24. Life After Surviving a Traumatic Car Accident ft. Kelli Chu

Episode Transcript
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Kelli Chu (00:00):
The time that I had alone in the hospital, like
right when the accidenthappened.
And then the week after that, itwas just the, it was basically
the worst week days of my life.
more so because I was, you know,I was in a foreign country
Australia, they speak English,but it's still, it wasn't home.
It wasn't my home.
they do things differently fromwhat I'm used to in the States.

(00:22):
And.
and I obviously did not have anyof my friends or family.
they were miles and miles away.
And yeah, so I was gettingemotional and I was thinking
about it just being, you know,laying in the hospital bed and
not knowing what's going tohappen next.

Kristy Yee (01:00):
Welcome back to another episode of shit.
We don't tell them, mom, this isChristie

Angie Yu (01:04):
and this is angie.

Kristy Yee (01:05):
And today we have Kelli Chu with us.
Kelli is super inspirational.
When I read your stories,multiple versions of your
stories, I'm like, wow.
So Kelli's been through a.
Life-changing traumatic event, Iwould say I don't want to give
away spoilers cause I want Kellyto talk about that, so Kelli why

(01:26):
don't you tell our listeners alittle bit about yourself?

Kelli Chu (01:29):
Sure.
thanks again for having me here.
I, well, I live in LA originallyfrom the Bay area.
and I, I have an older brotherand older sisters, so I'm the
youngest.
and yeah, I'm just really afamily oriented and I have a
nine to five job in digitalmarketing.
and then I'm also, yeah, likeI'm a writer.
I have a blog and I'm gettinginto motivational speaking right

(01:50):
now.
So but that's all based on my,of course, my story, which I'll
tell you now this took place 10years ago and I was studying
abroad in Australia.
And I was studying, acting theperforming arts.
And I was about 22, 21, 22.
And I was, you know, I washaving the greatest time of my

(02:12):
life.
I was exploring and just living.
I was, I was there supposed tobe for a one year program.
And I think in the, in thesecond or third month you know,
I was, again, I was meeting alot of different international
people and students, so we wereall just kind of hanging out and
having fun and going todifferent places around
Australia, which was reallynice.

(02:33):
but then one night we read houseparties, some of us, and there's
that like maybe 30, 40 peoplethere.
And yeah, we were just, again,dancing, having a good time
drinking one thing to another,and I ended up getting into, to
a car with a drunk driver and Iwas in the back seat.

(02:53):
And I don't, obviously, I don'tremember a lot of the car
accident itself.
It was, it happened so quickly.
I just kind of remember the carswerving and I woke up and.
I will come to the hospitalbasically.
And, but still like, everythingwas a blur.
I didn't know what was going on.
but then I saw a doctorapproached me and he said, you

(03:15):
know, Kelly, we may need toamputate your left hand and
that's, you're not registered tome at all.
I blacked out, I think, and thensometime later I woke up and.
I just see like both my handsheavily bandaged.
And I was like, well, what, likewhat the fuck is going on?

(03:37):
I don't, you know, I knewobviously something happened.
Cause I remember being in thecar, I just didn't know exactly
what I was still out of it.
I was drugged up.
I passed out again, I believe.
And then I think it was, youknow, the next day when I was
really, when all these nursesand doctors came around, And
just basically briefed me.
And what into what happened thatI was in a car accident that

(03:57):
they basically have to pull meout.
There's different stories, Iguess.
Cause the car, I guess, flippedover or I heard one story that I
was each like rejected out thewindow.
Like it was just all thesedifferent things.
I don't really know if anyonereally knew what happened.
but yeah, they were just tellingme.
You know, my injuries thatbasically my left hand, they

(04:19):
managed to save.
They didn't have to amputate it.
Thank God.
but they had to reconstruct itby using or taking muscle nerve
and skin from my right leg.
and then my right hand had ulnarnerve damage.
so that affects like the pinkyand the movement of the pinky
and the ring finger.
So they had to put a nerve therefor it to grow back basically.

(04:40):
So I was in Australia in thatspecifically for one month and I
had to withdraw from my programfrom school.
My family came eventually to thehospital.
And they, they took me back tothe States.
So the United States andCalifornia, and I had to finish
up my therapy and surgeriesthere.

(05:01):
So I've had a total of 11surgeries within a four year
recovery period.
So you know, it, yeah, it's awhole thing.
And I just, I kind of alwaysemphasized, I always remember
that.
The time that I had alone in thehospital, like right when the

(05:23):
accident happened.
And then the week after that, itwas just the, it was basically
the worst week days of my life.
more so because I was, you know,I was in a foreign country you
know, Australia, they speakEnglish, but it's still, it
wasn't home.
It wasn't my home.
they do things differently fromwhat I'm used to in the States.
And.
and I obviously did not have anyof my friends or family.

(05:45):
they were miles and miles away.
And yeah, so I was gettingemotional and I was thinking
about it just being, you know,laying in the hospital bed and
not knowing what's going tohappen next.
And I had so many, so manyquestions, so much anxiety.
and w actually also the worstthing was that.
Doctors and nurses couldn't giveme answers.

(06:06):
they, cause they didn't knoweither what would become of my,
of my injuries.
It was unique.
It was, the hand functioningpart.
They didn't know if I was gonnalive independently again.
so it was just not gettinganswers and having that anxiety
and just being alone in thehospital then.

(06:26):
Sorry.
It was really hard.
It was really hard.
just being alone with that.

Kristy Yee (06:36):
I have goosebumps right now.
It's coming from my face all theway down to my legs too.
And I was also just want to saythank you for sharing that
story, for being so, so braveand vulnerable about that.
I.
I can't imagine what those dayswere like when you were in the
hospital, when you woke up and,the doctors were telling you all

(06:59):
these different messagings, doyou remember, what was that like
for you and what were thethoughts going through your
head?

Kelli Chu (07:05):
I was just really confused.
I didn't know what to believe,but I think I remember mostly
just kind of blaming myself andhaving a lot of regrets.
Cause it was, you know, it wasmy decision to go into a car
with a drunk driver and youknow, the other thing was that I
did not have my seat belt on Soall of that, like I actually

(07:25):
thought I was, it was so weird.
I actually thought that thepolice were going to come and I
was going to get in trouble orsomething for it.
And yeah.
And that's all I really remembersolely thinking about, then
yeah, the nurses and doctors,what they were telling me was it
just didn't seem real.
It didn't seem like I didn'treally believe it because they
didn't, it didn't seem that big.
They believed what they weresaying.

(07:47):
And I got mixed messages toofrom like different doctors.
It was a whole thing where noone knew what, what was gonna
happen.
So I just had to, like, I don'tknow.
I just had to sit there and kindof.
Stew in my own thoughts and kindof, I don't know, take it day by
day, I guess, and see what,what, what message I would get
the next day and stuff, but itwas really hard.

(08:08):
And, but, but what really helpedalso was, you know, I, I had my
international friends and sothey did come and visit me in
the hospital, which was reallynice.
and they give me a lot ofsupport support, you know, in
messages.

Kristy Yee (08:22):
It's so scary to not know of what's to come in any
situation, like fear of theunknown, right?
That's a thing that people say.
And, and when you wake up andsomeone tells you that, Oh, we
might have to amputate yourhands.
Holy fucks, you know, and then

Angie Yu (08:39):
like, no wonder you passed out again.
Like I would just be like

Kristy Yee (08:44):
music, man, what kind of a

Angie Yu (08:45):
nightmare?
I just woke up.
We might have to chop

Kelli Chu (08:48):
off your hand.
Yeah.
I just woke up and that's thefirst thing that they tell me.
And this looks like and I waslike in a room like on, you know
steel or I guess steel.
You know, bed or whatever.
And I just remember them, likeall these lights on me and all
these people like rushing aroundme.
and they were taking off myclothes.

