October 6, 2025 ⢠32 mins
đď¸ Beyond the Offer: Ruth N. Nelson on Finding the Right Fit đâ¨
Ruth N. Nelson has lived every side of the recruiting processâDivision I head coach at Houston, LSU, and Iowa, U.S. National Team coach, mentor to legends like Flo Hyman and Rita Crockett, and now the founder of BYOPÂŽ (Bring Your Own Parent) and GoKids.
In this episode, Ruth shares powerful lessons every athlete and parent needs to hear about the realities of recruiting, how to prepare for opportunities, and what truly matters when choosing the right college fit.
Her decades of experience prove that recruiting isnât about chasing offersâitâs about finding the right environment where athletes can thrive in school, in sport, and in life.
đ Learn more about Ruthâs work at Ruthipedia.com, and find more recruiting tools and resources at CoachMattRogers.com.Â
Learn more and connect with Matt Rogers here: https://linktr.ee/coachmattrogers
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:11):
Welcome back to The SignificantRecruiting Podcast.
I'm your host, Matt Rogers.
Today's guest is someone who hasshaped NCAA recruiting
conversations for decades, hallof Fame volleyball Coach Ruth N.
Nelson.
She's coached at Houston, LSU,and Iowa helped guide the US
national team and mentored someof the greatest names in
volleyball history.
(00:31):
But Ruth's influence goes farbeyond the sidelines.
She understands the recruitingprocess from the inside out and
has spent her life helpingathletes and families navigate
it with wisdom, honesty, andvision.
From developing programs likethe BYOP and Go kids to coaching
athletes who became Olympians inHall of Famers.
(00:53):
Ruth has lived every side ofrecruiting and she's here to
share with you the lessons,strategies, and truths that
every family needs to hear.
So grab a pen.
You'll want to take some notes.
Let's jump in with one of thegame's true innovators, Ruth and
Nelson.
Go, Ruth Nelson, you and I justhad a great conversation on
coaching and your history and Ilove everything you're doing
(01:16):
with the little ones andteaching them how to be their
best versions of themselves, butalso how to be athletes to have
discipline.
I want to get a little bit intorecruiting with you.
Okay.
'cause it's such a huge topic inour world, and I feel like
everything's gonna change in thenext two or three years.
I don't even know if we're gonnahave an NCAA in the next two or
(01:36):
three years, right?
And I can guarantee that it'sgonna look a lot different than
it does now.
Uhhuh, you're able to be at30,000 feet like I am and be
able to look at this a littlebit differently now.
What are you seeing in the worldof recruiting as you're seeing
these little ones get older andolder?
You've been with a lot of theselittle ones since they were four
and now they're in high schooland some are off to college.
(01:59):
What are your thoughts onrecruiting right now and how
parents should be looking atrecruiting and what should they
even be thinking aboutrecruiting?
Probably it was about maybe 10years ago a friend of mine who
was in the telecom business withme.
We started a service calledCollegiate Athlete Educational
Program, and we put togetherchecklists for freshmen,
(02:22):
sophomore, junior seniors beforethe NCA ever did it.
And we presented it with one ofmy former colleagues, Carol
Cars, who used to be the AD atIllinois.
She, we went to the NCA andpresented, but nobody would sign
an NDA.
Okay, so when somebody don'twanna sign an NDA they, that
means they're gonna look at whatyou're doing and if you, if they
(02:43):
like what you're doing, they'regonna do it, so they saw what
we'd done with the checklist andall that.
And because we had the firstintro was free, and then you had
another workshop, which we callit workshop too.
And it had a lot to do with thefinancial side.
How to recruit, you know how todo, and it's really how do you
develop the relationship betweenthe parent and the athlete.
(03:05):
We would go through theintroduction and they would have
to fill out something and thenthey would turn it over and then
they would switch papers and theparent would go, I didn't know
you wanted to go outta state,and the kid says mom, I did,
but.
You sounded like you wanted meto go to where you graduated
from, so you, this introductiondid that.
(03:26):
So when we did that first, thatkind of introduced it to me.
Okay.
So the NCA, then they startdoing their freshman, sophomore,
junior took it from us.
Of course they fired that guy,that, did all the whole thing
and just never, for me, I'm acreator.
I can't go someplace and staythere for 10 years, yeah.
Andy was at you.
I admire those people.
(03:47):
Me, I like to create, get itgoing, and I'm off.
I'm off to another topic.
'cause Kathy Debor said to me,Ruth, this is COVID.
What are you doing?
What's going on with yourtraining?
I said, Kathy, I've been doingSkype training for 10 years.
She goes, oh, I guess you zoomis okay.
I said, no, zoom is greatbecause I can do all my, I can
flip up a here this, I can sharethis group.
(04:08):
And so when you really startthinking about the recruiting
aspect, I was doing that in 95.
I'll say the one of the firstthings that I said, and that was
get a Gmail account that hasyour name and your graduation
date in it@gmail.com.
Okay?
I said this in 1995.
(04:29):
Okay?
And as a matter of fact, there'sone, the little girl in the
pink, she still has hers.
But the point was, is so whenthe college coach gets an email,
everybody's texting all that,but sooner or later you got it.
I don't know how anybody, Ihaven't figured that out yet,
how anybody keeps their workthat organized on their phone
unless they sync their phone intheir computer together.
(04:52):
Yeah, because you're lookingthrough a lot of folders.
Okay.
On your phone.
Okay, so over here I said if acollege coach gets something, it
says 2032.
They're gonna put you on theback burner, but when it comes
to 2032, you're gonna be thefirst one.
'cause they're gonna forgetthose other names unless they
were on that five to 10% list.
(05:14):
So That's right.
So my thinking with thiseducational program, it was a
nonprofit and I've had, I didsome seminars.
I, certified facilitators,that's what they were called.
Yeah.
And I was way ahead of therecruiting game at that time,
and yes, you were doing video,but we were doing video.
I started doing Zoom, onecollege coach says, Hey Ruth, I
(05:35):
wanna, take a look at this.
I said I'll do something open onFacebook, which means everybody
can see it.
So it's not just for you, butanybody.
So I'd zoom that in.
They go, okay.
I definitely am interested inher.
Okay, so this is.
15, 19 95 to 2000.
So this is way ahead, doingstreaming and everything.
And Skype was the biggest thing,and the problem, it'd always go
(05:58):
out on you and all that, but Istill used it.
And a lot of that internationalpeople still use Skype, but now
they've gone over to all of, sorecruiting.
So what is it that I thoughtthat you needed to be doing and
that is that you needed to havethose things?
And I'll never forget, itprobably was like maybe five
(06:19):
years before COVID and Russ cameto Dallas and he was at Lone
Star, which is probably thebiggest qualifier in Dallas.
And he is over there and he isgot his paper.
He is checking off who's takingwalk to the kids, where are the
kids doing during time out?
What are the kids doing?
Not paper on a phone.
Actual paper.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Yeah, he did just paper on phoneand in, in reality, you have to
(06:44):
look at that there.
That's why say the separationbetween, I call it a
relationship that you have withyour parent.
Okay.
And this is my thought was as afreshman.
25% should be done by theplayers, 75% by the parent
sophomore, 50 50 junior year,75% kid, 25% parent senior year.
