May 22, 2025 • 39 mins
Andrew Eaton never quite fit the mold. Raised by a mother immersed in the arts, he grew up in motion—always moving, always searching, never quite landing. Surrounded by beauty and creativity, he still felt like an outsider, like he’d missed the part where life made sense. So he went looking for belonging in the one place it would never last: heroin.
What started as an escape quickly became a death sentence. Andrew's body began to collapse under the weight of addiction—a devastating bone infection nearly ended his life. He was falling apart physically, emotionally, spiritually. And then, finally, he surrendered.
This episode follows Andrew's harrowing fall and breathtaking rise—from a dying addict to a man who now breathes purpose into others. Today, Andrew is a fierce and compassionate coach, guiding young men from the brink of death into the beauty of life. He teaches them not just how to survive—but how to live.
Andrew Eaton is a living reminder that who you were doesn’t have to be who you are. He was broken. Now, he builds. And what he’s building is saving lives.
Sicker Than Others is bought to you by Pink Cloud Coffee. Pink Cloud Coffee is an award-winning coffee company based in Los Angeles with the primary purpose of helping addicts and alcoholics through scholarships and work programs. Sicker Than Others listeners get 10% off their first order. Go to pinkcloudcoffee.com and use promo code sick10 for 10% off any beans or merchandise.
For more information on Beit T’Shuvah please go to www.beittshuvah.org.
For more information on the program of Alcoholics Anonymous go to www.aa.org.
Host: Seb Webber
Engineered and Produced by: Ted Greenberg
Producers: Laura Bagish, Jesse Solomon, and Chris Hendrickson
Executive Producer: Seb Webber
Intro Theme by Rich Daytona
Recorded live at: Beit T’Shuvah, 8831 Venice Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90034.
To reach the production team, please email: seb@magick-arts.com
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Pink cloud coffee is an award winning Coffee Company
(00:02):
based in Los Angeles with theprimary purpose of helping
addicts and alcoholics throughscholarships and work programs.
Sicker than others, listenersget 10% off their first order.
Go to pink cloudcoffee.com anduse promo code sick 10 for 10%
off any beans or merchandise.
Sicker than others. Is a podcaston the ups and downs of recovery
brought to you from within atreatment center in Los Angeles.
This podcast does not reflectthe views or opinions of beta
(00:23):
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than others. Neither speaks forAA or recovery as a whole, but
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(01:03):
Hi and welcome to sicker thanothers. The podcast brought to
you from within a treatmentcenter in Los Angeles. Very
excited for my guest on today.
Andrew, welcome to the show.
Hey. How's it going? It's goinggreat, buddy. So you have a
great story. I heard you shareat the in house meeting we have
here Sunday night, 7pm ifanybody wants to come down. And
(01:24):
I thought, fuck, I gotta get youin. Man, your story is gnarly.
So take it from the top. Well,all right, I like to start here.
So, you know my, I was born inFlorida, Fort, Lauderdale, and
my mom, you know she was, youknow she, she started off there.
She was extremely gorgeous, andshe would get married a lot. My
mom was super religious and anart dealer. She was an art
(01:47):
dealer. But before that, she wasalways religious. She was very
religious. Men always wanted toget her attention, and in order
for them to get with her, theyshe would tell them that they
would have to marry her. So shewas married like a bunch of
times, and she had like three orfour husbands before my sister
was born, before me, and then,and then I was born, and then
(02:08):
she had like 12 other husbandsafter that, and and so it was 15
fathers in and out of my life.
Holy shit. But yeah, so she sheWhat happened was when she met
my dad, my dad was an artist,and my mom was trying to kind of
figure out what her thing was.
She was like, in and out of realestate, and my mom was a really
(02:29):
good sales woman, as you cantell with all these these men
that she was dealing with andand what she learned was she saw
like what my dad did with art,and she's like, I'm gonna do
that. And so she, he taught herhow to paint, and then she
became, like, this oil painter,and, like, built this brand
around her, and she would travelall over the US. Yeah, she was
(02:52):
successful, right? She's, yeah,you can, you can find her
online. You search my name,you'll find her something. But
yeah. So she, the way that itwas for us when I was young, you
know, is like a lot of chaos. Wewould settle into a location.
She would want to getinspiration for paintings. So
she would, we would go to, like,you know, remote areas, a lot
(03:14):
of, like, very beautiful, like,scenic areas. We lived in Puerto
Rico for a year. We lived in thedesert, just everywhere,
forests, deserts, rainforests,beaches, stuff like that. And,
you know, it'd be like, good fora while, because it would, it
would be kind of feast orfamine. She would do really,
(03:34):
really well. And she wasterrible with money. And so she
would sell, she would like landan art deal and sell a painting
for like, 50 grand, and thencoast on that money. And then
one day I would come home andit's like, you know, she would
be in in the in a room, crying,and I'd be like, you know, five
and she, she'd call me over andbe like, What are we gonna do?
(03:55):
And like, as a five year old,you're like, I don't know. I
don't know. You don't know howto process stuff like that. But
yeah, so basically, the way thatit was for me, it was like I was
always really had this bigimagination, like I would escape
in my head, because there wasalways so much like conflict at
home. It was like my mom and mydad were fighting, or my mom and
(04:17):
my sister were fighting, and Iwas always like, I just wanted
to have fun all the time, andand I got really good at, like,
disassociating and going intofantasy world in my head. And so
I would get really into art. Iwas super obsessive about
anything I enjoyed from, like, ayoung age, oh yeah, I had an
addictive personality from thegoes, like, anything that gave
(04:38):
me that, that escape, it wassomething that I went all the
way in on. I didn't know. Ididn't understand how people
would ever want to stop doingthe things that they enjoyed.
Like I wanted to stay up allnight all the time with whatever
it was. It could be candy, videogames, just hanging with
friends, like I do sleepovers.
And they would be like, it'stime to go to bed. And I'd be
like, What are you talkingabout? We're having so much fun.
(05:01):
Why would you want to go tosleep right now? And yeah, so
that's kind of what the earlychildhood was like. And one of
the things that I like to talkabout when it comes to that,
it's like the way that my lifewas, it was, like, we would set
up shop somewhere. I would startbuilding a future. I would get
like, a group of friends, andlike, you know, a stepdad would
be in the picture, and I'd getlike, a level of, like, normal
(05:22):
life, and then like, a BPDepisode would hit for my mom or
something, and then, like, allof a sudden, like, everything
would fall apart, and then aneviction notice would hit the
door, and she's like, we got toget out of here, and we would
pack our bags, and then I'mgetting a divorce. And then it
was like, everything just seemedtemporary all the time. So it's
like, by the time I traveledthrough the US, and then I
(05:44):
settled in LA, and that's whereI've lived ever since,
basically, other than, like,maybe one or two small stints
somewhere else. And yeah, Isettled in LA, I was like,
people, like family, everythingwas temporary, because I My
experience was always that,like, things came and went, you
know, so I never liked to gettoo close to anyone or anything.
(06:05):
But, yeah, basically I my momwas obsessed with, like, fame
and fortune and, like, royaltyand stuff. So she was, like,
even though we didn't have themoney, and you're at Beverly
Hills High, right? I went toBeverly high, yeah,
yeah. So that'sbeing the poor kid at Beverly
high,it was very, yeah, it was really
hard. And, you know, it's like,I always, I was always so
(06:25):
sensitive to and it was like,before I went to Beverly, I went
to this, I didn't tell you thisin the story, but before I went
to Beverly, my sister reallywanted to go to this French
school called Lilly, sayFrancaise, where my daughter
goes. Oh, really, yeah, so Iwent to Lisa. Oh, you did, yeah,
I went to Lisa for a shortperiod of time, and my best
friend was, like, the coolest,richest kid, at least say, and
(06:48):
like, I was the poor kid, and hewould always make sure that I
knew that I was a poor kid. AndI was always, like, put down by
my best friend when I was inschool. This was like, you know,
before middle school,I can this is just a hot topic.
I can tell you, I can tell youhow it feels to be the fucking
parent of that shit. I just thisweekend, I went to a Lisa
(07:09):
birthday party in like, a $30million Palisades house. And I'm
like, if you ever want to feellike shit, go to another kid's
birthday party with like,there's a life guard and there's
security guards. And I'm like,Hey, Stella, better be happy
with your party at shaky thisyear. You know, it was like,
Dude, I get it, that school isintimidating, great school, but
it's intimidating. Yeah,it was, I mean, my sister had it
(07:31):
was, like, it was kind of likenight and day, because my sister
had this great experience. Shegot in with the popular kids and
Lisa, and then I was like, thedumbest, poorest kid in school.
And I remember one of thethings, like this huge childhood
trauma that I had from being atleast, say was, like, they had
this huge reward ceremony, awardceremony, or whatever, and
(07:53):
everyone got a certificateabout, like, performing well,
and I was the only kid in theschool that didn't get that his
certificate. So, like, everyonegot it, it was because I
couldn't learn French. I justcould not learn French. Yeah,
and yeah. So I was, I alwayslike, when I went, when I left
there, and my my dad was like,I'm done paying for this private
(08:14):
school. I'm sending him topublic school. And so I went to
Beverly high. And you know, whenI went there, I like,
transferred with this idea thatI was, like, extremely stupid,
you know, yeah, because that waswhat I had learned, at least
say, was that, like, I wasweird, didn't fit in, like, and
then I was stupid. And really,that kind of stuck with me all
(08:34):
throughout my life. And itwasn't until, like, I got sober
that I even started to realizethat my mind just works
differently, like I'm extremelyintelligent in so many ways, and
my mind just works differently,and I just don't really function
well with school. And I neverhave I tried to go back to
school when I got sober. Soyeah, transferred to, sorry. Am
I talking too much? No,no, I'll shut you up if we need
(08:56):
to. Don't worry. SoI transferred to Beverly high.
