So… let’s talk about conflict. That fun little thing where you suddenly morph into a passive-aggressive cryptkeeper, your heart rate spikes over a minor disagreement, and somehow you’re in a full-blown existential crisis because someone looked at you the wrong way in a meeting.
Whether you're a chronic avoider who'd rather fake your own death than have a tough conversation, or you throw down like it's an emotional UFC match every time someone disagrees with you, this episode’s for you.
Join us on the O'Neil Counseling app here: https://www.oneilcounseling.com/app-landing-page
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
So let's talk about conflict. That fun little thing where you
suddenly morph into a passive aggressive crypt keeper, your
heart rate spikes over minor disagreement, and somehow you're
in a full blown existential crisis because someone looked at
(00:24):
you the wrong way in a meeting. Whether you're a chronic avoider
who'd rather fake your own deaththan have a tough conversation,
or you throw down like it's an emotional UFC match every time
someone disagrees with you, thisepisode's for you.
Because guess what? Conflict isn't the enemy or
(00:49):
communication is. And most of us were handed
absolutely 0 tools for how to deal with that growing up, and
less your family's idea of resolution was slamming doors,
icy silence or sarcastic jabs served with dinner.
(01:11):
In which case same. But conflict doesn't have to be
a dumpster fire. It can be productive repairing
even. Brace yourself, healthy.
So buckle up, buttercup. Today, we're unpacking the art
(01:34):
of addressing conflict without losing your dignity, your mind,
or your last shred of emotional bandwidth.
Let's get into it. Conflict is inevitable, like
(01:58):
Wi-Fi dropping in the middle of a crucial Zoom call or your
favorite snack getting discontinued just when you got
hooked. But here's the deal.
How you handle conflict is what separates the emotionally
evolved from the one still metaphorically flipping tables.
(02:21):
Whether it's with your partner, your best friend, that Co worker
who thinks replying per my last e-mail isn't passive aggressive,
or your family member who bringsup that embarrassing story at
every gathering. The way you navigate
disagreements can either strengthen relationships or turn
(02:44):
them into a slow motion train wreck.
Instead of defaulting to fight flight or full on emotional
meltdown mode, AKA the unofficial Trauma Olympics, it's
time to level up your conflict resolution game.
I'm talking about upgrading fromemotionally stunted middle
(03:06):
schooler to someone who can actually handle disagreement
without turning it into a soap opera scene.
That means actually listening, like with your ears, not just
staring blankly while mentally crafting your Oscar winning
comeback speech. It means resisting the urge to
(03:30):
pop off over every eye roll, late text, or tone that vaguely
reminds you of your 8th grade nemesis.
Keeping your cool doesn't mean being a doormat.
It means knowing when to stand your ground and when to set your
ego down. It's about communicating like an
(03:52):
adult and not like a contestant on The Real Housewives of
unprocessed baggage. And let's be clear, saying I'm
just brutally honest. While verbally body slamming
someone isn't a personality trait, it's emotional laziness
dressed up as confidence. Expressing earthless self should
(04:15):
feel like a bridge, not a bulldozer.
So yeah, conflict is inevitable.But drama?
That part's optional. Let's learn how to fight fair,
speak clearly, and maybe, just maybe, not ruin every
(04:37):
relationship we care about in the name of being right.
Mastering conflict resolution isn't about becoming some Zen
monk who never gets annoyed or magically glides through life
without ever disagreeing with another human.
Because spoiler alert, that's called being a ghost.
Not emotionally involved. Evolved.
(05:00):
It's about learning how to deal with the inevitable chaos of
human interaction without turning every disagreement into
a cage match. You're not trying to win an
argument like it's the final boss battle of your
relationship. You're trying to walk away with
mutual understanding, intact dignity, and maybe even a little
(05:22):
growth if the stars align. Real conflict resolution is when
you can say what you need without resorting to sarcasm,
screaming, or an emotionally charged PowerPoint presentation
you whipped up out of spite. It's when both sides feel heard,
respected, and only mildly tempted to go with each other
(05:45):
afterward. And yeah, it takes effort, but
so does cleaning your kitchen, and you still managed to do that
every once in a while, right? So now that we've established
that flipping tables and delivering Oscar worthy
monologues in the heat of the moment aren't exactly peak
(06:05):
conflict resolution strategies, let's talk about the real MVP of
handling disagreements actually listening.
Yeah, wild concept, right? Most people listen the way a cat
(06:27):
acknowledges your existence, just waiting for their turn to
do whatever they were going to do anyway.
