26. Authenticity, Trauma Triggers, and Sex for Validation ft. Lisa Sam-Townsend

Episode Transcript
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Lisa Sam-Townsend (00:00):
Okay.

(00:00):
So I will probably swear a lot.
I know you guys will be allgood, but I just thought I'd
throw that out there anyways.

Angie Yu (00:05):
Yeah.

Kristy Yee (00:05):
We always give our guests

Angie Yu (00:07):
that warning.

Yeah.

Angie Yu (00:09):
He actually encourages.

Kristy Yee (00:11):
We always have to remember every time we publish,
like make sure we hit.
Explicit.
Otherwise we're going to getflagged.

Angie Yu (00:17):
Yeah.

Yeah.

Kristy Yee (00:44):
Welcome to another episode of shit.
We don't tell mom this Christie.
This is Angie today.
We have Lisa, Sam Townson withus all the way from Edmonton.
we're going to add, we're goingto get deep and have a good
conversation.
So Lisa, you also have apodcast.

there's like two episodes.
It's one of those things wherelike, During quarantine, you're
just like, Oh, I'm going to dothis and this and this.
Right.
And I'm also very impulsive.
So I'm like, why not?
And then like, pod fade is atotally thing, you know?
Like you just like start a fewepisodes and then you fade out.
But that doesn't mean I'm.
I still want to do that, but youknow, a lot of shit going on.

(01:24):
Actually my thing, like I'm likeobsessed with Biographies
autobiographies and I lovehearing other people's stories.
Books and podcasts have beensuch a savior for me.
So I think one of the things Istruggle with my podcast, it's
like, I was like, Oh, I want totell my stories, but it's kind
of like, you can sit there andjust talk about yourself by
yourself.
So one day, one day, like Isaid, you guys are an

(01:45):
inspiration.
I'm like, Oh, I'm like, this iswhat I could be doing right now.

Angie Yu (01:48):
And like we said, in our podcasts, like everything
just kind of.
The universe knows when you'reready.
Cheesy as that sounds,

it sounds like, you know, like the
universe works in mysteriousways.
Like it's true.
I think the most important thingis to not force things and

Kristy Yee (02:05):
also like, just do you,

that's really interesting because, okay.
So when blogs were like popularI was going through a phase.
I was going through like somedifficult times and I'm like,
I'm going to start blogging.
Cause I was falling all thesebloggers, but that kind of just
boiled down to be like, Oh, Iwant to do what everyone else is
doing, you know?
And so just do you it's funnycause.
I would sign my blog just to youand everything will fall into

(02:30):
place.
And that has been kind of themodel of my life in so many
different ways.
like I'm a nail tech.
So my business registeredbusiness name is actually just
do you.
I have just a, you tattooed onme.
And it's just a reminder of justdo what makes you happy.
The saying just to you wasn't assignificant to me then as it is
now.
Cause it means so much more inso many different aspects of my

(02:53):
life, so yeah.

Angie Yu (02:54):
You know, when you hear things like.
Life is a journey you're like,well, okay.
That makes sense.
Like logically all these quoteunquote cheesy quotes make a lot
of sense, but it's not untilyou've actually truly felt it
emotionally like

Kristy Yee (03:07):
internalize it.
Right.
Otherwise it's just kind of likebullshit with glitter

on it.
Reflection is very importanttoo.
Right?
You're like, Oh you know,everything happens for a reason.
You're like, okay, whatever.
But what that means to me now isthat anything that happened,
Oprah said it best things don'thappen to you.
They happen for you

Kristy Yee (03:27):
The term, just to you means so much more now in so
many different ways.
Could you give us some examples?

Well, you know what they say, you just got
to stop giving too many fucks,and I found that in the last
couple of years I become moregenuine, authentic, and not in
who I am and not so much whatother people.
Think I should be who I shouldbe unlike, falling into being
boxed in, into a category, likewhat does it mean to be a good

(03:53):
child growing up in an Asianfamily?
For example, you guys know verywell, what I'm talking about.
and even like, as a nail tech,one thing I really struggled
with In the more recent years, Iwould watch YouTube videos.
Like binge-watch like all hours.
I was obsessed.
It's all I can think about.
But it got to a point where Iwas just like, how do I grow my
business?
How do I grow my business?

(04:14):
But I didn't realize that myidea of success was what I was
seeing on social media.
And then I was like, wait, I'mlike, that's not me.
So I dabble, I dabble in like,you know, like once in a while,
like I do recreational drugs.
And so one thing that happenedto me that was really, really
eye opening for me was how,that's not the life I want to

(04:35):
live.
Like, yeah, I love doing nails,but that doesn't mean I want to
go do nails fly across the worldand do nails for celebrities.
Like, that's just not my thing.
Right.
And so it's just a matter ofjust really thinking, like
what's going to make what makesme happy as opposed to what.
Other people think I should bedoing.
Cause people meet me and theyhave a perception of me.

(04:56):
I was on an acid trip and I hadjust had a real epiphany about
like boxes boxes kept coming tome.
And I was just like, man, I livein this box when it comes to
like life in my family.
I live in this box when it comesto my professional world.
And even like life at home, likemy living situation I live, I
live with my inlaws.
And so I don't necessarily haveall the personal space that I

(05:17):
wish I had.
And so that was another box.
I felt like every aspect of mylife, I had to be like in a neat
tidy box, you know what I mean?
It was after that.
And I was like, man, I'm like,no, I'm like, I'm just going to
everything I'm going to do.
I'm just going to do, do fromlike, because like intention,
right?
Like do it.
Like, because I want to like,out of love, not because people

(05:38):
are expecting me to do it orlike, Oh, Hey, like, you know, I
got to buy this, the newestdesigner bag because that's what
people do, but that's totallynot me.

Kristy Yee (05:48):
And it's so easy to fall into that.
Because you know, you open it upon social media, but then also
your family would contribute tothat.
Cause my mom is so she will, shewants to have those handbags
because it's a status symbol orwhatever, right.
Yeah.
Without even thinking likeyou're, you're getting all these
messagings from everywhere.
So it's easy to just kind offall into that trap of what

Angie Yu (06:09):
other people

Kristy Yee (06:11):
tell you, what successes

Angie Yu (06:12):
or tell you what

Kristy Yee (06:13):
you should be doing in life.
So you have to like, soconsciously sit in.
Okay.
Check in.
Is that really what I want todo?
Like is that really gonna makeme happy?

