April 13, 2024 • 40 mins
We often overlook the treasure troves among us—those mothers who have journeyed through adulthood with a steadfast faith, nurturing not just their families but potentially our growth as well. In this heartfelt dialogue, we share the richness that flows from such relationships, emphasizing the transformative power of mentorship. Whether you're a seasoned parent or someone just starting to navigate life's complex waters, there's something to glean from the experience of others. And to our military families, who know the struggles of establishing roots in ever-changing soils, we offer a special dose of encouragement and tips on cultivating lasting connections amidst life's upheavals.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello and welcome to Simply Edify's podcast.
Our goal is to encourage womenas we navigate the messiness of
life through biblical studies,personal stories and practical
tips that bolster our walk withJesus daily.
Thank you for joining us in ourepisode today.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Welcome back.
We are continuing our series onissues that we see inside of
Christian circles, and thisone's a little bit less heavy of
a topic and less of a seriousproblem.
It's something that we've seenthat could be improved on, and
(00:41):
people, many people, wouldbenefit if this was something
that was improved on.
And so it is biblical.
We're not just coming up withthis out of thin air.
This actually comes from Titus,chapter two.
Let me go ahead and read theverses and then we'll get into
the meat of this.
But speak thou the things whichbecome sound doctrine.
(01:01):
That the aged men be sober,grave, temperate, sound in faith
, in charity and patience.
The aged women likewise.
That they be in behavior asbecometh holiness, not false
accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things.
That they may teach the youngwomen to be sober, to love their
husbands, to love theirchildren, to be discreet, sober
(01:25):
to love their husbands, to lovetheir children, to be discreet,
chaste keepers at home, good,obedient to their own husbands.
That the word of God be notblasphemed.
And then it's a great chapterif you just want to keep
continue reading it sometime foryourself.
But what we see kind of a lackof is people interacting with
those who are older than them,those who are younger than with
(01:46):
them, and kind of just forming acomfort zone, circle around
themselves of their peers.
Or maybe just going into church, turning around and leaving as
soon as the service is over andnot even creating those
relationships.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
What do you think?
Yeah, that's I mean it'sdefinitely something.
I've been in a few differentchurches and I mean it's
definitely something.
I've been in a few differentchurches and I think it's
something that I've seen to somedegree in every church and I
think it's a society thing, notjust a church thing.
I think for sure it's like aculture.
There's been like a majorculture shift from learning just
(02:26):
in general, learning thingsfrom your parents' generation to
now, like you learn everythingfrom schools, and then you know
your teachers could be yourparents' generation, could be
(02:47):
your parents' generation.
But essentially it's it's moreof an overall societal change in
which we are so age segregatedfrom the time that we're born
that it's hard for us to kind ofcross those lines and have
those conversations without itbeing awkward at first, you know
, and then there's the wholelike I mean I think back to when
we started doing anything withSimply Edify.
(03:11):
One of the reasons why we didis because there was such a like
divisiveness when it came tomotherhood in particular.
Like this group of women wouldbe like you have to, you know,
breastfeed, and then the othergroup of women would be like
well, you know, no, it's battleand formula and whatever, and.
(03:32):
But then there was like thisthis is how it should be, on
both sides, and it was sodivisive and it was like that,
and even in Christianity, likenot just about issues of
breastfed or not, but just howyou were to raise your kids, how
were you were to disciplineyour kids, how you were to, you
know, present yourself in churchand how you were to dress and
(03:56):
how you were to act.
Like there was all of these um,kind of divisive things amongst
the generations, and youngerpeople saw it one way, older
people saw it another way, andwhatever issue.
It kind of became this oh, youknow, well, I went to the store
and this old lady told me Ishould do X, y and Z and you
(04:18):
know what I mean Like and thenI'm writing a blog post about
how all the old ladies shouldjust mind their own business,
and it just becomes like thisOkay, well, now all the old
ladies are minding their ownbusiness because they don't want
to have a blog post writtenabout them, about how, you know,
they mentioned from their yearsof experience that they did
(04:39):
that with their kid and itworked.
Like you know, there's justbeen such a a rift, I think,
between the generations, and ithasn't really been for for good.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Yeah, and I don't think a lot of times we go into
it or that people go into itwith this mindset of like us
against them, as much as theyaren't intentionally cultivating
the relationships.
Because it is easy to hear youknow someone in there, someone
much older than you, talkingabout things and you feel like
(05:14):
they just really don't evenunderstand where you're coming
from because things were sodifferent back in their day or
they don't understand wherewe're coming from at all because
you know technology is there'sso much has changed and I think
that it's just easier to kind ofstay in our own little bubbles.
(05:35):
So even if you don't have thisnegative again us against them
you still just find the comfortzone and the path of least
resistance and kind of stay withthe like-minded people.
But there's a lot of danger inthat.
I was just thinking today aboutthe verse in Proverbs that says
(05:55):
I'm going to quote it wrong butbasically there's a lot of
safety to be found with multiplecounselors.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
In the multitude of counselors with multiple
counselors and the multitude ofcounselors.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
There is safety, yes, thank you so, and you have to
be careful.
Counselors are not.
Just because you're friendswith someone doesn't mean that
they're a counselor to you.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
And and also I mean along that same line just too is
you can hear advice and not acton that advice.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
There's nothing wrong with hearing advice like at all
, it's wise to get multipleopinions, as long as you're
careful where that opinions arecoming from, because it's our
natural instinct is to go wherewe know we're going to hear what
we want to hear, and that's onething that is a little harder
(06:45):
when you are developingrelationships with people
outside of your age range.
Sometimes you are going to hearthings that you don't want to
hear.
I've been on both ends of thespectrum of being like the
younger person who's coming inwith kind of more fresh ideas,
more maybe more like recentresearch about child development
that is, you know, accurate orseems to be pretty accurate,
(07:09):
versus like what's thetraditional way and I'm not
taught.
Maybe with like nutrition, forexample.
That's something I've had todeal with a lot because my kids
have food allergies and olderpeople are like, ah, what's this
?
Food allergies?
It's real.
And then my child is sickbecause, you know and so just
that as an example.
(07:31):
So I've been like the youngerperson on that end of the
spectrum, but I've also been theolder person.
You know I've had my words kindof dismissed because I'm older,
right, and what do I know?
Or you know, and so so I don'tknow.
You just have to be open-mindedto the fact that other people
have have.
(07:51):
There's a value in what theolder generations have to say.
They've lived through so much,they have experienced so much of
things that we haven't evenbridges we haven't even crossed
yet.
But then the younger peoplethey are looking at things with
fresh eyes and it's not even somuch that maybe we're learning
from them as much as we havelike an open heart towards them
(08:15):
to be able to build arelationship that does give us
the opportunity to do thosethings in titus 2 right and
teach them to to nerd, you know,basically disciple them yeah
you have this stand up like Iknow better, you're just a silly
kid.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
That's not gonna foster that relationship no, and
a lot of that just comes downto even the way that you phrase
what you're saying.
And that goes for older, younger.
Like if you come off, as inyour speech, as a know it all,
like in that you can't be toldanything, nobody's going to want
to talk to you, like young orold.
(08:54):
You know, I've talked to plentyof, like you know, first time
moms and there can be thatspirit of, well, I've read it
all on the internet, so I knowwhat I'm doing and I've done my
research, so I know what I'mdoing, so you don't have to let
me know, I know.
You know it's like, okay, I got, you got it.
