April 15, 2025 • 32 mins
Diaries of a 20-something: finding joy and feeling like we've lost it, learning healthier communication, relationship healing, feeling lost and finding clarity & more
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Literally what the fuck is beingin your 20s?
When I look at this last month specifically, Venus retrograde,
we had Venus retrograde, we had Mercury retrograde.
And whether you believe in astrology and the effect the
planets have on you or not, likeyou cannot deny the collective
shadows we have been facing overthe last, I don't know, month
(00:23):
and a half, two months. Everybody in my life, I look at
them and it's like whatever the shadow was that they were
avoiding, that was holding them back from their most vibrant
self was shot to the surface anduncovered in such a rogue and
rude way. And it's like, you can't ignore
(00:46):
it anymore. You can't ignore this fucking
shadow in front of you. And I feel like that's what
being in my 20s has felt like. What is up, guys?
I am Kayla Rose, your host of Skinny Dipping and welcome back
today Wear My Backyard if you'rewatching the video on Spotify.
(01:09):
First of all, I just want to thank you guys for being so
patient. I know I took a couple weeks off
and I always miss you guys, but sometimes I have this blockage
and I've been confronting so many blockages within myself.
I think as somebody who used to be, quote UN quote, A gifted
child growing up, there was a lot of pressure and expectations
(01:31):
around my productivity. And in that, I think in the last
five years in my early 20s, right?
I just turned 26 on March 22nd, had the craziest time with my
best friends and had the hugest come down from it because I was
filled with all this joy, all this play.
And then I returned to my life and I was like whoa, what does
(01:55):
bring me joy? And just tapping into my current
situation and being like what inmy day-to-day life brings me
joy? And honestly, grieving the fact
that the things that used to bring me joy and used to work
for me to uplift my spirits may be shifting and they may be
changing. And I may be needing to uncover
what it is that I truly desire and what I truly want.
(02:16):
And I just don't fucking know what I want.
And I think my early 20s have been such a confronting of that,
you know, a confronting of what makes me happy.
And just how do I move through mental processes that make me
feel so low and so down? And how do I have the faith to
(02:38):
get through them when I feel so much doubt?
And today, I hope is a very honest episode for you guys.
I really just want to bear my heart and soul.
And the reason that I've been having the blockage to recording
is because I wasn't ready to process yet.
(02:59):
And there's so much that I want to talk about.
So much has happened and nothinghas happened at all.
How do you explain being in your20s?
Welcome to this new season of The 20 Something Diaries with
Skinny dubbing the podcast and Kayla Rose as well as special
guests along the way. I cannot wait to give you guys
(03:22):
this season. If you're new to the podcast,
just hit stumbled over myself, hit a little subscribe, hit a
little follow button wherever you're listening to the podcast
because you're not going to wantto miss this one.
And even if you're not in your 20s, like it is just so
relatable to feel like, what thefuck am I doing in life?
And I was going to call this season the curiosity era because
(03:44):
I really do believe that the medicine for the fear of the
unknown is in the curiosity. And when we meet ourselves with
conscious curiosity, that's whenour life actually begins to
change and when our life actually begins to shift.
And I've been having so many processes and I want to dive
into each one and just the lessons that I've been learning
throughout it. This episode may be a little
(04:06):
messy, a little all over the place.
I hope you have an open heart knowing that I'm going to bare
my fucking soul to you guys today.
But I know that you guys are my besties.
I know I can. I know I can trust you.
I'm holding out my hand to the camera right now because I'm
like, hold my hand through this.I think my whole life I've been
a very positive person and I think that's why battling, fuck,
(04:30):
I'm gonna cry fuck. I think that's why battling like
mental health has been like really hard for me.
And I don't even want to use theterm battling, but that's what
sometimes it feels like. I feel like, you know, as
somebody with undiagnosed ADHD, I've been learning about the
neuroscience of the brain and how, you know, we do have this
like dopamine imbalance in our brain naturally.
(04:51):
And in this, I can just feel really high highs and really low
lows. So after my birthday with my
friends, I, I honestly had the lowest two weeks that I've had
in years. And I always trust when I'm in
that process that I'm like, OK, this is the arrow pull back.
This is the contraction before the expansion.
But damn, when you're in it, it is hard to feel.
(05:12):
And I thought, that's why I havethis first lesson that I've been
learning recently in this process of being 20 something
and just figuring it the fuck out now is a 26 year old.
You know, I went through my early 20s and it was a very
explorative time. And now I'm getting to this
point where I'm like, what do I want?
What does bring me joy? And what I've learned is that
(05:36):
healing is not linear, right? We've heard that over and over
and over again. But what is healing?
Healing is a spiral. Sometimes you're like, I already
dealt with this shadow. I already dealt with this
limiting belief. I already confronted this.
I've already cried it out, movedit out, felt through it.
I've already done it. Why is it back again?
(05:56):
Why is this pain back again? And that's because healing is a
spiral. You return to it again so that
you can heal deeper, so that youcan shoot higher.
And I, I think that's what I've been realizing in these past
couple weeks and then this past month and a half, just feeling
like, why am I having these old patterns and these old habits
(06:18):
returning? And it's because God, universe,
source, your spirit guides, yourancestors, nature, the higher
consciousness, oneness that connects us all, whatever the
fuck you believe in. It's because that higher power
really does want us to be able to live out our greatest purpose
(06:39):
and our greatest fulfillment. And in order to do that, you
kind of have to go down to go up, right?
You have to move through the shadows.
You have to move through the pain.
And that's why we have to returnto it over and over again.
One of the pains that I returnedto during this month and 1/2 was
with my partner. And if you guys don't know, I've
been with my partner for nine years now.
(06:59):
It's fucking crazy because we'reso fucking young.
It's coming up on nine years, eight years, almost nine years
and damn, you learned so much having a mirror of a
relationship in front of you in your early 20s.
I don't think everyone's cut outfor honestly being in a long
term relationship because you will be confronted with your
(07:19):
shadows and you will want to move through them because you
have somebody who you believe isjust worth moving through it
with versus just being like, let's end this relationship and
try again with somebody new. Hobbs is really that person that
I want to move through it with, but God damn, it's so fucking
hard sometimes. And in this Venus retrograde,
we've been like, what do we want?
Because I'm going to own my shirt right now.
(07:41):
I can be the most hyper criticalfucking girlfriend in the world.
Like I can be so hard on Hobbs. And at the same time, I also
feel validity in my feelings. Maybe not my response or my tone
or the way that I convey it, butI do feel validity in my
feelings because sometimes I feel like I speak my needs.
I've given him the Bible to my heart and it's like my needs
(08:02):
aren't being met. But also, I do believe that
women can think of a million things at once and then just
have this very like, this is my new therapist.
She was telling me this. She's like, you have to
understand, like he can only focus on one thing at a time.
And Hobbes really does make sucha huge effort to meet all my
needs. I am a high maintenance girlie
(08:24):
and he knows that and he choosesto love me anyway.
