September 9, 2025 • 24 mins
devotion vs discipline-- full video: https://youtu.be/QDSxhP2DKps
the mindset shift that changed my life in my 20sxx
Kela Rose @sundazedkk @skinnydippingdiaries on all platforms https://stan.store/soulinprogress
*Betterhelp sponsor: BetterHelp.com/skinnydipping to get 10% off your first month
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I've said it before and I'll sayit again, I am over being
disciplined. I said what I said.
You can quote me on that. And instead I choose to be
devoted because that feels so much better on my body
personally. What is up guys?
(00:22):
I missed you so incredibly much skinny dipping listeners, if
you're listening on Spotify or if you're listening on Apple
Podcasts or another audio listening platform, or if you're
watching the first episode in a very long time on YouTube,
welcome. This is the episode where we
talk about the art of devotion. And this is the episode not to
(00:43):
miss, I promise, because this concept I've posted about
multiple times in short form on TikTok, on Instagram, and
without fail, every single time it goes viral.
Listen to the birds. They're like, yes, Queen, we
understand. And I feel like there's a reason
something become so popular because so many people relate to
(01:04):
the feeling of being conditionedand programmed within society to
be disciplined and push hard andgo, go, go and fill your
schedule. And we're programmed to be
constantly in the pursuit of success and accolades and
anything that will allow us to prove our worth to our family,
(01:25):
to the school system, the education system, to our career,
the the job field that we're in,to society.
And most importantly, we're chasing after all the things to
prove to ourselves that we are good enough, to prove to
ourselves that we are actually making something of the life
that we are creating. And I've thought about this
(01:45):
concept for like 5 years becausetrust me, I was deep in the
cycle of the toxic masculinity, the push, push, push, the go go
go and constantly doing and needing to achieve and be more
and do more. And yet it never felt like
enough. And that's why when I discovered
the mindset shift from discipline to devotion, my life
(02:08):
completely changed. It literally altered my entire
life by just changing my relationship to how I do things.
Instead of being disciplined andcoming from this place of not
enoughness, I transferred to devotion.
And this place of I'm doing thisbecause I fucking love myself.
I'm doing this because I know this is good for me.
(02:29):
And what I know from personal experience, which we'll get into
soon, is that discipline drove the bus for a certain amount of
time, and then all of a sudden it didn't work anymore because I
was being so hard on myself. That my own mind, and this is
proven in science, that your ownmind can see you as a threat.
(02:51):
My own personal amygdala thoughtthat my mind was the threat, so
much so that it would create this fear and resistance, and
that would show up as energetic blockages in my life.
It would show up as, you know, Ireally want to do this thing.
I really want to pursue this dream and I can't, I can't I, I
want to so badly. I want to take the action.
But there's just something standing in the way between me
(03:14):
and actually doing the thing. And it was because I saw myself
as a threat, because I was living from this place of forced
discipline and control over my life rather than shifting to
devotion. So if you guys are new here, hi,
I'm Kayla Rose, I'm the host of Skinny Dipping the podcast.
We have over 200,000 subscribersacross platforms, but we're new
(03:37):
to YouTube so make sure to hit that subscribe button if you are
loving the video, loving the vibes.
I got these beautiful dahlias from the farmers market and I
thought they would just be like the vibe for the video.
Also, we have a storm coming in and I recorded this episode
before, but you know, it just didn't really work out.
It's a long story and I really was faced and confronted with my
(04:00):
own perfectionism and I'm genuinely happy I'm rerecording
because today I feel more grounded.
It feels more like I'm living inalignment with this message of
devotion that says let's get into it.
What is the difference? The difference between
discipline and devotion? For me, discipline means I'm
doing this because I need to prove that I'm good enough.
I'm doing this from a place of self hatred, the self concept,
(04:24):
the self-image that I possess ofmyself.
I'm moving from this place of I'm not enough.
I'm not good enough. I need to do this thing.
I should do this thing so that Ican prove to myself that what
I'm doing is enough and I can finally, quote UN quote, feel
good about myself. Fuck that devotion is showing up
(04:46):
because you're like, I fucking love myself and I know that
doing these habits that's going to make my body feel good.
That's what it looks like to take care of me.
This dream that I have, pursuingit and building my confidence is
going to show myself through action that I love myself.
And moving from that place of self love versus self hatred is
(05:09):
really that difference in the mindset between discipline and
devotion. In this episode, we're going to
talk about the real world experiences and how you can
actually shift your inner dialogue to come from this place
of self compassion because everybody talks about about it,
but it's like, how do you actually do it?
So I want to bring up real worldexamples that you might face
with this mindset of discipline and devotion.
(05:29):
And then we're going to get to what this doesn't look like in
practice and what it does look like in practice.
OK, this is skinny dipping. So you know what we're going to
do here. We're going to strip down and
we're going to dive in. Just to give you a little
background story on my story. I grew up equating my worth to
productivity through how I was raised through the school
(05:52):
system, through seeing getting into college as this end all be
all at a college preparatory school and just really seeing
myself from everything that I did and everything that I
accomplished. And I was really good at those
things. I was really good at all my
extracurriculars. I was really good at school and
(06:13):
grades. And the truth is that by
equating my worth to my my productivity, I was just setting
myself up for failure down the line.
