December 23, 2021 • 58 mins
In season 2 episode 40 (omg!) of Skate Date, we talk about how 2021 is over (basically). Guess who cries in this one? We recap our feelings about 2021 and what our plans are for 2022.
We went completely off script for this one. We'll be back the week of January 12th!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Shove (00:00):
Hey what's up? Hello, everyone.
Rebel (00:13):
Today, guess what is the last episode of season two? I
know we were like, Oh, we'reactually going to do our seasons
like the school year, but wedecided no fuck that we're going
to do it by the year yearbecause that makes more sense.
Wait, what? Like Season Threestarts in January?
Shove (00:31):
Oh yeah.
Rebel (00:33):
Because we were going to be like in June ends and then
but like that doesn't makesense. We should just oh,
Shove (00:37):
we were gonna take this summer break. Yeah, yeah,
Rebel (00:40):
but I still think we could start Season Three in
January still take a summerbreak, but then finish season
three.
Shove (00:46):
Yeah, that's what I thought we were doing. Yeah.
Rebel (00:48):
So I thought we were doing like a school year thing.
And I thought what the hell? Idon't know. It's gonna make any
sense. Anyway. So this is thelast episode of season two. It
was long. Because 2021 was notthat
Shove (01:07):
no, it was long because we started a podcast in 2020.
The year one of the pandemic andwe were we started at the end of
the year. Season two was long,because we did a whole fucking
year. Are we I don't know anyoneelse, like even people that are
like, Yeah, I still have apodcast. It's like they were
smart enough to take a break.
But yeah, workaholic.
Rebel (01:28):
No, we didn't. We didn't exactly formulate how long our
season was going to be. So thenwe just ended up doing a whole
year of upon cast. And no onedoes a full year of a season of
something. So what were wethinking? I don't know. We were
thinking
Shove (01:43):
that Hi, I'm shove Oh, hi,
Rebel (01:46):
I'm rebel.
Shove (01:47):
Together. We're shovel
Rebel (01:48):
shovel.
Shove (01:50):
That's not to say Can you dig it? Not tonight. Alright, so
tonight's edition will kind ofbe like, Muck bang ASMR. Because
Mr. Yeah, because we're breakingthe Cardinal. The Cardinal
Cardinal we're breaking thecardinal rule. We are going to
(02:10):
be eating him. While we do thispodcast, like some podcasts that
are out there. They get on mynerves because they're like,
Okay, please don't. Don'taggressively be ASMR No, no, we
don't want people to turn thisoff. Okay, you might hear the
occasional like crunch of anOreo. A peanut butter flavor.
(02:32):
Oreo. To be exact. I haven'ttried it yet. Or like,
Rebel (02:34):
or the shuffle of a tiny m&m.
Shove (02:38):
Yeah, we're drinking hot cocoa with whipped cream and
marshmallows. And what else wegot baby. Oh, these bougie
chocolate truffles, Bailey'sMealies chocolate truffles
because rebels. That was aholiday extravaganza. And I
think it's just that, hey, we'renot going to do the typical
stuff. We're just going to talkabout our year and what it was
(03:00):
like and just have one lastlike, who who rah,
Rebel (03:03):
rah, rah. Oh my God today I said the word hubbub. And
someone was like, What's ahubbub? So I'd like to know if
all of you know what a hubbubis.
Shove (03:13):
It's okay. I'm part three of the tricker trivia matses
YouTube channel. You were Metzen
Rebel (03:21):
you were like I'm Schmitz and like you are like smitten.
But then. Christmas like
Shove (03:27):
I'm used to being at the North Pole. It's hot out here.
I'm Smithson or something likethat.
Rebel (03:32):
I don't I don't understand. Amazing. I
Shove (03:35):
don't even know if that's the correct Jewish term for
sweating. I did right. Knowthat. That's it. It popped in my
head. And who should be like myfavorite murder corrections
corner? Just email us? What?
Correction corner?
Rebel (03:50):
Yeah, what is Schmitz in me, so
Shove (03:51):
stop it.
Rebel (03:53):
That's the topic.
Shove (03:55):
Yeah, so um, how was your year baby?
Rebel (03:58):
Wow. My year? Well, it started out a little bit rough.
And by little broken. I mean, alot of it. It was very broken. I
broke my leg in January. So Ijust kicked it off on the the
wrong foot like you. Yeah. Andthen I went into a very dark,
(04:19):
very deep depression for severalmonths. And then I turned 30
Wait, how old? Am I 30. Yeah, Iturned 30.
Shove (04:27):
If there's anything that I was worried about this year,
it's when you don't even knowhow old you are any literally
Rebel (04:32):
supposed to be this amazing birthday and I was
fucking depressed the wholetime. But that's okay. It's
fine. And then I skated againwhich was pretty cool. We went
to San Diego which was prettyfun. And then I broke my teeth
right? And then it's Christmas.
Like how they are went right? Ididn't know you were the whole
(04:55):
year. Okay. asked me. Okay,shove, how was your year?
Shove (05:05):
My year was a rough and tumble. It had many lows and a
few highs. It was an adventure.
It was a blur. Alright, so whenyou
Rebel (05:15):
mine was also rough and tumble, a little bumble.
Shove (05:20):
Exactly. I was like stumble. Oh my god. Okay, so
let's make this flow a little.
Okay. All right. So if you hadone word to describe what the
beginning of the year likeJanuary 1 like to describe, like
what you felt like what youremember like what do you think?
Rebel (05:46):
I remember feeling hopeful, hopeful. Okay. I just
so the one real memory that Ihave like January 1, well, I
don't even know that I have amemory of like what we did on
New Year's like, I don't havethat specific memory. But I
remember skating. I rememberrecording the episode that we
(06:06):
did for crago Straight skates.
And then I remember skating inmy full pink jumpsuit. And I was
starting to get the snake walkdown. And I remember skating at
the tennis court and being like,This is so fun and just feeling
like I could breathe and beingoutside and like being like,
okay, like fuck, like 2020 wascrazy. And let's not this year,
(06:27):
and I felt like I was renewed inmy senses for like something
fresh and a change. Yeah, that'show I felt. How did you feel on
January 1? You had one I
Shove (06:45):
would think? relieved?
No. validated.
Rebel (06:51):
Oh, validated. That's a good word. Why I felt validated
Shove (06:55):
because I had started therapy. The end of December.
Right? Or did I sign up for theend of December? I don't know.
But I'm not. I'm not gonna sayexactly the first but within
like, it was very clear. Yeah,that I'm like being like, oh,
okay, like, there is somethingwrong with me. And it's like
(07:18):
weird to say like, I'm notcrazy. There's something wrong
with me. But it's like, yeah,that's something that you are
crazy, if that makes sense.
Like, it wasn't just like I wasbeing dramatic or like that. It
was like, Oh, I'm just lettingmy trauma get to me. It was
like, oh, no, you legit, like,yes, it's trauma, but you also
have a chemical imbalance.
Because like sometimes I havethose moments where I'm like, is
(07:40):
it just my experiences that mademe this way, but something feels
like deeper off like reallywrong and broken within me and
not just like mentally? And thenlike, again, that validation
that like oh, no pitch, you gota chemical imbalance and you
need medication also is like,okay, and like getting my first
medication. Like, that was verylike, okay, like that gave me
(08:02):
hope at like, it would help andrebel says to other people in
front of me that it helps a lotthat it's completely different.
Haven't had the talk with heryet about like, what that means,
but like, hope too soon. So Iknow there's definitely like
it's worked for the better.
Rebel (08:18):
I've told you that we've had that conversation before.
No, but not like deep. Okay.
Shove (08:23):
Yeah, like when I hear you talk to other people, like
it sounds like Oh, shit, like,it wasn't been really, really
bad. So like, especially thelast time I come over here
talking to you, and I was justlike, oh, shit, like, it's not
much of a difference. Like howbad was I before? And we've
never had like that deep talk.
It's just been like,
Rebel (08:39):
Yeah, and just like to, like, alleviate any fears or
worries that you have. It's notthat it was bad. It's at. It's
so good when you're on yourmeds. So it's not it wasn't
never bad. It was just, it'sjust like, I didn't even imagine
that it could be so good. And sothat's why like, it was never
(09:00):
bad. It's just like thecomparison with like, how
positive it's impacted. You,like blows my mind. Like, I
never thought you neededmedication. And then you got on
medication. And I was like, Holyhell that helped you so much.
Like that's, that's the feelingthat like, every time I express
that I'm expressing somethingpositive.
Shove (09:19):
Yeah, but like how?
Rebel (09:21):
So like, you like, you didn't tend to be like, Oh,
aware of the things that youdid? Like, or how you're feeling
as much or you didn't express itor you didn't act like you knew.
But like when you're on meds,it's like, you catch how you're
(09:42):
feeling? And it's like, youacknowledge it, and then you
like communicate with me betterin a way that you never
communicated with me before. Younever communicated with me about
your feelings before ever. And Ialways felt like there was a
wall that you had up. And I knewit wasn't necessarily me. But I
(10:05):
always kind of wondered like,whether that was something that
would come with time, or whetherthat was like a trauma thing or
what but it felt like when yougot on the medication, it was
like you are more willing toexplore that is like you weren't
as scared of your own mind. Eventhough I know that you are still
(10:26):
scared of your own mind. It waslike you were less scared of it
like you were willing. Like,it's like you had a bulletproof
vest to go into your mind with.
So it's like you had a shield.
And so you were willing toexplore that. And with that
happening, like you let me inmore. And I thought that that
(10:47):
was really wonderful that like,I felt a I would,
Shove (10:52):
I would like to give that like credit to just the drugs,
but I think most of that istherapy and like learning to see
the thought the science likegiving those tools. The other
part is I don't go to 100.
anymore. So like the therapy hastaught me to catch it before it
(11:13):
gets there. And like how maybetalk it out, and not be afraid
of like, like noticing it. Butthe medicine is more like, Oh,
you're not gonna just like, popoff and go straight to paranoia
and think that you're againstme, and that you're my worst
enemy, my greatest love at thesame time. And that 100%
Everything Bad's about tohappen.
Rebel (11:37):
Yeah, and like, but you would. And I think that what you
didn't realize is that when youfelt like that, I could feel it.
You know, like, I could feellike, I feel like when you
weren't on your medicine, and Ididn't know this when you
weren't on your medicine. Itwasn't until you were on your
medicine that I realize this.
When you weren't on yourmedicine, you were like, super
(11:58):
like this a lot. Like it waslike, one day you'd be like
this. And then the next daywould be like, all the way down
here. And then I wouldn't know,kind of from day to day, where
it was gonna be. And that waskind of hard for me. Yeah. And I
didn't, but I didn't know thatit was hard for me. Because I
didn't know what the flip sideof that coin was. Yeah. So when
(12:20):
you did start taking your meds,and it stabilized, and you still
have your ups and downs forsure. Like you definitely still
have them. But they're justlike, more muted. And so for me,
it felt like such a hugedifference from being like, so
intense up and down every day tolike, less intense up and down.
(12:40):
And like not every day, that itwas like a sense of peace, kind
of that I hadn't really knownthat I wanted. And I think that
that was that's the biggest,like significant change for me
is is I feel like oh, it's it'sreally cool that I can see that.
(13:02):
You're, it's like there's a lanelike it's like you're in bowling
and there's bumpers now. Andthat's pretty cool. Nice. I like
that.
Shove (13:15):
If you had 123 words, describe how you feel right now,
as of December 20. Would it be
Rebel (13:28):
overwhelmed, unsure and self aware? That's how I feel
right now. What about you?
Shove (13:36):
Like? I don't know, that's a good thing.
Rebel (13:39):
Um, no, I don't feel like it's a good thing, which is why
I'm you know, at least I'm selfaware about it. Like, I know
that I'm not in a good spotright now. So but yeah,
Shove (13:52):
how to word and then I lost it because I was looking
for all sorts of crazy. Yeah,you just kept shouting 70 words,
I lost my word. Right now I feellost. I guess that would be a
good word. Um, I just found outthat I now need antidepressants
(14:15):
on top of my mood stabilizers.
Things have gotten dark again,real real dark, because you
know, they can get so I wasbrave enough to ask for help.
