April 11, 2025 • 50 mins
Cool Under Pressure: Emily Kiablick on Culture, Calm, and Coaching with Clarity
In this episode of Significant Coaching with Matt Rogers, we sit down with Emily Kiablick ("Coach Kabs"), the all-time winningest coach in Wheaton College women’s lacrosse history. Known for her calm leadership and deep care for team chemistry, Emily opens up about what it takes to build not just a successful team—but a connected one.
With 17 seasons at the helm and a career filled with championships, accolades, and postseason appearances, Emily shares the why behind her winning culture. Whether you’re a coach, a parent, or a leader in any field, this conversation is a masterclass in staying grounded, focused, and purpose-driven.
🎯 In this episode, you'll hear about:
- 🧊 How Emily stays cool under pressure and why that matters for her team
- 📚 The leadership book clubs and DISC assessments she uses to build team connection
- 🏆 Lessons from a career filled with success on and off the field
- 👥 Why she believes being a great teammate is more important than being a great player
- 🧠 The power of self-awareness in college athletics
- 🥍 Behind-the-scenes stories from building programs at Roger Williams and Wheaton
If you're a coach or a parent of an aspiring college athlete, don’t forget to visit coachmattrogers.com for:
- 📘 Significant Recruiting: The Playbook for Prospective College Athletes
- ✍️ Weekly blog posts on recruiting, leadership, and life skills
- 📅 Personalized recruiting strategy sessions
- 🎤 Booking info for speaking engagements on recruiting, leadership, and the journey to college
Thanks for listening—and remember: Significance always wins.
Learn more and connect with Matt Rogers here: https://linktr.ee/coachmattrogers
Listen on Apple, Spotify, Amazon, iHeartRadio, and all your favorite podcast platforms.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Welcome back to the SignificantCoaching Podcast, the podcast
where we dive into the minds andmethods of coaches who lead with
purpose, develop people, andbuild programs that matter.
I'm your host, coach MattRogers, and today's guest brings
a level of consistency,composure, and care that every
coach and competitor can learnfrom.
(00:22):
Emily Ka.
Is entering her 17th season asthe head women's lacrosse coach
at NCAA Division three, WheatonCollege in Massachusetts, where
she's become the winningestcoach in program history.
Her teams have made the Nuactournament every year.
It's existed during her tenure.
Notching eight semi-finalappearances in the past 11
(00:43):
seasons.
Her 2014 squad posted one of thebest seasons.
In school history, winning boththe regular season and
tournament titles and advancingto the second round of the NCAA
tournament.
But if you ask anyone who knowsCoach Cabs, they'll tell you her
success goes far beyond thescoreboard.
She's got that rare coachingsuperpower.
(01:04):
She never gets too high, nevertoo low.
Her even keeled leadershipbrings stability and high
pressure moments and sets apowerful example for her players
and for fellow coaches alike.
What makes Emily's approach sosignificant is how deeply she
cares about who her players areto each other.
Her teams aren't just taughtsystems.
(01:26):
They're taught how to beteammates.
She brings in tools like theDISC assessment.
To help her athletes betterunderstand each other's values
and communication styles.
She runs leadership book clubswith her captains and staff, and
she creates an environment whereevery voice matters because she
knows championship culturestarts with connection.
From building programs at RogerWilliams to being featured in a
(01:49):
PBS series on amazing women incoaching to helping her players
become both better athletes andbetter people.
Emily Kalik is the kind of coachwho leaves a legacy long after
the final whistle blows.
All right, before we jump intothis great conversation, don't
forget to visit coach mattrogers.com for all your
recruiting and college prepresources, including my book,
(02:12):
significant Recruiting, thePlaybook for Prospective College
Athletes.
after the final whistle blows.
I.
All right, before we jump intothis great conversation, don't
forget to visit coach mattrogers.com for all your
recruiting and college prepresources, including my book,
significant Recruiting, thePlaybook for Prospective College
Athletes.
(02:33):
I.
And if this podcast brings youvalue, hit that like button,
leave a rating and share it witha friend.
It helps more than Athletes.
And if this podcast brings youvalue, hit that like button,
leave a rating and share it witha friend.
It helps more than you know.
alright, let's get into it.
(02:53):
Here's my conversation withCoach Cabs, Emily Kalik.
Coach, I gotta ask you aboutthis.
'cause this was really cool.
Rhode Island's amazing women incoaching.
Oh, that.
(03:15):
Oh my gosh, I forgot about that.
That was, TV show on theirpublic broadcast network.
And yeah, I was very young and Iwas on with a couple other
really truly amazing femalecoaches.
One from Brown, one from Brian,I believe.
And yeah, it was a really coolopportunity that I stumbled upon
(03:37):
being in.
The smallest state and was ayoung head coach, but I got to
be on it and that's so cool.
What a great compliment.
Yeah, it was really cool.
I didn't know what I was gettingmyself into'cause I was young, I
was flying by the seat of mypants and I got, be on the show
Are, were you born in RhodeIsland?
(03:57):
Born and raised?
No, I'm from WesternMassachusetts and then I went to
Springfield out there, okay.
Rhode Island was a big move eventhough I stayed right in New
England.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's great.
You've done so many good things.
I always, because I got to coachat two different schools, people
(04:18):
just think you move from oneschool to the other.
It's basically the same thing.
It's so different depending onwho your president is and who
your athletic director is andwhat your budget is and what
type of school it is.
You've led two programs toreally great success
athletically and academically.
You rebuilt two programs.
where do you begin when youstart a program?
(04:39):
When you take a program over andyou talked about being real
young when you, your first job.
What and what changed from jobone to job two and how you
began?
Definitely a lot changed fromthe way I approached things.
When I started at RogerWilliams, I was coaching soccer
and lacrosse There.
And then when I moved over sixand a half years later, moved
(05:02):
over to Wheaton, I took a lot ofwhat I had done early on and did
it completely opposite because Iwas so young and I was just
really, brash and really, flipthings on its head and it
worked.
But I, it was the path with themost resistance rather than
really taking inventory that,I'm just a part of the program
(05:24):
and things have, there's ritualsand there's.
Things that these players areaccustomed to and I have to
really respect their past.
And I don't think I had thematurity to do that when I
started at Roger Williams, butat Wheaton I did do that.
I knew it was a program that hada lot of success even though
they hadn't recently.
(05:45):
And I really.
I felt like I did a much betterjob of honoring the student,
honoring their experience.
When I started at RogerWilliams, though, I really, I
was trying to make a name formyself, and I think, of course,
looking back on it I probablywas too concerned with myself in
my role in it, rather thantaking.
The bigger picture intoconsideration.
(06:07):
I can tell you the exact samestory.
You're so worried about winningand for me, it was almost, I
don't wanna lose this job.
I don't want anybody to look atme and say, we made a mistake.
And the second job was.
I want these kids to have agreat experience.
I want'em to leave here knowinghow to play, knowing how good
they are, knowing theirself-worth, it was just a
(06:29):
complete turnaround in what Iwanted.
And it sounds like you had thatsame philosophy.
Oh, for sure.
And those 2009 grads, they wereseniors and I had started in
January of their senior year.
I'm still in touch with them.
That's great.
I really valued.
How open they were to me comingin.
(06:50):
That's just not easy to betraveling along and then all of
a sudden heading into spring,your senior season, you've got a
new coach.
And they really were veryaccepting of me, and I'm so
grateful.
They were great athletes, greatpeople, and they're still in my
life, so I'm glad I took thatapproach because it gave me some
great relationships that I saw.
(07:12):
I agree.
There's nothing better.
It's the best thing about whatwe do.
Talk a little bit aboutdeveloping that whole person,
because when you're at a schoollike Wheaton, you can't just
recruit a bunch of athletes.
They have to have highcharacter.
they have to be really goodstudents.
What are you doing as a coach todevelop that whole person and
(07:33):
make sure they're leaving yourprogram as good adults and ready
for the world.
One thing we do is we make surethat they understand that's our
objective in the recruitingprocess and that developing as
people, but then also ourprogram like.
(07:54):
Gaining in trust and gaining,and just the ability to navigate
those difficult conversations isour mission every single season.
Like we're working reallytirelessly to cultivate that
atmosphere.
So that's the first thing we dois make sure it's really clear.
In our recruiting processbecause I think most people
(08:15):
recruiting are like, that soundsgreat.
I really want that holisticapproach.
But certainly if a kid wanted tojust But then with that, we do
as much off the field togetheras we do on the field.
Every single day we're meeting,we have a space, it's just
called the classroom.
And every day before andsometimes after practice, we're
(08:35):
meeting and just talking aboutour values, talking about our
goals.
Rehashing the last game, makingsure that we don't move on to
the next without knowing thatwe're like all on the same page.
It's the mental coaching is soimportant.
Yeah.
Definitely.
All layers of it.
And then beyond that, I wouldsay with leadership development,
(08:58):
there's a lot we do.
Our captains and coaches spentthe fall in a book club reading
Five Dysfunctions of a Team,just, they're students and it's,
there's a lot they have goingon, but that's a really easy
book to digest.
And so we met with them weeklyand had our book chat and talked
(09:18):
about our goals for the season.
And then with the team, they'veall done the disc assessment
this year, so we've all.
Reflected on our personality andleadership styles and what works
well with others, what doesn'twork as well, where we sometimes
meet conflict.
And I think right now we're justat that place where we really,
(09:40):
while sometimes we do hitconflict with each other, we
need each other and everyone'sleadership style is so valuable.
And we wouldn't be.
Nearly as successful if wedidn't have all these different
folks making up our team.
I love that you talk about yourteam.
Is everyone carrying thatmoniker as a leader?
I think that gets lost sometimesthat everybody's got a
(10:03):
responsibility to lead.
They look different from thegirl next to you, the woman next
to you, or the coach next toyou.
But everybody's got thatresponsibility.
Do you preach that on the frontend or do you find a way.
To just get that out of them indifferent ways.
I don't think I'm as obvious.
(10:24):
I feel like I do find ways toget it out of them in different
ways.
I think a lot is like undoingpreconceived ideas of what
leadership is.
And so I feel like that we spendmore time with that and
instilling, I don't know, justvalidating someone's leadership
(10:45):
style just because they're notthe most vocal or they don't
have that really dominantpersonality.
And so we really work to givespace to all those people.
