'm going to jump

Kristy Yee (08:50):
out of the car.

Angie Yu (08:51):
Now I'm going to jump out of the car.
Yeah,

no, you definitely got so much more than I got I,
my mom did not talk to me aboutanything except periods.
Um, and then my like first talkwith her.
It was like, when I got myperiod and I was like alone at
home too, so I called her aboutit.
Uh, and then she was like, couldhave had it on.
And that's it.
And then end of talk.

(09:14):
And then, um, the only otherthing she says is like, don't
sleep with guys, which is likeso vague, you know?
other than that, I have gottennothing, but I have a.
Interesting story.
I want, I once walked in on myparents.

Kristy Yee (09:34):
What was that like?

Remember that at all, but it's been like etched
into my memory.
I don't remember how many yearsago it was, but I was still in
high school.
Uh, it was in the morning.
Uh, I just woke up, I neededwater, but there was no water in
my room and I didn't want to godownstairs cause it was cold.

(10:02):
So I went to my parents' roomcause I knew my mom had water.
Like at her nightstand, I walkover to her nightstand and I
mean I'm like sleepy and stufflike half a week kind of.
So I'm not sure if I sawsomething.
That was not there.
Like I hallucinated orsomething.
Um, but my dad was on top of mymom.

(10:24):
They were like, the, the blanketwas covering most of everything,
but I only saw their heads.
And then I was like, Holy shitin that moment.
And then literally pretendedthat I was.
Semi sleepwalking so likequickly grabbed a water and

(10:46):
literally like ran out the room.
And I was like, Oh my God, whatdid I just see?
Wanted to like call my eyes out.

Kristy Yee (10:55):
Did you guys ever talk about that?
No warning.

No, I do not because I pretended that I did
not see anything.
Um, And I was sleepy and yeah.
And it's weird because like, weoftentimes forget that our
parents also have a sex life.
That's how we're here.
Right.
But it's just very uncomfortableand I have no idea why.

(11:20):
Yeah.
So

Kristy Yee (11:21):
that's that because it's.
Gross when it's from ourparents, it is, and it makes us
super uncomfortable because wedon't associate parents as
regular human beings.
So why would they do regularhuman being stuff?
And when they do, then it's soweird.
It's also like, it's not thesame, but you know, when you're
younger and then you see ateacher in the grocery store,

(11:42):
you know, outside of the schoolsetting, it's super weird.
And you're like, what the heck?
You're not supposed to be inaisle eight.

Don't look at

Kristy Yee (11:50):
me.

Angie Yu (11:52):
Teachers don't have lines like you're in your life
only exists as my teacher, youknow?
Exactly.

Kristy Yee (11:59):
And then your parents only exist as your
parents.

I also think it's weird because the same stigma
exists for like elder folks orpeople who are old, just not,
not just our parents, likepeople who are older.
Like all of a sudden don't havea sex life either in like the
large public's perspective.

Kristy Yee (12:20):
Um, if anything, they probably have really good
sex.
I know.
How can I experience.

Yeah.
So Christie, do you have any

Kristy Yee (12:31):
experiences you want to share?
Oh God.
Um, so I same as you, Karendidn't officially get a sex
talk, no birds and the bees orhowever folks.
Say that, um, I also had amagazine subscription in high

(12:52):
school.
Cool.
Popular

things.
And Angie are the same person

Kristy Yee (12:59):
or just old.
It is what it is.
And back then subscriptions.
It doesn't mean it comes intolike your inbox.
Okay.
It comes in your mail box

Angie Yu (13:10):
at your door

Kristy Yee (13:11):
every month.

Angie Yu (13:12):
You're not the same person.
This was just our generation.
Everybody had a magazinesubscription of some sort.

Kristy Yee (13:19):
Okay.
I had Cosmo cosmopolitan.
Well, Andrea had the wholesunset.
I think I had both at one point,but I decided to, you know, up
the aunties and stick it withthe, with the Cosmo.
So in the Cosmo magazines, it'sall about five ways to pleasure
your man, 25 new sex positions.
To please him.

(13:40):
It's all about pleasing him.
It's never about pleasing us

Angie Yu (13:45):
or like how to look sexy for your man or how to, how
to dress up in the bedroom foryour man.
Cute pajamas to wear.
To show off to your men.
It's always like, yeah.
It's always for him, for him,for him,

Kristy Yee (13:59):
which is anyways, that was the norm.
And that's where I learned allmy sex education was from Cosmo
magazine.
So thank you.
Not sponsored.
any conversations that I wouldever have about sex would always
be with my mom, like never withmy dad.
I think he just.
Skip that part in Parenthood, hewas like, Nope, not, not going

(14:22):
to touch that.
We don't talk about periods.
We never talked about bras.
Definitely no sex with my mom.
And at the time I didn't livewith my mom.
So I would only see her likevery sporadically.
Um, she would say, don't sleepwith men.
Don't sleep with boys.
Don't get pregnant.
Don't hold hands.

(14:45):
Cause you

won't have pregnant

Kristy Yee (14:50):
mean girls clothes, so no copyright stuff.
Um, yeah.
And then when I got my period,that was probably right when she
was like, you are now a womanand you need to take care of
yourself and you can't have mentake advantage of you because
you will get pregnant.
Everything revolves around usgetting pregnant at the end of

(15:11):
the day.
Yeah, I think there was one timeI in high school and I had a
Hickey on my neck.
And she saw it.
Is that the thing for kids?
They, okay.
So I

Angie Yu (15:26):
Hickey, I don't know.
I don't know.