But if you want to actually resolve conflict instead of
fueling it, you've got to tune in like your Wi-Fi signal
(06:47):
depends on it. That means practicing active
listening, not just nodding likea bobblehead, but paraphrasing
what the other person said so you don't completely butcher
their point. So what I hear you saying is.
And no, not in a sarcastic way. It also means shutting up while
(07:12):
they're talking. Yes, even if you've already
crafted the perfect rebuttal in your head.
And if something doesn't make sense, ask.
Don't just assume and run with your own dramatic
interpretation. And let's be real, none of this
works if you're running on pure rage fumes.
(07:34):
If you feel yourself about to Hulk out mid conversation, hit
the brakes, step away, take a breath, go scream into a pillow.
If necessary, just do not unleash your emotions like a
busted fire hydrant. Heated conversations lead to
(07:57):
defensive spirals and suddenly instead of solving the problem,
you're both locked in a battle of who can be the most stubborn.
Regulate your emotions first, then come back when you can
communicate like a functioning human instead of a
(08:17):
malfunctioning siren. Here's the thing, You can't
actually resolve a conflict if you're just bidding your time
like a shady chess player waiting for the perfect moment
to launch your next verbal smackdown.
That's not listening. That's strategizing for
emotional combat. If you're in our monologue
(08:41):
sounds like, oh, just wait till I bring up that thing they said
last month, Then congratulations, you're not
resolving a damn thing. You're emotionally shadowboxing.
Now once you are listening like a functional human being snaps
(09:01):
for you, we've got to address how you say things because brace
yourself. Tone matters a lot.
Come in hot with the you never listen to me or you clearly
don't care and boom, defensive Shields activated.
(09:26):
It's like pressing the big red panic and deflect button on
their emotional dashboard and once that wall goes up, you're
not having a conversation anymore, you're throwing
emotional spaghetti at a brick. Here's the wild idea.
Try using I statements. And no, this isn't some kumbaya
(09:49):
let's hold hands therapy gimmick, it's psychological jiu
jitsu. Saying I feel dismissed when my
input gets ignored still gets the point across without making
the other person feel like you're trying to verbally suplex
them. It's assertive, not aggressive,
(10:11):
honest, not accusatory. Basically, it lets you say what
you mean without launching a full blown character
assassination. And once you've mastered the
radical art of not starting a fight with your tone, let's talk
common ground. I know, I know, you're right,
(10:34):
they're wrong, and you've got a color-coded mental spreadsheet
to prove it. But even if you're standing on
completely different planets emotionally, there's probably
something you both care about. Maybe it's preserving the
relationship. Maybe it's making sure your
(10:54):
group project doesn't implode ina flaming mess of unmet
expectations and passive aggressive Slack messages.
The hell? Maybe it's just wanting to not
rehash this exact same argument again next Tuesday.
So instead of turning it into meversus You Rage Edition, try
(11:16):
flipping the script to US versusthe Problem.
You'd be amazed how much smoother things go when you're
both aiming for resolution instead of emotional domination.
Because, yeah, winning an argument gives you that
temporary high until you're eating dinner in total silence
(11:39):
and wondering why your partner is clanking their fork with
enough aggression to qualify as Morse code.
Solving the actual issue, though?
That's what keeps the relationship or friendship or
team or mental stability from turning into a never ending
(11:59):
reboot of who hurt who this time.
So next time conflict comes knocking, leave the flame flower
flame thrower at the door, grab your empathy and maybe a snack.
And remember. Tone it down, talk it out, and
try not to emotionally tackle someone in the name of being
(12:20):
right. And you know what else people
just love to whip out when they're feeling spicy and
emotionally constipated? Dredging up the past like
they're auditioning for CSI Emotional Crimes Unit.
You're mid discussion trying to address something actually
(12:41):
current, and suddenly it's like,well, you didn't seem to care
this much when you forgot our anniversary in 2017.
Excuse me? We were talking about trash day,
not your archived list of grievances dating back to the
Obama administration. That's not conflict resolution.
(13:04):
That's emotional hoarding. And spoiler alert, nobody looks
good covered in years of dust and unresolved drama.
Stick to the issue. You can't have a constructive
conversation when you're constantly dragging in old
receipts like you're trying to win a courtroom case with
(13:27):
Exhibit A. The time you slightly
disappointed me in 2019. It doesn't help, it doesn't
heal. It just turns what could have
been a 10 minute conversation into a full blown relationship
autopsy. Now let's talk about the other
fan favorite conflict derailmenttactic, Dodging accountability.