(09:16):
But then, on the other end too,just how you phrase something,
well, what I would have done,what you should do, what you
could do, like things like thatsometimes just rub the wrong way
when you're giving advice, youknow, like, just the way that
you phrase it, and obviouslyeveryone can take it how they
will.
(09:36):
But there's some things, someways in which you can offer
suggestions without being like,well, well, you're doing that
wrong, so do it like I would.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
I found that the people that have been the most
helpful to me, when I was ayoung mom especially.
We are no longer in thatcategory, which is very weird.
We're no longer moms of littlekids like my youngest is six and
I'm just out of that liketoddler phase but what's helped
(10:06):
me survive that was moms.
I just wrote something onFacebook about this.
The moms of kids, like collegeage kids, are like invaluable
because they are not so farremoved that they don't remember
Right, but they're alsonostalgic enough because they're
watching their babies grow upand kind of leave the nest that
(10:29):
they're.
They're very compassionate.
And so it's like this perfectand they're, you know, they have
a lot of wisdom.
Those relationships have beenbig blessings to me because
they're willing to offer advicebut also encouragement, and it's
more encouragement than it isadvice, um, and I've been
looking.
I look at it with like, okay,they've made it, they're mostly
(10:53):
sane and I can do it too.
We have a family in our churchthat has they have I have two
girls and then a boy.
They have two girls and a boyand girls and then a boy.
They have two girls and a boyand they, um, their, their kids
are like just graduating college.
(11:13):
One's still in college and theyare like the perfect example to
me because they are just soloving towards me and my kids.
Um, but also, if they gave meadvice, I would absolutely
listen, because it's not becausetheir kids are perfect.
I love their kids, they're goodkids, but it's it's not so much
that they've raised theseperfect children, it's that they
still have a really goodrelationship with their kids and
(11:34):
with each other and they'restill faithful in church and
they're just like loving, goodpeople and I'm like what they
survive, they make to this point.
I can make it to that point tooright.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I think it comes down to like being invested in other
people, not just giving wordsof wisdom, but being invested in
other people's lives.
And you, you, you can tell thedifference.
You know, you can.
You know when somebody reallycares and wants to be there and
(12:08):
wants to be helpful and whensomeone's just giving advice for
advice sake.
You know, when we go back tothat passage, it's shows us two
things really one that youngpeople need to learn and two,
that you can have an aged woman,but the behavior because it
(12:30):
says that they be in behaviorsbecometh holiness.
Not false accusers, not givento much mind, teachers of good
things, like there is a criteriaother than Just because someone
(12:55):
has grown children doesn'tnecessarily mean that that
counsel is going to be greatbecause their children could not
have good relationships withthem.
They could, it doesn't, youdon't know.
You need to make sure thatyou're getting the advice from
someone who has kind of thefruit to back up what they're
saying.
And if they do, then yeah, take, be a learner, be a lifelong
(13:17):
learner.
I think that's one of the thingsthat we all, in different areas
, need to work on is just beingwilling to admit that we need to
learn.
I know that's something that Istruggle with in different areas
.
Like it's hard for me to learnnew things, like especially in
technology oh my goodness, it'sso difficult.
But it's like I need to open mymind to the fact that I can
(13:40):
learn new things, like I can dothese difficult things that I
just don't get, that I justdon't understand.
I can learn new ways tocommunicate with people.
I can put myself in differentsituations than what I am
comfortable with so that I cangrow.
And that's a big part of it is,you're going to be
uncomfortable.
It's not comfortable to go upto somebody who may be like a
(14:04):
widow in your church and be likewould you like to come over to
my house and have a cup of teawith me while my kids play and
we sit and talk.
Like that's uncomfortable,right, but maybe that's what
needs to happen and maybe thatcould just be the best thing
that you've decided to do allyear.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
You know I think that we have to be looking, no
matter whether you're maybelistening and you're on that
younger end of things, and youknow you have to come into all
of this with the spirit ofhumility.
Like you were saying, you haveto be teachable.
You have to realize that youdon't have it all figured out,
but you know you need to belooking for ways to build those
(14:45):
relationships.
I have some very introvertedfriends and I remember talking
to one who was moving to a newplace and she was just really
discouraged and I was like youknow you're going to have to be
uncomfortable, You're going tohave to be the one that goes
first.
The Bible says that if you'regoing to have friends, you have
to be friendly, and you're.
(15:08):
You might have to go out of yourcomfort zone a little bit, but
there's other people out therewho feel just exactly the same
way you do, and there's somebodyout there who's even more shy
and uncomfortable than you areright now go find that person,
because I'm I, she was one ofthose people and my sister were
extroverted and so we kind oflike grabbed her and was like
(15:32):
come along with us andeverything and she was, you know
, could remain her introvertedself, but once we were around
she wasn't you know, went outand did more things, I guess.
Um, but I was like you can godo that for somebody else,
always somebody out there who'smore comfortable than you are
and you have to just lookoutside yourself a little bit
(15:52):
being in the military.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
I've had to learn that myself.
When you move somewhere new,it's on you Like, yes, you can
go to a place that has friendlypeople and you know that would
be great, but you can't rely onthat.
You can't, you know, just bankon the fact that somebody is
going to be there to welcome youand to be, you know, that
(16:14):
extroverted person to draw youout and to make friends with you
, like that's.
You know that you can't bank onthat.
You have to go out in yourselfand you have to be willing to
talk to people that you wouldn'teven think that you would
really get along with peoplethat are just, it is very much
(16:35):
indeed, oh man, and see itworked out.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
It worked out.
It really can, and it's hardbut it's worth it.
And, honestly, the people whohave been the most encouraging
to me are the people who don'tpretend that they've got it all
figured out, who don't say mykids are perfect and I raised
them perfectly.
Now here's the formula.
(17:01):
Right?
That is not the thing that hasbeen encouraging to me.
Usually I'm just watchingsomebody and I'm watching them
go through hard things, even ifit's with their own children or
their husband, you know, likefamily stuff or and I'm watching
how they do it and I'm likethat's what I want.
I know I'm gonna go throughhard stuff.
I know my kids are gonna gothrough these teenage years that
(17:23):
I haven't reached yet.
No, their kids aren't perfect.
Their kids are messing up, butthey're handling it with grace.
They're handling it well,they're trying to handle it
biblically, they're keeping on,keeping on.
That's very encouraging.
And then when they come to me,I have a handful, but it's
enough.
It's a good amount of ladies inmy church who will just message
(17:45):
me and be like hey, I just wantyou to know I'm praying for you.
I know you're having a hardtime with this.
You know a lot of them areteachers of my children so they
know when I'm like going througha hard spot with one of them
and like I'm praying for you.
I just want you to know like Ithink you're doing a good job.
I know the season's hard, Iremember it really well, but you
(18:07):
know, lean on Jesus Likethere's, you know, just giving
me wisdom, without saying you'redoing it wrong, right or I
don't know.
They're just encouraging andthose people are so precious to
me and I want to be that personto other people.
That's the idea yeah.
It's the trickle down effect oflike these people pulled me up
(18:31):
and pulled me along and now I'mgoing to reach back and pull
others along with me andhopefully they'll do the same.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I loved your example from the Bible.
What was that you want to sharewith everybody?
What was?
Speaker 2 (18:44):
that you want to share with everybody.
Oh, ruth and Naomi.
We sometimes look at Naomi askind of a negative person or
maybe not a great influence.
But Ruth said I want to followyour God and your people will be
my people.
Your God will her about God.
She didn't say I want to followthe God of my husband or the
(19:05):
God of your husband, or you knowyour people.
It was you, your God.
And I think that Naomi hadshared her god with ruth and
(19:35):
even in the midst of herheartache, ruth still could see
the power of her god.
