November 14, 2021 • 40 mins
What is it like to date a narcissist? What happens when you get triggered by other people’s breakup? Living with depression and bipolar, we sometimes wonder if we are the “bad” person in a relationship. So when a narcissist who seems like the “perfect” person comes along and gaslights you, you might end up believing them. Angie shares how she felt during her 6-year relationship with a narcissist and how she was triggered by a famous YouTube couple that recently broke up.
Takeaway:
- Narcissistic people will always portray themselves as "perfect" so other ppl will be on their side
- Always go with your gut feelings; they're there to protect you
- You can never fully judge the quality of someone else's relationship just by looking from the outside
- Love bombing: when you're being showered with love and affection only to have the person stop so they can manipulate you with their "love".
- Trauma bonding: bonding over shared trauma without seeking other perspectives can be harmful
- Narcissists use tactics to control you and their own image
- It's better to offer a friend perspectives rather than always agreeing with them
- Overanalyzing a situation can cause you more pain
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kristy Yee (00:00):
He did these things, not for you, even though it
(00:03):
looked like it on the surface,but really he did those things
for himself to make himself lookgood.
And what's most sly is himtelling his friends that you
guys have broken up so that whenyou do call him it's evidence
for him that you're the crazy.
Angie Yu (00:20):
absolutely.
Kristy Yee (00:20):
It's like he's setting this up so that he makes
you look even worse.
So that, that elevates him evenmore.
Angie Yu (00:27):
Exactly.
Kristy Yee (00:54):
let's welcome our poop troops, back to another
episode of shit.
We don't tell mom where we get,what do we get?
We get comfortable with theuncomfortable.
So today I want to get Angieuncomfortable a little bit
Angie Yu (01:06):
Yeah.
I'm already uncomfortable.
So well done.
Kristy Yee (01:09):
It's a, it's a good start to the episode.
Okay.
So a few weeks ago.
Angie had messaged me onWhatsApp, so there's like,
there's a few messages.
So here we go.
So Angie said, so there's thisYouTube channel I used to watch
and the couple split up and I'vebeen reading about it on Reddit
because it's triggering some badnews because the guy turned out
(01:31):
to be a narcissist and theirbreakup is similar to what I
went through with my ex.
And it's just one so comfortingto know that this is happening
to someone else because I canactually see it unfold.
And I can really a hundredpercent rather than just reading
articles about it.
But two not sure if it'shealthy, because it's bringing
up bad feelings and it hasseeped into my dreams.
(01:53):
And that's when I'm like, mm,not healthy.
Angie Yu (01:55):
That's right.
So the good thing is after Italked to somebody about it,
like literally just in those fewmessages, after I spoke to
Christie about it, I was able toget a better handle on the fact
that I was being too obsessed.
Because once I verbalize thefact that like, Hey, I don't
know if this is healthy or not.
Then when I do do it, I go, Hmm.
Do I want to get into that moodtoday?
(02:15):
I know it's only like a minute,less than a minute into our
podcast, but that's takeawaynumber one is talking about it
does help.
Okay.
Bye.
Kristy Yee (02:26):
Can you walk us through the feeling that you had
got when you first heard aboutthe couple of splits?
Angie Yu (02:34):
When I first heard about the couple splitting up, I
was like, ah, yeah, that sucks.
Like shit happens like peoplebreak up.
So I didn't like really lookinto it.
I was like, okay, whatever.
and those of you who know whoI'm talking to you, you might
know exactly who I'm talkingabout by the next part that I'm
going to dive into it wasn'tuntil the guy released a video
(02:55):
to try to claim his side of thestory that I was like, fuck this
shit,
Kristy Yee (02:59):
what's wrong with that?
Angie Yu (03:00):
because, so it started, okay.
So obviously nothing, none ofthe information I have is.
What is it like corroborated bywhatever, because a lot of
comments have been deleted.
So a lot of the things I've beenreading has been on Reddit, it's
been screenshots.
So I'm going to say that most ofthe stuff that I'm talking about
is true, given the fact thatI've seen screenshots.
Kristy Yee (03:21):
And for context, why are we talking about a couple
from YouTube and why is thistriggering for Angie?
Because Angie went through areally fucking devastatingly,
painful and traumatic breakup.
Basically it was a veryunhealthy relationship and there
was a lot of what does that,what does that, what do the kids
(03:42):
call it these
Angie Yu (03:43):
What a lot of
Kristy Yee (03:44):
No like that?
Um, no, no, no, no, no.
Um, um, oh my gosh, what thekids call it?
Angie Yu (03:50):
what do you call it?
I don't know what you're talkingon.
Codependency.
Kristy Yee (03:54):
Gaslighting.
Angie Yu (03:55):
Oh, gaslighting.
Oh my God.
Yes.
There was so much
Kristy Yee (03:57):
There's a lot of gaslighting to Angie making
Angie just feel like thiscompletely inadequate person and
that everything is all in herhead.
Anyways, that's just like abrief little summary of why are
we talking about this and somecontext about why this whole
story, this whole YouTubecouple's story was triggering
for Angie.
Angie Yu (04:17):
So basically, COVID happened.
They released a couple of videosduring COVID I think, and then
it kind of stopped and theystarted doing their own videos
and people were speculating thatmaybe they had split up, but
they never talked about it.
They moved back to Canada and.
After they moved back to Canada,there was almost no content
being released.
So some of their supportingaudience, like the financial
(04:37):
backers started gettingirritated.
Like what the hell is going on?
Why is there no content comingout?
And even when there is content,it's just like the girl by
herself doing some videos thatare somewhat on brand and the
guy could just completelydisappeared.
So people were speculating inthe comments and they were kind
of like requesting for moreinformation.
And of course there's alwayspeople trying to defend the
(04:58):
couple, you know, and I guesswhat happened was because people
were questioning, a lot ofpeople are going on their
Instagram, asking questions hereand there and poor girl, it just
seemed like she kept trying toanswer a question and while not
divulging too much information.
And then of course they came outwith a Instagram post saying
like, Hey, like we have decidedto part ways, blah, blah, blah.
And then people were like, oh myGod, you don't like freaking out
(05:20):
about it.
And I was just like, oh yeah,Sucks.
Right.
And then, I guess, because theysplit up, people were like
demanding, even moreinformation, like what's going
on?
Where is he?
And then it was this particularvideo that triggered myself and
triggered a lot of people on theinternet.
And that video was himexplaining his side of the
story.
And that was literally the titleof the YouTube video too.
(05:41):
And it came out of nowherebecause one, she didn't release
any videos like that, she hasnever put up any videos on
YouTube, which is where theirbiggest viewership is about what
happened to the relationship.
The only time she did.
You know, divulge too muchinformation was in the common
section of Instagram where shemight be like, oh, I don't know,
like he's in Hawaii right now.
Or like, oh, like we have we'refighting over custody or for a
(06:04):
cat or something like that,where she did divulge some
information, which he deleted.
So people are like, why are youdeleting comments?
And then people were questioninghim and saying negative things
and he would delete thosecomments.
And any time it was some sort ofa criticism towards him, he
would delete the comments.
So people are going like, whatthe fuck?
Because every time they ask aquestion, even if it was not a
negative question, question wasjust a question.
(06:25):
Like, why did you go to Hawaiiduring a pandemic?
He would just delete them.
So he was trying to make aresponse video of explaining his
behavior, except none of thethings he actually talked about
in his video actually explainedhis behavior.
And It was basically a 20 minutevideo of him trying to absolve
himself from anyresponsibilities.
And he would explain his sideand then he's like, but she did
(06:48):
this and did that.
So it was like, he wasn't reallyexplaining anything.
He wasn't apologizing foranything.
He was basically just blamingeverything on her.
Oh yeah, I did this.
But look, this is why I did thisand I'm not wrong.
And also I did this, but she didthis.
So, you know, she's a bad persontoo, but she, he didn't say that
of course, but that was kind ofthe tone of it.
and that triggered me so much.
(07:10):
Cause I was like, what is thepoint of this video?
It's not like she released thevideo.
She has never talked about theirbreakup on YouTube.
Apparently she mentioned acouple of things here and there
in the comments section of theirInstagram, which is exposed to
like, not that many people, butthen he releases a video that's
exposed to like over a millionpeople.
Trying to blame everything onher.
(07:31):
And It just made me so angrybecause when I was going through
the breakup, like every time Iwould question my ex about
something I'm like, so when thishappened, I was right.
Wasn't that he would just likego around and around and be
like, oh, but you did this, youknow, it was never like actually
having a conversation, neveractually being transparent.
And he was just acting like hewas, oh, like, you know, it
(07:52):
takes two people to make orbreak a relationship.
And I'm like, yo, what the hellis going on?
So I always felt weird, likelooking into what happened with
them because I'm like, oh, it'snone of my business.
But when that video came out,I'm like, I need to get to the
bottom of this.
What the hell is going on?
Like I just got sucked into thedrama.
So of course, where do you turnfor speculation?
Reddit! It
Kristy Yee (08:12):
And we're only hearing this from.
Angie's perspective her opinionafter watching the videos.
But what it sounds like for mewhen I'm getting, is that the
girl in this YouTube couple, sheseems like she was just trying
to protect the both of them thewhole time.
By not talking too much abouttheir relationship, trying to
answer as much questions aspossible without going too much
into it.
I mean, like these are humanbeings with like personal lives,
(08:35):
even though they are YouTubepeople, right.
People, people
Angie Yu (08:39):
UTPB
Kristy Yee (08:39):
know they're YouTube people, they are still human
beings.
And it sounds like she was justtrying to protect whatever
privacy that they could stillhave.
And she didn't put out anyvideos explaining, their
situation or, or anything likethat.