So we're hearing everyone'svoice and sometimes the most
introverted kid is saying themost meaningful things and we
all just need to quiet down sothey can have space to say it.
(11:09):
That's why the disc assessmentcan be so powerful is it's
really obvious when you gothrough that there's more than
one type of leader there.
Everybody is getting assessed togo, this is your leadership
style.
Yeah.
You don't have to be somethingelse.
You don't have to try and bereal loud or real vocal or real
demanding or real physical.
(11:29):
You can be a leader, just whoyou are, so I love that you're
doing that.
You talked about the fiveDysfunctions as a team.
And the DISC assessment, whatwere some of your players'
takeaways from the book and fromthe DISC assessment?
With the DISC assessment, Ithink a huge takeaway is they
(11:50):
really start to understand meand anticipate me, and I think
that's really empowering forthem.
And like each other and eachother's teammates.
But one thing, I'm on the DISCassessment.
Anyone who's familiar with it,like I'm lowest in I'm like very
much a tactical minded coach.
(12:12):
I never ever show emotion ever.
Like maybe you'll get yelled atme by me a couple times in your
time, but I certainly never getexcited.
However, a lot of my athletesare really high eyes, and I
think I very intentionally lookfor that when I'm recruiting.
And just a kid who's like reallyfiery and gets excited because
(12:35):
to me I'm just oh, they're notgonna need that for me.
That's great.
Like they'll, and so we really,our bench is rowdy and loud and
our team is the same way andthey're really, they get each
other fired up.
But I think.
Anytime we do the discassessment, that like further
assures them that they have thespace to do that.
(12:56):
I love that.
That is really empowering.
It's really powerful stuff.
Oops.
Do you find, and it's the firsttime a coach has ever told me,
and I don't think I've everthought like that.
I always think about, I've gottafind an assistant that's
opposite of me and has all thestrengths of all my weaknesses,
which is terribly hard to find.
'cause I have so manyweaknesses.
(13:17):
But I've never heard a coachtalk about really recruiting
players that.
I have some of those strengthsthat maybe are a little
uncomfortable for you orsomething you don't like to,
that world you don't like to getinto.
So that is pretty you thinkabout that.
You're pretty proactive withthat thought.
Yeah I definitely, I think thefirst time I did the disc
(13:40):
assessment, I started to thinkabout that.
And sometimes those athletes arethe ones that drove me nuts a
little bit.
Like they're just, I just wantedthem to be more steady and not
get on the rollercoaster andthat kind of thing.
But it helped me to realize I'mnot really bringing a lot of
that like rah energy, so likethey need it.
(14:01):
And so it helped me toappreciate that a lot more.
And yeah, now I've done my owndisc assessment.
I've evolved over 15 years now.
So now I very much amintentional in looking for it.
But yeah, early on I think Ikinda was like, oh, that kid's
too rowdy or too high and lowjust might pass on them.
(14:21):
And now I have a real place inmy heart for those kids.
So this, this is a phrase thatpeople throw around a lot, the
love language.
Your love language isn'tscreaming and yelling and you're
not the hype master.
What is your love language?
How do they know that they, thatyou love'em and you got their
back?
Where do they get that from you?
The, just in feedback and.
(14:43):
The way I just will continuouslychallenge them.
I challenge them as a group.
I challenge them individually,but if I really think a kid is
like fully bought in and theyreally are like up for the
challenge, I get so excited.
Sometimes I have to like tampthat down'cause I'm just giving
(15:05):
them.
An ever ending stream of okay,we'll try this or tweak this, or
whatever.
And sometimes I, from my ownDISC assessment know that I
don't need to be problem solvingall the time.
They might just wanna sit in aspace where they're just
becoming a master of something.
But that's probably the biggestthing.
One-on-one meetings are huge,like when they come in and can
(15:28):
talk about that because I'm verydirect.
And that also is good because itgives me time to say what I
really value that they're doing.
Yeah.
And I don't always take thatopportunity and open forum.
I'm usually just like addressingthe group as a whole.
But when they come into theoffice, I can.
(15:48):
Really spell out what they'rebringing to the table and why I
value it so much.
the more we talk coach, the moreI can just imagine there's three
girls outside your office rightnow just waiting for the door to
open so they can come in andtalk to you because, not yet.
I feel because you are the wayyou are and you own who you are
(16:09):
so well and with so muchconfidence, I would imagine
you've got girls that just.
They come looking for more, theywant more conversation with you.
They want more advice.
They want you to build them up alittle bit more.
Do you find that?
Definitely.
And I think the pandemic washard because they couldn't just
(16:30):
come in here.
And I feel like we're veryintentionally my staff trying to
create more of that space.
And I think that's been a hugepart of our success this year is
that.
It's feeling back to normal forus.
And it took that long, but itwas like a whole year where kids
(16:52):
couldn't get those one-on-onemeetings unless it was out by
the field and we were like sixfeet apart, right?
And it seems crazy, but it'sreally taken that long to undo
what that year did.
So this year I feel like it'sback to pre pandemic open door
policy, and that is having areally positive impact on our
(17:15):
play.
That's so great.
Yeah I was coaching a little bitof high school ball during the
pandemic, and it was just sohard.
because you couldn't be with thekids.
All the time.
And there wasn't the touchyfeely and there wasn't the the
non-game stuff and thenon-practice stuff that normally
you would do.
it just felt so hollow.
It just felt gosh, this isn'twhy I got into this.
(17:38):
To coach games and just coachPrague, you got into it for
relationships and, to see themgrow.
So it was, it's so cool thatit's starting to come back and
you're starting to feel that itwas so many lost years because
of that.
Yeah.
And it helped.
Last year I hired an alum andshe graduated in 2020 and that
(17:58):
was one of the firstobservations she made was just
like, where is everybody?
And I was like, yeah.
They just don't come in as muchas they you guys used to.
Yeah, because of the pandemic.
And we just had that separationthen everyone got a routine of
it.
And, but she did help merealize, and so she was a big
part of the.
Implementing our book club andlike doing some very intentional
(18:22):
things to create more space totalk off the field.
And it, yeah, I mean we had atough one this past weekend and
we're gonna have a classroomsession today and I know it's
gonna be incredibly productiveand reset us for Wednesday.
It's so good.
Nobody likes to get their buttwhipped in a game in the middle
of a season, but sometimes it'sthe catalyst to what's to come,
(18:45):
just a reminder of, Hey we'repretty good.
Yeah.
This was a bad day, yeah.
It's we gotta walk away fromthat bad day.
And remember all the days beforethat, we're still that same
team.
I wish we didn't have to suffer,but we are certainly that team
that when we have thosesetbacks, we gain so much from
it.
So one of my big words issignificance.
(19:09):
I had a speaker many years agosay, I want you to remove the
word success from yourvocabulary and replace it with
significance.
And the idea is not worryingabout the scoreboard, but the
process of doing things theright way and doing it together
to get that number on thescoreboard you want when you
look at a season.
(19:30):
How do you define that successor that significance?
How do you know that, Hey, wehad a good year, no matter what
the record looks like.
I think first it's in the typeof teammates we are to each
other.
I think if we care about eachother and we.
(19:53):
Really show that.
And I can feel that, to me,that's like the epitome of
success is just like caringabout each other, caring about
the program.
And I've really been veryfortunate, Wheaton's a wonderful
place to recruit to.
'cause it's like cultivated inour student body and then we
just go that much deeper as alacrosse program.
(20:15):
But that's it.
I happen to be in the midst of aseason where it's so evident
that the athletes care so deeplyfor each other.
So I would say that I really do,I like what you said about
significance because I thinkI've coached for so long now and
every single year, regardless ofthe indices and record
(20:36):
everyone's given.
The same output doesn't, if wewon a conference championship
that year or like we barely heldon and made the conference
tournament but got knocked outthe first round, it really, I
don't see the championship teamas like having really inputted
more.
I think that everyone, it's justcircumstantial.
(21:00):
It's do we, are we healthy?
Do the stars kind of align forus?
Do we get things done thatseason?
And sometimes like injurieshappen, things happen, but
everyone's working just as hard.
So I never want athletes to feellike they weren't as valued or
they didn't do as much becausewe didn't get the end result.
Because every year of co-chair,Everyone works so, so hard and
(21:23):
it's really hard to be a collegeathlete.
Like harder than when I was incollege.
There's just so many demands onthem and they are so disciplined
and work so hard at it, so theyDeserve to feel that like that
they've inputted and gottenstuff out of it.
It's a great testament to thewomen.
(21:45):
That you're attracted to, torecruit, that catches your eye.
'cause not every coach can saythat, no matter what school, not
every coach can say, wow, wejust have kids that really buy
in and, they're accountable andthey're doing their work.
So it says a lot about you andhow you're building it and the
purpose behind it.
So I love that.
Yeah.
(22:05):
I want to go back to the fivedysfunctions as a team.
I love that you read it.
I haven't read that book, butI'm going to, I've had a couple
coaches tell me about it.
I don't know how obvious thosefive dysfunctions are, but I'm
curious with the culture thatyou have.
Did your team read it and go,these are obvious.
(22:26):
Yeah.
We're not gonna let any of thesethings will never be a part of
our Wheaton program or werethere like, wow, that makes a
lot of sense.
That is something we need to bemore aware of.
Was there that moment where kindof the eyes opened up or was
there that moment that Yeah, wedon't have any problems with
this.
So it was just our captains thatread it with us, and I think it,
(22:46):
their eyes did open up.
I think they, so the fivedysfunctions at the base or the
core of it is the top isresults.
And it's like basically youcan't, I.
Focus or think about yourresults if you don't get
everything underneath set.
And so at the base of it istrust and it's trust in that it,
(23:09):
not to be confused with likereliability, but trust in that
like people feel they can bevulnerable Yeah.
In that space.
And so that's like the bigthing.
And so we start to look at.
So right away we know okay, wedon't have this perfect
environment of trust.
Like these first years juststepped on campus.
(23:31):
There's no way they know, likemaybe I haven't even officially
announced the roster yet.
So they're not that open ortrusting to anything yet.
They're just like trying tosurvive.
So once we have done that, yeah,we started to I think they just
look at okay, every little teambonding thing we've ever done
was for this bigger purpose thatwe're trying to create more of a
(23:56):
safe space for each other and beable to build trust.
