Erotic Blueprints With Lauren Goyette

In this exciting episode of the Skirts Up Show, Samantha and Melissa bring you laughs, adventures, and a wealth of insights about relationships and pleasure. – they dive headfirst into an engaging and informative conversation with the sensational sex expert, Lauren Goyette.

Lauren, a sex educator, shares her journey, her wealth of knowledge, and some jaw-dropping facts about pleasure and sexual well-being. From exploring five erotic blueprints to discovering 9 types of orgasms, nothing is off-limits in this intimate and enlightening discussion. Samantha and Melissa navigate through topics such as erotic energy, the importance of knowing your body, and the benefits of sexual pleasure to overall health and emotional well-being.

Whether you’re curious about pleasure mapping, the significance of different sensual experiences, or the secrets to a healthy sexual relationship, this episode has something for everyone. Our hosts and Lauren tackle listener questions, break down myths, and give you the tools to enhance your own intimate experiences. Plus, their candid and humorous banter keeps the mood light and engaging throughout.

Don’t miss the special tease about Lauren's upcoming step-by-step guide on sex magic, and a sneak peek into her new podcast episode on body mapping. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to the Skirts Up squad, this is an episode you won’t want to miss. So, grab a cup of coffee, put the kids to bed, and get ready for an hour of fun, laughter, and learning about all things sensual and pleasurable!

• Want to learn more amazing tidbits from Lauren? Desire Dialogues
• Meet Lauren during our Athena party at One Soul Boudoir Studio - July 13th at 8pm

Party with us in studio or virtually! Sign Up here and the link to join will be provided. Those who attend will get entered to win a VERY special luxury photoshoot at One Soul. Another lucky winner will win an Athena item, on us!

• Don't forget to listen to us on your favorite podcasting app
• Looking to become art in your own home? Check out our friends at One Soul, and be sure to use our special code.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey, you.
You're tuned in to the Skirtsup show with Samantha and Melissa.
Join our mission to normalizefailure, but still uncover the positives
at every twist and turn.
Skirts up, but keep yourpanties on.
What's up, Skirts up squad?
It is Samantha and Melissa andHappy Late Ballers Day.

(00:24):
I guess that's right.
Wait, what?
I said I guess.
I thought you said yuck.
And I was like, fathers.
I knew.
I don't know if you guys saw,but I posted a reel.
So we.
I.
I was planning on making aFather's Day dinner for Simon and
Andrew, and we're gonna havedinner together.

(00:46):
And I, you know, I don't cook.
I'm not good at it.
And I was like, the only thingthat I'm good at making and know
that, like, it won't be ruinedis things in a crock pot.
But our crock pot is so smallthat, like, it hardly feeds, like,
our family of five.
So how am I supposed to feed,like, three non stop eating males
and, you know, just all this food?

(01:07):
And so I go, hey, Simon, youknow what we really need for Father's
Day?
A bigger crock pot.
So for Father's Day, I got afamily big size crock pot.
I did see that.
That's awesome.
Oh, you know what's reallyfunny, though?
After I posted that video,within five minutes, Simon sends

(01:29):
me a reel over Facebook and hegoes, oh, my God, someone else did
that too.
Is it yours?
It was our reel.
I was like.
So I, I look.
I, like, looked.
Up and I was like, oh, is he joking?
I was like, did I spellsomething wrong or.

(01:50):
Why'd you send me my reel?
And he goes, what?
Real?
And I go, you.
You just sent me my reel.
He was like, oh, I didn'trealize that was you.
Like, that is hilarious.
I'm actually gonna.
I'm actually gonna change my fail.
Okay, okay, this is, this is aspur of the moment.
It's not.
Well, no, it's not a fail.

(02:10):
I don't know, maybe I shouldn't.
Okay, whatever.
A funny story, okay?
Because you just reminded meof it.
So you guys know that Sam andI went to goat yoga the other night
and they were awesome.
They, like, let us stand upand, like, do a little spiel at the.
End of the thing.
And we handed out because Samwas awesome and brought little goodie
bags for everybody that wasthere all branded.

(02:32):
And it was a big head.
That's.
They were branded and they hadour faces on the front, but it was,
like kind of not glamour shots.
But it was like, cute shots of us.
And it was so funny becauselater that night, one of my friends
who got a bag was like, youknow what you guys should have done?
And I was like, what?
And he said, you guys shouldhave put your.

(02:53):
A picture of your own faces onthe bags.
I was like, wait, what?
And my other friend jumps inand goes, like, wait, what are you
talking about?
And he goes, you know, insteadof those pictures of those other
girls.
I want to ask who, but I knowyou don't.
I will.
I'm not gonna say who, but I will.

(03:14):
I can tell you later.
But it was.
He goes, I was like, you mean.
These girls right here?
And I held it up next to me,and I was like, because this is me.
And he's like, oh.
Oh, my God, it's you guys.
I didn't.
I was like, well, to be fair,they're like, super cute pictures
of us.

(03:35):
Oh, my God, that was so funny.
That is hilarious.
Yeah, that's not a fail on us.
No.
I thought I could look like that.
Every day, maybe, but that'snot a fail.
That was one of my argumentsto David was, yes, you know, yes,
it makes us feel good, butit's not like anyone's following
us around with this glammakeup and shit to make us feel like

(03:58):
this every day.
So it's kind of hard to lookat this photo and be like, yeah,
that's me.
That's why I know I'm unrecognizable.
Just kidding.
It was hilarious.
I about died.
But anyway.
All right, do you want toshare fails or what are you getting?
What were we thinking?
Yeah, I was just thinking.
I don't know.
The feel that came to mind when.

(04:18):
When we started recording was.
I don't.
Some of you might have saw onour Facebook page that I went to
go do the beginning stages,the first recording part of the documentary
that I'm working on calledKeeping the Birds Warm.
I do need to keep all namesand really a lot of it private until

(04:39):
it goes through trial.
So not sharing that.
But I will say that therecordings and a lot of what is happening
takes place in Cobb County.
So a very high traffic areawhere you have to get on all these
freaking highways.
And I am not highway savvy.

(05:00):
And I literally, like, I wason the phone with my cousin and literally
three times back to back to back.
I like it splits where it'slike, oh, go this way, and you're
on Highway 85.
But then you split this wayand you're on Highway 75 or something.
And every time I take thewrong fucking split.

(05:22):
And so three times I have to.
And it adds 30 minutes every time.
You do this every time?
Yeah, it's a whole thinghaving to turn around, like, go to
the next exit, get off.
So it's, like, not okay.
And so, yeah, Atlanta's heightis a lot of people.

(05:43):
Yeah.
So I'm, like, in tears andshaking by time I get to the freaking
courthouse, which, of course,I'm already nervous about that because
I don't know what to expectwhen we get to the courthouse.
And you know, what exactly isgoing to come out of recording.
And so I'm already supernervous about that.
But now I'm, like, reallyshaking and really worked up because
driving was such a fuckingpain in the ass.

(06:04):
And that was just a fail.
Who takes the wrong exit threetimes in a row?
The same exit.
I've done it.
I've done it.
Okay.
For real.
Okay.
Well, at least it's not justme, but that sure.
Is stressful.
Felt dumb.
Uh, and I was, like an hourand a half late.

(06:27):
Maybe two hours.
Let's see.
No, it was an hour and a halflate to when I said I was gonna meet
them and start, you know,prepping everyone for recording sessions
and stuff, but ended upworking out anyways.
So I will say I was very stressed.
But it worked out anywaysbecause I got there and still there
was so much time left before,like, the big thing.
So good.

(06:47):
It worked out, but it wasstressful and I took the wrong turn
a gazillion times.
Yeah.
Do you think you took thesecond and third wrong turns because
you were already stressedabout the first one?
Oh, it's very possible, buthonestly, I just.
I don't understand the splits.
Like, there's one part inAtlanta where it, like, it's three

(07:09):
different highways and, like,one's going this way, one's going
straight, one's going this way.
But then I feel like it's notvery clear on which highway is which
direction.
And I just don't think thatthat is my fault.
I think that whoever designedthese highways are a idiot.
There it is.
You know, not taking blame iswhat I'm going to do.
I'm going to not take blamefor dumb highways.

(07:34):
Oh, dear.
Yeah, no, it's.
It's definitely a lot going ondown there.
Yeah.
I'm glad I don't live outthere, but yay, me.
I get to do a lot of recordingdown there.
Do you think that they'll evercome up and Record with you, or is
it because you're doingpeople, like, interviewing people
that work at the court, in.
The court system, when it'sthings like bail and trial and things

(07:59):
like.
Of course I'll be recording.
Yeah.
In court, but.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah.
Oh, my goodness.
This is going to be so interesting.
I know.
It's definitely going to be along haul, though, so don't hold
your breath.
It could be five years beforeeverything is said and done and,
you know, before everythingcan start getting pasted.