Like I think that's huge.
Naomi wasn't perfect and that'snot the example that we're
given.
Like we're not.
We're not gonna handleeverything perfectly.
There's times when bad stuffhappens to us that we're gonna
react poorly, but hopefully ourtestimony is so strong that
(19:56):
those moments of weakness arenot distracting away from the
fact that we are.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
We're sharing the light of christ with others
right, and I will just side notethis and say that you know,
naomi was her mother-in-law andI know that a lot of uh, a lot
of wives have issues with theirmother-in-laws and, um, you know
, sometimes, sometimes it's withgood reason, whatever.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Sometimes yeah, I've seen it.
I am so grateful I have the, Ihave such a kind, sweet, sweet
mother and all.
Yeah, I know she, she lovesyour kids as much as she loves
mine.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
She's so great, but yeah, and my mother-in-law is
great too.
But I just think that sometimesthere's like such a oh yeah,
it's there and it's like youknow why, why?
Why do you need it to be likedo the best that you can to make
it not be?
Speaker 2 (20:52):
yeah, yeah, and that's such a good release, like
that could be such a goodrelationship.
I am so grateful that mymother-in-law someone I can call
.
When I need prayer, when I needhelp, when I need advice, I can
call her and and that's like abuilt in relationship that you
could have.
That could be a beautiful oneIf people.
(21:14):
But I will say, as a testamentto my mother-in-law, she's a
very humble person and shedidn't come in to my
relationship or or our, myrelationship with her as, like,
I've got it all figured out.
This is how you need to be,this is how things need to be.
It was more like my son lovesyou, I love you and we happen to
(21:39):
love God together and that's,you know, been just a.
Really that's been a blessing,like we were were saying before.
I think that humility is a hugekey to it and, like you said,
you can't go into it saying doit like I did it but how do you
think we can take a step increating this kind of
(22:02):
relationship?
Speaker 1 (22:03):
practically a couple things that have been helpful to
me in creating relationshipswith older women have been just
in-home Bible studies where itwas like legitimately an older
woman teaching young moms.
(22:32):
And then another one is justthere's a group of women to join
this Bible study group and theywere all ages, all backgrounds,
all whatever.
We got to know each other, wegot to have a fellowship but
also spiritual encouragementthrough the word of God, and so
I've, at the different placesthat I've been, that has been
one of the big ways that I havebeen able to get involved with a
(22:56):
wide range of women of all ages, places and all of those types
of things.
Like I said, really justsometimes it comes down to would
you like to come over to myhouse, would you like to have
tea, um, coffee, whatever, likeit doesn't have to be this huge
(23:22):
extravagant thing, especially ifthe woman is like a widow or
doesn't have like a lot offamily around or you know that
they're more lonely.
Don't be afraid to like extendthat invitation.
Like that would could behonestly the best thing that
that woman has had in a longtime, I know.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
The worst she can say is no Right.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Also, I think sometimes just approaching
people in church like maybe yousit behind somebody that's older
or maybe younger or whatever,like just starting a
conversation I think is like theeasiest first step, just
starting that conversation, evenif you've been in church with
(24:06):
them for a long time.
And it's really awkward becauseyou've been in church with them
for a long time but you haven'tintroduced yourself.
Like you're like what are yougoing to say?
Yeah, I've been here for fiveyears, and I know you have too,
but I don't know you.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
I can tell you what to say, because this happens to
me all the time, because not notfor five years, but because I
will be like working in churchministries and then come in late
and then not really seeeverybody and then have to leave
early for one reason or another, I don't know I will miss
people.
So I've accidentally introducedmyself to people who have been
(24:43):
coming for like months and it'svery awkward.
So, anyway, what I have foundthe best way to approach this is
just to be honest, I am sosorry.
I'm not sure if you've beenhere before I might have just
missed you.
My name's SD.
What's yours?
Or hey, have you guys beencoming here?
(25:03):
Sometimes I miss people.
Is this your first Sunday, orhave you guys been coming for a
while, or something like that?
But just being very honest andlike, like I'm an idiot, I'm
sorry, right, it really, peopleare very kind about that, right?
Um, I don't know, I just foundthat like it's better to be a
(25:26):
little bit awkward, right, notsay anything at all.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
So yeah, you go to a large church sometimes it's a
little harder to becauseeverybody kind of just funnels
out the door sometimes, um, andthen you do like your small
groups or your Bible studies areusually more like people your
age, so it can be kind of hardto be like branching out.
So you're going to have to be alittle bit more intentional
(25:52):
with that.
Like for sure you're going tomaybe have to track some people
down Just to not be stalkerish.
Might take a little more effort.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
I think another great way to start a conversation
with someone that you want tolike, maybe know better, or to
kind of just start thatrelationship, is to ask them to
pray for you about somethingspecific.
If you go up to an older womanmaybe, like I said, like that
woman who has kids that are inmy like, remind me of my kids
older.
Um, I've gotten her and justlike, hey, this is going on,
(26:27):
could you pray for this for me?
What that does if, first of all, usually when you ask someone
to pray for you, especiallyabout something specific, is
they they take it as acompliment.
Most people aren't like why areyou asking me to pray for you?
Speaker 1 (26:45):
I don't want to pray for you.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Yeah, it's like not an inconvenience.
They don't look at it as aninconvenience or anything like
that, they're just usually.
They're like wow, I'm glad youasked me.
And then there's usually notalways.
Sometimes they pray for you butdon't ever bring it up again.
A lot of times I would sayabout 50 50.
They will check in on you andask how that's going and if they
(27:10):
are more of that teacher typeperson.
Often it will come with somewords of wisdom that you know oh
, here's a verse that has helpedme through a similar time or
something like that and I mean,that's really.
We're not looking for someonethat's going to grab you by the
shoulders and be like do exactlywhat I do.
(27:31):
Right, we're like we're talking, and I don't think that's what
was happening in Titus.
I don't think these women cometo my love.
Your husband class.
I think they were loving theirhusbands well, and when they saw
someone who was struggling,they offered encouragement and
wisdom.
I don't think it was like avery a super structured thing
(27:57):
happening.
I think it was.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
Yeah, Sometimes those super structured things can
almost not always, but canalmost squelch the relationship
part of it.
You know, like going to a wholelike church class or something
like that or I don't know.
It just depends.
(28:20):
It depends on the people, itdepends on a lot of things, but
individual relationshipsdefinitely hold more weight.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Yes, I think that those class like there's we
remember we had that, um, westayed a class for mothers of
young children, like a one daywe just I brought in a speaker
that I knew would really likeencourage some young moms and we
gave away books and we justlike kind of loved on the moms
(28:51):
and that was really great.
I enjoyed that.
But definitely something likethat does not replace the actual
relationships that we were ableto grow with those women, right
, right, and so I think, likeyou, really you can't depend.
It's kind of like you can'tjust send your kids to church
and expect them to be good kidsright right, you have to raise
(29:14):
your children.
Yeah, like the church to do it.
I think that goes for a lot ofother areas too.
You kind of like jump on all.
We just, you know, show up tothe church classes, everything's
going to be okay, and that'sright.
Not not the intended design.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
They kind of have to go hand in hand yeah, and I
we've kind of focused on the agedifference here.
But you know, there's there's alot of women that I've heard in
Christianity and not inChristianity that are just like,
well, I just can't make friendswith other women and it's just
so hard to make friends withother women.
(29:51):
And how do you make friendswith other people?
