December 4, 2025 • 61 mins
On today’s episode, we’re digging into Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD for short) and no, it’s not just about being “emotional” or “dramatic” (but thanks, media, for that stereotype). You know the drill, we’ll break down the DSM criteria, which is just the official diagnostic checklist. Spoiler: it’s more than just being “difficult” to deal with. There’s actual science behind it, and I'm here to translate it into something that doesn’t sound like a dictionary. Then we're going to talk about the media portrayal of BPD, and you guessed it- BPD is way more nuanced and way less “dramatic movie plot” than Hollywood would like you to think. So let's get into it.
Join us on the O'Neil Counseling app here: https://www.oneilcounseling.com/app-landing-page
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Welcome to today's episode, where we're digging into
Borderline Personality Disorder,BPD for short.
And no, it's not just about being emotional or dramatic, but
thanks media for that stereotype.
(00:22):
First, we'll break down the DSM criteria, which is just the
official diagnostic checklist spoiler.
It's more than just being difficult to deal with.
There's actual science behind it, and I'm here to translate it
into something that doesn't sound like a dictionary.
Then we're going to talk about the media portrayal of BPD.
(00:46):
If you've seen any film or TV show, you've probably been hit
with the Crazy X or the UnstableMess character.
But guess what? That's not how it actually
works. BPD is way more nuanced and way
(01:07):
less dramatic movie plot than Hollywood would like you to
think. And of course, we have to set
the record straight on what BPD is not.
It's not just being Moody or hard to please.
It's not about being a hot mess on purpose.
(01:28):
There's a lot more to it, and we're here to break it down
without all the BS. So buckle up, because we're
about to talk all things BPD. The real deal, no Hollywood
fluff. Let's get into it.
(01:55):
All right, now that we've set the scene, let's start pulling
the curtain back. Borderline Personality Disorder,
AKA BPD, is one of the most stigmatized, misunderstood, and
frankly, misrepresented diagnosis out there.
It's been called everything fromthe emotional roller coaster
(02:16):
disorder to too much too manipulative, which, Yikes.
Not only are those descriptions wildly unhelpful, but they also
erase the very real pain and humanity of people living with
BPD. So today, we're pulling back the
(02:38):
curtain. We're going beyond the DSM
bullet points and the TikTok armchair diagnosis.
We're talking about what BPD really looks like, why it's so
often missed or mislabeled, and how healing is 100% possible
even if your emotional landscapesometimes feels like a category
(03:00):
5 hurricane with abandonment issues.
Let's get into the nuance, the science, the symptoms, the
resilience, the rage texting, all of it.
Because understanding BPD isn't just about knowing what it is,
it's about breaking the stigma that keeps people from getting
(03:23):
the support they deserve. So what actually counts as BPD?
And what's just being a little bit emotionally spicy with the
dash of trauma? Great question.
Let's crack open the DSM like it's a slightly outdated
cookbook for chaos and see what it actually says.
(03:44):
Because behind all the stereotypes and Tumblr core
trauma posts, there are real diagnostic criteria.
And no, it's not just has big feelings or texts and
paragraphs. To meet the clinical threshold
for borderline personality disorder, you've got to tick off
(04:05):
5 or more boxes from a list thatreads like the greatest hits
album of emotional intensity. So let's dive into the DSM 5
checklist and see what it's really serving.
All right, grab your emotional flotation device because we're
diving deep into the official DSM 5 criteria here.
(04:30):
And let me tell you, this list, it's not for the pain of heart
or the emotionally repressed. BPD isn't just a vibe or a
buzzword. It's a complex, deeply painful
experience that's often minimized, misdiagnosed, or
(04:50):
turned into a walking red flag meme.
But real talk, these criteria describe what it's like to live
in a world where everything feels too much, too fast, and
always a little bit on fire. So we're going to break it down
(05:11):
1 messy, misunderstood symptom at a time.
First thing, we've got frantic efforts to avoid real or
imagined abandonment. This isn't just I hate being
ghosted, this is my brain interprets a late reply as a
(05:35):
breakup and suddenly I'm spiraling.
People with BPD often live in constant fear that everyone will
leave emotionally, physically, or both.
So they might cling, panic, textnovel length apologies, or even
preemptively push people away just to beat them to the punch.
(05:59):
It's not manipulation, it's survival mode.
It's please don't leave me wrapped in I'll leave you first
just in case. Then we've got a pattern of
unstable and intense interpersonal relationships.
(06:20):
Ah yes, the human version of this is my soulmate versus you
never want to see them again. On loop relationships with BPD
can feel like an emotional tilt.A whirl.
One minute you're obsessed, the next you're convinced they
(06:42):
secretly hate you. This is called splitting.
That black and white, all or nothing thinking that makes
nuance feel like a foreign language.
It's exhausting for everyone involved, especially the person
experiencing it. Intimacy.
(07:05):
Terrifying distance. Also terrifying.
We love a lose lose situation. Next up we've got identity
disturbance, markedly and persistently unstable self-image
(07:26):
or sense of self. Who even am I is not just a late
night existential crisis, it's adaily reality.
The person may change goals, values, or even aesthetic like
they're switching Instagram filters because their sense of
(07:46):
self is like a poorly maintainedWi-Fi signal flickering in and
out depending on who they're with or what just happened
emotionally. One day they feel like a badass
future CEO, the next they're convinced they're fundamentally
broken and directionless. It's not flakiness, it's a core
(08:12):
identity trying to survive the chaos.
Then impulsivity in at least twoareas that are potentially self
damaging. Think of it as emotional
emergency exits. Except the fire alarm is your
(08:33):
feelings, and the exits are things like reckless spending,
unsafe sex, binge eating, substance use, or speeding
toward chaos at 90 miles an hour.
It's not about thrill seeking, it's about relief seeking.
The impulsive behavior isn't random, it's a desperate attempt
(08:57):
to feel something different or stop feeling everything all at
once. Sometimes the brain says Yolo
when it really means please makethis stop.
Then we've got recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures,
threats, or self mutilating behavior.
(09:22):
This one is heavy and very real.People with BPD often experience
chronic suicidal thoughts or engage in self harm.
Not to manipulate others, let's throw that toxic myth in the
trash, but to regulate unbearable emotional pain.
(09:42):
It's like their emotional volumeis always at A10 and this
becomes a last ditch coping strategy.
These actions are red flags, yes, but they're also cries for
connection, for stability, for anything that feels like solid
ground in a collapsing emotionalworld.
(10:08):
Next up, we've got effective instability due to a marked
reactivity of mood translation mood swings that make roller
coasters look chill. One minor thing can flip the
switch from today's going great to the world is ending in .5
(10:29):
seconds. These aren't mood changes
stretched out over days, They'reemotional whiplash, often
triggered by seemingly small things.
A weird look, a change in tone, a shift in plans.
This isn't drama, it's a nervoussystem on high alert, reacting
(10:51):
like the stakes are always life or death.
Next, chronic feelings of emptiness, not just boredom.
We're talking soul deep void vibes.
(11:11):
People with BPD often describe it as feeling hollow,
disconnected, like they're missing some essential piece of
humanity. No matter how much they try to
fill it with people, substances,distractions, it lingers.
(11:33):
It's like being emotionally hungry no matter how much you
eat. And the worst part?
A lot of the world doesn't even know this symptom exists, even
though it's often the most unbearable. 1 Then we've got
(11:54):
inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger.
This isn't I got annoyed. This is.
I flipped out and then hated myself for it 5 minutes later.
The anger with BPD often comes out of nowhere, explodes
(12:16):
everywhere, and leaves the person wrecked with guilt
afterward. It's a defense reaction to
perceived threats, disrespect, or rejection, but the response
can feel volcanic. Think full volume outbursts,
passive aggressive digs or seething rage that makes
(12:38):
everyone else feel uncomfortable, and beneath that
usually a whole lot of hurt. And finally, we've got transient
stress related paranoid ideationor severe dissociative symptoms.
(12:59):
Under stress, reality can start to feel wobbly.
Some folks with BPD might becomesuspicious that people are
talking about them, lying to them, or plotting to leave.
Others might dissociate mentally, check out, feel
(13:23):
detached from their body, or experience the world like it's a
dream sequence they didn't sign up for.
These episodes aren't constant, but when they hit, they can feel
deeply destabilizing, like trying to stay grounded during
an emotional earthquake with no warning siren.
(13:46):
Now, before anyone gets carried away diagnosing themselves
because they had one dramatic situation, ship and a
personality crisis in 2019, holdyour horses.
The DSM isn't describing a bad month or a rough breakup era.
For it to count as BPD, this pattern has to be chronic, not
(14:12):
seasonal. We're talking about behaviors
and emotional turbulence that have been riding shotgun since
adolescence or early adulthood, not just popping in when
Mercury's in retrograde. It's not Sometimes I'm
impulsive. It's This has been my emotional
(14:33):
baseline for years and it's kindof wrecking my life.
The instability isn't a quirky face, it's a long term struggle
that tends to show up in multiple arenas.
Romantic relationships that combust like cursed fireworks,
jobs that implode faster than your motivation on a Monday, and
(14:59):
a general sense that everything's just a little
harder than it should be. The point is, we're not talking
about a moment. We're talking about a pattern,
and one that's made life feel like a high stakes soap opera
with no commercial breaks. And here's where we channel our
(15:23):
inner doctor house and say it might be BPD, but it could also
be something else, so let's not skip the diagnostic foreplay.
