Navigating Dating, Single Parenthood Challenges with Guest Frankie

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If a man wants to, he will"—but does this phrase really hold water in today's dating world? Join us as we, Nikki and Amber, sit down with our guest Frankie to take a closer look at the fine line between genuine effort and mere excuses in relationships. Frankie opens up about the pressures men face when initiating contact and the often unforgiving landscape of modern dating. We also delve into the female perspective on social media interactions that lack depth and the complexities of balancing a digital presence with meaningful personal connections.

Dating as a single parent brings its own set of challenges, from managing childcare and work to the emotional stakes of introducing new partners to children, particularly those with special needs. With insights from our listeners, we explore how modern trends like the "fuck boy" mentality disrupt the pursuit of meaningful relationships. We emphasize the critical role of support systems and the appreciation needed to foster mutual respect, ensuring that both parties are committed to balancing personal growth with parental responsibilities.

Navigating the world of dating with past baggage and societal stereotypes adds another layer of complexity, especially for professions like bartending. We examine the fine line between being sociable and the misconceptions that follow, highlighting the need for secure partners who can appreciate the nuances of such roles. Our conversation also touches on the role of zodiac signs in shaping our interactions, offering a light-hearted exploration of how astrological beliefs can influence perceptions. Through the episode, we encourage listeners to maintain a sense of self-worth, seek partners who support their aspirations, and embrace both the spontaneous and planned moments that enrich our lives.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to Small Town Big Mouths.
This is Nikki, your residentbartender.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
And this is, amber, your one and only.
And today we have a new guest.
His name is Frankie.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
Hi Frankie.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
He's a little nervous .
It's okay, we're not going tobite you, man, we'll find out.

Speaker 1 (00:20):
Amber might.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
I might bite you.
Steer clear.
He knows me, he knows I won't.

Speaker 3 (00:24):
Yeah, there's a lot of bite marks everywhere Not on
me, but certain individuals.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (00:31):
Not from me.

Speaker 3 (00:33):
Only on Niner fans.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
Hey, hey, hey, calm down, okay.
So today we're going to talkabout a topic that we had posted
about, and it is if a man wantsto, will he, and I'm going to
start off by saying how do youdistinguish between effort and
excuses?
Frankie, do you want to jumpright in and go ahead and tell
us your opinion on?
Well, wait first.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
Frankie, are you single?
Yes, okay, I think that'simportant because I feel like
when you're married it'sdifferent.
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (01:06):
I feel like a single person.
You have more of a opinion oncertain things well.

Speaker 1 (01:08):
I feel like when you're single, you're making
more of an effort.
Yeah, yeah okay, so what wasthe question?

Speaker 2 (01:13):
I'm sorry so what's the difference between effort
and excuses when you're datingsomebody, whether an excuse this
could be for a man or a womandating, and how do you feel
about the role of?
If a man wants to, he will,because a lot of days that's
what women are saying, because aman should take initiative when

(01:34):
dating.

Speaker 3 (01:35):
I feel like a lot of women are speaking on men, a lot
Talking about like they don'tput a lot of effort or a lot of
action into trying to makesomething happen.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:45):
But I feel like it's kind of hard for men to do that,
because it's easy for a womanto like reject them or not show
a lot of effort and it doesn'thurt for a woman to, you know,
to do the same thing.
You know we're past the 21stcentury, like pass away that.
So I feel like a woman could doa little bit more effort so

(02:08):
you're saying the women aren'tputting in effort either.

Speaker 1 (02:10):
It's like women.

Speaker 3 (02:11):
It's a new age street not a woman, but yeah they.
They are expecting more yeah,like they're takers.

Speaker 2 (02:18):
Yeah, I feel like I, even have high, high
expectations right, andespecially when you're leaving
the door open for other peopleto kind of date you or get to
know you.
Um, it is hard.
I feel like if I don't hearfrom somebody I'm talking to,
like maybe they've had a busyday, but I don't feel bad about
sending a text and saying, hey,like, how's your day, hope it's

(02:39):
been great or whatever it may beeven if, like they don't, they
get it but they don't reply.

Speaker 3 (02:45):
And the day goes on and you don't hear from them,
even though you're, like youknow, hope your day's going good
, you're, you're still showingeffort, that you're learning to
know, like you're you'rethinking about them at that
moment you know Right.
And to me it's been back in myhead never too busy that's how I
mean everybody has their phoneson them you're never too busy
to at least shoot a text back.

Speaker 1 (03:06):
It takes a few seconds yeah, it's really
annoying, though, like whenyou're friends with them or you
know them or you see them onfacebook or instagram or
whatever, and they're online butthey're not.
You know what I mean.
Obviously, you're not too busyto be online on facebook, on
whatever, but you're too busy to, like, shoot me a text or ask
me what I'm doing or see if I'mokay.

Speaker 2 (03:25):
Well, I kind of have something to say about that,
because somebody told me thatthey're like oh, you're already
up and on social media, but youcan't text me good morning or
whatever, and I'm like, I'm justopening my eyes.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
Yeah, well, that's a little much.

Speaker 2 (03:39):
And I was just like that was.
That was like, yeah, you justpushed me away a little further.
So I mean I get it, becauseI've seen guys be on social
media and then like not respondor whatever, and I'm just like I
try to remember how I feel insituations like that, so they're

(04:02):
going to respond when they're,you know, yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
No, and I try and remember too.
Like I fall asleep all the timewith my phone in my hand so
like I could look like I'monline when I'm really not,
because I'm literally I've.
I have fallen asleep with myfucking thumb on something and
like I wake up and I'm like whatthe hell, what, what did I just
buy something?
Like I have to like make sure Ididn't buy something, or like

(04:24):
text someone, or like somethingthat I didn't want to like.
You know what I mean, becauseI'm bad.

Speaker 2 (04:29):
So so you don't think there's really any excuse not
to like if you're dating someone, you've gone on a few dates,
you're interested, she's showingshe's interested, and then
maybe a day go by, goes by andthere's no communication.
Do you think there's an excusefor that?

Speaker 3 (04:45):
There shouldn't be no excuse for communication.
There should always be acommunication Because, I mean, I
personally always see and I wasdealt with past where it's
always like, man, you're notcommunicating with me about this
or you're not replying quick orwhat are you doing?
That's constantly busy.
It's like there always has tobe a legitimate reason.

(05:07):
You know that you're notcapable to reach out back to
them when they're expecting it.
You know on time.
You know you could be busy atwork.
Yeah, you could be busy at workand you can't get to your phone
.
Maybe you have kids, alsosingle parent, and even though
the partner knows that you're asingle parent, you're doing

(05:30):
everything on your own alone.
You're gonna be constantly busydoing duties are you a single
parent?
yes, I am okay, so you probablydeal with this a lot, yeah, in
your dating life yeah, I I gonethrough situations where it's
like I see a lot of women thatthey have high expectations, but

(05:51):
they say it, but their actionsdoesn't.
I don't see, it Doesn't reflectno, yeah, no.
And then when I'm like reachingout or you know, just like I
said, like you know they don'trespond back, and then I say,
like you could like shootanother text later on, like I
hope you're having a good day.

(06:11):
You know we didn't get to talk.
They see us like you're buggingor being annoying.
It's like no, like we like eachother supposedly.

Speaker 2 (06:20):
Like why aren't you?

Speaker 3 (06:21):
responding.
What's going on, that you knowthat you're not keeping up
matching the same level, becauseI see a lot of like oh well,
guys nowadays don't have thesecertain things, um, text fast,
reply fast, whatever it's likewhen you have that you're not
taking a bet, you're not payingattention to that, right, you
know and then also, I think,going into new relationships or
not even relationships dating um.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
In the beginning it's always like call or text right
away and then like it kind of itpapers off?

Speaker 1 (06:48):
yeah it does.

Speaker 3 (06:49):
It's always like the first two days, second day, how
it is?
You're constantly just having abig conversation.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
It just dies out well , so that that is like a good.
Do you believe in the chase, oris that a convenient excuse for
being lazy in a relationship?

Speaker 2 (07:04):
I mean it's like the honeymoon phase, right?

Speaker 1 (07:06):
It is Well, that's what they call it the honeymoon
phase.
Because it's like you're youknow, when you're on your
honeymoon, everything's great.
So, like when you're firstdating someone, everything's
great when you're first talkingto them and then, like you said,
it fizzles out.
So is that just like peoplelike the chase?