(09:09):
So everything was, yeah, it wasjust a crazy night.
I wanted to just knock outbecause I didn't want to deal
with it kind of, and I did so.

Kristy Yee (09:19):
And then the second time when you woke up, that was
after the skin graft and, andwhen they had, I don't even know
what the medical term is, butput nerves.

Kelli Chu (09:29):
Yeah.
I mean, I always call it.
Yeah, just reconstructed myhand.
it took though like three majorsurgeries in the hospital to do
that as far as my left hand.
but yeah, when I woke up, I, Ithink I was in, I just had
surgery, so I was still in likethat recovery room.
so there was a nurse there.
They have, they gave me I likethat button too, that I can push

(09:50):
to release pain medication, Iguess.
So I just remember that.
And then, yeah, that's about it,

Kristy Yee (09:56):
Did you know that that what's going to happen,
that they were going toreconstruct her hand or did you
just wake up and it was yourhand is now different.

Kelli Chu (10:04):
No, I didn't know.
Cause I mean, that was the lastthing I heard was that they
might need to amputate it.
but then like, it was allbandaged up.
So I don't, I couldn't reallysee anything So I didn't know.
Yeah.
I didn't know what was, whatwas, what my hand look like.
but I do remember the doctortelling me that they were going
to take some like.
It's a muscle, basically from myright leg for something.

(10:24):
But, you know, even then Ididn't know what that meant or
like what exactly they weredoing, you know?
Cause they didn't really, youknow, I was out of band.
They didn't really tell me much,

Kristy Yee (10:33):
I would assume in shock too.
Cause so much shit had justhappened.
And then you're in you're byyourself in a foreign country
just had this huge impact and Ohmy gosh.
And so then when you did findout that they had.
Reconstructed your hands.
Did it feel different for you atall to think like your hands are
now different than the ones thatyou had before?

Kelli Chu (10:55):
yeah.
I mean, it took some timebecause the skin graph had to,
like they had to let it heal onits own for like a certain
amount of time and alwayschecked on it.
But I wasn't able to move myhands yet, so I obviously saw
them and what it looked like,and I just remember my left hand
was like a big when they didunravel the vantages.
they, it w it looked like a, mybrother refers to it as like a

(11:18):
puffer fish.
It was like huge.
It was like a big copper meshwith like needles coming on that
needles, but like, you know Iguess needles.
Yeah, needles coming out.
And my, my fingers were, youknow, not.
Position, they were positionweird and wrong.
And it was like, you know whatit is right now, which is like a
call like form, like a monsterhand.
so yeah, that was just seeingthat initially.

(11:40):
Like that was really, that wasscary.
It was scary to be like, Whoa,like this is my new hand.
And then more questions in mymind of like, what, how am I
supposed to, like, what's.
What am I able to do now?
Am I going to be a hundredpercent hand functional?
Like what's going on?
And then I don't think anyonereally knew that though.
had to go through the therapyand see what I could do with it.

(12:02):
Hand therapy.

Angie Yu (12:03):
When your family, they came over to visit you, like
what, what were their emotionslike?
What was their reaction?

Kelli Chu (12:09):
I remember just seeing them for the first time.
And they were just happy to seeme alive, basically.
but I do remember, you know, I,I felt this, I felt like I was,
I disappointed them in a waybecause of my decisions, but,
from their perspective, theydidn't say they didn't say
anything at all like that to me,they didn't like schooled me or
anything like that.
And like, why did you do this?

(12:30):
And they just really They werejust really happy to see me be
okay.
I was still, you know, that Iwas smiling when they were there
and that I was comfortable Iguess, in my hospital bed.
Cause I've been there for solong now and I, cause they came,
they came maybe like a, a weekor two after the initial
accident.
So yeah.
They were just spent it justspend time with me and they

(12:51):
just, that's all they wanted todo.

Kristy Yee (12:53):
And then internally, cause you mentioned, you know,
on the surface, you're smilingand being, being quote unquote.
Okay.
Internally, were there anyfeelings of shame or guilt?
Cause you did mention, someregretful thoughts were coming
up and you had all these, youknow, Oh my gosh.
Maybe I should have worn aseatbelt type things.

(13:13):
What was that like for you atthe time?

Kelli Chu (13:16):
Yeah, I did have those thoughts.
It came in waves.
you know, obviously when myfamily was there, I felt the
happiest cause they were there.
But even when they were there, Idid have moments of like, Just
being a disappointment in, youknow, in their eyes.
And I felt embarrassed that, Ididn't have my seatbelt on and
that's something that my motheralways taught me when I was
younger.

(13:36):
And just internally I didn'tknow I don't know.
Yeah, it was slowly just kindof, you know, eating at me and,
and I I had moments of justbeing had bad, really bad days
of just sitting in my negativethoughts and down and going down
that rabbit hole, replaying thatnight.
you know, always kind of likewhat if I didn't do this or

(13:57):
that?
and also like, I would feel badwhen I did see like my
international friends, people Imade friends with over there,
they were continuing with their,abroad program, you know, so
they were like still exploring,having fun.
And I remember just, seeing thatand that really, I hated that
because I was stuck in thehospital with all of my injuries

(14:20):
and I couldn't do that.
I couldn't, I totally thoughtthat that was something I lost
and it was my fault.
And I was just really mad atmyself, really mad at myself
about that.

Angie Yu (14:30):
And how did you work through that?
All those negative thoughts.
How did you get to a point whereyou came to be where you're at
now?
Basically?
Like how did you deal with thosethoughts?

Kelli Chu (14:42):
Yeah, I mean, during that time in Australia and even,
when I came back to the Statesit, it was.
It was difficult to, to figureout, I guess, and I guess how to
best handle it.
but you know, I, as I was kindof complaining and, after every
surgery complaining and beingjust so exhausted of each

(15:04):
surgery and really just thinkingof those negative thoughts in
crying all the time, I.
I eventually got old.
Like it eventually was like, Ohmy God, like this so exhausting
to be so like just thiscomplainer.
and this is like during, youknow, my therapy sessions too.
It was really frustrating to dothings I couldn't do.
And I had to relearn everything,especially like the daily tasks,

(15:28):
like you know, my brain wantedto do something, but my hands
couldn't.
I remember like, With an ATMmachine.
I was able to put my debit cardin, but I couldn't take it out.
And that's how weak my hand was.
So just like those littlethings, you know that really
frustrated me and I would cryevery day but I think what I
felt was I can't justcomplaining all the time.

(15:51):
It, it got me nowhere.
There was no.
It was so exhausting that I wasstill in the same situation as I
am now, if I was complaining allthe time.
So the only other choice I hadwas to move on with the days.
You know, every day wassomething new.
Everyday was a new opportunityfor me to get better and better
at my hand exercises or whatnot.

(16:12):
so that was kind of the, youknow, the changing of my
mindset.
Because that's, that's basicallythe only choice I had.
I had to do something or else Iwould just sit there and kind of
go down that rabbit hole andjust, think of all these
negative thoughts.
And that got old, that gottiring for me.
And so I just decided, you knowwhat, I need to do something I
need to go the other way andthink positive thoughts, be

(16:33):
hopeful and just take it day byday.
That's what I did.
I took it day by day.
I didn't look in the future somuch.
And when, if I did, you know,during the day I would just kind
of change my mindset and belike, Nope, today is going to be
a new day.
So I always kind of had to dothat with my mind.