I, I'm not part of the kids, but I think it's still
a thing,

Kristy Yee (15:36):
like a bruise on your neck from really intense.
Kissing.
Yeah, it can

be,

Kristy Yee (15:43):
Oh, yes.
For sure.
They can be all over your body.
You're right.
You're right.
But this particular one happenedto be on my neck and then, and
she was like, Oh, what's that?
I'm like, what's what?
That, that thing on your neck.
I'm like what?
I don't know what you're talkingabout.
Proceed to walk away.
She's like, no, come back.

(16:04):
There's a thing there.
And I'm like, okay.
In my head, I'm like, fuck it.
Can't can't just pretendanymore.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
I've been feeling some likerashy.
She, no, I don't know what'sgoing on and yeah, I'm just
gonna like, whatever, put some,put some ointment on it.
Just like, are you sure that'swhat it is?

(16:26):
Look, yeah, it just happenedlike a few hours ago.
I don't know.
Yeah, I don't think that's whatit is.
And that's the first time she'sever been confident in
confronting me about anything.
And I almost shat my pants.
This is in the public grocerystore and I'm like, what do I
do?
Kind of hold, please come.
And so I can bury myself in it.

(16:48):
I don't know what to do.
She just totally called me out.
Like,

just like,

Kristy Yee (16:57):
have you been.
Hanging out with boys.
All I did was just denied,denied, denied, denied, denied,
because there's nothing else Icould do.
I already committed to thispath.
What can I say?

Angie Yu (17:17):
Cause now you got to say, sorry about hanging out
with boys, getting a Hickey andfor lying, you want to get in
trouble for three things.

Kristy Yee (17:26):
Yeah.
So none of that just denied,denied, denied, and then she
just kept going.
Right.
And she's like, you know, youhave to really be careful or are
we going to get pregnant, neverabout STDs or like using a
condom or, you know, sex, sexhouse, any of that, it's always
about you're gonna get pregnantand then your life will be over.

(17:47):
So that's the sex talk is

both.

Angie Yu (17:51):
All great, wonderful, healthy sex talks.

Kristy Yee (17:56):
The takeaway is just deny.

Yes.
People.

Angie Yu (18:02):
So I'm curious what sex, if so I know Christie
doesn't want any kids.
Karen, I don't know if you wantany kids, but if you were to
have children, if, if you wereto have children, would you have
a sex talk with them?

Um, I don't want kids, but, um, I basically
parent my siblings.
Um, so I actually gave him thesex talk.
I actually gave it to him kindof early for maybe I don't
really know, but I gave it tothem when they were like, My
sister was 12.
My brother's 10.
Um, I don't know if that'searly, but I try to expose them

(18:40):
like earlier this year, earlierthis year, actually I gave him
another one just to refreshtheir memory.
Cause I didn't know if like theyretain everything cause they
were so young.
So I gave him the other one thisyear there.
My, my son is 14, my brother's12.
and then I'm planning on givingthe mother the one next year and
maybe like include porn in it.

(19:01):
Um, Cause like, I feel likevisualization is important.
Yeah.

Kristy Yee (19:08):
It's like my

curriculum and I also, this year when I gave them
the second talk, um, I alsoincluded non heterosexual sex,
um, which I think is importantas a queer person.
Yeah.
And then next year we'll see howit goes.
But whenever I talk to themabout it, they were like super
awkward.

(19:30):
They're like Christie wouldlike, they were like, I need a
hole, please swallow me.
Why is my sister telling methis?

Kristy Yee (19:39):
And then you just got to be like, can you imagine
if mom and dad did this?

No.
Oh my God.

Angie Yu (19:47):
Exactly.
Would they rather hear it fromyou or from mom and dad?
And also, I just want to commendyou.
I think that's a huge effort,like a huge undertaking.
It sounds like you, yeah.
Like what you said, yourparents, your siblings, and
that's like already a huge task,a huge responsibility in itself,
but also being responsible toteach them to be the initiator

(20:10):
of like.
Sexual health and all that jazzfor them.
Like that's tough.
I think 10 and 12 is okay.
Because from what I remember,um, cause I went to elementary
school in like kind of a rougharea.
Well, not super rough, but ah,kinda rough, pretty rough.
You know what?
It was rough.

(20:31):
Um, and uh, we had sex edstarting in grade five, which
is.
What age 10 is eight, 10, 11,yeah.
Age 10, 11.
So of course everyone took it asa joke because one it's like, yo
it's like college studentscoming in to talk to all of us.
Don't talk to us about it.
There's like toys of bananasinvolved and you're listening to

(20:55):
it as a group.
So everyone's trying to be asfunny as possible kind of thing.
Yeah.
But they came back every yearand I'm pretty sure I had sex
ed.
In some type of way every singleyear until high school, like
late in high school.

Yeah.
Wow.
You guys are so much better than

Kristy Yee (21:13):
America.
I actually had my first sex edin grade two.
Yeah.
And, uh, I remember they came inand they would split the boys to
one side and the girls to theother side.
And then there, I don't know ifthis is the college student or
not, but they were older.
Um, and there would be a girllike speaking to us and then,

(21:36):
yeah.
And then like a man speaking tothe boys.
So the woman and the men beforeit beforehand, they would be
like, Oh, if you find somethingfunny and instead of seeing you
or gross, then you have to saythe word interesting.
So, so every time they wouldshow a diagram and then our urge

(22:03):
would be to be like, so grasscause we're seven.
Yeah.
You have to say.

Angie Yu (22:13):
the next time Christie says interesting to either of us
be aware.
Was she actually

Kristy Yee (22:19):
thinking about sex?

Angie Yu (22:22):
I'll say that.
Yeah.
Back in our days when I was ingrade five, this was like maybe
2001 or so.
Um, and when Christie was ingrade two, what is that like?
19.

Kristy Yee (22:35):
1987.
Yeah.

Angie Yu (22:39):
The curriculum was extremely heteronormative.
Um, it would always be like howto put, um, Like how, well,
actually, I guess it's notheteronormative to show you how
to put on a condom, but yeah,like what Christy said, they
would separate the girls andguys, and very much like, Hey,
this is what a vagina can looklike.