(08:19):
So.
Yeah, that's okay.
That's okay.
Be a fun surprise.
You're in it for the long.
Yep, I like it.
What?
Failed.
All right.
Or was gonna say, you know whoelse is in it for the long haul?
That's what she said.
No, just kidding.
I was trying to transfer it toour episode, so.

(08:42):
Hon, I have to do something.
Okay.
I feel like.
Okay.
I gotta tell you just real quick.
So Emilia, she created thisjoke, like, a few months ago, and
she goes, you know what?
Someone can never name theirkid Ben Dover because Ben over.
Okay.
And then Simon calls me today.

(09:03):
He goes, I cannot take thisperson seriously.
His name has been Dover.
And I was like, no, shut up.
And he was like.
And I'm dead serious.
The guy's name is Benjamin Dover.
He goes by Ben Dover.
And I was like, that is hilarious.
That's a joke that my dad usedto say all the time.

(09:23):
Are you serious?
Yep.
I thought Amelia made it up.
And I was like, who comes upwith this?
And then, sure enough, there'ssomewhere named Ben Dover.
That's surprising.
I've actually never met one.
I've only heard my dad, like, joke.
About it, so that happened.
But anyways.
Well, my brother's name is.
One of.
My brother's name is Ben.
Yes.
Long haul.

(09:44):
The bent over long haul.
Now we're getting into theepisode, and we want to.
Because she's awesome.
She's amazing.
She's so funny.
She's fun to talk to.
She's easy to talk to, too.
Yeah, it's great.
Yeah.
Because for me, sex talk hasalways been so uncomfortable and,

(10:07):
like, embarrassing.
And just, like, we startedtalking to her, like, shit just started
coming out.
And I was like, oh, okay.
I guess she made it fun, butshe also made it, like, it's not.
You don't you know howsometimes we talk about sex and we
all start giggling for, like, children?
But it wasn't like that.
She made it, like, totallynormal, and I love that.
Yeah.
But she.
Yeah, she's pretty cool.

(10:29):
So much so if you guys saw onFacebook or Instagram, we have a
Athena sex toy party withLauren that you're about to meet
on July 13th.
We will be doing it live andin person for anyone who wants to
come join us at One Soul Studio.
So that's a perfect chance foryou to come and tour the studio if

(10:49):
you're nearby and would liketo check out our friends at One Soul.
But then also join us live forthe sex toy party.
But if you can't make it toKennesaw and join us in the studio,
then you can join virtuallyand it will be just as funny.
Lauren's great.
So, yes, join us for the sex party.
Yes.
It starts at.

(11:09):
Let me.
Let's see.
It starts.
We will be there doing behindthe scenes starting at 7pm but you
guys can join us live withLauren starting at 8pm so get the
kids to bed, get your choiceof alcohol or non alcohol coffee,
whatever.
And let's be silly and talkabout dildos.

(11:33):
Or not.
I'm actually really excited.
Like, I need some good toys inmy life.
Me too.
Yeah.
All right.
Do we want them to meet Lauren?
Of course we do.
Lauren, take it away.
All right, skirts up, squad.
We are so excited becausetoday we have with us Lauren Goyet.

(11:55):
She is a.
She sells sex toys for theAthena's Home novelty company.
And I hope I got that right.
But she doesn't just sell sex toys.
No, she's apparently like thetop in the nation for the company,
which is really exciting.
But not even that she's a sex therapist.
Well, she's apparently since2013, she's had.

(12:16):
She's been working in thefield of sexual education, empowerment,
and now she is on her way tobecoming a sex therapist while working
on your master's.
Is that correct?
All right.
It was a long road.
We got there.
Sounds fancy.
Let's get dirty.
Yes.
We're skirting on in.
So we're going to talk about afew things today, and I'm really

(12:37):
excited.
So do you want to kind of.
Just give us like a little introduction.
Introduction history about yourself?
What got you started?
All the things.
So the things that got mestarted to become a certified sex
relationship coach was, okay,I'm selling the tools, right?
The physical tool, thevibrators, the butt plugs, the rope,
the blindfolds, all the thingsto enhance the romance.

(13:00):
But yet I noticed that that'snot gonna fix everything, right?
Sometimes there's trust issues.
Sometimes there's a reallyhard time communicating, and sometimes
what you don't know you don't know.
So you're like, oh, I don't know.
Why am I not good enough ifyou wanna bring a toy into the bedroom?
And then I obviously, I love education.

(13:20):
I love sex theories and.
Oh, I have all the books ofall the famous sexologists.
And it's absolutely interesting.
There's so much to always mo.
Like, know more, can alwayslearn more, and then you can implement
what you learn.
And sex gets so much moreinteresting and beautiful.
It's like, you know, kind ofpriming your palette in a way.

(13:42):
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
I can relate to.
But it's not about me today.
Well, that's hilarious becauseI can relate to the other side where
it's like there.
So I grew up in a very, youknow, sheltered environment and there
were things that I didn't knowexisted until my late 20s, if that.
And I remember feeling reallystupid sometimes and not wanting

(14:05):
to ask.
But I think that that's when.
Why we have you today because.
Okay, I do have a funny.
Oh, tell me you're funny.
Okay, so I'm giving birth to,like, baby number three.
And so they're looking at, youknow, the area.
And I thought that the.

(14:25):
That the.
The tube thing, the catheter.
I thought that where that goesand I thought that where you pee
out of was the clitorius.
I thought that that was the urethra.
Oh, really?
Interesting.
Yeah.
So the truth comes out.
I did not learn the anatomy.

(14:47):
Anatomy until baby number three.
And that's fair.
Actually, that's a really good.
I wonder if that's normal.
Is that common?
That is very common.
I do believe so.
Really Thing that I actuallylove people to.
I do an exercise.
Here's the thing.
Have you ever held a mirrordown there to look at your vagina
when I.
When.
When my uterus was falling out?

(15:08):
Oh, yeah, I did becausesomeone online told me I should.
It's like gorgeous.
It's just incredible.
And it's even better becauseit will change colors the more that
you're turned on because theblood rushes down there goes.
Really?
No, I didn't do that.
Yes.
Oh, so we need to, like, watchthe whole thing.

(15:29):
Yes.
If you can little Bring themirror by the bedside.
Right.
Or the couch, wherever you are.
I just.
The thing is this educationwasn't t also in a penis.
The urethra and theejaculatory canal are the same exact
thing.
It's the same tube.
So it's understandably maybesomething that made sense, you know,
you would think.
Yeah.
Clitoris is right above theUrethral tube.

(15:53):
That little bump.
That little bump.
That happy bump.
All right, well, now that wegot my awkward.
Didn't know what a clitorius was.
That is okay.
And we all need somebody totalk to.
And that's the thing.

(16:14):
If you don't have anybody toask these questions to know that
I can be that for you.
I'm completely non judgmentaland I have been that person for people
for more than 15 years.
So please.
That's.
That's really.
Are you in.
Are you in a relationship?
I am.
I'm actually getting marriedin October.

(16:35):
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Thanks.
How does the partner feelabout what you do?
He loves it.
He.
He's proud of me and the factthat he gets free toys to test because
I need reviews.
Right.
I don't own a penis.
If I did, I would never leavethe house.
But that's what I said.
I wish.
Right?

(16:55):
Like triathlons are fine.
You get like a little bit ofthat penis owning vibe, but not really.
But you can't really feel.
He.
He's really proud of me and Iget to show him all these things
I learned and we get to deepenour relationship as well.
The new things that I continueto learn.
And yeah, it's pretty cool.

(17:15):
We always get to activate newheights of pleasure together.
So it's really nice.
That's really.
That's really cool.
I wanted to ask her about.
You had mentioned earliererotic energy.
And I was wondering.
I'm just going to put out my question.
Are you saying that all of ushave a different type of energy and
we're trying to like tap inand figure out what ours is or what

(17:38):
are you saying when you'retalking about erotic energy and why
is it important?
We are all made of energy, right?
Sexual energy is the most powerful.
It's the most creative.
It's what makes life.
Right.
So you can actually use sexualenergy to manifest.
It's called sex magic.
Very cool.
I have.
I am probably going to releasea video on like a step by step on

(18:01):
how to do that.
You're basically circulatingthe sexual energy through all of
the chakras at the top of yourhead and manifesting your dreams
plus having really goodorgasms at the same time.
So there's actually.
When it comes to energy, itEnergetic is actually one of five

(18:22):
erotic blueprints.
So while all of you haveenergy and there's a way to exchange
energy and be more consciousabout it during sex, not everybody
knows how to tap into it.
But if you're an energeticerotic blueprint Then you definitely
know you like the look acrossthe room, the teeth to, like, bring

(18:43):
up the energy.
You like, like the really nice gazes.
The almost touched.
You want me to.
Yeah, the almost touch, Right.
Like the lip over the lip.
But you don't.
For real?
Yeah.
Do you want me to cover thefive erotic blueprint?
I actually do.
I am really curious.
Like.