I think the one thing that quarantine has
really.
Force people to do is kind oflike sit back and reflect on.
What's really important.
And for me, I'm just like, okay,like what is my idea of
successful, like business andlike personal professional and
personal and it's It's likeabout a work life balance,
right?
Like, you know, people are likeall about the hustle.
Like you want to hustle, youwant to work your ass off those

(06:48):
late nights and do all that byall means, you know, but for me,
that's not what I'm about andthat's not the life I'm thriving
for.
So I guess like, just to you,it's just like, yeah.
I mean, it's very broad butbasically it's just pretty much
like, do what makes you happyand not.
What not trying to fulfill whatother people's ideas are of what

(07:09):
you should be doing.

Angie Yu (07:10):
And it's so much easier than say, cause even when
we have been through thatjourney, cause I'm the same,
like I'm still trying to figureout what makes me happy.
And so that phrase like that,even for me, like just a year or
like fluff yourself or focus onyourself, do it's your life live
it for yourself?
Do what makes you happy?
I still get confused sometimesbecause I'm like, I don't know

(07:32):
if.
I want this one, because I thinkthat society thinks I want this.

I think that's where boundaries is so
important, Like boundaries,whether it's like with setting
boundaries with your mom.
And sometimes it's harderbecause you live with her.
but it's just so important tojust, you know, do what is true
to you.
And.
I make it sound a lot moresimple than it is, but I just
truly was like, you know what?
I'm going to do things from theheart because I want to not,

(08:01):
because I feel like I have to,or I feel obligated to.

Angie Yu (08:04):
Was there a pivotal, was there like an event that
kind of.
that Pushed you towards thatjourney of like finding what
makes you happy?
Like what was there a pivotalmoment where you go,

Kristy Yee (08:15):
I need to stop doing shit

Angie Yu (08:16):
for other people and I just start doing shit for
myself.

So aside from that acid trip, by the way, I
was thinking about this and Iwas just like, you know, I
noticed in the last few years,I've changed a lot.
Like, just like the way I seethings and carry myself.
So for example my girlfriendsand I, when we used to travel,
like, I remember like we weregoing to Spain and we're like,

(08:41):
Oh, what does everybody wear?
You know, like we have to likebe on trend and blah, blah,
blah.
Right.
So like, When I was going to NewYork, I think, I can't remember
last summer, the summer beforewith my husband, I was like, Oh,
I'm going to shop for some newclothes.
I'm like, what do people in NewYork where I'm like, wait, I'm
like, why am I going to buyclothes?
Just to impress people in NewYork?
Like, first of all, like theydon't fucking know me, so they

(09:02):
probably don't even care.
And second of all, I'm like, whydon't I just wear what I
normally wear?
You know?
And then I bought, I had theshirt made and it said, YAG.
Why EG on it, right.
To represent Edmonton in NewYork.
And my husband's like, Oh, he'slike, that's cool.
I like that.
And he was kind of impressed,like Oh, where did that come
from?
So I've been married almost fouryears.

(09:23):
I think this, the switching memay have happened when, after we
got married because I was alwaysthe person to chase guys like
I'm always if I meet somebodyI'm like, Oh, maybe he's my next
boyfriend.
But after getting married, Isaid to my husband, I'm like,
you're not going anywhere.
I'm just going to do me becauselike, I don't need to be

(09:43):
impressing people.
And I guess a part of mesubconsciously was maybe
impressing him as well.
Although I know I don't need tocause he's already impressed by
me, but, but I, I don't know.
I think.
When I think back and I waslike, maybe like, you know,
like, Hey, I'm married.
I don't have to worry aboutlike, impressing, other people,

(10:04):
because he's not going to goanywhere.
And now I'm anchored and I amfree to be myself because he's
not going anywhere.
Not that I was ever afraid oflike losing him, but I think
subconsciously like, You knowwhat I mean?
He'll secure.
I

Angie Yu (10:17):
think, because you feel secure, you feel like
you're secure enough to beyourself.
Like, you know, and when you areyourself, like he was so
impressed that you were this YEGshirt and when you're
authentically yourself, likehe's just like madly, falling in
love with you again,

And it's always, you think it's gradual,
but when you look back, thenyou're like, Oh, that's what
happened.
Or like, you know, that's when Inoticed the shift, but when
you're in it, you don't reallythink about it.

Angie Yu (10:45):
We grew up, especially like, you know, in Chinese
culture and a lot of Asiancultures and a lot of other non
Asian cultures as well.
Like there's so much emphasis onface and decorum and because
that's how we're raised.
It's really hard for us tolisten to ourselves.
Like you said, like, sometimesit's just about the listening to
your own intuition and listeningto your own feelings.

(11:07):
but because we're raised withlike all these people telling us
what to do, and then you becomean adult and you're like, why,
why is no one telling me,telling me what to do?
Tell me what to do.
And then you're like, shit.
I have to tell myself what todo.
And then that's when you'relike, okay, do I trust this
feeling?
Do I trust that feeling and allthese feelings that you used to
ignore?
Because you're like, Oh, well, Ijust did what society told me to
do.
And now you're like, shit.

(11:28):
I have to like, listen tomyself.
And that's, that's a really hardthing to do.

I think a lot of it has to do with like
unlearning all the things that,you know, you, the only thing
you knew growing up, right?
I mean, I Grew up being such apeople pleaser, if you invited
me to three birthday parties inone night, I would go to all
three of them to make anappearance.
And I remember one night I saidto my husband, like, I don't
want to go.
And he's like, then don't.
And I was like, Oh, it's thatsimple?

(11:52):
Like, cause you feel obligatedif you don't want to go, don't
go.

Kristy Yee (11:57):
There's that option?

Angie Yu (11:58):
You can say,

you can say no.
Yeah, for sure.

Angie Yu (12:02):
I think that's so funny.

Kristy Yee (12:04):
Oh crap.

Angie Yu (12:04):
What was my train of thought?

Funny, I go off on tangents.
I'm like, what was theirquestion again?
I

Angie Yu (12:12):
do the same, like, I don't know if you noticed, but
like when we first startedrecording, Kristy used to have
to be like, all right, Angie,I'm just going to pull you back.
Like, cause I do the same thing.
Like I'm the same as you, like,I get bored really easily.
I have a budget and hobbies allgoing on at the same time.
And Christie was always like,okay, edgy can just come here.
Like, Oh, I remember now.

(12:32):
So I think that's actually areally incredible of you to be
so introspective when you'rereading and when you're
listening to these podcasts,you're like, Oh, like you're,
you're putting yourself in thatshoe and trying to see what
lessons you can take away.
It's a great trait and and thattrade you money cannot buy.