(22:59):
And this is what a penis canlook like.
And then they'll use a bananaand then they'll use like a
glass jar to show you how to puton like a, put in a female
condom and stuff like that.
Yeah.
We actually talked to us.
It was mostly about health fromwhat I remember.
Um, and the people that came toour school to talk to us about
it, they only talked to us aboutlike protectiveness.

(23:23):
I don't know the word we nevertalked about like what sex feels
like or what never talked aboutany of that and like emotional
cycle.
It was purely for health reason,or even

Kristy Yee (23:33):
consent.
Yeah, no, no, never talked aboutconsent.
It was just like, this is what apenis looks like, and this is
what a Jina looks like, put thetwo together.
Okay.
Um, and that's it.
Yeah.
And, uh, and speaking of 97, itreminded me of something that
was the year.
I think, uh, that Titanic cameout and Titanic was huge when it

(23:56):
came out, like.
I don't know about you guys, butlike all the Asian moms that I
knew were all about the Titanicand my mom had already seen it
when she was at Hong Kong orsomething.
And that didn't actually, um,come to Canada until later.
So when it came, she was like,we have to go see Titanic.
It's like the biggest movie ofthe century.

(24:18):
Right.
So we go watch Titanic and inTitanic, there's a sex scene.
It was a really steamy sex sceneand I'm seven and, uh, as we're
in the movie theater, and thenas it happened, she leaned over
to me and she's like, do youknow what's happening?

Angie Yu (24:43):
And I'm like,

Kristy Yee (24:47):
I'm all adult,

Angie Yu (24:48):
right.

Kristy Yee (24:51):
I already went to sex ed.
Okay.

Angie Yu (24:55):
And she was like, really.
Hickey.
She knew

Kristy Yee (25:06):
10 years later,

Angie Yu (25:08):
she's like this, this girl when she was seven already
knew what sex was.
Um, which I guess, yeah, which Ihave a similar story with
Titanic except it was playing onTV.
Um, and my mom and I startedwatching it and.
And then I guess like a littlebit into the movie, she
remembered that there's a sexscene in it because she had seen

(25:31):
the movie already.
So she's like, um, you can watchthis movie.
I'm like, what?
Why not?
She's like, there's something inhere that you can't see.
And I'm like, but I guess shedoesn't know that like on TV,
you can't really show that stuffanyway, but she made me go to my
room.

Rude.

Angie Yu (25:48):
Yeah, rude.
Right.
Um, so to this day, I've neverseen stagnant because now I just
refuse to see it.
So you don't

Kristy Yee (25:56):
know about, you don't know what actually went
down in the

Angie Yu (25:59):
second.
I think it's clear what Titanicis about and I've seen enough
memes, you know, and all thatstuff to understand the general
premise of the time Titanicmovie.
Uh, but no, I've never seen thesex scene.
No.

Um, I just want to say, I also have not watched the
Titanic.
Yes.

Angie Yu (26:19):
High five make me so young

Kristy Yee (26:21):
Christie did a spoiler alert or something.
You know, you

guys, guys, my former sex ed was like in fifth
grade, which was I'll datemyself to 2010 ish.
and.
It was similar to Christie sexed that we like separated the
boys and the girls.
Um, and all I remember was likenot sex ed.

(26:47):
It was like, period talk mostly.
And like, not in love, like apenis vagina things.
And then we had.
Quote unquote sex.
And every year after that, untilhigh school, which was like
three years in middle school, wehad that, but it was like
literally one unit of likehealth and mostly focused on the

(27:10):
anatomy of human bodies and notreally the act of doing
anything.
Um, and then mostly focused onabstinence, which is like not
having sex and like.
STDs and like consequences ofhaving sex basically, um, or the
negative consequences of havingsex.

(27:31):
Um, yeah.
Which is like, kind of similarto like how they teach about
drugs too, was just abstinenceand negative consequences, which
is

Kristy Yee (27:41):
interesting.
Hmm.
That is interesting.
But it shows like there's somuch negative connotation around
sex.
No.
As teenagers, you're curious,but you don't know, and you
don't really have a lot ofreliable sources to get your
information.
And you would think school isprobably, should be one of the

(28:01):
most trusted forces, but they'renot giving us great information.
And when they are they'redemonizing the act.

Yeah.
Yeah.
I was.
I remember what I was gonna say.
Um, my real, like, learningabout sex came from.
My first sexual awakening let'ssay, came from Yaqui Monga.
So yellowy Monga is like, um,gay sex basically, um, in manga

(28:31):
and I was in sixth grade andreading this and was like, Okay.
I think I know what this feelingis.
Um, so that's yeah, when itfirst happened and then over
time I started reading more,like, I don't know what it's

(28:51):
called anymore, but like sex andMaga.
Um, and then it gradually turnedinto watching porn.
Uh, that's like where I learnedmost of like sex, what sex
actually was.
But even then, if you haven'texperienced it, it's not like
what it is like in Mongo orlike, not like what it is like

(29:14):
in porn.
Yeah.
So how about you guys?
How did you guys learn likeabout actual what sex is like?

Kristy Yee (29:23):
Definitely a lot of porn.
And so then even till now, eventoday I still have this
distorted representation of whatsex is.
Like.
I think a lot of it, becauseporn was so ingrained in my mind
that that is what sex is.
So that's what I associate with.
Um, and then, yeah.

(29:44):
And then part of porn, I guess asub Ketter porn.
Cause there's lots of porncategory.

Angie Yu (29:53):
Everything's a category.