(19:03):
Like.
Yeah, tell us, because there'sgoing to be all kinds of different
women out here and menlistening to the episode and.
Yeah, let's hear.
All right, so.
So the blueprint.
The five erotic blueprint wasdesigned and created by Jaya.
She is a sexologist and author.
There's a fantastic book.

(19:24):
It's finding your erotic blueprint.
So there's five.
Usually you'll have a primaryand a secondary.
You may be two out of five inthat pool.
So the first one would be sexual.
This is very genital focus, Right.
Whether it's just reallyappreciative of the naked genitalia.

(19:47):
Straight to the point, Right?
Okay.
Booty, cheek, balls, anything.
You just.
You love the way the sexualorgans look.
You love sex.
You like to watch the in and out.
Very visually and sexual.
Right?
Okay.
Then we have sensual.
Sensual, you think would be,you know, a little bit slower, a

(20:08):
little bit softer.
But I want you to think of thefive senses.
So you may want to light a candle.
You have that sense.
You may want to hear dirtytalk or you may want to put earplugs
in so everything else feelsmore heightened.
You may want to see certainthings, like a nice fuzzy pillow.
You may want to be in, like, asilky robe.
You may want warm, warmmassage oil, like the soy candles

(20:32):
that melt on the body.
You want to play with ice.
You know, you have a couplethings with that, and it's more of
like a soft, gentle touchversus like a bang on the ass.
Okay.
Okay.
Then we have the energetic.
And this is all about feelingmore than actual penetration.

(20:55):
You can actually have anenergetic orgasm without penetration,
without touching.
And with your clothes on, youcan tap into all of the energy.
It's incredible.
Tell me.
But I have a question.
Are you saying that everybodyhas access to be able to understand
each of these five blueprints?
Or are you saying some peoplemay just kind of relate to one?

(21:19):
Some people may relate to one.
And some people actually maybe the fifth one, which was shape
shifter.
So it can be all of them tosuit the partner's need, their, you
know, sexual partner's needs,so they can fit into all of it and
tap in.
Okay, sorry I interrupted You.
Because you were about to tellus about energetic.
And I'm really excited aboutthis one.

(21:40):
No worries at all.
So energetic.
We like the build ofanticipation, the tease across the
room.
You can have mutualmasturbation where you're not even
touching each other.
You're just watching eachother with the energy, too.
It's like you can feel moreenergy than some of the other blueprint.

(22:01):
I've always been an energetic person.
You can feel the energy shiftwhen you walk into a room.
If you're one of those people,you're most likely energetic.
There's a lot of cheesing thatyou can utilize with this energy.
I have quartz on all of it as well.
Try out and see which one maybe for you.
The fourth one is chinky.

(22:24):
So, my friends, I'm going toask you both to cross your leg.
Oh, my leg is crossed.
They are crossed.
All right, now I'm going tohave you listen to me, and I just
want everybody to go ahead andfocus on each of their faces and
the.
Reactions that will happenafter this on our faces.
Okay?
Go ahead and put your bothfeet on the floor like a good girl.

(22:47):
Ah.
Okay.
So you may be kinky if youliked that being.
Well, that.
Okay, she's good.
Kate.
Yes, Simon does call me a goodgirl, and it does get me revved.
You've already got it.
See, I.
I am.
I am energetic and kinky.

(23:08):
All right.
I'm also.
I can be a little bit of everything.
So I'm pretty sure I'm a shapeshifter, as I've had many partners
and they're all into differentthings and it's always really good.
So.
And the fact that you lovethat good girl, that's that psychologically
kinky part.
Then you have the word andlike that.
You know, the little dominant.

(23:28):
Yeah, right.
That's the fun stuff.
Then you have physically kinkywith props, such as, okay, whips
and stuff like that.
You want to get hit by anewspaper on a leash.
So those are two different.
The kinky is broken into two pieces.
Psychologically kinky with thegood girl and stuff like that.
And then physical item prop.

(23:51):
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
And your last.
So, yeah, Yeah, I think.
I think that's really funny.
So Simon and I kind of laugh.
And so this is.
All right, listeners.
You're going to get reallydeep into our sex life.
Just a little bit.
I'll try and keep it a little tame.

(24:12):
Mom, tune out.
So we laugh because we keepfinding new ways to get me off.
And sometimes they are noteven we could be kissing, and all
of a sudden, oh, there she goes.
And I could be sucking a dick,and then all of a sudden, oh, there

(24:33):
she goes.
And it's like, that's not normal.
Like, when you look at thestatistics, you see that, like, they
all say that most women needan only orgasm from, like, clitorial
stimulation.
And so I'm like, oh, I'm theoddball over here.
Just squirting away.
Like, just, we need water sheets.
Like it's.
It's a whole thing.

(24:53):
And that's anothercontroversial thing.
That's a question I have.
Then you raise a reallyimportant question.
Like, is that really astatistic or is that more of a.
Are a misnomer with the beingable to have an orgasm without being
touched by the clitoris?
The opposite.
Like, she was saying that mostpeople need to have that clitoral

(25:15):
stimulation.
If you Google it, that's whatyou see.
But I feel like that could bekind of a stereotype almost, because
I'm.
I don't fit with that.
I don't.
Yeah.
And I'm wondering how manymore people don't exactly.
Probably about 20 to 30% ofvulva owners don't need to be touched.
So 70 to 80%.

(25:36):
These have been studies overthe years.
70 to 80% of vulva owners needdirect clitoral stimulation.
The clitoral 10,000 nerveending is there for no other purpose
except pleasure.
So please, everybody, DJ click.
Okay?
Please touch.
It's only different.
That goes back into my wooka wooka.

(25:58):
Yeah, like, perfect, right?
It's always popping 10am I'mjust sitting on the bathroom.
Right?
So you just fall into the 20to 30% that are able to have a different
type of orgasm, which is inthose nine types of orgasms.
Okay, So I feel like with thatbeing said, that that would mean

(26:20):
that the majority of ourlisteners could be like, you.
Like, what about me?
They could, but I.
They probably won't.
They're not.
That mean we have nice listeners.
I'm sorry, have you had an orgasm?
Because, like, I knew thatother people were having orgasms,
and I'm just sitting herelike, what is this?

(26:42):
Like, I'd be pissed.
Like, I want what you have.
It is really uncertain whysome people are able to have an orgasm
with kissing, an orgasm withjust nipple stimulation, an orgasm
by just giving oral to somebody.
And you're not even being touched.
You are just in a differentwavelength of sexual energy through

(27:04):
your body.
So maybe you already have moresexual energy flowing at the will
for you to Grab and have an orgasm.
Also, you could have the morereally in tune feel with your partner.
You can be super turned on.
Not every, you know, as longas we, you know, can feel pleasure,
that.
That's pretty important.
However you get there, thejourney is going to be different

(27:25):
for everybody.
Right, so what is theimportance of these blueprints?
The importance of theblueprints is to tap into higher
pleasure.
All right, so there's pros andcons of each.
But if you are, for example, asexual blueprint, right.
You love to just see sex.
You can, you know, implementnew types of porn, right.

(27:47):
Get a giant tv, do it up right.
You could go to sex clubs andwatch others.
You could have your partnertape it, videotape it.
That way you can watch it later.
You could get into newpositions where you're able to view
it better.
Maybe get a mirror.
You know, so there's new waysto just like make it even better.

(28:10):
Right.
Essential where you're addingin utilizing the five senses.
There's a lot of new thingsyou can feel.
There's also items that actually.
It's an electromagnetic wand.
We have one of those.
Yeah.
Yes.
I don't like it personally,but Simon loves it.
And it goes all over.
Like.

(28:30):
What is it, like an electro wand?
Yep.
I don't know what that is.
It's it like it likeelectrocutes you.
Yeah, yeah.
Like you stick your finger ina socket.
Yeah.
Like lightly.
So if you were somebody wholike to stick your tongue on the
battery, like the D battery.
Right?
A little square battery.
If you're somebody.