The most public thing that shedid was answer some questions on
Instagram of which he deletedwhen the questions were not in
(09:00):
his favor, when it makes himlook bad, then he will delete.
And, and it sounds like, there'sa fuck ton of ego or shit, you
know, going on over there.
And then on top of that, he feltlike he needed to.
Make a video to explain himself,which I think is a good idea.
Like you just disappear off theface of the earth.
You have fans, so you shouldprobably say something, but the
(09:22):
way that he executed it was whatwas triggering because he just
kept blaming her and kept tryingto protect himself.
Angie Yu (09:30):
A hundred percent.
That's exactly.
That's exactly what happened.
And some of her comments didcome off very bitter especially
because he then got involvedwith a new girl for very
quickly, but he also denied thathe was dating her, but there
were speculations.
So she did come off bitter, butyou can also tell that there was
a lot of hurt.
she was being genuine in thefact that she apologized for
(09:53):
being like that.
Like she apologized for lettingher emotions leak onto those
comments, but you know, that'shuman behavior and people going
to be like, well, that's okay.
Like you made a mistake and youadmitted it and you apologize
for it.
But he had never actuallyapologized for anything.
And she has this, invisibledisease, like.
and she also struggles withdepression, all these other
things, which is what made mereally like their page.
(10:16):
And he was a very dedicatedhusband who would always take
care of her.
so when their split happened, alot of people jumped to blaming
her because everyone saw him asthe perfect husband.
And some people speculate thatit was all her fault because for
the longest time, he was able toportray himself as the perfect
(10:36):
husband.
And that's where I was beingtriggered because my ex would
portray himself as the perfectboyfriend.
And even like last week when Ibumped into something.
I had known back from when I wasstill with my ex, I told her
that we were no longer together.
He cheated, it was a bad breakupand she was shocked.
She was like, what?
But he was such a perfectboyfriend.
(10:57):
And I'm like, no, he wasn't likewhat?
I didn't say this to her face.
Like, why would you think he'sperfect?
But, but that was a lot of thereaction from people around me.
Like I thought he was perfect,like he was so in love with you,
blah, blah, blah, all thosethings.
That was when I realized, well,other people's opinion of him
and my opinion of him was verydifferent.
And that's where the triggeringwas coming from because
everybody viewed this YouTubefor a couple as the perfect
(11:20):
couple.
They viewed him as a perfecthusband because he dedicated his
life to taking care of her.
And he probably got caretakers.
Fatigue, which is totallynatural.
And people were kind of likeblaming her.
She kind of became the bad guy.
And then when this video cameout, everyone's like, oh my God,
no, she's not the bad guy.
Kristy Yee (11:36):
I'm kind of glad that this video came out now.
You know, I, a slightlytriggered as well.
I mean, as people who havedepression and bipolar, we often
feel like a burden to thosearound us, especially partners,
that we are going to share ourlives with, and sometimes.
It gets into our own heads.
(11:57):
So we're thinking like, oh, arewe deserving of love?
Like, is this person going towalk away from me one day
because I'm too much to handle,et cetera, et cetera.
So when we see a fellow personwho also has depression, we
empathize with them so muchmore.
And when we see that, oh, thecrowd is going against them,
(12:19):
especially because of theirillness.
That's extra hurtful for us tosee, because that could be, it
could be.
Angie Yu (12:27):
Absolutely.
Like, I could really relate toher struggle of being seen as
like potentially the bad person,because everybody saw her
ex-husband as like the perfecthusband, because I was made to
look like the crazyex-girlfriend actually, in fact,
he told people I was a crazyex-girlfriend when we were still
together and he told people wewere already broken up.
So when I called him, it made meseem like a crazy ex-girlfriend.
Kristy Yee (12:50):
Wow.
I did not know that thathappened.
He told people that you guysbroke up when you guys didn't
bring.
Angie Yu (12:58):
Yeah.
He told his new group of friendswho I was never allowed to meet
because there was a girl in thatgroup of friends that he was
trying to get with.
And he had told her that we hadbroken up so that she would let
him make a move on her becauseshe said that he had a
girlfriend and she can't datesomebody who has a girlfriend,
so he told her that we broke up.
When in fact we were stilltogether and I could see her
(13:20):
pain in those little commentsshe made where she was trying
her best to stay sane, but shewas dying inside because she was
gaslighted and she was lied to,and she was cheated.
I not, as in like physicallycheated on, but like she was
cheated of her reality.
And I, I even just from thosefew comments that I saw her
make, I, I could see it rightaway and on Reddit.
(13:42):
It was very obvious that a lotof other women who went through
similar experience where theyhad a narcissistic ex-boyfriend
who gaslighted them, especiallynear the end of the
relationship, all felt the sameway.
It was almost like a little, youknow, like a circle of people
going, yes, this happened to me.
This happened to me.
I'm so
Kristy Yee (13:58):
It's like a support group.
Angie Yu (14:00):
yes.
It was almost like a littlesupport group.
and I think that's where I waslike, oh my goodness.
Like, it's socks and so sad thatshe is going through this, but
also for myself from a selfishperspective, it's like, holy
crap, someone else is goingthrough this.
It actually feels.
Reassuring that I wasn't anidiot for not seeing all this.
Kristy Yee (14:21):
What is sad is that I think stories like this are so
common
Angie Yu (14:27):
Yeah,
Kristy Yee (14:28):
and we don't talk about it because the folks who
get hurt the most.
Are the ones should be tellingthe story, but because they're
the ones who got hurt the most,it is also the most difficult to
tell that story and I can seethat there would be a certain
degree of shame.
Angie Yu (14:46):
yeah, exactly.
And for me, if I hadn't foundactual evidence like actual chat
and actually had, you know,connected.
The other woman people mighthave not believed me.
And that's the scary part.
And there's so many othervictims out there who don't have
that kind of concrete evidence.
And then people might notbelieve them because they're
(15:07):
like, oh, but, but he was soperfect.
He was so good to you.
Yeah, he was because it made himlook good.
It's narcissistic behavior.
Kristy Yee (15:15):
He did these things, not for you, even though it
looked like it on the surface,but really he did those things
for himself to make himself lookgood.
And what's most sly is himtelling his friends that you
guys have broken up so that whenyou do call him it's evidence
for him that you're the crazy.
Angie Yu (15:35):
absolutely.
Kristy Yee (15:36):
It's like he's setting this up so that he makes
you look even worse.
So that, that elevates him evenmore.
Angie Yu (15:42):
Exactly.
So we were living together andhe said he wanted to move out.
And I was like, well, then let'sbreak up.
And he, this was the weird part.
He refused to break up.
He convinced me that by himmoving out for a while and then
that it would actually make ourrelationship stronger.
He convinced me that that wasthe case.
And even though I had all thesedoubts, he asked me to give him
(16:06):
the opportunity and to take thisleap of faith with him.
Those were his exact words.
And despite how I felt inside, Iwas like, okay, because I was
made to believe that he reallytruly loved me.
Kristy Yee (16:19):
How did you feel on the inside?
Angie Yu (16:21):
I felt tormented in hindsight I felt that way
because my actions and my gutfeelings were completely
opposite.
I didn't listen to my gutfeelings.
Kristy Yee (16:34):
if you feel up to it, why don't we have you tell
your story
Angie Yu (16:38):
sure.
Yeah.
I'm at the point now where I'mfine with it.
It no longer makes me relive theemotions.
But definitely seeing someoneelse go through it.
It's more from a empatheticperspective.
So with my experience,basically.
I was with this person fornearly six years.
the first five years was reallytough.
we were in a long distancerelationship.
(16:59):
We met abroad and we decided togive it a try.
And most long distancerelationships don't work out,
but this one worked out and Isaw a lot of the behind the
scenes, like was not perfect.
But he was very gentlemanly.
He was really good at that.
So everyone thought of him asthis like, oh, very Gallant,
British boy.
And he moved here for me.
(17:19):
Wow.
What a profession of love?
You know,
Kristy Yee (17:22):
what do you mean?
What do you mean by gentlemanly?
Like, can you give some examplesso that our poop troops can
paint a picture?
Angie Yu (17:29):
he'll like lend his Jack.
To any girls, he will offer topay food for his friends, like
male or female.
Like he always comes off verygenerous.
But behind the doors, he was notthat generous with me.
We split everything 50, 50, buthe would pay the bill at the
restaurant, even though we wouldactually split it 50 50 at the
(17:50):
end of the month.
Kristy Yee (17:50):
Ah, okay.
So he like keeps tabs of thesethings and, and he'll do it for
the optics in front of otherpeople.
But, I mean, cause I feel like50 50 is, is fine.
Like lots of people operate 5050 and it's all good.
But I think the difference hereis that he makes himself look
like it's not 50 50, but thenafterwards it's like, yo, so you
(18:14):
owe me like 25 bucks for thatdinner.
I just paid.
Angie Yu (18:16):
Well, like we consolidate all of our expenses
together.
So I was like, okay, whatever.
But the fact that he's alwaysthe person like reaching for the
bill, like, it just makes itlook.
But that's like one of very,very minor things.
So everyone believed that he waslike, oh my God, he like put
Angie on a pedestal.
He always talks about her.
He even made a really weirdcomment to me one day out of
(18:37):
nowhere.
He's like, I realized that girlsusually want guys with a
girlfriend.
It makes the guy moreattractive.
And I remember being like, what?
And I was just like, okay,whatever.
I just thought it was like arandom comment.
I'm like, maybe like, I don'tknow, drives up demand or some
shit like that.
I don't know.
but in hindsight it was like,was he just using me to.
Get the attention of othergirls, because whenever I met
(18:58):
his female coworkers, they wouldbe like, oh my God, like he
talks about you all the time isso sweet.