Criterion C is all about ruling out other suspects.
Just because someone's emotionally all over the place
(15:43):
doesn't mean it's automatically BPD.
Sometimes what looks like BPD isactually untreated bipolar
disorder, complex PTSD, schizophrenia, a substance use
issue, or even just someone going through a legitimately
hellish life chapter. This criterion is basically the
(16:07):
DSM saying don't just slap a label on someone because they
cried in public and sent a riskytext.
You have to make sure the symptoms aren't better explained
by something else that can mimicthe same chaos, because while
BPD does have its own specific flavor of emotional mayhem, it's
(16:29):
not the only disorder that can throw your life into a dramatic
tailspin. Proper diagnosis crucial.
Otherwise you're giving someone the wrong emotional instruction
manual and wondering why nothingmakes sense.
So you've got the diagnosis. Or maybe a strong suspicion.
(16:53):
Either way, you're wondering, OKnow what?
Is this just my life forever? Short answer, absolutely not BPD
might make you feel like you're stuck in a 24/7 emotional
(17:16):
tornado, but with the right support, you can build a life
that feels way less like a crisis hotline on speed dial and
more like, well, something you actually want to wake up for.
Treatment exists, it works, and spoiler alert, it's not just
(17:43):
about lying on a couch while someone nods sympathetically and
hands you tissues. Let's start with the heavy
hitter therapy, specifically Dialectical Behavioral Therapy,
DBTAKA, the Beyoncé of BPD treatment.
(18:05):
DBT is the gold standard becauseit was designed for BPD by
someone who understood the chaosfrom the inside.
It's like emotional CrossFit. You learn how to sit with
feelings without letting them hijack your life, how to deal
with distress without setting everything on fire, how to ask
(18:30):
for what you need without passive aggressively imploding,
and how to be present without spiraling.
And yeah, there's a lot of acronyms and worksheets
involved, but stick with it. It's legit life changing.
(18:51):
Other therapy options include cognitive behavioral therapy,
CBT, which is great for unpacking the toxic thought
spirals that tell you everyone hates you when you're unlovable.
Spoiler, they don't. You're not.
Your brain is just being rude. Then there's also mentalization
(19:14):
based therapy, MBT, which basically teaches you to
understand your own mind and other people's without jumping
to catastrophic conclusions, andtransference focused
psychotherapy, TFP which dives deep into the relationship
dynamics you bring into therapy and probably every other area of
(19:37):
your life TBH. Now, about meds.
There's no magical BPD pill, sorry to disappoint.
But medications can help take the edge off certain symptoms if
(20:01):
your anxiety is turning your brain into a hamster wheel of
doom or your depression feels like being emotionally ghosted
by your own soul. Meds like antidepressants, mood
stabilizers, or low dose antipsychotics might be on the
table. They're not a cure, but they can
(20:22):
make therapy way more effective by quieting the emotional
background noise. And finally, let's talk support,
because healing and isolation isa setup for failure.
Support groups, family therapy, and community matter.
(20:45):
Whether it's a group of people who get it without needing a
PowerPoint or loved ones who arelearning how to stop walking on
egg shells and start actually connecting, this part is
crucial. BPD often thrives in shame and
secrecy, but support helps drag it into the light where you can
(21:09):
actually work on it. Because you're not doomed,
you're not broken, you're not too much.
You're someone with a deeply sensitive nervous system trying
to survive a world that wasn't built for that.
And with the right tools, support, and a lot of patience,
(21:33):
especially with yourself, you can build something solid,
something peaceful, something that finally feels like a life.
Now, if you're ready to throw that emotional grenade belt in
the garbage, let's go. So now that we've walked through
(21:56):
the actual diagnostic criteria and not just the internet's hot
takes or your ex's dramatic postbreakup tweets, let's talk about
how borderline Personality Disorder gets dragged through
the pop culture mud. Because if you've ever watched a
(22:17):
movie, binge watched a messy series, or scrolled through
social media for 5 minutes, you've probably seen BPD
portrayed in one of two ways. Either as a violent,
manipulative villain with 0 chill or as the overly clingy,
unstable ex whose throat plates and cries during sex.
(22:40):
Spoiler alert, neither of those is accurate, but they've stuck
around like bad plot lines in a long running soap opera.
So let's break it down. What the media gets wrong.
Why it matters and how these portrayals feed the stigma that
keeps people with BPD from getting real help.
(23:04):
Because let's be clear, what yousee on screen isn't always a
reflection of reality. Sometimes it's just a
screenwriters lazy shorthand forunhinged woman with a back story
trauma. And we're not having that, not
today. When BPD pops up in film and TV,
(23:29):
it's not so much portrayed as itis paraded around like a
cautionary tale in heels. The character's name might not
be Borderline Personality Disorder, but you can hear the
diagnosis whispering through theeyeliner and impulsive plot
twists. We're talking about the trifecta
(23:52):
of tired tropes, the manipulative femme fatale, the
emotionally unstable girlfriend who cries, screams, and probably
burns your stuff, and the unhinged villain who's one bad
day away from a Dateline special.
(24:12):
They're intense, seductive, and about as subtle as a chainsaw in
a therapy session. And sure, these characters are
entertaining. Harley Quinn, Alex Forrest, Lisa
Rowe. Iconic in their own chaotic way,
(24:35):
but they also send a message that people with BPD are
dangerous, volatile, and beyond help.
Their storylines rarely include anything resembling nuance or
recovery. Instead of showing the internal
war, the fear of abandonment that feels like oxygen is being
(24:59):
cut off, or the identity crisis that makes waking up a mystery,
they focus on the explosion, notthe cause.
The emotional dysregulation is treated like a plot device, not
a symptom of deep psychological pain.
(25:21):
It's like watching a house burn down while blaming the wall Play
wallpaper. And what's worse, these
portrayals often center women. Young emotional sexual women
reinforcing sexist and ablest stereotypes that reduce mental
(25:44):
illness to hysteria with cleavage.
They get painted as seductive sociopaths or emotionally rabid
wolves in lipstick, when in reality most folks with BPD are
trying to manage relationships, hold down jobs, and keep their
brains from dragging them through another emotion
(26:06):
emotional gladiator match by 9:00 AM.
This isn't just inaccurate, it'sharmful.
It turns real mental illness into click bait.
It makes people with BPD feel ashamed to seek help, and it
teaches the public that someone with this diagnosis is a walking
(26:28):
red flag instead of a human being with intense feelings and
a hell of a lot of resilience. So yeah, give us messy, but make
it real. Give us a character who panics
over a text, splits on their best friend, learns boundaries
(26:48):
in therapy, and still shows up for life anyway.
Give us recovery arcs, not just breakdown montages set to
dramatic violin. We've had enough of the crazy
girl trope. It's time for the complicated
healing still human one. And then there's the glitter
(27:14):
glitchy world of Social Media Mental Health TM, where
awareness and misinformation do the electric slide together
under mood lighting on platformslike TikTok and Instagram.
BPD has become part of a digitalidentity buffet, equal parts
(27:35):
solidarity and spectacle. Now, there is incredible content
out there. Creators who speak openly about
trauma, share their recovery stories, breakdown DBT skills
like emotional influencers and Createspace where people with
BPD can finally exhale without judgement.
(27:58):
That's the good stuff. That's visibility with a pulse.
But then there's the dumpster fire side of the algorithm.
You know the one cinematic trauma core photo dumps with
captions like I Love You more than I Hate Myself in lowercase
(28:21):
letters set to sad girl indie tracks.
A rain streaked mirror selfie does not a diagnosis make.
But somewhere along the way BPD got aestheticized into a Moody
lifestyle brand. It's not I'm struggling with
emotional dysregulation, it's I am the main character and I
(28:46):
might cry on your voicemail. BBD gets stripped down into
vibes, vibes get turned into trends, and suddenly mental
illness is being curated like anInstagram grid.
We're still the rise of casual self diagnosis culture, where
(29:07):
every bad day or intense emotionis suddenly labeled my BPD
acting up, often by people who've never been evaluated, let
alone sat through an actual therapy session.
And look, yes, mental health gatekeeping is gross and access
(29:30):
to care is broken. But casually mislabelling normal
human suffering or unrelated disorders as BPD not only
invalidates the lived experiences of people who
actually have the diagnosis, it reinforces the worst stereotypes
(29:53):
that people with BPD are just manipulative, toxic, or
unstable. Drama bombs in winged eyeliner.
When BPD becomes an aesthetic instead of a condition, the
nuance disappears, the pain getsromanticized, and the people
(30:14):
living in the thick of it? They're left cleaning up the
mess while the Internet reposts another quote about being too
much for the wrong person. So yes, social media can be a
tool for connection, but it can also be a funhouse mirror
reflecting someone else's traumaback at you in neon text and sad
(30:37):
playlists. Use it wisely.
And if you're going to post about BPD, maybe make sure you
know the difference between being emotionally dysregulated
and being on your period while watching a Nicholas Sparks
movie. Just saying, this isn't about
(30:58):
bad representation, it's about real people being set up to
fail. The damage from these portrayals
doesn't end when the credits roll or the meme gets reposted.
For people actually living with borderline personality disorder,
the stigma isn't theoretical. It's the air they breathe.
(31:23):
It's internalized, reinforced, and weaponized.
Imagine navigating life with a brain that already screams
you're too much, no one will ever say everything you do is
wrong, and then turning on the TV only to see yourself
(31:50):
portrayed as a knife wielding nightmare in fishnets.
