Let’s be real—nobody teaches you how to actually do friendship past the age of 12. Like, yes, we learned to “share our toys” and “say sorry,” but nobody prepared us for the adult-level chaos of mismatched priorities, unspoken resentment, and the slow, silent fade of a once-daily texter into a quarterly “miss you!” emoji.
Friendship in adulthood? It's weird. Beautiful, but weird. Friendships are living, evolving relationships that require boundaries, honesty, and the occasional “hey, that hurt my feelings” conversation that makes you want to crawl into a hole and die a little. And managing them well? That’s not about being perfect—it’s about being intentional.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:01):
Let's be real, nobody teaches you how to actually do
friendship past the age of 12. Like yes, we learned how to
share our toys and say sorry, but nobody prepared us for the
adult level chaos of mismatched priorities, unspoken resentment,
(00:22):
and the slow, silent fade of a once daily texter into a
quarterly miss you emoji friendship in adulthood.
It's weird. Beautiful, but weird.
Suddenly you're juggling jobs, kids, trauma therapy,
breakthroughs, and the emotionallabor of answering texts within
(00:45):
a socially acceptable time frameand somehow still expected to be
a good friend through all of it.But here's the thing.
Friendships aren't effortless. They're living, evolving
relationships that require boundaries, honesty, and the
occasional hey, that hurt my feelings conversation that makes
(01:09):
you want to crawl into a hole and die a little.
And managing them well, that's not about being perfect.
It's about being intentional. So today we're diving into the
messy, meaningful art of friendship maintenance, from
setting boundaries to knowing when to walk away, from
(01:31):
rekindling connection to making peace with the ones that drift.
This one's for the group chat, the ghosted thread, and the best
friend you still call dude after15 years.
Let's get into it. Friendships, like any other
(01:56):
relationship, require effort, communication, and boundaries.
But because they're not romanticor blood related, well, we often
treat them like side quests. Cute if they work out, but not
something we're taught to work on.
And that's where the problems start.
(02:17):
We assume friendship should be easy, but if it's real, it'll
just flow. No conflict, no awkwardness, no
weird silences after someone forgets your birthday or makes a
passive aggressive comment aboutyour life choices.
But spoiler alert, ease doesn't equal health.
(02:40):
Just like dating, solid friendships take maintenance,
emotional oil changes, occasional hard resets, and
yeah, sometimes they need to be gently unplugged and thrown out
the window. Effort doesn't mean performative
check insurance or forcing the vibe to match what it used to be
(03:02):
in 2017. It means showing up honestly,
communicating when something's off instead of marinating and
resentment and hoping they magically get it.
It means setting boundaries likehey, I can't be your emotional
landfill right now or I love you, but I can't always drop
(03:25):
everything. Because here's the truth.
Friendship isn't a free for all.It's not unconditional access to
your time, your energy, or your nervous system.
It's a relationship. And the ones that last, they're
ones that evolve, where both people can grow, change, mess
(03:50):
up, and still choose to keep showing up.
Not out of obligation, but out of genuine care.
So today we're getting into it. Messy dynamics, unmet
expectations, the myth of forever friends, and how to tell
(04:10):
the difference between a rough patch and a dead end.
We'll break down how to bring stuff up without spiraling, how
to make peace with natural drift, and how to be the kind of
friend who doesn't abandoned themselves just to keep the
peace. Buckle up.
This one's part group chat therapy, part loving Reality
(04:31):
check. Let's be real, friendship isn't
one-size-fits-all, and neither are you.
Some of us are clingy little emotional barnacles who need
daily check ins, constant validation, and the occasional
just thinking of you meme to keep the friendship fire alive.
(04:53):
Others are like forest dwelling introvert sprites who emerge
from the mist once every six months, toss a chaotic life
update your way, and then vanishagain like a Cryptid with poor
Wi-Fi. And guess what?
All of that is valid. What's not valid is treating
(05:17):
your very specific friendship style like it's the universal
default, then spiraling when your friends don't magically
conform to it via osmosis or mood board.
You are not writing a telepathicfriendship user manual.
You are a whole human being withneeds and it's your job to know
(05:38):
what they are and say them out loud.
Think of your friendship style like your emotional Wi-Fi
settings. Some people need constant
signal, daily pings, and the high bandwidth connection.
Others are totally fine with lowpower mode, occasional updates,
(05:59):
and a solid mean once in a blue moon to keep the threat alive.
There's no right setting, but itis a problem if you don't know
which one you're running on and then get salty because someone's
connection doesn't match your expectations.
And let's not forget the burnoutfactor.
(06:21):
If you keep operating like a full time friendship concierge
when you're actually running on emotional fumes, you will start
to hate everyone, including yourself.
So take stock. What makes you feel close to
people, what drains you, what kind of social upkeep actually
(06:45):
feels good, and what starts feeling like an obligation you
low key resent but keep doing because you don't want to be the
flaky one. And then, and this part's wild,
you communicate that with words to your friends.
(07:09):
Not through sub tweets, not through carefully curated sad
girl playlists, not through making them guess which version
of you they're going to get today.
Just tell them like a person whoknows their worth and respects
other people's emotional bandwidths too.
(07:30):
Because when you ditch the unspoken expectations and lead
with clarity instead of vibes, the drama shrinks the resentment
fates and the friendships they get a whole lot more sustainable
and a hell of a lot more fun. Now, once you've figured out
(07:54):
your friendship style, it's timefor the real boss level move.
Boundaries, the thing we all saywe're good at, while
simultaneously letting people treat our time and energy like
an all you can eat buffet. Here's the truth bomb.
They really should have taught in health class, right between
(08:18):
don't do drugs and that weird banana condom demonstration.
Boundaries aren't just for toxicexes and nosy relatives.
They're for everyone, even the people you adore, even the best
friend who's practically family,Especially them.
(08:41):
Setting boundaries and friendship isn't about being
cold, mean, or suddenly turning into a stoic island monk.
It's about not losing your mind because you've been running on
zero emotional battery while still trying to be everyone's
unpaid life coach. It's saying, hey, I love you,
(09:03):
but I can't be your 3:00 AM crisis hotline right now, or I
want to be there for you, but I've got the emotional range of
a potato today. Can we talk tomorrow?
It's knowing your own limits andprotecting your peace like it's
your last brain cell on a bad mental health day.
(09:26):
Because guess what? You're not obligated to show up
100% of the time at 100% capacity.
That's not friendship. That's martyrdom with a side of
burnout. And spoiler alert, if you keep
giving past your limits, you will start resenting the people
(09:48):
that you care about. You'll find yourself rolling
your eyes at their voice memos, hate watching their stories, and
turning every interaction into an internal episode of Why am I
the only one who gives a shit? And it goes both ways.
If your friend sells, they're maxed out.
Don't take it as a personal rejection and spiral into I'm
(10:12):
too much and no one loves me mode.
That's not self-awareness, it's emotional sabotage.