Like, I was missing a lot oftherapy towards the end. And I
was like looking for stupidexcuses. Like, well, I can't
miss out on school becauseschools I mean, I'm worried
(14:35):
because we're at some point andI'm then going back and be like,
Alright, now I got to reallystart the hard therapy. So fully
back in it. I'm gonna start newmeds. And at first I was just
like, man, like, I don't wantthis like I felt like it was
like a tally against me. Like Ifelt like now that it's been
almost a year of therapy andmedication that I should be
(14:56):
getting better and like I knowI'm getting better but it's also
like, oh, I want to put morecrap in my body to regulate how
I'm feeling. But then like,gives me kind of like back and
forth of like, and hope, Iguess, it was because like, I
don't want to give myself toomuch hope like, Oh, you're gonna
get on Prozac and like, be happyor like, you're gonna be more
(15:17):
like active again. So been likedelving into a lot of research
about that and it's like seemslike pretty good for a lot of
people. So I'm hoping I'm hopingso for me, but I'm just like,
don't want to put all my hopeinto a little pill that I'm
gonna start taking him. So we'llsee how that goes and works
good. But I feel likeoverwhelmed. And it's not
(15:42):
because of work. It's just notwhere I'm at mentally right now.
So I'm just trying to like,balance that off and realize,
like, recognize what's happeningto me. Like, it's not even
really working it is you. Sotrying to deal with that. And
what else? Let's watch it likenot skating as much as I wish I
was. But I was just I feel sotired and exhausted and just
(16:05):
like not living life to thefullest. For sure. So that's
where I'm at right now.
Rebel (16:14):
Yeah, I think for me, I feel well, one I'm definitely
being, as you said, overworked.
So I just have too many jobsright now. And I'm not happy
about it. And I'm just trying topush through and trying to get
one of them to nail me down withenough money to pay my bills.
(16:35):
And the hope is that if I workhard enough that one of them
will see that and be like wewant you around for ever. Not
forever, but just for a longtime. Yeah, and I just I'm
hoping that that's where thatgoes. But I just I made a I
don't even know how it happenedto be completely honest with
(16:57):
you. It's like I started anadditional job. And doing that
wasn't supposed to be hellaoverwhelming. But then I ended
up doing about twice as muchwork as I signed up for
originally. And then at the sametime that I ended up doing
double the work at the newplace, I ended up getting more
(17:17):
work piled on at all the otherplaces I was working and
working. And so it's just been alittle bit overwhelming. And
I've been working from like7am 8am 830 until like three in
the morning, like every singleday. And it's gotten to the
point where I feel bad, likewatching a movie with shove,
(17:43):
because I feel like I need to bedoing X y&z Because there's
literally not enough hours inthe day to complete all the
tasks that I'm being asked to dofor all my jobs. So yeah, I
would like that to be done. AndI do see that being done
sometime in the future. And Isee myself like asking for a
(18:05):
raise at some of the places. Andjust like having those hard
talks and also like evaluatingwithin myself, because the
reason why I said self awarenessbecause I I notice that I am
currently the person that I donot want to be, I am the person
that doesn't have anything totalk about, but work I'm the
(18:27):
person that feels like theydon't have time to hang out with
their friends or, you know,their family or anything like
that. And I know you didn't evenhang out with me a couple of
nights. Yeah, no, I just Iliterally have just been like,
there's literally no way that Ican, you know, take time off
because I can't like the way mywork is set up is I finished the
(18:50):
tasks. It's not like you workfrom certain hour to a certain
hour. And not being able tofinish the tasks has been
really, really hard on me,
Shove (19:01):
one of our favorite things is crossing things off or
to do lists.
Rebel (19:05):
Yeah, and, and I haven't really been doing that because
the list just keeps goinglonger. Yeah. And it's just like
wild because I like we'll geteverything done or like even
close to and then I'll get atext message or an email that's
like, oh, I also need you to dothis, this and this. And I'm
just like, I'm one person. Likehow are how is this happening?
Shove (19:25):
All I can say is like when stuff like that happens,
you have to be vocal or elsenothing will happen. They're
gonna just think, Oh, it's okay.
It's okay. I think often inlife, like we get overwhelmed
and we just like keep sinkingand keep taking it on to hit on
and then there until we likebreak or we just keep doing it
and get ragged and it's like youhave to know that like, not
(19:46):
necessarily as other peoplelike, piling too much onto you
by choice or just being likefuck it. It's like they think
you're okay with it and thenthey don't realize it's a lot
because they're living their ownlife. So Do you have to speak up
because I've learned that lessonbefore. And then as soon as I
said something, everythingchanged. And then like, I had
help, or people stopped dumpingso much on me. So I think that's
(20:09):
one thing I would like to tellyou is like, you have to speak
up and like, let people know.
And so that they understand,because they probably don't
know, they don't know that fiveother people are doing the same
thing they're doing and at thesame time. For me, I think this
year, one of my biggest lessonswas to give myself grace. And
(20:34):
like, not really feel, I think,like before, like I had a lot of
guilt that would eat away at meif like I did something or felt
a certain way. And now I justfeel like no, I'm allowed to
feel this way. And I'm allowedto make mistakes, and I'm
allowed to fail. And like, notlike fret and like, wallow in it
for too long.
Rebel (20:54):
That's a good lesson to learn. How about you? I think
probably the biggest lesson thatI learned this year was
Shove (21:05):
not to have health insurance.
Rebel (21:08):
No, I mean, I think that the biggest lesson I learned
this year is that I'm a fuckingstrong person you are and then I
can get through anything. Iagree with that. It was a
fucking hard year, like it wasreally hard. And I learned a lot
about like, my ability to pushthrough things. And I struggled
(21:29):
a lot. And I'm glad that I, likewas able to come out on the
other side of it and to say,like, Hey, I fucking did that.
But I also like, God, I can seemyself it's so weird. I'm having
this like, your eyes are allteary. You're gonna cry this
weird moment, I'm totally gonnacry right now. I'm having this
(21:51):
weird moment right now, whereI'm like, seeing myself a year
from now watching this video.
And being like, poor girl, Ijust feel so bad for you. Like,
I know, things are gonna getbetter, you know, like, I can
tell that it's gonna be fine.
But it's like, I know that I'mnot in a good place right now.
(22:11):
And like, I know, it's gonna getbetter. But fuck, I think, you
know, I always thought eventhough I know I have a strong
like pain tolerance. I've neverthought of myself as like,
mentally being strong. Exceptfor like, my motivation. I've
always known that my motivation,my passion was very strong. But
(22:33):
I don't think I ever knew that.
Like, my ability to push throughthings like mental hardship was
strong, because I always, as ayounger person, I kind of
defaulted to like, findingsomeone to care for me. Like I
never really dealt with thingsby myself. I always was just
looking for attention andsupport. And this year, I feel
(22:53):
like for the first time, I waslike, You need to deal with this
by yourself. You know, and, andwith Whoa, whoa, therapists.
Yeah, my therapist is the best.
I'm so grateful for her. Youalso got medicated, and I got
Yeah, I was gonna say this year.
I also so like, went into thedarkest depression that I've
(23:14):
had, probably 10 years.
Shove (23:18):
Imagine if you didn't go into depression, that would have
been fucking weird. So like,Yeah, I mean, come on. You had a
hell of a fucking year. Itstarted off like shitty.
Rebel (23:28):
Yeah, yeah. And it was just like, it felt like it was a
never ending. Like, it just was,oh, it was so hard. And I felt
so isolated. I do not recommendbreaking your leg during a
pandemic, during a pandemic,when no one can come over and
like help you. Like no one can.
No one knows that you're in theplace that you're at. Because
(23:50):
it's really easy for people torecognize how dark and how hard
it is when they see you. Butwhen they don't see you, and
when it's normal not to see youbecause it's a pandemic, and
everyone is, you know, on theirown. You get forgotten. And it's
just, it's, it's such a darkplace. And it was so hard for
(24:14):
me. And yeah, so like going totherapy wasn't even until like
six months, in that I realizedthat I had ADHD because it was
like not even kind of at theforefront of any sort of
discussion.
Shove (24:33):
I mean, everyone in her life was like, of course we all
thought but Ravel I did know itthe hard way home baby.
Rebel (24:42):
I learned everything the hard way. Yeah, yeah, so I found
out I had ADHD and I think Ifigured it out because I saw
tick tock of course. Yeah, ticktock could be I know because of
tick tock so I saw some likeADHD tick tock and I was like,
Wait, why? Like, that's totallyhow I feel. And like, I don't
(25:03):
know, like I had always we did awhole episode about this, but I
had always, you know,experienced ADHD being viewed
differently because of myfamily. And so when I was
diagnosed with ADHD and thenwhen I was put on medication it
just like kind of opened mywhole world up. And that was,
(25:23):
did I get put on? I got put onADHD meds like right after I
broke my face, right? Yeah, Ithink so. Yeah. Crazy.
Shove (25:35):
Oh, man, it's been a wild here.
Rebel (25:38):
I also learned that I mean, I just think that I yeah,
I think my body like I pushedmyself in ways that I've never
been pushed before mentally,physically with disco Asus, that
pushed me really fucking hard.
That was hard for me mentally.
And physically. You leveled upyour skate game. Yeah, that was
awesome. I found out that Iabsolutely love damn skating.
(26:00):
Like, I never would have foundthat out. I made a bunch of new
friends, which was pretty cool.
Shove (26:06):
I got promoted up mocks.
Yeah. I got to be on a show onNikes. You two amazing. The
rollout had almost 1000 Peoplethen
Rebel (26:19):
did have it. Yeah. Let's just say 1000 had 1000 people.
Shove (26:23):
Yeah, right before that delta hit it was like, boom,
Delta, and
Rebel (26:29):
then we got COVID. And then we got COVID, which was
miserable, and then not know, wegot like a month later. And
then.
Shove (26:39):
Yeah, that's also 2021 was like, all the people that
showed their true colors and2020. We got to see him face to
face. It was more like, it wasweird. It was just weird seeing
people. We're here of like,being stuck at home. And like a
(27:00):
lot of weird socialinteractions. Because like no
one knew how to act, right.
Rebel (27:05):
I've had a lot of interactions recently, where it
was like, I couldn't remember ifI knew someone because I had met
them in person. Or if I knewsomeone, because I I follow them
on the internet. And I thinkthat that's so crazy. Like
legitimately don't know if I'vemet them before in person and
(27:25):
like, don't introduce myselfbecause I think oh, we know each
other. And then I'm like, Do weknow each other? Or do I just
stalk them like a person
Shove (27:33):
I assume I known to or like have met them before.
League has 2020 put us in such atalk watch. And I live in
people's stories. I see peopletalking so much. Until then I
message them that I feel like Iknow them or them. Literally,
there's at least three timeswe're halfway through. I'm like,
Wait, that's my first timemeeting. Right? They're like,
(27:55):
Yeah, and I'm like, oh shit.
Nice to meet you.
Rebel (28:01):
I've done the same thing.
Also, these are disgusting. Donot order the peanut butter or
not word. Do not order these No,buy these they're gross. Just
get regular Oreos and dip themin peanut butter is a reason why
I got these peanut butter Oreosis because on one of our first
dates,
Shove (28:20):
if it would have been half regular and half peanut
butter, it would have worked.
Rebel (28:23):
Yeah. On one of our first dates shove made me like this.
Like, we're going to get highsnack board. And it had all
sorts of fun stuff on it. Andone of the things that was on it
was Oreos, and like a just athing of peanut butter. And
that's when I tried it for thefirst time full hot hot chips.
(28:43):
And just regular chips. And thenwas that the rose with the
tomato? No, that was anothertime. She spoiled me in the
beginning now she doesn't careabout me at all. Gotcha thing.
Shove (28:57):
Yeah, so I don't know where we're where were we so
yeah, it was just like soldierinteractions were weird. I think
like it's interesting to comeout of 2020 being so like Well
y'all know that I've beenlistening to the beginning like
hardcore like quarantine andworking from home and rebel
still had to work from home thiswhole year so it's worse off for
(29:19):
her because at least I have awarehouse to go to to Moxie and
yeah fucking hate my life andrebel still stuck working I
still never leave this fuckinghouse. Yeah, so it was a lot of
me like yelling at her like fromwork being like go outside for
15 minutes or even coming homeand like forcing her to go lay
in the hammock in the sun. Likeduring the summertime. I
(29:41):
definitely fell off that for alittle bit like for a while and
I feel like it did help to likeforce you to go outside because
there would be days where you'dbe like, I haven't been outside
once. There are
Rebel (29:51):
still days like yeah, like today. I went to pick up
oat milk and I was like, Oh wow,what's it like to get in the car
during The day
Shove (30:01):
Yeah, and that's just not good especially for an extrovert
like her. So when we do God hemust buy you like a crackhead
because it is. Yeah. This year,but yeah, we came out of that
year and then like, of coursetook it easy, but once we had
the vaccine, we're like, okay,here we go. Yeah, we hosted our
first like barbecue. We had aHalloween party Halloween party
(30:25):
was cute. And then we had ourThanksgiving brunch, which was
also cute. All like pretty muchthe same amount of people and
like the same people. Yeah.