And so now they're in cahootswith us.
There was a time we were talkingabout it was just a little
conversation, but.
We were pointing out like we'vehad some slow starts to games
and then we've had success, andthen a kid chimed in and she's
when we have had a really quickstart, we really dip in the
(24:18):
second quarter, and then anotherathlete chimes in and it's just
thank goodness.
Like we had that.
and so we started to see thatlike we're having.
Conflict in our conversation.
And so in that book it says likeyou can't have conflict or
difficult conversations untilyou have trust.
And so it's this point in theyear, but the captains and the
(24:41):
coaches all are making eyecontact'cause we're all like,
this conflict is great.
'cause it means like we havetrust and yeah.
Sometimes teams will pridethemselves on like no drama or
something like that.
I was like.
No drama like that just meanslike there's no trust.
Like you're not even scratchingthe surface, like you're not
going anywhere.
So to us we are all in cahootsnow, Just looking for those
(25:04):
little windows where we're like,okay, we're not seeing eye to
eye, but we're equipped to dealwith this and like it's good
that we're not seeing eye toeye.
We'll get through this and we'llbe stronger for it.
It would be far worse if weweren't seeing eye to eye and we
weren't even having thatconversation.
I love it.
I just love it.
It just gives, it gives metingles up my spine to, to hear
(25:25):
you talk like that.
'cause you know that's why we doit.
Yeah.
That's the significance ofcoaching, getting a team to do
that.
my daughter plays clubvolleyball, and we were in Reno
this weekend and you used theword trust and we started to see
that this weekend.
they're really good cheerleadersof each other and they're great
supporters of each other, butwe're starting to see how they
(25:45):
deal conflict and they'rehandling conflict head on, come
on, you got this.
They're pumping each other upand it's, somebody had a bad set
or a bad serve or a bad passand, they're talking there's a
timeout.
And before they even get to thecoach, there's three
conversations before they get tothe timeout.
About what they want to dobetter and what they're doing
well, and what they want to donext play.
(26:05):
And I, that, to me, that is thesign of that trust you're
talking about is when they'rewalking off the field.
It's not just a bunch of kidswalking off the field.
They're still a team.
They're still playing that game,it hasnt stop.
Yeah, for sure.
Do you feel that from yourgroup?
Yes, Definitely.
And in a deeper connectionbetween the folks who are
(26:26):
getting the opportunity on gameday and those that are like on
the bench, there's.
It's just all connected.
And that to me is like the signof okay, we're a team, we're a
unit.
We know everyone knows theirvalue and everyone like knows
why we're doing it and whatwe're trying to do here.
And so that it takes time thoughand you can't, and if you have
(26:50):
it one season, you can't justassume it's gonna carry over
next season.
Yeah, a lot does.
But like you, every year yougotta start over and put in all
that effort again.
'cause sometimes when you go onautopilot, that's when you,
things slip away and it's likethe chemistry is lost and you
didn't even realize it washappening.
(27:11):
It's so important from myperspective, whether I'm
coaching men or women, that theylearn how to be critical of each
other and it's not the end ofthe world, and I'm not saying
you're terrible, you don't sayyou're terrible.
It's, we need more effort out ofyou.
And that person to be able tosay, you're right, I gotta bring
(27:32):
more to get that to happen.
Is the sign of a championshipteam that team's gonna do really
well that year?
Do you disagree?
I agree.
I think that's the lovelanguage.
When you can say it, it's notcoming from you need to do
better because I want you to dobetter.
It's you need to do betterbecause you're capable of doing
(27:53):
better.
And so to me that when you havea team that can hold each other
accountable that way becausethey believe in each other, then
yeah.
They're in a good spot.
Yeah.
Gotta be able to tell each otherthe truth.
It's a, I don't know if you'remarried or not, but it's, that's
when a relationship really forme, it peaks when my wife can
yell at me and I go, okay,you're right.
(28:15):
I gotta do better.
I gotta be more on time.
I can't be so distracted and Ican kick her in the butt about
something and she'd go, you'reright.
I gotta do better.
So I love that.
I just love that idea.
That we're making that a focusand how we wanna treat each
other.
And it's okay to be critical aslong as we're accountable,
right?
Yes.
Yeah, for sure.
(28:35):
Yes.
And I am married with two kids,so I learned quick, pretty early
on.
Yeah.
When my 11-year-old now isyoung, I would bring work home
or like the, or.
She was won.
We won a Mack championship, butany loss we had as really over
and over again.
My wife had to point out thatour 1-year-old doesn't care that
(28:57):
we lost.
I was like, noted.
Yeah, exactly.
I feel like that was so valuableto Oh, yeah.
That was huge for me.
When I stopped coaching at thecollege level, my kids were four
and one, it's amazing whatchildren can do to the
perspective of what we do, somuch easier to let it go after a
bad loss when, there's two kidsgoing, mommy, yeah.
(29:20):
I just wanna play, I home, Iwouldn't play.
Yeah, for sure.
You've spoken at huge, hugeconventions about practices, so
I wanna get into practices withyou.
What do high school youthcoaches, what are they doing
wrong when they're looking?
They got an hour with their kidstwice a week.
(29:40):
Maybe they're practicing four orfive days a week at the high
school level.
What are they doing wrong thatyou wish they would reconsider
or look at from a differentperspective when they're
planning their practices?
it makes me appreciate coachingcollege.
I love youth coaching youth, butthere's definitely challenges.
So I won't touch the youthcoaches because I'm not sure.
(30:03):
I've been stumped many timeswith coaching youth, but I do
think in high school the hardestpart is like being a part-time
coach or coming right fromteaching job to there.
But even trying to give somespace on the field to like
connecting.
Athletes and setting intention,setting goals for even the
(30:24):
practice so that time is wellspent because there's certainly
not enough of it.
So that's my advice.
I think that high school coachesthat can create that little bit
of space before and afterpractice, that's pretty
valuable.
I really think planning.
(30:47):
Intentions that go for thatpractice, but also the entire
season.
Like what aspects of the game doyou wanna develop?
Like I've definitely volunteeredwith coaches before and even at
the youth level where I'm like,oh, I'm happy to help you out or
something.
And they show up and just likenothing's planned or nothing's
written down and right.
(31:09):
I went to Springfield College, Iwas on a phys ed track and ended
up jumping right into coaching.
But it's as a teacher, we wouldnever walk in without a lesson
plan.
Coaching is like the same,right?
You have to have, even if youveer from it, which is totally
fine, but you've gotta have itplanned out.
And you have to know theprogression, not just within
(31:30):
that practice, but yourprogression throughout the
season so that you can measureit.
Are you making progress or areyou not?
And now you know what to tackle.
So that's the biggest thing.
I think is just a quick check-inand setting intentions.
It's much harder for a kid tofloat through practice and not
(31:53):
be fully accountable orcommitted.
If you've had this 15 minuteconversation about.
What your practice is about tolook like.
Yeah.
I worked with a high schoolcoach a few years ago, and this
coach would walk into practicewith a napkin, a back of an
envelope, and there'd be two orthree things written on, and I
was like.
This is how we're gonna prepare.
(32:14):
This is, yeah, we expect ourkids to grow today, Three things
on a napkin and get two hoursout of our kids.
So yeah, I love that.
Love those points of emphasis.
Think they're terribly valuable.
And it's hard.
It is hard when you're teachingall day, or you have a full-time
job and you have to go coach fortwo hours afterward?
Maybe you have to do it fivedays a week as a high school
(32:34):
coach, but it's so important youfind those five minutes to go.
Here are the three or four,maybe five things that are
really important to our program,our conditioning, our
physicality, how we move theball, our spacing, whatever that
may be, our defense.
Those are gonna be our focuspoints.
Every single practice, how weget to them is gonna be
different, but those are ourfocus points.
(32:55):
So I love that.
When it comes to.
So I'm gonna transition frompractices to games.
So when you think about your,you got a new Mac final coming
up, a semi-final, a conferencematch that determines who wins
and who loses the conference.
Are there things that you putinto that practice that are
(33:17):
different or do you try and keepthem pretty similar, no matter
the contest?
Yes and no.
Like we do keep it prettysimilar and we try to really
stick to us as much as possible.
There's a scouting report and wedo talk at length about what.
(33:40):
We can expect in an upcominggame, but then always bring it
back to us.
one way we do that is we createnew offenses for each game we
play.
Usually comes from one we justran.
We're like, we really what wedid with this, but based on
their defense, we think we cantweak it.
the fact that every time we havea new game coming up, there's a
(34:02):
new offense that we're puttingin and we'll repeat some, but
we're really just looking at theopponent and where we're at and
what's going well for us.
Even though we're changing forevery opponent, the fact that
we're consistently changing forevery opponent makes us at home
with that flexibility and sowe're staying resilient and
(34:23):
flexible because we do that,they're really locked in.
Practices like today's Monday,we're gonna put in a slightly
different variation of anoffense we've done in the past,
and they're gonna know okay,here it is.
it gives a little bit of energyand excitement for new opponent.
We have a STA team, statisticalbreakdown of every game and
(34:46):
seeing how we're progressing indifferent categories of the
game.
That kind of guides how we focusour energy, but we do have to be
selective because we could spendeight hours doing all the things
that we'd like to, work on ortalk about, right?
So I even at any level, I'mcoaching, I try to be like, all
(35:09):
right.
We can really ask them to focuson three things and get output
outta that.
If we're going exceeding that,then probably it's all going in
one ear at the other.
Where are you at ratio wise,with scrimmaging?
I was one of those coaches.
I just, I was so fundamentallyfocused and I wanted my guys and
(35:31):
gals to be really good ateverything.
too often my practices were 9010.
Breakdown drills.
Three on three, four on four,and then 10% was actual
scrimmage.
Where are you at with that?
At this point of our season,we're rarely scrimmaging.
We'll do small sided for just towork on our sevens, but we did
(35:56):
utilize it, I don't know,probably 20, 30% scrimmaging in
preseason.
However, I.
It also is, we're in NewEngland, we practice outside
starting mid-January.
Nothing is better for theirfitness than running full field.
So That's right.
(36:16):
It was our test to be like,okay, we can hold up, we did
this and oh, let's show uptomorrow and run another 20
minute and.
To me is okay, we can getthrough a quarter in women's
lacrosse is 15 minutes right.
