April 29, 2025 • 16 mins
Have you ever found yourself feeling simultaneously blessed and overwhelmed? The podcast returns after a much-needed break as April welcomes a new baby into her family, now juggling the needs of a four-month-old alongside children entering their teenage years. This conversation explores the beautiful mess of transitions and how they reveal both our deepest insecurities and God's sufficient grace.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back.
It has been quite a while sincewe have done a podcast.
It has been a minute, yes, andit is not without good reason,
however, because I this is Aprilspeaking have had a baby, and
she is now actually almost fourmonths old.
So, yeah, I know, I said it.
(00:23):
The other day, somebody askedhow old she was.
I was like, oh man, yeah, she'salmost four months old already.
it goes by fast that is the bestreason to take a break, so yes
so we have been on a bit of ahiatus and, um, just enjoying
life with a baby.
So we are back, though, andtoday is just going to be kind
(00:47):
of a small little intro backinto the podcast world, because
it's been a while.
So, um, esty, what has God beendoing in your life lately?
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Oh man, um, well, honestly, honestly, life has
been good and after many yearsof just ups and downs and riding
a lot of emotional rollercoasters, um, the, the peace and
like lack of chaos has beenalmost weird.
(01:26):
Um, a lot of that.
I mean.
There's been a lot of good, alot of good stuff going on over
the years too.
It's just, things are just very, I don't know, even even keeled
right now, and I've realized inthat a I don't always know how
to operate like that.
(01:46):
Um, there's a part of me that'slike oh, I need to go create
some drama.
I do, I do thrive a little bitin chaos, and so I, um, even
though I've been actively tryingto like create a lifestyle that
avoids that, I realized like,like it's something that's kind
(02:08):
of ingrained in my brain, butalso just now, now I am faced
with myself.
Before I've been kind of justlike trying to navigate
different situations and justdifferent seasons of life that
are very all-consuming, and nowI'm like everything,
everything's fine, everything'sgood for now, you know, um, but
(02:32):
I have to like kind of lookmyself a little harder in the
mirror, if that makes sense, andkind of do it with my own just
my own personality and like thethings that I don't necessarily
love to look at like full in theface, if that makes any sense.
And so I guess that God's justbeen kind of showing me things
(02:57):
that are a little bit deeper,more heart issues that I need to
work on, but then also likejust some of the things that I,
the things that I don't loveabout myself are often the
things that God loves and thatGod seems to use.
And then the things that I like, the things I'm the hardest on
myself about, and then thethings that I kind of like don't
(03:20):
want to give up or kind of justpretend don't exist, are the
things that God is trying toweed out, and so that's, I don't
know.
That's a little vague, I guess,but that that's probably.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Oh, yeah, that's good .
Don't mean to get into theweeds too much, but yeah, that
makes sense In a lot of ways.
I feel that you know, when wedo that self-examining, we
realize, oh, I guess God isusing this part of me that I
thought was like horrible andactually these parts that I
(03:52):
thought were okay are really notthat great.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Yeah, yeah, and sometimes so.
I spoke at a like a ladiesmeeting about a month ago and I
shared some just really personalstories, and that's not hard
for me to do.
I'm very much an open book andI was just, you know, telling
(04:17):
these kind of deeply personalstories and like laughing in
between, because that's just howI am.
The word that people keptsaying to me over and over again
was like you're, like, you wereso vulnerable and like open and
honest and transparent, and Ijust kept hearing words like
(04:38):
that over and over again and Iand it really people were.
It was positive feedback and Ilike that's something I always
like Estee, stop talking.
Estee, shut up.
Why did you say that?
You said too much.
They didn't need to hear allthat.
(04:58):
Or even just in normalconversation, I'm like, oh, my
word, stop oversharing.
So I beat myself up about thatall the time and there's like
there's times where I shouldreally actually be quiet.
But you know, god has been kindof showing me in different ways
.
Like you know, I use that.
I know it's kind of messy, butlike I use it and let me, let me
(05:19):
use it for good.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Right, right for good , right, right, that's great.
Yeah, I think for myself lately, you know, kind of coming back
into the role of that's not theway to say it being a mom to a
new baby.
Again it makes all of the Idon't know.
Just it has.
It brings with it a whole bunchof self-reflection and
(05:44):
introspection and all that kindof stuff.