Rebel (30:35):
It was, like 10 people came to every single one of
those
Shove (30:38):
vaccinated but it's like still not a ranger, like who
would have if we weren't in apandemic? Like it wasn't like,
bring a friend and your friend'sfriend were like, I'd be down to
have one big party like that.
Yeah, but like, we're still in apandemic. And it was weird being
like, this is our new reality.
We can kind of go back to life,but we're not like, yeah, it's
Rebel (30:59):
a weird,
Shove (31:00):
it's like this weird. Um, what's it called? Like, you're
in Purgatory, right?
Rebel (31:05):
Yeah, good explanation for it. But like 21 is a
purgatory.
Shove (31:10):
No, we have all Nia Cron.
Whenever I'm in a cron OmicronI'm not grown. Yeah. Which
sounds really intense. And it'slike this whole thing where it's
like, I'm gonna sound like socrazy. Now compared to like, how
I sounded in 2020. But or, like,you know, the delta, I felt
like, oh, shoot, like, let'slet's like, kind of, like, pull
(31:32):
back a little bit like jetskiing real and like, after
getting really sick and likereal. We got real, real sick. I
mean, so grateful that we hadthe vaccine. And now it's like
hard because it's like, theinformations out there is like,
spreads faster, but it's not asworse. And then it's like, weird
because it sounds like it'smutating to be marketed
contagious, but then it's alsomutating did not hurt.
Rebel (31:59):
I don't know, I just don't trust the initial things
that come out about it. Butthere's also read the beginning
the Delta, like the things thatcame out about it, it was weird.
And it didn't make sense and endup being different. You know,
you mean, yeah, I just don't tryto change right now.
Shove (32:12):
Yeah, it was like really hard. Because it's like, I, it's
like, I want to live my life.
And I want to be able to traveland I want to be able to like
help the skate community indifferent areas and like, keep
inspiring and hosting things.
But then at the same time, it'slike, oh, I don't want to spread
this thing. And then it's like,yeah, I want to be like, just
(32:34):
everyone also, like getvaccinated. And like, if you
don't get vaccinated by now,like, dude, like, I can't, like,
we tried so hard 2020 to do itfor people that not to kill them
and not as now I feel like nowpeople have the option to get
vaccinated, and they're stillchoosing not to get vaccinated,
and you get sick, and you go tothe hospital, I am sorry, I
(32:56):
can't feel bad for you. Becausethat was the choice you made,
the medicine is there. And ifnothing health wise is stopping
you from taking it. It's like Ithat now I'm at the point where
like, I'm not gonna stop livingmy life, because someone that's
afraid an anti Vaxxer won't takethe vaccine.
Rebel (33:15):
Yeah, I think to an extent, I think it's hard
because it's like, I don't know,like the fact that you can still
get it when you're, when you'revaccinated. Makes it hard for
me, it makes it like, I don'tknow what to do. I don't know
how I feel like I'm finallylooking at going back into the
classroom. At the end ofJanuary, beginning of February,
(33:39):
and I'm like, hella intimidatedby it. And I don't know, I don't
have a facial and a mask. Like,am I doing that? Like, is that
what I'm doing? You know, Imean, like, I don't know, like,
am I gonna be like, Don't comeclose to me students and talk to
me, like I, I don't know, Ihonestly don't know how to act
(33:59):
and how to like, go into publicbecause even like the little bit
of like, in person work that Ihave done, which is very little,
but like, the amount I have doneis like, around people that I
already know and like are kindof in my circle. And so it's not
been weird, but like being in aroom for more than two hours
(34:20):
with 30 students
Shove (34:23):
to ask yourself like, I am to the level where I now feel
safe in a room like I can be ina room like if I was in a class
or a full class with a teacher,as long as everyone had their
mask on and I had my mask on Iwould be okay with that.
Rebel (34:41):
But you've also had the opportunity to be going to
school
Shove (34:46):
at school have three other students
Rebel (34:48):
but like you're still like you still go places with
people who aren't close to youand you're in closer Oh, I know
you're saying you know, like Iliterally still the only person
I really see is you and ourroommate, you know, like, I
don't and like sometimes I see,you know, some of the other
Moxie people but like, besidesthat, like I literally only see
(35:13):
people on video.
Shove (35:14):
Well, yeah, but like, what do you what about like when
we go to Alex's bar,
Rebel (35:18):
I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack every time.
Like, like, I'm fine. But likein my head, it screams like, you
shouldn't be doing this, youshouldn't be doing this. But I
know that that's probably wrong.
So that's why I don't sayanything. And I just like try
and like, because I feel likeit's an adjustment period. Like,
I feel like it's an untrainedthing of everything that we
(35:40):
learned in the last year, twoyears, right, like, Well, I
Shove (35:46):
mean, if you want to improve your chances, definitely
wear a mask all the time andavoid places that are crowded,
like that's number one, like thegame I'm playing. I know right
off the bat can be risky. Like,I know that if I don't have my
mask on, and I'm like walkingsomewhere and there's a crowd of
(36:06):
people that one little pass onthe sidewalk that could lead to
someone sneezes doesn't covertheir mouth, that could lead to
me getting COVID. So like, forme, it's like, oh, I probably
should have my mask on all thetime. But then they say, Oh, if
you're outside, you might beokay. But then now you should
mask on again. And I think likeI said, it's like saving, like
giving myself grace is thatlike, I went from being extreme
(36:29):
afraid of people having panicattacks and grocery stores to
now like, be in like, when Ifeel unsafe all do it. But I
also know like, there were timeswhere I thought I was being
safe. And then what happened? ICOVID. And I was staying
outdoors and I was staying awayfrom people and then it
happened. And I think it gave methis like fuck, dude, like it
(36:51):
sucks. But I think like Bothways are valid as long as you're
like, just don't be messy aboutit.
Rebel (36:58):
Yeah, I think I'm not saying that it's not valid. What
I'm saying is that you've hadthe you've had more
opportunities to men. Oh, no,I'm saying usually you feel as
valid. Yeah, I think I becauseeven I was just as you were
talking, I was thinking abouthow like, I feel pretty
comfortable going to pigeonsrink and not wearing a mask. So
like I'm and I think that that'sjust because I've gone a few
(37:21):
times like and I feelcomfortable now because it's
outside. It's like outsideinside but it's outside and I
know I can like stay away frompeople for the most part or
whatever. But like that I'm I'mpretty okay with you know, even
though I know the same thing,like I am risking every time I
like, go near people, but forthe most part I go when it's not
(37:43):
populated. But yeah, I thinkit's just like a mental thing.
You know, that I have to work onor figure out or get used.
Shove (37:49):
Yeah. Like it's just a shift of like, going to skate
parks or going like there's moreskate meetups. And like, before
you went to skate park you sawlike maybe 95% of roller skaters
and mask and like 0%skateboarders still 0%. And
skateboard is very nice. And nowmaybe it's like, point 5% roller
(38:10):
skaters and mass. Yeah, um, Ilike to always have mine on me
just in case like it gets alittle too. too hot, too. But I
think like the vaccine did makeus really cocky. But then it's
also like, hello, you can stillget COVID with the vaccine.
Like, what is it now they'reseeing like, 30% chance or
something? I don't know how theyfigure this out. But it's
(38:34):
definitely feeling more like,Okay, this is just our reality
now, like, I'm, I don't know hownext year is gonna be like is
every month, like every quarter,there's a new variant? Like, who
knows? Like it just keepsmutating and when does it come
to where it's like no man'sland, and then everything's
fully open and then just peoplejust get COVID randomly all the
time. And it's like, flu, getyour flu shot, but also get your
(38:59):
COVID shot and it's just like, apart of life. And it's like, you
know, like, Do you think that'sgonna be our future?
Rebel (39:05):
I mean, I think we're definitely every year gonna have
to get a COVID shot Yeah, therest of our lives.
Shove (39:09):
But do you think it's gonna be like wearing a mask for
the rest of our lives? I shareshow hope or do you think it's
just gonna be a free for alllike, and then when people just
get set, they just get set andit's something that you want to
try and like eliminate thedisease. You know, like,
hopefully after a few years,people will be fucking over it
will finally just get on so I'mhoping I can vaccinated. I don't
(39:32):
know. I just feel like also youwould think global warming would
be worked on because it's comingblatantly obvious because
another thing that happened thisyear, starting with, we know
Australia was on fire. That was2020 but we did have the ocean
on fire. We had water on fire.
We had the hottest summer whichcrazy enough it's actually
(39:56):
didn't get too bad here in LongBeach. Nothing has been worse
before it's been worse but thenplaces like Florida had like
four floors like the ground waslike rolling and the heat was
making the asphalt get all weirdand everything was like wild
yeah like it never no one has ACbecause it never gets that hot
there it's like going up northand like I guess like
(40:18):
electricity was going outbecause lines were melting like
it was like in the 120 degreesor something and Sam,
Rebel (40:27):
wait were in Florida, Oregon and oh in Oregon. Oh,
Shove (40:31):
like Portland's that we got so hot and a lot of places
got so hot. They don't hop inTexas frozen over froze over our
grid last year this year, thepower grid they're getting?
Right. Yeah, so it was just likewhat, like places that should
not be snowing, like all thepipes. So it's like things like
(40:52):
that before? So like, globalwarming is not a thing. And
Rebel (40:56):
yeah, it definitely is a thing. It's like the
Shove (40:59):
denial. And I know like I could say as I'm saying it I
think like I personally am indenial. And sometimes I'm like,
it's crazy. Cuz I know if Iwould have still been that like
panicky like, oh my gosh, no,like I'm afraid to go anywhere.
Like, let's not leave until thepandemic's over, we would have
never got COVID But then I alsowould have missed on so many
opportunities that were lifechanging as well, that I think I
(41:22):
really needed like I couldn't bethat like sheltered person. And
I think that's like definitelychanged me from like, judging
people that do go live theirlives, you know, but I still do
judge when I know they're notvaccinated. live their life.
Yeah, but it's definitelyletting me know like, Hey,
we're, we're all just doing thebest we can. So I try to like
(41:47):
understand where other peopleare coming in from that. Like,
they can't really just like locktheir self in doors for a whole
nother year.
Rebel (41:55):
Yeah, I think I think I'm like about at my breaking point
with locking myself. And I cantell because I have become more
socially awkward in a way that Inever used to be socially
awkward. And I am likestruggling like my friends.
Like, I have a friend who rightnow has been like rebel, let's
(42:16):
go skate. And I was like, yeah,and then I canceled on him. And
then he's like, Okay, what aboutthis day? And I just go sit in?
Shove (42:23):
Wait, would you do that to Wendell? Why? Because we were
shut out of media.
Rebel (42:28):
We're supposed to go the other night. And then something
happened. I don't remember whatit was. But it was like, Oh, I
wasn't feeling good. And I waslike, if I'm not feeling good,
I'm not gonna go out. Like,there wasn't fake. It was like
real, like, I wasn't feelinggood. And then he was like, oh,
okay, well, what about Sunday,and then I just didn't respond,
because I just, I feel soawkward all the time about
everything. Like, I don't knowhow to talk to people anymore.
(42:51):
And I hate that because I was,like, always so good at talking
to people. And now I'm justfucking awkward all the time.
And I don't hang out with any ofmy friends. And all my friends
think I hate them. When this
Shove (43:02):
guy says first ended, you were like a social butterfly.
You were always like going tothe rink, get into the ring,
because
Rebel (43:09):
I got used to it. And I needed to get back. I have found
this like, safe little spot inmy office. And I get so
comfortable there. But like whenI'm not comfortable there. It's
easy for me to keep going out.
But if I get there, it's like Istopped being able to go out and
it's just like so wild. BecauseI'm that's never been who I am.
