April 1, 2025 • 38 mins
Grounding practices are more than just coping mechanisms during tumultuous times. They're empowering strategies to discharge excess emotional energy while tap rooting your inner strength and resilience. In this episode, we're exploring:
- An empowered way to think of grounding as a practice
- 6 principles of effective grounding techniques
- Proactively collecting your tools so you can reach for them when you need them
Jennifer also pulls from yoga and Buddhist dharma teachings to answer a listener question about engaging others in our values-based causes without creating harm.
Resources Mentioned On This Show
- Adyashanti: https://www.opengatesangha.org/
- 14 Precepts of Engaged Buddhism: https://www.lionsroar.com/the-fourteen-precepts-of-engaged-buddhism/
~ ~ ~
SMP welcomes your comments and questions at feedback@skillfulmeanspodcast.com. You can also get in touch with Jen through her website: https://www.sati.yoga
Fill out this survey to help guide the direction of the show: https://airtable.com/appM7JWCQd7Q1Hwa4/pagRTiysNido3BXqF/form
To support the show, consider a donation via Ko-Fi.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hello, I'm Jennifer O'Sullivan.
Welcome to Skillful MeansPodcast.
Coming to you every other weekwith Buddhist and Yogic wisdom,
parts work, taoism discussions,guided practices, discussions,
(00:29):
and anything else I can think of.
I gotta confess it's peakpollinating season where I'm at
in the mid-Atlantic US, so ifyou hear a little scratchiness
in my throat, that's why Ipromise you I'm fine and I
promise to edit out throatclearing noises for you.
Okay, I'm excited, I've got agreat show for you.
(00:50):
I'm covering today two topicsthat are near and dear to my
heart.
First, we're unpackinggrounding as a self-support and
empowering strategy.
What is grounding?
Where does it come from?
How can we be proactive aboutit?
And I'm also answering alistener question about how yoga
(01:12):
and Buddhism might help guideour activism efforts.
I love this one how do we showup for the causes we care about
most, while keeping to ourspiritual teachings?
And speaking of listenerquestions, if you'd like to
contribute to the show, I'm allears.
In fact, I really want the showto be guided by the topics that
(01:34):
interest you the most.
You have a couple of optionsfor getting in touch.
Check the show notes, for thelink to the listener survey
Survey is probably giving itmore credit.
It's a form you can use it tosend me your questions, favorite
resources, personal vignettes,about how a teaching or practice
(01:56):
has gotten you through a toughtime or inspired you in some way
.
You can also send me an emailto feedback at
skillfulmeanspodcastcom, or textme using the link in the show
notes.
With that bit of housekeepingout of the way, let's get to it.
You'd have to be on an extendedsilent retreat in the Himalayas
(02:33):
and probably not listening tothis podcast to not know that
the world has gotten reallyprecarious in the last few
months.
In fact, over the weekend, theIFS Foundation announced it was
starting a podcast specificallyto discuss how parts work can
help people navigate.
A quote society in crisis,which is probably the best
(02:54):
euphemism I've heard so far todescribe what's happening in the
US right now.
The impacts of a society incrisis include increased anxiety
and a loss of communityconnection due to all the
widespread distrust all thingsthat make us feel unmoored and
the speed and volume of changeis overwhelming, which then
(03:18):
creates chronic stress and allthe health problems associated
with that.
So, in addition to doing whatwe can to push against the
crisis writ large, we also needto take care of our mental
well-being.
Enter grounding practices.
Grounding is a term we use todescribe practices that calm us
(03:38):
down when we feel unsettled,scattered, anxious, fearful.
Feel unsettled, scattered,anxious, fearful.
In other words, grounding is away to regather when we're
feeling so tossed about in a seaof uncertainty.
The word grounding is kind of afunny term because on the one
hand it seems self-evident, butit's also one of those new agey
(04:02):
words that for some may seem abit unserious.
So I thought I'd offer a coupleof perspectives on how to think
about what we're doing when weground ourselves.
Let's consider electricalsafety circuits, say.
(04:28):
In your house, electricians runwires into the literal ground
to channel excess power fromanything that could catch fire
or shock someone.
In this sense, the groundserves as a sink for an
electrical charge.
You can also think of it as akind of emergency exit if
something goes wrong in acircuit.
And this is a pretty goodanalogy, because when we ground
(04:51):
ourselves we're divertingoverwhelming emotional energy
into the figurative earth.
Grounding practices direct ourattention from racing thoughts
into the present moment, oftenthrough sense doorways.
But we'll get to that in a bit.
I think the kids these dayscall this touching grass, though
I do know that specificallyrelates to people who are
terminally online, but I thinkthat just is the same.
(05:14):
Sometimes we need to dischargesome energy, whether it's
Instagram brain rot and, by theway, that was a new phrase for
me brain rot, and, by the way,that was a new phrase for me or
the anxiety about quote unquotethese times Now where Westerners
(05:35):
might talk about energy inbroad terms, the Taoists have a
whole taxonomy of energy, alsoknown as qi.
If you're listening to thispodcast, you're probably
familiar with yin and yangenergy.
Yang represents the active,creative, dynamic forces in the
universe.
Yang is expansive andgenerative.
Yin refers to the materialworld, the substance of things.
(06:01):
It's related to patience andstillness.
But yin is also aboutpotentiality, a pregnant pause,
if you will.
The Taoists explain creationlike this.
Yin and yang energies arepulsing in a primordial space
referred to as wuji.
(06:22):
As they pulse, or dance, theystart to differentiate into more
complexity, moving through thefour phases of universal energy
and then into the bagua, or theeight natural forces.
From there they differentiateeven further until you have
everything in the manifest world.
But let's back up to the eightnatural forces.
(06:45):
If you've ever taken Qigong.
You might have heard of theBhagavad.
The eight natural forces areheaven, lake, fire, thunder,
wind, water, mountain and earth,and each are associated with
specific qualities and phenomena, things that are present in
everything in the manifest world.
In this model, earth representsreceptivity and nurturance.
(07:08):
It's considered pure yin Earth.
Metaphors also appear in otheraspects of Taoism, particularly
the five elements, and the earthelement is associated with
qualities such as majesty,solidity, steadfastness and
perseverance, because the earthitself is so enduring.
(07:32):
Interestingly, taoists alsoassociate earth with
metabolizing, digesting andprocessing.
Think about what you need tomake really great soil.
This can also refer tofigurative digestion.
One might cultivate earthelement when going through
(07:54):
transitions as a way ofprocessing.
According to the Taoists, wecan raise or lower elements
through a number of ways,including adjusting diet,
movement practices, acupuncture,massage and visualizations.
But earth element is alsoassociated with the spirit,
(08:15):
energy, yi, or the aspect ofmind associated with making
decisions through carefuldeliberation, consideration and
insight.
Yi also relates to what we payattention to, for better or
worse, and there's a Taoistsaying chi follows yi, which
(08:35):
means that we want to bethoughtful about what we pay
attention to, because whateverit is will draw down our energy.
It's also why meditation,particularly training and
concentration, is an importantpractice.