Like it's always like how goodof a boyfriend he is, but never
about how good I am.
So it made me believe like, oh,after however many years and
made me genuinely believe thatthat was the case.
And I never saw the, the lovebombing, which is a word that's
(19:20):
used to describe with somebodywho just like comes at you with
intensity, in showing affection.
But it's not healthy becauseit's an attempt to influence the
other person by your behavior,because it's like, wow, those
personal loves to be so much orlikes me so much that if they
stop you feel like, even moreconfused about why I stopped.
And it's actually one of thesigns being in a relationship
(19:43):
with someone who's a narcissistis you are loved bombed at the
beginning.
So there was a lot of lovebombing in terms of not
necessarily like physical gifts,but just like the emotional, the
praises that like putting you ona pedestal kind of thing.
So obviously when it ended, itwas like a huge surprise to me.
And it was like a completelydifferent person.
Like I couldn't even recognizewho this person was anymore.
(20:06):
Even the way he looked at mewith stuff.
But it all happened.
So suddenly there was nocommunication.
There was a bit of period beforethat, that things weren't going
super well.
Like things were a bit off.
And I had even a suggested, whatabout like an open relationship
when we were young?
You're in twenties.
not too late to try differentthings to see what works for
you.
Right.
And his response was no, no, Iwill never be able to be with
(20:29):
you if you sleep with anotherman.
And I was like, whoa, whoa,whoa.
Okay.
Okay.
Chill.
Like, it was just a suggestion,but he ends up going into
another relationship withsomeone else while still with
me.
And that's the part I neverunderstood until I did more
research about narcissistbecause I'm like, I gave him so
many exit opportunities.
I gave him so many opportunitiesto it'd be like, look, let's
just end this.
Like, this is, it's not going towork.
(20:51):
But every time I brought thatup, he would like almost beg for
me to give him just a chance togive this a chance or in his
words, give us a chance.
And I was like, okay, well, ifyou feel so passionately about
it, but yet every time we partways, I would always feel like
there's something off aboutthis.
Like this just does not feelright.
And that feeling I couldphysically feel it.
(21:11):
I felt nauseous and I couldn'teat.
I had no appetite and I wasconstantly feeling anxious.
I know.
I just like dropped so manythings.
this whole story could be turnedinto like a podcast because
there were so many things, somany things that I had never
even heard of that happened tome.
Love bombing and gaslighting.
Kristy Yee (21:30):
I mean, you're in a place where you have since
recovered from this trauma.
It's really hard not tooverthink something that is
happening to you in that moment,especially when you discovered
that this person that I havebeen with for six years is not
actually the person that Ithought I knew.
It's really hard not to have itconsume you in thoughts.
(21:54):
But what I feel like as abystander to give as an opinion
piece is to not try tooveranalyze it, to not try to
understand why would he saythese things?
Why did he behave the way thathe did?
why was he so adamant about, Ican never sleep with you if you
sleep with another person andthen turns around and does the
(22:17):
exact same thing like that initself could have been a
deflection because he wasalready doing it.
That could have been so manydifferent things.
But I feel like when we go, so,so deep into the rabbit hole of
trying to figure out what is itthat this narcissist is trying
to do or was trying to do to me,could actually end up hurting
(22:37):
you even more.
Angie Yu (22:38):
Yes.
Yes, that's right.
Actually, that's a great point.
And I think that the biggestpart of recovery is to be like,
you know what?
He was a narcissist.
I will never understand becauseI'm not a narcissist and a
narcissist can not date anarcissist because they would
both be trying to suck theenergy out of the other
Kristy Yee (22:55):
The world was as implode.
Angie Yu (22:57):
doesn't work.
Right.
So I, yeah, I guess the, foranybody who's listening, who is
recovering from trauma with anarcissist, it's like, Hey, no.
Yeah.
Like Chrissy said, no need toanalyze it because one only
holds you back.
And two, you will neverunderstood.
If you are not an narcissist,you will never understand it.
You can, kind of understand thatthis is the kind of person they
are, but you will neverunderstand why, like what
(23:19):
prompts somebody to do, stufflike that.
And I think that was what I wasstruggling with.
The hardest.
It took me a really long timebecause I was analyzing nonstop
because for me, I think we'vetalked about this.
How for me, when I try tounderstand, if I'm going through
some sort of emotion and it'ssomething that I don't like the
feeling of, I just try toanalyze it until that feeling
goes away, which is notprocessing, analyze over
(23:42):
analyzing a feeling and actuallyprocessing that feeling is
completely different.
Kristy Yee (23:46):
Correct.
Sometimes when you overanalyze,it's almost a distraction from
actually processing the emotionsthat you need to be.
Angie Yu (23:54):
absolutely it's like a hundred percent and it's a, it's
a defense mechanism.
It's, it's painful to feel thatway.
And I think I saw that in theReddit comments, like the fans
who are longterm, viewers of
Kristy Yee (24:07):
I was going to say fans, the bands who were long
term
Angie Yu (24:14):
people have like, they have built a relationship with
I'm sure it was like painful forthem to hear this too.
Right.
Like what happened?
You know, as viewers, and asthese fans are going through the
motions of like, holy shit, whathappened?
they're trying to overanalyze totry to process what happened,
but again, it's not the samething.
One of the other, very tellingthings was that this is where
(24:35):
like some of the commenters arejust like, whoa, like how do
people even get this?
But she obviously made her ownchannel to make her own
Instagram, to distance herselffrom him because he refused to
make his own stuff.
so while she was doing that, hernew page had followed a
narcissist recovery, Instagrampage, and she had shared
resources from them and she has,liked their posts.
(24:57):
And when I saw thosescreenshots, I was like, damn,
I've done that.
I did that one.
You know, of course, one, as Iwant other people to know what a
piece of shit he was.
So I wanted to share and belike, this is what I'm going
through, which is, you know, nothealthy, but when you're in that
space, you need to convinceother people to convince
yourself that you're not stupidfor falling.
(25:17):
And I think she was doing thesame cause they were married for
so long and yeah.
I think they were married inlike, I dunno, 2005, 2006 or
something like that.
so the fact that she was doingall these things, some people
say, well, she's just trying toget attention and you know what?
That's probably not wrongbecause when I did that, I was
trying to get attention, but Iwas trying to get attention in
the form of like, look, I'm notcrazy.
(25:38):
What you see is not a hundredpercent the story.
And I that's part of it too.
So obviously when I saw her dothat, I was like, this is why
I'm so obsessed with the storyof.
And I remember messaging my bestfriend, Christine, about what
happened.
She's like, oh yeah.
I saw the updates and whatever,and I didn't really look into it
because I didn't feel like it'smy business.
And I'm like, that's exactly howI felt until I saw that video.
(26:00):
Cause all, all the things thathe was doing just reminded me so
much of my ex that I was like,oh, triggered.
Kristy Yee (26:05):
it's like you are seeing this poor girl going
through pretty much a verysimilar path that you had once
walked on and you related sohard and you had so much empathy
for this person.
And then on top of that, seeinghow the ex had reacted and how
he had behaved was an additionaltriggering layer, because that
(26:28):
just reminded you of your ownshitty ex.
Angie Yu (26:31):
Yes, that's right.
I do hope that from herexperience and her going through
this and some of her fans, likea lot of her fans are younger
people, other people with likeinvisible illnesses.
They will see this and be like,huh?
Why is she looking intoresources like this?
If she can be married to someonelike that for so long.
And she's smart, intelligent,really creative.
Then if I go through this, thenthat's okay.
(26:52):
It doesn't make me an idiotbecause for a really long time,
I felt like an idiot.
I always thought I was prettysmart, but like, how could I
fall for something like this?
Right.
But again, they, use tactics tocontrol you, you know,
narcissists do all these greatthings to control you.
And.
It's not like, I don't know howto say this.
Like, I don't want to be like,oh, I wish there was somebody
there who told me he was anarcissist, but you know, it's
(27:13):
not like that.
Cause I, I am glad that I cameout stronger from this.
but yeah, the whole triggeringthing I think is just once you
have come out of a abusiverelationship with a narcissist,
you just become so good atrecognizing it.
Kristy Yee (27:26):
I think another pro out of this, specifically about
that, girl YouTuber is thathopefully for her fans to see
that people aren't perfect oneither ends, like he was not
what the fans thought he was.
And she is also.
Being so much stronger thanpeople might give her credit
for, by looking into theseresources and by sharing these
(27:48):
resources.
And again, hopefully that thesefans, one of the takeaways is
like, okay, first of all, theseresources exists.
Number two is that, oh, wow.
This person that I reallyadmire, that I look up to that I
follow also uses theseresources.
So that means like a lot ofpeople need these resources.
It's kind of like normalizingthe use of resources,
Angie Yu (28:07):
Mm.
Yes.
Yes.
That is a great way to think ofit as normalizing the use of a
resources.
And this is stuff that I hadnever even known was a thing.
You hear like, oh, that person'ssuch a narcissist.
It's usually like, oh, they'rebeing like a really selfish
person.
but now I really understand whata narcissist truly is and I can
be like, yeah, you know why hewasn't around.
Kristy Yee (29:28):
Since watching that YouTube video and you know where
you are now, I know you're nolonger triggered we've had this
conversation, you felt a lotbetter even just by having this
conversation, not today, butlike with other, I mean, today
as well, I'm going to take somecredit for that, but also with
other people offline, right.
That in itself made you feel alot better.
(29:48):
Any other tips for what to dowhen you do feel triggered?
And I know triggering can becaused by so many different ways
and the magnitude can be very,very different, but specifically
to something that like remindsyou of a past relationship or
something that was, you know,reminded you of a very toxic
behavior from someone, whatwould you say are some tips on
(30:09):
how to go beyond that trigger?