Well, first of all you have tobe intentional and you can't
just say I can't make friendsand just kind of throw up your
hands and be like, oh, that's,god has called us to be invested
in other people's life.
And if you're really having ahard time connecting with other
(30:15):
women in your church orsomething like that, there might
be a issue that you need towork on personally.
There might be a issue that youneed to work on personally.
I mean, a lot of things getfluffed off as our personality
nowadays, but really ourpersonalities can be very simple
.
So if there's something that'slike you have legitimately tried
(30:38):
to make friends with somebodybut they keep on kind of
ignoring you or something likemaybe the way you're coming off
is kind of off-putting, likeproud or arrogant or something
like that, like, maybe you needto do a little evaluation on how
you are presenting yourself.
There's nothing wrong withlooking at yourself and saying
(30:59):
how do other people view me whenI go to approach them in
conversation.
Am I only talking about myself?
Am I only talking about my kids?
Am I only talking about thingsthat I want to talk about?
Okay, well then, maybe that'swhy people don't want to listen
to me, you know, that's whypeople don't want to have a
relationship with me, becauseI'm kind of full of myself.
(31:20):
Like you have to be able to dothose self-evaluations and say,
okay, yeah, I get it.
Like, and if you are consciousof the other person in a in a, I
think we've just lost overallthe ability to communicate about
anything but ourselves in a lotof ways, what we think and what
(31:43):
we feel and how, what's goingon with us, and it's like well,
did you even ask about thatother person?
Like, did you say how was yourday?
Like, how was your week?
What have you been up to?
Speaker 2 (31:53):
There's just some basic things that I think we're
missing in a lot of ways andit's sad it is, and I think, I
think you're absolutely rightand sometimes we are a problem
for sure, and also, and we needto stop and evaluate, like you
(32:14):
said, and then sometimesremember that other people just
have things going on in theirlife on in their life like I
don't have a lot of outsideenergy for friendships right now
.
In my life I kind of I have.
All of my close friends are lowmaintenance friends.
Yeah, I hear from me when theyhear from me and know I love
them in the in between, right,so I I've had people that want
(32:38):
to be like, want to hang out allthe time, want to do stuff
together all the time, and it'snot that I don't want to at all,
it's just there's no time.
I don't, yeah, I don't havethat time, and so, or just like
energy, to be honest, likeenergy to keep up another
(32:58):
relationship that requires a lotof energy.
Right, it's not, there'snothing wrong with them, right,
and I, I just don't, it's, it'sa me thing.
And so sometimes you just haveto look at relationships
realistically.
Like what do I expect?
Are my expectations for thisrelationship Realistic?
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Right, and am I being a giver?
Like if, if somebody that youwant to spend time with is
overwhelmed and swamped and likeworking and and they kind of
say, well, I'm just really busyright now, they're, they're
telling you I don't have thattime or energy.
So how could you be a giver inthat situation?
How could you be a giver inthat situation?
How could you speak intosomebody's life some positive
(33:45):
instead of kind of making themfeel bad because they can't give
you that energy, because theycan't give you that time?
Well, what could you say thatcould be like helpful to them?
Oh, I, I'm sorry that you knowyou're really busy.
Could I help out by giving youlike a dinner, or bringing pizza
(34:05):
over sometime, or like justfind a way to to be a blessing.
You know, expecting, like thatfriend, energy to be given to
you.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
I went to a friend's house and I knew that this
friend would not freak out abouther house being spotless before
I came over.
Because that that is like whenyou invite yourself to someone's
home, some people are like wecouldn't care less and other
people would just be mortifiedbecause they cannot have someone
walk into their home if it'snot spotless.
That's a real issue for people.
(34:38):
Sure, like you know, you needto think, be thoughtful of that.
But sure, um, one of my friendsand I were not really able to
see each other much.
She was kind of overwhelmed andI went to her house and hung
out with her and folded herlaundry.
I said save the laundry for me.
You know I'm coming over onTuesday or whatever it was.
I'll fold your laundry.
(34:59):
We can sit and hang out.
It's one less thing that shehad to worry about, and it was
laundry like I don't mind.
I don't mind doing otherpeople's laundry for a day my
own laundry.
It was no big deal.
I enjoyed it and we both walkedaway without like feeling that
we had.
We were in both an exhaustingtimes in our lives, but it was
(35:21):
mutually beneficial day that wespent.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
I know the Amish will do.
You know things like that,where they'll just be like okay,
come over, we're washingwindows.
Today you can help us washwindows.
You know, like that's totallyfine and like there's just so
many things that if we wouldjust put down the what is normal
and ask what is better, uh, askwhat is biblical, what is
(35:49):
helpful.
If you're an older woman who'syou know children have left and
you're kind of empty nester andyou don't have like a full-time
job or something, maybe ask like, how can I invest in a real,
tangible way in younger women'slives?
Maybe it doesn't have to be sitdown tea, but maybe I can go
(36:12):
over and do the dishes or foldsome laundry or something like
that.
Like for these young moms, like, or invite them to your house
and, you know, take thatpressure of like trying to find
babysitters or all the otherthings that young moms have to
do, like to to go somewhere bythemselves, like, say, bring
(36:35):
your kids, that's okay, you know.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
I've offered times to babysit so someone can go to
the grocery store.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
I want to hang out with the mom, but I'm like, hey,
you know, I know something thatis beneficial to me is for my
kids to have to play with otherkids.
So drop your kids off here, goto the grocery store.
We'll get to see each other,you know, coming and going.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
We did that for each other too, just random.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Okay, hey, drop kids off yeah, it's fine, I miss you
living 20 minutes away.
Yeah, um, another thing I'mglad you brought up the
babysitter thing, and I've mighthave mentioned this one before,
but I was in a season where Ifelt like I just wasn't able to
do the discipleship that I feltlike I should.
(37:22):
But I started thinking aboutthe people that were actually
coming into my home, andbabysitters were one of them and
I was having these young girlscome and babysit and I realized
that they were walking into myhome and I usually had a few
minutes before I left, a fewminutes after I got home, to
talk to them and find out whatwas going on in their life and I
(37:43):
would say 50, 50 man, probablymore than that.
Our conversations turned intospiritual things.
There were some many of themwere girls from my church and I
was able to kind of build thatrelationship with them.
Sometimes it was right then andthere that they would, we would
be talking about spiritualstuff.
Sometimes it just kind offostered that relationship as
(38:04):
they got older and then they'vebeen in church.
Like I'm still going to churchwith them and we have a closer
relationship because I took thattime as, oh, they're doing me a
service and pay them right, but, like you know, just
intentionally right, investingin them and also like making
(38:27):
sure I was, you know, paid themwell, right, appreciated them
and, like right, loved on themas much as I could because they
were caring for my kids and nottaking that for granted.
I think that's actually a hugedeal, but just taking those
little opportunities.
It doesn't have to be, itdoesn't have to be a big formal
(38:47):
like a Bible study with me.
What's going on in your life?
Well, I will be praying aboutthat for you.
Let me know how it goes.
Hey, you know God says thisabout that, you know, and that
those kinds of conversationsorganically came up because we
had a relationship, right?
Speaker 1 (39:06):
Yeah for sure.
So these are just some thingsthat we've seen in church
culture in our lives.
Maybe you don't have that sameexperience, and I would hope not
, but if you kind of see it andor you feel it and you feel like
it could be better, try doingsome of the things.
Try, you know, asking somebodyif they need prayer or if they
(39:29):
would pray for you or whateverlike that's a small step and can
go a long ways.
Thank you for joining us todayand we will catch you next time.
We are honored that you choseSimply Edified to be a part of
your day.