All of this paints a picture ofthe earth, the ground, as being
(08:55):
all about inner strength andfortitude.
In this sense, when we talkabout grounding or amplifying
the earth energies within, we'retalking about accessing inner
strength so we can meet themoment, however challenging it
might be.
And perhaps it wouldn'tsurprise you that the conduit
for accessing earth energy isthrough portals in the feet,
(09:19):
because they're the closest tothe ground, but also via an
energetic repository in ourbelly called the lower dantian.
This is our gut, which evenWesterners associate with the
center of personal power.
So I think of grounding as morethan just a way to calm and
cope.
It's also a way to access innerresources, courage, clear
(09:43):
thinking, understanding andinsight.
These are things that are hardto grasp when we're feeling
distressed.
Another angle to grounding ishow we might think of grounded
people.
These are individuals whoappear to have a solid grasp on
reality.
They're practical, steady,deliberate, conscientious.
(10:08):
We'd also describe them asopen-minded, not so strongly
attached to their views, evenwilling to consider other points
of view.
They're non-dogmatic and theyrespond to things in a tempered
way.
These also happen to bequalities that we associate with
long-time meditators, monasticsand other people who spend a
(10:29):
significant amount of timecultivating prajna or wisdom.
And in the Buddhist context,this is the aim of meditative
practice to pull back the veilsof our conditioning or that
which distorts our perception ofreality, so that we are
engaging with the real presentmoment, as it is not how we
(10:51):
think it is.
Of the two formal mindfulnesspractices, one of them,
vipassana, translates as clearseeing.
In other words, the purpose ofmindfulness isn't just to feel
more centered, but also toengage with reality.
And I'll just add that, yeah,this is all really hard, so it's
(11:12):
a good thing that mindfulnessalso feels nice and calming,
because when we pull back thecurtain to see what's really
there, we encounter a lot ofsuffering within ourselves, in
our loved ones, in the world.
One can see why having thisconnection to earth and all the
qualities of steadiness would behelpful.
(11:32):
And, by the way, I highlyrecommend spending time with
Adyashanti's work.
He's got books and lots oftalks about the challenges of
waking up in this way, and hespecifically encourages
self-reflective therapeutic work, because our ability to be with
the suffering of the worlddepends a lot on how we can be
(11:54):
with the suffering in ourselves.
I'm going to get to the elementsof grounding practices in a
moment, but I want to note thatyou'll want to bolster your
ability to steady yourself whenstressed by practicing this when
you aren't agitated,specifically setting aside time
(12:14):
for the wisdom practices,mindfulness contemplation and
self-reflection.
In other words, you want todedicate yourself to being a
grounded person so that whenyou're distressed, your efforts
to steady yourself are returningyou to a default mode rather
than trying to generate a lessfamiliar state.
(12:34):
Grounding shouldn't feel alien.
It should feel like you'rereturning home to yourself, and
on that note, the chakra of thelower abdomen is called
Svaristhan, which translates asone's own abode, and in the
Indian yoga tradition, it's theseat of our emotional stability.
(12:56):
So what makes a practicegrounding, you might ask?
While there are some generalprinciples, what works for one
person may not work for everyone.
I recommend you develop yourown toolkit of practices that
(13:21):
you know work for you, and I'llsay more about how to do that in
a bit.
I've broken things up into sixcategories, but there's some
overlap between them and some ofthem may even contradict each
other.
Consider these starting pointsfor your own creative thinking
on what helps you calm down.
Starting points for your owncreative thinking on what helps
(13:41):
you calm down.
Okay, number one Generally,grounding practices are going to
be more yin than the agitatedstate you start out in.
So quieter, slower, deliberate,energy lowering practices.
Remember that yin is anadjective that is always
relative to yang, which meansthat what might be yin in one
(14:05):
context or for one person mightbe yang in another context or
for another person.
As an example, yoga asana as awhole is more yin than jogging
or crossfit.
So a hatha yoga class could bevery grounding, even though it's
not explicitly yin yoga orrestorative yoga.
(14:26):
Similarly, if you're a veryhigh octane person with a lot of
energy, a jog might be thething to turn things around and,
to be honest, steering a highenergy person to a really yin
practice like yoga nidra or afloat tank might not be as
effective because it's too farremoved from their general
(14:48):
disposition.
The second principle is thatgrounding practices are embodied
or somatic, meaning that theyengage the senses.
Exercise, even strenuousexercise, works for a lot of
people because it creates strongsensation that you can feel.
(15:09):
And yes, doing strenuousweightlifting isn't very yin.
So here's one of thosecontradictions.
But if you're really in yourhead, tossing a medicine ball
around might be the perfectthing for you.
And when it comes to engagingyour other senses, a lot of
people, myself included, likeessential oils.
Now, I know nothing about them,I just know lavender and palo
(15:33):
santo relax me, so I like todiffuse them when I'm stressed
or when I need to really focuson something.
Other people like to listen tomusic or hang out under a
weighted blanket.
You can also engage your tastebuds, so mindfully eating a
piece of fruit or preparing andsipping a cup of tea, these
(15:55):
might be good options and havethe added benefit of not taking
very long.
I think one of the reasons whyI love cats is that I find it
really soothing to pet them,especially when they're purring.
So furry pals for me go to thetop of the list.
Another practice that's fairlypopular is the 5-4-3-2-1
(16:17):
practice, which is designed tohelp you engage your senses, and
it goes like this One look forfive things in your immediate
vicinity that you can see like atable or a potted plant.
Then four things you can feelChair feet on the ground.
Things you can reach out andtouch with your fingers,
(16:41):
followed by three things you canhear people talking.
Sounds outside your own breath.
Two things you can smell maybeit's the fabric softener in your
clothes or flowers and onething you can taste, and if you
can't detect something alreadyin your mouth, try drinking a
(17:02):
bit of water.
Embodied or somatic practiceshelp us root our awareness in
something tangible andsubstantive.
In other words, they help us tobe more mindful, which is the
third principle.
Mindfulness practices, whetherformal meditation or otherwise,
(17:23):
help us to slow down andreconnect to the present moment.
Mindfulness disrupts discursiveor rambling thinking that can
be distressing for the mind, andI would put various calming
breathing practices in thiscategory, though I think they
also overlap with embodiment.
I also find walking meditationreally effective if I'm too
(17:44):
agitated to sit down and followmy breath.
And here's where I'll mentionthe other mindfulness meditation
practice, samatha, whichtranslates to calm abiding.
This is the practice where youfocus on one thing, usually your
breath, in order to gain someagency over your own mind.
(18:04):
You're choosing to focus on thebreath to the exclusion of
other things, and, by its verynature, concentrating your mind
on one neutral thing is calming.
We'll feel more gathered, lessdispersed, in other words, less
all over the place, which isoften me.
(18:26):
The fourth principle is gettingout in nature.
Here's where we're touchinggrass or engaging with the
elements.
Forest bathing, walking amongtrees, is a favorite practice in
Japan.
I'm a fan of vistas, so I likehiking up to lookouts.