And, you know, I feel really grateful for him no matter what
happens in our relationship. Like, I just love him so much
and I want to be better for him.And, you know, sometimes my tone
can come across really stark, really rude, really confronting.
(08:46):
And of course, if I come across in that tone, what I've been
learning is that of course somebody's going to get
defensive. And I don't know what it's from.
I don't know why I am this way necessarily.
But I've learned in these last couple weeks that maybe
understanding why you are the way you are isn't actually
(09:07):
beneficial for changing. Because I think it almost gives
our brain an excuse to continue acting on the same patterns that
are holding us back. If we're like, Oh well, I'm this
way because of like my childhoodand this happened and XYZ with
my parents. And it's almost like it creates
this excuse for us to continue our toxic behavior.
(09:27):
And I've learned like, I don't know why I am the way I am
sometimes. Like, I'm from a loving family,
like, and there are things that,you know, I wish were handled
differently in my childhood around my emotional regulation.
And I know that's why I am the way that I am.
But I'm realizing I don't need to remember the memories.
You know, in some therapies theyhave you bring up the memories.
(09:50):
And I do think there is a time and place for that.
But for me personally, I'm like,I just need to be really real,
not about the past, but about what I want moving forward.
And the second thing that I've been learning so deeply that my
best friend from college was telling me is that you catch
more bees with honey. And with my tone, with my
(10:12):
partner, I can just be just sucha bitch.
Honestly, I'm just going to own my shit for you guys.
I can be such a bitch. And I can return to this over
and over again. And I've gotten so much better.
But still, I was confronted justwith how I speak to people and
how I communicate. And the truth is that you do
(10:32):
catch more bees with honey. And if you're sweeter, I've
learned that you get your needs met.
If when I'm sweet to my partner,he doesn't blink an eye, he will
do whatever I ask. But it's when I come at him in
this way that's like, you haven't done this, you haven't
done this, you haven't done this.
And being hyper critical that he's like, what the fuck?
Now I have no motivation to actually do it for you because I
(10:53):
don't feel good in myself. I don't feel confident in
myself. You know, that's how my partner
feels. So I've learned that you catch
more bees with honey and that's why your tone is so incredibly
important. And you know, I think I'm a very
authentic person. Like I'm just not the type of
person to only be nice 'cause I'm trying to get my way.
So I have to really dig deep andbe like, OK, how do I, like tap
(11:17):
into this authentic sweetness? I don't want to just be sweet
'cause I'm trying to get my way.I want to do it in this
authentic way. So that's kind of what's been
going on with my relationship. I wanted to fill you guys in.
We went to couples therapy and Ilove my new therapist.
She's so grounded. And yeah, she taught me this
beautiful technique for emotional regulation tracking.
(11:40):
So this is the emotional regulation technique that she
taught me and I want to teach you guys.
So every single day you do this emotional tracking where you
check in, you take a deep breath, you close your eyes, you
tune into your body and you ask your body, how do you feel right
now? Just noticed.
You hear the birds in the back. I'm recording outside today.
I just love it. The chickens might start going
(12:02):
off soon at sunset. They get so wild around sunset.
So you're going to tap into yourbody and you're just going to
ask your body how it feels, if you have tightness in any areas,
any soreness, and just begin to notice.
And now you ask yourself, what are you feeling?
So maybe for me right now, I'm actually feeling a little
(12:24):
overwhelmed because I've been soavoidant of my work and so
avoidant of all the ways that I fund my life that I feel like
now I'm playing a game of catch up.
So I feel overwhelmed. And now you ask yourself, what
thought is attached to that? So for me, the thought that's
attached to it is, Oh my God, I'm so behind, right?
(12:46):
So just notice for yourself, what is the feeling?
Very simple. And now what is the thought
attached to that feeling? And just know and thank your
body for telling you because it wouldn't even it wouldn't have
even told you and brought up this emotion and this feeling
and this thought if it wasn't ready to clear and be
acknowledged in some way, shape or form.
(13:08):
And then sitting with it, I wantyou to ask yourself, what would
you rather feel? I would rather feel confident,
confident that I'm going to get it all done.
And now you ask yourself, what is the thought attached to that
feeling that you want to feel? So for me, I want to feel
confident. So the thought that would be
attached to that feeling is maybe all you can do is your
(13:31):
best and your best is good enough.
And I just repeat that to myself.
All you can do is your best and your best is good enough.
And that incites this feeling ofyou can do this confidence
within me. And so I just want you to do
this exercise with yourself a couple times this week and just
notice how it makes you feel. And then if you want to go even
one step further, doing a meditation and EFT tapping or
(13:55):
breath work will bring your vibration up after this.
And if you want classes, obviously, you know, I have all
the classes on the soul and progress community right now.
I feel like the three minute andthe 10 minute energizing and
soul connecting breath works have been the most popular as
well as the lucky girl syndrome affirmation for you to listen to
and literally brainwash yourselfinto abundance.
(14:15):
And I honestly have been loving the community guys.
It's so special. It is so incredibly special.
Also T I'm booking a house for the summer in Washington for the
retreat. And if you guys want just make
sure to DM me so I can make surethat I can send you all the info
because I think it's going to sell out pretty fast.
(14:36):
I have like 500 people on the wait list, but it's going to be
a magical experience and I cannot wait.
But if you want go check out theclasses because for me, what
I've realized is I really do need guidance and classes to
help ground myself. And that's totally OK.
There's nothing wrong with that.Sometimes I was like, well, I'm
a teacher so I need to do it on my own.
But it's like, no, sometimes having a holding hand to guide
(14:57):
you through it is amazing. So if you want to join the
community, it's only $10 a monthand you can join below.
And it's also amazing because you can, it's like Instagram
where you can like share your life, share your photos, like
share your thoughts. But then it's like sub stack,
like I want you guys to share poetry, share essays, share your
art. And this month we are doing the
hobbies challenge. So that's what I've also been
really realizing. So let's move on to .3 is that
(15:21):
I'm like, what the fuck brings me joy anymore?
Like I was crying and grieving and being like, where is my joy?
And I've just been so honestly attached to my addictions like
my phone and weed. And I've just been so hard on
myself in the process. But the truth is, I asked
myself, I actually have, it's funny, it just popped up my
(15:43):
journal entry from when I was processing this by myself,
processing this by myself. And I asked myself, what is
stopping me from accessing joy? And this is the question I want
you to journal on. What is stopping you from
accessing joy? And I think #1 the thing that
was stopping me from accessing joy is #1 chasing the shoulds of
(16:04):
success. I think I've been really caught
up, especially in this like, influencer social media world
and, you know, seeing people whoare old friends of mine or
current friends of mine in that space and what they're doing.
I, you know, I'm a nature girl. I'm in Hawaii.
Like, this is my life. This is what makes me happy.