(13:53):
If conflict were a dodgeball game, some of y'all would be
national champions. Look, if you messed up, own it.
You don't need to drop to your knees and cry out in
Shakespearean guilt. Just say, yeah, I did that.
I see how it hurt you. I'm sorry.
(14:16):
Boom. No excuses, no plot twists, no
surprise guest stars from grievances past.
You know what doesn't count as taking responsibility?
That little gremlin of a sentence.
Yeah, but you. No, don't do it.
(14:38):
That's not resolution. That's blame ping pong.
That's two people smacking accusations back and forth until
everyone's dizzy and nothing actually gets resolved.
Congratulations, you've now wasted 45 minutes and your
emotional energy and the trash still isn't taken out.
(15:00):
Taking responsibility doesn't mean admitting you're the worst
person on earth. It just means you're emotionally
mature enough to say hey, I contributed to this mess and I
care enough to clean it up. It's called being an adult, not
a courtroom gladiator. So next time you're tempted to
(15:21):
resurrect every argument you've ever buried or deflect like it's
your full time job, maybe pause and ask yourself, am I trying to
resolve this or am I trying to win?
Because spoiler, in healthy conflict, winning usually looks
(15:42):
like mutual clarity, not a mic drop.
Now listen, even with all this top tier emotionally evolved
conflict resolution wisdom underyour belt, you enlightened
boundary setting badass you, some people will still test your
(16:03):
patience like a toddler with a drum set or a self checkout
machine that keeps yelling unexpected item in the bagging
area. That's when you whip out the big
guns. Boundaries.
Boundaries are not you being dramatic or too sensitive,
(16:23):
they're you deciding not to let other people treat your mental
health like a doormat with a welcome sign that says sure
emotionally trample me. I'm cool with it.
Whether it's a Co worker who thinks urgent means maybe next
week, a friend who confuses joking with backhanded insults,
(16:47):
or your Aunt Linda who can't go one family dinner without
stirring the pot and seasoning it with unsolicited life advice,
boundaries are your firewall. And here's the kicker.
Setting boundaries doesn't make you rude, it makes you clear.
(17:10):
Clarity isn't cruelty. Saying hey, I'm not OK with
being talked to like that if it happens again, I'm stepping away
isn't aggressive. It's adulting with a spine.
Boundaries aren't up for debate.They're not a group project, and
(17:33):
they don't require a PowerPoint presentation for approval.
They are your line in the sand, and if someone keeps dragging
their crusty little feet over it, they can go kick rocks.
Now, even if you've mastered thearts, the sacred arts of
listening, tone control, and firm boundary enforcement, let's
(17:57):
be real, conflict can still go off the rails.
Because, shocker, other people have egos, triggers, and bad
days too. So if things start escalating
and the conversation shifts frommild disagreement to emotional
(18:18):
WWE match, it's time to tap the hell out.
Taking a break doesn't mean you're running away from the
issue. It means you're wise enough to
not solve a problem while both of you are one eye twitch away
from screaming in to a void. Nothing productive has ever come
(18:38):
from 2 grown adults emotionally arm wrestling while cortisol
floods their systems and passiveaggressive energy crackles in
the air like a thunderstorm in hell.
So say something like I need a minute to cool off.
Let's come back to this when we're not both emotionally
flammable. Boom.
(18:59):
Mature, respectful, and most importantly, non explosive.
Because you know what's worse than conflict?
Conflict that's been turbocharged by stress, bad
timing, and two people who forgot that this is not an
episode of reality TV. You're not being filmed, there's
(19:21):
no audience vote. So step back, regroup, and
return to the ring when you're less likely to verbally drop
kick someone out of sheer spite.At this point, you've done all
the things. You listened like you actually
gave a damn. You asked clarifying questions
(19:42):
without rolling your eyes. Well done.
You dropped those silky smooth eye statements like a
communication wizard. You took accountability without
throwing in a passive aggressive, but you also bonus
round. You set boundaries like a boss,
and you tapped out when things got too hot to handle.
You navigated the emotional minefield like you had Google
(20:05):
Maps and divine intervention on your side.
Gold Star. But here's the plot twist.
None of that matters if your main goal is to win.
Because hot take incoming, Conflict resolution is not a
(20:27):
competitive sport. There's no trophy for most
righteous in an argument. And even if there were, guess
what? You'd still go to bed annoyed
and that issue still unresolved,just simmering like a passive
aggressive crockpot. If your end game is to land a
(20:50):
mic drop moment so legendary it echoes through the emotional
hallways of your relationship forever, Congrats, you've
officially earned yourself a front row seat to this exact
same argument happening again next Tuesday with snacks and a
stronger sense of resentment. Here's the real T Conflict isn't
(21:16):
a courtroom drama, and the otherperson isn't your cross
examination target. You don't need to build an
airtight case with timestamps, screenshots, and that one thing
they said in 2020. You need to solve the damn
problem. That means compromise.