Kristy Yee (29:55):
Everything's a category.
I was really into hen Tai.
You reminded me of it.
When you were talking about theNow I'm curious about that
Monga, because you were talkingabout how you related to certain
feelings that came from it.
And I thought that was reallyinteresting because in hen Tai
and in porn, it's not about thefeelings, it's just about the

(30:18):
app.
So tell me more.
Tell us more about what thismanga is like, did it dive
deeper into like feelings?

Yeah, a lot of y'all we, a lot of y'all we,
Mongo has like a very distinctplot line that goes with this.
So it's more.
It's like more romance and likesex is a bonus, which is like
true of like real liferelationships.
Um, so I think I follow the plotline in like got immersed in the

(30:48):
characters and their lives.
And then, um, when sex happened,I connected more to it, but I
know there are a lot of othermungus that's just X, too.

Kristy Yee (31:00):
Definitely out there.
One of the earlier times when Iwas exposed to like sex
education was also throughfriends.
So a friend of mine, um, oneparticular friend, she was like
my best friend at the time.
And she had showed me what avibrator was.
We were 13 years old.

(31:22):
Wow.
I think it's young.

So woke.

Angie Yu (31:27):
Whoa.
I was that's.
That's not me.
That's maybe that's justChristie and her Christie is
very woke.
I think your friend even knowwhere to buy

sex when she was seven and then vibrators at 13.

Kristy Yee (31:43):
Yeah.
Where did we get one?
Um, we had another friend whowas 15 at the time and they got
one and, um, I don't know.
I think there was.
Stealing involved there might'vebeen, we were not always the

Angie Yu (32:00):
best chips.
So woke.
Then

Kristy Yee (32:03):
we had to learn from somewhere school.
Wasn't giving it to us.
Okay.
So we got to learn it on thestreets.
So there was a vibrator involvedand God do I want, how far do I
want to go in this?
How uncomfortable do we

Angie Yu (32:16):
want to get?
Are you talking to the vibratoror are you talking to us?
I'm talking

Kristy Yee (32:20):
to you.
So we had one vibrator betweenthe three of us.
Not all the same.

Y'all shared.

Kristy Yee (32:30):
Yes.
Nice.
So, wow.
I don't know if

Angie Yu (32:36):
I've ever

told

Angie Yu (32:36):
this story.
You've never even told me

Kristy Yee (32:42):
this.
Don't tell mom.
Okay.
We got to represent

Angie Yu (32:46):
mom.
This is like, shit.
I don't tell.
Damn.
Well, I guess like, you know,vibrators are expensive for 13
year olds.
Yeah.
And like you

Kristy Yee (32:58):
said, how are you guys supposed to get another
one?
Like it's hard.
So they are, they're hard tocome by.
It's like drugs, you know?
And then, uh, so, so we sharedone and I was taught how to use
it by one of them.
And that was the first time.

Angie Yu (33:15):
Like I showed you,

Kristy Yee (33:18):
um, they didn't, they explained it to me and then
showed me, like, not actuallyputting it on their bodies, uh,
but told, told me how it wouldgo

Angie Yu (33:30):
about.
I see.
Wow.
So I'm like completely on theopposite end because I.
Never watched porn until I wasin a, long-term a long distance
relationship, which was when Iwas 20 T4.

(33:50):
I knew existed.
Um, it's not like I knew it's athing, you know, like I know
porn exists.
I know generally what porn issupposed to be, be like, um, the
first thing I was 24, so I lostmy virginity when I was 17 to my
first boyfriend.
I think when I, and then I, whenI was in my long-term
relationship, um, I just like,yeah, it was just like, I was

(34:14):
like, I just didn't really needporn, I guess, because I wasn't
exposed to it as much anyway,but then because of the long
distance, like it was helpful.
Um, but I think the, my firstreaction was just like, Why are
they so mean to these women?

(34:34):
I was a porn.
Right.
And I've had sexual experienceswith people that respect to me.
So when I watch porn, I waslike, why me?
What's going on?
Can you just cuddle her andcrush her hand plate?

(34:54):
Right.
Like, can, can, can that be thecategory of.
Just porn for women, like

do that.
Definitely needs to be a yescategory, that's porn for women.

Kristy Yee (35:04):
But I also feel like it shouldn't just be targeted as
for women.
I feel like it should just beanother category period for men
and women.
Otherwise the men will justthink that it's okay to
disrespect them.
That's part of the sexualexperience.
And then the woman will justexpect cuddles and hairbrushes,
but the men wouldn't know that.
I know that's true.

(35:24):
That's a very

Angie Yu (35:25):
good point.
That is a very good point.
Yeah, it should just be like,

Kristy Yee (35:28):
it should just be part of the overall pull

some porn,

Angie Yu (35:34):
an oxymoron, but why not?
Why is it not a thing?
Like, like people pay money tosee some at, to see anything.
So why not have wholesome porn?
I'm sure.

Kristy Yee (35:49):
I think there is.
It's just not very mainstream.
Yeah.

Angie Yu (35:54):
But yeah, my first sexual awakening man, probably
from TV, I want to say I don't,I don't remember the exact
moment.
I don't remember.
Like there was like, there wasno like pivotal moment or it was
like, aha.
I am a sexual being.
But it definitely took me a longtime to really embrace my
sexuality.
Probably not until like,probably not until like this

(36:17):
year where I like really likereally actually embrace my
sexuality because I got boobsreally early.
I was always made to feel reallyuncomfortable with my sexuality
because people would alwayspoint out my boobs ever since I

(36:38):
had them.
So when I was like 11, I hadlike C cups basically, and I was
always embarrassing them.
So I was always wear likeoversized shirts and stuff.
When I got into high school overthe summer of like the, after
the first year of high school, Igot like contacts.
And then I started like goingshopping and stuff.

(36:58):
I just remember like peoplemaking a lot of comments about
my cleavage.
Kristy.
You remember this?