And especially with havingolder kids like alethea is going
to be 13 in a few weeks, she'sgoing to be 13, so we're walking
into the teen years with theolder kids and now having the
(06:06):
newborn, like I find myselflacking again in areas and
having those just the, thedoubts of self being able to do
the things and be the mom and beall of the things that you know
(06:27):
we have when we are beingpulled in multiple directions
and, um, you know theinsecurities I guess in in not
feeling, cause I cause you kindof get into the groove, you know
, as you have the old, the kidsgetting older and stuff, and you
get me.
You're like, okay, I can dothis and this is all right and
(06:49):
we're, we're, we're not thatwe've arrived've arrived, but
we're, we're making it throughand we've got our groove right
and then all of a sudden it'slike, ah, reset.
And then, on top of reset,going into the teen years of you
know and figuring that out.
As far as I don't want to havethe typical relationship with
(07:10):
you know, my kids of all theteens are horrible and they've
got such bad attitudes and not,you know, enjoying.
I wanted to have a goodrelationship with them and so,
walking through that the rightway too, I find myself
definitely lacking in areas.
(07:31):
So recently our pastor at churchhad gone through the series of
the dirty dozen, talking aboutthe disciples and then also Paul
, and he just pulled outdifferent things through the
whole series.
That really kind of struck homefor me as far as, like that,
(07:56):
really kind of struck home forme as far as, like you know,
just what you know of them isthat they were just ordinary,
plain guys.
You know, they had theirstruggles.
Peter was always putting hisfoot in his mouth and he denied
Christ three times and he justhad that overwhelming sense of
you know, take charge but go inthe wrong direction.
I'm going to, I'm going to dothis and it's going to be great,
(08:19):
but it's totally wrong and justrelatable.
And you know, paul, he describedhimself, as you know, not being
a great speaker or, you know,one of the more eloquent people,
(08:39):
but just being able to, godstill used him to, well, really
put forth the gospel to theGentiles and write the majority
of the new Testament.
And you know people, even withhis infirmity, you know.
We don't know what that is, buthe said that he had some sort
of a physical problem, right and, and he said that, well, I'll
(09:04):
just read the verse so that Idon't butcher it, there'll be a
better that way.
Um.
And he said unto me my grace issufficient for the um.
And he said unto me, my graceis sufficient for thee, for my
strength is made perfect inweakness.
Most gladly, therefore, will Iglory in my infirmities.
That the power of christ mayrest upon me.
Therefore, I take pleasure ininfirmities and reproaches and
(09:26):
necessities and persecutions anddistresses for Christ's sake,
for when I am weak, then am Istrong.
And so, just taking away fromthat these past couple of weeks
like it, I don't need to rest inmy own strength and my own
ability to get through the day,to have all of the things that I
(09:47):
think need to be, all the boxesthat I think need to be checked
, checked.
I can rely on Christ and hisstrength and he, through me, can
be strong.
And when I'm leaning on him andmaking him the priority and the
focus of my day and not like,oh, I have to do this, this,
(10:10):
this, this, you know I can, Ican do what he has for me and
and we'll all work out one wayor another.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
So well, the nice thing about having older kids is
, you know, like even if youdon't get it all right, it's
still gonna be all right.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Yeah, I'm definitely much more chill with Talia than
I am, than I was with the otherones.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
I think back to that phase of our life because we
were very much in the thick ofit together.
Yeah, because we were very muchin the thick of it together and
when I go back and think like Iinstantly just get this like
knot of anxiety and I cause it'sjust part of the memory.
I just was so anxious the wholetime, and not like I didn't
(11:00):
trust God kind of anxious, butjust I just was living with this
like adrenaline, fear, I thinkof just all the things and
trying to do all the things.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I think a lot of it was just the pure lack of sleep
and living on exhaustion.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Truly and I, yes, like I think that was a lot of
it and I don't have that anymore, like I mean, my kids are old
enough that I mostly sleep, andso it's a whole different world.
And I think back and I'm like,oh my word, we survived it.
But truly, like that verse hasactually been playing in my mind
(11:40):
a lot recently.
You know, I just see myinadequacies and they're real,
and sometimes it's not just mebeing hard on myself or me being
, you know, I just I just see myinadequacies and they're real,
and sometimes it's not just mebeing hard on myself or or me
being, you know, believing liesof the enemy and all that stuff
that sometimes, you know, thosenegative thoughts can be.
Sometimes, it's true, likesometimes you do have faults,
you do have weaknesses, andrecognizing them is not it is
(12:05):
good.