(21:39):
That means maybe, just maybe, letting go of being right if it
means you both get to stop reenacting the same emotional
cage match over and over. And yeah, sometimes compromise
feels like trying to negotiate peace between two toddlers mid
tantrum. Some conflicts are like trying
(22:01):
to untangle a pair of ancient earbuds from the bottom of your
bag, annoying, nodded in every direction, and somehow sticky
for reasons you do not want to investigate.
If you've been arguing on repeatwith 0 progress and your best
communication efforts are still landing like wet spaghetti on a
(22:23):
wall, it might be time to bring in a third party.
That's right, get help. Whether it's a therapist, a
mediator, your HR person, or your emotionally Switzerland
esque friend who refuses to takesides and has the patience of a
monk. Sometimes the best move is to
(22:46):
tag in somebody who's not personally untangled in the
chaos. A neutral party can help decode
what you're both really saying underneath the yelling, the eye
rolls, and the sarcastic I'm fines.
Because at the end of the day, the goal isn't to dominate, it's
(23:06):
to deescalate, to solve the issue, not win the war.
And if you find yourself constantly winning, but your
relationships are still circlingthe drain and maybe it's time to
rethink the prize you're chasing.
Conflict gets treated like the evil stepmother of emotional
(23:30):
experiences, dramatic, exhausting, and usually blamed
for everything going wrong. But real talk, conflict isn't
the villain. It's not out here twirling its
mustache and trying to sabotage your relationships.
It's just wildly misunderstood. Like, yeah, if you handle it
(23:54):
like a caffeinated raccoon in a room full of glassware, sure,
it's going to go poorly. But if you come at it with
actual emotional tools instead of just vibes and old trauma
responses, conflicts can be transformative.
I think of it like relationship resistance training.
(24:17):
Annoying as hell in the moment, but it builds stronger emotional
muscles when you don't come in swinging like it's a verbal
Mortal Kombat match. When you actually pause,
breathe, and approach with something resembling empathy.
Yes, empathy, AKA trying to understand their perspective
(24:42):
instead of internally scripting your next mic drop line.
That's when the magic happens. Because here's the deal.
When you enter a disagreement with the goal of actual
resolution, not ego boosts, not character assassinations, not a
perfectly timed I told you so, you build something way more
(25:06):
valuable than a win. You build trust.
You show the other person that even when things get messy,
you're not there to dominate or dodge.
You're there to deal. Like an adult.
A very emotionally tired adult, maybe, but still.
(25:30):
And look, we've all been guilty of bottling things up like a
shaken soda can, just waiting for the moment it explodes mid
discussion because someone daredto load the dishwasher wrong.
But healthy conflict skips the explosion.
It forces you to say what you actually mean instead of letting
(25:53):
petty resentments Stew until it has its own zip code.
At the end of the day, conflict isn't the problem.
Avoidance, ego deflection, and sarcasm as a primary language,
Those are the problems. So let's stop acting like
(26:15):
conflict is this apocalyptic emotional event and start
treating it like what it actually is.
A slightly uncomfortable but completely fixable part of being
a person who talks to other people.
It's not the end of the world, it's the beginning of a real
conversation. So here's the bottom line.
(26:40):
Conflict isn't the enemy, it's just the emotionally awkward Co
worker of communication. Little intense, sometimes messy,
but ultimately trying its best to help things move forward.
When you stop treating disagreements like emotional
warfare and start handling them with actual tools, listening,
(27:06):
accountability, boundaries, tone, and maybe a little grace,
you go from chaos coordinator toconnection builder.
Sure, you'll still have moments where you want to scream into a
pillow or send a rage text with too many commas.
(27:26):
You're human. But the goal isn't perfection,
It's progress. Conflict done right builds
trust, deepens connection, and keeps you from bottling up your
feelings. Feelings like a shaken Lacroix.
It's not about winning. It's about understanding and
(27:50):
maybe not ending every conversation with a dramatic
sigh and a slam door. So the next time you feel the
tension rise, take a breath, channel your inner emotionally
regulated bad bitch, and remember you've got options
besides yelling, ghosting, or over explaining yourself into an
(28:14):
existential crisis. Thanks for pushing.