Kristy Yee (37:04):
Well, it's not like my first memory of high school,
but I remember what it was likein high school.

Angie Yu (37:15):
Because back, back in that day there, it was like not
a.
People were not woke.
Let's just say that.
Yeah.
So I was always, I just alwaysfeel so uncomfortable.
Like with the way I looked,because I, if I didn't hide
myself, then I would feel like Iwas hyper-sexualized and I just
felt like I didn't demand anyrespect.
So because of that, I never feltcomfortable being very sexual,

(37:40):
even around my boyfriends.
So it wasn't until.
I became single again.
And then I was like, okay, I'mlike older.
Now there's so much wokematerial out there.
So I've just done a lot ofreading, a lot of my, like my
own work and stuff like that.
And now I'm like verycomfortable with my sexuality.

Kristy Yee (37:58):
What would your advice be for people who want to
get to that place where you are.

Angie Yu (38:03):
Um, like don't be scared to Google random shit.

Google is your friend

Angie Yu (38:10):
like Google.
Who's your friend go in Cognito,Google.
Um, I read a lot of Cosmoarticles.
Um, Cosmo was very woke now.
Like, um, it's not, I wouldn'tsay maybe not very, but I think
for millennials they're prettywoke now compared to what they
were, what Christie was talkingabout, how they were, how to
please your men.
Now it's all about like how toplease yourself.

(38:32):
Excellent.
Like put like eight whatever ontop positions to make you feel
better.
And then in the photos therewould be like interracial
couples, um, couple queercouples, couples with different
like abilities, like, um, likedifferent.
Sorry, what is it like, um,couples with different, what are

(38:52):
they called?
What are we called?
We're called.
Able-bodied yet whole body.
Yes.
Able-bodied and cetera.
Like it's very like inclusiveand I'm like, okay, sensuality
is no longer just this likehyper sexualized commercialized,
you know, corporate strategy tosell shit.
Now it's actually just part ofbeing a human, human being.

(39:13):
And I think also because ofthat, it's made me more
comfortable embracing my ownsexuality.
Mm, cause we just, we justdidn't have that stuff.
When we were growing up, it wasjust not available.
So when we looked at sex andwhen we thought about sex, the,
the media and all the contentthat we consumed about sex was

(39:34):
so hyper-sexualized that if youhad any features, if we, if that
was hyper-sexualized or if youhave features that wasn't
hyper-sexualized you feel shittyabout yourself.
So basically you felt shitty.
Everybody felt shitty aboutsomething, so yeah.
Well now, like just afterGoogling random stuff, just like
reading articles and just, Idon't know, even just browsing

(39:55):
the, for her pages or whatever.
Like there's a lot of stuff outthere and I think it's just, I
think as whoever we want to be,we there's a lot more material
out there now to just feelempowered, liking the stuff that
you like.

Kristy Yee (40:11):
So exposure representation, all of that.

Angie Yu (40:14):
Exactly.
Yeah.

Yeah.
Thank you, Angie, for sharingand also respect for your
journey and where you've come.
I think I'm still working onthat part of myself.
Um, what else did I want to say?
Oh, um, it's weird that Chrissysaid that her.
Sexual experience was with herfriends, because I never talked

(40:40):
to my friends about sex at all.
Never like

Kristy Yee (40:44):
I talked a lot.

I know this is a Christie thing.
I don't know what's going onwith her.
Um, but it's not, it wasn'tuntil like this year or like
last year that we actuallybrought up sex.
And it's only with like somepeople in my friend group who I
think I'm comfortable enough.
Talking with them about it.

(41:06):
And even then it was like a lotof like surface level things,
like just using the word sex andalso like talk about
masturbation, my friend.
I was like, really glad thatwould my friends, um, asked me
about masturbation, which I waslike, wow, yes, this is awkward,
but we're going to talk about itfor the first time ever.

(41:28):
And I've known them since like,I've known him for at least 10
years now.
And we S like, this year waslike the first year that we
talked about it.
So, yeah, that was like veryinteresting.
Um, Of like how young Christystarted talking about sex with
her friends.
Um, and apparently, yeah.

Kristy Yee (41:48):
Well, I want to, I want to throw like a huge caveat
is that yes.
I feel like there was a lot of.
Sex related conversations.
And the two friends that Imentioned, the one that I shared
or vibrated with that isdefinitely very exclusive.
I didn't do that with all myfriends.

(42:10):
just at that time in my life,um, with these folks.
And then later on it, wasn't.
It wasn't so explicit and totalk about masturbation, that
was not a thing.
And I still don't think it's thething that we talk about
masturbation with, with myfriends or people that are in my
inner circle.
When I mentioned that, Oh, therewas a lot of sex talk.

(42:32):
It was mostly because I had acosmopolitan subscription.
And so everybody would crowdaround at lunch and we'd all
flipped through the Cosmomagazines together.
And then I had sex, um, at ayoung age.
So I lost my virginity at 14,13, 14, somewhere around then.
And I know that that was young.
And so.

(42:53):
And my, some of my friends knewthis, so they would come to me
for like sex advice, quoteunquote, because I knew shit.
I don't know shit.
Right.
Because I've got the sameeducation as they did.
And just because I actually didit doesn't mean that I'm
qualified for anything, butbecause of that, then I became

(43:15):
the person that folks would cometo and ask about sex.