What happens post trigger?
Angie Yu (30:15):
I can speak about it from my experience.
Right.
Cause I guess everyone has adifferent way of going through
triggers.
Or moving through triggers forme, I'm a pretty angry,
triggered person.
So the first thing, the firstthing I did when I was triggered
was I ranted to Christine andshe's like, what?
Like, you know, like, and I'mlike, it's the video that video,
(30:37):
the video made me really angry.
And then she, I don't know.
Cause she knows me so well.
She just kept asking mequestions where I'm like, okay,
I guess it's not that big of adeal that I'm triggered or
whatever.
like, so react, however you needto react.
it's okay.
If you're a trigger, that's youremotions.
Don't suppress it just as longas you're not hurting anybody
else, just let your emotions outif you are triggered because
that's what they're there for.
Right.
Kristy Yee (30:57):
let it come out naturally the way that it wants
to come out, as long as you'renot hurting yourself or other
people.
Angie Yu (31:03):
Exactly don't hurt anyone, including yourself.
And, the next thing would justto talk to somebody about it.
Like I was triggered by this,what the fuck?
And usually if it's a goodfriend, they'll understand what
you're going through or whatthey can at least sympathize.
Kristy Yee (31:17):
And they'll probably give you some perspectives too,
because when you're in such ahigh emotional state, you know,
we don't think very clearly, andwe don't really have very clear
perspectives.
So it's helpful when you havethis conversation with someone
else and they can be like, okay,
Angie Yu (31:35):
Yeah, exactly.
And that's exactly whatChristine did.
I would say that it's reallyeasy to fall into the trap of
trauma bonding.
If it's somebody who has theexact same perspective as you,
and that's exactly what Redditwas doing, it was uniting all
these people who felt the sameway.
Everyone was ranting from theexact same perspective.
(31:56):
And after a while, it's nothealthy because for those of,
for those people who don't knowhow to stop, they're going to
keep digging and keep diggingfor stuff to feel triggered by.
And that's what trauma bondingis.
And it's unhealthy as well.
So having a friend who.
can give you a differentperspective.
It's a good thing.
Obviously, my first reaction toher, like not reacting the same
(32:20):
way as me was like, what thehell?
You don't understand me.
Right,
Kristy Yee (32:24):
you're supposed to be.
Angie Yu (32:27):
exactly.
But of course, in hindsight,that's like a better way to
respond to a friend's trigger.
And hopefully your friend isunderstanding enough to know
that you're not, not siding withthem.
Just that your PR providing adifferent perspective.
Kristy Yee (32:41):
So you said that there's going to be no takeaways
today.
There's a fuck ton of takeaways
Angie Yu (32:45):
Oh my God.
There's so many takeaways.
Kristy Yee (32:46):
So, the first one is really to go with your gut,
whatever your gut feeling is atwhatever situation that you are
in to go with that gut and trynot to be influenced by what
other people are trying to tellyou.
The other one is appearances canbe hella fucking deceitful, and
we don't fucking know whathappens behind other people's
(33:08):
closed doors.
Third one is YouTubers or justpeople.
Celebrities are just humans.
We all go through similar shit,even though we live, maybe we
live different lifestyles, butwe all have emotions.
We all are going to be hurt andthere's going to be some good
ones and there's going to besome not so good ones out there.
The fourth one is over-analyzingcan cause you more pain.
(33:31):
So check in with yourself, checkin with a friend to see if maybe
are you spiraling into somecrazy rabbit hole situation.
And if you are see if you canget someone to help pull you
back out of that, because thatcan cause more damage.
Especially when it's a time tobe processing the information or
the emotion, rather than try toavoid it by over-analyzing it
(33:54):
to.
And the fifth one is people arealways going to have their
fucking opinions, especially iflike these YouTubers is going to
be people who agree with themand people who don't agree with
them.
Right?
This is today.
We're speaking from Angie'sperspective about what had
happened in this situation.
We're just spectators in this.
We're just fellow fans watchingthis drama unfold, and we have
(34:15):
our own opinions and otherpeople will have their own
opinions as well.
And they might not agree withus.
And that's okay too.
People are always going to havetheir opinions.
So whatever decision or choicesthat you make in life, it really
is not about them.
Angie Yu (34:29):
Yeah.
And you know, for me, I relateto her more because I've been
through something similar.
So I'm biased towards that, butmaybe someone else relates to
him more so they're there on hisside.
Right.
People take sides and you know,as much as we can say, like, try
not to take sides, like I I'mtaking a side, obviously.
Kristy Yee (34:47):
there's always.
Angie Yu (34:49):
yes and no side is the same.
Is that what you were going tosay?
Kristy Yee (34:55):
No, but I don't really know what I was going to
say, but that was great.
Angie Yu (35:00):
yeah, I think, okay.
So there's this one thing that Iread.
So obviously like in my posttrauma recovery stage, I
followed and looked at a lot ofthose healing, Instagram pages.
And to be honest, like as cheesyas they might look or say.
They do help for somebody who'sgoing through trauma.
They do help because they like alot of this stuff, stuff they
(35:21):
say is the same, but afterrepeating it and they reiterate
like, like you're not broken,you're not dumb.
Things happen.
Shit happens.
It does help.
And one of the ones that I readthat really resonated with me
was that there is no singleversion of you.
And that made me go, whoa,because after what happened, I
really, really cared about myimage because my image was
(35:44):
tarnished so much by this event.
Like another fortunate thing wasthat he had actually admitted
that he was cheating to some ofour mutual friends.
He admitted it in a group chat,like there's a screenshot of it.
So, because he had admitted it,my friends were like, you know,
It was not good of you to dragAngie through the mud like that.
And that made me feel sovalidated that I wanted the same
(36:06):
from everyone else.
No matter whether or not I wasclose with them or not.
So I really cared about my imageand there was this quote that
made me go relax, like chill thefuck out.
Not everybody needs to know whathappened.
Not everybody needs to know.
your side of the story.
Like it doesn't matter.
Kristy Yee (36:21):
Not everybody needs to like you because not
everybody does.
Angie Yu (36:25):
Well, not even like, for me, it wasn't even like when
I just want people to know that,like, I didn't, I wasn't, I
didn't do anything wrong.
Kristy Yee (36:30):
I wasn't in the wrong, like.
Angie Yu (36:32):
Like, of course I did do things wrong, but it wasn't
like, you know, it was like, heactually did this huge thing
wrong.
Like I just
Kristy Yee (36:38):
But that's like a, that's like an ego thing now.
That's almost kind of like, it'salmost like what the dude, you
do bird dead.
It was like, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I did these little things wrong,but like she did all these big
things wrong.
Angie Yu (36:51):
Yeah, sort of, yeah, kind of.
I think for me, it was becausehe had already come in so many
people that I was the crazy onethat I wanted to undo that
damage.
So there was even a mutual guyfriend who literally told me
that he was convinced that I wascrazy until some other friend
told him what had actuallyhappened.
And for me it was like, that wasreally like, what the fuck?
(37:13):
Like, whoa, he had actually,succeeded in convincing a mutual
friend that I was crazy.
So after that, I really wantedto do a lot of like damage
control.
But then when I read this quote,it was like, there's not a
single version of you, everyperson.
Version of you is different.
And I was like, yeah, you knowwhat, that's fine.
And it was only after I readthat quote that I learn to relax
a little bit about damagecontrol, because it's not the
(37:34):
same thing.
So I guess I that's, that partis relatable because that's what
she did as well.
She tried to kind of expose himfor what he did because she was
of course traumatized and bitterjust like I was.
But then she ended upapologizing for dragging people
into it and she just moved onfrom it.
And when she did that, I movedon to, I no longer looked at
(37:55):
what was going on with ourdrama.
I was like, good.
Like she's now moving on.
And for some reason that made mefeel like I could move on to.
Kristy Yee (38:02):
Nice.
I think that's a great way toend our episode today.
Just fucking move on.
Angie Yu (38:08):
Which is harder
Kristy Yee (38:09):
Always easier to set up than done.
Always easier said than done.
Angie Yu (38:12):
but hopefully we have provided some tips on how to do
so.
Kristy Yee (38:16):
In our next episode, we are going to be talking about
periods because one of our pooptroops asked us specifically to
talk about menstruation.
So tune in for that episode.
Angie Yu (38:27):
Yeah.
I'm so excited.
I can't wait.
I love talking aboutmenstruation.
Kristy Yee (38:32):
I almost want to tailor this episode for Men.
Angie Yu (38:36):
me too.
Kristy Yee (38:36):
because we know we've we already, we
Angie Yu (38:40):
you know, we know, what this?
We ask them, tell me one factabout periods and ask me a
question about periods.
And then sometimes if they tellus a fact that's wrong, that'd
be pretty funny.
Kristy Yee (38:52):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Angie Yu (38:53):
Yeah.
You know what?
Let's just do my offense.
Just ask, ask like an arrange,like a range of male friends.
Also ask John and ask Nick.
Kristy Yee (39:02):
Uh, we'll
Angie Yu (39:02):
I'll get, this will be so much fun.
(39:36):
Okay.
This, this website I actuallytrust it's the Atlantic.
and Cities with the highestdensity of sugar daddies, uh,
distribution per 1000 males,Atlanta, number one at 19
Vancouver, number two at 13,sugar daddies per 1000 males.
(39:57):
Yeah.
Kristy Yee (39:58):
that's quite a bit.
Angie Yu (39:59):
Vancouver is above like all the other things is the
Kristy Yee (40:03):
So there's a lot of sugar daddies in Vancouver.
Angie Yu (40:06):
males.
Kristy Yee (40:07):
Dang.