So like growing up, I've always
considered myself, you know, theterm, like banana, right.
And I always had Caucasianfriends and it wasn't until
listen to your podcast andAngela's podcast that I was just
like, you know, like gettingperspectives from the Asian
side.
And then I was just like, Ohshit.
And it like forced me to reallykind of like dig deep as to why

(13:10):
I didn't embrace, embrace myAsian side.
And I think like at a young ageI felt Alienated from my family
in a way, because I had divorcedfamily.
Like my parents, my family wasthe only one that was divorced.
And my mom was a black sheep.
And then in turn, I was theblack sheep.
But it wasn't until likelistening to stories from other

(13:31):
Asian perspectives that itforced me to reflect and that's
why we do this.
When we share our stories.
Like, I mean, it's cliche, butif you can help one person,
like, would that be worth it?
Right.
And know that you're helping atleast one person here.

Kristy Yee (13:45):
When we first started this podcast.
When I first invited Angie to myhouse in my kitchen, I'm like,
yo, you want to do a podcast?
What is our goal?
Like, cause I'm very like, okay,what are we doing?
What is our purpose?
My thing was like, okay, let'sboth write it down separately

Angie Yu (14:02):
and then we'll

Kristy Yee (14:03):
talk to each other about it.
Cause I didn't want to bias theother person.
And then we ended up in similarway saying we just want to help
one person.
Like if one person was able totake our story and then feel
like they've been heard or feelthat it's okay to go to therapy
or feel that they're not alonein this world.

(14:23):
That's all we wanted was to havethat message hit some one, this
one person's heart.

Angie Yu (14:30):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Thank you.
For saying that because yeah,now I feel all warm and fuzzy
and my hands are sweating.

(14:58):
Chatting with you, Lisa.
Like, I could tell, like, Idon't know how to put this
nicely, but I can tell you'vebeen through some shit because
there's this, like, there's thisidea that like people who are
very introspective who are veryempathetic because they have
been through some shit they'relike, I would never want her to
another human being becausebeing hurt, like that is just
the worst feeling in the world.

(15:18):
Yeah.
And I, this burning question onmy mind and is like your
relationship with your mom,like, what are you not telling
your mom?

Well, so really set boundaries with my
mom.
I'm the oldest of four comesfrom a divorced family.
So I was pretty much like, youknow, the second parent, right.
And I'm with my mom.
like I say, like out of the fourof us, I have the strongest
relationship with her, but I'vealso really had to put
boundaries up.
Cause it got to a point where wewere in the same room and she
would be telling me.

(15:48):
What I shouldn't be should, andshouldn't be doing with my life.
And then I would get into itwith her about hers.
And we both were like, Hey, howabout you just mind your
business and all my, mybusiness.
I'm like, okay, cool.
So she hits me up.
She's like, Hey, can you pick upgroceries from them?
Like, sure.
She's like, just leave it on theback step.
Oh my out.
You know?
but with my mom Okay, hold on.
Kleenex.

(16:09):
I'll need this.
my relationship with my mom Iused there used to be a lot of
resentment, but you know,through, I guess those like
start early on.
I moved out in early age at like19, because I was partying a lot
and she's like, stop cheatingthis place, like a hotel.
I'm like, okay, I want to moveout.
See ya.
so I don't have a super closerelationship with my mom, but I
do have a relationship with hersister.

(16:30):
I'll go to her house and she'llshare plant clippings, or she'll
be like, Oh, you want somelunch?
And I remember sitting down withher for lunch and I asked her
I'm like, what was my mom like,what was your life like?
Cause we're Chinese fromVietnam.
And I was like, what was yourlife like growing up, like
living in the country with likeone of 12 kids, you know?
And so she started just sayinglike, Oh, grandma was like

(16:52):
grandma and grandpa was superstrict.
And your mom Your grandma andgrandpa actually let mom move
into the city to go to school inthe city, to live with my great
grandma.
And I was like, Oh, how does shemeet my dad?
And then so she's like, I don'tknow if you know, but the reason
your parents got married wasbecause she was pregnant with
you.
And to some people they'll belike, Oh fuck, I was an

(17:14):
accident.
But I was just like, for me, Iwas just like, she got married
because she was pregnant withme.
I think she was like 22.
And then it was just like thislight bulb.
And I was just like, I was like,okay.
So I realized that because shewas married at such a young age
when she wasn't in love and shewasn't ready to be a mom that
when my parents divorced, youknow, at the time I was like,

(17:36):
Oh, my mom is choosing men overme over her children.
But I realized now that like,she was a child herself when she
had me.
And so she never got to live anyof that.
And as soon as the opportunityarose, like that's what she did,
you know, she's like, Hey, likemy kids are older now.
And like, you know, I'm going todate and like, whatever.

(17:57):
And and I also realized like,Hey, the way my grandparents
raised and they raised.
With an iron fist.
And I think it's not uncommon inthe Asian culture to do that.
and I was just like, Oh shit.
Okay.
that explains a whole lot, youknow, I kind of fell in her
footsteps in the sense that Iwas chasing men as well to fill
that void.
And I stopped holding a grudge,against my mom, like a long time

(18:20):
ago when I was listening to apodcast and the rock was talking
about his relationship with hisdad he was talking about how, he
realized that his dad raised himand loved him the best way he
knew how.
And that really stuck with me.
I'm like my mom didn't know anydifferent.
She didn't have that example.
Like how would she know to raiseme that way with love and like

(18:42):
in a healthy family and all ofthat, you know?

Kristy Yee (18:44):
Have you ever had a conversation with mom about all
of this?

Yes, but there's that language barrier,
right?
So like she was asking me, wewere in the car listening to
radio and they're talking aboutanxiety.
She's like, what does anxietymean?
I'm like, I don't know how toexplain it too.
And yeah, I mean, I've had theseconversations, I've told her,
like I used to do drugs all thetime and like, you know, like,

(19:10):
even like my, you know, pastwith like abuse and stuff like
that.
I mean, I don't want to say allshe had to say, but her response
was like, I'm really sorry, butI don't think she really knows
what she's apologizing for.
I don't think she reallyrealizes like how her actions,
how our upbringing has affectedus as adults and why we have an,

(19:30):
a strange relationship with her,I mean, as an adult, I'm like
come to terms with everythingand like no longer holds
resentment.
And so I'm like, yeah, I'll tellher everything, but she doesn't
really, really understand.
So I'm kinda like, okay, that'sfine.
I think though, it's moreimportant that I understand
where she was coming from and Ifind peace with that.

Kristy Yee (19:52):
Yeah.
I think the fact that you'reable to not hold a grudge
against your mom.
And like you said, you're ableto find that peace with it.
I think that's the mostimportant because.
As much as communication isimportant, we can't change
another person or theirperspectives.
And language barrier is a hugething.