If this episode was a blessingto you, would you consider
subscribing to our podcast, aswell as writing a review or
(39:51):
giving us a rating?
This would be such a help toour ministry.
We would love for other peopleto find us, and this is one of
the ways that they can.
Thank you,
Hello and welcome to Simply Edify's podcast.
Our goal is to encourage womenas we navigate the messiness of
life through biblical studies,personal stories and practical
tips that bolster our walk withJesus daily.
Thank you for joining us in ourepisode today.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Welcome back.
We are continuing our series onissues that we see inside of
Christian circles, and thisone's a little bit less heavy of
a topic and less of a seriousproblem.
It's something that we've seenthat could be improved on, and
(00:41):
people, many people, wouldbenefit if this was something
that was improved on.
And so it is biblical.
We're not just coming up withthis out of thin air.
This actually comes from Titus,chapter two.
Let me go ahead and read theverses and then we'll get into
the meat of this.
But speak thou the things whichbecome sound doctrine.
(01:01):
That the aged men be sober,grave, temperate, sound in faith
, in charity and patience.
The aged women likewise.
That they be in behavior asbecometh holiness, not false
accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things.
That they may teach the youngwomen to be sober, to love their
husbands, to love theirchildren, to be discreet, sober
(01:25):
to love their husbands, to lovetheir children, to be discreet,
chaste keepers at home, good,obedient to their own husbands.
That the word of God be notblasphemed.
And then it's a great chapterif you just want to keep
continue reading it sometime foryourself.
But what we see kind of a lackof is people interacting with
those who are older than them,those who are younger than with
(01:46):
them, and kind of just forming acomfort zone, circle around
themselves of their peers.
Or maybe just going into church, turning around and leaving as
soon as the service is over andnot even creating those
relationships.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
What do you think?
Yeah, that's I mean it'sdefinitely something.
I've been in a few differentchurches and I mean it's
definitely something.
I've been in a few differentchurches and I think it's
something that I've seen to somedegree in every church and I
think it's a society thing, notjust a church thing.
I think for sure it's like aculture.
There's been like a majorculture shift from learning just
(02:26):
in general, learning thingsfrom your parents' generation to
now, like you learn everythingfrom schools, and then you know
your teachers could be yourparents' generation, could be
(02:47):
your parents' generation.
But essentially it's it's moreof an overall societal change in
which we are so age segregatedfrom the time that we're born
that it's hard for us to kind ofcross those lines and have
those conversations without itbeing awkward at first, you know
, and then there's the wholelike I mean I think back to when
we started doing anything withSimply Edify.
(03:11):
One of the reasons why we didis because there was such a like
divisiveness when it came tomotherhood in particular.
Like this group of women wouldbe like you have to, you know,
breastfeed, and then the othergroup of women would be like
well, you know, no, it's battleand formula and whatever, and.
(03:32):
But then there was like thisthis is how it should be, on
both sides, and it was sodivisive and it was like that,
and even in Christianity, likenot just about issues of
breastfed or not, but just howyou were to raise your kids, how
were you were to disciplineyour kids, how you were to, you
know, present yourself in churchand how you were to dress and
(03:56):
how you were to act.
Like there was all of these um,kind of divisive things amongst
the generations, and youngerpeople saw it one way, older
people saw it another way, andwhatever issue.
It kind of became this oh, youknow, well, I went to the store
and this old lady told me Ishould do X, y and Z and you
(04:18):
know what I mean Like and thenI'm writing a blog post about
how all the old ladies shouldjust mind their own business,
and it just becomes like thisOkay, well, now all the old
ladies are minding their ownbusiness because they don't want
to have a blog post writtenabout them, about how, you know,
they mentioned from their yearsof experience that they did
(04:39):
that with their kid and itworked.
Like you know, there's justbeen such a a rift, I think,
between the generations, and ithasn't really been for for good.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Yeah, and I don't think a lot of times we go into
it or that people go into itwith this mindset of like us
against them, as much as theyaren't intentionally cultivating
the relationships.
Because it is easy to hear youknow someone in there, someone
much older than you, talkingabout things and you feel like
(05:14):
they just really don't evenunderstand where you're coming
from because things were sodifferent back in their day or
they don't understand wherewe're coming from at all because
you know technology is there'sso much has changed and I think
that it's just easier to kind ofstay in our own little bubbles.
(05:35):
So even if you don't have thisnegative again us against them
you still just find the comfortzone and the path of least
resistance and kind of stay withthe like-minded people.
But there's a lot of danger inthat.
I was just thinking today aboutthe verse in Proverbs that says
(05:55):
I'm going to quote it wrong butbasically there's a lot of
safety to be found with multiplecounselors.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
In the multitude of counselors with multiple
counselors and the multitude ofcounselors.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
There is safety, yes, thank you so, and you have to
be careful.
Counselors are not.
Just because you're friendswith someone doesn't mean that
they're a counselor to you.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
And and also I mean along that same line just too is
you can hear advice and not acton that advice.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
There's nothing wrong with hearing advice like at all
, it's wise to get multipleopinions, as long as you're
careful where that opinions arecoming from, because it's our
natural instinct is to go wherewe know we're going to hear what
we want to hear, and that's onething that is a little harder
(06:45):
when you are developingrelationships with people
outside of your age range.
Sometimes you are going to hearthings that you don't want to
hear.
I've been on both ends of thespectrum of being like the
younger person who's coming inwith kind of more fresh ideas,
more maybe more like recentresearch about child development
that is, you know, accurate orseems to be pretty accurate,
(07:09):
versus like what's thetraditional way and I'm not
taught.
Maybe with like nutrition, forexample.
That's something I've had todeal with a lot because my kids
have food allergies and olderpeople are like, ah, what's this
?
Food allergies?
It's real.
And then my child is sickbecause, you know and so just
that as an example.
(07:31):
So I've been like the youngerperson on that end of the
spectrum, but I've also been theolder person.
You know I've had my words kindof dismissed because I'm older,
right, and what do I know?
Or you know, and so so I don'tknow.
You just have to be open-mindedto the fact that other people
have have.
(07:51):
There's a value in what theolder generations have to say.
They've lived through so much,they have experienced so much of
things that we haven't evenbridges we haven't even crossed
yet.
But then the younger peoplethey are looking at things with
fresh eyes and it's not even somuch that maybe we're learning
from them as much as we havelike an open heart towards them
(08:15):
to be able to build arelationship that does give us
the opportunity to do thosethings in titus 2 right and
teach them to to nerd, you know,basically disciple them yeah
you have this stand up like Iknow better, you're just a silly
kid.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
That's not gonna foster that relationship no, and
a lot of that just comes downto even the way that you phrase
what you're saying.
And that goes for older, younger.
Like if you come off, as inyour speech, as a know it all,
like in that you can't be toldanything, nobody's going to want
to talk to you, like young orold.
(08:54):
You know, I've talked to plentyof, like you know, first time
moms and there can be thatspirit of, well, I've read it
all on the internet, so I knowwhat I'm doing and I've done my
research, so I know what I'mdoing, so you don't have to let
me know, I know.
You know it's like, okay, I got, you got it.
(09:16):
But then, on the other end too,just how you phrase something,
well, what I would have done,what you should do, what you
could do, like things like thatsometimes just rub the wrong way
when you're giving advice, youknow, like, just the way that
you phrase it, and obviouslyeveryone can take it how they
will.
(09:36):
But there's some things, someways in which you can offer
suggestions without being like,well, well, you're doing that
wrong, so do it like I would.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
I found that the people that have been the most
helpful to me, when I was ayoung mom especially.
