August 19, 2024 • 21 mins
Kim Walker-Smith is a worship leader and songwriter. At the height of her career, she went through a painful period of doubt as she grieved the death of her beloved stepfather. George had entered her life when she was almost a teenager and brought love and stability after years of instability and abuse. When Kim’s prayers for his healing weren’t answered, she was confronted with whether she could still believe the lyrics of the songs she’d become so famous for singing.
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Episode Transcript
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Kim Walker-Smith (00:00):
God was literally standing at that door of my home,
my heart, and kind of like, are you going to
let me in? Do you really think that you can
figure this out on your own? Do you really think
that you can clean up this mess on your own?
And the reality kind of settled in to me of,
I really can't I really can't sort through this pain
and this anger on my own.
Ally Domercant (00:20):
Welcome to a brand new season of the Snapshot Testimony podcast.
I'm your host, Ally Domercant. In this podcast, I ask
my guests to share one pivotal moment that helped shape
their faith in Christ. In this episode, you're going to
hear from longtime worship leader and songwriter Kim Walker-smith. At
the height of her career, she went through a painful
period of doubt as she coped with the death of
(00:43):
her beloved stepfather, George. Now, George had entered her life
when she was almost a teenager. He brought love and
stability after years of instability and abuse. He was the
one who showed her what it looked like to worship
Jesus before she even knew there was such a thing.
When Kim's prayers for his healing weren't answered, she was
confronted with whether she could still believe the lyrics of
(01:05):
the songs for which she'd become so famous. Here's a
snapshot testimony from Kim Walker-smith.
Kim Walker-Smith (01:13):
The very first one that came to my mind was
actually when my stepdad passed away from Parkinson's disease, and
he was a worshipper and a worshipper, not like someone
on a stage, you know, with a big talent where
everyone sees them and hears them. All those things. He
was just a worshipper at home every single day, getting
(01:35):
up before the sun, turning on worship music, worshipping, praying,
praying out loud, always his prayers, um, reading his Bible
and really showing me what a life with Jesus looks
like outside of a Sunday morning and a, you know,
a routine of that sort. And, um, when he passed away, um,
he was still, uh, Even up to his moment of
(01:58):
of passing, he was still declaring that God is a
healer and still declaring the goodness of God even in
that moment and after he passed. It was a really
pivotal moment for me, just as a Christ follower, but
also as a worship leader. Um, thinking about, gosh, I'm
I'm getting up on a stage, I'm singing songs about
(02:22):
who God is, about healing. And we didn't experience that.
And no one really likes to talk about, you know,
when you don't get the answer that you want or desire.
It's it's a tough thing to talk about, especially because, honestly,
there aren't really any really great answers. And I had
to really sort through that with the Lord and, um,
(02:44):
kind of decide where I would fall, where I would
stand and believe in that. And that was just a
really significant moment for me. And solidifying, um. What I
decide about Jesus is that he is who he says
he is, even when we don't have the outcome that
we hope for or desire.
Ally Domercant (03:03):
Yeah. What stage of life was this for you? Was
this recent or is this going back some years?
Kim Walker-Smith (03:08):
Uh, this is going back about nine years ago. Um,
I had just had my second son, and, um, shortly
after his is when he passed. Um, and he my
stepdad was really significant in my life because he came
into my life when I was just about 12 years old,
and he was the one who got us going to church, and.
(03:32):
And the reason I'm a Christian was because of him.
And so.
Ally Domercant (03:36):
Okay, wait, wait, wait. You got to tell me that story. Yeah.
How did he. What? Tell me about that.
Kim Walker-Smith (03:42):
Yeah. So my parents divorced when I was four, and, um,
I had a few stepfathers actually, before him. And, um,
you know, it's funny, we. my mom, she was raised Christian.
We went to church sometimes, but in my mind I
just thought church is just something that good people went
to sometimes. Like, I didn't really understand any kind of
(04:05):
significance of God. And I can't say that I really
knew who Jesus was. I just kind of thought, maybe
there's a God out there and I don't really understand church.
But when he came into our lives, um, he, he
was just this really solid Christian and a really incredible guy.