Speaker 2 (07:26):
And then once they acquire whatever it is they're
chasing, that they're just,they're done.
I mean, I, I've been like thatbefore we're like I may not even
really be interested insomebody that much.
But I'm like trying and then assoon as like I catch, I'm like
okay it's catch and release yeah, catch and release.
Smash and dash, whatever, no,catch and release.
Yeah, catch and release.

Speaker 1 (07:44):
Smash and dash whatever.
No catch and release, Not evensmashing and dashing, I'm just
joking, so you just stay fishingthen huh.

Speaker 2 (07:50):
No, I want to be in love.
I do, I really do.
But I think it's going to takesomebody very strong-headed to
be able to deal with all thestuff that I have going on and
understand.
I mean, I'm a good communicator, so even if I have a bunch of
stuff going on, like I'm notafraid to send a text, like my
phone's right here, there's noreason why I can't.
If I'm going into podcasting,like hey, I'm recording from

(08:13):
whatever, whatever, like I'llhit you later, I just feel like
there's no really reason not tocommunicate.
I think what happens is we haveoptions and it's so easy that
maybe they're still on thedating site, you know, maybe
there's somebody else in theirinbox.
I mean, who?

Speaker 1 (08:32):
knows, you don't know , you just literally don't know,
unless someone tells you.

Speaker 3 (08:36):
But the options thing I always see as like, if you're
trying to talk and being attalking stage, make sure it's
just like you.
It's just that one person.
I understand you want to haveoptions, but if you and that
talking stage person talkingstage and then you have options
on the side, you're misleadingthis person, because this one

(08:59):
person could be putting all histime and effort where he could
just be like you know what, justkeep it and have other options.

Speaker 2 (09:06):
But it goes both ways .

Speaker 3 (09:08):
It goes both ways for sure and that's the part that
kind of sucks.

Speaker 2 (09:12):
So here's another question when it comes down to
that.
So, say you meet somebody Idon't know if you have done
dating apps or you just meetpeople organically but say you,
you are on a dating app and youhook up with somebody.
You guys go out a couple times.
When is a good time to say, hey, I'm going to hit snooze on
that, I'm going to focus on you.
I mean, when is the appropriatetime to do something like that,

(09:36):
or even meeting somebodyorganically like, hey, I'm
really into you, I want to focuson this relationship.

Speaker 3 (09:44):
I feel like I'll start on the the first couple
days, like you guys starttalking, conversating, and then
ends up being him or her,whoever comes up with the
question first and hits him withthe hey.
You know what are you lookingfor right what are you, what's
your, what's your intentionswith me, and then that's where

(10:04):
it just happens.
That's that's how way you yeah,that's what I see an approach
like, okay, you could talk,conversation is going good, you
know, but then it's like what isreally your intentions?

Speaker 2 (10:16):
because I don't want to be misguided on your actions
yeah, all right, we're gonna um,we're gonna invite a little
special guest that we have here,because Frankie came last
minute and he has his son withhim, so go ahead and come over
here and say hello, his phone'snot working, so we're going to
let dad fix that.

Speaker 3 (10:36):
Well look at you're on TV.
Francisco, you're on TV, rightthere, say hi.

Speaker 1 (10:46):
He's like I'll give it half an effort.
I don't know what's going ontechnology yeah, technology
sucks yeah, so while he's doingthat.
So what we were talking aboutwas what was the the thing that

(11:07):
you started out with?

Speaker 2 (11:08):
The effort or excuses .

Speaker 1 (11:11):
No, the thing that got this.

Speaker 2 (11:18):
Oh the.
If a man wants to, will he yesif a man wants to, will he.

Speaker 1 (11:22):
Yeah.
So while I was just giving hima chance to fix that.
So we have some people thatactually are you, frankie.
Are you the Frankie on here,morales?
Yeah, so Frankie said it's viceversa.
If they want to, they will.
100% goes both ways.
I agree with that, so let meread a couple here.
I don't know how to say thisname.

(11:43):
Naj Just say Naj, a couple hereuh, I don't know how to say this
name nage, nage, nage, yeah,nage.
I believe that if a man feelsappreciated and sees the effort
and it is reciprocated, then,yes, he will most certainly give
back in return.
However, nowadays the fuck boysmentality and the idea that men
ain't shit and the I don't needa man mindset can really push a
good man away.

(12:03):
It can turn them into these badboys, making them think why
even bother?
Dating has become a nightmarebecause marriages aren't
respected anymore.
That is the truth.
Side pieces are seen assomething to be proud of or
sneaky links and lying havebecome the norm.
It is a toxic environment andno one, whether a man or woman,
wants to deal with that.
This is just my personalopinion, not saying it's true of

(12:26):
every man or woman, and this isNaj saying that.
Let's see my friend Bobby Joe.
If a man or woman wants to,they will.
They will find a new job, getout of debt, take better care of
themselves.
It's a pet peeve of minebecause, unfortunately, the men
I've been married to didn't actthis way.
I had to grow spiritually,emotionally, mentally and
physically because no one elsewas going to do it for me.

(12:47):
I have four kids, two minorsand two adults that I had to
care for.
No amount of encouragementcould make them better
themselves for our family, so Idid it myself.
Now I'm so independent that I'msure that I even recognize
someone stepping in to help.
What is that?

Speaker 2 (13:03):
really yeah, even recognize someone stepping in to
help.
What is that really?
Yeah, I mean, I it would becrazy to actually have somebody
step in and actually be like oh,I see how busy you are.
Like I've been gone since eight30 this morning.
I'm not going to be home tilllater this this evening, so I
would want somebody in my lifethat's like, don't worry, I got
it.
Like, even though my kids areindependent, like it would still

(13:25):
be nice to be like hey, like Igot food for them, or just that
reassurance.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
It's still so hard, though, because, like we're at
two different levels.
Like you're at a level whereyou have a lot going on, you
have kids at home, da-da-da-da Iam at a level where I can do
everything I need to from home.
The only time I need to leaveis if I'm coming to record or if
I'm going to work.
I don't have a child at home.
My son is an adult.
He has his own child, so for me, it's like I require less of it

(13:52):
and yet still can't find it.
Do you know what I'm saying?
So it's just, it's.
It's until people really cometogether and think that you know
, decide that this is, hey, whatI want to jump into.
We're all just kind of justshooting in a barrel.

Speaker 2 (14:11):
Yeah, everybody's with everybody.

Speaker 1 (14:12):
Yeah, I mean, do you have?

Speaker 2 (14:12):
any experiences.

Speaker 3 (14:14):
You know what?

Speaker 2 (14:15):
Because you're a single dad, I know it's got to
be hard for you.

Speaker 3 (14:18):
It is hard because I mean I do like me too, like hey,
like come in, let's hang out,and everything.
I'm like I really can't becauseI have my kid um, so at a
certain point it just stopped.

Speaker 1 (14:31):
it just stops like, oh you know, come hang out,
let's do something do you havehelp, though, so you have
someone who will come over andwatch your son, or somewhere to
take him?
That I usually do everything sohow do you go to work?

Speaker 3 (14:43):
Well, it depends.
You know what?

Speaker 1 (14:47):
I do have some help, Like a mom family.
Some help, Some help.

Speaker 3 (14:51):
Like an aunt helps me .

Speaker 1 (14:55):
Shout out for those aunties, because I have my
auntie.
That helps me.

Speaker 3 (14:58):
I already don't have a lot of family, that helps.
Sometimes there's been a gap.
You know where I was unemployed.
I went through like six jobs,you know, because it's hard
being a single parent,especially, I mean a mom, is
difficult, it's hard to for amom, especially for a mom.

Speaker 1 (15:18):
But I think it's harder for a dad because it's
not.
That's not the norm.
You know what I mean theproviders.
Yeah, you know know so it washard.

Speaker 3 (15:26):
difficult to try to keep a job, try to find, you
know, child care, and it's noteasy.

Speaker 1 (15:33):
And I can't even imagine how much child, because
I know when I, when my son waslittle, I my child care was
almost as much as I was makingit was ridiculous.
Yeah, it is, it is so I can'teven imagine.

Speaker 3 (15:45):
Yeah, I've just been raising it myself and I do what
I have to do to manage what Ican do to provide for my kid and
so far I've been doing a greatjob, right.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
You started kindergarten yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:58):
And people have to understand when they date a
single mother or single father.
Whatever, your children comefirst.
Definitely they date.
It's single mother or singlefather?