Angie Yu (16:52):
And now, you know, 10 years later you're sitting here
you're looking really upbeat.
you're gesturing with yourhands.
Like, how are your hands doingnow?

Kelli Chu (17:00):
It's good.
I mean, yeah, I would just, it'sso much like I said, people
didn't know was going to beindependent again, living
independently, but now, like I'mkind of made that my goal, like
after all of my surgeries andtherapy, I was like, no, I
planned to move to LA.
and that's what I did.
And that was by myself and Ilive alone and I was like, no,
I'm going to do it.
Like, I'm going to continue whatI wanted to do.

(17:21):
but I had to, and obviouslyrelearn everything.
With my hands.
And that just took a lot ofadjusting and adapting, finding
other solutions and finding waysI can, you know, open something
or, or whatnot.
It took me a long time to put myhair in a ponytail like it
again.
but I just adjusted and found away so yeah, I mean, right now
there, it's not like my lefthand is not a hundred percent

(17:44):
functional.
it's more of like a helper handand my right hand, I would say
like 80% functional.
What I rely on.
So

Angie Yu (17:51):
speaks a lot to your character of how like positive
your, even when you're talkingabout it, like, of course you
get emotional when you'retalking about waking up alone
and, you know, reliving that,that.
Would make anybody extremelyemotional.
I made us just completelyspeechless, which is very rare.
We have a podcast it's verydifficult to make full Kristy

(18:12):
and I speechless.
And I love that.
I love how you talk about theadaptability, right?
Like that makes you who you are.
This experience has tested yourown creativity and your own
ingenuity to find ways to liveyour life day by day again.
You mentioned you're writing amemoir about your story and that
you want to become amotivational speaker.

(18:32):
I think those like very humanstories about how we overcome
these little things, likelearning how to tie a ponytail.
Like that's, it seems like sucha small thing, but I think like
it says a lot.
about the whole experience.
So thank you so much for sharingthat.
My question is when you weretalking about becoming
independent and cause you didn'tknow if that was going to be

(18:53):
something that was achievable.
The question that popped into myhead is do you think, you know,
of course everything you wentthrough did change, you know,
you said it was a life changingevent.
Do you think it changed any ofyour core beliefs or your
values?

Kelli Chu (19:07):
like my core beliefs I had before the accident.

Angie Yu (19:09):
Yeah.

Kelli Chu (19:11):
I feel like maybe if anything, it enhanced it more.
because I mean, the only thing,you know, as far as
independence, that was.
Basically, the main reason why Iwanted to study abroad.
You know, I'm the youngestofthree and I was always babied
and I know I was 21.
It was, it was sort of time forme to find my independence and I

(19:33):
really had a vision and goal forthat.
And that's why I wanted to studyabroad not knowing anyone and
living there for like a year.
To gain that independence and,and, you know, find myself who I
am, who I want to be.
because I was always kind ofattached to my family and what
they believed.
so it was, it was time for me tofind out what I believed so I

(19:54):
was always a strong, I guess,advocate for independence during
that time, but then.
this happened and it really,yeah.
It, but because I had to do somany things like relearn
everything online.
Question of, you know, if I wereto be independent again and I
just, I gained so much shakingso much about what, I mean, it

(20:15):
would be like the same thing asif I maybe studied abroad and
continued my program is that Ifound a lot.
I learned a lot about myself andwhat I can do, what was I
capable of doing?
And like you said, like beingcreative and finding a way,
finding a solution.
And so yeah, I think it enhancedand I, and then I wanted to
continue.
I wanted to go move to LA bymyself, not knowing anyone and

(20:38):
continue with my goals anddreams.
And that's what I did.
I just had to wait until allthese surgeries and therapy
ended and then I was, but youknow, during that whole time,
that's what I had in my mind.
I think that's helped.
That helps me to, think strongerand, gain strength with my
exercises and just knowing thatI still had that vision of going

(20:58):
and being a dependent again.

Kristy Yee (21:00):
it's kind of weird how, you decided to go study
abroad because when you'reyoung, that's what you do.
You just travel and discoveryourself and, you know, it's
your first time really beingaway from family.
And that was what you wereseeking for.
And of course, no one expects.
Ever something bad is going tohappen to us.

(21:20):
It's always going to happen toanother person, but we never
think that it would ever happento us.
And then when it did, you stillended up gaining all of those
experiences that you weresearching for, which is having
that independence and, pushingyourself to the boundaries, to
see how far you can go.
Just in a completely differentway.

Angie Yu (21:40):
And if anything had like pushed you to literally
like the edge of your boundariesof testing, going down, back to
the basics of like relearning,how to control your hands, like,
it's an incredible story.

Kelli Chu (21:51):
Yeah.
And my plan before the accidentwas pursuing an acting career.
And yeah, moving to LA for that.
And so I picked up where I leftoff basically after the accident
and, pursued acting.
But then I realized I was just achanged person.
I was a different person nowbecause of this traumatic event
it made me.

(22:12):
More self aware it made meappreciate, of course, life.
It made me appreciate otherpeople.
How, everyone is going throughsomething.
They must be going throughsomething.
And to be.
Less selfish and more selflessin a way, because I remember
even before the accident, I feltreally like entitled.
I felt like I was doingeverything for myself, but like

(22:35):
after the accident, I wanted toget to know other people who had
similar stories as me.
And just learning about otherpeople in general.
which really, yeah, I dunno.
Just the whole event just reallymade me it enlightened so much
for me around me.
so I was pursuing acting.
And in my acting class, I waswriting my own monologues and I
did my own short film and that'swhere I kind of fell in love

(22:58):
with like storytelling and.
My own story, like writing ingeneral too.
And that's why I created theblog and kind of wanting to
reach other people, otherstories out there.
so I am not doing actinganymore.
I'm like pursuing, writing andmotivational speaking.
so it's like, yeah, it was just,it's different.
It's different.
It's like the same, but no, it'slike, it's different now because

(23:19):
I'm a different person.

Angie Yu (23:21):
You still have a dream.
It's just your dream is now morein line with your life
circumstances.

Kelli Chu (23:27):
Yeah, exactly.

Kristy Yee (23:27):
Yeah And I think that's all part of life is
pivoting to whatever life reallythrows at you.
Right.
And then through that journey,you kind of figure out what is
it that you really want?
What is it that really bringsyou joy?
And you mentioned, you know,having that goal of.
wanting to be independent again,you know, and, and focusing on
that, not really helped youthroughout the recovery too.

(23:49):
And I think, just by havingthat, having some sort of a
vision, no matter how the pathis going to move, but just
having that, it really helpsmotivate us to get to wherever
it is that we need to, howeverit is that we get there,

Angie Yu (24:03):
it makes us want to take life day by day, because
we're like, there's no other wayto get there, to get to that,
you know, goal or success pointthat you want, unless you take
things day by day

Kristy Yee (24:15):
and then adding to that too, is like sometimes we
have goals, but then we're sofixated on the goal that we are
not taking it day by day.
Does that like, does that makesense?
Because we're like, we're notcelebrating the everyday wins.
A lot of times we're like, okay,well, this, this thing is
checked off.
Okay.
Now onto the next thing and ontothe next thing until I get to
that goal.
But I think what I'm hearingfrom you, Kelly, is that you had

(24:36):
this goal, it really helped youmove along the journey,
especially because there was somuch emotional that came with
it.
Right.
And kind of helped you pullyourself out of that dark pit
because yeah, you w you had thisvision, but you also allowed
yourself through therapy that.
You know what I'm just going tolive day by day and every day

(24:58):
I'm going to step towards thatgoal.
But whether it's going to be abig step or a little step, it's
still a step.
And then you allow yourself tocelebrate that day by day.