I had been abused by stepfathers before him, and, um,
(04:26):
it took me kind of a bit to accept him
because I kind of thought, you're going to be like
the other men and hurt us and leave us. Um,
but he was just so, so kind and loving and
stable and really showing me the love of Jesus before
I really knew who Jesus was. And, um, the other
really great thing about him was that, um, you know,
(04:49):
after he passed, I said to the Lord, you know,
there's one thing I really wanted to ask George that
I never got to ask him. And and it was just,
you know, why? Why did you marry my mom? And
I didn't mean it in a bad way. Like my.
My mom is. She's beautiful. She's just an amazing woman.
She's also a worship leader. She's a singer. She's just
(05:11):
very talented, very beautiful, very wonderful woman. But she obviously
had made some mistakes. She had a few kids. We
had different dads. I, we we were not really the
easiest kids either. We'd kind of been through a lot,
you know, and and, you know, she just kind of
came with this baggage and, and we really kind of
put him through it. Like I was not kind to
(05:33):
him when he first came into our lives. And I
felt like the Lord said, I sent him for you.
And because it just kind of I didn't I couldn't
really wrap my mind around this, um, incredible man, uh,
choosing our family and and pulling us out of, um,
what we had been in for so long and changed
our lives so, so dramatically. But the Lord, I felt
(05:54):
like he said, I did it for you. And, um,
that really kind of changed my perspective, too, of of
the Lord and the way he really kind of sets
up a path in front of us to, to really
keep drawing us to him.
Ally Domercant (06:07):
Yeah. Now, when he first came into your life and
you noticed that there was something different about him over time.
When did you start to have words for what that was?
I mean, you you didn't start out saying, oh, this
this new guy, he's a worshipper. You wouldn't have even
had language for that. No. When did you start to
even have words to describe what it is about him?
Kim Walker-Smith (06:29):
Well, unfortunately, it wasn't until I was around, like 19
years old because I was just such a hurt, um,
angry girl. I would, you know, as a young girl,
as a teenager, um, I could recognize and verbalize the
stability and the safety he brought to our home. He
provided for us. You know, we we did. There were
(06:51):
times before him, we went hungry and we did not
go hungry with him. Um, he put us in an
actual house. I was living in a house with a
bedroom of my own. Like he. He bought us new
clothes for school. He he put us in sports and
made sure that we had the best shoes for sports.
I mean, he just really took care of us. And
I could recognize that the the provision, the stability, um,
(07:15):
the safety. And I could recognize that his relationship to
God was real, that God that God was very real
to him. And it was the first time that I
was really recognizing, um, any sort of relationship with God
outside of a Sunday morning and going to church. And
(07:35):
I could recognize like, well, obviously to him, God is
so much more real and something beyond, um, church on
a Sunday morning. Again, I couldn't say that I really
understood that. But when I was 18 is when I
finally gave my life to Jesus. It took me a
while to come around. I was just so scared to
(07:56):
open up my heart and like, let my heart be vulnerable,
you know? But I finally did at 18. And after that,
when when I started to actually get healing and when
the Lord started to address and heal the wounds from
my childhood inside of me, that's when I really started
to come around to see what God had done, sending
(08:17):
George to us, and to see that George was truly
the one showing me what worship is. That worship isn't, um,
someone with a talent on a stage. That worship is
is our our lifestyle and how we do relationship with
God on a regular basis. And so it wasn't until
that time, actually on the other side of of healing
(08:40):
that I could verbalize that, that I could see that
which was incredible because little did I know how much
that would prepare me for for my own life. I
had no idea this is what God would have have
me do with my life, you know? But obviously he
sent me just the greatest example and the greatest teacher
for worship and for what I would end up doing
(09:01):
with my my life and career.
Ally Domercant (09:03):
Wow. So when did you start to discover your own
kind of role as a worshiper, both privately and then
very publicly?
Kim Walker-Smith (09:11):
So, you know, I grew up singing and my whole
family was musical, and I did not think it was
special because everyone in my family sang. And I just thought,
everyone in the world must sing because that's just the
world I was growing up in. So I, I never
thought that, um, I had a talent or anything special. And, um,
(09:33):
when I was in high school, I was in choir
my freshman year, and I actually got in trouble and
I got kicked out, but I got banned for the
rest of high school, so. So I wasn't doing anything musical.
You know, when I was younger, except for, um, George
in our lives, he we were going to church and
(09:54):
we were very involved in church. I was pretty angry
about it because I was pretty angry at God. So
at this point. But my mom would often push me
up on the worship team and make me sing with her.