We are no longer in thatcategory, which is very weird.
We're no longer moms of littlekids like my youngest is six and
I'm just out of that liketoddler phase but what's helped
(10:06):
me survive that was moms.
I just wrote something onFacebook about this.
The moms of kids, like collegeage kids, are like invaluable
because they are not so farremoved that they don't remember
Right, but they're alsonostalgic enough because they're
watching their babies grow upand kind of leave the nest that
(10:29):
they're.
They're very compassionate.
And so it's like this perfectand they're, you know, they have
a lot of wisdom.
Those relationships have beenbig blessings to me because
they're willing to offer advicebut also encouragement, and it's
more encouragement than it isadvice, um, and I've been
looking.
I look at it with like, okay,they've made it, they're mostly
(10:53):
sane and I can do it too.
We have a family in our churchthat has they have I have two
girls and then a boy.
They have two girls and a boyand girls and then a boy.
They have two girls and a boyand they, um, their, their kids
are like just graduating college.
(11:13):
One's still in college and theyare like the perfect example to
me because they are just soloving towards me and my kids.
Um, but also, if they gave meadvice, I would absolutely
listen, because it's not becausetheir kids are perfect.
I love their kids, they're goodkids, but it's it's not so much
that they've raised theseperfect children, it's that they
still have a really goodrelationship with their kids and
(11:34):
with each other and they'restill faithful in church and
they're just like loving, goodpeople and I'm like what they
survive, they make to this point.
I can make it to that point tooright.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I think it comes down to like being invested in other
people, not just giving wordsof wisdom, but being invested in
other people's lives.
And you, you, you can tell thedifference.
You know, you can.
You know when somebody reallycares and wants to be there and
(12:08):
wants to be helpful and whensomeone's just giving advice for
advice sake.
You know, when we go back tothat passage, it's shows us two
things really one that youngpeople need to learn and two,
that you can have an aged woman,but the behavior because it
(12:30):
says that they be in behaviorsbecometh holiness.
Not false accusers, not givento much mind, teachers of good
things, like there is a criteriaother than Just because someone
(12:55):
has grown children doesn'tnecessarily mean that that
counsel is going to be greatbecause their children could not
have good relationships withthem.
They could, it doesn't, youdon't know.
You need to make sure thatyou're getting the advice from
someone who has kind of thefruit to back up what they're
saying.
And if they do, then yeah, take, be a learner, be a lifelong
(13:17):
learner.
I think that's one of the thingsthat we all, in different areas
, need to work on is just beingwilling to admit that we need to
learn.
I know that's something that Istruggle with in different areas
.
Like it's hard for me to learnnew things, like especially in
technology oh my goodness, it'sso difficult.
But it's like I need to open mymind to the fact that I can
(13:40):
learn new things, like I can dothese difficult things that I
just don't get, that I justdon't understand.
I can learn new ways tocommunicate with people.
I can put myself in differentsituations than what I am
comfortable with so that I cangrow.
And that's a big part of it is,you're going to be
uncomfortable.
It's not comfortable to go upto somebody who may be like a
(14:04):
widow in your church and be likewould you like to come over to
my house and have a cup of teawith me while my kids play and
we sit and talk.
Like that's uncomfortable,right, but maybe that's what
needs to happen and maybe thatcould just be the best thing
that you've decided to do allyear.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
You know I think that we have to be looking, no
matter whether you're maybelistening and you're on that
younger end of things, and youknow you have to come into all
of this with the spirit ofhumility.
Like you were saying, you haveto be teachable.
You have to realize that youdon't have it all figured out,
but you know you need to belooking for ways to build those
(14:45):
relationships.
I have some very introvertedfriends and I remember talking
to one who was moving to a newplace and she was just really
discouraged and I was like youknow you're going to have to be
uncomfortable, You're going tohave to be the one that goes
first.
The Bible says that if you'regoing to have friends, you have
to be friendly, and you're.
(15:08):
You might have to go out of yourcomfort zone a little bit, but
there's other people out therewho feel just exactly the same
way you do, and there's somebodyout there who's even more shy
and uncomfortable than you areright now go find that person,
because I'm I, she was one ofthose people and my sister were
extroverted and so we kind oflike grabbed her and was like
(15:32):
come along with us andeverything and she was, you know
, could remain her introvertedself, but once we were around
she wasn't you know, went outand did more things, I guess.
Um, but I was like you can godo that for somebody else,
always somebody out there who'smore comfortable than you are
and you have to just lookoutside yourself a little bit
(15:52):
being in the military.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
I've had to learn that myself.
When you move somewhere new,it's on you Like, yes, you can
go to a place that has friendlypeople and you know that would
be great, but you can't rely onthat.
You can't, you know, just bankon the fact that somebody is
going to be there to welcome youand to be, you know, that
(16:14):
extroverted person to draw youout and to make friends with you
, like that's.
You know that you can't bank onthat.
You have to go out in yourselfand you have to be willing to
talk to people that you wouldn'teven think that you would
really get along with peoplethat are just, it is very much
(16:35):
indeed, oh man, and see itworked out.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
It worked out.
It really can, and it's hardbut it's worth it.
And, honestly, the people whohave been the most encouraging
to me are the people who don'tpretend that they've got it all
figured out, who don't say mykids are perfect and I raised
them perfectly.
Now here's the formula.
(17:01):
Right?
That is not the thing that hasbeen encouraging to me.
Usually I'm just watchingsomebody and I'm watching them
go through hard things, even ifit's with their own children or
their husband, you know, likefamily stuff or and I'm watching
how they do it and I'm likethat's what I want.
I know I'm gonna go throughhard stuff.
I know my kids are gonna gothrough these teenage years that
(17:23):
I haven't reached yet.
No, their kids aren't perfect.
Their kids are messing up, butthey're handling it with grace.
They're handling it well,they're trying to handle it
biblically, they're keeping on,keeping on.
That's very encouraging.
And then when they come to me,I have a handful, but it's
enough.
It's a good amount of ladies inmy church who will just message
(17:45):
me and be like hey, I just wantyou to know I'm praying for you.
I know you're having a hardtime with this.
You know a lot of them areteachers of my children so they
know when I'm like going througha hard spot with one of them
and like I'm praying for you.
I just want you to know like Ithink you're doing a good job.
I know the season's hard, Iremember it really well, but you
(18:07):
know, lean on Jesus Likethere's, you know, just giving
me wisdom, without saying you'redoing it wrong, right or I
don't know.
They're just encouraging andthose people are so precious to
me and I want to be that personto other people.
That's the idea yeah.
It's the trickle down effect oflike these people pulled me up
(18:31):
and pulled me along and now I'mgoing to reach back and pull
others along with me andhopefully they'll do the same.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I loved your example from the Bible.
What was that you want to sharewith everybody?
What was?
Speaker 2 (18:44):
that you want to share with everybody.
Oh, ruth and Naomi.
We sometimes look at Naomi askind of a negative person or
maybe not a great influence.
But Ruth said I want to followyour God and your people will be
my people.
Your God will her about God.
She didn't say I want to followthe God of my husband or the
(19:05):
God of your husband, or you knowyour people.
It was you, your God.
And I think that Naomi hadshared her god with ruth and
(19:35):
even in the midst of herheartache, ruth still could see
the power of her god.
Like I think that's huge.
Naomi wasn't perfect and that'snot the example that we're
given.
Like we're not.
We're not gonna handleeverything perfectly.