You also mentioned that like, um, you guys like
y'all, y'all not y'all, but likeyou never, you still don't talk
about masturbation.
Um, when did y'all learn aboutmasturbation and like, why is
that never

Kristy Yee (43:37):
talked about, I think, because it was made fun
of a lot.
Yeah,

especially

Angie Yu (43:41):
female masturbation.
That's right.
Like I remember the first time Iwas even exposed to the idea of
female masturbation was in gradeeight, which is the first year
of high school.
And you don't know anybody.
Uh, I went to a high school thatmost of my friends from
elementary school didn't go to.
And I just remember all the boyswere like, Hey, do you touch

(44:04):
yourself at night?
Hey, do you touch yourself atnight?
Oh, it's because you touchyourself at night.
I don't know if I know Christie.
I don't know if you rememberthat trend, but yeah, it was
fucking horrible.
Like was

like a turd on for males for

Angie Yu (44:19):
guys.
I don't fucking know, but like,The dudes would just walk
around.
Um, or like, like, even if youdid something like stupid, like
drop your eraser.
Oh, it's cause you touchyourself at night.
Like that was like, it was like,it was, I don't even understand
why it was a thing, but itwasn't a thing.
I think guys for, I think theselike men were dying, even men,

(44:40):
these boys were like intriguedby the idea and instead of, you
know, being mature about it,come on.
They're 12, 13 year old boys.
What do you expect?
Like every, like, of course,like male masturbation, I was
already aware of from media andet cetera.
But yeah, like at a young age,like even from my first exposure
to female, masturbation wasalways like, Oh, like a

(45:02):
laughable matter.
So

Kristy Yee (45:05):
I feel like part of that trend of making fun of each
other, like it was the highschool boys back in the day.
I think it was more deflection.
I think it's because they alldid it.
They all fucking did it.
They all touch themselves anight, but nobody wants to admit
it.
So then they use that as somesort of a weapon to throw at

(45:26):
other people because they don'twant to be exposed that they,
they do touch themselves atnight.
Well, besides sharing avibrator.
Again, it's like a one-off.
Um, I also, I remember I hadborrowed this book from the
library and with some like somebright pink book with hearts and

(45:49):
flowers on it, and it was aboutsex for girls.
And when I say girls, I meanlike adolescent girls and maybe
teenagers.
So this author had written thissex education book that was, you
know, Appealing and attractiveto young girls.
And I remember chapter one wasabout touching yourself and I

(46:09):
was like, what the fuckvibrator?
And actually using your fingersis different.
I hadn't, I didn't know whatthis finger thing was all about.
And I remember reading this bookin the bathtub.
I'm like how appropriate.

How appropriate.

Kristy Yee (46:33):
Uh, and then, uh, and I was like, okay, there's
the manual?
Let's go.

Angie Yu (46:41):
called,

Kristy Yee (46:43):
uh, I don't, I remember kind of what it looks
like, and it's small.
Like it's not a regular standardsize book.
It's like a mini book.
Like when you first discover it,it wasn't just like a one-time
thing.
It was like that period of timewas a new discovery.
Right.
And then I would just think,wow, I can do this anywhere.

(47:07):
That was one of the bestrealizations that I ever had was
this ability to make myself feelgood.
I can do that.
Wherever I go in life, no matterwhere I am in the world, no
matter how old I am, I have theability to provide pleasure for
myself.

Angie Yu (47:28):
That's very empowering.
Yeah.

Kristy Yee (47:30):
Yeah.
It was fucking awesome.
And I'm like, this is so cool.
You know, it's like, I haveunlimited access to this
whenever I want.

Angie Yu (47:41):
You can do it, not that you should do aware ever
you can and that's empowerment.

Kristy Yee (47:47):
Yes.
Yeah.
And I remember very much sothat, that was part of my, you
know, early masturbationdiscovery journey.

Did you guys start with masturbation or start with
sex?

Kristy Yee (48:04):
Sex masturbation?

Yeah, I started with masturbation first

Kristy Yee (48:08):
too, but it didn't help me.
With sex though.
Cause I didn't cause sex was allabout what to do for the, for
the guy.
I would say it's

must be different for me.
Like it must be different ifit's not heterosexual sex.
Yeah.
Cause I feel like masturbationdefinitely helped my sex, but it
also probably helped that mypartner was also like during,
for the first time.
So we're all just like notexperienced at all and did not

(48:43):
know what we were doing.
Uh, yeah, but trying to mimiclike porn was not a good idea is

Angie Yu (48:53):
not a good idea.
Yeah.
It's not a good idea at all.
And that's why I was, I'm kindof like, Um, I think that's why,
like, so for me, I guess it wasalso kind of like, not so great
that my sexual journey startedwhen I started having sex with

(49:14):
my first boyfriend.
It was kind of like mutual, butobviously he already has already
masturbated before and he hasdone like finger stuff with
other girlfriends before, butsnacks was like first time for
both of us.
For me, it was first ofeverything.
Oh, I didn't discover.
I didn't really, so I didn'tdiscover masturbation really
until I became single.

(49:36):
So for me it was like sex first.
And then, so for me,masturbation was never a thing
when I was in a relationship,um, for that first relationship.
Anyway.

Kristy Yee (49:46):
So when you have sex, like since like you didn't
do masturbations and watch porn,like there was very limited
exposure.
Yeah.
So then when you were in thebedroom, like,

Angie Yu (49:58):
I don't know.
Well, I guess, because I justfigured he would know what we're
doing because he watches porn.
Just kind of like, it was kindof like a dance, just kind of
like, let him take the lead.
Like, I, I know what a dancelooks like.
I might not know the steps inparticular.
But you kind of like followalong and like figure it out as
you go, I guess.

(50:19):
Yeah.
That's a really good analogy.

Kristy Yee (50:20):
Yeah.

Yeah.
Was your masturbation after yougot single, like very empowering
for you.

Angie Yu (50:28):
Probably probably, I don't really think about it that
much, but yeah, probably,probably more so even like this
time around, um, because for me,like I'm the type of person
where I won't get into arelationship unless I, like, I
can actually really commit toit.
Otherwise I'm going to just staysingle.
So I would have long periods of.

