Let's talk about cycles- the emotional kind, not SoulCycle; though both can leave you breathless, questioning your life choices, and wondering why this feels familiar again. Whether it's dating emotionally unavailable people like it's your full-time job, people-pleasing your way into chronic resentment, or repeating the same dysfunctional family dynamics with the enthusiasm of a cursed heirloom, these patterns don't just happen. They're learned. They're reinforced. And, annoyingly enough, they're comfortable- like an old hoodie that smells like regret and bad boundaries.So, buckle up- we're snipping generational nonsense like it's toxic bangs in a 2007 bathroom mirror. This is Shrink Wrapped, and today, we're breaking cycles before they break you.
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(00:01):
Let's talk about cycles. The emotional kind, not soul
cycle, though. Both can leave you breathless,
questioning your life choices and wondering why this feels
familiar again. Whether it's dating emotionally
unavailable people like it's your full time job, people
(00:22):
pleasing your way into chronic resentment, or repeating the
same dysfunctional family dynamics with the enthusiasm of
a cursed heirloom. These patterns don't just
happen. They're learned, they're
reinforced, and annoyingly enough, they're comfortable.
(00:44):
Like an old hoodie that smells like regret and bad boundaries.
But here's the good news. Just because you were handed the
script doesn't mean you have to keep performing it.
In this episode, we're digging into how these self sabotage
symphonies get started, why they're so damn hard to break,
(01:07):
and what it actually takes to stop the loop and write
something better. Spoiler alert, it involves
awareness, discomfort, and probably some therapy.
So buckle up. We're snipping generational
nonsense like it's toxic bangs in a 2007 bathroom mirror.
(01:29):
This is shrink wrapped and todaywe're breaking cycles.
Before they break you, let's getinto it.
Breaking cycles. Whether it's your grandma's we
don't talk about feelings, tradition, your habit of dating
(01:53):
people who communicate exclusively via memes, or family
curse of never seasoning chicken.
It ain't easy, but guess what? It's 100% possible.
Sure, it feels like trying to hack through a jungle with a
plastic spoon, but every time you choose differently, set a
(02:17):
boundary. Say no to self sabotage or
actually go to therapy instead of just quoting TikTok
therapists. You're rewriting the script.
Yeah, your brain might fight you.
It loves the comfort of the familiar, even when the familiar
(02:38):
is a dumpster dumpster fire. But here's the thing.
Discomfort is temporary. Growth is permanent, so take the
step. Be the one who says Nah, we're
doing better this time. Your future self will thank you,
(03:02):
probably with a happy cry and a well seasoned meal.
So let's dive into all the fun and exciting ways we can break
cycles and maybe even generational curses while we're
at it. Because why not, right?
Breaking cycles is like realizing you've been trapped in
(03:23):
a corn maze, only the corn is made of bad habits,
codependency, generational guilt, and your aunt's
unsolicited advice. You're not just walking in
circles, your power walking intothe same damn wall over and over
again, wondering why life feels like a rerun of a show you
(03:47):
didn't even like the first time.Spoiler, it's because you're
still reading from the same dusty old script your family
handed you, complete with unhealed trauma, emotional
avoidance, and the classic We don't talk about that plot
twist. And here's where it gets fun and
(04:07):
uncomfortable. Some of the patterns you swear
you hate. Yeah, you might be repeating
them like a cursed family recipethat whole I'm never going to be
like them thing Cute. But unless you've actually
unpacked the behaviors, not justthe vibes, chances are you're
(04:31):
halfway through recreating the same dysfunction with better
branding. The first step is calling it
out. You can't break what you refuse
to admit exists. So start asking, why do I always
end up in these emotionally bankrupt situation ships?
(04:53):
Why do I panic at the thought ofsetting a boundary?
Why do I treat rest like a crimescene?
If it feels like Deja vu, it probably is.
You're not cursed, you're conditioned, and the moment you
realize that, you've got the power to do something radically
(05:15):
rebellious. Choose differently.
And yeah, it's messy, it's awkward, it might make your
inner child throw a tantrum, butbreaking the cycle means you
stop passing the dysfunction baton like it's a family
(05:35):
heirloom. You can keep what's useful and
beat the rest. Welcome to the chaos.
Let's make it conscious. Once you spot the pattern, it's
time to go full psychological spelunking and dig into the root
cause. Because let's be honest, this
(05:58):
crap didn't just sprout up overnight like an anxiety pimple
before a big presentation. Nah, these are usually survival
strategies we cobbled together with emotional duct tape and
blind optimism back when we weretiny humans just trying to make
sense of the chaotic world. Think of them like the
(06:19):
psychological equivalent of using a Bobby pin to fix a car.
It kind of worked, until it really, really didn't.
So here's where it gets spicy. You've got to start
interrogating your own behavior like it just got caught for
(06:41):
sneaking back into the house past curfew.
Ask yourself, is this thing I keep doing actually helping me,
or just keeping me comfortably stuck?
Am I clinging to it because it'sfamiliar?
Because it kept me safe once. Or maybe it was modeled for you
(07:03):
by someone who definitely shouldn't have been your
emotional blueprint. No shade.
Yeah, OK, maybe some shade. And now for the real plot twist.
What is this pattern actually doing for you?
Because even the most toxic behavior usually has a twisted
(07:25):
little payoff. Maybe people pleasing less.
You avoid conflict like a littleninja.
Maybe emotional shutdown gives you the illusion of control.
Maybe replaying the worst case scenarios feels safer than
actually taking a risk. Whatever the flavor, your brain
(07:46):
isn't doing this for fun. It's doing this because it
thinks it's protecting you. The good news?
Once you know what the pattern gives you, you can start getting
that need met in a way that doesn't wreck your peace, your
relationships, or your sanity. You get to rewrite the script,
(08:11):
choose a new response, actually evolve.