I also find being near waterreally calming, so my absolute
(18:48):
favorite thing is to stand on asea cliff, because it combines
vistas with water.
Being in nature stimulates ourrelaxation response, which
lowers blood pressure and heartrate while reducing other ill
effects of stress, and it can bereally lovely to combine nature
(19:09):
with some of the otherpractices.
The next two principles are alittle different because they're
a bit more cognitive and, to behonest, I only started to
appreciate the benefits of thesemore recently.
But now I can see why they keepconsidered grounding,
especially in a proactive way.
So number five is something I'mcalling clearing.
(19:33):
I call it that because itencompasses actions you might
take to clear mental congestionor clear your mental load.
The most obvious one is writingout a to-do list when you're
feeling stressed about all thethings you need to do, and a
variation of this is journaling,particularly self-reflective
(19:53):
practice.
Knowing yourself and awarenessof your internal states can be
really effective in gettinggrounded before doing something
stressful like public speakingor having a difficult
conversation, but some not soobvious things are the proactive
measures you can take to reducethe number of decisions you
(20:15):
have to make each day, becausedecision fatigue contributes to
stress and overwhelm.
So I eat the same exactbreakfast every day because I
hate being frantic in themorning, and I know a few people
who wear the same thing everyday to eliminate that stress.
(20:36):
So what are the routines andrituals you can create that will
help reduce mental clutter?
Another thing I put into theclearing category is a practice
I call context switching.
Context switching comes fromsoftware development, where
programmers will write code forthe purpose of storing a process
(20:59):
for later.
How this works for people isthat we may sometimes have to
just stop what we're doing andgo do something else.
Programmers use contextswitching to help manage CPU
usage across multiple tasks.
We can use it to manage ourenergy and stress levels.
I do kind of consider contextswitching a last resort, because
(21:23):
we don't always have the luxuryof putting something down and
walking away from it even forjust a bit, but sometimes we can
.
In fact, just the other day Iwas having one of those days
that was like a death by athousand paper cuts.
Nothing big and catastrophicwas going on, except, you know,
society in crisis.
But in my own day, I keptcoming up against all these
(21:46):
little obstacles that werecausing me to get increasingly
frustrated and testy, and witheach subsequent obstacle, my
tolerance level was droppingexponentially.
And then I realized, oh man, Imay need to switch context, but
before I did, I went through myplanning documents and calendar
(22:09):
to make sure nothing waspressing and it wasn't, so.
Then I basically gave myselfthe day off.
Nothing was going to get donewhile I was in that state anyway
, and I spent the day doingthings that were fun and helped
me hit an internal reset button.
This was kind of extreme.
Another way to context switchmight be a walk around the block
(22:29):
, which not only changes up theenvironment, but also combines
fresh air and movement.
The idea is to interrupt thestream of stressors, and
precisely what you do depends onthe situation.
So that's clearing, or moreprecisely, clearing your head.
The last thing I want to offeris to consider how you might
(22:54):
bolster your executivefunctioning.
You don't have to beneurodivergent to find yourself
struggling to get started onthings, planning, maintaining
your focus and sticking to tasks.
All it takes is a few sleeplessnights in a row, and even the
highest functioning among uswill falter.
Stress, such as a society incrisis, also takes a toll on
(23:19):
executive functioning, as asociety in crisis also takes a
toll on executive functioning,particularly creative tasks and
problem solving.
So bolstering your executivefunctioning is a more preemptive
action.
You'll want your systems androutines in place, ones that you
actually follow, to be there tocatch you when you start to
feel ungrounded.
To catch you when you start tofeel ungrounded.
(23:44):
For me, knowing that my systemshave my back helps to keep me
from spiraling into an evenworse state, and it's precisely
how I could give myself a dayoff without my inner critics
spinning up.
I have a great planning systemand I knew I wasn't forgetting
something important.
So, to recap, when thinkingabout the things you can do to
(24:05):
ground your anxious energy, youwant to consider practices and
actions that are yin, so slowerand calmer, embodied or somatic
or sensorial.
You want them to be mindful,possibly in nature, and you also
want to consider ways to clearyour mind of mental clutter and
(24:28):
bolster your executivefunctioning.
I want to wrap up the topic ofgrounding with some tips on how
to plan ahead when we'restressed, our perspective
narrows and we can't see a lotof options, even ones that are
(24:50):
right in front of our face.
So you'll be doing yourself akindness to have some lists at
the ready.
That way you don't have to add,figure it out how to ground
myself to your list of stressorswhen you are feeling rested,
well fed, alert and not stressed, brainstorm a big list of
grounding practices that aredoable within the normal
(25:12):
constraints you have to dealwith in life and that are things
you'd actually do.
In other words, there's nopoint in putting beach walking
on your list if there's no beachnearby.
Nor does it make any sense toinclude drawing.
If you're someone like me whofinds drawing stressful, you can
use the six categories asoutlined to help you come up
with some ideas.
So what are the practices thatslow you down?
(25:34):
How do you like to engage yoursenses?
What gets you into the presentmoment?
Once you have a list, take out apiece of paper or make a
spreadsheet with columns denotedby length of time, so you might
have a column called one minute, another that says 10 minutes
and 30 minutes.
One hour, half a day, all dayTo account for some of the
(25:59):
proactive measures.
Half a day, all day To accountfor some of the proactive
measures.
You might have a column thatrepresents day before, where you
might put pick out outfit, oranother column for systems and
rituals, where you might put eatsame breakfast every day.
Again, these are things you'dactually do, so ignore my
examples.
If they won't work for you, thenyou're going to take your full
(26:21):
list and put your practices andactivities in one or more of the
columns.
For instance, a walk could be a10-minute context switch, or it
could be an hour-longmindfulness activity.
You might need to implementsome of your ideas in advance,
and some things might requirepreparation.
So, for instance, I enjoy doingabstract watercolor as a way to
(26:43):
ground myself, but I reallyhate the setup, so I created a
little kit.
So all I need to do is get somewater.
After you do all that, put acopy of your list on your phone,
maybe in your notes app, tapeit to your computer, put it in
your planner, post it to thefridge or wherever you can
(27:03):
easily access it, maybe even theglove box in your car.
So the next time you're feelingfrazzled, stressed, ungrounded,
really angry, pull up your listand see what options you have
given the time that you have.
Pull up your list and see whatoptions you have, given the time
that you have.
Whatever you put on your list,just remember that grounding
(27:25):
practices are more than justcoping strategies.
They can help you dischargeexcess emotional energy while
also helping you connect to yourinner strength To think outside
the box.
Ask yourself what will help mefeel empowered even while facing
challenges.
Well, thank you for coming tomy TED Talk on grounding.
(27:50):
I hope you find this helpful.
I'd love to hear about yourfavorite grounding strategies,
especially any off the wall orunusual ones.
My parts really love that, sosend me a note to feedback at
skillfulmeanspodcastcom and Imight share them in a future
episode.
(28:18):
And now it's time for a listenerquestion.