Be the kind of friend who doesn't just tolerate boundaries
but actively respects them even when it's inconvenient.
Even when you're feeling clingy and your inner people pleaser is
(10:34):
begging to send one more you good text they never asked for.
Because when both of you are clear about where the emotional
fences are, things stay cleaner,kinder, and way less likely to
devolve into petty drama over a slow reply.
(10:57):
Boundaries aren't walls, they'rescaffolding.
They hold up the friendship so it doesn't collapse under the
weight of unspoken expectations and quietly simmering
resentment. All right, now that we've
lovingly dragged boundaries intothe spotlight, let's talk about
(11:17):
the next terrifying thing. No one warned us.
Adulthood would require communicating your actual
feelings gasped. I know, horrifying.
But hear me out, OK? I get it.
Talking about your feelings sounds like something reserved
(11:39):
for therapy sessions, Oscar acceptance speeches, or that one
friend who cries at Trader Joe'scommercials.
But in real life, especially in friendships, it's vital because
bottling things up might feel emotionally polite in the
moment. But spoiler alert, repressed
(12:03):
feelings age like milk in a heatwave.
One second it's it's fine, I'm fine, and the next you're
scrubbing your sink with rage because they forgot your
birthday six years ago and now you hate them and lemon scented
cleaning products. Here's the deal.
(12:23):
If something's bothering you, say something.
Not in a cryptic Instagram quote.
Not via dramatic silence and martyr energy.
Use your actual words. You are not a cursed Victorian
ghost haunting your friend with vibes.
(12:44):
You are a whole adult with a voice and access to I
statements. Yes, it's uncomfortable,
vulnerability always is. But you can express your hurt
without lighting the entire friendship on fire.
Try. I felt hurt when you didn't
reach out instead of you clearlydon't care about anyone but
(13:09):
yourself. One opens a conversation, the
other opens a grudge match. Your choice.
And for the love of your mental health, stop assuming your
friends are mind readers. They're probably just as
emotionally overwhelmed and caffeine dependent as you are.
(13:32):
They don't know you've been spiraling about that text they
send with a slightly dry tone. If it matters, bring it up.
If it doesn't, let it go. Either way, choose clarity over
passive aggressive breadcrumb breadcrumb trails.
(13:52):
Because when open, honest communication becomes the norm
in your friendships, wild thingshappen.
Like trust, ease, nobody walkingon emotional egg shells, nobody
mentally rehearsing a speech forsix weeks just to say that
(14:16):
actually hurt my feelings. You get to fully be you, and
they get to do the same. And that that's what real
friendship is made of. Not perfection.
Now performance. Just two humans choosing to be
(14:36):
honest instead of quietly unraveling behind fake smiles
and group chat drama. So you've gotten honest about
your friendship style. You've set some boundaries.
You've even talked about your feelings without combusting.
Amazing. Now comes the part that sounds
(14:59):
deceptively simple but is actually a full on adulting
skill making time. Let's be brutally honest, nobody
has boundless social energy anymore.
We are all just out here trying to survive late stage
(15:19):
capitalism. Dodge existential dread,
remember what day it is, and maybe drink water that isn't
coffee. You are not a human 711.
You do not need to be emotionally open for business
24/7. But, and this is key, you do
(15:43):
need to make intentional space for the friendships that matter.
Because friendships aren't immortal succulents that vibe
quietly on your window sill for five years without attention.
They're more like emotional house plants with personality
disorders. If you neglect them too long,
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they get crispy, sad, and weirdly passive aggressive.
The goal here isn't to overextend yourself into
martyrdom, is to figure out whatlevel of maintenance is
realistic for you, and then commit to showing up in a way
that feels doable, not performative.
(16:24):
A 5 minute voice memo? Golden, a perfectly timed meme,
practically a love letter. I hey I've been in hermit mode
but still thinking about you Text soul food.
It's not about grand gestures, it's about meaningful micro
effort. And no, you don't have to RSVP
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to every plan or respond to every message like you're
auditioning for friend of the year.
You're allowed to have slow seasons.
You're allowed to say not right now, but disappearing into the
void without a trace and then expecting that friendship to
stay magically intact. That's how connections quietly
(17:10):
fall apart while everyone pretends nothing happened.
So do yourself and your people afavor.
Show up within your limits and tell them what those limits are.
Communicate your availability like an emotionally literate
adult, not a mysterious swamp creature who only emerges under
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a blood moon. Because when you show up
consistently, even in small ways, that's what keeps
friendships alive. Not constant contact, not forced
Hangouts, just little reminders that you give a damn even when
life's a dumpster fire. All right, so you figured out
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your bandwidth, you're making time when you can, and you've
mastered the art of the perfectly timed mean drop.
Great. But here's the next friendship
truth bomb we need to draw. Effort shouldn't be a solo
sport. Look, friendship isn't a
(18:21):
customer service gig. You're not someone's emotional
concierge, available 24/7 to field breakdowns, validate life
choices, and remember every birthday breakup an embarrassing
middle school crush while getting radio silence when
you're the one spiraling. If you are constantly texting
(18:43):
first, initiating plans, offering pep talks, and
basically doing emotional cartwheels for someone who
responds like you're an optionalside quest, that's not
friendship. That's unpaid labor in a one
person emotional support department.
Real friendship has flow. It's not about keeping a
(19:07):
perfectly balanced Ledger every day.
This isn't an emotional tax audit.
Of course there will be seasons where one person's the hot mess
express and the others the steady anchor.
That's normal. That's human.
But if your role is permanently locked into therapist,
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cheerleader, planner, crisis hotline, and motivational
speaker while your needs go unnoticed, you are not in a
friendship. You're doing performance art and
listen. Asking for support doesn't make
you needy. It makes you a person with
feelings. You're allowed to say, hey, I
(19:52):
need to be held for a SEC too. You're allowed to want
reciprocity. And if a friendship only works
when you're bending over backwards to maintain it while
they're out here treating the connection like a subscription
they forgot they still had, it'stime to reassess.
Possibly cancel. No exit survey required.
(20:16):
So take inventory. Ask yourself, does this
friendship feel mutual? Do I feel safe and supported or
just drained and low key better?If the answers point to
imbalance, don't guilt yourself into staying just because you go
(20:37):
way back or don't want to rock the boat.
Rock the boat. If it sinks that easily, it
wasn't seaworthy anyway. Friendship isn't about keeping
score, but it is about making sure you're not stuck playing
all the positions while the other person just shows up for
(20:58):
the highlight reel. You deserve better.
And honestly, so do they. Because fake harmony helps no
one, and real connection only happens when both people
actually show up. And if you've done all the work,
communicated clearly set boundaries, shown up with memes
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and emotional bandwidth, and still feel like you're shouting
into the void, might be time forthe final boss of friendship
maintenance letting go. Ah yes, the slow aching death of
(21:42):
the one sided friendship. The emotional equivalent of
sending a heartfelt miss you text and getting hit with a
thumbs up emoji. Or worse, no response at all
while they update their story from a brunch you weren't
invited to. We've all been there and while
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no one really likes to talk about it, here's the truth bomb.