And reset and get back outthere.
So it really was like more ofour confidence in our fitness
(36:39):
when we do it.
Yeah.
But I agree, we do try to,sometimes we break things down
but we really try to build itback up to game pace with like
situational things and unsettledsituations and all that.
Love that.
Yeah it's the great challenge ofcollege coaching because your
kids wanna play.
(36:59):
They always wanna play, theywant compete, and they wanna
scrimmage and you want to makesure the pieces.
Are together and we understandwhat we're doing, especially
when you're putting new sets ina new offense in all the time,
and trying to, confuse youropponent.
So they, they're not they don'tknow what to expect from you,
which I love as a coach too.
(37:21):
But it's so important that thekids understand.
The sooner we understand theparts, the more we can do the
big thing, the more we canscrimmage, right?
Very true.
Yeah.
Coach recruiting's my world.
And you've, you and I have had agreat conversation about
recruiting.
I'd love to get your philosophyon just how you go about
(37:43):
planning a year, two years,three years in your recruiting
cycle and what your philosophyis and how you guys recruit.
our recruiting cycle is.
Earlier than some, but likelater than others.
We don't particularly love howearly lacrosse recruiting is,
but it's our reality.
(38:04):
So We work within that.
But we're really heavilyrecruiting and seeing sophomores
and juniors play.
And we're really trying to getthem as much information and
gather as much information aboutthem.
But we also know that a lotchanges from that summer going
(38:26):
into senior year.
I think a lot of kids set outwith I want a big school far
away, and then I.
By the time, July hits, it'slike a small school right in
their backyard or whatever thecase may be.
So we try to just give ourrecruits that space to figure it
out.
But like along the way, here'sall the information about
(38:48):
Wheaton.
At Wheaton we're able to.
Really hone in the summer monthsgoing into their senior year in
terms of both where they fall atWheaton, admissions wise, we can
get them that information andthat's when our class starts to
take shape.
About now we have some juniorswho are committed, but with,
(39:12):
they don't have thatinformation.
That's really important.
So yeah.
It's if things change from that,like we're certainly not gonna
give them a hard time, but it isreassuring to know Wheaton's
their top choice and that's,they have every intention of
enrolling here.
Yeah.
So that's our.
Timeline.
And then by the beginning of thefall, like our class is locked
(39:34):
up and they're gettingintegrated into our program as
much as possible withoutdistracting from their senior
seasons.
And like really letting them beseniors.
But that is, certainly a partof, it's like by the time they
come to campus for theirorientation or as first years
there.
They're not even nervousanymore.
(39:54):
Like they're just so ingrainedand know everybody that it's
just a different world.
Like they just are ready and socomfortable with it.
Yeah.
They're coming home.
They already know us.
Yeah.
Love that.
Yeah.
And we certainly go into every,it's big for us to ID players
and to see players who areinterested in to evaluate their.
(40:18):
Ability to play.
But then after that, really theconversations are a big part of
it.
And like I said, my assistant'san alum of Wheaton, so she's
usually the first phone callthat they have.
And that's incredibly helpful toour process, but also to them
like they.
(40:39):
Really are getting a very clearperspective of things.
Yeah.
It's so great.
In the first conversation, youcan talk to somebody that's not
the head coach and go, what wasit like to play for coach?
Yeah.
What can I expect?
How does she treat freshmen?
You know what's my timeline looklike?
I love that.
That's so good.
Yeah.
It's so great to have a formerplayer on your staff when you
(40:59):
can do it.
For sure.
That's very cool.
Are there.
Are there things that arenon-negotiables for you when
you're watching?
Are there, whether that's inathleticism, whether that's a
skillset, whether that's anattitude, are there things that
you know you like to coach?
(41:23):
Yes.
I don't want it to sound tooblack and white, but it, I would
say speed.
Strength and like skill.
But skill could also be likegame sense and like that vision
too.
So those three things, the, ifan athlete has all three, then
(41:44):
that's wonderful, but it's likeone of those with a lot of
potential in the other, which istypically.
Skill.
If they're not as skilled aswe'd like, no problem.
That's an easy one to build up.
Literally within the first monthof being here, we have them
doing things that bring theirskill to just a whole nother
(42:07):
level.
Lacrosse is just great in thatway.
So that's it is like you gottareally be bringing.
A good amount of speed or a goodamount of strength and that can
sometimes be in your physiquetoo.
It's just like having good size.
And then if the skill we tackthat on later, then.
that's great.
Or having a lot of speed, butknowing you haven't even been in
(42:28):
the weight room yet, and that'sgonna add a whole nother element
to it and you can just see thatpotential in those areas.
I tell kids that all the time.
Really good coaches, greatcoaches, all think alike, As
soon as they see something thatthey think they can fix in you,
all of a sudden you're arecruit.
Because you've got speed, you'vegot strength, you've got size,
you've got something that Ican't coach, but there's
(42:51):
something that I can make youbetter at.
I can help add to that speed andthat strength.
For sure.
And I love seeing a kid that hasall of those things already, but
every other coach in the countryhas also seen them, so We very
much know that our success andour best players were developed
while they were here.
(43:12):
They didn't necessarily come inat that level.
but I love that.
I love helping be a part of thatdevelopment.
Yeah.
I know you gotta run here in alittle bit.
I'm gonna throw some quickhitters at you just to get your
thoughts on a couple things.
You and I have been talkingabout goalies a lot, is what
we're looking at in terms ofgoalies.
Is there similar things, speed,strength, iq, vision?
(43:35):
Are there certain things you'relooking for in a goalie?
Very much athleticism.
Because there's a few differentways you can go with a goalie.
one of our best goalies I'veever coached, her saves were
great, but she was an eighthdefender.
(43:55):
Like she caused so manyturnovers and picked up so many
ground balls and just, and itwas like, usually with a goalie,
once they've made a save, youknow they're over that and
they're locked into the game.
This kid was different where I'mlike, as soon as she runs around
outside the crease, I know she'slocked in.
So if she comes out to get a 5050 ball and scoots around out
there, then I'm like, I didn'teven need to Some of her best
(44:17):
games, you'd look at it andyou'd be like, oh, she only had
five saves.
That was weird.
She, I'm like, because theycouldn't even get the shots off.
She was like causing turnoversbefore it happened.
So I think just the vision ofwhat they're gonna be.
And so a lot of times like areally athletic kid who's maybe
not tracking the ball well yetor isn't technically as sound,
(44:40):
you're just like, okay, thosethings we can obviously work on,
but that athleticism and thejust going for it, that's an
intangible that you'd wanna holdonto.
I love it.
Gimme one book Every young coachshould read.
I have a lot.
I do think five dysfunctions ofa team is just really digestible
(45:03):
and it might open your eyes towhy things aren't really getting
off the ground if you knowyou're struggling to make a
program or cultivate a culture.
I also think grit is reallyreaffirming that we just, just
putting in the hours of practiceand things like that and that an
(45:24):
athlete might not be the mostskilled, but if they're
motivated, they can reallychange their trajectory.
Absolutely.
I love that.
If you weren't coaching, whatwould you be doing?
Literally nothing.
I have no other balance.
I think I would enjoy likeconsulting with athletes and
(45:47):
doing a mental skills type thingand just going down that avenue.
Yeah.
I've worked with a lot of reallygreat people have helped me to
understand the impact I'm havingon athletes and how to maybe not
add pressure where there'salready plenty of pressure
there.
So I.
I've loved those conversations.
(46:08):
I think I would probably wannawork one-on-one with athletes
just to make sure they'reenjoying the experience as much
as they possibly can and notweighed down by all the other
stuff.
If you'll have me, I'm gonnahave you do some of that.
I'm gonna get you on somewebinars.
We're gonna get you coachingmore kids that way because I
(46:29):
think, oh, kids can learn fromyou.
So I'm gonna take advantage ofyou wherever you'll let me.
Most underrated quality and agreat assistant coach.
I don't know if it's underrated,but an assistant coach that just
can give you.
Their opinion when it might justbe going again, like holding you
accountable and just saying likeI think the athletes need this
(46:52):
right now.
And to me that's the mostimportant thing in my assistant
is very in tune to that.
And sometimes I'm traveling downthe wrong path and like she just
will be like this is what Ithink they need right now.
And she says that, you have tobe gentle with coaches too.
So she always sends it, says itin a gentle way, but I'm like,
(47:13):
that's exactly what they need.
You're right.
There's that trust again, coach.
Yeah.
She trusts you to be able togive that advice and share.
I love it.
Best piece of advice to give tofamilies going through the
recruiting process.
That it's really the first big.
Decision they're making in theirlife.
(47:33):
And all you can do is empowerthem to make that decision.
And the college coach shouldalso be empowering them to make
that decision.
And if you're not feeling that,they're empowering them to make
that decision and they're tryingto make the decision for them,
that's probably not the rightsituation.
Like they're not respecting yourfamily and your kid.
(47:58):
Enough.
And that's the bottom line is ifyou're a great player and a
great person, you're gonna be agreat fit at many programs.
So don't let anyone convince youthat there's only one place
where you can do it.
It's your decision.
Last one.
Best piece of advice.
This doesn't have anything to dowith lacrosse or coaching.
It could be parenting, it couldbe raising kids, it could be
(48:19):
just being a human being.
Best piece of advice that you'vebeen given that's been
significant for you, that youshare with others?
It does sound very coachingrelated, but I think it really
goes to every aspect.
My life is like to not beresults driven and to like
really be process focused and.
Experience everything and bepresent and enjoy all of that.
(48:43):
Because if you're just fixatedon the results, whether it's
parenting and like your kids,how they're performing in the
classroom or in sports, it'sjust like we just isn't a recipe
for success.
Like it's just gonna weigh usdown.
So I think being present andexperiencing all aspects of it,
(49:05):
even when it's the failures,just living through it and.
Yeah, don't skip the process.
Be a part of the journey.
Enjoy the journey.
I love it.
Coach.
you are fantastic.
I'm so glad we met.
I'm a huge fan.
I'll be sending kids to yourright and left from here on out
if you'll have'em, if you wantto talk to'em because, you're
the epitome of significance.
(49:25):
You care about your kids, you doit the right way.
And just really impressed.
So I wish you guys the best ofluck here on out.
What an awesome conversationwith Coach Emily Kalik.