(20:13):
I totally relate.

Yeah.
And another thing too is likewith like with the resentment.
I mean, I mean, I'm sure you'veheard it before, but I forgave
for me.
So I can find peace with myselfand not constantly have that
eating away at me.
They say like, you control yourthoughts and then therefore you
control your life.
Right.
So for me, I'm like, why would Igive another person power over

(20:38):
that?
And it really sucked like allthe shit that I went through,
but like, I'm here today.
I'm here now and I'm better.
I feel like I'm a better personfor it.
I didn't, I didn't.
Forgive her, because I felt likeI should forgive her.
I did it because I needed somepeace in my life.

Kristy Yee (20:54):
Yeah.
Like you, you didn't forgive herfor her.
You forgive her for yourself.

Yup.
Absolutely.
I

Kristy Yee (21:00):
Lisa, you mentioned going through some abuse.
Hmm.
Are you comfortable going intosome details about that?

Yeah, totally.
So, I mean, you know, the termdaddy issues, right?
So I didn't have that male rolemodel in my life.
And my mom was a single mom atthe time she had three kids and
she was working two jobs.
so my mom would have likebabies, right.
And so I would stay at thebabysitter's house and she had
three grown sons and yeah.
And so I was looking foraffection and I didn't, I was

(21:31):
too young to know.
I honestly don't, I don't evenremember how old I was like,
maybe like 11, 12.
yeah, I was looking foraffection and I was getting
affection, like.
and then it kind of led to like,you know, chasing boys when I
was in school and then like, youknow, having relationships with
men that were like way too oldfor me.
I mean, they say trauma comesfrom like growing up and that's

(21:55):
just one of many, I mean, therewas like sexual abuse.
There was physical abuse andyeah, it's really interesting
because like I knew that goingin into this conversation and
that would be like, you know,that is a, definitely a topic
that would come up and I didn'treally know how I was going to
dress it, or, but I guess if youhad more specific questions that

(22:16):
might help a little

Angie Yu (22:18):
bit.

Kristy Yee (22:18):
Where are the, the abuse, all the different types
of abuse.
Was that coming from the menthat you had relationships with?

Actually, the men that I had relationships
with?
no, there was, I mean, All thesexual abuse I experienced was
at a young age.
And then I mean, and then Ibecame sexually active at a very
young age.
it's because, that's all, I knewhow to get affection, get
attention from men specifically.
Right.

(22:46):
And Yeah.
And I never like physically, soabuse, no like physical abuse,
Kate disclaimer, like the sexualabuse was never anyone in my
family.
and physical abuse, like I said,like my grandma parents ruled
with an iron fist growing up.
Right.
And so that's all my mom knew.
And so, one of my earliestmemories.

(23:07):
Is like being physically abusedand it's really interesting
because it wasn't, like, Ialways knew that was a thing
that, but it wasn't until likemaybe a year ago that I actually
like was watching something andon TV and like got like hardcore
triggered by.
And I was just like, I waswatching rustling of all things
and.
Yeah, I don't, it's really, youknow, I knew I was like open to

(23:29):
have this conversation.
I totally am, but I'm just kindalike, I don't really know where
to go with that.

Angie Yu (23:35):
So for myself, like

Kristy Yee (23:37):
it's, it's

Angie Yu (23:38):
weird, right?
Because.
Growing up here, like, I'veheard a lot of stories of people
who were born and raised hereand they were, you know,
physically punished by theirparents.
And a lot of people are like,they just brush it off.
Like, yeah, that's just the way,like, you know, our parents do
it and I'm always like, Hmm.
Yeah.
I guess we all like repressed ita little bit or suppress it a
little bit.
Cause we don't really want tothink that our parents did it

(24:00):
out of hate.
Like did it out of any negativeintentions, right?
Like we, we try to rationalizeour parents' behavior, but it
doesn't take away the pain.

Oh.
Not

Angie Yu (24:12):
from me.
Like, I.
Yeah, my, my mom used todiscipline me a lot.
My, my dad never disciplined.
He's just like the most chillperson ever.
But my mom did all thediscipline planning because my
dad never put any effort intoraising me.
So my mom used to discipline mea lot in China.
And then when we moved toCanada, she stopped because she

(24:34):
was told that it's not allowedin Canada.

So she stopped

Angie Yu (24:36):
it immediately.

Kristy Yee (24:37):
I mean, it's not allowed, not allowed yet social
services could knock them down,but like growing up, like, you
know, we're not gonna sayanything about it.
And like, I remember one of myearliest memories was.
Like, I mean early where I don'tthink I could walk, so it's kind
of in and out.
So I remember this was when mymom and dad were still living
together.

(24:58):
My mom had me in her arms andwhat I remember was my dad.
He took the telephone, likethose big honking things back in
the early nineties.
And he took it and he like threwit at me who is in my mom's
arms.
So I don't really know if youthrew it

Angie Yu (25:13):
at me or at her.

Kristy Yee (25:14):
Right.
And then started like, try tobeat the shit out of her while
she's holding me.
And then she had to run out ofthe house and go across the
street to the neighbors and liketake refuge there.
And that's one of my earliestmemories of my parents together
because I don't have a lot ofmemories of them together
because.
They divorced when I was reallyyoung

and you thought it was normal to live in
separate houses.

Angie Yu (25:39):
And

Kristy Yee (25:39):
so, you know, like, I don't.
I like, I don't know what thedetails of your physical abuse
was, but I just remember beingbeaten by my dad is normal.
Like it's a normal thing.
Yeah.
You know, and then my mom wouldalso, she would hit me as well,
but like, she will take like, Idunno, rulers or whatever, and

(25:59):
like smack me as part ofdiscipline.
My dad, I think because he wasstruggling a lot in his own like
mental issues.
I think sometimes he was justtaking out anger at me.
So they were different types ofphysical abuse, but there was
always like some sort ofbeating, punching, slapping
Using props,

and like a feather duster.

Kristy Yee (26:21):
Oh, okay.
Mom does feather, dusters andrulers at home.
I remember I had these flags,like my dad had these.
It was really weird.
He had them like a Taiwan flag,like a cat, and it was the end

Angie Yu (26:34):
of the flag, the pole

Kristy Yee (26:35):
on the flag.
He would take that and he wouldsmack me with it or he would
take his belt.
He would like, and smack me withthe belt.
my mom did a lot of feather,dusters, rulers and coat
hangers.

For me it was never like for no reason.
I mean the first, the earliestmemory I have.
About like getting beat was mymom sleeping and I took my mom's
change purse and me and mylittle sister, or went across
the street, I go to the storeand then we would come back, eat
all our candy and then go back.
But I lock the keys in the houseone time.