But also realizing that whenyou take those weaknesses and
give them to Jesus, he lets hisstrength comes through and he's
the one that gets you through.
And I don't know, I just amvery, I think that I'm aware of
my weaknesses and then all of asudden I find new ones and I'm
like oh Well, that's, that'sthere.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Sanctification, right , we won't, we won't be perfect
till we get to heaven.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Yeah, yeah, and I have no pretenses of thinking
that I've arrived so Right, no,that I mean.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
That is definitely one thing.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Like I said, we get in these things, these moments
of time where we're like, oh, Ithink I've like arrived, and
then something comes and it waslike it's been a long time.
One day she asked me if she hadto be good in heaven, and I was
like you're not even going tohave to try, like you're just
going to be good, and she waslike, right, I was like yeah,
(13:23):
and I hadn't really thoughtabout it.
But man, what a relief.
Like that's such a.
We talk about all the thingsabout heaven, but the fact that
we're not going to be strivinganymore, we're not going to be,
we're not going to haveweaknesses, we're not going to
be fighting our flesh anymore.
(13:44):
Right, beam me up, because it'sfantastic.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Yeah, well, that's great and I look forward to
Going further With this podcast.
We're going to try to startKind of a missions focus for a
little while and take it fromthere and see how it goes.
Uh, maybe talk to a fewmissionaries or people who have
(14:16):
been on trips recently.
We'll see how that goes.
It's a little tricky with timedifferences and things like that
, but we'll see what we can do.
So yeah, we're glad to be backin the groove.
Yeah, let your friends know, letlet family know that we're back
on and ready to ready to go.
(14:40):
I guess you?
Speaker 2 (14:42):
sound so confident, you sound so confident yeah no,
I'm glad.
I'm glad because I get to visitwith you.
That means like, definitely,yeah, we have to do a podcast,
okay, no, you don't have to askme twice.
I am next time you need tobring on's.
(15:07):
Bring on talia and let justjust to hear her little cues,
her little baby, oh yeah she's,I said her name wrong I said her
name wrong.
No, talia oh, okay, yeah, okayand honestly, it depends on who
you ask.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
In my family, because brian says it a little
different than I do what does?
Speaker 2 (15:28):
he call her italia.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
He like says it probably not like.
He just has a different way topronounce the a like.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
He says it a little more like he sounds more new
york than you do, when I know ifhe's that's different yeah, so
anyways, she can be our nextguest yes, all right, we'll talk
to you guys later.
Welcome back.
It has been quite a while sincewe have done a podcast.
It has been a minute, yes, andit is not without good reason,
however, because I this is Aprilspeaking have had a baby, and
she is now actually almost fourmonths old.
So, yeah, I know, I said it.
(00:23):
The other day, somebody askedhow old she was.
I was like, oh man, yeah, she'salmost four months old already.
it goes by fast that is the bestreason to take a break, so yes
so we have been on a bit of ahiatus and, um, just enjoying
life with a baby.
So we are back, though, andtoday is just going to be kind
(00:47):
of a small little intro backinto the podcast world, because
it's been a while.
So, um, esty, what has God beendoing in your life lately?
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Oh man, um, well, honestly, honestly, life has
been good and after many yearsof just ups and downs and riding
a lot of emotional rollercoasters, um, the, the peace and
like lack of chaos has beenalmost weird.
(01:26):
Um, a lot of that.
I mean.
There's been a lot of good, alot of good stuff going on over
the years too.
It's just, things are just very, I don't know, even even keeled
right now, and I've realized inthat a I don't always know how
to operate like that.
(01:46):
Um, there's a part of me that'slike oh, I need to go create
some drama.
I do, I do thrive a little bitin chaos, and so I, um, even
though I've been actively tryingto like create a lifestyle that
avoids that, I realized like,like it's something that's kind
(02:08):
of ingrained in my brain, butalso just now, now I am faced
with myself.
Before I've been kind of justlike trying to navigate
different situations and justdifferent seasons of life that
are very all-consuming, and nowI'm like everything,
everything's fine, everything'sgood for now, you know, um, but
(02:32):
I have to like kind of lookmyself a little harder in the
mirror, if that makes sense, andkind of do it with my own just
my own personality and like thethings that I don't necessarily
love to look at like full in theface, if that makes any sense.
And so I guess that God's justbeen kind of showing me things
(02:57):
that are a little bit deeper,more heart issues that I need to
work on, but then also likejust some of the things that I,
the things that I don't loveabout myself are often the
things that God loves and thatGod seems to use.