This one comes from Cindy, whoshared that the recent decisions
by the CEO of Meta haveprompted her to delete her
Facebook and Instagram accounts.
Basically, she didn't want tosupport a corporation that is
engaged in activity that goesagainst her values, which I
(28:40):
totally get.
I've got about one and a halffeet off those platforms myself.
Cindy goes on to say and y'allthis is so relatable quote.
I don't feel I'm equipped withthe words to explain myself to
my friends who don't understandmy decision.
Saying it's against my valuesdoesn't seem like enough,
(29:00):
because I'd like to inspire themto also consider how they can
reduce harm toward others.
I'd love to hear your thoughtsand yogic perspectives.
Oh, I love this one and it'salso not that straightforward.
Obviously, none of our yoga orBuddhist texts address social
media directly.
(29:20):
They did not have anything likethe communication tools that we
have today.
But we can find inspiration inthe ethical teachings from both
traditions.
In the yoga tradition, we mightlook to the yamas for guidance,
particularly satya, ortruthfulness, and aparigraha,
(29:41):
non-grasping.
I was thinking of satya because, in addition to speaking the
truth and not lying, there'salso a component of letting
silence speak the truth.
For you, satya could includeleading through example, which
is likely going to inspire morepeople than preaching, even when
, especially when we really wantpeople to see what's going on.
(30:07):
I know I can get caught up in avery breathless.
Why can't they see this kind ofattitude?
But here's something one of myfirst yoga teacher mentors told
me once, and that is it actuallyisn't my job, or your job or
anyone's job, to get people tocome along, or to see the light,
(30:27):
so to speak.
As a yoga teacher, I'm there tooffer something, but I can't
make them take it, and I thinkthis is why a parigraha can be
helpful in terms of our ownself-reflection.
What am I grasping at bywanting this so badly and a
follow-up question from IFS?
(30:49):
What am I afraid would happenif they didn't come over to my
way of thinking, and is thatburden my responsibility to
carry?
Can it be enough to live by myown values?
I actually think Buddhismprovides a bit more guidance,
(31:11):
because we have teachings onmindful speech, compassion for
others and also practicingnon-attachment to views, and
it's that last one that inspiresmy thinking on this topic.
So, coming back to Satya, let'sask the question what's the
truth?
And the truth is, and theanswer is there is no universal
(31:31):
truth, only what we know to betruthful in our own hearts and
minds.
To some extent, we have toaccept that on many, many
matters, other people are goingto feel that their understanding
is the truth, and without thecertainty of a universal truth,
we have to be open in our ownminds to other possibilities,
(31:55):
including that our way of thingsmight not be correct.
Now, cindy, or anyone who'slistening, this isn't to
dissuade you from your views onMetta or any of the other social
justice issues out there, Ishare them too.
Social justice issues out thereI share them too.
But that little nugget ofnon-attachment to views holds me
back from getting all the wayup in people's faces about this
(32:19):
or any other topic.
Both yoga and Buddhism arereally about personal sadhana,
because the only domain we haveany control over is ourselves.
There's not a lot in the textthat concerns engaging in the
wider world, particularly in apolitical way, but Zen master
Thich Nhat Hanh, who was aVietnam peace activist, mined
(32:41):
the teachings to create the 14precepts of engaged Buddhism.
These precepts are used byBuddhist activists around the
world as guide stars.
These precepts are used byBuddhist activists around the
world as guide stars.
I'll put a link in the shownotes so you can read all 14,
but I want to zero in on the onethat seems to be a direct
answer to Cindy's question.
In the third precept, ThichNhat Hanh says do not force
(33:06):
others, including children, byany means whatsoever to adopt
your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda or
even education.
However, through compassionatedialogue, help others renounce
(33:26):
fanaticism and narrowness,fanaticism and narrowness.
Returning to yoga philosophy fora moment, this also reminds me
that ahimsa non-harming mightalso apply here.
Oftentimes, persuasion tacticsthreaten a person's autonomy or
(33:47):
it may create undue emotionalstress.
I'm even noticing that thebreathless way many people are
sharing information right now istoo activating for my nervous
system.
I've had to mute a lot ofpeople on various platforms
because I can only respond andtake in sober commentary.
So even when the intention isthere, we can be unnecessarily
(34:11):
freaking people out.
Anyway, I doubt that Cindy oranyone else is forcing people to
adopt their views, but it'salso very easy to get overly
invested and getting people tocome over to our side that we
inadvertently start creatingharm and this brings me back to
a parigraha and we startcreating harm, and this brings
(34:35):
me back to a parigraha.
Why is it so important to usthat people come over to our
side?
Instead, might we be availableto those who want to talk to us
about what we're doing?
And this would be a much betteruse of our energy anyway better
use of our energy anyway.
(34:55):
And also this bit in theprecept about helping others
renounce fanaticism andnarrowness.
Tay's not saying gently andcompassionately, bring them over
to your way of thinking.
Instead, the objective is todiminish dogma on both sides, so
we can't bring our dogma to theconversation if we want the
other party to relax theirs.
(35:16):
And I'm reminded of the truthand reconciliation efforts after
the end of apartheid in SouthAfrica.
These commissions were rootedin dialogue, not for persuasion
but toward mutual understanding,and it probably goes without
saying.
But remember that compassionateunderstanding does not equal
(35:37):
endorsement.
We can get people's perspectivewithout compromising our values
.
And then we have the BhagavadGita, which makes clear that
ultimately we must follow ourdharma, which does include
fighting for what feelsimportant and right.
But the Gita also counsels usto detach ourselves from the
(35:59):
fruits of our actions.
So, based on all of this, Iwould say, cindy, maybe don't
try to bring people over to yourside I know that might sound a
bit unsatisfying but just doyour thing because it feels like
the right thing to do in yourown heart and mind.
And when people ask you aboutwhy you made that choice, treat
(36:23):
it as an opportunity for mutualunderstanding rather than
persuasion.
Let your actions, your presence, your vibe be the inspiration,
and maybe they don't understandand they aren't persuaded.
For now, softening your ownattachments to an outcome will
hopefully keep you in connectionwith these people.
(36:44):
And this brings me to my lastnugget from Buddhist teachings
the concept of upaya skillfulmeans includes the Buddhist
practice of meeting people wherethey're at.
He was really good at getting afeel for what was creating
suffering in people's lives andthen share teachings that were
(37:06):
relevant and immediate to theirsituation.
When you can detach from thegoal of persuasion and focus on
understanding, you might find aworkable inroad or know that
you're planting a seed.
I don't think Metta is going toget any better, so your example
creates a permission structurefor other people to safely exit
(37:28):
somewhere down the line.
So thank you for asking thisquestion, cindy.
It was actually really helpfulfor me to spend some time on
this question because, as I said, I have a tendency to get
really I'll just say passionateabout the things I care about,
and I could probably benefitfrom slowing my roll a bit too.
(37:51):
All right, everybody, thank youfor joining me this month's
discussion episode.
I hope you're feeling bothinspired and empowered to find
your home ground and live yourdharma.