Shove (43:33):
Do you think that might have something to do with me
having ADHD?
Rebel (43:38):
I don't know how that'd be connected. Like, you get
Shove (43:41):
hyper focus on what's now and what you see and what's
near.
Rebel (43:46):
I know that I have object permanence issues, which means
that like, if I don't seesomething I forget about it. So
like, yeah, that's what I mean.
Yeah, so like, Wendell, becauseI read the text message. And
then I didn't respond to itright in that moment. And then I
forgot about it completely. Andlike, I had to see something
(44:08):
that reminded me of him in orderfor me to remember like, oh,
shit, I was supposed to respondto that text message. And then I
was like, oh, it's been too longsince I got that text message.
And then it's like, oh, that'sfucking awkward. You can just
text him at you've alreadymissed the date. And then wait,
you know, I mean, like, that'show I feel. bobbins if you're
listening, I don't think Windowslistens to this. But if you're
(44:29):
listening,
Shove (44:32):
Adan you don't listen by sorry. And now you've texted me
maybe three weeks ago and then Iknow you also text me a month
before that.
Rebel (44:41):
There's a list of people that I really really really
like. And I really want to hangout with and like when I see you
or when I talk to you and I saylike no I really want to hang
out I mean it. I do mean it Ijust have like major social
anxiety issues.
Shove (44:57):
Did you see that thing I say you it was like blind react.
Like if you have ADHD or BTL?
Yeah. And it's like, I eat toomuch. Sometimes I eat too much.
Sometimes I eat not enough. Likesometimes I sleep too much. Not
enough. Like, I never text. I gomonths without texting my
friends. It's just like, yeah,
Rebel (45:18):
exactly what I do. And then like, I go months without
texting my friends back and thenall of a sudden all I decide to
text everyone back. And then I'mlike, why aren't you all awake
at 2am responding to me rightnow? Like, I'm like, shocked.
Like, what the fuck? Anyways,whatever.
Shove (45:35):
We're keepin it real.
Today, I'll
Rebel (45:36):
give him a full dose of real rebel in show.
Shove (45:39):
We've had at least five people that are like, Well, fuck
this podcast. I hate them.
They're on Reddit right now.
Shove just said Fuck on me thatshe's gonna live her life. And
I'm like, I'm kind of not thatpowerful.
Rebel (45:55):
You Yeah. So I mean, if you could take like, one thing
from this year, and build on itand make it into something
different next year, or likeinto something stronger or
better next year? What would itbe?
Shove (46:14):
Hmm, I don't know.
Because like, I always feel kindof weird. Like when I do here,
another variant come because itslows my roll. Because I think
before this whole last variant,like I thought I had a clearer
view of like, okay, things arehow the world is looking right
now. And so I had things in mymind, like, a lot of like
traveling, like we discussed.
(46:36):
And now it's like, I don't know,because we have friends that
have travel plans that gottencanceled, like they're like
countries closing their bordersagain. So that's really tough to
really know. So I think I'm inlimbo again, right now,
personally, like there's littlethings like, I got really sad
though, that I think you know,how I haven't painted in like a
year, and some months probablyare like just little things. I'm
(46:58):
like, oh, man, like, that'd benice to do again. I don't know.
I can't say right now,sometimes. For me when it's
like, oh, New Year'sresolutions, and what do you
want for next year? I'm like, Iwant to be like, oh, yeah, it's
a fresh start new goals andblah, blah, new dreams. But
(47:18):
like, I had text as for today,and I said something about, they
had said something about likebeing grateful that it was in
the year and sorry, no room. AndI just replied, and I said, it's
really great to be like, it'sreally hard to roll into a new
year when you have shit on yourwheels. Right now. I feel like
I'm rolling into the new yearwith shit on my shoes. On my
(47:42):
wheels. So, um, I don't know.
Rebel (47:47):
I feel like if I could take one thing from this last
year and build on it, it wouldbe like, Damn skating. It was
like I would say that if youcould be like rebel, what was
the one like really great thingthat happened to you this last
year, I would say it was disco,Asus, disco Asus, I think was
(48:08):
the best thing that happened tome this last year, it helps me
to see a part of myself that Ididn't know existed. It helps me
to find a passion for somethingthat I never thought that I
would even remotely enjoy or beinterested in or be even kind of
good at. And I think that if Icould continue building those
(48:34):
skills and continue opening upthat part of me because I think
like, when disco aces happened,it was like, I started making
friends again, you know, like, Istarted being myself. Again, I
felt like I feel like in thelast couple years I've been kind
of like a little bit moredependent on shove than I should
be because she's the person thatI see all the time. And so I
(48:58):
kind of rely on her as like, youknow, I don't know my main
source of entertainment, whichyou know, she is for sure. But
like also like I should havefriends and have you know other
things that I enjoy doing. Andso with disco Oasis, I started
doing that and I really likedthat part of myself. But it was
(49:18):
easy to shut it down when I gotsuper busy with work and like
school started again andeverything and so yeah, so I
think if I could take somethingfrom this last year and making
it into something I would saythat nice. What's one thing that
you are proud of from this lastyear? Nothing that's a lie.
Shove (49:43):
I'm proud of myself for traveling without you. Yeah, I'm
Rebel (49:46):
proud of you too. Um
Shove (49:49):
Oh, I don't know like I have like some really cool I
don't know, like work stuff. Thedinos thing was this year that
was
Rebel (49:57):
this year. Oh my god, that was this year. Yeah, yeah,
because you took the picturesfor that at my birthday. Yeah,
yeah so
Shove (50:05):
crazy Adidas ads and then I found out that we were on
billboards without paying paidfor them now you know work with
Nike again like a decent jobthat was cool all the stuff with
moxie and then the stuff to comelike it gets do more community
(50:25):
outreach stuff. I'm getting tobe in the Barbie commercial. Oh
yeah, I mean the work withforever 21 Oh, yeah.
Rebel (50:33):
No, oh my god this year I worked with forever 21 I got my
first Pride campaign. I was amodel this year. You were oh my
god, I forgot. Good times. Yeah,that's a lot of stuff that
happened. Yeah, that's goodtime.
Shove (50:47):
We're gonna tick tock commercial.
Rebel (50:49):
You weren't a tick tock commercial. I was a banner year
it was I guess, shovel house,like, all of our mental health
stuff was first on the list. ButI guess there was more stuff.
You know, what I'm proud ofwhich is kind of random. But I
made that injured skatersplaylist this year. And I didn't
(51:11):
realize how much that would belike a cool thing that I'm
really proud that I createdsomething in that dark place.
Like I think what I'm proud ofthat it's helping people. I'm
proud that I was able to createsomething when I was feeling my
darkest. That's able to helpother people who are also
feeling their darkest. And thatmakes me really proud.
Shove (51:35):
Yay. Proud of you for doing that.
Rebel (51:38):
Thanks. It was kinda ridiculous thing. I love you
too. This has been a hardepisode. Why I thought this is
gonna be fun. I brought cookiesand the cookies sucks. That
Shove (51:52):
should have been. You need a Bailey's chocolate.
That's genius. Hey, there's thenon alcoholic, unfortunately,
but it tastes like my favorite
Rebel (51:59):
chocolate of all time is me. Yes, but also, people in
Ireland. I don't know if anyonewho lives in Ireland listens to
this podcast, but the Guinnesschocolate Guinness the beer.
Guinness has like a chocolatethat has Guinness flavoring to
(52:22):
it or like It's like got itinfused in it or something. Best
chocolate best candy hands down100% that I've ever had in my
entire life.
Shove (52:32):
Another one was already out. But Nicole Byer follows me.
And if you haven't watched herNetflix special watch it is
hilarious. VW. She has a podcastcalled Why once you date me and
is amazing. Keep it real. LikeI'm all about another fat black
woman that's very punny, like meand roller skates being
(52:57):
successful. And she's awesome.
Yeah, I don't know. You'll hearsome crazy. It's been way better
than 2020 are still trying todeal with that. I guess.
Everyone is it's weird beinglike, Oh, it's 2022 coming up. I
don't know. It's just life isinteresting. It's crazy. I'm
sure everyone listening is feelsthe same way. I definitely looks
(53:20):
close to my birthday prettysoon. So it's exciting. To be on
the lookout for that. We will beback the week after. So like the
12/13 Yes, a team something.
There might be changes or mightnot? Well, there's gonna be some
(53:41):
changes. We just don't know whatthey are yet. Yeah. But you
know, if you're going to travelon over to season three with us.
Thank you. Thank you bringingout this long.
Rebel (53:52):
Yeah. And give us like, if there's something that you
want, I already have gotten somecool suggestions. From the
Instagram, I've been postingsome stuff. By the way, it's
almost always me. If you evermessaged me, Instagram, or email
us, it's like always me.
Shove (54:08):
I used to check the Instagram. And now I'm just
like,
Rebel (54:11):
trying to get her to do it. And she won't always sign it
shovel, but it's always been. Soyou can pretty much assume that
you're talking to me. But peoplehave been saying that they like
the idea of being able tocontinue the conversation. So to
have something that we talkabout, like maybe they comment
(54:31):
and then we respond to theircomment about the last episode
the next episode. So some sortof like continuation I've heard
that a couple times like that.
And then we're kind of going tolook and see like what what
segments we want to keep arounddefinitely the real world linear
world but like beyond that, whatkind of segments we're going to
keep around and what we're goingto change and stuff.
Shove (54:52):
Now you might not be able to find your CD at anymore and
you might have no advice foryou.
Rebel (54:57):
We don't know We literally don't know But yeah,
so if you have any, like thingsthat you really want to hear, or
that you really want to see usdo or whatever, oh, something
else, some, a few other peoplehave said, like that you want us
to have other people on here.
But we're just being honest, werecord this like really late on
(55:18):
like random nights like we'renot organized enough to have
other people on this, I thinkuntil we have enough money that
we're like making we receive anymoney that we're making. No, we
don't make any money. We don'tmake any money from this. So we
can't like, spend any timethat's not,
Shove (55:39):
which, you know, are the ads that we sell. They're pretty
cheap. So it's not enough tolike really be like, Alright,
cool, we can pay someone to comeon the show. But I mean, people
might want to do it for free.
And I think we just need tofigure out how to use the phone
thing because like, we literallyrecord in our shittiest garage.
It's a mess. It's notprofessional. Don't let this
(56:02):
backdrop fool you.
Rebel (56:05):
It's really impressive that we have a backdrop even to
be honest. There's literally aHome Depot box right to our
right. And like containers,containers and shit to Halloween
decorations. Yeah, so
Shove (56:19):
we can't have someone in here. We'd love to have someone
call in.
Rebel (56:25):
Yeah, I don't know,
Shove (56:27):
where we're trash pandas.
We don't know what the hellwe're doing. But we
Rebel (56:31):
don't know how to season the end of season two,
Shove (56:35):
somehow people are still listening and rebel forces me to
keep doing this. And this year,I felt like I ran into at least
10 people that are like, I lovethe podcast and like what
podcasts and I'm like, oh, yeah,that's a thing.
Rebel (56:48):
Also, have you noticed that I finally figured out how
the hell to make this sound onthe YouTube video. Good. I hope
you've noticed because it tookme a long time. And I'm hoping
to figure out how to channel itup sync it up better to in the
future. So if you're an expertin that, please let me know how
lowered
Shove (57:07):
but yeah, so. Um, yeah, we'll see y'all next year is
maybe we'll look at this. Andwe'll be like, Wow, we thought
our legs are falling apart. Thenlook at them now or we'll be
like, Oh my gosh, they
Rebel (57:19):
were so sad. I really think we're gonna be like, Oh,
sad little shovel.
Shove (57:24):
What if there's no shovel anymore? Because a hoe or rate
comes between us?
Rebel (57:30):
No, I will break a hoe or a rake. Literally,
Shove (57:37):
there'll be a shovel forever. I love you babe. I hate
that you make me do this podcastall the time. Just
Rebel (57:49):
know you love it don't even
Shove (57:51):
but it's been fun dating you for two years now.
Rebel (57:54):
I mean, technically, it's like one and a half. But like,
Please don't ask for to move inor anything. Yeah, we're like,
very commitment.
Shove (58:02):
This is a straight relationship we're having with
y'all, which means it's gonna bea minute before any commitment.
Yeah. All right. So hope youliked this chaotic random just
talking about whatever flowsfrom our mouths without a plan.
episode that we had for y'all.