And then the things that I like, the things I'm the hardest on
myself about, and then thethings that I kind of like don't
(03:20):
want to give up or kind of justpretend don't exist, are the
things that God is trying toweed out, and so that's, I don't
know.
That's a little vague, I guess,but that that's probably.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Oh, yeah, that's good .
Don't mean to get into theweeds too much, but yeah, that
makes sense In a lot of ways.
I feel that you know, when wedo that self-examining, we
realize, oh, I guess God isusing this part of me that I
thought was like horrible andactually these parts that I
(03:52):
thought were okay are really notthat great.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Yeah, yeah, and sometimes so.
I spoke at a like a ladiesmeeting about a month ago and I
shared some just really personalstories, and that's not hard
for me to do.
I'm very much an open book andI was just, you know, telling
(04:17):
these kind of deeply personalstories and like laughing in
between, because that's just howI am.
The word that people keptsaying to me over and over again
was like you're, like, you wereso vulnerable and like open and
honest and transparent, and Ijust kept hearing words like
(04:38):
that over and over again and Iand it really people were.
It was positive feedback and Ilike that's something I always
like Estee, stop talking.
Estee, shut up.
Why did you say that?
You said too much.
They didn't need to hear allthat.
(04:58):
Or even just in normalconversation, I'm like, oh, my
word, stop oversharing.
So I beat myself up about thatall the time and there's like
there's times where I shouldreally actually be quiet.
But you know, god has been kindof showing me in different ways
.
Like you know, I use that.
I know it's kind of messy, butlike I use it and let me, let me
(05:19):
use it for good.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Right, right for good , right, right, that's great.
Yeah, I think for myself lately, you know, kind of coming back
into the role of that's not theway to say it being a mom to a
new baby.
Again it makes all of the Idon't know.
Just it has.
It brings with it a whole bunchof self-reflection and
(05:44):
introspection and all that kindof stuff.
And especially with havingolder kids like alethea is going
to be 13 in a few weeks, she'sgoing to be 13, so we're walking
into the teen years with theolder kids and now having the
(06:06):
newborn, like I find myselflacking again in areas and
having those just the, thedoubts of self being able to do
the things and be the mom and beall of the things that you know
(06:27):
we have when we are beingpulled in multiple directions
and, um, you know theinsecurities I guess in in not
feeling, cause I cause you kindof get into the groove, you know
, as you have the old, the kidsgetting older and stuff, and you
get me.
You're like, okay, I can dothis and this is all right and
(06:49):
we're, we're, we're not thatwe've arrived've arrived, but
we're, we're making it throughand we've got our groove right
and then all of a sudden it'slike, ah, reset.
And then, on top of reset,going into the teen years of you
know and figuring that out.
As far as I don't want to havethe typical relationship with
(07:10):
you know, my kids of all theteens are horrible and they've
got such bad attitudes and not,you know, enjoying.
I wanted to have a goodrelationship with them and so,
walking through that the rightway too, I find myself
definitely lacking in areas.
(07:31):
So recently our pastor at churchhad gone through the series of
the dirty dozen, talking aboutthe disciples and then also Paul
, and he just pulled outdifferent things through the
whole series.
That really kind of struck homefor me as far as, like that,
(07:56):
really kind of struck home forme as far as, like you know,
just what you know of them isthat they were just ordinary,
plain guys.
You know, they had theirstruggles.
Peter was always putting hisfoot in his mouth and he denied
Christ three times and he justhad that overwhelming sense of
you know, take charge but go inthe wrong direction.
I'm going to, I'm going to dothis and it's going to be great,
(08:19):
but it's totally wrong and justrelatable.
And you know, paul, he describedhimself, as you know, not being
a great speaker or, you know,one of the more eloquent people,
(08:39):
but just being able to, godstill used him to, well, really
put forth the gospel to theGentiles and write the majority
of the new Testament.
And you know people, even withhis infirmity, you know.
We don't know what that is, buthe said that he had some sort
of a physical problem, right and, and he said that, well, I'll
(09:04):
just read the verse so that Idon't butcher it, there'll be a
better that way.
Um.
And he said unto me my grace issufficient for the um.
And he said unto me, my graceis sufficient for thee, for my
strength is made perfect inweakness.
Most gladly, therefore, will Iglory in my infirmities.
That the power of christ mayrest upon me.
Therefore, I take pleasure ininfirmities and reproaches and
(09:26):
necessities and persecutions anddistresses for Christ's sake,
for when I am weak, then am Istrong.