Her steady presence, hercommitment to team culture and
her focus on developing peopleover just winning games is
exactly the kind of leadershipwe love to spotlight here on
(49:49):
significant coaching.
If you enjoyed today's episode,be sure to subscribe, leave a
review, and share it withsomeone who's passionate about
coaching and leadership.
And don't forget to check outcoach matt rogers.com.
That's your go-to hub foreverything recruiting.
In College Prep.
You can pick up a copy of mybook, significant Recruiting,
the Playbook for prospectiveCollege Athletes.
(50:10):
You can read my weekly blog orschedule a personalized
recruiting strategy session foryour family with me.
If you're a school ororganization looking to bring in
a speaker on recruitingleadership or the journey to
college, I'd love to connectwith you there as well.
Thanks again for tuning in tosignificant coaching.
Until next time, keep leadingwith purpose and remember,
(50:31):
significance always wins
Welcome back to the SignificantCoaching Podcast, the podcast
where we dive into the minds andmethods of coaches who lead with
purpose, develop people, andbuild programs that matter.
I'm your host, coach MattRogers, and today's guest brings
a level of consistency,composure, and care that every
coach and competitor can learnfrom.
(00:22):
Emily Ka.
Is entering her 17th season asthe head women's lacrosse coach
at NCAA Division three, WheatonCollege in Massachusetts, where
she's become the winningestcoach in program history.
Her teams have made the Nuactournament every year.
It's existed during her tenure.
Notching eight semi-finalappearances in the past 11
(00:43):
seasons.
Her 2014 squad posted one of thebest seasons.
In school history, winning boththe regular season and
tournament titles and advancingto the second round of the NCAA
tournament.
But if you ask anyone who knowsCoach Cabs, they'll tell you her
success goes far beyond thescoreboard.
She's got that rare coachingsuperpower.
(01:04):
She never gets too high, nevertoo low.
Her even keeled leadershipbrings stability and high
pressure moments and sets apowerful example for her players
and for fellow coaches alike.
What makes Emily's approach sosignificant is how deeply she
cares about who her players areto each other.
Her teams aren't just taughtsystems.
(01:26):
They're taught how to beteammates.
She brings in tools like theDISC assessment.
To help her athletes betterunderstand each other's values
and communication styles.
She runs leadership book clubswith her captains and staff, and
she creates an environment whereevery voice matters because she
knows championship culturestarts with connection.
From building programs at RogerWilliams to being featured in a
(01:49):
PBS series on amazing women incoaching to helping her players
become both better athletes andbetter people.
Emily Kalik is the kind of coachwho leaves a legacy long after
the final whistle blows.
All right, before we jump intothis great conversation, don't
forget to visit coach mattrogers.com for all your
recruiting and college prepresources, including my book,
(02:12):
significant Recruiting, thePlaybook for Prospective College
Athletes.
after the final whistle blows.
I.
All right, before we jump intothis great conversation, don't
forget to visit coach mattrogers.com for all your
recruiting and college prepresources, including my book,
significant Recruiting, thePlaybook for Prospective College
Athletes.
(02:33):
I.
And if this podcast brings youvalue, hit that like button,
leave a rating and share it witha friend.
It helps more than Athletes.
And if this podcast brings youvalue, hit that like button,
leave a rating and share it witha friend.
It helps more than you know.
alright, let's get into it.
(02:53):
Here's my conversation withCoach Cabs, Emily Kalik.
Coach, I gotta ask you aboutthis.
'cause this was really cool.
Rhode Island's amazing women incoaching.
Oh, that.
(03:15):
Oh my gosh, I forgot about that.
That was, TV show on theirpublic broadcast network.
And yeah, I was very young and Iwas on with a couple other
really truly amazing femalecoaches.
One from Brown, one from Brian,I believe.
And yeah, it was a really coolopportunity that I stumbled upon
(03:37):
being in.
The smallest state and was ayoung head coach, but I got to
be on it and that's so cool.
What a great compliment.
Yeah, it was really cool.
I didn't know what I was gettingmyself into'cause I was young, I
was flying by the seat of mypants and I got, be on the show
Are, were you born in RhodeIsland?
(03:57):
Born and raised?
No, I'm from WesternMassachusetts and then I went to
Springfield out there, okay.
Rhode Island was a big move eventhough I stayed right in New
England.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's great.
You've done so many good things.
I always, because I got to coachat two different schools, people
(04:18):
just think you move from oneschool to the other.
It's basically the same thing.
It's so different depending onwho your president is and who
your athletic director is andwhat your budget is and what
type of school it is.
You've led two programs toreally great success
athletically and academically.
You rebuilt two programs.
where do you begin when youstart a program?
(04:39):
When you take a program over andyou talked about being real
young when you, your first job.
What and what changed from jobone to job two and how you
began?
Definitely a lot changed fromthe way I approached things.
When I started at RogerWilliams, I was coaching soccer
and lacrosse There.
And then when I moved over sixand a half years later, moved
(05:02):
over to Wheaton, I took a lot ofwhat I had done early on and did
it completely opposite because Iwas so young and I was just
really, brash and really, flipthings on its head and it
worked.
But I, it was the path with themost resistance rather than
really taking inventory that,I'm just a part of the program
(05:24):
and things have, there's ritualsand there's.
Things that these players areaccustomed to and I have to
really respect their past.
And I don't think I had thematurity to do that when I
started at Roger Williams, butat Wheaton I did do that.
I knew it was a program that hada lot of success even though
they hadn't recently.
(05:45):
And I really.
I felt like I did a much betterjob of honoring the student,
honoring their experience.
When I started at RogerWilliams, though, I really, I
was trying to make a name formyself, and I think, of course,
looking back on it I probablywas too concerned with myself in
my role in it, rather thantaking.
The bigger picture intoconsideration.
(06:07):
I can tell you the exact samestory.
You're so worried about winningand for me, it was almost, I
don't wanna lose this job.
I don't want anybody to look atme and say, we made a mistake.
And the second job was.
I want these kids to have agreat experience.
I want'em to leave here knowinghow to play, knowing how good
they are, knowing theirself-worth, it was just a
(06:29):
complete turnaround in what Iwanted.
And it sounds like you had thatsame philosophy.
Oh, for sure.
And those 2009 grads, they wereseniors and I had started in
January of their senior year.
I'm still in touch with them.
That's great.
I really valued.
How open they were to me comingin.
(06:50):
That's just not easy to betraveling along and then all of
a sudden heading into spring,your senior season, you've got a
new coach.
And they really were veryaccepting of me, and I'm so
grateful.
They were great athletes, greatpeople, and they're still in my
life, so I'm glad I took thatapproach because it gave me some
great relationships that I saw.
(07:12):
I agree.
There's nothing better.
It's the best thing about whatwe do.
Talk a little bit aboutdeveloping that whole person,
because when you're at a schoollike Wheaton, you can't just
recruit a bunch of athletes.
They have to have highcharacter.
they have to be really goodstudents.
What are you doing as a coach todevelop that whole person and
(07:33):
make sure they're leaving yourprogram as good adults and ready
for the world.
One thing we do is we make surethat they understand that's our
objective in the recruitingprocess and that developing as
people, but then also ourprogram like.
(07:54):
Gaining in trust and gaining,and just the ability to navigate
those difficult conversations isour mission every single season.
Like we're working reallytirelessly to cultivate that
atmosphere.
So that's the first thing we dois make sure it's really clear.
In our recruiting processbecause I think most people
(08:15):
recruiting are like, that soundsgreat.
I really want that holisticapproach.
But certainly if a kid wanted tojust But then with that, we do
as much off the field togetheras we do on the field.
Every single day we're meeting,we have a space, it's just
called the classroom.
And every day before andsometimes after practice, we're
(08:35):
meeting and just talking aboutour values, talking about our
goals.
Rehashing the last game, makingsure that we don't move on to
the next without knowing thatwe're like all on the same page.
It's the mental coaching is soimportant.
Yeah.
Definitely.
All layers of it.
And then beyond that, I wouldsay with leadership development,
(08:58):
there's a lot we do.
Our captains and coaches spentthe fall in a book club reading
Five Dysfunctions of a Team,just, they're students and it's,
there's a lot they have goingon, but that's a really easy
book to digest.
And so we met with them weeklyand had our book chat and talked
(09:18):
about our goals for the season.
And then with the team, they'veall done the disc assessment
this year, so we've all.
Reflected on our personality andleadership styles and what works
well with others, what doesn'twork as well, where we sometimes
meet conflict.
And I think right now we're justat that place where we really,
(09:40):
while sometimes we do hitconflict with each other, we
need each other and everyone'sleadership style is so valuable.
And we wouldn't be.
Nearly as successful if wedidn't have all these different
folks making up our team.
I love that you talk about yourteam.
Is everyone carrying thatmoniker as a leader?
I think that gets lost sometimesthat everybody's got a
(10:03):
responsibility to lead.
They look different from thegirl next to you, the woman next
to you, or the coach next toyou.
But everybody's got thatresponsibility.
Do you preach that on the frontend or do you find a way.
To just get that out of them indifferent ways.
I don't think I'm as obvious.
(10:24):
I feel like I do find ways toget it out of them in different
ways.
I think a lot is like undoingpreconceived ideas of what
leadership is.
And so I feel like that we spendmore time with that and
instilling, I don't know, justvalidating someone's leadership
(10:45):
style just because they're notthe most vocal or they don't
have that really dominantpersonality.
And so we really work to givespace to all those people.
So we're hearing everyone'svoice and sometimes the most
introverted kid is saying themost meaningful things and we
all just need to quiet down sothey can have space to say it.
(11:09):
That's why the disc assessmentcan be so powerful is it's
really obvious when you gothrough that there's more than
one type of leader there.
Everybody is getting assessed togo, this is your leadership
style.
Yeah.
You don't have to be somethingelse.
You don't have to try and bereal loud or real vocal or real
demanding or real physical.
(11:29):
You can be a leader, just whoyou are, so I love that you're
doing that.
You talked about the fiveDysfunctions as a team.
And the DISC assessment, whatwere some of your players'
takeaways from the book and fromthe DISC assessment?
With the DISC assessment, Ithink a huge takeaway is they
(11:50):
really start to understand meand anticipate me, and I think
that's really empowering forthem.
And like each other and eachother's teammates.