(07:08):
The kid does a hundred percent.
You start doing this when you'rein seventh and eighth grade, you
start thinking about, where Imight like, but the parent's
doing all the other abouteducation and keeping their
grades and, but there it'salways this, I say doors are
open when it comes down to twoplayers.
The player that has bettergrades has some chance, many
(07:30):
times of getting in thatuniversity and catching the
coach's eye, not because they'resmart, but maybe because they
were smart enough to make goodgrades.
And then you can find out.
So you're, it should be make thebest grades.
You can stay healthy and you'llhave fun.
(07:52):
If any of those are distractedsomehow these two, you're not
gonna have fun.
'cause you're not having funwhen you're hurt.
I'm sorry, you're not having,you're not having fun if you
don't make good grades, becauseI guarantee your parents are
gonna be on your tail end aboutit.
So you almost have to figureout,'cause everybody always
talks about how can you have funplaying?
You have fun playing by keepingthe ball in play.
(08:15):
You don't have fun playing byserving the ball over 17 times
and no one gets the ball.
So it relates to the recruitingside.
How do you have fun?
You make great grades and youstay healthy.
So what's happening now, kids bywhatever pressure it may be, are
getting injured or stayinginjured more often.
(08:39):
So you have to figure out whatis it?
So I always say, okay, on ascale of one to five, five, I
need surgery.
One, I got a hangnail.
Figure out what your body istelling you.
Then you understand what you canand can't do.
And to me, if you ask everygreat athlete, they're gonna
(09:01):
tell you that I need to taketime off.
But an athlete that's not, and Iconsider great, it doesn't mean
that they're Olympic.
'cause you can be great atsomething and not have won the
national championship.
Somebody said, Caitlyn Park isnot the best because she never
won a national champion.
That's got nothing to do withit.
Nothing.
There's a lot of other aspectsthat have to do with great.
So finding that medium nowparent and the kid then has to
(09:25):
be able to tell the parent wherethey are, and a lot of times.
Because we've had to tough itout during our time.
'cause we never had trainers.
It doesn't mean that we weredoing what was right with for
our body.
We did it because we wanted toplay.
But now there is an extreme.
(09:47):
Okay, got a kid that has shinsplints.
Doctor says, lay out two and ahalf weeks.
Ari says, wear high heels.
Put you at a different angle,takes the stress off.
It's okay, come on.
You can still serve, you canstill, set the ball.
You can still do you, in here.
Maybe you're not gonna bejumping, maybe you're not gonna
be turned, but it's gone to theextreme.
(10:08):
Oh my God.
You gotta cushion, you gotta do,i'm still saying, at least I
think I am.
And I've been hit in the head byPatty Alde and Flo and every
single person ever, and knockedin.
I saw stars and got back up andI'm not saying that you should
do this, but I'm just sayingthere's got a parent has to
figure out where the parameteris.
(10:29):
Yeah.
So now let's relate it torecruiting.
Okay.
The kid must call coaches, theparent.
Thank you.
Didn't call the coaches.
The parent may encourage theplayer.
I'll never forget Ebony Nbu, whowas the number one, recruited
Nebraska.
She visit there, she ended upgoing to USC two years and
(10:50):
transferred to Texas.
We were on our, everybody gotmad at me because I had her set
up recruit calls to 20 schools.
'cause they were veryinterested.
Okay.
So I had it down like fiveo'clock, 5 15, 5 30, 5 45, and
we did that once a week.
We get on the phone with Russ.
(11:11):
Russ says, this sounds likeyou're getting ready to date my
son.
Speed dating.
She had her questions and shehad, she'd gone on their website
because to me, when a kid wantsto, is getting interested in a
college they're gettingthousands.
Okay.
When I was at Iowa, I had athousand on my list.
(11:34):
And the one person that I talkedto more often was Kristen Focal,
who ended up going and playingbasketball at Stanford.
She was Dial America Awardwinner with Tiger Woods.
Okay.
Her mom let me talk to her andTara, because she said she
didn't want anybody else talkingto her.
I knew at Iowa our academicsweren't as good as Stanford, but
her mom let me, because I justtalked to her about recruiting
and I think the bottom line isthis.
(11:56):
I've got one kid right now,we're talking senior year.
I said there's still options,but they're limited.
That's right, but it doesn'tmean that you don't end up
getting to the place that youwill absolutely love.
But I'm gonna tell you this.
When we started CAEP, we said,you should be thinking about
this school if you weren't goingto play volleyball, right?
(12:19):
Is this the place that you wannabe for four years?
One of my Gen Z kids said coachRuth, you know what I think I'm
gonna do?
I think, I'll go to this schooland if I don't like it, I'm just
gonna, I'm gonna go in theportal.
That's right.
Okay.
And, okay, so my point is, yougo and win a national
championship, somebody'srecruited you for three to four
(12:41):
years.
How do you leave that school?
I don't know what's happened tothe loyalty?
Guess where it starts?
Somebody who used to be in twoclubs in seven years now is in
seven clubs for seven years.
So my daughter just went throughthat.
Exactly.
So you, so there has to be, thisis what I believe in club.
(13:02):
'cause they'll always ask thisquestion, do you think I need to
play?
At the top club in order to berecruited.
Okay, that's one.
Second, do I need to play in theclub that wins the National
Champion or goes to the juniornational championship?
Okay.
Next is, do I need to play in alocal club where I can afford
it, I can get good coaching.
(13:24):
We're not gonna go to nationals.
I always say, then guess what?
Your work may be a little bitmore in a little bit different
direction because you've gottagain the interest of those.
And I'm gonna tell you this,watching a streaming is so much
easier than shoving in that VHS.
You bet you it is.
Oh, I watch so many of those.
(13:46):
And the DVDs in my, one of myathletes started this it was 18
years ago.
She put her DVD and put one ofthe popcorns in it and enjoy
your popcorn while you watch meplay.
We thought that's some smartrecruiting.
I like that.
Oh no, we did.
I like that.
Did all, we did all kinds ofstuff like that.
(14:07):
That's great.
And now it's really, thehighlight.
Okay.
It's like huddle because kidscan now pick da, do that.
But high schools have to realizethey need to let those kids
share those huddles, because Iknow they don't wanna even see
that because of recruiting with,since when does two high school
(14:27):
teams play in each other meanthe difference of your job?
I'm not sure.
There might be a few, but notmany.
So my question is, are weputting all the emphasis.
On winning.
Winning?
Or are we putting the emphasison player development?
Okay, now I go in all these,groups and I listen.
I don't, Hey, I answered onetime and my friend from Canada
(14:50):
says, Ruth, do you, there's 200threads on what you responded.
I go, I did.
I didn't even, that's not, Ididn't even say that.
So I quit doing it.
So what I started was mywikipedia.com.
It's in the eyes of me.
This is what I see, because Idon't want to go and put, now I
(15:14):
promote my own stuff, but, so itcomes back to the recruiting.
Yeah.
How much visibility and how soonI did this with these little
ones, 12 years, what?
We're talking 20, 34.
Okay.
So we're talking four years oldand now, you're they're 10 years
old, nine and 10 years old.
And I think to myself.
I was ahead and I, you wereKathy divorced, says you're 10
(15:38):
years ahead of everybody else.