Awesome, thanks for that. This kind of public perception
has a ripple effect. It seeps into therapy offices,
into diagnosis hesitations, intowhispered warnings from
(32:14):
misinformed clinicians who've bought into the same
stereotypes. Some providers won't even treat
BPD because they think it's too hard or untreatable.
Spoiler, that's a provider problem, not a patient one.
And for the person on the receiving end of all of this, it
(32:38):
becomes terrifying to even seek help.
No one wants to be that person, The one therapist dread, the one
portrayed as emotionally radioactive.
Meanwhile the truth is sitting quietly in the corner like hi,
(33:02):
BPD is absolutely treatable. With the right therapy.
Looking at you DBT. People with BPD can regulate
their emotions, build healthy relationships, stop ghosting
their therapist every three weeks, and develop a level of
(33:23):
emotional insight that most people never even attempt.
They're some of the most self aware, fiercely empathetic and
growth oriented humans out there, but you never know it
from the way the world keeps painting them as ticking time
bombs and lip gloss. So yeah, it matters, because
(33:48):
when media gets it wrong, it doesn't just misinform, it
alienates. It adds fuel to the fire of
shame and fear that people with BPD are already trying to crawl
out of, and it robs them of the one thing that actually makes
(34:10):
recovery possible. Hope it's time to stop writing
people off as the villain in someone else's trauma narrative
and start telling stories where they get to be the main
character of their own damn healing.
(34:31):
What we actually need isn't another knife Wheeling wielding
villainess sobbing in her lingerie under mood lighting.
We need real representation, characters who live with BPD
instead of being reduced to IT, People with messy feelings yes,
(34:55):
but also depth, self-awareness and maybe even a therapist who
isn't written as a lazy plot device.
Imagine seeing someone on screen, navigating their
relationships, dropping the occasional impulsive bomb, going
(35:16):
to therapy, screwing up, apologizing, trying again, and
not being punished for being emotionally complex.
Wild concept, right? We need narratives that aren't
afraid to show the full arc, thehealing, the relapse, the group
(35:40):
therapy breakdowns, the quiet victories no one claps for.
Because that's the actual story of BPD.
It's not just crying on bathroomfloors and throwing phones into
traffic. It's learning how to regulate a
nervous system that thinks everytext is a threat to your
(36:01):
existence. It's unlearning survival
strategies you picked up as a kid just trying to feel safe,
and it's doing that work over and over again without the world
giving you a trophy for it. We need to hear from the people
who've lived it. Not influencers turning BPD into
(36:24):
an aesthetic. Not screenwriters recycling the
same tired crazy ex trope with afresh coat of eyeliner.
We want lived experience, not diagnostic cosplay.
Give us nuance, give us complexity.
(36:44):
Give us someone who feels like an actual human and not a
walking red flag with a soundtrack.
Because the truth is, people with BPD aren't cautionary
tales. They're survivors.
They're people who felt everything too much for too long
(37:06):
and are still showing up, still trying, still building lives
that don't collapse every time someone takes too long to reply
that story. That's not destruction, that's
resilience. That's healing.
(37:29):
And it deserves a hell of a lot more screen time.
If the media ever decided to stop fear mongering and start
storytelling, we might finally see ABPD character who doesn't
come with a warning label and restraining order.
Because real representation wouldn't look like a lifetime
(37:50):
villain in smudged mascara. It would look like a complex
emotional human being trying to make it through their day
without imploding over a vague text message or misinterpreted
eyebrow raise. I mean, imagine a show where
emotional intensity isn't equated with danger but explored
(38:13):
with nuance. Where someone with BPD can cry
in their car over a weird interaction and not immediately
become the antagonist in someoneelse's life.
Big feelings aren't inherently threatening.
They're just big feelings, and last time I checked, that's not
(38:36):
a crime. Now picture this.
A character who desperately wants to be loved, but is also
convinced that everyone's going to leave.
So they swing between clingy anddistant, ghosting and double
texting. And yes, it gets messy, but
(39:02):
instead of writing it off as irrational, we see the why
behind the behavior. The vulnerable.
Vulnerable, the vulnerability, the childhood wounds, the
nervous system trained her betrayal.
(39:22):
Show us the push pull dynamic with context, not just chaos.
Emotional whiplash is way more compelling when you understand
the origin story. And for the love of serotonin,
can we get a plot line where therapy isn't a one episode
gimmick? Give us someone in DBT awkwardly
(39:47):
trying to name their emotions without sounding like a walking
Pinterest quote. Show them screwing up, rage,
texting, owning it, repairing, trying again.
Let recovery be part of the arc,not just something mentioned in
(40:09):
passing during a character redemption montage.
Healing isn't cute and clean. It's clunky, inconsistent.
And sometimes includes crying ina Trader Joe's parking lot while
repeating wise mind to yourself between bites of a protein bar.
(40:31):
Also, and this is important, canwe stop reducing people with BPD
to just their symptoms? They're not walking diagnosis.
They're teachers, artists, bartenders, chaotic best friends
(40:53):
who make the world more vibrant and occasionally more dramatic.
Yes, they're funny. They're insightful.
They notice things about people that most miss entirely.
A real portrayal would show thatintensity doesn't cancel out
(41:16):
humanity. It deepens it.
So yeah, if the media got it right, we'd see less fire
starting and more feeling processing, less crazy
ex-girlfriend and more complicated human who's doing
(41:38):
their best not to spiral on a Tuesday.
Give us the breakdown and the breakthrough, the anger and the
softness, the fear and the fightto move forward.
That's not a warning sign, that's a story worth telling.
(42:05):
All right, let's really talk about the algorithm fueled
jungle where misinformation thrives.
Social media, AKA the Wild West of armchair diagnostics and
trauma Core content. Because if you've spent more
than 5 minutes scrolling TikTok or Instagram, you've probably
seen BPD reduced to a handful ofdramatic buzzwords, a Moody
(42:30):
playlist and a sad selfie captioned I'm too much and I
know it with the heartbreak emoji.
Cute aesthetic. Terrible clinical accuracy.
So before we accidentally convinced the entire Internet
that sending 3 texts in a row means you have a personality
(42:51):
disorder, let's pump the brakes and get into some good old
fashioned myth busting. Because the amount of nonsense
floating around these platforms is enough to make your therapist
spontaneously combust. Let's blow up the biggest lies
and half truths making the rounds and replace them with
something way more useful and way less cringe.
(43:15):
Myth #1 People with BPD are manipulative.
Let's go ahead and toss this onestraight into the dumpster where
it belongs. The idea that folks with BPD are
out here plotting emotional sabotage like some Disney
villain in therapy is not only lazy, it's flat out wrong.
(43:37):
What often gets labeled as manipulation is really just raw,
panicked attempts to survive emotional freefall.
It's not calculated, it's desperate.
When someone with BPD fears abandonment, their brain doesn't
calmly strategize. It screams do something,
(44:01):
anything before they leave and Idisappear into a pit of shame
and existential dread. So yeah, maybe they send the
intense text, maybe they over apologize, maybe they test
someone's loyalty in a way that's messy as hell.
But that's not because they're trying to control, it's because
(44:25):
they're terrified of being left,of not mattering, of confirming
the belief that they're inherently unlovable.
It's not manipulation, it's emotional CPR with no training
and a lot of panic. And most people with BPD, they
(44:48):
do literally anything to feel safe in relationships without
having to spiral into survival mode every time someone takes
too long to reply. So let's talk pathologizing fear
and start recognizing what's actually going on underneath.
(45:11):
Myth #2 BPD only effects women. Ah yes, the classic hysterical
woman diagnosis myth back again.Like a bad ex who refuses to go
to therapy, this one is rooted in decades of dusty gender bias
(45:31):
and lazy diagnostic habits. The reality?
BPD effects people of all genders.
Men, women, non binary folks. No one is immune to emotional
dysregulation just because of what's in their pants.
The real reason women are more frequently diagnosed isn't
(45:53):
because they magically cornered the market on big feelings.
It's because the mental health system has a long, proud history
of slapping women with borderline when they're
emotional, and slapping men withantisocial or substance use when
they're the same level of emotionally wrecked but with a
(46:16):
side of repressed rage and whiskey.
Basically if you cry you're borderline, if you punch a wall
you're just stressed. Make it make sense.
Gender bias and mental health shocking I know.
Maybe instead of diagnosing based on outdated stereotypes,
(46:39):
we could look at actual symptomsand treat humans.
Like stay with me here humans myth #3 everyone with BPD is
abusive. Let's shut this one down
(46:59):
immediately because Yikes. This myth is not just
inaccurate, it's dangerous, stigmatizing, and drenched in
bad faith hot takes from people who watched one TikTok and
decided they were qualified to diagnose red flags.
(47:19):
Yes, emotional dysregulation cancreate turbulence in
relationships, but that's not the same thing as abuse.
Let's be real, people with BPD are not inherently abusive, any
more than people with anxiety are inherently annoying or
people with depression are inherently lazy.
(47:42):
The reality is, many folks with BPD are painfully aware of how
their behaviors affect others. They'll replay conversations on
a loop, spiral into guilt for a tone of voice, and beat
themselves up for days over something most people wouldn't
(48:03):
blink at. They often carry an Olympic
level amount of shame, not entitlement.
Abusive behavior is a choice. BPD is a mental health
condition, and conflating the 2 is like saying having asthma
means you're bad at relationships.