Rebel (58:22):
Yeah. Thanks for listening to skate date. We'll
see you in 2022Kiss me kiss mean you're me.
Hey what's up? Hello, everyone.
Rebel (00:13):
Today, guess what is the last episode of season two? I
know we were like, Oh, we'reactually going to do our seasons
like the school year, but wedecided no fuck that we're going
to do it by the year yearbecause that makes more sense.
Wait, what? Like Season Threestarts in January?
Shove (00:31):
Oh yeah.
Rebel (00:33):
Because we were going to be like in June ends and then
but like that doesn't makesense. We should just oh,
Shove (00:37):
we were gonna take this summer break. Yeah, yeah,
Rebel (00:40):
but I still think we could start Season Three in
January still take a summerbreak, but then finish season
three.
Shove (00:46):
Yeah, that's what I thought we were doing. Yeah.
Rebel (00:48):
So I thought we were doing like a school year thing.
And I thought what the hell? Idon't know. It's gonna make any
sense. Anyway. So this is thelast episode of season two. It
was long. Because 2021 was notthat
Shove (01:07):
no, it was long because we started a podcast in 2020.
The year one of the pandemic andwe were we started at the end of
the year. Season two was long,because we did a whole fucking
year. Are we I don't know anyoneelse, like even people that are
like, Yeah, I still have apodcast. It's like they were
smart enough to take a break.
But yeah, workaholic.
Rebel (01:28):
No, we didn't. We didn't exactly formulate how long our
season was going to be. So thenwe just ended up doing a whole
year of upon cast. And no onedoes a full year of a season of
something. So what were wethinking? I don't know. We were
thinking
Shove (01:43):
that Hi, I'm shove Oh, hi,
Rebel (01:46):
I'm rebel.
Shove (01:47):
Together. We're shovel
Rebel (01:48):
shovel.
Shove (01:50):
That's not to say Can you dig it? Not tonight. Alright, so
tonight's edition will kind ofbe like, Muck bang ASMR. Because
Mr. Yeah, because we're breakingthe Cardinal. The Cardinal
Cardinal we're breaking thecardinal rule. We are going to
(02:10):
be eating him. While we do thispodcast, like some podcasts that
are out there. They get on mynerves because they're like,
Okay, please don't. Don'taggressively be ASMR No, no, we
don't want people to turn thisoff. Okay, you might hear the
occasional like crunch of anOreo. A peanut butter flavor.
(02:32):
Oreo. To be exact. I haven'ttried it yet. Or like,
Rebel (02:34):
or the shuffle of a tiny m&m.
Shove (02:38):
Yeah, we're drinking hot cocoa with whipped cream and
marshmallows. And what else wegot baby. Oh, these bougie
chocolate truffles, Bailey'sMealies chocolate truffles
because rebels. That was aholiday extravaganza. And I
think it's just that, hey, we'renot going to do the typical
stuff. We're just going to talkabout our year and what it was
(03:00):
like and just have one lastlike, who who rah,
Rebel (03:03):
rah, rah. Oh my God today I said the word hubbub. And
someone was like, What's ahubbub? So I'd like to know if
all of you know what a hubbubis.
Shove (03:13):
It's okay. I'm part three of the tricker trivia matses
YouTube channel. You were Metzen
Rebel (03:21):
you were like I'm Schmitz and like you are like smitten.
But then. Christmas like
Shove (03:27):
I'm used to being at the North Pole. It's hot out here.
I'm Smithson or something likethat.
Rebel (03:32):
I don't I don't understand. Amazing. I
Shove (03:35):
don't even know if that's the correct Jewish term for
sweating. I did right. Knowthat. That's it. It popped in my
head. And who should be like myfavorite murder corrections
corner? Just email us? What?
Correction corner?
Rebel (03:50):
Yeah, what is Schmitz in me, so
Shove (03:51):
stop it.
Rebel (03:53):
That's the topic.
Shove (03:55):
Yeah, so um, how was your year baby?
Rebel (03:58):
Wow. My year? Well, it started out a little bit rough.
And by little broken. I mean, alot of it. It was very broken. I
broke my leg in January. So Ijust kicked it off on the the
wrong foot like you. Yeah. Andthen I went into a very dark,
(04:19):
very deep depression for severalmonths. And then I turned 30
Wait, how old? Am I 30. Yeah, Iturned 30.
Shove (04:27):
If there's anything that I was worried about this year,
it's when you don't even knowhow old you are any literally
Rebel (04:32):
supposed to be this amazing birthday and I was
fucking depressed the wholetime. But that's okay. It's
fine. And then I skated againwhich was pretty cool. We went
to San Diego which was prettyfun. And then I broke my teeth
right? And then it's Christmas.
Like how they are went right? Ididn't know you were the whole
(04:55):
year. Okay. asked me. Okay,shove, how was your year?
Shove (05:05):
My year was a rough and tumble. It had many lows and a
few highs. It was an adventure.
It was a blur. Alright, so whenyou
Rebel (05:15):
mine was also rough and tumble, a little bumble.
Shove (05:20):
Exactly. I was like stumble. Oh my god. Okay, so
let's make this flow a little.
Okay. All right. So if you hadone word to describe what the
beginning of the year likeJanuary 1 like to describe, like
what you felt like what youremember like what do you think?
Rebel (05:46):
I remember feeling hopeful, hopeful. Okay. I just
so the one real memory that Ihave like January 1, well, I
don't even know that I have amemory of like what we did on
New Year's like, I don't havethat specific memory. But I
remember skating. I rememberrecording the episode that we
(06:06):
did for crago Straight skates.
And then I remember skating inmy full pink jumpsuit. And I was
starting to get the snake walkdown. And I remember skating at
the tennis court and being like,This is so fun and just feeling
like I could breathe and beingoutside and like being like,
okay, like fuck, like 2020 wascrazy. And let's not this year,
(06:27):
and I felt like I was renewed inmy senses for like something
fresh and a change. Yeah, that'show I felt. How did you feel on
January 1? You had one I
Shove (06:45):
would think? relieved?
No. validated.
Rebel (06:51):
Oh, validated. That's a good word. Why I felt validated
Shove (06:55):
because I had started therapy. The end of December.
Right? Or did I sign up for theend of December? I don't know.
But I'm not. I'm not gonna sayexactly the first but within
like, it was very clear. Yeah,that I'm like being like, oh,
okay, like, there is somethingwrong with me. And it's like
(07:18):
weird to say like, I'm notcrazy. There's something wrong
with me. But it's like, yeah,that's something that you are
crazy, if that makes sense.
Like, it wasn't just like I wasbeing dramatic or like that. It
was like, Oh, I'm just lettingmy trauma get to me. It was
like, oh, no, you legit, like,yes, it's trauma, but you also
have a chemical imbalance.
Because like sometimes I havethose moments where I'm like, is
(07:40):
it just my experiences that mademe this way, but something feels
like deeper off like reallywrong and broken within me and
not just like mentally? And thenlike, again, that validation
that like oh, no pitch, you gota chemical imbalance and you
need medication also is like,okay, and like getting my first
medication. Like, that was verylike, okay, like that gave me
(08:02):
hope at like, it would help andrebel says to other people in
front of me that it helps a lotthat it's completely different.
Haven't had the talk with heryet about like, what that means,
but like, hope too soon. So Iknow there's definitely like
it's worked for the better.
Rebel (08:18):
I've told you that we've had that conversation before.
No, but not like deep. Okay.
Shove (08:23):
Yeah, like when I hear you talk to other people, like
it sounds like Oh, shit, like,it wasn't been really, really
bad. So like, especially thelast time I come over here
talking to you, and I was justlike, oh, shit, like, it's not
much of a difference. Like howbad was I before? And we've
never had like that deep talk.
It's just been like,
Rebel (08:39):
Yeah, and just like to, like, alleviate any fears or
worries that you have. It's notthat it was bad. It's at. It's
so good when you're on yourmeds. So it's not it wasn't
never bad. It was just, it'sjust like, I didn't even imagine
that it could be so good. And sothat's why like, it was never
(09:00):
bad. It's just like thecomparison with like, how
positive it's impacted. You,like blows my mind. Like, I
never thought you neededmedication. And then you got on
medication. And I was like, Holyhell that helped you so much.
Like that's, that's the feelingthat like, every time I express
that I'm expressing somethingpositive.
Shove (09:19):
Yeah, but like how?
Rebel (09:21):
So like, you like, you didn't tend to be like, Oh,
aware of the things that youdid? Like, or how you're feeling
as much or you didn't express itor you didn't act like you knew.
But like when you're on meds,it's like, you catch how you're
(09:42):
feeling? And it's like, youacknowledge it, and then you
like communicate with me betterin a way that you never
communicated with me before. Younever communicated with me about
your feelings before ever. And Ialways felt like there was a
wall that you had up. And I knewit wasn't necessarily me. But I
(10:05):
always kind of wondered like,whether that was something that
would come with time, or whetherthat was like a trauma thing or
what but it felt like when yougot on the medication, it was
like you are more willing toexplore that is like you weren't
as scared of your own mind. Eventhough I know that you are still
(10:26):
scared of your own mind. It waslike you were less scared of it
like you were willing. Like,it's like you had a bulletproof
vest to go into your mind with.
So it's like you had a shield.
And so you were willing toexplore that. And with that
happening, like you let me inmore. And I thought that that
(10:47):
was really wonderful that like,I felt a I would,
Shove (10:52):
I would like to give that like credit to just the drugs,
but I think most of that istherapy and like learning to see
the thought the science likegiving those tools. The other
part is I don't go to 100.
anymore. So like the therapy hastaught me to catch it before it
(11:13):
gets there. And like how maybetalk it out, and not be afraid
of like, like noticing it. Butthe medicine is more like, Oh,
you're not gonna just like, popoff and go straight to paranoia
and think that you're againstme, and that you're my worst
enemy, my greatest love at thesame time. And that 100%
Everything Bad's about tohappen.
Rebel (11:37):
Yeah, and like, but you would. And I think that what you
didn't realize is that when youfelt like that, I could feel it.
You know, like, I could feellike, I feel like when you
weren't on your medicine, and Ididn't know this when you
weren't on your medicine. Itwasn't until you were on your
medicine that I realize this.
When you weren't on yourmedicine, you were like, super
(11:58):
like this a lot. Like it waslike, one day you'd be like
this. And then the next daywould be like, all the way down
here. And then I wouldn't know,kind of from day to day, where
it was gonna be. And that waskind of hard for me. Yeah. And I
didn't, but I didn't know thatit was hard for me. Because I
didn't know what the flip sideof that coin was. Yeah. So when
(12:20):
you did start taking your meds,and it stabilized, and you still
have your ups and downs forsure. Like you definitely still
have them. But they're justlike, more muted. And so for me,
it felt like such a hugedifference from being like, so
intense up and down every day tolike, less intense up and down.
(12:40):
And like not every day, that itwas like a sense of peace, kind
of that I hadn't really knownthat I wanted. And I think that
that was that's the biggest,like significant change for me
is is I feel like oh, it's it'sreally cool that I can see that.
(13:02):
You're, it's like there's a lanelike it's like you're in bowling
and there's bumpers now. Andthat's pretty cool. Nice. I like
that.
Shove (13:15):
If you had 123 words, describe how you feel right now,
as of December 20. Would it be
Rebel (13:28):
overwhelmed, unsure and self aware? That's how I feel
right now. What about you?
Shove (13:36):
Like? I don't know, that's a good thing.
Rebel (13:39):
Um, no, I don't feel like it's a good thing, which is why
I'm you know, at least I'm selfaware about it. Like, I know
that I'm not in a good spotright now. So but yeah,
Shove (13:52):
how to word and then I lost it because I was looking
for all sorts of crazy. Yeah,you just kept shouting 70 words,
I lost my word. Right now I feellost. I guess that would be a
good word. Um, I just found outthat I now need antidepressants
(14:15):
on top of my mood stabilizers.
Things have gotten dark again,real real dark, because you
know, they can get so I wasbrave enough to ask for help.