Kelli Chu (25:07):
Yeah.
Yeah, no, that's, that'sperfectly said.

Angie Yu (25:10):
She's really good at summarizing things.

Kelli Chu (25:12):
Yeah, no, that totally makes sense.
I want to mention that like, Sobefore the accident, when I was
saying that I was sort of, I wasjust, you know, I was 20, 20, 21
and I had that vision, thatgoal.
And I feel like this is a lot ofyoung people, but you just don't
know.
You're just so ignorant.
You know, you don't know how,how much it'll take to get to

(25:33):
your goal.
And then you think it's going tobe easy and everything is going
to be perfect.
It's going to align, your way.
But then this accident happenedto me.
I'm like, Oh yeah, that'll bereally hard.
and it's, changed me too.
You know, it changed myperspective of like, like you
said, like, you know, you don'tthink that these happen, these
things happen to, to ourselves.

(25:55):
Like it happens to other people,but it did happen to me.
It just made me appreciate everyday.

Kristy Yee (26:00):
I also feel like just hearing our story.
We need to really appreciate thelittle things like right Yes Yes
because you wouldn't reallyappreciate the ability to tie
your hair up in a ponytail untilyou lose that ability.

Angie Yu (26:17):
I read this article the other day that was talking
about how we think that we'remotivated by negative things
like, Oh, Regret and guilt.
So people like to, you know,guilt trip friends or guilt
trip, family members tohopefully motivate them into
doing something.
And I find like guilt trippingis like really, really common in
our culture.
But I feel like, you know a lotof times, like maybe our parents

(26:40):
don't understand that guilttripping is not a good way to do
things, but I was reading thisarticle about how, like, there's
a reason why the dead gets moreflowers than the live people
than the, than the alive,because they live

Kristy Yee (26:52):
the living, the living the dead, and they are
trying to compensate by throwingflowers at their grave.
The word sounds

Angie Yu (27:01):
horrible.
Like the phrase was regret is astronger emotion than gratitude.
And I was like, okay, I can seethat.
I can see that it's a strongeremotion.
It doesn't mean that it's a morehelpful emotion, because like
you said, when you were feelingreally regretful and you were
waking up in the hospital, justbeing really like, if this
happened, what if that happened?

(27:22):
Like, I regret this, I regretthat.
it's a really strong emotion andlike almost debilitated you,
right.
And it makes you, it holds youback.
I feel like regret holds youback because it makes you just
keep thinking about the past.
but then for you Kelly, likewhere I saw that.
Your story kind of aligned withwhat I was reading about is when
you were like, yeah, I can't,I'm exhausted.

(27:44):
I can't, I'm tired of it beingregretful.
I'm tired of feeling all thislike guilt about what I would,
could have happened.
I'm just going to look forward.
And then your tone changed togratitude.
You're like, I'm grateful that Ican do these little things.
I'm grateful my family is hereto support me.
That shift between.
But that shift in your storyfrom regret to gratitude is

(28:06):
where, from the perspective, assomeone listening to your story
is where things started to pickup.

Kelli Chu (28:12):
Yeah.
I mean, it was almost like whenI was regretting.
I just don't like that feelingof complaining, it was almost
like it was, I was just kind ofscreaming for attention almost,
you know?
And for someone to tell me,like, you know, no, it's not
your fault.
I don't know if I was lookingfor that, but, or maybe I was,

(28:32):
but I, when I kept on doing it,I just noticed that that time
was the days were moving.
Time was moving.
Everyone was kind of justliving, their daily lives like
normal.
And I just, yeah, like I justgot tired of.
How come, I'm not doing that.
How come I'm not able to, tokeep on living day by day.
And I should, I should live thatday by day.
I was just exhausted,complaining all the time and

(28:53):
being like a baby in a way.
And I just wanted to focus nowon like, let's just, it's just
time to focus on the positivetoo.
It's too much negative, youknow?

Kristy Yee (29:07):
I have a question and this is like, I don't know
where this is going to go, buthow, how are you?
Wow.
I think it's because I'muncomfortable because I don't
know if this is going to pullmore negative feelings Do you,

(29:28):
how do you feel about the drunkdriver Ooh,

Kelli Chu (29:32):
I'm a very, I mean, I would say I'm pretty, we call it
maybe a poll apologetic.
I always kind of thought maybe Istill have trouble dealing with
this, but I always feel likeeverything is my fault,
especially then, you know?
and what I thought about like,you know, having my seat belt on
going into the car, but I, Idon't know.
I sort of w then I reallyblocked it out kind of like him

(29:53):
in general.
and just felt, I mean, it'scrazy to say, but just felt like
it was all of our faults, whichit was.
realistically.
but I don't know.
I, you know, he did visit me inthe hospital and he wasn't even
a good friend.
He was just someone who was atthe house and was just, you
know, we all decided to go getmore alcohol and he was going to
drive.

(30:13):
So I didn't really know him thatwell.
But he did visit me and made mea couple of days after the
accident in the hospital.
And I, I don't know what, Idon't really remember what I, I
think I just remember feeling,not anger, not, not sadness,
nothing like that.
It was just, he was nothing tome.
I don't know if that makessense, but it was kind of, I'm

(30:36):
sorry, I'm not making any sense,but like it's just a, he was
not.
He gave me flowers he's heapologized.
but I don't remember.
I don't, it didn't meananything, I guess to me him
being there in his words, like,it just didn't mean anything.
Cause I don't want to say like Iwas rude and didn't say anything
or, you know, didn't accept hisapology.
it was just, I don't maybeuntilthis day too, it's just, I

(30:59):
didn't, I don't feel anything.
I don't feel like I have to feelanything if that makes sense, of
course he apologized and I, andI, I, you know, I accept and,
but I think, like I said, I feellike it was all of our faults.
we could've made, wiserdecisions that night and yeah,
so I don't, yeah, I don't know.
I don't know how I feel rightnow.

(31:19):
I just don't.
I don't think about it.
Sort of blocked it out because Idon't have to, I don't have to
think about it.

Angie Yu (31:24):
I think that's very mature and very like you said,
you became really self aware andthis whole expanse was about
yourself and about the decisionsyou made and how you grappled
with regret and how you overcamethat.
and also overcoming all thephysical difficulties as well.
like you said, like, you don'tfeel anything about him because
it's not about him.
Like this whole thing is aboutyou.

(31:45):
So I think that make, that makesa lot of sense, actually.
I think the fact that you'relike, I don't feel anything.
I don't feel like I have to feelanything.
I think that's really healthy.
I think that's really absolutely

Kelli Chu (31:55):
healthy.
Yeah.
I mean, it probably would bedifferent if it was like a good
friend.
since he was sort of like this,just this person who I didn't, I
really didn't know him that wellat all.
so

Kristy Yee (32:06):
yeah, some dude.
Yeah.
It's just some dude.

Angie Yu (32:11):
Was he

Kristy Yee (32:11):
not

Kelli Chu (32:11):
injured?
No.
Yeah.
So he wasn't injured and thenthere was another passenger in
the front seat.
so they, I was the only one thatgot injured and they were fine.

Kristy Yee (32:52):
I want to shift gears a little bit during, when
we were talking you hadmentioned that.
you're now really embracing thislife of being independent.
And now, you live on your ownand you're able to do a lot of
the things that you had wantedto do, but there's a lot of
pressure around timeline forwomen, especially in the Asian,
Chinese culture of.

(33:13):
Getting certain things done,like getting married and having
kids and blah, blah, blah.
And this was something that youhad mentioned to us offline.
yeah.
Where are you at?
Right.
Like, what is all, what is thatlike for you right now?