Not every friendship is built tolast forever.
Some Some friendships are seasonal, some were built on
shared chaos and fizzle out whenlife gets stable, and some some
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were just vibes and red flags dressed up as connection.
If you're always the one initiating, checking in, making
plans, and holding emotional space for their every
existential spiral while your own struggles get ghosted,
that's not friendship. That's an unpaid internship and
(22:47):
someone else's emotional ecosystem.
And listen, you're not a castingdirector.
You do not need to keep auditioning for someone's love,
loyalty, or attention just because you once bonded over a
wild weekend or mutual hatred for your old boss.
(23:07):
That connection may have been real, but if it's all one sided
now, let it go. Letting go doesn't make you
cold. It doesn't mean you're bitter or
dramatic or too sensitive. It means you finally realized
you're worth more than bread crumbs and birthday texts sent
(23:30):
two days late with a recycled gift.
Releasing a friendship that stopped feeling good isn't
failure. It's emotional self respect.
It's the spiritual equivalent ofthrowing out expired milk.
Yes, it was good once. No, it does not belong in your
(23:50):
fridge anymore. Will it suck?
Oh, for sure. Letting go of someone you loved,
even platonically, is grief withno funeral.
But clinging to a connection that dreams you just because of
the history. That's how you end up bitter,
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exhausted, and questioning your worth.
And babe, your peace is worth more than someone who only shows
up when it's convenient for them.
So give yourself permission to release what no longer fits.
Choose mutual energy. Choose emotional reciprocity.
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Choose friends who don't requiredetective work to feel cared
for. Let the fan club go.
You were never meant to be the star and the unpaid manager, so
maybe you've dodged the one sided friendships, trim the dead
weight and surrounded yourself with people who actually text
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your back. Amazing.
Now comes the next plot twist. Sometimes even the good ones
piss you off. Welcome to the glamorous world
of conflict. And let's get one thing
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straight. Conflict is not the villain in
this story. It's not a blinking neon sign
saying abort MISSION. This friendship is over.
It's just communication with a little emotional jalapeno on
top. Uncomfortable.
Sure, but running from it like it's a haunted house only
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guarantees one thing. Resentment is going to set up
camp in your soul and start planning renovations.
Look, disagreements are inevitable.
You're not friendship clones, You're two or more fully chaotic
(26:03):
humans with wildly different backgrounds, triggers, and
definitions of what 5 more minutes means.
You will annoy each other, you will misunderstand something,
and eventually someone's going to say something tone deaf, drop
the ball, or commit minor emotional war crimes like
(26:26):
cancelling plans after you've already washed your hair.
But here's the kicker. The conflict itself isn't what
breaks the friendship, it's how you handle it.
If your go to is ghosting, stewing in silence, or plotting
an imaginary courtroom monologuewhere you destroy them with
(26:49):
facts and emotional receipts, that's not resolution.
That's a grudge in a trench coatpretending to be power.
Try this instead. Use your actual words.
Say what hurt. Say what you need.
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Don't launch a passive aggressive vibe campaign or post
cryptic quotes about betrayal onyour Instagram story.
You are not a walking Tumblr post, you are a grown ass person
with access to I statements and the Internet.
And don't forget the wildest part.
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Listening. Not the waiting for your turn to
talk kind of listening. The real kind.
The kind where you hear them outwithout mentally building your
rebuttal or tallying up past offenses like an emotional
accountant. Because sometimes the problem
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isn't the argument, it's the years of unsaid stuff living
just under the surface. Like emotional mold.
If you mess up, apologize. Like someone who's emotionally
literate. If they mess up and own it,
(28:21):
forgive. Like someone who's also made
dumb choices while under slept, overstimulated, or hangry.
We are all a work in progress. None of us are flawless.
The point isn't to never fight, it's to get better at it.
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Because when you handle conflictwith care, the friendship gets
stronger. You build trust, resilience, and
the kind of closeness that comesfrom knowing, hey, we can
disagree and still choose each other.
That's the real flex. Not curated selfies or matching
(29:05):
tattoos. Not being drama free.
Just being real and staying connected through the mats.
So you've had the hard conversations, survived some
spicy conflict, and realize thateven good friendships can hit
rough patches. But what happens when things
(29:30):
don't blow up, they just fade? When there's no big betrayal, no
dramatic goodbye, just a slow, awkward drift into We used to be
close. Welcome to the bitter sweet land
(29:51):
of friendships evolving. And here's the uncomfortable
truth no one ever stitched onto a friendship bracelet.
Not all friendships are meant tostay exactly how they started,
and they're not supposed to. People grow, Circumstances
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change, and trying to keep a friendship frozen in its
original form is like trying to force yourself into your
favorite hoodie from middle school.
Yeah, it holds memories, but nowit's tight in weird places,
smells vaguely like Axe body spray, and makes you itchy every
(30:34):
time you put it on. Maybe you used to text every
single day and now it's every other month.
Maybe you went from swapping trauma dumps and take out orders
to politely liking each other's Instagram reels.
That doesn't mean the friendshipfailed, it just means it
(30:56):
shifted. And shifts aren't inherently
bad. They're just awkward,
emotionally crunchy, and occasionally make you stare at
your phone wondering, do I reachout or just let this fizzle
quietly into the abyss? The real trap here is clinging
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to what used to be like it's a secret artifact.
Trying to force the friendship to go back to its golden era
just sets you up for resentment and disappointment.
You're comparing current imperfect reality to a highlight
reel from 2015, and let's be honest, even 2015 wasn't
(31:40):
actually that great. Nostalgia isn't a strategy, and
maintaining A vibe that no longer fits exhausting, like
emotionally cosplaying a versionof yourself you outgrew 3
therapists ago. Instead, try this.
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Honor the friendship for what itwas, appreciate it for what it
is now, and let go of what it's not anymore.
Some friendships get quieter butdeeper.
Some slowly drift into that sweet I'll always root for you
(32:25):
from afar territory. And some they shape shift into
something brand new, messier, more mature, less codependent.
The ones worth keeping. They'll evolve with you.
No forcing, no clinging. Just mutual growth and a shared
(32:50):
ability to say hey, this is different now, but it's still
real. So maybe your friendships are
evolving. Maybe you're evolving, but
before you spiral into managing everyone's expectations like a
walking calendar app with anxiety, let's talk about one
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more crucial, often ignored truth of real connection.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for a friendship is
to straight up vanish for a bit.Not in a throw your phone in a
lake, fake your death and becomea barista in a remote fishing
village kind of way. More like my nervous system is
(33:38):
doing the electric slide and I need to not interact with humans
unless they are furry and poor at me kind of way.
Needing space isn't betrayal. It's not a red flag, it's not
you being a flaky monster who doesn't care enough.
It's emotional hygiene. If every text feels like a
(34:01):
homework assignment and every invite makes you want to fake a
sprained ankle, that's not a social life.