So I'm going to move back now.
If I needed a reason to moveback, it's not because my
partner is there.
It's not because all my friendsand family are there.
It's because it has the highestamount of sugar
Angie Yu (40:20):
But then again, it's quantity, not quality, although
I don't know if there's suchthing as a quality sugar daddy.
Kristy Yee (40:26):
I think what matters is what are they called?
Sugar babies, the sugar babies.
You want to have low quantity,high quality.
And then the, the sugar daddiesyou want high quantity and high
quality.
He did these things, not for you, even though it
(00:03):
looked like it on the surface,but really he did those things
for himself to make himself lookgood.
And what's most sly is himtelling his friends that you
guys have broken up so that whenyou do call him it's evidence
for him that you're the crazy.
Angie Yu (00:20):
absolutely.
Kristy Yee (00:20):
It's like he's setting this up so that he makes
you look even worse.
So that, that elevates him evenmore.
Angie Yu (00:27):
Exactly.
Kristy Yee (00:54):
let's welcome our poop troops, back to another
episode of shit.
We don't tell mom where we get,what do we get?
We get comfortable with theuncomfortable.
So today I want to get Angieuncomfortable a little bit
Angie Yu (01:06):
Yeah.
I'm already uncomfortable.
So well done.
Kristy Yee (01:09):
It's a, it's a good start to the episode.
Okay.
So a few weeks ago.
Angie had messaged me onWhatsApp, so there's like,
there's a few messages.
So here we go.
So Angie said, so there's thisYouTube channel I used to watch
and the couple split up and I'vebeen reading about it on Reddit
because it's triggering some badnews because the guy turned out
(01:31):
to be a narcissist and theirbreakup is similar to what I
went through with my ex.
And it's just one so comfortingto know that this is happening
to someone else because I canactually see it unfold.
And I can really a hundredpercent rather than just reading
articles about it.
But two not sure if it'shealthy, because it's bringing
up bad feelings and it hasseeped into my dreams.
(01:53):
And that's when I'm like, mm,not healthy.
Angie Yu (01:55):
That's right.
So the good thing is after Italked to somebody about it,
like literally just in those fewmessages, after I spoke to
Christie about it, I was able toget a better handle on the fact
that I was being too obsessed.
Because once I verbalize thefact that like, Hey, I don't
know if this is healthy or not.
Then when I do do it, I go, Hmm.
Do I want to get into that moodtoday?
(02:15):
I know it's only like a minute,less than a minute into our
podcast, but that's takeawaynumber one is talking about it
does help.
Okay.
Bye.
Kristy Yee (02:26):
Can you walk us through the feeling that you had
got when you first heard aboutthe couple of splits?
Angie Yu (02:34):
When I first heard about the couple splitting up, I
was like, ah, yeah, that sucks.
Like shit happens like peoplebreak up.
So I didn't like really lookinto it.
I was like, okay, whatever.
and those of you who know whoI'm talking to you, you might
know exactly who I'm talkingabout by the next part that I'm
going to dive into it wasn'tuntil the guy released a video
(02:55):
to try to claim his side of thestory that I was like, fuck this
shit,
Kristy Yee (02:59):
what's wrong with that?
Angie Yu (03:00):
because, so it started, okay.
So obviously nothing, none ofthe information I have is.
What is it like corroborated bywhatever, because a lot of
comments have been deleted.
So a lot of the things I've beenreading has been on Reddit, it's
been screenshots.
So I'm going to say that most ofthe stuff that I'm talking about
is true, given the fact thatI've seen screenshots.
Kristy Yee (03:21):
And for context, why are we talking about a couple
from YouTube and why is thistriggering for Angie?
Because Angie went through areally fucking devastatingly,
painful and traumatic breakup.
Basically it was a veryunhealthy relationship and there
was a lot of what does that,what does that, what do the kids
(03:42):
call it these
Angie Yu (03:43):
What a lot of
Kristy Yee (03:44):
No like that?
Um, no, no, no, no, no.
Um, um, oh my gosh, what thekids call it?
Angie Yu (03:50):
what do you call it?
I don't know what you're talkingon.
Codependency.
Kristy Yee (03:54):
Gaslighting.
Angie Yu (03:55):
Oh, gaslighting.
Oh my God.
Yes.
There was so much
Kristy Yee (03:57):
There's a lot of gaslighting to Angie making
Angie just feel like thiscompletely inadequate person and
that everything is all in herhead.
Anyways, that's just like abrief little summary of why are
we talking about this and somecontext about why this whole
story, this whole YouTubecouple's story was triggering
for Angie.
Angie Yu (04:17):
So basically, COVID happened.
They released a couple of videosduring COVID I think, and then
it kind of stopped and theystarted doing their own videos
and people were speculating thatmaybe they had split up, but
they never talked about it.
They moved back to Canada and.
After they moved back to Canada,there was almost no content
being released.
So some of their supportingaudience, like the financial
(04:37):
backers started gettingirritated.
Like what the hell is going on?
Why is there no content comingout?
And even when there is content,it's just like the girl by
herself doing some videos thatare somewhat on brand and the
guy could just completelydisappeared.
So people were speculating inthe comments and they were kind
of like requesting for moreinformation.
And of course there's alwayspeople trying to defend the
(04:58):
couple, you know, and I guesswhat happened was because people
were questioning, a lot ofpeople are going on their
Instagram, asking questions hereand there and poor girl, it just
seemed like she kept trying toanswer a question and while not
divulging too much information.
And then of course they came outwith a Instagram post saying
like, Hey, like we have decidedto part ways, blah, blah, blah.
And then people were like, oh myGod, you don't like freaking out
(05:20):
about it.
And I was just like, oh yeah,Sucks.
Right.
And then, I guess, because theysplit up, people were like
demanding, even moreinformation, like what's going
on?
Where is he?
And then it was this particularvideo that triggered myself and
triggered a lot of people on theinternet.
And that video was himexplaining his side of the
story.
And that was literally the titleof the YouTube video too.
(05:41):
And it came out of nowherebecause one, she didn't release
any videos like that, she hasnever put up any videos on
YouTube, which is where theirbiggest viewership is about what
happened to the relationship.
The only time she did.
You know, divulge too muchinformation was in the common
section of Instagram where shemight be like, oh, I don't know,
like he's in Hawaii right now.
Or like, oh, like we have we'refighting over custody or for a
(06:04):
cat or something like that,where she did divulge some
information, which he deleted.
So people are like, why are youdeleting comments?
And then people were questioninghim and saying negative things
and he would delete thosecomments.
And any time it was some sort ofa criticism towards him, he
would delete the comments.
So people are going like, whatthe fuck?
Because every time they ask aquestion, even if it was not a
negative question, question wasjust a question.
(06:25):
Like, why did you go to Hawaiiduring a pandemic?
He would just delete them.
So he was trying to make aresponse video of explaining his
behavior, except none of thethings he actually talked about
in his video actually explainedhis behavior.
And It was basically a 20 minutevideo of him trying to absolve
himself from anyresponsibilities.
And he would explain his sideand then he's like, but she did
(06:48):
this and did that.
So it was like, he wasn't reallyexplaining anything.
He wasn't apologizing foranything.
He was basically just blamingeverything on her.
Oh yeah, I did this.
But look, this is why I did thisand I'm not wrong.
And also I did this, but she didthis.
So, you know, she's a bad persontoo, but she, he didn't say that
of course, but that was kind ofthe tone of it.
and that triggered me so much.
(07:10):
Cause I was like, what is thepoint of this video?
It's not like she released thevideo.
She has never talked about theirbreakup on YouTube.
Apparently she mentioned acouple of things here and there
in the comments section of theirInstagram, which is exposed to
like, not that many people, butthen he releases a video that's
exposed to like over a millionpeople.
Trying to blame everything onher.
(07:31):
And It just made me so angrybecause when I was going through
the breakup, like every time Iwould question my ex about
something I'm like, so when thishappened, I was right.
Wasn't that he would just likego around and around and be
like, oh, but you did this, youknow, it was never like actually
having a conversation, neveractually being transparent.
And he was just acting like hewas, oh, like, you know, it
(07:52):
takes two people to make orbreak a relationship.
And I'm like, yo, what the hellis going on?
So I always felt weird, likelooking into what happened with
them because I'm like, oh, it'snone of my business.
But when that video came out,I'm like, I need to get to the
bottom of this.
What the hell is going on?
Like I just got sucked into thedrama.
So of course, where do you turnfor speculation?
Reddit! It
Kristy Yee (08:12):
And we're only hearing this from.
Angie's perspective her opinionafter watching the videos.
But what it sounds like for mewhen I'm getting, is that the
girl in this YouTube couple, sheseems like she was just trying
to protect the both of them thewhole time.
By not talking too much abouttheir relationship, trying to
answer as much questions aspossible without going too much
into it.
I mean, like these are humanbeings with like personal lives,
(08:35):
even though they are YouTubepeople, right.
People, people
Angie Yu (08:39):
UTPB
Kristy Yee (08:39):
know they're YouTube people, they are still human
beings.
And it sounds like she was justtrying to protect whatever
privacy that they could stillhave.
And she didn't put out anyvideos explaining, their
situation or, or anything likethat.
The most public thing that shedid was answer some questions on
Instagram of which he deletedwhen the questions were not in
(09:00):
his favor, when it makes himlook bad, then he will delete.
And, and it sounds like, there'sa fuck ton of ego or shit, you
know, going on over there.
And then on top of that, he feltlike he needed to.
Make a video to explain himself,which I think is a good idea.
Like you just disappear off theface of the earth.
You have fans, so you shouldprobably say something, but the
(09:22):
way that he executed it was whatwas triggering because he just
kept blaming her and kept tryingto protect himself.