Kelli Chu (33:26):
It it's to be honest, it is a ongoing.
Battle.
I feel like I have with myself.
Because I think it's because Ifeel so strongly about not being
on this master timeline ofgetting married, having kids,
you know, and then the Chinesetraditions and stuff.
and that's the thing is that Idon't think I receive a lot of
pressure from my own family, asmuch as other people do other

(33:50):
women, but it's still on my mindfor some reason, because I don't
know because I mean, I do get,you know, some comments here and
there from my family, myextended family even some of my
friends now, I remember Ivisited a place where I grew up
in I was with some old friends Ihaven't seen in awhile.
And I think this was like lastyear.

(34:10):
And they were all ma notmarried, but they were all like
in relationships and, some wereengaged and literally, I was
asked three times that night.
Why am I not.
Why I'm single.
Why am I not in a relationship?
And do I ever think about havingkids?
Like, how come you're notthinking about it now?
Cause I'm old.

Kristy Yee (34:33):
Cause you're old.

Kelli Chu (34:35):
Yeah.
We're getting older and Kelly.
I mean, just the thought that Iwas asked three times that same
night by basically the sameperson and another person.
Cause I answered the first timeand it's not, everyone was like,
not good enough for them.
So then they had to ask meagain.
So just that was mind blowing.
I was like, what's up?
Like why, why do you even care?

(34:56):
And I didn't say that.
I just said my answer.
I was like, I don't feel theneed to.
I don't feel pressure and Idon't feel the need like maybe.
Yeah.
I'm, I'm happy where I am.
I'm single, I'm working on mycareer right now.
if I have kids in the future.
Great.
If I don't, that's great too.
Like I, I'm not, I don't feellike I have to get married and

(35:17):
have kids right away right now.
And I guess that answer wasn'twasn't good enough.
So I just felt really judged.
I felt judged by that person.
And so I was like, Oh, geez, Ican't believe this.
I can't believe I'm stillgetting questions like that.
Especially from like a friend ofmine.
so I do get those comments frommy family too.
And I think now though, BecauseI have support from my mom who

(35:39):
actually like, yeah, shesupports my decisions and stuff
and he doesn't pressure me atall.
she supports me with my otherfamily members and kind of tells
them to kind of leave me alone.
So I kind of had that and itjust.
It got better.
I guess what I'm saying.
as of right now, I don't get asmuch pressure these words in my
ears.
but internally though, I, andfor myself, I do think about it
sometimes to be honest, mastertimeline as I get older.

(36:02):
But I don't believe in it.
I don't believe I don't.
I'm truly don't believe in it.
so I don't know.
I think it's just a strugglethat I have to keep on reminding
myself to that, like, I'm doinggreat.
I'm doing great.
And I still feel this way aboutkids.
Like if I have kids great.
If I, if I don't like, I'm notready for a kid right now, for
sure.
Like, I just want to do my ownthing.

(36:23):
I think it's really important.
For women, especially toaccomplish their own goals and
dreams and take care ofthemselves before they take care
of other people.
that includes being in arelationship too.
I think there's, you know, whenyou're in a relationship, there
has to be individualism, youknow, they have to be, they have
to have their own thing.
That's what I believe.
So that's what I'm trying tofigure out right now you know,
being satisfied with being aloneand discovering my own

(36:46):
individualism.

Angie Yu (36:47):
I love that.
And I really relate as wellbecause same thing, like my mom
also fends off the relativequestions she's off.
She like, like she like sendsthem off.
most of my relatives are back inChina, so in China I became a
leftover women like five yearsago, that's a thing over there.
So she can kind of just blameeverything on the West.

(37:08):
She's like, you know, in theWest women are more focused on
themselves and they don't getmarried till much later.
And then my relatives are justlike, okay, sure, sure, sure,
sure.
Yeah.
So my mom does the same thing.
She supports me as well, but Ireally like, not in my head.
I don't know if you noticed, Iwas really nodding my head when
you were like, it's more of abattle with, and then I was
expecting you to say like myfamily, and then you said myself

(37:31):
and I was like, boom, like.
Yeah.
Like, I feel the exact same way.
Like there isn't, there aren'treally anybody like pressuring
me directly, but I feel like itis a battle with myself as well,
because like, especially duringthe whole COVID thing, like
every time I go onto Facebook, Isee people get engaged.
There's been like, I think Ijust like make it into a game or
something.
Like every time I see anengagement, take a shot, but

(37:56):
yeah, like literally in the lastthree months I saw it.
Countless couples get engaged,which I'm so happy for them
because they're there on theirmind.
They're probably like if wecould survive a pandemic
together, get married, soundedlike the world is ending.
Let's get married.
We don't have to have a bigwedding.
We can save money.
Let's go, whatever their reasonwas like super happy for them.

(38:20):
But I was just like, I think Iwas projecting that.
Pressure onto myself.
Cause every time I saw it, I waslike, should I be doing this?
Do they know something that Idon't know?
Like, is that the way to life?
Like, am I doing it wrong?
So yeah.
I totally like when you said,like it's more of a battle with
myself.
I was like,

Kelli Chu (38:37):
yeah, definitely.
Just, this battle.
Like when I do see stuff likethat, or just my friends having
their second child and, youknow, that's the same age as me.
Like, it's just, it is ringingsome bells in my hand that are
like, Hmm, like, yeah.
Am I supposed to be living thislife?
Or, but then I always say that Ialways revert back and like, no,
no, I don't because I'm notready.

(38:58):
I'm good.
I'm good.
So stop.
Trying to compare, with otherpeople and feeling like you have
to be on their level.
So it's just always that battle.

Angie Yu (39:07):
Yeah.
Need to normalize that internalbattle, I think because you
know, and it's becoming more andmore acceptable.
I know it was definitely a lotharder for women older than us.
Like the older generations tokind of choose a life where they
don't go down the street.
Master timeline.
and for our generation, we justhave to, like, we talk about it.
We're like we will, you know,like modern feminism, we can do

(39:29):
whatever the fuck we want, butwe still have these internal
battles and we still need tonormalize it.
Like it's okay.
Right.
We are sometimes you questionand yourself and it's okay.
That sometimes you have thisinternal, argument in your head,
like, yes, no, yes, no, he hasno cause that's normal, right?
Because we are taught.
Certain things and we try tounlearn them, but we're still a

(39:49):
product of our environment.
We absorb all these things fromour environment.
We see everyone doing thesethings and social creatures.
We're like, should I be doingthe same thing?
So get accepted into this tribeso that I don't get picked off
by the saber toothedtiger, youknow, like, yeah.
Like I think that there'ssomething that I really believe
in as well.
Like we have to normalize thefact that.

(40:10):
Yes.
We know that as women of the20th century and especially in
North America, we're very, veryprivileged where we have had a
lot more, right.
It's been some women in otherparts of the world.
We have a lot more rights thanwomen before us.
and we are grateful.
We are grateful for that.
But it's not perfect.
It doesn't mean that we can justchoose a path and be like live

(40:32):
happily ever after, because weare still going to struggle in
our debate probably forever

Kristy Yee (40:38):
and I think the point about comparison and that
comes up a lot too, right?
Like we all know what we see onsocial media is all curated, but
we can't help.
But compare ourselves.
And because we have such easyaccess, like the phone is in my
hands, like 16 hours a day.
Right.
As most as I try to not go on.
Yeah.
It's sometimes it's asubconscious thing.

(41:00):
My thumbs will justautomatically hit Instagram and
I'm like, Whoa, what am I doing?

Angie Yu (41:08):
this right now.