All right, so you spotted the pattern, unearthed the emotional
rubble, and basically gone full Indiana Jones on your psyche.
Congrats, you're now an emotional archaeologist with a
minor in self sabotage. But don't pop the champagne just
(08:34):
yet, because here comes the partwhere your brain starts flailing
like a toddler in Target, challenging your deeply held
beliefs. And oh boy, to those beliefs put
up a fight because a lot of these cycles, they're not
(08:55):
sticking around because they're true.
They're sticking around because your brains been marinating in
them like an emotional crock potsoup since childhood.
Stuff like this is just how I am.
Translation. Change is hard and I'm
emotionally hungover or I'll never change.
(09:19):
AKA I tried once and it didn't work immediately so I rage quit
like a dramatic raccoon. And let's not forget the fan
favorite. It's too late for me.
You're not a moldy banana, Brenda.
You're a human being, not a piece of expired produce.
(09:39):
These aren't universal truths, they're just mental.
Post it notes. You've slapped on your identity
so many times that you forgot they were optional.
Their stories, narratives, self fulfilling prophecies dressed up
as personality traits. So what now?
(10:02):
You rewrite the script, you grabthe metaphorical sharpie and
scroll something new over that tired old storyline.
Something like I can change, I deserve better.
I'm not doomed to repeat the same crap forever just because
(10:24):
it's familiar. Yes, it might feel cheesy, but
you know what else is cheesy? Pizza.
And literally no one is out hererejecting pizza.
So go ahead, serve up some hot fresh belief upgrades with a
side of growth. Your future self will thank you.
(10:48):
Probably with better boundaries and less emotional whiplash.
Now we're in the thick of it. The part where you stop
intellectualizing your trauma like it's a podcast topic and
actually do something about it. Yep, it's time to make the
(11:09):
conscious choice to break the cycle.
Which, fun fact, is not nearly as cute as it sounds.
Cycles don't gently unravel likea cozy sweater.
Shout out to Weezer for the sweater song.
They go down like a budget action movie called Fast and
(11:31):
Emotionally Furious. And here's the kicker.
It's going to be uncomfortable as hell.
Growth always is. It means saying no without 10
minutes of apologizing. It means setting boundaries with
people who fully expected you tokeep being their unpaid
(11:53):
therapist, emotional shock absorber or guilt sponge.
It means trading your trusty coping crutches like stress
shopping, binge watching shows you've already memorized, or
scrolling TikTok until your souldetaches for actual coping
strategies like journaling, feeling your feelings you, or
(12:18):
like taking a walk. It means walking away from
relationships that are clearly one sided, manipulative, or just
plain exhausting, even if part of you is still hoping they'll
change. Spoiler, they won't.
Not unless they want to. And it's not your job to become
(12:42):
their emotional makeover montage.
And yeah, it's going to feel weird every time you choose a
new path. It might feel unnatural,
awkward, even kind of ugly, likea baby giraffe learning how to
(13:02):
stand. But guess what?
It still counts. That tiny shaky step is still
forward movement. You're still breaking the
pattern, even if you look like you're doing it in emotional
clown shoes. Keep going.
(13:26):
You don't need to be graceful, you just need to be done with
the BS. All right, so you called out
your dusty old beliefs, made thebrave and possibly unhinged
decision to do things differently, and now, plot
twist, it feels awful. Like full body cringe imposter
(13:52):
syndrome in a trench coat. What the hell am I even doing?
Awful. Congrats my friend, you've
officially entered the this sucks but means something phase
of healing. Welcome to the delightful
psychological neighborhood knownas Discomfort Town Population,
(14:18):
you and every single person who's ever dared to grow.
Because here's the hard truth. Your brain isn't wired for
what's healthy, it's wired for what's familiar.
And familiar can be absolute garbage, but if it's garbage
(14:40):
you've crawled through before, your brains like, ah yes, our
trash pile so cozy. Let's stay here forever.
So even when you're doing the right thing, like setting
boundaries, choosing rest or nottexting back your chaos goblin
X, your brain is going to freak out like you're committing
(15:04):
treason. It'll whisper stuff like this
doesn't feel safe, you're being mean, go back.
At least you knew how to emotionally disassociate there
and it'll serve you a steaming pot plate of doubt with a side
(15:25):
of guilt and a garnish of nostalgia.
Cute. But let me be real with you.
Discomfort isn't a red flag. It's not a sign that you're
failing. It's just your brain glitching
out because it's never been herebefore.
(15:47):
Growth is not glamorous. It's not standing on a
mountaintop in a flowy dress with the wind perfectly catching
your hair. It's more like tripping over
your own emotional shoelaces while sobbing into a burrito at
2:00 AM and still choosing not to text the person who wrecked
your piece. You will second guess yourself.
(16:10):
You'll still feel like a fraud. You'll fantasize about crawling
back into your old patterns and swaddling yourself in toxic
comfort like a dysfunctional weighted blanket.
Don't. Awkward doesn't mean wrong, it
just means you're in motion, andmotion is messy.
(16:33):
Keep going, even if you're crawling through the mud of your
own progress. Guess what?
That still beats building a house in the emotional swamp you
swore you were done with. And listen, this whole healing
(16:54):
thing, you do not have to solo it like you're on some gritty
emotional survival show called Naked and Afraid Childhood
Trauma Edition. Seriously, this isn't a one
person hero's journey. You're not Frodo and even he had
(17:14):
a whole damn fellowship. So yeah, get support.
Assemble your emotional Avengers.
Talk to a therapist and not the kind who just stares at you
blankly, whispering every 5 minutes like a sentient lavender
candle. Find one who actually calls you
(17:37):
out with love, helps you connectthe dots, and doesn't let you
gaslight yourself into thinking you're fine when you're clearly
spiraling in sweatpants. Find friends who want you to
level up. You know, the ones who clap for
your growth instead of side eyeing you like you've betrayed
(17:59):
the group chat by going to therapy and suddenly having
boundaries. The ones who don't say stuff
like you've changed as if it's acrime, but instead say hell
yeah, you've changed, let's get you a crown.