Because when I stepped out of those systems, I didn't really
know how to feel good about myself.
I didn't know who I was. And I also knew that the way
that I was operating was causingme so much stress and so much
(06:34):
anxiety. And that anxiety would transform
into anger and frustration in hyper arousal where I would get
really just overwhelmed and crazy and frustrated.
Or hypo arousal where if you know anything about the window
of tolerance, when you can handle versus hyper arousal, you
go up and you can't handle or you go low and you shut down.
Which also I noticed in my early20s, I was leaning towards hypo
(06:58):
arousal and really shutting downin these moments because I was
putting so much weight on my shoulders to be perfect and to
prove myself and to be productive and to do great
things with my life. And the truth is, I still want
to do all those things. And by changing my mindset and
by changing the way that I approach those activities, I
(07:21):
actually freed myself. And in the process, I get to
create what I want to create in life.
I get to create the dream life that I want to create and be
devoted to my podcast, to my socials, to my community, to the
retreats. By the way, there's like 3 more
spots for Bali if you want that,but I digress.
Instead, I get to build all those things and I get to love
myself in the process and I get to move from this place of self
(07:42):
compassion and self understanding.
But I think really where we findourselves diving into this
productivity equals worth mindset at a young age is with
the OverDrive of the toxic masculine in society.
And I don't mean guys and girls masculine, feminine.
No, I mean masculine in the healthiest form is structure.
(08:05):
It is devotion. It is showing up consistently.
It is that steady pace, but in its toxic side, when the
masculine is left unchecked and it becomes a toxic masculinity,
it results in pushing and doing and forcing and controlling and
(08:27):
we just, we just, we just don't want that anymore.
The world is changing. We're changing.
The way that our parents grew upand our grandparents grew up is
not the way that we want to create our society.
Because I don't know about you guys, but I personally want to
make money doing what I love, but also have so much time for
all the other habits and hobbiesin my life.
I want to have time for art and creativity and my family and my
(08:50):
friends and joy and play. And that requires not working
24/7 and pushing myself into theground resulting and of course
burnout, which we all know very well.
If the high achiever ADHD girlies are listening to this,
you know, you know that we know that so well and it is so
(09:12):
fucking exhausting. When I stepped into the feminine
a couple years ago, I resented and any part of the masculine,
even its healthy parts that support the feminine.
I imagine the masculine when it's healthy, as the rocks of a
river. OK, And then the feminine is the
water that flows through. But the flow of the water cannot
be guided without those rocks. And that's how I see the
(09:32):
masculine and feminine and the yin and Yang energies within my
own body and within my own mind.This podcast is sponsored by
Betterhelp. It's so funny because I feel
like we turn sometimes to the silliest places for support,
right? We dump everything on our
hairdresser, our barista, our group chat, rather than just
actually going to a therapist, like normalize going to a
(09:56):
therapist. And that's why I would highly
recommend Better Help if you areready to give therapy a try.
And I got a little discount codefor you.
And what I love about Better Help is they have quality
therapist and also you can switch therapist at literally
any time. And it's really important to
find the right person for you. It's so convenient.
(10:17):
And you can join a session with a therapist at the click of a
button. And it just helps you fit
therapy into a super busy life. So as the largest online therapy
provider in the world, Betterhelp can provide access to
mental health professionals witha diverse variety of expertise.
Find the one with Betterhelp. Our listeners of skinny dipping
(10:38):
are going to get 10% off their first month at
betterhelp.com/skinny Dipping. That's Betterhelp
help.com/skinny Dipping. Go check it out.
And it's all going to be linked.And I went all the way to the
other end of the feminine and I dove into the toxic feminine
where I made excuses for myself.I was being avoidant, I, I was
(10:59):
lacking structure that would in fact support me for my dreams
and my joy and what I do want tocreate.
And I went all the way to the other end because of my
resentment towards the masculine.
And then I realized in the beginning of this year that I
just deeply missed structure. So I needed to find a new way of
approaching it because I was so afraid of going back to the way
(11:22):
that I was, because I know that I can be hard on myself.
I know I can be a perfectionist.So that's where I discovered
devotion. I realized I still can have that
structure, that masculinity thatsupports me, that supports my
dreams, that supports the feminine flow and the feminine
creativity and the feminine dance of life.
(11:42):
I realized that I could have herand I could also have structure.
And in fact, the structure supports all of that.
And that's when I realized I needed to learn how to move from
this place of devotion so I would no longer avoid the
structure that my soul craved and that my life honestly
demanded. Because of the dreams that I
want to create, though, in orderto heal that resentment, I
(12:04):
adopted devotion. And we're going to get into what
that looks like in practice and the actionable steps.
But I just first want to talk about the brain.
And so something I learned very early in therapy with my past
therapist was that the brain moves in two ways when
calculating which action to take.