And I know I want to continue totravel and explore cities, but I
(16:26):
want to be here 'cause like, my family's here, my partner's
here. And I do just have this
conflictedness within me. It's like, should I live this
extravagant life where I'm goingto these premieres and parties
and like wanting that, you know,but then also knowing that
that's not actually what I really desire and what I
actually really want, but also allowing myself to have it when
I want it. And that's OK.
(16:47):
And I think the key here is it doesn't matter what I do.
There should be no shoulds. When it comes to success, there
are no shoulds. It's just whatever personally
brings me joy and that's what fucking matters #2.
What I realized what was stopping me from accessing joy
was thinking that joy and play was frivolous.
Like I was like, I need to get everything done before I can
play. I need to get everything done
(17:08):
before I can play guitar and be in my joy.
But it's like, no, that should be my actually my first
priority. If that's going to light me up
and then give me energy and motivation to pour towards my
work and pour towards my habits.It's like flay.
So I want you guys to know it isnot fucking frivolous to play.
It is not fucking frivolous to access your joy.
Your joy should be a priority. It is so incredibly important.
(17:32):
And finally, I realized when I was reflecting for myself in
this process of, you know, just thinking about joy and what I
want and what actually brings mejoy anymore, I realized
something that was keeping me from accessing my joy was the
fear. The fear of the high highs and
the low lows, especially after my birthday and being so high on
(17:55):
a living life. Joy on a boat with my friends,
feeling amazing surrounded by the people that love me most.
And then feeling that crash and that emptiness and just knowing
I've experienced those high highs and low lows my entire
life. That sometimes I feel like I
have a subconscious fear and blockage around joy because I'm
scared of the low lows that comeafter the high highs.
(18:16):
And you know, I'm just deciding that it's not worth it, you
know, like it's not worth it to withhold joy from myself just
because I'm scared of the low lows.
And to allow myself to have the high highs and to do the things
(18:36):
that I know ground me in my bodylike breath work, like
meditation, like the gym, like Pilates, like eating protein
and, and making sure my body is healthy, making sure my body is
grounded. My feet are in the earth making
sure that I'm, you know, going outside and getting sunlight
before going on my phone and my computer and working.
All these very basic things are things that I struggle with,
(18:58):
things that I know I need. Why am I having a hard time?
And yet the guilt and the shame just puts me in the box.
It doesn't free me. It doesn't make me want to do
the things more right. The guilt and the shame doesn't
make me want to eat high proteinmore.
It doesn't make me want to go tothe gym more.
It just puts me in this box where I feel like I'm a fucking
(19:18):
mime and I can't get out. And that's why I'm just
realizing that some days when I don't have it in me, you know, I
just need to focus on the bare fucking minimum.
I need to focus on just feeding myself, getting enough sleep and
(19:39):
moving my body. And I've been having the deepest
trust with my relationship to finances and money because, you
know, I have made a lot of moneydoing what I love, I'm not going
to lie. But I also spend a lot of money
on travel, on my life, on all the healing things that I love.
And it kind of like caught up tome.
(20:01):
And I was really stressed for a while about my finances.
And I realized it has such an incredible, not incredible, a
terrible fucking effect on your mental health to be struggling
with finances. And it gave me such.
Empathy for my friends that haveexperienced that and the people
that I love that feel in that fear and, you know, being scared
(20:24):
where they're going to be able to pay, if they're going to be
able to pay for rent or if they're going to be able to pay
for food. And I realized, you know,
finances do have a big impact onmental health.
And it was incredibly depleting for me to be like, I've poured
everything into this and what I do and why isn't it giving back
to me and the abundance that I need.
(20:46):
But then I just realized I was thinking too small.
And I was like, really pigeon holding myself.
I was pigeon holding myself thateverything that I'm doing with
you guys on social media needs to be my main providing source
when the truth is it's my fucking passion.
I don't want like I do want it to be my main source of income
eventually, but also I just wantit to make me happy because I'm
(21:07):
helping people. And it made me realize, OK,
maybe I need to get, you know, some more photography jobs, some
more wedding jobs and get into that again or get into doing
like social media marketing for other companies that don't have
to do with me. And immediately when I or
podcast camp and doing that, because that's so fun and that
lights me up. And it's, it's a really great
way to create financial abundance for myself.
(21:29):
And you know, I realized I was thinking too small.
And this is your sign. If you are thinking too small,
if you're like, Oh my God, like I can't find a way out, blah,
blah, blah. It's like, no, you're just not
actually looking in all the places.
You're only looking in front of you.
Take a 360 look around you and realize all the options that you
have and realize that you have choice.
(21:49):
You have option. You can choose another way.
Just because you thought you wanted something before doesn't
mean that you have to continue on.
It's actually a very healthy thing if you learn how to let go
of the dream that you thought you wanted to actually give
yourself what now, the current version of you truly wants.
That's healthy. That's a good thing.
(22:10):
And I know there's so many thoughts today.
I know it's all over the place. Let's see what else we got.
This is why I'm calling this the20 Something Diaries season
because it's going to be a mix of amazing guests, but also like
rants like this where I'm just sharing kind of my processes and
my mental health processes and how I'm moving through it, you
know, and I want to share the tools and then also share the
(22:33):
honesty. What else did I want to share
with you guys? OK, what did I do when I was
feeling like, what brings me joy?
What do I want? What do I want to do for work?
I'm always going to come back toit.
But the project mindset truly has changed my life because
instead of thinking, Oh my God, I need to create this big
career. And then I'm thinking in a 510
year plan like that paralyzes me, that puts me in complete
(22:57):
paralysis. And So what I need is to be
like, OK, what are the projects that I'm working on in the next
one to two months? Can I just focus on fun projects
that will make me money, but it will also light me up.
And focusing on projects just really allows me to remove the
blockages and remove the paralysis and be like, OK, let's
(23:17):
go. So I wrote down the projects
that I want to work on. Retreats is number one.
I'm so excited. 2 is I really want to keep writing music and I
really want to produce my first song.
Another one is I want to do a new photo shoot for the skinny
dipping cover. I want to play around with
(23:38):
creating an app because I reallywant my community to eventually
be an app and I want to focus onthis guest season and having
amazing guests on that changes your guys's lives with our
conversation. So for me, I realized, OK, I
watched this neuroscience seminar that Emon on the brain
(24:00):
did. I don't know if you guys follow
her, but I literally love her. And she did a free neuroscience
session when I was in my crash out mode, when I was in my like
low, low crash out mode, stayinghome for five days in a row,
like not able to take care of myself vibe like a couple weeks
ago. And I was like, OK, I this is
what I'm gonna do for myself. So just know if you're ever
feeling that way, doing something for yourself like
(24:21):
taking a workshop or taking a class does put you back in your
power and does put you back in your highest energy.
And it was such a helpful seminar for me.
And one of the things that she talks about is the best way to
hack your brain for dopamine is actually through anticipation.
And I realized in that moment that what my life was missing
was looking forward to something.