Because the show is landing ina month with an extra Tuesday,
I'm planning to drop twopractices for you.
(38:11):
I know I'm planning to share aquick parts work check-in that
can double as a groundingpractice, but I'm a little on
the fence about the second one.
If you have a practice request,you know where to find me
feedback atskillfulmeanspodcastcom.
And that about wraps things up.
If enjoy the show, please rateand review it in your app of
(38:33):
choice.
Those stars and commentsactually do help take things up
a notch for me, and thank youfor the gift of your time and
attention.
Until next time, may you meeteach moment with courage and
compassion.
Hello, I'm Jennifer O'Sullivan.
Welcome to Skillful MeansPodcast.
Coming to you every other weekwith Buddhist and Yogic wisdom,
parts work, taoism discussions,guided practices, discussions,
(00:29):
and anything else I can think of.
I gotta confess it's peakpollinating season where I'm at
in the mid-Atlantic US, so ifyou hear a little scratchiness
in my throat, that's why Ipromise you I'm fine and I
promise to edit out throatclearing noises for you.
Okay, I'm excited, I've got agreat show for you.
(00:50):
I'm covering today two topicsthat are near and dear to my
heart.
First, we're unpackinggrounding as a self-support and
empowering strategy.
What is grounding?
Where does it come from?
How can we be proactive aboutit?
And I'm also answering alistener question about how yoga
(01:12):
and Buddhism might help guideour activism efforts.
I love this one how do we showup for the causes we care about
most, while keeping to ourspiritual teachings?
And speaking of listenerquestions, if you'd like to
contribute to the show, I'm allears.
In fact, I really want the showto be guided by the topics that
(01:34):
interest you the most.
You have a couple of optionsfor getting in touch.
Check the show notes, for thelink to the listener survey
Survey is probably giving itmore credit.
It's a form you can use it tosend me your questions, favorite
resources, personal vignettes,about how a teaching or practice
(01:56):
has gotten you through a toughtime or inspired you in some way
.
You can also send me an emailto feedback at
skillfulmeanspodcastcom, or textme using the link in the show
notes.
With that bit of housekeepingout of the way, let's get to it.
You'd have to be on an extendedsilent retreat in the Himalayas
(02:33):
and probably not listening tothis podcast to not know that
the world has gotten reallyprecarious in the last few
months.
In fact, over the weekend, theIFS Foundation announced it was
starting a podcast specificallyto discuss how parts work can
help people navigate.
A quote society in crisis,which is probably the best
(02:54):
euphemism I've heard so far todescribe what's happening in the
US right now.
The impacts of a society incrisis include increased anxiety
and a loss of communityconnection due to all the
widespread distrust all thingsthat make us feel unmoored and
the speed and volume of changeis overwhelming, which then
(03:18):
creates chronic stress and allthe health problems associated
with that.
So, in addition to doing whatwe can to push against the
crisis writ large, we also needto take care of our mental
well-being.
Enter grounding practices.
Grounding is a term we use todescribe practices that calm us
(03:38):
down when we feel unsettled,scattered, anxious, fearful.
Feel unsettled, scattered,anxious, fearful.
In other words, grounding is away to regather when we're
feeling so tossed about in a seaof uncertainty.
The word grounding is kind of afunny term because on the one
hand it seems self-evident, butit's also one of those new agey
(04:02):
words that for some may seem abit unserious.
So I thought I'd offer a coupleof perspectives on how to think
about what we're doing when weground ourselves.
Let's consider electricalsafety circuits, say.
(04:28):
In your house, electricians runwires into the literal ground
to channel excess power fromanything that could catch fire
or shock someone.
In this sense, the groundserves as a sink for an
electrical charge.
You can also think of it as akind of emergency exit if
something goes wrong in acircuit.
And this is a pretty goodanalogy, because when we ground
(04:51):
ourselves we're divertingoverwhelming emotional energy
into the figurative earth.
Grounding practices direct ourattention from racing thoughts
into the present moment, oftenthrough sense doorways.
But we'll get to that in a bit.
I think the kids these dayscall this touching grass, though
I do know that specificallyrelates to people who are
terminally online, but I thinkthat just is the same.
(05:14):
Sometimes we need to dischargesome energy, whether it's
Instagram brain rot and, by theway, that was a new phrase for
me brain rot, and, by the way,that was a new phrase for me or
the anxiety about quote unquotethese times Now where Westerners
(05:35):
might talk about energy inbroad terms, the Taoists have a
whole taxonomy of energy, alsoknown as qi.
If you're listening to thispodcast, you're probably
familiar with yin and yangenergy.
Yang represents the active,creative, dynamic forces in the
universe.
Yang is expansive andgenerative.
Yin refers to the materialworld, the substance of things.
(06:01):
It's related to patience andstillness.
But yin is also aboutpotentiality, a pregnant pause,
if you will.
The Taoists explain creationlike this.
Yin and yang energies arepulsing in a primordial space
referred to as wuji.
(06:22):
As they pulse, or dance, theystart to differentiate into more
complexity, moving through thefour phases of universal energy
and then into the bagua, or theeight natural forces.
From there they differentiateeven further until you have
everything in the manifest world.
But let's back up to the eightnatural forces.
(06:45):
If you've ever taken Qigong.
You might have heard of theBhagavad.
The eight natural forces areheaven, lake, fire, thunder,
wind, water, mountain and earth,and each are associated with
specific qualities and phenomena, things that are present in
everything in the manifest world.
In this model, earth representsreceptivity and nurturance.
(07:08):
It's considered pure yin Earth.
Metaphors also appear in otheraspects of Taoism, particularly
the five elements, and the earthelement is associated with
qualities such as majesty,solidity, steadfastness and
perseverance, because the earthitself is so enduring.
(07:32):
Interestingly, taoists alsoassociate earth with
metabolizing, digesting andprocessing.
Think about what you need tomake really great soil.
This can also refer tofigurative digestion.
One might cultivate earthelement when going through
(07:54):
transitions as a way ofprocessing.
According to the Taoists, wecan raise or lower elements
through a number of ways,including adjusting diet,
movement practices, acupuncture,massage and visualizations.
But earth element is alsoassociated with the spirit,
(08:15):
energy, yi, or the aspect ofmind associated with making
decisions through carefuldeliberation, consideration and
insight.
Yi also relates to what we payattention to, for better or
worse, and there's a Taoistsaying chi follows yi, which
(08:35):
means that we want to bethoughtful about what we pay
attention to, because whateverit is will draw down our energy.
It's also why meditation,particularly training and
concentration, is an importantpractice.
All of this paints a picture ofthe earth, the ground, as being
(08:55):
all about inner strength andfortitude.
In this sense, when we talkabout grounding or amplifying
the earth energies within, we'retalking about accessing inner
strength so we can meet themoment, however challenging it
might be.
And perhaps it wouldn'tsurprise you that the conduit
for accessing earth energy isthrough portals in the feet,
(09:19):
because they're the closest tothe ground, but also via an
energetic repository in ourbelly called the lower dantian.
This is our gut, which evenWesterners associate with the
center of personal power.