It works where it's moving away from pain, which is I'm going to
(12:28):
do this because I'm scared of that.
I'm scared of that. So I'm going to avoid the pain
and I'm going to do this instead.
And it chooses that action or itmoves towards pleasure.
It moves towards this is what I want to create.
This is what I want for my life.And more often than not, what
I've discovered is that a lot ofpeople move from this place of
fear, this place of resistance, this place of avoiding pain.
(12:53):
And I think it just keeps us small and it keeps us caged and
to move towards pleasure, to move towards what you want and
desire in life that is a life actually worth living.
So I notice, am I making this choice because I'm avoiding
something because of the pain that I'm trying to avoid?
Or am I making this choice because of the life that I want
(13:15):
to create? And I think that's the
difference between discipline, the proving so you can prove
that you are not XYZ versus devotion is I love myself.
I'm going to do this because I know I deserve it.
I love myself. I know that I am deserving of
showing up for my habits. So I'm going to do that.
And that place really lessens the resistance and allows us to
(13:36):
actually take steps on the path that we want to create.
So how does this look like in real life circumstances?
The first thing that came to mind for me, OK, was my
relationship with my body and myrelationship with exercise,
because I think that has drastically transformed.
I was really intense into working out and eating healthy
(13:58):
when I was like 19 and I was a bar teacher and I love that
version of myself. We're not faulting her.
I had to be her to be me now. And at the same time, my body
was really inflamed and tight and stressed and anxious.
And I feel like now I really do stay devoted to my practice and
(14:19):
my exercise because I know that it makes me feel good and I know
it's good for my mental health above all, beyond what I
visually look like. And I really think it was this
mindset shift from discipline todevotion that allowed me to stay
consistent and stay devoted and continue to show up without
falling back into old habits or without avoiding working out
(14:41):
altogether. Because I feel like that's what
I did. I swung from one pendulum to the
other and I was like, stopped working out.
And I was like, wait, now my mental health is really at fault
here because I was just trying to go with the flow.
So this is what I realized. I'm going to pull out my journal
and read it direct. So my relationship to exercise
from a place of discipline sounds like I have to go to the
(15:03):
gym every single day and I have to make up for the food that I
ate so I can like my body more, so I can feel better about
myself. I'm just going to take a deep
breath and clear that one out ifyou want to with me.
And then we have devotion which I love so much more, which says
(15:26):
I know moving my body really helps my mental health and it
makes me feel so proud of myselfand it makes me feel energized.
So what should I do today? Should I gym, should I Pilates,
should I dance? What sounds fun to me today?
And can I still be accountable and show up?
Did you see that difference between forcing and giving
yourself no choice to creating choice, creating space, and
(15:51):
allowing yourself to really wantto do something because you know
it's good for you. Because you love yourself, Not
because you're lacking anything.Because you are already perfect
the way you are and you deserve to show up for yourself.
You deserve to take care of yourself.
That is the fucking difference between discipline and devotion
right there. And then we see it with our
(16:12):
career, right? In my career and in my business
and with money in the past, I was like, I have to grind.
I have to make money from this place of lack, from this place
of oh, I need to do really good and be really successful.
So this person can, you know, see that I proved them wrong.
Sorry, I just have to laugh about that for a second because
(16:33):
I'm just not always that person anymore.
Not saying I can't fall back into those patterns, but like
10% versus 90%, like the difference is just so huge
because devotion for me in that moment says I am capable of
handling the pressure that comeswith my purpose, that comes with
my calling. And if it's my calling, it'll
(16:55):
keep calling. If it keeps calling, it'll keep
calling. So I might as well fucking pick
up the phone because there is something here for me.
This dream was planted in my heart for a reason.
This idea, this business idea was planted in my heart for a
reason. And I'm going to respect myself
and respect this idea enough to move forward.
Boom, that's devotion. Do you hear the Roosters in the
(17:17):
back being like, yes, diva? And then I saw it in my
relationship with self improvement and my relationship
with healing, right? I was like, OK, I, I need to be
fixed. I need to be healed.
I need to do the breath work andthe meditation and the movement
and all these things. And it really ruined a lot of
self improvement and healing forme because I was so fucking hard
(17:39):
on myself. And instead now I realize
slowness heals, and now I realize that taking my time with
healing is everything, and whatever is supposed to be
healed in that moment will come up.
I don't have to force. I don't have to go out and chase
it. The truth is, the universe and
God and Source will literally present me with opportunities to
(18:00):
heal whenever it is the divine time.
And I don't have to put pressureon it to be perfect, to learn
all the things, to read all the books.
Because healing isn't making myself fixed or changed or
anything that I'm not, It's justremembering exactly who I am.
Boom. That's devotion.
So maybe today I should do breath work.
Because I know that connects me to myself, removes the
(18:22):
resistance and welcomes in choice.
So what does this look like in practice?
Like a little checklist. OK, no, but actually let's talk
about what it doesn't look like first.
So what it doesn't look like is on one end forcing, right?
We don't want to be in that toxic masculine forcing.