(28:51):
Okay, got you.
Yeah.
You like to play that gamewhere you put your finger into like
this little.
Actually have it somewhereabout over here.
You put your fingers intothese little electrodes machine.
You hit the button and it willgo around.
So it'll shock who's ever with you.
But it just doesn't want likenine of them.
Right.
And okay.
But when it does, you.
And sometimes you can have an orgasm.

(29:12):
So I had an orgasm whileplaying this game with our hands
stuck in their little fingers.
That is so cool.
Oh, my God.
Different frequency of turn on.
So there's new way, new thingsto bring in.
Like you don't have to go outand buy like a shit ton of batteries
so you can lick them all atthe same time.

(29:32):
But there's ways to enhanceyour experience with each of these
blueprints, which is sobeautiful because some people are
untouched.
Like they've never had anenergetic orgasm before.
They didn't know what it was.
They Thought they were just one.
But realize that there's awhole buffet of new things to try
that they didn't know wouldturn them on.
But that will because it fallsunder the different types of play.

(29:56):
So does the blueprint come inwhen you're in a pretty happy, satisfied
relationship but you just wantto try something new and take it
to a next level?
Or is this like, hey, we'renot enjoying sex.
Maybe we should focus more onthe blueprint styles and see where
we fall.
Ooh.
And what about those whoaren't in a relationship?
Can they still utilize it?

(30:16):
Absolutely.
So, for example, with the sexual.
The need to.
You love to see genitals.
Those who masturbate in frontof a mirror.
Very fun.
Okay.
Very fun.
Okay.
You can, like, try to makesure your neighbors watch.
And I get real weird.
I'm just kidding.
I.

(30:36):
I mean, put me against a window.
A skyscraper.
Like, let's go.
I believe that.
So in a way, it is there toenhance a relationship that you're
already having sex and thatyou may not be satisfied with.
But it's okay there to enhanceyour relationship by yourself.
Especially if, you know,you're in a celibacy period and you're

(30:58):
just trying to figure out whatreally feels sexually authentic to
you which is a lifetimejourney sometimes too.
There's always more to learnand more to experience.
So it is for those who arecompletely unsatisfied with their
sex lives and for those whowant to enhance it.
So you find out whichblueprint they are.
They try different things tofigure it out.

(31:19):
And then you add onto it.
You layer it up with all thejuiciness for those blueprint styles
and they can kind of, like,draw down what they like.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
Are you a friends fan?
What do you mean?
Oh, like the show?
Yeah, like Phoebe.
Phoebe's my favorite.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(31:41):
She'S great.
So this is our.
When we came into thisconversation, I was cracking up because
one of the episodes whereMonica is teaching Chandler about
the arachnidones.
And then she's like, seven.
Seven, seven.
Okay, very well.
Yeah, I'm sure you do.
How many zones are there?

(32:03):
And then answer that firsterosion of.
Zones are going to vary fromperson to person.
Oh, so not everyone has thesame amount?
No, no.
Oh.
What could be sexy for one person?
Like, okay, you know, lick mymiddle toe, Right?

(32:25):
That could be erogenous zonefor somebody.
It's not for myself.
It could be, you know, lick my ear.
I will actually want to hit somebody.
Don't come near my ears.
Don't blow air in my ears.
But then some people will liketo have their ear licked and, like,
nibbled like a little kitty.
That's my partner.
It's weird, but I think it's hilarious.
So he's like.

(32:47):
It's wicked cute.
Some people have the small.
The back.
Some people love like a, youknow, a nice tongue right up the
spine.
So isn't this just like a kink?
Like it.
Erogenous zones?
It could be kinky.
It could be based on kink, too.
Like, what you're into.
Absolutely.

(33:07):
I'm gonna actually do someserious research after this to see
if there's, like, an amountthat everybody may have.
I'm interesting that.
Okay, so I asked a questionthat we will later learn an answer
to.
Look at me.
Boom.
Pretty cool.
We all learning.
Yeah.
Tell me one of your erogenous sounds.
Would you like to share?

(33:30):
I.
I mean, I guess.
Okay, so you're.
What I am hearing is that basically.
How do I want to word this?
Okay.
In the sexual experiences thatSimon and I have been dabbling in,
what I'm learning is thatanything can be a kink.
What you're describing is kindof what I'm.
It's kind of just what itsounds like to me.
Like.

(33:51):
Like one person that we talkto has this kink is what I.
I feel like it's called whereit's called, like, a nursing kink.
But that sounds like that justmeans they might have, like, an oral
fixation.
Fixation, which would be an irregnance.

(34:11):
How do you say it?
Erogenous zone.
Yeah.
Is it.
That would definitely fallinto kinky.
Yeah.
Erogenous zones are usually,from what I know.
So I was usually like, okay, Ilove it when they kiss my neck.
Right.
Or kiss that around mycollarbone or the, you know, nipples.

(34:36):
Could be one.
The inner arm.
Could be one.
The back of the leg.
The inner thighs right abovethe waistline of your pants.
Everybody has different zones,but when we talk about oral, that
is a kink.
That is.
Gotcha.
What?
That is sexually somethingthat you like in your.
On your sex menu.
And oral, you know, isprobably a sure way to turn you on.

(34:58):
So they go for that so thatmaybe, you know, that they.
Okay.
I like.
Now we're learning all thethings, and I love it.
One.
Okay.
So I guess that makes me thinkof body mapping.
And so maybe that's justsomething that we should all do with
our partner or ourself is tolearn those zones by a body mapping.

(35:22):
I actually just Released apodcast episode on my podcast, Desire
Dialogues about pleasuremapping yesterday.
So look how that worked.
That worked out.
Wow.
All right, I'll link that.
Perfect.
We will link that.
It's really.
Yeah, yeah.
To know what you and what yourpartner, you know, like right now.

(35:42):
Because it could change fromseven years ago.
I think our sexual tasteschange with every seven years.
Just like your taste buds change.
Yeah, I'd agree with that.
Does so body mapping.
Like, is there like any kindof like a.
A handbook to it?
I think that's what she's released.
Right.
It's a walked through, talkedthrough guide.

(36:04):
And I can absolutely make aworkbook that we can link right to
it just for your list.
Very cool.
Do you talk in a seductivevoice as you're like, walking through
the map?
I talk just like this.
So, yeah, she's seductive.
She is seductive.
I don't mean.
Yeah, I know.
I'm just teasing you.
20 years of smoking.
Newport.
So this is where we sound now,and it works for me.

(36:28):
I think the smoking voice isthe end game.
Hey, if you can get somethingfrom it, do it.
One of the things that youkind of blew my mind about, because
I just can't.
I can't figure it out on my own.
So I need you to help help us out.
Nine types of orgasms.

(36:48):
Yes.
Like, what is that?
Who?
I can think of like, maybe three.
Okay.
Which ones do you have in mind?
Okay, well, obviously there'sthe clitorial.
There's the G.
And I mean, I know people canlike nipple.
Yeah, I can't, but so then Iguess that's really the only thing

(37:10):
I can kind of think of.
I don't really know.
All right, so you have threeof nine.
I just checked them off.
Let's go through them.
All right.
Okay.
A nipple orgasm is not goingto be dedicated to one gender or
the other.
Each nipple and areola justone has 800 nerve endings.

(37:31):
No matter.
Oh, wow.
Right?
I don't think I have any.
Okay.
Is that normal?
No, it is, actually for thosewho have had nipple piercing or who
have breastfed, sometimes thesensation can be decreased after
that.
Ah, okay.
So you're okay.
It's okay.
It's normal.
It definitely happens.
Right.

(37:52):
And then we have the clitoral orgasm.
Right.
70 to 80% of vulva ownersrequire direct stimulation.
So definitely bring in a handydandy little vibe to make this year.
So you have more hands forother things.
Right?
Yeah.
I'm so glad that you broughtthat up, because that's one of the
toys that you see, like, inall the stores and stuff.

(38:12):
And I always stare at it.
I'm like, what the does that do?
Does that go inside of you?
Like, what are you supposed todo with it?
Isaac do?
No.
I love great questions.
This is going to be just alittle vibe that will have 11 different
functions, which is going tobe like, low, medium, high.
Holy.
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
We're here.
Just kidding.

(38:35):
And that's like Michael Buble,all different one.
But this is easily.
You know, you can utilize thisin doggy style.
You can utilize this missionary.
You can utilize this, actually.
You ready to have your mind blown?
Anything that goes underneathyour chin, on your cheek or onto
your throat.
Let me turn it on so you canhear my voice change.