That's a slow slide into people pleasing burnout.
You are allowed to hit pause. You are allowed to do nothing
(34:22):
and tell no one and just quietlyexist like a sentient Moss
patch. And this is the part where real
friendships flex their muscles, the good ones.
They don't panic, they don't guilt you with haven't heard
(34:45):
from you. They don't send weirdly pointed
memes about being abandoned. They say take your time, I'll be
here because they get it, because they've had their own.
Don't talk to me. I'm feral.
Seasons too. The key isn't to ghost like a
(35:08):
cryptic X, it's to offer a little clarity.
Nothing wild. Just say hey, love you.
Low power mode engaged. I'll pop back up when I've
recharged my social battery. Boom, done.
No 3 paragraph justification, noemotional labor report, just the
(35:30):
heads up that you're not emotionally dead, you're just
offline for maintenance. Protecting your peace doesn't
make you selfish, makes you sustainable.
And if a friendship falls apart the moment you take a breath,
that connection was running on codependency, not care.
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So next time you feel the burnout monster creeping in,
skip the guilt spiral. Build the pillow port.
Pillow port. Turn off notifications.
Water your house, plants and your soul.
Go Cryptid. Go hermit.
(36:14):
Go invisible on purpose because the friendships worth keeping.
They'll still be here when you resurface.
So you've navigated boundaries, communication breakdowns,
evolving dynamics, space taking,and every flavor of friendship
(36:39):
chaos in between. Now here's the final boss move,
choosing who actually gets a seat at your table because not
everyone deserves front row access to your life just because
they once split mozzarella sticks with you in 2012.
(37:02):
Let's be blunt, your energy is currency and if you're
constantly dropping it like confetti on people who make you
feel like a human doormat, backup emotional support animal,
or an on call therapist with 0 PTO, we have a budgeting
problem. Friendship should not feel like
(37:25):
a full time job with no benefitsand a toxic boss who only calls
when their life is on fire. The right people.
They're not threatened by your no, they don't weaponize guilt,
vanish at the first sign of yourown needs, or treat your
boundaries like an optional survey at the end of a phone
(37:46):
call. The right people make space for
your weird, brilliant, flawed humanity without needing a Ted
Talk on your trauma just to get it.
You don't have to keep chasing friendships that feel like
emotionally microwaved leftovers.
(38:08):
You don't have to cling to the We've been friends forever Once
if forever now feels like entering a group project with no
end date. Loyalty is sweet, peace is
sacred, and if it comes down to choosing between your mental
(38:28):
health or someone else's fragileego, they pick you every time.
Build a circle that claps when you win, checks in when you
ghost for a week, and doesn't take your silence as an insult.
The ones who send just thinking of you texts without needing A5
(38:53):
paragraph essay in return. The ones who feel like rest,
like your favorite hoodie that still fits, like being loved in
a way that doesn't require performance.
And if that circle is small, good.
Fewer people, less chaos, higherquality connection, intimate
(39:20):
beats exhausting every damn time.
You're not collecting acquaintances, you're curating
emotional safety. Choose wisely.
Managing friendships isn't aboutbeing some Pinterest perfect
friend who always knows the right thing to say, responds to
(39:43):
every text within 6 minutes, andnever cancels plans because
they're overwhelmed and sociallyhungover.
Please. That's not friendship, that's a
customer service Rep with abandonment issues.
Real friendship is about balance.
It's the tightrope walk between I got you no matter what and I'm
(40:06):
turning my phone off because I've hit my emotional limit and
I'm currently mainlining snacks in the dark.
It's knowing when to lean in with love, when to back off with
grace and when to full on Irish goodbye because the vibes are
giving emotional taxes with no refunds.
(40:27):
Friendship should feel nourishing, supportive, maybe a
little chaotic, but never soul sucking.
If every interaction feels like a performance review, a therapy
session you didn't sign up for, or a group project where you're
the only one doing the work, it's time to re evaluate.
(40:53):
Because the right friends, They don't make you question your
worth, tiptoe around their moods, or wonder if a boundary
is going to ruin everything. They get it.
They get you. They're the ones who send
hyperspecific memes at 2:00 AM that make you snort, laugh alone
(41:14):
in bed or with your partner. The ones who cheer when you win,
sit with you when you lose, and don't need a full explanation
when you text. I'm not OK but don't want to
talk they just say got it I'm here.
So stop over watering the dead plants.
(41:35):
Seriously, stop contorting yourself to stay digestible for
people who only love you when you're easy.
Stop being the emotional sidekick in someone else's main
character drama. Start choosing the people who
make you feel like a whole human, messy, brilliant, and
(41:57):
deeply loved. Because at the end of the day,
the friendships that matter are the ones that hold space for all
of you. The let's go get coffee and
unpack your trauma version and Ihaven't showered and I'm
radiating crackers in bed version.
(42:19):
The ones that make you feel safe, seen, and held, even when
you're not at your best. Even when you're feral, flaky,
or texting like you've lost all grammar function.
Hold on to those, water those, and ask for the rest.
(42:41):
Let them drift, unfollow, or fade quietly into the archives.
Not all connections are meant tolast forever, but the ones that
are, they'll meet you where you are again and again.
(43:01):
And that, that's the good stuff.And that's a wrap on today's
deep dive into the beautiful, messy, occasionally soul
draining, but ultimately life saving world of managing
friendships. If nothing else, I hope this
(43:25):
episode reminded you that you don't need to be the perfect
friend to be a good one. You're allowed to set
boundaries. You're allowed to need space.
You're allowed to grow, change, drift, reconnect, and re enter
as a slightly more self aware version of yourself.
(43:48):
Friendship isn't a linear storyline.
It's a series of moments, choices, and memes that say I
see you, I got you, I still likeyou, even when you're spiraling.
So whether you're in a season ofplanting new friendships,
pruning the old ones that no longer serve you, or just trying
(44:09):
to keep your social battery fromflatlining, you're not alone,
and you're not a bad friend for being human.
Real connection can handle honesty, it can handle growth.
It can't even handle a little distance.
Thanks for pushing play on Shrink wrapped.
(44:31):
If this episode hit you in the heart, made you laugh, or made
you rethink that one group chat you've been emotionally
ghosting, go ahead and share it with someone who needs to hear
it too. And hey, while you're here,
rate, review and subscribe on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon
(44:51):
Music, iHeartRadio, whatever your podcast app of choice.
Five Stars helps more people find the pod and also validates
my inner child. Win win.
If you want to keep the conversation going, join the
O'Neill Counseling app with the links in the show notes to
connect with other listeners, get exclusive content, and maybe
(45:12):
even drop a hot take or two on friendship therapy or that weird
thing your brain did last Tuesday.
Next week we're diving in to effective communication, and
it's a favorite topic of mine, so make sure you're subscribed
and ready for more slightly unhinged, deeply validating
(45:32):
mental health real talk. Until then, be kind to yourself,
be honest with your people, and remember your worth isn't
measured by how available you are, it's measured by how
authentically you show up, even if it's just once in a while
(45:54):
with snacks.