Speaker 3 (16:05):
whatever your children come first, definitely
first and foremost.
I feel like when, um, we'retalking about being busy, I see
I heard I talked, you know, withpeople that single parents that
are busy constantly, that havekids, are always busy doing
things, work, taking care ofkids you know, they had to get
them ready for school um, youknow, uh, they don't really have

(16:26):
child care and they're in thetalking stage with somebody they
don't have kids and they'relike they get fed up, like man,
you never have time.
It's like you know you have tounderstand that this person is
constantly doing something allday and you don't know that, you
don't know how it is becauseyou don't have kids.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
So that leads me to this question do it is because
you don't have kids?
So that leads me to thisquestion do you try and date
women that have kids?
Uh, yeah because it's more theyunderstand more.

Speaker 3 (16:52):
Understand more yeah but um, I don't see, I see I
don't have anything wrong withwith um women to have kids or
don't have kids right, but itprobably is easier.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
Yeah, and they're more understanding and they get
it where women park with thekids and yeah, you know kind of
hang out like that yeahbut I'm trying to think when I
was actually actively dating asa younger person, did I?
I didn't really have like Icould take my son to my aunt's
house, so I didn't have thatworry like I don't know what I
would have done if I just didn'thave it in my job.

(17:26):
You know, I've been at the samejob 25 years and it doesn't
allow for that.
I work at night, so he had tobe somewhere.

Speaker 3 (17:32):
So yeah, it was kind of hard um trying to keep a job.
You know it sucked I should youknow, but it's not easy.
It's not easy being a singleparent yeah, it's definitely not
.

Speaker 1 (17:43):
it't easy when I did it and I can't even imagine
trying to do it now.

Speaker 2 (17:47):
Well, like for me, I really don't want to date
somebody with younger kids.
I mean, my youngest is 12.
So you know going on 25.

Speaker 1 (17:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (17:56):
And then you know Michaela's about to be 18.
So they kind of take care ofeach other.
But unless you're really readyto be a step parent, I don't
think you should date somebodywith kids, whether man or woman,
because if you're datingsomebody and you like them, like
you're gonna, you're also beinga role model for another child

(18:17):
yeah, and also you gotta thinkabout too, like are you ready to
start all over again becausethe kid's small right, so you're
starting all over?

Speaker 3 (18:25):
your kids already grown, you're going back and
raising another kid, right andI'm at the age that I don't want
to do that and some guys, I'mdone so they're in the 40s.

Speaker 1 (18:35):
Yeah, and didn't like .
We just met some guy that did apodcast.
He was in the bar and you weretalking to him and he was just
going through a breakup with hisgirlfriend, but when I was
listening to him talk about it,it sounded like she had young
kids and her kid had autism.

Speaker 2 (18:50):
Wait, are we talking about the same?

Speaker 1 (18:52):
Yeah, the one that Mm hmm Did his.
It was his son.
Ok, his son, or her son, hadautism, and so that is a whole.
Nother like Now.
You're just crushing this kid'swhole world.

Speaker 2 (19:07):
Well, and you got.
I mean, in a situation likethat too, you've got to be
really strong enough to be ableto date somebody with a child.

Speaker 1 (19:13):
that has Right, you know autism or learning
disabilities, any of thosethings, yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:18):
Whole nother ballgame .

Speaker 1 (19:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:20):
And you got to have a lot of patience for that.

Speaker 1 (19:21):
Right I, but then you went into it and now you're
like but then you went into itand now you're like breaking up
and now this kid.
It's different than just, youknow, having a normal child and
going through a normal breakup.
Now you're trying to explain toyour child that has autism or
Down syndrome or whatever yourchild may have.
Explain to this child what isgoing on, and it's already hard

(19:43):
enough just being this childhaving to think about.
You know their parents broke up.
Now they're dating someone andnow these people are you know
it's.
I just can't even, I don't.

Speaker 2 (19:53):
That's like my biggest fear Like the last
couple of years while the girlshave been growing up is bringing
somebody into their life.
As a male father figure per se,I don't want them to get
attached to somebody and then,like two years down the road it
doesn't work out because, I mean, my mom dated.
You know, my parents divorcedwhen I was two and she dated and

(20:14):
had long-term relationships, um, but you get attached to these
men.
So for me as an adult, I waslike I'm not doing that, I will
not do that to my kids.
So I think that's made it a lotdifficult for me too, because I
won't just introduce, yeah,every and any guy I'm talking to
, like they know, like I date orwhatever, but you're not going

(20:36):
to meet everybody I think my sonmet two yeah, two guys that I
dated.

Speaker 1 (20:41):
Yeah, what about you?

Speaker 2 (20:43):
do you introduce your son?

Speaker 3 (20:46):
no, I don don't.
What if another?

Speaker 2 (20:48):
girl has a same-age child and you're like, hey,
let's go to the park.

Speaker 3 (20:52):
I feel like it takes on both where we both have to be
okay with it and ready too,because at the same time, we got
to see how serious we are intothe relationship.
Right, you know, we're justtalking and getting to know each
other.
I don't think that's anappropriate time.
And so it's actually you guyswant to take that next step.

Speaker 1 (21:16):
Okay, but on the other side of that, you could
take your child and her childand go somewhere, and if the
kids got along, that would be aneven bigger reason for you guys
to try and do something.
You know what I mean?
You could go as friends, like,hey, let's just take the kids to
the park and they could havesome time together playing, as
kids are going to play, and ifyour kids got along, that's just
.
You know, that's just anotherbonus.

Speaker 3 (21:35):
And I have.
I have been through that whereit's like, oh, we should take
the kids out into the park, justhave a little picnic and let
them play.
But I still get the samefeedback.
Oh, you know what?
What?
I don't just take any my kidsaround anybody, it's just at a
certain time, which isunderstandable.
Yeah, you know, I respect it Iget both sides of it, though I
don't want to get looked at like, oh well, you're willing to.

(21:55):
It's not that I wanted to, justlike you actually also got to
see how they are with the kidsand also how they feel
comfortable around that person.

Speaker 1 (22:04):
But you have to make concessions because you have a
child, these are, and so to meit doesn't sound someone saying
that, oh, that's too much.
I don't think that's too much.
I think that's like we don'thave to be doing anything.
We can just sit and have lunch.
That's two normal people dothat.

Speaker 2 (22:20):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying or it'd be like oh, I
have a five-year-old yeah we'relike, we know each other, so
would it be?

Speaker 1 (22:27):
Yeah, you're just two friends having lunch that could
just see how your kids aregetting along.
I mean, yes, there may comefeelings after that, but like,
how else are you going to getout in the dating world if you
have a child and you don't?
You know, put that foot forward.
And I do get both sides of itbecause I didn't want my son
around anyone, but I didn't havethat option to like.
The guys that I was datingdidn't have kids.

Speaker 3 (22:49):
So it was like you didn't have that option.
Also, it's like there's timeswhere I've asked like, hey,
let's go hang out, let's go to amovie or something, and then
they're like oh, you know what,I can't have a kid.
I wish I could.
And then I'll see them, likeyou know, post here on social
media, or even like they're outsomewhere they're saying like I

(23:10):
wish I could go to the moviesand get asked out and everything
.
It's like I just asked you, youget that, but you don't take the
opportunity and you're like nah, I don't have a child, I don't
have a child care, I don't know.
I'm not ready say date.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (23:28):
You know it's the proper way.
You know old fashioned.
I'll come home, old school, soI'll just say date.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (23:33):
I'm going to date, but I was going to hit that and
I'm like, well, you can't find asitter, and then they'll hit
you with the I'll see, maybeI'll ask one of my family
members.
But then it's like you know theback of your head, they're not
asking.
You know, they're not takingthe time to like, hey, you know,
let me find uh well, that comesback to effort and it's like

(23:53):
yeah.
A lot of excuses and it's likeif you see a man willing to take
that time and opportunity, takeyou know he's actually into you
.
You know, cause that time thathe's trying to give you he could
give it to his kid or dosomething else.
Right, you know.
But he's actually um givingthese signs that he wants to

(24:15):
make time for you.
Take you on a movie.

Speaker 1 (24:17):
You know they're gonna go get ice cream to the
whole uh, he's, she's just notthat into you thing.
Does that make you feel likethat?

Speaker 2 (24:24):
yes, I would think so too like yeah, you keep making.
That's an excuse to me, um, andyou're not really trying to put
an effort, kind of put the sourtaste in somebody's mouth and
they're just going to back upand then and the same thing, how
you said, like you also seethem out like I.

Speaker 1 (24:37):
I see that a lot too like I feel like I saw that a
lot see you like?

Speaker 3 (24:41):
I just asked you and then, as you know, they're like
out and about with their friends, right?

Speaker 1 (24:46):
at a bar or doing whatever.