Like, I was missing a lot oftherapy towards the end. And I
was like looking for stupidexcuses. Like, well, I can't
miss out on school becauseschools I mean, I'm worried
(14:35):
because we're at some point andI'm then going back and be like,
Alright, now I got to reallystart the hard therapy. So fully
back in it. I'm gonna start newmeds. And at first I was just
like, man, like, I don't wantthis like I felt like it was
like a tally against me. Like Ifelt like now that it's been
almost a year of therapy andmedication that I should be
(14:56):
getting better and like I knowI'm getting better but it's also
like, oh, I want to put morecrap in my body to regulate how
I'm feeling. But then like,gives me kind of like back and
forth of like, and hope, Iguess, it was because like, I
don't want to give myself toomuch hope like, Oh, you're gonna
get on Prozac and like, be happyor like, you're gonna be more
(15:17):
like active again. So been likedelving into a lot of research
about that and it's like seemslike pretty good for a lot of
people. So I'm hoping I'm hopingso for me, but I'm just like,
don't want to put all my hopeinto a little pill that I'm
gonna start taking him. So we'llsee how that goes and works
good. But I feel likeoverwhelmed. And it's not
(15:42):
because of work. It's just notwhere I'm at mentally right now.
So I'm just trying to like,balance that off and realize,
like, recognize what's happeningto me. Like, it's not even
really working it is you. Sotrying to deal with that. And
what else? Let's watch it likenot skating as much as I wish I
was. But I was just I feel sotired and exhausted and just
(16:05):
like not living life to thefullest. For sure. So that's
where I'm at right now.
Rebel (16:14):
Yeah, I think for me, I feel well, one I'm definitely
being, as you said, overworked.
So I just have too many jobsright now. And I'm not happy
about it. And I'm just trying topush through and trying to get
one of them to nail me down withenough money to pay my bills.
(16:35):
And the hope is that if I workhard enough that one of them
will see that and be like wewant you around for ever. Not
forever, but just for a longtime. Yeah, and I just I'm
hoping that that's where thatgoes. But I just I made a I
don't even know how it happenedto be completely honest with
(16:57):
you. It's like I started anadditional job. And doing that
wasn't supposed to be hellaoverwhelming. But then I ended
up doing about twice as muchwork as I signed up for
originally. And then at the sametime that I ended up doing
double the work at the newplace, I ended up getting more
(17:17):
work piled on at all the otherplaces I was working and
working. And so it's just been alittle bit overwhelming. And
I've been working from like7am 8am 830 until like three in
the morning, like every singleday. And it's gotten to the
point where I feel bad, likewatching a movie with shove,
(17:43):
because I feel like I need to bedoing X y&z Because there's
literally not enough hours inthe day to complete all the
tasks that I'm being asked to dofor all my jobs. So yeah, I
would like that to be done. AndI do see that being done
sometime in the future. And Isee myself like asking for a
(18:05):
raise at some of the places. Andjust like having those hard
talks and also like evaluatingwithin myself, because the
reason why I said self awarenessbecause I I notice that I am
currently the person that I donot want to be, I am the person
that doesn't have anything totalk about, but work I'm the
(18:27):
person that feels like theydon't have time to hang out with
their friends or, you know,their family or anything like
that. And I know you didn't evenhang out with me a couple of
nights. Yeah, no, I just Iliterally have just been like,
there's literally no way that Ican, you know, take time off
because I can't like the way mywork is set up is I finished the
(18:50):
tasks. It's not like you workfrom certain hour to a certain
hour. And not being able tofinish the tasks has been
really, really hard on me,
Shove (19:01):
one of our favorite things is crossing things off or
to do lists.
Rebel (19:05):
Yeah, and, and I haven't really been doing that because
the list just keeps goinglonger. Yeah. And it's just like
wild because I like we'll geteverything done or like even
close to and then I'll get atext message or an email that's
like, oh, I also need you to dothis, this and this. And I'm
just like, I'm one person. Likehow are how is this happening?
Shove (19:25):
All I can say is like when stuff like that happens,
you have to be vocal or elsenothing will happen. They're
gonna just think, Oh, it's okay.
It's okay. I think often inlife, like we get overwhelmed
and we just like keep sinkingand keep taking it on to hit on
and then there until we likebreak or we just keep doing it
and get ragged and it's like youhave to know that like, not
(19:46):
necessarily as other peoplelike, piling too much onto you
by choice or just being likefuck it. It's like they think
you're okay with it and thenthey don't realize it's a lot
because they're living their ownlife. So Do you have to speak up
because I've learned that lessonbefore. And then as soon as I
said something, everythingchanged. And then like, I had
help, or people stopped dumpingso much on me. So I think that's
(20:09):
one thing I would like to tellyou is like, you have to speak
up and like, let people know.
And so that they understand,because they probably don't
know, they don't know that fiveother people are doing the same
thing they're doing and at thesame time. For me, I think this
year, one of my biggest lessonswas to give myself grace. And
(20:34):
like, not really feel, I think,like before, like I had a lot of
guilt that would eat away at meif like I did something or felt
a certain way. And now I justfeel like no, I'm allowed to
feel this way. And I'm allowedto make mistakes, and I'm
allowed to fail. And like, notlike fret and like, wallow in it
for too long.
Rebel (20:54):
That's a good lesson to learn. How about you? I think
probably the biggest lesson thatI learned this year was
Shove (21:05):
not to have health insurance.
Rebel (21:08):
No, I mean, I think that the biggest lesson I learned
this year is that I'm a fuckingstrong person you are and then I
can get through anything. Iagree with that. It was a
fucking hard year, like it wasreally hard. And I learned a lot
about like, my ability to pushthrough things. And I struggled
(21:29):
a lot. And I'm glad that I, likewas able to come out on the
other side of it and to say,like, Hey, I fucking did that.
But I also like, God, I can seemyself it's so weird. I'm having
this like, your eyes are allteary. You're gonna cry this
weird moment, I'm totally gonnacry right now. I'm having this
(21:51):
weird moment right now, whereI'm like, seeing myself a year
from now watching this video.
And being like, poor girl, Ijust feel so bad for you. Like,
I know, things are gonna getbetter, you know, like, I can
tell that it's gonna be fine.
But it's like, I know that I'mnot in a good place right now.
(22:11):
And like, I know, it's gonna getbetter. But fuck, I think, you
know, I always thought eventhough I know I have a strong
like pain tolerance. I've neverthought of myself as like,
mentally being strong. Exceptfor like, my motivation. I've
always known that my motivation,my passion was very strong. But
(22:33):
I don't think I ever knew that.
Like, my ability to push throughthings like mental hardship was
strong, because I always, as ayounger person, I kind of
defaulted to like, findingsomeone to care for me. Like I
never really dealt with thingsby myself. I always was just
looking for attention andsupport. And this year, I feel
(22:53):
like for the first time, I waslike, You need to deal with this
by yourself. You know, and, andwith Whoa, whoa, therapists.
Yeah, my therapist is the best.
I'm so grateful for her. Youalso got medicated, and I got
Yeah, I was gonna say this year.
I also so like, went into thedarkest depression that I've
(23:14):
had, probably 10 years.
Shove (23:18):
Imagine if you didn't go into depression, that would have
been fucking weird. So like,Yeah, I mean, come on. You had a
hell of a fucking year. Itstarted off like shitty.
Rebel (23:28):
Yeah, yeah. And it was just like, it felt like it was a
never ending. Like, it just was,oh, it was so hard. And I felt
so isolated. I do not recommendbreaking your leg during a
pandemic, during a pandemic,when no one can come over and
like help you. Like no one can.
No one knows that you're in theplace that you're at. Because
(23:50):
it's really easy for people torecognize how dark and how hard
it is when they see you. Butwhen they don't see you, and
when it's normal not to see youbecause it's a pandemic, and
everyone is, you know, on theirown. You get forgotten. And it's
just, it's, it's such a darkplace. And it was so hard for
(24:14):
me. And yeah, so like going totherapy wasn't even until like
six months, in that I realizedthat I had ADHD because it was
like not even kind of at theforefront of any sort of
discussion.
Shove (24:33):
I mean, everyone in her life was like, of course we all
thought but Ravel I did know itthe hard way home baby.
Rebel (24:42):
I learned everything the hard way. Yeah, yeah, so I found
out I had ADHD and I think Ifigured it out because I saw
tick tock of course. Yeah, ticktock could be I know because of
tick tock so I saw some likeADHD tick tock and I was like,
Wait, why? Like, that's totallyhow I feel. And like, I don't
(25:03):
know, like I had always we did awhole episode about this, but I
had always, you know,experienced ADHD being viewed
differently because of myfamily. And so when I was
diagnosed with ADHD and thenwhen I was put on medication it
just like kind of opened mywhole world up. And that was,
(25:23):
did I get put on? I got put onADHD meds like right after I
broke my face, right? Yeah, Ithink so. Yeah. Crazy.
Shove (25:35):
Oh, man, it's been a wild here.
Rebel (25:38):
I also learned that I mean, I just think that I yeah,
I think my body like I pushedmyself in ways that I've never
been pushed before mentally,physically with disco Asus, that
pushed me really fucking hard.
That was hard for me mentally.
And physically. You leveled upyour skate game. Yeah, that was
awesome. I found out that Iabsolutely love damn skating.
(26:00):
Like, I never would have foundthat out. I made a bunch of new
friends, which was pretty cool.
Shove (26:06):
I got promoted up mocks.
Yeah. I got to be on a show onNikes. You two amazing. The
rollout had almost 1000 Peoplethen
Rebel (26:19):
did have it. Yeah. Let's just say 1000 had 1000 people.
Shove (26:23):
Yeah, right before that delta hit it was like, boom,
Delta, and
Rebel (26:29):
then we got COVID. And then we got COVID, which was
miserable, and then not know, wegot like a month later. And
then.
Shove (26:39):
Yeah, that's also 2021 was like, all the people that
showed their true colors and2020. We got to see him face to
face. It was more like, it wasweird. It was just weird seeing
people. We're here of like,being stuck at home. And like a
(27:00):
lot of weird socialinteractions. Because like no
one knew how to act, right.
Rebel (27:05):
I've had a lot of interactions recently, where it
was like, I couldn't remember ifI knew someone because I had met
them in person. Or if I knewsomeone, because I I follow them
on the internet. And I thinkthat that's so crazy. Like
legitimately don't know if I'vemet them before in person and
(27:25):
like, don't introduce myselfbecause I think oh, we know each
other. And then I'm like, Do weknow each other? Or do I just
stalk them like a person
Shove (27:33):
I assume I known to or like have met them before.
League has 2020 put us in such atalk watch. And I live in
people's stories. I see peopletalking so much. Until then I
message them that I feel like Iknow them or them. Literally,
there's at least three timeswe're halfway through. I'm like,
Wait, that's my first timemeeting. Right? They're like,
(27:55):
Yeah, and I'm like, oh shit.
Nice to meet you.
Rebel (28:01):
I've done the same thing.
Also, these are disgusting. Donot order the peanut butter or
not word. Do not order these No,buy these they're gross. Just
get regular Oreos and dip themin peanut butter is a reason why
I got these peanut butter Oreosis because on one of our first
dates,
Shove (28:20):
if it would have been half regular and half peanut
butter, it would have worked.
Rebel (28:23):
Yeah. On one of our first dates shove made me like this.
Like, we're going to get highsnack board. And it had all
sorts of fun stuff on it. Andone of the things that was on it
was Oreos, and like a just athing of peanut butter. And
that's when I tried it for thefirst time full hot hot chips.
(28:43):
And just regular chips. And thenwas that the rose with the
tomato? No, that was anothertime. She spoiled me in the
beginning now she doesn't careabout me at all. Gotcha thing.
Shove (28:57):
Yeah, so I don't know where we're where were we so
yeah, it was just like soldierinteractions were weird. I think
like it's interesting to comeout of 2020 being so like Well
y'all know that I've beenlistening to the beginning like
hardcore like quarantine andworking from home and rebel
still had to work from home thiswhole year so it's worse off for
(29:19):
her because at least I have awarehouse to go to to Moxie and
yeah fucking hate my life andrebel still stuck working I
still never leave this fuckinghouse. Yeah, so it was a lot of
me like yelling at her like fromwork being like go outside for
15 minutes or even coming homeand like forcing her to go lay
in the hammock in the sun. Likeduring the summertime. I
(29:41):
definitely fell off that for alittle bit like for a while and
I feel like it did help to likeforce you to go outside because
there would be days where you'dbe like, I haven't been outside
once. There are
Rebel (29:51):
still days like yeah, like today. I went to pick up
oat milk and I was like, Oh wow,what's it like to get in the car
during The day
Shove (30:01):
Yeah, and that's just not good especially for an extrovert
like her. So when we do God hemust buy you like a crackhead
because it is. Yeah. This year,but yeah, we came out of that
year and then like, of coursetook it easy, but once we had
the vaccine, we're like, okay,here we go. Yeah, we hosted our
first like barbecue. We had aHalloween party Halloween party
(30:25):
was cute. And then we had ourThanksgiving brunch, which was
also cute. All like pretty muchthe same amount of people and
like the same people. Yeah.