There's times when bad stuffhappens to us that we're gonna
react poorly, but hopefully ourtestimony is so strong that
(19:56):
those moments of weakness arenot distracting away from the
fact that we are.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
We're sharing the light of christ with others
right, and I will just side notethis and say that you know,
naomi was her mother-in-law andI know that a lot of uh, a lot
of wives have issues with theirmother-in-laws and, um, you know
, sometimes, sometimes it's withgood reason, whatever.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Sometimes yeah, I've seen it.
I am so grateful I have the, Ihave such a kind, sweet, sweet
mother and all.
Yeah, I know she, she lovesyour kids as much as she loves
mine.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
She's so great, but yeah, and my mother-in-law is
great too.
But I just think that sometimesthere's like such a oh yeah,
it's there and it's like youknow why, why?
Why do you need it to be likedo the best that you can to make
it not be?
Speaker 2 (20:52):
yeah, yeah, and that's such a good release, like
that could be such a goodrelationship.
I am so grateful that mymother-in-law someone I can call
.
When I need prayer, when I needhelp, when I need advice, I can
call her and and that's like abuilt in relationship that you
could have.
That could be a beautiful oneIf people.
(21:14):
But I will say, as a testamentto my mother-in-law, she's a
very humble person and shedidn't come in to my
relationship or or our, myrelationship with her as, like,
I've got it all figured out.
This is how you need to be,this is how things need to be.
It was more like my son lovesyou, I love you and we happen to
(21:39):
love God together and that's,you know, been just a.
Really that's been a blessing,like we were were saying before.
I think that humility is a hugekey to it and, like you said,
you can't go into it saying doit like I did it but how do you
think we can take a step increating this kind of
(22:02):
relationship?
Speaker 1 (22:03):
practically a couple things that have been helpful to
me in creating relationshipswith older women have been just
in-home Bible studies where itwas like legitimately an older
woman teaching young moms.
(22:32):
And then another one is justthere's a group of women to join
this Bible study group and theywere all ages, all backgrounds,
all whatever.
We got to know each other, wegot to have a fellowship but
also spiritual encouragementthrough the word of God, and so
I've, at the different placesthat I've been, that has been
one of the big ways that I havebeen able to get involved with a
(22:56):
wide range of women of all ages, places and all of those types
of things.
Like I said, really justsometimes it comes down to would
you like to come over to myhouse, would you like to have
tea, um, coffee, whatever, likeit doesn't have to be this huge
(23:22):
extravagant thing, especially ifthe woman is like a widow or
doesn't have like a lot offamily around or you know that
they're more lonely.
Don't be afraid to like extendthat invitation.
Like that would could behonestly the best thing that
that woman has had in a longtime, I know.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
The worst she can say is no Right.
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Also, I think sometimes just approaching
people in church like maybe yousit behind somebody that's older
or maybe younger or whatever,like just starting a
conversation I think is like theeasiest first step, just
starting that conversation, evenif you've been in church with
(24:06):
them for a long time.
And it's really awkward becauseyou've been in church with them
for a long time but you haven'tintroduced yourself.
Like you're like what are yougoing to say?
Yeah, I've been here for fiveyears, and I know you have too,
but I don't know you.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
I can tell you what to say, because this happens to
me all the time, because not notfor five years, but because I
will be like working in churchministries and then come in late
and then not really seeeverybody and then have to leave
early for one reason or another, I don't know I will miss
people.
So I've accidentally introducedmyself to people who have been
(24:43):
coming for like months and it'svery awkward.
So, anyway, what I have foundthe best way to approach this is
just to be honest, I am sosorry.
I'm not sure if you've beenhere before I might have just
missed you.
My name's SD.
What's yours?
Or hey, have you guys beencoming here?
(25:03):
Sometimes I miss people.
Is this your first Sunday, orhave you guys been coming for a
while, or something like that?
But just being very honest andlike, like I'm an idiot, I'm
sorry, right, it really, peopleare very kind about that, right?
Um, I don't know, I just foundthat like it's better to be a
(25:26):
little bit awkward, right, notsay anything at all.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
So yeah, you go to a large church sometimes it's a
little harder to becauseeverybody kind of just funnels
out the door sometimes, um, andthen you do like your small
groups or your Bible studies areusually more like people your
age, so it can be kind of hardto be like branching out.
So you're going to have to be alittle bit more intentional
(25:52):
with that.
Like for sure you're going tomaybe have to track some people
down Just to not be stalkerish.
Might take a little more effort.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
I think another great way to start a conversation
with someone that you want tolike, maybe know better, or to
kind of just start thatrelationship, is to ask them to
pray for you about somethingspecific.
If you go up to an older womanmaybe, like I said, like that
woman who has kids that are inmy like, remind me of my kids
older.
Um, I've gotten her and justlike, hey, this is going on,
(26:27):
could you pray for this for me?
What that does if, first of all, usually when you ask someone
to pray for you, especiallyabout something specific, is
they they take it as acompliment.
Most people aren't like why areyou asking me to pray for you?
Speaker 1 (26:45):
I don't want to pray for you.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
Yeah, it's like not an inconvenience.
They don't look at it as aninconvenience or anything like
that, they're just usually.
They're like wow, I'm glad youasked me.
And then there's usually notalways.
Sometimes they pray for you butdon't ever bring it up again.
A lot of times I would sayabout 50 50.
They will check in on you andask how that's going and if they
(27:10):
are more of that teacher typeperson.
Often it will come with somewords of wisdom that you know oh
, here's a verse that has helpedme through a similar time or
something like that and I mean,that's really.
We're not looking for someonethat's going to grab you by the
shoulders and be like do exactlywhat I do.
(27:31):
Right, we're like we're talking, and I don't think that's what
was happening in Titus.
I don't think these women cometo my love.
Your husband class.
I think they were loving theirhusbands well, and when they saw
someone who was struggling,they offered encouragement and
wisdom.
I don't think it was like avery a super structured thing
(27:57):
happening.
I think it was.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
Yeah, Sometimes those super structured things can
almost not always, but canalmost squelch the relationship
part of it.
You know, like going to a wholelike church class or something
like that or I don't know.
It just depends.
(28:20):
It depends on the people, itdepends on a lot of things, but
individual relationshipsdefinitely hold more weight.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Yes, I think that those class like there's we
remember we had that, um, westayed a class for mothers of
young children, like a one daywe just I brought in a speaker
that I knew would really likeencourage some young moms and we
gave away books and we justlike kind of loved on the moms
(28:51):
and that was really great.
I enjoyed that.
But definitely something likethat does not replace the actual
relationships that we were ableto grow with those women, right
, right, and so I think, likeyou, really you can't depend.
It's kind of like you can'tjust send your kids to church
and expect them to be good kidsright right, you have to raise
(29:14):
your children.
Yeah, like the church to do it.
I think that goes for a lot ofother areas too.
You kind of like jump on all.
We just, you know, show up tothe church classes, everything's
going to be okay, and that'sright.
Not not the intended design.
Speaker 1 (29:30):
They kind of have to go hand in hand yeah, and I
we've kind of focused on the agedifference here.
But you know, there's there's alot of women that I've heard in
Christianity and not inChristianity that are just like,
well, I just can't make friendswith other women and it's just
so hard to make friends withother women.
(29:51):
And how do you make friendswith other people?
Well, first of all you have tobe intentional and you can't
just say I can't make friendsand just kind of throw up your
hands and be like, oh, that's,god has called us to be invested
in other people's life.
And if you're really having ahard time connecting with other
(30:15):
women in your church orsomething like that, there might
be a issue that you need towork on personally.
There might be a issue that youneed to work on personally.