(38:57):
Okay.
Onto your throat.
Now turns your mouth into ahuman vibrator.
All right, so now my tongue vibrator.
That's pretty cool.
When it's under my chin, mytongue can vibrate.
And if you want your partnerto, like, absolutely.
Just pound your cheek, forsome reason, my partner looks like
put his dick between my teethand my cheek, and I have no idea

(39:18):
why.
I'm like, dude, you don't evenhave much room.
So I shipped this here, andyou're like, oh, I'm done.
I'm like, nice, Nice.
So this is called come alittle closer.
And you can utilize any typeof play.
You can enhance oral forwhatever sex is going on.
You can go ahead and put thisright behind the testicles and the

(39:39):
anus.
It's.
I call it the nacho.
So it's not your balls, notyour asshole.
Right.
The ABC asphalt connector.
And you can stimulate theprostate gland externally on that
stretch of skin called the perineum.
So this isn't just a female.
Oh, no.
Vibration feels good for everybody.
Right?
So just, like, the nippleshave the same amount.
You can absolutely maybe bringin a vibrator to see if you can get

(40:01):
some more stimulation to the nipple.
Love it.
Okay, clitoris is two.
You're going to have a G area,G spot area like we spoke about.
Now, the G spot area is about1 to 3 inches inside on the front
anterior, which is the front wall.

(40:22):
Right on the other side of the clitoris.
Actually, it's on the frontwall of the vagina.
All right.
The way to activate this iswith a toy that actually will have
the curve in it already.
Okay.
A lot of the internal toys,you're going to have this curve because
it's more of like a, you know,like, pirate hook that.
Right.
So a lot of times Penetrationdoesn't get that unless you have

(40:43):
certain positions.
I have a position playbookepisode as well too, Bridges.
Oh, fine.
But it's really about thosefingers, like the come hither motion.
So for anybody who has notexperienced the G spot orgasm, you
are not broken.
Please don't do that.
The thing is, the G spotactually needs about 20 to 30 minutes
to actually have the bloodrush to this area for it to be enlarged.

(41:07):
So it's like, it gets bigger.
It's like, bitch, don't miss me.
Right?
But it also is gonna quicklittle trick that you can figure
out what it feels like.
It may feel like the top ofyour mouth and it has a bunch of
ridges and the rest of thevaginal tissue is gonna feel like
the inside of your cheek.
All right?
So it's gonna feel like theexternal piece of like a walnut.
Put pressure on that bad boy.

(41:28):
Okay.
Back and forth really fast orin and out really fast.
Okay.
Like a really fast come hither.
And a G spot area orgasm cansometimes feel like an orgasm.
And it can sometimes feel likejust a relief.
Okay.
And it can and cannot bepaired with squirting, AKA female
ejaculation, which is wherethose amazing absorbent blankets

(41:53):
come into play.
We sell them.
They're called a sex you throw blanket.
Very fun.
Beautiful.
I'll never laugh out becausewe keep going through these damn
sheets.
Oh, what is that?
It is an absorbent plush throw blanket.
Okay.
Ours.
Mine has lasted me five years.
It is machine washable.
They say not to dry it, but Ido anyways because I'm like a broken

(42:14):
sprinkler system.
Right.
And if you're worried aboutthat, you may get the.
Oh, I feel like I gotta pee.
What happens is you go to thebathroom, you go to try to pee, and
nothing's happening.
You just chipped yourself out.
Of a G spot orgasm, it'sreally mind over matter.
Once you have your first, it'sgoing to be so much easier.
It doesn't stop.
It doesn't stop.
Yeah.
The neural pathways know thatit's possible and you know exactly

(42:36):
what to do to get there.
And with the blanket, you havethat worry gone about, oh, my gosh,
I have to change the sheets.
I don't want to make a mess.
Right.
I don't want to sleep in this.
The mattress is ruined.
Yeah.
I usually will lay down atowel or something.
Yeah.
Because I don't want to.
I want to go to bed after whenI'm done.

(42:56):
Absolutely.
And the thing clean, then dirty.
And if you've Been goingthrough them fast.
Let's just.
We'll talk about after, aboutthe quality.
And I can send you a link andgive you my discount.
We'll get you one that youfeel really good about.
Never go.
We're going to be bff.
I got you.
I got you.
Like, let's make life so muchmore comfortable.
Life and sex is so messy.

(43:16):
Let's have things to make iteven more enjoyable.
You don't have to worry aboutone more thing.
Right?
All right.
Awesome.
There's your juice bar.
So we good?
All right.
Okay.
Then we have a.
A vaginal orgasm, which isactually the first third of the vagina.
Okay.
If you've ever had sex with apenis owner and they like to do this

(43:37):
weird helicopter move.
I don't know, I'm like, whereare we going?
Can you just, like, hoverright there?
Actually, this is really cool.
The first third of the vaginais covered in the most nerve ending.
All right.
So the.
Also, that's the fun thingtoo, with the clitoris.
Think of the clitoris like awishbone, right?
You have the critters here.
You like a little.
What you can see outside.
Like the little pee.

(43:57):
Yeah.
Sometimes it's like a greenpea size.
Sometimes it's bigger.
And the clitoris runs downboth sides on the inside.
Okay.
Okay.
You don't see it.
So it's running down thevaginal lips.
All right.
And it's running down theinside of the legs.
That's when you have aclitoral orgasm.
Sometimes your leg will twitcha little bit.
Like a dog.
They donated it.

(44:18):
Right.
So the clitoris wraps aroundboth sides of the vaginal canal.
Okay, I didn't realize that.
So that's like when, likethey're just like kind of slapping
you with it.
And they're like.
That's like what that is.
It can be a slap because yougot the clitoris on the vulva, which
is your external lips and stuff.
Right.
And then just the first, like,just the tip, right?

(44:40):
Yeah, that's the part.
Yeah, it hits the sides of the clitoris.
The clitoris lick.
That's where I was thinking,okay, I'm excited.
So this means I'm checking allthe boxes so far.
Mine is nipple.
Yeah, you are.
Excuse the language.
Sorry.
No, I like it.
All right.
Someone is as dirty as me.
We got this.
We got this.
All right, so we covered you thought.
All right, now, oral orgasm.

(45:01):
All right.
This means you can have anorgasm just from someone performing
oral or have an orgasm justfrom performing oral.
So, like you said before.
Okay, got you.
Okay.
Keep it ongoing.
Now let's talk about cervical.
So cervical, I know when youthink of pap smears and stuff, right?

(45:24):
Yeah.
So the cervix is most, mosteasily found obviously deeper in.
Right.
But the cervical orgasm wasmore easily attained after you already
have a clitoral orgasm or a Gspot area orgasm or a vaginal orgasm

(45:45):
because more blood rush downto that area.
Kind of need to prime the pump.
Yeah, you prime up.
You prime up.
So cervical orgasm isabsolutely one of those.
Okay.
And then run away anal.
All right.
My listeners whose booty holejust clenched up, you're like, oh
my gosh.
No, here's the deal, friend.

(46:09):
14,000 nerve endings in the anus.
Okay?
Wow.
And this is not something thatyou're like, okay, no prep, get it
in, let's go.
Like, woo.
You know it doesn't work thatway, Right?
Right.
That's a nice ass right there.
So little by little, right?

(46:30):
This is an area that wants tobe cheesed.
Anybody heard of rimming?
Yeah.
Okay.
So an anal orgasm can beachieved from rimming.
Just rimming.
Definitely get a, like a nicetongue with some flavor lube or a
vibrating play.
Okay.
And then once it will actually wing.

(46:50):
That's not a myth.
It will actually wink whenit's ready.
Because this is going to nowbe more relaxed.
Okay.
The lube.
Do not use water based lube.
It's not going to work.
It's not going to stay.
You need a silicone based lube.
Either a hybrid lube or just a silicone.
Because this is a differenttype of muscle tissue and mucous
membranes.
So in.

(47:12):
And it holds at the neck.
All right.
It gives you this fulfilled feeling.
So you can achieve anal withjust rimming.
Just a pinky.
Just a finger with a toy orwith a penis or a dildo.
All right.
And it is process the twothings I hear people say, I am worried

(47:32):
it's going to hurt.
But really you're actuallyworried that you're going to poop
on a dick.
And it's not going to reallyhappen unless you add Taco Bell or
Chipotle.
Okay.
So we won't go too muchfarther into that, but that is anal.
And if you've never triedanything, I highly recommend you
get a small vibrating buttplug and you explore on your own.
That way you can feel moreconfident to share what you want.

(47:55):
Yeah.
It's time for a partnerpartner play.
Right?
I can sort from that too.
Yes, many can.
Good for you.
Kudos.
High five.
Love It.
Because here's the thing, youcan reach the G spot on the other
side when you're having anal.
There's nine sheets of paperof a width between the anal and the

(48:16):
vaginal canal.
Nine sheets of paper.
So if you get that rightangle, that's like nothing.
It's nothing.
No.
So when you have a vibratingbooty plug and then you have a penis
inside the vagina, they canfeel the vibration.
It's incredible.
Oh, wow.
The penis that has refreshed you.
I just broke your pen and line.
Right up on that.
Oh, yeah, he's getting.

