008. Solo Travel: you’re so brave

Episode 008 Solo Travel: you’re so brave.

 Why is traveling alone a “brave” thing to do? 

 I have some friends who have never and will never go on a solo vacation. Case in point, I recently met up with two friends, both black and from large families.

 One friend said she doesn’t trust anyone – Wow. So, you only surround yourself with family and a small group of friends but trust no one outside that circle? Are you always looking over your shoulder? Are you inspecting the kitchens of the restaurants you frequent? Are your house and car door locks double or triple-checked to make sure you’re secure? Are all mail and packages laser-scanned before being touched? She has grown children; I wonder how many times a day she talks to them… She’s never used an Uber or Lyft or even taken a taxi because she’s afraid of being attacked. I’m a control-freak but that is a level of… something that I’m so very glad I never reached.

 The other friend said she doesn’t trust anyone from a foreign country. Again - Wow. You are a black woman living in America and you only trust Americans? My mind was blown. No other country has such a fascination with guns as America does, except for other terrorist countries. I honestly fear for my life every time I come back to the USA and I pray every day for my family and friends that still live there, especially the men. So I asked: What bubble was she living in? Does she only ever go from home to work and back home? Does she watch the news? Has she ever been sent to the principal’s office by a diabolical teacher or been treated unfairly by bosses or coworkers for no reason? Yes, she has. Well, on that note I had to change my perspective: she does not live in a bubble, she just wears rose-colored glasses.

 Granted one friend went from her mother’s house to her husband’s house but the other has lived on her own for a very long time, although not that far from her family.

 I was still lost on both counts and really couldn’t fathom their narrow-mindedness.

 I understand that there’s a lot of noise and personalities in families, especially large ones. You’ve got the eldest, the middle child, and the youngest along with sibling rivalry, the favorite, the one who got away with everything and the one who got punished for everything, the troubled one, the screamer, the cry baby, the free spirit, the overachiever, the popular one, the studious one, the athlete, the drama queen (or king), etc. And there’s really no opportunity to block out all of that noise from your relatives and discover yourself. Your real self. The true you. The you who can rely on your own instincts and trust your gut. The you who is ready to surmount obstacles, remove blinders, transcend comfort zones, and step out on faith – alone.

 Fear of the unknown, lack of trust, lack of knowledge, lack of curiosity, or do you just believe whatever someone else tells you rather than see it for yourself… Some of these things or all of them are holding you back. Which is it?

 Honestly, I think part of the problem might be that either you don’t trust yourself. And/or you don’t trust the God that you say you believe in.  Let’s ex

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Episode Transcript

Danielle (00:14):
Okay, this is Danny Lewis coming at you with the
slow traveling soul sisterpodcast.
Travel nourishes the soul andbroadens the mind, but solo
travel, frees our imaginationand building confidence.
Hashtag go see do B in thisepisode I discuss, so we'll try.

(00:39):
And why people always saytraveling alone is so.

(01:25):
Why is traveling alone, a bravething to do.
I have some friends who havenever and will never go on a
solo vacation case.
In point, I recently met up withtwo friends, both black and from
large families.
One friend said she doesn'ttrust anyone.
Wow.

(01:46):
So you only surround yourselfwith family and a small group of
friends, but trust no one elseoutside that circle.
Are you always looking over yourshoulder?
Are you inspecting the kitchensof the restaurants you frequent
or your house and car doorlocks, double and triple checked
to make sure you're secure orall mail and packages.

(02:10):
Laser scanned before beingtouched, she has grown children.
I wonder how many times a dayshe talks to them.
She's never used Uber or Lyft,or even taken a taxi anywhere
because she's afraid of beingattacked.
Now I'm a control freak, butthat is a level of something

(02:34):
that I'm so very glad I neverreached.
The other friend says shedoesn't trust anyone from a
foreign country again.
Wow.
You are a black woman living inAmerica and you only trust
Americans.
My mind was blown.

(02:54):
No other country has such afascination with guns as America
does, except for otherterrorists countries.
I honestly fear for my life as ablack woman.
Every time I come back to theUSA and I pray for my family and
friends that still live there,especially the men.

(03:16):
So I asked what bubble is sheliving in?
Does she only ever go from hometo work and back home?
That she watched the news.
Has she ever been sent to theprincipal's office by a
diabolical teacher or beentreated unfairly by bosses or
coworkers for no reason at all?