I mean, a lot of things getfluffed off as our personality
nowadays, but really ourpersonalities can be very simple
.
So if there's something that'slike you have legitimately tried
(30:38):
to make friends with somebodybut they keep on kind of
ignoring you or something likemaybe the way you're coming off
is kind of off-putting, likeproud or arrogant or something
like that, like, maybe you needto do a little evaluation on how
you are presenting yourself.
There's nothing wrong withlooking at yourself and saying
(30:59):
how do other people view me whenI go to approach them in
conversation.
Am I only talking about myself?
Am I only talking about my kids?
Am I only talking about thingsthat I want to talk about?
Okay, well then, maybe that'swhy people don't want to listen
to me, you know, that's whypeople don't want to have a
relationship with me, becauseI'm kind of full of myself.
(31:20):
Like you have to be able to dothose self-evaluations and say,
okay, yeah, I get it.
Like, and if you are consciousof the other person in a in a, I
think we've just lost overallthe ability to communicate about
anything but ourselves in a lotof ways, what we think and what
(31:43):
we feel and how, what's goingon with us, and it's like well,
did you even ask about thatother person?
Like, did you say how was yourday?
Like, how was your week?
What have you been up to?
Speaker 2 (31:53):
There's just some basic things that I think we're
missing in a lot of ways andit's sad it is, and I think, I
think you're absolutely rightand sometimes we are a problem
for sure, and also, and we needto stop and evaluate, like you
(32:14):
said, and then sometimesremember that other people just
have things going on in theirlife on in their life like I
don't have a lot of outsideenergy for friendships right now
.
In my life I kind of I have.
All of my close friends are lowmaintenance friends.
Yeah, I hear from me when theyhear from me and know I love
them in the in between, right,so I I've had people that want
(32:38):
to be like, want to hang out allthe time, want to do stuff
together all the time, and it'snot that I don't want to at all,
it's just there's no time.
I don't, yeah, I don't havethat time, and so, or just like
energy, to be honest, likeenergy to keep up another
(32:58):
relationship that requires a lotof energy.
Right, it's not, there'snothing wrong with them, right,
and I, I just don't, it's, it'sa me thing.
And so sometimes you just haveto look at relationships
realistically.
Like what do I expect?
Are my expectations for thisrelationship Realistic?
Speaker 1 (33:21):
Right, and am I being a giver?
Like if, if somebody that youwant to spend time with is
overwhelmed and swamped and likeworking and and they kind of
say, well, I'm just really busyright now, they're, they're
telling you I don't have thattime or energy.
So how could you be a giver inthat situation?
How could you be a giver inthat situation?
How could you speak intosomebody's life some positive
(33:45):
instead of kind of making themfeel bad because they can't give
you that energy, because theycan't give you that time?
Well, what could you say thatcould be like helpful to them?
Oh, I, I'm sorry that you knowyou're really busy.
Could I help out by giving youlike a dinner, or bringing pizza
(34:05):
over sometime, or like justfind a way to to be a blessing.
You know, expecting, like thatfriend, energy to be given to
you.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
I went to a friend's house and I knew that this
friend would not freak out abouther house being spotless before
I came over.
Because that that is like whenyou invite yourself to someone's
home, some people are like wecouldn't care less and other
people would just be mortifiedbecause they cannot have someone
walk into their home if it'snot spotless.
That's a real issue for people.
(34:38):
Sure, like you know, you needto think, be thoughtful of that.
But sure, um, one of my friendsand I were not really able to
see each other much.
She was kind of overwhelmed andI went to her house and hung
out with her and folded herlaundry.
I said save the laundry for me.
You know I'm coming over onTuesday or whatever it was.
I'll fold your laundry.
(34:59):
We can sit and hang out.
It's one less thing that shehad to worry about, and it was
laundry like I don't mind.
I don't mind doing otherpeople's laundry for a day my
own laundry.
It was no big deal.
I enjoyed it and we both walkedaway without like feeling that
we had.
We were in both an exhaustingtimes in our lives, but it was
(35:21):
mutually beneficial day that wespent.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
I know the Amish will do.
You know things like that,where they'll just be like okay,
come over, we're washingwindows.
Today you can help us washwindows.
You know, like that's totallyfine and like there's just so
many things that if we wouldjust put down the what is normal
and ask what is better, uh, askwhat is biblical, what is
(35:49):
helpful.
If you're an older woman who'syou know children have left and
you're kind of empty nester andyou don't have like a full-time
job or something, maybe ask like, how can I invest in a real,
tangible way in younger women'slives?
Maybe it doesn't have to be sitdown tea, but maybe I can go
(36:12):
over and do the dishes or foldsome laundry or something like
that.
Like for these young moms, like, or invite them to your house
and, you know, take thatpressure of like trying to find
babysitters or all the otherthings that young moms have to
do, like to to go somewhere bythemselves, like, say, bring
(36:35):
your kids, that's okay, you know.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
I've offered times to babysit so someone can go to
the grocery store.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
I want to hang out with the mom, but I'm like, hey,
you know, I know something thatis beneficial to me is for my
kids to have to play with otherkids.
So drop your kids off here, goto the grocery store.
We'll get to see each other,you know, coming and going.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
We did that for each other too, just random.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Okay, hey, drop kids off yeah, it's fine, I miss you
living 20 minutes away.
Yeah, um, another thing I'mglad you brought up the
babysitter thing, and I've mighthave mentioned this one before,
but I was in a season where Ifelt like I just wasn't able to
do the discipleship that I feltlike I should.
(37:22):
But I started thinking aboutthe people that were actually
coming into my home, andbabysitters were one of them and
I was having these young girlscome and babysit and I realized
that they were walking into myhome and I usually had a few
minutes before I left, a fewminutes after I got home, to
talk to them and find out whatwas going on in their life and I
(37:43):
would say 50, 50 man, probablymore than that.
Our conversations turned intospiritual things.
There were some many of themwere girls from my church and I
was able to kind of build thatrelationship with them.
Sometimes it was right then andthere that they would, we would
be talking about spiritualstuff.
Sometimes it just kind offostered that relationship as
(38:04):
they got older and then they'vebeen in church.
Like I'm still going to churchwith them and we have a closer
relationship because I took thattime as, oh, they're doing me a
service and pay them right, but, like you know, just
intentionally right, investingin them and also like making
(38:27):
sure I was, you know, paid themwell, right, appreciated them
and, like right, loved on themas much as I could because they
were caring for my kids and nottaking that for granted.
I think that's actually a hugedeal, but just taking those
little opportunities.
It doesn't have to be, itdoesn't have to be a big formal
(38:47):
like a Bible study with me.
What's going on in your life?
Well, I will be praying aboutthat for you.
Let me know how it goes.
Hey, you know God says thisabout that, you know, and that
those kinds of conversationsorganically came up because we
had a relationship, right?
Speaker 1 (39:06):
Yeah for sure.
So these are just some thingsthat we've seen in church
culture in our lives.
Maybe you don't have that sameexperience, and I would hope not
, but if you kind of see it andor you feel it and you feel like
it could be better, try doingsome of the things.
Try, you know, asking somebodyif they need prayer or if they
(39:29):
would pray for you or whateverlike that's a small step and can
go a long ways.
Thank you for joining us todayand we will catch you next time.
We are honored that you choseSimply Edified to be a part of
your day.
If this episode was a blessingto you, would you consider
subscribing to our podcast, aswell as writing a review or
(39:51):
giving us a rating?
This would be such a help toour ministry.
We would love for other peopleto find us, and this is one of
the ways that they can.
Thank you,
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