So I think of grounding as morethan just a way to calm and
cope.
It's also a way to access innerresources, courage, clear
(09:43):
thinking, understanding andinsight.
These are things that are hardto grasp when we're feeling
distressed.
Another angle to grounding ishow we might think of grounded
people.
These are individuals whoappear to have a solid grasp on
reality.
They're practical, steady,deliberate, conscientious.
(10:08):
We'd also describe them asopen-minded, not so strongly
attached to their views, evenwilling to consider other points
of view.
They're non-dogmatic and theyrespond to things in a tempered
way.
These also happen to bequalities that we associate with
long-time meditators, monasticsand other people who spend a
(10:29):
significant amount of timecultivating prajna or wisdom.
And in the Buddhist context,this is the aim of meditative
practice to pull back the veilsof our conditioning or that
which distorts our perception ofreality, so that we are
engaging with the real presentmoment, as it is not how we
(10:51):
think it is.
Of the two formal mindfulnesspractices, one of them,
vipassana, translates as clearseeing.
In other words, the purpose ofmindfulness isn't just to feel
more centered, but also toengage with reality.
And I'll just add that, yeah,this is all really hard, so it's
(11:12):
a good thing that mindfulnessalso feels nice and calming,
because when we pull back thecurtain to see what's really
there, we encounter a lot ofsuffering within ourselves, in
our loved ones, in the world.
One can see why having thisconnection to earth and all the
qualities of steadiness would behelpful.
(11:32):
And, by the way, I highlyrecommend spending time with
Adyashanti's work.
He's got books and lots oftalks about the challenges of
waking up in this way, and hespecifically encourages
self-reflective therapeutic work, because our ability to be with
the suffering of the worlddepends a lot on how we can be
(11:54):
with the suffering in ourselves.
I'm going to get to the elementsof grounding practices in a
moment, but I want to note thatyou'll want to bolster your
ability to steady yourself whenstressed by practicing this when
you aren't agitated,specifically setting aside time
(12:14):
for the wisdom practices,mindfulness contemplation and
self-reflection.
In other words, you want todedicate yourself to being a
grounded person so that whenyou're distressed, your efforts
to steady yourself are returningyou to a default mode rather
than trying to generate a lessfamiliar state.
(12:34):
Grounding shouldn't feel alien.
It should feel like you'rereturning home to yourself, and
on that note, the chakra of thelower abdomen is called
Svaristhan, which translates asone's own abode, and in the
Indian yoga tradition, it's theseat of our emotional stability.
(12:56):
So what makes a practicegrounding, you might ask?
While there are some generalprinciples, what works for one
person may not work for everyone.
I recommend you develop yourown toolkit of practices that
(13:21):
you know work for you, and I'llsay more about how to do that in
a bit.
I've broken things up into sixcategories, but there's some
overlap between them and some ofthem may even contradict each
other.
Consider these starting pointsfor your own creative thinking
on what helps you calm down.
Starting points for your owncreative thinking on what helps
(13:41):
you calm down.
Okay, number one Generally,grounding practices are going to
be more yin than the agitatedstate you start out in.
So quieter, slower, deliberate,energy lowering practices.
Remember that yin is anadjective that is always
relative to yang, which meansthat what might be yin in one
(14:05):
context or for one person mightbe yang in another context or
for another person.
As an example, yoga asana as awhole is more yin than jogging
or crossfit.
So a hatha yoga class could bevery grounding, even though it's
not explicitly yin yoga orrestorative yoga.
(14:26):
Similarly, if you're a veryhigh octane person with a lot of
energy, a jog might be thething to turn things around and,
to be honest, steering a highenergy person to a really yin
practice like yoga nidra or afloat tank might not be as
effective because it's too farremoved from their general
(14:48):
disposition.
The second principle is thatgrounding practices are embodied
or somatic, meaning that theyengage the senses.
Exercise, even strenuousexercise, works for a lot of
people because it creates strongsensation that you can feel.
(15:09):
And yes, doing strenuousweightlifting isn't very yin.
So here's one of thosecontradictions.
But if you're really in yourhead, tossing a medicine ball
around might be the perfectthing for you.
And when it comes to engagingyour other senses, a lot of
people, myself included, likeessential oils.
Now, I know nothing about them,I just know lavender and palo
(15:33):
santo relax me, so I like todiffuse them when I'm stressed
or when I need to really focuson something.
Other people like to listen tomusic or hang out under a
weighted blanket.
You can also engage your tastebuds, so mindfully eating a
piece of fruit or preparing andsipping a cup of tea, these
(15:55):
might be good options and havethe added benefit of not taking
very long.
I think one of the reasons whyI love cats is that I find it
really soothing to pet them,especially when they're purring.
So furry pals for me go to thetop of the list.
Another practice that's fairlypopular is the 5-4-3-2-1
(16:17):
practice, which is designed tohelp you engage your senses, and
it goes like this One look forfive things in your immediate
vicinity that you can see like atable or a potted plant.
Then four things you can feelChair feet on the ground.
Things you can reach out andtouch with your fingers,
(16:41):
followed by three things you canhear people talking.
Sounds outside your own breath.
Two things you can smell maybeit's the fabric softener in your
clothes or flowers and onething you can taste, and if you
can't detect something alreadyin your mouth, try drinking a
(17:02):
bit of water.
Embodied or somatic practiceshelp us root our awareness in
something tangible andsubstantive.
In other words, they help us tobe more mindful, which is the
third principle.
Mindfulness practices, whetherformal meditation or otherwise,
(17:23):
help us to slow down andreconnect to the present moment.
Mindfulness disrupts discursiveor rambling thinking that can
be distressing for the mind, andI would put various calming
breathing practices in thiscategory, though I think they
also overlap with embodiment.
I also find walking meditationreally effective if I'm too
(17:44):
agitated to sit down and followmy breath.
And here's where I'll mentionthe other mindfulness meditation
practice, samatha, whichtranslates to calm abiding.
This is the practice where youfocus on one thing, usually your
breath, in order to gain someagency over your own mind.
(18:04):
You're choosing to focus on thebreath to the exclusion of
other things, and, by its verynature, concentrating your mind
on one neutral thing is calming.
We'll feel more gathered, lessdispersed, in other words, less
all over the place, which isoften me.
(18:26):
The fourth principle is gettingout in nature.
Here's where we're touchinggrass or engaging with the
elements.
Forest bathing, walking amongtrees, is a favorite practice in
Japan.
I'm a fan of vistas, so I likehiking up to lookouts.
I also find being near waterreally calming, so my absolute
(18:48):
favorite thing is to stand on asea cliff, because it combines
vistas with water.
Being in nature stimulates ourrelaxation response, which
lowers blood pressure and heartrate while reducing other ill
effects of stress, and it can bereally lovely to combine nature
(19:09):
with some of the otherpractices.
The next two principles are alittle different because they're
a bit more cognitive and, to behonest, I only started to
appreciate the benefits of thesemore recently.
But now I can see why they keepconsidered grounding,
especially in a proactive way.