And look, I know joining a support group sounds like some
(18:21):
awkward nightmare where everyonecries and then shares their
feelings over stale cookies, butspoiler, it actually helps.
Nothing hits quite like realizing that you're not the
only one trying to break free from generational chaos while
pretending to be a functioning adult.
(18:44):
Surround yourself with people who see the new version of you,
the one who's trying, failing and trying again, and cheer you
on like you're doing something epic because you are.
Breaking cycles is Olympic levelin our work.
(19:04):
It's hard, it's exhausting, but doing it alone?
That's just unnecessary emotional CrossFit.
Let people help, accept the encouragement, let your hype
squad gas you up when you're doubting yourself.
(19:26):
You're not weak for needing support.
You're wise enough to know that transformation is not a one
person job. And just in Case No one said it
yet, you're doing a damn good job.
Now go hydrate and text someone who makes you feel like your
best self. All right, so you've accepted
(19:50):
that discomfort is part of the package.
Congrats on choosing the hard mode path into emotional
freedom. You've built your support crew
like you're casting the reboot of Healthy Life the series, and
now it's time for the next big boss battle.
Rewiring your reactions, becauselet's be honest, if your go to
(20:17):
stress response is ghosting yourrealities like a dating app
flake rage texting people who didn't technically deserve it,
or inhaling an entire sleeve of Oreos while disassociating into
the void, then we've got a pattern, babe.
And patterns. That's what we're here to break.
(20:39):
Cycle breaking isn't just about the dramatic life pivots or
posting inspirational quotes on Instagram Stories.
It's about the tiny, gritty, wildly inconvenient moments when
you catch yourself about to do the thing.
You know the one, and you stop. You pause.
(21:02):
You choose differently, even if it's awkward, even if your body
is practically vibrating with the urge to react like you
always have instead of spiralinginto a full blown meltdown
because someone sent a vaguely passive aggressive text.
High abandonment issues. Try breathing.
(21:26):
Yeah, just breathing. I know, revolutionary, annoying,
but weirdly effective. You don't have to ascend into
Zen monk territory. Just one deep breath that says I
(21:47):
am not going to emotionally combust over this today.
Instead of bottling up every emotion like you're prepping for
an emotional apocalypse, open upyour notes app and unleash
chaos. Seriously.
Right? I'm mad and I don't know why and
everything is stupid and I hate this and also maybe I'm just
(22:10):
hungry. That's progress.
That's you making space instead of exploding like a repressed
feelings pinata. And when you're about to default
to that old crusty self sabotaging behavior, whether
it's ghosting someone, doom scrolling into another
(22:31):
dimension, or volunteering for something you know you don't
have the capacity for, pause andask yourself, what would the
best version of me do right now?Not the flawless, hyper
productive fantasy self who wakes up at 5:00 AM and drinks
green juice. No, we're talking about the you
(22:56):
who's just trying a little harder than yesterday.
The one who's healing, not performing.
The one who sends the awkward text instead of vanishing.
The one who drinks some water instead of feeding their anxiety
47 grams of sugar. That version, they're already in
(23:19):
you. You just have to choose them.
And if you mess it up, cool, tryagain.
That's what healing actually looks like.
One weird, wobbly, wildly human decision at a time.
But hold up before you go full scorched earth on your entire
(23:44):
existence. In the name of growth, let's
slow it down. You don't need to Marie Kondo
your whole life by midnight. You're breaking cycles, not
entering a self help Olympics. Set small, doable, actually
human goals. Otherwise you're just setting
(24:08):
yourself up for burnout disguised as personal
development. Trying to quit people pleasing?
Cool, but maybe don't start by quitting your job, ghosting your
group chat, and moving to a yeartrying to find your authentic
self. Let's not go full dramatic
rebrand just yet. Start by saying no to one thing
(24:34):
that doesn't serve you. Like agreeing to bake cupcakes
for a Co worker's dog's birthdayparty.
Baby steps. Tired of being your own worst
critic? Awesome, but you don't have to
become a walking affirmation board overnight.
Just catch one trash talk thought like I'm the worst and
(24:59):
replace it with OK maybe I'm notBeyoncé but I'm doing fine.
Excuse me? You don't have to lie to
yourself, you just have to stop bullying yourself.
Think of it like a video game. Every time you choose a new
response, set a boundary, or speak to yourself like you're
(25:21):
not the human equivalent of a disappointing group project
partner that's a level up. You're gaining XP, and yeah,
maybe you're still fumbling around with a wooden sword and
barely any armor, but every little win is getting you closer
to that final boss battle, actually breaking the cycle for
(25:43):
good. Will you still slip up?
Absolutely. Will you still sometimes say yes
when you meant hell no, or actually accidentally spiral
over a typo in a text? Of course.
That's part of the game. The point isn't perfection.
(26:03):
It's progress. The slow, messy, gloriously
humankind. So keep going.
Keep leveling up, and when you finally face that old cycle head
on, you won't be alone, unprepared, or stuck.
(26:26):
You'll be the bad ass who clawedtheir way there, one tiny
rebellious win at a time. All right, so you're out here
doing the work, rewiring your reactions, setting boundaries,
saying no without spiraling intoa gilt coma.
Mostly. You're basically becoming a self
(26:49):
improvement machine. But like with feelings.
And then bam, you slip. You snap at someone for asking a
harmless question. You ghost your therapist.
You say yes to something your soul screamed no to and suddenly
(27:11):
your brain's like, well, that's it, the healing era is over.
Time to embrace the chaos goblinI've always been.
Nope, absolutely not. Stop that inner monologue mid
spiral. Because guess what?