(48:25):
No, it means you are navigating a disorder that impacts your
emotional regulation, not auditioning to be the villain in
someone else's breakup story. Let's call this myth what it
really is. Stigmatizing nonsense dressed up
in fake concern myth #4 BPD can't be treated false.
(48:52):
Wrong. Try again.
This myth is basically the mental health equivalent of
yelling there's no hope during afire drill.
Unhelpful, dramatic, and objectively incorrect.
BPD is one of the most treatablepersonality disorders out there,
(49:14):
especially with the right therapy.
And by right therapy, we mean Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
DBTAKA, the emotional boot camp that teaches people how to stop
going from zero to existential crisis in 2.5 seconds.
DBT isn't some fluffy talk aboutyour feelings and light a candle
(49:37):
nonsense. It's skills based, it's
structured, it's hard work, and guess what, it works.
People with BPD can and do recover.
They build healthy relationships, learn to ride the
(50:01):
emotional roller coaster withoutlaunching into space, and create
lives that are stable, meaningful, and not powered by
chaos. Is it easy?
No, but is it possible? Absolutely.
And perpetuating the idea that it's hopeless is not only
(50:23):
insulting, it's wildly irresponsible.
So unless you've got updated facts and a therapy license,
maybe don't tell people their recovery isn't real just because
it doesn't fit your doom scroll narrative.
Myth #5 Having mood swings meansyou have BPD.
(50:48):
OK, let's pump the brakes on this one.
Because if mood swings alone meant you had BPD, then
literally everyone with a uterus, a coffee addiction, or
an iPhone with red receipts would be diagnosed.
(51:11):
Mood swings are part of the human experience, like craving
chaos during Mercury retrograde or crying because your toast
fell butter side down. BPD is not just I had a dramatic
Tuesday. It's a pattern of intense
(51:33):
emotional dysregulation, unstable relationships, identity
whiplash, and impulsive behaviors that show up
consistently over time and causesignificant distress or
dysfunction. We're talking about a full blown
(51:57):
identity and emotional roller coaster That doesn't just happen
during PMS or after watching a sad movie.
It happens all the time across multiple areas of life.
So no, having a meltdown over brunch plans or over analyzing A
(52:20):
vague text doesn't mean you haveBPD, it means you're a human in
late stage capitalism. Let's stop reducing real mental
health diagnosis to TikTok levelhot takes and start treating
them with the nuance and respectthey deserve.
(52:40):
The thing is, borderline personality disorder is
basically the human nervous system on hard mode.
It's a long standing pattern of emotional instability, identity
confusion, and relationship whiplash.
Kind of like living inside a soap opera written by your inner
child and directed by your abandonment issues.
(53:03):
People with BPD often feel like they're on an emotional roller
coaster that won't stop, didn't ask for consent and keep
switching tracks mid ride. 1 moment deep affection.
Next moment crushing fear that everyone you love is about to
disappear forever because maybe they didn't text back in the
(53:29):
exact right tone or move slightly different when they
hugged you goodbye. The fear of abandonment.
It's not dramatic flair. It's a core feature, real or
imagined, emotional or physical.It hits hard.
And the brain doesn't go hmm, let's think this through.
(53:55):
It goes code red. Panic, attach or retreat.
Now the relationships. Picture this putting someone on
a pedestal in the morning and bynightfall you're questioning
their entire existence because they forgot your favorite snack.
(54:16):
That's called splitting and it'sthe emotional equivalent of
whiplash. It's not manipulation, it's a
trauma response with a marketingproblem.
And there's the self-image, or more accurately, the lack of a
consistent one. People with BPD often don't have
(54:38):
a stable sense of who they are. Their goals, values, aesthetics,
and even their favorite foods can do a complete 180 depending
on the day, the relationship, orthe existential dread level.
One week they're on track to be a therapist, the next a tattoo
(54:59):
artist, or maybe just living in a van by the ocean.
Because capitalism is a scam andidentity is a prison.
And let's not forget impulsivitywhen your emotions are always at
A10. Sometimes your brain just wants
a quick exit ramp so you might make some questionable choices.
(55:26):
Spending sprees, reckless sex, dangerous driving, binge eating,
quitting your job on a Tuesday because your Co worker looked at
you funny. It's not about being reckless
for fun, it's about trying to feel different or just feel
(55:49):
something when the emotional volume gets unbearable.
Now here's the thing. None of this means someone with
BPD is too much or beyond help. Quite the opposite.
Like we've talked about, these behaviors aren't character
flaws, their survival strategiesThat made sense.
(56:11):
At some point in a chaotic, invalidating, or emotionally
neglectful environment, the brain learned to protect itself
in extreme ways. That doesn't make it broken, it
makes it brilliant and exhausted.
Which brings us back to treatment.
(56:33):
And no, it really is not just journaling and hoping for the
best. The gold standard is dialectical
Behavior therapy. That's the emotional boot camp
you didn't know you needed, and that's going to help folks with
BPD learn how to regulate emotions without exploding,
imploding, or ghosting everyone they've ever loved.
(56:55):
Tolerate distress like a champ instead of rage quitting life.
Communicate needs effectively instead of panic texting or
bottling it up until it explodesin the middle of brunch.
Be mindful of their thoughts, feelings, and actions without
getting swept away by the tidal weight.
(57:17):
Now there's also other therapiesthat we've talked about like
CBT, MB T, and TFP and they can help too.
But DBT is the GOAT and you pairthat with community support and
sometimes medication for the depression, anxiety or rage that
tags along with emotional baggage like it's got legs and
(57:40):
guess what people feel They build stable lives.
They stop white knuckling every relationship and Start learning
how to stay, how to trust, and how to live with a nervous
system that doesn't treat every text message like a threat to
(58:02):
national security. So yeah, BPD is intense, but so
are the people who live with it.Intense love, intense loyalty,
intense empathy. And with the right tools,
(58:23):
they're not a walking red flag. They're a walking recovery story
in progress. And that, my emotionally
intelligent legends, brings us to the end of today's deep dive
into Borderline Personality disorder, AKA the diagnosis the
(58:46):
media loves to butcher and the Internet loves to misunderstand.
If you're walking away from thisepisode thinking, wow, that's
way more complex than I thought,good it is.
BPD isn't a personality flaw or a plot twist.
(59:06):
It's a real mental health condition, one that's rooted in
deep pain, shaped by survival, and absolutely treatable with
the right support. If you've seen yourself in
anything we talked about today, first of all, take a breath.
(59:26):
You are not too much, you are not broken.
You're just someone with big emotions trying to exist in a
world that often rewards numbness.
Whether you're in therapy, thinking about starting, or just
now realizing that DBT doesn't stand for.
Don't be too much though. Wow, relatable.
(59:51):
You're allowed to grow at your own pace, with compassion and
maybe a few rage texts along theway.
Let's be real. Healing isn't linear.
It's messy, it's exhausting, andsometimes it feels like your
(01:00:14):
feelings are feelings about yourfeelings.
But. It's possible you can build
relationships that don't self destruct.
You can develop a sense of self that doesn't change based on who
you're with. And yes, you can have a stable
(01:00:38):
life without sacrificing your intensity or your spark.
So thank you for pushing Play onShrink Wrapped.
If this episode made you feel seen, understood, or just
slightly less like an emotional dumpster fire with a Wi-Fi
connection, do me a favor. Share it with someone who needs
(01:01:01):
it. Rate and review the show, and
subscribe so you don't miss nextweek's truth bomb.
And if you want to keep the conversation going, download the
O'Neill Counseling app, the links in the show notes.
That's where you can connect with other listeners, Share your
story, or just lurk until you'reready.
(01:01:21):
You're not alone in this. You're not beyond help.
You're just human, and that's more than enough.
I'll see you next week when we're diving into just how
damaging the sentiment. You just have to want it enough.
Really is.
Welcome to today's episode, where we're digging into
Borderline Personality Disorder,BPD for short.
And no, it's not just about being emotional or dramatic, but
thanks media for that stereotype.
(00:22):
First, we'll break down the DSM criteria, which is just the
official diagnostic checklist spoiler.
It's more than just being difficult to deal with.
There's actual science behind it, and I'm here to translate it
into something that doesn't sound like a dictionary.
Then we're going to talk about the media portrayal of BPD.
(00:46):
If you've seen any film or TV show, you've probably been hit
with the Crazy X or the UnstableMess character.
But guess what? That's not how it actually
works. BPD is way more nuanced and way
(01:07):
less dramatic movie plot than Hollywood would like you to
think. And of course, we have to set
the record straight on what BPD is not.
It's not just being Moody or hard to please.
It's not about being a hot mess on purpose.
(01:28):
There's a lot more to it, and we're here to break it down
without all the BS. So buckle up, because we're
about to talk all things BPD. The real deal, no Hollywood
fluff. Let's get into it.
(01:55):
All right, now that we've set the scene, let's start pulling
the curtain back. Borderline Personality Disorder,
AKA BPD, is one of the most stigmatized, misunderstood, and
frankly, misrepresented diagnosis out there.
It's been called everything fromthe emotional roller coaster
(02:16):
disorder to too much too manipulative, which, Yikes.
Not only are those descriptions wildly unhelpful, but they also
erase the very real pain and humanity of people living with
BPD. So today, we're pulling back the
(02:38):
curtain. We're going beyond the DSM
bullet points and the TikTok armchair diagnosis.