(27:07):
And then, so her disciplining mewas a way of like teaching me,
like, Hey, don't steal.
You know, and like, yes, thereare better ways to go about
that, but that's all she knew.
Right?
Like, and I don't think I knewthe word for this at the time,
like anxiety, but I remembergoing to a friend's house and I
opened her fridge and a basketof raspberries fell on the
floor.

(27:27):
I was so apologetic.
I was like, Oh my God, I'm sosorry.
And she's like, Lisa.
They're just raspberries.
And I was just like, Oh my God.
Because growing up, like thatwould be a big deal.
In terms of abuse, like myparents had a very volatile
relationship.
Like there was always constantlyyelling and you know, you're
talking about like, He nevertook it out on me, but he would

(27:50):
like, we used to have thesecoffee tables, those old school,
coffee tables with glass tops.
He smashed them all.
And it's just like, you know,and it's really interesting.
Cause like I mentioned, I livewith my inlaws and they never
fight if their voice ever goesup.
Like if I've ever hear that tonein their voice, it gives me
instant anxiety.
And it brings me back to what itwas like listening to my parents

(28:12):
because it's been so long.
Since I've heard that, but evennow to hear it, it's crazy.
It's crazy.

Kristy Yee (28:20):
Yeah.

Angie Yu (28:21):
That's like, I don't like brooms for the exact same
reason.
I never had a broom in my house.
When I live with my ex, he.
Bought a broom to sweep thebalcony.
And I was just like so pissedoff about it.
And he was just like, it's justa broom, but it's because my
grandma used to chase me aroundwith a broom to hit me.
And I I'm very fortunate becausemy parents are.

(28:43):
they're they were never thatphysical with me.
Like my mom never used a prop.
She would, she would hit me withher hand, but then it didn't
hurt.
So she just started pinching me.
Yeah.
Like, like grabbing my, I saw itand then like twisting it.
And that was like her way ofpunishing me.
And I was never punished fordoing anything like.
Stealing or anything like that,because if I did do anything

(29:04):
like that, I would always getaway with it.
Like I was a smart kid and I waslike a smarty pants.
So every time I talked back,that's like, I used to get.
It's like punished so much fortalking back.
And my grandma, I used to talkback to her so much, so she
would just literally chase mewith a broom.
And then obviously when shecatches up to me, then it's
like, you know, boom, boom,boom, boom.
My broom like stays outside.

(29:27):
Cause I'm like, you're notallowed inside.

And my control over you.

Angie Yu (29:32):
Yeah.
I control you broom.
You have no control over me.

I think, you know, the fact that we're
sitting here, like, I mean, likewe're not laughing about it, but
that we are able to laugh aboutit is very important.
I think it's really importantto, I mean, obviously these are
serious things, but you don'twant to.
You have to make light of it.
You have to approach life with asense of humor.
Otherwise it's going to eat youalive.

(29:57):
Exactly.

Angie Yu (29:57):
And I told Christie this story before, but it's
like, when I hear my parentslaughing about the stories that
they grew up with, then I'm,that's like that clicking for me
to where I'm like, yeah, myparents are fucked up.
Like they've seen some fucked upshit in their life.
And.
The things that they've done andthey've put me through, it's
like nothing compared to whatthey've been through and they

(30:20):
laugh about stuff like that.
And I'm always like, so this isthe example you know, I'm just
gonna throw out content warning.
This is very graphic and verydeeply upsetting, but my dad's a
best friend.
He lives on the Vancouver Islandand he came over to visit once
and they have a daughter aswell.
And she came here when she wasmuch younger.
So she doesn't really speakmandarin they were all kind of

(30:41):
drinking and talking, and I wasjust like listening to them,
talk about it.
And his friend, he came from avery poor family.
So he was a what we call inChinese, I shell minutia, which
means like a stunning law, butthat's like, A son-in-law that
becomes the, the woman's side ofthe family instead of the other
way around.
Cause you know, in Chinese, likethe daughter gets sent to the

(31:02):
husband's family.

Yeah.
Being a daughter.

Angie Yu (31:05):
Yeah, that's right.
But, but yeah, usually if thedaughter is from a very well off
family and they don't have anylike sons in the family, like
they don't have any, any malebabies, then what they do is
sometimes they take in a malebaby from another family that
they think might be suitable fortheir daughter in the future.
So ever since they were like sixyears old, they lived together

(31:25):
and then they began married.
Right.

Kristy Yee (31:27):
but they

Angie Yu (31:28):
were like, Oh yeah, like that, that was such a hard
time for us.
They were, they were beinggrateful about where they are
now, you know, like, Oh, look atus, like sitting here having so
much food.
And like, we are all like livingin a much better time and a
better part of the world, butespecially better time because
this was like, What, like 50years ago, not even at the time.
but they're like, they basicallyjoked my dad and his friend,

(31:49):
they were joking about how hisfriend was so poor that his
parents couldn't afford to raisea sister.
So they had to suffocate her assoon as she was born.
And that was like a very commonpractice because otherwise
she'll grow up with a reallyhard life and.
They didn't want to give her up.
They didn't want her to gothrough any of that hardship.
So as much as a pain them to doso they just had to suffocate

(32:11):
her so that she doesn't become aperson.
And how fucking traumatizing isthat to see.
Like a sibling of yours to gothat way.
And obviously when they weretalking about this again, like
how we were kind of joking aboutlike these props and being
abused with them, which is, youknow, not a laughing.
If we tell our children in thefuture, they're going to be
like, what the fuck mom?

(32:33):
But me sitting at the diningtable, listening to them, my
eyes were like, and I lookedover at their daughter.
I was like, Did you understandthat?
And she's like, no, what didthey say?
I'm like,

Kristy Yee (32:44):
I don't

Angie Yu (32:44):
think I should tell you.

I mean, you might want to know, but I'm not
going to be the one to tell you.

Kristy Yee (32:49):
Yeah,

Angie Yu (32:50):
exactly.
And I'm like, Holy fuck.
And I'm just like sitting there.
I'm like, I think I'm doneeating, heard very similar
stories from like people whohave a similar background as me,
whose parents went through.
Like, remember really, reallyhorrible, horrible time.
and horrible era.
Yeah.
And when I think about stufflike that and how much trauma,

(33:12):
like my parents have gonethrough my dad has gone through,
then I kind of start torationalize it a bit more.
Like don't know, like you said,like they don't know how to
raise me.

They don't, they didn't know any different.
They didn't have that rolemodel.