But one thing, I'm on the DISCassessment.
Anyone who's familiar with it,like I'm lowest in I'm like very
much a tactical minded coach.
(12:12):
I never ever show emotion ever.
Like maybe you'll get yelled atme by me a couple times in your
time, but I certainly never getexcited.
However, a lot of my athletesare really high eyes, and I
think I very intentionally lookfor that when I'm recruiting.
And just a kid who's like reallyfiery and gets excited because
(12:35):
to me I'm just oh, they're notgonna need that for me.
That's great.
Like they'll, and so we really,our bench is rowdy and loud and
our team is the same way andthey're really, they get each
other fired up.
But I think.
Anytime we do the discassessment, that like further
assures them that they have thespace to do that.
(12:56):
I love that.
That is really empowering.
It's really powerful stuff.
Oops.
Do you find, and it's the firsttime a coach has ever told me,
and I don't think I've everthought like that.
I always think about, I've gottafind an assistant that's
opposite of me and has all thestrengths of all my weaknesses,
which is terribly hard to find.
'cause I have so manyweaknesses.
(13:17):
But I've never heard a coachtalk about really recruiting
players that.
I have some of those strengthsthat maybe are a little
uncomfortable for you orsomething you don't like to,
that world you don't like to getinto.
So that is pretty you thinkabout that.
You're pretty proactive withthat thought.
Yeah I definitely, I think thefirst time I did the disc
(13:40):
assessment, I started to thinkabout that.
And sometimes those athletes arethe ones that drove me nuts a
little bit.
Like they're just, I just wantedthem to be more steady and not
get on the rollercoaster andthat kind of thing.
But it helped me to realize I'mnot really bringing a lot of
that like rah energy, so likethey need it.
(14:01):
And so it helped me toappreciate that a lot more.
And yeah, now I've done my owndisc assessment.
I've evolved over 15 years now.
So now I very much amintentional in looking for it.
But yeah, early on I think Ikinda was like, oh, that kid's
too rowdy or too high and lowjust might pass on them.
(14:21):
And now I have a real place inmy heart for those kids.
So this, this is a phrase thatpeople throw around a lot, the
love language.
Your love language isn'tscreaming and yelling and you're
not the hype master.
What is your love language?
How do they know that they, thatyou love'em and you got their
back?
Where do they get that from you?
The, just in feedback and.
(14:43):
The way I just will continuouslychallenge them.
I challenge them as a group.
I challenge them individually,but if I really think a kid is
like fully bought in and theyreally are like up for the
challenge, I get so excited.
Sometimes I have to like tampthat down'cause I'm just giving
(15:05):
them.
An ever ending stream of okay,we'll try this or tweak this, or
whatever.
And sometimes I, from my ownDISC assessment know that I
don't need to be problem solvingall the time.
They might just wanna sit in aspace where they're just
becoming a master of something.
But that's probably the biggestthing.
One-on-one meetings are huge,like when they come in and can
(15:28):
talk about that because I'm verydirect.
And that also is good because itgives me time to say what I
really value that they're doing.
Yeah.
And I don't always take thatopportunity and open forum.
I'm usually just like addressingthe group as a whole.
But when they come into theoffice, I can.
(15:48):
Really spell out what they'rebringing to the table and why I
value it so much.
the more we talk coach, the moreI can just imagine there's three
girls outside your office rightnow just waiting for the door to
open so they can come in andtalk to you because, not yet.
I feel because you are the wayyou are and you own who you are
(16:09):
so well and with so muchconfidence, I would imagine
you've got girls that just.
They come looking for more, theywant more conversation with you.
They want more advice.
They want you to build them up alittle bit more.
Do you find that?
Definitely.
And I think the pandemic washard because they couldn't just
(16:30):
come in here.
And I feel like we're veryintentionally my staff trying to
create more of that space.
And I think that's been a hugepart of our success this year is
that.
It's feeling back to normal forus.
And it took that long, but itwas like a whole year where kids
(16:52):
couldn't get those one-on-onemeetings unless it was out by
the field and we were like sixfeet apart, right?
And it seems crazy, but it'sreally taken that long to undo
what that year did.
So this year I feel like it'sback to pre pandemic open door
policy, and that is having areally positive impact on our
(17:15):
play.
That's so great.
Yeah I was coaching a little bitof high school ball during the
pandemic, and it was just sohard.
because you couldn't be with thekids.
All the time.
And there wasn't the touchyfeely and there wasn't the the
non-game stuff and thenon-practice stuff that normally
you would do.
it just felt so hollow.
It just felt gosh, this isn'twhy I got into this.
(17:38):
To coach games and just coachPrague, you got into it for
relationships and, to see themgrow.
So it was, it's so cool thatit's starting to come back and
you're starting to feel that itwas so many lost years because
of that.
Yeah.
And it helped.
Last year I hired an alum andshe graduated in 2020 and that
(17:58):
was one of the firstobservations she made was just
like, where is everybody?
And I was like, yeah.
They just don't come in as muchas they you guys used to.
Yeah, because of the pandemic.
And we just had that separationthen everyone got a routine of
it.
And, but she did help merealize, and so she was a big
part of the.
Implementing our book club andlike doing some very intentional
(18:22):
things to create more space totalk off the field.
And it, yeah, I mean we had atough one this past weekend and
we're gonna have a classroomsession today and I know it's
gonna be incredibly productiveand reset us for Wednesday.
It's so good.
Nobody likes to get their buttwhipped in a game in the middle
of a season, but sometimes it'sthe catalyst to what's to come,
(18:45):
just a reminder of, Hey we'repretty good.
Yeah.
This was a bad day, yeah.
It's we gotta walk away fromthat bad day.
And remember all the days beforethat, we're still that same
team.
I wish we didn't have to suffer,but we are certainly that team
that when we have thosesetbacks, we gain so much from
it.
So one of my big words issignificance.
(19:09):
I had a speaker many years agosay, I want you to remove the
word success from yourvocabulary and replace it with
significance.
And the idea is not worryingabout the scoreboard, but the
process of doing things theright way and doing it together
to get that number on thescoreboard you want when you
look at a season.
(19:30):
How do you define that successor that significance?
How do you know that, Hey, wehad a good year, no matter what
the record looks like.
I think first it's in the typeof teammates we are to each
other.
I think if we care about eachother and we.
(19:53):
Really show that.
And I can feel that, to me,that's like the epitome of
success is just like caringabout each other, caring about
the program.
And I've really been veryfortunate, Wheaton's a wonderful
place to recruit to.
'cause it's like cultivated inour student body and then we
just go that much deeper as alacrosse program.
(20:15):
But that's it.
I happen to be in the midst of aseason where it's so evident
that the athletes care so deeplyfor each other.
So I would say that I really do,I like what you said about
significance because I thinkI've coached for so long now and
every single year, regardless ofthe indices and record
(20:36):
everyone's given.
The same output doesn't, if wewon a conference championship
that year or like we barely heldon and made the conference
tournament but got knocked outthe first round, it really, I
don't see the championship teamas like having really inputted
more.
I think that everyone, it's justcircumstantial.
(21:00):
It's do we, are we healthy?
Do the stars kind of align forus?
Do we get things done thatseason?
And sometimes like injurieshappen, things happen, but
everyone's working just as hard.
So I never want athletes to feellike they weren't as valued or
they didn't do as much becausewe didn't get the end result.
Because every year of co-chair,Everyone works so, so hard and
(21:23):
it's really hard to be a collegeathlete.
Like harder than when I was incollege.
There's just so many demands onthem and they are so disciplined
and work so hard at it, so theyDeserve to feel that like that
they've inputted and gottenstuff out of it.
It's a great testament to thewomen.
(21:45):
That you're attracted to, torecruit, that catches your eye.
'cause not every coach can saythat, no matter what school, not
every coach can say, wow, wejust have kids that really buy
in and, they're accountable andthey're doing their work.
So it says a lot about you andhow you're building it and the
purpose behind it.
So I love that.
Yeah.
(22:05):
I want to go back to the fivedysfunctions as a team.
I love that you read it.
I haven't read that book, butI'm going to, I've had a couple
coaches tell me about it.
I don't know how obvious thosefive dysfunctions are, but I'm
curious with the culture thatyou have.
Did your team read it and go,these are obvious.
(22:26):
Yeah.
We're not gonna let any of thesethings will never be a part of
our Wheaton program or werethere like, wow, that makes a
lot of sense.
That is something we need to bemore aware of.
Was there that moment where kindof the eyes opened up or was
there that moment that Yeah, wedon't have any problems with
this.
So it was just our captains thatread it with us, and I think it,
(22:46):
their eyes did open up.
I think they, so the fivedysfunctions at the base or the
core of it is the top isresults.
And it's like basically youcan't, I.
Focus or think about yourresults if you don't get
everything underneath set.
And so at the base of it istrust and it's trust in that it,
(23:09):
not to be confused with likereliability, but trust in that
like people feel they can bevulnerable Yeah.
In that space.
And so that's like the bigthing.
And so we start to look at.
So right away we know okay, wedon't have this perfect
environment of trust.
Like these first years juststepped on campus.
(23:31):
There's no way they know, likemaybe I haven't even officially
announced the roster yet.
So they're not that open ortrusting to anything yet.
They're just like trying tosurvive.
So once we have done that, yeah,we started to I think they just
look at okay, every little teambonding thing we've ever done
was for this bigger purpose thatwe're trying to create more of a
(23:56):
safe space for each other and beable to build trust.
And so now they're in cahootswith us.
There was a time we were talkingabout it was just a little
conversation, but.
We were pointing out like we'vehad some slow starts to games
and then we've had success, andthen a kid chimed in and she's
when we have had a really quickstart, we really dip in the
(24:18):
second quarter, and then anotherathlete chimes in and it's just
thank goodness.
Like we had that.
and so we started to see thatlike we're having.
Conflict in our conversation.
And so in that book it says likeyou can't have conflict or
difficult conversations untilyou have trust.
And so it's this point in theyear, but the captains and the
(24:41):
coaches all are making eyecontact'cause we're all like,
this conflict is great.
'cause it means like we havetrust and yeah.
Sometimes teams will pridethemselves on like no drama or
something like that.
I was like.
No drama like that just meanslike there's no trust.
Like you're not even scratchingthe surface, like you're not
going anywhere.