I said, yeah, but you know howfrustrating that is because it's
like people don't even wannatalk about that.
They just go, Ruth, I don't havetime.
Nobody has time now.
Nobody has time to thank you.
You call customer service andyou say, could I do this and
this?
I said, could I speak to someonewho speaks English so that I can
understand and they hang up onme?
Now what kind of customerservice is that?
(16:00):
Exactly.
So think of this.
Think of how many collegecoaches don't respond to kids
who send emails.
They have no idea if the collegeis interested or not.
Okay.
I understand.
Hey, don't tell me aboutnumbers.
I had a thousand on my list atIowa.
(16:20):
And I had one assistant coach,not four plus a fifth, and plus
graduates.
Yeah.
At Houston, I didn't even havean assistant coach for eight
years, I had an assistant coach.
It's crazy.
See?
So when people say that, I thinkit's like my boss at Special
Olympics who was my boss attelecommunication.
(16:41):
He was the former AD atNorthwestern Mutual.
Northwestern in Chicago.
He was a former SMU.
He was a former associate AD atStanford when Title IX went in.
Okay.
So he's someone who under, hesaid, work smart.
Work smart.
I says, okay, I'm working smart.
And he goes, no, you're workinglong.
Yeah.
(17:01):
You're not working smart.
Yep.
And so for athletes to say, andI always say this, have you sent
your schedule?
To those coaches that have beenon your list right before the
tournament.
As soon as you get to schedule.
'cause now they get theschedules out early.
Okay, we're done with the firstday.
Did you send, go back to yourroom?
(17:23):
Did you go and send somethingout that, here's my schedule for
today.
Are you on top of the amount oftime that you spend so that you
can get that coach's attention?
The coach very rarely.
Will be walking by and justhappen to see you.
They might see you because acoach like myself might be on
(17:46):
the court and I see somebody andI go, Molly, when she was at
Cincinnati, Hey, come take alook at this kid, da.
Or I'll take a video and I'llsend it out to 15 college
coaches.
And I go, they go, Ruth, my God,she's over the net.
I said, yeah, she's over the netlike this.
And she's playing middle andshe's not recruited and she's
not committed to anybody.
Okay.
Ruth, so it's, it takes people.
To help and I call it, you'vegotta have your group of people
(18:10):
that you assign as an athlete,certain aspects of your
recruiting, and, but you areresponsible for making sure you
do what you're supposed to do.
If you're supposed to be goingand studying.
You can't be doing therecruiting, so you should allow
yourself your one hour.
Twice or three times a week, andmaybe it's less in the freshman
(18:33):
year, sophomore, but you have todo more now in freshman and
sophomore because now they cancall you in June of in sophomore
year.
So I think that changes.
Now, the NIL side of it, I'lltell you what, you can mon if
parents can monitor an Instagramaccount and then when they get
to high school, let them do it.
But you can monitor what goeson.
(18:53):
Kids find all kinds of ways it,but I don't think.
In reality that you should spendhours and hours.
But I think it should be of thekids playing soccer, the kids
doing this, they're gettingtheir all around skills.
They're getting, they're in thetalent show.
They're in this.
I think coaches want all aroundplayers, okay?
Coaches want ones that haveplayed other sports.
(19:16):
I don't think you have tospecialize.
Until you're like 14, 15 yearsold, assuming that you're
wanting to go big time.
And I say big time, say top 50schools.
Yeah.
But, I just think that, so forme, educating parents at this
age group, I think the hardestthing is parents are afraid
they're gonna get behind, sothey think more is better.
(19:42):
And I call it.
As much as, I hate to say to usethis term, drinking the
Kool-Aid,'cause everybody Yeah,they do.
Yeah.
And all the Christians that didall the, oh, Jimmy and all those
guys who drank the Kool-Aid, butthey think it's the same flavor.
It's not, the flavor's differentfor every kid.
(20:02):
Like I, if I've got a kid that'sgrowing, then I've gotta pay
attention to what that kid isdoing in jumping.
That brings the wholeperformance training side into
this.
Yeah.
And I've got a 10-year-oldthat's doing some performance
training but she's doingcoordination, agility, balance
and all that kinda stuff, whichI think is fantastic because if
(20:24):
they're not getting that inanother sport, like she's quit
one of her main sports, so she'snot getting that movement out on
the field and stuff.
You need to supplement thatsomehow, but you've gotta learn
to limit.
Okay, this is what an 8-year-oldsaid to me.
I said, did you jump rope yourthree minutes every day?
Coach Ruth, I don't have time.
I says, okay, 24 hours.
(20:45):
Okay, how many hours do yousleep?
She says, 12.
Okay.
How many you have left?
12.
Okay.
How many hours do you need foreating?
She goes, okay, this is this.
I said, how many hours you go toschool?
Okay.
I said, you got five hours left.
You don't have three minutes tojump rope.
In, in reality, you, this takestime to go through that process
(21:05):
that I just did.
But if you're asking a kid to becommitted to something and it
can't be something, they go andthey say, okay mom, I don't like
this anymore.
You committed to this eight weekprogram.
Okay, you've gotta do it andyou've gotta show, okay, don't
Rolling eyes, all that kind ofstuff.
(21:26):
I go, don't you dare roll youreyes to your parents and you
mustn't even think of doing itto me because, and it's, what?
It's all comes from mybackground.
Like you said, it came from yourbackground.
What can parents do?
They can be aware.
They can be aware of, I justlooked at your volleyball
recruiting book.
(21:47):
I didn't, you know that, is thatrecent?
The journal?
Yeah.
I'm gonna send you one.
Yeah.
Okay.
Because I think what you've beendoing is something unique.
I wish that I would've seen.
It's almost like you thinkyou're on the internet and you
know what's going on, and youreally don't.
And Sue says You gotta listen tothis guy.
He's doing some great stuff.
(22:08):
And if Sue's saying that fromthe recruiting side, because she
knows what's going on in therecruiting side at the very top
level.
She sure does.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And the fact is that a lot ofstuff they are doing.
People are using, just like yousaid, I'm, I'll listen to you're
using, why should you, why doyou need to recreate something
that's already created?
(22:29):
That's right.
But what you've done is withyour journal is what I have the
kids do when they go home.
They're to write the keywordsdown, write the things that they
did better this time, write thethings they did better at the
end of the session than they didat the beginning, and write the
things down that they need topractice before they come the
next week.
We, you and I are so like-mindedbecause that was the whole idea
(22:53):
of why I wrote my first book,and then why I've done the
journals is because I keephaving the same conversation
you're having with kids.
You've got five hours left inyour day and you can't jump rope
for three minutes.
How badly do you wanna be abetter volleyball player?
How better how badly do you wantto jump higher?
So for me, my purpose withrecruiting athleticism, being a
great kid, it all comes down toexecutive function skills.
(23:16):
And I want kids to learn, andthat's what the journals do, is
I'm gonna set three goals thisweek.
Three goals.
Not that I'm gonna win thelottery, not that I'm gonna do,
I'm gonna run 50 miles, right?
But can I get up every day andmake my bed?
Can I have my homework donebefore eight o'clock?
Have it in my backpack, have itby the door so I'm not worrying
about it when I go to sleep.
And then can I find that threeminutes to jump rope?