Slipping up is part of the process.
(27:31):
This is not a Disney montage where you magically become
healed after one good journalingsession and a cup of tea.
You're not a perfectly coated robot sent here to make flawless
choices and ascend into enlightenment on a cloud of sage
smoke. You're a messy, beautiful real
(27:52):
life human trying to undo years,decades, maybe even generations
of autopilot BS. You don't fail when you mess up.
You learn. That's the deal.
Healing is not a straight line. It's a drunk toddler learning to
(28:13):
walk while juggling emotional baggage and occasionally
lighting something on fire. It's 2 steps forward, one step
back, three side steps, and thenyou fall into a metaphorical
Bush and come out holding a little more wisdom.
The goal isn't perfection. Spoiler.
(28:33):
She's fake, overhyped, and deeply exhausting.
The goal is better, just a smidge better than you were
yesterday. And if today was a total
disaster if you spiral texted your ex, ignored every red flag
in your inbox, or emotionally imploded over a slow loading
(28:57):
app, then cool. Regroup, hydrate.
Let tomorrow suck a little less.That's it, that's the bar, and
it's enough. So dust yourself off, give
yourself a wink in the mirror, and remember, you're not
(29:18):
starting over. You're continuing wiser,
stronger, and still wildly human.
And here's the part that might really hit you right in the gut
in the best way. This isn't just about you.
(29:40):
Yeah, I know healing feels personal, raw, exhausting, like
emotional CrossFit no one asks you to sign up for.
But every time you choose differently, even when it's
awkward, messy, or it feels likeyou're failing, you're not just
(30:05):
breaking cycles, you're buildinga whole new legacy.
You're flipping the script that's been handed down like a
family casserole recipe made of repression, guilt, and passive
aggressive comments. Maybe it means your future kids
grow up in a house where emotions aren't just allowed,
(30:26):
they're normalized. No more.
Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about.
Energy, just real feelings, realconversations, and actual tools
for dealing with life that don'tinvolve stuffing everything down
like emotional Tupperware. Maybe it means your friendships
(30:48):
finally feel mutual because you stopped playing the role of
unemotional unpaid intern and started setting boundaries that
don't require a PowerPoint explanation.
Maybe, just maybe, it means yourfamily looks at you, sees the
changes, and starts wondering, wait, we're allowed to do things
(31:15):
differently. And even if they don't, someone
watching will. Because this work, It ripples.
It echoes. It changes the room, the vibe,
the culture. You're not just changing your
(31:36):
own life, you're messing with the entire generational
blueprint, like the badass blueprint burner you really are.
You're not just healing. You're disrupting history with
every choice. To rest instead of hustle, to
speak instead of shrink, to loveyourself instead of trying to
(32:01):
earn it from everyone else. And that.
That's not soft, that's not selfish, that's powerful as
hell. You're not just rewriting your
story, you're deciding what getspassed down next and future.
(32:22):
You, the people who come after you, they're going to thank the
absolute hell out of you for doing it.
So here you are, recognizing patterns, challenging beliefs
that once felt like gospel, making better choices even when
(32:44):
every cell in your body is screaming Just do.
The familiar toxic thing is so much easier.
And somehow, despite the emotional whiplash and spiritual
indigestion, you haven't combusted under the weight of
generational nonsense. Honestly, that's impressive
(33:07):
because, let's not sugarcoat it,breaking cycles is brutal.
It's the mental equivalent of trying to reprogram a glitchy
Windows 95 computer using nothing but sheer willpower,
duct tape, and vibes. It's deleting decades of
(33:29):
emotional malware with tools youmostly learned from therapy,
memes, and uncomfortable self reflection.
Some days you're the main character in a gritty reboot of
your life. Other days you're crying in your
car because someone looked at you weird in the grocery store
and now you're unpacking your childhood again.
(33:50):
It's a process. But here's the thing, it's worth
it. Every uncomfortable boundary,
every awkward pause where you don't fall into the same old
trap, Every time you talk to your inner critic like it's a
drunk raccoon knocking over trash cans loud but not in
(34:12):
charge. You're proving to yourself that
you are not doomed to repeat thepast like a bargain bin sequel
that no one asked for with awareness.
AKA finally realizing oh this isa trauma response, not my
personality. Intentionality.
(34:34):
Choosing new actions even when your brains doing the emotional
equivalent of toddler level resistance and persistence.
Messing up face planting and then dragging yourself back up
with a sigh and a snack. You are carving out a new path,
(34:55):
one that doesn't run on outdatedsurvival tactics, inherited
guilt, or secondhand emotional clutter.
You're creating something lighter, healthier.
Something where peace isn't a fluke, it's the default.
Something where joy doesn't comewith guilt, where rest doesn't
(35:18):
feel like failure, and where youcan actually breathe without
bracing for impact. And one day you'll look around
and realize you're not just coping anymore.
You're not firefighting your past.
You're living like actually enjoying your life without
(35:43):
waiting for the next emotional landmine.
And that, that's the whole point.
And that's a wrap on this cycle smashing episode of Shrink Raft.
If your brain feels called out and oddly empowered, Perfect.
(36:03):
We nailed it. Remember, breaking cycles isn't
about doing it perfectly or becoming a whole new person
overnight. It's about showing up, screwing
up, learning and trying again. Every tiny step, every awkward
boundary, every wait. I don't have to keep doing this.
(36:28):
Moment counts. So go easy on yourself.
Celebrate the progress, even if it's messy.
You are not broken, you're rebuilding.
And trust me, the version of youon the other side of all of
this, they're going to be so damn proud.
(36:52):
Thanks for pushing play on Shrink wrapped.