(24:42):
Life is better when you have something to look forward to.
And anticipation is the hack to true, clean, healthy dopamine
that lights your soul on fire. I was thinking about one of my
best friends and she has such a positive mindset and I always
feel so inspired by her. And she always says something
good is right around the corner.She's like, I just feel it.
(25:03):
Something good is right around the corner.
And for me, I was like, wow. By teaching her brain every
single day to look forward to the positive surprises of life.
That is how you create this positive anticipation.
And I think that is really the medicine to anxiety because I
think with any, you know, mentalstruggle or mental pain, I don't
(25:27):
think, you know, taking it away is the option is, is the best
option for me personally. I think actually adding
healthier things to it to the point where you know, the
unhealthy or toxic responses no longer exist is the best way, in
my opinion, to really change your mindset and change your
programming. So instead of being like, I
don't want to feel anxiety, instead it's like today I'm
(25:48):
going to focus on anticipating and thinking about all the great
things that are coming for me. And anticipation is just key.
And also, hobbies are key. I realized my hobby is now the
beach. Like I don't go to the beach
enough and I am so lucky to be by the ocean.
And I used to do it every day and it made me so happy.
(26:09):
And sometimes, I'm not going to lie, I do things.
I don't do things that'll make me happy because I want to sit
in my victim mode and I'm done. I'm fucking done.
I'm fucking over at Venus. Retrograde taught me that what
my values truly are is to enjoy life.
I am meant as a Venus in Taurus to truly fucking indulge in
(26:30):
life. And you are to whatever your
placement is. Your Venus sign is trying to
tell you, can we indulge in life?
Can we indulge in the sweetness?And that's what returns that
feeling to your body of just feeling like you have your spark
back. And that's what was wrong with
me. I felt like my spark was just
gone and it was making me sad. And then I was guilting myself
(26:50):
and I was just caught in the rut.
And what I realized is that anticipation and having things
to look forward to literally changes your life.
And the fifth thing I wanted, Sowe talked about healing is a
spiral #1 let's recap number 20.I didn't talk about that one.
(27:10):
We talked about my relationship and how you catch more bees with
honey. We talked about anticipation.
We talked about values. We talked about, you know,
finances and how that impacts your mental health and
encouraging yourself to look in a 360 way around you and realize
you have more options than you realize.
Like if you can teach your brainthat you can create money out of
(27:31):
thin air and opportunities out of thin air that will provide
for you, like your life will change 'cause that's what social
media, content creation, photography, that's what it did
for me. It taught me that whenever I
ask, God gives, the universe gives.
Like I was like, I want to get back into photography the next
day. I booked an $1800 shoot for May.
Like no matter how much I doubt,no matter how much so many
(27:51):
doubts come up, the universe always comes to me and is like,
no, here look, you can manifest whatever you want.
You are the creator of your own reality, like, and you have to
just ask and speak out loud. You have to give permission to
your guides, give permission to the angels, give permission to
the universe to assist you in this, and you will receive, you
(28:13):
will receive what you desire, I promise.
Some things I also wanted to talk about was to never lose
your innocence and to tap into the curiosity and wonderment of
play. And we did talk about that.
We talked about how play isn't frivolous and it's important and
it's necessary and it's beautiful.
And finally, the last thing I wrote down is I asked for
(28:35):
abundance. Oh, because I said to myself, I
was like, this is the year that I, you know, manifest this
amount of money and then I create this financial abundance
for myself and my business. And of course, the moment that I
asked it in January, I asked theuniverse for this.
As soon as I asked for abundance, the universe
delivered me a challenge. And that's because in order to
(28:55):
expand, I had to fully look at all the ways that I felt so
fucking insecure and I had to not even move through them.
I had to literally sit with themand look at them and stare at
them and be like, honestly, you don't scare me.
Like you make me feel like shit,honestly, insecurities.
(29:16):
You make me question myself. You make me doubt myself, but
you don't scare me anymore because I know that I can move
past it. I know I can move past whatever.
And I have faith. And I think when I was asking
for abundance and I was given a challenge, it's kind of like the
universe wanted to teach me to have faith in the process.
And I hope this can help you in any way that you're
(29:37):
experiencing. I know I talked a lot about
myself today and you know I don't do that in all my
episodes, but I just hope that you can see yourself in slivers
of me. I hope you can find messages for
yourself. I hope you listen to the
downloads that are coming through for you now in this
current moment because those downloads are trying to tell you
something. They're trying to tell your soul
(29:58):
something shining like Venus. And I wrote down, it's not about
riding yourself of fear. It's about knowing that the
unconditional love of God and the universe is louder than
fear. And that fucking changed my
life. I love you guys so much.
Go join the community. I feel like if you go join the
community, you it's a perfect place to share your thoughts.
(30:20):
You can even share like your ownmini podcast episodes, your own
mini voice memos that you wanna share.
And you know how I'm sharing? It feels so good to externally
process in this way. Write a little sub stack or
create a little mood board or write a poem about how you feel
about this episode and share it in the community on the soul and
progress community. There's a 7 day free trial and
(30:40):
then it's $10 a month and then there's also a $25 tier that has
live calls and then there's a $47 tier that's tier 3 that is
the inner soul circle. And with that you actually get a
tarot reading and an EFT tappingsession every single month.
There's a couple girls in that now.
I would love for you to do that.I feel like yeah, a couple of
(31:03):
you can join, but I might have to cut it off off after a couple
tarot readings and after a couple signups.
So go jump into that now if you are interested in getting that
personalized tarot reading for you and that personalized Oracle
reading for you each month. I can only handle so much, but
it is Oh my God, every single time I do a tarot reading, the
girl, the girls respond and they're like, Oh my God, this is
(31:23):
so accurate. You said this exact same thing
that related to this synchronicity XYZ like so the
messages are coming through. So if you need some support, you
can join that tier if you want, or if you want the live calls,
whatever, it doesn't really matter.
But I want to see you in the community because it is such a
special place. Seeing the girls share about all
their new hobbies because this month we're talking about
hobbies, has been so incredibly beautiful.
(31:46):
And yeah, I love you guys so much.
You're inherently fucking worthy.
And I just hope whatever processyou're in at whatever age you
are, my prayer for you in this moment is that you realize that
you have the strength to move through it and that your faith
and love is stronger than the doubts and stronger than the
fear because you are made of love.
(32:08):
You know, you are literally madeof love.
You are made of love. Sit with that for a second.
How good does that feel? I love you guys.
I'm going to get out of here. Make sure to share this episode
with somebody that you love. Make sure to, you know, do a
little copy, link and send it helps the episode.
Make sure to like rate drop comments if you're on Apple
(32:30):
podcast drop like reviews. If you're on Apple podcast drop
on Spotify, like comments about how you felt about the episode.
Am I missing anything? Oh, and share on Instagram,
share on Instagram, tag me at skinny dipping Diaries at
Sundays KK so I can see where you're listening.