So to us we are all in cahootsnow, Just looking for those
(25:04):
little windows where we're like,okay, we're not seeing eye to
eye, but we're equipped to dealwith this and like it's good
that we're not seeing eye toeye.
We'll get through this and we'llbe stronger for it.
It would be far worse if weweren't seeing eye to eye and we
weren't even having thatconversation.
I love it.
I just love it.
It just gives, it gives metingles up my spine to, to hear
(25:25):
you talk like that.
'cause you know that's why we doit.
Yeah.
That's the significance ofcoaching, getting a team to do
that.
my daughter plays clubvolleyball, and we were in Reno
this weekend and you used theword trust and we started to see
that this weekend.
they're really good cheerleadersof each other and they're great
supporters of each other, butwe're starting to see how they
(25:45):
deal conflict and they'rehandling conflict head on, come
on, you got this.
They're pumping each other upand it's, somebody had a bad set
or a bad serve or a bad passand, they're talking there's a
timeout.
And before they even get to thecoach, there's three
conversations before they get tothe timeout.
About what they want to dobetter and what they're doing
well, and what they want to donext play.
(26:05):
And I, that, to me, that is thesign of that trust you're
talking about is when they'rewalking off the field.
It's not just a bunch of kidswalking off the field.
They're still a team.
They're still playing that game,it hasnt stop.
Yeah, for sure.
Do you feel that from yourgroup?
Yes, Definitely.
And in a deeper connectionbetween the folks who are
(26:26):
getting the opportunity on gameday and those that are like on
the bench, there's.
It's just all connected.
And that to me is like the signof okay, we're a team, we're a
unit.
We know everyone knows theirvalue and everyone like knows
why we're doing it and whatwe're trying to do here.
And so that it takes time thoughand you can't, and if you have
(26:50):
it one season, you can't justassume it's gonna carry over
next season.
Yeah, a lot does.
But like you, every year yougotta start over and put in all
that effort again.
'cause sometimes when you go onautopilot, that's when you,
things slip away and it's likethe chemistry is lost and you
didn't even realize it washappening.
(27:11):
It's so important from myperspective, whether I'm
coaching men or women, that theylearn how to be critical of each
other and it's not the end ofthe world, and I'm not saying
you're terrible, you don't sayyou're terrible.
It's, we need more effort out ofyou.
And that person to be able tosay, you're right, I gotta bring
(27:32):
more to get that to happen.
Is the sign of a championshipteam that team's gonna do really
well that year?
Do you disagree?
I agree.
I think that's the lovelanguage.
When you can say it, it's notcoming from you need to do
better because I want you to dobetter.
It's you need to do betterbecause you're capable of doing
(27:53):
better.
And so to me that when you havea team that can hold each other
accountable that way becausethey believe in each other, then
yeah.
They're in a good spot.
Yeah.
Gotta be able to tell each otherthe truth.
It's a, I don't know if you'remarried or not, but it's, that's
when a relationship really forme, it peaks when my wife can
yell at me and I go, okay,you're right.
(28:15):
I gotta do better.
I gotta be more on time.
I can't be so distracted and Ican kick her in the butt about
something and she'd go, you'reright.
I gotta do better.
So I love that.
I just love that idea.
That we're making that a focusand how we wanna treat each
other.
And it's okay to be critical aslong as we're accountable,
right?
Yes.
Yeah, for sure.
(28:35):
Yes.
And I am married with two kids,so I learned quick, pretty early
on.
Yeah.
When my 11-year-old now isyoung, I would bring work home
or like the, or.
She was won.
We won a Mack championship, butany loss we had as really over
and over again.
My wife had to point out thatour 1-year-old doesn't care that
(28:57):
we lost.
I was like, noted.
Yeah, exactly.
I feel like that was so valuableto Oh, yeah.
That was huge for me.
When I stopped coaching at thecollege level, my kids were four
and one, it's amazing whatchildren can do to the
perspective of what we do, somuch easier to let it go after a
bad loss when, there's two kidsgoing, mommy, yeah.
(29:20):
I just wanna play, I home, Iwouldn't play.
Yeah, for sure.
You've spoken at huge, hugeconventions about practices, so
I wanna get into practices withyou.
What do high school youthcoaches, what are they doing
wrong when they're looking?
They got an hour with their kidstwice a week.
(29:40):
Maybe they're practicing four orfive days a week at the high
school level.
What are they doing wrong thatyou wish they would reconsider
or look at from a differentperspective when they're
planning their practices?
it makes me appreciate coachingcollege.
I love youth coaching youth, butthere's definitely challenges.
So I won't touch the youthcoaches because I'm not sure.
(30:03):
I've been stumped many timeswith coaching youth, but I do
think in high school the hardestpart is like being a part-time
coach or coming right fromteaching job to there.
But even trying to give somespace on the field to like
connecting.
Athletes and setting intention,setting goals for even the
(30:24):
practice so that time is wellspent because there's certainly
not enough of it.
So that's my advice.
I think that high school coachesthat can create that little bit
of space before and afterpractice, that's pretty
valuable.
I really think planning.
(30:47):
Intentions that go for thatpractice, but also the entire
season.
Like what aspects of the game doyou wanna develop?
Like I've definitely volunteeredwith coaches before and even at
the youth level where I'm like,oh, I'm happy to help you out or
something.
And they show up and just likenothing's planned or nothing's
written down and right.
(31:09):
I went to Springfield College, Iwas on a phys ed track and ended
up jumping right into coaching.
But it's as a teacher, we wouldnever walk in without a lesson
plan.
Coaching is like the same,right?
You have to have, even if youveer from it, which is totally
fine, but you've gotta have itplanned out.
And you have to know theprogression, not just within
(31:30):
that practice, but yourprogression throughout the
season so that you can measureit.
Are you making progress or areyou not?
And now you know what to tackle.
So that's the biggest thing.
I think is just a quick check-inand setting intentions.
It's much harder for a kid tofloat through practice and not
(31:53):
be fully accountable orcommitted.
If you've had this 15 minuteconversation about.
What your practice is about tolook like.
Yeah.
I worked with a high schoolcoach a few years ago, and this
coach would walk into practicewith a napkin, a back of an
envelope, and there'd be two orthree things written on, and I
was like.
This is how we're gonna prepare.
(32:14):
This is, yeah, we expect ourkids to grow today, Three things
on a napkin and get two hoursout of our kids.
So yeah, I love that.
Love those points of emphasis.
Think they're terribly valuable.
And it's hard.
It is hard when you're teachingall day, or you have a full-time
job and you have to go coach fortwo hours afterward?
Maybe you have to do it fivedays a week as a high school
(32:34):
coach, but it's so important youfind those five minutes to go.
Here are the three or four,maybe five things that are
really important to our program,our conditioning, our
physicality, how we move theball, our spacing, whatever that
may be, our defense.
Those are gonna be our focuspoints.
Every single practice, how weget to them is gonna be
different, but those are ourfocus points.
(32:55):
So I love that.
When it comes to.
So I'm gonna transition frompractices to games.
So when you think about your,you got a new Mac final coming
up, a semi-final, a conferencematch that determines who wins
and who loses the conference.
Are there things that you putinto that practice that are
(33:17):
different or do you try and keepthem pretty similar, no matter
the contest?
Yes and no.
Like we do keep it prettysimilar and we try to really
stick to us as much as possible.
There's a scouting report and wedo talk at length about what.
(33:40):
We can expect in an upcominggame, but then always bring it
back to us.
one way we do that is we createnew offenses for each game we
play.
Usually comes from one we justran.
We're like, we really what wedid with this, but based on
their defense, we think we cantweak it.
the fact that every time we havea new game coming up, there's a
(34:02):
new offense that we're puttingin and we'll repeat some, but
we're really just looking at theopponent and where we're at and
what's going well for us.
Even though we're changing forevery opponent, the fact that
we're consistently changing forevery opponent makes us at home
with that flexibility and sowe're staying resilient and
(34:23):
flexible because we do that,they're really locked in.
Practices like today's Monday,we're gonna put in a slightly
different variation of anoffense we've done in the past,
and they're gonna know okay,here it is.
it gives a little bit of energyand excitement for new opponent.
We have a STA team, statisticalbreakdown of every game and
(34:46):
seeing how we're progressing indifferent categories of the
game.
That kind of guides how we focusour energy, but we do have to be
selective because we could spendeight hours doing all the things
that we'd like to, work on ortalk about, right?
So I even at any level, I'mcoaching, I try to be like, all
(35:09):
right.
We can really ask them to focuson three things and get output
outta that.
If we're going exceeding that,then probably it's all going in
one ear at the other.
Where are you at ratio wise,with scrimmaging?
I was one of those coaches.
I just, I was so fundamentallyfocused and I wanted my guys and
(35:31):
gals to be really good ateverything.
too often my practices were 9010.
Breakdown drills.
Three on three, four on four,and then 10% was actual
scrimmage.
Where are you at with that?
At this point of our season,we're rarely scrimmaging.
We'll do small sided for just towork on our sevens, but we did
(35:56):
utilize it, I don't know,probably 20, 30% scrimmaging in
preseason.
However, I.
It also is, we're in NewEngland, we practice outside
starting mid-January.
Nothing is better for theirfitness than running full field.
So That's right.
(36:16):
It was our test to be like,okay, we can hold up, we did
this and oh, let's show uptomorrow and run another 20
minute and.
To me is okay, we can getthrough a quarter in women's
lacrosse is 15 minutes right.
And reset and get back outthere.
So it really was like more ofour confidence in our fitness
(36:39):
when we do it.
Yeah.
But I agree, we do try to,sometimes we break things down
but we really try to build itback up to game pace with like
situational things and unsettledsituations and all that.
Love that.
Yeah it's the great challenge ofcollege coaching because your
kids wanna play.
(36:59):
They always wanna play, theywant compete, and they wanna
scrimmage and you want to makesure the pieces.
Are together and we understandwhat we're doing, especially
when you're putting new sets ina new offense in all the time,
and trying to, confuse youropponent.
So they, they're not they don'tknow what to expect from you,
which I love as a coach too.
(37:21):
But it's so important that thekids understand.
The sooner we understand theparts, the more we can do the
big thing, the more we canscrimmage, right?
Very true.
Yeah.
Coach recruiting's my world.