(23:39):
Can I find that three minutes todo 20 pushups and 20 crunches
and make my body stronger?
And then we add the recruitingcomponent to that.
Can you send one email andfollow it up with a phone call
to one coach?
You're interested.
You've done the research.
You're telling'em why you wanttheir school.
Now we're talking about three orfour goals that took you 15
(24:00):
minutes, right?
In a day to do.
How much better are you?
Then your competition becauseyou took that 15 minutes.
'Cause there's plenty of peopleriding them.
That's right.
So for me I want kids tounderstand this doesn't have to
be your life.
It doesn't have to be a job, butyou do have to be the CEO of it.
You're, it's your business.
Yeah.
This is your life.
(24:21):
You're, as much as you want themto recruit you, you're also
recruiting them.
You're trying to figure outwhere do I wanna spend these
four years of my life, which areprobably gonna be the most
impactful four years.
Of your young life.
Yes.
So you and I are so like-minded.
I love the way you coach and Ilove the way you teach, and I
love the way your mind works.
And coach, if there's anything Ican ever do for your little ones
(24:41):
or your program I hope you don'teven hesitate.
You just call me and say, Matt,I need your help.
If I can send you books, if I,if you want me to do classes, I
will do it.
Just, I love what you're doingand thank you for doing this.
Today, I asked for an hour andyou gave me almost two hours
today.
Oh, no.
But I have one thing that Yes,is really important.
I want you to sell, talk abouteverything you're doing where
they can find you too.
(25:02):
A lot of times parent will talkabout club and their club coach.
Yes.
Or their school coach.
Yes.
And I said this is veryimportant.
You put a sheet of paper, apost-it, you know whether you've
got a dry board.
I want you to take, let yourathlete take 10 minutes.
And I said, and maybe you shouldtake 10 minutes on your own
(25:23):
board and I want you to put up.
Everything up there that youwanna complain about.
You got 10 minutes.
I love it.
I want you to put'em up there.
You can complain, love it.
You can call it whatever kind ofsession you want, but you put it
up there.
I said, now I want you, thenyou're done.
No more complaining.
But I want you to look at thatlist and I said about 90% of
(25:46):
that list you don't evencontrol.
So my question is, why are youcomplaining about something that
you can't control and this iswhat.
This age group is, I'm gonnasend my mom to the principal
because the coach is not playingme, and the coach should be
fired.
This isn't the way you do it.
You put it on the board and yourecognize what things you can
(26:07):
do.
Now you may change somethingabout your attitude because
rolling eyes and not showing upand doing this and looking in
the stand, that's not teamwork.
So my question is, can youchange that?
If you don't change it, do youthink that doesn't affect some
other people?
(26:28):
Now, if I'm talking to the restof the team, I'm saying you
shouldn't let it, but that's oneof your complaints.
So you take the complaint off'cause you can control that.
You don't listen.
So to me, everybody needs aboard to love it.
Bang, 10 minutes.
That's it.
You're done for the day.
(26:48):
It's.
It's everything and I'm findingmyself.
I write a blog every week andI'm finding, I write.
About that as much as I writeabout anything else.
Of all the things that we tryand control that we really don't
even need to put our energyinto, how do I get better if I'm
not looking in the mirror andgoing, what can I do to make my
relationship with my coachbetter?
(27:08):
What can I do to make myabilities better mentally,
physically so I can help my teamin different ways?
If we're not starting there andI think we wait too long.
We wait too long to get to 17,18, 19, where we try to start
instilling that message.
I think when you're doing it atfour and five and six and you're
(27:30):
getting'em to think, I can'tcontrol that, but I can control
this, I can get better, I canmake mom and dad happier'cause
my room is clean.
Yeah, I could make my teachershappier, but just remember this.
Just because I work hard doesn'tmean that I'm gonna get on the
court.
So just understand no matterwhat I do in recruiting.
It doesn't matter if I emailevery single week.
(27:51):
I send a great highlight everysingle week.
It doesn't mean they're going torecruit you.
Yeah.
'cause it isn't about turning.
Most important thing is that TomLander Jr.
Learned from me.
He says, Ruth, I don'tunderstand how you can continue
raising money trying to getsponsors.
When everybody says no, I said,sooner or later someone will
(28:15):
say.
Yes.
Yeah.
And it isn't easy to hear.
No, because of course he'd neverheard no before.
You're your coach Landen,everything's, life is different.
But in a, I can only imagine.
You wanna hear no instead ofnothing.
If you say no, then you move on.
But you don't take them off theradar because some things
(28:37):
change.
Their dynamics of their team, ormaybe the coach also is learning
at the same time because thereisn't anything that every single
one of those coaches aren'tlearning.
They are learning.
They may not be admitting it,but listen, they are learning.
You'll love this.
'cause I tell my kids, I tellmy, the kids I work with, I say,
(28:59):
you've got three goals whenyou're reaching out to a coach,
you and all three of these arevictories for you.
Number one is they give you anykind of feedback, right?
You get a college coach to tellyou what they think of your
ability and maybe give you someadvice on what to work on,
right?
Number two, they like you andthey wanna follow you.
They wanna start recruiting youand get to know you better.
Yeah.
And number three is they tellyou they're not gonna recruit
(29:20):
you, right?
Or they don't have a spot foryou, right?
That doesn't mean they won'thave a spot for you in a year,
things can change, but it allowsyou, that's a victory to say,
okay, I learned something there.
Maybe I can put them on theshelf for a little bit.
I can put my energy into otherschools and other, they did me a
favor.
I say it's like dating.
If you ask somebody to go to themovies with you and they say,
no, I don't wanna go to themovies.
(29:40):
That doesn't mean there's notsomebody better out there that
wants to go to the movies withyou.
But now your energy, it doesn'tmean that they don't change
either.
That's right.
They might change, but theymight come after you in a year.
Now, last thing on recruiting.
I would say this.
If a parent in a situation's nothappy with what?
A club coach or a recreationalcoach, or any coach?
(30:03):
I think the most important thingis that to really teach that
kid,'cause if a kid comes to meand says, oh coach, you don't
can believe what my coach, Isaid, don't complain.
Ask me how I would approach yourcoach if I needed more
information.
And that is that everysituation, every club, every
(30:24):
recruiting phone call.
You should learn at least onething, maybe more about yourself
or maybe about the process ormaybe about them.
Correct.
Jim Coleman used to go toclinics, everybody's clinics.
He's there writing things down.
He said, you can't learn onething, then you're not
listening.
(30:45):
That's right.
That's right, coach.
Thank you so much.
If I, if no one would ever askme if somebody came to me and
said We wanna rebuild youthsports in the United States, I'd
say Let's get Ruth Nelson in aroom.
Let's start there.
So thank you for doing this.
I You're very welcome.
Been joy.
Yeah, you're very welcome andthanks again.
(31:05):
What a gift it is to learn fromRuth Nelson.
She's not only coached, legendsand built winning programs, but
she's also given families andathletes the kind of perspective
that makes recruiting clear,more purposeful, and more
attainable.
Ruth reminds us that recruitingis about finding the right fit,
creating the rightopportunities, and not letting
money or influence affect theultimate goal of getting a great
(31:27):
education while playing the gameYou love.
Her BYOP and Go.