If this episode hit home, share it with someone who's out there
doing the work, too. Remember to rate, review, and
subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, Spotify, Apple
Podcasts, Amazon Music, iHeartRadio or on the O'Neill
Counseling app. And if you want to connect with
(37:12):
other cycle Breakers, hop into the O'Neill Counseling app and
you'll find the link in the shownotes and join in on the
conversation. We're building a space for real
talk, real healing, and 0 judgement.
See you next week. Same time, same truth bombs.
And we're talking about buildinghabits.
Let's talk about cycles. The emotional kind, not soul
cycle, though. Both can leave you breathless,
questioning your life choices and wondering why this feels
familiar again. Whether it's dating emotionally
unavailable people like it's your full time job, people
(00:22):
pleasing your way into chronic resentment, or repeating the
same dysfunctional family dynamics with the enthusiasm of
a cursed heirloom. These patterns don't just
happen. They're learned, they're
reinforced, and annoyingly enough, they're comfortable.
(00:44):
Like an old hoodie that smells like regret and bad boundaries.
But here's the good news. Just because you were handed the
script doesn't mean you have to keep performing it.
In this episode, we're digging into how these self sabotage
symphonies get started, why they're so damn hard to break,
(01:07):
and what it actually takes to stop the loop and write
something better. Spoiler alert, it involves
awareness, discomfort, and probably some therapy.
So buckle up. We're snipping generational
nonsense like it's toxic bangs in a 2007 bathroom mirror.
(01:29):
This is shrink wrapped and todaywe're breaking cycles.
Before they break you, let's getinto it.
Breaking cycles. Whether it's your grandma's we
don't talk about feelings, tradition, your habit of dating
(01:53):
people who communicate exclusively via memes, or family
curse of never seasoning chicken.
It ain't easy, but guess what? It's 100% possible.
Sure, it feels like trying to hack through a jungle with a
plastic spoon, but every time you choose differently, set a
(02:17):
boundary. Say no to self sabotage or
actually go to therapy instead of just quoting TikTok
therapists. You're rewriting the script.
Yeah, your brain might fight you.
It loves the comfort of the familiar, even when the familiar
(02:38):
is a dumpster dumpster fire. But here's the thing.
Discomfort is temporary. Growth is permanent, so take the
step. Be the one who says Nah, we're
doing better this time. Your future self will thank you,
(03:02):
probably with a happy cry and a well seasoned meal.
So let's dive into all the fun and exciting ways we can break
cycles and maybe even generational curses while we're
at it. Because why not, right?
Breaking cycles is like realizing you've been trapped in
(03:23):
a corn maze, only the corn is made of bad habits,
codependency, generational guilt, and your aunt's
unsolicited advice. You're not just walking in
circles, your power walking intothe same damn wall over and over
again, wondering why life feels like a rerun of a show you
(03:47):
didn't even like the first time.Spoiler, it's because you're
still reading from the same dusty old script your family
handed you, complete with unhealed trauma, emotional
avoidance, and the classic We don't talk about that plot
twist. And here's where it gets fun and
(04:07):
uncomfortable. Some of the patterns you swear
you hate. Yeah, you might be repeating
them like a cursed family recipethat whole I'm never going to be
like them thing Cute. But unless you've actually
unpacked the behaviors, not justthe vibes, chances are you're
(04:31):
halfway through recreating the same dysfunction with better
branding. The first step is calling it
out. You can't break what you refuse
to admit exists. So start asking, why do I always
end up in these emotionally bankrupt situation ships?
(04:53):
Why do I panic at the thought ofsetting a boundary?
Why do I treat rest like a crimescene?
If it feels like Deja vu, it probably is.
You're not cursed, you're conditioned, and the moment you
realize that, you've got the power to do something radically
(05:15):
rebellious. Choose differently.
And yeah, it's messy, it's awkward, it might make your
inner child throw a tantrum, butbreaking the cycle means you
stop passing the dysfunction baton like it's a family
(05:35):
heirloom. You can keep what's useful and
beat the rest. Welcome to the chaos.
Let's make it conscious. Once you spot the pattern, it's
time to go full psychological spelunking and dig into the root
cause. Because let's be honest, this
(05:58):
crap didn't just sprout up overnight like an anxiety pimple
before a big presentation. Nah, these are usually survival
strategies we cobbled together with emotional duct tape and
blind optimism back when we weretiny humans just trying to make
sense of the chaotic world. Think of them like the
(06:19):
psychological equivalent of using a Bobby pin to fix a car.
It kind of worked, until it really, really didn't.
So here's where it gets spicy. You've got to start
interrogating your own behavior like it just got caught for
(06:41):
sneaking back into the house past curfew.
Ask yourself, is this thing I keep doing actually helping me,
or just keeping me comfortably stuck?
Am I clinging to it because it'sfamiliar?
Because it kept me safe once. Or maybe it was modeled for you
(07:03):
by someone who definitely shouldn't have been your
emotional blueprint. No shade.
Yeah, OK, maybe some shade. And now for the real plot twist.
What is this pattern actually doing for you?
Because even the most toxic behavior usually has a twisted
(07:25):
little payoff. Maybe people pleasing less.
You avoid conflict like a littleninja.
Maybe emotional shutdown gives you the illusion of control.
Maybe replaying the worst case scenarios feels safer than
actually taking a risk. Whatever the flavor, your brain
(07:46):
isn't doing this for fun. It's doing this because it
thinks it's protecting you. The good news?
Once you know what the pattern gives you, you can start getting
that need met in a way that doesn't wreck your peace, your
relationships, or your sanity. You get to rewrite the script,
(08:11):
choose a new response, actually evolve.
All right, so you spotted the pattern, unearthed the emotional
rubble, and basically gone full Indiana Jones on your psyche.
Congrats, you're now an emotional archaeologist with a
minor in self sabotage. But don't pop the champagne just
(08:34):
yet, because here comes the partwhere your brain starts flailing
like a toddler in Target, challenging your deeply held
beliefs. And oh boy, to those beliefs put
up a fight because a lot of these cycles, they're not
(08:55):
sticking around because they're true.