We're talking about what BPD really looks like, why it's so
often missed or mislabeled, and how healing is 100% possible
even if your emotional landscapesometimes feels like a category
(03:00):
5 hurricane with abandonment issues.
Let's get into the nuance, the science, the symptoms, the
resilience, the rage texting, all of it.
Because understanding BPD isn't just about knowing what it is,
it's about breaking the stigma that keeps people from getting
(03:23):
the support they deserve. So what actually counts as BPD?
And what's just being a little bit emotionally spicy with the
dash of trauma? Great question.
Let's crack open the DSM like it's a slightly outdated
cookbook for chaos and see what it actually says.
(03:44):
Because behind all the stereotypes and Tumblr core
trauma posts, there are real diagnostic criteria.
And no, it's not just has big feelings or texts and
paragraphs. To meet the clinical threshold
for borderline personality disorder, you've got to tick off
(04:05):
5 or more boxes from a list thatreads like the greatest hits
album of emotional intensity. So let's dive into the DSM 5
checklist and see what it's really serving.
All right, grab your emotional flotation device because we're
diving deep into the official DSM 5 criteria here.
(04:30):
And let me tell you, this list, it's not for the pain of heart
or the emotionally repressed. BPD isn't just a vibe or a
buzzword. It's a complex, deeply painful
experience that's often minimized, misdiagnosed, or
(04:50):
turned into a walking red flag meme.
But real talk, these criteria describe what it's like to live
in a world where everything feels too much, too fast, and
always a little bit on fire. So we're going to break it down
(05:11):
1 messy, misunderstood symptom at a time.
First thing, we've got frantic efforts to avoid real or
imagined abandonment. This isn't just I hate being
ghosted, this is my brain interprets a late reply as a
(05:35):
breakup and suddenly I'm spiraling.
People with BPD often live in constant fear that everyone will
leave emotionally, physically, or both.
So they might cling, panic, textnovel length apologies, or even
preemptively push people away just to beat them to the punch.
(05:59):
It's not manipulation, it's survival mode.
It's please don't leave me wrapped in I'll leave you first
just in case. Then we've got a pattern of
unstable and intense interpersonal relationships.
(06:20):
Ah yes, the human version of this is my soulmate versus you
never want to see them again. On loop relationships with BPD
can feel like an emotional tilt.A whirl.
One minute you're obsessed, the next you're convinced they
(06:42):
secretly hate you. This is called splitting.
That black and white, all or nothing thinking that makes
nuance feel like a foreign language.
It's exhausting for everyone involved, especially the person
experiencing it. Intimacy.
(07:05):
Terrifying distance. Also terrifying.
We love a lose lose situation. Next up we've got identity
disturbance, markedly and persistently unstable self-image
(07:26):
or sense of self. Who even am I is not just a late
night existential crisis, it's adaily reality.
The person may change goals, values, or even aesthetic like
they're switching Instagram filters because their sense of
(07:46):
self is like a poorly maintainedWi-Fi signal flickering in and
out depending on who they're with or what just happened
emotionally. One day they feel like a badass
future CEO, the next they're convinced they're fundamentally
broken and directionless. It's not flakiness, it's a core
(08:12):
identity trying to survive the chaos.
Then impulsivity in at least twoareas that are potentially self
damaging. Think of it as emotional
emergency exits. Except the fire alarm is your
(08:33):
feelings, and the exits are things like reckless spending,
unsafe sex, binge eating, substance use, or speeding
toward chaos at 90 miles an hour.
It's not about thrill seeking, it's about relief seeking.
The impulsive behavior isn't random, it's a desperate attempt
(08:57):
to feel something different or stop feeling everything all at
once. Sometimes the brain says Yolo
when it really means please makethis stop.
Then we've got recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures,
threats, or self mutilating behavior.
(09:22):
This one is heavy and very real.People with BPD often experience
chronic suicidal thoughts or engage in self harm.
Not to manipulate others, let's throw that toxic myth in the
trash, but to regulate unbearable emotional pain.
(09:42):
It's like their emotional volumeis always at A10 and this
becomes a last ditch coping strategy.
These actions are red flags, yes, but they're also cries for
connection, for stability, for anything that feels like solid
ground in a collapsing emotionalworld.
(10:08):
Next up, we've got effective instability due to a marked
reactivity of mood translation mood swings that make roller
coasters look chill. One minor thing can flip the
switch from today's going great to the world is ending in .5
(10:29):
seconds. These aren't mood changes
stretched out over days, They'reemotional whiplash, often
triggered by seemingly small things.
A weird look, a change in tone, a shift in plans.
This isn't drama, it's a nervoussystem on high alert, reacting
(10:51):
like the stakes are always life or death.
Next, chronic feelings of emptiness, not just boredom.
We're talking soul deep void vibes.
(11:11):
People with BPD often describe it as feeling hollow,
disconnected, like they're missing some essential piece of
humanity. No matter how much they try to
fill it with people, substances,distractions, it lingers.
(11:33):
It's like being emotionally hungry no matter how much you
eat. And the worst part?
A lot of the world doesn't even know this symptom exists, even
though it's often the most unbearable. 1 Then we've got
(11:54):
inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger.
This isn't I got annoyed. This is.
I flipped out and then hated myself for it 5 minutes later.
The anger with BPD often comes out of nowhere, explodes
(12:16):
everywhere, and leaves the person wrecked with guilt
afterward. It's a defense reaction to
perceived threats, disrespect, or rejection, but the response
can feel volcanic. Think full volume outbursts,
passive aggressive digs or seething rage that makes
(12:38):
everyone else feel uncomfortable, and beneath that
usually a whole lot of hurt. And finally, we've got transient
stress related paranoid ideationor severe dissociative symptoms.
(12:59):
Under stress, reality can start to feel wobbly.
Some folks with BPD might becomesuspicious that people are
talking about them, lying to them, or plotting to leave.
Others might dissociate mentally, check out, feel
(13:23):
detached from their body, or experience the world like it's a
dream sequence they didn't sign up for.
These episodes aren't constant, but when they hit, they can feel
deeply destabilizing, like trying to stay grounded during
an emotional earthquake with no warning siren.
(13:46):
Now, before anyone gets carried away diagnosing themselves
because they had one dramatic situation, ship and a
personality crisis in 2019, holdyour horses.
The DSM isn't describing a bad month or a rough breakup era.
For it to count as BPD, this pattern has to be chronic, not
(14:12):
seasonal. We're talking about behaviors
and emotional turbulence that have been riding shotgun since
adolescence or early adulthood, not just popping in when
Mercury's in retrograde. It's not Sometimes I'm
impulsive. It's This has been my emotional
(14:33):
baseline for years and it's kindof wrecking my life.
The instability isn't a quirky face, it's a long term struggle
that tends to show up in multiple arenas.
Romantic relationships that combust like cursed fireworks,
jobs that implode faster than your motivation on a Monday, and
(14:59):
a general sense that everything's just a little
harder than it should be. The point is, we're not talking
about a moment. We're talking about a pattern,
and one that's made life feel like a high stakes soap opera
with no commercial breaks. And here's where we channel our
(15:23):
inner doctor house and say it might be BPD, but it could also
be something else, so let's not skip the diagnostic foreplay.
Criterion C is all about ruling out other suspects.
Just because someone's emotionally all over the place
(15:43):
doesn't mean it's automatically BPD.
Sometimes what looks like BPD isactually untreated bipolar
disorder, complex PTSD, schizophrenia, a substance use
issue, or even just someone going through a legitimately
hellish life chapter. This criterion is basically the
(16:07):
DSM saying don't just slap a label on someone because they
cried in public and sent a riskytext.
You have to make sure the symptoms aren't better explained
by something else that can mimicthe same chaos, because while
BPD does have its own specific flavor of emotional mayhem, it's
(16:29):
not the only disorder that can throw your life into a dramatic
tailspin. Proper diagnosis crucial.
Otherwise you're giving someone the wrong emotional instruction
manual and wondering why nothingmakes sense.
So you've got the diagnosis. Or maybe a strong suspicion.
(16:53):
Either way, you're wondering, OKnow what?
Is this just my life forever? Short answer, absolutely not BPD
might make you feel like you're stuck in a 24/7 emotional
(17:16):
tornado, but with the right support, you can build a life
that feels way less like a crisis hotline on speed dial and
more like, well, something you actually want to wake up for.
Treatment exists, it works, and spoiler alert, it's not just
(17:43):
about lying on a couch while someone nods sympathetically and
hands you tissues. Let's start with the heavy
hitter therapy, specifically Dialectical Behavioral Therapy,
DBTAKA, the Beyoncé of BPD treatment.
(18:05):
DBT is the gold standard becauseit was designed for BPD by
someone who understood the chaosfrom the inside.
It's like emotional CrossFit. You learn how to sit with
feelings without letting them hijack your life, how to deal
with distress without setting everything on fire, how to ask
(18:30):
for what you need without passive aggressively imploding,
and how to be present without spiraling.
And yeah, there's a lot of acronyms and worksheets
involved, but stick with it. It's legit life changing.
(18:51):
Other therapy options include cognitive behavioral therapy,
CBT, which is great for unpacking the toxic thought
spirals that tell you everyone hates you when you're unlovable.
Spoiler, they don't. You're not.
Your brain is just being rude. Then there's also mentalization
(19:14):
based therapy, MBT, which basically teaches you to
understand your own mind and other people's without jumping
to catastrophic conclusions, andtransference focused
psychotherapy, TFP which dives deep into the relationship
dynamics you bring into therapy and probably every other area of
(19:37):
your life TBH. Now, about meds.