Let's be real, nobody teaches you how to actually do
friendship past the age of 12. Like yes, we learned how to
share our toys and say sorry, but nobody prepared us for the
adult level chaos of mismatched priorities, unspoken resentment,
(00:22):
and the slow, silent fade of a once daily texter into a
quarterly miss you emoji friendship in adulthood.
It's weird. Beautiful, but weird.
Suddenly you're juggling jobs, kids, trauma therapy,
breakthroughs, and the emotionallabor of answering texts within
(00:45):
a socially acceptable time frameand somehow still expected to be
a good friend through all of it.But here's the thing.
Friendships aren't effortless. They're living, evolving
relationships that require boundaries, honesty, and the
occasional hey, that hurt my feelings conversation that makes
(01:09):
you want to crawl into a hole and die a little.
And managing them well, that's not about being perfect.
It's about being intentional. So today we're diving into the
messy, meaningful art of friendship maintenance, from
setting boundaries to knowing when to walk away, from
(01:31):
rekindling connection to making peace with the ones that drift.
This one's for the group chat, the ghosted thread, and the best
friend you still call dude after15 years.
Let's get into it. Friendships, like any other
(01:56):
relationship, require effort, communication, and boundaries.
But because they're not romanticor blood related, well, we often
treat them like side quests. Cute if they work out, but not
something we're taught to work on.
And that's where the problems start.
(02:17):
We assume friendship should be easy, but if it's real, it'll
just flow. No conflict, no awkwardness, no
weird silences after someone forgets your birthday or makes a
passive aggressive comment aboutyour life choices.
But spoiler alert, ease doesn't equal health.
(02:40):
Just like dating, solid friendships take maintenance,
emotional oil changes, occasional hard resets, and
yeah, sometimes they need to be gently unplugged and thrown out
the window. Effort doesn't mean performative
check insurance or forcing the vibe to match what it used to be
(03:02):
in 2017. It means showing up honestly,
communicating when something's off instead of marinating and
resentment and hoping they magically get it.
It means setting boundaries likehey, I can't be your emotional
landfill right now or I love you, but I can't always drop
(03:25):
everything. Because here's the truth.
Friendship isn't a free for all.It's not unconditional access to
your time, your energy, or your nervous system.
It's a relationship. And the ones that last, they're
ones that evolve, where both people can grow, change, mess
(03:50):
up, and still choose to keep showing up.
Not out of obligation, but out of genuine care.
So today we're getting into it. Messy dynamics, unmet
expectations, the myth of forever friends, and how to tell
(04:10):
the difference between a rough patch and a dead end.
We'll break down how to bring stuff up without spiraling, how
to make peace with natural drift, and how to be the kind of
friend who doesn't abandoned themselves just to keep the
peace. Buckle up.
This one's part group chat therapy, part loving Reality
(04:31):
check. Let's be real, friendship isn't
one-size-fits-all, and neither are you.
Some of us are clingy little emotional barnacles who need
daily check ins, constant validation, and the occasional
just thinking of you meme to keep the friendship fire alive.
(04:53):
Others are like forest dwelling introvert sprites who emerge
from the mist once every six months, toss a chaotic life
update your way, and then vanishagain like a Cryptid with poor
Wi-Fi. And guess what?
All of that is valid. What's not valid is treating
(05:17):
your very specific friendship style like it's the universal
default, then spiraling when your friends don't magically
conform to it via osmosis or mood board.
You are not writing a telepathicfriendship user manual.
You are a whole human being withneeds and it's your job to know
(05:38):
what they are and say them out loud.
Think of your friendship style like your emotional Wi-Fi
settings. Some people need constant
signal, daily pings, and the high bandwidth connection.
Others are totally fine with lowpower mode, occasional updates,
(05:59):
and a solid mean once in a blue moon to keep the threat alive.
There's no right setting, but itis a problem if you don't know
which one you're running on and then get salty because someone's
connection doesn't match your expectations.
And let's not forget the burnoutfactor.
(06:21):
If you keep operating like a full time friendship concierge
when you're actually running on emotional fumes, you will start
to hate everyone, including yourself.
So take stock. What makes you feel close to
people, what drains you, what kind of social upkeep actually
(06:45):
feels good, and what starts feeling like an obligation you
low key resent but keep doing because you don't want to be the
flaky one. And then, and this part's wild,
you communicate that with words to your friends.
(07:09):
Not through sub tweets, not through carefully curated sad
girl playlists, not through making them guess which version
of you they're going to get today.
Just tell them like a person whoknows their worth and respects
other people's emotional bandwidths too.
(07:30):
Because when you ditch the unspoken expectations and lead
with clarity instead of vibes, the drama shrinks the resentment
fates and the friendships they get a whole lot more sustainable
and a hell of a lot more fun. Now, once you've figured out
(07:54):
your friendship style, it's timefor the real boss level move.
Boundaries, the thing we all saywe're good at, while
simultaneously letting people treat our time and energy like
an all you can eat buffet. Here's the truth bomb.
They really should have taught in health class, right between
(08:18):
don't do drugs and that weird banana condom demonstration.
Boundaries aren't just for toxicexes and nosy relatives.
They're for everyone, even the people you adore, even the best
friend who's practically family,Especially them.
(08:41):
Setting boundaries and friendship isn't about being
cold, mean, or suddenly turning into a stoic island monk.
It's about not losing your mind because you've been running on
zero emotional battery while still trying to be everyone's
unpaid life coach. It's saying, hey, I love you,
(09:03):
but I can't be your 3:00 AM crisis hotline right now, or I
want to be there for you, but I've got the emotional range of
a potato today. Can we talk tomorrow?
It's knowing your own limits andprotecting your peace like it's
your last brain cell on a bad mental health day.
(09:26):
Because guess what? You're not obligated to show up
100% of the time at 100% capacity.
That's not friendship. That's martyrdom with a side of
burnout. And spoiler alert, if you keep
giving past your limits, you will start resenting the people
(09:48):
that you care about. You'll find yourself rolling
your eyes at their voice memos, hate watching their stories, and
turning every interaction into an internal episode of Why am I
the only one who gives a shit? And it goes both ways.
If your friend sells, they're maxed out.
Don't take it as a personal rejection and spiral into I'm
(10:12):
too much and no one loves me mode.
That's not self-awareness, it's emotional sabotage.
Be the kind of friend who doesn't just tolerate boundaries
but actively respects them even when it's inconvenient.
Even when you're feeling clingy and your inner people pleaser is
(10:34):
begging to send one more you good text they never asked for.
Because when both of you are clear about where the emotional
fences are, things stay cleaner,kinder, and way less likely to
devolve into petty drama over a slow reply.
(10:57):
Boundaries aren't walls, they'rescaffolding.