So I'm standing on the stage singing these songs, just
kind of doing what I'm told. And my mom, her
happiness was really important to me, and so I knew
(10:15):
how happy it made her for me to be singing
with her. But worship did not become something real or
really understood to me until obviously, I had my radical
conversion and my life changed by Jesus and really surrendering
my life to him. And then it was in my, um,
like early mid 20s when I started slowly stepping into worship,
(10:40):
leading and suddenly found myself. I always say I, I
was just focused on following Jesus. And just like it
says in Proverbs, man makes his plans, but the Lord
aligns his steps. And I feel like that's how it
was for me. I was just following the Lord, and
he aligned my steps and led me into worship, leading
(11:02):
what I'm doing now because I this is not what
I planned or thought. I was working as a banker,
I was processing loans and I just led worship in
my free time as a volunteer because I loved it
and worship was just a part of my life, just
just a part of my life. So it wasn't until
much later that I, you know, kind of found myself
(11:25):
in it beyond the volunteer stage. Yeah.
Ally Domercant (11:30):
No. You know, one of the things you said early
on that struck me was that for for George, worship
wasn't something that he did publicly. He was not a
worship leader. So one of your greatest models wasn't someone
who ever sung on a stage. It was just the
the worship at home, the worship in in the course
of everyday life. How much of an impact did that
(11:52):
make on you in terms of how you view your role?
Now that is very public.
Kim Walker-Smith (11:57):
Well, it's it's really kind of defined what I believe
worship is. And I think that, um, one of the
unfortunate things that has happened as as worship has moved
further into the music industry, there's a lot of positive
things that have come out of that. But like, the
(12:18):
negative thing is that I feel like the industry kind
of leaked into our Sunday mornings and kind of started
kind of showing us or putting in people's minds that
worship is more of a spectator type event where people
are more watching versus engaging, and that worship is is
for the talented and for the people with the skill
(12:41):
and what George taught me and what I learned early on,
and what was just kind of I would say, is
it the foundation of what I believe about worship is
that every single one of us is created to worship
and and truly called to worship. I mean, the Bible
commands us to worship, but it's worship on a Sunday
morning is I don't think it's just to to sit
(13:02):
and to watch, but to engage with the Lord. And
it's for, for all of us. And so this is
really that that core belief inside of me does affect
the way that I lead worship and the way that
I hope to engage people wherever I'm leading, be it
a Sunday morning or a worship night out on a
(13:23):
tour or whatever it is. Um, at the center of
all of it is my belief that we're there to
engage with Jesus, every single one of us, and that
it's for all of us to do, not just someone
with an ability to sing. Yeah.
Ally Domercant (13:37):
Now, by the time you were walking through with George's
illness and then his passing, your faith was obviously at
a at a much stronger place. But that sort of
a significant loss can can knock back even the even
the strongest. How how did you process the loss and the,
you know, you you always pray for the healing. And
(13:58):
then in this case, it didn't come on this side
of of heaven. How did how did that kind of
how did you process that?
Kim Walker-Smith (14:05):
It it really rattled me. And it wasn't that I
felt this, you know, I'm walking away from Jesus. It
wasn't that extreme, but it was very much where I
was questioning the Lord. Are you really good? Are you
really kind? Um. Do you do you answer prayer still? Like,
(14:28):
do you like, are you really these things that you
say you are. And I, I also just had anger
towards the Lord and frustration like, well geez, of all
the people in the world. Like he was such a
good man and such a kind man and such a
a loving man. Like, I don't think that he deserved that.
I don't think he deserved to, to have this very dehumanizing, um,
(14:52):
sickness come over him and, and ravage his body and
put him through that. He was in so much pain.
And I just it was all this, you know, kind
of frustration, honestly, with the Lord that I did feel
at one point. The funny thing was I there's like
these two sides to me, this side that's just really hurt,
(15:12):
really angry, really frustrated, confused, not really sure what to
think or to believe. And this other side of me
that just wanted to be a good girl and not
upset God. And almost like I recognize this mess inside
of my heart right now. And I was kind of
holding God at a distance going. I should sort out
this mess. Like, almost like before. I have such an
(15:34):
honored guest in my home. I should clean my home,
you know what I mean? And so I felt this strange, like, I'm.