Speaker 3 (24:48):
Yeah, it's like you're making yourself out there
that you want to be in arelationship.
You say these things, but youraction shows different right see
, and I feel, if there's a will,there's a way like you really
want to do something like I'mgonna figure it the fuck out.

Speaker 1 (25:00):
If you want to, you will, or whatever the hell it
was that you said consistency.

Speaker 2 (25:05):
You know, not everything is convenient.

Speaker 1 (25:08):
No, it's not.
We live in a convenient age,yes, where things are more
convenient than they were yearsago, but there's so many other
factors that go into it.
Now you know what I mean.
Like life was much simpler whenI was younger.
Now there's so many more thingsthat go into it, but there's
also so many more things thatyou could go.
Do you know what I mean?
So there's also so many morethings that you could go.

(25:30):
Do you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (25:30):
So there's there's, there's more options.
Now I do have a like a question, like a topic thing yeah to ask
um, because I know nosh hassaid something I know in that
post um and I I've been singlefor six years.
It's gonna be six years.
Um, I'm rarely open, verysocial person.
I'm really friendly, like Italk to everybody.
I get along with a lot ofpeople you know, so it's easy

(25:55):
for me to like meet new peoplebecause I just I'm just a
character, yeah he's part of myRaiders group.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
Oh so he met Bobby Jesus.

Speaker 2 (26:02):
He hasn't met her he hasn't been around this season
yet.
Oh wait, maybe I don't think so.

Speaker 1 (26:07):
Her name is Bobby Joe and one of the guys at the
Raider group called her BobbyJesus.

Speaker 2 (26:11):
She was at Straw Hat last year and Nikki was there
too, but I don't know if youwere there.
But Raul, when he saw her atClub One he was like Bobby,
jesus, and she's turned.

Speaker 1 (26:24):
I lost my shit because that's my uncle right
there.
Well, because she's veryreligious, so like yeah.
So when he said that, I waslike I couldn't stop laughing,
and then now I just call herthat yeah and she doesn't mind.

Speaker 3 (26:37):
So I'm very friendly, so I get along with a lot of
people and I tend to, like youknow, like I've been out of the
dating game for a long time soI'm trying to get back in, but
when I I guess I'm so friendly,a lot of people take it for
flirting.
Take it for flirting, but a lotof women not all women, but a

(26:59):
lot of women just assume thatyou're just a hoe, a man's a hoe
because you're talking toeverybody, it's like, no's like,
how am I being a hoe?
Because I'm talking to everybody, getting along with everybody.

Speaker 2 (27:09):
Being social.

Speaker 3 (27:10):
Like, okay, if I talk to a woman, a female lady, and
try to ask her on a date and shedon't want to, then a while
passes and then I see somebodyelse I'm interested in.
So it goes like here and there.

Speaker 2 (27:23):
Same place, same location, same day?
No.

Speaker 3 (27:27):
Same place, same location, same day.
It's just like you talk tomultiple people, but it's like
not the same time.
Yeah, you know you're trying toget back into dating.
Yeah, but this person rejectedyou, so you just move on to the
next.
You have options.
That's what you're supposed todo.
I have options and I've beentold I'm a hoe because I'm a man

(27:49):
.
I don't get, that'm single.
How am I a hoe if I'm singleand I can do whatever I want?
I'm not in a relationship, I'mnot tight on nobody.

Speaker 1 (27:54):
I have options because you're hooking up with
people or because you're justasking people out, okay, and I
for me, for me, that'sinsecurity on those women's part
.

Speaker 2 (28:05):
I can agree Because you see me, I'm very social.
I talk to everybody, it doesn'tmatter.
You've seen me out.
Does that make me a hoe fortalking to everybody?

Speaker 3 (28:16):
I mean, I'm a grown ass woman If I want to do what I
want to do, then I'm going todo what I want to do anyway.
Suppose your friends are smalland they're like if I'm talking
to somebody, and then you know Igo on with the next option,
that person that person, I guessknows this other person and
they're like oh, you know, hetried to talk to me too.
Oh, that's crazy.
He's trying to talk to me now.

(28:36):
How am I supposed to know that?
They know each other?
But they're like oh well, he'sbeing like.
How is?
How is that being?

Speaker 1 (28:42):
Oh, that you didn't, you didn't want to you didn't
want to, but now you're lettingthis person oh well, he's
talking to you supposed to get adate with someone if you don't
try and like cast your net outwide to like get to the.

Speaker 3 (28:52):
You know what I'm saying like, yeah, that's him
that's like oh well, you talk to, you try to talk to my friend,
or so.
So it's like how am I supposedto know that's your friend,
right?
And then, well, you didn't wantto talk.
So it's like why, you, why areyou worried about it?
See, and to me, as long as youdidn't want to talk.
So it's like why?

Speaker 1 (29:06):
are you worried about it?
See, and to me, as long as youdidn't sleep with them, then who
cares?

Speaker 2 (29:09):
I would tell her well , don't snooze on me, like she
did.

Speaker 1 (29:12):
Yeah, I mean, there was a point when the first thing
I had to ask guys is do youknow this person, this person or
this person?
Okay, did you sleep with them?
Because that's where I draw theline, If you tried to talk to

(29:36):
them, okay.

Speaker 3 (29:36):
whatever they didn't want to talk to you, that's on
them.
But unless you actually hadsome sort of intimate connection
with them, I really don't care.
And I feel like if you're beingfriendly and you could get
along well with others, even if—Isn't that a good thing, my big
friend group.
It's a lot of girls, but Irespect my friends and people
take it like man.
Why you out there like that?
I like being a hoe, like howhow am I being a hoe?

Speaker 1 (29:55):
because you're friendly, that's to say that
that's not hoe behavior to me.
I mean, I'm old school too, butthat's not like.
Being a hoe is like you'rehaving sex with all these people
.

Speaker 2 (30:05):
All right, so back on track, as we took a little
quick break, maybe I can insertlike a commercial there.
Commercial break yeah, acommercial break.
A little ad or something.
Yeah, something, I was lookinginto that, by the way.

Speaker 1 (30:18):
So back to what we were saying Well, when you left,
we were talking about like that.
I think it's a red flag forgirls to be telling him that
he's acting like a hoe becausehe's someone's friend.
For girls to be telling himthat he's acting like a hoe
because he's someone's friendthan I was telling him because
I'm a bartender, I have to be,you know, I have to be putting
myself out there all the time,so, like I'm always, you know,
when we go, oh, I work here, Iwork.

(30:39):
You know, I work at Old Town.
Come see me.
Right, that's not me being ahoe, that's just me trying to
get customers and trying to getpeople to come in and see me.
So, like for him, you can benice to people and not be a hoe.

Speaker 3 (30:56):
I feel like that's the wrong verb.
They're just jealous, yeah,especially if you know the job
and the environment you'regetting yourself into.
If that's not you and you'reworried about other people, what
are they going to call you?
Or that you're too proud ofyour?

Speaker 1 (31:08):
don't, do that, don't do that type of work, yeah.

Speaker 3 (31:11):
But I mean, if you're in the bartending scene or any
job that has to do with that,you have to, you know, be out
there with a lot of people.

Speaker 1 (31:18):
It's hard because it's like a stigma, like the
first thing I have to tellpeople when I start talking to
them on like social media orlike, let's say, on a dating
website, what do you do?
And then I have to say I'm abartender.

Speaker 3 (31:30):
And then, of course, it's a stereotype, because every
bartender is a hoe and I'm justlike.

Speaker 1 (31:36):
No, I just literally that's my job, yeah.

Speaker 2 (31:40):
I mean, from what I know of you, frankie, you seem
like you have to be more maturethan you know, probably normal
other guys your age.
So, with that being said, youneed to find a woman that's
confident, secure, has stuffgoing on for herself, not these

(32:02):
little girls out here at the bar, these little girls in the
streets, even the older womenthat have also Ooh a little hoe
bag.

Speaker 3 (32:15):
I mean I do have a little thing for older women.

Speaker 2 (32:19):
Well, I am 40, Frankie.

Speaker 3 (32:21):
I'm just joking.
Age is a number, but some olderwomen are not even mature, also
for their age and it doesn'tmatch their well, and that's
again insecurity, you know whatI mean.

Speaker 1 (32:38):
Like that's very insecure.
I I just I don't feel likethere's a lot of really secure
women out there that can comeand just be like and that's what
you need.
You're going to need to findsomeone like that that's secure,
that knows you know, like youjust said, and that person's out
there for sure.
But you know, finding them is awhole nother ballgame.

