Episode Transcript
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Sarah Kroger (00:00):
It's crazy to look back on that and think about
how close I was to allowing fear to keep me
from who God was inviting me to become. So that's
the moment that I think has changed and shaped my
entire life.
Ally Domercant (00:13):
Welcome to the Snapshot Testimony podcast. I'm your host, Ally Domercant .
In this podcast, I asked my guests to share one
pivotal moment that helped shape their faith in Christ. In
this episode, you'll hear from worship leader Sarah Kroger. She
was bullied as a child, which led to years of
insecurity and hiding. Despite her gift for music, singing in
(00:34):
front of people was the last thing she ever imagined
herself doing. Until one moment as a teenager, where she
was confronted with just how much her own fear was
standing in the way of the call of God on
her life. Here's a snapshot testimony from Sarah Kroger.
Sarah Kroger (00:54):
When I was growing up, my parents were both involved
in music ministry from from before I was born. So
it was always, you know, in a musical household, always
at church. Kind of like a pastor's kid, in a sense. Yeah,
just always involved in it. Um, but I, I always
had a deep love for music and knew that I
had I wouldn't have been able to verbalize it like this.
(01:15):
When I was a kid, I knew that I had
a gift for it, though. I knew that it was
something precious to me and that I just loved so deeply.
But I was bullied a lot in elementary school, and
so because of that, I kind of took this gift
that was precious to me and kind of hid it
in a closet and locked the door and threw away
the key and kind of never looked back. Um, until
(01:39):
fast forward. I was a teenager, probably a junior in
high school, so maybe 17 years old, and I went
to a youth conference, and it was the first time
that I had experienced, like, contemporary worship. Um, okay. Before that,
I grew up in a more traditional household and church environment.
And so the first time I really experienced worship music,
and it gave me like this language that I could
(02:01):
connect with God in a personal way for the first time.
I'd never encountered that before and it just changed my life.
It opened my eyes to see that Jesus was a
real person who wanted a real relationship with me. And
literally that weekend changed my life. But there was someone
that was there that weekend that was speaking to the
whole room, and it was one of those moments that
(02:21):
it felt like the spotlight was just on me and
no one else was in the room. And he said,
if you have a gift from God and you're not
using it, you're denying the glory of God within you.
And I felt like a knife pierced me through because
he was speaking directly to me. I felt like God
was lovingly saying, hey, Sarah, there's a gift that you
have that you've, for whatever reason, hidden away. But I'm
(02:45):
asking you to step out in faith. I'm asking you
to say yes to me now and to not hide
that gift anymore. And I went back to my church
and I felt convicted. I just felt like the Lord
was inviting me lovingly to step out in faith. And
I kid you not, before that moment I never. I
thought I would never sing again in front of anybody,
(03:07):
including myself. It kind of was just this thing that
I just kind of let go of. And it was
in that moment that I just decided this wasn't meant
for just me. God has other plans, and he's inviting
me to step out in faith. And I started singing
at my church absolutely terrified. Probably sounded like a dying
animal of some kind for the first year. I kid
(03:28):
you not. I would just be like, you know, just terrified.
But I just kept trying to say yes. And it
was like one yes after another. Just little yes after
little yes. That turned into courage and bravery in my soul.
And I just kept stepping out in faith. And then
before you knew it, the church down the street was
asking me to lead worship. And and then it literally
(03:48):
has turned into my life. Now. I can't imagine doing
anything else, but it's crazy to look back on that
and think about how close I was to allowing fear
to keep me from who God was inviting me to become,
and who God had always intended. I believe on me becoming. Um, yeah.
So that's the moment that I think has changed and
(04:10):
shaped my entire life. You know, um, I'm just trying
to continue reminding myself that, you know, a little. Yes.
You never know what a little yes can do, you know? Yeah.
Ally Domercant (04:22):
Oh, man. Thanks for sharing that. No. When you mention
and as much as you feel comfortable sharing, you know,
some of the bullying. Was it? Yeah. You feel like
it made you shrink back from even wanting to, uh,
to get up in front of people? Was there a
specific incident that what was the link between the bullying
and the resistance to to singing? What was the connection?