Angie Yu (33:25):
Right.
They were just trying to surviveand they were just trying to
make sure that I survive it.
Everything else.
I just have to figure it out formyself.

Right.
We just have to remember that,you know, they'd never do it out
of malice.
I mean, there are people outthere that treat their children
like shit for, you know,whatever.

Kristy Yee (33:44):
Yeah,

absolutely.
But, you know, I know that,like, I think I'll just speak
for my mom.
It's like she wanted what wasbest and she's like, I'm going
to discipline you.
How I know how to make sure youbecome a decent human being,
right?
Yeah.
So, yeah.
But honestly, like I've heardstories about how, like, you

(34:04):
know, you know, in China theyprefer like boys over girls, but
I did not know that they wouldlike legit kill their own
children.
That's like, imagine like havingto make that decision.
To do that.

Kristy Yee (34:18):
And I think like in this, this particular example,
it was like, They just can'tafford to raise this child.

Angie Yu (34:25):
It was like a mercy kill.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Kristy Yee (34:28):
Assuming, because portion is not really a thing.
So was none of the thing at thetime.

Angie Yu (34:32):
They didn't want her to end up in an adoption center
because there are a lot oftimes, like, they were like, why
we don't want her to be likesold or anything like that,
because that was beforeadoption.
We're very legitimized.
Right.
So it's like, she might end upin a prostitution ring, right?
Like, like she's have a goodlife and we can not provide that
life for her.
No, these, of course the sun, wecan give him a way.

Yeah.

Angie Yu (34:54):
It was just like, yeah, like mercy killing.
Like it was that time, you know,this was the 50 sixties in
China.
This was like a really, reallyhard time.
And that happens to be a timethat a lot of our parents were
growing up.
Like they were at an early agein their life where they were
learning about this stuff.
And this is what they grew upwith.

(35:15):
And it's yeah, it's so heavy andI'm just like, mm.
And sometimes I'm just like,man, like I had a really easy
compared to them, you know?

I'm realizing now that I really kind of like
alienated myself from myextended family because they
were triggers for me.
I grew up thinking like, withthe physical abuse, for example
Like they had to have known whatwas going on, but no one stepped
in, no one was like, Hey, howare you?
Are you okay?
Do you know what I mean?

(35:43):
I think, and I'm realizing thatnow that I was holding a grudge
I was, I was, I, my wholefamily's like tall and slender
and good looking.
And I was like the chubby kid.
You know, and the first personto tell me I was fat was a
different auntie and I'mrealizing now that that was
kinda like the beginning of it,like being bullied and then like

(36:05):
feeling less than, and not goodenough.
Right.
And so I think that's why I waslike comparing myself to the
rest of my family.
And like, instead of like beingcon being in their presence and
constantly being reminded of howI'm not good enough, then let me
just like, make.
The conscious decision to not bea part of that.

(36:25):
Yeah,

Kristy Yee (36:26):
because we were like, fuck this,

but I didn't, I didn't realize until recently.
Right.
Honestly, I didn't realize ituntil like listening to like
these podcasts that I'm like,Oh, Hey, because in my head I'm
like, fuck Asian people are soclosed minded because that's all
I knew with my family.
So close minded, you know?
And I'm like, I don't want to bea part of that, you know?

(36:47):
And.
And so I just distanced myselffrom that.
And now I'm realizing like, Hey,like not everybody's like that,
you know, like I'm moreconfident in who I am and you
know, I'm not going to takethings personally, like that's
who they are, just because theysay or do certain things that
doesn't necessarily coincidewith what my beliefs are.

(37:10):
Doesn't mean we can't exist.
You know, and that's where thecompassion comes in and be like,
Hey, you didn't know better, butI'm over that.
Like, I forgive you.
Like, I'm not mad about thatanymore.
You know?
So like now let's move on.
And like, you know, family isimportant, right?

Angie Yu (37:25):
I think you can be that change maker in your family
too.
Like, you can be the cool auntnow, like the auntie that you go
to to talk to because you're,and your first cousins, they're
going to have children and theymight not be able to turn to
these other family membersbecause they're so religious or
closed minded or just notnaturally people.
Right.
But you can bring thatcompassion back into the family

(37:47):
dynamics.
Right.
And I think that's where,especially since family is so
important to you and you are apart of a family, so you can
make a difference to the youngerpeople.

Kristy Yee (38:01):
You mentioned like, you haven't experienced therapy
before, but I feel like, becauseyou're so open to having these
conversations with your clients,with us, with, with your family,
like you were just willing to gothat extra level of deepness.
Yeah.
I feel like that is therapy.

Absolutely.
Every, I mean, you don't have tosit in a room or sit in front of
a car.
You talk to a psychologist likein front of you, right?
Like everyone's idea of therapyis so different.
And I was thinking about thatthis morning was like, you guys,
we were talking about how, like,the people that need therapy are
most likely the ones that can'tafford it.
I'm like, Oh, that totally makessense.
Because like, to find a goodtherapist you know, like you

(38:41):
can't just go to a therapist andlike expect to click right away.
Right.
So a lot of, I know a lot ofpeople will like.
they like one or two, like theydidn't work.
And so they kinda like give up.
Like, Kristy I relate a lot toyou.
I feel really like the same,some like in certain things I'm
like, do you mean Kristy?
Or like the same person

Kristy Yee (39:02):
need to grab drinks and latest, you know,

like when am I going to I'm going to come to
van.
I haven't been there in aminute.
my social circle is very small.
I have like clients that I cantalk to and stuff like that, but
to get like deep and talk about,Oh shit like this, and then to
find people that play like, Hey,we've been, or like you
understand when I say like, orlike the Asian upbringing of you

(39:25):
know, abuse and stuff like that.
And if you talk to other people,they're just like, okay, that's
kind of fucked up.
But like, you're like, okay,Talking to you guys, you're
like, yes, we know that it'sfucked up, but like, this is
like how we can like talk it outand, had that sense of community
and feel like you're not soalone.
And that's why it's so importantto share your story.
Because a lot of people like sitin it and they're like, Oh, it's
just me.

(39:46):
Like, I'm so alone.
No one understands what I'mgoing through and blah, blah,
blah.
Right.
But.
once you're vulnerable enough toopen up, you realize like, Hey,
there's something to this, liketalking about it.
Episode nine was like, yeah.
I'm like, I bookmark that shit.

Angie Yu (40:02):
Oh, it's funny.
It's because Christie and I werelike, not that keen on episode
nine.
Yeah.

Kristy Yee (40:07):
We were at like, I don't know about you, Angie, but
I was kind of nervous aboutepisode nine because it was like
not a typical episode and it wasdark and.
Grimy and moist.
Yeah.
That's exactly.