So number five is something I'mcalling clearing.
(19:33):
I call it that because itencompasses actions you might
take to clear mental congestionor clear your mental load.
The most obvious one is writingout a to-do list when you're
feeling stressed about all thethings you need to do, and a
variation of this is journaling,particularly self-reflective
(19:53):
practice.
Knowing yourself and awarenessof your internal states can be
really effective in gettinggrounded before doing something
stressful like public speakingor having a difficult
conversation, but some not soobvious things are the proactive
measures you can take to reducethe number of decisions you
(20:15):
have to make each day, becausedecision fatigue contributes to
stress and overwhelm.
So I eat the same exactbreakfast every day because I
hate being frantic in themorning, and I know a few people
who wear the same thing everyday to eliminate that stress.
(20:36):
So what are the routines andrituals you can create that will
help reduce mental clutter?
Another thing I put into theclearing category is a practice
I call context switching.
Context switching comes fromsoftware development, where
programmers will write code forthe purpose of storing a process
(20:59):
for later.
How this works for people isthat we may sometimes have to
just stop what we're doing andgo do something else.
Programmers use contextswitching to help manage CPU
usage across multiple tasks.
We can use it to manage ourenergy and stress levels.
I do kind of consider contextswitching a last resort, because
(21:23):
we don't always have the luxuryof putting something down and
walking away from it even forjust a bit, but sometimes we can
.
In fact, just the other day Iwas having one of those days
that was like a death by athousand paper cuts.
Nothing big and catastrophicwas going on, except, you know,
society in crisis.
But in my own day, I keptcoming up against all these
(21:46):
little obstacles that werecausing me to get increasingly
frustrated and testy, and witheach subsequent obstacle, my
tolerance level was droppingexponentially.
And then I realized, oh man, Imay need to switch context, but
before I did, I went through myplanning documents and calendar
(22:09):
to make sure nothing waspressing and it wasn't, so.
Then I basically gave myselfthe day off.
Nothing was going to get donewhile I was in that state anyway
, and I spent the day doingthings that were fun and helped
me hit an internal reset button.
This was kind of extreme.
Another way to context switchmight be a walk around the block
(22:29):
, which not only changes up theenvironment, but also combines
fresh air and movement.
The idea is to interrupt thestream of stressors, and
precisely what you do depends onthe situation.
So that's clearing, or moreprecisely, clearing your head.
The last thing I want to offeris to consider how you might
(22:54):
bolster your executivefunctioning.
You don't have to beneurodivergent to find yourself
struggling to get started onthings, planning, maintaining
your focus and sticking to tasks.
All it takes is a few sleeplessnights in a row, and even the
highest functioning among uswill falter.
Stress, such as a society incrisis, also takes a toll on
(23:19):
executive functioning, as asociety in crisis also takes a
toll on executive functioning,particularly creative tasks and
problem solving.
So bolstering your executivefunctioning is a more preemptive
action.
You'll want your systems androutines in place, ones that you
actually follow, to be there tocatch you when you start to
feel ungrounded.
To catch you when you start tofeel ungrounded.
(23:44):
For me, knowing that my systemshave my back helps to keep me
from spiraling into an evenworse state, and it's precisely
how I could give myself a dayoff without my inner critics
spinning up.
I have a great planning systemand I knew I wasn't forgetting
something important.
So, to recap, when thinkingabout the things you can do to
(24:05):
ground your anxious energy, youwant to consider practices and
actions that are yin, so slowerand calmer, embodied or somatic
or sensorial.
You want them to be mindful,possibly in nature, and you also
want to consider ways to clearyour mind of mental clutter and
(24:28):
bolster your executivefunctioning.
I want to wrap up the topic ofgrounding with some tips on how
to plan ahead when we'restressed, our perspective
narrows and we can't see a lotof options, even ones that are
(24:50):
right in front of our face.
So you'll be doing yourself akindness to have some lists at
the ready.
That way you don't have to add,figure it out how to ground
myself to your list of stressorswhen you are feeling rested,
well fed, alert and not stressed, brainstorm a big list of
grounding practices that aredoable within the normal
(25:12):
constraints you have to dealwith in life and that are things
you'd actually do.
In other words, there's nopoint in putting beach walking
on your list if there's no beachnearby.
Nor does it make any sense toinclude drawing.
If you're someone like me whofinds drawing stressful, you can
use the six categories asoutlined to help you come up
with some ideas.
So what are the practices thatslow you down?
(25:34):
How do you like to engage yoursenses?
What gets you into the presentmoment?
Once you have a list, take out apiece of paper or make a
spreadsheet with columns denotedby length of time, so you might
have a column called one minute, another that says 10 minutes
and 30 minutes.
One hour, half a day, all dayTo account for some of the
(25:59):
proactive measures.
Half a day, all day To accountfor some of the proactive
measures.
You might have a column thatrepresents day before, where you
might put pick out outfit, oranother column for systems and
rituals, where you might put eatsame breakfast every day.
Again, these are things you'dactually do, so ignore my
examples.
If they won't work for you, thenyou're going to take your full
(26:21):
list and put your practices andactivities in one or more of the
columns.
For instance, a walk could be a10-minute context switch, or it
could be an hour-longmindfulness activity.
You might need to implementsome of your ideas in advance,
and some things might requirepreparation.
So, for instance, I enjoy doingabstract watercolor as a way to
(26:43):
ground myself, but I reallyhate the setup, so I created a
little kit.
So all I need to do is get somewater.
After you do all that, put acopy of your list on your phone,
maybe in your notes app, tapeit to your computer, put it in
your planner, post it to thefridge or wherever you can
(27:03):
easily access it, maybe even theglove box in your car.
So the next time you're feelingfrazzled, stressed, ungrounded,
really angry, pull up your listand see what options you have
given the time that you have.
Pull up your list and see whatoptions you have, given the time
that you have.
Whatever you put on your list,just remember that grounding
(27:25):
practices are more than justcoping strategies.
They can help you dischargeexcess emotional energy while
also helping you connect to yourinner strength To think outside
the box.
Ask yourself what will help mefeel empowered even while facing
challenges.
Well, thank you for coming tomy TED Talk on grounding.
(27:50):
I hope you find this helpful.
I'd love to hear about yourfavorite grounding strategies,
especially any off the wall orunusual ones.
My parts really love that, sosend me a note to feedback at
skillfulmeanspodcastcom and Imight share them in a future
episode.
(28:18):
And now it's time for a listenerquestion.
This one comes from Cindy, whoshared that the recent decisions
by the CEO of Meta haveprompted her to delete her
Facebook and Instagram accounts.
Basically, she didn't want tosupport a corporation that is
engaged in activity that goesagainst her values, which I
(28:40):
totally get.
I've got about one and a halffeet off those platforms myself.
Cindy goes on to say and y'allthis is so relatable quote.
I don't feel I'm equipped withthe words to explain myself to
my friends who don't understandmy decision.
Saying it's against my valuesdoesn't seem like enough,
(29:00):
because I'd like to inspire themto also consider how they can
reduce harm toward others.