Sarah Kroger (04:45):
I think the bullying, again, I mean, I was a kid,
it's crazy how little things can stay with you your
whole life. Like little seeds can plant themselves. And I mean,
it was really it wasn't anything necessarily about, uh, it
was more just like little things, like they would make
fun of my shoes or some kid would come up
(05:06):
to me. There was one instance in particular that I'll
never forget. A kid came up to me at zero prompting.
He just said, your nose is so big, no one
will ever want to date you. You know, like little
things like that where it was just like, but why
would you say that to somebody? So it was just
like people kind of hurling things at my character, or
just not even my character, just who I was, who
I was appearing to be. And for me, that just
(05:29):
kind of like made me shrink inside. I just wanted
to disappear. I just didn't want to be seen by
anybody because I just felt like if I hide, then
no one can tear me down. If I just keep
quiet and kind of try to, like, fade into the background,
maybe no one will feel prompted to to tear something
down about me. Um, so it was really that it
(05:51):
was more just like, I'm going to hide and be
as quiet and as still as possible and not ruffle
any feathers and not throw myself out there. And yeah,
it has been. I mean, I'm 37 years old and
I still find myself struggling to show up in a room. Like,
I don't even know what it looks like to show
up in a room and be like, people want to
(06:13):
see me. Like people are happy to see me. Like
I'm still wrestling with that and going to to, you know,
counseling to deal with that and trying to, you know,
embody and be. Yeah, just be who God made me
in the world and be okay with that. It's still
a struggle. Sure. Owning kind of who he's made me
(06:35):
to be, you know?
Ally Domercant (06:36):
Yeah. Yeah, I think so many people, but women in
particular can can relate to that. Those those little things
that are thrown at and, you know, you look back
and you think, but that, you know, it wasn't even
you know, you're even when you describe it like it's
almost like you're tempted to minimize, like it wasn't even that,
you know, there's so many worse things that. But it's
(06:57):
like little wounds. It wounds your soul. And it kind
of shapes how you see yourself. And oh, man, I mean,
I remember as a kid, like I had these huge, like,
blue plastic glasses and like for years when, when I
would see like a picture of, like third or fourth grade, like, yeah,
I wouldn't say it, but like, something in me, like,
(07:18):
would almost get emotional because there was like pain looking
at that and remembering how like ugly I felt, you know,
and like and so, so many people relate to that
and carry so much of that into their adulthood. So
you mean. Yeah. So like being now in your true
in your 30s and being like, I still have to
fight against that. Like I'm, I'm curious when you did
(07:39):
start to step out and start to sing, how much
of that did you have to fight where it was like,
this is what God's called me to do. Yeah. I'm
not going to like. It's like the I'm sure the
battle wasn't a one and done thing right.
Sarah Kroger (07:54):
No, it for sure was not. And and still to
this day, I mean, I've been in public ministry for
almost 15 years now. And still to this day I
have to fight comparison. I have to fight all of
those kinds of thoughts that kind of pop up in
your mind. And yeah, I think for a long time,
like I've learned how to look back on myself, like
(08:16):
when you're talking about your big blue glasses and looking
back on like pictures of yourself and learning how to, like,
look back on those moments and be kind to her
in my mind.
Ally Domercant (08:26):
Peace with it.
Sarah Kroger (08:27):
And make peace with it and make peace with myself
and just be like, I was a quirky, weird kid.
I was, I just was get that, but that's fine.
That's okay. Like, that's what makes me interesting and different today.
You know, like as an adult. And I just look
back on that time and I wish that I could
say to her like, it's going to be okay. Yeah,
these kids don't get you, but you don't want to
(08:48):
get these kids anyways. Like it's fine. Like, just just
keep moving forward. Like. And don't let them define who
you are. Because that's still what I have to say
to myself today. Like, don't let what other people say
define who you are. Allow only God. What God says
about you, define who you are, and to continue to
kind of reroute myself in that even before I step
(09:10):
on stage. And just recognizing, like, first of all, because
I'm a worship leader primarily and a Christian artist, like,
it's not about me anyways, right? It's always been about God.