(48:36):
I'm sitting here twitchinglike, tell me more.
I got you.
I got you.
Absolutely.
All right.
And then we have, we have nine is.
No, well, hold on.
Number five.
I'll touch on.
Five is blended.
So this is when you have oneor more at the same time.
So when you're having an analorgasm and a few spot orgasm and

(48:59):
a clitoral orgasm, you are good.
You're in bliss.
And someone just needs tobring you a sandwich, right?
Yeah.
We need a nap.
All right, my go to is chocolate.
Yes.
After that, like intense.
Intense.
I'm like, all right, don'ttouch me.
Just put chocolate over chocolate.
The last but not least is theenergy orgasm.

(49:20):
And here's the deal.
The way that you said thatyou're able to have an orgasm just
from kissing, okay.
There is like a list of 24different types.
Okay.
But these are the main ninethat I've seen and I talk about on
the daily.
Oh, wow.
There's more than the nine.
There is.
People can get really like creative.
So it depends on what sourceand references that are listed there.

(49:43):
But energetic is one of them.
So when the energy is high andyou're just kissing and you're so
turned on, that's an energyorgasm, right?
You don't even have to be penetrated.
That's an energy orgasm.
I love this.
Kissing and touching outsidethe clothes, not even on the genitals.
That's an energy orgasm.
If you're just giving fellatios and the D, that's an energy orgasm.

(50:07):
Right.
So you're not even beingtaught in the genitals.
It is a full blown, like imagination.
The sex energy is just allthroughout your body.
You're just so turned on it.
You don't even have to be touched.
That's energetic.
Okay.
Love this.
Yeah.
So those are your nine, my friend.
Let me recap real quick.
Nipple, anal, cervical,clitoral, blended, vaginal, G spot,

(50:31):
oral and energy.
Okay, seven, seven.
On my list.
Is G spot.
So, Monica.
So Melissa came to me a couplemore than a couple weeks ago at this
point, and she had someonecome to her with a specific sexual

(50:56):
question and said, we need toget an expert on to answer this for
us.
You sure did.
Fuck.
What was it?
So we have.
This is not uncommon.
So it's actually not even that crazy.
But we have a lady that'solder than 60.
Yeah.
And she wants to know.
Yeah.
She wants to know how cansomeone later in age still enjoy

(51:20):
sex?
Well, actually, she wanted usto do a whole episode on.
She is awesome.
She shared with me, like awebsite where she gets her toys and
all that.
And she's like, I want peopleto know that you're not dead after
70.
Yeah.
Oh, 70.
Okay.
Okay.
So she did want to hear alittle bit, like, what do you say?
Like, sex after 70, is it that different?

(51:42):
It's not.
You just get more creativeabout how to make it more comfortable
for you.
This is where sex things, sexswings come into play.
Tension on the joints.
This is where an elevationpillow comes into play.
Sell both of them.
My parents have both of them.
They've been together.
Oh, my gosh.
They've been together for like38 years.

(52:03):
And I, when I moved out, Itook my boxing bag down.
I said, guys, you get thisnice eye.
Look here.
You can put a sex swing.
They're like, do you get us one?
I'm like, I can.
It's easier on the joints.
So they.
I didn't know that.
Yes.
Yeah, I guess I wouldn't havethought about that.
For older sex, I.
Not older sex, but geriatric sex.
No, wait.

(52:25):
What's more appropriate?
So the thing is too, it's amatter of what's going to make it
better for you as you get older.
The vaginal tissue is going to change.
So whether people choose to doan estrogen replacement therapy,
just an estrogen cream, Ihighly recommend it for anybody.
Incredible research on it.

(52:46):
That is very beneficial.
All you're doing is replacingwhat your body's already made all
the way up until then when it stops.
Okay.
So when it comes to okay,perimenopause, menopause and post
menopause, the vaginal tissueis actually changing.
It's thinning and it's drying.
So lube is everything.
All right.
Lube is always everything.
But the type of lube is goingto change with your body as you go.

(53:08):
And that's really important.
Please tell.
We have a water based lube.
If you have a water basedlube, you need Water to actually
activate it.
Okay.
It actually dries up ifthere's no water.
That's why water based in theanus doesn't work.
It just goes away.
Interesting.
I did not.
You would never think thatthey say.

(53:28):
That like your toys have to becompatible with your lube and then
y.
All right, I got you.
Great question too.
Because you cannot use ahundred percent silicone lube with
silicone toys.
It will really.
They melt into each otherfirst off.
And when they touch eachother, they melt.

(53:49):
We learn the hard way over andover and over again.
So I definitely.
So did you learn the first 10 times?
Just kidding.
No.
Maybe on the 11th.
Right.
Did you have fun?
Did you have fun?
That's all that matters.
Now put your toys to bed separately.
Right.
They don't sleep well together.
Put your toys to bed properly.
Tube sock, Ziploc bag or ourstorage free velvet.

(54:12):
Our storage velvet bag.
So it's lint free.
You can put your cords inthere because they're all us rechargeable
now.
So you can just keep them separate.
Do the best you can.
Things happen.
But the lube is everything.
So 100 silicone lube is foranal intercourse only.
Don't use it with your toys.
Don't use it for anything like that.

(54:32):
I personally don't sell the100% silicone lube.
I don't like it.
There's alternatives.
We have a very light grade silicone.
Okay.
That actually made in Norway,which is fantastic.
It's called Natural EarthIncredible organic vegan lube.
It's made with shiitake mushrooms.
So this lube.
Yeah, this lube can actually.

(54:53):
It's.
It's given out to cancerpatients undergoing chemotherapy
that experience extremevaginal dryness now because there's
vitamin E in it too.
So this is great for menopausal.
This is also great for anal aswell because it has enough of that
silicone for a long lasting feel.
It feels like velvet.
It's wild.
Then we have for those who area little bit older and your vagina

(55:17):
isn't making the naturallubrication or if you're on SSRI
like a lot of America.
Right.
But yeah, or depression, anxiety.
Yeah, depression, anxiety.
Also any sort of mucousmembrane, like allergy medication,
it doesn't just dry out.
This orifice is going to dryall that.

(55:37):
Orifice.
Okay.
Oh, interesting membrane.
So you can utilize a hybridlubrication in these cases.
All right.
It's like 3 to 5% silicone andthe rest is water based.
Safe daily for vaginal Use andit's going to be thick enough for
anal use.
Right.
And safe for your toys.
All right.

(55:58):
No.
Silicone with the toys is 100% silicone.
Loop is a no go for yoursilicone toys.
That's it.
If you have a small amount ofsilicone, you're good to go.
So I have an incredible hybridlubricant that I love.
It's called Pussy Willow, andit's made from that same company.
That's such a sweet name.
So our water base from thatcompany is made with plant cellulose,

(56:22):
and the silicone is made withshiitake mushrooms.
So they're all incredible ingredients.
These kind of sound edible.
Yeah.
They don't taste like anything.
They don't smell like anything.
And it's okay if your dog getsin it and drinks a whole bottle of
lube?
Yeah, they're fine.
Okay.
Shit happens.
It's bad, but it happens.
Shiitake happens.

(56:43):
Happen.
Lube is everything.
And I.
I hope that if anybody has anylube questions, I'm here for it.
We'll find the right lube foryour body.
That's the thing.
Because the body can changewith whatever's going on.
Medical conditions,medications, and the stage your body
is in.
So that's amazing.
I really didn't ever think of it.

(57:03):
I went about medications and stuff.
I just wouldn't have reallyeven thought that different bodies
need different lubes, in all honesty.
Yeah.
I just kind of thought, oh, grease.
Her up and find whichever oneyou like.
Play.
I didn't know, but I was wondering.
So before.
Because I'm not trying tochange the subject at all.
No.
But I do want to know why isit so important for us to be in tune

(57:28):
with our bodies and for us tobe able to experience pleasure?
If I understand correctly, youprobably have some cool statistics,
but it's better for your lifeand your longevity and your emotional.
There's like health.
Yeah.
There's actual healthbenefits, Correct?
Very.
So the way that we get in tunewith our body, we're in a world where

(57:49):
we are so technology focused,you know, it's hard to kind of focus
on what's going on with yourbody if you are looking at a screen.
Yeah.
Work that way.
So what.
What I found is instead ofpeople being in tune with their body
and sexually aware andpleasure aware, we're tuned out.