Just being like, I need this andlike making this one thing mean
(18:43):
everything about how you feel about yourself.
No, we're canceling that. That's fucking thrown out the
door. The second thing that this is
not on the other end is avoidingwhat you need.
Because I think sometimes peoplecan be so easy on themselves
after being hard on themselves that they completely avoid what
they need. And it just ends up in us
spiraling and not feeling good about ourselves, not because
(19:04):
we're not productive, but because we're not taking care of
ourselves in the way that we need in a way that truly
supports us. So it also doesn't look like a
complete avoidance and avoiding what you need and just letting
yourself off the hook. What it does look like is
accountability and compassion. And you're walking this little
tightrope, you're walking this balance beam and you're being
(19:26):
accountable and you're giving yourself compassion at the same
time and constantly operating from both places because you
have the capability to be nuanced.
You have the ability to walk this path of accountability and
self compassion. And for me, that really looks
like inner dialogue and noticingthe way that I speak to myself.
If I'm being really hard on myself, I just start talking out
(19:47):
loud and reasoning with myself and being like, hey, I know
that, you know, you really want to make this podcast perfect and
now the rain's coming in. But the truth is like, we're
doing the best that we can. And you should be so proud of
yourself for everything you've created.
You should be so proud of yourself for showing up today.
And let's cut it short and let'skeep going.
Like you got this girl because the rain is coming in and my
(20:09):
perfectionism is like, but it's like, no, that inner dialogue
talk is everything. Soothing yourself through the
way that you speak to yourself and speaking kindly and speaking
compassionately is everything. The second thing that it is, is
creating space for choice. So if you noticed in my example
around exercise, I was like, what sounds fun?
(20:30):
Should we dance? Should we Pilates?
Should we gym? What sounds good?
Creating space for choice allowsyour brain to remember that you
are not a warden, You are not a,you know, direct threat.
You are a friend who offers choice, who offers compassion.
So creating choice for yourself when you're staying accountable
(20:50):
is everything. I feel like with ADHD, don't
want to do the same thing every day, but I still need to do
certain habits that make me feelgood.
So what do I do? I create choice.
And then I actually want to do those things because I feel like
I have a say and my inner child doesn't want to, you know, get
mad and throw a tantrum because I feel like I have a say.
I feel like I'm heard. And that's really all our inner
(21:14):
child wants when it's creating that resistance is to feel like
she has choice. The third thing is moving
towards pleasure instead of pain.
We talked about that. And the last thing is reminding
yourself that getting things done from a place of devotion
actually helps support healthy dopamine in your brain, right?
I want to do a whole episode on dopamine because I'm so
(21:36):
interested in it. But it really is that reward
chemical. You do something, you're proud
of yourself, you feel that dopamine, and you want to do it
again. And what I realized is by
getting things done and coming from a place of devotion, it
really does support healthy dopamine for me.
And when I went all the way to 1end and didn't want to do
anything and didn't want to stayaccountable at all and I wanted
(21:56):
to avoid, I think it really messed with my dopamine and
actually in my brain because I wasn't getting that reward
chemical that my brain really needed.
So dopamine is actually really good for your last like 2
actionable steps that I want youto do this week to just
integrate this into practice is 1.
I want you to have a conscious self meeting.
(22:18):
This is where you kind of just check in with yourself.
You see what's working, what's not working, what are your
current values, Are your actionsaligning to your current values?
And really just doing a conscious self meeting where
you're checking in and saying, am I moving from a place of pain
and fear or pleasure and joy? Am I moving away?
Am I moving towards, am I movingfrom discipline?
(22:38):
Am I moving from devotion? And just noticing, just noticing
can begin to train and reprogramyour brain so that you can begin
to move from this place of devotion instead of disciplined.
And this is the art of devotion because it's an art, it's a
dance. It's not, oh, I'm going to tell
you this one thing and it's going to be solved.
No, this is a constant practice of showing up for yourself, of
reprogramming your mind. And it is the art of devotion
(23:02):
because it is an art, it is a dance, and it's your personal
experience. So create it the way that you
want. Also, whiteboards #2 if you
don't have a whiteboard, whiteboards help me because it
allows me to check things off mylist while still staying
flexible in my schedule and balance that masculine and
feminine. So if you love this episode,
(23:22):
this rain is starting to come down on us right now.
But if you loved this episode, send it to a friend or just copy
paste the link, share it on Instagram, tag us where you're
listening. You guys know it literally means
the world to me when you do this.
Like it just makes my day when Isee you guys tagging at Sunday's
KK, my Personal or at Skinny Dipping Diaries.
And yeah, I'm so grateful. I'm happy to be on YouTube.
(23:44):
Hopefully we have some new listeners on here 'cause the art
of devotion is something that's completely changed and altered
my life and I'm just so gratefulto share this with you guys.
And yeah, also join the Soul andProgress community.
If you want breath work and EFT tapping and meditations on all
those things, it'll be linked below.
And also, if you want to come toBali with us in November,
there's a couple spots left and just send me a little DM and I
(24:06):
can send you the official invite.