Speaker 3 (32:58):
And you know what, and also, too, on some of those
comments that Marge has said too, that women see men as like
fuckboys, nicklings or whatever.
Women see men as like fuckboys,nicklings or whatever.
It's just those.
Certain women are constantlyback with their ex, back and
forth, and those exes jump withsomebody else and then they come
back and still want to talkdown on men.

(33:20):
It's like, how are you talkingdown on men if you don't have
your options open and you'restill going back to the same
person that's doing the samething, constantly Toxic.
You want to talk down on menwhen it's like the same person
you're still with.
Try somebody different, talkdown on that man, but not all
men.
Yeah, and you know what?
It gets me a little upset thata lot of women talk down on men

(33:44):
a lot, a lot, and you don't seemen out here really talking down
on women a lot.
I hear more women always,constantly, constantly just
talking down on men and it'sjust wrong.

Speaker 2 (34:00):
It is.
You know I've been in different.
I'll just say my husbandthey're like looking back at
things now because he's not here, and the way I did talk to him
at times I'm like God, like Ibeat him up, you know, and was I
wrong for some of the stuffthat I nagged about or talk shit

(34:23):
about?
Probably not.
It was the truth, but it was myapproach and it probably made
him feel this big, you know.
So I don't think that, like,looking back, I regret some of
that, but I was.
You know, I was a lot youngerand you learn with each
situation that you're in.
So I think that's important,like self-worth as well.

(34:44):
You know we got to haveself-worth and be confident in
who we are as a person and ifyou're not, then really like,
should you be dating?
You know, what do you think,nikki?

Speaker 1 (34:57):
yeah, I agree, you talk about your ex-husband.
I used to beat mine up a lot,but like not physically, but
like, but also let me justpreface this he deserved it.
Okay, he was a meth addict bothof my ex-husbands.
So, like anything I gave them,they deserved, and they both

(35:18):
were women abusers.
They both put their hands on me.
So anything that I said to them, I didn't care, because it came
from a mean place, it came fromanger.
It came from anger, but it camefrom also being hurt, being
pushed down, being spit on,having a gun pulled on me, like
all the things that they did tome, and then trying to live with

(35:39):
someone who was hiding from methe fact that they were doing
meth.

Speaker 3 (35:45):
I see a lot of that stuff that you guys gone through
.
You guys carry that with youguys and it's not something easy
to just let go and forget,because it's always going to be
there, but I feel like itshouldn't be brought into the
next person and it definitelyisn't.

Speaker 1 (36:01):
Which is why I mean which is this?
This is why it's funny becauseI didn't carry it into my second
marriage.
I ended up marrying the sameperson that I married the first
time.
The exact same person Beat meup, did meth, talked down to me,
was a narcissist.
So I've learned, you know, andI still am not angry about it,

(36:21):
and I don't carry it into anyrelationships that I go into now
, but that's just what I'msaying.
Is that's proof that I didn'tcarry it from my first
relationship into my second,because I allowed it in and
married the exact same personthe second time.

Speaker 2 (36:34):
Excuse me, you had a bad picker, yeah, no exactly so.

Speaker 1 (36:38):
Do I look at things differently now?
Absolutely, but I'm not mad andI don't carry it into my
relationship.
But you're right, because thereare women that do that and I
know women like that.

Speaker 3 (36:50):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
And just because someone hurt you doesn't mean
everyone's going to hurt you.
Just because one guy was a methaddict and beat me up and was a
narcissist doesn't mean thenext one is it.
Just you know.
It just so happened that Imarried that same type of guy
the second time.

Speaker 3 (37:05):
Like I fucking didn't learn my lesson.
You know what?
I know these people, that youknow this couple that they've
been together for five years andthe girl she just constantly is
like going back and forth withthese issues that she has.
And the dude is like constantlythere, you know, like like

(37:29):
telling her, hey, trying to,he's communicating with her,
letting her know these issues,and then they just break it off,
but yet she still wants him.
And then he tells her what theissues are.

Speaker 1 (37:41):
She kind of like works on it, but then back to
the same thing she works on itenough to get back in the
relationship and I don't knowhow like you're.

Speaker 3 (37:51):
He's letting you know these issues.
He's communicating with you andyou're not listening.
And you're still begging to bethere.
But why are you doing that whenyou're still going to keep
being the same person Like?

Speaker 1 (38:07):
that's the people doing the same person like.
That's the people doing thesame thing and expecting a
different outcome.
So your friend, the guy shouldprobably find someone else it's
been five years.
I'm like I don't know I mean,I'm no therapist over here but I
think people get complacent.

Speaker 2 (38:24):
You know they're just they're.
You know it's easy.
You know you already know whatyou're getting yourself into.
You don't have to put in awhole lot of work, right?
You know dating sucks.
I mean, even like me going outon a first date, it's like what
am I going to wear?
You know you think about thosethings.
I mean, as a man, do you thinkabout those things?

Speaker 3 (38:49):
Like how it's going to go.
Are we going to have goodchemistry, are we going to have
a good conversation?
It's not going to be silentthinking about what to talk
about.
It's going to be awkward, it'snerve-wracking.
It is nerve-wracking.

Speaker 1 (39:04):
I think, though and I just got done, I think I told
you this yesterday and I told myson this yesterday.
I think, though and I just gotdone, I think I told you this
yesterday and I told my son thisyesterday you get to an age
where everybody has somethingEverybody, I don't care who you
are.
Something you do is going tomake someone upset, even if that

(39:25):
person loves the shit out ofyou, but you have to go in with
what is it that I'm willing toaccept, right, because there is
nobody out there that is goingto tick every single box you
have.
It just isn't.
It's just not, it just isn'tgoing to happen.
Thanks for the reminder, nikki.
What?
Sorry?
My son and his girlfriend arehaving problems, and he said

(39:48):
she's very overbearing.
He says I go to work and then Iwant to come home and I want to
relax, and I'm like well, shegoes to work too and works a
pretty good job and probablywants to come home and relax too
.
So you've got to like, you know, and I think what's going on?
I don't know, but I thinkwhat's going on is she's coming
home and she's still doing stuffat home, and he's coming home

(40:09):
and just he wants to play videogames.
He's like take off my clothesyeah, I'm gonna kick my shoes
off, I'm gonna play some videogames.
I know my kid.
You know what I mean.
I love him.
I know him, though, and he'sprobably thinking, fuck,
whatever we're doing can waittill tomorrow.
Well, she's probably like let'sget it done now, and he
considers that to be nagging.
Is it okay?
But then I told him look backat all the girls that you've
dated and is this the worstthing?

(40:31):
Maybe you should look withinyourself and see, like do you
really want to go out and liketry this all over again, or is
this something that you couldjust be like?
You know what?
It's not the worst thing.

Speaker 3 (40:42):
Yeah, you know what?
I was married before I wasmarried.
I was married before I wasmarried.
But I was already at a pointwhere I was already mature for
my age, already knew what Iwanted.
So I was like, yeah, let's giveit a try.
You know, I was really fallingin love with this girl and I was
like, let's just do it, justmake it happen.
So I got married.

(41:05):
A ring won't change a person.
No, a ring won't change, itdoesn't matter.
A ring won't change a person.
A ring won't change, it doesn'tmatter.
A ring won't change a person.
I would work 10 hours a day,come home and then get nagged at
like, oh why do you takeforever to get home?
I was like I always let youknow when I'm getting off of
work and I tell you that there'straffic because everybody's
getting off of work, they'retrying to go home Right.
But then it's like okay, I'mlike, hey, you know, like, is

(41:26):
there something to eat?
Oh no, I'm just trying to cooksomething.
It was just like that daily.
So it's like you're naggingwhen I get home I don't want to
do that.
There's no fucking hot food,yeah, and then there's no
fucking food.
So I would have to go buy foodand they're like oh, why are you

(41:46):
taking clean?
I'm doing everything.
It's like man.
I might as well just marry mydad.
I could do anything a woman cando, but I do want a woman,
emotionally and physically clean?

Speaker 1 (41:57):
Yes, absolutely.
But if I could do everything youknow, what Someone has to come
in your life and compliment you.
Someone has to come in yourlife and be your equal.
They can't come in your lifeand be overbearing or be
underbearing whichever.
However, if that's even a word,because neither one of those
things are going to work,someone has to come in and be by

(42:18):
your side and work.
You know, and like you saidearlier, if I, if one day I
don't feel like cooking, maybeyou cook and then tomorrow I
cook If I don't feel like doingthe laundry, then you cook and
I'll do the laundry the next day.

Speaker 3 (42:29):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (42:30):
But if you're constantly the one doing it, it
doesn't work.