I put this distance between me and God while I'm
somehow trying to sort through this mess on my own,
out of out of love and respect for God. Um,
and then one day, I just felt like God was
literally standing at that door of my home, my heart,
(15:57):
and kind of like, are you going to let me in?
Do you really think that you can figure this out
on your own? Do you really think that you can
clean up this mess on your own? And the reality
kind of settled in to me of, I really can't,
I really can't sort through this pain and this anger
on my own. And what I experienced was Jesus stepping
into that with me and, um, Jesus not running away
(16:21):
from my anger, not not punishing me for my anger.
I experience the love of God and the Jesus who
who meets me in that pain and meets me in
that mess and kind of sat with me in that
and helped me work my way out of that at
a at a pace that was right for me. I
didn't feel rushed. I didn't feel pressure. I just felt
(16:44):
like I could just talk to Jesus about it and
work through it at the pace I needed. And it
was a really challenging time, but also, honestly, a really
sweet time because it solidified something inside of me. Um,
that I don't need to. I don't need to be perfect.
And I think I put that pressure on myself a lot.
(17:07):
That was that holding him at a distance, trying to
perfect myself and realizing, well, that's the work of the cross,
that we can't make ourselves perfect. We can't make ourselves clean.
You know, we can't make ourselves any of those things. And, um,
that was just a good revelation that I needed. The
work of the cross is not just for my point
of salvation, but it's for my actual walk with Jesus.
Ally Domercant (17:29):
So yeah, that's awesome. And I know so much of
your music. You there's an honesty that comes through and
your your latest album. You you said that it's kind
of like there's a, there's a victory element to it
that is not totally new, but maybe a different sound
from what you've had before. Yeah, it kind of. I'm
(17:52):
sure you can describe that much better than I can.
Kim Walker-Smith (17:54):
Yeah. So as a, you know, creative and a songwriter,
oftentimes it is pretty typical that we will write songs
when we're in the process. It's almost like our way
of kind of verbally processing whatever it is we're walking
through or whatever it is we're sorting out with the Lord. And, and, um,
(18:15):
this project has felt really different from me for me
because I feel like, um, these last three years. Uh, well,
three and a half, we made a really big transition
in in our lives. My, my family and I, we
we moved states. Um, I left the ministry that I
was a part of for over 20 years. Not in any.
(18:36):
I always sounds negative, but not in any negative sense.
It was just a new season. Time to go into
something new. Um, but that was so hard. Obviously. I mean,
over 20 years. So it was like just a huge transition.
And I feel like I kind of came into this
wilderness that I was trying to sort through a lot
of things and also going, I know that there's something
new ahead, and I feel like you're preparing me for
(18:58):
whatever it is, but gosh, it feels a little terrifying.
And on the other side of that season of working
it all out, I feel like that that's where I
wrote the songs. The songs were in the victory on
the other side of me, looking back and going, wow,
I just learned some things. I just figured some things out.
I just sorted some things out. And so the songs, um,
(19:21):
feel really declarative and really, um, kind of, uh, like
a statement of I, I figured this out. I sorted
this out. Um, so yeah, that's the new album trample is,
is is that the songs written on the other side
in the victory?
Ally Domercant (19:39):
Awesome. Anything else you want to add that maybe we
haven't touched on or that you're excited for?
Kim Walker-Smith (19:47):
I, you know, I'm just excited for for what's next.
I know that, um, you know, I've been doing quite
a bit of traveling lately, and I know that it's
very easy to look at the world, to look at
the news, to look at the headlines, to get on
social media and see a lot of negativity. But as
a Christ follower, I feel really excited about what Jesus
(20:11):
is doing right now. I know that there's a lot
of things that are really hard, that are really painful.
I know that there's a lot of people who are
walking through some challenging things right now, but I feel like, um,
God is just really preparing the bride. And I don't
think it's an easy process. I think it can be
a painful process, especially the cleansing, especially the the preparation.
(20:34):
But I actually just feel a lot of excitement about
what God is doing. And I feel a lot of
excitement that as a worship leader and a Christ follower,
that I get to partner with him in bringing heaven
to earth. And so I think these are exciting times
to live in, actually. So that doesn't really have anything
to do with the new album or anything else, except
(20:55):
that that's what's in my heart right now.