Yeah.
I was running stairs when I waslistening to that part of the
episode.
I like almost tripped down thestairs.
Cause you guys kept saying moistand moist.
And I was like, Oh my God,that's so funny.
but I'll tell you what I reallyenjoyed about episode nine was
you're both in a depression atthe time.
And the fact that you guys justlike, you were just open about

(40:43):
what you were feeling, howyou're feeling.
And it's really refreshing inthe sense that like, Hey, there
are these two people doing apodcast, they're in, this deep
dark place, but they're stillwilling to talk about it and
like be real and be present foryour audience and be like, Hey
man, this is shitty.
This is life, you know, like amock and I'll like, paint it.

(41:03):
Like it's all rainbows andbutterflies.
Like that genuine and thatauthenticity you, you can't make
that shit up.
So I there's a lot of takeawaysfrom that episode.
And kudos to you guys for beingso brave and vulnerable and
posting it.

Kristy Yee (41:18):
Thank you.
Thank you.

Angie Yu (41:53):
And we live in a time right now where there's so much
toxic positivity.
And that's something that I'vereally had to unlearn this past
year is

Kristy Yee (42:00):
toxic.

Angie Yu (42:01):
Positive.
Yeah.

I heard you mentioned that term before, but
explain to me again what itmeans.

Angie Yu (42:08):
It's like, if someone's like, Oh, I'm not
feeling really, I'm not feelingso good recently.
Like I'm feeling a little bitdown and someone will just
respond.
Like you'll get through it.
You'll be fine.
It's not that big a deal.
Like someone else's like, thereare people who are way worse
off,

Kristy Yee (42:24):
or even things like something really simple is.
Positive vibes only like that.
So trending fucking hashtag,right?
Like positive only, you know?
Yeah,

no, I get that.
I

Kristy Yee (42:38):
see where they're coming from.
Like I see the good tension inthat and I get it right.

But there's

Kristy Yee (42:44):
going to be negative vibes in life.
Like that's part of life, youknow, and what you're just going
to ignore it or you just notgoing to recognize it.
That's right.
So the idea of toxic

Angie Yu (42:53):
positivity is mostly the idea that People who
genuinely believe that they haveto be positive all the time.
So people don't give themselvesthe space,

Kristy Yee (43:02):
do great,

Angie Yu (43:04):
or to feel like shit.
I think in our culture, like inour, just like, Societal social
media culture, like how peopledon't share anything, negative,
their highlight reels, etcetera, the toxic positive
activity, because it makespeople feel more lonely.
So if someone's like, Oh, I feellike I haven't caught up to my

(43:27):
peers.
And then they feel really shittyabout that.
But then, but then they don'tlet themselves think about it.
And the primary victim of toxicpositivity is yourself.
And I say this because this wasme like a year ago, like toxic
positivity was something thatwas really affecting myself.
And I was a primary victimbecause I was not doing well.
Like I was like barely keepingmy head above water, but I'm

(43:47):
like, everything's fine.

I'm fine.

Angie Yu (43:50):
Great.
And it was more like me pushinghole, pitching holding
pigeonholing, just all the way.
I it's, that's a really hardword to say, but I was like
boxing myself into that imagethat I wanted for myself.
I'm like, I'm totally fine.
But really I was keeping myselffrom a proper like healing

(44:12):
process and that's where the,yeah.
The term is like, it's, it'smostly, it's like, like
masculinity, like masculinity isnot a bad thing.
Positivity is not a bad thing.
It's the balance of it just likepositive and negative.
And, and we, we think thateverything has to be positive or
negative, but it's really like,Everything's a spectrum.

Kristy Yee (44:30):
Everything boils down to how you view the
situation, how you view your ownthoughts, right.
And toxic positivity, right?
I mentioned, you know, hashtagpositive vibes, only that's
coming from external, but whatreally matters is what's
happening internally, theexternal can affect what you're
thinking about internally andthink like, everything is fine.

(44:54):
It's all good.
Right.
And then kind of blind you fromwhat really needs to get done.
But from what Lisa is saying islike, okay, We need positivity,
but you, it has to come fromyou.
Like you need,

it's not external validation.
That's going to make you feelbetter about yourself.

Kristy Yee (45:12):
Exactly.
It's not like it's, Oh, I needmy, like my friends that they
just tell me everything's goingto be okay.
Then everything's going to beokay.
Well, it's not right.
I didn't have time to process.
You have to come to thatconclusion yourself.
If somebody else starts sayingthat shit, then it's like, okay,
well you're not validating thefact that I feel really shitty.
Right.
And it also doesn't help becauseI didn't come to that conclusion

Angie Yu (45:34):
That's right.

Yeah.

Angie Yu (45:35):
You nailed it.

Kristy Yee (45:52):
I want to know more about your sexual abuse
experience.
Like what was that like and howlike, where are you at now with
it?

So, when I was like younger, like, you
know, I mean, I yeah, I was, Iwas looking, I was looking for,
you know attention and.
I didn't know any different, soI was taking it however I could
get it.
For me, I'm like, I waspromiscuous when I was younger
and that's how I thought, thisis how I'm going to find someone

(46:24):
that loves me.
Like, if I put out then like,that person will care for me and
give me attention.
That's all I knew.
I got attention from men andthat's how I got it.
So as I got older and that'show.
I saw it.
I was just like, if I put myselfout there, then like, eventually
somebody will love me back, youknow?
And just like looking for lovein all the wrong places.

(46:46):
I started sleeping with men forattention and then realized very
quickly that, okay, Heyattracting the same kind of men
that were just in it for thesex, because that's what you had
to offer.
I remember I went out with.
A friend and her friend and Iwas bitching about guys and she
said I don't want to seem rudeor anything, but have you ever

(47:08):
stopped to consider that maybeyou're the common denominator?
And then I was like, Oh shit.
maybe I'm finding all the wrongmen because there's something
it's like, I'm, I'm the reasonthat.
I'm attracted to like certaintype of men.
Right.
So I made the conscious decisionto be like, Oh, okay.
You know what?
I'm going to stop revolving mylife around men.

(47:29):
Cause that's all I knew.
Like, I didn't have that malerole model growing up.
And so I got it.
Like whichever way I could getit, you know?
Every time I meet somebody, I'mlike, Oh, maybe this is my next
boyfriend.
And it got to the point whereI'm like, I'm not going to date,
like no more of this, no morefucking, plenty of fish, you

(47:49):
know, no more of this.
I actually saw one of myabusers, like this is years ago
and I was really surprised I wasexpecting to get triggered, but
I didn't.
And I was like, no, I'm notgonna let you have that hold on
me anymore.