Speaker 3 (42:34):
It doesn't work for anyone.
Also, like that person was notliked around my family, it was
just constantly just no morechemistry there.

Speaker 1 (42:46):
And then they're like oh well you're always out on
the boundary, you know what it'slike.
Is that a turn off when yourfamily doesn't like them?

Speaker 3 (42:54):
yeah, and then I try to do things like oh, let's go
out, let's go do this.
And then they're like what timewe're going home and it's like
we're having a good time, we'rebowling, we're out dancing and
why was she concerned when youguys were going home?
She just wanted to be home.
She was just a homebody, Iguess.
Okay, so she didn't like to bearound people.
So I was like, okay, well then,if you don't like to go out,

(43:14):
then I'm going to just go outand hang out.

Speaker 1 (43:16):
But then that was a problem.

Speaker 2 (43:17):
And then it was a problem like well, you're
constantly going out.

Speaker 3 (43:22):
I'm like, I'm with my family, you know where I and
you could have came.
I was seen as the bad person,but she was doing the bad Right.
She was cheating, she wastalking to people behind my back
.

Speaker 1 (43:34):
That's usually the way it works.
I would catch her.

Speaker 3 (43:35):
And I was done because I still stood there.
Even she broke up with me onenight to go back with her ex and
then my dumb ass was stillthere when I could have just
left that, but I was still there.
But I was the bad person in arelationship.

Speaker 1 (43:52):
Well, that's someone.
What do they call that?
When you're projecting, they'reprojecting things onto you when
they're the ones doing it.
So, yeah, and that's usuallywhat cheaters do.

Speaker 2 (44:02):
Well, I would say to everybody don't settle for less,
Don't settle for breadcrumbs.

Speaker 1 (44:07):
Don't settle for breadcrumbs, but also don't
think that you're going to get,you know, a gold cake, because
you're not.

Speaker 3 (44:13):
And you know what I've seen on TikTok a video
where this guy he's askingquestions, interviewing, like
you know, just random people,and he asked this girl like
would you date someone thatlives at his mom's house?
And she's like she said no'shouse.
And she's like she said no.
And then she's like wait, wait,first off it's she would, but

(44:33):
then it has to be maybe he'smaybe he's going through it and
then you know he's notfinancially stable.
He maybe lost his job orsomething and he's trying to get
back on his feet.
You know, like if he ain'tdoing nothing with his life,
then no right but she may seemlike clear, like like you know
what I would.
Yeah, you know, maybe he hassome good reasons why he's
living with his mom.

Speaker 1 (44:54):
Yeah, is he sitting in the basement like playing
fucking video games all day?
No, the guy asked her, okay, sodo you have your own place.

Speaker 3 (44:59):
She's like, yeah, so he goes, would you let him move
in?
She do everything.
Yeah, why not?

Speaker 2 (45:09):
For sure, someone can pay half my bills, please, but
I gotta like you.
Oh, there's that.
Yeah, there's that part.
You know, or maybe we havedifferent schedules?
Wait, I work from home most ofthe time, that's not gonna work.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
Different schedules doesn't really work out either.

Speaker 2 (45:27):
No, I think it really boils down to with this whole
situation is your self worth?
I'm going to circle back aroundto that just because I feel
that if somebody rejects youbecause they're not asking to
get a sitter or they don't textor whatever, like it's just a
redirection into something else.
I feel like every time I'vedated somebody, I learned

(45:50):
something better about myselfand that I can fix, because I I
was shattered after losing myhusband.
So there's a lot of thingsabout myself and dating that
I've that have evolved, you know, as you're learning.
I'm learning about myself andI've learned how to communicate
and what I want and I don't want.

Speaker 3 (46:10):
In a way, it is hard for men to try to take that
approach on women because it'seasy for a woman to reject men,
as men to reject women Because Icould try to talk to somebody,
like we go to the bar and I'mlike you know what, I'm going to
go talk to her it's easy to getrejected.
It's easy.

(46:30):
But if it was a woman trying togo to a man a man 99% they're
not going to get rejected.

Speaker 2 (46:38):
See, and I think I'm a little too nice because if a
guy tries to ask me for mynumber, I'm like yeah, here,
I'll block you if anything, butlike I don't.

Speaker 3 (46:50):
It's like things like that kind of puts men's
self-esteem down.
It's like you.

Speaker 1 (46:53):
You gain that opportunity, you open that door
you open that door and embarrasshim, yeah, but you open that
door for him by giving yournumber and they're like she's
doing him a favor over there.

Speaker 3 (47:02):
Yeah, you're doing everybody making it feel
rejected.

Speaker 2 (47:04):
You're doing a disservice to him.
So what am I supposed to do?
If I'm not interested insomebody, tell him.

Speaker 3 (47:09):
Can I get your number ?
You can just tell him like hey,you know what, it's not like
that.
But I mean, we're just talking.
We can just talk and hang out.
You know, have a beer.

Speaker 1 (47:19):
I'm not really looking to be dating someone.

Speaker 3 (47:21):
But I'm always open to friendship.

Speaker 2 (47:23):
I'm going to try that next time, but when you?

Speaker 3 (47:25):
do get by your number .
You're opening that door, thatchance for that person, for that
man.
And then when?

Speaker 2 (47:34):
you block and they don't get.
No, he's getting rejected.

Speaker 3 (47:35):
And that's what happens to a lot of men we get
rejected and it sucks.
It sucks and it brings us wherewomen have expectations for men
, but these men don't take that,because they don't want to feel
rejected.

Speaker 2 (47:51):
Yeah, Nobody wants to feel rejected.
I mean which?

Speaker 1 (47:55):
is why I don't walk up to men and ask say anything
to them.
I don't want to get rejected.

Speaker 3 (47:59):
I mean, if you guys hit it off when you guys are
talking without giving yournumber right away, and you guys
hit it off or something, thenhey, you feel comfortable on
giving your number.
Yeah, but the man should alsorespect.
Okay, you want to give yournumber, I respect it.
Keep it that way.

Speaker 2 (48:18):
You can always give it on Instagram or something
like that.
Yeah, I'm like, here's my IG,follow me.
There you go.
But then I mean I should showyou my DMs.
It's fucking insane, you know.
And like I'm nice becausebecause, like, maybe some like I
feel like sometimes maybe guyswill DM and maybe they just want
conversation or, you know, theyhave questions or whatever, and
I don't always feel like it'sthey're trying to get at me and

(48:40):
maybe there are people thatlisten and you know, whatever,
like I'm, I communicate.
If I have time, I'll answeryour message.
I have no problem with that.

Speaker 3 (48:49):
And then sometimes too, like there's men out there,
there's some men out there thatsometimes maybe they just don't
want to get at you and theyjust want to talk.

Speaker 1 (48:57):
Mm-hmm, I need you to listen.

Speaker 3 (49:00):
I like to talk Like.
Sometimes it's not about I'mhitting on you.
It's like I see you by yourself, maybe, or you see me by myself
hey, I see you by yourself,maybe.
Or you see me by myself, hey,how are you doing, how's your
day going?
And it starts off like that.
It's not always about hookingup or whatever.
Sometimes somebody just wantsto have a conversation and
communicate.

Speaker 2 (49:16):
Yeah, I mean, we've talked about it before.
We like to be mentallystimulated, like you can have an
amazing intimate relationshipwith someone, but as soon as I'm
not like mentally stimulated orit's repetitive in the
relationship, I fall back.
I need to like feed me.

Speaker 1 (49:34):
Let's elevate.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
Like I want to elevate, I want to be better
than I was last year and I wantsomeone to build with me and,
like, maybe bring out qualitiesthat I don't even know about.

Speaker 3 (49:46):
I remember something in a conversation that we had a
while back when we were at thebar.
You had talked about like youdidn't want to build and someone
to be matching your level,matching your energy, not just
staying the same, because I feellike I do have a lot to offer
and I do everything with bothfeet in.

Speaker 2 (50:02):
So I need somebody to be the same way so I can grow,
and maybe there's things thatthey can do for me and there's
things I could do for them thatthey don't like to do, or
whatever it is.

Speaker 1 (50:17):
I want a team player, is what I want Batter up
Someone that picks up the slack,and then you pick up their
slack.

Speaker 2 (50:23):
Yeah, and it's effort , it's no effort.

Speaker 3 (50:26):
And vice versa.
Don't hold accountability whatyour past done for your future.