Ally Domercant (20:57):
Thank you so much for hanging with me for this
week's snapshot testimony. I hope my conversation with Kim was
as encouraging to you as it was to me. If
you're watching on YouTube or listening on your favorite podcast platform,
be sure to take a minute to subscribe just so
you don't miss an episode. I'm your host, Ally Domercant ,
and together we're sharing the moments that shape a life
(21:18):
of faith in Christ.
God was literally standing at that door of my home,
my heart, and kind of like, are you going to
let me in? Do you really think that you can
figure this out on your own? Do you really think
that you can clean up this mess on your own?
And the reality kind of settled in to me of,
I really can't I really can't sort through this pain
and this anger on my own.
Ally Domercant (00:20):
Welcome to a brand new season of the Snapshot Testimony podcast.
I'm your host, Ally Domercant. In this podcast, I ask
my guests to share one pivotal moment that helped shape
their faith in Christ. In this episode, you're going to
hear from longtime worship leader and songwriter Kim Walker-smith. At
the height of her career, she went through a painful
period of doubt as she coped with the death of
(00:43):
her beloved stepfather, George. Now, George had entered her life
when she was almost a teenager. He brought love and
stability after years of instability and abuse. He was the
one who showed her what it looked like to worship
Jesus before she even knew there was such a thing.
When Kim's prayers for his healing weren't answered, she was
confronted with whether she could still believe the lyrics of
(01:05):
the songs for which she'd become so famous. Here's a
snapshot testimony from Kim Walker-smith.
Kim Walker-Smith (01:13):
The very first one that came to my mind was
actually when my stepdad passed away from Parkinson's disease, and
he was a worshipper and a worshipper, not like someone
on a stage, you know, with a big talent where
everyone sees them and hears them. All those things. He
was just a worshipper at home every single day, getting
(01:35):
up before the sun, turning on worship music, worshipping, praying,
praying out loud, always his prayers, um, reading his Bible
and really showing me what a life with Jesus looks
like outside of a Sunday morning and a, you know,
a routine of that sort. And, um, when he passed away, um,
he was still, uh, Even up to his moment of
(01:58):
of passing, he was still declaring that God is a
healer and still declaring the goodness of God even in
that moment and after he passed. It was a really
pivotal moment for me, just as a Christ follower, but
also as a worship leader. Um, thinking about, gosh, I'm
I'm getting up on a stage, I'm singing songs about
(02:22):
who God is, about healing. And we didn't experience that.
And no one really likes to talk about, you know,
when you don't get the answer that you want or desire.
It's it's a tough thing to talk about, especially because, honestly,
there aren't really any really great answers. And I had
to really sort through that with the Lord and, um,
(02:44):
kind of decide where I would fall, where I would
stand and believe in that. And that was just a
really significant moment for me. And solidifying, um. What I
decide about Jesus is that he is who he says
he is, even when we don't have the outcome that
we hope for or desire.
Ally Domercant (03:03):
Yeah. What stage of life was this for you? Was
this recent or is this going back some years?
Kim Walker-Smith (03:08):
Uh, this is going back about nine years ago. Um,
I had just had my second son, and, um, shortly
after his is when he passed. Um, and he my
stepdad was really significant in my life because he came
into my life when I was just about 12 years old,
and he was the one who got us going to church, and.
(03:32):
And the reason I'm a Christian was because of him.
And so.
Ally Domercant (03:36):
Okay, wait, wait, wait. You got to tell me that story. Yeah.
How did he. What? Tell me about that.
Kim Walker-Smith (03:42):
Yeah. So my parents divorced when I was four, and, um,
I had a few stepfathers actually, before him. And, um,
you know, it's funny, we. my mom, she was raised Christian.
We went to church sometimes, but in my mind I
just thought church is just something that good people went
to sometimes. Like, I didn't really understand any kind of
(04:05):
significance of God. And I can't say that I really
knew who Jesus was. I just kind of thought, maybe
there's a God out there and I don't really understand church.
But when he came into our lives, um, he, he
was just this really solid Christian and a really incredible guy.
I had been abused by stepfathers before him, and, um,
(04:26):
it took me kind of a bit to accept him
because I kind of thought, you're going to be like
the other men and hurt us and leave us. Um,
but he was just so, so kind and loving and
stable and really showing me the love of Jesus before
I really knew who Jesus was. And, um, the other
really great thing about him was that, um, you know,
(04:49):
after he passed, I said to the Lord, you know,
there's one thing I really wanted to ask George that
I never got to ask him. And and it was just,
you know, why? Why did you marry my mom? And
I didn't mean it in a bad way. Like my.