And, you know, well, Itransferred to Beverly Vista,
which is like the middle schoolattached to Beverly high. And,
you know, I had a really greatlife, starting off in Beverly
Hills. It was like, even thoughI was like the poor kid in
Beverly Hills, it was like,there was other poor kids. You
(09:18):
know, I wasn't the only one, andthen we had these cool
experiences with the rich kids,and, like, everyone intermingled
really well. And, yeah, youknow, in high, in middle school,
I was, like, just really intovideo games and skateboarding
and doing art, and that was thestuff that I did. And was really
big in my hobbies, honestly,like as a kid, before I got into
drugs, I was way cooler than Iam now. Like I had so many
(09:39):
hobbies. I would like make myown posters. Both my parents
were artists. I was really intosculpting. I got into graffiti,
like I was doing all kinds ofstuff, like I was really wanting
to get into music and all thisstuff. You know? What happened
was, you know, graduated middleschool, I went to high school.
Yeah, and I'll just tell alittle story, because it's
(10:00):
random and it's whatever. But Iwas, like, really obsessed with
this girl who was older than me,and she was friends with one of
the Barrymores, like this, this,this, this one of the sons of,
like, the Barrymore family. So Iwas, like, really getting into
music. And I had this guitarthat my dad had got me, and I
was playing it, and I had, like,a teacher that was coming, and
(10:22):
then Drew Barrymore, his nephew.
I won't like, name names, but hestole the guitar and then joined
the army. And that was, like, Iwas like, I guess I'm not going
to be a musician anymore. Thatwas it. So, yeah. So basically,
my high school experience, like,I had a really great time, like
I got into the popular crowd,even though it's like something
(10:44):
about me and it's still that wayto this day, like I have such an
intense mind where it just hasthis tendency to, like, outcast
me in so many ways, like it'salways going, like I care so
much about what people think, Mymy mind races on every little
thing. It's like, I, I, I have atendency. It's like, I get
(11:06):
overwhelmed, because I'm kind ofthe type of person because of
the way my family life was,where I want to solve everyone,
everyone's problems, like, Iwant everyone to be okay, and
so, like, when I spend time witha bunch of people, I tend to,
like, take everyone's problemson, you know, and what'll happen
is I'll get overloaded and thenshort circuit. So I was, like,
really raw and vulnerable as akid, like I had this really big
(11:27):
heart. I just wanted to have funall the time. I was super
sensitive. You know, there wasobviously bullies and stuff that
I was dealing with here andthere. I just had all these
intense, intense emotions. Andso when I smoked weed for the
first time, you know, it wasn'tlike, the craziest experience I
remember I did it. I just likedthe, like, even before the weed,
like, that girl that I wasreally obsessed with gave me a
(11:49):
cigarette, yeah? And I, like,really liked the feeling of just
smoking a cigarette because Iknew I wasn't supposed to be
doing it.
Yeah. I think, I think all ofour first drugs experience or
drinking experience have nothingto do with us wanting to do it.
It's probably 99% other peopledoing it. Yeah, we want to
feel like we're a part of 100% Iwas trying to kid wakes up
(12:09):
and goes. I really want to smokemy first joint today by myself
in my bedroom. You know what? Imean, it's like a kind of, like
a weird rite of passage. It'slike, I'm cool. Exactly other
people are doing it. Yeah, I getthat.
And that's what it was allabout. I mean, that's what it's
been all about for a long time.
Is just like, wanting people tolike me, wanting to be cool,
like I really wanted to be cooland but you went pretty gnarly,
(12:33):
pretty young. I mean, youstarted with weed, but I went
intense,yeah, I went super. We'll go,
we'll go into that now. So it'slike, smoked weed. And the way
that my life was, when I was akid, it was like, everyone I was
in high school with was all theywere all criminals, like, from
like, pre teen criminals, likewe would they we, if we wanted a
(12:53):
party, we would go to theRalphs, and then we would bring
in a shopping cart and we'd fillit up with alcohol and then run
out. And that we did that witheverything. We did that with,
like, spray, spray paint, andwhatever we were doing, like, we
would just go in and, like,fill, like, Pile it in with as
much as we could and run out.
And that's why I feel like theystarted putting those like
sneaky cops, like the, whateverthey're called, you know,
(13:16):
they're like, pedestrian lookingpeople that, like, watch, watch
people coming in. It was becausemy friends were stealing all the
cough medicine and all of thealcohol bottles and everything,
so they, like, placed these,like, fake, yeah, rent a couple.
Rent a cops undercover, rent acup. So, yeah, basically, you
know, the way I was it was,like, I started drinking and
(13:36):
smoking weed and I was skatingand, like, I was just always
balls to the wall. I was like, Ididn't want to, like, tiptoe
into, like, getting drunk, like,I wanted to fill the tall glass
all the way to the top and chugit, and I wanted to get as
fucked up as possible rightaway. And I was that way with
everything. It was like, for me,it was like, What's the point of
doing this, if I'm not gettingabsolutely obliterated? And, you
(13:58):
know, by the time I was like,14, I was hooked on meth in
school. Like, my neighbor, yeah,my neighbor was like, you know,
he was this, like, reallyshitty, like, high school drug
dealer, and he started sellingmeth. And he was like, live
right below me, and he frontedme a gram of meth. And he's
like, pay me back in three days.
And I was like, okay, yeah, I'llpay you back in three days. And
(14:21):
I don't know whether I wasplanning on paying him back or
not. I have no idea. But like,the next day, I remember, it was
like less. It was like, lessthan 24 hours. I pull into the
back of the house with my withmy mom, and, like, we get out of
the garage, and there's thislittle alley between, like, our
places, his and mine. And Ilike, get out of the car, and I
(14:41):
walk there, and next thing Iknow, like, I'm being jumped by
three guys in front of my mom.
They're like, where's ourfucking money? Can I cuss? Yeah,
okay, okay, good, yeah. Like,where's our fucking money? And
they like, kick the shit out ofme in front of my mom. And so
I'm all heated. I remember,like, the whole neighborhood
was. In front of my house forsome reason. So everyone saw me
(15:02):
get my ass kicked, and I, like,ran upstairs, and I was like,
I'm gonna kick their ass back.
And I, like, went and I grabbeda golf club or something stupid,
and I like, run down to findthem, and they're gone. And so I
my best friend went to anotherschool. He was, like, in Culver
City, and at the time in LA itwas, like, back in like, 2000 or
something at the time, likeevery neighborhood was gang
(15:23):
neighborhood. So it was like,There's Beverly Hills, and then
Culver City had, like a gang.
And the Venice had a gang. EvenSanta Monica had a gang, like
Korean gang in K town. So like,we were in the center of, like,
all of these gang territories.
My best friend lived in CulverCity, and his neighbor was,
like, a good buddy of mine. Iwould come and smoke weed with
him. He thought I was, like, thefunny, like, Red Headed skater
(15:44):
kid from Beverly Hills, and healways wanted to smoke me out.
So I'm like, I'm gonna go talkto Frank, who was a gang member.
And like, I go and tell Frank,and I'm like, Yeah, this piece
of shit kicked my ass in frontof my mom. And he's like, Don't
worry, dog, we're gonna get him.
So I set up this, like it wasthat night. He was like, I'm
(16:05):
gonna call my brother and we'regonna get this guy. So, like,
it's me, and like, my two, like,Pimply face, skinny, like white,
skinny skater friends, and thenthese two, like gang bangers.
And I like, go to the house. AndI like, I go to his balcony, and
I'm like, his name was tiny. Iwas like, hey, tiny, come
(16:26):
outside, and he sees me. He'slike, What? What do you want?
And so he comes down and he hasthis butcher knife, and he puts
it to my throat. He doesn't seeI'm with anyone. And he's like,
where's my fucking money? And Iwas like, smiling, like, without
even saying anything, because Iknow I'm like, you're screwed,
and these guys come out from thealley saying all this gang
(16:46):
lingo, and, like, he got soscared he, like, threw the
butcher knife, ran into hisneighbor's house, and it turned
into this whole thing, whichwas, like, the first time I ever
got arrested. And honestly,like, when I tell the story,
it's kind of a turning point,because before that, I had never
gotten in trouble. Like I'dalways been able to hop on my
skateboard and get away from myproblems, but as soon as this
happened, like I was gettingarrested every year. So
(17:10):
basically, like, the two gangmembers were running around the
neighborhood. They were yelling,like gang lingo, they were
saying, like, we're gonna killyou and your whole family. And
they were chasing around thepolice department is like, two
blocks away, Beverly Hills. Theychase him into his neighbor's
house, and like, he gets in hisneighbor's house and, like,
closes the door, and the gangmembers literally start kicking
(17:31):
the door in. And there's a wholefamily inside, like the mom was
holding the door. Oh, shit. Andso basically, like, I have no
idea what's going on. I'm on,like, Xanax and Vicodins, meth
and meth, and all of a sudden,like helicopters in the sky, the
police are swarming the wholescene, like Frank, who's the
gang member. He just immediatelydrops to his knees because he's
(17:52):
like, a pro. He's like, Okay, Idon't, I don't do that. And I
run and, like, I run poorly, andthen I get the shit kicked out
of me, but for the first time bythe police, oh, yeah, you know,
I got arrested, and I, like, gotin jail. And the first scene was
like, I'm in the I'm on thecounty bus, like, going to LA
(18:12):
County. And I look, and there's,like, people would write their
gang tags on the bus, but someof them would be written in
blood. Like, cut their finger,and they'd write it in blood,
and the first thing I see isthis guy, like, licking the
blood off the wall, oh God, inthe car, I mean, in the van or
whatever. And I was like, oh mygod, what have I done? Yeah, I
get, I get in there. 10,000 Iwent to this twin towers. I've
(18:35):
been there, yeah? I mean, I gotprocessed. I went in there. So
much, man, but I got processedin and it honestly, like, for
me, it was like, what you said,like a rite of passage. It was
like, I'm I'm like, hardcorenow, you know, I'm this gang
kid. And, like, I got in andout. I think in 24 hours, my
mom, like, got this attorney whohad been on my side the whole
time that I was getting loaded.