Angie Yu (09:30):
A hundred percent.
That's exactly.
That's exactly what happened.
And some of her comments didcome off very bitter especially
because he then got involvedwith a new girl for very
quickly, but he also denied thathe was dating her, but there
were speculations.
So she did come off bitter, butyou can also tell that there was
a lot of hurt.
she was being genuine in thefact that she apologized for
(09:53):
being like that.
Like she apologized for lettingher emotions leak onto those
comments, but you know, that'shuman behavior and people going
to be like, well, that's okay.
Like you made a mistake and youadmitted it and you apologize
for it.
But he had never actuallyapologized for anything.
And she has this, invisibledisease, like.
and she also struggles withdepression, all these other
things, which is what made mereally like their page.
(10:16):
And he was a very dedicatedhusband who would always take
care of her.
so when their split happened, alot of people jumped to blaming
her because everyone saw him asthe perfect husband.
And some people speculate thatit was all her fault because for
the longest time, he was able toportray himself as the perfect
(10:36):
husband.
And that's where I was beingtriggered because my ex would
portray himself as the perfectboyfriend.
And even like last week when Ibumped into something.
I had known back from when I wasstill with my ex, I told her
that we were no longer together.
He cheated, it was a bad breakupand she was shocked.
She was like, what?
But he was such a perfectboyfriend.
(10:57):
And I'm like, no, he wasn't likewhat?
I didn't say this to her face.
Like, why would you think he'sperfect?
But, but that was a lot of thereaction from people around me.
Like I thought he was perfect,like he was so in love with you,
blah, blah, blah, all thosethings.
That was when I realized, well,other people's opinion of him
and my opinion of him was verydifferent.
And that's where the triggeringwas coming from because
everybody viewed this YouTubefor a couple as the perfect
(11:20):
couple.
They viewed him as a perfecthusband because he dedicated his
life to taking care of her.
And he probably got caretakers.
Fatigue, which is totallynatural.
And people were kind of likeblaming her.
She kind of became the bad guy.
And then when this video cameout, everyone's like, oh my God,
no, she's not the bad guy.
Kristy Yee (11:36):
I'm kind of glad that this video came out now.
You know, I, a slightlytriggered as well.
I mean, as people who havedepression and bipolar, we often
feel like a burden to thosearound us, especially partners,
that we are going to share ourlives with, and sometimes.
It gets into our own heads.
(11:57):
So we're thinking like, oh, arewe deserving of love?
Like, is this person going towalk away from me one day
because I'm too much to handle,et cetera, et cetera.
So when we see a fellow personwho also has depression, we
empathize with them so muchmore.
And when we see that, oh, thecrowd is going against them,
(12:19):
especially because of theirillness.
That's extra hurtful for us tosee, because that could be, it
could be.
Angie Yu (12:27):
Absolutely.
Like, I could really relate toher struggle of being seen as
like potentially the bad person,because everybody saw her
ex-husband as like the perfecthusband, because I was made to
look like the crazyex-girlfriend actually, in fact,
he told people I was a crazyex-girlfriend when we were still
together and he told people wewere already broken up.
So when I called him, it made meseem like a crazy ex-girlfriend.
Kristy Yee (12:50):
Wow.
I did not know that thathappened.
He told people that you guysbroke up when you guys didn't
bring.
Angie Yu (12:58):
Yeah.
He told his new group of friendswho I was never allowed to meet
because there was a girl in thatgroup of friends that he was
trying to get with.
And he had told her that we hadbroken up so that she would let
him make a move on her becauseshe said that he had a
girlfriend and she can't datesomebody who has a girlfriend,
so he told her that we broke up.
When in fact we were stilltogether and I could see her
(13:20):
pain in those little commentsshe made where she was trying
her best to stay sane, but shewas dying inside because she was
gaslighted and she was lied to,and she was cheated.
I not, as in like physicallycheated on, but like she was
cheated of her reality.
And I, I even just from thosefew comments that I saw her
make, I, I could see it rightaway and on Reddit.
(13:42):
It was very obvious that a lotof other women who went through
similar experience where theyhad a narcissistic ex-boyfriend
who gaslighted them, especiallynear the end of the
relationship, all felt the sameway.
It was almost like a little, youknow, like a circle of people
going, yes, this happened to me.
This happened to me.
I'm so
Kristy Yee (13:58):
It's like a support group.
Angie Yu (14:00):
yes.
It was almost like a littlesupport group.
and I think that's where I waslike, oh my goodness.
Like, it's socks and so sad thatshe is going through this, but
also for myself from a selfishperspective, it's like, holy
crap, someone else is goingthrough this.
It actually feels.
Reassuring that I wasn't anidiot for not seeing all this.
Kristy Yee (14:21):
What is sad is that I think stories like this are so
common
Angie Yu (14:27):
Yeah,
Kristy Yee (14:28):
and we don't talk about it because the folks who
get hurt the most.
Are the ones should be tellingthe story, but because they're
the ones who got hurt the most,it is also the most difficult to
tell that story and I can seethat there would be a certain
degree of shame.
Angie Yu (14:46):
yeah, exactly.
And for me, if I hadn't foundactual evidence like actual chat
and actually had, you know,connected.
The other woman people mighthave not believed me.
And that's the scary part.
And there's so many othervictims out there who don't have
that kind of concrete evidence.
And then people might notbelieve them because they're
(15:07):
like, oh, but, but he was soperfect.
He was so good to you.
Yeah, he was because it made himlook good.
It's narcissistic behavior.
Kristy Yee (15:15):
He did these things, not for you, even though it
looked like it on the surface,but really he did those things
for himself to make himself lookgood.
And what's most sly is himtelling his friends that you
guys have broken up so that whenyou do call him it's evidence
for him that you're the crazy.
Angie Yu (15:35):
absolutely.
Kristy Yee (15:36):
It's like he's setting this up so that he makes
you look even worse.
So that, that elevates him evenmore.
Angie Yu (15:42):
Exactly.
So we were living together andhe said he wanted to move out.
And I was like, well, then let'sbreak up.
And he, this was the weird part.
He refused to break up.
He convinced me that by himmoving out for a while and then
that it would actually make ourrelationship stronger.
He convinced me that that wasthe case.
And even though I had all thesedoubts, he asked me to give him
(16:06):
the opportunity and to take thisleap of faith with him.
Those were his exact words.
And despite how I felt inside, Iwas like, okay, because I was
made to believe that he reallytruly loved me.
Kristy Yee (16:19):
How did you feel on the inside?
Angie Yu (16:21):
I felt tormented in hindsight I felt that way
because my actions and my gutfeelings were completely
opposite.
I didn't listen to my gutfeelings.
Kristy Yee (16:34):
if you feel up to it, why don't we have you tell
your story
Angie Yu (16:38):
sure.
Yeah.
I'm at the point now where I'mfine with it.
It no longer makes me relive theemotions.
But definitely seeing someoneelse go through it.
It's more from a empatheticperspective.
So with my experience,basically.
I was with this person fornearly six years.
the first five years was reallytough.
we were in a long distancerelationship.
(16:59):
We met abroad and we decided togive it a try.
And most long distancerelationships don't work out,
but this one worked out and Isaw a lot of the behind the
scenes, like was not perfect.
But he was very gentlemanly.
He was really good at that.
So everyone thought of him asthis like, oh, very Gallant,
British boy.
And he moved here for me.
(17:19):
Wow.
What a profession of love?
You know,
Kristy Yee (17:22):
what do you mean?
What do you mean by gentlemanly?
Like, can you give some examplesso that our poop troops can
paint a picture?
Angie Yu (17:29):
he'll like lend his Jack.
To any girls, he will offer topay food for his friends, like
male or female.
Like he always comes off verygenerous.
But behind the doors, he was notthat generous with me.
We split everything 50, 50, buthe would pay the bill at the
restaurant, even though we wouldactually split it 50 50 at the
(17:50):
end of the month.
Kristy Yee (17:50):
Ah, okay.
So he like keeps tabs of thesethings and, and he'll do it for
the optics in front of otherpeople.
But, I mean, cause I feel like50 50 is, is fine.
Like lots of people operate 5050 and it's all good.
But I think the difference hereis that he makes himself look
like it's not 50 50, but thenafterwards it's like, yo, so you
(18:14):
owe me like 25 bucks for thatdinner.
I just paid.
Angie Yu (18:16):
Well, like we consolidate all of our expenses
together.
So I was like, okay, whatever.
But the fact that he's alwaysthe person like reaching for the
bill, like, it just makes itlook.
But that's like one of very,very minor things.
So everyone believed that he waslike, oh my God, he like put
Angie on a pedestal.
He always talks about her.
He even made a really weirdcomment to me one day out of
(18:37):
nowhere.
He's like, I realized that girlsusually want guys with a
girlfriend.
It makes the guy moreattractive.
And I remember being like, what?
And I was just like, okay,whatever.
I just thought it was like arandom comment.
I'm like, maybe like, I don'tknow, drives up demand or some
shit like that.
I don't know.
but in hindsight it was like,was he just using me to.
Get the attention of othergirls, because whenever I met
(18:58):
his female coworkers, they wouldbe like, oh my God, like he
talks about you all the time isso sweet.
Like it's always like how goodof a boyfriend he is, but never
about how good I am.
So it made me believe like, oh,after however many years and
made me genuinely believe thatthat was the case.
And I never saw the, the lovebombing, which is a word that's
(19:20):
used to describe with somebodywho just like comes at you with
intensity, in showing affection.
But it's not healthy becauseit's an attempt to influence the
other person by your behavior,because it's like, wow, those
personal loves to be so much orlikes me so much that if they
stop you feel like, even moreconfused about why I stopped.