My mom is. She's beautiful. She's just an amazing woman.
She's also a worship leader. She's a singer. She's just
(05:11):
very talented, very beautiful, very wonderful woman. But she obviously
had made some mistakes. She had a few kids. We
had different dads. I, we we were not really the
easiest kids either. We'd kind of been through a lot,
you know, and and, you know, she just kind of
came with this baggage and, and we really kind of
put him through it. Like I was not kind to
(05:33):
him when he first came into our lives. And I
felt like the Lord said, I sent him for you.
And because it just kind of I didn't I couldn't
really wrap my mind around this, um, incredible man, uh,
choosing our family and and pulling us out of, um,
what we had been in for so long and changed
our lives so, so dramatically. But the Lord, I felt
(05:54):
like he said, I did it for you. And, um,
that really kind of changed my perspective, too, of of
the Lord and the way he really kind of sets
up a path in front of us to, to really
keep drawing us to him.
Ally Domercant (06:07):
Yeah. Now, when he first came into your life and
you noticed that there was something different about him over time.
When did you start to have words for what that was?
I mean, you you didn't start out saying, oh, this
this new guy, he's a worshipper. You wouldn't have even
had language for that. No. When did you start to
even have words to describe what it is about him?
Kim Walker-Smith (06:29):
Well, unfortunately, it wasn't until I was around, like 19
years old because I was just such a hurt, um,
angry girl. I would, you know, as a young girl,
as a teenager, um, I could recognize and verbalize the
stability and the safety he brought to our home. He
provided for us. You know, we we did. There were
(06:51):
times before him, we went hungry and we did not
go hungry with him. Um, he put us in an
actual house. I was living in a house with a
bedroom of my own. Like he. He bought us new
clothes for school. He he put us in sports and
made sure that we had the best shoes for sports.
I mean, he just really took care of us. And
I could recognize that the the provision, the stability, um,
(07:15):
the safety. And I could recognize that his relationship to
God was real, that God that God was very real
to him. And it was the first time that I
was really recognizing, um, any sort of relationship with God
outside of a Sunday morning and going to church. And
(07:35):
I could recognize like, well, obviously to him, God is
so much more real and something beyond, um, church on
a Sunday morning. Again, I couldn't say that I really
understood that. But when I was 18 is when I
finally gave my life to Jesus. It took me a
while to come around. I was just so scared to
(07:56):
open up my heart and like, let my heart be vulnerable,
you know? But I finally did at 18. And after that,
when when I started to actually get healing and when
the Lord started to address and heal the wounds from
my childhood inside of me, that's when I really started
to come around to see what God had done, sending
(08:17):
George to us, and to see that George was truly
the one showing me what worship is. That worship isn't, um,
someone with a talent on a stage. That worship is
is our our lifestyle and how we do relationship with
God on a regular basis. And so it wasn't until
that time, actually on the other side of of healing
(08:40):
that I could verbalize that, that I could see that
which was incredible because little did I know how much
that would prepare me for for my own life. I
had no idea this is what God would have have
me do with my life, you know? But obviously he
sent me just the greatest example and the greatest teacher
for worship and for what I would end up doing
(09:01):
with my my life and career.
Ally Domercant (09:03):
Wow. So when did you start to discover your own
kind of role as a worshiper, both privately and then
very publicly?
Kim Walker-Smith (09:11):
So, you know, I grew up singing and my whole
family was musical, and I did not think it was
special because everyone in my family sang. And I just thought,
everyone in the world must sing because that's just the
world I was growing up in. So I, I never
thought that, um, I had a talent or anything special. And, um,
(09:33):
when I was in high school, I was in choir
my freshman year, and I actually got in trouble and
I got kicked out, but I got banned for the
rest of high school, so. So I wasn't doing anything musical.
You know, when I was younger, except for, um, George
in our lives, he we were going to church and
(09:54):
we were very involved in church. I was pretty angry
about it because I was pretty angry at God. So
at this point. But my mom would often push me
up on the worship team and make me sing with her.