It was like a family friend. Hisname was Peter Connect. He died
(18:58):
like he had died on my last casethat I had, and when he died,
like, that's the reason why Igot screwed. Otherwise he would
have gotten me out of it, youknow, I got processed, and it
was like this was kind of thebeginning of the end. So like,
before this experience happened,you know, I always felt like
there was this, like protectorguarding me. Like I always felt
like I was completelyinvincible. I felt like I had no
(19:20):
consequences. I always felt likethere was a white light, kind of
protecting me and guiding methrough all these experiences.
But as soon as I got arrested,it was like the veil was lifted,
and all of a sudden I was livingin darkness. It just gradually
escalated from one substance toanother, and it worked its way
up. And I was telling the storyin the in the meeting was like,
I had this experience where myfriends all started doing
(19:44):
Oxycontin, and my friend would,like, he had this tendency where
whatever drug he was doing, hewould like, eat half of it and
then throw the other half on thefloor. And so I always loved
going to his house, because I'mlike, I never know what kind of
drugs I'm gonna find on Jesse'sfloor. Work, you know? And I
would like, I found this pilland I ate it, and it was an
Oxycontin. I had this horriblereaction to it, where I was
(20:07):
trying to drive home, and I wasso fucked up that the road was
splitting, and it literally tookme three days to get home. I was
like, throwing up out thewindow. I was so, so fucked up.
And after I did that, I waslike, I must be allergic to
painkillers, you know? And so Iwas like, I can never do
(20:27):
painkillers. So I was just like,smoking weed and doing mushrooms
and like, occasional pills andXanax and stuff like that, and
drinking. And then, like, mybuddies started to get into
heroin. And it was like,everyone was smoking heroin on
tin foil, and everyone, everyonewas like, literally everyone.
It's what it felt like. Letme reference everyone, yeah,
everyone's Yeah, everyone wassmoking heroin at least in 2006
(20:51):
of Beverly high, except ofeverybody, except none of your
neighbors in Beverly Hills, justyou and you.
Those people don't count,though. No, no, no. So yeah,
smoking, everyone's smokingheroin. I try it and like, that
was the moment that I had theexperience where it was like all
that stuff from childhood, whereit was like I always felt like I
(21:14):
didn't fit in, like I always hadthis extreme anxiety in my
chest, like I had these emotionsswirling up inside of me, all
these racing thoughts and allthese insecurities and fears
about the world, and it's like Ismoked that heroin and like
everything went away. You know?
It was the only time I had everhad that experience where, like,
my mind fully shut off, and Iknew, like I was only going to
(21:34):
do that because it was like thefeeling of relief that I got
from that was better thananything else that I had ever
done, youknow, yeah, it's a weird thing
when you find the drug. I alsoam a real big component. I
really believe you find thedrugs you need, yeah, right? If
you really think about people'sloves and their drugs, that kind
of, when you start to hear whatthey're into and they're put,
you know, their personality, itkind of a lot of things make
(21:56):
sense, like meth for me, butyeah, you find the you find the
drugs you fucking need, and it'snot, I guess it's like, it's not
that the things go away is thatit's a switch that gets turned
on that we don't give a fuck.
Yeah, that's what happened. Youknow, I just don't give a fuck
about any of this anymore. Youknow, I always
cared so much. I know me too,sensitive kid even now. I mean,
(22:19):
even now, it's a guy, you know,when you get sober, you gotta,
you gotta face your emotions.
You gotta, you gotta face yourwell,
it's like they say, when yourelapse, you you, you pick up
where you left off. But I alsothink when you stop using, you
kind of pick up where you leftoff before you started using.
Yeah, you know, 100% right? Justa fucking sensitive soul with a
lot of feelings over it, yeah,you know, yeah.
(22:39):
It's crazy how it goes bothways. It's like, I know one of
the things I know it's like,even though it's been eight
years since I've done any drugs,I know that, like, if I made the
decision to do it again, Iwould, like, I would it would be
like it had never stopped in amatter of weeks or two weeks.
You know, I just everyexperience I had before that
shows that to me, there's nodoubt in my mind that, like, I
(23:01):
can't do drugs, andso you were shooting heroin,
right? Iwas, yeah, yeah. So I was
smoking it at first, and, youknow, it was, like, it was like,
kind of innocent at first. And Iwas always like, I'm going to
never shoot heroin, right? Like,that's a line. Like, I always
had these lines that I wouldnever cross until someone
teaches you, until someoneteaches me. And the experience I
(23:22):
had was like one of my friendswho was not, you know, I don't
normally say this, but he wasnot really a good person at all.
He was not, but he was living atmy house for a period of time,
and I had, I had no heroin, andI was really, really sick. And
he goes, Well, I have heroin.
He's like, if you want it,though, you got to shoot it up.
(23:44):
And I said, No. And I resistedfor a couple of days. But like,
after a period of time, I keptgetting more and more sick, and
like, I caved on the third day,and then I shot it up. And like,
I was like, This is great. Like,Why was I so resistant to this.
This is so much better. Nowflash forward. If you go
forward, it's like, by the endof my run, like I blew out every
(24:08):
vein in my body, like my neck,my groin, like I had
deteriorated all the muscles inmy shoulders and my ass, like I
had I was getting continuousabscesses and, like, literally
draining them myself. Oh, Iwasn't even going, I like, would
go to the hospital for a periodof time. And then I was like, I
could just do this at home. So Ijust started to do everything at
(24:29):
home. So yeah, I was like, itgot really dark, really fast. I
was hooked on heroin, probablywhen I was 18, and I got sober
when I was 27 and the experiencethat I had through that it was
like, I don't know, there wasjust so much pain and suffering.
It was like, there was no morefun, man, like I didn't have
fun. It was always like, bottomfeeding, crawling, trying to get
(24:51):
what I need, constantlystruggling, constant like, pain
and suffering. Like, alwaysseeing, like, always
disappointing my family,everyone. One started to, like,
give up on me, you know, and youfucked your body up pretty bad,
right? Yeah. Like, really bad,yeah. So when I was 20, when I
was 20, I was like, you know,been shooting up for two years,
(25:13):
and I was not safe with the waythat I was doing drugs. So, you
know, they had needle exchangesand stuff that was just like
starting to become accessible.
But before that, like, I wasusing really nasty shit to get
high. So I got really, reallysick one day, and I thought it
was cotton fever. It was like aconsequence of shooting. You
(25:35):
wantto explain what cotton fever is?
Yes, I don't think we've hadthat come up on the show yet.
Yeah.
So cotton fever, it's basically,like, you have a cotton swab for
your heroin that filters out,like, the bad stuff and the
drugs. Well, it something getsthrough, through the cotton. It
gets into the shot, and then youshoot it up and, like, Whatever,
whatever happens with that. Onceit gets into your blood, you get
(25:55):
extremely sick, and nothing youdo gets you better, and you have
to wait tillit flushes out of you. There's,
like, literally, bits of cotton,yeah, they get into
it gets into your blood, andthat's why they call it cotton
fever. I thought it was that,which is something that's pretty
temporary. It like will flowthrough you and you'll be fine
after a certain amount of time.
But days and days went by and Iwas not getting better. I was
getting worse. So like all myfriends, started to get really
(26:16):
worried, and they were like, Weneed to get you the hospital.
But I had been bedridden thewhole time, and so they were
like, We got to get you out ofbed. So they tried to get me out
of bed, but I had thisexcruciating pain in my hip, and
I could not walk, and they hadto carry me to the car. And
like, the level of pain I wasexperienced was beyond
experiencing was beyond anythingI had ever had before. And they
(26:36):
got me into the car, and theydrove me to the hospital, and it
was like they scanned my body inthe hospital, and they're like
your entire body is infected,like every inch of your body is
infected, like the blood in mybody got infected. And so what
happened was I had somethingcalled endocarditis, which is a
really deadly heart infection.
(26:58):
It latches onto your rightbacteria latches on your right
heart valve. It grows and itspreads the infection through
your blood, and it kills youreally fast. So I was forced to
stay in the hospital for months.
I was doing like treatments,antibiotic treatments. And, you
know, obviously this was thefirst time that my family had
found out that I was on heroin.
(27:19):
And, I mean, it was like a hugeshock. It was like, my my mom
found out first, and like, mygrandma found out, oh, my grand
grandson's sick. So she droveall the way from the East Coast,
like she did a road trip to comesee me in the hospital, just to
find out I was a heroin addict.
No, you know, I don't know thatwas kind of that first
experience that I had, where theremorse and shame of the next
(27:39):
morning. You know, I had some ofthat smaller but it was, like
one of the biggest moments thatI've had, just disappointed
everyone to a level of which Ihad never experienced before.