They hold up the friendship so it doesn't collapse under the
weight of unspoken expectations and quietly simmering
resentment. All right, now that we've
lovingly dragged boundaries intothe spotlight, let's talk about
(11:17):
the next terrifying thing. No one warned us.
Adulthood would require communicating your actual
feelings gasped. I know, horrifying.
But hear me out, OK? I get it.
Talking about your feelings sounds like something reserved
(11:39):
for therapy sessions, Oscar acceptance speeches, or that one
friend who cries at Trader Joe'scommercials.
But in real life, especially in friendships, it's vital because
bottling things up might feel emotionally polite in the
moment. But spoiler alert, repressed
(12:03):
feelings age like milk in a heatwave.
One second it's it's fine, I'm fine, and the next you're
scrubbing your sink with rage because they forgot your
birthday six years ago and now you hate them and lemon scented
cleaning products. Here's the deal.
(12:23):
If something's bothering you, say something.
Not in a cryptic Instagram quote.
Not via dramatic silence and martyr energy.
Use your actual words. You are not a cursed Victorian
ghost haunting your friend with vibes.
(12:44):
You are a whole adult with a voice and access to I
statements. Yes, it's uncomfortable,
vulnerability always is. But you can express your hurt
without lighting the entire friendship on fire.
Try. I felt hurt when you didn't
reach out instead of you clearlydon't care about anyone but
(13:09):
yourself. One opens a conversation, the
other opens a grudge match. Your choice.
And for the love of your mental health, stop assuming your
friends are mind readers. They're probably just as
emotionally overwhelmed and caffeine dependent as you are.
(13:32):
They don't know you've been spiraling about that text they
send with a slightly dry tone. If it matters, bring it up.
If it doesn't, let it go. Either way, choose clarity over
passive aggressive breadcrumb breadcrumb trails.
(13:52):
Because when open, honest communication becomes the norm
in your friendships, wild thingshappen.
Like trust, ease, nobody walkingon emotional egg shells, nobody
mentally rehearsing a speech forsix weeks just to say that
(14:16):
actually hurt my feelings. You get to fully be you, and
they get to do the same. And that that's what real
friendship is made of. Not perfection.
Now performance. Just two humans choosing to be
(14:36):
honest instead of quietly unraveling behind fake smiles
and group chat drama. So you've gotten honest about
your friendship style. You've set some boundaries.
You've even talked about your feelings without combusting.
Amazing. Now comes the part that sounds
(14:59):
deceptively simple but is actually a full on adulting
skill making time. Let's be brutally honest, nobody
has boundless social energy anymore.
We are all just out here trying to survive late stage
(15:19):
capitalism. Dodge existential dread,
remember what day it is, and maybe drink water that isn't
coffee. You are not a human 711.
You do not need to be emotionally open for business
24/7. But, and this is key, you do
(15:43):
need to make intentional space for the friendships that matter.
Because friendships aren't immortal succulents that vibe
quietly on your window sill for five years without attention.
They're more like emotional house plants with personality
disorders. If you neglect them too long,
(16:04):
they get crispy, sad, and weirdly passive aggressive.
The goal here isn't to overextend yourself into
martyrdom, is to figure out whatlevel of maintenance is
realistic for you, and then commit to showing up in a way
that feels doable, not performative.
(16:24):
A 5 minute voice memo? Golden, a perfectly timed meme,
practically a love letter. I hey I've been in hermit mode
but still thinking about you Text soul food.
It's not about grand gestures, it's about meaningful micro
effort. And no, you don't have to RSVP
(16:47):
to every plan or respond to every message like you're
auditioning for friend of the year.
You're allowed to have slow seasons.
You're allowed to say not right now, but disappearing into the
void without a trace and then expecting that friendship to
stay magically intact. That's how connections quietly
(17:10):
fall apart while everyone pretends nothing happened.
So do yourself and your people afavor.
Show up within your limits and tell them what those limits are.
Communicate your availability like an emotionally literate
adult, not a mysterious swamp creature who only emerges under
(17:34):
a blood moon. Because when you show up
consistently, even in small ways, that's what keeps
friendships alive. Not constant contact, not forced
Hangouts, just little reminders that you give a damn even when
life's a dumpster fire. All right, so you figured out
(17:59):
your bandwidth, you're making time when you can, and you've
mastered the art of the perfectly timed mean drop.
Great. But here's the next friendship
truth bomb we need to draw. Effort shouldn't be a solo
sport. Look, friendship isn't a
(18:21):
customer service gig. You're not someone's emotional
concierge, available 24/7 to field breakdowns, validate life
choices, and remember every birthday breakup an embarrassing
middle school crush while getting radio silence when
you're the one spiraling. If you are constantly texting
(18:43):
first, initiating plans, offering pep talks, and
basically doing emotional cartwheels for someone who
responds like you're an optionalside quest, that's not
friendship. That's unpaid labor in a one
person emotional support department.
Real friendship has flow. It's not about keeping a
(19:07):
perfectly balanced Ledger every day.
This isn't an emotional tax audit.
Of course there will be seasons where one person's the hot mess
express and the others the steady anchor.
That's normal. That's human.
But if your role is permanently locked into therapist,
(19:28):
cheerleader, planner, crisis hotline, and motivational
speaker while your needs go unnoticed, you are not in a
friendship. You're doing performance art and
listen. Asking for support doesn't make
you needy. It makes you a person with
feelings. You're allowed to say, hey, I
(19:52):
need to be held for a SEC too. You're allowed to want
reciprocity. And if a friendship only works
when you're bending over backwards to maintain it while
they're out here treating the connection like a subscription
they forgot they still had, it'stime to reassess.
Possibly cancel. No exit survey required.
(20:16):
So take inventory. Ask yourself, does this
friendship feel mutual? Do I feel safe and supported or
just drained and low key better?If the answers point to
imbalance, don't guilt yourself into staying just because you go
(20:37):
way back or don't want to rock the boat.
Rock the boat. If it sinks that easily, it
wasn't seaworthy anyway. Friendship isn't about keeping
score, but it is about making sure you're not stuck playing
all the positions while the other person just shows up for
(20:58):
the highlight reel. You deserve better.
And honestly, so do they. Because fake harmony helps no
one, and real connection only happens when both people
actually show up. And if you've done all the work,
communicated clearly set boundaries, shown up with memes
(21:21):
and emotional bandwidth, and still feel like you're shouting
into the void, might be time forthe final boss of friendship
maintenance letting go. Ah yes, the slow aching death of
(21:42):
the one sided friendship. The emotional equivalent of
sending a heartfelt miss you text and getting hit with a
thumbs up emoji. Or worse, no response at all
while they update their story from a brunch you weren't
invited to. We've all been there and while
(22:03):
no one really likes to talk about it, here's the truth bomb.
Not every friendship is built tolast forever.
Some Some friendships are seasonal, some were built on
shared chaos and fizzle out whenlife gets stable, and some some
(22:25):
were just vibes and red flags dressed up as connection.