Rebel (30:35):
It was, like 10 people came to every single one of
those
Shove (30:38):
vaccinated but it's like still not a ranger, like who
would have if we weren't in apandemic? Like it wasn't like,
bring a friend and your friend'sfriend were like, I'd be down to
have one big party like that.
Yeah, but like, we're still in apandemic. And it was weird being
like, this is our new reality.
We can kind of go back to life,but we're not like, yeah, it's
Rebel (30:59):
a weird,
Shove (31:00):
it's like this weird. Um, what's it called? Like, you're
in Purgatory, right?
Rebel (31:05):
Yeah, good explanation for it. But like 21 is a
purgatory.
Shove (31:10):
No, we have all Nia Cron.
Whenever I'm in a cron OmicronI'm not grown. Yeah. Which
sounds really intense. And it'slike this whole thing where it's
like, I'm gonna sound like socrazy. Now compared to like, how
I sounded in 2020. But or, like,you know, the delta, I felt
like, oh, shoot, like, let'slet's like, kind of, like, pull
(31:32):
back a little bit like jetskiing real and like, after
getting really sick and likereal. We got real, real sick. I
mean, so grateful that we hadthe vaccine. And now it's like
hard because it's like, theinformations out there is like,
spreads faster, but it's not asworse. And then it's like, weird
because it sounds like it'smutating to be marketed
contagious, but then it's alsomutating did not hurt.
Rebel (31:59):
I don't know, I just don't trust the initial things
that come out about it. Butthere's also read the beginning
the Delta, like the things thatcame out about it, it was weird.
And it didn't make sense and endup being different. You know,
you mean, yeah, I just don't tryto change right now.
Shove (32:12):
Yeah, it was like really hard. Because it's like, I, it's
like, I want to live my life.
And I want to be able to traveland I want to be able to like
help the skate community indifferent areas and like, keep
inspiring and hosting things.
But then at the same time, it'slike, oh, I don't want to spread
this thing. And then it's like,yeah, I want to be like, just
(32:34):
everyone also, like getvaccinated. And like, if you
don't get vaccinated by now,like, dude, like, I can't, like,
we tried so hard 2020 to do itfor people that not to kill them
and not as now I feel like nowpeople have the option to get
vaccinated, and they're stillchoosing not to get vaccinated,
and you get sick, and you go tothe hospital, I am sorry, I
(32:56):
can't feel bad for you. Becausethat was the choice you made,
the medicine is there. And ifnothing health wise is stopping
you from taking it. It's like Ithat now I'm at the point where
like, I'm not gonna stop livingmy life, because someone that's
afraid an anti Vaxxer won't takethe vaccine.
Rebel (33:15):
Yeah, I think to an extent, I think it's hard
because it's like, I don't know,like the fact that you can still
get it when you're, when you'revaccinated. Makes it hard for
me, it makes it like, I don'tknow what to do. I don't know
how I feel like I'm finallylooking at going back into the
classroom. At the end ofJanuary, beginning of February,
(33:39):
and I'm like, hella intimidatedby it. And I don't know, I don't
have a facial and a mask. Like,am I doing that? Like, is that
what I'm doing? You know, Imean, like, I don't know, like,
am I gonna be like, Don't comeclose to me students and talk to
me, like I, I don't know, Ihonestly don't know how to act
(33:59):
and how to like, go into publicbecause even like the little bit
of like, in person work that Ihave done, which is very little,
but like, the amount I have doneis like, around people that I
already know and like are kindof in my circle. And so it's not
been weird, but like being in aroom for more than two hours
(34:20):
with 30 students
Shove (34:23):
to ask yourself like, I am to the level where I now feel
safe in a room like I can be ina room like if I was in a class
or a full class with a teacher,as long as everyone had their
mask on and I had my mask on Iwould be okay with that.
Rebel (34:41):
But you've also had the opportunity to be going to
school
Shove (34:46):
at school have three other students
Rebel (34:48):
but like you're still like you still go places with
people who aren't close to youand you're in closer Oh, I know
you're saying you know, like Iliterally still the only person
I really see is you and ourroommate, you know, like, I
don't and like sometimes I see,you know, some of the other
Moxie people but like, besidesthat, like I literally only see
(35:13):
people on video.
Shove (35:14):
Well, yeah, but like, what do you what about like when
we go to Alex's bar,
Rebel (35:18):
I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack every time.
Like, like, I'm fine. But likein my head, it screams like, you
shouldn't be doing this, youshouldn't be doing this. But I
know that that's probably wrong.
So that's why I don't sayanything. And I just like try
and like, because I feel likeit's an adjustment period. Like,
I feel like it's an untrainedthing of everything that we
(35:40):
learned in the last year, twoyears, right, like, Well, I
Shove (35:46):
mean, if you want to improve your chances, definitely
wear a mask all the time andavoid places that are crowded,
like that's number one, like thegame I'm playing. I know right
off the bat can be risky. Like,I know that if I don't have my
mask on, and I'm like walkingsomewhere and there's a crowd of
(36:06):
people that one little pass onthe sidewalk that could lead to
someone sneezes doesn't covertheir mouth, that could lead to
me getting COVID. So like, forme, it's like, oh, I probably
should have my mask on all thetime. But then they say, Oh, if
you're outside, you might beokay. But then now you should
mask on again. And I think likeI said, it's like saving, like
giving myself grace is thatlike, I went from being extreme
(36:29):
afraid of people having panicattacks and grocery stores to
now like, be in like, when Ifeel unsafe all do it. But I
also know like, there were timeswhere I thought I was being
safe. And then what happened? ICOVID. And I was staying
outdoors and I was staying awayfrom people and then it
happened. And I think it gave methis like fuck, dude, like it
(36:51):
sucks. But I think like Bothways are valid as long as you're
like, just don't be messy aboutit.
Rebel (36:58):
Yeah, I think I'm not saying that it's not valid. What
I'm saying is that you've hadthe you've had more
opportunities to men. Oh, no,I'm saying usually you feel as
valid. Yeah, I think I becauseeven I was just as you were
talking, I was thinking abouthow like, I feel pretty
comfortable going to pigeonsrink and not wearing a mask. So
like I'm and I think that that'sjust because I've gone a few
(37:21):
times like and I feelcomfortable now because it's
outside. It's like outsideinside but it's outside and I
know I can like stay away frompeople for the most part or
whatever. But like that I'm I'mpretty okay with you know, even
though I know the same thing,like I am risking every time I
like, go near people, but forthe most part I go when it's not
(37:43):
populated. But yeah, I thinkit's just like a mental thing.
You know, that I have to work onor figure out or get used.
Shove (37:49):
Yeah. Like it's just a shift of like, going to skate
parks or going like there's moreskate meetups. And like, before
you went to skate park you sawlike maybe 95% of roller skaters
and mask and like 0%skateboarders still 0%. And
skateboard is very nice. And nowmaybe it's like, point 5% roller
(38:10):
skaters and mass. Yeah, um, Ilike to always have mine on me
just in case like it gets alittle too. too hot, too. But I
think like the vaccine did makeus really cocky. But then it's
also like, hello, you can stillget COVID with the vaccine.
Like, what is it now they'reseeing like, 30% chance or
something? I don't know how theyfigure this out. But it's
(38:34):
definitely feeling more like,Okay, this is just our reality
now, like, I'm, I don't know hownext year is gonna be like is
every month, like every quarter,there's a new variant? Like, who
knows? Like it just keepsmutating and when does it come
to where it's like no man'sland, and then everything's
fully open and then just peoplejust get COVID randomly all the
time. And it's like, flu, getyour flu shot, but also get your
(38:59):
COVID shot and it's just like, apart of life. And it's like, you
know, like, Do you think that'sgonna be our future?
Rebel (39:05):
I mean, I think we're definitely every year gonna have
to get a COVID shot Yeah, therest of our lives.
Shove (39:09):
But do you think it's gonna be like wearing a mask for
the rest of our lives? I shareshow hope or do you think it's
just gonna be a free for alllike, and then when people just
get set, they just get set andit's something that you want to
try and like eliminate thedisease. You know, like,
hopefully after a few years,people will be fucking over it
will finally just get on so I'mhoping I can vaccinated. I don't
(39:32):
know. I just feel like also youwould think global warming would
be worked on because it's comingblatantly obvious because
another thing that happened thisyear, starting with, we know
Australia was on fire. That was2020 but we did have the ocean
on fire. We had water on fire.
We had the hottest summer whichcrazy enough it's actually
(39:56):
didn't get too bad here in LongBeach. Nothing has been worse
before it's been worse but thenplaces like Florida had like
four floors like the ground waslike rolling and the heat was
making the asphalt get all weirdand everything was like wild
yeah like it never no one has ACbecause it never gets that hot
there it's like going up northand like I guess like
(40:18):
electricity was going outbecause lines were melting like
it was like in the 120 degreesor something and Sam,
Rebel (40:27):
wait were in Florida, Oregon and oh in Oregon. Oh,
Shove (40:31):
like Portland's that we got so hot and a lot of places
got so hot. They don't hop inTexas frozen over froze over our
grid last year this year, thepower grid they're getting?
Right. Yeah, so it was just likewhat, like places that should
not be snowing, like all thepipes. So it's like things like
(40:52):
that before? So like, globalwarming is not a thing. And
Rebel (40:56):
yeah, it definitely is a thing. It's like the
Shove (40:59):
denial. And I know like I could say as I'm saying it I
think like I personally am indenial. And sometimes I'm like,
it's crazy. Cuz I know if Iwould have still been that like
panicky like, oh my gosh, no,like I'm afraid to go anywhere.
Like, let's not leave until thepandemic's over, we would have
never got COVID But then I alsowould have missed on so many
opportunities that were lifechanging as well, that I think I
(41:22):
really needed like I couldn't bethat like sheltered person. And
I think that's like definitelychanged me from like, judging
people that do go live theirlives, you know, but I still do
judge when I know they're notvaccinated. live their life.
Yeah, but it's definitelyletting me know like, Hey,
we're, we're all just doing thebest we can. So I try to like
(41:47):
understand where other peopleare coming in from that. Like,
they can't really just like locktheir self in doors for a whole
nother year.
Rebel (41:55):
Yeah, I think I think I'm like about at my breaking point
with locking myself. And I cantell because I have become more
socially awkward in a way that Inever used to be socially
awkward. And I am likestruggling like my friends.
Like, I have a friend who rightnow has been like rebel, let's
(42:16):
go skate. And I was like, yeah,and then I canceled on him. And
then he's like, Okay, what aboutthis day? And I just go sit in?
Shove (42:23):
Wait, would you do that to Wendell? Why? Because we were
shut out of media.
Rebel (42:28):
We're supposed to go the other night. And then something
happened. I don't remember whatit was. But it was like, Oh, I
wasn't feeling good. And I waslike, if I'm not feeling good,
I'm not gonna go out. Like,there wasn't fake. It was like
real, like, I wasn't feelinggood. And then he was like, oh,
okay, well, what about Sunday,and then I just didn't respond,
because I just, I feel soawkward all the time about
everything. Like, I don't knowhow to talk to people anymore.
(42:51):
And I hate that because I was,like, always so good at talking
to people. And now I'm justfucking awkward all the time.
And I don't hang out with any ofmy friends. And all my friends
think I hate them. When this
Shove (43:02):
guy says first ended, you were like a social butterfly.
You were always like going tothe rink, get into the ring,
because
Rebel (43:09):
I got used to it. And I needed to get back. I have found
this like, safe little spot inmy office. And I get so
comfortable there. But like whenI'm not comfortable there. It's
easy for me to keep going out.
But if I get there, it's like Istopped being able to go out and
it's just like so wild. BecauseI'm that's never been who I am.
Shove (43:33):
Do you think that might have something to do with me
having ADHD?
Rebel (43:38):
I don't know how that'd be connected. Like, you get
Shove (43:41):
hyper focus on what's now and what you see and what's
near.