Yeah,it's like that point where you
get where, like, you realizethat none of your junkie Jive is
going to work on anyone becausethey all know, yeah, it's
all out in the open for everylie, yeah, but
(28:00):
every lie that you've maybestill got backed up, or every
exit plan gone,it's crazy now, like, as a sober
man who takes guys through thesteps he's done a lot of work on
himself, it's like there's thesealcoholic behaviors that I work
on with my sponsees. And it'slike the alcoholic behaviors are
just as reactive as the drugsand alcohol themselves. It's
like I have an alcoholicreaction to dishonesty. You
(28:23):
know, I spin this web of lies,and it grows and grows and
grows. And I have an allergicreaction to it, where I can't
stop myself from doing it once Iengage in it. So it's like, I
I've experienced it in sobriety,where, you know, someone will
tell me something, and they'llbe like, hey, Andrew, do you
want to go, like, get dinnerright now? Oh, I can't. Like, my
mom needs me, you know? So I saythis little white lie, and the
(28:46):
next thing I know, anytimeanyone's asking me anything, all
of a sudden, I'm telling theselittle white lies. And then it
starts bleeding into myrelationship with my girlfriend,
and then, like, I'm lying abouteverything. And it spirals out,
and it becomes this huge thingwhere my problems pile up on me,
yeah, and then it selfdestructs. And that's like,
exactly what happened when I wasin the hospital,
(29:07):
yeah, tell the truth. It's theeasiest thing to remember. It is
I've learnedthat I have to continuously
learn it over and over again,because the truth is, is I like
the effects produced bydishonesty, because it gets me
the things I want, but like theend result is that my problems
pile up on me and self destruct,essentially. So if I could avoid
that and just be honest, thenyou know, I will avoid much
(29:28):
larger problems, like what I wasdealing with. My addiction from
this point was like, very, verydark and pathetic, what my life
looked like. It was like I gotout of the hospital. They sent
me home with this PICC line,which is like an IV that feeds
into your heart. They did thatbecause, like, I had no good
veins anywhere. So the only oneI had was, like, the main one
that they had to, like,literally, get an ultrasound
(29:50):
machine to find. And so theysent me home with that. And they
were like, if you do heroinanymore, you're gonna die. And I
was like, Well, great. And. AndI was just continuously shooting
heroin into this IV that waslike saving my life as I was
feeding antibiotics into it. Andmy mindset was like, Oh, I can
be really unsafe right now,because the antibiotics are just
going to kill the bacteria as itgoes into my body. So the thing
(30:12):
about the infection in my heartwas the doctors didn't know that
the infection had settled intothe bone in my hip. So that's
called osteomyelitis. And soevery year, the infection would
re spread through my body. And Ithought it was just the heroin I
was doing was reinfecting me,and then I was prone to it. But
the the truth was that there wasan infected bone in my body
(30:35):
that, like, after enough time,would would become un dormant
and wake up and spread theinfection. And it got to the
point where, like, I would lookforward to the hospital visits,
because, like, I was strugglingso much to get what I needed, at
least in the hospital, I was,like, getting fed and taken care
of. And so like, that cycle wasgoing on, like, the whole period
of time, for seven years, andthen this guy kept calling me on
(30:57):
the phone. I didn't know who itwas. And he kept calling me. And
he was like, hey, Andrew, youready to get sober today? I was
like, Who the fuck are you?
Like, and then I would just hangup on him, and then he the next
day, hey, Andrew, how abouttoday? You ready to get sober?
And I'd be like, stop callingme, man, like, click, every day.
How about today? How abouttoday? And then he doesn't call
(31:17):
me on, like, the worst day, youknow, like, I had no, no, I had
nothing. I'd run out of, all mymoney, all the people I was with
were gone. Like, I was, like,really dirty and, like, no
shoes. I'm like, Well, whatabout that guy? Like, why isn't
he calling me? So I call himback, and he like, right away.
He's like, You ready? And I waslike, I might be ready. So he's
(31:37):
like, All right, come to yourmom's house in Malibu. Turns out
that this guy was hooking upwith my mom's roommate. So I get
to the house the rehab van, Isaw it pull up, it was the
middle of the night in Malibu,and I see the lights, and then,
like, the fight or flight kicksin. And I was like, I got to get
out of here. My mom knowsimmediately, probably because my
eyes lit up. And she runs thedoor to like, stop me, and I
(32:02):
push her out of the way, andfind it in me to like, defy
science and learn to run again.
And I make it to this step, andI'm like, sitting on the step,
and I have this spiritualexperience, this moment of
clarity I could see my entirelife in a way of which I had
never seen before, where it waslike, you know, all of the
people that I had relied on, andhow, like, eventually they went
(32:24):
away, I could see my future. AndI was like, I'm just getting
sicker, more pathetic, like,more more damaged. My body's
getting more damaged. And I,like, had this moment where,
like, I saw my life in a way ofwhich I had never seen before,
and I realized that, like,everything was like a house of
cards, like it could come downat any moment. And then I saw,
(32:44):
like, this path, of which I hadnever even considered going down
before. And like, the path waslike, Okay, well, what if I
actually try to get better, youknow? And that path was really
scary when I saw it, but I waslike, I had this moment in me
where I just surrendered, youknow, and I told myself. I was
(33:06):
like, if they find me, like,I'll go to treatment.
Yeah. I love that conditions. Itwas
a condition, yeah? But the truthwas is, like, of course you're
gonna find me. Like, like, Itold you guys I ran, but I
probably did not run very far,like, it's a really bad job
running. So I feel like thishappened, like very in a short
span of time, and they found me,and I drove to treatment, and
(33:28):
like I had no idea that thatnight, whether I knew it or not,
my obsession had been lifted todrugs and alcohol. Because it
was like, no matter what I did,no matter where I went, like it
was all I could think about. Youknow, I was at, I was at the
Claire Foundation, and I had allthese cases over my head, and I
(33:48):
knew if I did drugs, that I wasgoing to go to jail for like, a
year or longer, and someonebrought in heroin, and, like, it
was, like the hand of the devilwas pulling me towards it, like
I like, as soon as I knew it wasthere, It was all I could think
about, you know, and didn'tmatter what the consequences
were like when I saw it, like Ihad to get it that was taken
from me that night in Malibu.
So, like, I didn't have thatobsession, and I didn't even
(34:13):
realize that it was gone until,like, three or four months into
my sobriety, I walked in there,and I walked in there this
really, like, broken, insecurekid, and I just felt so
worthless and like I had neveraccomplished anything in my
life, and I just didn't knowanything I liked, like I was
this clean slate, which ishonestly, like a beautiful place
to be, greatest place to be. Ijust didn't know the only place
(34:35):
to be. It's the best. I talkedto my sponsees about it all the
time. It's like, Yeah, me too.
You become a like, when you'rethe student, like, the
possibilities are endless. Onceyou become the teacher, it's
like you stop learning, youknow, and it's and it's like the
student mind is super malleable.
And at that time, it was like, Iknew nothing. And, you know, I
that kid walking into thetreatment center. Was like, my
(34:59):
inner child, you know, becausehe's just like, so so confused
and scared and misunderstood andjust so sensitive and like, just
didn't know what he was capableof. And like, every time I get a
new year of sobriety, like, Ithink about that kid and what he
would feel like if he knew theman that he would become. You
(35:19):
know, it's like, so scared andinsecure. I couldn't look people
in the eyes like, I felt like Ididn't fit in, but I wanted to
so much, because what I saw waslike light for the first time.
You know, I'd been living inthis darkness where everything I
saw in the world was negative.
You know, if I saw a family, I'mlike, That poor kid growing up
in the world. Like, if I saw acouple, I was like, they're
gonna split up, where he'scheating on her, or whatever.
(35:40):
Like, I didn't see that there'stwo coins to the world. There's
two sides to the world. There'sa light side and a dark side.
And I was living in the darkside for a really long time, and
like, I had seen the light sidefor the first time, and I saw
people in this program that weresmiling and laughing, that were
attractive, they wanted to be apart of it, but I didn't feel
(36:01):
like I could. But for somereason, I stayed, because I had
had this spiritual experience,like I was whether I knew it or
not, I was on a mission. And wasit hindsight? Was
it a hindsight spiritualexperience? Was it like an in
the moment? It was a hindsightspiritual experience? That's how
my wine came to that'swhat I was saying, is like I
didn't even realize that hadhappened until I had four or
five months, exact same amount.
(36:25):
It was like, one day I woke upand I was like, I haven't
thought about getting high thiswhole time, like it had not even
registered in my head until fouror five months had passed. But
you know when I started tellingmy story, like, I know that
that's a spiritual experience,because the moment of clarity is
so described in my mind, I wasjust like, this exemplary, like,
rehab kid, you know, so broken,damaged, and I had all this
(36:48):
trauma, and I was like, sotormented, and I had, like, the
notebooks, and I was just likescribbling, like, Please help
me, God, over and over again.
Like, I had so much desperation.
And thegreat thing about that, that
though, is when you talk aboutthat, we like to think that
we're unique, but there'sactually nothing unique about
it, yeah? No, just like, we'rejust like everybody else. You
know, I like to remind mysponsors that your story is your
own story, but, homie, you ain'tunique. Yeah, we've all got a
(37:10):
version of this, but one thing Ireally like about you is that
you help a lot of people now.
Yeah, and you're a big part ofLBh. You wanna give a quick
shout out to what LBh is,absolutely yeah, so LBh, it's
stands for the little beachhouse. It's a men's program. And
I think I've had all three ofyou wanted this. Yeah? You've
had Mike and Aaron, yeah, yeah.
Theron, my business partner, wegot sober together. He was one
(37:32):
of the guys that was in thesober living attached the
program I went to. But you know,the experience that I have with
the beach house is it's, it'sgotten me closer to service. You
know, one of the things Istruggled with, with with the
steps, was the 12 step, yep, butworking with these guys at the
house has kind of given me a newlove and appreciation for the
(37:52):
work. And I've gone way deepinto the
12 Seb. And they need that.
Yeah, they need, I think it'swhen you when you're I think if
I to sum up what sober livings,or what treatment really gives
people outside of sobriety, iscommunity, yeah, right, it's
kind of like the biggest thingwe're all aching for, yeah, you
know. And I see you do that, andI think I'm super impressed by
(38:13):
the guys. I mean, you get somereal difficult guys that come
through your house too. I spenda lot of time, you know. You
definitely get, I think, and Idon't want to generalize, but
kids that have a kind of asimilar story to like, they've
had it hard, you know what Imean, and they've gone through a
lot, and I've met a lot of thekids that you work with, and
they are kids, I'm not going toname any names, but you've got
some young kids as well. Yeah,young. I mean, we're talking
(38:36):
teens like, and I'm always superfucking impressed how much time
you guys, like, surround thesefucking children, you know, and
what a fucking opportunity tohelp these kids turn into
fucking men. Like, it's prettylike, just
as a bystander, they are me.