(03:36):
Yes, she has.
Well, on that note, I had tochange my perspective.
She doesn't live in a bubble.
She just wears rose coloredglasses.
Granted one friend went from hermother.
To her husband's house, but theother has lived on her own for a
very long time.

(03:57):
Although not that far from herfamily, I was still lost on both
counts and really couldn'tfathom their narrow-mindedness.
I understand that there's a lotof noise and personalities and
families, especially.
You've got the eldest, themiddle child and the youngest
along with sibling rivalry, thefavorite, the one who got away

(04:20):
with everything, the one who gotpunished for everything, the
trouble, one, the screamer, thecrybaby, the free spirit, the
overachiever, and the popularone, the studious one, the
athlete, the drama queen orking, et cetera.
And there's really noopportunity to block out all
that noise from your relativesand discover yourself your real

(04:42):
self.
The true you, the, you who canrely on your own instincts and
trust your gut, the you who isready to surmount obstacles,
remove blinders, transcendcomfort zones, and step out on
faith alone.
Fear of the unknown, lack oftrust, lack of knowledge, lack

(05:03):
of curiosity.
Or do you believe whateversomeone else tells you rather
than see it for you?
Some of these things or all ofthem are holding you back, which
isn't honestly, I think part ofthe problem might be either that
you don't trust yourself and, oryou don't trust the God that you

(05:26):
say you believe in, let'sexamine these two theories.
Shall we theory, number one, youdon't trust yourself.
Most of my friends that areafraid to travel solo are over
35 years old grown women.
I want to ask them, did your momgo on that job interview with

(05:47):
you?
Like she did when she took youon your first day of school,
does your dad, sister, brother,cousin, twice removed go with
you to get gas or pick up asmoothie.
You go to work on your own,right?
You go back home on your own.
All of those trivial thingsmentioned in this theory or the
nuts and bolts of solo travel,you go on business trips.

(06:09):
Right?
I realized that not everyonegoes on business trips, but a
lot of my friends who are afraidto travel solo, go on business
trips.
I wonder if they ever leavetheir hotel room without
coworkers or colleagues by theirside, I'll have to add.
I always added two extra nights,usually the weekend before or

(06:31):
after to the business trip sothat I could explore an unknown
area or city there.
Number two, you don't trust yourGod.
If you did believe in God, youshould know that your days are
numbered, that the day of yourdeath has already been
predetermined that the holyTrinity are the only ones in on
that secret.

(06:52):
And that there is absolutelynothing you can do to change
that.
So being afraid that you'regoing to die over there versus
in your own home or with familynearby are meaningless excuses.
Because in that case you wouldnever travel at all, even with a
group of family or friends andyou would probably never leave

(07:15):
your house.
So why not live the life thatyou've been given and stop
waiting around for someone to.
What they saw or did it on theirtravels and investigate it for
yourself.
Did I hit a nerve?
I hope so.
I have a set of videos thatmight help you with the basics
of solo travel and get youstarted slowly with small steps,

(07:37):
bit by bit.
Have you ever gone to dinner byyourself?
Have you ever played tourist inyour own town or city?
Send an email to info at selfishmeat, travel.com.
If you want access to thesevideos, I'll have the email
address typed out in the shownotes back to the subject at

(08:02):
hand solo travel is only a bravething to do if you've never done
it before, or if you're going toa place that is dangerous and,
or treats women as chattel or.
However, after the 20th solotrip, the term you're so brave
gets really annoying.

(08:23):
These are my friends.
They know that I travel soloalmost each and every time I'm
not brave.
I'm just going to go where Iwant to go.
When I want to go.
You see, I trust my gut and Ialso trust my God first and
foremost.

(08:45):
You can't call yourself a queenif you've never ruled.
And that means going out, beingbrave, seeing and doing things
sometimes on your own, waitingon family and friends, to have
the money, be eager to make thatmove or even want to go where
you want to go.

(09:06):
You will leave this world fullof regrets.
If your dreams are squashbecause you didn't have the.
To go it alone when no one elsewas available or willing, that
is the equivalent of beingstuck.
Queens don't get stuck.
Rulers are strategists above allthings.

(09:27):
They move forward or retreat,but they never stay stuck.
At least not for very long.
Be that queen stand on your owntwo feet, open your mind as an
instincts to all possibility.
And most of all the brain.