(50:50):
Being single in between longperiods of being in a
relationship.
So every time I get into arelation to the outer
relationship is always kind oflike a new beginning and a new
end for me.
So each time I became single, Idefinitely became more empowered
sexually.
And I'm in another newrelationship now.
And I'm really making an effortto be upfront about like

(51:11):
everything this time around, um,including like.
The sexual journey as well, justlike communicating everything
and being like, what do you wantto try, et cetera?
Like just communicating,communicating, communicating.

Well, you guys are great podcasters because you all
just segue for me every, everytime.

Angie Yu (51:30):
Like wait at all.

Speaking of communication.
Um, when did you guys learnabout consent?
I know you guys like said it wasnever taught in school at all.
Um, and I guess I can go forsome time, honestly, for me it
was like when me too startedblowing up, which is like, not
that long ago.
Um, I honestly don't rememberwhen like 2014, 15 maybe, um,

(52:00):
when it started like reallyblowing up.
That's like, when I actuallyreally, well, I mean, I was 1415
then, um, when I actuallystarted like, learning about
what consent really is and like,Even like after the movement
kind of like slowly start to diedown from like the general
media.
Um, I think college is when Ihad like formal education on

(52:23):
what consent was cause likewe're all required to like take
this one course, sign sexualassault and et cetera.
Um, cause that's like one veryimportant issue.
That's been happening on mycampus for a long time.
Like sexual assault.
Is rampid on my campus.
Um, yeah.
Among other things that are notgood at my school.

(52:47):
Yeah.
What about you guys?

Kristy Yee (52:49):
Um, I think very similar to you.
Karen was during university likecollege university time,
probably I'll just maybe a fewyears before the me too
movement, honestly.
It wasn't something that I hadreally thought about before.
Um, and I think from, fromuniversity and from college,

(53:15):
there would be posters behindthe bathroom stalls about giving
consent or even at clubs aswell.
So that's like, so for clubbing,for us, it's the legal age was
19.
Um, So in clubs at the back ofthe bathroom stalls, there'll be
posters about giving consent.

(53:36):
And then, because I got exposedto that around that time, that's
when I kind of gave it morethought.
And I always thought that, youknow, consent just means not.
Being date raped or something.
Right.
I didn't, you know what I mean?
Like something extreme, but itdidn't think about, I didn't
think about it in terms of, Oh,well, my boyfriend wants to have

(53:56):
sex, but I don't feel likehaving sex, you know?
And I'm just going to do itanyways because he wants to have
sex.
Like, I didn't think that thatwas me not consenting.
I thought it was just me being apart of a relationship and me
like compromising and liketrying to make him happy or
whatever.
Right.
And so I didn't really startmaking those connections until I

(54:17):
started to get more exposureabout what consent meant.
It wasn't just like, you know, astranger and like putting some
weird shit in your drink.
And then that's that means noconsent.
Yeah.

Angie Yu (54:30):
Yeah.
So for me, same thing, likeconsent again was never a thing
that was talked about, um, whenwe were growing up.
And even for me, I think, yeah,same thing.
When I, when I was in myrelationship with my first
boyfriend, I remember beingreally angry at him and not
knowing why I was angry at him.
And then I just remember callinghim cause I felt so angry.

(54:53):
I didn't really know how tocontrol my emotions.
Um, but this is also like to dowith my mood disorder as well.
But I remember like all of asudden just exploding.
I, him, I called him.
Because we were texting.
So I called him while I was onthe bus, up to the university,
but it was a bus that was notvery full.
There was only like a few peopleon the bus and I called him and

(55:13):
I, and we were just talking andhe's like, I don't understand
why you're getting that.
I'm like, I'm trying to, all Iremember saying is, like I said
to him, all of them trying tosay that it's my body and I
guess my body and I like, blah,blah, blah, blah.
I don't remember exactly what itwas about.
He's never forced me to doanything where I don't want to
do it.

(55:33):
Um, I think it was just more solike, don't make me feel like,
like my sexuality is yours orsomething like that.
I did have control.
Yeah.
I felt like I didn't havecontrol over my session.
I cannot remember exactly whathappened, because again, when
you're not aware of what's goingon, it's hard to really be.

(55:55):
Like, that's why awareness ofissues, like consent is so
important, right?
Because if you're, you don'teven know what's happening, um,
then, then you can't be aware ofwhat's happening.
Um, and then like a lot, yeah.
People in our generation, in mygeneration and the, in the older
generation, I didn't learnabout, I didn't really learn
about consent until the ChanelMiller incident happened.

(56:18):
And that was just likeeverywhere, you know?
Right.
That was everywhere.
It was so pervasive.
It was written up everywhere.
So many girls like couldn'trelate to it.
Um, the me too movement, um,people talking about their
experiences with sexualharassment.
I have an experience with sexualharassment where a man in power

(56:39):
tried to abuse his position, um,by asking for sexual favors,
like stuff like that, where itjust all kind of poured out.
So.
Yeah.
And when the Chanel Miller thingI just Googled was in 2015 was
the only five years ago.

Yeah.
And it's already out of thenews.

Angie Yu (56:57):
Yeah.
And, um, and, and, and that'swhy, like, I think what she's
done with her life, it's justabsolutely amazing that she
turned around this thing that,you know, she was literally a
victim, but she made herselfinto a heroin.
And I think that's just.
Wonderful.
And not saying that every victimof rape has to do that, but I'm

(57:19):
just saying she, she sets a goodexample and she's trying to be,
um, get the word out there,right?
Like, cause it's hard, I'm sureto share your trauma in that
kind of detail with the entireworld.