It'sfucking great to watch. So hey,
we ask every guest this as wecome to the end of the show,
(38:57):
what would you tell littleAndrew today, if you could have
a little put your arm aroundhim, give him some words of
wisdom. What would you saythat's super meaningful?
I would say to just be kinder toyourself and like, just believe
in yourself a little more. Fuckyeah,
(39:19):
yeah. And don't talk to any girlschool Maria, yeah
and don't do hero, yeah anddon't do heroin. Thanks for
coming today, dude, of course.
Thanks.
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(00:23):
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(01:03):
Hi and welcome to sicker thanothers. The podcast brought to
you from within a treatmentcenter in Los Angeles. Very
excited for my guest on today.
Andrew, welcome to the show.
Hey. How's it going? It's goinggreat, buddy. So you have a
great story. I heard you shareat the in house meeting we have
here Sunday night, 7pm ifanybody wants to come down. And
(01:24):
I thought, fuck, I gotta get youin. Man, your story is gnarly.
So take it from the top. Well,all right, I like to start here.
So, you know my, I was born inFlorida, Fort, Lauderdale, and
my mom, you know she was, youknow she, she started off there.
She was extremely gorgeous, andshe would get married a lot. My
mom was super religious and anart dealer. She was an art
(01:47):
dealer. But before that, she wasalways religious. She was very
religious. Men always wanted toget her attention, and in order
for them to get with her, theyshe would tell them that they
would have to marry her. So shewas married like a bunch of
times, and she had like three orfour husbands before my sister
was born, before me, and then,and then I was born, and then
(02:08):
she had like 12 other husbandsafter that, and and so it was 15
fathers in and out of my life.
Holy shit. But yeah, so she sheWhat happened was when she met
my dad, my dad was an artist,and my mom was trying to kind of
figure out what her thing was.
She was like, in and out of realestate, and my mom was a really
(02:29):
good sales woman, as you cantell with all these these men
that she was dealing with andand what she learned was she saw
like what my dad did with art,and she's like, I'm gonna do
that. And so she, he taught herhow to paint, and then she
became, like, this oil painter,and, like, built this brand
around her, and she would travelall over the US. Yeah, she was
(02:52):
successful, right? She's, yeah,you can, you can find her
online. You search my name,you'll find her something. But
yeah. So she, the way that itwas for us when I was young, you
know, is like a lot of chaos. Wewould settle into a location.
She would want to getinspiration for paintings. So
she would, we would go to, like,you know, remote areas, a lot
(03:14):
of, like, very beautiful, like,scenic areas. We lived in Puerto
Rico for a year. We lived in thedesert, just everywhere,
forests, deserts, rainforests,beaches, stuff like that. And,
you know, it'd be like, good fora while, because it would, it
would be kind of feast orfamine. She would do really,
(03:34):
really well. And she wasterrible with money. And so she
would sell, she would like landan art deal and sell a painting
for like, 50 grand, and thencoast on that money. And then
one day I would come home andit's like, you know, she would
be in in the in a room, crying,and I'd be like, you know, five
and she, she'd call me over andbe like, What are we gonna do?
(03:55):
And like, as a five year old,you're like, I don't know. I
don't know. You don't know howto process stuff like that. But
yeah, so basically, the way thatit was for me, it was like I was
always really had this bigimagination, like I would escape
in my head, because there wasalways so much like conflict at
home. It was like my mom and mydad were fighting, or my mom and
(04:17):
my sister were fighting, and Iwas always like, I just wanted
to have fun all the time, andand I got really good at, like,
disassociating and going intofantasy world in my head. And so
I would get really into art. Iwas super obsessive about
anything I enjoyed from, like, ayoung age, oh yeah, I had an
addictive personality from thegoes, like, anything that gave
(04:38):
me that, that escape, it wassomething that I went all the
way in on. I didn't know. Ididn't understand how people
would ever want to stop doingthe things that they enjoyed.
Like I wanted to stay up allnight all the time with whatever
it was. It could be candy, videogames, just hanging with
friends, like I do sleepovers.
And they would be like, it'stime to go to bed. And I'd be
like, What are you talkingabout? We're having so much fun.
(05:01):
Why would you want to go tosleep right now? And yeah, so
that's kind of what the earlychildhood was like. And one of
the things that I like to talkabout when it comes to that,
it's like the way that my lifewas, it was, like, we would set
up shop somewhere. I would startbuilding a future. I would get
like, a group of friends, andlike, you know, a stepdad would
be in the picture, and I'd getlike, a level of, like, normal
(05:22):
life, and then like, a BPDepisode would hit for my mom or
something, and then, like, allof a sudden, like, everything
would fall apart, and then aneviction notice would hit the
door, and she's like, we got toget out of here, and we would
pack our bags, and then I'mgetting a divorce. And then it
was like, everything just seemedtemporary all the time. So it's
like, by the time I traveledthrough the US, and then I
(05:44):
settled in LA, and that's whereI've lived ever since,
basically, other than, like,maybe one or two small stints
somewhere else. And yeah, Isettled in LA, I was like,
people, like family, everythingwas temporary, because I My
experience was always that,like, things came and went, you
know, so I never liked to gettoo close to anyone or anything.
(06:05):
But, yeah, basically I my momwas obsessed with, like, fame
and fortune and, like, royaltyand stuff. So she was, like,
even though we didn't have themoney, and you're at Beverly
Hills High, right? I went toBeverly high, yeah,
yeah. So that'sbeing the poor kid at Beverly
high,it was very, yeah, it was really
hard. And, you know, it's like,I always, I was always so
(06:25):
sensitive to and it was like,before I went to Beverly, I went
to this, I didn't tell you thisin the story, but before I went
to Beverly, my sister reallywanted to go to this French
school called Lilly, sayFrancaise, where my daughter
goes. Oh, really, yeah, so Iwent to Lisa. Oh, you did, yeah,
I went to Lisa for a shortperiod of time, and my best
friend was, like, the coolest,richest kid, at least say, and
(06:48):
like, I was the poor kid, and hewould always make sure that I
knew that I was a poor kid. AndI was always, like, put down by
my best friend when I was inschool. This was like, you know,
before middle school,I can this is just a hot topic.
I can tell you, I can tell youhow it feels to be the fucking
parent of that shit. I just thisweekend, I went to a Lisa
(07:09):
birthday party in like, a $30million Palisades house. And I'm
like, if you ever want to feellike shit, go to another kid's
birthday party with like,there's a life guard and there's
security guards. And I'm like,Hey, Stella, better be happy
with your party at shaky thisyear. You know, it was like,
Dude, I get it, that school isintimidating, great school, but
it's intimidating. Yeah,it was, I mean, my sister had it
(07:31):
was, like, it was kind of likenight and day, because my sister
had this great experience. Shegot in with the popular kids and
Lisa, and then I was like, thedumbest, poorest kid in school.
And I remember one of thethings, like this huge childhood
trauma that I had from being atleast, say was, like, they had
this huge reward ceremony, awardceremony, or whatever, and
(07:53):
everyone got a certificateabout, like, performing well,
and I was the only kid in theschool that didn't get that his
certificate. So, like, everyonegot it, it was because I
couldn't learn French. I justcould not learn French. Yeah,
and yeah. So I was, I alwayslike, when I went, when I left
there, and my my dad was like,I'm done paying for this private
(08:14):
school. I'm sending him topublic school. And so I went to
Beverly high. And you know, whenI went there, I like,
transferred with this idea thatI was, like, extremely stupid,
you know, yeah, because that waswhat I had learned, at least
say, was that, like, I wasweird, didn't fit in, like, and
then I was stupid. And really,that kind of stuck with me all
(08:34):
throughout my life. And itwasn't until, like, I got sober
that I even started to realizethat my mind just works
differently, like I'm extremelyintelligent in so many ways, and
my mind just works differently,and I just don't really function
well with school. And I neverhave I tried to go back to
school when I got sober. Soyeah, transferred to, sorry. Am
I talking too much? No,no, I'll shut you up if we need
(08:56):
to. Don't worry. SoI transferred to Beverly high.
And, you know, well, Itransferred to Beverly Vista,
which is like the middle schoolattached to Beverly high. And,
you know, I had a really greatlife, starting off in Beverly
Hills. It was like, even thoughI was like the poor kid in
Beverly Hills, it was like,there was other poor kids. You
(09:18):
know, I wasn't the only one, andthen we had these cool
experiences with the rich kids,and, like, everyone intermingled
really well. And, yeah, youknow, in high, in middle school,
I was, like, just really intovideo games and skateboarding
and doing art, and that was thestuff that I did. And was really
big in my hobbies, honestly,like as a kid, before I got into
drugs, I was way cooler than Iam now. Like I had so many
(09:39):
hobbies. I would like make myown posters. Both my parents
were artists. I was really intosculpting. I got into graffiti,
like I was doing all kinds ofstuff, like I was really wanting
to get into music and all thisstuff. You know? What happened
was, you know, graduated middleschool, I went to high school.