Speaker 2 (50:32):
Yeah, definitely don't take that.
And I think in the beginning,after losing Russ, people were
like you can't compare, youcan't compare.
And I think I was.
Maybe in the beginning I waslooking for certain things
because I knew what I wanted anddidn't want, right, but now,
like nobody's ever like I know,like nobody's ever going to
replace him, but there iscertain qualities that he had

(50:53):
that I really admired.
So I do want those because hewas definitely a go getter, like
I need a hustler, somebodythat's willing.

Speaker 1 (51:01):
Well, because you're a hustler, yeah, yeah, you
wouldn't want someone thatwasn't a hustler Like that's me.
You know what I'm saying?
Like I dated this guy that waslike he acted like he was a
hustler, but like he reallywasn't a hustler.
And now he's like he's marriedto someone else that I know and
I feel like she wears the pantsin the family, she does all the

(51:23):
things and I'm like this isexactly why I never wanted to
marry him, or vice versa.

Speaker 3 (51:27):
I'm like this is exactly why I never wanted to
marry him, or vice versa.
You can always change thisperson and then this person
becomes a hustler with you.

Speaker 2 (51:32):
Right, but there has to be something there.
But they have to have thatmentality too Ambition.

Speaker 1 (51:36):
Yeah, you cannot give someone ambition.

Speaker 2 (51:39):
It's kind of like loyalty in my eyes.
It's like either you're bornwith it or you're not.
Yeah, because you can love meall you want, but like there's
been, I mean, I'm pretty muchfriends with everybody that I've
ever became friends with.
I think there's like one or twopeople in my life that I
absolutely will not talk to, butI need you know.

(52:05):
I need to know that, like yougot me at the end of the day,
because you can love me andcheat on me, I'd rather have
loyalty all day.
You need to secure, yeah, andI'm so afraid of being hurt
because I was shattered, sothat's I have trust issues with
that, and so the man that doescome into my life is going to
have to reassure me, but alsonot too much reassure me,
because it's going to I don'twant.

Speaker 1 (52:25):
Yeah, it's like such a fine line it is Do you guys
such?
A fine line for Amber.

Speaker 3 (52:31):
Do you guys believe in opposite attracts?

Speaker 1 (52:33):
Yes.

Speaker 3 (52:34):
You guys do.
Yeah, I feel like I don't.

Speaker 2 (52:37):
I'm like, I feel like I need another me.

Speaker 1 (52:40):
And I don't mean like , how can I say this?

Speaker 3 (52:45):
I feel like you guys are just going to bump heads and
not kind of agree on a lot ofthings.

Speaker 1 (52:50):
I this, I feel like it's going to bump heads and I
can't agree on a lot of things.
I'm just going to stay likethat.
Well, here's the thing alsowith my two exes.
I'm a Taurus, they were bothTauruses.
My second ex-husband we wereborn on the exact same day, the
exact same year.
We did not get along because wewere too much alike.
So there has to be some thingsthat because if you get someone

(53:10):
that's too much like you, it'salmost like looking in a mirror
and you're going to seeeverything and there may be
things that you don't want tosee.

Speaker 2 (53:19):
Well, that's why you need somebody to pick up the
slack Right.

Speaker 1 (53:22):
But that's why I'm saying they kind of have to not
be like too, you know, with youbut a little opposition
Because's also you can attest tothis.
That's also what's attractiveabout a man is when they don't
let you have your way everysingle time.

Speaker 2 (53:39):
that's fucking boring yeah, yeah, I'm like give me
some pushback, don't just be ayes guy you know I want, like I
don't want to wear the pants.

Speaker 3 (53:49):
Even if the woman wants to be like I wear the
pants or like what I say, nah,it ain't.
No, it can't be that way.

Speaker 2 (53:56):
My dad says she wears the pants because I gave them
to her.
Well, I'm fucking tired ofwearing the fucking pants, yeah.

Speaker 3 (54:03):
Why do you think she's wearing the dress today?

Speaker 1 (54:05):
Ten years in, I'm a little tired of wearing those
pants myself.

Speaker 2 (54:08):
Yes, oh, that's so funny.
Okay.
So I'm going to lighten it up alittle bit and I am going to
ask you a question, frankie.
So, on a scale of one to ten,how dramatic are you when you
get a cold?
Be honest, do you turn into aman baby?

Speaker 3 (54:28):
No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 (54:31):
I'm not I feel like he doesn't have time for that
because he has a child.
You know what I'm saying?
He's like I got to get out ofhere?

Speaker 3 (54:36):
I don't know I mean sometimes you do want that
little affection and you just,you know, you just want to be
cuddly and everything.

Speaker 1 (54:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (54:44):
But it's not.
But at the end of the day, yougot shit to do, you got a kid to
raise, so you don't have timeto lay around and be a man baby.
So it's like.
But even if I wanted to, I feellike I don't know, I just can't
.

Speaker 1 (54:56):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (54:56):
I can't just.
I mean, I like to cuddle and belike baby, but I mean that's if
my partner was doing that onher own.

Speaker 1 (55:03):
Yeah, and you know also.

Speaker 3 (55:05):
But I wouldn't do it myself.

Speaker 1 (55:06):
But if you were sick?
Are you like a big baby whenyou're sick?
I think is the question yeah,yeah.
And so I have a question yes,what sign are you?

Speaker 3 (55:16):
I'm a Gemini.

Speaker 1 (55:17):
I didn't even know that.
I should know that, because Ithink I remember you saying you
were a Gemini.
Well, because I was going toask if you do you care about
Gemini.
Do you care about Gemini?
Do you care about Zodiac signs?
Like, do you think anything ofit?
Like, do you know what your,what your sign is that you
should be attracted to?

Speaker 3 (55:33):
Do you know what your like.

Speaker 1 (55:34):
Your partner should like.
My partner should be a, I thinka Cancer or a Capricorn.
I think we're Sagittarius.

Speaker 3 (55:45):
I know I looked it up .
I looked it up before.

Speaker 1 (55:48):
Does the zodiac sign play any part in your dating and
, like the people that yousurround yourself with?

Speaker 3 (55:55):
You know, honestly, I don't even focus on the zodiac
signs and then when people askme about the zodiac signs, I'm
like who pays attention to this?

Speaker 1 (56:04):
thing I do, I wouldn't know Like.
I'm like, oh, what are you?

Speaker 3 (56:09):
And they're like oh my God, they and Gemini, they're
horrible.

Speaker 1 (56:12):
I'm like I'm not horrible, though it doesn't mean
every Gemini is horrible.
Hey, we're the best, we are thebest.

Speaker 2 (56:17):
No, you're not.
Yeah, we are.

Speaker 1 (56:27):
Every time, every time I'm like oh, what are you?
A Gemini and Scorpio, my dad'sa Scorpio.
But those are like the evilsigns.
You know what I mean.
I'm not saying anything aboutyou two, because I love Amber.
She is like a light.
I love her.
To me she's not a Gemini, butto her she's a true Gemini.
But I'm a, I'm bullheaded, I'mall these things right.

Speaker 3 (56:47):
That's why I tell people I'm a Gemini, but I'm not
the Gemini that you guys thinkof.

Speaker 1 (56:50):
Right, exactly, so the first thing people think of
when they think of signs thatare bad are Scorpios and Geminis
.

Speaker 3 (56:57):
From other standpoint , of the zodiac sign.
All I know is I know Scorpiosare freaks.

Speaker 1 (57:04):
Maybe not all of them .
You know something aboutScorpios.

Speaker 2 (57:06):
I'm going to go to the horoscope today because I
want to know what my horoscope.
I don't really like look atthis stuff.
I mean, I have an app on myphone, but Is there something
wrong with somebody being a?
Mad baby For me.
I'm like fucking suck it upLike I don't know.
Okay, so here's the story.

Speaker 3 (57:28):
So you won't be like out of your own way, like he's
just laying there watching TVtrying to feel better.
You know he's just relaxing.
You don't just come up and,like you know, cuddly with him.

Speaker 2 (57:34):
No, I'll take, I'll give you medicine and stuff like
that.
But if you're like overdramatic, I'm like we ain't doing that.
So I have a.
He lived in we'll just sayModesto.
He worked in the Bay Area, sohe was already commuting and I

(57:57):
was like sleeping, he's likeblown at my phone because he's
like, oh, like, I'll bring youmedicine or whatever.
So I wake up to these textmessages saying I'm on my way to
your house and I'm like whatthe fuck?
Like you can't just show up tomy house.
And I was like I was pissed offand all he was trying to do was
do something nice and we'restill friends.
And so, like I told him, I saidthat really irked me that you

(58:19):
just like showed up.

Speaker 1 (58:20):
And yeah, I don't want anyone coming to my house.