Kristy Yee (41:12):
It's the whole comparison thing.
I feel like, as millennials, wegrew up being taught, like we
can do whatever we want andwomen empowerment.
The message is louder than everright now, which is great.
So, and I feel like the three ofus really agree with this but
then we also see all the shit onInstagram.
Like people get engaged, peoplegetting married, and then like,
sometimes our families are goingto be like, why are you not

(41:33):
married?
You're going to be an oldspinster.
And then friends are doing thesame thing too.
So we're, we're getting a lot ofthese messaging, mixed
messaging.
And so I almost find it evenharder for women today.
Like as millennials cause we'rein like.
30 late twenties, earlythirties.
Right?
That is even harder for usbecause we're being told

(41:54):
different and things.
And we might, you know what Imean?
Like, whereas maybe in the past,the path seemed more linear
regarding whether or not theywanted to go down those paths.
That's a different story, butthe path was more linear now
it's like, Whoa, there's somany.
Yes coming in.
Yeah.
I don't

Angie Yu (42:14):
know if we have a harder, because it's

Kristy Yee (42:16):
always like subjective, right?
Like, I don't want to

Angie Yu (42:19):
compare to what other woman has kind of gone through
in the past, but there'sdefinitely, I think

Kristy Yee (42:26):
the conflict is different.
It's a different, a very

Angie Yu (42:28):
different conflict because now we're like, people
are like, why are youcomplaining?
Like you can do whatever thefuck you want.
And then it's like, yeah, I knowI can do whatever the fuck I
want.
It doesn't mean that it's likeall dandy and like smooth
sailing and smooth ride.
Right.
I think that's the part whereit's like that internal
struggle.
Like maybe it's just in ourheads.
I don't, I don't know.
Right.
But it is.
Something that we should stillbe allowed to

Kristy Yee (42:50):
do basically.
And so what if it's in ourheads, it is in our heads.
This is an internal conflict,right?
It's like, yes.
Yay.
independent women

Kelli Chu (43:04):
really

Angie Yu (43:04):
dating yourself.
you mean?
Megan thief?
Vallian.
The girl that sings WAP andSavage.
Oh,

Kristy Yee (43:19):
you know what I mean, independent women, but
then we also get similarmessages of like, there's a
biological clock in you.
And I get

Angie Yu (43:28):
mixed messages from myself.
Like I'll like the other day Isaw two toddlers wearing like
matching backpacks and I likenearly cried.
It was just like so cute.
I nearly cried.
I'm like, can I just, can I, canI take one?
You have to take what you haveto.
but then I'm like, wait, I don'twant, I don't want kids right
now.
Like I'm not ready for kidsright now.
So it's just like, okay.
Mixed messages from society andourselves, right?

Kristy Yee (43:52):
Yeah.
And what was I talking about?
I was talking about comparisonand that's the thing, like maybe
some people are ready and likeawesome.
Right?
Yeah.
But then we have to think, like,it's not just, just because
they're already, and they're 30,whatever doesn't mean that I
need to be at that same leveltoo, because you're right.
When I think about kids, I'mlike, first of all, second of

(44:16):
all, it's like, I can not, Ican't, I'm trying to learn how
take care of myself right now.
I'm trying to learn and, youknow, meditate and figure out
what it is that I want.
Right.
Life.
I can't do that.
If there's another.
If there's a parasite.

(44:38):
Wow.

Angie Yu (44:39):
Really loves kids clearly.
Wow.
I apologize to all the parentslistening to this Christy is
obviously biased because shedoes not want kids period.

Kristy Yee (44:52):
But the thing is, even though I say out loud, I
don't want kids.
I still think about, well, whatif I want kids?
Like what if one day I just wakeup and I want kids, and then
it's too late because of myfucking biological clock.

Kelli Chu (45:05):
You know.

Kristy Yee (45:06):
Yeah, totally.
It seems like I'm very adamantabout my choices, even then I
still get these internalconflicts.

Kelli Chu (45:15):
Yeah.
I think it's also because itdeals with like the unknown too.
We don't know anything canhappen.
I always think like, yeah, I saylike, I don't, I'm fine with not
having kids, but then what if Ido meet.
Someone, and then things justshift and change.
And I feel differently aboutkids.
I want to have kids with thisperson, so it's just, I don't

(45:36):
know.
Yeah.
It's just different.
I don't know.

Angie Yu (45:39):
We'll just have to adapt.
You could take it day by day,you know?
yeah, there are technology outthere that can help us extend
our biological capabilities alittle bit nowadays.
They're not great, but they'rebetter than you.
Nothing.
And you can always adopt.
Right.
So my mom is a daycare teacherand she has met a lot of kids

(46:01):
that were the result of IVF orthe result of sperm, donors and
stuff like that.
And she's like, honestly, if youcan't find your own, man, just
go to a sperm donor.
You'll have like the smartestcutest baby ever.
And I'm like, mom and my dad'slike, no, no, no, no, no, no.
She should find a husband.
No, no, no, no.
My mom's like, and then my momtells me like, there's this like

(46:23):
parent who's a surgeon.
And she's like incrediblyintelligent and beautiful, but
she doesn't have the time tofind somebody.
And she ended up going to asperm donor having.
Had a kid and that shit likethat kid, my mom's like she's
the smartest kid she's ever met.
And then that, and then the momlike loved that process so much.

(46:45):
She went back to the same spermdonor and had another kid.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
So there are all types of familysituations out there, right?
Like, yeah, I think it's justabout normalizing it.
And I was skeptical like when mymom told me the story, I'm like,
I don't know if I can do that.
But I think like, I think again,like anything in anything in

(47:05):
life it's just about normalizingit.
Right?

Kelli Chu (47:08):
Yeah.
Totally.
Whatever happens happens andwe'll get to be okay with
whatever happens, happens in thefuture.

Kristy Yee (47:30):
Okay.
I'm just going to slide right inhere right now for some feel
good feedbacks because.
You know, I'm mid editing and Ifeel like it's time for some
feel good feedbacks.
So we have, Nina and Madison.
Who left us a message on iTunesand they say, Love these ladies.
Absolutely love these ladies.

(47:51):
They're banter, conversations,and jokes.
Remind you of any pair offriends getting together for a
good time.
Thank you.
That's what we try to do.
Although they talk about someuncomfortable and serious
topics.
It's always super important andinteresting.
The conversations are full ofinclusions, acceptance and very
relatable.
This podcast is great way tojoin in about normalizing the

(48:12):
mental health conversationscannot wait to join them for
future conversations.
Nina and Madison from weeklywandering podcast also fell.
Pod-casters.
Thank you so much.
Nina and Madison for droppingus.
These lovely comments.
And of course as always.
If you want to share some love,please send us some DMS.
Go on to iTunes.
Leave us a comment.

(48:33):
If you're not on iTunes, jump onto Stitcher.
If you don't use Stitcher, justopen up your.
Browser and, and type somethings in, in the text box
because.
It is awesome to receive thesemessages in whatever medium, but
also it kind of helps with thealgorithm too.
If you leave comments like thisfor the podcast.
Okay.
Back to the episode.

Angie Yu (48:58):
so speaking of moms and because our show is called
shit, we don't tell mom.
Is there something that you'renot telling your mom?