Kids programs show thatdevelopment starts early and her
decades of college coaching.
Prove that the habits you buildnow carry into every opportunity
you'll ever have.
If you're a recruit or a parent,I hope you take Ruth's wisdom to
heart.
Be proactive, be prepared, andremember the right college fit
(31:51):
is about so much more than justa roster spot.
For more tools, resources, andguidance on your recruiting
journey, visit coach mattrogers.com.
Until next time, stay focused,stay humble, and keep chasing
significance.
Okay.
Welcome back to The SignificantRecruiting Podcast.
I'm your host, Matt Rogers.
Today's guest is someone who hasshaped NCAA recruiting
conversations for decades, hallof Fame volleyball Coach Ruth N.
Nelson.
She's coached at Houston, LSU,and Iowa helped guide the US
national team and mentored someof the greatest names in
volleyball history.
(00:31):
But Ruth's influence goes farbeyond the sidelines.
She understands the recruitingprocess from the inside out and
has spent her life helpingathletes and families navigate
it with wisdom, honesty, andvision.
From developing programs likethe BYOP and Go kids to coaching
athletes who became Olympians inHall of Famers.
(00:53):
Ruth has lived every side ofrecruiting and she's here to
share with you the lessons,strategies, and truths that
every family needs to hear.
So grab a pen.
You'll want to take some notes.
Let's jump in with one of thegame's true innovators, Ruth and
Nelson.
Go, Ruth Nelson, you and I justhad a great conversation on
coaching and your history and Ilove everything you're doing
(01:16):
with the little ones andteaching them how to be their
best versions of themselves, butalso how to be athletes to have
discipline.
I want to get a little bit intorecruiting with you.
Okay.
'cause it's such a huge topic inour world, and I feel like
everything's gonna change in thenext two or three years.
I don't even know if we're gonnahave an NCAA in the next two or
(01:36):
three years, right?
And I can guarantee that it'sgonna look a lot different than
it does now.
Uhhuh, you're able to be at30,000 feet like I am and be
able to look at this a littlebit differently now.
What are you seeing in the worldof recruiting as you're seeing
these little ones get older andolder?
You've been with a lot of theselittle ones since they were four
and now they're in high schooland some are off to college.
(01:59):
What are your thoughts onrecruiting right now and how
parents should be looking atrecruiting and what should they
even be thinking aboutrecruiting?
Probably it was about maybe 10years ago a friend of mine who
was in the telecom business withme.
We started a service calledCollegiate Athlete Educational
Program, and we put togetherchecklists for freshmen,
(02:22):
sophomore, junior seniors beforethe NCA ever did it.
And we presented it with one ofmy former colleagues, Carol
Cars, who used to be the AD atIllinois.
She, we went to the NCA andpresented, but nobody would sign
an NDA.
Okay, so when somebody don'twanna sign an NDA they, that
means they're gonna look at whatyou're doing and if you, if they
(02:43):
like what you're doing, they'regonna do it, so they saw what
we'd done with the checklist andall that.
And because we had the firstintro was free, and then you had
another workshop, which we callit workshop too.
And it had a lot to do with thefinancial side.
How to recruit, you know how todo, and it's really how do you
develop the relationship betweenthe parent and the athlete.
(03:05):
We would go through theintroduction and they would have
to fill out something and thenthey would turn it over and then
they would switch papers and theparent would go, I didn't know
you wanted to go outta state,and the kid says mom, I did,
but.
You sounded like you wanted meto go to where you graduated
from, so you, this introductiondid that.
(03:26):
So when we did that first, thatkind of introduced it to me.
Okay.
So the NCA, then they startdoing their freshman, sophomore,
junior took it from us.
Of course they fired that guy,that, did all the whole thing
and just never, for me, I'm acreator.
I can't go someplace and staythere for 10 years, yeah.
Andy was at you.
I admire those people.
(03:47):
Me, I like to create, get itgoing, and I'm off.
I'm off to another topic.
'cause Kathy Debor said to me,Ruth, this is COVID.
What are you doing?
What's going on with yourtraining?
I said, Kathy, I've been doingSkype training for 10 years.
She goes, oh, I guess you zoomis okay.
I said, no, zoom is greatbecause I can do all my, I can
flip up a here this, I can sharethis group.
(04:08):
And so when you really startthinking about the recruiting
aspect, I was doing that in 95.
I'll say the one of the firstthings that I said, and that was
get a Gmail account that hasyour name and your graduation
date in it@gmail.com.
Okay?
I said this in 1995.
(04:29):
Okay?
And as a matter of fact, there'sone, the little girl in the
pink, she still has hers.
But the point was, is so whenthe college coach gets an email,
everybody's texting all that,but sooner or later you got it.
I don't know how anybody, Ihaven't figured that out yet,
how anybody keeps their workthat organized on their phone
unless they sync their phone intheir computer together.
(04:52):
Yeah, because you're lookingthrough a lot of folders.
Okay.
On your phone.
Okay, so over here I said if acollege coach gets something, it
says 2032.
They're gonna put you on theback burner, but when it comes
to 2032, you're gonna be thefirst one.
'cause they're gonna forgetthose other names unless they
were on that five to 10% list.
(05:14):
So That's right.
So my thinking with thiseducational program, it was a
nonprofit and I've had, I didsome seminars.
I, certified facilitators,that's what they were called.
Yeah.
And I was way ahead of therecruiting game at that time,
and yes, you were doing video,but we were doing video.
I started doing Zoom, onecollege coach says, Hey Ruth, I
(05:35):
wanna, take a look at this.
I said I'll do something open onFacebook, which means everybody
can see it.
So it's not just for you, butanybody.
So I'd zoom that in.
They go, okay.
I definitely am interested inher.
Okay, so this is.
15, 19 95 to 2000.
So this is way ahead, doingstreaming and everything.
And Skype was the biggest thing,and the problem, it'd always go
(05:58):
out on you and all that, but Istill used it.
And a lot of that internationalpeople still use Skype, but now
they've gone over to all of, sorecruiting.
So what is it that I thoughtthat you needed to be doing and
that is that you needed to havethose things?
And I'll never forget, itprobably was like maybe five
(06:19):
years before COVID and Russ cameto Dallas and he was at Lone
Star, which is probably thebiggest qualifier in Dallas.
And he is over there and he isgot his paper.
He is checking off who's takingwalk to the kids, where are the
kids doing during time out?
What are the kids doing?
Not paper on a phone.
Actual paper.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Yeah, he did just paper on phoneand in, in reality, you have to
(06:44):
look at that there.
That's why say the separationbetween, I call it a
relationship that you have withyour parent.
Okay.
And this is my thought was as afreshman.
25% should be done by theplayers, 75% by the parent
sophomore, 50 50 junior year,75% kid, 25% parent senior year.
(07:08):
The kid does a hundred percent.
You start doing this when you'rein seventh and eighth grade, you
start thinking about, where Imight like, but the parent's
doing all the other abouteducation and keeping their
grades and, but there it'salways this, I say doors are
open when it comes down to twoplayers.
The player that has bettergrades has some chance, many
(07:30):
times of getting in thatuniversity and catching the
coach's eye, not because they'resmart, but maybe because they
were smart enough to make goodgrades.
And then you can find out.