They're sticking around because your brains been marinating in
them like an emotional crock potsoup since childhood.
Stuff like this is just how I am.
Translation. Change is hard and I'm
emotionally hungover or I'll never change.
(09:19):
AKA I tried once and it didn't work immediately so I rage quit
like a dramatic raccoon. And let's not forget the fan
favorite. It's too late for me.
You're not a moldy banana, Brenda.
You're a human being, not a piece of expired produce.
(09:39):
These aren't universal truths, they're just mental.
Post it notes. You've slapped on your identity
so many times that you forgot they were optional.
Their stories, narratives, self fulfilling prophecies dressed up
as personality traits. So what now?
(10:02):
You rewrite the script, you grabthe metaphorical sharpie and
scroll something new over that tired old storyline.
Something like I can change, I deserve better.
I'm not doomed to repeat the same crap forever just because
(10:24):
it's familiar. Yes, it might feel cheesy, but
you know what else is cheesy? Pizza.
And literally no one is out hererejecting pizza.
So go ahead, serve up some hot fresh belief upgrades with a
side of growth. Your future self will thank you.
(10:48):
Probably with better boundaries and less emotional whiplash.
Now we're in the thick of it. The part where you stop
intellectualizing your trauma like it's a podcast topic and
actually do something about it. Yep, it's time to make the
(11:09):
conscious choice to break the cycle.
Which, fun fact, is not nearly as cute as it sounds.
Cycles don't gently unravel likea cozy sweater.
Shout out to Weezer for the sweater song.
They go down like a budget action movie called Fast and
(11:31):
Emotionally Furious. And here's the kicker.
It's going to be uncomfortable as hell.
Growth always is. It means saying no without 10
minutes of apologizing. It means setting boundaries with
people who fully expected you tokeep being their unpaid
(11:53):
therapist, emotional shock absorber or guilt sponge.
It means trading your trusty coping crutches like stress
shopping, binge watching shows you've already memorized, or
scrolling TikTok until your souldetaches for actual coping
strategies like journaling, feeling your feelings you, or
(12:18):
like taking a walk. It means walking away from
relationships that are clearly one sided, manipulative, or just
plain exhausting, even if part of you is still hoping they'll
change. Spoiler, they won't.
Not unless they want to. And it's not your job to become
(12:42):
their emotional makeover montage.
And yeah, it's going to feel weird every time you choose a
new path. It might feel unnatural,
awkward, even kind of ugly, likea baby giraffe learning how to
(13:02):
stand. But guess what?
It still counts. That tiny shaky step is still
forward movement. You're still breaking the
pattern, even if you look like you're doing it in emotional
clown shoes. Keep going.
(13:26):
You don't need to be graceful, you just need to be done with
the BS. All right, so you called out
your dusty old beliefs, made thebrave and possibly unhinged
decision to do things differently, and now, plot
twist, it feels awful. Like full body cringe imposter
(13:52):
syndrome in a trench coat. What the hell am I even doing?
Awful. Congrats my friend, you've
officially entered the this sucks but means something phase
of healing. Welcome to the delightful
psychological neighborhood knownas Discomfort Town Population,
(14:18):
you and every single person who's ever dared to grow.
Because here's the hard truth. Your brain isn't wired for
what's healthy, it's wired for what's familiar.
And familiar can be absolute garbage, but if it's garbage
(14:40):
you've crawled through before, your brains like, ah yes, our
trash pile so cozy. Let's stay here forever.
So even when you're doing the right thing, like setting
boundaries, choosing rest or nottexting back your chaos goblin
X, your brain is going to freak out like you're committing
(15:04):
treason. It'll whisper stuff like this
doesn't feel safe, you're being mean, go back.
At least you knew how to emotionally disassociate there
and it'll serve you a steaming pot plate of doubt with a side
(15:25):
of guilt and a garnish of nostalgia.
Cute. But let me be real with you.
Discomfort isn't a red flag. It's not a sign that you're
failing. It's just your brain glitching
out because it's never been herebefore.
(15:47):
Growth is not glamorous. It's not standing on a
mountaintop in a flowy dress with the wind perfectly catching
your hair. It's more like tripping over
your own emotional shoelaces while sobbing into a burrito at
2:00 AM and still choosing not to text the person who wrecked
your piece. You will second guess yourself.
(16:10):
You'll still feel like a fraud. You'll fantasize about crawling
back into your old patterns and swaddling yourself in toxic
comfort like a dysfunctional weighted blanket.
Don't. Awkward doesn't mean wrong, it
just means you're in motion, andmotion is messy.
(16:33):
Keep going, even if you're crawling through the mud of your
own progress. Guess what?
That still beats building a house in the emotional swamp you
swore you were done with. And listen, this whole healing
(16:54):
thing, you do not have to solo it like you're on some gritty
emotional survival show called Naked and Afraid Childhood
Trauma Edition. Seriously, this isn't a one
person hero's journey. You're not Frodo and even he had
(17:14):
a whole damn fellowship. So yeah, get support.
Assemble your emotional Avengers.
Talk to a therapist and not the kind who just stares at you
blankly, whispering every 5 minutes like a sentient lavender
candle. Find one who actually calls you
(17:37):
out with love, helps you connectthe dots, and doesn't let you
gaslight yourself into thinking you're fine when you're clearly
spiraling in sweatpants. Find friends who want you to
level up. You know, the ones who clap for
your growth instead of side eyeing you like you've betrayed
(17:59):
the group chat by going to therapy and suddenly having
boundaries. The ones who don't say stuff
like you've changed as if it's acrime, but instead say hell
yeah, you've changed, let's get you a crown.
And look, I know joining a support group sounds like some
(18:21):
awkward nightmare where everyonecries and then shares their
feelings over stale cookies, butspoiler, it actually helps.