Rebel (43:46):
I know that I have object permanence issues, which means
that like, if I don't seesomething I forget about it. So
like, yeah, that's what I mean.
Yeah, so like, Wendell, becauseI read the text message. And
then I didn't respond to itright in that moment. And then I
forgot about it completely. Andlike, I had to see something
(44:08):
that reminded me of him in orderfor me to remember like, oh,
shit, I was supposed to respondto that text message. And then I
was like, oh, it's been too longsince I got that text message.
And then it's like, oh, that'sfucking awkward. You can just
text him at you've alreadymissed the date. And then wait,
you know, I mean, like, that'show I feel. bobbins if you're
listening, I don't think Windowslistens to this. But if you're
(44:29):
listening,
Shove (44:32):
Adan you don't listen by sorry. And now you've texted me
maybe three weeks ago and then Iknow you also text me a month
before that.
Rebel (44:41):
There's a list of people that I really really really
like. And I really want to hangout with and like when I see you
or when I talk to you and I saylike no I really want to hang
out I mean it. I do mean it Ijust have like major social
anxiety issues.
Shove (44:57):
Did you see that thing I say you it was like blind react.
Like if you have ADHD or BTL?
Yeah. And it's like, I eat toomuch. Sometimes I eat too much.
Sometimes I eat not enough. Likesometimes I sleep too much. Not
enough. Like, I never text. I gomonths without texting my
friends. It's just like, yeah,
Rebel (45:18):
exactly what I do. And then like, I go months without
texting my friends back and thenall of a sudden all I decide to
text everyone back. And then I'mlike, why aren't you all awake
at 2am responding to me rightnow? Like, I'm like, shocked.
Like, what the fuck? Anyways,whatever.
Shove (45:35):
We're keepin it real.
Today, I'll
Rebel (45:36):
give him a full dose of real rebel in show.
Shove (45:39):
We've had at least five people that are like, Well, fuck
this podcast. I hate them.
They're on Reddit right now.
Shove just said Fuck on me thatshe's gonna live her life. And
I'm like, I'm kind of not thatpowerful.
Rebel (45:55):
You Yeah. So I mean, if you could take like, one thing
from this year, and build on itand make it into something
different next year, or likeinto something stronger or
better next year? What would itbe?
Shove (46:14):
Hmm, I don't know.
Because like, I always feel kindof weird. Like when I do here,
another variant come because itslows my roll. Because I think
before this whole last variant,like I thought I had a clearer
view of like, okay, things arehow the world is looking right
now. And so I had things in mymind, like, a lot of like
traveling, like we discussed.
(46:36):
And now it's like, I don't know,because we have friends that
have travel plans that gottencanceled, like they're like
countries closing their bordersagain. So that's really tough to
really know. So I think I'm inlimbo again, right now,
personally, like there's littlethings like, I got really sad
though, that I think you know,how I haven't painted in like a
year, and some months probablyare like just little things. I'm
(46:58):
like, oh, man, like, that'd benice to do again. I don't know.
I can't say right now,sometimes. For me when it's
like, oh, New Year'sresolutions, and what do you
want for next year? I'm like, Iwant to be like, oh, yeah, it's
a fresh start new goals andblah, blah, new dreams. But
(47:18):
like, I had text as for today,and I said something about, they
had said something about likebeing grateful that it was in
the year and sorry, no room. AndI just replied, and I said, it's
really great to be like, it'sreally hard to roll into a new
year when you have shit on yourwheels. Right now. I feel like
I'm rolling into the new yearwith shit on my shoes. On my
(47:42):
wheels. So, um, I don't know.
Rebel (47:47):
I feel like if I could take one thing from this last
year and build on it, it wouldbe like, Damn skating. It was
like I would say that if youcould be like rebel, what was
the one like really great thingthat happened to you this last
year, I would say it was disco,Asus, disco Asus, I think was
(48:08):
the best thing that happened tome this last year, it helps me
to see a part of myself that Ididn't know existed. It helps me
to find a passion for somethingthat I never thought that I
would even remotely enjoy or beinterested in or be even kind of
good at. And I think that if Icould continue building those
(48:34):
skills and continue opening upthat part of me because I think
like, when disco aces happened,it was like, I started making
friends again, you know, like, Istarted being myself. Again, I
felt like I feel like in thelast couple years I've been kind
of like a little bit moredependent on shove than I should
be because she's the person thatI see all the time. And so I
(48:58):
kind of rely on her as like, youknow, I don't know my main
source of entertainment, whichyou know, she is for sure. But
like also like I should havefriends and have you know other
things that I enjoy doing. Andso with disco Oasis, I started
doing that and I really likedthat part of myself. But it was
(49:18):
easy to shut it down when I gotsuper busy with work and like
school started again andeverything and so yeah, so I
think if I could take somethingfrom this last year and making
it into something I would saythat nice. What's one thing that
you are proud of from this lastyear? Nothing that's a lie.
Shove (49:43):
I'm proud of myself for traveling without you. Yeah, I'm
Rebel (49:46):
proud of you too. Um
Shove (49:49):
Oh, I don't know like I have like some really cool I
don't know, like work stuff. Thedinos thing was this year that
was
Rebel (49:57):
this year. Oh my god, that was this year. Yeah, yeah,
because you took the picturesfor that at my birthday. Yeah,
yeah so
Shove (50:05):
crazy Adidas ads and then I found out that we were on
billboards without paying paidfor them now you know work with
Nike again like a decent jobthat was cool all the stuff with
moxie and then the stuff to comelike it gets do more community
(50:25):
outreach stuff. I'm getting tobe in the Barbie commercial. Oh
yeah, I mean the work withforever 21 Oh, yeah.
Rebel (50:33):
No, oh my god this year I worked with forever 21 I got my
first Pride campaign. I was amodel this year. You were oh my
god, I forgot. Good times. Yeah,that's a lot of stuff that
happened. Yeah, that's goodtime.
Shove (50:47):
We're gonna tick tock commercial.
Rebel (50:49):
You weren't a tick tock commercial. I was a banner year
it was I guess, shovel house,like, all of our mental health
stuff was first on the list. ButI guess there was more stuff.
You know, what I'm proud ofwhich is kind of random. But I
made that injured skatersplaylist this year. And I didn't
(51:11):
realize how much that would belike a cool thing that I'm
really proud that I createdsomething in that dark place.
Like I think what I'm proud ofthat it's helping people. I'm
proud that I was able to createsomething when I was feeling my
darkest. That's able to helpother people who are also
feeling their darkest. And thatmakes me really proud.
Shove (51:35):
Yay. Proud of you for doing that.
Rebel (51:38):
Thanks. It was kinda ridiculous thing. I love you
too. This has been a hardepisode. Why I thought this is
gonna be fun. I brought cookiesand the cookies sucks. That
Shove (51:52):
should have been. You need a Bailey's chocolate.
That's genius. Hey, there's thenon alcoholic, unfortunately,
but it tastes like my favorite
Rebel (51:59):
chocolate of all time is me. Yes, but also, people in
Ireland. I don't know if anyonewho lives in Ireland listens to
this podcast, but the Guinnesschocolate Guinness the beer.
Guinness has like a chocolatethat has Guinness flavoring to
(52:22):
it or like It's like got itinfused in it or something. Best
chocolate best candy hands down100% that I've ever had in my
entire life.
Shove (52:32):
Another one was already out. But Nicole Byer follows me.
And if you haven't watched herNetflix special watch it is
hilarious. VW. She has a podcastcalled Why once you date me and
is amazing. Keep it real. LikeI'm all about another fat black
woman that's very punny, like meand roller skates being
(52:57):
successful. And she's awesome.
Yeah, I don't know. You'll hearsome crazy. It's been way better
than 2020 are still trying todeal with that. I guess.
Everyone is it's weird beinglike, Oh, it's 2022 coming up. I
don't know. It's just life isinteresting. It's crazy. I'm
sure everyone listening is feelsthe same way. I definitely looks
(53:20):
close to my birthday prettysoon. So it's exciting. To be on
the lookout for that. We will beback the week after. So like the
12/13 Yes, a team something.
There might be changes or mightnot? Well, there's gonna be some
(53:41):
changes. We just don't know whatthey are yet. Yeah. But you
know, if you're going to travelon over to season three with us.
Thank you. Thank you bringingout this long.
Rebel (53:52):
Yeah. And give us like, if there's something that you
want, I already have gotten somecool suggestions. From the
Instagram, I've been postingsome stuff. By the way, it's
almost always me. If you evermessaged me, Instagram, or email
us, it's like always me.
Shove (54:08):
I used to check the Instagram. And now I'm just
like,
Rebel (54:11):
trying to get her to do it. And she won't always sign it
shovel, but it's always been. Soyou can pretty much assume that
you're talking to me. But peoplehave been saying that they like
the idea of being able tocontinue the conversation. So to
have something that we talkabout, like maybe they comment
(54:31):
and then we respond to theircomment about the last episode
the next episode. So some sortof like continuation I've heard
that a couple times like that.
And then we're kind of going tolook and see like what what
segments we want to keep arounddefinitely the real world linear
world but like beyond that, whatkind of segments we're going to
keep around and what we're goingto change and stuff.
Shove (54:52):
Now you might not be able to find your CD at anymore and
you might have no advice foryou.
Rebel (54:57):
We don't know We literally don't know But yeah,
so if you have any, like thingsthat you really want to hear, or
that you really want to see usdo or whatever, oh, something
else, some, a few other peoplehave said, like that you want us
to have other people on here.
But we're just being honest, werecord this like really late on
(55:18):
like random nights like we'renot organized enough to have
other people on this, I thinkuntil we have enough money that
we're like making we receive anymoney that we're making. No, we
don't make any money. We don'tmake any money from this. So we
can't like, spend any timethat's not,
Shove (55:39):
which, you know, are the ads that we sell. They're pretty
cheap. So it's not enough tolike really be like, Alright,
cool, we can pay someone to comeon the show. But I mean, people
might want to do it for free.
And I think we just need tofigure out how to use the phone
thing because like, we literallyrecord in our shittiest garage.
It's a mess. It's notprofessional. Don't let this
(56:02):
backdrop fool you.
Rebel (56:05):
It's really impressive that we have a backdrop even to
be honest. There's literally aHome Depot box right to our
right. And like containers,containers and shit to Halloween
decorations. Yeah, so
Shove (56:19):
we can't have someone in here. We'd love to have someone
call in.
Rebel (56:25):
Yeah, I don't know,
Shove (56:27):
where we're trash pandas.
We don't know what the hellwe're doing. But we
Rebel (56:31):
don't know how to season the end of season two,
Shove (56:35):
somehow people are still listening and rebel forces me to
keep doing this. And this year,I felt like I ran into at least
10 people that are like, I lovethe podcast and like what
podcasts and I'm like, oh, yeah,that's a thing.
Rebel (56:48):
Also, have you noticed that I finally figured out how
the hell to make this sound onthe YouTube video. Good. I hope
you've noticed because it tookme a long time. And I'm hoping
to figure out how to channel itup sync it up better to in the
future. So if you're an expertin that, please let me know how
lowered
Shove (57:07):
but yeah, so. Um, yeah, we'll see y'all next year is
maybe we'll look at this. Andwe'll be like, Wow, we thought
our legs are falling apart. Thenlook at them now or we'll be
like, Oh my gosh, they
Rebel (57:19):
were so sad. I really think we're gonna be like, Oh,
sad little shovel.
Shove (57:24):
What if there's no shovel anymore? Because a hoe or rate
comes between us?
Rebel (57:30):
No, I will break a hoe or a rake. Literally,
Shove (57:37):
there'll be a shovel forever. I love you babe. I hate
that you make me do this podcastall the time. Just
Rebel (57:49):
know you love it don't even
Shove (57:51):
but it's been fun dating you for two years now.
Rebel (57:54):
I mean, technically, it's like one and a half. But like,
Please don't ask for to move inor anything. Yeah, we're like,
very commitment.
Shove (58:02):
This is a straight relationship we're having with
y'all, which means it's gonna bea minute before any commitment.
Yeah. All right. So hope youliked this chaotic random just
talking about whatever flowsfrom our mouths without a plan.
episode that we had for y'all.
Rebel (58:22):
Yeah. Thanks for listening to skate date. We'll
see you in 2022Kiss me kiss mean you're me.
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