OK, love you. I'm going to go watch sunset and
(32:51):
smoke a joint. Bye.
Literally what the fuck is beingin your 20s?
When I look at this last month specifically, Venus retrograde,
we had Venus retrograde, we had Mercury retrograde.
And whether you believe in astrology and the effect the
planets have on you or not, likeyou cannot deny the collective
shadows we have been facing overthe last, I don't know, month
(00:23):
and a half, two months. Everybody in my life, I look at
them and it's like whatever the shadow was that they were
avoiding, that was holding them back from their most vibrant
self was shot to the surface anduncovered in such a rogue and
rude way. And it's like, you can't ignore
(00:46):
it anymore. You can't ignore this fucking
shadow in front of you. And I feel like that's what
being in my 20s has felt like. What is up, guys?
I am Kayla Rose, your host of Skinny Dipping and welcome back
today Wear My Backyard if you'rewatching the video on Spotify.
(01:09):
First of all, I just want to thank you guys for being so
patient. I know I took a couple weeks off
and I always miss you guys, but sometimes I have this blockage
and I've been confronting so many blockages within myself.
I think as somebody who used to be, quote UN quote, A gifted
child growing up, there was a lot of pressure and expectations
(01:31):
around my productivity. And in that, I think in the last
five years in my early 20s, right?
I just turned 26 on March 22nd, had the craziest time with my
best friends and had the hugest come down from it because I was
filled with all this joy, all this play.
And then I returned to my life and I was like whoa, what does
(01:55):
bring me joy? And just tapping into my current
situation and being like what inmy day-to-day life brings me
joy? And honestly, grieving the fact
that the things that used to bring me joy and used to work
for me to uplift my spirits may be shifting and they may be
changing. And I may be needing to uncover
what it is that I truly desire and what I truly want.
(02:16):
And I just don't fucking know what I want.
And I think my early 20s have been such a confronting of that,
you know, a confronting of what makes me happy.
And just how do I move through mental processes that make me
feel so low and so down? And how do I have the faith to
(02:38):
get through them when I feel so much doubt?
And today, I hope is a very honest episode for you guys.
I really just want to bear my heart and soul.
And the reason that I've been having the blockage to recording
is because I wasn't ready to process yet.
(02:59):
And there's so much that I want to talk about.
So much has happened and nothinghas happened at all.
How do you explain being in your20s?
Welcome to this new season of The 20 Something Diaries with
Skinny dubbing the podcast and Kayla Rose as well as special
guests along the way. I cannot wait to give you guys
(03:22):
this season. If you're new to the podcast,
just hit stumbled over myself, hit a little subscribe, hit a
little follow button wherever you're listening to the podcast
because you're not going to wantto miss this one.
And even if you're not in your 20s, like it is just so
relatable to feel like, what thefuck am I doing in life?
And I was going to call this season the curiosity era because
(03:44):
I really do believe that the medicine for the fear of the
unknown is in the curiosity. And when we meet ourselves with
conscious curiosity, that's whenour life actually begins to
change and when our life actually begins to shift.
And I've been having so many processes and I want to dive
into each one and just the lessons that I've been learning
throughout it. This episode may be a little
(04:06):
messy, a little all over the place.
I hope you have an open heart knowing that I'm going to bare
my fucking soul to you guys today.
But I know that you guys are my besties.
I know I can. I know I can trust you.
I'm holding out my hand to the camera right now because I'm
like, hold my hand through this.I think my whole life I've been
a very positive person and I think that's why battling, fuck,
(04:30):
I'm gonna cry fuck. I think that's why battling like
mental health has been like really hard for me.
And I don't even want to use theterm battling, but that's what
sometimes it feels like. I feel like, you know, as
somebody with undiagnosed ADHD, I've been learning about the
neuroscience of the brain and how, you know, we do have this
like dopamine imbalance in our brain naturally.
(04:51):
And in this, I can just feel really high highs and really low
lows. So after my birthday with my
friends, I, I honestly had the lowest two weeks that I've had
in years. And I always trust when I'm in
that process that I'm like, OK, this is the arrow pull back.
This is the contraction before the expansion.
But damn, when you're in it, it is hard to feel.
(05:12):
And I thought, that's why I havethis first lesson that I've been
learning recently in this process of being 20 something
and just figuring it the fuck out now is a 26 year old.
You know, I went through my early 20s and it was a very
explorative time. And now I'm getting to this
point where I'm like, what do I want?
What does bring me joy? And what I've learned is that
(05:36):
healing is not linear, right? We've heard that over and over
and over again. But what is healing?
Healing is a spiral. Sometimes you're like, I already
dealt with this shadow. I already dealt with this
limiting belief. I already confronted this.
I've already cried it out, movedit out, felt through it.
I've already done it. Why is it back again?
(05:56):
Why is this pain back again? And that's because healing is a
spiral. You return to it again so that
you can heal deeper, so that youcan shoot higher.
And I, I think that's what I've been realizing in these past
couple weeks and then this past month and a half, just feeling
like, why am I having these old patterns and these old habits
(06:18):
returning? And it's because God, universe,
source, your spirit guides, yourancestors, nature, the higher
consciousness, oneness that connects us all, whatever the
fuck you believe in. It's because that higher power
really does want us to be able to live out our greatest purpose
(06:39):
and our greatest fulfillment. And in order to do that, you
kind of have to go down to go up, right?
You have to move through the shadows.
You have to move through the pain.
And that's why we have to returnto it over and over again.
One of the pains that I returnedto during this month and 1/2 was
with my partner. And if you guys don't know, I've
been with my partner for nine years now.
(06:59):
It's fucking crazy because we'reso fucking young.
It's coming up on nine years, eight years, almost nine years
and damn, you learned so much having a mirror of a
relationship in front of you in your early 20s.
I don't think everyone's cut outfor honestly being in a long
term relationship because you will be confronted with your
(07:19):
shadows and you will want to move through them because you
have somebody who you believe isjust worth moving through it
with versus just being like, let's end this relationship and
try again with somebody new. Hobbs is really that person that
I want to move through it with, but God damn, it's so fucking
hard sometimes. And in this Venus retrograde,
we've been like, what do we want?
Because I'm going to own my shirt right now.
(07:41):
I can be the most hyper criticalfucking girlfriend in the world.
Like I can be so hard on Hobbs. And at the same time, I also
feel validity in my feelings. Maybe not my response or my tone
or the way that I convey it, butI do feel validity in my
feelings because sometimes I feel like I speak my needs.
I've given him the Bible to my heart and it's like my needs
(08:02):
aren't being met. But also, I do believe that
women can think of a million things at once and then just
have this very like, this is my new therapist.
She was telling me this. She's like, you have to
understand, like he can only focus on one thing at a time.
And Hobbes really does make sucha huge effort to meet all my
needs. I am a high maintenance girlie
(08:24):
and he knows that and he choosesto love me anyway.