And that's kind of the beautiful thing about what I do. Like,
it's all about God. It's not about me. I'm just
trying to be a vessel. Um, and but at the
same time, he doesn't want a vessel that hates themselves
(09:33):
and that thinks that, you know, is hurling terrible things
and insults at themselves. You know, and so I've had
to do a lot of work to recognize my belovedness
and own my belovedness and truly try to live out
of that truth, rather than the lies and the fears
and the the things that I've told myself or that
kids told me when I was in second grade and
(09:55):
letting those things go. And yeah, continually reroute myself in
my identity as a beloved child of God. Yeah, it's
a lifetime journey, I think. I really do, I think
it's that.
Ally Domercant (10:06):
So what does that look like practically for you? Do
you have, you know, specific scriptures that you've committed to
memory or how do you, in those moments, take hold
of that identity and push back the lies? Like for
somebody who's listening and going, yeah, yeah, okay. So that
sounds great, but how what's the like? What are the
steps that you take?
Sarah Kroger (10:24):
Yeah, I think one of the biggest tools that I've, um,
kind of used over the, utilized over the past couple
of years is just truly self-awareness and awareness of the
narratives that play in my head. So I feel like
you can tell the difference between the voice of God
and the voice of the evil one. And the way
(10:45):
that you can tell that is the voice of God
is never going to hurl insults at you. It's never
going to be incredibly judgmental or critical or negative. Those
are the voice of the enemy. So any time that
those kinds of things come up in my head or
thoughts pop up in my head and it feels vicious
(11:06):
or it feels negative, I know, like it's like a
flag pops up. It's like, this is not of God,
this is not of the Lord. And I need to
stop in this moment and remember, remind myself who I
am and whose I am. Like, remind myself of those
truths and ask for the Holy Spirit to remind me
when I forget. When I forget what what the truth is.
(11:28):
And so it's really been for me. That's been the
biggest difference maker is being aware of my thoughts and
the patterns and kind of the negative self-talk tape loop
that I can get in. It's so easy to just
kind of like, talk to yourself in a way that
if a friend said something to you like that, you
would no longer be friends with them. But yet we
(11:48):
allow ourselves to say things in our in the privacy
of our own minds to ourselves. That is terrible and
often goes without us stopping it. So for me, it's
been how do I stop that pattern? How do I
interrupt those things and remind myself and reroute myself in
the truth? That's made the biggest difference for me practically.
Ally Domercant (12:08):
Now, from what I know about creatives, like a lot,
I'm sure a lot of this process probably has to
come out in your in your music. Or is that
a good safe bet?
Sarah Kroger (12:20):
Yeah, for sure for sure. Yeah, yeah. I process a
lot of my emotions through my music for sure. It's
a nice medium for sure.
Ally Domercant (12:28):
How would you describe yourself as a as a worship
leader and as a musician?
Sarah Kroger (12:33):
Um, how would I describe myself? I, I really try
with all that I can to point people back to
God and His presence and his miraculous mercy, and the
ways that he has shown up in my life. I mean,
(12:53):
a lot of my music, all of my music is
based on our relationship and the ways that he has
continued to show up in miraculous ways throughout my days.
And so, um, I guess my I mean, my goal
always as an artist is to point people back to
that story and hopefully they can see reflections of their
own story in, in the songs and especially in the
(13:16):
songs of worship. Just to me, it's such a responsibility
as a worship leader specifically to to remember that you're
writing prayers literally, that people are praying with their own
stories and perspectives, kind of intermixed with it and theology
and all of the things like, it's such an important
it's such a privilege to be able to put prayers
(13:38):
in people's minds and hearts and to be able to, yeah,
write soundtracks to people's lives that they can put on
in the background when they're taking the kids to school
or washing the dishes, or just something that hopefully brings
them a moment of peace and respite in the midst
of the chaos of this world. And so that's what
I always dream and hope that my music is able
(13:58):
to do. And the goal when I'm writing is, yeah,
that it's just truly an authentic, uh, kind of reflection
of how God has shown up in my life. And
hopefully that inspires other people to to think about how
he's shown up in theirs, because he continually does always,
whether we feel it or not, you know?
Ally Domercant (14:18):
Thank you so much for hanging with me for this
week's Snapshot Testimony podcast. I hope my conversation with Sarah
was as encouraging to you as it was to me.
If so, I'd love for you to take a minute
to write a review. Your feedback really helps these stories
reach more ears. Plus, I like hearing from you. I'm
your host, Ally Domercant , and together we're sharing the moments
that shape a life of faith in Christ. Thanks for listening.