If you're always the one initiating, checking in, making
plans, and holding emotional space for their every
existential spiral while your own struggles get ghosted,
that's not friendship. That's an unpaid internship and
(22:47):
someone else's emotional ecosystem.
And listen, you're not a castingdirector.
You do not need to keep auditioning for someone's love,
loyalty, or attention just because you once bonded over a
wild weekend or mutual hatred for your old boss.
(23:07):
That connection may have been real, but if it's all one sided
now, let it go. Letting go doesn't make you
cold. It doesn't mean you're bitter or
dramatic or too sensitive. It means you finally realized
you're worth more than bread crumbs and birthday texts sent
(23:30):
two days late with a recycled gift.
Releasing a friendship that stopped feeling good isn't
failure. It's emotional self respect.
It's the spiritual equivalent ofthrowing out expired milk.
Yes, it was good once. No, it does not belong in your
(23:50):
fridge anymore. Will it suck?
Oh, for sure. Letting go of someone you loved,
even platonically, is grief withno funeral.
But clinging to a connection that dreams you just because of
the history. That's how you end up bitter,
(24:11):
exhausted, and questioning your worth.
And babe, your peace is worth more than someone who only shows
up when it's convenient for them.
So give yourself permission to release what no longer fits.
Choose mutual energy. Choose emotional reciprocity.
(24:35):
Choose friends who don't requiredetective work to feel cared
for. Let the fan club go.
You were never meant to be the star and the unpaid manager, so
maybe you've dodged the one sided friendships, trim the dead
weight and surrounded yourself with people who actually text
(24:59):
your back. Amazing.
Now comes the next plot twist. Sometimes even the good ones
piss you off. Welcome to the glamorous world
of conflict. And let's get one thing
(25:19):
straight. Conflict is not the villain in
this story. It's not a blinking neon sign
saying abort MISSION. This friendship is over.
It's just communication with a little emotional jalapeno on
top. Uncomfortable.
Sure, but running from it like it's a haunted house only
(25:42):
guarantees one thing. Resentment is going to set up
camp in your soul and start planning renovations.
Look, disagreements are inevitable.
You're not friendship clones, You're two or more fully chaotic
(26:03):
humans with wildly different backgrounds, triggers, and
definitions of what 5 more minutes means.
You will annoy each other, you will misunderstand something,
and eventually someone's going to say something tone deaf, drop
the ball, or commit minor emotional war crimes like
(26:26):
cancelling plans after you've already washed your hair.
But here's the kicker. The conflict itself isn't what
breaks the friendship, it's how you handle it.
If your go to is ghosting, stewing in silence, or plotting
an imaginary courtroom monologuewhere you destroy them with
(26:49):
facts and emotional receipts, that's not resolution.
That's a grudge in a trench coatpretending to be power.
Try this instead. Use your actual words.
Say what hurt. Say what you need.
(27:13):
Don't launch a passive aggressive vibe campaign or post
cryptic quotes about betrayal onyour Instagram story.
You are not a walking Tumblr post, you are a grown ass person
with access to I statements and the Internet.
And don't forget the wildest part.
(27:36):
Listening. Not the waiting for your turn to
talk kind of listening. The real kind.
The kind where you hear them outwithout mentally building your
rebuttal or tallying up past offenses like an emotional
accountant. Because sometimes the problem
(27:59):
isn't the argument, it's the years of unsaid stuff living
just under the surface. Like emotional mold.
If you mess up, apologize. Like someone who's emotionally
literate. If they mess up and own it,
(28:21):
forgive. Like someone who's also made
dumb choices while under slept, overstimulated, or hangry.
We are all a work in progress. None of us are flawless.
The point isn't to never fight, it's to get better at it.
(28:42):
Because when you handle conflictwith care, the friendship gets
stronger. You build trust, resilience, and
the kind of closeness that comesfrom knowing, hey, we can
disagree and still choose each other.
That's the real flex. Not curated selfies or matching
(29:05):
tattoos. Not being drama free.
Just being real and staying connected through the mats.
So you've had the hard conversations, survived some
spicy conflict, and realize thateven good friendships can hit
rough patches. But what happens when things
(29:30):
don't blow up, they just fade? When there's no big betrayal, no
dramatic goodbye, just a slow, awkward drift into We used to be
close. Welcome to the bitter sweet land
(29:51):
of friendships evolving. And here's the uncomfortable
truth no one ever stitched onto a friendship bracelet.
Not all friendships are meant tostay exactly how they started,
and they're not supposed to. People grow, Circumstances
(30:13):
change, and trying to keep a friendship frozen in its
original form is like trying to force yourself into your
favorite hoodie from middle school.
Yeah, it holds memories, but nowit's tight in weird places,
smells vaguely like Axe body spray, and makes you itchy every
(30:34):
time you put it on. Maybe you used to text every
single day and now it's every other month.
Maybe you went from swapping trauma dumps and take out orders
to politely liking each other's Instagram reels.
That doesn't mean the friendshipfailed, it just means it
(30:56):
shifted. And shifts aren't inherently
bad. They're just awkward,
emotionally crunchy, and occasionally make you stare at
your phone wondering, do I reachout or just let this fizzle
quietly into the abyss? The real trap here is clinging
(31:18):
to what used to be like it's a secret artifact.
Trying to force the friendship to go back to its golden era
just sets you up for resentment and disappointment.
You're comparing current imperfect reality to a highlight
reel from 2015, and let's be honest, even 2015 wasn't
(31:40):
actually that great. Nostalgia isn't a strategy, and
maintaining A vibe that no longer fits exhausting, like
emotionally cosplaying a versionof yourself you outgrew 3
therapists ago. Instead, try this.
(32:03):
Honor the friendship for what itwas, appreciate it for what it
is now, and let go of what it's not anymore.
Some friendships get quieter butdeeper.
Some slowly drift into that sweet I'll always root for you
(32:25):
from afar territory. And some they shape shift into
something brand new, messier, more mature, less codependent.
The ones worth keeping. They'll evolve with you.
No forcing, no clinging. Just mutual growth and a shared
(32:50):
ability to say hey, this is different now, but it's still
real. So maybe your friendships are
evolving. Maybe you're evolving, but
before you spiral into managing everyone's expectations like a
walking calendar app with anxiety, let's talk about one
(33:14):
more crucial, often ignored truth of real connection.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for a friendship is
to straight up vanish for a bit.Not in a throw your phone in a
lake, fake your death and becomea barista in a remote fishing
village kind of way. More like my nervous system is
(33:38):
doing the electric slide and I need to not interact with humans
unless they are furry and poor at me kind of way.
Needing space isn't betrayal. It's not a red flag, it's not
you being a flaky monster who doesn't care enough.
It's emotional hygiene. If every text feels like a
(34:01):
homework assignment and every invite makes you want to fake a
sprained ankle, that's not a social life.
That's a slow slide into people pleasing burnout.