Play on Shrink Wrapped, where weunpack the messy, the
meaningful, and the mildly unhinged parts of mental health,
one brutally honest episode at atime.
Catch you next time for another guided journal entry, and until
(28:34):
then, go forth and communicate like you've been to at least one
therapy session.
So let's talk about conflict. That fun little thing where you
suddenly morph into a passive aggressive crypt keeper, your
heart rate spikes over minor disagreement, and somehow you're
in a full blown existential crisis because someone looked at
(00:24):
you the wrong way in a meeting. Whether you're a chronic avoider
who'd rather fake your own deaththan have a tough conversation,
or you throw down like it's an emotional UFC match every time
someone disagrees with you, thisepisode's for you.
Because guess what? Conflict isn't the enemy or
(00:49):
communication is. And most of us were handed
absolutely 0 tools for how to deal with that growing up, and
less your family's idea of resolution was slamming doors,
icy silence or sarcastic jabs served with dinner.
(01:11):
In which case same. But conflict doesn't have to be
a dumpster fire. It can be productive repairing
even. Brace yourself, healthy.
So buckle up, buttercup. Today, we're unpacking the art
(01:34):
of addressing conflict without losing your dignity, your mind,
or your last shred of emotional bandwidth.
Let's get into it. Conflict is inevitable, like
(01:58):
Wi-Fi dropping in the middle of a crucial Zoom call or your
favorite snack getting discontinued just when you got
hooked. But here's the deal.
How you handle conflict is what separates the emotionally
evolved from the one still metaphorically flipping tables.
(02:21):
Whether it's with your partner, your best friend, that Co worker
who thinks replying per my last e-mail isn't passive aggressive,
or your family member who bringsup that embarrassing story at
every gathering. The way you navigate
disagreements can either strengthen relationships or turn
(02:44):
them into a slow motion train wreck.
Instead of defaulting to fight flight or full on emotional
meltdown mode, AKA the unofficial Trauma Olympics, it's
time to level up your conflict resolution game.
I'm talking about upgrading fromemotionally stunted middle
(03:06):
schooler to someone who can actually handle disagreement
without turning it into a soap opera scene.
That means actually listening, like with your ears, not just
staring blankly while mentally crafting your Oscar winning
comeback speech. It means resisting the urge to
(03:30):
pop off over every eye roll, late text, or tone that vaguely
reminds you of your 8th grade nemesis.
Keeping your cool doesn't mean being a doormat.
It means knowing when to stand your ground and when to set your
ego down. It's about communicating like an
(03:52):
adult and not like a contestant on The Real Housewives of
unprocessed baggage. And let's be clear, saying I'm
just brutally honest. While verbally body slamming
someone isn't a personality trait, it's emotional laziness
dressed up as confidence. Expressing earthless self should
(04:15):
feel like a bridge, not a bulldozer.
So yeah, conflict is inevitable.But drama?
That part's optional. Let's learn how to fight fair,
speak clearly, and maybe, just maybe, not ruin every
(04:37):
relationship we care about in the name of being right.
Mastering conflict resolution isn't about becoming some Zen
monk who never gets annoyed or magically glides through life
without ever disagreeing with another human.
Because spoiler alert, that's called being a ghost.
Not emotionally involved. Evolved.
(05:00):
It's about learning how to deal with the inevitable chaos of
human interaction without turning every disagreement into
a cage match. You're not trying to win an
argument like it's the final boss battle of your
relationship. You're trying to walk away with
mutual understanding, intact dignity, and maybe even a little
(05:22):
growth if the stars align. Real conflict resolution is when
you can say what you need without resorting to sarcasm,
screaming, or an emotionally charged PowerPoint presentation
you whipped up out of spite. It's when both sides feel heard,
respected, and only mildly tempted to go with each other
(05:45):
afterward. And yeah, it takes effort, but
so does cleaning your kitchen, and you still managed to do that
every once in a while, right? So now that we've established
that flipping tables and delivering Oscar worthy
monologues in the heat of the moment aren't exactly peak
(06:05):
conflict resolution strategies, let's talk about the real MVP of
handling disagreements actually listening.
Yeah, wild concept, right? Most people listen the way a cat
(06:27):
acknowledges your existence, just waiting for their turn to
do whatever they were going to do anyway.
But if you want to actually resolve conflict instead of
fueling it, you've got to tune in like your Wi-Fi signal
(06:47):
depends on it. That means practicing active
listening, not just nodding likea bobblehead, but paraphrasing
what the other person said so you don't completely butcher
their point. So what I hear you saying is.