So you're, it should be make thebest grades.
You can stay healthy and you'llhave fun.
(07:52):
If any of those are distractedsomehow these two, you're not
gonna have fun.
'cause you're not having funwhen you're hurt.
I'm sorry, you're not having,you're not having fun if you
don't make good grades, becauseI guarantee your parents are
gonna be on your tail end aboutit.
So you almost have to figureout,'cause everybody always
talks about how can you have funplaying?
You have fun playing by keepingthe ball in play.
(08:15):
You don't have fun playing byserving the ball over 17 times
and no one gets the ball.
So it relates to the recruitingside.
How do you have fun?
You make great grades and youstay healthy.
So what's happening now, kids bywhatever pressure it may be, are
getting injured or stayinginjured more often.
(08:39):
So you have to figure out whatis it?
So I always say, okay, on ascale of one to five, five, I
need surgery.
One, I got a hangnail.
Figure out what your body istelling you.
Then you understand what you canand can't do.
And to me, if you ask everygreat athlete, they're gonna
(09:01):
tell you that I need to taketime off.
But an athlete that's not, and Iconsider great, it doesn't mean
that they're Olympic.
'cause you can be great atsomething and not have won the
national championship.
Somebody said, Caitlyn Park isnot the best because she never
won a national champion.
That's got nothing to do withit.
Nothing.
There's a lot of other aspectsthat have to do with great.
So finding that medium nowparent and the kid then has to
(09:25):
be able to tell the parent wherethey are, and a lot of times.
Because we've had to tough itout during our time.
'cause we never had trainers.
It doesn't mean that we weredoing what was right with for
our body.
We did it because we wanted toplay.
But now there is an extreme.
(09:47):
Okay, got a kid that has shinsplints.
Doctor says, lay out two and ahalf weeks.
Ari says, wear high heels.
Put you at a different angle,takes the stress off.
It's okay, come on.
You can still serve, you canstill, set the ball.
You can still do you, in here.
Maybe you're not gonna bejumping, maybe you're not gonna
be turned, but it's gone to theextreme.
(10:08):
Oh my God.
You gotta cushion, you gotta do,i'm still saying, at least I
think I am.
And I've been hit in the head byPatty Alde and Flo and every
single person ever, and knockedin.
I saw stars and got back up andI'm not saying that you should
do this, but I'm just sayingthere's got a parent has to
figure out where the parameteris.
(10:29):
Yeah.
So now let's relate it torecruiting.
Okay.
The kid must call coaches, theparent.
Thank you.
Didn't call the coaches.
The parent may encourage theplayer.
I'll never forget Ebony Nbu, whowas the number one, recruited
Nebraska.
She visit there, she ended upgoing to USC two years and
(10:50):
transferred to Texas.
We were on our, everybody gotmad at me because I had her set
up recruit calls to 20 schools.
'cause they were veryinterested.
Okay.
So I had it down like fiveo'clock, 5 15, 5 30, 5 45, and
we did that once a week.
We get on the phone with Russ.
(11:11):
Russ says, this sounds likeyou're getting ready to date my
son.
Speed dating.
She had her questions and shehad, she'd gone on their website
because to me, when a kid wantsto, is getting interested in a
college they're gettingthousands.
Okay.
When I was at Iowa, I had athousand on my list.
(11:34):
And the one person that I talkedto more often was Kristen Focal,
who ended up going and playingbasketball at Stanford.
She was Dial America Awardwinner with Tiger Woods.
Okay.
Her mom let me talk to her andTara, because she said she
didn't want anybody else talkingto her.
I knew at Iowa our academicsweren't as good as Stanford, but
her mom let me, because I justtalked to her about recruiting
and I think the bottom line isthis.
(11:56):
I've got one kid right now,we're talking senior year.
I said there's still options,but they're limited.
That's right, but it doesn'tmean that you don't end up
getting to the place that youwill absolutely love.
But I'm gonna tell you this.
When we started CAEP, we said,you should be thinking about
this school if you weren't goingto play volleyball, right?
(12:19):
Is this the place that you wannabe for four years?
One of my Gen Z kids said coachRuth, you know what I think I'm
gonna do?
I think, I'll go to this schooland if I don't like it, I'm just
gonna, I'm gonna go in theportal.
That's right.
Okay.
And, okay, so my point is, yougo and win a national
championship, somebody'srecruited you for three to four
(12:41):
years.
How do you leave that school?
I don't know what's happened tothe loyalty?
Guess where it starts?
Somebody who used to be in twoclubs in seven years now is in
seven clubs for seven years.
So my daughter just went throughthat.
Exactly.
So you, so there has to be, thisis what I believe in club.
(13:02):
'cause they'll always ask thisquestion, do you think I need to
play?
At the top club in order to berecruited.
Okay, that's one.
Second, do I need to play in theclub that wins the National
Champion or goes to the juniornational championship?
Okay.
Next is, do I need to play in alocal club where I can afford
it, I can get good coaching.
(13:24):
We're not gonna go to nationals.
I always say, then guess what?
Your work may be a little bitmore in a little bit different
direction because you've gottagain the interest of those.
And I'm gonna tell you this,watching a streaming is so much
easier than shoving in that VHS.
You bet you it is.
Oh, I watch so many of those.
(13:46):
And the DVDs in my, one of myathletes started this it was 18
years ago.
She put her DVD and put one ofthe popcorns in it and enjoy
your popcorn while you watch meplay.
We thought that's some smartrecruiting.
I like that.
Oh no, we did.
I like that.
Did all, we did all kinds ofstuff like that.
(14:07):
That's great.
And now it's really, thehighlight.
Okay.
It's like huddle because kidscan now pick da, do that.
But high schools have to realizethey need to let those kids
share those huddles, because Iknow they don't wanna even see
that because of recruiting with,since when does two high school
(14:27):
teams play in each other meanthe difference of your job?
I'm not sure.
There might be a few, but notmany.
So my question is, are weputting all the emphasis.
On winning.
Winning?
Or are we putting the emphasison player development?
Okay, now I go in all these,groups and I listen.
I don't, Hey, I answered onetime and my friend from Canada
(14:50):
says, Ruth, do you, there's 200threads on what you responded.
I go, I did.
I didn't even, that's not, Ididn't even say that.
So I quit doing it.
So what I started was mywikipedia.com.
It's in the eyes of me.
This is what I see, because Idon't want to go and put, now I
(15:14):
promote my own stuff, but, so itcomes back to the recruiting.
Yeah.
How much visibility and how soonI did this with these little
ones, 12 years, what?
We're talking 20, 34.
Okay.
So we're talking four years oldand now, you're they're 10 years
old, nine and 10 years old.
And I think to myself.
I was ahead and I, you wereKathy divorced, says you're 10
(15:38):
years ahead of everybody else.
I said, yeah, but you know howfrustrating that is because it's
like people don't even wannatalk about that.
They just go, Ruth, I don't havetime.
Nobody has time now.
Nobody has time to thank you.
You call customer service andyou say, could I do this and
this?
I said, could I speak to someonewho speaks English so that I can
understand and they hang up onme?
Now what kind of customerservice is that?
(16:00):
Exactly.
So think of this.
Think of how many collegecoaches don't respond to kids
who send emails.
They have no idea if the collegeis interested or not.