Nothing hits quite like realizing that you're not the
only one trying to break free from generational chaos while
pretending to be a functioning adult.
(18:44):
Surround yourself with people who see the new version of you,
the one who's trying, failing and trying again, and cheer you
on like you're doing something epic because you are.
Breaking cycles is Olympic levelin our work.
(19:04):
It's hard, it's exhausting, but doing it alone?
That's just unnecessary emotional CrossFit.
Let people help, accept the encouragement, let your hype
squad gas you up when you're doubting yourself.
(19:26):
You're not weak for needing support.
You're wise enough to know that transformation is not a one
person job. And just in Case No one said it
yet, you're doing a damn good job.
Now go hydrate and text someone who makes you feel like your
best self. All right, so you've accepted
(19:50):
that discomfort is part of the package.
Congrats on choosing the hard mode path into emotional
freedom. You've built your support crew
like you're casting the reboot of Healthy Life the series, and
now it's time for the next big boss battle.
Rewiring your reactions, becauselet's be honest, if your go to
(20:17):
stress response is ghosting yourrealities like a dating app
flake rage texting people who didn't technically deserve it,
or inhaling an entire sleeve of Oreos while disassociating into
the void, then we've got a pattern, babe.
And patterns. That's what we're here to break.
(20:39):
Cycle breaking isn't just about the dramatic life pivots or
posting inspirational quotes on Instagram Stories.
It's about the tiny, gritty, wildly inconvenient moments when
you catch yourself about to do the thing.
You know the one, and you stop. You pause.
(21:02):
You choose differently, even if it's awkward, even if your body
is practically vibrating with the urge to react like you
always have instead of spiralinginto a full blown meltdown
because someone sent a vaguely passive aggressive text.
High abandonment issues. Try breathing.
(21:26):
Yeah, just breathing. I know, revolutionary, annoying,
but weirdly effective. You don't have to ascend into
Zen monk territory. Just one deep breath that says I
(21:47):
am not going to emotionally combust over this today.
Instead of bottling up every emotion like you're prepping for
an emotional apocalypse, open upyour notes app and unleash
chaos. Seriously.
Right? I'm mad and I don't know why and
everything is stupid and I hate this and also maybe I'm just
(22:10):
hungry. That's progress.
That's you making space instead of exploding like a repressed
feelings pinata. And when you're about to default
to that old crusty self sabotaging behavior, whether
it's ghosting someone, doom scrolling into another
(22:31):
dimension, or volunteering for something you know you don't
have the capacity for, pause andask yourself, what would the
best version of me do right now?Not the flawless, hyper
productive fantasy self who wakes up at 5:00 AM and drinks
green juice. No, we're talking about the you
(22:56):
who's just trying a little harder than yesterday.
The one who's healing, not performing.
The one who sends the awkward text instead of vanishing.
The one who drinks some water instead of feeding their anxiety
47 grams of sugar. That version, they're already in
(23:19):
you. You just have to choose them.
And if you mess it up, cool, tryagain.
That's what healing actually looks like.
One weird, wobbly, wildly human decision at a time.
But hold up before you go full scorched earth on your entire
(23:44):
existence. In the name of growth, let's
slow it down. You don't need to Marie Kondo
your whole life by midnight. You're breaking cycles, not
entering a self help Olympics. Set small, doable, actually
human goals. Otherwise you're just setting
(24:08):
yourself up for burnout disguised as personal
development. Trying to quit people pleasing?
Cool, but maybe don't start by quitting your job, ghosting your
group chat, and moving to a yeartrying to find your authentic
self. Let's not go full dramatic
rebrand just yet. Start by saying no to one thing
(24:34):
that doesn't serve you. Like agreeing to bake cupcakes
for a Co worker's dog's birthdayparty.
Baby steps. Tired of being your own worst
critic? Awesome, but you don't have to
become a walking affirmation board overnight.
Just catch one trash talk thought like I'm the worst and
(24:59):
replace it with OK maybe I'm notBeyoncé but I'm doing fine.
Excuse me? You don't have to lie to
yourself, you just have to stop bullying yourself.
Think of it like a video game. Every time you choose a new
response, set a boundary, or speak to yourself like you're
(25:21):
not the human equivalent of a disappointing group project
partner that's a level up. You're gaining XP, and yeah,
maybe you're still fumbling around with a wooden sword and
barely any armor, but every little win is getting you closer
to that final boss battle, actually breaking the cycle for
(25:43):
good. Will you still slip up?
Absolutely. Will you still sometimes say yes
when you meant hell no, or actually accidentally spiral
over a typo in a text? Of course.
That's part of the game. The point isn't perfection.
(26:03):
It's progress. The slow, messy, gloriously
humankind. So keep going.
Keep leveling up, and when you finally face that old cycle head
on, you won't be alone, unprepared, or stuck.
(26:26):
You'll be the bad ass who clawedtheir way there, one tiny
rebellious win at a time. All right, so you're out here
doing the work, rewiring your reactions, setting boundaries,
saying no without spiraling intoa gilt coma.
Mostly. You're basically becoming a self
(26:49):
improvement machine. But like with feelings.
And then bam, you slip. You snap at someone for asking a
harmless question. You ghost your therapist.
You say yes to something your soul screamed no to and suddenly
(27:11):
your brain's like, well, that's it, the healing era is over.
Time to embrace the chaos goblinI've always been.
Nope, absolutely not. Stop that inner monologue mid
spiral. Because guess what?
Slipping up is part of the process.
(27:31):
This is not a Disney montage where you magically become
healed after one good journalingsession and a cup of tea.
You're not a perfectly coated robot sent here to make flawless
choices and ascend into enlightenment on a cloud of sage
smoke. You're a messy, beautiful real
(27:52):
life human trying to undo years,decades, maybe even generations
of autopilot BS. You don't fail when you mess up.