I'd love to hear your thoughtsand yogic perspectives.
Oh, I love this one and it'salso not that straightforward.
Obviously, none of our yoga orBuddhist texts address social
media directly.
(29:20):
They did not have anything likethe communication tools that we
have today.
But we can find inspiration inthe ethical teachings from both
traditions.
In the yoga tradition, we mightlook to the yamas for guidance,
particularly satya, ortruthfulness, and aparigraha,
(29:41):
non-grasping.
I was thinking of satya because, in addition to speaking the
truth and not lying, there'salso a component of letting
silence speak the truth.
For you, satya could includeleading through example, which
is likely going to inspire morepeople than preaching, even when
, especially when we really wantpeople to see what's going on.
(30:07):
I know I can get caught up in avery breathless.
Why can't they see this kind ofattitude?
But here's something one of myfirst yoga teacher mentors told
me once, and that is it actuallyisn't my job, or your job or
anyone's job, to get people tocome along, or to see the light,
(30:27):
so to speak.
As a yoga teacher, I'm there tooffer something, but I can't
make them take it, and I thinkthis is why a parigraha can be
helpful in terms of our ownself-reflection.
What am I grasping at bywanting this so badly and a
follow-up question from IFS?
(30:49):
What am I afraid would happenif they didn't come over to my
way of thinking, and is thatburden my responsibility to
carry?
Can it be enough to live by myown values?
I actually think Buddhismprovides a bit more guidance,
(31:11):
because we have teachings onmindful speech, compassion for
others and also practicingnon-attachment to views, and
it's that last one that inspiresmy thinking on this topic.
So, coming back to Satya, let'sask the question what's the
truth?
And the truth is, and theanswer is there is no universal
(31:31):
truth, only what we know to betruthful in our own hearts and
minds.
To some extent, we have toaccept that on many, many
matters, other people are goingto feel that their understanding
is the truth, and without thecertainty of a universal truth,
we have to be open in our ownminds to other possibilities,
(31:55):
including that our way of thingsmight not be correct.
Now, cindy, or anyone who'slistening, this isn't to
dissuade you from your views onMetta or any of the other social
justice issues out there, Ishare them too.
Social justice issues out thereI share them too.
But that little nugget ofnon-attachment to views holds me
back from getting all the wayup in people's faces about this
(32:19):
or any other topic.
Both yoga and Buddhism arereally about personal sadhana,
because the only domain we haveany control over is ourselves.
There's not a lot in the textthat concerns engaging in the
wider world, particularly in apolitical way, but Zen master
Thich Nhat Hanh, who was aVietnam peace activist, mined
(32:41):
the teachings to create the 14precepts of engaged Buddhism.
These precepts are used byBuddhist activists around the
world as guide stars.
These precepts are used byBuddhist activists around the
world as guide stars.
I'll put a link in the shownotes so you can read all 14,
but I want to zero in on the onethat seems to be a direct
answer to Cindy's question.
In the third precept, ThichNhat Hanh says do not force
(33:06):
others, including children, byany means whatsoever to adopt
your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda or
even education.
However, through compassionatedialogue, help others renounce
(33:26):
fanaticism and narrowness,fanaticism and narrowness.
Returning to yoga philosophy fora moment, this also reminds me
that ahimsa non-harming mightalso apply here.
Oftentimes, persuasion tacticsthreaten a person's autonomy or
(33:47):
it may create undue emotionalstress.
I'm even noticing that thebreathless way many people are
sharing information right now istoo activating for my nervous
system.
I've had to mute a lot ofpeople on various platforms
because I can only respond andtake in sober commentary.
So even when the intention isthere, we can be unnecessarily
(34:11):
freaking people out.
Anyway, I doubt that Cindy oranyone else is forcing people to
adopt their views, but it'salso very easy to get overly
invested and getting people tocome over to our side that we
inadvertently start creatingharm and this brings me back to
a parigraha and we startcreating harm, and this brings
(34:35):
me back to a parigraha.
Why is it so important to usthat people come over to our
side?
Instead, might we be availableto those who want to talk to us
about what we're doing?
And this would be a much betteruse of our energy anyway better
use of our energy anyway.
(34:55):
And also this bit in theprecept about helping others
renounce fanaticism andnarrowness.
Tay's not saying gently andcompassionately, bring them over
to your way of thinking.
Instead, the objective is todiminish dogma on both sides, so
we can't bring our dogma to theconversation if we want the
other party to relax theirs.
(35:16):
And I'm reminded of the truthand reconciliation efforts after
the end of apartheid in SouthAfrica.
These commissions were rootedin dialogue, not for persuasion
but toward mutual understanding,and it probably goes without
saying.
But remember that compassionateunderstanding does not equal
(35:37):
endorsement.
We can get people's perspectivewithout compromising our values
.
And then we have the BhagavadGita, which makes clear that
ultimately we must follow ourdharma, which does include
fighting for what feelsimportant and right.
But the Gita also counsels usto detach ourselves from the
(35:59):
fruits of our actions.
So, based on all of this, Iwould say, cindy, maybe don't
try to bring people over to yourside I know that might sound a
bit unsatisfying but just doyour thing because it feels like
the right thing to do in yourown heart and mind.
And when people ask you aboutwhy you made that choice, treat
(36:23):
it as an opportunity for mutualunderstanding rather than
persuasion.
Let your actions, your presence, your vibe be the inspiration,
and maybe they don't understandand they aren't persuaded.
For now, softening your ownattachments to an outcome will
hopefully keep you in connectionwith these people.
(36:44):
And this brings me to my lastnugget from Buddhist teachings
the concept of upaya skillfulmeans includes the Buddhist
practice of meeting people wherethey're at.
He was really good at getting afeel for what was creating
suffering in people's lives andthen share teachings that were
(37:06):
relevant and immediate to theirsituation.
When you can detach from thegoal of persuasion and focus on
understanding, you might find aworkable inroad or know that
you're planting a seed.
I don't think Metta is going toget any better, so your example
creates a permission structurefor other people to safely exit
(37:28):
somewhere down the line.
So thank you for asking thisquestion, cindy.
It was actually really helpfulfor me to spend some time on
this question because, as I said, I have a tendency to get
really I'll just say passionateabout the things I care about,
and I could probably benefitfrom slowing my roll a bit too.
(37:51):
All right, everybody, thank youfor joining me this month's
discussion episode.
I hope you're feeling bothinspired and empowered to find
your home ground and live yourdharma.
Because the show is landing ina month with an extra Tuesday,
I'm planning to drop twopractices for you.
(38:11):
I know I'm planning to share aquick parts work check-in that
can double as a groundingpractice, but I'm a little on
the fence about the second one.
If you have a practice request,you know where to find me
feedback atskillfulmeanspodcastcom.
And that about wraps things up.
If enjoy the show, please rateand review it in your app of
(38:33):
choice.
Those stars and commentsactually do help take things up
a notch for me, and thank youfor the gift of your time and
attention.
Until next time, may you meeteach moment with courage and
compassion.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!