And it's actually one of thesigns being in a relationship
(19:43):
with someone who's a narcissistis you are loved bombed at the
beginning.
So there was a lot of lovebombing in terms of not
necessarily like physical gifts,but just like the emotional, the
praises that like putting you ona pedestal kind of thing.
So obviously when it ended, itwas like a huge surprise to me.
And it was like a completelydifferent person.
Like I couldn't even recognizewho this person was anymore.
(20:06):
Even the way he looked at mewith stuff.
But it all happened.
So suddenly there was nocommunication.
There was a bit of period beforethat, that things weren't going
super well.
Like things were a bit off.
And I had even a suggested, whatabout like an open relationship
when we were young?
You're in twenties.
not too late to try differentthings to see what works for
you.
Right.
And his response was no, no, Iwill never be able to be with
(20:29):
you if you sleep with anotherman.
And I was like, whoa, whoa,whoa.
Okay.
Okay.
Chill.
Like, it was just a suggestion,but he ends up going into
another relationship withsomeone else while still with
me.
And that's the part I neverunderstood until I did more
research about narcissistbecause I'm like, I gave him so
many exit opportunities.
I gave him so many opportunitiesto it'd be like, look, let's
just end this.
Like, this is, it's not going towork.
(20:51):
But every time I brought thatup, he would like almost beg for
me to give him just a chance togive this a chance or in his
words, give us a chance.
And I was like, okay, well, ifyou feel so passionately about
it, but yet every time we partways, I would always feel like
there's something off aboutthis.
Like this just does not feelright.
And that feeling I couldphysically feel it.
(21:11):
I felt nauseous and I couldn'teat.
I had no appetite and I wasconstantly feeling anxious.
I know.
I just like dropped so manythings.
this whole story could be turnedinto like a podcast because
there were so many things, somany things that I had never
even heard of that happened tome.
Love bombing and gaslighting.
Kristy Yee (21:30):
I mean, you're in a place where you have since
recovered from this trauma.
It's really hard not tooverthink something that is
happening to you in that moment,especially when you discovered
that this person that I havebeen with for six years is not
actually the person that Ithought I knew.
It's really hard not to have itconsume you in thoughts.
(21:54):
But what I feel like as abystander to give as an opinion
piece is to not try tooveranalyze it, to not try to
understand why would he saythese things?
Why did he behave the way thathe did?
why was he so adamant about, Ican never sleep with you if you
sleep with another person andthen turns around and does the
(22:17):
exact same thing like that initself could have been a
deflection because he wasalready doing it.
That could have been so manydifferent things.
But I feel like when we go, so,so deep into the rabbit hole of
trying to figure out what is itthat this narcissist is trying
to do or was trying to do to me,could actually end up hurting
(22:37):
you even more.
Angie Yu (22:38):
Yes.
Yes, that's right.
Actually, that's a great point.
And I think that the biggestpart of recovery is to be like,
you know what?
He was a narcissist.
I will never understand becauseI'm not a narcissist and a
narcissist can not date anarcissist because they would
both be trying to suck theenergy out of the other
Kristy Yee (22:55):
The world was as implode.
Angie Yu (22:57):
doesn't work.
Right.
So I, yeah, I guess the, foranybody who's listening, who is
recovering from trauma with anarcissist, it's like, Hey, no.
Yeah.
Like Chrissy said, no need toanalyze it because one only
holds you back.
And two, you will neverunderstood.
If you are not an narcissist,you will never understand it.
You can, kind of understand thatthis is the kind of person they
are, but you will neverunderstand why, like what
(23:19):
prompts somebody to do, stufflike that.
And I think that was what I wasstruggling with.
The hardest.
It took me a really long timebecause I was analyzing nonstop
because for me, I think we'vetalked about this.
How for me, when I try tounderstand, if I'm going through
some sort of emotion and it'ssomething that I don't like the
feeling of, I just try toanalyze it until that feeling
goes away, which is notprocessing, analyze over
(23:42):
analyzing a feeling and actuallyprocessing that feeling is
completely different.
Kristy Yee (23:46):
Correct.
Sometimes when you overanalyze,it's almost a distraction from
actually processing the emotionsthat you need to be.
Angie Yu (23:54):
absolutely it's like a hundred percent and it's a, it's
a defense mechanism.
It's, it's painful to feel thatway.
And I think I saw that in theReddit comments, like the fans
who are longterm, viewers of
Kristy Yee (24:07):
I was going to say fans, the bands who were long
term
Angie Yu (24:14):
people have like, they have built a relationship with
I'm sure it was like painful forthem to hear this too.
Right.
Like what happened?
You know, as viewers, and asthese fans are going through the
motions of like, holy shit, whathappened?
they're trying to overanalyze totry to process what happened,
but again, it's not the samething.
One of the other, very tellingthings was that this is where
(24:35):
like some of the commenters arejust like, whoa, like how do
people even get this?
But she obviously made her ownchannel to make her own
Instagram, to distance herselffrom him because he refused to
make his own stuff.
so while she was doing that, hernew page had followed a
narcissist recovery, Instagrampage, and she had shared
resources from them and she has,liked their posts.
(24:57):
And when I saw thosescreenshots, I was like, damn,
I've done that.
I did that one.
You know, of course, one, as Iwant other people to know what a
piece of shit he was.
So I wanted to share and belike, this is what I'm going
through, which is, you know, nothealthy, but when you're in that
space, you need to convinceother people to convince
yourself that you're not stupidfor falling.
(25:17):
And I think she was doing thesame cause they were married for
so long and yeah.
I think they were married inlike, I dunno, 2005, 2006 or
something like that.
so the fact that she was doingall these things, some people
say, well, she's just trying toget attention and you know what?
That's probably not wrongbecause when I did that, I was
trying to get attention, but Iwas trying to get attention in
the form of like, look, I'm notcrazy.
(25:38):
What you see is not a hundredpercent the story.
And I that's part of it too.
So obviously when I saw her dothat, I was like, this is why
I'm so obsessed with the storyof.
And I remember messaging my bestfriend, Christine, about what
happened.
She's like, oh yeah.
I saw the updates and whatever,and I didn't really look into it
because I didn't feel like it'smy business.
And I'm like, that's exactly howI felt until I saw that video.
(26:00):
Cause all, all the things thathe was doing just reminded me so
much of my ex that I was like,oh, triggered.
Kristy Yee (26:05):
it's like you are seeing this poor girl going
through pretty much a verysimilar path that you had once
walked on and you related sohard and you had so much empathy
for this person.
And then on top of that, seeinghow the ex had reacted and how
he had behaved was an additionaltriggering layer, because that
(26:28):
just reminded you of your ownshitty ex.
Angie Yu (26:31):
Yes, that's right.
I do hope that from herexperience and her going through
this and some of her fans, likea lot of her fans are younger
people, other people with likeinvisible illnesses.
They will see this and be like,huh?
Why is she looking intoresources like this?
If she can be married to someonelike that for so long.
And she's smart, intelligent,really creative.
Then if I go through this, thenthat's okay.
(26:52):
It doesn't make me an idiotbecause for a really long time,
I felt like an idiot.
I always thought I was prettysmart, but like, how could I
fall for something like this?
Right.
But again, they, use tactics tocontrol you, you know,
narcissists do all these greatthings to control you.
And.
It's not like, I don't know howto say this.
Like, I don't want to be like,oh, I wish there was somebody
there who told me he was anarcissist, but you know, it's
(27:13):
not like that.
Cause I, I am glad that I cameout stronger from this.
but yeah, the whole triggeringthing I think is just once you
have come out of a abusiverelationship with a narcissist,
you just become so good atrecognizing it.
Kristy Yee (27:26):
I think another pro out of this, specifically about
that, girl YouTuber is thathopefully for her fans to see
that people aren't perfect oneither ends, like he was not
what the fans thought he was.
And she is also.
Being so much stronger thanpeople might give her credit
for, by looking into theseresources and by sharing these
(27:48):
resources.
And again, hopefully that thesefans, one of the takeaways is
like, okay, first of all, theseresources exists.
Number two is that, oh, wow.
This person that I reallyadmire, that I look up to that I
follow also uses theseresources.
So that means like a lot ofpeople need these resources.
It's kind of like normalizingthe use of resources,
Angie Yu (28:07):
Mm.
Yes.
Yes.
That is a great way to think ofit as normalizing the use of a
resources.
And this is stuff that I hadnever even known was a thing.
You hear like, oh, that person'ssuch a narcissist.
It's usually like, oh, they'rebeing like a really selfish
person.
but now I really understand whata narcissist truly is and I can
be like, yeah, you know why hewasn't around.
Kristy Yee (29:28):
Since watching that YouTube video and you know where
you are now, I know you're nolonger triggered we've had this
conversation, you felt a lotbetter even just by having this
conversation, not today, butlike with other, I mean, today
as well, I'm going to take somecredit for that, but also with
other people offline, right.
That in itself made you feel alot better.
(29:48):
Any other tips for what to dowhen you do feel triggered?
And I know triggering can becaused by so many different ways
and the magnitude can be very,very different, but specifically
to something that like remindsyou of a past relationship or
something that was, you know,reminded you of a very toxic
behavior from someone, whatwould you say are some tips on
(30:09):
how to go beyond that trigger?
What happens post trigger?
Angie Yu (30:15):
I can speak about it from my experience.
Right.
Cause I guess everyone has adifferent way of going through
triggers.
Or moving through triggers forme, I'm a pretty angry,
triggered person.
So the first thing, the firstthing I did when I was triggered
was I ranted to Christine andshe's like, what?
Like, you know, like, and I'mlike, it's the video that video,
(30:37):
the video made me really angry.