You learn. That's the deal.
Healing is not a straight line. It's a drunk toddler learning to
(28:13):
walk while juggling emotional baggage and occasionally
lighting something on fire. It's 2 steps forward, one step
back, three side steps, and thenyou fall into a metaphorical
Bush and come out holding a little more wisdom.
The goal isn't perfection. Spoiler.
(28:33):
She's fake, overhyped, and deeply exhausting.
The goal is better, just a smidge better than you were
yesterday. And if today was a total
disaster if you spiral texted your ex, ignored every red flag
in your inbox, or emotionally imploded over a slow loading
(28:57):
app, then cool. Regroup, hydrate.
Let tomorrow suck a little less.That's it, that's the bar, and
it's enough. So dust yourself off, give
yourself a wink in the mirror, and remember, you're not
(29:18):
starting over. You're continuing wiser,
stronger, and still wildly human.
And here's the part that might really hit you right in the gut
in the best way. This isn't just about you.
(29:40):
Yeah, I know healing feels personal, raw, exhausting, like
emotional CrossFit no one asks you to sign up for.
But every time you choose differently, even when it's
awkward, messy, or it feels likeyou're failing, you're not just
(30:05):
breaking cycles, you're buildinga whole new legacy.
You're flipping the script that's been handed down like a
family casserole recipe made of repression, guilt, and passive
aggressive comments. Maybe it means your future kids
grow up in a house where emotions aren't just allowed,
(30:26):
they're normalized. No more.
Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about.
Energy, just real feelings, realconversations, and actual tools
for dealing with life that don'tinvolve stuffing everything down
like emotional Tupperware. Maybe it means your friendships
(30:48):
finally feel mutual because you stopped playing the role of
unemotional unpaid intern and started setting boundaries that
don't require a PowerPoint explanation.
Maybe, just maybe, it means yourfamily looks at you, sees the
changes, and starts wondering, wait, we're allowed to do things
(31:15):
differently. And even if they don't, someone
watching will. Because this work, It ripples.
It echoes. It changes the room, the vibe,
the culture. You're not just changing your
(31:36):
own life, you're messing with the entire generational
blueprint, like the badass blueprint burner you really are.
You're not just healing. You're disrupting history with
every choice. To rest instead of hustle, to
speak instead of shrink, to loveyourself instead of trying to
(32:01):
earn it from everyone else. And that.
That's not soft, that's not selfish, that's powerful as
hell. You're not just rewriting your
story, you're deciding what getspassed down next and future.
(32:22):
You, the people who come after you, they're going to thank the
absolute hell out of you for doing it.
So here you are, recognizing patterns, challenging beliefs
that once felt like gospel, making better choices even when
(32:44):
every cell in your body is screaming Just do.
The familiar toxic thing is so much easier.
And somehow, despite the emotional whiplash and spiritual
indigestion, you haven't combusted under the weight of
generational nonsense. Honestly, that's impressive
(33:07):
because, let's not sugarcoat it,breaking cycles is brutal.
It's the mental equivalent of trying to reprogram a glitchy
Windows 95 computer using nothing but sheer willpower,
duct tape, and vibes. It's deleting decades of
(33:29):
emotional malware with tools youmostly learned from therapy,
memes, and uncomfortable self reflection.
Some days you're the main character in a gritty reboot of
your life. Other days you're crying in your
car because someone looked at you weird in the grocery store
and now you're unpacking your childhood again.
(33:50):
It's a process. But here's the thing, it's worth
it. Every uncomfortable boundary,
every awkward pause where you don't fall into the same old
trap, Every time you talk to your inner critic like it's a
drunk raccoon knocking over trash cans loud but not in
(34:12):
charge. You're proving to yourself that
you are not doomed to repeat thepast like a bargain bin sequel
that no one asked for with awareness.
AKA finally realizing oh this isa trauma response, not my
personality. Intentionality.
(34:34):
Choosing new actions even when your brains doing the emotional
equivalent of toddler level resistance and persistence.
Messing up face planting and then dragging yourself back up
with a sigh and a snack. You are carving out a new path,
(34:55):
one that doesn't run on outdatedsurvival tactics, inherited
guilt, or secondhand emotional clutter.
You're creating something lighter, healthier.
Something where peace isn't a fluke, it's the default.
Something where joy doesn't comewith guilt, where rest doesn't
(35:18):
feel like failure, and where youcan actually breathe without
bracing for impact. And one day you'll look around
and realize you're not just coping anymore.
You're not firefighting your past.
You're living like actually enjoying your life without
(35:43):
waiting for the next emotional landmine.
And that, that's the whole point.
And that's a wrap on this cycle smashing episode of Shrink Raft.
If your brain feels called out and oddly empowered, Perfect.
(36:03):
We nailed it. Remember, breaking cycles isn't
about doing it perfectly or becoming a whole new person
overnight. It's about showing up, screwing
up, learning and trying again. Every tiny step, every awkward
boundary, every wait. I don't have to keep doing this.
(36:28):
Moment counts. So go easy on yourself.
Celebrate the progress, even if it's messy.
You are not broken, you're rebuilding.
And trust me, the version of youon the other side of all of
this, they're going to be so damn proud.
(36:52):
Thanks for pushing play on Shrink wrapped.
If this episode hit home, share it with someone who's out there
doing the work, too. Remember to rate, review, and
subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, Spotify, Apple
Podcasts, Amazon Music, iHeartRadio or on the O'Neill
Counseling app. And if you want to connect with
(37:12):
other cycle Breakers, hop into the O'Neill Counseling app and
you'll find the link in the shownotes and join in on the
conversation. We're building a space for real
talk, real healing, and 0 judgement.
See you next week. Same time, same truth bombs.
And we're talking about buildinghabits.
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