#87 Merlin Matthews - Men in 2025: Brotherhood, Purpose & Living Without Regret

In this powerful and wide-ranging conversation, Simon Cockram and Merlin Matthews dive deep into what it means to be a man in 2025. From fatherhood and role models to brotherhood and purpose, this episode explores the challenges men face today—and the opportunities for growth, strength, and connection. We begin by unpacking how traditional male roles have shifted and why so many men are struggling with isolation, silence, and the pressure to “go it alone.”

We discuss the missing rites of passage that once helped boys become men, and how modern substitutes—from gangs to the military—often provide structure without true support. The conversation turns to mental health, with an honest look at the male suicide crisis and the lack of spaces for men to share openly. We explore how men can replace shallow pub talk with real, vulnerable conversations—and why accountability, brotherhood, and coaching are so essential to thriving. From there, we dig into focus and goals. Why having more than three goals often leads to overwhelm, and how consistency, compounding, and long-term thinking unlock real transformation. We talk about regrets, the “future self” test, and why it’s always the things left untried that haunt us later in life. In one of the most personal parts of the episode, I share my dream of DJing hard techno to a live crowd—something I know I’ll regret if I don’t pursue. We break down the fears of age, failure, and even success, and how pursuing your passion sets a powerful example for your kids.

We finish with the importance of strength training, belonging, and purpose—not just for health today but for longevity and vitality tomorrow. This episode is about men, meaning, and movement—taking action, finding brotherhood, and living without regret.

Chapters 00:00 – Intro: Men in 2025 & shifting roles

04:00 – Fathers as role models: traits to keep vs reject

08:00 – Conditioning programming & the “lone warrior” script

12:00 – Male suicide crisis, men’s circles and support orgs

16:00 – Missing male presence: mentors, sport & rites of passage

20:00 – Initiation stories; “boys in man suits” & the loss of elders

24:00 – Modern initiation (gangs/military) & power under control

28:00 – Women’s daily support vs men’s silence; sharing struggles

32:00 – New-dad example: support gap & rebuilding community

36:00 – Coffee vs beers, ego, shallow chat; purpose after work, retirement

40:00 – Talking feelings without fixing stigma & real check-ins

44:00 – Accountability, brotherhood and going farther together

48:00 – Why three goals: focus, overwhelm & action over consumption

52:00 – Implement what you read: mentors, doing knowing, consistency

56:00 – 10-year thinking, compounding gains & choosing where to spend an hour

01:00:00 – Plan cascade, “gain vs gap”, Who Not How, 10x vs 2x, BHAGs

01:04:00 – Purpose over money; future-self & rocking-chair test; regrets of inaction

01:08:00 – Declaring the DJ dream; age fears; who’s stopping you; make a plan

01:12:00 – Role-modelling for kids; Blue Zones: purpose, belonging, exercise; lift for life

01:16:00 – Why people skip training; comfort culture; go with a crew; wrap-up & how to join Man Academy