Yeah, and I'll just tell alittle story, because it's
(10:00):
random and it's whatever. But Iwas, like, really obsessed with
this girl who was older than me,and she was friends with one of
the Barrymores, like this, this,this, this one of the sons of,
like, the Barrymore family. So Iwas, like, really getting into
music. And I had this guitarthat my dad had got me, and I
was playing it, and I had, like,a teacher that was coming, and
(10:22):
then Drew Barrymore, his nephew.
I won't like, name names, but hestole the guitar and then joined
the army. And that was, like, Iwas like, I guess I'm not going
to be a musician anymore. Thatwas it. So, yeah. So basically,
my high school experience, like,I had a really great time, like
I got into the popular crowd,even though it's like something
(10:44):
about me and it's still that wayto this day, like I have such an
intense mind where it just hasthis tendency to, like, outcast
me in so many ways, like it'salways going, like I care so
much about what people think, Mymy mind races on every little
thing. It's like, I, I, I have atendency. It's like, I get
(11:06):
overwhelmed, because I'm kind ofthe type of person because of
the way my family life was,where I want to solve everyone,
everyone's problems, like, Iwant everyone to be okay, and
so, like, when I spend time witha bunch of people, I tend to,
like, take everyone's problemson, you know, and what'll happen
is I'll get overloaded and thenshort circuit. So I was, like,
really raw and vulnerable as akid, like I had this really big
(11:27):
heart. I just wanted to have funall the time. I was super
sensitive. You know, there wasobviously bullies and stuff that
I was dealing with here andthere. I just had all these
intense, intense emotions. Andso when I smoked weed for the
first time, you know, it wasn'tlike, the craziest experience I
remember I did it. I just likedthe, like, even before the weed,
like, that girl that I wasreally obsessed with gave me a
(11:49):
cigarette, yeah? And I, like,really liked the feeling of just
smoking a cigarette because Iknew I wasn't supposed to be
doing it.
Yeah. I think, I think all ofour first drugs experience or
drinking experience have nothingto do with us wanting to do it.
It's probably 99% other peopledoing it. Yeah, we want to
feel like we're a part of 100% Iwas trying to kid wakes up
(12:09):
and goes. I really want to smokemy first joint today by myself
in my bedroom. You know what? Imean, it's like a kind of, like
a weird rite of passage. It'slike, I'm cool. Exactly other
people are doing it. Yeah, I getthat.
And that's what it was allabout. I mean, that's what it's
been all about for a long time.
Is just like, wanting people tolike me, wanting to be cool,
like I really wanted to be cooland but you went pretty gnarly,
(12:33):
pretty young. I mean, youstarted with weed, but I went
intense,yeah, I went super. We'll go,
we'll go into that now. So it'slike, smoked weed. And the way
that my life was, when I was akid, it was like, everyone I was
in high school with was all theywere all criminals, like, from
like, pre teen criminals, likewe would they we, if we wanted a
(12:53):
party, we would go to theRalphs, and then we would bring
in a shopping cart and we'd fillit up with alcohol and then run
out. And that we did that witheverything. We did that with,
like, spray, spray paint, andwhatever we were doing, like, we
would just go in and, like,fill, like, Pile it in with as
much as we could and run out.
And that's why I feel like theystarted putting those like
sneaky cops, like the, whateverthey're called, you know,
(13:16):
they're like, pedestrian lookingpeople that, like, watch, watch
people coming in. It was becausemy friends were stealing all the
cough medicine and all of thealcohol bottles and everything,
so they, like, placed these,like, fake, yeah, rent a couple.
Rent a cops undercover, rent acup. So, yeah, basically, you
know, the way I was it was,like, I started drinking and
(13:36):
smoking weed and I was skatingand, like, I was just always
balls to the wall. I was like, Ididn't want to, like, tiptoe
into, like, getting drunk, like,I wanted to fill the tall glass
all the way to the top and chugit, and I wanted to get as
fucked up as possible rightaway. And I was that way with
everything. It was like, for me,it was like, What's the point of
doing this, if I'm not gettingabsolutely obliterated? And, you
(13:58):
know, by the time I was like,14, I was hooked on meth in
school. Like, my neighbor, yeah,my neighbor was like, you know,
he was this, like, reallyshitty, like, high school drug
dealer, and he started sellingmeth. And he was like, live
right below me, and he frontedme a gram of meth. And he's
like, pay me back in three days.
And I was like, okay, yeah, I'llpay you back in three days. And
(14:21):
I don't know whether I wasplanning on paying him back or
not. I have no idea. But like,the next day, I remember, it was
like less. It was like, lessthan 24 hours. I pull into the
back of the house with my withmy mom, and, like, we get out of
the garage, and there's thislittle alley between, like, our
places, his and mine. And Ilike, get out of the car, and I
(14:41):
walk there, and next thing Iknow, like, I'm being jumped by
three guys in front of my mom.
They're like, where's ourfucking money? Can I cuss? Yeah,
okay, okay, good, yeah. Like,where's our fucking money? And
they like, kick the shit out ofme in front of my mom. And so
I'm all heated. I remember,like, the whole neighborhood
was. In front of my house forsome reason. So everyone saw me
(15:02):
get my ass kicked, and I, like,ran upstairs, and I was like,
I'm gonna kick their ass back.
And I, like, went and I grabbeda golf club or something stupid,
and I like, run down to findthem, and they're gone. And so I
my best friend went to anotherschool. He was, like, in Culver
City, and at the time in LA itwas, like, back in like, 2000 or
something at the time, likeevery neighborhood was gang
(15:23):
neighborhood. So it was like,There's Beverly Hills, and then
Culver City had, like a gang.
And the Venice had a gang. EvenSanta Monica had a gang, like
Korean gang in K town. So like,we were in the center of, like,
all of these gang territories.
My best friend lived in CulverCity, and his neighbor was,
like, a good buddy of mine. Iwould come and smoke weed with
him. He thought I was, like, thefunny, like, Red Headed skater
(15:44):
kid from Beverly Hills, and healways wanted to smoke me out.
So I'm like, I'm gonna go talkto Frank, who was a gang member.
And like, I go and tell Frank,and I'm like, Yeah, this piece
of shit kicked my ass in frontof my mom. And he's like, Don't
worry, dog, we're gonna get him.
So I set up this, like it wasthat night. He was like, I'm
(16:05):
gonna call my brother and we'regonna get this guy. So, like,
it's me, and like, my two, like,Pimply face, skinny, like white,
skinny skater friends, and thenthese two, like gang bangers.
And I like, go to the house. AndI like, I go to his balcony, and
I'm like, his name was tiny. Iwas like, hey, tiny, come
(16:26):
outside, and he sees me. He'slike, What? What do you want?
And so he comes down and he hasthis butcher knife, and he puts
it to my throat. He doesn't seeI'm with anyone. And he's like,
where's my fucking money? And Iwas like, smiling, like, without
even saying anything, because Iknow I'm like, you're screwed,
and these guys come out from thealley saying all this gang
(16:46):
lingo, and, like, he got soscared he, like, threw the
butcher knife, ran into hisneighbor's house, and it turned
into this whole thing, whichwas, like, the first time I ever
got arrested. And honestly,like, when I tell the story,
it's kind of a turning point,because before that, I had never
gotten in trouble. Like I'dalways been able to hop on my
skateboard and get away from myproblems, but as soon as this
happened, like I was gettingarrested every year. So
(17:10):
basically, like, the two gangmembers were running around the
neighborhood. They were yelling,like gang lingo, they were
saying, like, we're gonna killyou and your whole family. And
they were chasing around thepolice department is like, two
blocks away, Beverly Hills. Theychase him into his neighbor's
house, and like, he gets in hisneighbor's house and, like,
closes the door, and the gangmembers literally start kicking
(17:31):
the door in. And there's a wholefamily inside, like the mom was
holding the door. Oh, shit. Andso basically, like, I have no
idea what's going on. I'm on,like, Xanax and Vicodins, meth
and meth, and all of a sudden,like helicopters in the sky, the
police are swarming the wholescene, like Frank, who's the
gang member. He just immediatelydrops to his knees because he's
(17:52):
like, a pro. He's like, Okay, Idon't, I don't do that. And I
run and, like, I run poorly, andthen I get the shit kicked out
of me, but for the first time bythe police, oh, yeah, you know,
I got arrested, and I, like, gotin jail. And the first scene was
like, I'm in the I'm on thecounty bus, like, going to LA
(18:12):
County. And I look, and there's,like, people would write their
gang tags on the bus, but someof them would be written in
blood. Like, cut their finger,and they'd write it in blood,
and the first thing I see isthis guy, like, licking the
blood off the wall, oh God, inthe car, I mean, in the van or
whatever. And I was like, oh mygod, what have I done? Yeah, I
get, I get in there. 10,000 Iwent to this twin towers. I've
(18:35):
been there, yeah? I mean, I gotprocessed. I went in there. So
much, man, but I got processedin and it honestly, like, for
me, it was like, what you said,like a rite of passage. It was
like, I'm I'm like, hardcorenow, you know, I'm this gang
kid. And, like, I got in andout. I think in 24 hours, my
mom, like, got this attorney whohad been on my side the whole
time that I was getting loaded.
It was like a family friend. Hisname was Peter Connect. He died
(18:58):
like he had died on my last casethat I had, and when he died,
like, that's the reason why Igot screwed. Otherwise he would
have gotten me out of it, youknow, I got processed, and it
was like this was kind of thebeginning of the end. So like,
before this experience happened,you know, I always felt like
there was this, like protectorguarding me. Like I always felt
like I was completelyinvincible. I felt like I had no
(19:20):
consequences. I always felt likethere was a white light, kind of
protecting me and guiding methrough all these experiences.