Okay.
I understand.
Hey, don't tell me aboutnumbers.
I had a thousand on my list atIowa.
(16:20):
And I had one assistant coach,not four plus a fifth, and plus
graduates.
Yeah.
At Houston, I didn't even havean assistant coach for eight
years, I had an assistant coach.
It's crazy.
See?
So when people say that, I thinkit's like my boss at Special
Olympics who was my boss attelecommunication.
(16:41):
He was the former AD atNorthwestern Mutual.
Northwestern in Chicago.
He was a former SMU.
He was a former associate AD atStanford when Title IX went in.
Okay.
So he's someone who under, hesaid, work smart.
Work smart.
I says, okay, I'm working smart.
And he goes, no, you're workinglong.
Yeah.
(17:01):
You're not working smart.
Yep.
And so for athletes to say, andI always say this, have you sent
your schedule?
To those coaches that have beenon your list right before the
tournament.
As soon as you get to schedule.
'cause now they get theschedules out early.
Okay, we're done with the firstday.
Did you send, go back to yourroom?
(17:23):
Did you go and send somethingout that, here's my schedule for
today.
Are you on top of the amount oftime that you spend so that you
can get that coach's attention?
The coach very rarely.
Will be walking by and justhappen to see you.
They might see you because acoach like myself might be on
(17:46):
the court and I see somebody andI go, Molly, when she was at
Cincinnati, Hey, come take alook at this kid, da.
Or I'll take a video and I'llsend it out to 15 college
coaches.
And I go, they go, Ruth, my God,she's over the net.
I said, yeah, she's over the netlike this.
And she's playing middle andshe's not recruited and she's
not committed to anybody.
Okay.
Ruth, so it's, it takes people.
To help and I call it, you'vegotta have your group of people
(18:10):
that you assign as an athlete,certain aspects of your
recruiting, and, but you areresponsible for making sure you
do what you're supposed to do.
If you're supposed to be goingand studying.
You can't be doing therecruiting, so you should allow
yourself your one hour.
Twice or three times a week, andmaybe it's less in the freshman
(18:33):
year, sophomore, but you have todo more now in freshman and
sophomore because now they cancall you in June of in sophomore
year.
So I think that changes.
Now, the NIL side of it, I'lltell you what, you can mon if
parents can monitor an Instagramaccount and then when they get
to high school, let them do it.
But you can monitor what goeson.
(18:53):
Kids find all kinds of ways it,but I don't think.
In reality that you should spendhours and hours.
But I think it should be of thekids playing soccer, the kids
doing this, they're gettingtheir all around skills.
They're getting, they're in thetalent show.
They're in this.
I think coaches want all aroundplayers, okay?
Coaches want ones that haveplayed other sports.
(19:16):
I don't think you have tospecialize.
Until you're like 14, 15 yearsold, assuming that you're
wanting to go big time.
And I say big time, say top 50schools.
Yeah.
But, I just think that, so forme, educating parents at this
age group, I think the hardestthing is parents are afraid
they're gonna get behind, sothey think more is better.
(19:42):
And I call it.
As much as, I hate to say to usethis term, drinking the
Kool-Aid,'cause everybody Yeah,they do.
Yeah.
And all the Christians that didall the, oh, Jimmy and all those
guys who drank the Kool-Aid, butthey think it's the same flavor.
It's not, the flavor's differentfor every kid.
(20:02):
Like I, if I've got a kid that'sgrowing, then I've gotta pay
attention to what that kid isdoing in jumping.
That brings the wholeperformance training side into
this.
Yeah.
And I've got a 10-year-oldthat's doing some performance
training but she's doingcoordination, agility, balance
and all that kinda stuff, whichI think is fantastic because if
(20:24):
they're not getting that inanother sport, like she's quit
one of her main sports, so she'snot getting that movement out on
the field and stuff.
You need to supplement thatsomehow, but you've gotta learn
to limit.
Okay, this is what an 8-year-oldsaid to me.
I said, did you jump rope yourthree minutes every day?
Coach Ruth, I don't have time.
I says, okay, 24 hours.
(20:45):
Okay, how many hours do yousleep?
She says, 12.
Okay.
How many you have left?
12.
Okay.
How many hours do you need foreating?
She goes, okay, this is this.
I said, how many hours you go toschool?
Okay.
I said, you got five hours left.
You don't have three minutes tojump rope.
In, in reality, you, this takestime to go through that process
(21:05):
that I just did.
But if you're asking a kid to becommitted to something and it
can't be something, they go andthey say, okay mom, I don't like
this anymore.
You committed to this eight weekprogram.
Okay, you've gotta do it andyou've gotta show, okay, don't
Rolling eyes, all that kind ofstuff.
(21:26):
I go, don't you dare roll youreyes to your parents and you
mustn't even think of doing itto me because, and it's, what?
It's all comes from mybackground.
Like you said, it came from yourbackground.
What can parents do?
They can be aware.
They can be aware of, I justlooked at your volleyball
recruiting book.
(21:47):
I didn't, you know that, is thatrecent?
The journal?
Yeah.
I'm gonna send you one.
Yeah.
Okay.
Because I think what you've beendoing is something unique.
I wish that I would've seen.
It's almost like you thinkyou're on the internet and you
know what's going on, and youreally don't.
And Sue says You gotta listen tothis guy.
He's doing some great stuff.
(22:08):
And if Sue's saying that fromthe recruiting side, because she
knows what's going on in therecruiting side at the very top
level.
She sure does.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And the fact is that a lot ofstuff they are doing.
People are using, just like yousaid, I'm, I'll listen to you're
using, why should you, why doyou need to recreate something
that's already created?
(22:29):
That's right.
But what you've done is withyour journal is what I have the
kids do when they go home.
They're to write the keywordsdown, write the things that they
did better this time, write thethings they did better at the
end of the session than they didat the beginning, and write the
things down that they need topractice before they come the
next week.
We, you and I are so like-mindedbecause that was the whole idea
(22:53):
of why I wrote my first book,and then why I've done the
journals is because I keephaving the same conversation
you're having with kids.
You've got five hours left inyour day and you can't jump rope
for three minutes.
How badly do you wanna be abetter volleyball player?
How better how badly do you wantto jump higher?
So for me, my purpose withrecruiting athleticism, being a
great kid, it all comes down toexecutive function skills.
(23:16):
And I want kids to learn, andthat's what the journals do, is
I'm gonna set three goals thisweek.
Three goals.
Not that I'm gonna win thelottery, not that I'm gonna do,
I'm gonna run 50 miles, right?
But can I get up every day andmake my bed?
Can I have my homework donebefore eight o'clock?
Have it in my backpack, have itby the door so I'm not worrying
about it when I go to sleep.
And then can I find that threeminutes to jump rope?
(23:39):
Can I find that three minutes todo 20 pushups and 20 crunches
and make my body stronger?
And then we add the recruitingcomponent to that.
Can you send one email andfollow it up with a phone call
to one coach?
You're interested.
You've done the research.
You're telling'em why you wanttheir school.
Now we're talking about three orfour goals that took you 15
(24:00):
minutes, right?
In a day to do.
How much better are you?
Then your competition becauseyou took that 15 minutes.
'Cause there's plenty of peopleriding them.