I love you so much. OK, I'm going to get my
equipment out of the rain. I love you, I love you.
Skinny dipping listeners. Let me know how this goes.
Applying this and bye.
I've said it before and I'll sayit again, I am over being
disciplined. I said what I said.
You can quote me on that. And instead I choose to be
devoted because that feels so much better on my body
personally. What is up guys?
(00:22):
I missed you so incredibly much skinny dipping listeners, if
you're listening on Spotify or if you're listening on Apple
Podcasts or another audio listening platform, or if you're
watching the first episode in a very long time on YouTube,
welcome. This is the episode where we
talk about the art of devotion. And this is the episode not to
(00:43):
miss, I promise, because this concept I've posted about
multiple times in short form on TikTok, on Instagram, and
without fail, every single time it goes viral.
Listen to the birds. They're like, yes, Queen, we
understand. And I feel like there's a reason
something become so popular because so many people relate to
(01:04):
the feeling of being conditionedand programmed within society to
be disciplined and push hard andgo, go, go and fill your
schedule. And we're programmed to be
constantly in the pursuit of success and accolades and
anything that will allow us to prove our worth to our family,
(01:25):
to the school system, the education system, to our career,
the the job field that we're in,to society.
And most importantly, we're chasing after all the things to
prove to ourselves that we are good enough, to prove to
ourselves that we are actually making something of the life
that we are creating. And I've thought about this
(01:45):
concept for like 5 years becausetrust me, I was deep in the
cycle of the toxic masculinity, the push, push, push, the go go
go and constantly doing and needing to achieve and be more
and do more. And yet it never felt like
enough. And that's why when I discovered
the mindset shift from discipline to devotion, my life
(02:08):
completely changed. It literally altered my entire
life by just changing my relationship to how I do things.
Instead of being disciplined andcoming from this place of not
enoughness, I transferred to devotion.
And this place of I'm doing thisbecause I fucking love myself.
I'm doing this because I know this is good for me.
(02:29):
And what I know from personal experience, which we'll get into
soon, is that discipline drove the bus for a certain amount of
time, and then all of a sudden it didn't work anymore because I
was being so hard on myself. That my own mind, and this is
proven in science, that your ownmind can see you as a threat.
(02:51):
My own personal amygdala thoughtthat my mind was the threat, so
much so that it would create this fear and resistance, and
that would show up as energetic blockages in my life.
It would show up as, you know, Ireally want to do this thing.
I really want to pursue this dream and I can't, I can't I, I
want to so badly. I want to take the action.
But there's just something standing in the way between me
(03:14):
and actually doing the thing. And it was because I saw myself
as a threat, because I was living from this place of forced
discipline and control over my life rather than shifting to
devotion. So if you guys are new here, hi,
I'm Kayla Rose, I'm the host of Skinny Dipping the podcast.
We have over 200,000 subscribersacross platforms, but we're new
(03:37):
to YouTube so make sure to hit that subscribe button if you are
loving the video, loving the vibes.
I got these beautiful dahlias from the farmers market and I
thought they would just be like the vibe for the video.
Also, we have a storm coming in and I recorded this episode
before, but you know, it just didn't really work out.
It's a long story and I really was faced and confronted with my
(04:00):
own perfectionism and I'm genuinely happy I'm rerecording
because today I feel more grounded.
It feels more like I'm living inalignment with this message of
devotion that says let's get into it.
What is the difference? The difference between
discipline and devotion? For me, discipline means I'm
doing this because I need to prove that I'm good enough.
I'm doing this from a place of self hatred, the self concept,
(04:24):
the self-image that I possess ofmyself.
I'm moving from this place of I'm not enough.
I'm not good enough. I need to do this thing.
I should do this thing so that Ican prove to myself that what
I'm doing is enough and I can finally, quote UN quote, feel
good about myself. Fuck that devotion is showing up
(04:46):
because you're like, I fucking love myself and I know that
doing these habits that's going to make my body feel good.
That's what it looks like to take care of me.
This dream that I have, pursuingit and building my confidence is
going to show myself through action that I love myself.
And moving from that place of self love versus self hatred is
(05:09):
really that difference in the mindset between discipline and
devotion. In this episode, we're going to
talk about the real world experiences and how you can
actually shift your inner dialogue to come from this place
of self compassion because everybody talks about about it,
but it's like, how do you actually do it?
So I want to bring up real worldexamples that you might face
with this mindset of discipline and devotion.
(05:29):
And then we're going to get to what this doesn't look like in
practice and what it does look like in practice.
OK, this is skinny dipping. So you know what we're going to
do here. We're going to strip down and
we're going to dive in. Just to give you a little
background story on my story. I grew up equating my worth to
productivity through how I was raised through the school
(05:52):
system, through seeing getting into college as this end all be
all at a college preparatory school and just really seeing
myself from everything that I did and everything that I
accomplished. And I was really good at those
things. I was really good at all my
extracurriculars. I was really good at school and
(06:13):
grades. And the truth is that by
equating my worth to my my productivity, I was just setting
myself up for failure down the line.