There's no magical BPD pill, sorry to disappoint.
But medications can help take the edge off certain symptoms if
(20:01):
your anxiety is turning your brain into a hamster wheel of
doom or your depression feels like being emotionally ghosted
by your own soul. Meds like antidepressants, mood
stabilizers, or low dose antipsychotics might be on the
table. They're not a cure, but they can
(20:22):
make therapy way more effective by quieting the emotional
background noise. And finally, let's talk support,
because healing and isolation isa setup for failure.
Support groups, family therapy, and community matter.
(20:45):
Whether it's a group of people who get it without needing a
PowerPoint or loved ones who arelearning how to stop walking on
egg shells and start actually connecting, this part is
crucial. BPD often thrives in shame and
secrecy, but support helps drag it into the light where you can
(21:09):
actually work on it. Because you're not doomed,
you're not broken, you're not too much.
You're someone with a deeply sensitive nervous system trying
to survive a world that wasn't built for that.
And with the right tools, support, and a lot of patience,
(21:33):
especially with yourself, you can build something solid,
something peaceful, something that finally feels like a life.
Now, if you're ready to throw that emotional grenade belt in
the garbage, let's go. So now that we've walked through
(21:56):
the actual diagnostic criteria and not just the internet's hot
takes or your ex's dramatic postbreakup tweets, let's talk about
how borderline Personality Disorder gets dragged through
the pop culture mud. Because if you've ever watched a
(22:17):
movie, binge watched a messy series, or scrolled through
social media for 5 minutes, you've probably seen BPD
portrayed in one of two ways. Either as a violent,
manipulative villain with 0 chill or as the overly clingy,
unstable ex whose throat plates and cries during sex.
(22:40):
Spoiler alert, neither of those is accurate, but they've stuck
around like bad plot lines in a long running soap opera.
So let's break it down. What the media gets wrong.
Why it matters and how these portrayals feed the stigma that
keeps people with BPD from getting real help.
(23:04):
Because let's be clear, what yousee on screen isn't always a
reflection of reality. Sometimes it's just a
screenwriters lazy shorthand forunhinged woman with a back story
trauma. And we're not having that, not
today. When BPD pops up in film and TV,
(23:29):
it's not so much portrayed as itis paraded around like a
cautionary tale in heels. The character's name might not
be Borderline Personality Disorder, but you can hear the
diagnosis whispering through theeyeliner and impulsive plot
twists. We're talking about the trifecta
(23:52):
of tired tropes, the manipulative femme fatale, the
emotionally unstable girlfriend who cries, screams, and probably
burns your stuff, and the unhinged villain who's one bad
day away from a Dateline special.
(24:12):
They're intense, seductive, and about as subtle as a chainsaw in
a therapy session. And sure, these characters are
entertaining. Harley Quinn, Alex Forrest, Lisa
Rowe. Iconic in their own chaotic way,
(24:35):
but they also send a message that people with BPD are
dangerous, volatile, and beyond help.
Their storylines rarely include anything resembling nuance or
recovery. Instead of showing the internal
war, the fear of abandonment that feels like oxygen is being
(24:59):
cut off, or the identity crisis that makes waking up a mystery,
they focus on the explosion, notthe cause.
The emotional dysregulation is treated like a plot device, not
a symptom of deep psychological pain.
(25:21):
It's like watching a house burn down while blaming the wall Play
wallpaper. And what's worse, these
portrayals often center women. Young emotional sexual women
reinforcing sexist and ablest stereotypes that reduce mental
(25:44):
illness to hysteria with cleavage.
They get painted as seductive sociopaths or emotionally rabid
wolves in lipstick, when in reality most folks with BPD are
trying to manage relationships, hold down jobs, and keep their
brains from dragging them through another emotion
(26:06):
emotional gladiator match by 9:00 AM.
This isn't just inaccurate, it'sharmful.
It turns real mental illness into click bait.
It makes people with BPD feel ashamed to seek help, and it
teaches the public that someone with this diagnosis is a walking
(26:28):
red flag instead of a human being with intense feelings and
a hell of a lot of resilience. So yeah, give us messy, but make
it real. Give us a character who panics
over a text, splits on their best friend, learns boundaries
(26:48):
in therapy, and still shows up for life anyway.
Give us recovery arcs, not just breakdown montages set to
dramatic violin. We've had enough of the crazy
girl trope. It's time for the complicated
healing still human one. And then there's the glitter
(27:14):
glitchy world of Social Media Mental Health TM, where
awareness and misinformation do the electric slide together
under mood lighting on platformslike TikTok and Instagram.
BPD has become part of a digitalidentity buffet, equal parts
(27:35):
solidarity and spectacle. Now, there is incredible content
out there. Creators who speak openly about
trauma, share their recovery stories, breakdown DBT skills
like emotional influencers and Createspace where people with
BPD can finally exhale without judgement.
(27:58):
That's the good stuff. That's visibility with a pulse.
But then there's the dumpster fire side of the algorithm.
You know the one cinematic trauma core photo dumps with
captions like I Love You more than I Hate Myself in lowercase
(28:21):
letters set to sad girl indie tracks.
A rain streaked mirror selfie does not a diagnosis make.
But somewhere along the way BPD got aestheticized into a Moody
lifestyle brand. It's not I'm struggling with
emotional dysregulation, it's I am the main character and I
(28:46):
might cry on your voicemail. BBD gets stripped down into
vibes, vibes get turned into trends, and suddenly mental
illness is being curated like anInstagram grid.
We're still the rise of casual self diagnosis culture, where
(29:07):
every bad day or intense emotionis suddenly labeled my BPD
acting up, often by people who've never been evaluated, let
alone sat through an actual therapy session.
And look, yes, mental health gatekeeping is gross and access
(29:30):
to care is broken. But casually mislabelling normal
human suffering or unrelated disorders as BPD not only
invalidates the lived experiences of people who
actually have the diagnosis, it reinforces the worst stereotypes
(29:53):
that people with BPD are just manipulative, toxic, or
unstable. Drama bombs in winged eyeliner.
When BPD becomes an aesthetic instead of a condition, the
nuance disappears, the pain getsromanticized, and the people
(30:14):
living in the thick of it? They're left cleaning up the
mess while the Internet reposts another quote about being too
much for the wrong person. So yes, social media can be a
tool for connection, but it can also be a funhouse mirror
reflecting someone else's traumaback at you in neon text and sad
(30:37):
playlists. Use it wisely.
And if you're going to post about BPD, maybe make sure you
know the difference between being emotionally dysregulated
and being on your period while watching a Nicholas Sparks
movie. Just saying, this isn't about
(30:58):
bad representation, it's about real people being set up to
fail. The damage from these portrayals
doesn't end when the credits roll or the meme gets reposted.
For people actually living with borderline personality disorder,
the stigma isn't theoretical. It's the air they breathe.
(31:23):
It's internalized, reinforced, and weaponized.
Imagine navigating life with a brain that already screams
you're too much, no one will ever say everything you do is
wrong, and then turning on the TV only to see yourself
(31:50):
portrayed as a knife wielding nightmare in fishnets.
Awesome, thanks for that. This kind of public perception
has a ripple effect. It seeps into therapy offices,
into diagnosis hesitations, intowhispered warnings from
(32:14):
misinformed clinicians who've bought into the same
stereotypes. Some providers won't even treat
BPD because they think it's too hard or untreatable.
Spoiler, that's a provider problem, not a patient one.
And for the person on the receiving end of all of this, it
(32:38):
becomes terrifying to even seek help.
No one wants to be that person, The one therapist dread, the one
portrayed as emotionally radioactive.
Meanwhile the truth is sitting quietly in the corner like hi,
(33:02):
BPD is absolutely treatable. With the right therapy.
Looking at you DBT. People with BPD can regulate
their emotions, build healthy relationships, stop ghosting
their therapist every three weeks, and develop a level of
(33:23):
emotional insight that most people never even attempt.
They're some of the most self aware, fiercely empathetic and
growth oriented humans out there, but you never know it
from the way the world keeps painting them as ticking time
bombs and lip gloss. So yeah, it matters, because
(33:48):
when media gets it wrong, it doesn't just misinform, it
alienates. It adds fuel to the fire of
shame and fear that people with BPD are already trying to crawl
out of, and it robs them of the one thing that actually makes
(34:10):
recovery possible. Hope it's time to stop writing
people off as the villain in someone else's trauma narrative
and start telling stories where they get to be the main
character of their own damn healing.
(34:31):
What we actually need isn't another knife Wheeling wielding
villainess sobbing in her lingerie under mood lighting.
We need real representation, characters who live with BPD
instead of being reduced to IT, People with messy feelings yes,
(34:55):
but also depth, self-awareness and maybe even a therapist who
isn't written as a lazy plot device.
Imagine seeing someone on screen, navigating their
relationships, dropping the occasional impulsive bomb, going
(35:16):
to therapy, screwing up, apologizing, trying again, and
not being punished for being emotionally complex.
Wild concept, right? We need narratives that aren't
afraid to show the full arc, thehealing, the relapse, the group
(35:40):
therapy breakdowns, the quiet victories no one claps for.
Because that's the actual story of BPD.