So I'm standing on the stage singing these songs, just
kind of doing what I'm told. And my mom, her
happiness was really important to me, and so I knew
(10:15):
how happy it made her for me to be singing
with her. But worship did not become something real or
really understood to me until obviously, I had my radical
conversion and my life changed by Jesus and really surrendering
my life to him. And then it was in my, um,
like early mid 20s when I started slowly stepping into worship,
(10:40):
leading and suddenly found myself. I always say I, I
was just focused on following Jesus. And just like it
says in Proverbs, man makes his plans, but the Lord
aligns his steps. And I feel like that's how it
was for me. I was just following the Lord, and
he aligned my steps and led me into worship, leading
(11:02):
what I'm doing now because I this is not what
I planned or thought. I was working as a banker,
I was processing loans and I just led worship in
my free time as a volunteer because I loved it
and worship was just a part of my life, just
just a part of my life. So it wasn't until
much later that I, you know, kind of found myself
(11:25):
in it beyond the volunteer stage. Yeah.
Ally Domercant (11:30):
No. You know, one of the things you said early
on that struck me was that for for George, worship
wasn't something that he did publicly. He was not a
worship leader. So one of your greatest models wasn't someone
who ever sung on a stage. It was just the
the worship at home, the worship in in the course
of everyday life. How much of an impact did that
(11:52):
make on you in terms of how you view your role?
Now that is very public.
Kim Walker-Smith (11:57):
Well, it's it's really kind of defined what I believe
worship is. And I think that, um, one of the
unfortunate things that has happened as as worship has moved
further into the music industry, there's a lot of positive
things that have come out of that. But like, the
(12:18):
negative thing is that I feel like the industry kind
of leaked into our Sunday mornings and kind of started
kind of showing us or putting in people's minds that
worship is more of a spectator type event where people
are more watching versus engaging, and that worship is is
for the talented and for the people with the skill
(12:41):
and what George taught me and what I learned early on,
and what was just kind of I would say, is
it the foundation of what I believe about worship is
that every single one of us is created to worship
and and truly called to worship. I mean, the Bible
commands us to worship, but it's worship on a Sunday
morning is I don't think it's just to to sit
(13:02):
and to watch, but to engage with the Lord. And
it's for, for all of us. And so this is
really that that core belief inside of me does affect
the way that I lead worship and the way that
I hope to engage people wherever I'm leading, be it
a Sunday morning or a worship night out on a
(13:23):
tour or whatever it is. Um, at the center of
all of it is my belief that we're there to
engage with Jesus, every single one of us, and that
it's for all of us to do, not just someone
with an ability to sing. Yeah.
Ally Domercant (13:37):
Now, by the time you were walking through with George's
illness and then his passing, your faith was obviously at
a at a much stronger place. But that sort of
a significant loss can can knock back even the even
the strongest. How how did you process the loss and the,
you know, you you always pray for the healing. And
(13:58):
then in this case, it didn't come on this side
of of heaven. How did how did that kind of
how did you process that?
Kim Walker-Smith (14:05):
It it really rattled me. And it wasn't that I
felt this, you know, I'm walking away from Jesus. It
wasn't that extreme, but it was very much where I
was questioning the Lord. Are you really good? Are you
really kind? Um. Do you do you answer prayer still? Like,
(14:28):
do you like, are you really these things that you
say you are. And I, I also just had anger
towards the Lord and frustration like, well geez, of all
the people in the world. Like he was such a
good man and such a kind man and such a
a loving man. Like, I don't think that he deserved that.
I don't think he deserved to, to have this very dehumanizing, um,
(14:52):
sickness come over him and, and ravage his body and
put him through that. He was in so much pain.
And I just it was all this, you know, kind
of frustration, honestly, with the Lord that I did feel
at one point. The funny thing was I there's like
these two sides to me, this side that's just really hurt,
(15:12):
really angry, really frustrated, confused, not really sure what to
think or to believe. And this other side of me
that just wanted to be a good girl and not
upset God. And almost like I recognize this mess inside
of my heart right now. And I was kind of
holding God at a distance going. I should sort out
this mess. Like, almost like before. I have such an
(15:34):
honored guest in my home. I should clean my home,
you know what I mean? And so I felt this strange, like, I'm.
I put this distance between me and God while I'm
somehow trying to sort through this mess on my own,
out of out of love and respect for God. Um,
and then one day, I just felt like God was
literally standing at that door of my home, my heart,
(15:57):
and kind of like, are you going to let me in?