Kelli Chu (49:05):
Hmm.
Gosh, that's, that's hardbecause I am close with my mom.
so I do tell her a lot thething, I don't really talk to
her about, maybe there's liketwo things, two main things.
One of the things is wearing myseatbelt.
since she told me numerous oftimes when I was growing up.
So I think that's kind of likea, a subject I don't like

(49:26):
bringing up or just kind of howI feel about it.
And, and yeah, so that's onething.
but yeah, we don't really talkabout it at all.
And then.
I think the other thing is,which is going to make me sad
again.
But like said when she came toAustralia for me she stayed for
like a couple of months while Idid all my therapy, hand

(49:47):
therapy.
And then, and then we left, butlike she, she was out there
while her, her own mother, mygrandmother was not doing so
well.
health wise and.
She was, you know, on the brinkof, of you know, health wise, it
was just, she, she just wasn'tdoing very well.
And she was about to pass awaybasically.
And she did, she did pass awaythe day before we came back to

(50:14):
the States.
And that day that we came backto the States.
That's when Her siblings, myuncle and aunt, they told her
that mom died and mom justpassed away day before.
They didn't want to tell herbefore a while we were in
Australia.
But that day, like when wearrived, I came back home.
I, and no, just be knowing that,that was one of the deep regrets

(50:35):
mine of like, Oh, like I causedthat.
I caused my mom not to.
Be there when her mother passed,not being able to say goodbye to
her own mother.
That was, that was me.
That was all me.
Cause she was taking care of mein Australia.
And that was just, that wasreally difficult as well.
And I never really talked to herabout it.

(50:56):
yeah, I think I mentioned it, onthat day and she's like, don't
worry about it, obviously.
It's not your fault at all.
but to this day, that's itreally, it really haunts me.
It does.
I don't think about it much, butwhen I do it does haunt me yeah.
So that's one thing that I don'treally talk about with her.
And I don't really want to,

Kristy Yee (51:13):
You don't want to talk to her about this

Kelli Chu (51:15):
Yeah.
I don't, I don't, there's nevera time, I guess, that I would
like to, or would want to.
I, I don't know.
I think, I think now it's beenso long that I don't really
think about it.
yeah,

Angie Yu (51:26):
I think it's something that she doesn't want to talk
about either.

Kelli Chu (51:31):
That's a very good question.
That could, yeah, possibly yeah,because I know that, you know,
she does mention some times thatshe wished she said goodbye
without even thinking about meor the situation or anything,
she would just kind of see apicture of my grandmother and
just kind of mentioned it.
yeah.
So, yeah, I don't know.

Kristy Yee (51:47):
Wow.
Thank you for sharing that

Angie Yu (51:49):
that's

Kristy Yee (51:49):
very difficult I'm sure.

Angie Yu (51:51):
yeah.
And our moms, right?
Like they're just incrediblewomen, incredible people in our
life.
And even if you did talk to herabout her, she'll probably just
try to

Kristy Yee (51:59):
comfort you.

Angie Yu (52:00):
and I, and I understand why I understand why
you don't want to talk to herabout it because you don't
wanna.
Because she she's going to makeit about you, right?
Like, she's going to try tocomfort you and that's of course
what you don't want.
Right.
She's your mommy.
And he's always going to

Kelli Chu (52:16):
put you first.
Yeah.
And she's also the tape likewith her family, they weren't
really open with their feelings,I guess it has to do with the
Chinese, you know, way.
And so, yeah, she's never reallykind of, she is she, I mean, she
is open with her feelings to meand her kids, but you know, with
stuff like that, I don't thinkshe would fully come out and
say, yeah, like you said to herown daughter.

Kristy Yee (52:39):
From both ends from you and from your mom, these
things are really.
Upsetting and uncomfortable totalk about.
And I think that's a big part ofChinese culture just avoiding
talking about feelings.
Cause it's, it's weird, whetherit's love or guilt or regret.
These are powerful emotions andbecause we're not used to

(52:59):
talking about our feelings andit makes it even more super
uncomfortable and awkward and.
No one wants to go throughfeeling those things.
In this hour that we've talked,I feel like we were, we've
gotten to know each other andwe've become really vulnerable.
And you used the word haunting.

Kelli Chu (53:15):
That these

Kristy Yee (53:16):
feelings and these thoughts, haunts you when you do
bring them out, what is athought of even just the thought
of talking to your mom about it?
What, what does that feel likefor you?
Yes.

Kelli Chu (53:29):
I don't know.
It's, it's, it's, it's scary ina way.
I dunno, not scared so much oflike, Oh, I'm going to get.
Like she's going to yell at meor anything like that.
It's just, it's maybe theoverall revisiting it.
And how it went down, how, youknow, we literally got off the
plane and we get this news.
And I just remember Justreliving that moment, I guess

(53:50):
maybe.
And I just remember her, crying,like really crying out loud when
her siblings told her we wereall here and.
yeah, I dunno.
I don't know.
I don't really have a solidanswer, I guess, cause I don't
think about it too much, butyeah.

Kristy Yee (54:03):
We don't always have solid answers.
We're actually a little,

Angie Yu (54:07):
we don't know anything besides that a lot on our
podcasts, like where we don'tknow anything, we have to talk
about it and hopefully find outsome shit.
That is one thing, like ourpodcast advocates for it.
To have uncomfortableconversations because in my
personal experience, havingthese uncomfortable
conversations, especially withmy mom has really improved my

(54:30):
emotional wellbeing and.
I can't speak for her because Idon't know.
Well, the things that she goesthrough, but I can see that she
has become, like, after having afew really, really uncomfortable
conversations with my mom, shehas opened up to me a lot more
and has just like, sometimes I'mlike surprised by the things she

(54:51):
tells me.
Cause I'm like, I never imaginedin a million years that she
would tell her daughter orsomething like that.

Kristy Yee (54:57):
Hmm.
Well, like what

Angie Yu (54:58):
this, like, this is something that she told me, like
just today.
So I don't know if I'm ready toshare yet, but it's like,

Kristy Yee (55:03):
Oh, like it's sit in the discomfort.
Okay.
At this point Angie sharesstory.
About her mom and dad and theirrelationship, but we are not

(55:24):
going to put that out into thepublic because it's, Andrew's
mom's story.
And we want to respect herprivacy, but having said that
though, We're going to keep theconversation going.
So.
Bleep insert something aboutAngie's mom and dad.
Oh, wow.

Angie Yu (55:43):
And my reaction was like, Oh, okay.
I didn't judge her at all.
If anything, I was like, Shit.
Like my mom's normal.
Yeah.
Cause we think of our moms isjust another normal human being
cause she's our goddess.
And I can tell she was reallynervous.
And I was just like, I'm like,that's okay.

(56:05):
That's normal.
And she was like, thanks forunderstanding.
And I was like, yeah, you'rewelcome.
And that awkward.
It wasn't awkward at all.
Like it was a very, very smoothconversation.
It was very like, she wasvulnerable with me because I
have been so vulnerable with herover this past year, everything

(56:26):
with everything else that shehas felt comfortable being
vulnerable with me.
I mean, it doesn't happenovernight, but.
I mean, yeah, like it's, it'sit's I don't, I don't know where
that conversation is going totake us, but yeah.
Right.
Like what a uncomfortable thingto hear from your own mother.

Kristy Yee (56:43):
But I also feel like, I mean, I, again, I can't
speak for you or your mom, butif I were in either one of your
shoes, I would have all thesepreconceived thoughts of how the
conversation would go down.
Yeah.
You know, like, Oh God, it'sgoing to be so weird to talk
about it.
Oh, it's going to be so awkward,you know?
So you kind of set yourself up,but then it turns out that it

(57:03):
really wasn't.
Yeah.
What you may have, it would be,and I'm like, it's

Angie Yu (57:09):
totally normal.
And no matter what ourrelationship with our mothers
are, whether they're good or notgreat.
whether we like it or not, theydo have a role as a role model
for us, whether that's a biginfluence or a small influence
there is influence for sure.
And hearing that from her justmade me go, well, fuck.
I have a really long time tolive even if I'm married for

(57:31):
like 30 years, like the marriageis not perfect and you're still
going to encounter these likeweird emotional bumps in a
relationship and it just made mego, like, it just shatters all
these illusions I had aboutlove, which I think is very
healthy.
Right.
Because shatters all theseunhealthy expectations about.