(58:11):
So there's something that I dowith my clients.
There's a bunch of things, butthis is the main thing I see.
People with low libido are notin touch with Their body.
So I do daily prompts as wellas coaching sessions where you're.
You got to figure out whereyou are baseline.
Okay.
Are you overstimulated?
Are you needing time to decompress?

(58:32):
Right.
There's a matter of, like, de.
Armoring yourself beforeyou're in bed.
You know, just chilling.
I could be open to sex, butI'm not needing it.
Right.
And then you get over to nowI'm being introduced to sex, initiated,
and I'm open to it.
People just think you'regonna, you know, someone's gonna
initiate and you're ready, butyou actually have to be a little

(58:52):
bit more inside your body.
So if you need to get moreinto your body with a meditation,
with a pleasure, practice witha shower, with a bath, you have to
literally strip the fuckingday off.
And, yeah, a quick tip too.
Just simple stuff throughoutthe day.
I want you to think of threedaily things that you do that you

(59:13):
can link with pleasure.
For example, you take yourfirst sip of coffee in the morning.
I want you to do Kegel exercise.
Oh, when you are.
When you're having, you know,a nice strawberry or your breakfast,
do a Kegel exercise.
When you're reading a book andyou like a chapter, you like the

(59:33):
title, do a Kegel exercise.
It's linking your body withpleasure pathways.
All right?
You're literally like Pavlov.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah, It's a strategy I teach.
Just call them pleasure layering.
So it's pleasure stacking.
So do you help men and womenthat struggle with their libido?

(59:55):
I do.
It's actually like 90% ofthose in heterosexual relationships
as well as homosexualrelationship, both experience mismatched
libidos.
It is so common.
I work with couples or I workwith women.
I do not work with men aloneunless they are referred to me and
I know them.
Libido is a big deal.

(01:00:15):
There's two types of desirethat we don't all really understand.
Spontaneous, like, it justhappens, right?
You're like, I'm ready.
Let's do it.
And then there is.
Then there is responsive.
You're responding to what isbeing presented to you.
But also when you'reresponsive, you're also responding
to everything in your dailylife that you have to get rid of

(01:00:37):
to be available per sec and in.
I'm glad you're saying thatbecause it's really easy to forget
because that your partnerdoesn't always respond to things
the same way you do.
Like, you could literally,like you said, initiate.
Initiating is enough for me.
But it's not always for everyone.

(01:00:57):
And you kind of have to.
Might have to do something toget yourself in that mind space.
It is because it's more thanjust a.
Well, this goes into communication.
So, you know, because I think,like Lauren mentioned earlier, that
what does it for you now maynot do it for you another time.

(01:01:17):
And I feel like it could bethe same way.
Well, not could.
It is for me at least,depending I could be like, oh, you
just winked at me.
Let's go.
And right now.
But then there's sometimeswhere I'm like, nope, you're going
to have to do a little kissand kiss.
And like, we're going to haveto lean into this and I have to be
able to say, like, you're nottouching me until xyz.

(01:01:39):
Right.
So what's on the appetizer list?
What you need?
And it's going to.
Yeah.
Throughout the month.
Because we have four differentcycles, not just the men.
We can do that all different thing.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
Right.
Oh, interesting.
Oh, my God.
We.
We have to have her back.
Oh, yeah.
There's so many things that wecan go into.
How.
When, when you have a couple that.

(01:02:02):
Let's just see.
Okay.
I feel like our listeners lovewhen we have tangible examples.
Yeah.
So let's just go with apersonal example of your, you know,
a couple years into marriage,you're, you know, you're satisfied
with your sexual life, but oneis more interested in exploring all

(01:02:25):
the options and all thethings, and one is very uncomfortable
with it or you're unsure howthey're going to respond.
If you bring it up, how do youcoach couples through this?
Or how do you suggest someonebrings it to their partner's attention?
Yeah.
Okay, example, we'll haveSarah and John or Sarah and Sally.

(01:02:48):
It doesn't matter.
Right.
We're all going to talk thesame way.
Hey, Sally, I have beenthinking lately that I'm really interested
to try anal or try sex in public.
And I, I would like to explorethat with you.
Like, I love the sex we'realready having, but I would like

(01:03:10):
to find new ways to enhancewhat we're already doing and make
it better.
Would that be something you'dbe open to talking about?
Okay, let's go to a different example.
I'm.
Well, really quick.
I'm already seeing that.
I, I'm seeing in my own lifewhere I've broached the subject wrong

(01:03:30):
because I'll have said, like,hey, would you want to blah, blah.
And I Feel like maybe that'stoo much pressure.
But you didn't do that.
You said, I, I, I want to do this.
But also with the example thatyou just did in my head, I'm like,
oh, that would throw me for a loop.
If you just walked up to meand said, hey, I, I would like to
have a conversation aboutexploring anal.

(01:03:50):
I'd be like, what?
Like, I need kind of like abuild up to like, hey, I love our
sex life.
And I actually was readinglike an article about, you know,
the sensories and the anusand, you know, a lead in, like that.
Otherwise I'm gonna be like,completely thrown off.
Like, we can't talk about thisright now.

(01:04:11):
Like, why are you justthrowing this at my gut?
You.
And this is, it's called likea positive of like a positive sandwich.
So there's steps, right?
So the positive, right?
I love the sex that we're having.
We, I love when you do this,this and that, right?
Then you come with the intention.
I read, I was readingsomething in this book and I'm actually

(01:04:33):
really interested in, intrying a threesome.
And, you know, whatever it maybe, right?
And then it's the invitation.
I would like to know ifyou're, you know, curious about this,
then we can set up a time tohave a conversation around it so
we can experience morepleasure together.
Would you be okay?
I like how you said, schedulea time to talk about it.

(01:04:54):
People need time to process.
They do.
And everybody's different.
Some people are ready to goright then and there.
Any conversation ever aboutsex, please have at the kitchen table.
Go do it out at a coffee shop.
Right?
Not in the mood, not in the moment.
It is really depending on turf.
Okay.
And.
Timing.

(01:05:14):
Yeah.
So now I love that you said that.
I've had to train Simon oflike, okay, you can't ask me in the
moment.
First off, it stresses me out,and now I'm not in the mood.
Second of all, you can't askme just after we try something new
if I liked it or not.
Like, my brain for some reasonhas to go through everything that
was felt and how it went intoit and, and all the things.
And I have to sit there and belike, did I like it?

(01:05:36):
Did I not?
I don't know, do I need to tryit again?
And the thing is too, after wehave orgasms, our bodies are rushed
with all these chemicals.
Okay?
So, for example, Biologically,you need 30 minutes for your adrenaline
level to go back down tobaseline to actually know.
So digesting.
So when you broach thatconversation, they may be like, whoa,

(01:05:59):
yeah, let's like at least anda half hour or tomorrow when the
drop off you guys get, youknow, it's an invitation, you know,
yeah, you're interested in,but it's an invitation.
But assuring them in thebeginning with that positive start,
that everything's great, but Iwant to enjoy my pleasure with you.
Would you be open to it?
Right?
Yeah.

(01:06:20):
That's a perfect sandwich.
Yeah, absolutely.
That is beautiful.
So you're in school to, you're in.
School on your way to your masters.
Right, to be a sex therapistfor couples.
Correct.
How so?
Have you gotten to practiceyet on couples that come together

(01:06:43):
where one, usually the femalehas had some sexual trauma and it's
like a process to get intothat comfortable space with their
partner?
Yes, absolutely.
So the reason why I am goingto school for sexual therapy is to
be able to take insurance so Ican help more people.
You know, sexual traumaaffects more people than many think

(01:07:07):
and sexual trauma varies andthat's why the digestion, as you
will, like you said, is different.
The invitation is going to be different.
It's going to be personal.
Oh, so maybe that's why I'mmore like I need more.
Yeah, you need a little bit more.
Sometimes I need it to be a,you know, broad, you know, for example,
like when it comes to desire.

(01:07:29):
Right.
If you're going to be responsive.
Desire.
Right.
You may not be hungry forspaghetti until spaghetti is on the
table.
But it's.
That's why everybody's alittle different.
But also the way it's being presented.
Cool.
But how are you with yourself?
Were you connected to yourself?
Were you stressed out?
Did you feel safe?
Did something happen earlierin the day?