It's not just crying on bathroomfloors and throwing phones into
traffic. It's learning how to regulate a
nervous system that thinks everytext is a threat to your
(36:01):
existence. It's unlearning survival
strategies you picked up as a kid just trying to feel safe,
and it's doing that work over and over again without the world
giving you a trophy for it. We need to hear from the people
who've lived it. Not influencers turning BPD into
(36:24):
an aesthetic. Not screenwriters recycling the
same tired crazy ex trope with afresh coat of eyeliner.
We want lived experience, not diagnostic cosplay.
Give us nuance, give us complexity.
(36:44):
Give us someone who feels like an actual human and not a
walking red flag with a soundtrack.
Because the truth is, people with BPD aren't cautionary
tales. They're survivors.
They're people who felt everything too much for too long
(37:06):
and are still showing up, still trying, still building lives
that don't collapse every time someone takes too long to reply
that story. That's not destruction, that's
resilience. That's healing.
(37:29):
And it deserves a hell of a lot more screen time.
If the media ever decided to stop fear mongering and start
storytelling, we might finally see ABPD character who doesn't
come with a warning label and restraining order.
Because real representation wouldn't look like a lifetime
(37:50):
villain in smudged mascara. It would look like a complex
emotional human being trying to make it through their day
without imploding over a vague text message or misinterpreted
eyebrow raise. I mean, imagine a show where
emotional intensity isn't equated with danger but explored
(38:13):
with nuance. Where someone with BPD can cry
in their car over a weird interaction and not immediately
become the antagonist in someoneelse's life.
Big feelings aren't inherently threatening.
They're just big feelings, and last time I checked, that's not
(38:36):
a crime. Now picture this.
A character who desperately wants to be loved, but is also
convinced that everyone's going to leave.
So they swing between clingy anddistant, ghosting and double
texting. And yes, it gets messy, but
(39:02):
instead of writing it off as irrational, we see the why
behind the behavior. The vulnerable.
Vulnerable, the vulnerability, the childhood wounds, the
nervous system trained her betrayal.
(39:22):
Show us the push pull dynamic with context, not just chaos.
Emotional whiplash is way more compelling when you understand
the origin story. And for the love of serotonin,
can we get a plot line where therapy isn't a one episode
gimmick? Give us someone in DBT awkwardly
(39:47):
trying to name their emotions without sounding like a walking
Pinterest quote. Show them screwing up, rage,
texting, owning it, repairing, trying again.
Let recovery be part of the arc,not just something mentioned in
(40:09):
passing during a character redemption montage.
Healing isn't cute and clean. It's clunky, inconsistent.
And sometimes includes crying ina Trader Joe's parking lot while
repeating wise mind to yourself between bites of a protein bar.
(40:31):
Also, and this is important, canwe stop reducing people with BPD
to just their symptoms? They're not walking diagnosis.
They're teachers, artists, bartenders, chaotic best friends
(40:53):
who make the world more vibrant and occasionally more dramatic.
Yes, they're funny. They're insightful.
They notice things about people that most miss entirely.
A real portrayal would show thatintensity doesn't cancel out
(41:16):
humanity. It deepens it.
So yeah, if the media got it right, we'd see less fire
starting and more feeling processing, less crazy
ex-girlfriend and more complicated human who's doing
(41:38):
their best not to spiral on a Tuesday.
Give us the breakdown and the breakthrough, the anger and the
softness, the fear and the fightto move forward.
That's not a warning sign, that's a story worth telling.
(42:05):
All right, let's really talk about the algorithm fueled
jungle where misinformation thrives.
Social media, AKA the Wild West of armchair diagnostics and
trauma Core content. Because if you've spent more
than 5 minutes scrolling TikTok or Instagram, you've probably
seen BPD reduced to a handful ofdramatic buzzwords, a Moody
(42:30):
playlist and a sad selfie captioned I'm too much and I
know it with the heartbreak emoji.
Cute aesthetic. Terrible clinical accuracy.
So before we accidentally convinced the entire Internet
that sending 3 texts in a row means you have a personality
(42:51):
disorder, let's pump the brakes and get into some good old
fashioned myth busting. Because the amount of nonsense
floating around these platforms is enough to make your therapist
spontaneously combust. Let's blow up the biggest lies
and half truths making the rounds and replace them with
something way more useful and way less cringe.
(43:15):
Myth #1 People with BPD are manipulative.
Let's go ahead and toss this onestraight into the dumpster where
it belongs. The idea that folks with BPD are
out here plotting emotional sabotage like some Disney
villain in therapy is not only lazy, it's flat out wrong.
(43:37):
What often gets labeled as manipulation is really just raw,
panicked attempts to survive emotional freefall.
It's not calculated, it's desperate.
When someone with BPD fears abandonment, their brain doesn't
calmly strategize. It screams do something,
(44:01):
anything before they leave and Idisappear into a pit of shame
and existential dread. So yeah, maybe they send the
intense text, maybe they over apologize, maybe they test
someone's loyalty in a way that's messy as hell.
But that's not because they're trying to control, it's because
(44:25):
they're terrified of being left,of not mattering, of confirming
the belief that they're inherently unlovable.
It's not manipulation, it's emotional CPR with no training
and a lot of panic. And most people with BPD, they
(44:48):
do literally anything to feel safe in relationships without
having to spiral into survival mode every time someone takes
too long to reply. So let's talk pathologizing fear
and start recognizing what's actually going on underneath.
(45:11):
Myth #2 BPD only effects women. Ah yes, the classic hysterical
woman diagnosis myth back again.Like a bad ex who refuses to go
to therapy, this one is rooted in decades of dusty gender bias
(45:31):
and lazy diagnostic habits. The reality?
BPD effects people of all genders.
Men, women, non binary folks. No one is immune to emotional
dysregulation just because of what's in their pants.
The real reason women are more frequently diagnosed isn't
(45:53):
because they magically cornered the market on big feelings.
It's because the mental health system has a long, proud history
of slapping women with borderline when they're
emotional, and slapping men withantisocial or substance use when
they're the same level of emotionally wrecked but with a
(46:16):
side of repressed rage and whiskey.
Basically if you cry you're borderline, if you punch a wall
you're just stressed. Make it make sense.
Gender bias and mental health shocking I know.
Maybe instead of diagnosing based on outdated stereotypes,
(46:39):
we could look at actual symptomsand treat humans.
Like stay with me here humans myth #3 everyone with BPD is
abusive. Let's shut this one down
(46:59):
immediately because Yikes. This myth is not just
inaccurate, it's dangerous, stigmatizing, and drenched in
bad faith hot takes from people who watched one TikTok and
decided they were qualified to diagnose red flags.
(47:19):
Yes, emotional dysregulation cancreate turbulence in
relationships, but that's not the same thing as abuse.
Let's be real, people with BPD are not inherently abusive, any
more than people with anxiety are inherently annoying or
people with depression are inherently lazy.
(47:42):
The reality is, many folks with BPD are painfully aware of how
their behaviors affect others. They'll replay conversations on
a loop, spiral into guilt for a tone of voice, and beat
themselves up for days over something most people wouldn't
(48:03):
blink at. They often carry an Olympic
level amount of shame, not entitlement.
Abusive behavior is a choice. BPD is a mental health
condition, and conflating the 2 is like saying having asthma
means you're bad at relationships.
(48:25):
No, it means you are navigating a disorder that impacts your
emotional regulation, not auditioning to be the villain in
someone else's breakup story. Let's call this myth what it
really is. Stigmatizing nonsense dressed up
in fake concern myth #4 BPD can't be treated false.
(48:52):
Wrong. Try again.
This myth is basically the mental health equivalent of
yelling there's no hope during afire drill.
Unhelpful, dramatic, and objectively incorrect.
BPD is one of the most treatablepersonality disorders out there,
(49:14):
especially with the right therapy.
And by right therapy, we mean Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
DBTAKA, the emotional boot camp that teaches people how to stop
going from zero to existential crisis in 2.5 seconds.
DBT isn't some fluffy talk aboutyour feelings and light a candle
(49:37):
nonsense. It's skills based, it's
structured, it's hard work, and guess what, it works.
People with BPD can and do recover.
They build healthy relationships, learn to ride the
(50:01):
emotional roller coaster withoutlaunching into space, and create
lives that are stable, meaningful, and not powered by
chaos. Is it easy?
No, but is it possible? Absolutely.
And perpetuating the idea that it's hopeless is not only
(50:23):
insulting, it's wildly irresponsible.
So unless you've got updated facts and a therapy license,
maybe don't tell people their recovery isn't real just because
it doesn't fit your doom scroll narrative.
Myth #5 Having mood swings meansyou have BPD.
(50:48):
OK, let's pump the brakes on this one.
Because if mood swings alone meant you had BPD, then
literally everyone with a uterus, a coffee addiction, or
an iPhone with red receipts would be diagnosed.
(51:11):
Mood swings are part of the human experience, like craving
chaos during Mercury retrograde or crying because your toast
fell butter side down. BPD is not just I had a dramatic
Tuesday. It's a pattern of intense
(51:33):
emotional dysregulation, unstable relationships, identity
whiplash, and impulsive behaviors that show up
consistently over time and causesignificant distress or
dysfunction. We're talking about a full blown
(51:57):
identity and emotional roller coaster That doesn't just happen
during PMS or after watching a sad movie.
It happens all the time across multiple areas of life.
So no, having a meltdown over brunch plans or over analyzing A
(52:20):
vague text doesn't mean you haveBPD, it means you're a human in
late stage capitalism. Let's stop reducing real mental
health diagnosis to TikTok levelhot takes and start treating
them with the nuance and respectthey deserve.