And so, just taking away fromthat these past couple of weeks
like it, I don't need to rest inmy own strength and my own
ability to get through the day,to have all of the things that I
(09:47):
think need to be, all the boxesthat I think need to be checked
, checked.
I can rely on Christ and hisstrength and he, through me, can
be strong.
And when I'm leaning on him andmaking him the priority and the
focus of my day and not like,oh, I have to do this, this,
(10:10):
this, this, you know I can, Ican do what he has for me and
and we'll all work out one wayor another.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
So well, the nice thing about having older kids is
, you know, like even if youdon't get it all right, it's
still gonna be all right.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Yeah, I'm definitely much more chill with Talia than
I am, than I was with the otherones.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
I think back to that phase of our life because we
were very much in the thick ofit together.
Yeah, because we were very muchin the thick of it together and
when I go back and think like Iinstantly just get this like
knot of anxiety and I cause it'sjust part of the memory.
I just was so anxious the wholetime, and not like I didn't
(11:00):
trust God kind of anxious, butjust I just was living with this
like adrenaline, fear, I thinkof just all the things and
trying to do all the things.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I think a lot of it was just the pure lack of sleep
and living on exhaustion.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Truly and I, yes, like I think that was a lot of
it and I don't have that anymore, like I mean, my kids are old
enough that I mostly sleep, andso it's a whole different world.
And I think back and I'm like,oh my word, we survived it.
But truly, like that verse hasactually been playing in my mind
(11:40):
a lot recently.
You know, I just see myinadequacies and they're real,
and sometimes it's not just mebeing hard on myself or me being
, you know, I just I just see myinadequacies and they're real,
and sometimes it's not just mebeing hard on myself or or me
being, you know, believing liesof the enemy and all that stuff
that sometimes, you know, thosenegative thoughts can be.
Sometimes, it's true, likesometimes you do have faults,
you do have weaknesses, andrecognizing them is not it is
(12:05):
good.
But also realizing that whenyou take those weaknesses and
give them to Jesus, he lets hisstrength comes through and he's
the one that gets you through.
And I don't know, I just amvery, I think that I'm aware of
my weaknesses and then all of asudden I find new ones and I'm
like oh Well, that's, that'sthere.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Sanctification, right , we won't, we won't be perfect
till we get to heaven.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Yeah, yeah, and I have no pretenses of thinking
that I've arrived so Right, no,that I mean.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
That is definitely one thing.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Like I said, we get in these things, these moments
of time where we're like, oh, Ithink I've like arrived, and
then something comes and it waslike it's been a long time.
One day she asked me if she hadto be good in heaven, and I was
like you're not even going tohave to try, like you're just
going to be good, and she waslike, right, I was like yeah,
(13:23):
and I hadn't really thoughtabout it.
But man, what a relief.
Like that's such a.
We talk about all the thingsabout heaven, but the fact that
we're not going to be strivinganymore, we're not going to be,
we're not going to haveweaknesses, we're not going to
be fighting our flesh anymore.
(13:44):
Right, beam me up, because it'sfantastic.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Yeah, well, that's great and I look forward to
Going further With this podcast.
We're going to try to startKind of a missions focus for a
little while and take it fromthere and see how it goes.
Uh, maybe talk to a fewmissionaries or people who have
(14:16):
been on trips recently.
We'll see how that goes.
It's a little tricky with timedifferences and things like that
, but we'll see what we can do.
So yeah, we're glad to be backin the groove.
Yeah, let your friends know, letlet family know that we're back
on and ready to ready to go.
(14:40):
I guess you?
Speaker 2 (14:42):
sound so confident, you sound so confident yeah no,
I'm glad.
I'm glad because I get to visitwith you.
That means like, definitely,yeah, we have to do a podcast,
okay, no, you don't have to askme twice.
I am next time you need tobring on's.
(15:07):
Bring on talia and let justjust to hear her little cues,
her little baby, oh yeah she's,I said her name wrong I said her
name wrong.
No, talia oh, okay, yeah, okayand honestly, it depends on who
you ask.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
In my family, because brian says it a little
different than I do what does?
Speaker 2 (15:28):
he call her italia.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
He like says it probably not like.
He just has a different way topronounce the a like.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
He says it a little more like he sounds more new
york than you do, when I know ifhe's that's different yeah, so
anyways, she can be our nextguest yes, all right, we'll talk
to you guys later.
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!