But as soon as I got arrested,it was like the veil was lifted,
and all of a sudden I was livingin darkness. It just gradually
escalated from one substance toanother, and it worked its way
up. And I was telling the storyin the in the meeting was like,
I had this experience where myfriends all started doing
(19:44):
Oxycontin, and my friend would,like, he had this tendency where
whatever drug he was doing, hewould like, eat half of it and
then throw the other half on thefloor. And so I always loved
going to his house, because I'mlike, I never know what kind of
drugs I'm gonna find on Jesse'sfloor. Work, you know? And I
would like, I found this pilland I ate it, and it was an
Oxycontin. I had this horriblereaction to it, where I was
(20:07):
trying to drive home, and I wasso fucked up that the road was
splitting, and it literally tookme three days to get home. I was
like, throwing up out thewindow. I was so, so fucked up.
And after I did that, I waslike, I must be allergic to
painkillers, you know? And so Iwas like, I can never do
(20:27):
painkillers. So I was just like,smoking weed and doing mushrooms
and like, occasional pills andXanax and stuff like that, and
drinking. And then, like, mybuddies started to get into
heroin. And it was like,everyone was smoking heroin on
tin foil, and everyone, everyonewas like, literally everyone.
It's what it felt like. Letme reference everyone, yeah,
everyone's Yeah, everyone wassmoking heroin at least in 2006
(20:51):
of Beverly high, except ofeverybody, except none of your
neighbors in Beverly Hills, justyou and you.
Those people don't count,though. No, no, no. So yeah,
smoking, everyone's smokingheroin. I try it and like, that
was the moment that I had theexperience where it was like all
that stuff from childhood, whereit was like I always felt like I
(21:14):
didn't fit in, like I always hadthis extreme anxiety in my
chest, like I had these emotionsswirling up inside of me, all
these racing thoughts and allthese insecurities and fears
about the world, and it's like Ismoked that heroin and like
everything went away. You know?
It was the only time I had everhad that experience where, like,
my mind fully shut off, and Iknew, like I was only going to
(21:34):
do that because it was like thefeeling of relief that I got
from that was better thananything else that I had ever
done, youknow, yeah, it's a weird thing
when you find the drug. I alsoam a real big component. I
really believe you find thedrugs you need, yeah, right? If
you really think about people'sloves and their drugs, that kind
of, when you start to hear whatthey're into and they're put,
you know, their personality, itkind of a lot of things make
(21:56):
sense, like meth for me, butyeah, you find the you find the
drugs you fucking need, and it'snot, I guess it's like, it's not
that the things go away is thatit's a switch that gets turned
on that we don't give a fuck.
Yeah, that's what happened. Youknow, I just don't give a fuck
about any of this anymore. Youknow, I always
cared so much. I know me too,sensitive kid even now. I mean,
(22:19):
even now, it's a guy, you know,when you get sober, you gotta,
you gotta face your emotions.
You gotta, you gotta face yourwell,
it's like they say, when yourelapse, you you, you pick up
where you left off. But I alsothink when you stop using, you
kind of pick up where you leftoff before you started using.
Yeah, you know, 100% right? Justa fucking sensitive soul with a
lot of feelings over it, yeah,you know, yeah.
(22:39):
It's crazy how it goes bothways. It's like, I know one of
the things I know it's like,even though it's been eight
years since I've done any drugs,I know that, like, if I made the
decision to do it again, Iwould, like, I would it would be
like it had never stopped in amatter of weeks or two weeks.
You know, I just everyexperience I had before that
shows that to me, there's nodoubt in my mind that, like, I
(23:01):
can't do drugs, andso you were shooting heroin,
right? Iwas, yeah, yeah. So I was
smoking it at first, and, youknow, it was, like, it was like,
kind of innocent at first. And Iwas always like, I'm going to
never shoot heroin, right? Like,that's a line. Like, I always
had these lines that I wouldnever cross until someone
teaches you, until someoneteaches me. And the experience I
(23:22):
had was like one of my friendswho was not, you know, I don't
normally say this, but he wasnot really a good person at all.
He was not, but he was living atmy house for a period of time,
and I had, I had no heroin, andI was really, really sick. And
he goes, Well, I have heroin.
He's like, if you want it,though, you got to shoot it up.
(23:44):
And I said, No. And I resistedfor a couple of days. But like,
after a period of time, I keptgetting more and more sick, and
like, I caved on the third day,and then I shot it up. And like,
I was like, This is great. Like,Why was I so resistant to this.
This is so much better. Nowflash forward. If you go
forward, it's like, by the endof my run, like I blew out every
(24:08):
vein in my body, like my neck,my groin, like I had
deteriorated all the muscles inmy shoulders and my ass, like I
had I was getting continuousabscesses and, like, literally
draining them myself. Oh, Iwasn't even going, I like, would
go to the hospital for a periodof time. And then I was like, I
could just do this at home. So Ijust started to do everything at
(24:29):
home. So yeah, I was like, itgot really dark, really fast. I
was hooked on heroin, probablywhen I was 18, and I got sober
when I was 27 and the experiencethat I had through that it was
like, I don't know, there wasjust so much pain and suffering.
It was like, there was no morefun, man, like I didn't have
fun. It was always like, bottomfeeding, crawling, trying to get
(24:51):
what I need, constantlystruggling, constant like, pain
and suffering. Like, alwaysseeing, like, always
disappointing my family,everyone. One started to, like,
give up on me, you know, and youfucked your body up pretty bad,
right? Yeah. Like, really bad,yeah. So when I was 20, when I
was 20, I was like, you know,been shooting up for two years,
(25:13):
and I was not safe with the waythat I was doing drugs. So, you
know, they had needle exchangesand stuff that was just like
starting to become accessible.
But before that, like, I wasusing really nasty shit to get
high. So I got really, reallysick one day, and I thought it
was cotton fever. It was like aconsequence of shooting. You
(25:35):
wantto explain what cotton fever is?
Yes, I don't think we've hadthat come up on the show yet.
Yeah.
So cotton fever, it's basically,like, you have a cotton swab for
your heroin that filters out,like, the bad stuff and the
drugs. Well, it something getsthrough, through the cotton. It
gets into the shot, and then youshoot it up and, like, Whatever,
whatever happens with that. Onceit gets into your blood, you get
(25:55):
extremely sick, and nothing youdo gets you better, and you have
to wait tillit flushes out of you. There's,
like, literally, bits of cotton,yeah, they get into
it gets into your blood, andthat's why they call it cotton
fever. I thought it was that,which is something that's pretty
temporary. It like will flowthrough you and you'll be fine
after a certain amount of time.
But days and days went by and Iwas not getting better. I was
getting worse. So like all myfriends, started to get really
(26:16):
worried, and they were like, Weneed to get you the hospital.
But I had been bedridden thewhole time, and so they were
like, We got to get you out ofbed. So they tried to get me out
of bed, but I had thisexcruciating pain in my hip, and
I could not walk, and they hadto carry me to the car. And
like, the level of pain I wasexperienced was beyond
experiencing was beyond anythingI had ever had before. And they
(26:36):
got me into the car, and theydrove me to the hospital, and it
was like they scanned my body inthe hospital, and they're like
your entire body is infected,like every inch of your body is
infected, like the blood in mybody got infected. And so what
happened was I had somethingcalled endocarditis, which is a
really deadly heart infection.
(26:58):
It latches onto your rightbacteria latches on your right
heart valve. It grows and itspreads the infection through
your blood, and it kills youreally fast. So I was forced to
stay in the hospital for months.
I was doing like treatments,antibiotic treatments. And, you
know, obviously this was thefirst time that my family had
found out that I was on heroin.
(27:19):
And, I mean, it was like a hugeshock. It was like, my my mom
found out first, and like, mygrandma found out, oh, my grand
grandson's sick. So she droveall the way from the East Coast,
like she did a road trip to comesee me in the hospital, just to
find out I was a heroin addict.
No, you know, I don't know thatwas kind of that first
experience that I had, where theremorse and shame of the next
(27:39):
morning. You know, I had some ofthat smaller but it was, like
one of the biggest moments thatI've had, just disappointed
everyone to a level of which Ihad never experienced before.
Yeah,it's like that point where you
get where, like, you realizethat none of your junkie Jive is
going to work on anyone becausethey all know, yeah, it's
all out in the open for everylie, yeah, but
(28:00):
every lie that you've maybestill got backed up, or every
exit plan gone,it's crazy now, like, as a sober
man who takes guys through thesteps he's done a lot of work on
himself, it's like there's thesealcoholic behaviors that I work
on with my sponsees. And it'slike the alcoholic behaviors are
just as reactive as the drugsand alcohol themselves. It's
like I have an alcoholicreaction to dishonesty. You
(28:23):
know, I spin this web of lies,and it grows and grows and
grows. And I have an allergicreaction to it, where I can't
stop myself from doing it once Iengage in it. So it's like, I
I've experienced it in sobriety,where, you know, someone will
tell me something, and they'llbe like, hey, Andrew, do you
want to go, like, get dinnerright now? Oh, I can't. Like, my
mom needs me, you know? So I saythis little white lie, and the
(28:46):
next thing I know, anytimeanyone's asking me anything, all
of a sudden, I'm telling theselittle white lies. And then it
starts bleeding into myrelationship with my girlfriend,
and then, like, I'm lying abouteverything. And it spirals out,
and it becomes this huge thingwhere my problems pile up on me,
yeah, and then it selfdestructs. And that's like,
exactly what happened when I wasin the hospital,
(29:07):
yeah, tell the truth. It's theeasiest thing to remember. It is
I've learnedthat I have to continuously
learn it over and over again,because the truth is, is I like
the effects produced bydishonesty, because it gets me
the things I want, but like theend result is that my problems
pile up on me and self destruct,essentially. So if I could avoid
that and just be honest, thenyou know, I will avoid much
(29:28):
larger problems, like what I wasdealing with. My addiction from
this point was like, very, verydark and pathetic, what my life
looked like. It was like I gotout of the hospital. They sent
me home with this PICC line,which is like an IV that feeds
into your heart. They did thatbecause, like, I had no good
veins anywhere. So the only oneI had was, like, the main one
that they had to, like,literally, get an ultrasound
(29:50):
machine to find. And so theysent me home with that. And they
were like, if you do heroinanymore, you're gonna die. And I
was like, Well, great. And. AndI was just continuously shooting
heroin into this IV that waslike saving my life as I was
feeding antibiotics into it. Andmy mindset was like, Oh, I can
be really unsafe right now,because the antibiotics are just
going to kill the bacteria as itgoes into my body. So the thing
(30:12):
about the infection in my heartwas the doctors didn't know that
the infection had settled intothe bone in my hip. So that's
called osteomyelitis. And soevery year, the infection would
re spread through my body. And Ithought it was just the heroin I
was doing was reinfecting me,and then I was prone to it. But
the the truth was that there wasan infected bone in my body
(30:35):
that, like, after enough time,would would become un dormant
and wake up and spread theinfection. And it got to the
point where, like, I would lookforward to the hospital visits,
because, like, I was strugglingso much to get what I needed, at
least in the hospital, I was,like, getting fed and taken care
of. And so like, that cycle wasgoing on, like, the whole period
of time, for seven years, andthen this guy kept calling me on
(30:57):
the phone. I didn't know who itwas. And he kept calling me. And
he was like, hey, Andrew, youready to get sober today? I was
like, Who the fuck are you?