You are allowed to hit pause. You are allowed to do nothing
(34:22):
and tell no one and just quietlyexist like a sentient Moss
patch. And this is the part where real
friendships flex their muscles, the good ones.
They don't panic, they don't guilt you with haven't heard
(34:45):
from you. They don't send weirdly pointed
memes about being abandoned. They say take your time, I'll be
here because they get it, because they've had their own.
Don't talk to me. I'm feral.
Seasons too. The key isn't to ghost like a
(35:08):
cryptic X, it's to offer a little clarity.
Nothing wild. Just say hey, love you.
Low power mode engaged. I'll pop back up when I've
recharged my social battery. Boom, done.
No 3 paragraph justification, noemotional labor report, just the
(35:30):
heads up that you're not emotionally dead, you're just
offline for maintenance. Protecting your peace doesn't
make you selfish, makes you sustainable.
And if a friendship falls apart the moment you take a breath,
that connection was running on codependency, not care.
(35:54):
So next time you feel the burnout monster creeping in,
skip the guilt spiral. Build the pillow port.
Pillow port. Turn off notifications.
Water your house, plants and your soul.
Go Cryptid. Go hermit.
(36:14):
Go invisible on purpose because the friendships worth keeping.
They'll still be here when you resurface.
So you've navigated boundaries, communication breakdowns,
evolving dynamics, space taking,and every flavor of friendship
(36:39):
chaos in between. Now here's the final boss move,
choosing who actually gets a seat at your table because not
everyone deserves front row access to your life just because
they once split mozzarella sticks with you in 2012.
(37:02):
Let's be blunt, your energy is currency and if you're
constantly dropping it like confetti on people who make you
feel like a human doormat, backup emotional support animal,
or an on call therapist with 0 PTO, we have a budgeting
problem. Friendship should not feel like
(37:25):
a full time job with no benefitsand a toxic boss who only calls
when their life is on fire. The right people.
They're not threatened by your no, they don't weaponize guilt,
vanish at the first sign of yourown needs, or treat your
boundaries like an optional survey at the end of a phone
(37:46):
call. The right people make space for
your weird, brilliant, flawed humanity without needing a Ted
Talk on your trauma just to get it.
You don't have to keep chasing friendships that feel like
emotionally microwaved leftovers.
(38:08):
You don't have to cling to the We've been friends forever Once
if forever now feels like entering a group project with no
end date. Loyalty is sweet, peace is
sacred, and if it comes down to choosing between your mental
(38:28):
health or someone else's fragileego, they pick you every time.
Build a circle that claps when you win, checks in when you
ghost for a week, and doesn't take your silence as an insult.
The ones who send just thinking of you texts without needing A5
(38:53):
paragraph essay in return. The ones who feel like rest,
like your favorite hoodie that still fits, like being loved in
a way that doesn't require performance.
And if that circle is small, good.
Fewer people, less chaos, higherquality connection, intimate
(39:20):
beats exhausting every damn time.
You're not collecting acquaintances, you're curating
emotional safety. Choose wisely.
Managing friendships isn't aboutbeing some Pinterest perfect
friend who always knows the right thing to say, responds to
(39:43):
every text within 6 minutes, andnever cancels plans because
they're overwhelmed and sociallyhungover.
Please. That's not friendship, that's a
customer service Rep with abandonment issues.
Real friendship is about balance.
It's the tightrope walk between I got you no matter what and I'm
(40:06):
turning my phone off because I've hit my emotional limit and
I'm currently mainlining snacks in the dark.
It's knowing when to lean in with love, when to back off with
grace and when to full on Irish goodbye because the vibes are
giving emotional taxes with no refunds.
(40:27):
Friendship should feel nourishing, supportive, maybe a
little chaotic, but never soul sucking.
If every interaction feels like a performance review, a therapy
session you didn't sign up for, or a group project where you're
the only one doing the work, it's time to re evaluate.
(40:53):
Because the right friends, They don't make you question your
worth, tiptoe around their moods, or wonder if a boundary
is going to ruin everything. They get it.
They get you. They're the ones who send
hyperspecific memes at 2:00 AM that make you snort, laugh alone
(41:14):
in bed or with your partner. The ones who cheer when you win,
sit with you when you lose, and don't need a full explanation
when you text. I'm not OK but don't want to
talk they just say got it I'm here.
So stop over watering the dead plants.
(41:35):
Seriously, stop contorting yourself to stay digestible for
people who only love you when you're easy.
Stop being the emotional sidekick in someone else's main
character drama. Start choosing the people who
make you feel like a whole human, messy, brilliant, and
(41:57):
deeply loved. Because at the end of the day,
the friendships that matter are the ones that hold space for all
of you. The let's go get coffee and
unpack your trauma version and Ihaven't showered and I'm
radiating crackers in bed version.
(42:19):
The ones that make you feel safe, seen, and held, even when
you're not at your best. Even when you're feral, flaky,
or texting like you've lost all grammar function.
Hold on to those, water those, and ask for the rest.
(42:41):
Let them drift, unfollow, or fade quietly into the archives.
Not all connections are meant tolast forever, but the ones that
are, they'll meet you where you are again and again.
(43:01):
And that, that's the good stuff.And that's a wrap on today's
deep dive into the beautiful, messy, occasionally soul
draining, but ultimately life saving world of managing
friendships. If nothing else, I hope this
(43:25):
episode reminded you that you don't need to be the perfect
friend to be a good one. You're allowed to set
boundaries. You're allowed to need space.
You're allowed to grow, change, drift, reconnect, and re enter
as a slightly more self aware version of yourself.
(43:48):
Friendship isn't a linear storyline.
It's a series of moments, choices, and memes that say I
see you, I got you, I still likeyou, even when you're spiraling.
So whether you're in a season ofplanting new friendships,
pruning the old ones that no longer serve you, or just trying
(44:09):
to keep your social battery fromflatlining, you're not alone,
and you're not a bad friend for being human.
Real connection can handle honesty, it can handle growth.
It can't even handle a little distance.
Thanks for pushing play on Shrink wrapped.
(44:31):
If this episode hit you in the heart, made you laugh, or made
you rethink that one group chat you've been emotionally
ghosting, go ahead and share it with someone who needs to hear
it too. And hey, while you're here,
rate, review and subscribe on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon
(44:51):
Music, iHeartRadio, whatever your podcast app of choice.
Five Stars helps more people find the pod and also validates
my inner child. Win win.
If you want to keep the conversation going, join the
O'Neill Counseling app with the links in the show notes to
connect with other listeners, get exclusive content, and maybe
(45:12):
even drop a hot take or two on friendship therapy or that weird
thing your brain did last Tuesday.
Next week we're diving in to effective communication, and
it's a favorite topic of mine, so make sure you're subscribed
and ready for more slightly unhinged, deeply validating
(45:32):
mental health real talk. Until then, be kind to yourself,
be honest with your people, and remember your worth isn't
measured by how available you are, it's measured by how
authentically you show up, even if it's just once in a while
(45:54):
with snacks.
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