Kristy Yee (48:05):
Has any of that experience changed?
You changed the way you thinkabout sex?

I was, yeah, I was a very.
Very sexual person, but now sexis not as important I'd much
rather have like, like a deepconversation with my husband
because I use my sexuality toget.
What I was lacking, but I'm nolonger lacking that.
And so, okay.
So one thing I was reallythinking about this this morning

(48:34):
is I was exposed to like sexualthings at an early age.
I remember like, Finding dirtymagazines and stuff.
Right.
And I'm just like, Oh, and Ithink like the men that abused
me were exposed to it at a youngage as well, but they, they
didn't really, they're kind oflike, as like, I guess, I mean

(48:55):
the shitty way to say it, butlike they saw me as an
opportunity to experiment and.
Play out what they've saw inmagazines, you know?
So one thing I have thoughtabout was how detrimental it can
be for someone to be exposed toanything sexual at such a young

(49:16):
age and not having openconversation about it.
You know, there are.
Certain parts of the world wherethey're very open about
sexuality, it's not taboo.
And I think that's so importantbecause when you're like, you
know, you're hiding a dirtymagazine in your closet and then
you're like flipping through itand you're like, you know, you

(49:37):
have all these ideas on what sexis supposed to be.
Because it's in a magazine, butyou don't really know.
I mean, obviously there are likefemale abusers too, but like
let's just use men as anexample.
I remember when I was young,like we used to hang out at
this.
It was brother and sister.

(49:57):
We used to hang out at theirhouse.
You don't like neighborhood kidsgo hang out.
Right.
And I remember him asking me, hewas probably like, I don't know,
like three or four or five yearsolder than me.
And I remember him asking me,he's like, Hey, do you want to
go hang out in the woods?
Like down the street?
And I'm like, no, you know, andsubconsciously, like I knew,
what.
That meant and like for someoneto be his age, like he probably

(50:20):
had access to pornography andhe's like curious now he's like,
I want to experiment.
And you know, and I think that'swhere pornography can be very
detrimental to someone at such ayoung age, because they don't no
what sex in a lovingrelationship is like, they just
know like porn.

(50:41):
There's so much more than beingphysically intimate, if that
makes sense.

Angie Yu (50:45):
I personally, and I'm paraphrasing here from a book
that I read.
I personally think that we needto redefine the meaning of sex
because one, a lot of peoplethink sex is just P&V and for a
lot of couples, they can havesex without P&V because.
That might one of that might notexist in the

Kristy Yee (51:03):
relationship with penis and vagina,

Angie Yu (51:04):
right?
Like for a gay couple were,unless he lesbian couple were
for other couples who just don'tfind like PNV, penis and vagina
penetration, like a, a thingthat they enjoy, like, it would
be very rude of us heteropeople, heteronormative people
to be like, Oh, sex with penisand vagina, because you're

(51:26):
disrespecting a whole array ofpeople who have different types
of enjoyment out of sex.
And I think as people like weneed to redefine sex to me, sex
is just like a type of intimacythat you have with someone and
it's just finding someone whohas it compatible kind of
intimacy.
level, and that's how I feellike sex is like, for some
people it might be like having acertain type of mental and

(51:48):
emotional connection.
Then it'll lead you to be ableto have that physical
connection.
like I've had one, I stand andI've had sex with people I'm not
attracted to emotionally andI've never enjoyed it, never.
but in my relationships I'vealways had the mental,
emotional, and physicalconnection.
And to me, those were like theloving relationship kind of, and

(52:09):
to me, those one night standsdoesn't even feel like.
Sex.
They don't want to

feel like you think it's going to fill a void,
but

Angie Yu (52:16):
it doesn't.
Interesting.

How we jumped from trauma to sex I thought
that was a really good question.
You know, like havingexperiences.
Child sexual abuse, like what ismy perspective on sex now?
Like that isn't something I everthought about or crossed my
mind.
And it kind of makes sensebecause.
Yeah.
I mean, sex was such a huge partof my life before, but it really

(52:39):
isn't now, even though I'm in aloving relationship, it's just,
there's no emphasis on likehaving to like put out, you know
what I mean?
And so I'm really glad you askedthat question and then it opened
conversation for everybody else.
Which one of you had to teachyour mom?
Put a condom on a banana.
Yeah.
That made me laugh so hard.

(53:01):
That's so awesome.
That's so funny.

Kristy Yee (53:03):
No, there was no banana.
We didn't have

water.
That's right.
That's

Angie Yu (53:08):
what it was your arm.

Kristy Yee (53:11):
Thank you for joining us today.

Thank you so much.
It's it was really.
Awesome.
And also weird to be likesitting here and like, see you
guys, because I just hear youguys on the speaker and I'm just
like, this is weird.
And to be a part of it is verycool too.

Angie Yu (53:32):
Okay.
Feel good feedback.
one should we read?

Kristy Yee (53:35):
Are you picking one?

Angie Yu (53:36):
Sure.
I'll pick one.

Kristy Yee (53:37):
Okay.

Angie Yu (53:37):
our account received today.
Actually, I just

Kristy Yee (53:40):
Ooo

Angie Yu (53:40):
and this is from someone on Instagram.
his name is Ian, so Ian says.
Thanks for episode 20.
What makes me bipolar?
Sounds like I'm atypical.
And my physician has requested areferral to psychiatrist.
Your podcast made my day.
I'm originally from Vancouverand now live in Montreal.

Kristy Yee (53:58):
Wow.
That's amazing.
I think what really speaks to meabout that one is we're not, we
can't diagnose people.
Okay.
But it makes you advocate foryourself and your own health to
healthcare providers.
My reservation is I don't wantpeople to start self-diagnosing,
but this is not the case.
It's like, Oh, I see some, somecharacteristics.

(54:20):
Let me go seek some additionalsupport and see like, where can
this take me?

Angie Yu (54:25):
exactly.
And that was my response to himas well.
I said awesome to hear that,Ian, I'm glad you are getting
expert advice and help.
It's a very brave thing to doagain.
I have to throw the word expertin there because like you said,
we're not the experts we'reshowing that this is what we can
do and one thing is that we aretrying to normalize, seeking
help.

Kristy Yee (54:42):
Thank you so much, Ian, and all the power to you.
Thanks for sending that in.
If any poop troops up there wantto send us any comments, DMS,
voice messages, all the link isin the description.
Wow.
That sounds like a YouTubevideo.
Please hit the bell for yournotifications.
All the links are in the shownotes below.

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