77 - Hunter Clarke-Fields on cultivating close relationships through mindful parenting

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Hunter Clarke-Fields is the host Mindful Parenting Podcast (Top 0.5% podcast ), global speaker, number 1 bestselling author of “Raising Good Humans” and “Raising Good Humans Every Day,” Mindfulness Meditation teacher and creator of the Mindful Parenting Course and Teacher Training.Hunter has over 20 years of experience in meditation and yoga practices and has taught mindfulness to thousands worldwide.

Hunter's Notes from the Sidelines:

1. "How to respond" advice sucks. To parent mindfully, you must have a foundation of self-care and awareness of your needs, which will help you be less reactive, use your whole brain, and not just freak out. And, you need skillful communication.
2. When a kid has a problem and goes into fight, flight, or freeze, what they need is to feel seen and for us as parents to acknowledge what they're saying and feeling. Offering solutions and advising creates a barrier to communication and builds resentment.
3. Instead of offering solutions and advising, try reflective listening, asking, "What do you need from me?"
4. Shaming, blaming, ordering, and offering advice aren't welcome. Instead, try I messages. Tell the child how their behavior makes you feel.
5. Culture tells us a lie that teens are supposed to hate their parents so we give up on trying. You are in a relationship with your kids, and you want to cultivate closeness.
6. Win-win problem solving offers the opportunity empowering conversations. Say, "This is what needs to happen. Help me solve the problem." Best done over ice cream.
7. It's never too late to work on your relationship with your kids. Sure, it's hard to learn a new language, and you'll mess up. You have permission to be human. What you practice grows stronger.

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