And no, not in a sarcastic way. It also means shutting up while
(07:12):
they're talking. Yes, even if you've already
crafted the perfect rebuttal in your head.
And if something doesn't make sense, ask.
Don't just assume and run with your own dramatic
interpretation. And let's be real, none of this
works if you're running on pure rage fumes.
(07:34):
If you feel yourself about to Hulk out mid conversation, hit
the brakes, step away, take a breath, go scream into a pillow.
If necessary, just do not unleash your emotions like a
busted fire hydrant. Heated conversations lead to
(07:57):
defensive spirals and suddenly instead of solving the problem,
you're both locked in a battle of who can be the most stubborn.
Regulate your emotions first, then come back when you can
communicate like a functioning human instead of a
(08:17):
malfunctioning siren. Here's the thing, You can't
actually resolve a conflict if you're just bidding your time
like a shady chess player waiting for the perfect moment
to launch your next verbal smackdown.
That's not listening. That's strategizing for
emotional combat. If you're in our monologue
(08:41):
sounds like, oh, just wait till I bring up that thing they said
last month, Then congratulations, you're not
resolving a damn thing. You're emotionally shadowboxing.
Now once you are listening like a functional human being snaps
(09:01):
for you, we've got to address how you say things because brace
yourself. Tone matters a lot.
Come in hot with the you never listen to me or you clearly
don't care and boom, defensive Shields activated.
(09:26):
It's like pressing the big red panic and deflect button on
their emotional dashboard and once that wall goes up, you're
not having a conversation anymore, you're throwing
emotional spaghetti at a brick. Here's the wild idea.
Try using I statements. And no, this isn't some kumbaya
(09:49):
let's hold hands therapy gimmick, it's psychological jiu
jitsu. Saying I feel dismissed when my
input gets ignored still gets the point across without making
the other person feel like you're trying to verbally suplex
them. It's assertive, not aggressive,
(10:11):
honest, not accusatory. Basically, it lets you say what
you mean without launching a full blown character
assassination. And once you've mastered the
radical art of not starting a fight with your tone, let's talk
common ground. I know, I know, you're right,
(10:34):
they're wrong, and you've got a color-coded mental spreadsheet
to prove it. But even if you're standing on
completely different planets emotionally, there's probably
something you both care about. Maybe it's preserving the
relationship. Maybe it's making sure your
(10:54):
group project doesn't implode ina flaming mess of unmet
expectations and passive aggressive Slack messages.
The hell? Maybe it's just wanting to not
rehash this exact same argument again next Tuesday.
So instead of turning it into meversus You Rage Edition, try
(11:16):
flipping the script to US versusthe Problem.
You'd be amazed how much smoother things go when you're
both aiming for resolution instead of emotional domination.
Because, yeah, winning an argument gives you that
temporary high until you're eating dinner in total silence
(11:39):
and wondering why your partner is clanking their fork with
enough aggression to qualify as Morse code.
Solving the actual issue, though?
That's what keeps the relationship or friendship or
team or mental stability from turning into a never ending
(11:59):
reboot of who hurt who this time.
So next time conflict comes knocking, leave the flame flower
flame thrower at the door, grab your empathy and maybe a snack.
And remember. Tone it down, talk it out, and
try not to emotionally tackle someone in the name of being
(12:20):
right. And you know what else people
just love to whip out when they're feeling spicy and
emotionally constipated? Dredging up the past like
they're auditioning for CSI Emotional Crimes Unit.
You're mid discussion trying to address something actually
(12:41):
current, and suddenly it's like,well, you didn't seem to care
this much when you forgot our anniversary in 2017.
Excuse me? We were talking about trash day,
not your archived list of grievances dating back to the
Obama administration. That's not conflict resolution.
(13:04):
That's emotional hoarding. And spoiler alert, nobody looks
good covered in years of dust and unresolved drama.
Stick to the issue. You can't have a constructive
conversation when you're constantly dragging in old
receipts like you're trying to win a courtroom case with
(13:27):
Exhibit A. The time you slightly
disappointed me in 2019. It doesn't help, it doesn't
heal. It just turns what could have
been a 10 minute conversation into a full blown relationship
autopsy. Now let's talk about the other
fan favorite conflict derailmenttactic, Dodging accountability.
(13:53):
If conflict were a dodgeball game, some of y'all would be
national champions. Look, if you messed up, own it.
You don't need to drop to your knees and cry out in
Shakespearean guilt. Just say, yeah, I did that.
I see how it hurt you. I'm sorry.