And, you know, I feel really grateful for him no matter what
happens in our relationship. Like, I just love him so much
and I want to be better for him.And, you know, sometimes my tone
can come across really stark, really rude, really confronting.
(08:46):
And of course, if I come across in that tone, what I've been
learning is that of course somebody's going to get
defensive. And I don't know what it's from.
I don't know why I am this way necessarily.
But I've learned in these last couple weeks that maybe
understanding why you are the way you are isn't actually
(09:07):
beneficial for changing. Because I think it almost gives
our brain an excuse to continue acting on the same patterns that
are holding us back. If we're like, Oh well, I'm this
way because of like my childhoodand this happened and XYZ with
my parents. And it's almost like it creates
this excuse for us to continue our toxic behavior.
(09:27):
And I've learned like, I don't know why I am the way I am
sometimes. Like, I'm from a loving family,
like, and there are things that,you know, I wish were handled
differently in my childhood around my emotional regulation.
And I know that's why I am the way that I am.
But I'm realizing I don't need to remember the memories.
You know, in some therapies theyhave you bring up the memories.
(09:50):
And I do think there is a time and place for that.
But for me personally, I'm like,I just need to be really real,
not about the past, but about what I want moving forward.
And the second thing that I've been learning so deeply that my
best friend from college was telling me is that you catch
more bees with honey. And with my tone, with my
(10:12):
partner, I can just be just sucha bitch.
Honestly, I'm just going to own my shit for you guys.
I can be such a bitch. And I can return to this over
and over again. And I've gotten so much better.
But still, I was confronted justwith how I speak to people and
how I communicate. And the truth is that you do
(10:32):
catch more bees with honey. And if you're sweeter, I've
learned that you get your needs met.
If when I'm sweet to my partner,he doesn't blink an eye, he will
do whatever I ask. But it's when I come at him in
this way that's like, you haven't done this, you haven't
done this, you haven't done this.
And being hyper critical that he's like, what the fuck?
Now I have no motivation to actually do it for you because I
(10:53):
don't feel good in myself. I don't feel confident in
myself. You know, that's how my partner
feels. So I've learned that you catch
more bees with honey and that's why your tone is so incredibly
important. And you know, I think I'm a very
authentic person. Like I'm just not the type of
person to only be nice 'cause I'm trying to get my way.
So I have to really dig deep andbe like, OK, how do I, like tap
(11:17):
into this authentic sweetness? I don't want to just be sweet
'cause I'm trying to get my way.I want to do it in this
authentic way. So that's kind of what's been
going on with my relationship. I wanted to fill you guys in.
We went to couples therapy and Ilove my new therapist.
She's so grounded. And yeah, she taught me this
beautiful technique for emotional regulation tracking.
(11:40):
So this is the emotional regulation technique that she
taught me and I want to teach you guys.
So every single day you do this emotional tracking where you
check in, you take a deep breath, you close your eyes, you
tune into your body and you ask your body, how do you feel right
now? Just noticed.
You hear the birds in the back. I'm recording outside today.
I just love it. The chickens might start going
(12:02):
off soon at sunset. They get so wild around sunset.
So you're going to tap into yourbody and you're just going to
ask your body how it feels, if you have tightness in any areas,
any soreness, and just begin to notice.
And now you ask yourself, what are you feeling?
So maybe for me right now, I'm actually feeling a little
(12:24):
overwhelmed because I've been soavoidant of my work and so
avoidant of all the ways that I fund my life that I feel like
now I'm playing a game of catch up.
So I feel overwhelmed. And now you ask yourself, what
thought is attached to that? So for me, the thought that's
attached to it is, Oh my God, I'm so behind, right?
(12:46):
So just notice for yourself, what is the feeling?
Very simple. And now what is the thought
attached to that feeling? And just know and thank your
body for telling you because it wouldn't even it wouldn't have
even told you and brought up this emotion and this feeling
and this thought if it wasn't ready to clear and be
acknowledged in some way, shape or form.
(13:08):
And then sitting with it, I wantyou to ask yourself, what would
you rather feel? I would rather feel confident,
confident that I'm going to get it all done.
And now you ask yourself, what is the thought attached to that
feeling that you want to feel? So for me, I want to feel
confident. So the thought that would be
attached to that feeling is maybe all you can do is your
(13:31):
best and your best is good enough.
And I just repeat that to myself.
All you can do is your best and your best is good enough.
And that incites this feeling ofyou can do this confidence
within me. And so I just want you to do
this exercise with yourself a couple times this week and just
notice how it makes you feel. And then if you want to go even
one step further, doing a meditation and EFT tapping or
(13:55):
breath work will bring your vibration up after this.
And if you want classes, obviously, you know, I have all
the classes on the soul and progress community right now.
I feel like the three minute andthe 10 minute energizing and
soul connecting breath works have been the most popular as
well as the lucky girl syndrome affirmation for you to listen to
and literally brainwash yourselfinto abundance.
(14:15):
And I honestly have been loving the community guys.
It's so special. It is so incredibly special.
Also T I'm booking a house for the summer in Washington for the
retreat. And if you guys want just make
sure to DM me so I can make surethat I can send you all the info
because I think it's going to sell out pretty fast.
(14:36):
I have like 500 people on the wait list, but it's going to be
a magical experience and I cannot wait.
But if you want go check out theclasses because for me, what
I've realized is I really do need guidance and classes to
help ground myself. And that's totally OK.
There's nothing wrong with that.Sometimes I was like, well, I'm
a teacher so I need to do it on my own.
But it's like, no, sometimes having a holding hand to guide
(14:57):
you through it is amazing. So if you want to join the
community, it's only $10 a monthand you can join below.
And it's also amazing because you can, it's like Instagram
where you can like share your life, share your photos, like
share your thoughts. But then it's like sub stack,
like I want you guys to share poetry, share essays, share your
art. And this month we are doing the
hobbies challenge. So that's what I've also been
really realizing. So let's move on to .3 is that
(15:21):
I'm like, what the fuck brings me joy anymore?
Like I was crying and grieving and being like, where is my joy?
And I've just been so honestly attached to my addictions like
my phone and weed. And I've just been so hard on
myself in the process. But the truth is, I asked
myself, I actually have, it's funny, it just popped up my
(15:43):
journal entry from when I was processing this by myself,
processing this by myself. And I asked myself, what is
stopping me from accessing joy? And this is the question I want
you to journal on. What is stopping you from
accessing joy? And I think #1 the thing that
was stopping me from accessing joy is #1 chasing the shoulds of
(16:04):
success. I think I've been really caught
up, especially in this like, influencer social media world
and, you know, seeing people whoare old friends of mine or
current friends of mine in that space and what they're doing.
I, you know, I'm a nature girl. I'm in Hawaii.
Like, this is my life. This is what makes me happy.