Because when I stepped out of those systems, I didn't really
know how to feel good about myself.
I didn't know who I was. And I also knew that the way
that I was operating was causingme so much stress and so much
(06:34):
anxiety. And that anxiety would transform
into anger and frustration in hyper arousal where I would get
really just overwhelmed and crazy and frustrated.
Or hypo arousal where if you know anything about the window
of tolerance, when you can handle versus hyper arousal, you
go up and you can't handle or you go low and you shut down.
Which also I noticed in my early20s, I was leaning towards hypo
(06:58):
arousal and really shutting downin these moments because I was
putting so much weight on my shoulders to be perfect and to
prove myself and to be productive and to do great
things with my life. And the truth is, I still want
to do all those things. And by changing my mindset and
by changing the way that I approach those activities, I
(07:21):
actually freed myself. And in the process, I get to
create what I want to create in life.
I get to create the dream life that I want to create and be
devoted to my podcast, to my socials, to my community, to the
retreats. By the way, there's like 3 more
spots for Bali if you want that,but I digress.
Instead, I get to build all those things and I get to love
myself in the process and I get to move from this place of self
(07:42):
compassion and self understanding.
But I think really where we findourselves diving into this
productivity equals worth mindset at a young age is with
the OverDrive of the toxic masculine in society.
And I don't mean guys and girls masculine, feminine.
No, I mean masculine in the healthiest form is structure.
(08:05):
It is devotion. It is showing up consistently.
It is that steady pace, but in its toxic side, when the
masculine is left unchecked and it becomes a toxic masculinity,
it results in pushing and doing and forcing and controlling and
(08:27):
we just, we just, we just don't want that anymore.
The world is changing. We're changing.
The way that our parents grew upand our grandparents grew up is
not the way that we want to create our society.
Because I don't know about you guys, but I personally want to
make money doing what I love, but also have so much time for
all the other habits and hobbiesin my life.
I want to have time for art and creativity and my family and my
(08:50):
friends and joy and play. And that requires not working
24/7 and pushing myself into theground resulting and of course
burnout, which we all know very well.
If the high achiever ADHD girlies are listening to this,
you know, you know that we know that so well and it is so
(09:12):
fucking exhausting. When I stepped into the feminine
a couple years ago, I resented and any part of the masculine,
even its healthy parts that support the feminine.
I imagine the masculine when it's healthy, as the rocks of a
river. OK, And then the feminine is the
water that flows through. But the flow of the water cannot
be guided without those rocks. And that's how I see the
(09:32):
masculine and feminine and the yin and Yang energies within my
own body and within my own mind.This podcast is sponsored by
Betterhelp. It's so funny because I feel
like we turn sometimes to the silliest places for support,
right? We dump everything on our
hairdresser, our barista, our group chat, rather than just
actually going to a therapist, like normalize going to a
(09:56):
therapist. And that's why I would highly
recommend Better Help if you areready to give therapy a try.
And I got a little discount codefor you.
And what I love about Better Help is they have quality
therapist and also you can switch therapist at literally
any time. And it's really important to
find the right person for you. It's so convenient.
(10:17):
And you can join a session with a therapist at the click of a
button. And it just helps you fit
therapy into a super busy life. So as the largest online therapy
provider in the world, Betterhelp can provide access to
mental health professionals witha diverse variety of expertise.
Find the one with Betterhelp. Our listeners of skinny dipping
(10:38):
are going to get 10% off their first month at
betterhelp.com/skinny Dipping. That's Betterhelp
help.com/skinny Dipping. Go check it out.
And it's all going to be linked.And I went all the way to the
other end of the feminine and I dove into the toxic feminine
where I made excuses for myself.I was being avoidant, I, I was
(10:59):
lacking structure that would in fact support me for my dreams
and my joy and what I do want tocreate.
And I went all the way to the other end because of my
resentment towards the masculine.
And then I realized in the beginning of this year that I
just deeply missed structure. So I needed to find a new way of
approaching it because I was so afraid of going back to the way
(11:22):
that I was, because I know that I can be hard on myself.
I know I can be a perfectionist.So that's where I discovered
devotion. I realized I still can have that
structure, that masculinity thatsupports me, that supports my
dreams, that supports the feminine flow and the feminine
creativity and the feminine dance of life.
(11:42):
I realized that I could have herand I could also have structure.
And in fact, the structure supports all of that.
And that's when I realized I needed to learn how to move from
this place of devotion so I would no longer avoid the
structure that my soul craved and that my life honestly
demanded. Because of the dreams that I
want to create, though, in orderto heal that resentment, I
(12:04):
adopted devotion. And we're going to get into what
that looks like in practice and the actionable steps.
But I just first want to talk about the brain.
And so something I learned very early in therapy with my past
therapist was that the brain moves in two ways when
calculating which action to take.
It works where it's moving away from pain, which is I'm going to
(12:28):
do this because I'm scared of that.
I'm scared of that. So I'm going to avoid the pain
and I'm going to do this instead.