That's right.
So for me I want kids tounderstand this doesn't have to
be your life.
It doesn't have to be a job, butyou do have to be the CEO of it.
You're, it's your business.
Yeah.
This is your life.
(24:21):
You're, as much as you want themto recruit you, you're also
recruiting them.
You're trying to figure outwhere do I wanna spend these
four years of my life, which areprobably gonna be the most
impactful four years.
Of your young life.
Yes.
So you and I are so like-minded.
I love the way you coach and Ilove the way you teach, and I
love the way your mind works.
And coach, if there's anything Ican ever do for your little ones
(24:41):
or your program I hope you don'teven hesitate.
You just call me and say, Matt,I need your help.
If I can send you books, if I,if you want me to do classes, I
will do it.
Just, I love what you're doingand thank you for doing this.
Today, I asked for an hour andyou gave me almost two hours
today.
Oh, no.
But I have one thing that Yes,is really important.
I want you to sell, talk abouteverything you're doing where
they can find you too.
(25:02):
A lot of times parent will talkabout club and their club coach.
Yes.
Or their school coach.
Yes.
And I said this is veryimportant.
You put a sheet of paper, apost-it, you know whether you've
got a dry board.
I want you to take, let yourathlete take 10 minutes.
And I said, and maybe you shouldtake 10 minutes on your own
(25:23):
board and I want you to put up.
Everything up there that youwanna complain about.
You got 10 minutes.
I love it.
I want you to put'em up there.
You can complain, love it.
You can call it whatever kind ofsession you want, but you put it
up there.
I said, now I want you, thenyou're done.
No more complaining.
But I want you to look at thatlist and I said about 90% of
(25:46):
that list you don't evencontrol.
So my question is, why are youcomplaining about something that
you can't control and this iswhat.
This age group is, I'm gonnasend my mom to the principal
because the coach is not playingme, and the coach should be
fired.
This isn't the way you do it.
You put it on the board and yourecognize what things you can
(26:07):
do.
Now you may change somethingabout your attitude because
rolling eyes and not showing upand doing this and looking in
the stand, that's not teamwork.
So my question is, can youchange that?
If you don't change it, do youthink that doesn't affect some
other people?
(26:28):
Now, if I'm talking to the restof the team, I'm saying you
shouldn't let it, but that's oneof your complaints.
So you take the complaint off'cause you can control that.
You don't listen.
So to me, everybody needs aboard to love it.
Bang, 10 minutes.
That's it.
You're done for the day.
(26:48):
It's.
It's everything and I'm findingmyself.
I write a blog every week andI'm finding, I write.
About that as much as I writeabout anything else.
Of all the things that we tryand control that we really don't
even need to put our energyinto, how do I get better if I'm
not looking in the mirror andgoing, what can I do to make my
relationship with my coachbetter?
(27:08):
What can I do to make myabilities better mentally,
physically so I can help my teamin different ways?
If we're not starting there andI think we wait too long.
We wait too long to get to 17,18, 19, where we try to start
instilling that message.
I think when you're doing it atfour and five and six and you're
(27:30):
getting'em to think, I can'tcontrol that, but I can control
this, I can get better, I canmake mom and dad happier'cause
my room is clean.
Yeah, I could make my teachershappier, but just remember this.
Just because I work hard doesn'tmean that I'm gonna get on the
court.
So just understand no matterwhat I do in recruiting.
It doesn't matter if I emailevery single week.
(27:51):
I send a great highlight everysingle week.
It doesn't mean they're going torecruit you.
Yeah.
'cause it isn't about turning.
Most important thing is that TomLander Jr.
Learned from me.
He says, Ruth, I don'tunderstand how you can continue
raising money trying to getsponsors.
When everybody says no, I said,sooner or later someone will
(28:15):
say.
Yes.
Yeah.
And it isn't easy to hear.
No, because of course he'd neverheard no before.
You're your coach Landen,everything's, life is different.
But in a, I can only imagine.
You wanna hear no instead ofnothing.
If you say no, then you move on.
But you don't take them off theradar because some things
(28:37):
change.
Their dynamics of their team, ormaybe the coach also is learning
at the same time because thereisn't anything that every single
one of those coaches aren'tlearning.
They are learning.
They may not be admitting it,but listen, they are learning.
You'll love this.
'cause I tell my kids, I tellmy, the kids I work with, I say,
(28:59):
you've got three goals whenyou're reaching out to a coach,
you and all three of these arevictories for you.
Number one is they give you anykind of feedback, right?
You get a college coach to tellyou what they think of your
ability and maybe give you someadvice on what to work on,
right?
Number two, they like you andthey wanna follow you.
They wanna start recruiting youand get to know you better.
Yeah.
And number three is they tellyou they're not gonna recruit
(29:20):
you, right?
Or they don't have a spot foryou, right?
That doesn't mean they won'thave a spot for you in a year,
things can change, but it allowsyou, that's a victory to say,
okay, I learned something there.
Maybe I can put them on theshelf for a little bit.
I can put my energy into otherschools and other, they did me a
favor.
I say it's like dating.
If you ask somebody to go to themovies with you and they say,
no, I don't wanna go to themovies.
(29:40):
That doesn't mean there's notsomebody better out there that
wants to go to the movies withyou.
But now your energy, it doesn'tmean that they don't change
either.
That's right.
They might change, but theymight come after you in a year.
Now, last thing on recruiting.
I would say this.
If a parent in a situation's nothappy with what?
A club coach or a recreationalcoach, or any coach?
(30:03):
I think the most important thingis that to really teach that
kid,'cause if a kid comes to meand says, oh coach, you don't
can believe what my coach, Isaid, don't complain.
Ask me how I would approach yourcoach if I needed more
information.
And that is that everysituation, every club, every
(30:24):
recruiting phone call.
You should learn at least onething, maybe more about yourself
or maybe about the process ormaybe about them.
Correct.
Jim Coleman used to go toclinics, everybody's clinics.
He's there writing things down.
He said, you can't learn onething, then you're not
listening.
(30:45):
That's right.
That's right, coach.
Thank you so much.
If I, if no one would ever askme if somebody came to me and
said We wanna rebuild youthsports in the United States, I'd
say Let's get Ruth Nelson in aroom.
Let's start there.
So thank you for doing this.
I You're very welcome.
Been joy.
Yeah, you're very welcome andthanks again.
(31:05):
What a gift it is to learn fromRuth Nelson.
She's not only coached, legendsand built winning programs, but
she's also given families andathletes the kind of perspective
that makes recruiting clear,more purposeful, and more
attainable.
Ruth reminds us that recruitingis about finding the right fit,
creating the rightopportunities, and not letting
money or influence affect theultimate goal of getting a great
(31:27):
education while playing the gameYou love.
Her BYOP and Go.
Kids programs show thatdevelopment starts early and her
decades of college coaching.
Prove that the habits you buildnow carry into every opportunity
you'll ever have.
If you're a recruit or a parent,I hope you take Ruth's wisdom to
heart.
Be proactive, be prepared, andremember the right college fit
(31:51):
is about so much more than justa roster spot.
For more tools, resources, andguidance on your recruiting
journey, visit coach mattrogers.com.
Until next time, stay focused,stay humble, and keep chasing
significance.
Okay.
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