Like, and then I would just hangup on him, and then he the next
day, hey, Andrew, how abouttoday? You ready to get sober?
And I'd be like, stop callingme, man, like, click, every day.
How about today? How abouttoday? And then he doesn't call
(31:17):
me on, like, the worst day, youknow, like, I had no, no, I had
nothing. I'd run out of, all mymoney, all the people I was with
were gone. Like, I was, like,really dirty and, like, no
shoes. I'm like, Well, whatabout that guy? Like, why isn't
he calling me? So I call himback, and he like, right away.
He's like, You ready? And I waslike, I might be ready. So he's
(31:37):
like, All right, come to yourmom's house in Malibu. Turns out
that this guy was hooking upwith my mom's roommate. So I get
to the house the rehab van, Isaw it pull up, it was the
middle of the night in Malibu,and I see the lights, and then,
like, the fight or flight kicksin. And I was like, I got to get
out of here. My mom knowsimmediately, probably because my
eyes lit up. And she runs thedoor to like, stop me, and I
(32:02):
push her out of the way, andfind it in me to like, defy
science and learn to run again.
And I make it to this step, andI'm like, sitting on the step,
and I have this spiritualexperience, this moment of
clarity I could see my entirelife in a way of which I had
never seen before, where it waslike, you know, all of the
people that I had relied on, andhow, like, eventually they went
(32:24):
away, I could see my future. AndI was like, I'm just getting
sicker, more pathetic, like,more more damaged. My body's
getting more damaged. And I,like, had this moment where,
like, I saw my life in a way ofwhich I had never seen before,
and I realized that, like,everything was like a house of
cards, like it could come downat any moment. And then I saw,
(32:44):
like, this path, of which I hadnever even considered going down
before. And like, the path waslike, Okay, well, what if I
actually try to get better, youknow? And that path was really
scary when I saw it, but I waslike, I had this moment in me
where I just surrendered, youknow, and I told myself. I was
(33:06):
like, if they find me, like,I'll go to treatment.
Yeah. I love that conditions. Itwas
a condition, yeah? But the truthwas is, like, of course you're
gonna find me. Like, like, Itold you guys I ran, but I
probably did not run very far,like, it's a really bad job
running. So I feel like thishappened, like very in a short
span of time, and they found me,and I drove to treatment, and
(33:28):
like I had no idea that thatnight, whether I knew it or not,
my obsession had been lifted todrugs and alcohol. Because it
was like, no matter what I did,no matter where I went, like it
was all I could think about. Youknow, I was at, I was at the
Claire Foundation, and I had allthese cases over my head, and I
(33:48):
knew if I did drugs, that I wasgoing to go to jail for like, a
year or longer, and someonebrought in heroin, and, like, it
was, like the hand of the devilwas pulling me towards it, like
I like, as soon as I knew it wasthere, It was all I could think
about, you know, and didn'tmatter what the consequences
were like when I saw it, like Ihad to get it that was taken
from me that night in Malibu.
So, like, I didn't have thatobsession, and I didn't even
(34:13):
realize that it was gone until,like, three or four months into
my sobriety, I walked in there,and I walked in there this
really, like, broken, insecurekid, and I just felt so
worthless and like I had neveraccomplished anything in my
life, and I just didn't knowanything I liked, like I was
this clean slate, which ishonestly, like a beautiful place
to be, greatest place to be. Ijust didn't know the only place
(34:35):
to be. It's the best. I talkedto my sponsees about it all the
time. It's like, Yeah, me too.
You become a like, when you'rethe student, like, the
possibilities are endless. Onceyou become the teacher, it's
like you stop learning, youknow, and it's and it's like the
student mind is super malleable.
And at that time, it was like, Iknew nothing. And, you know, I
that kid walking into thetreatment center. Was like, my
(34:59):
inner child, you know, becausehe's just like, so so confused
and scared and misunderstood andjust so sensitive and like, just
didn't know what he was capableof. And like, every time I get a
new year of sobriety, like, Ithink about that kid and what he
would feel like if he knew theman that he would become. You
(35:19):
know, it's like, so scared andinsecure. I couldn't look people
in the eyes like, I felt like Ididn't fit in, but I wanted to
so much, because what I saw waslike light for the first time.
You know, I'd been living inthis darkness where everything I
saw in the world was negative.
You know, if I saw a family, I'mlike, That poor kid growing up
in the world. Like, if I saw acouple, I was like, they're
gonna split up, where he'scheating on her, or whatever.
(35:40):
Like, I didn't see that there'stwo coins to the world. There's
two sides to the world. There'sa light side and a dark side.
And I was living in the darkside for a really long time, and
like, I had seen the light sidefor the first time, and I saw
people in this program that weresmiling and laughing, that were
attractive, they wanted to be apart of it, but I didn't feel
(36:01):
like I could. But for somereason, I stayed, because I had
had this spiritual experience,like I was whether I knew it or
not, I was on a mission. And wasit hindsight? Was
it a hindsight spiritualexperience? Was it like an in
the moment? It was a hindsightspiritual experience? That's how
my wine came to that'swhat I was saying, is like I
didn't even realize that hadhappened until I had four or
five months, exact same amount.
(36:25):
It was like, one day I woke upand I was like, I haven't
thought about getting high thiswhole time, like it had not even
registered in my head until fouror five months had passed. But
you know when I started tellingmy story, like, I know that
that's a spiritual experience,because the moment of clarity is
so described in my mind, I wasjust like, this exemplary, like,
rehab kid, you know, so broken,damaged, and I had all this
(36:48):
trauma, and I was like, sotormented, and I had, like, the
notebooks, and I was just likescribbling, like, Please help
me, God, over and over again.
Like, I had so much desperation.
And thegreat thing about that, that
though, is when you talk aboutthat, we like to think that
we're unique, but there'sactually nothing unique about
it, yeah? No, just like, we'rejust like everybody else. You
know, I like to remind mysponsors that your story is your
own story, but, homie, you ain'tunique. Yeah, we've all got a
(37:10):
version of this, but one thing Ireally like about you is that
you help a lot of people now.
Yeah, and you're a big part ofLBh. You wanna give a quick
shout out to what LBh is,absolutely yeah, so LBh, it's
stands for the little beachhouse. It's a men's program. And
I think I've had all three ofyou wanted this. Yeah? You've
had Mike and Aaron, yeah, yeah.
Theron, my business partner, wegot sober together. He was one
(37:32):
of the guys that was in thesober living attached the
program I went to. But you know,the experience that I have with
the beach house is it's, it'sgotten me closer to service. You
know, one of the things Istruggled with, with with the
steps, was the 12 step, yep, butworking with these guys at the
house has kind of given me a newlove and appreciation for the
(37:52):
work. And I've gone way deepinto the
12 Seb. And they need that.
Yeah, they need, I think it'swhen you when you're I think if
I to sum up what sober livings,or what treatment really gives
people outside of sobriety, iscommunity, yeah, right, it's
kind of like the biggest thingwe're all aching for, yeah, you
know. And I see you do that, andI think I'm super impressed by
(38:13):
the guys. I mean, you get somereal difficult guys that come
through your house too. I spenda lot of time, you know. You
definitely get, I think, and Idon't want to generalize, but
kids that have a kind of asimilar story to like, they've
had it hard, you know what Imean, and they've gone through a
lot, and I've met a lot of thekids that you work with, and
they are kids, I'm not going toname any names, but you've got
some young kids as well. Yeah,young. I mean, we're talking
(38:36):
teens like, and I'm always superfucking impressed how much time
you guys, like, surround thesefucking children, you know, and
what a fucking opportunity tohelp these kids turn into
fucking men. Like, it's prettylike, just
as a bystander, they are me.
It'sfucking great to watch. So hey,
we ask every guest this as wecome to the end of the show,
(38:57):
what would you tell littleAndrew today, if you could have
a little put your arm aroundhim, give him some words of
wisdom. What would you saythat's super meaningful?
I would say to just be kinder toyourself and like, just believe
in yourself a little more. Fuckyeah,
(39:19):
yeah. And don't talk to any girlschool Maria, yeah
and don't do hero, yeah anddon't do heroin. Thanks for
coming today, dude, of course.
Thanks.
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