And it chooses that action or itmoves towards pleasure.
It moves towards this is what I want to create.
This is what I want for my life.And more often than not, what
I've discovered is that a lot ofpeople move from this place of
fear, this place of resistance, this place of avoiding pain.
(12:53):
And I think it just keeps us small and it keeps us caged and
to move towards pleasure, to move towards what you want and
desire in life that is a life actually worth living.
So I notice, am I making this choice because I'm avoiding
something because of the pain that I'm trying to avoid?
Or am I making this choice because of the life that I want
(13:15):
to create? And I think that's the
difference between discipline, the proving so you can prove
that you are not XYZ versus devotion is I love myself.
I'm going to do this because I know I deserve it.
I love myself. I know that I am deserving of
showing up for my habits. So I'm going to do that.
And that place really lessens the resistance and allows us to
(13:36):
actually take steps on the path that we want to create.
So how does this look like in real life circumstances?
The first thing that came to mind for me, OK, was my
relationship with my body and myrelationship with exercise,
because I think that has drastically transformed.
I was really intense into working out and eating healthy
(13:58):
when I was like 19 and I was a bar teacher and I love that
version of myself. We're not faulting her.
I had to be her to be me now. And at the same time, my body
was really inflamed and tight and stressed and anxious.
And I feel like now I really do stay devoted to my practice and
(14:19):
my exercise because I know that it makes me feel good and I know
it's good for my mental health above all, beyond what I
visually look like. And I really think it was this
mindset shift from discipline todevotion that allowed me to stay
consistent and stay devoted and continue to show up without
falling back into old habits or without avoiding working out
(14:41):
altogether. Because I feel like that's what
I did. I swung from one pendulum to the
other and I was like, stopped working out.
And I was like, wait, now my mental health is really at fault
here because I was just trying to go with the flow.
So this is what I realized. I'm going to pull out my journal
and read it direct. So my relationship to exercise
from a place of discipline sounds like I have to go to the
(15:03):
gym every single day and I have to make up for the food that I
ate so I can like my body more, so I can feel better about
myself. I'm just going to take a deep
breath and clear that one out ifyou want to with me.
And then we have devotion which I love so much more, which says
(15:26):
I know moving my body really helps my mental health and it
makes me feel so proud of myselfand it makes me feel energized.
So what should I do today? Should I gym, should I Pilates,
should I dance? What sounds fun to me today?
And can I still be accountable and show up?
Did you see that difference between forcing and giving
yourself no choice to creating choice, creating space, and
(15:51):
allowing yourself to really wantto do something because you know
it's good for you. Because you love yourself, Not
because you're lacking anything.Because you are already perfect
the way you are and you deserve to show up for yourself.
You deserve to take care of yourself.
That is the fucking difference between discipline and devotion
right there. And then we see it with our
(16:12):
career, right? In my career and in my business
and with money in the past, I was like, I have to grind.
I have to make money from this place of lack, from this place
of oh, I need to do really good and be really successful.
So this person can, you know, see that I proved them wrong.
Sorry, I just have to laugh about that for a second because
(16:33):
I'm just not always that person anymore.
Not saying I can't fall back into those patterns, but like
10% versus 90%, like the difference is just so huge
because devotion for me in that moment says I am capable of
handling the pressure that comeswith my purpose, that comes with
my calling. And if it's my calling, it'll
(16:55):
keep calling. If it keeps calling, it'll keep
calling. So I might as well fucking pick
up the phone because there is something here for me.
This dream was planted in my heart for a reason.
This idea, this business idea was planted in my heart for a
reason. And I'm going to respect myself
and respect this idea enough to move forward.
Boom, that's devotion. Do you hear the Roosters in the
(17:17):
back being like, yes, diva? And then I saw it in my
relationship with self improvement and my relationship
with healing, right? I was like, OK, I, I need to be
fixed. I need to be healed.
I need to do the breath work andthe meditation and the movement
and all these things. And it really ruined a lot of
self improvement and healing forme because I was so fucking hard
(17:39):
on myself. And instead now I realize
slowness heals, and now I realize that taking my time with
healing is everything, and whatever is supposed to be
healed in that moment will come up.
I don't have to force. I don't have to go out and chase
it. The truth is, the universe and
God and Source will literally present me with opportunities to
(18:00):
heal whenever it is the divine time.
And I don't have to put pressureon it to be perfect, to learn
all the things, to read all the books.
Because healing isn't making myself fixed or changed or
anything that I'm not, It's justremembering exactly who I am.
Boom. That's devotion.
So maybe today I should do breath work.
Because I know that connects me to myself, removes the
(18:22):
resistance and welcomes in choice.
So what does this look like in practice?
Like a little checklist. OK, no, but actually let's talk
about what it doesn't look like first.
So what it doesn't look like is on one end forcing, right?
We don't want to be in that toxic masculine forcing.
Just being like, I need this andlike making this one thing mean
(18:43):
everything about how you feel about yourself.
No, we're canceling that. That's fucking thrown out the
door. The second thing that this is
not on the other end is avoidingwhat you need.