(14:16):
Boom. No excuses, no plot twists, no
surprise guest stars from grievances past.
You know what doesn't count as taking responsibility?
That little gremlin of a sentence.
Yeah, but you. No, don't do it.
(14:38):
That's not resolution. That's blame ping pong.
That's two people smacking accusations back and forth until
everyone's dizzy and nothing actually gets resolved.
Congratulations, you've now wasted 45 minutes and your
emotional energy and the trash still isn't taken out.
(15:00):
Taking responsibility doesn't mean admitting you're the worst
person on earth. It just means you're emotionally
mature enough to say hey, I contributed to this mess and I
care enough to clean it up. It's called being an adult, not
a courtroom gladiator. So next time you're tempted to
(15:21):
resurrect every argument you've ever buried or deflect like it's
your full time job, maybe pause and ask yourself, am I trying to
resolve this or am I trying to win?
Because spoiler, in healthy conflict, winning usually looks
(15:42):
like mutual clarity, not a mic drop.
Now listen, even with all this top tier emotionally evolved
conflict resolution wisdom underyour belt, you enlightened
boundary setting badass you, some people will still test your
(16:03):
patience like a toddler with a drum set or a self checkout
machine that keeps yelling unexpected item in the bagging
area. That's when you whip out the big
guns. Boundaries.
Boundaries are not you being dramatic or too sensitive,
(16:23):
they're you deciding not to let other people treat your mental
health like a doormat with a welcome sign that says sure
emotionally trample me. I'm cool with it.
Whether it's a Co worker who thinks urgent means maybe next
week, a friend who confuses joking with backhanded insults,
(16:47):
or your Aunt Linda who can't go one family dinner without
stirring the pot and seasoning it with unsolicited life advice,
boundaries are your firewall. And here's the kicker.
Setting boundaries doesn't make you rude, it makes you clear.
(17:10):
Clarity isn't cruelty. Saying hey, I'm not OK with
being talked to like that if it happens again, I'm stepping away
isn't aggressive. It's adulting with a spine.
Boundaries aren't up for debate.They're not a group project, and
(17:33):
they don't require a PowerPoint presentation for approval.
They are your line in the sand, and if someone keeps dragging
their crusty little feet over it, they can go kick rocks.
Now, even if you've mastered thearts, the sacred arts of
listening, tone control, and firm boundary enforcement, let's
(17:57):
be real, conflict can still go off the rails.
Because, shocker, other people have egos, triggers, and bad
days too. So if things start escalating
and the conversation shifts frommild disagreement to emotional
(18:18):
WWE match, it's time to tap the hell out.
Taking a break doesn't mean you're running away from the
issue. It means you're wise enough to
not solve a problem while both of you are one eye twitch away
from screaming in to a void. Nothing productive has ever come
(18:38):
from 2 grown adults emotionally arm wrestling while cortisol
floods their systems and passiveaggressive energy crackles in
the air like a thunderstorm in hell.
So say something like I need a minute to cool off.
Let's come back to this when we're not both emotionally
flammable. Boom.
(18:59):
Mature, respectful, and most importantly, non explosive.
Because you know what's worse than conflict?
Conflict that's been turbocharged by stress, bad
timing, and two people who forgot that this is not an
episode of reality TV. You're not being filmed, there's
(19:21):
no audience vote. So step back, regroup, and
return to the ring when you're less likely to verbally drop
kick someone out of sheer spite.At this point, you've done all
the things. You listened like you actually
gave a damn. You asked clarifying questions
(19:42):
without rolling your eyes. Well done.
You dropped those silky smooth eye statements like a
communication wizard. You took accountability without
throwing in a passive aggressive, but you also bonus
round. You set boundaries like a boss,
and you tapped out when things got too hot to handle.
You navigated the emotional minefield like you had Google
(20:05):
Maps and divine intervention on your side.
Gold Star. But here's the plot twist.
None of that matters if your main goal is to win.
Because hot take incoming, Conflict resolution is not a
(20:27):
competitive sport. There's no trophy for most
righteous in an argument. And even if there were, guess
what? You'd still go to bed annoyed
and that issue still unresolved,just simmering like a passive
aggressive crockpot. If your end game is to land a
(20:50):
mic drop moment so legendary it echoes through the emotional
hallways of your relationship forever, Congrats, you've
officially earned yourself a front row seat to this exact
same argument happening again next Tuesday with snacks and a
stronger sense of resentment. Here's the real T Conflict isn't
(21:16):
a courtroom drama, and the otherperson isn't your cross
examination target. You don't need to build an
airtight case with timestamps, screenshots, and that one thing
they said in 2020. You need to solve the damn
problem. That means compromise.