Kristy Yee (57:34):
So, yeah, so

Angie Yu (57:35):
for me, like consent was not aware about it until the
Chanel Miller thing happened.
And I remember there was thisreally, really good video going
around the internet about howconsent is like, make is like T
like you got to ask somebody ifthey want T yes.
I want T then you made them somecup of tea.
If they change their mind, stopmaking the tea or just don't

(57:58):
give them tea.
Don't force the tea down theirthroat.
If they change their mind,they're like, I don't want to
pee anymore.
If they're passed out on thefloor, definitely don't force
them to drink tea and, uh, yeah,that was, that was very
relevant.
And I think that even though itis out of the news, I think it
did a lot for, uh, for oursociety.

Yeah.
I agree.
I think the tea analogy is nicebecause, um, what I learned in
college was like also like, um,each step of the way in a
relationship, like requiresconsent or like each step during
sex also requires consent.
Um, so it's like, do you wantsugar in your tea?

(58:42):
Yes or no?
Or like, do you want cream inyour tea?
I don't know if people withdrink.
Tea with cream anymore or milkwith your tea of et cetera.
Like things like that.
Um, also like needs to be askedduring each step.

Kristy Yee (58:58):
And yeah, this could change from day to day.

Angie Yu (59:03):
Um, like my, my, the relationship I'm in now, I had
to, like, I had thisconversation about like, with,
with him about like boyfriend,girlfriend, he's like, wait, so
like, Do I have to ask you if Ican call you my girlfriend?
I'm like, no, you gotta ask meif I can, if I can be your
girlfriend.
Or I ask you if you can be myboyfriend, he's like, Oh, he's

(59:25):
like, I already told somebodythat you're my girlfriend.
I just don't know about this.
He's like, yeah.
I w I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
I was supposed to ask them.
I'm like, well, well, how thefuck would I know he didn't
communicate it.
And then I was like talking tosome other people about it, some
other people, and then someother couples were just like,

(59:46):
yeah, I guess, I guess I juststarted to assume we were
boyfriend girlfriend after awhile.
And I'm like, really?
Cause I, I was getting anxiousas fuck.
I would get anxious as fuck.
Like what are you going to askme?
I ain't communication now.
Like that's communication.
You can communicate everything.
Even as something as silly aslike girlfriend, boyfriend,

Karen Zheng (01:00:07):
you know, Yeah, you do.
You really do.

Kristy Yee (01:00:11):
That's what is dangerous, but also what we are
improving on is this wholenotion of applying these
implications.
Right.
And assumptions it's reallyharmful in so many cases, like a
small, not even small.
Cause I feel like asking someoneto be their girlfriend or

(01:00:32):
boyfriend is a pretty big stepin a relationship, but it's
something that is funny that wecan laugh at.
But the same thing applies to.
Not making assumptions aboutsomeone's sexual preferences or
what their mood is and, and etcetera, et cetera.
Like, we always need to beasking these questions and
having these conversations.

(01:00:52):
Right.
Because first of all, how is theother person supposed to know?
And how are you supposed to knowwhat the other person is
thinking or feeling.

Angie Yu (01:01:01):
I'm like I'm 30.
I really need to get it rightthis time.
So even when something reallyuncomfortable and I don't want
to say it, I'm like

say it.

And the communication piece is really
important too, because likegoing back to the whole consent
thing, um, all my.
Many of my previous boyfriends,I have had incidents where I
didn't want to have sex, but sexdid happen or I was really
drunk, but I wasn't passed out,but I was still very drunk and

(01:01:33):
then sex happened and I neverthought that that was just.
I didn't think that that is menot giving consent.
Right.
I didn't make the connection,but then I, I was really
unhappy.
And then I also associated sexwith unhappy thoughts and
unhappy feelings, which made melater on not like sex as a

(01:01:57):
person who identifies as asexual person and then not
liking sex was really.
I would have character.
It felt like a part of myidentity was weird, like ruined
misaligned.
And then, and then until I,until just very recently, like
my ex was the first time that Ihad ever said, no, I don't feel

(01:02:22):
like it today.
And, and so it was still a veryrecent thing that I learned to
say no, when I don't want to.

Angie Yu (01:02:32):
And what happened when you told him?
I don't feel like it.

That was it.
It was like, okay.

Angie Yu (01:02:39):
And how did you feel?

I still have a lot of the lingering bitterness from
the earlier relationships aboutsex.
I think I'm still a little bitscarred from that, but it felt
like it's, I have a say in thisrelationship too.
Hmm.

Angie Yu (01:02:58):
Which you absolutely do.

Yeah.
And that's part of thecommunication piece.
Right.
And I didn't even think thatthat was a problem before, until
I was like, Oh, I sh I do have avoice.
I am part of this relationship.
If I don't feel like it, I'mgoing to say it right.

Yeah.
Yeah.
Very good conversation.
I really enjoyed this.
Shit.
We don't tell mom episode,

Angie Yu (01:03:26):
like a shit.
We don't tell mom I'm

sick anyways.
Um, thank you, Christina, Angiefor coming on and sharing, uh,
comfortable things.
Um, do you guys want to pluganything?

It's it's what we do.
So if listeners, you, you guysenjoyed listening to all this
taboo, uncensored shit.
Then come on over on ourpodcast, that NG and I host
called shit.
We don't tell mom and you canfind us on Instagram at shit.
We don't tell mom.

Yes.
Please listen to their, um, mostrecent episode about farting.

Angie Yu (01:04:07):
That's right.
Tally of episode one, we aretaking like a couple of weeks of
break and then we're hoppingback on the podcast train and
we'll be starting season two.
Well, we'll be starting seasontwo soon, but, uh, our first
episode of season two will bereleased January 3rd, 2021.

(01:04:29):
Yes.

Looking forward to that.
Anybody's yeah.
Thank you guys

Angie Yu (01:04:34):
again.
Thank you for

having us on.

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18. Masturbation & Sexual Consent ft. Karen Zheng (MX Asian American) - Part 2

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}18. Masturbation & Sexual Consent ft. Karen Zheng (MX Asian American) - Part 2