#85 Barbara J Hunt - What have we got wrong about Forgiveness?

✨ “Without forgiveness, there really is no future.” – Desmond Tutu ✨

In this powerful conversation with Barbara J Hunt, we explore the forgotten superpower of forgiveness — what it really is, why we resist it, and how it can transform our relationships, wellbeing, and even physical health. We cover: Why forgiveness is essential for humanity right now.

The five biggest obstacles to forgiving.

Common myths about forgiveness (and why they’re wrong).

Barbara’s seven-step Forgiveness Made Easy process.

How forgiveness can help us co-create a more peaceful world.

Whether you’re spiritual, religious, or simply searching for “something more,” Barbara shares practical tools and deep insights to help you heal, grow, and live with greater freedom. If you’ve ever struggled to let go, or wondered why forgiveness feels so hard, this episode is for you.

 

00:00 – What we get wrong about forgiveness (and a clear definition) A practical definition of forgiveness (not letting people “off the hook”). Misconceptions debunked: boundaries, “weakness,” and when forgiveness applies. 04:30 – Why it matters: emotional hygiene & the heart’s “bin” Emotional wellbeing starts with clearing inner resentments. How unprocessed grudges quietly shape reactions, relationships, and stress.

09:00 – Thoughts change feelings: the lemon demo & meaning-making Mind–body link in action: imagination shifts physiology and mood. Reframing stories to reduce triggers, anxiety and conflict.

13:30 – Justice vs. revenge: the pull of grievance addiction Why “justice” often masks a revenge loop that never soothes pain. What research and real cases reveal about closure and healing.

18:00 – Boundaries, action & stopping the “self-poison” loop Forgiveness ≠ passivity: set boundaries, pursue justice where needed. End the cortisol cycle stealing sleep, presence and peace.

22:30 – Hidden payoffs/costs of grudges: body toll & resentir The sneaky “benefits” of resentment (moral high ground, protection) and their cost. Health impact: stress, inflammation, and replaying pain (“re-feeling”). 27:00 – Culture loves revenge; why forgiveness is advanced strength Why films glorify payback—and why true strength is letting go. Skills you build: empathy, perspective-taking, emotional regulation.

31:30 – Start the work: notice it, list downsides, spot payoffs First steps: awareness, honest inventory, and naming what you’re “getting” from the grudge. Shift attention economy back to what matters.

36:00 – Core beliefs & childhood roots: inquiry tools that help Uncover core beliefs (“I’m not enough”, “I don’t matter”). Inquiry frameworks (e.g., laddering/Byron Katie) to dissolve triggers.

40:30 – Life inventory: parents, school, early wounds to clear Where patterns start: family, school, first love, early betrayals. Practical list-making to target and release long-held hurts.

45:00 – From insight to practice: your forgiveness list & “lockdown” plan Create a personal “forgiveness sprint” to clear multiple resentments. Feel lighter, reopen capacity for joy, intimacy and presence.

47:10 – Beliefs vs feelings: “I’m enough” & rewiring the mind How to separate beliefs from emotions and reprogram old patterns. Moving from shame and hurt to healthy self-worth.

51:00 – Barbara’s seven-step Forgiveness Made Easy: the arc & purpose An accessible step-by-step process designed to work for everyone. Why “pre-steps” matter before entering the forgiveness arena.

55:30 – The inner ceremony: say it all, fire for release, wise mentor Speak every grievance aloud in a safe, imagined setting. Use fire, mentors, and ritual to release and transform pain.

1:00:00 – When it sticks (or doesn’t): resistance, honesty & real-life actions Why some people resist forgiveness and what breaks through. The role of honesty, readiness, and follow-up choices in relationships.

1:04:30 – Energy shifts & reconnection: from trigger to friendship How changing your energy changes relationships. Real-life stories of turning tension into trust and friendship.

1:09:00 – Time vs attention: stones in the shoe, why do the work? Why time alone doesn’t heal resentment. How attention and proactive work bring true release and freedom.

1:12:00 – Connect with Barbara J Hunt: socials, site & book (outro) Find Barbara online at forgivenessmadeeasy.co.uk . Follow her on Instagram: @barbara_j_hunt and explore her book Forgiveness Made Easy.