Do you really think that you can figure this out
on your own? Do you really think that you can
clean up this mess on your own? And the reality
kind of settled in to me of, I really can't,
I really can't sort through this pain and this anger
on my own. And what I experienced was Jesus stepping
into that with me and, um, Jesus not running away
(16:21):
from my anger, not not punishing me for my anger.
I experience the love of God and the Jesus who
who meets me in that pain and meets me in
that mess and kind of sat with me in that
and helped me work my way out of that at
a at a pace that was right for me. I
didn't feel rushed. I didn't feel pressure. I just felt
(16:44):
like I could just talk to Jesus about it and
work through it at the pace I needed. And it
was a really challenging time, but also, honestly, a really
sweet time because it solidified something inside of me. Um,
that I don't need to. I don't need to be perfect.
And I think I put that pressure on myself a lot.
(17:07):
That was that holding him at a distance, trying to
perfect myself and realizing, well, that's the work of the cross,
that we can't make ourselves perfect. We can't make ourselves clean.
You know, we can't make ourselves any of those things. And, um,
that was just a good revelation that I needed. The
work of the cross is not just for my point
of salvation, but it's for my actual walk with Jesus.
Ally Domercant (17:29):
So yeah, that's awesome. And I know so much of
your music. You there's an honesty that comes through and
your your latest album. You you said that it's kind
of like there's a, there's a victory element to it
that is not totally new, but maybe a different sound
from what you've had before. Yeah, it kind of. I'm
(17:52):
sure you can describe that much better than I can.
Kim Walker-Smith (17:54):
Yeah. So as a, you know, creative and a songwriter,
oftentimes it is pretty typical that we will write songs
when we're in the process. It's almost like our way
of kind of verbally processing whatever it is we're walking
through or whatever it is we're sorting out with the Lord. And, and, um,
(18:15):
this project has felt really different from me for me
because I feel like, um, these last three years. Uh, well,
three and a half, we made a really big transition
in in our lives. My, my family and I, we
we moved states. Um, I left the ministry that I
was a part of for over 20 years. Not in any.
(18:36):
I always sounds negative, but not in any negative sense.
It was just a new season. Time to go into
something new. Um, but that was so hard. Obviously. I mean,
over 20 years. So it was like just a huge transition.
And I feel like I kind of came into this
wilderness that I was trying to sort through a lot
of things and also going, I know that there's something
new ahead, and I feel like you're preparing me for
(18:58):
whatever it is, but gosh, it feels a little terrifying.
And on the other side of that season of working
it all out, I feel like that that's where I
wrote the songs. The songs were in the victory on
the other side of me, looking back and going, wow,
I just learned some things. I just figured some things out.
I just sorted some things out. And so the songs, um,
(19:21):
feel really declarative and really, um, kind of, uh, like
a statement of I, I figured this out. I sorted
this out. Um, so yeah, that's the new album trample is,
is is that the songs written on the other side
in the victory?
Ally Domercant (19:39):
Awesome. Anything else you want to add that maybe we
haven't touched on or that you're excited for?
Kim Walker-Smith (19:47):
I, you know, I'm just excited for for what's next.
I know that, um, you know, I've been doing quite
a bit of traveling lately, and I know that it's
very easy to look at the world, to look at
the news, to look at the headlines, to get on
social media and see a lot of negativity. But as
a Christ follower, I feel really excited about what Jesus
(20:11):
is doing right now. I know that there's a lot
of things that are really hard, that are really painful.
I know that there's a lot of people who are
walking through some challenging things right now, but I feel like, um,
God is just really preparing the bride. And I don't
think it's an easy process. I think it can be
a painful process, especially the cleansing, especially the the preparation.
(20:34):
But I actually just feel a lot of excitement about
what God is doing. And I feel a lot of
excitement that as a worship leader and a Christ follower,
that I get to partner with him in bringing heaven
to earth. And so I think these are exciting times
to live in, actually. So that doesn't really have anything
to do with the new album or anything else, except
(20:55):
that that's what's in my heart right now.
Ally Domercant (20:57):
Thank you so much for hanging with me for this
week's snapshot testimony. I hope my conversation with Kim was
as encouraging to you as it was to me. If
you're watching on YouTube or listening on your favorite podcast platform,
be sure to take a minute to subscribe just so
you don't miss an episode. I'm your host, Ally Domercant ,
and together we're sharing the moments that shape a life
(21:18):
of faith in Christ.
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