Speaker 2 (58:21):
Yeah, like I'm sick because now you've already like
drove all this way way.
So, like you're not, I feelobligated I feel obligated to
like stay awake or like whatever.
But in his mind he was like,well, I'm just trying to take
care of you.
Well, fucking door dash, thatshit.
I mean, was there a door dash?
And so even like I know I'mtotally wrong for feeling that

(58:43):
way, because all my friends arelike you're fucking cold, like
that's fucked up like it'sunderstandable, you want the
door dash, but it's kind of alittle fucked up.

Speaker 3 (58:49):
Like you know, he's trying to go on his way to, like
you know, maybe pop up and do alittle surprise, Like I brought
your medicine.
It's the thought that counts.

Speaker 1 (58:56):
I don't want nobody surprising me at my house, and
especially when I'm sick.

Speaker 2 (59:00):
Like if you lived in town, it you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (59:05):
But he drove all the way from another fucking town.

Speaker 3 (59:07):
I would have just left that shit in front of the
doorstep and checked outside.

Speaker 2 (59:10):
I was nice while he was there, but you let him in.
Yeah, I did.
You know what I mean.
So good, Nah, I'm just kiddinghe was.
Yeah, he's still on my friendslist.
I wouldn't have let him in.
But yeah, and I've known himsince I was a teenager.

Speaker 1 (59:28):
Also, what if you were contagious?

Speaker 2 (59:30):
I don't think he cared.
He was like come here girl.

Speaker 1 (59:35):
People, no wonder.

Speaker 2 (59:36):
COVID ran rampant, but no, I look back and I'm like
that is we're going to get sicktogether and I'll stay with you
until we get better.

Speaker 3 (59:40):
That was, oh hell.

Speaker 2 (59:41):
No, it was super mean of me to think of that, but
that just goes to show you, like, how independent I am.
I'm like if I need something,like I'll get it, you know, so I
should probably.
I'm going to bring that up tohim.

Speaker 3 (59:54):
It's always the thought that counts sometimes.

Speaker 2 (59:56):
It is, and I told him .
Because after he did that likeI really kind of backed away.

Speaker 3 (01:00:04):
Yeah, I mean, there's a point where it's overdoing it
and just like, oh, but thenit's like man, really.

Speaker 2 (01:00:10):
But you're an hour away, like now.
I got to entertain you.
Like that's not cool, okay.
So Gemini horoscope for today.
Someone may be disagreeing withyou over a decision that you
see as completely logical andobvious.
Well, they argue about it.
You may be trying to convey howreasonable your decision is.
This may not be an issue of theother person's understanding.

(01:00:32):
However.
It may be more about a powerstruggle and trying to outlast
you by refusing to give in.
If that's the case, it mighthelp to demonstrate the
alternate scenarios that couldoccur if they do not get on the
board.
Be honest and fair, but factualthere.
Well, gemini's are right my wayor the highway.

(01:00:57):
So get on board, motherfuckers.

Speaker 3 (01:01:02):
Like stop being so soft sometimes.

Speaker 2 (01:01:04):
I want to be like.
I want to be like soft girl era.
I really would like to havethat.

Speaker 3 (01:01:09):
I was just talking to my dad.
You know what I don't see likewhen I hear oh, princess,
treatment this, and that I'mlike girl, you don't even act
like a princess, so why would Itreat you like a princess?
I'm going to treat you like athug, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
You act like a man sometimes.
No, I saw somebody posted it andI actually I was like I like
this comment it's somebody, Idon't even know who, I can't
even pull it up but it saidsomething about like women that
call themselves boss bitches islike hella immature.
And I'm like when I read it Iwas like like do I really want

(01:01:46):
to be a boss bitch?
Like yeah, like I know I'm abadass, like yeah, I know I'm a
badass, like I know I can takecare of everything.
But maybe when I read it I waslike maybe, I don't want to be a
boss bitch, you know Like.
I'm not a side piece, I'm notany of that.

Speaker 3 (01:01:57):
No, you're classy sassy.

Speaker 1 (01:01:58):
Yeah, classy sassy, I feel like that's a younger
person, because Cody calls methat all the time.
You're a boss bitch, mom,that's what she says.

Speaker 3 (01:02:05):
So I'm classy and sassy.

Speaker 2 (01:02:08):
I'm hey, I got that Stanford voice but I will thug
it out all day.
Thug life, thug life.
No, but you know, I want tohave, I want to be in the soft
girl era, but it's going to takesomebody special yeah so good
luck yeah same what about Taurus?

Speaker 3 (01:02:27):
what's Taurus day?

Speaker 1 (01:02:28):
oh, my thing today.
I just read it Good luck, yeahsame.

Speaker 2 (01:02:31):
What about Taurus?
What's Taurus day?
Oh my thing today.

Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
I just read it and you laughed about it.
Well, it says you have lots ofenergy at your disposal today,
taurus, but it's erratic andpowerful.
You have the stamina to makemajor changes and the
opportunity to break free fromany restrictions that hold you
back.
Embrace the new, fresh aspectsof your life that ring true to
your freedom-loving nature.
Give your soul room to breatheas you take a long walk in

(01:02:54):
nature this afternoon.

Speaker 2 (01:02:56):
Well, you were trying to do a walk this week.

Speaker 1 (01:02:58):
I was trying to do a walk with you bitch.

Speaker 2 (01:03:01):
Sorry, I'm busy, I'm busy.

Speaker 1 (01:03:03):
Sorry, it wasn't a problem.
Here's an excuse.

Speaker 2 (01:03:05):
Here's an excuse.

Speaker 1 (01:03:06):
What did I have?
I had something I tried to tellher and I tried to tell Cody
this If you go outside and youtake a walk not in town got to
go up to the mountains, you gotto go up someplace where it's
pretty and there's some creeks,there's some places that I know

(01:03:27):
the San Joaquin Gorge it makesyou feel grounded and I know
like people say that, but youreally really do take a minute
to breathe in nature, breathe itin, take a look around you, be
grateful for where you are, begrateful for what you have, and
when you stand out there in thatnothingness and look around at
everything around you, it really, really makes you think about

(01:03:51):
all the good things that youhave.

Speaker 2 (01:03:53):
I think so.
Even when we went up to Kirkhofit was nice just to be out on
the water and paddleboard.

Speaker 1 (01:04:01):
But you know, I've been funky lately, so that's why
I'm trying to get myself tosomeplace where I know I'm going
to be feeling better.
So, with that being said, it'stime for us to wrap this up.
Yes, yes, yes.
We'd like to thank you forjoining us today.

Speaker 3 (01:04:19):
I appreciate it.

Speaker 1 (01:04:19):
Thank you for having me A little insight from a man,
a little insight from a singlefather.

Speaker 2 (01:04:24):
At that, yes, and we got to meet your little man over
here.

Speaker 1 (01:04:27):
Yes, he's super interested in that phone.
Yes, he doesn't even know we'retalking about it.

Speaker 3 (01:04:32):
Hopefully you guys could have me back soon.

Speaker 2 (01:04:36):
Yes, we'll get some more topics going.
So this was totally last minute.
Usually we plan like a week inadvance and we're like, let's
just go.
And then I posted about that.
I was like should I save?
I was like, should I save?
Yeah, you sent your messagethis morning.

Speaker 3 (01:04:50):
I was like should I save?
I was like, nah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:04:53):
You got scared and then I called him.

Speaker 3 (01:04:55):
I asked him.
I was like what do you think?
He was like you should do itbecause you have good
conversations, you have a lot totalk about, and I'm like I hey,
you know what, I'm gonna turndown an opportunity like that.

Speaker 1 (01:05:08):
I'm let's go, let's do it yeah, yeah, my daughter's
wife did it and she was allnervous, like you, and then by
the end of it she was justtalking.

Speaker 3 (01:05:16):
I was sweating, but now I'm fresh.
Let's go well, that's.

Speaker 2 (01:05:19):
I mean, that's just kind of how it goes, like I
caught him off guard, you know,and I was like, just bring your
son, it's fine.
Fine, but you were supposed tobe here today, because really
somebody else was supposed to behere and they couldn't make it.
And you said, yes, yeah, meantto be.
Yep, it was meant to be so.
Thank you, frankie.
Yes, thank you, I hope to seeyou this season during football.

Speaker 3 (01:05:40):
Oh man, we'll see, we'll see, we'll see yeah.
Yeah, all right, been out for aminute.

Speaker 2 (01:05:47):
Yeah, you've been out for a minute, but that's all
right.
All right With that, we'regoing to say roger that, roger
that, roger that.
Thank you, thank you.