(21:39):
That means maybe, just maybe, letting go of being right if it
means you both get to stop reenacting the same emotional
cage match over and over. And yeah, sometimes compromise
feels like trying to negotiate peace between two toddlers mid
tantrum. Some conflicts are like trying
(22:01):
to untangle a pair of ancient earbuds from the bottom of your
bag, annoying, nodded in every direction, and somehow sticky
for reasons you do not want to investigate.
If you've been arguing on repeatwith 0 progress and your best
communication efforts are still landing like wet spaghetti on a
(22:23):
wall, it might be time to bring in a third party.
That's right, get help. Whether it's a therapist, a
mediator, your HR person, or your emotionally Switzerland
esque friend who refuses to takesides and has the patience of a
monk. Sometimes the best move is to
(22:46):
tag in somebody who's not personally untangled in the
chaos. A neutral party can help decode
what you're both really saying underneath the yelling, the eye
rolls, and the sarcastic I'm fines.
Because at the end of the day, the goal isn't to dominate, it's
(23:06):
to deescalate, to solve the issue, not win the war.
And if you find yourself constantly winning, but your
relationships are still circlingthe drain and maybe it's time to
rethink the prize you're chasing.
Conflict gets treated like the evil stepmother of emotional
(23:30):
experiences, dramatic, exhausting, and usually blamed
for everything going wrong. But real talk, conflict isn't
the villain. It's not out here twirling its
mustache and trying to sabotage your relationships.
It's just wildly misunderstood. Like, yeah, if you handle it
(23:54):
like a caffeinated raccoon in a room full of glassware, sure,
it's going to go poorly. But if you come at it with
actual emotional tools instead of just vibes and old trauma
responses, conflicts can be transformative.
I think of it like relationship resistance training.
(24:17):
Annoying as hell in the moment, but it builds stronger emotional
muscles when you don't come in swinging like it's a verbal
Mortal Kombat match. When you actually pause,
breathe, and approach with something resembling empathy.
Yes, empathy, AKA trying to understand their perspective
(24:42):
instead of internally scripting your next mic drop line.
That's when the magic happens. Because here's the deal.
When you enter a disagreement with the goal of actual
resolution, not ego boosts, not character assassinations, not a
perfectly timed I told you so, you build something way more
(25:06):
valuable than a win. You build trust.
You show the other person that even when things get messy,
you're not there to dominate or dodge.
You're there to deal. Like an adult.
A very emotionally tired adult, maybe, but still.
(25:30):
And look, we've all been guilty of bottling things up like a
shaken soda can, just waiting for the moment it explodes mid
discussion because someone daredto load the dishwasher wrong.
But healthy conflict skips the explosion.
It forces you to say what you actually mean instead of letting
(25:53):
petty resentments Stew until it has its own zip code.
At the end of the day, conflict isn't the problem.
Avoidance, ego deflection, and sarcasm as a primary language,
Those are the problems. So let's stop acting like
(26:15):
conflict is this apocalyptic emotional event and start
treating it like what it actually is.
A slightly uncomfortable but completely fixable part of being
a person who talks to other people.
It's not the end of the world, it's the beginning of a real
conversation. So here's the bottom line.
(26:40):
Conflict isn't the enemy, it's just the emotionally awkward Co
worker of communication. Little intense, sometimes messy,
but ultimately trying its best to help things move forward.
When you stop treating disagreements like emotional
warfare and start handling them with actual tools, listening,
(27:06):
accountability, boundaries, tone, and maybe a little grace,
you go from chaos coordinator toconnection builder.
Sure, you'll still have moments where you want to scream into a
pillow or send a rage text with too many commas.
(27:26):
You're human. But the goal isn't perfection,
It's progress. Conflict done right builds
trust, deepens connection, and keeps you from bottling up your
feelings. Feelings like a shaken Lacroix.
It's not about winning. It's about understanding and
(27:50):
maybe not ending every conversation with a dramatic
sigh and a slam door. So the next time you feel the
tension rise, take a breath, channel your inner emotionally
regulated bad bitch, and remember you've got options
besides yelling, ghosting, or over explaining yourself into an
(28:14):
existential crisis. Thanks for pushing.
Play on Shrink Wrapped, where weunpack the messy, the
meaningful, and the mildly unhinged parts of mental health,
one brutally honest episode at atime.
Catch you next time for another guided journal entry, and until
(28:34):
then, go forth and communicate like you've been to at least one
therapy session.
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