And I know I want to continue totravel and explore cities, but I
(16:26):
want to be here 'cause like, my family's here, my partner's
here. And I do just have this
conflictedness within me. It's like, should I live this
extravagant life where I'm goingto these premieres and parties
and like wanting that, you know,but then also knowing that
that's not actually what I really desire and what I
actually really want, but also allowing myself to have it when
I want it. And that's OK.
(16:47):
And I think the key here is it doesn't matter what I do.
There should be no shoulds. When it comes to success, there
are no shoulds. It's just whatever personally
brings me joy and that's what fucking matters #2.
What I realized what was stopping me from accessing joy
was thinking that joy and play was frivolous.
Like I was like, I need to get everything done before I can
play. I need to get everything done
(17:08):
before I can play guitar and be in my joy.
But it's like, no, that should be my actually my first
priority. If that's going to light me up
and then give me energy and motivation to pour towards my
work and pour towards my habits.It's like flay.
So I want you guys to know it isnot fucking frivolous to play.
It is not fucking frivolous to access your joy.
Your joy should be a priority. It is so incredibly important.
(17:32):
And finally, I realized when I was reflecting for myself in
this process of, you know, just thinking about joy and what I
want and what actually brings mejoy anymore, I realized
something that was keeping me from accessing my joy was the
fear. The fear of the high highs and
the low lows, especially after my birthday and being so high on
(17:55):
a living life. Joy on a boat with my friends,
feeling amazing surrounded by the people that love me most.
And then feeling that crash and that emptiness and just knowing
I've experienced those high highs and low lows my entire
life. That sometimes I feel like I
have a subconscious fear and blockage around joy because I'm
scared of the low lows that comeafter the high highs.
(18:16):
And you know, I'm just deciding that it's not worth it, you
know, like it's not worth it to withhold joy from myself just
because I'm scared of the low lows.
And to allow myself to have the high highs and to do the things
(18:36):
that I know ground me in my bodylike breath work, like
meditation, like the gym, like Pilates, like eating protein
and, and making sure my body is healthy, making sure my body is
grounded. My feet are in the earth making
sure that I'm, you know, going outside and getting sunlight
before going on my phone and my computer and working.
All these very basic things are things that I struggle with,
(18:58):
things that I know I need. Why am I having a hard time?
And yet the guilt and the shame just puts me in the box.
It doesn't free me. It doesn't make me want to do
the things more right. The guilt and the shame doesn't
make me want to eat high proteinmore.
It doesn't make me want to go tothe gym more.
It just puts me in this box where I feel like I'm a fucking
(19:18):
mime and I can't get out. And that's why I'm just
realizing that some days when I don't have it in me, you know, I
just need to focus on the bare fucking minimum.
I need to focus on just feeding myself, getting enough sleep and
(19:39):
moving my body. And I've been having the deepest
trust with my relationship to finances and money because, you
know, I have made a lot of moneydoing what I love, I'm not going
to lie. But I also spend a lot of money
on travel, on my life, on all the healing things that I love.
And it kind of like caught up tome.
(20:01):
And I was really stressed for a while about my finances.
And I realized it has such an incredible, not incredible, a
terrible fucking effect on your mental health to be struggling
with finances. And it gave me such.
Empathy for my friends that haveexperienced that and the people
that I love that feel in that fear and, you know, being scared
(20:24):
where they're going to be able to pay, if they're going to be
able to pay for rent or if they're going to be able to pay
for food. And I realized, you know,
finances do have a big impact onmental health.
And it was incredibly depleting for me to be like, I've poured
everything into this and what I do and why isn't it giving back
to me and the abundance that I need.
(20:46):
But then I just realized I was thinking too small.
And I was like, really pigeon holding myself.
I was pigeon holding myself thateverything that I'm doing with
you guys on social media needs to be my main providing source
when the truth is it's my fucking passion.
I don't want like I do want it to be my main source of income
eventually, but also I just wantit to make me happy because I'm
(21:07):
helping people. And it made me realize, OK,
maybe I need to get, you know, some more photography jobs, some
more wedding jobs and get into that again or get into doing
like social media marketing for other companies that don't have
to do with me. And immediately when I or
podcast camp and doing that, because that's so fun and that
lights me up. And it's, it's a really great
way to create financial abundance for myself.
(21:29):
And you know, I realized I was thinking too small.
And this is your sign. If you are thinking too small,
if you're like, Oh my God, like I can't find a way out, blah,
blah, blah. It's like, no, you're just not
actually looking in all the places.
You're only looking in front of you.
Take a 360 look around you and realize all the options that you
have and realize that you have choice.
(21:49):
You have option. You can choose another way.
Just because you thought you wanted something before doesn't
mean that you have to continue on.
It's actually a very healthy thing if you learn how to let go
of the dream that you thought you wanted to actually give
yourself what now, the current version of you truly wants.
That's healthy. That's a good thing.
(22:10):
And I know there's so many thoughts today.
I know it's all over the place. Let's see what else we got.
This is why I'm calling this the20 Something Diaries season
because it's going to be a mix of amazing guests, but also like
rants like this where I'm just sharing kind of my processes and
my mental health processes and how I'm moving through it, you
know, and I want to share the tools and then also share the
(22:33):
honesty. What else did I want to share
with you guys? OK, what did I do when I was
feeling like, what brings me joy?
What do I want? What do I want to do for work?
I'm always going to come back toit.
But the project mindset truly has changed my life because
instead of thinking, Oh my God, I need to create this big
career. And then I'm thinking in a 510
year plan like that paralyzes me, that puts me in complete
(22:57):
paralysis. And So what I need is to be
like, OK, what are the projects that I'm working on in the next
one to two months? Can I just focus on fun projects
that will make me money, but it will also light me up.
And focusing on projects just really allows me to remove the
blockages and remove the paralysis and be like, OK, let's
(23:17):
go. So I wrote down the projects
that I want to work on. Retreats is number one.
I'm so excited. 2 is I really want to keep writing music and I
really want to produce my first song.
Another one is I want to do a new photo shoot for the skinny
dipping cover. I want to play around with
(23:38):
creating an app because I reallywant my community to eventually
be an app and I want to focus onthis guest season and having
amazing guests on that changes your guys's lives with our
conversation. So for me, I realized, OK, I
watched this neuroscience seminar that Emon on the brain
(24:00):
did. I don't know if you guys follow
her, but I literally love her. And she did a free neuroscience
session when I was in my crash out mode, when I was in my like
low, low crash out mode, stayinghome for five days in a row,
like not able to take care of myself vibe like a couple weeks
ago. And I was like, OK, I this is
what I'm gonna do for myself. So just know if you're ever
feeling that way, doing something for yourself like
(24:21):
taking a workshop or taking a class does put you back in your
power and does put you back in your highest energy.
And it was such a helpful seminar for me.
And one of the things that she talks about is the best way to
hack your brain for dopamine is actually through anticipation.
And I realized in that moment that what my life was missing
was looking forward to something.
(24:42):
Life is better when you have something to look forward to.