(52:40):
The thing is, borderline personality disorder is
basically the human nervous system on hard mode.
It's a long standing pattern of emotional instability, identity
confusion, and relationship whiplash.
Kind of like living inside a soap opera written by your inner
child and directed by your abandonment issues.
(53:03):
People with BPD often feel like they're on an emotional roller
coaster that won't stop, didn't ask for consent and keep
switching tracks mid ride. 1 moment deep affection.
Next moment crushing fear that everyone you love is about to
disappear forever because maybe they didn't text back in the
(53:29):
exact right tone or move slightly different when they
hugged you goodbye. The fear of abandonment.
It's not dramatic flair. It's a core feature, real or
imagined, emotional or physical.It hits hard.
And the brain doesn't go hmm, let's think this through.
(53:55):
It goes code red. Panic, attach or retreat.
Now the relationships. Picture this putting someone on
a pedestal in the morning and bynightfall you're questioning
their entire existence because they forgot your favorite snack.
(54:16):
That's called splitting and it'sthe emotional equivalent of
whiplash. It's not manipulation, it's a
trauma response with a marketingproblem.
And there's the self-image, or more accurately, the lack of a
consistent one. People with BPD often don't have
(54:38):
a stable sense of who they are. Their goals, values, aesthetics,
and even their favorite foods can do a complete 180 depending
on the day, the relationship, orthe existential dread level.
One week they're on track to be a therapist, the next a tattoo
(54:59):
artist, or maybe just living in a van by the ocean.
Because capitalism is a scam andidentity is a prison.
And let's not forget impulsivitywhen your emotions are always at
A10. Sometimes your brain just wants
a quick exit ramp so you might make some questionable choices.
(55:26):
Spending sprees, reckless sex, dangerous driving, binge eating,
quitting your job on a Tuesday because your Co worker looked at
you funny. It's not about being reckless
for fun, it's about trying to feel different or just feel
(55:49):
something when the emotional volume gets unbearable.
Now here's the thing. None of this means someone with
BPD is too much or beyond help. Quite the opposite.
Like we've talked about, these behaviors aren't character
flaws, their survival strategiesThat made sense.
(56:11):
At some point in a chaotic, invalidating, or emotionally
neglectful environment, the brain learned to protect itself
in extreme ways. That doesn't make it broken, it
makes it brilliant and exhausted.
Which brings us back to treatment.
(56:33):
And no, it really is not just journaling and hoping for the
best. The gold standard is dialectical
Behavior therapy. That's the emotional boot camp
you didn't know you needed, and that's going to help folks with
BPD learn how to regulate emotions without exploding,
imploding, or ghosting everyone they've ever loved.
(56:55):
Tolerate distress like a champ instead of rage quitting life.
Communicate needs effectively instead of panic texting or
bottling it up until it explodesin the middle of brunch.
Be mindful of their thoughts, feelings, and actions without
getting swept away by the tidal weight.
(57:17):
Now there's also other therapiesthat we've talked about like
CBT, MB T, and TFP and they can help too.
But DBT is the GOAT and you pairthat with community support and
sometimes medication for the depression, anxiety or rage that
tags along with emotional baggage like it's got legs and
(57:40):
guess what people feel They build stable lives.
They stop white knuckling every relationship and Start learning
how to stay, how to trust, and how to live with a nervous
system that doesn't treat every text message like a threat to
(58:02):
national security. So yeah, BPD is intense, but so
are the people who live with it.Intense love, intense loyalty,
intense empathy. And with the right tools,
(58:23):
they're not a walking red flag. They're a walking recovery story
in progress. And that, my emotionally
intelligent legends, brings us to the end of today's deep dive
into Borderline Personality disorder, AKA the diagnosis the
(58:46):
media loves to butcher and the Internet loves to misunderstand.
If you're walking away from thisepisode thinking, wow, that's
way more complex than I thought,good it is.
BPD isn't a personality flaw or a plot twist.
(59:06):
It's a real mental health condition, one that's rooted in
deep pain, shaped by survival, and absolutely treatable with
the right support. If you've seen yourself in
anything we talked about today, first of all, take a breath.
(59:26):
You are not too much, you are not broken.
You're just someone with big emotions trying to exist in a
world that often rewards numbness.
Whether you're in therapy, thinking about starting, or just
now realizing that DBT doesn't stand for.
Don't be too much though. Wow, relatable.
(59:51):
You're allowed to grow at your own pace, with compassion and
maybe a few rage texts along theway.
Let's be real. Healing isn't linear.
It's messy, it's exhausting, andsometimes it feels like your
(01:00:14):
feelings are feelings about yourfeelings.
But. It's possible you can build
relationships that don't self destruct.
You can develop a sense of self that doesn't change based on who
you're with. And yes, you can have a stable
(01:00:38):
life without sacrificing your intensity or your spark.
So thank you for pushing Play onShrink Wrapped.
If this episode made you feel seen, understood, or just
slightly less like an emotional dumpster fire with a Wi-Fi
connection, do me a favor. Share it with someone who needs
(01:01:01):
it. Rate and review the show, and
subscribe so you don't miss nextweek's truth bomb.
And if you want to keep the conversation going, download the
O'Neill Counseling app, the links in the show notes.
That's where you can connect with other listeners, Share your
story, or just lurk until you'reready.
(01:01:21):
You're not alone in this. You're not beyond help.
You're just human, and that's more than enough.
I'll see you next week when we're diving into just how
damaging the sentiment. You just have to want it enough.
Really is.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Burden
The Burden is a documentary series that takes listeners into the hidden places where justice is done (and undone). It dives deep into the lives of heroes and villains. And it focuses a spotlight on those who triumph even when the odds are against them. Season 5 - The Burden: Death & Deceit in Alliance On April Fools Day 1999, 26-year-old Yvonne Layne was found murdered in her Alliance, Ohio home. David Thorne, her ex-boyfriend and father of one of her children, was instantly a suspect. Another young man admitted to the murder, and David breathed a sigh of relief, until the confessed murderer fingered David; “He paid me to do it.” David was sentenced to life without parole. Two decades later, Pulitzer winner and podcast host, Maggie Freleng (Bone Valley Season 3: Graves County, Wrongful Conviction, Suave) launched a “live” investigation into David's conviction alongside Jason Baldwin (himself wrongfully convicted as a member of the West Memphis Three). Maggie had come to believe that the entire investigation of David was botched by the tiny local police department, or worse, covered up the real killer. Was Maggie correct? Was David’s claim of innocence credible? In Death and Deceit in Alliance, Maggie recounts the case that launched her career, and ultimately, “broke” her.” The results will shock the listener and reduce Maggie to tears and self-doubt. This is not your typical wrongful conviction story. In fact, it turns the genre on its head. It asks the question: What if our champions are foolish? Season 4 - The Burden: Get the Money and Run “Trying to murder my father, this was the thing that put me on the path.” That’s Joe Loya and that path was bank robbery. Bank, bank, bank, bank, bank. In season 4 of The Burden: Get the Money and Run, we hear from Joe who was once the most prolific bank robber in Southern California, and beyond. He used disguises, body doubles, proxies. He leaped over counters, grabbed the money and ran. Even as the FBI was closing in. It was a showdown between a daring bank robber, and a patient FBI agent. Joe was no ordinary bank robber. He was bright, articulate, charismatic, and driven by a dark rage that he summoned up at will. In seven episodes, Joe tells all: the what, the how… and the why. Including why he tried to murder his father. Season 3 - The Burden: Avenger Miriam Lewin is one of Argentina’s leading journalists today. At 19 years old, she was kidnapped off the streets of Buenos Aires for her political activism and thrown into a concentration camp. Thousands of her fellow inmates were executed, tossed alive from a cargo plane into the ocean. Miriam, along with a handful of others, will survive the camp. Then as a journalist, she will wage a decades long campaign to bring her tormentors to justice. Avenger is about one woman’s triumphant battle against unbelievable odds to survive torture, claim justice for the crimes done against her and others like her, and change the future of her country. Season 2 - The Burden: Empire on Blood Empire on Blood is set in the Bronx, NY, in the early 90s, when two young drug dealers ruled an intersection known as “The Corner on Blood.” The boss, Calvin Buari, lived large. He and a protege swore they would build an empire on blood. Then the relationship frayed and the protege accused Calvin of a double homicide which he claimed he didn’t do. But did he? Award-winning journalist Steve Fishman spent seven years to answer that question. This is the story of one man’s last chance to overturn his life sentence. He may prevail, but someone’s gotta pay. The Burden: Empire on Blood is the director’s cut of the true crime classic which reached #1 on the charts when it was first released half a dozen years ago. Season 1 - The Burden In the 1990s, Detective Louis N. Scarcella was legendary. In a city overrun by violent crime, he cracked the toughest cases and put away the worst criminals. “The Hulk” was his nickname. Then the story changed. Scarcella ran into a group of convicted murderers who all say they are innocent. They turned themselves into jailhouse-lawyers and in prison founded a lway firm. When they realized Scarcella helped put many of them away, they set their sights on taking him down. And with the help of a NY Times reporter they have a chance. For years, Scarcella insisted he did nothing wrong. But that’s all he’d say. Until we tracked Scarcella to a sauna in a Russian bathhouse, where he started to talk..and talk and talk. “The guilty have gone free,” he whispered. And then agreed to take us into the belly of the beast. Welcome to The Burden.