And you've, you and I have had agreat conversation about
recruiting.
I'd love to get your philosophyon just how you go about
(37:43):
planning a year, two years,three years in your recruiting
cycle and what your philosophyis and how you guys recruit.
our recruiting cycle is.
Earlier than some, but likelater than others.
We don't particularly love howearly lacrosse recruiting is,
but it's our reality.
(38:04):
So We work within that.
But we're really heavilyrecruiting and seeing sophomores
and juniors play.
And we're really trying to getthem as much information and
gather as much information aboutthem.
But we also know that a lotchanges from that summer going
(38:26):
into senior year.
I think a lot of kids set outwith I want a big school far
away, and then I.
By the time, July hits, it'slike a small school right in
their backyard or whatever thecase may be.
So we try to just give ourrecruits that space to figure it
out.
But like along the way, here'sall the information about
(38:48):
Wheaton.
At Wheaton we're able to.
Really hone in the summer monthsgoing into their senior year in
terms of both where they fall atWheaton, admissions wise, we can
get them that information andthat's when our class starts to
take shape.
About now we have some juniorswho are committed, but with,
(39:12):
they don't have thatinformation.
That's really important.
So yeah.
It's if things change from that,like we're certainly not gonna
give them a hard time, but it isreassuring to know Wheaton's
their top choice and that's,they have every intention of
enrolling here.
Yeah.
So that's our.
Timeline.
And then by the beginning of thefall, like our class is locked
(39:34):
up and they're gettingintegrated into our program as
much as possible withoutdistracting from their senior
seasons.
And like really letting them beseniors.
But that is, certainly a partof, it's like by the time they
come to campus for theirorientation or as first years
there.
They're not even nervousanymore.
(39:54):
Like they're just so ingrainedand know everybody that it's
just a different world.
Like they just are ready and socomfortable with it.
Yeah.
They're coming home.
They already know us.
Yeah.
Love that.
Yeah.
And we certainly go into every,it's big for us to ID players
and to see players who areinterested in to evaluate their.
(40:18):
Ability to play.
But then after that, really theconversations are a big part of
it.
And like I said, my assistant'san alum of Wheaton, so she's
usually the first phone callthat they have.
And that's incredibly helpful toour process, but also to them
like they.
(40:39):
Really are getting a very clearperspective of things.
Yeah.
It's so great.
In the first conversation, youcan talk to somebody that's not
the head coach and go, what wasit like to play for coach?
Yeah.
What can I expect?
How does she treat freshmen?
You know what's my timeline looklike?
I love that.
That's so good.
Yeah.
It's so great to have a formerplayer on your staff when you
(40:59):
can do it.
For sure.
That's very cool.
Are there.
Are there things that arenon-negotiables for you when
you're watching?
Are there, whether that's inathleticism, whether that's a
skillset, whether that's anattitude, are there things that
you know you like to coach?
(41:23):
Yes.
I don't want it to sound tooblack and white, but it, I would
say speed.
Strength and like skill.
But skill could also be likegame sense and like that vision
too.
So those three things, the, ifan athlete has all three, then
(41:44):
that's wonderful, but it's likeone of those with a lot of
potential in the other, which istypically.
Skill.
If they're not as skilled aswe'd like, no problem.
That's an easy one to build up.
Literally within the first monthof being here, we have them
doing things that bring theirskill to just a whole nother
(42:07):
level.
Lacrosse is just great in thatway.
So that's it is like you gottareally be bringing.
A good amount of speed or a goodamount of strength and that can
sometimes be in your physiquetoo.
It's just like having good size.
And then if the skill we tackthat on later, then.
that's great.
Or having a lot of speed, butknowing you haven't even been in
(42:28):
the weight room yet, and that'sgonna add a whole nother element
to it and you can just see thatpotential in those areas.
I tell kids that all the time.
Really good coaches, greatcoaches, all think alike, As
soon as they see something thatthey think they can fix in you,
all of a sudden you're arecruit.
Because you've got speed, you'vegot strength, you've got size,
you've got something that Ican't coach, but there's
(42:51):
something that I can make youbetter at.
I can help add to that speed andthat strength.
For sure.
And I love seeing a kid that hasall of those things already, but
every other coach in the countryhas also seen them, so We very
much know that our success andour best players were developed
while they were here.
(43:12):
They didn't necessarily come inat that level.
but I love that.
I love helping be a part of thatdevelopment.
Yeah.
I know you gotta run here in alittle bit.
I'm gonna throw some quickhitters at you just to get your
thoughts on a couple things.
You and I have been talkingabout goalies a lot, is what
we're looking at in terms ofgoalies.
Is there similar things, speed,strength, iq, vision?
(43:35):
Are there certain things you'relooking for in a goalie?
Very much athleticism.
Because there's a few differentways you can go with a goalie.
one of our best goalies I'veever coached, her saves were
great, but she was an eighthdefender.
(43:55):
Like she caused so manyturnovers and picked up so many
ground balls and just, and itwas like, usually with a goalie,
once they've made a save, youknow they're over that and
they're locked into the game.
This kid was different where I'mlike, as soon as she runs around
outside the crease, I know she'slocked in.
So if she comes out to get a 5050 ball and scoots around out
there, then I'm like, I didn'teven need to Some of her best
(44:17):
games, you'd look at it andyou'd be like, oh, she only had
five saves.
That was weird.
She, I'm like, because theycouldn't even get the shots off.
She was like causing turnoversbefore it happened.
So I think just the vision ofwhat they're gonna be.
And so a lot of times like areally athletic kid who's maybe
not tracking the ball well yetor isn't technically as sound,
(44:40):
you're just like, okay, thosethings we can obviously work on,
but that athleticism and thejust going for it, that's an
intangible that you'd wanna holdonto.
I love it.
Gimme one book Every young coachshould read.
I have a lot.
I do think five dysfunctions ofa team is just really digestible
(45:03):
and it might open your eyes towhy things aren't really getting
off the ground if you knowyou're struggling to make a
program or cultivate a culture.
I also think grit is reallyreaffirming that we just, just
putting in the hours of practiceand things like that and that an
(45:24):
athlete might not be the mostskilled, but if they're
motivated, they can reallychange their trajectory.
Absolutely.
I love that.
If you weren't coaching, whatwould you be doing?
Literally nothing.
I have no other balance.
I think I would enjoy likeconsulting with athletes and
(45:47):
doing a mental skills type thingand just going down that avenue.
Yeah.
I've worked with a lot of reallygreat people have helped me to
understand the impact I'm havingon athletes and how to maybe not
add pressure where there'salready plenty of pressure
there.
So I.
I've loved those conversations.
(46:08):
I think I would probably wannawork one-on-one with athletes
just to make sure they'reenjoying the experience as much
as they possibly can and notweighed down by all the other
stuff.
If you'll have me, I'm gonnahave you do some of that.
I'm gonna get you on somewebinars.
We're gonna get you coachingmore kids that way because I
(46:29):
think, oh, kids can learn fromyou.
So I'm gonna take advantage ofyou wherever you'll let me.
Most underrated quality and agreat assistant coach.
I don't know if it's underrated,but an assistant coach that just
can give you.
Their opinion when it might justbe going again, like holding you
accountable and just saying likeI think the athletes need this
(46:52):
right now.
And to me that's the mostimportant thing in my assistant
is very in tune to that.
And sometimes I'm traveling downthe wrong path and like she just
will be like this is what Ithink they need right now.
And she says that, you have tobe gentle with coaches too.
So she always sends it, says itin a gentle way, but I'm like,
(47:13):
that's exactly what they need.
You're right.
There's that trust again, coach.
Yeah.
She trusts you to be able togive that advice and share.
I love it.
Best piece of advice to give tofamilies going through the
recruiting process.
That it's really the first big.
Decision they're making in theirlife.
(47:33):
And all you can do is empowerthem to make that decision.
And the college coach shouldalso be empowering them to make
that decision.
And if you're not feeling that,they're empowering them to make
that decision and they're tryingto make the decision for them,
that's probably not the rightsituation.
Like they're not respecting yourfamily and your kid.
(47:58):
Enough.
And that's the bottom line is ifyou're a great player and a
great person, you're gonna be agreat fit at many programs.
So don't let anyone convince youthat there's only one place
where you can do it.
It's your decision.
Last one.
Best piece of advice.
This doesn't have anything to dowith lacrosse or coaching.
It could be parenting, it couldbe raising kids, it could be
(48:19):
just being a human being.
Best piece of advice that you'vebeen given that's been
significant for you, that youshare with others?
It does sound very coachingrelated, but I think it really
goes to every aspect.
My life is like to not beresults driven and to like
really be process focused and.
Experience everything and bepresent and enjoy all of that.
(48:43):
Because if you're just fixatedon the results, whether it's
parenting and like your kids,how they're performing in the
classroom or in sports, it'sjust like we just isn't a recipe
for success.
Like it's just gonna weigh usdown.
So I think being present andexperiencing all aspects of it,
(49:05):
even when it's the failures,just living through it and.
Yeah, don't skip the process.
Be a part of the journey.
Enjoy the journey.
I love it.
Coach.
you are fantastic.
I'm so glad we met.
I'm a huge fan.
I'll be sending kids to yourright and left from here on out
if you'll have'em, if you wantto talk to'em because, you're
the epitome of significance.
(49:25):
You care about your kids, you doit the right way.
And just really impressed.
So I wish you guys the best ofluck here on out.
What an awesome conversationwith Coach Emily Kalik.
Her steady presence, hercommitment to team culture and
her focus on developing peopleover just winning games is
exactly the kind of leadershipwe love to spotlight here on
(49:49):
significant coaching.
If you enjoyed today's episode,be sure to subscribe, leave a
review, and share it withsomeone who's passionate about
coaching and leadership.
And don't forget to check outcoach matt rogers.com.
That's your go-to hub foreverything recruiting.
In College Prep.
You can pick up a copy of mybook, significant Recruiting,
the Playbook for prospectiveCollege Athletes.
(50:10):
You can read my weekly blog orschedule a personalized
recruiting strategy session foryour family with me.
If you're a school ororganization looking to bring in
a speaker on recruitingleadership or the journey to
college, I'd love to connectwith you there as well.
Thanks again for tuning in tosignificant coaching.
Until next time, keep leadingwith purpose and remember,
(50:31):
significance always wins
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