And then she, I don't know.
Cause she knows me so well.
She just kept asking mequestions where I'm like, okay,
I guess it's not that big of adeal that I'm triggered or
whatever.
like, so react, however you needto react.
it's okay.
If you're a trigger, that's youremotions.
Don't suppress it just as longas you're not hurting anybody
else, just let your emotions outif you are triggered because
that's what they're there for.
Right.
Kristy Yee (30:57):
let it come out naturally the way that it wants
to come out, as long as you'renot hurting yourself or other
people.
Angie Yu (31:03):
Exactly don't hurt anyone, including yourself.
And, the next thing would justto talk to somebody about it.
Like I was triggered by this,what the fuck?
And usually if it's a goodfriend, they'll understand what
you're going through or whatthey can at least sympathize.
Kristy Yee (31:17):
And they'll probably give you some perspectives too,
because when you're in such ahigh emotional state, you know,
we don't think very clearly, andwe don't really have very clear
perspectives.
So it's helpful when you havethis conversation with someone
else and they can be like, okay,
Angie Yu (31:35):
Yeah, exactly.
And that's exactly whatChristine did.
I would say that it's reallyeasy to fall into the trap of
trauma bonding.
If it's somebody who has theexact same perspective as you,
and that's exactly what Redditwas doing, it was uniting all
these people who felt the sameway.
Everyone was ranting from theexact same perspective.
(31:56):
And after a while, it's nothealthy because for those of,
for those people who don't knowhow to stop, they're going to
keep digging and keep diggingfor stuff to feel triggered by.
And that's what trauma bondingis.
And it's unhealthy as well.
So having a friend who.
can give you a differentperspective.
It's a good thing.
Obviously, my first reaction toher, like not reacting the same
(32:20):
way as me was like, what thehell?
You don't understand me.
Right,
Kristy Yee (32:24):
you're supposed to be.
Angie Yu (32:27):
exactly.
But of course, in hindsight,that's like a better way to
respond to a friend's trigger.
And hopefully your friend isunderstanding enough to know
that you're not, not siding withthem.
Just that your PR providing adifferent perspective.
Kristy Yee (32:41):
So you said that there's going to be no takeaways
today.
There's a fuck ton of takeaways
Angie Yu (32:45):
Oh my God.
There's so many takeaways.
Kristy Yee (32:46):
So, the first one is really to go with your gut,
whatever your gut feeling is atwhatever situation that you are
in to go with that gut and trynot to be influenced by what
other people are trying to tellyou.
The other one is appearances canbe hella fucking deceitful, and
we don't fucking know whathappens behind other people's
(33:08):
closed doors.
Third one is YouTubers or justpeople.
Celebrities are just humans.
We all go through similar shit,even though we live, maybe we
live different lifestyles, butwe all have emotions.
We all are going to be hurt andthere's going to be some good
ones and there's going to besome not so good ones out there.
The fourth one is over-analyzingcan cause you more pain.
(33:31):
So check in with yourself, checkin with a friend to see if maybe
are you spiraling into somecrazy rabbit hole situation.
And if you are see if you canget someone to help pull you
back out of that, because thatcan cause more damage.
Especially when it's a time tobe processing the information or
the emotion, rather than try toavoid it by over-analyzing it
(33:54):
to.
And the fifth one is people arealways going to have their
fucking opinions, especially iflike these YouTubers is going to
be people who agree with themand people who don't agree with
them.
Right?
This is today.
We're speaking from Angie'sperspective about what had
happened in this situation.
We're just spectators in this.
We're just fellow fans watchingthis drama unfold, and we have
(34:15):
our own opinions and otherpeople will have their own
opinions as well.
And they might not agree withus.
And that's okay too.
People are always going to havetheir opinions.
So whatever decision or choicesthat you make in life, it really
is not about them.
Angie Yu (34:29):
Yeah.
And you know, for me, I relateto her more because I've been
through something similar.
So I'm biased towards that, butmaybe someone else relates to
him more so they're there on hisside.
Right.
People take sides and you know,as much as we can say, like, try
not to take sides, like I I'mtaking a side, obviously.
Kristy Yee (34:47):
there's always.
Angie Yu (34:49):
yes and no side is the same.
Is that what you were going tosay?
Kristy Yee (34:55):
No, but I don't really know what I was going to
say, but that was great.
Angie Yu (35:00):
yeah, I think, okay.
So there's this one thing that Iread.
So obviously like in my posttrauma recovery stage, I
followed and looked at a lot ofthose healing, Instagram pages.
And to be honest, like as cheesyas they might look or say.
They do help for somebody who'sgoing through trauma.
They do help because they like alot of this stuff, stuff they
(35:21):
say is the same, but afterrepeating it and they reiterate
like, like you're not broken,you're not dumb.
Things happen.
Shit happens.
It does help.
And one of the ones that I readthat really resonated with me
was that there is no singleversion of you.
And that made me go, whoa,because after what happened, I
really, really cared about myimage because my image was
(35:44):
tarnished so much by this event.
Like another fortunate thing wasthat he had actually admitted
that he was cheating to some ofour mutual friends.
He admitted it in a group chat,like there's a screenshot of it.
So, because he had admitted it,my friends were like, you know,
It was not good of you to dragAngie through the mud like that.
And that made me feel sovalidated that I wanted the same
(36:06):
from everyone else.
No matter whether or not I wasclose with them or not.
So I really cared about my imageand there was this quote that
made me go relax, like chill thefuck out.
Not everybody needs to know whathappened.
Not everybody needs to know.
your side of the story.
Like it doesn't matter.
Kristy Yee (36:21):
Not everybody needs to like you because not
everybody does.
Angie Yu (36:25):
Well, not even like, for me, it wasn't even like when
I just want people to know that,like, I didn't, I wasn't, I
didn't do anything wrong.
Kristy Yee (36:30):
I wasn't in the wrong, like.
Angie Yu (36:32):
Like, of course I did do things wrong, but it wasn't
like, you know, it was like, heactually did this huge thing
wrong.
Like I just
Kristy Yee (36:38):
But that's like a, that's like an ego thing now.
That's almost kind of like, it'salmost like what the dude, you
do bird dead.
It was like, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I did these little things wrong,but like she did all these big
things wrong.
Angie Yu (36:51):
Yeah, sort of, yeah, kind of.
I think for me, it was becausehe had already come in so many
people that I was the crazy onethat I wanted to undo that
damage.
So there was even a mutual guyfriend who literally told me
that he was convinced that I wascrazy until some other friend
told him what had actuallyhappened.
And for me it was like, that wasreally like, what the fuck?
(37:13):
Like, whoa, he had actually,succeeded in convincing a mutual
friend that I was crazy.
So after that, I really wantedto do a lot of like damage
control.
But then when I read this quote,it was like, there's not a
single version of you, everyperson.
Version of you is different.
And I was like, yeah, you knowwhat, that's fine.
And it was only after I readthat quote that I learn to relax
a little bit about damagecontrol, because it's not the
(37:34):
same thing.
So I guess I that's, that partis relatable because that's what
she did as well.
She tried to kind of expose himfor what he did because she was
of course traumatized and bitterjust like I was.
But then she ended upapologizing for dragging people
into it and she just moved onfrom it.
And when she did that, I movedon to, I no longer looked at
(37:55):
what was going on with ourdrama.
I was like, good.
Like she's now moving on.
And for some reason that made mefeel like I could move on to.
Kristy Yee (38:02):
Nice.
I think that's a great way toend our episode today.
Just fucking move on.
Angie Yu (38:08):
Which is harder
Kristy Yee (38:09):
Always easier to set up than done.
Always easier said than done.
Angie Yu (38:12):
but hopefully we have provided some tips on how to do
so.
Kristy Yee (38:16):
In our next episode, we are going to be talking about
periods because one of our pooptroops asked us specifically to
talk about menstruation.
So tune in for that episode.
Angie Yu (38:27):
Yeah.
I'm so excited.
I can't wait.
I love talking aboutmenstruation.
Kristy Yee (38:32):
I almost want to tailor this episode for Men.
Angie Yu (38:36):
me too.
Kristy Yee (38:36):
because we know we've we already, we
Angie Yu (38:40):
you know, we know, what this?
We ask them, tell me one factabout periods and ask me a
question about periods.
And then sometimes if they tellus a fact that's wrong, that'd
be pretty funny.
Kristy Yee (38:52):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Angie Yu (38:53):
Yeah.
You know what?
Let's just do my offense.
Just ask, ask like an arrange,like a range of male friends.
Also ask John and ask Nick.
Kristy Yee (39:02):
Uh, we'll
Angie Yu (39:02):
I'll get, this will be so much fun.
(39:36):
Okay.
This, this website I actuallytrust it's the Atlantic.
and Cities with the highestdensity of sugar daddies, uh,
distribution per 1000 males,Atlanta, number one at 19
Vancouver, number two at 13,sugar daddies per 1000 males.
(39:57):
Yeah.
Kristy Yee (39:58):
that's quite a bit.
Angie Yu (39:59):
Vancouver is above like all the other things is the
Kristy Yee (40:03):
So there's a lot of sugar daddies in Vancouver.
Angie Yu (40:06):
males.
Kristy Yee (40:07):
Dang.
So I'm going to move back now.
If I needed a reason to moveback, it's not because my
partner is there.
It's not because all my friendsand family are there.
It's because it has the highestamount of sugar
Angie Yu (40:20):
But then again, it's quantity, not quality, although
I don't know if there's suchthing as a quality sugar daddy.
Kristy Yee (40:26):
I think what matters is what are they called?
Sugar babies, the sugar babies.
You want to have low quantity,high quality.
And then the, the sugar daddiesyou want high quantity and high
quality.
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