Because I think sometimes peoplecan be so easy on themselves
after being hard on themselves that they completely avoid what
they need. And it just ends up in us
spiraling and not feeling good about ourselves, not because
(19:04):
we're not productive, but because we're not taking care of
ourselves in the way that we need in a way that truly
supports us. So it also doesn't look like a
complete avoidance and avoiding what you need and just letting
yourself off the hook. What it does look like is
accountability and compassion. And you're walking this little
tightrope, you're walking this balance beam and you're being
(19:26):
accountable and you're giving yourself compassion at the same
time and constantly operating from both places because you
have the capability to be nuanced.
You have the ability to walk this path of accountability and
self compassion. And for me, that really looks
like inner dialogue and noticingthe way that I speak to myself.
If I'm being really hard on myself, I just start talking out
(19:47):
loud and reasoning with myself and being like, hey, I know
that, you know, you really want to make this podcast perfect and
now the rain's coming in. But the truth is like, we're
doing the best that we can. And you should be so proud of
yourself for everything you've created.
You should be so proud of yourself for showing up today.
And let's cut it short and let'skeep going.
Like you got this girl because the rain is coming in and my
(20:09):
perfectionism is like, but it's like, no, that inner dialogue
talk is everything. Soothing yourself through the
way that you speak to yourself and speaking kindly and speaking
compassionately is everything. The second thing that it is, is
creating space for choice. So if you noticed in my example
around exercise, I was like, what sounds fun?
(20:30):
Should we dance? Should we Pilates?
Should we gym? What sounds good?
Creating space for choice allowsyour brain to remember that you
are not a warden, You are not a,you know, direct threat.
You are a friend who offers choice, who offers compassion.
So creating choice for yourself when you're staying accountable
(20:50):
is everything. I feel like with ADHD, don't
want to do the same thing every day, but I still need to do
certain habits that make me feelgood.
So what do I do? I create choice.
And then I actually want to do those things because I feel like
I have a say and my inner child doesn't want to, you know, get
mad and throw a tantrum because I feel like I have a say.
I feel like I'm heard. And that's really all our inner
(21:14):
child wants when it's creating that resistance is to feel like
she has choice. The third thing is moving
towards pleasure instead of pain.
We talked about that. And the last thing is reminding
yourself that getting things done from a place of devotion
actually helps support healthy dopamine in your brain, right?
I want to do a whole episode on dopamine because I'm so
(21:36):
interested in it. But it really is that reward
chemical. You do something, you're proud
of yourself, you feel that dopamine, and you want to do it
again. And what I realized is by
getting things done and coming from a place of devotion, it
really does support healthy dopamine for me.
And when I went all the way to 1end and didn't want to do
anything and didn't want to stayaccountable at all and I wanted
(21:56):
to avoid, I think it really messed with my dopamine and
actually in my brain because I wasn't getting that reward
chemical that my brain really needed.
So dopamine is actually really good for your last like 2
actionable steps that I want youto do this week to just
integrate this into practice is 1.
I want you to have a conscious self meeting.
(22:18):
This is where you kind of just check in with yourself.
You see what's working, what's not working, what are your
current values, Are your actionsaligning to your current values?
And really just doing a conscious self meeting where
you're checking in and saying, am I moving from a place of pain
and fear or pleasure and joy? Am I moving away?
Am I moving towards, am I movingfrom discipline?
(22:38):
Am I moving from devotion? And just noticing, just noticing
can begin to train and reprogramyour brain so that you can begin
to move from this place of devotion instead of disciplined.
And this is the art of devotion because it's an art, it's a
dance. It's not, oh, I'm going to tell
you this one thing and it's going to be solved.
No, this is a constant practice of showing up for yourself, of
reprogramming your mind. And it is the art of devotion
(23:02):
because it is an art, it is a dance, and it's your personal
experience. So create it the way that you
want. Also, whiteboards #2 if you
don't have a whiteboard, whiteboards help me because it
allows me to check things off mylist while still staying
flexible in my schedule and balance that masculine and
feminine. So if you love this episode,
(23:22):
this rain is starting to come down on us right now.
But if you loved this episode, send it to a friend or just copy
paste the link, share it on Instagram, tag us where you're
listening. You guys know it literally means
the world to me when you do this.
Like it just makes my day when Isee you guys tagging at Sunday's
KK, my Personal or at Skinny Dipping Diaries.
And yeah, I'm so grateful. I'm happy to be on YouTube.
(23:44):
Hopefully we have some new listeners on here 'cause the art
of devotion is something that's completely changed and altered
my life and I'm just so gratefulto share this with you guys.
And yeah, also join the Soul andProgress community.
If you want breath work and EFT tapping and meditations on all
those things, it'll be linked below.
And also, if you want to come toBali with us in November,
there's a couple spots left and just send me a little DM and I
(24:06):
can send you the official invite.
I love you so much. OK, I'm going to get my
equipment out of the rain. I love you, I love you.
Skinny dipping listeners. Let me know how this goes.
Applying this and bye.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.