(57:53):
Relationships romanticrelationships.
And the more my mom has sharedwith me about her personal life,
the less disillusioned, I guess,I don't know, like the less.
Less of a hopeless romantic.
I am like, my perspective onlove and on relationship has
really matured as therelationship between my mother

(58:15):
and I have matured because now Ikind of know what to do, expect.
Like people say all the time,like you have to focus on
yourself in a relationship.
You cannot lose yourself into arelationship.
You have to work on arelationship, but like you can
say all those things as much asyou want.
But until you get there and youhave to do the work, you don't
really know the details of it,but then hearing it from like, I

(58:35):
don't know, for my parents.
Cause they're like the primeexample of what a relationship,
maybe not prime is not the word.
They're the primary example, notprime, not prime at all example,
like to me of what arelationship could look like.
And I've always been very like,Oh, I don't want to get married.
Like, I don't know if I everwant to get married because

(58:57):
marriage doesn't look great.
But now that I'm understandingtheir marriage more, I'm like
more open to the idea of amarriage because I'm like, it
doesn't matter what mydefinition of marriages.
It depends on me and the personwho wants to marry me, which is,
you know, if you're out thereholla at your girl,

Kristy Yee (59:18):
Slide into that DM.

Angie Yu (59:20):
Yeah.
yeah again it goes back to ourlike conversation about this
master timeline.
Like I think like, it seems tome I don't know, sorry, Kelly.
I don't know if you mentionedit.
Are your parents still

Kelli Chu (59:31):
together?
Yeah, yeah,

Kristy Yee (59:33):
yeah.
Right.

Angie Yu (59:34):
Yeah.
And you said you're a veryfamily oriented person.
and you're now you're reallyclose with your mom.
So you do see your family aslike.
You have that belief that like,they're happy, that's something
that you would want one day.
So the conflict of your battlewith like, Hey, do I want my own
kids or not?
I think that's where that battlecomes from, because you're like,
well, I kind of want one.
My parents have.

(59:54):
Yeah.
But I also kind of don't

Kristy Yee (59:57):
right.

Kelli Chu (59:58):
I mean,

Kristy Yee (59:58):
I'm just not ready for that right now.

Kelli Chu (01:00:00):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, even with my oldersiblings, you know, they're
married and.
My sister has two kids, youknow, and she has that
lifestyle, like, you know, ahouse and with like, yeah, two
little ones running around andlike, you know, married, happy,
you know, just all that.
And, but I think, yeah, when Isee, when I see those things,

(01:00:24):
not even with my family, but insociety Yeah.
Yeah.
I just kind of see that as anexample, like you said of like,
Oh, could I have that?
Should I have that?
So all those questions again,kind of come into play.
yeah, but then like, but then,you know, when I was thinking
about when you were speakingabout your mom, but in this

(01:00:44):
vision of this perfectrelationship or whatnot, I was
thinking about like how I seewhat you think is a perfect
relationship, and then theydivorced or something, or it's
not as pretty as they displayit, that they have been having
issues or whatnot.
Like I've seen that.
And that, honestly, that kind ofmakes me feel, there's not a
perfect picture.

(01:01:05):
to follow or to guide from, toguide, you know, and I don't
know what I'm trying to say, butI mean, is that, that makes
sense.

Angie Yu (01:01:13):
Basically.
We're scared.
I think like we see.
like a couple and that they seemperfect, but then, you know,
they're not, cause everyonetalks about how, like it's never
what it seems.
And then there's a lot ofissues.
And then like, we're like, well,fuck out of this.
This is too much work.
I don't know.
Maybe if, I think like, yeah.
Yeah.
I think when it comes down tolike the fear of unknown, like
marriage doesn't guarantee tolast and it doesn't guaranteed

(01:01:37):
doesn't guarantee happiness.
You still have to work for yourown happiness.
And I think at the end of theday, yeah, again, fear of the
unknown.
It's scary.
Same thing with kids.
It's scary.
To be honest,

Kristy Yee (01:01:46):
it's just,

Angie Yu (01:01:47):
like you said, like maybe you're not ready, but I
don't even know if we could everbe ready to bring another human
being into this world, but, youknow

and take a day by day to that.
That's a good takeaway.
Cause it keeps coming up, takingit day by day.
Kelly, I wanted to ask you forfolks who are trying to learn
how to take it day by day, andlike, you know, overcoming
whatever struggles that they maybe overcoming.
What kind of advice would yougive for folks who are trying to

(01:02:16):
learn how to take it day by day?
Or a better, the question iswhat would you say to yourself?
What would you say to Kelly 10years ago

Kelli Chu (01:02:25):
to take a day how to take it day by day?
I think what I mean, I just, italways goes back to what I said
earlier, which was just.
I think what you guys said too,is just gratitude, being, being
grateful and grateful for, Idon't know the circumstances of
now that you're, you know, justthe fact that, you know, if it
was me, I'm that I'm healthy.

(01:02:45):
And I have this whole day that Ican make.
Anything into, I guess, a newversion of myself that anything
can happen just within that day.
and just look forward to that,just be focusing on that and
really, you know, just beinghopeful, being hopeful for the
day.
not like in the future, notlike, you know, tomorrow, just
be hopeful for the day and seewhat, see what happens.

(01:03:08):
I think it's always, you know,the mindset just.
Switching, our mindset learning,practicing that to focus on the
possitive you know,understanding that there are
negatives or if you're nothaving a great day or something
goes wrong.
Understanding the challengethere, even to understanding
that it's there, don't ignoreit, but don't allow it to

(01:03:28):
consume you during the day beaware of it, but then also know
that.
No, and understand that there'salways a hopeful sign at the end
or there's a solution to it.
and just focusing, yeah, justfocusing on that.
I think I would, yeah.

I love it.
That's so good.
I had, we had such a great timetalking to you today.
Where can our listeners find youand more of the stuff that
you're doing, especially causeyou're writing a memoir and your
blog.

Kelli Chu (01:03:55):
Yeah.
So yeah, I'm still working on mymemoir and that's about the
accident itself and before theaccident and the accident, my
time in the hospital and even alittle bit after the accident,
but that's okay.
Something I'm still working on.
but my, I do have that blog.
It's called living aftersurviving and that's just, you
know, just little posts of, ofmy insights, of, the aftermath

(01:04:18):
of my accident.
What are the lessons I'velearned, what I've learned about
myself, about the world, about,you know, society in general.
so that's where you can find meon my blog and then.
And then, I'm on Instagram myhandle is ms.
Chu, where you can follow methere and on my journey with
motivational speaking as well.
So yeah.

And we will link all of that into the show notes.
And one day when you do publishthat, we will also link that
into the show notes.
And of course we're going to be,yeah, of course.
Thank you so much for taking thetime with us and just chatting
and.
Yeah.
Like I'm so much closer to you.
Like I just gained a new friend.

Kelli Chu (01:04:58):
Oh no, this was really lovely.
I've never been, so it's reallynice to be open and honest and
have these deep conversationsthat I think that, you know, we
should have more of, you know,in society.
So I really thank you guys forthis opportunity and just
meeting you guys are great.
You can do so fun.

Well, thanks again.
Thank you.
We'll talk to you soon allright, bye.

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