And anticipation is the hack to true, clean, healthy dopamine
that lights your soul on fire. I was thinking about one of my
best friends and she has such a positive mindset and I always
feel so inspired by her. And she always says something
good is right around the corner.She's like, I just feel it.
(25:03):
Something good is right around the corner.
And for me, I was like, wow. By teaching her brain every
single day to look forward to the positive surprises of life.
That is how you create this positive anticipation.
And I think that is really the medicine to anxiety because I
think with any, you know, mentalstruggle or mental pain, I don't
(25:27):
think, you know, taking it away is the option is, is the best
option for me personally. I think actually adding
healthier things to it to the point where you know, the
unhealthy or toxic responses no longer exist is the best way, in
my opinion, to really change your mindset and change your
programming. So instead of being like, I
don't want to feel anxiety, instead it's like today I'm
(25:48):
going to focus on anticipating and thinking about all the great
things that are coming for me. And anticipation is just key.
And also, hobbies are key. I realized my hobby is now the
beach. Like I don't go to the beach
enough and I am so lucky to be by the ocean.
And I used to do it every day and it made me so happy.
(26:09):
And sometimes, I'm not going to lie, I do things.
I don't do things that'll make me happy because I want to sit
in my victim mode and I'm done. I'm fucking done.
I'm fucking over at Venus. Retrograde taught me that what
my values truly are is to enjoy life.
I am meant as a Venus in Taurus to truly fucking indulge in
(26:30):
life. And you are to whatever your
placement is. Your Venus sign is trying to
tell you, can we indulge in life?
Can we indulge in the sweetness?And that's what returns that
feeling to your body of just feeling like you have your spark
back. And that's what was wrong with
me. I felt like my spark was just
gone and it was making me sad. And then I was guilting myself
(26:50):
and I was just caught in the rut.
And what I realized is that anticipation and having things
to look forward to literally changes your life.
And the fifth thing I wanted, Sowe talked about healing is a
spiral #1 let's recap number 20.I didn't talk about that one.
(27:10):
We talked about my relationship and how you catch more bees with
honey. We talked about anticipation.
We talked about values. We talked about, you know,
finances and how that impacts your mental health and
encouraging yourself to look in a 360 way around you and realize
you have more options than you realize.
Like if you can teach your brainthat you can create money out of
(27:31):
thin air and opportunities out of thin air that will provide
for you, like your life will change 'cause that's what social
media, content creation, photography, that's what it did
for me. It taught me that whenever I
ask, God gives, the universe gives.
Like I was like, I want to get back into photography the next
day. I booked an $1800 shoot for May.
Like no matter how much I doubt,no matter how much so many
(27:51):
doubts come up, the universe always comes to me and is like,
no, here look, you can manifest whatever you want.
You are the creator of your own reality, like, and you have to
just ask and speak out loud. You have to give permission to
your guides, give permission to the angels, give permission to
the universe to assist you in this, and you will receive, you
(28:13):
will receive what you desire, I promise.
Some things I also wanted to talk about was to never lose
your innocence and to tap into the curiosity and wonderment of
play. And we did talk about that.
We talked about how play isn't frivolous and it's important and
it's necessary and it's beautiful.
And finally, the last thing I wrote down is I asked for
(28:35):
abundance. Oh, because I said to myself, I
was like, this is the year that I, you know, manifest this
amount of money and then I create this financial abundance
for myself and my business. And of course, the moment that I
asked it in January, I asked theuniverse for this.
As soon as I asked for abundance, the universe
delivered me a challenge. And that's because in order to
(28:55):
expand, I had to fully look at all the ways that I felt so
fucking insecure and I had to not even move through them.
I had to literally sit with themand look at them and stare at
them and be like, honestly, you don't scare me.
Like you make me feel like shit,honestly, insecurities.
(29:16):
You make me question myself. You make me doubt myself, but
you don't scare me anymore because I know that I can move
past it. I know I can move past whatever.
And I have faith. And I think when I was asking
for abundance and I was given a challenge, it's kind of like the
universe wanted to teach me to have faith in the process.
And I hope this can help you in any way that you're
(29:37):
experiencing. I know I talked a lot about
myself today and you know I don't do that in all my
episodes, but I just hope that you can see yourself in slivers
of me. I hope you can find messages for
yourself. I hope you listen to the
downloads that are coming through for you now in this
current moment because those downloads are trying to tell you
something. They're trying to tell your soul
(29:58):
something shining like Venus. And I wrote down, it's not about
riding yourself of fear. It's about knowing that the
unconditional love of God and the universe is louder than
fear. And that fucking changed my
life. I love you guys so much.
Go join the community. I feel like if you go join the
community, you it's a perfect place to share your thoughts.
(30:20):
You can even share like your ownmini podcast episodes, your own
mini voice memos that you wanna share.
And you know how I'm sharing? It feels so good to externally
process in this way. Write a little sub stack or
create a little mood board or write a poem about how you feel
about this episode and share it in the community on the soul and
progress community. There's a 7 day free trial and
(30:40):
then it's $10 a month and then there's also a $25 tier that has
live calls and then there's a $47 tier that's tier 3 that is
the inner soul circle. And with that you actually get a
tarot reading and an EFT tappingsession every single month.
There's a couple girls in that now.
I would love for you to do that.I feel like yeah, a couple of
(31:03):
you can join, but I might have to cut it off off after a couple
tarot readings and after a couple signups.
So go jump into that now if you are interested in getting that
personalized tarot reading for you and that personalized Oracle
reading for you each month. I can only handle so much, but
it is Oh my God, every single time I do a tarot reading, the
girl, the girls respond and they're like, Oh my God, this is
(31:23):
so accurate. You said this exact same thing
that related to this synchronicity XYZ like so the
messages are coming through. So if you need some support, you
can join that tier if you want, or if you want the live calls,
whatever, it doesn't really matter.
But I want to see you in the community because it is such a
special place. Seeing the girls share about all
their new hobbies because this month we're talking about
hobbies, has been so incredibly beautiful.
(31:46):
And yeah, I love you guys so much.
You're inherently fucking worthy.
And I just hope whatever processyou're in at whatever age you
are, my prayer for you in this moment is that you realize that
you have the strength to move through it and that your faith
and love is stronger than the doubts and stronger than the
fear because you are made of love.
(32:08):
You know, you are literally madeof love.
You are made of love. Sit with that for a second.
How good does that feel? I love you guys.
I'm going to get out of here. Make sure to share this episode
with somebody that you love. Make sure to, you know, do a
little copy, link and send it helps the episode.
Make sure to like rate drop comments if you're on Apple
(32:30):
podcast drop like reviews. If you're on Apple podcast drop
on Spotify, like comments about how you felt about the episode.
Am I missing anything? Oh, and share on Instagram,
share on Instagram, tag me at skinny dipping Diaries at
Sundays KK so I can see where you're listening.
OK, love you. I'm going to go watch sunset and
(32:51):
smoke a joint. Bye.
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