(01:07:50):
Were you just like sometimesyou're going to need to have a pre
sex ritual where you find away to connect back to your body.
You shed off the layers as ade armoring process.
Feel more safe with your partner.
Do you need to take a bathwith them?
Do you need to feelemotionally connected to them first?
Do you need to read eroticaand use a little toy to get you just

(01:08:13):
started?
What do you need?
Do you need words of affirmation?
Do you need a long 30 minutecuddle session?
What do you need?
And your.
So like you would talk to thiscouple and say, hey, your wife has
had a traumatic experience.
It's kind of hard tounderstand that.
What do you need?
I need to snuggle for amoment, hear that you love me and

(01:08:35):
then blah, blah, blah.
And so that's kind of how youteach them to kind of connect.
Yes.
And it's going to be differentfor everybody.
Everybody feels safe withdifferent things.
Right.
So instead of just theaftercare routine that some people
need, mostly in BDSMsituations, but an aftercare for
those who've experiencedtrauma is going to look different
from others.

(01:08:55):
Some may need to be brought a sandwich.
Some may need their hair rubbed.
Some may need a bunch offorehead kisses.
Some may need to hear things,you know, and that goes with the
pre care.
So not aftercare, but pre care too.
And it's gonna look different.
We literally create a playbookand a user manual for all of these

(01:09:16):
clients.
And then when it comes to.
In the middle of sex, there'ssafe gestures, there's safe words,
there's ways to stop it,there's ways to take a pause, and
there's ways to, you know, goslower, go faster.
You know, we create thesesignals more fluid because each sexual
experience is going to be different.
Even if you have trauma, itcan be different.

(01:09:37):
The position, the words youdon't know.
But knowing what to do whenyour partner is triggered is big.
And they'll tell you what that is.
And they don't have to say itin the moment.
They can just say the word orthey can do the snap, which is a
gesture.
Yeah, we have like a.
We have like a.
A touch.
If I touch like this, thatmeans, oh, okay.

(01:09:58):
Today it's just not okay, perfect.
Yeah.
I feel like listening to youtalk is kind of making me go back
and taking almost full circlebecause I'm thinking, you know, a
lot of people sometimes don'teven know what.
What it is that they're goingto need.
And so that takes us back to.
That's why it's important todo your body mapping and to know
your own.

(01:10:18):
Your own self emotionally aswell as sexually.
Right?
I guess.
So, like, in our marriage,when we, like, literally, I think
our first two years, like, itwas very vanilla, very basic, because
there's me trying to decidehow do I feel safe and how are we,
you know.
Right.
How am I going to getcomfortable with this now that I

(01:10:41):
am very comfortable and I amvery safe in my relationship, and
we are trying all the thingsand getting into all the fun things.
It's like, I wonder, like,would there have been, like, a faster
way?
Like.
Like what?
Someone who is in thatrelationship, like, where they're
just are struggling, trying toget comfortable with the sexual experiences,
like, is there a faster way?

(01:11:01):
Or, like, do you have to spendtwo Years of, like, trying to be
like, I don't know if I feelsafe, I don't know what I'm doing.
You do.
That's the thing.
It's going to be different for everybody.
And the fact that it took youtwo years, that's going to depend
on how long it makes you feelsafe, how long it takes to make you
feel safe.
The way to shorten that is tofigure out the things that make you
feel safe and what yourpartner can do and consistency.

(01:11:25):
I feel like that would havehelped, like, not knowing that there's
something to figure out.
Like there's something you probably.
Yeah.
I feel like you sounds likeyou were floundering, even.
Not even realizing that youhad that you were looking for what
it is.
That makes you safe.
Yeah.
And sometimes we don't have toknow exactly what it is.
We can know, like, what theroot cause is.
We don't have to do that, butwe can know the things that kind

(01:11:47):
of irk us.
Right.
Whatever that is.
Yeah.
And just when it comes tosexual trauma, it's a, you know,
if you're with two people,it's a.
It's a within that partnership issue.
That's it.
It's not a personal issue.
You get to tackle it together.
That builds that safety net as well.
Yeah, but we just.

(01:12:07):
As people who have trauma, theway that you heal is different.
But it's a lot easier with a coach.
It's a lot easier with a coach.
You don't have to explore iton your own.
You only go as deep as you want.
But the thing is, we get tofigure out what are the pillows surrounding
your body to make you feel safer?
What are the words?
What are the things that feel good?

(01:12:29):
We put more of that there.
And what do you need to feelsafe going up and safe after?
And that's it.
It's.
It's all about, you know, ifyou're in the car, how fast you want
to go, when do you need to hitthe brakes?
When can you hit the gas?
And how can you say that?
Right.
Gesture or something to yourpartner as you go without.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(01:12:50):
All right.
You just brought up sex coach.
So is this something that oneon one and you are literally on video
coaching them how to touchthemselves, or is this, like, just
a conversation of, okay, nexttime you're having alone time, try
this.
Like, what is it?
Next time you're having alonetime, try this?

(01:13:11):
So as a sex coach, I neverwatch anybody be naked.
If I do any sort of guides forhow to touch yourself, It'll be an
audio that they'll listen tolater as during their self practice.
A sexual self care routine issomething I highly recommend.
I help my clients do a usermanual where they figure out the
things that turn them on, turnthem off, their initiation styles,

(01:13:34):
their erotic blueprint styles,their sex language as well as their
love language and what desiretype they are.
A lot goes into this.
Never mind.
You know, trauma always canplay a big part into all of those.
And yeah, knowing these thingsin a way that you're able to find
like, oh, wow, that makes sense.

(01:13:55):
Then communicate it to your partner.
Game changer.
Everyone's on the same tablewith the right information and then
it's just opens up room for somuch more.
Yeah, I'm glad that weanswered what a sex coach is because
what I see in my brain is meetthe Fockers and she's sitting there
like putting people together.

(01:14:20):
About that.
So unfortunately, no, I do notdo that.
If I ever do a workshop, it'llbe like, like fully clothed, you
know, a little.
A little tantra if you will.
Couple.
Is that a skill you have as well?
Teaching Tantra tantrum.
Yeah.
And there's a lot of, youknow, beginner all the way up to,

(01:14:42):
you know, this.
It's a beautiful modality,it's a beautiful practice and that
is really getting touched with.
With yourself.
Very much so.
In your own body.
Man, there's so much.
I feel like there's so much wedidn't even cover.
I voted and like, like let's.
We can break them up all intolittle episodes, bites.
That I would love that I wouldlove it if we could get you back

(01:15:02):
and talk about the like initiation.
I.
That was something you saidand I was like, wait, what?
That will change depending onthe cycle you're in.
If you are.
Okay.
That I really do want to talk.
About women Cycle as in likewe are talking about like menstrual
cycle.
Ovulation, luteal.

(01:15:24):
I get the cycles.
We can go through that for sure.
It's really cool to know whenyou're most creative too, as a business
owner or when you're most openor when you need more rest in a book
and chocolate.
Like it's just there's so many things.
But your psycho controls.
When you're more creative than other.
What?
Yeah, so much.
When you're more open todifferent types of initiation by

(01:15:45):
your partner, when youactually need more physical attention
or soft touch or if you wantto be thanked.
Like it's all depending onthat cycle.
We have four cycles.
Yeah.
So many things.
Lauren, thank you.
Yes, thank you, my friend.
This has been.

(01:16:06):
My mind is blown.
Yeah, I feel.
Thank you so much.
It has.
It has been great.
So we'll have you on again.
So, listeners, make sure thatyou are letting us know which aspect
do you want to dive intodeeper and have Lauren help us explore.
I mean, there's so many sextoys, apparently cycles.

(01:16:28):
Women's like.
Yeah.
Women's health.
Yeah, all of it.
It's so fun.
I'll have to re.
Listen to this episode too,because I'll.
Throughout listening, I'll.
I know.
I'll be like, oh, yeah, thatshe said that.
I.
Yeah, I already got questions.
I'm already going to be inyour DMs once we stop recording,
please.
I appreciate you guys formaking this platform available, covering

(01:16:50):
so many beautiful topics, andwe thank you.
We had a great time.
You guys are very easy to talk to.
And I am here for you.
I'm here for your listeners.
If you do somebody to talkabout these questions, you don't
know who else to ask.
I'd be honored to be thatperson for you, man.
I got you.
Thank you.
Got it.
Thank you.
Thanks so much.
Well, you heard it here, guys.
Skirts out.

(01:17:10):
I guess we'll go with that.
Oh, I just wanted, like,before I stop recording, can we start
singing our song again?
Again?
Yeah, because now it will beon recording.
Oh, I thought we had.
It wasn't recording.
All right, Lauren, can we endby serenading you again?
We thought that you would like this.
So just to set the stage.

(01:17:33):
The.
Air came on and it sounded like.
We were under the sea.
Under the sea.
Wait, darling, it's betterdown where it's wetter.
Take it from me.
All right.
And see what we did there.
Wetter on there.
And she's doing all thewiggle, wiggle, wiggle.
Yeah.
Okay, guys, we'll stop being dirty.

(01:17:58):
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